December 18, 2025 • 32 mins
This episode mentions suicide and may be triggering for some listeners.
On today’s episode, we talk with two guests who have navigated both the heights of success and the depths of personal struggle, learning a profound truth: finding hope isn’t just for the good times. Candace Cameron Bure, the beloved actress and author, shares how she rooted her identity not in Hollywood fame, but in her faith, discovering her true value when the applause stopped. Then, Pastor Shawn Johnson opens up about his lifelong battles with anxiety, depression, and a devastating medical diagnosis, revealing how he found the courage to “kiss the fire” and walk through his hardest seasons with God’s strength.
Links, Products, and Resources Mentioned:
Past interview: Anthony Lucia
Upcoming interview: Brenda Lee
Jesus Listens for Advent and Christmas
Interview Quotes:
“I really started digging deeply into the Word of God and understanding that my identity isn’t in my occupation, who I know, or how much money I have. My identity is rooted in Christ, that I am the daughter of the King. My purpose is to glorify God in all that I do.” - Candace Cameron Bure
“There was always a hug at the end of Full House and Fuller House, and we always worked through the problems. It was a really great model for so many people that have families that don’t feel safe. This was a family that they could look to for that.” - Candace Cameron Bure
“My joy comes from the Lord and the goodness that He gives me and having hope in Him for eternity. And through that joy, He gives me my strength to persevere each day, to endure every day, to take another step, to be able to breathe deeply. God calls us to walk with Him, and you can’t get to know someone if you don’t spend time with them.” - Candace Cameron Bure
“As a working woman, there are so many days that I can feel overwhelmed. I have to remind myself that my joy doesn’t come from the circumstances around me, but from the Lord. He gives me the strength to persevere, endure, and take another step each day.” - Candace Cameron Bure
“I started to realize the more I would be willing to talk about my real struggles, the more people felt like, Oh my gosh, me too. If that guy can admit he struggles, then I could too.“ - Shawn Johnson
“We’re gonna kiss this fire and walk away whistling. That phrase ‘kiss the fire’ just sort of became almost like a mantra for me. I didn’t talk to anyone else about it, but I would remind myself daily that, I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to stop trusting God, although part of me wants to. I’m not gonna stop believing that He has a plan for my future. I’m not going to stop tr
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Life audio. This episode mentioned suicide and may be triggering
for some listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Who's ready for Christmas.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
With Rocking around the Christmas Tree as your ultimate festive companion,
you can jinkle and mingle in the new old fashioned way,
whether you're swaying at the Christmas party hop or cuddling
under the mistletoe. This vibrant guide promises heaps of holly
jolly fun with everything from Christmas carol lyrics, to food
and drink recipes, decorating ideas, and holiday trivia. Rocking around
(00:41):
the Christmas Tree has all the feels, fun and festivities
you'd love about the season. It's the perfect gift for
the Christmas enthusiast in your life, or a groovy treat
just for you.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So why wait?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Grab Rocking around the Christmas Tree and let the Christmas
spirit ring.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
I really start of digging deeply into the Word of
God and understanding that my identity isn't in what I do,
my occupation, or.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Who I know, or how much money I have. My
identity is.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Rooted in Christ that I am the daughter of the King.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. On today's episode, we
talk with two guests who have navigated both the heights
of success and the depths of personal struggle, learning of
profound truth, finding hope isn't just for the good times.
Candace Cameron bat the beloved actress and author, shares how
she rooted her identity not in Hollywood fame, but in
(01:46):
her faith, discovering her true value. When the applause stopped,
then Pastor Shawn Johnson opens up about his lifelong battles
with anxiety, depression, and a devastating medical diagnosis, revealing how
he found the courage to kiss the fire and walk
through his harnessed seasons with God's strength. Let's start with
Kandas's story.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
I'm Candace Cameron Burray and I'm best known for my
acting on Full House, on Fuller House, lots of Hallmark
and Great American Family movies, mysteries, Christmas movies, and rom coms.
I do a few other things too, but it's probably
where you know my voice and my face best. I
(02:33):
started acting when I was five years old, and I
did lots of commercials, went out on lots of auditions.
One day I got an audition for a new TV
show and I went on it and auditioned three times
for it, and I got the part of DJ on
Full House, But I didn't know it was going to
be a wildly successful and popular television show that would
(02:58):
never be off the air in almost forty years. At
the time, I was just a ten year old girl
that was really excited to have booked a part on
a show. And that is truly one of the most
memorable and proud seasons of my life because being on
Full House really did shape me. I had a wonderful
(03:20):
experience in entertainment because there were so many good people
around me on set, other actors, the cast is great.
We're a very tight knit family. My parents viewed me
and my brother just as kids, and this was our
extracurricular activity. You know, you could play soccer, you could
take tap in ballet, but because we lived in la
(03:43):
we were actors auditioning and so it really was never
much more than that. And I'm grateful that my parents
were very level headed about everything. Finding our identity can
often be difficult, especially when we're younger. We're trying to
figure out who we are, and I think with time
(04:06):
and with wisdom, it becomes.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
A little bit clearer, maybe a little bit easier.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
But I remember a specific story in my life when
I had finished working on Full.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
House and I.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Was married to my husband Val, and I was pregnant
with our first child. I was twenty two years old
and I probably looked like I was fifteen. And I
was at the grocery store. I was getting some dinner
and I was at the butcher counter, and the butcher
recognized me and he said, aren't you that girl from
(04:44):
Full House? And I said, yes, I am. And then
he said, what are you working on now? What TV
show are you on now? And I said, I'm not working,
I'm having a baby. And I showed him my pregnant belly,
and the look.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
On his face just dropped. He seemed so unimpressed, and
he said, oh, okay, and he just moved on to
helping me.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
It was a moment that he probably didn't realize how
it made me feel. He probably wasn't intentionally trying to
make me feel bad, but it was a moment of, oh,
my goodness, I'm not working on something that he can
watch on TV.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
And that was disappointing to him.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
And he just saw that I was having a child,
and who knows if he knew that I was very
happily married or not because I looked like a kid.
You know, he was probably thinking the worst and felt
sad for me. But it was at that moment I
really felt like, Oh, no, what am I doing in
(05:52):
my life?
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Am I not valued? Am I not valued because I'm
not working because I'm not on.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
A TV show?
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Is being a mom not valued enough? Do people look
at this as a fallback? All these things started racing
through my mind and I realized too at that moment
that I very much sought my identity within my work
and being an actress. Over the years, after I had
our daughter, Natasha, I had two more boys, Levin Max,
(06:22):
and I really started digging deeply into the Word of
God and understanding that my identity isn't in my occupation
or who I know or how much money I have.
