October 15, 2024 • 28 mins
What happens when the pain you dismiss as ordinary becomes a wake-up call to realign with your true self? Join me this week on Journey to the Soul as I recount a harrowing experience that escalated into a medical emergency. Through this personal story, we'll uncover the lessons learned about listening to our bodies and the crucial role intuition plays in our well-being. Reflecting on a health crisis I faced at 18, this episode sheds light on the importance of heeding our body's signals and making health-conscious decisions.
In a time of upheaval, it's more vital than ever to stay true to oneself and prioritize self-care. We dive deep into the transformative power of recognizing and valuing the messages our bodies send, and the courage it takes to embrace vulnerability and ask for help. We'll explore how maintaining personal integrity can serve as a beacon through turbulent times, and how breaking free from old, unhelpful patterns can propel us into our personal power. By the end, you'll be inspired to make conscious choices for your highest evolution and identify what you're ready to release for your own growth journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, loves, welcome to the Journey to the Soul podcast
.
I am your host, jacinda Villa,a spiritual life coach and
holistic health coach.
Every week, we will be divingdeep into all things purpose,
wellness, spirituality andcreating the life that you dream
of.
This space is meant to be safeand transformative for you to
(00:26):
dive into the deepest parts ofyourself.
I will share what I havelearned from my journey along
this path years of research andmentors along the way.
Having spent many years livinglife out of alignment and afraid
to go after my dreams, I knowfirsthand what it means to take
the first step down, living alife authentic to you.
(00:47):
We are on this road ofself-discovery together.
It is time for you to live thelife you imagined.
Hello, my loves, welcome toanother episode of Journey to
the Soul.
This week I wanted to share astory with you about something
(01:12):
that happened last week and I'vebeen running it through my head
over the last couple of days aswell, especially when it
happened last week, and I reallyjust wanted to kind of share my
thoughts and just some of theepiphanies that I have had about
(01:34):
this event, because it reallywas more of a test, I feel, from
the universe to make sure thatI am living in integrity, and I
feel like so many of us havethese situations, experiences
(01:55):
that come into our life tochallenge us and to expand us,
and sometimes we don't lean intothem.
And we're all human, we're allgiven the opportunity to lean
into those situations andsometimes we just don't.
So this is something that, whenit happened, I kind of
(02:17):
recognized immediately what wasgoing on.
So I am recording this on aThursday and this happened last
Thursday, and last Thursday Iwas experiencing some pain in my
lower abdominal area andinitially I thought that maybe
(02:41):
it was just some really badcramping or PMS that I had
because I had just got in mycycle as well, but I don't
really get really bad cramping.
Cramping is not something thatI usually experience, and this
was pretty bad even for cramping.
So it progressively got worse.
(03:06):
I cooked dinner we were havingdinner and this pain was just
getting worse and worse and Ieven took something for it,
which I never do.
I took Tylenol because it wasborderline debilitating pain and
I'm like, oh my gosh, is thisreally my period?
(03:28):
Like what is going on?
What is this?
So we were having dinner and Icouldn't even have dinner.
I was in so much pain that Iwas nauseous and I was just
trying to breathe and staycentered and not get overwhelmed
(03:49):
with the pain and hopefully theTylenol would kick in and it
would pass.
So I was just staying hopefuland open to that and I just, you
know, I was sitting theretrying to have a conversation
with my fiance, like we normallydo around dinner, and I was
(04:10):
just not able to do that.
So I told him I was going tokind of ride this out and
hopefully it was just going togo away.
And I carried on to continuelike my evening tasks and I was
moving really slow and trying toclean up and all of those
things.
And this pain kept getting worse.
(04:32):
It kept getting even worse andI'm like I don't think this is
period cramps.
I don't think that this is whatthis is.
And I had felt similar pain tothis before because it was
(04:52):
really just in my lower rightside of my body, like my lower
abdominal area, and I hadexperienced pain like this
before in the past.
So when it got to that point, Iimmediately thought about when
I had experiences previously inmy life and I'm going to touch
(05:15):
on that later in this episodeand when that had happened
before previously in my life.
I put this pain off for days.
I disregarded it for so longand it was not the right thing
to do in that situation.
