The Conversation Before the Conversation

Most leadership advice is about how to have a hard conversation. Far less of it is about when. In this episode, Kevin Goldsmith argues that the when is usually where things break, and that the conversations leaders end up regretting are rarely the difficult ones they had. They're the easy ones that they kept postponing until they weren't easy anymore.

This episode makes the case for the earlier, smaller, cheaper version of every difficult conversation, the one most leaders talk themselves out of by insisting they don't have enough information yet. Kevin draws on two of his own misses, including a senior engineer at Adobe, whom he lost because he avoided a confrontation with other developers on the team, and a prioritization conflict at his first CTO job, which he let run until the CEO noticed and got involved.

At the center is a practical test: five signals that tell you a conversation is already overdue. Pattern, distance, workarounds, cognitive load, and inflation. If two or more are present, the decision to speak up has already been made, and the only thing left to negotiate is how expensive the wait becomes.

It's a short episode with a single, useful idea for anyone who manages people and has caught themselves waiting for the right moment that never quite arrives.

• Nonviolent Communication - the book I mentioned: https://amzn.to/4tOK8kZ
• Listener Survey: https://forms.gle/JVeKHsHJKhEM3dvK6
• The book: It Depends: Writing on Technology 2012-2022 (https://itdependsbook.net)
• Your host: Kevin Goldsmith (https://kevingoldsmith.com)