My identity is rooted in Christ that I am the
daughter of the King, and to go back to that
(06:44):
every single day of my life, knowing that's who I
am at the core, and that is my purpose in life.
My purpose is to glorify God in all that I do,
so no matter what I accomplish, no matter whether I
have a family or not, or I clim a corporate.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Ladder, or how much money I have or don't have.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Those are all circumstantial and they are secondary to who
I am in my identity as a human being. That
I am an ambassador for Christ. I am his princess,
and I get to call myself that every day, no
matter what anyone else calls me. I am a princess
(07:23):
because I'm the daughter of God. Coming back to do
Fuller House and reprise the role of DJ Tanner and
work with the people that I had grown up working
with that have really been some of my best friends
in life was so exciting and it was almost like
(07:45):
riding a bike. You just get on and you just go,
and it seemed effortless to be DJ but also work
with my castmates. It was interesting to think about who
DJ was today and think of the kind of woman
she is, and now that she has three children and
she's a widow, you know, what is she like now?
(08:08):
And I guess I kind of took on the persona
of Danny Tanner aka Bob Saggatt.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Within the role.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
It was very fun to just figure out her personality
and be a little over the top, a little bit
of a perfectionist, which I can relate to very much
just wanting everything to be picture perfect and your children
to be so wonderful at all times. But that's not reality,
and that's where the comedy comes in. It has been
a joy of my life and probably one of the
(08:38):
most memorable things all have done in my career because
being DJ Tanner full House and Fuller House is associated
over so many generations, at least three generations of families,
and I get the warmest, loveliest compliments from people and
stories that resonate so deeply with people that don't have
(09:04):
that picture perfect family, and not that any of us
really do, but there was always a hug at the
end of full House and Fuller House, and we always
worked through the problems, and it was a really great
model for so many people that have families that don't
feel safe, and this was a family that they could
look to for that as a mom, as a wife,
(09:31):
as a working woman. There's so many days that I
can feel overwhelmed, I can feel stressed out, and I
have to remind myself and renew my mind that my
joy doesn't come from my circumstances around me, but my
joy comes from the Lord and the goodness that he
gives me and having hope in Him for eternity, and
(09:54):
through that joy, he gives me my strength to persevere
each day, to endure every day, to take another step,
to be able to breathe deeply. God calls us to
walk with Him and you, I can't get to know
someone if you don't spend time with them. I remember
Jesus calling a friend. Gave that to me years and
years ago. I have a couple of the Jesus Calling books,
(10:16):
and whether I wake up and read that as a
devotional or usually, I like that more before I go
to bed because it just puts my mind in the
right place before going to sleep.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
I just love that, and they are just ways.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
To renew my mind every day, spending time with God
every single day, just like you would if you were
a mom.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
You want to spend every day with your child, or.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Your wife, or your husband or your best friend. That's
how you get to know them, and days apart from them,
you miss them and you want to be with them.
And that's how I feel about God. When I miss
a day that doesn't start in prayer, that doesn't start
with reading His word, I think of opportunities that may
(11:01):
have been missed, whispers that I might not have heard
because I didn't send for myself in his presence for
the day. So as I've gotten older, I've understood how
important it is, and it's something that I genuinely crave
to spend time with God. He really does recenter us.
He can refocus us by reading his word, to know
(11:24):
what truth is, to know what his characteristics are. I
am always excited about Christmas. I never stopped talking about
it all year long, and I've been making Christmas movies
every year for the past I think maybe fifteen years,
so it's always exciting. I'm so grateful that our family
(11:47):
is very, very close, and our kids love coming back home.
We still have one at home, but I love that
they still love being with us. And there's nothing better
than for this mama than to be with my husband
and our children together. So what I'm looking forward too
is everyone still gathering, will still be all in one
(12:09):
place on Christmas morning. And we started a new tradition
five years ago and we do a sunrise hike Christmas
morning and we love it. So we'll go to a
little mountaintop and it's not rigorous or anything, but we
will watch the sun rise, and we bring the Bible,
(12:31):
and we always reluke to just to remind ourselves that
this is the day that represents the day Jesus was
born and brought to earth and all the reasons why
we celebrate Christmas. And then we always go home and
have a great breakfast.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
We eat way too much, but it's delicious.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Those eggs and bacon and sausage and fruit and all
the good yummy stuff and pancakes. And I have another
little tradition that I always take polaroid pictures of our family,
a good old instant photograph, and then I have a
Christs Book and I fill that out every year, and
I write in the details about how we spent our
(13:11):
Christmas Eve and how we spent Christmas Morning and some
of the special things that went on that day, along
with those instant pictures that capture the day.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
This is for Jesus.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Listens for Advent and Christmas. RESTful, Lord Jesus, I come
to you seeking to find rest in your presence. As
I relax with you, Lord, I can enjoy your peace during.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
This exciting, hectic season.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are
thinking about me constantly I long to be increasingly mindful
of you. You've been teaching me that awareness of your
presence can give me rest even when I'm very busy,
and inner peacefulness flows out of remembering that you are
always with me. The remembrance permeates my heart, mind, and spirit,
(14:08):
filling me with joy. I confess that sometimes I get
so focused on the problems I see and the predictions
I hear that my joy gets buried under layers of
worry and fear. When this happens, I need to bring
my concerns to you, talking with you about each one,
seeking your help and guidance, asking you to remove those
(14:32):
worry layers. As I entrust my concerns into your care
and keeping, joy begins to emerge again. I've learned that
the most effective way for me to nurture this gladness
is speaking and singing praises to you, the King of
Glory in your praiseworthy name Amen.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
To learn more about Candace Cameron beat visit Candacecburret dot com.
Also be sure to check out her devotional one hundred
Days of Joy and stre and her new Christmas movies,
including Timeless Tidings of Joy and Another Sweet Christmas, available
on Great American Family and streaming on Pureflix. Stay tuned
(15:17):
to Shawn Johnson's story after our brief message. In a
world that moves so fast, the Christmas season can feel overwhelming,
But what if you could actually find deeper peace at
this time of the year. Discover the Jesus Calling line
(15:38):
of Christmas books devotionals for all ages and stages that
guide you to the heart of the season. For adults,
check out the beautifully illustrated Jesus Listens for Advent and Christmas,
Jesus Calling for Christmas, and Jesus Listens Prayers for every season.
