February 12, 2026 • 26 mins
*This episode contains content that may be triggering for some listeners.*
This week, we hear from Stephen McWhirter, a songwriter and worship leader whose early life was marked by deep trauma, addiction, and a shattered view of God shaped by his father’s hypocrisy and abuse. After years of rebellion and anger toward faith, Steven encountered Jesus in an unexpected moment that transformed everything. Today, he shares a powerful story of grace, redemption, and the hard-won freedom found on the other side of forgiveness.
Later in the episode, we’ll hear from author and speaker Courtney Pray Duke, who opens up about the tragic loss of her husband. Courtney shares what it was like to navigate grief while raising three children alone, and how it encouraged her to draw closer to God as a source of comfort when everything felt like it was falling apart.
Links, Products, and Resources Mentioned:
Past interview: Chynna Phillips
Upcoming interview: Sarah Drew
Jesus Listens: Prayers for Every Season
And She Got Up: Shattered by Loss, Restored by Jesus
Interview Quotes:
“I was the guy that literally would have either cussed you out or tried to knock you out had you mentioned Jesus’ name around me. I literally had this deep anger and this wound in me that really was connected to my earthly father and a broken view of who God is.” - Stephen McWhirter
“I’m in this room and I have drugs on the side table next to me. I always say it’s the kindness of a very real God to meet a wounded evangelist son in a place like this. I knew God was in the room, and I’m like, ‘I want to give you my life. I want to quit all this addiction, all this darkness, all this anger, all this depression, and this trauma that I’ve known for so long.’” - Stephen McWhirter
“Jesus never healed anyone [from addiction] the same way twice, because every story has a purpose. If it takes you five times or eleven times to fall at the feet of Jesus and you mean it, He’s going to use your story to draw people to Him.” - Stephen McWhirter
“There is something truly powerful on the other side of forgiveness. It’s not about reciprocation. Somebody may not say to you, ‘I’m asking for your forgiveness,’ but you have the ability to tear up the debt and throw it away. That’s real freedom, that’s real restoration.” - Stephen McWhirter
“Those early days of grief were so messy and they were so uncharted. And to be honest, I didn’t even know what grief really meant until I was in the place where I was grieving with everything inside of me.” - Courtney Pray Duke
“The Lord was so faithful to meet me in every moment, and I could lay my head on my pillow at night and look over the day and I could see where He was when I would open up the Word of God. It was like His promises and His love were illuminating off the page and they were bringing sustenance to my life.” - Courtney Pray Duke
“It wasn’t until I lost everything that my faith grew legs. It was walking through fiery times and profound loss where Jesus met me with
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Life Audio.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
This episode contains content that may be triggering for some listeners.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Did you know that Jesus Calling has its own YouTube channel.
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(00:39):
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Speaker 2 (00:49):
I just remember having this internal thought that I knew
was of mine. It was you know, a knew God
was in the room, you know what I mean, You
just know He's there, and I'm like, I want to give.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You my life.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I want to quit all this addiction, all this darkness,
all this anger, all this depression, oh this trial right
that I've known for so long.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week we hear
from Stephen mcquarter, a songwriter and worship leader whose early
life was marked by deep trauma, addiction, and a shattered
view of God shaped by his father's hypocrisy and abuse.
After years of rebellion and anger toward faith, Stephen encountered
Jesus in an unexpected moment that transformed everything. Today, he
(01:31):
shares a powerful story of grace, redemption, and the hard
won freedom found on the other side of forgiveness. Later
in the episode, we'll hear from author and speaker Courtney
prey Duke, who opens up about the tragic loss of
her husband. Courtney shares what it was like to navigate
grief while raising three children alone, and how it encouraged
her to draw closer to God as a source of
(01:53):
comfort when everything felt like it was falling apart. Let's
start with Stephen's story.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I'm Stephen McCord. I'm a songwriter. I'm a worship leader.
I travel a lot playing music and sharing my testimony
and seeing a lot of people come to Jesus, which
has been awesome. I grew up in a small town
in Indiana called Cordon and got in a lot of
(02:25):
trouble I was growing up there, But I traveled a lot,
actually with my dad, who was an evangelist, and we
would go from church camp to church camp. My dad
would do revivals, but the man that I saw behind
a pulpit and the one I saw at home were
two different people. I'd literally see my dad get preach
about Jesus and people would get saved, even but at
(02:46):
home I would watch him physically abuse my mom. And
so at a very young age, I decided that if
God's real, he's not good, and I don't want anything
to do with this Jesus guy. So, even at that
young age, in that small town, I begin to rebel.
And it was smoking, drinking, marijuana kind of stuff, and
it was crystal math and do you name it man?
(03:09):
For many many years, I think for me, some of
what the trauma was was we all have this this
thing with our earthly fathers, right, It's this deep thing,
and I think it's connected to the Lord as our father.
Even the best earthly fathers, trying our best, we pay
in comparison to just how good God is. But when
you have one that also claims to follow him and
(03:33):
literally a minister, you equate your heavenly father and your
earthly father kind of together. So for me to see
that kind of trauma, my mom going through these things
and watching these horrific, you know, moments in my life
behind closed doors. It literally was like my earthly father
and my heavenly Father became the villains of my story.