But I learned the hard way,essentially, and I told my
(05:40):
fiance I'm like I recognize thispain, I've had this pain before
, you know, this debilitating,sharp pain.
I told him I'm like I feel likewe should probably go to the ER
, even though I didn't want to,and that is so not how I
typically handle these things.
(06:02):
I typically handle these things.
I am the type of person thatgoes to the doctor or leans into
Western medicine, kind of as alast resort or when it is
necessary.
So me choosing to go to the ERwas a really big step for me.
But I knew that this painneeded to be dealt with and I
(06:24):
had come to figure that out thehard way previously in my life.
So we decided to go to the ERand I decided to take a really
quick shower and get ready to go, and this pain again was just
getting progressively worse.
I could barely take a shower.
(06:45):
I could barely reach down andgrab what I needed.
I needed help to put my shoeson.
It was just the craziest thingand it kind of just came out of
nowhere over the course of liketwo hours and at that point I'm
like this is so, not like myperiod, this is something else.
This is something more.
Like my period, this issomething else, this is
(07:09):
something more.
And I know I should go get itlooked at, even though that's
just not what I have typicallydone in my life.
So we go to the hospital, wecheck in and I'm going through
the motions of getting admittedand stuff like that motions of
getting admitted and stuff likethat and this pain is just so
(07:30):
bad.
I'm just trying to keep ittogether as much as possible
while they're asking mequestions and getting me ready
to go in and all of these things.
And I'm just happy that I camebecause I feel like I have
learned so much about tuninginto my body and its needs.
So I'm just really gratefulthat I followed my intuition and
(07:53):
chose to come and I wasexplaining to the person you
know.
This pain feels similar to thepain that I experienced when I
was 18.
When I was 18, I found out thatI had an ectopic pregnancy and
I was so young and, oh my gosh,that's a whole nother story
(08:14):
within itself, but I had beenpregnant for four months and had
been experiencing pain on andoff for weeks and had chosen to
disregard it, to keep pushingthrough it and to tell myself
that it was nothing.
I had no idea that I waspregnant.
(08:37):
It wasn't until I went to thedoctor, until this pain was so
debilitating and they didtesting and all of these things.
I thought it was my appendix atthat moment in time.
(08:59):
No-transcript, and, by the way,this is an ectopic pregnancy and
over the course of the next fewhours they did ultrasounds and
more testing and things likethat.
And I come to find out how faralong I was and also that this
(09:22):
pregnancy had been developing inmy fallopian tube over the last
four months, and I had no idea.
The last thing that I thoughtthat they were going to come in
and tell me when I was 18, I hadliterally just turned 18, was
that I was pregnant and, by theway, this pregnancy is not
(09:47):
healthy.
Those were so not the wordsthat I was expecting to hear and
I was taken so aback from that.
But I can talk about that alittle bit more in another
podcast episode, because thatwas a really big, pivotal moment
in my life as well.
(10:08):
But one of the key things thatthat experience showed me is
what happens when you keeppushing through pain and
discomfort and not acknowledgingyour body and its needs.
And that was a really hardlesson for me, because I was so
(10:28):
close to death and I didn't evenknow it.
The doctor told me that if Ihadn't come in when I did, this
would have been a lot worse andI probably would have had
internal bleeding within thenext day or two, because it was
so far along, so far in advance.
And this pain that I experiencedlast week was exactly like that
(10:53):
pain that I experienced when Istarted to experience pain from
the ectopic pregnancy.
And when I go back to thinkingabout the ectopic pregnancy and
the weeks leading up to it, Iwas in pain at work, I was in
pain at school, and I rememberthe day that I finally chose to
(11:18):
go to the freaking hospital andget myself checked out.
I had to leave my final.
I was taking an English finalin the middle of summer and I
couldn't even stay for my final.
It got to the point where I waslike I can't even sit here and
do this, and that was exactlywhat I experienced last week.
(11:42):
So I recognized that pain.
I recognized it immediately,the way that it was so
pronounced, it was like my bodyjust knew.
So to go back to last week'sevent, it was the weirdest thing
that happened, because thatpain was there and it was so
(12:06):
pronounced in all of thesethings.
And then they check me in andthey move me to a room to talk
to the doctor and all of thesethings, and then it starts
coming and going.