The children in your life will love.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Opening Jesus Calling, Advent and Christmas Prayers, Jesus Calling the
Story of Christmas, and the brand new seasonally illustrated Jesus
As Listens for Christmas. Whether you're seeking personal renewal or
the perfect meaningful gift, these books remind us that Christmas
isn't about the rush, It's about the peace that comes
from God's love. Give the gift of quiet moments, spiritual comfort,
(16:21):
and the true joy of Christmas. Find Jesus Calling Christmas
Books at your local bookstore or visit Amazon dot com
slash Jesus Calling. Our next guest is Sean Johnson, pastor
(16:42):
of Redrock's Church and author of Attacking Anxiety and Kiss
the Fire. After battling depression, panic attacks, and a devastating
medical diagnosis, Shawn discovered that faith isn't about avoiding the fire,
but learning to walk through it with God's strength.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
My name is Sean Johnson.
Speaker 6 (17:01):
I'm the pastor of Red Rocks Church in Denver, Colorado,
and now we have multiple locations here in Denver, Austin, Texas,
and Russell's, Belgium. My upbringing was interesting, to say the least.
You know, we all have our past. My mom when
she got pregnant with me, she was a seventeen.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Year old heroin addict.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
And when the father found out the biological father, he
left the.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
State and we've never seen or heard from him.
Speaker 6 (17:30):
And my mom was a single mother, teenage girl addicted
to heroin.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
She didn't know what to do, felt overwhelmed.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
At one point, she put me in a car seat
and put me on a stranger's porch with just a
note attached to me saying please take care of him.
And she went and jumped off of a bridge into
oncoming traffic to kill herself. She didn't die and broke
I think every bone waists down. I stayed with my grandma.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
While she was in the hospital. One night, my mom
was in a parking lot and a lady that.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Didn't know her just saw this teenage heroin addict lost
girl and invited her to a church.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And my mom got saved at that church.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
But she had already married her drug dealer, and so
she started going to church, but he did not.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Want to and he would have turned into be my stepdad.
Speaker 6 (18:25):
And so growing up, I went to church a couple times,
not a ton, but one of the times I went,
a kid's worker told me about heaven and hell. Fast
forward graduate from college, I went to Los Angeles to
work in the film business. I was twenty four years old,
and I had kind of followed in some of my mom's.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Footsteps when it comes to drug usage. I had become a.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
Cocaine addict, and at twenty four, I sat down one
day to take my own life.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I was just getting ready to do it, and all
of a sudden, I had this thought that hit me.
It was like, wait a second, that lady told me
about heaven and hell.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
When I was a kid, and what if she's right,
I'm going to be in one of them in like
thirty minutes. And so I called the one Christian person
I knew and said, Hey, man, I know this is awkward,
but this is what I'm about to do, and I
just need a real quick cliff notes on heaven and Hell.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
And he ended up not knowing what to say to me.
Speaker 6 (19:14):
So he took me to a church service and I
got saved at twenty four with cocaine in my pocket
at a church service. And I remember walking out of
the church service that day and I said to God,
I don't know what this means, and I don't know
how you could ever do anything with my life. It's
so messed up. But if you want me to, I'll
spend the rest of my life telling people about you.
(19:41):
In twenty nineteen, I had been the senior pastor of
Redrock's Church for about fourteen years. I had a history
with dealing with anxiety and depression, and for the most
part I tried to hide it as best I could,
especially once I became a pastor, because I just thought, like,
I can't tell people I talk about Jesus, who is
(20:05):
supposed to bring us peace and joy and hope, and
some days I don't have any of those. I don't think,
and so like, what's wrong with me? And maybe I'm
a hypocrite, maybe I shouldn't be a pastor, And I
just didn't know what to do. So I kept trying
to process all of those thoughts and anxiety and depression
by myself. And in twenty nineteen, it just escalated very quickly,
(20:27):
and I started having panic attacks, like multiple times a day.
Something would just kind of snap in my mind and
then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe and my
chest felt tight and I felt like I was suffocating,
and then my mind would start spinning and I would
start shaking and crying.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
And if I was in a.
Speaker 6 (20:43):
Car, I'd have to get out of the car, If
I was in a restaurant, I'd have to leave the restaurant.
I started missing like family get togethers because I was
having a panic attack and couldn't.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Be there, And so it just started overwhelming me.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
I told my wife and friends and even the church
at times, little bits and pieces. I just never told
anyone how bad it actually was. Like I told people, yeah,
little I have a little depression or I have a
little anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Nobody knew that.
Speaker 6 (21:13):
I was at the time pastoring one of the faster
going churches in our country, and I was sitting up
late at night when everyone went to bed, thinking of
ways to take my own life. I was struggling that bad,
and nobody knew. The panic attacks became so frequent that
I couldn't hide it anymore. And one day I was
driving and I called my wife and I was just crying,
(21:34):
and I said, I can't live like this. Please pray
for me. I pulled my car over to the side
of a highway in Denver and just was like yelling
at God, like why won't you help me? And I
just had like a total breakdown. I ended up leaving
our church for about five months. They told me I
needed to take time off, which I did. I went
to a seven week inpatient anti anxiety treatment center, and
(21:56):
after about five months of a lot of counseling, a
lot of therapy, a lot of pastoral care, ended up
going back.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
To the church. It had been there for a few weeks,
and I remember my wife.
Speaker 6 (22:07):
One day said something, she said, I can't wait until
you get done with all this and you're healthy. And
I remember thinking, oh, shoot, like what if I don't
get healthy, Like, what does that mean? Does that mean
I don't have anxiety or depression? Because I'm doing all
these things, I'm getting all this help, I'm getting better,
but I'm not like fixed. I had a counselor one
(22:27):
time say it's not that you're going to be healthy,
because that almost makes it sound like.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Oh, you're gonna be perfect. He said, you're gonna be healthier.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
Yeah, you're gonna be healthier and better and stronger, and
that's still going to be a process.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Well. I went back to our church in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 6 (22:43):
I told him everything I told him about, all the anxiety,
the depression, even the suicidal thoughts, and I just told
him the truth. I said, Hey, I'm I'm a broken pastor.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I'm not perfect. I'm better and healthier and stronger than
I ever thought I would be.
Speaker 6 (22:57):
And if you are okay with a guy being your
pastor who's just not perfect, then I'm in and let's roll.
And honestly, I thought that church might just like shut down.
I'm like, who wants that guy as their pastor? And
to my surprise, I think the church doubled. It was
the craziest thing, and I started to realize the more
I would be willing to talk about my real struggles,
(23:19):
the more people felt like, oh my gosh, me too,
And if that guy can admit he struggles, then I
could too. And if he could get help, then I
can too. About three years ago, I went to a
doctor's appointment. I thought I had a pinched nerve in
my neck, and I was getting some symptoms of like
(23:41):
numbness and a little bit of shaking in my left
hand and arm, and so they did some scans. I
thought they were doing scans of just my neck. They
were actually doing scans of my brain as well, because
they knew what they were looking for and I didn't.