(03:55):
I equated the two kind of as one. This made
me this guy that literally, if you hadn't known me
in those early years, my teens and in all the
addiction you'd appointed at me, I swear to you to say, Man,
if there's ever an enemy.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Of the Cross, it's this guy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, Because I was the guy that literally would have
either cussed you out or tried to knock you out
had you mentioned Jesus' name around me. I literally had
this deep anger and this wound in me that really
was connected to my earthly father and a broken view
of who God is. I was that guy who hated Jesus.
(04:32):
And somebody came and offered me the book case for
Christ by least Strobel. When somebody offered me this book,
it's probably the most miraculous part of the story. Because
I didn't like cuss him out and cause a scene
and kick him out of my house. I was like, cool,
whatever in this stupid book. Fast forward, It's three o'clock
in the morning. I'm in this room. I have drugs
on the side table next to me. I always say,
(04:54):
it's like the kindness of a very real God. And
to meet a wounded evangel son in a place like this,
and I just remember having this internal thought that I
knew wasn't mine. It was I knew God was in
the room, you know what I mean, You just know
He's there. And I'm like, I want to give you
my life. I want to quit all this addiction, all
this darkness, all this anger, all this depression, oh this trauma,
(05:17):
right that I've known for so long, God, I want
to And I just remember being like, there's no way,
you know, there's no way I can do this. This
is all I've known for so long. It's like a
part of me. I can't imagine being somebody else. And
I just remember that moment, having a thought that I
knew wasn't mine, that had to be from the Lord,
and it was Stephen, you won't do it, I'll do it.
(05:37):
I just remember, it's like the Ephesians to eight, Right,
you're saved by gracis this and something you can boast about.
It's a work of God. He does it. But there's
something that I can do and you can do, And
it's what Jesus says in John six twenty nine. He says,
the only work the Father asks of you is to believe.
So in that moment, God said you won't do it,
I'll do it the simplest thing. I believed you. I
(05:59):
still came out his word. I was like, yes, I
believed them, like I believe. I'm breathing air right right now.
And I gave my life to Jesus. I literally quit
everything overnight. And I always remind people because I talk
to a lot of people in the Dictionary recovery, and
I always say, listen, don't be discouraged by that number one.
There was plenty more screwed up things with me to
(06:20):
deal with for years to come. But in the Gospels,
Jesus never healed anyone the same way twice. Because every
story has a purpose. If it takes you six times,
five times, eleven times, and you fall at the feet
of Jesus and you mean it and he radically transformed you,
He's going to use your story. He's going to use
your story to draw people to him. It's incredible. I've
(06:43):
seen it so many times. It's amazing. Not long enough
to giving my life to Jesus, I had gotten engaged
to my girlfriend who is now my wife, and I
just remember her and I talking about it, and I
knew God was calling me to do the hardest thing
(07:04):
I've ever done in my life, and that was to
forgive my dad, which sounds appalling. It sounds like the
worst idea on the planet to me and maybe to you.
If you've seen somebody in abuse, you're like, you can't
forgive them, You just can't. That's how I felt. But
I knew the Lord's calling me, you forget my dad.
(07:25):
So I went to him and it was the most
unhulmark moment ever. There was no beam of light that
shot through the window or a bird of my shoulder.
It was just like me saying to my dad, Hey,
I forgive you for all this, him looking at me
like his entire reality had just falling apart, and was like, oh, okay,
thank you. And then I just go yo, welcome on, gay,
(07:47):
I love you, and I get in the car and
I just drove off like I stole something. It was
completely awkward, but I knew that God had done something
in that moment beyond what I could see with my eyes.
And fast forward. My fiance at this time was like,
I feel like the Lord wants your dad to take
this forgiveness thing for I feel like the Lord MutS
your dad to baptize you and me. I'm like, oh
(08:09):
my gosh, this is never going to stop. So I
go yesterday baptizes this next thing. You know, my wife again,
she's becoming a problem at this point that it's fine,
but she's like, Okay, I think your dad needs to
perform our wedding ceremony. It's amazing that we're ever married.
So fast forward now, at the time of me getting saved,
(08:29):
it had been like about eleven or so years since
my dad had ever touched my mom. And I'll say,
if you're in danger, be safe, but my mom stayed
with my dad. And now here we are at this
point in my story. Fast forward so many years later,
my dad's died of cancer. Now, by the way, it's
been twelve years or so today or something like that,
(08:50):
but I remember setting in the hospital room and hospice
had already happened all that, And you know, if you've
ever been in a hospital room with somebody when they're
in a coma, they're just barely hanging on, and there's
this moment where you like, you know, like loved ones
and stuff like let them know it's okay to go,
that kind of stuff. But my dad had just been
(09:11):
hanging on for days, and I was in the hospital
room alone. My mom had left for the first time
in days for some reason, like go to get a
snack or something, and I'm watching my dad's struggle to breathe,
and I lean in one last time and I whispered
to my dad, I love you and I forgive you,
and I watched my dad take his last breath. I
(09:35):
would just say to anybody, there is something truly powerful
on the other side of forgiveness. It's not about reciprocation.
