July 7, 2026 • 23 mins
Your mind can sound deeply religious while quietly talking you out of healing. When change requires effort, the nafs doesn’t usually say “I’m scared.” It says “be careful,” then borrows sacred words like sabr, qadr, tawakkul, and gratitude to make stagnation feel like righteousness, even as your anxiety, reactivity, and relationship stress stay the same.
We walk through the hidden “religious skepticism” that shows up when you consider therapy, coaching, nervous system regulation, boundaries, or learning new communication skills. I break down the difference between prophetic sabr and self abandonment, between trusting qadr and opting out of your life, and between sincere dua and spiritual procrastination. We also name a common trap: mistaking unfamiliar language for something un-Islamic without actually checking evidence, scholarship, or outcomes.
You’ll leave with a simple filter to test that inner voice: does it move you toward emotional stability, mercy, and excellence, or does it keep you stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and years of the same pain? If you’ve ever “haram policed” yourself out of growth, this will help you hear what’s really happening.
Subscribe for more Islamic life coaching tools, share this with a friend who’s stuck in overthinking, and leave a review so more Muslim women can find the support they deserve. What’s one phrase your mind uses to keep you small?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
In the previous podcast, I spokeabout how you use your
skepticism to avoid healing, andthat is a part of your primal
brain design that doesn't likechange.
I gave you a lot of examples onhow even your intellect and your
achievements can become anobstacle in your healing.
(00:37):
If your brain uses them tooveranalyze rather than to
implement, and if your brainuses it to create obstacles in
your peace and joy.
Today I'm going to talk to youabout how the same lower brain
uses religion to strengthen itsskepticism towards healing.
So it's still technically a partof that podcast where your brain
justifies the skepticism, butI'm going to hyperfocus on how
(01:01):
your brain uses religiosity todo so.
And this is a very, verypowerful concept.
So I hope you're bracingyourself because this has the
potential to blow you out ofyour seat.
You overall as a Muslim womanare very good at relying on
religious scholars andtraditional Islamic teachings.
You're very good at researchingand getting to the bottom of the
(01:22):
appropriate ruling when it comesto let's say rulings about your
period or rulings about yourrights and duties around
parenting or marriage.
Rulings about financial matters,wealth building.
You appropriately research, youreach out to proper authorities,
and they give you guidance.
They tell you what is wrong andwhat is right, what is within
(01:43):
the limits of Islam and what notto do so that you can reach your
goals that you set for yourselfin this life.
And you do all of that whilehanging on to your religious
values.
This is all great news.
This is what we want.
This is why religiousscholarship exists.
This is why guidance in Quranand Sunnah exist.
At the same time, a veryinteresting shift happens that
(02:06):
I've noticed in my coaching veryfrequently, and that is that
women will issue themselves areligious ruling when it comes
to them staying in theirsuffering, and they will not
look for any external evidencefor those thoughts, they will
not look for any type ofscholarship to help them
validate this.
If your primal brain is usingreligion to remain skeptical of
(02:29):
your healing, you will believethe first sentence that comes in
your mind without looking forany guidance from religious
experts.
So what I'm highlighting is thisdichotomy that exists that your
brain presents doubt when itcomes to everyday matters, so
you turn to appropriateresources, and these are highly
reputable resources like booksand scholars, and you use these
(02:52):
resources to make a sounddecision using your discernment.
But on the other side of thisdichotomy exists a phenomenon
where you believe the very firstnonsense that your primal brain
feeds you without applying anylevel of questioning or
discernment to it, withoutlooking for any external
evidence.
What I mean to say is women areusing religion to stay in
(03:14):
suffering, and they're usingreligion as a tool of
skepticism, not realizing that'swhat they're doing.
Religious skepticism or selfsabotage using Islam sounds like
I should have more sabr, maybeit's not in my kadr, and I
shouldn't chase dunya.
Only Allah subhanahu wa ta'alachanges hearts.
(03:35):
I must make more dua.
And because these words areIslamic, you don't notice the
final result that you'recreating in your life is still
stagnation.
The result is that you'resuffering still.
You're not becoming morepatient, more honest, more
regulated or more connected toAllah.
You're still staying invictimhood, you're still in pain
(03:59):
while you think it'sspirituality.
Meaning, and my teacher Umzakiyaput this beautifully, you
mistake and equate somethingthat is unfamiliar with
something that is doubtful inIslam or even haram.
And this is your primal mindthat uses religion against you
to justify its own threecovenants, which are conserve
(04:21):
energy, avoid pain, and seekpleasure.
This is a way to feel spiritualwhile you self sabotage.