So me and my wife go to a doctor's appointment.
I mean, I think we had a date planned after this,
at like a day date. And he says, I'm so sorry,
(24:02):
you don't have a pinch nerve. You have a incurable
brain disease. And I'm like, wait, what you've heard people
say like my life changed in a doctor's appointment.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
I never thought that'd be me.
Speaker 6 (24:15):
So honestly, I think I was in shock, and I
was like, wait, what are you, saying like I don't.
I go, well, what's like best case scenario?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And he goes that we find lung cancer. And my
wife's just like squeezing my.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Hand as we're sitting in these chairs, and I'm like, wait,
I don't understand, Like, what do you mean lung cancer?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
And he goes, well, at least something like that could
explain some.
Speaker 6 (24:35):
Of the symptoms you're having, and at least that's something
that we could fight. He says, if this is what
I think it is, there's nothing you can do about it.
And if it's the variant of it that I think
it is, you could have an average.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Lifespan of seven years. And I said, okay, well what's.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Worst case scenario? And he said that your wife feeds
and dresses you. So that was like the craziest thing
I could ever imagine. We just go to the parking lot.
We sit in my truck.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I just cried. I remember telling my wife, you know,
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what
this is going to mean for you.
Speaker 6 (25:08):
I don't know what this is going to mean for
our boys. I drove home and I sent two text messages.
One was to my small group. I'm in a small group.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
With eight guys.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
I sent one of the guys a text and just
said I won't be a small group. And then I
sent one of the guys I work with a text
and just says I'll be out of the office for.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
The rest of the week. That was it.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
And I mean, in a day, I went to this
dark place in my mind of God doesn't love me,
God doesn't care. This isn't right, this makes no sense.
I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want
to talk to any church people. I definitely didn't want
to be a pastor. Just in my soul kind of
just went I think I just give up on everything,
(25:47):
like I don't even know what to do. And I
got a call and I was ignored every call except
for this one call I kind of had to take.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He's in my small group.
Speaker 6 (25:59):
He's a UFC coach, MMA coach, and he was voted
like one of UFC's twenty best coaches of all time.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's one of the scared his dudes, I know. So
I'm like, I'm scared not to take his call.
Speaker 6 (26:08):
So I took the call and I call him coach,
and I said, you know, what's up, coach, And he said,
what's going on? And I think my wife maybe sent
some texts to some of the wives or something ask
him to pray.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
But anyways, he's like, what's going on?
Speaker 6 (26:20):
And I told him about the diagnosis, and you know,
I was just a mess, trying to fight through tears
to even talk, and he just listened and he goes, well,
we're going to kiss this fire and walk away whistling.
And I went, Coach, that sounds great. I don't know
what that means. And he goes, I'm not saying this
(26:43):
is not gonna be hot. I'm not saying it's not
gonna burn. From time to time, he said, I'm telling
you this is not going to steal your piece. This
is not going to steal your joy. This doesn't change
who you're called to be. You are going to get
through this and you're going to be stronger on the
other side, and I'll be with you every step of
the way.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
And then he said it again, We're going to kiss
this fire and walk away whistling.
Speaker 6 (27:04):
And so that phrase kissed the fire just sort of
became almost like a mantra for me. I didn't really
I didn't talk to anyone else about it. But I
would remind myself daily, like.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to quit.
Speaker 6 (27:17):
I'm not going to stop trusting God, although part of
me wants to. I'm not going to stop believing that
he has a plan for my future. I'm not going
to stop trying to do the things I think He's
called me to do. But every day I would remind myself, like,
kiss the fire. You can do this, and God's with you.
I take medicine four times a day. I go to
(27:37):
Mayo Clinic anywhere from two to four times a year.
There's no cure. The medicine I take is simply to
mask symptoms. I'm trying to eat healthy.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
And stay in shape. And they know.
Speaker 6 (27:51):
So little about this disease. It's in the family of
Parkinson's disease. They have no idea where it comes from.
They don't even know if it's genetic, and they don't
know how fast it will progress because everyone progresses at
a different rate.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
So I box a lot.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
Now, it's interesting they think that boxing maybe one of
the rare things that could potentially keep it from degenerating.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
My brain degenerating at the same rate and I guess.
Speaker 6 (28:27):
The theory is when your body is physically just exhausted
and your mind has to work really hard at the
same time. So it's not like running in a straight
line and you're just tired. It's you're exhausted and your
brain is working really hard, because in boxing, you're always
going you know, what's my footwork, what's my counter strike,
what's the combination, what's the defense. I box with coach
(28:48):
who told me we were going to kiss the fire,
because you know, he teaches some of the world's best
fighters how to box. And in fact, they actually have
things all around the country. I didn't even know about this.
It's called Boxing for PD, which is boxing for Parkinson's Disease,
and it's places around the country that have people with
Parkinson's disease come do like little boxing workouts and stuff.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
So it's real. It's my life right now. Obviously, I'm
praying for a miracle every day.
Speaker 6 (29:13):
I go to the doctor a lot, I work out
a lot, and remind myself every day that none of
us know how long we're going to live. And so
today I'm going to be a really good dad to
my three boys. I'm going to be a good husband
to my.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Wife, try to be a great pastor this week, good friend.
You know all that.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
All throughout God's word, he tells us of benefits that
we receive.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
When we just spend time in his presence.
Speaker 6 (29:37):
There's peace in his presence, joy in his presence, strength
in his presence, guidance, victory. And so a daily devotion
is I think so important because life's already hard enough.
We need to constantly be reminded that God is with us,
and that God is working, and that God has a
plan even when we can't see it and don't understand it.
(30:02):
I was reading part of the Jesus Listens book recently.
I read one of the devotions that was actually from
a previous month, and the whole devotion was that you
will have troubles, but that you have God's presence and
you have God's promises, and you can also look at
what He's brought you through in the past and it'll
give you confidence and build your faith today. And I mean,
(30:24):
what an amazing way to start your day with that,
just reminder of He's with me, and he's promised he
won't leave me, and that he's got a plan for me,
and he has got me through some things in the past,
and so I know he'll get me through this, and
so yeah, things like that I think can be absolutely
life changing. Jesus listens January fifth, Sovereign God, help me
(30:47):
to make friends with the problems in my life. Every
problem can teach me something, transforming me little by little
into the person you designed me to be. I've discovered
that the best way to make friends with my troubles
is to thank you for them. This counterintuitive act opens
my mind to the possibility of blessings emerging from my difficulties. Moreover,
(31:09):
when I bring you my prayers with my thanksgiving, my
anxiety diminishes. In your peace that transcends all understanding, regards
my heart and my mind.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
In your wonderful name, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
To learn more about Sean Johnson, visit Redrockschurch dot com
and be sure to check out his new book, Kiss
the Fire, available at your favorite retailer. If you'd like
to hear more stories about how we can walk through grief,
check out our interview with Anthony Luccia. Next time on
the Jesus Calling podcast, we'll hear from Brenda Lee, legendary
(31:47):
singer of the holiday hit rocking around the Christmas Tree.