Somebody made us not say to you, well, I'm asking
for your forgiveness. But you have the ability to tear
up the dead and throw it away. And that's real freedom,
that's real restoration.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
To learn more about Stephen mccorter, please visit Worship Jesus
dot life and be sure to check out his new book,
Radically Restored, available at your favorite retailer. Stay tuned to
Courtney pray Duke's story after a brief message. These uncertain
(10:18):
times bring anxiety and fear, but Jesus Listens Prayers for
Every Season gives you daily prayers of comfort with seasonally
inspired illustrations. This beautiful book includes prayers that speak to
your situation, whether it's a time of stress or strength.
Look for Jesus Listens Prayers for Every Season wherever you
buy books. Our next guest is Courtney pray Duke, an
(10:47):
author and speaker whose life was forever changed after the
sudden loss of her husband Andrew, in a cycling accident
in twenty twelve. Left to raise three young children while
navigating unimaginable grief, Courtney's journey became one of discovering God's
nearness and heartbreak, and his faithfulness through every step of healing.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I'm Courtney pray Duke and i live in Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm an author, a mother of four. I have two
kids in college, one at Auburn University and one at
the University of Georgia. And then I've got a tenth
grader son and a son.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Who's seven in the second grade. We have a full life.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
If I'm not writing or speaking, I am driving my
kids around and being a mama and a wife. I
met my late husband, Andrew, when I was nine years
old and he was ten. It was this summer before
the fourth grade, I believe, and he and I we
(11:53):
started out as friends and we ended up going out,
if you want to call it, when we were twelve
and thirteen, and we dated all throughout high school, so
we were like basically childhood sweethearts.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
We led worship together. We started leading worship around just
those early junior high high school years, and.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
We had something really really special, and God gave us
a very rich relationship even though we were so young. As
we got a little bit older and I'm being older
as in still in high school college age, we knew
that that was who God had for us each other.
So we knew that we were supposed to get married.
We knew that we were supposed to that God was
(12:40):
calling us into the ministry, and so we got married
at nineteen and twenty.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
We were very young, but we were so ready. We
were so in love.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And I can still see him as that nine year old,
ten year old kid, and it just just cracks me
up just to think about the journey that we went
on so young but really truly so special.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You don't ever imagine the unamata happening to you and.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
It was the day before Thanksgiving in twenty twelve, and
I had been to the grocery store and done some
stuff that morning.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
The kids were all home from school.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
I had an eight six and a two year old,
so I had two of them that were home from
school and they were running around the house. And my husband, Andrew,
was an avid cyclist, so he was a worship pastor
and we served at our local church there in Dallash, Georgia.
At the time, he was getting ready to go on
a bike ride. He looked at me and he said,
is there anything I can do for you to make
(13:37):
your day more enjoyable? And I said, no, thank you.
You've been amazing. Thanks for keeping the kids this morning,
and it was just a very normal day.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It was so sunny and blew outside.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
And he said I love you, and I said I
love you too.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Have fun on your ride.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
And he gathered up the rest of his little snacks
for his cycling bib, put him in the back pocket,
and then he walked out the door, and I can
remember hearing the garage door close. In that moment, I
prayed for him, just like I always had, that God
would protect him, and I vividly remember that moment. It
just kind of time just stood still and paused.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I went about my morning.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I was making the kids lunches and packing up just
some Christmas stuff that we had been decorating the house
the night before, and I was cleaning up from that
and getting the kids all settled in having lunch. I
painted my daughter's fingernails, and we were just enjoying our
time at home. Around noon, I sat down and I
was going to eat my lunch. You know what that's
(14:40):
like as a mother, those of you with children, You
just need a minute sometimes to sit down and take
a deep breath.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And so that's what I did.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
And my phone rang and it was an unknown number
I didn't know, so I just sent it to voicemail.
And they called again, and I sent it to voicemail again,
and then it happened again. So I sent it to
voicemail for the third time. And when I did that,
they left a message. And so I listened to the
message and it that your husband has been in an accident.
(15:08):
You need to get to the hospital immediately. And I just,
I mean, my heart was pounding. I didn't know what
to do. I started I started panicking in that moment,
and I just grabbed my kids and we ran out
the door and I sped down the highway and on
(15:28):
our way to the hospital, I got a phone call
confirming that Andrew didn't make it.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
And in a minute, in a second, our whole world crumbled.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Beneath our feet. We were tossed upside down and just shattered.
So I had to tell my children the thing that
no mother ever thinks that they would ever share with
their children. And I had to say, like they said,
Daddy is daddy okay, And I said.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Daddy's with Jesus. And so we all just wept.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
And as soon as we pulled up to the hospital,
we got out onto the pavement and I can remember
grabbing my kid's hands. I didn't know what to do,
and all I knew in that moment to say was God,
I don't know what you're doing, but.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
I trust you.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I've got this eight six and a two year old
that are now fatherless, and life as we know it
is just completely gone.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Those early days of grief were so messy.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And they were so uncharted, and to be honest, I
didn't even know what grief really meant until I was
in the place that I was grieving with everything inside
of me.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I mean, I was not eating. I had a best friend.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
That stood by my side through so much of those
early days, and she would come over. She bought a
blender and she would come over and make me smoothies
just so that I could eat.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And my kids.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Were heartbroken, and I was so beyond heartbroken for them.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
And so you take like.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Four broken hearts in the mix, and it was extremely
messy and very hard, and the days were very long
and disorienting. There were some days that I couldn't tell
up from down and left from right. I trusted that
God had a plan through it all, because you know,
(17:35):
I had built my life on him. Even when everything
fell apart, I was like, God, I don't know what
you're doing, but.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I trust you. And I had to make myself say that.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Even when I didn't see it, and even when I
didn't feel it, I didn't know what God was doing.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I would question, like, why did this happen?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Why andrew all people like he was the best man
on this earth. You know, you just have all of
these questions and you don't have answers. But those early
days trying to move forward, it was just so intense
and painful, but the Lord was so.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Faithful to meet me in every moment.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
And I could lay my head on my pillow at
night and look over the day, and I could see
where he brought that person to speak that word into me.