This becomes a way of how youfamiliarize your pain, your
suffering and misgivings, andyou equate them with
religiosity.
The whole point of religion isto create wellness.
(04:41):
And if you use religion to keepyourself in the cycle of
suffering, then it is not Islam.
This is your practice as aMuslim and how you choose to
relate to religion, which is afunction of your mind.
All of this is happening beyondyour conscious mind.
You don't knowingly do this, andthis level of religious teaching
where sabotage happens in thename of primal brain conserving
(05:05):
energy, you will never find outthis is happening in the
background until you lookactively towards it.
The core thesis here is that thedanger is not in Islam.
The danger is when your lowernafs uses Islamic language to
keep you from creating change.
Your nafs will give you fatwas,it presents you different
(05:26):
religious concepts to keep youin pain, and you accept it
without any questions.
The nafs weaponizes beautifuland correct religious concepts
like saber, kadr, dawakul,gratitude, humility, and fear of
the Dunya to avoid change.
If you're operating through thislevel of skepticism, you will
(05:48):
use religious teachings tojustify the pain that it is how
it's supposed to be, and youwill use religious teachings to
shame yourself out of helpingyourself.
I find it so fascinating when Inotice the same women that don't
trust their religious knowledgeabout matters of daily life and
rely on scholars and traditionalteachings to tell them how to
(06:10):
deal with these life affairs,and then all of a sudden they
become muftis when it comes tobelieving that a ruling should
keep them in their own pain.
Your lower brain suddenlybecomes a religious scholar when
healing requires effort.
Your Nufs is not a mufti.
It did not stop you fromresentment, gossip,
catastrophizing.
(06:32):
It did not stop you from youremotional explosions and
reactivity.
But the moment you wantcoaching, the moment you want
nervous system regulation tools,therapy, the moment you want to
set boundaries, suddenly it saysbe careful, this is not Islamic.
I mean come on, what is that?
So just take the concept of Sab,for example.
(06:53):
The prophetic Sabr was active,dignified, strategic, connected
to Allah Santa.
Sabar by the lower brain uses itas a tool for self abandonment.
Sabr does not mean that yourefuse help.
It does not mean that you stayin suffering.
Same way with Qadr as a concept.
It is not your excuse to stopparticipating in your life.
(07:16):
You cannot say maybe it's justnot in my Kadr before you've
tried.
Kadr comforts you after sincereeffort.
It was not revealed so you couldopt out of your own life.
Dra does not replace action.
It is not spiritualprocrastination.
You can ask Allah to heal yourmarriage and learn communication
(07:39):
skills.
You can ask Allah to give youconfidence and practice courage.
You ask Allah in sincere dua toheal your child and still go to
ABA therapy and still get yourown nervous system under
control.
You can be grateful and wantbetter things.
(08:00):
You can say Alhamdulillah andstill admit something hurts.
Gratitude does not mean denial.
Using gratitude by your lowernafs that called itself a mufti
will keep you in pain.
Humility does not mean that youerase Allah's gifts.
You're not more humble justbecause you hide and you don't
(08:20):
speak up.
You're not more Islamic justbecause you undercharge for your
services, or you under receiveany help that you might have.
True humility is using whatAllah gave you and expand your
life without arrogance.
Your nafs will quote Islam veryloudly to justify mental
(08:41):
suffering, and you will believeit.
And this is the tragedy of thehighest proportion.
Your mind using religiouslanguage to familiarize and
justify your pain.
The good news here is that thereis a very easy way to recognize
it.
Your lower brain is not ascholar.
You will recognize what ishappening when your nafs keeps
(09:02):
you in a position where you makeabsolutely no progress.
You are going to find yourselfin a constant fight, flight,
freeze, or fawn response.
The easiest way is to see howlong have you been in emotional
pain and you will have youranswer.
The nafs will use religiousdoubt to save energy.
Unfamiliarity does not meanunislamic, but yet so many of
(09:26):
you are using Tawakul to createlearned helplessness.
If you have never heard someonetalk about nervous system
regulation, coaching,embodiment, emotional safety, or
pleasure through an Islamiclens, your mind will immediately
label it suspicious.
Through this mechanism that I'mdescribing, a lot of women
(09:46):
mistake unfamiliar for haram,while the Quran itself
constantly asks you to reflect,observe, reason, and examine.
If you're learning a newframework that helps you stop
yelling, stop ruminating, stoppeople pleasing, stop resenting,
stop reacting inside your ownlife, you do not need to reject
(10:08):
it just because it's new andunfamiliar.