Brenda shares a bit about the staying power of the
song and why Christmas is her favorite time of the year.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
People would say, how can you do that over and over?
You do it.
Speaker 4 (32:03):
Because the song is good and you don't get tired
of it.
Speaker 5 (32:09):
We love Christmas.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
I guess that's our favorite allay, because everybody gets together.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Thanks for listening to the Jesus Calling Stories of Faith
podcast on the Life Audio Network. Every week, we'll bring
you stories from people who share their journeys of faith
and how prayer and a relationship with God transformed their lives.
Be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or
wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave us a review
(32:41):
so others can be inspired weekly by these stories of faith. Finally,
you can find encouragement resources and more on the Jesus
Calling website at Jesuscalling dot com.
Life audio. This episode mentioned suicide and may be triggering
for some listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Who's ready for Christmas.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
With Rocking around the Christmas Tree as your ultimate festive companion,
you can jinkle and mingle in the new old fashioned way,
whether you're swaying at the Christmas party hop or cuddling
under the mistletoe. This vibrant guide promises heaps of holly
jolly fun with everything from Christmas carol lyrics, to food
and drink recipes, decorating ideas, and holiday trivia. Rocking around
(00:41):
the Christmas Tree has all the feels, fun and festivities
you'd love about the season. It's the perfect gift for
the Christmas enthusiast in your life, or a groovy treat
just for you.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So why wait?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Grab Rocking around the Christmas Tree and let the Christmas
spirit ring.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
I really start of digging deeply into the Word of
God and understanding that my identity isn't in what I do,
my occupation, or.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Who I know, or how much money I have. My
identity is.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Rooted in Christ that I am the daughter of the King.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. On today's episode, we
talk with two guests who have navigated both the heights
of success and the depths of personal struggle, learning of
profound truth, finding hope isn't just for the good times.
Candace Cameron bat the beloved actress and author, shares how
she rooted her identity not in Hollywood fame, but in
(01:46):
her faith, discovering her true value. When the applause stopped,
then Pastor Shawn Johnson opens up about his lifelong battles
with anxiety, depression, and a devastating medical diagnosis, revealing how
he found the courage to kiss the fire and walk
through his harnessed seasons with God's strength. Let's start with
Kandas's story.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
I'm Candace Cameron Burray and I'm best known for my
acting on Full House, on Fuller House, lots of Hallmark
and Great American Family movies, mysteries, Christmas movies, and rom coms.
I do a few other things too, but it's probably
where you know my voice and my face best. I
(02:33):
started acting when I was five years old, and I
did lots of commercials, went out on lots of auditions.
One day I got an audition for a new TV
show and I went on it and auditioned three times
for it, and I got the part of DJ on
Full House, But I didn't know it was going to
be a wildly successful and popular television show that would
(02:58):
never be off the air in almost forty years. At
the time, I was just a ten year old girl
that was really excited to have booked a part on
a show. And that is truly one of the most
memorable and proud seasons of my life because being on
Full House really did shape me. I had a wonderful
(03:20):
experience in entertainment because there were so many good people
around me on set, other actors, the cast is great.
We're a very tight knit family. My parents viewed me
and my brother just as kids, and this was our
extracurricular activity. You know, you could play soccer, you could
take tap in ballet, but because we lived in la
(03:43):
we were actors auditioning and so it really was never
much more than that. And I'm grateful that my parents
were very level headed about everything. Finding our identity can
often be difficult, especially when we're younger. We're trying to
figure out who we are, and I think with time
(04:06):
and with wisdom, it becomes.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
A little bit clearer, maybe a little bit easier.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
But I remember a specific story in my life when
I had finished working on Full.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
House and I.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Was married to my husband Val, and I was pregnant
with our first child. I was twenty two years old
and I probably looked like I was fifteen. And I
was at the grocery store. I was getting some dinner
and I was at the butcher counter, and the butcher
recognized me and he said, aren't you that girl from
(04:44):
Full House? And I said, yes, I am. And then
he said, what are you working on now? What TV
show are you on now? And I said, I'm not working,
I'm having a baby. And I showed him my pregnant belly,
and the look.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
On his face just dropped. He seemed so unimpressed, and
he said, oh, okay, and he just moved on to
helping me.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
It was a moment that he probably didn't realize how
it made me feel. He probably wasn't intentionally trying to
make me feel bad, but it was a moment of, oh,
my goodness, I'm not working on something that he can
watch on TV.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
And that was disappointing to him.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
And he just saw that I was having a child,
and who knows if he knew that I was very
happily married or not because I looked like a kid.
You know, he was probably thinking the worst and felt
sad for me. But it was at that moment I
really felt like, Oh, no, what am I doing in
(05:52):
my life?
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
Am I not valued? Am I not valued because I'm
not working because I'm not on.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
A TV show?
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Is being a mom not valued enough? Do people look
at this as a fallback? All these things started racing
through my mind and I realized too at that moment
that I very much sought my identity within my work
and being an actress. Over the years, after I had
our daughter, Natasha, I had two more boys, Levin Max,
(06:22):
and I really started digging deeply into the Word of
God and understanding that my identity isn't in my occupation
or who I know or how much money I have.
My identity is rooted in Christ that I am the
daughter of the King, and to go back to that
(06:44):
every single day of my life, knowing that's who I
am at the core, and that is my purpose in life.
My purpose is to glorify God in all that I do,
so no matter what I accomplish, no matter whether I
have a family or not, or I clim a corporate.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Ladder, or how much money I have or don't have.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Those are all circumstantial and they are secondary to who
I am in my identity as a human being. That
I am an ambassador for Christ. I am his princess,
and I get to call myself that every day, no
matter what anyone else calls me. I am a princess
(07:23):
because I'm the daughter of God. Coming back to do
Fuller House and reprise the role of DJ Tanner and
work with the people that I had grown up working
with that have really been some of my best friends
in life was so exciting and it was almost like
(07:45):
riding a bike. You just get on and you just go,
and it seemed effortless to be DJ but also work
with my castmates. It was interesting to think about who
DJ was today and think of the kind of woman
she is, and now that she has three children and
she's a widow, you know, what is she like now?