I could see when I would open up the Word
of God that it was like his promises and his
love were like illuminating off the page, and they were
bringing sustenance to my life. The Word of God became
(18:40):
my everything, so much so that I remember not wanting
to go anywhere without it. When you get to that
place of desperation and you've got nothing left, you realize
that like God's Word, you feel the life in it.
And for me, I had loved Jesus my whole life, truly,
but it wasn't until I lost everything that my faith.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Grew legs in the fire. So it was walking.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Through those fires times and those fiery trials and that
profound loss where Jesus met me and he is like,
you are not alone, and you're not going to walk alone,
And little by little, step by step me going God, I.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Trust you, I trust you, I trust you.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
He met me there with strength and love and power
and life after experiencing a loss, you're in it every
single day, day in and day out. It doesn't the
pain doesn't leave you. But yet the world moves on.
(19:47):
And one of the hardest seasons for me, other than
the immediate aftermath and having to bury the love of
my life and wondering how I was going to take
my next breath, I mean, truly, it was that devastating.
The hardest seasons I think following that was when the
(20:09):
dust settles and everybody moves on. But yet you're still
tucking your babies in at night by yourself, and they're like,
I want daddy, and I'm like, I can't give me daddy.
I'm so sorry. That's just real life stuff. Holding the
grief of my kid's heart and mine was impossible for
me to bear. So I learned so much during that
(20:32):
time about releasing my children. And I can remember there
were some early days where I would take excerpts from
the Jesus Calling Book and I would write them in
my journal and there would be a line that just
struck me in that moment, and it's just so beautiful
when you see a nugget of truth that comes from
(20:55):
the Word of God and something that you can.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Remind yourself of what's true, even when.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Your circumstances look anything like what it is that you're
contending for. To know that this is what's truth is immovable.
It's not going to change shape and waiver like my
life does.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Truth is truth.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
The scripture is so clear that he is a father
to the fatherless and that great will be your children's peace.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
He loves our children, and I have to remember this.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
He loves my kids more than I ever could imagine,
and he has their best too.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
So it's one of those things.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
That I couldn't fix it, but I had to just
keep releasing them to God and just love on them
and give them the space to talk, give them a
space to grief, give them a space to cry, whatever
it is. And it seemed that those moments of grief
would always come up when you least expect them.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
They would always come up out of nowhere.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Or my youngest would remember he was in the backseat and.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
He's like, what happened to daddy again?
Speaker 4 (22:06):
And Andrew was in an accident and he was actually
struck by a charter bus on the highway. So having
to tell your three year old that it was things
that I never could imagine that I would live through.
But in those moments, God just gave me courage and
a strength to be able to tell my kids, but
to say, you know what, God's not done with us yet.
(22:28):
He's got more ahead for us. He's not going to
leave us. He's never going to leave us. He's never
gonna forsake us. And those moments where they were not
polished by any means, I mean a lot of it
was talking through tears and just saying I don't have answers,
kids like I have no answers, but I am trusting God.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
So let's trust God together.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I will just encourage anyone listening that if you are
like God, where are you, I don't hear you, just
keep showing up, Just keep making even if it's five
minutes of space to listen, to pray, to read scripture,
to even just be honest with God and say, God,
I don't know what to say, I don't know what
(23:10):
to do, but I'm yours. God can do anything through
a life surrendered to him. I would love to close
us out today with an excerpt of a prayer from
Sarah Jung's prayer devotional Jesus Listens this is Jesus listens
February the eleventh, Pray with me, Beloved Jesus, I come
(23:33):
to you seeking to rest in your peace. The light
of your face shines upon me, blessing me with peace
that transcends all understanding.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Instead of trying.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
To figure things out myself, I want to relax in
your presence, trusting that you know and understand everything. As
I lean on you in childlike dependence, I feel peaceful
and complete. This is how you created me to live
in close communion with you. I delight in this time
(24:07):
with you, enjoying awareness of your loving presence. When I'm
around other people, I tendicter to their expectations, real or imagined.