This is one of the mostdeceptive things your nafs will
do, it will speak in religiousvocabulary.
When you hear a new concept inEnglish, you might say this
sounds Western.
This doesn't sound Islamic.
Be careful.
I want you to notice what ishappening here.
You never evaluated whether theidea is contradicting the Quran
(10:31):
and Sunnah, you never reachedout to the religious authority.
You simply noticed that it wasunfamiliar.
And the nafs reminded you of aruling that you might have heard
long ago.
And then in that case, your mindreplaces the word unfamiliar
with dangerous.
And this is what I was talkingabout earlier, that it sounds
like discernment when it is not.
(10:52):
What makes this so dangerous isthat your nafs knows that you
love Allah and Allah loves youmore than you love yourself.
It knows that if it simply saidI'm afraid to change, you would
recognize your irrational fearand you will push through it.
So instead, it borrows languageof religion and it disguises
(11:16):
comfort as caution.
And of course, Shaitan feeds offof it too.
It disguises resistance asrighteousness.
In the meanwhile, you know thatthis is the voice of your nafs
or shaitan because you're livinga life of emotional suffering.
You're not progressing, yourrelationships are suffering.
In which case you know that thegoal here was to never protect
(11:39):
your Din or your Rida.
The goal was to protect yourcurrent identity of pain.
So just notice from now on ifyour inner voice suddenly
becomes an expert in fiq themoment healing requires effort.
If you decide to learn emotionalregulation and your mind says I
should have more sabir, if youbegin to understand trauma
(12:02):
patterns and suddenly you hearmaybe I'm overcomplicating
things, just be on to yourbrain.
Be very careful and eavesdrop onit about what it's trying to
feed you.
The outcome in your life thatyou create as a result of these
thoughts will show you if thethought was coming from the nafs
and the shaitan or if it wascoming from your highest mind
(12:25):
and values.
The same voice will remainstrangely silent when you spend
hours replaying arguments inyour head when you're doom
scrolling or gossiping.
It will stay completely quietwhen you're catastrophizing or
you're overshearing because thatis your safety net.
The napsi Muftif will rarelyinterrupt a habit that keep you
(12:47):
trapped, and it becomes deeplyconcerned when something
threatens these memorizedemotional patterns.
That in itself should make youcurious.
Islam has never been afraid ofsincere investigation.
You're allowed to ask questionsto evaluate ideas.
You're allowed to examinewhether a framework produces the
(13:08):
very qualities that Islam callsyou towards, whether it's Isan
or mercy or emotional stability.
If a framework helps yourreactivity, it stops you from
avoiding healthy conflict, itstops your people pleasing
patterns, then dismissing itsimply because it uses
unfamiliar language says moreabout your nervous system than
(13:31):
it says about Islam.
The only fatwa, the onlyreligious teaching that your
nafs will remind you of willkeep you in pain.
And the irony is that youalready trust countless tools
that are not mentioned in theQuran or Sunna.
I mean you wear your eyeglasses,you take antibiotics, you drive
cars, you use your phone, yourDPS, you undergo surgery if you
(13:55):
have appendicitis, you purchasea flight to go see your family.
You trust MRI machines todiagnose disease.
None of these existed in theProphet's lifetime.
Yet you never question whetherusing them somehow weakens your
tawakal.
You understand that they'resimply means that Allah created
(14:15):
for your benefit.
But the moment a tool addressesyour mind and the healing of
your body, the mind suddenlychanges the rules.
Another irony is that youscrutinize every possible
solution while rarelyquestioning the beliefs that
have been producing sufferingfor years.
You demand evidence forcoaching, but you never ask of
(14:37):
evidence from the thought thatsays nothing will change.
You question modalities ofregulation, the price of these
modalities, but you neverquestion your anger.
You compare and contrast thefinancial commitment of all of
these modalities, but you acceptyour anxiety as an absolute
truth.
Your nafs will keep youskeptical of the medicine while
(14:59):
it will keep you completelyloyal to your illness.
You are haram policing yourselfto stay in self sabotage.
Staying in endless cautionwithout curiosity to move
forward keeps you exactly whereyou are.
And your nafs loves that.
It would rather spend yearsdebating whether healing is
(15:19):
permissible than to allow you toexperience the healing itself,
because the healing will bringyou closer to Allah.
As long as you remain uncertain,you never have to commit.
As long as you remain skeptical,you never have to practice.
And you can remain careful justso you don't have to transform.
The real question you should askis to filter out the error of
(15:42):
this Muftinafs, and that is doesthis actually contradict Islam?