(08:08):
And I guess I kind of took on the persona
of Danny Tanner aka Bob Saggatt.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Within the role.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
It was very fun to just figure out her personality
and be a little over the top, a little bit
of a perfectionist, which I can relate to very much
just wanting everything to be picture perfect and your children
to be so wonderful at all times. But that's not reality,
and that's where the comedy comes in. It has been
a joy of my life and probably one of the
(08:38):
most memorable things all have done in my career because
being DJ Tanner full House and Fuller House is associated
over so many generations, at least three generations of families,
and I get the warmest, loveliest compliments from people and
stories that resonate so deeply with people that don't have
(09:04):
that picture perfect family, and not that any of us
really do, but there was always a hug at the
end of full House and Fuller House, and we always
worked through the problems, and it was a really great
model for so many people that have families that don't
feel safe, and this was a family that they could
look to for that as a mom, as a wife,
(09:31):
as a working woman. There's so many days that I
can feel overwhelmed, I can feel stressed out, and I
have to remind myself and renew my mind that my
joy doesn't come from my circumstances around me, but my
joy comes from the Lord and the goodness that he
gives me and having hope in Him for eternity, and
(09:54):
through that joy, he gives me my strength to persevere
each day, to endure every day, to take another step,
to be able to breathe deeply. God calls us to
walk with Him and you, I can't get to know
someone if you don't spend time with them. I remember
Jesus calling a friend. Gave that to me years and
years ago. I have a couple of the Jesus Calling books,
(10:16):
and whether I wake up and read that as a
devotional or usually, I like that more before I go
to bed because it just puts my mind in the
right place before going to sleep.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
I just love that, and they are just ways.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
To renew my mind every day, spending time with God
every single day, just like you would if you were
a mom.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
You want to spend every day with your child, or.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Your wife, or your husband or your best friend. That's
how you get to know them, and days apart from them,
you miss them and you want to be with them.
And that's how I feel about God. When I miss
a day that doesn't start in prayer, that doesn't start
with reading His word, I think of opportunities that may
(11:01):
have been missed, whispers that I might not have heard
because I didn't send for myself in his presence for
the day. So as I've gotten older, I've understood how
important it is, and it's something that I genuinely crave
to spend time with God. He really does recenter us.
He can refocus us by reading his word, to know
(11:24):
what truth is, to know what his characteristics are. I
am always excited about Christmas. I never stopped talking about
it all year long, and I've been making Christmas movies
every year for the past I think maybe fifteen years,
so it's always exciting. I'm so grateful that our family
(11:47):
is very, very close, and our kids love coming back home.
We still have one at home, but I love that
they still love being with us. And there's nothing better
than for this mama than to be with my husband
and our children together. So what I'm looking forward too
is everyone still gathering, will still be all in one
(12:09):
place on Christmas morning. And we started a new tradition
five years ago and we do a sunrise hike Christmas
morning and we love it. So we'll go to a
little mountaintop and it's not rigorous or anything, but we
will watch the sun rise, and we bring the Bible,
(12:31):
and we always reluke to just to remind ourselves that
this is the day that represents the day Jesus was
born and brought to earth and all the reasons why
we celebrate Christmas. And then we always go home and
have a great breakfast.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
We eat way too much, but it's delicious.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Those eggs and bacon and sausage and fruit and all
the good yummy stuff and pancakes. And I have another
little tradition that I always take polaroid pictures of our family,
a good old instant photograph, and then I have a
Christs Book and I fill that out every year, and
I write in the details about how we spent our
(13:11):
Christmas Eve and how we spent Christmas Morning and some
of the special things that went on that day, along
with those instant pictures that capture the day.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
This is for Jesus.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Listens for Advent and Christmas. RESTful, Lord Jesus, I come
to you seeking to find rest in your presence. As
I relax with you, Lord, I can enjoy your peace during.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
This exciting, hectic season.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are
thinking about me constantly I long to be increasingly mindful
of you. You've been teaching me that awareness of your
presence can give me rest even when I'm very busy,
and inner peacefulness flows out of remembering that you are
always with me. The remembrance permeates my heart, mind, and spirit,
(14:08):
filling me with joy. I confess that sometimes I get
so focused on the problems I see and the predictions
I hear that my joy gets buried under layers of
worry and fear. When this happens, I need to bring
my concerns to you, talking with you about each one,
seeking your help and guidance, asking you to remove those
(14:32):
worry layers. As I entrust my concerns into your care
and keeping, joy begins to emerge again. I've learned that
the most effective way for me to nurture this gladness
is speaking and singing praises to you, the King of
Glory in your praiseworthy name Amen.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
To learn more about Candace Cameron beat visit Candacecburret dot com.
Also be sure to check out her devotional one hundred
Days of Joy and stre and her new Christmas movies,
including Timeless Tidings of Joy and Another Sweet Christmas, available
on Great American Family and streaming on Pureflix. Stay tuned
(15:17):
to Shawn Johnson's story after our brief message. In a
world that moves so fast, the Christmas season can feel overwhelming,
But what if you could actually find deeper peace at
this time of the year. Discover the Jesus Calling line
(15:38):
of Christmas books devotionals for all ages and stages that
guide you to the heart of the season. For adults,
check out the beautifully illustrated Jesus Listens for Advent and Christmas,
Jesus Calling for Christmas, and Jesus Listens Prayers for every season.
The children in your life will love.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Opening Jesus Calling, Advent and Christmas Prayers, Jesus Calling the
Story of Christmas, and the brand new seasonally illustrated Jesus
As Listens for Christmas. Whether you're seeking personal renewal or
the perfect meaningful gift, these books remind us that Christmas
isn't about the rush, It's about the peace that comes
from God's love. Give the gift of quiet moments, spiritual comfort,
(16:21):
and the true joy of Christmas. Find Jesus Calling Christmas
Books at your local bookstore or visit Amazon dot com
slash Jesus Calling. Our next guest is Sean Johnson, pastor
(16:42):
of Redrock's Church and author of Attacking Anxiety and Kiss
the Fire. After battling depression, panic attacks, and a devastating
medical diagnosis, Shawn discovered that faith isn't about avoiding the fire,
but learning to walk through it with God's strength.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
My name is Sean Johnson.
Speaker 6 (17:01):
I'm the pastor of Red Rocks Church in Denver, Colorado,
and now we have multiple locations here in Denver, Austin, Texas,
and Russell's, Belgium. My upbringing was interesting, to say the least.
You know, we all have our past. My mom when
she got pregnant with me, she was a seventeen.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Year old heroin addict.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
And when the father found out the biological father, he
left the.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
State and we've never seen or heard from him.
Speaker 6 (17:30):
And my mom was a single mother, teenage girl addicted
to heroin.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
She didn't know what to do, felt overwhelmed.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
At one point, she put me in a car seat
and put me on a stranger's porch with just a
note attached to me saying please take care of him.