As I focus on pleasing them, my awareness of your
presence grows dim I become exhausted by my efforts to
gain the approval of others. When I live this way,
(24:27):
I offer people dry crumbs rather than the living water
of your.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Spirit flowing through me. I know this is not your
way for me.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Please help me to stay in touch with you even
during my busiest moments.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
As I live in the light of your peace.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
May the Spirit give me words of grace to speak
into the lives of others in your gracious name Amen.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
To learn more about Courtney pray Duke, visit www dot
Courtney Preyeduke dot com and be sure to check out
her new book, And She Got Up, Shattered By Loss
Restored by Ga Says when it releases in February. If
you'd like to hear more stories about transformative grace, check
out our interview with China Phillips. Next time on the
(25:17):
Jesus Calling podcast will celebrate our five hundredth episode with
actress Sarah Drew. Known for her work on projects like
Grey's Anatomy and Mom's Night Out. Sarah shares her passion
for relatable storytelling and creating real human connection both on
and off the set.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
Telling a true, true story about somebody who's real and
doesn't have all the answers and screws up and then
has to repair and then decides to believe something slightly
different than what she believed before and then have to reconcile.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
And that's my life. That's what we all go through.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
That is a real human journey, whether it's a faith
journey or any other kind of human journey.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Thanks for listening to the Jesus Calling stories of Faith
Podcast on the Live Audio Network. Every week, we'll bring
you stories from people who share their journeys of faith
and how prayer and a relationship with God transformed their lives.
Be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or
wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave us a review
(26:31):
so others can be inspired weekly by these stories of faith. Finally,
you can find encouragement resources and more on the Jesus
Calling website at Jesuscalling dot com.
Life Audio.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
This episode contains content that may be triggering for some listeners.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Did you know that Jesus Calling has its own YouTube channel.
It's full of great content that will enhance your spiritual life.
You'll find beautiful videos with short devotional moments to help
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from celebrities, authors, pastors, and everyday people who share what
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(00:39):
McIntyre Eaton, featuring new guests monthly. Subscribe Today for new
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Speaker 2 (00:49):
I just remember having this internal thought that I knew
was of mine. It was you know, a knew God
was in the room, you know what I mean, You
just know He's there, and I'm like, I want to give.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You my life.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I want to quit all this addiction, all this darkness,
all this anger, all this depression, oh this trial right
that I've known for so long.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week we hear
from Stephen mcquarter, a songwriter and worship leader whose early
life was marked by deep trauma, addiction, and a shattered
view of God shaped by his father's hypocrisy and abuse.
After years of rebellion and anger toward faith, Stephen encountered
Jesus in an unexpected moment that transformed everything. Today, he
(01:31):
shares a powerful story of grace, redemption, and the hard
won freedom found on the other side of forgiveness. Later
in the episode, we'll hear from author and speaker Courtney
prey Duke, who opens up about the tragic loss of
her husband. Courtney shares what it was like to navigate
grief while raising three children alone, and how it encouraged
her to draw closer to God as a source of
(01:53):
comfort when everything felt like it was falling apart. Let's
start with Stephen's story.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I'm Stephen McCord. I'm a songwriter. I'm a worship leader.
I travel a lot playing music and sharing my testimony
and seeing a lot of people come to Jesus, which
has been awesome. I grew up in a small town
in Indiana called Cordon and got in a lot of
(02:25):
trouble I was growing up there, But I traveled a lot,
actually with my dad, who was an evangelist, and we
would go from church camp to church camp. My dad
would do revivals, but the man that I saw behind
a pulpit and the one I saw at home were
two different people. I'd literally see my dad get preach
about Jesus and people would get saved, even but at
(02:46):
home I would watch him physically abuse my mom. And
so at a very young age, I decided that if
God's real, he's not good, and I don't want anything
to do with this Jesus guy. So, even at that
young age, in that small town, I begin to rebel.
And it was smoking, drinking, marijuana kind of stuff, and
it was crystal math and do you name it man?
(03:09):
For many many years, I think for me, some of
what the trauma was was we all have this this
thing with our earthly fathers, right, It's this deep thing,
and I think it's connected to the Lord as our father.
Even the best earthly fathers, trying our best, we pay
in comparison to just how good God is. But when
you have one that also claims to follow him and
(03:33):
literally a minister, you equate your heavenly father and your
earthly father kind of together. So for me to see
that kind of trauma, my mom going through these things
and watching these horrific, you know, moments in my life
behind closed doors. It literally was like my earthly father
and my heavenly Father became the villains of my story.
(03:55):
I equated the two kind of as one. This made
me this guy that literally, if you hadn't known me
in those early years, my teens and in all the
addiction you'd appointed at me, I swear to you to say, Man,
if there's ever an enemy.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Of the Cross, it's this guy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, Because I was the guy that literally would have
either cussed you out or tried to knock you out
had you mentioned Jesus' name around me. I literally had
this deep anger and this wound in me that really
was connected to my earthly father and a broken view
of who God is. I was that guy who hated Jesus.
(04:32):
And somebody came and offered me the book case for
Christ by least Strobel. When somebody offered me this book,
it's probably the most miraculous part of the story. Because
I didn't like cuss him out and cause a scene
and kick him out of my house. I was like, cool,
whatever in this stupid book. Fast forward, It's three o'clock
in the morning. I'm in this room. I have drugs
on the side table next to me. I always say,
(04:54):
it's like the kindness of a very real God. And
to meet a wounded evangel son in a place like this,
and I just remember having this internal thought that I
knew wasn't mine. It was I knew God was in
the room, you know what I mean, You just know
He's there. And I'm like, I want to give you
my life. I want to quit all this addiction, all
this darkness, all this anger, all this depression, oh this trauma,
(05:17):
right that I've known for so long, God, I want
to And I just remember being like, there's no way,
you know, there's no way I can do this. This
is all I've known for so long. It's like a
part of me. I can't imagine being somebody else. And
I just remember that moment, having a thought that I
knew wasn't mine, that had to be from the Lord,
and it was Stephen, you won't do it, I'll do it.