Or does it simply challenge theversion of me that has become
comfortable with staying thesame?
Haram policing yourself is aspiritual label for self
sabotage, and some of the verycommon lines I hear my clients
and friends say is I'm becomingtoo attached to the Dunya.
(16:04):
And this happens the moment youstart building a successful
business or investing in yourhealth or improving your
marriage.
Your mind will suddenly saymaybe you're becoming worldly,
and yet it never says anythingwhen you're attached to people's
approval, when you're attachedto your victimhood.
Somehow ambition of excellencebecomes suspicious while
(16:26):
attachment of suffering goesunquestioned.
Islam does not condemnexcellence, not only that it
calls you towards excellence.
In this world and the next,Islam just condemns making this
world your god, and there is ahuge difference.
And I also very commonly hearmaybe this isn't in Mekadr.
(16:48):
And like you know what your Qadris.
Instead of using Qadr as asource of peace after sincere
effort, your lower brain uses itbefore effort has begun or if
your effort has failed.
It uses it to predict the futurewhen you as a human cannot
fathom your future.
You do not know what your Qadrholds.
(17:10):
If you haven't practicedemotional regulation or
communication skills and somehowyour conclusion is already maybe
Allah just didn't write this forme, this is a wrong use of the
concept of Qadr.
This is gonna stop you fromparticipating in your own life.
Another belief I hear is Allahdoesn't burden a soul beyond
(17:33):
what it can bear.
And instead of hearing this ayahas a source of hope, your lower
brain turns it into a permissionto suffer.
You use it to tolerate unhealthydynamics and create more and
more pressure in your life.
You refuse help because I meanafter all, Allah said you could
bear it.
That is absolutely the wrong useof this concept.
(17:55):
Another sentence I commonly hearis that I'm just trying to be
grateful while using gratitudeas another hiding place.
This becomes an excuse for youto stop pursuing excellence in
health and wealth just becauseyou have so much more compared
to others.
At this time you just have toremember that gratitude and
growth are not mutuallyexclusive.
(18:16):
Another line I hear is that Idon't want to judge anyone.
Your lower brain loves this onebecause it keeps you from
exercising discernment.
You will ignore red flags andyou will stay in unhealthy
relationships and you willoverlook manipulative behavior
because you're using this excuseof not judging anyone because
(18:36):
judging people feels unislamic.
But the teaching behind this isnot to abandon your wisdom and
your instinct.
You're not using judgment tocriticize their worth before
Allah as a human being.
What you're doing issafeguarding yourself against
their harmful behavior.
You're being discerning ofwhether their behavior is safe
(18:57):
for your life or not.
Another line I hear is that onlyAllah can change hearts, which
is absolutely true.
But your lower brain uses thatas a truth to avoid changing
your own behavior.
Yes, Allah changes hearts, buthe also repeatedly commands you
to purify your own.
(19:17):
Another very common line I hearis that I'm trying to be humble,
and women use this so commonlybecause humility becomes the
same thing as self erasure.
You use this to justify the factthat somebody else got the
promotion even though you wereworking harder.
You don't speak up, you minimizeyour accomplishments and your
contributions.
True humility is knowing thatevery gift comes from Allah
(19:40):
subhanahu wa ta'ala while usingthose gifts in His service.
Shrinking yourself will not makeyour Deen and your Iman bigger.
And this last one is one of myfavorite ones.
Maybe this suffering is bringingme closer to Allah.
And while suffering does bringyou closer to Allah, but your
lower brain will take thisbeautiful truth and conclude
(20:03):
that you must remain inunnecessary suffering at all
times, otherwise you will not bespiritual enough.
And it uses this to justify yourmoral superiority over others.
If this dangerous patternremains in your subconscious,
you will protect your painbecause losing it almost will
feel like losing your connectionto Allah.
(20:23):
But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala isnot the Lord of hardship only,
he is also the Lord of Sakina,mercy, expansion, joy, ease,
happiness.
If your suffering has alreadytaught you its lesson, you do
not need to earn extra reward byrefusing to graduate from it.
After all of this awareness thatI've created, one question I
(20:46):
want you to leave with today isif the voice in your mind tells
you to stay exactly where youare, while convincing you that
this is what Allah wants foryou, whose voice do you think
this actually is?
This is the nafs and theshaitan.
Because Allah Spanat calls youtowards life.
Allah Spanat calls you towardspurification and excellence,
(21:08):
while nafs will call you towardsfamiliarity.
Maybe your greatest act ofworship is not suffering longer.
It is refusing to let your nafsissue another fatva over your
life.