So it leaves for a few secondsand then it comes back and then
it becomes minutes and then thepain comes back and then it
(12:30):
suddenly goes away.
And it was like an hour betweenme getting pulled back and the
doctor coming back to see me andto talk about what they found
in the blood tests, and all ofthat.
And I'm sitting there tellingmy fiance like this pain is gone
(12:51):
, like I don't feel any painright now.
It's the weirdest thing.
And he's like we're here, we'regoing to make sure you're okay,
because he knew that I was insuch awful pain.
He saw it in my face.
I had been bent over cryingbecause it was so painful and it
(13:16):
was just the craziest thingbecause all of a sudden it
wasn't there anymore and I feltfine.
I felt like everything was fine.
But even though I was, you know, a part of me is like okay, we
should just go.
I have learned there have beenso many situations in my life
(13:39):
that have shown me that to justmake sure that I'm okay, to just
make sure that it's fine,because every other moment in my
life I have not done that, butI have learned from other
experiences up until this point,to make sure that I am fine,
because when I thought I wasfine, I was not fine and it
(14:03):
doesn't hurt to make sure, itdoesn't hurt to ask for help or
to lean in to support.
So, even though I felt fine atthis point, I just wanted to
make sure.
So the doctor eventually comesin and he's like you know, all
(14:24):
your labs came back fine,there's nothing wrong with you
here.
And I told him you know, I'mnot having any pain right now.
It's the weirdest thing, butI'm not having any pain.
It kind of just disappeared.
And he told me you could get aCT scan just to make sure it
(14:47):
isn't something else like yourappendix or something like that
he's like.
But based off of the bloodresults.
I really don't think it's yourappendix, because your blood
isn't even showing high levelsof whatever they test for when
your appendix needs to come out,he's like.
So he walked me through thepros and cons of getting a CT
(15:10):
scan done and, of course, hegave me the option of just
keeping an eye on it and makingsure that if the pain did come
back, I could always come back,and that was an option.
But as of right now, everythingseemed fine.
So the choice was mine.
(15:30):
Basically what I wanted to do.
I chose to come home and not doany further testing and to keep
an eye on it and to see how itwent, to see if the pain came
back, and if it did, I couldalways go back to the hospital
(15:51):
and get checked out again.
So it's been a week since thenand the pain has not come back.
And the days after this happenedlike that weekend, and the days
after this happened like thatweekend, I kept mulling it over
in my mind.
You know like what was this?
Why did this happen?
(16:12):
You know this was such a weirdexperience for me to go through
the motions of going to thehospital and making sure that I
was okay, and the pain comingand going and all of these
things, and I came to theconclusion that I do believe
(16:37):
that this was a test to makesure that I was being true to
myself, because over the lastcouple of years, my healing has
been a huge theme in my life andI know I have talked about
different aspects of that inthis podcast and there's so much
more that I haven't evencovered but I have said that I
(17:02):
have been devoted to myself andmy healing and tuning into my
body's needs, so that has beenwhat I say that I'm devoted to.
So I felt like this was theuniverse saying okay, here is a
test to see if you really meanit this time, because, like I
mentioned before, there havebeen so many other moments in my
(17:26):
life where I have pushed it off, where I didn't listen, where I
pushed through the pain and thediscomfort.
But me, knowing what I know,now, I know that some things
need to be dealt with.
Things need to be dealt withwhen it comes to our body
(17:52):
especially.
These are messages from ourbody saying something is not
right.
Pain is showing you somethingand before I thought that in
pushing through the pain, itmade me stronger and more
capable.
It was almost a badge of honorfor me and my gosh, have I
(18:12):
pushed in almost every aspect ofmy life.
That's kind of just been howI've been.
That's always been.
My core being is pushing throughevery moment of life.
But again, I have learned fromfirsthand experience what it
(18:34):
costs to disregard the signalsyour body sends you, to keep
pushing and disregarding thepain and discomfort.
It has brought me to moments ofnear death where life is
quickly flashing before youreyes and you have no idea.
(18:56):
That's how close you were tothe edge, how close to causing
serious harm to ourselves, howmuch it could have really cost
us.
And so many of us get to thatpoint in our life and it isn't
until we are forced to facethese situations that we become
(19:21):
aware, our eyes open.