And she went and jumped off of a bridge into
oncoming traffic to kill herself. She didn't die and broke
I think every bone waists down. I stayed with my grandma.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
While she was in the hospital. One night, my mom
was in a parking lot and a lady that.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Didn't know her just saw this teenage heroin addict lost
girl and invited her to a church.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And my mom got saved at that church.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
But she had already married her drug dealer, and so
she started going to church, but he did not.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Want to and he would have turned into be my stepdad.
Speaker 6 (18:25):
And so growing up, I went to church a couple times,
not a ton, but one of the times I went,
a kid's worker told me about heaven and hell. Fast
forward graduate from college, I went to Los Angeles to
work in the film business. I was twenty four years old,
and I had kind of followed in some of my mom's.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Footsteps when it comes to drug usage. I had become a.
Speaker 6 (18:43):
Cocaine addict, and at twenty four, I sat down one
day to take my own life.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I was just getting ready to do it, and all
of a sudden, I had this thought that hit me.
It was like, wait a second, that lady told me
about heaven and hell.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
When I was a kid, and what if she's right,
I'm going to be in one of them in like
thirty minutes. And so I called the one Christian person
I knew and said, Hey, man, I know this is awkward,
but this is what I'm about to do, and I
just need a real quick cliff notes on heaven and Hell.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
And he ended up not knowing what to say to me.
Speaker 6 (19:14):
So he took me to a church service and I
got saved at twenty four with cocaine in my pocket
at a church service. And I remember walking out of
the church service that day and I said to God,
I don't know what this means, and I don't know
how you could ever do anything with my life. It's
so messed up. But if you want me to, I'll
spend the rest of my life telling people about you.
(19:41):
In twenty nineteen, I had been the senior pastor of
Redrock's Church for about fourteen years. I had a history
with dealing with anxiety and depression, and for the most
part I tried to hide it as best I could,
especially once I became a pastor, because I just thought, like,
I can't tell people I talk about Jesus, who is
(20:05):
supposed to bring us peace and joy and hope, and
some days I don't have any of those. I don't think,
and so like, what's wrong with me? And maybe I'm
a hypocrite, maybe I shouldn't be a pastor, And I
just didn't know what to do. So I kept trying
to process all of those thoughts and anxiety and depression
by myself. And in twenty nineteen, it just escalated very quickly,
(20:27):
and I started having panic attacks, like multiple times a day.
Something would just kind of snap in my mind and
then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe and my
chest felt tight and I felt like I was suffocating,
and then my mind would start spinning and I would
start shaking and crying.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
And if I was in a.
Speaker 6 (20:43):
Car, I'd have to get out of the car, If
I was in a restaurant, I'd have to leave the restaurant.
I started missing like family get togethers because I was
having a panic attack and couldn't.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Be there, And so it just started overwhelming me.
Speaker 6 (20:58):
I told my wife and friends and even the church
at times, little bits and pieces. I just never told
anyone how bad it actually was. Like I told people, yeah,
little I have a little depression or I have a
little anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Nobody knew that.
Speaker 6 (21:13):
I was at the time pastoring one of the faster
going churches in our country, and I was sitting up
late at night when everyone went to bed, thinking of
ways to take my own life. I was struggling that bad,
and nobody knew. The panic attacks became so frequent that
I couldn't hide it anymore. And one day I was
driving and I called my wife and I was just crying,
(21:34):
and I said, I can't live like this. Please pray
for me. I pulled my car over to the side
of a highway in Denver and just was like yelling
at God, like why won't you help me? And I
just had like a total breakdown. I ended up leaving
our church for about five months. They told me I
needed to take time off, which I did. I went
to a seven week inpatient anti anxiety treatment center, and
(21:56):
after about five months of a lot of counseling, a
lot of therapy, a lot of pastoral care, ended up
going back.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
To the church. It had been there for a few weeks,
and I remember my wife.
Speaker 6 (22:07):
One day said something, she said, I can't wait until
you get done with all this and you're healthy. And
I remember thinking, oh, shoot, like what if I don't
get healthy, Like, what does that mean? Does that mean
I don't have anxiety or depression? Because I'm doing all
these things, I'm getting all this help, I'm getting better,
but I'm not like fixed. I had a counselor one
(22:27):
time say it's not that you're going to be healthy,
because that almost makes it sound like.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Oh, you're gonna be perfect. He said, you're gonna be healthier.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
Yeah, you're gonna be healthier and better and stronger, and
that's still going to be a process.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Well. I went back to our church in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 6 (22:43):
I told him everything I told him about, all the anxiety,
the depression, even the suicidal thoughts, and I just told
him the truth. I said, Hey, I'm I'm a broken pastor.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I'm not perfect. I'm better and healthier and stronger than
I ever thought I would be.
Speaker 6 (22:57):
And if you are okay with a guy being your
pastor who's just not perfect, then I'm in and let's roll.
And honestly, I thought that church might just like shut down.
I'm like, who wants that guy as their pastor? And
to my surprise, I think the church doubled. It was
the craziest thing, and I started to realize the more
I would be willing to talk about my real struggles,
(23:19):
the more people felt like, oh my gosh, me too,
And if that guy can admit he struggles, then I
could too. And if he could get help, then I
can too. About three years ago, I went to a
doctor's appointment. I thought I had a pinched nerve in
my neck, and I was getting some symptoms of like
(23:41):
numbness and a little bit of shaking in my left
hand and arm, and so they did some scans. I
thought they were doing scans of just my neck. They
were actually doing scans of my brain as well, because
they knew what they were looking for and I didn't.
So me and my wife go to a doctor's appointment.
I mean, I think we had a date planned after this,
at like a day date. And he says, I'm so sorry,
(24:02):
you don't have a pinch nerve. You have a incurable
brain disease. And I'm like, wait, what you've heard people
say like my life changed in a doctor's appointment.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
I never thought that'd be me.
Speaker 6 (24:15):
So honestly, I think I was in shock, and I
was like, wait, what are you, saying like I don't.
I go, well, what's like best case scenario?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And he goes that we find lung cancer. And my
wife's just like squeezing my.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Hand as we're sitting in these chairs, and I'm like, wait,
I don't understand, Like, what do you mean lung cancer?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
And he goes, well, at least something like that could
explain some.
Speaker 6 (24:35):
Of the symptoms you're having, and at least that's something
that we could fight. He says, if this is what
I think it is, there's nothing you can do about it.
And if it's the variant of it that I think
it is, you could have an average.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Lifespan of seven years. And I said, okay, well what's.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Worst case scenario? And he said that your wife feeds
and dresses you. So that was like the craziest thing
I could ever imagine. We just go to the parking lot.