(05:37):
I just remember, it's like the Ephesians to eight, Right,
you're saved by gracis this and something you can boast about.
It's a work of God. He does it. But there's
something that I can do and you can do, And
it's what Jesus says in John six twenty nine. He says,
the only work the Father asks of you is to believe.
So in that moment, God said you won't do it,
I'll do it the simplest thing. I believed you. I
(05:59):
still came out his word. I was like, yes, I
believed them, like I believe. I'm breathing air right right now.
And I gave my life to Jesus. I literally quit
everything overnight. And I always remind people because I talk
to a lot of people in the Dictionary recovery, and
I always say, listen, don't be discouraged by that number one.
There was plenty more screwed up things with me to
(06:20):
deal with for years to come. But in the Gospels,
Jesus never healed anyone the same way twice. Because every
story has a purpose. If it takes you six times,
five times, eleven times, and you fall at the feet
of Jesus and you mean it and he radically transformed you,
He's going to use your story. He's going to use
your story to draw people to him. It's incredible. I've
(06:43):
seen it so many times. It's amazing. Not long enough
to giving my life to Jesus, I had gotten engaged
to my girlfriend who is now my wife, and I
just remember her and I talking about it, and I
knew God was calling me to do the hardest thing
(07:04):
I've ever done in my life, and that was to
forgive my dad, which sounds appalling. It sounds like the
worst idea on the planet to me and maybe to you.
If you've seen somebody in abuse, you're like, you can't
forgive them, You just can't. That's how I felt. But
I knew the Lord's calling me, you forget my dad.
(07:25):
So I went to him and it was the most
unhulmark moment ever. There was no beam of light that
shot through the window or a bird of my shoulder.
It was just like me saying to my dad, Hey,
I forgive you for all this, him looking at me
like his entire reality had just falling apart, and was like, oh, okay,
thank you. And then I just go yo, welcome on, gay,
(07:47):
I love you, and I get in the car and
I just drove off like I stole something. It was
completely awkward, but I knew that God had done something
in that moment beyond what I could see with my eyes.
And fast forward. My fiance at this time was like,
I feel like the Lord wants your dad to take
this forgiveness thing for I feel like the Lord MutS
your dad to baptize you and me. I'm like, oh
(08:09):
my gosh, this is never going to stop. So I
go yesterday baptizes this next thing. You know, my wife again,
she's becoming a problem at this point that it's fine,
but she's like, Okay, I think your dad needs to
perform our wedding ceremony. It's amazing that we're ever married.
So fast forward now, at the time of me getting saved,
(08:29):
it had been like about eleven or so years since
my dad had ever touched my mom. And I'll say,
if you're in danger, be safe, but my mom stayed
with my dad. And now here we are at this
point in my story. Fast forward so many years later,
my dad's died of cancer. Now, by the way, it's
been twelve years or so today or something like that,
(08:50):
but I remember setting in the hospital room and hospice
had already happened all that, And you know, if you've
ever been in a hospital room with somebody when they're
in a coma, they're just barely hanging on, and there's
this moment where you like, you know, like loved ones
and stuff like let them know it's okay to go,
that kind of stuff. But my dad had just been
(09:11):
hanging on for days, and I was in the hospital
room alone. My mom had left for the first time
in days for some reason, like go to get a
snack or something, and I'm watching my dad's struggle to breathe,
and I lean in one last time and I whispered
to my dad, I love you and I forgive you,
and I watched my dad take his last breath. I
(09:35):
would just say to anybody, there is something truly powerful
on the other side of forgiveness. It's not about reciprocation.
Somebody made us not say to you, well, I'm asking
for your forgiveness. But you have the ability to tear
up the dead and throw it away. And that's real freedom,
that's real restoration.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
To learn more about Stephen mccorter, please visit Worship Jesus
dot life and be sure to check out his new book,
Radically Restored, available at your favorite retailer. Stay tuned to
Courtney pray Duke's story after a brief message. These uncertain
(10:18):
times bring anxiety and fear, but Jesus Listens Prayers for
Every Season gives you daily prayers of comfort with seasonally
inspired illustrations. This beautiful book includes prayers that speak to
your situation, whether it's a time of stress or strength.
Look for Jesus Listens Prayers for Every Season wherever you
buy books. Our next guest is Courtney pray Duke, an
(10:47):
author and speaker whose life was forever changed after the
sudden loss of her husband Andrew, in a cycling accident
in twenty twelve. Left to raise three young children while
navigating unimaginable grief, Courtney's journey became one of discovering God's
nearness and heartbreak, and his faithfulness through every step of healing.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I'm Courtney pray Duke and i live in Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm an author, a mother of four. I have two
kids in college, one at Auburn University and one at
the University of Georgia. And then I've got a tenth
grader son and a son.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Who's seven in the second grade. We have a full life.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
If I'm not writing or speaking, I am driving my
kids around and being a mama and a wife. I
met my late husband, Andrew, when I was nine years
old and he was ten. It was this summer before
the fourth grade, I believe, and he and I we
(11:53):
started out as friends and we ended up going out,
if you want to call it, when we were twelve
and thirteen, and we dated all throughout high school, so
we were like basically childhood sweethearts.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
We led worship together. We started leading worship around just
those early junior high high school years, and.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
We had something really really special, and God gave us
a very rich relationship even though we were so young. As
we got a little bit older and I'm being older
as in still in high school college age, we knew
that that was who God had for us each other.