That is the moment when healingtruly begins.
With that I pray to AllahSubhanahu wa Ta'ala, Ya Allah,
never let my nafs speak louderthan your guidance.
(21:31):
Protect me from using yourbeautiful religion to justify my
suffering.
Allow me to use it to comfortmyself and to heal myself.
Ya Allah, give me the courage toembrace any and every means of
healing you have placed in frontof me.
Purify my heart from selfdeception, and make me among
those who seek what brings usclosest to you.
(21:54):
Amin Yarabal Amin.
Please keep me in your daras, Iwill talk to you guys next time.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, Dr.
Kamal Akhtar.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
In the previous podcast, I spokeabout how you use your
skepticism to avoid healing, andthat is a part of your primal
brain design that doesn't likechange.
I gave you a lot of examples onhow even your intellect and your
achievements can become anobstacle in your healing.
(00:37):
If your brain uses them tooveranalyze rather than to
implement, and if your brainuses it to create obstacles in
your peace and joy.
Today I'm going to talk to youabout how the same lower brain
uses religion to strengthen itsskepticism towards healing.
So it's still technically a partof that podcast where your brain
justifies the skepticism, butI'm going to hyperfocus on how
(01:01):
your brain uses religiosity todo so.
And this is a very, verypowerful concept.
So I hope you're bracingyourself because this has the
potential to blow you out ofyour seat.
You overall as a Muslim womanare very good at relying on
religious scholars andtraditional Islamic teachings.
You're very good at researchingand getting to the bottom of the
(01:22):
appropriate ruling when it comesto let's say rulings about your
period or rulings about yourrights and duties around
parenting or marriage.
Rulings about financial matters,wealth building.
You appropriately research, youreach out to proper authorities,
and they give you guidance.
They tell you what is wrong andwhat is right, what is within
(01:43):
the limits of Islam and what notto do so that you can reach your
goals that you set for yourselfin this life.
And you do all of that whilehanging on to your religious
values.
This is all great news.
This is what we want.
This is why religiousscholarship exists.
This is why guidance in Quranand Sunnah exist.
At the same time, a veryinteresting shift happens that
(02:06):
I've noticed in my coaching veryfrequently, and that is that
women will issue themselves areligious ruling when it comes
to them staying in theirsuffering, and they will not
look for any external evidencefor those thoughts, they will
not look for any type ofscholarship to help them
validate this.
If your primal brain is usingreligion to remain skeptical of
(02:29):
your healing, you will believethe first sentence that comes in
your mind without looking forany guidance from religious
experts.
So what I'm highlighting is thisdichotomy that exists that your
brain presents doubt when itcomes to everyday matters, so
you turn to appropriateresources, and these are highly
reputable resources like booksand scholars, and you use these
(02:52):
resources to make a sounddecision using your discernment.
But on the other side of thisdichotomy exists a phenomenon
where you believe the very firstnonsense that your primal brain
feeds you without applying anylevel of questioning or
discernment to it, withoutlooking for any external
evidence.
What I mean to say is women areusing religion to stay in
(03:14):
suffering, and they're usingreligion as a tool of
skepticism, not realizing that'swhat they're doing.
Religious skepticism or selfsabotage using Islam sounds like
I should have more sabr, maybeit's not in my kadr, and I
shouldn't chase dunya.
Only Allah subhanahu wa ta'alachanges hearts.
(03:35):
I must make more dua.
And because these words areIslamic, you don't notice the
final result that you'recreating in your life is still
stagnation.
The result is that you'resuffering still.
You're not becoming morepatient, more honest, more
regulated or more connected toAllah.
You're still staying invictimhood, you're still in pain
(03:59):
while you think it'sspirituality.
Meaning, and my teacher Umzakiyaput this beautifully, you
mistake and equate somethingthat is unfamiliar with
something that is doubtful inIslam or even haram.
And this is your primal mindthat uses religion against you
to justify its own threecovenants, which are conserve
(04:21):
energy, avoid pain, and seekpleasure.
This is a way to feel spiritualwhile you self sabotage.
This becomes a way of how youfamiliarize your pain, your
suffering and misgivings, andyou equate them with
religiosity.
The whole point of religion isto create wellness.
(04:41):
And if you use religion to keepyourself in the cycle of
suffering, then it is not Islam.
This is your practice as aMuslim and how you choose to
relate to religion, which is afunction of your mind.
All of this is happening beyondyour conscious mind.
You don't knowingly do this, andthis level of religious teaching
where sabotage happens in thename of primal brain conserving
(05:05):
energy, you will never find outthis is happening in the
background until you lookactively towards it.