I was presented with this lessonat the age of 18, and I pushed
and kept telling myself to pushthrough, and there have been
multitudes of times in the last10 years where the lessons have
(19:43):
been presented and Icontinuously told myself to keep
pushing.
I have seen many, many timeswhat this has cost me and I know
this was a lesson beingpresented once again.
It was an opportunity for me tochoose differently, to choose
(20:10):
to listen to my body, to chooseto ask for help and to choose to
be vulnerable and open up tothe situation, to the situation.
So sitting there last week waslike deja vu.
(20:31):
It made me think about thatyounger version of me and all
that she was feeling when shewas in that experience.
I remember being so afraid andso alone.
I was in a very interestingchapter of my life.
I was living on my own.
I had been living on my own forover two years.
(20:51):
I was self-sufficient, I wasworking, I went to school and I
was going at life very alone.
I didn't have anyone to lean on.
I was in a very toxic cyclethat I didn't even know of and
all I was trying to do wassurvive.
(21:13):
That was my mentality when Iwas sitting there in that
experience is I was simplytrying to make it to the next
day, every single day.
So, as I was sitting there lastweek, that gave me the
opportunity to really reflect onhow my life has changed in the
(21:37):
most beautiful way.
Going through that experiencereally brought me back to that
moment in time where I was youngand I felt so alone in my life,
and what I learned from thatexperience.
So I was able to sit there andrealize how much I have grown in
(21:59):
my life in the last 10 years,how much I have really expanded
and chosen to walk a path thatis more authentic to me.
I'm walking my path.
I am doing work that I love.
I have a balance between allaspects of my life.
(22:21):
Achieving and working are nolonger my measures of my success
, which they very much were atthat moment in time.
I have a partner that I deeplylove in my life and I am not in
a state of survival.
My life is so full and I feellike this reflection was very
(22:47):
necessary for me for where I amon my path.
It gave me a deeper sense ofpeace to be able to see my
growth from this vantage point.
It has never been linear, asgrowth never is.
It has ebbed and flowed, but ithas been there nonetheless and
(23:11):
it has allowed me to feel atpeace with myself and my
beautiful life and where I am inthis moment.
This was medicine to therestlessness that I have been
feeling so deeply in my lifethis year, and I did open up
about that in last week'sepisode, about how every day, I
(23:36):
am working more and more tocultivate presence in my life
and how I have lived so much ofmy life in the future.
So being in the present canstill feel highly uncomfortable
at times.
It is a new way of being that Iam creating for myself, and
(23:58):
that is something that I remindmyself of every single day when
I do feel this restlessness,because creating a new way of
being does take time.
So with all of this, I justwant you to notice what has kept
(24:18):
showing up in your life, thatis, asking you to be in your
integrity, to really walk yourtalk.
It is very easy for us to saywe won't do something anymore or
that we won't keep feeding intothe same mental patterns,
(24:39):
addictions, relationships,situations that we are so used
to.
True freedom from these thingscomes when we choose otherwise,
when we use everything we havelearned about life ourselves,
(24:59):
all of these things up to thismoment for us to make a better
choice than we always have.
Dismantling these things arereally some of the hardest
things that we can do in ourlife, because it challenges our
way of being.
But we get to a point where weknow these things aren't serving
(25:23):
us anymore.
We all know that we get to thatmoment and this is how that
showed up for me is through thisexperience, and that's what I
recognized in that moment.
As I went through thatexperience and in the days that
passed after it, I want you tonotice how it's showing up for
(25:47):
you.
There is so much going on in theworld right now.
All around us, things arefalling away and it's a crazy
time to be alive and to be ableto witness all that is going on.
There is so much unrest andupheaval that is happening in
(26:07):
our world.
Being in integrity withourselves is the single best
thing we can do in this momentMaking sure that we are working
on whatever we are meant to beworking on, taking care of
ourselves first, watering ourside of the grass, nurturing our
(26:32):
corner of the world.
This helps the world at largein ways we can't see.
Through all of these highs andlows that we have been
experiencing, we are being giventhe opportunity to break away
from whatever is no longerserving us, to truly step into
(26:55):
our power, to free ourselvesonce and for all.
I want to leave you with thesetwo questions all I want to
leave you with these twoquestions here in this moment,
knowing what you do now, how areyou going to choose differently
(27:19):
for yourself and your highestevolution?