So we knew that we were supposed to get married.
We knew that we were supposed to that God was
(12:40):
calling us into the ministry, and so we got married
at nineteen and twenty.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
We were very young, but we were so ready. We
were so in love.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And I can still see him as that nine year old,
ten year old kid, and it just just cracks me
up just to think about the journey that we went
on so young but really truly so special.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You don't ever imagine the unamata happening to you and.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
It was the day before Thanksgiving in twenty twelve, and
I had been to the grocery store and done some
stuff that morning.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
The kids were all home from school.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
I had an eight six and a two year old,
so I had two of them that were home from
school and they were running around the house. And my husband, Andrew,
was an avid cyclist, so he was a worship pastor
and we served at our local church there in Dallash, Georgia.
At the time, he was getting ready to go on
a bike ride. He looked at me and he said,
is there anything I can do for you to make
(13:37):
your day more enjoyable? And I said, no, thank you.
You've been amazing. Thanks for keeping the kids this morning,
and it was just a very normal day.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It was so sunny and blew outside.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
And he said I love you, and I said I
love you too.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Have fun on your ride.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
And he gathered up the rest of his little snacks
for his cycling bib, put him in the back pocket,
and then he walked out the door, and I can
remember hearing the garage door close. In that moment, I
prayed for him, just like I always had, that God
would protect him, and I vividly remember that moment. It
just kind of time just stood still and paused.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I went about my morning.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I was making the kids lunches and packing up just
some Christmas stuff that we had been decorating the house
the night before, and I was cleaning up from that
and getting the kids all settled in having lunch. I
painted my daughter's fingernails, and we were just enjoying our
time at home. Around noon, I sat down and I
was going to eat my lunch. You know what that's
(14:40):
like as a mother, those of you with children, You
just need a minute sometimes to sit down and take
a deep breath.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And so that's what I did.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
And my phone rang and it was an unknown number
I didn't know, so I just sent it to voicemail.
And they called again, and I sent it to voicemail again,
and then it happened again. So I sent it to
voicemail for the third time. And when I did that,
they left a message. And so I listened to the
message and it that your husband has been in an accident.
(15:08):
You need to get to the hospital immediately. And I just,
I mean, my heart was pounding. I didn't know what
to do. I started I started panicking in that moment,
and I just grabbed my kids and we ran out
the door and I sped down the highway and on
(15:28):
our way to the hospital, I got a phone call
confirming that Andrew didn't make it.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
And in a minute, in a second, our whole world crumbled.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Beneath our feet. We were tossed upside down and just shattered.
So I had to tell my children the thing that
no mother ever thinks that they would ever share with
their children. And I had to say, like they said,
Daddy is daddy okay, And I said.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Daddy's with Jesus. And so we all just wept.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
And as soon as we pulled up to the hospital,
we got out onto the pavement and I can remember
grabbing my kid's hands. I didn't know what to do,
and all I knew in that moment to say was God,
I don't know what you're doing, but.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
I trust you.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I've got this eight six and a two year old
that are now fatherless, and life as we know it
is just completely gone.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Those early days of grief were so messy.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And they were so uncharted, and to be honest, I
didn't even know what grief really meant until I was
in the place that I was grieving with everything inside
of me.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I mean, I was not eating. I had a best friend.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
That stood by my side through so much of those
early days, and she would come over. She bought a
blender and she would come over and make me smoothies
just so that I could eat.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And my kids.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Were heartbroken, and I was so beyond heartbroken for them.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
And so you take like.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Four broken hearts in the mix, and it was extremely
messy and very hard, and the days were very long
and disorienting. There were some days that I couldn't tell
up from down and left from right. I trusted that
God had a plan through it all, because you know,
(17:35):
I had built my life on him. Even when everything
fell apart, I was like, God, I don't know what
you're doing, but.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I trust you. And I had to make myself say that.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Even when I didn't see it, and even when I
didn't feel it, I didn't know what God was doing.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I would question, like, why did this happen?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Why andrew all people like he was the best man
on this earth. You know, you just have all of
these questions and you don't have answers. But those early
days trying to move forward, it was just so intense
and painful, but the Lord was so.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Faithful to meet me in every moment.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
And I could lay my head on my pillow at
night and look over the day, and I could see
where he brought that person to speak that word into me.
I could see when I would open up the Word
of God that it was like his promises and his
love were like illuminating off the page, and they were
bringing sustenance to my life. The Word of God became
(18:40):
my everything, so much so that I remember not wanting
to go anywhere without it. When you get to that
place of desperation and you've got nothing left, you realize
that like God's Word, you feel the life in it.