The core thesis here is that thedanger is not in Islam.
The danger is when your lowernafs uses Islamic language to
keep you from creating change.
Your nafs will give you fatwas,it presents you different
(05:26):
religious concepts to keep youin pain, and you accept it
without any questions.
The nafs weaponizes beautifuland correct religious concepts
like saber, kadr, dawakul,gratitude, humility, and fear of
the Dunya to avoid change.
If you're operating through thislevel of skepticism, you will
(05:48):
use religious teachings tojustify the pain that it is how
it's supposed to be, and youwill use religious teachings to
shame yourself out of helpingyourself.
I find it so fascinating when Inotice the same women that don't
trust their religious knowledgeabout matters of daily life and
rely on scholars and traditionalteachings to tell them how to
(06:10):
deal with these life affairs,and then all of a sudden they
become muftis when it comes tobelieving that a ruling should
keep them in their own pain.
Your lower brain suddenlybecomes a religious scholar when
healing requires effort.
Your Nufs is not a mufti.
It did not stop you fromresentment, gossip,
catastrophizing.
(06:32):
It did not stop you from youremotional explosions and
reactivity.
But the moment you wantcoaching, the moment you want
nervous system regulation tools,therapy, the moment you want to
set boundaries, suddenly it saysbe careful, this is not Islamic.
I mean come on, what is that?
So just take the concept of Sab,for example.
(06:53):
The prophetic Sabr was active,dignified, strategic, connected
to Allah Santa.
Sabar by the lower brain uses itas a tool for self abandonment.
Sabr does not mean that yourefuse help.
It does not mean that you stayin suffering.
Same way with Qadr as a concept.
It is not your excuse to stopparticipating in your life.
(07:16):
You cannot say maybe it's justnot in my Kadr before you've
tried.
Kadr comforts you after sincereeffort.
It was not revealed so you couldopt out of your own life.
Dra does not replace action.
It is not spiritualprocrastination.
You can ask Allah to heal yourmarriage and learn communication
(07:39):
skills.
You can ask Allah to give youconfidence and practice courage.
You ask Allah in sincere dua toheal your child and still go to
ABA therapy and still get yourown nervous system under
control.
You can be grateful and wantbetter things.
(08:00):
You can say Alhamdulillah andstill admit something hurts.
Gratitude does not mean denial.
Using gratitude by your lowernafs that called itself a mufti
will keep you in pain.
Humility does not mean that youerase Allah's gifts.
You're not more humble justbecause you hide and you don't
(08:20):
speak up.
You're not more Islamic justbecause you undercharge for your
services, or you under receiveany help that you might have.
True humility is using whatAllah gave you and expand your
life without arrogance.
Your nafs will quote Islam veryloudly to justify mental
(08:41):
suffering, and you will believeit.
And this is the tragedy of thehighest proportion.
Your mind using religiouslanguage to familiarize and
justify your pain.
The good news here is that thereis a very easy way to recognize
it.
Your lower brain is not ascholar.
You will recognize what ishappening when your nafs keeps
(09:02):
you in a position where you makeabsolutely no progress.
You are going to find yourselfin a constant fight, flight,
freeze, or fawn response.
The easiest way is to see howlong have you been in emotional
pain and you will have youranswer.
The nafs will use religiousdoubt to save energy.
Unfamiliarity does not meanunislamic, but yet so many of
(09:26):
you are using Tawakul to createlearned helplessness.
If you have never heard someonetalk about nervous system
regulation, coaching,embodiment, emotional safety, or
pleasure through an Islamiclens, your mind will immediately
label it suspicious.
Through this mechanism that I'mdescribing, a lot of women
(09:46):
mistake unfamiliar for haram,while the Quran itself
constantly asks you to reflect,observe, reason, and examine.
If you're learning a newframework that helps you stop
yelling, stop ruminating, stoppeople pleasing, stop resenting,
stop reacting inside your ownlife, you do not need to reject
(10:08):
it just because it's new andunfamiliar.
This is one of the mostdeceptive things your nafs will
do, it will speak in religiousvocabulary.
When you hear a new concept inEnglish, you might say this
sounds Western.
This doesn't sound Islamic.
Be careful.
I want you to notice what ishappening here.
You never evaluated whether theidea is contradicting the Quran
(10:31):
and Sunnah, you never reachedout to the religious authority.
You simply noticed that it wasunfamiliar.
And the nafs reminded you of aruling that you might have heard
long ago.
And then in that case, your mindreplaces the word unfamiliar
with dangerous.