What mental patterns,addictions, relationships,
situations, experiences are youready to break free from once
and for all?
Really ponder on thesequestions, because we are all
being given the opportunity toexpand right now, but it
(27:42):
requires us to really dismantlethese things that have kept
coming into our life.
We are being given anopportunity.
Stay strong and rooted in yourpath.
I am sending you all so muchlove and light.
I will talk to you all nextweek.
(28:03):
And light I will talk you allso much love.
Hi, loves, welcome to the Journey to the Soul podcast
.
I am your host, jacinda Villa,a spiritual life coach and
holistic health coach.
Every week, we will be divingdeep into all things purpose,
wellness, spirituality andcreating the life that you dream
of.
This space is meant to be safeand transformative for you to
(00:26):
dive into the deepest parts ofyourself.
I will share what I havelearned from my journey along
this path years of research andmentors along the way.
Having spent many years livinglife out of alignment and afraid
to go after my dreams, I knowfirsthand what it means to take
the first step down, living alife authentic to you.
(00:47):
We are on this road ofself-discovery together.
It is time for you to live thelife you imagined.
Hello, my loves, welcome toanother episode of Journey to
the Soul.
This week I wanted to share astory with you about something
(01:12):
that happened last week and I'vebeen running it through my head
over the last couple of days aswell, especially when it
happened last week, and I reallyjust wanted to kind of share my
thoughts and just some of theepiphanies that I have had about
(01:34):
this event, because it reallywas more of a test, I feel, from
the universe to make sure thatI am living in integrity, and I
feel like so many of us havethese situations, experiences
(01:55):
that come into our life tochallenge us and to expand us,
and sometimes we don't lean intothem.
And we're all human, we're allgiven the opportunity to lean
into those situations andsometimes we just don't.
So this is something that, whenit happened, I kind of
(02:17):
recognized immediately what wasgoing on.
So I am recording this on aThursday and this happened last
Thursday, and last Thursday Iwas experiencing some pain in my
lower abdominal area andinitially I thought that maybe
(02:41):
it was just some really badcramping or PMS that I had
because I had just got in mycycle as well, but I don't
really get really bad cramping.
Cramping is not something thatI usually experience, and this
was pretty bad even for cramping.
So it progressively got worse.
(03:06):
I cooked dinner we were havingdinner and this pain was just
getting worse and worse and Ieven took something for it,
which I never do.
I took Tylenol because it wasborderline debilitating pain and
I'm like, oh my gosh, is thisreally my period?
(03:28):
Like what is going on?
What is this?
So we were having dinner and Icouldn't even have dinner.
I was in so much pain that Iwas nauseous and I was just
trying to breathe and staycentered and not get overwhelmed
(03:49):
with the pain and hopefully theTylenol would kick in and it
would pass.
So I was just staying hopefuland open to that and I just, you
know, I was sitting theretrying to have a conversation
with my fiance, like we normallydo around dinner, and I was
(04:10):
just not able to do that.
So I told him I was going tokind of ride this out and
hopefully it was just going togo away.
And I carried on to continuelike my evening tasks and I was
moving really slow and trying toclean up and all of those
things.
And this pain kept getting worse.
(04:32):
It kept getting even worse andI'm like I don't think this is
period cramps.
I don't think that this is whatthis is.
And I had felt similar pain tothis before because it was
(04:52):
really just in my lower rightside of my body, like my lower
abdominal area, and I hadexperienced pain like this
before in the past.
So when it got to that point, Iimmediately thought about when
I had experiences previously inmy life and I'm going to touch
(05:15):
on that later in this episodeand when that had happened
before previously in my life.
I put this pain off for days.
I disregarded it for so longand it was not the right thing
to do in that situation.
But I learned the hard way,essentially, and I told my
(05:40):
fiance I'm like I recognize thispain, I've had this pain before
, you know, this debilitating,sharp pain.
I told him I'm like I feel likewe should probably go to the ER
, even though I didn't want to,and that is so not how I
typically handle these things.
(06:02):
I typically handle these things.
I am the type of person thatgoes to the doctor or leans into
Western medicine, kind of as alast resort or when it is
necessary.