And for me, I had loved Jesus my whole life, truly,
but it wasn't until I lost everything that my faith.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Grew legs in the fire. So it was walking.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Through those fires times and those fiery trials and that
profound loss where Jesus met me and he is like,
you are not alone, and you're not going to walk alone,
And little by little, step by step me going God, I.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Trust you, I trust you, I trust you.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
He met me there with strength and love and power
and life after experiencing a loss, you're in it every
single day, day in and day out. It doesn't the
pain doesn't leave you. But yet the world moves on.
(19:47):
And one of the hardest seasons for me, other than
the immediate aftermath and having to bury the love of
my life and wondering how I was going to take
my next breath, I mean, truly, it was that devastating.
The hardest seasons I think following that was when the
(20:09):
dust settles and everybody moves on. But yet you're still
tucking your babies in at night by yourself, and they're like,
I want daddy, and I'm like, I can't give me daddy.
I'm so sorry. That's just real life stuff. Holding the
grief of my kid's heart and mine was impossible for
me to bear. So I learned so much during that
(20:32):
time about releasing my children. And I can remember there
were some early days where I would take excerpts from
the Jesus Calling Book and I would write them in
my journal and there would be a line that just
struck me in that moment, and it's just so beautiful
when you see a nugget of truth that comes from
(20:55):
the Word of God and something that you can.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Remind yourself of what's true, even when.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Your circumstances look anything like what it is that you're
contending for. To know that this is what's truth is immovable.
It's not going to change shape and waiver like my
life does.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Truth is truth.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
The scripture is so clear that he is a father
to the fatherless and that great will be your children's peace.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
He loves our children, and I have to remember this.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
He loves my kids more than I ever could imagine,
and he has their best too.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
So it's one of those things.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
That I couldn't fix it, but I had to just
keep releasing them to God and just love on them
and give them the space to talk, give them a
space to grief, give them a space to cry, whatever
it is. And it seemed that those moments of grief
would always come up when you least expect them.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
They would always come up out of nowhere.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Or my youngest would remember he was in the backseat and.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
He's like, what happened to daddy again?
Speaker 4 (22:06):
And Andrew was in an accident and he was actually
struck by a charter bus on the highway. So having
to tell your three year old that it was things
that I never could imagine that I would live through.
But in those moments, God just gave me courage and
a strength to be able to tell my kids, but
to say, you know what, God's not done with us yet.
(22:28):
He's got more ahead for us. He's not going to
leave us. He's never going to leave us. He's never
gonna forsake us. And those moments where they were not
polished by any means, I mean a lot of it
was talking through tears and just saying I don't have answers,
kids like I have no answers, but I am trusting God.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
So let's trust God together.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I will just encourage anyone listening that if you are
like God, where are you, I don't hear you, just
keep showing up, Just keep making even if it's five
minutes of space to listen, to pray, to read scripture,
to even just be honest with God and say, God,
I don't know what to say, I don't know what
(23:10):
to do, but I'm yours. God can do anything through
a life surrendered to him. I would love to close
us out today with an excerpt of a prayer from
Sarah Jung's prayer devotional Jesus Listens this is Jesus listens
February the eleventh, Pray with me, Beloved Jesus, I come
(23:33):
to you seeking to rest in your peace. The light
of your face shines upon me, blessing me with peace
that transcends all understanding.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Instead of trying.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
To figure things out myself, I want to relax in
your presence, trusting that you know and understand everything. As
I lean on you in childlike dependence, I feel peaceful
and complete. This is how you created me to live
in close communion with you. I delight in this time
(24:07):
with you, enjoying awareness of your loving presence. When I'm
around other people, I tendicter to their expectations, real or imagined.
As I focus on pleasing them, my awareness of your
presence grows dim I become exhausted by my efforts to
gain the approval of others. When I live this way,
(24:27):
I offer people dry crumbs rather than the living water
of your.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Spirit flowing through me. I know this is not your
way for me.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Please help me to stay in touch with you even
during my busiest moments.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
As I live in the light of your peace.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
May the Spirit give me words of grace to speak
into the lives of others in your gracious name Amen.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
To learn more about Courtney pray Duke, visit www dot
Courtney Preyeduke dot com and be sure to check out
her new book, And She Got Up, Shattered By Loss
Restored by Ga Says when it releases in February. If
you'd like to hear more stories about transformative grace, check
out our interview with China Phillips. Next time on the
(25:17):
Jesus Calling podcast will celebrate our five hundredth episode with
actress Sarah Drew. Known for her work on projects like
Grey's Anatomy and Mom's Night Out. Sarah shares her passion
for relatable storytelling and creating real human connection both on
and off the set.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
Telling a true, true story about somebody who's real and
doesn't have all the answers and screws up and then
has to repair and then decides to believe something slightly
different than what she believed before and then have to reconcile.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
And that's my life. That's what we all go through.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
That is a real human journey, whether it's a faith
journey or any other kind of human journey.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Thanks for listening to the Jesus Calling stories of Faith
Podcast on the Live Audio Network. Every week, we'll bring
you stories from people who share their journeys of faith
and how prayer and a relationship with God transformed their lives.
Be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or
wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave us a review
(26:31):
so others can be inspired weekly by these stories of faith. Finally,
you can find encouragement resources and more on the Jesus
Calling website at Jesuscalling dot com.
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