And this is what I was talkingabout earlier, that it sounds
like discernment when it is not.
(10:52):
What makes this so dangerous isthat your nafs knows that you
love Allah and Allah loves youmore than you love yourself.
It knows that if it simply saidI'm afraid to change, you would
recognize your irrational fearand you will push through it.
So instead, it borrows languageof religion and it disguises
(11:16):
comfort as caution.
And of course, Shaitan feeds offof it too.
It disguises resistance asrighteousness.
In the meanwhile, you know thatthis is the voice of your nafs
or shaitan because you're livinga life of emotional suffering.
You're not progressing, yourrelationships are suffering.
In which case you know that thegoal here was to never protect
(11:39):
your Din or your Rida.
The goal was to protect yourcurrent identity of pain.
So just notice from now on ifyour inner voice suddenly
becomes an expert in fiq themoment healing requires effort.
If you decide to learn emotionalregulation and your mind says I
should have more sabir, if youbegin to understand trauma
(12:02):
patterns and suddenly you hearmaybe I'm overcomplicating
things, just be on to yourbrain.
Be very careful and eavesdrop onit about what it's trying to
feed you.
The outcome in your life thatyou create as a result of these
thoughts will show you if thethought was coming from the nafs
and the shaitan or if it wascoming from your highest mind
(12:25):
and values.
The same voice will remainstrangely silent when you spend
hours replaying arguments inyour head when you're doom
scrolling or gossiping.
It will stay completely quietwhen you're catastrophizing or
you're overshearing because thatis your safety net.
The napsi Muftif will rarelyinterrupt a habit that keep you
(12:47):
trapped, and it becomes deeplyconcerned when something
threatens these memorizedemotional patterns.
That in itself should make youcurious.
Islam has never been afraid ofsincere investigation.
You're allowed to ask questionsto evaluate ideas.
You're allowed to examinewhether a framework produces the
(13:08):
very qualities that Islam callsyou towards, whether it's Isan
or mercy or emotional stability.
If a framework helps yourreactivity, it stops you from
avoiding healthy conflict, itstops your people pleasing
patterns, then dismissing itsimply because it uses
unfamiliar language says moreabout your nervous system than
(13:31):
it says about Islam.
The only fatwa, the onlyreligious teaching that your
nafs will remind you of willkeep you in pain.
And the irony is that youalready trust countless tools
that are not mentioned in theQuran or Sunna.
I mean you wear your eyeglasses,you take antibiotics, you drive
cars, you use your phone, yourDPS, you undergo surgery if you
(13:55):
have appendicitis, you purchasea flight to go see your family.
You trust MRI machines todiagnose disease.
None of these existed in theProphet's lifetime.
Yet you never question whetherusing them somehow weakens your
tawakal.
You understand that they'resimply means that Allah created
(14:15):
for your benefit.
But the moment a tool addressesyour mind and the healing of
your body, the mind suddenlychanges the rules.
Another irony is that youscrutinize every possible
solution while rarelyquestioning the beliefs that
have been producing sufferingfor years.
You demand evidence forcoaching, but you never ask of
(14:37):
evidence from the thought thatsays nothing will change.
You question modalities ofregulation, the price of these
modalities, but you neverquestion your anger.
You compare and contrast thefinancial commitment of all of
these modalities, but you acceptyour anxiety as an absolute
truth.
Your nafs will keep youskeptical of the medicine while
(14:59):
it will keep you completelyloyal to your illness.
You are haram policing yourselfto stay in self sabotage.
Staying in endless cautionwithout curiosity to move
forward keeps you exactly whereyou are.
And your nafs loves that.
It would rather spend yearsdebating whether healing is
(15:19):
permissible than to allow you toexperience the healing itself,
because the healing will bringyou closer to Allah.
As long as you remain uncertain,you never have to commit.
As long as you remain skeptical,you never have to practice.
And you can remain careful justso you don't have to transform.
The real question you should askis to filter out the error of
(15:42):
this Muftinafs, and that is doesthis actually contradict Islam?
Or does it simply challenge theversion of me that has become
comfortable with staying thesame?
Haram policing yourself is aspiritual label for self
sabotage, and some of the verycommon lines I hear my clients
and friends say is I'm becomingtoo attached to the Dunya.
(16:04):
And this happens the moment youstart building a successful
business or investing in yourhealth or improving your
marriage.
Your mind will suddenly saymaybe you're becoming worldly,
and yet it never says anythingwhen you're attached to people's
approval, when you're attachedto your victimhood.
Somehow ambition of excellencebecomes suspicious while
(16:26):
attachment of suffering goesunquestioned.