We sit in my truck.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I just cried. I remember telling my wife, you know,
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what
this is going to mean for you.
Speaker 6 (25:08):
I don't know what this is going to mean for
our boys. I drove home and I sent two text messages.
One was to my small group. I'm in a small group.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
With eight guys.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
I sent one of the guys a text and just
said I won't be a small group. And then I
sent one of the guys I work with a text
and just says I'll be out of the office for.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
The rest of the week. That was it.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
And I mean, in a day, I went to this
dark place in my mind of God doesn't love me,
God doesn't care. This isn't right, this makes no sense.
I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want
to talk to any church people. I definitely didn't want
to be a pastor. Just in my soul kind of
just went I think I just give up on everything,
(25:47):
like I don't even know what to do. And I
got a call and I was ignored every call except
for this one call I kind of had to take.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He's in my small group.
Speaker 6 (25:59):
He's a UFC coach, MMA coach, and he was voted
like one of UFC's twenty best coaches of all time.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
He's one of the scared his dudes, I know. So
I'm like, I'm scared not to take his call.
Speaker 6 (26:08):
So I took the call and I call him coach,
and I said, you know, what's up, coach, And he said,
what's going on? And I think my wife maybe sent
some texts to some of the wives or something ask
him to pray.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
But anyways, he's like, what's going on?
Speaker 6 (26:20):
And I told him about the diagnosis, and you know,
I was just a mess, trying to fight through tears
to even talk, and he just listened and he goes, well,
we're going to kiss this fire and walk away whistling.
And I went, Coach, that sounds great. I don't know
what that means. And he goes, I'm not saying this
(26:43):
is not gonna be hot. I'm not saying it's not
gonna burn. From time to time, he said, I'm telling
you this is not going to steal your piece. This
is not going to steal your joy. This doesn't change
who you're called to be. You are going to get
through this and you're going to be stronger on the
other side, and I'll be with you every step of
the way.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
And then he said it again, We're going to kiss
this fire and walk away whistling.
Speaker 6 (27:04):
And so that phrase kissed the fire just sort of
became almost like a mantra for me. I didn't really
I didn't talk to anyone else about it. But I
would remind myself daily, like.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to quit.
Speaker 6 (27:17):
I'm not going to stop trusting God, although part of
me wants to. I'm not going to stop believing that
he has a plan for my future. I'm not going
to stop trying to do the things I think He's
called me to do. But every day I would remind myself, like,
kiss the fire. You can do this, and God's with you.
I take medicine four times a day. I go to
(27:37):
Mayo Clinic anywhere from two to four times a year.
There's no cure. The medicine I take is simply to
mask symptoms. I'm trying to eat healthy.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
And stay in shape. And they know.
Speaker 6 (27:51):
So little about this disease. It's in the family of
Parkinson's disease. They have no idea where it comes from.
They don't even know if it's genetic, and they don't
know how fast it will progress because everyone progresses at
a different rate.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
So I box a lot.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
Now, it's interesting they think that boxing maybe one of
the rare things that could potentially keep it from degenerating.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
My brain degenerating at the same rate and I guess.
Speaker 6 (28:27):
The theory is when your body is physically just exhausted
and your mind has to work really hard at the
same time. So it's not like running in a straight
line and you're just tired. It's you're exhausted and your
brain is working really hard, because in boxing, you're always
going you know, what's my footwork, what's my counter strike,
what's the combination, what's the defense. I box with coach
(28:48):
who told me we were going to kiss the fire,
because you know, he teaches some of the world's best
fighters how to box. And in fact, they actually have
things all around the country. I didn't even know about this.
It's called Boxing for PD, which is boxing for Parkinson's Disease,
and it's places around the country that have people with
Parkinson's disease come do like little boxing workouts and stuff.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
So it's real. It's my life right now. Obviously, I'm
praying for a miracle every day.
Speaker 6 (29:13):
I go to the doctor a lot, I work out
a lot, and remind myself every day that none of
us know how long we're going to live. And so
today I'm going to be a really good dad to
my three boys. I'm going to be a good husband
to my.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Wife, try to be a great pastor this week, good friend.
You know all that.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
All throughout God's word, he tells us of benefits that
we receive.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
When we just spend time in his presence.
Speaker 6 (29:37):
There's peace in his presence, joy in his presence, strength
in his presence, guidance, victory. And so a daily devotion
is I think so important because life's already hard enough.
We need to constantly be reminded that God is with us,
and that God is working, and that God has a
plan even when we can't see it and don't understand it.
(30:02):
I was reading part of the Jesus Listens book recently.
I read one of the devotions that was actually from
a previous month, and the whole devotion was that you
will have troubles, but that you have God's presence and
you have God's promises, and you can also look at
what He's brought you through in the past and it'll
give you confidence and build your faith today. And I mean,
(30:24):
what an amazing way to start your day with that,
just reminder of He's with me, and he's promised he
won't leave me, and that he's got a plan for me,
and he has got me through some things in the past,
and so I know he'll get me through this, and
so yeah, things like that I think can be absolutely
life changing. Jesus listens January fifth, Sovereign God, help me
(30:47):
to make friends with the problems in my life. Every
problem can teach me something, transforming me little by little
into the person you designed me to be. I've discovered
that the best way to make friends with my troubles
is to thank you for them. This counterintuitive act opens
my mind to the possibility of blessings emerging from my difficulties. Moreover,
(31:09):
when I bring you my prayers with my thanksgiving, my
anxiety diminishes. In your peace that transcends all understanding, regards
my heart and my mind.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
In your wonderful name, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
To learn more about Sean Johnson, visit Redrockschurch dot com
and be sure to check out his new book, Kiss
the Fire, available at your favorite retailer. If you'd like
to hear more stories about how we can walk through grief,
check out our interview with Anthony Luccia. Next time on
the Jesus Calling podcast, we'll hear from Brenda Lee, legendary
(31:47):
singer of the holiday hit rocking around the Christmas Tree.
Brenda shares a bit about the staying power of the
song and why Christmas is her favorite time of the year.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
People would say, how can you do that over and over?
You do it.
Speaker 4 (32:03):
Because the song is good and you don't get tired
of it.
Speaker 5 (32:09):
We love Christmas.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
I guess that's our favorite allay, because everybody gets together.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Thanks for listening to the Jesus Calling Stories of Faith
podcast on the Life Audio Network. Every week, we'll bring
you stories from people who share their journeys of faith
and how prayer and a relationship with God transformed their lives.
Be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or
wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave us a review
(32:41):
so others can be inspired weekly by these stories of faith. Finally,
you can find encouragement resources and more on the Jesus
Calling website at Jesuscalling dot com.
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