Islam does not condemnexcellence, not only that it
calls you towards excellence.
In this world and the next,Islam just condemns making this
world your god, and there is ahuge difference.
And I also very commonly hearmaybe this isn't in Mekadr.
(16:48):
And like you know what your Qadris.
Instead of using Qadr as asource of peace after sincere
effort, your lower brain uses itbefore effort has begun or if
your effort has failed.
It uses it to predict the futurewhen you as a human cannot
fathom your future.
You do not know what your Qadrholds.
(17:10):
If you haven't practicedemotional regulation or
communication skills and somehowyour conclusion is already maybe
Allah just didn't write this forme, this is a wrong use of the
concept of Qadr.
This is gonna stop you fromparticipating in your own life.
Another belief I hear is Allahdoesn't burden a soul beyond
(17:33):
what it can bear.
And instead of hearing this ayahas a source of hope, your lower
brain turns it into a permissionto suffer.
You use it to tolerate unhealthydynamics and create more and
more pressure in your life.
You refuse help because I meanafter all, Allah said you could
bear it.
That is absolutely the wrong useof this concept.
(17:55):
Another sentence I commonly hearis that I'm just trying to be
grateful while using gratitudeas another hiding place.
This becomes an excuse for youto stop pursuing excellence in
health and wealth just becauseyou have so much more compared
to others.
At this time you just have toremember that gratitude and
growth are not mutuallyexclusive.
(18:16):
Another line I hear is that Idon't want to judge anyone.
Your lower brain loves this onebecause it keeps you from
exercising discernment.
You will ignore red flags andyou will stay in unhealthy
relationships and you willoverlook manipulative behavior
because you're using this excuseof not judging anyone because
(18:36):
judging people feels unislamic.
But the teaching behind this isnot to abandon your wisdom and
your instinct.
You're not using judgment tocriticize their worth before
Allah as a human being.
What you're doing issafeguarding yourself against
their harmful behavior.
You're being discerning ofwhether their behavior is safe
(18:57):
for your life or not.
Another line I hear is that onlyAllah can change hearts, which
is absolutely true.
But your lower brain uses thatas a truth to avoid changing
your own behavior.
Yes, Allah changes hearts, buthe also repeatedly commands you
to purify your own.
(19:17):
Another very common line I hearis that I'm trying to be humble,
and women use this so commonlybecause humility becomes the
same thing as self erasure.
You use this to justify the factthat somebody else got the
promotion even though you wereworking harder.
You don't speak up, you minimizeyour accomplishments and your
contributions.
True humility is knowing thatevery gift comes from Allah
(19:40):
subhanahu wa ta'ala while usingthose gifts in His service.
Shrinking yourself will not makeyour Deen and your Iman bigger.
And this last one is one of myfavorite ones.
Maybe this suffering is bringingme closer to Allah.
And while suffering does bringyou closer to Allah, but your
lower brain will take thisbeautiful truth and conclude
(20:03):
that you must remain inunnecessary suffering at all
times, otherwise you will not bespiritual enough.
And it uses this to justify yourmoral superiority over others.
If this dangerous patternremains in your subconscious,
you will protect your painbecause losing it almost will
feel like losing your connectionto Allah.
(20:23):
But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala isnot the Lord of hardship only,
he is also the Lord of Sakina,mercy, expansion, joy, ease,
happiness.
If your suffering has alreadytaught you its lesson, you do
not need to earn extra reward byrefusing to graduate from it.
After all of this awareness thatI've created, one question I
(20:46):
want you to leave with today isif the voice in your mind tells
you to stay exactly where youare, while convincing you that
this is what Allah wants foryou, whose voice do you think
this actually is?
This is the nafs and theshaitan.
Because Allah Spanat calls youtowards life.
Allah Spanat calls you towardspurification and excellence,
(21:08):
while nafs will call you towardsfamiliarity.
Maybe your greatest act ofworship is not suffering longer.
It is refusing to let your nafsissue another fatva over your
life.
That is the moment when healingtruly begins.
With that I pray to AllahSubhanahu wa Ta'ala, Ya Allah,
never let my nafs speak louderthan your guidance.
(21:31):
Protect me from using yourbeautiful religion to justify my
suffering.
Allow me to use it to comfortmyself and to heal myself.
Ya Allah, give me the courage toembrace any and every means of
healing you have placed in frontof me.
Purify my heart from selfdeception, and make me among
those who seek what brings usclosest to you.
(21:54):
Amin Yarabal Amin.
Please keep me in your daras, Iwill talk to you guys next time.
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