So me choosing to go to the ERwas a really big step for me.
But I knew that this painneeded to be dealt with and I
(06:24):
had come to figure that out thehard way previously in my life.
So we decided to go to the ERand I decided to take a really
quick shower and get ready to go, and this pain again was just
getting progressively worse.
I could barely take a shower.
(06:45):
I could barely reach down andgrab what I needed.
I needed help to put my shoeson.
It was just the craziest thingand it kind of just came out of
nowhere over the course of liketwo hours and at that point I'm
like this is so, not like myperiod, this is something else.
This is something more.
Like my period, this issomething else, this is
(07:09):
something more.
And I know I should go get itlooked at, even though that's
just not what I have typicallydone in my life.
So we go to the hospital, wecheck in and I'm going through
the motions of getting admittedand stuff like that motions of
getting admitted and stuff likethat and this pain is just so
(07:30):
bad.
I'm just trying to keep ittogether as much as possible
while they're asking mequestions and getting me ready
to go in and all of these things.
And I'm just happy that I camebecause I feel like I have
learned so much about tuninginto my body and its needs.
So I'm just really gratefulthat I followed my intuition and
(07:53):
chose to come and I wasexplaining to the person you
know.
This pain feels similar to thepain that I experienced when I
was 18.
When I was 18, I found out thatI had an ectopic pregnancy and
I was so young and, oh my gosh,that's a whole nother story
(08:14):
within itself, but I had beenpregnant for four months and had
been experiencing pain on andoff for weeks and had chosen to
disregard it, to keep pushingthrough it and to tell myself
that it was nothing.
I had no idea that I waspregnant.
(08:37):
It wasn't until I went to thedoctor, until this pain was so
debilitating and they didtesting and all of these things.
I thought it was my appendix atthat moment in time.
(08:59):
No-transcript, and, by the way,this is an ectopic pregnancy and
over the course of the next fewhours they did ultrasounds and
more testing and things likethat.
And I come to find out how faralong I was and also that this
(09:22):
pregnancy had been developing inmy fallopian tube over the last
four months, and I had no idea.
The last thing that I thoughtthat they were going to come in
and tell me when I was 18, I hadliterally just turned 18, was
that I was pregnant and, by theway, this pregnancy is not
(09:47):
healthy.
Those were so not the wordsthat I was expecting to hear and
I was taken so aback from that.
But I can talk about that alittle bit more in another
podcast episode, because thatwas a really big, pivotal moment
in my life as well.
(10:08):
But one of the key things thatthat experience showed me is
what happens when you keeppushing through pain and
discomfort and not acknowledgingyour body and its needs.
And that was a really hardlesson for me, because I was so
(10:28):
close to death and I didn't evenknow it.
The doctor told me that if Ihadn't come in when I did, this
would have been a lot worse andI probably would have had
internal bleeding within thenext day or two, because it was
so far along, so far in advance.
And this pain that I experiencedlast week was exactly like that
(10:53):
pain that I experienced when Istarted to experience pain from
the ectopic pregnancy.
And when I go back to thinkingabout the ectopic pregnancy and
the weeks leading up to it, Iwas in pain at work, I was in
pain at school, and I rememberthe day that I finally chose to
(11:18):
go to the freaking hospital andget myself checked out.
I had to leave my final.
I was taking an English finalin the middle of summer and I
couldn't even stay for my final.
It got to the point where I waslike I can't even sit here and
do this, and that was exactlywhat I experienced last week.
(11:42):
So I recognized that pain.
I recognized it immediately,the way that it was so
pronounced, it was like my bodyjust knew.
So to go back to last week'sevent, it was the weirdest thing
that happened, because thatpain was there and it was so
(12:06):
pronounced in all of thesethings.
And then they check me in andthey move me to a room to talk
to the doctor and all of thesethings, and then it starts
coming and going.
So it leaves for a few secondsand then it comes back and then
it becomes minutes and then thepain comes back and then it
(12:30):
suddenly goes away.
And it was like an hour betweenme getting pulled back and the
doctor coming back to see me andto talk about what they found
in the blood tests, and all ofthat.
And I'm sitting there tellingmy fiance like this pain is gone
(12:51):
, like I don't feel any painright now.
It's the weirdest thing.
And he's like we're here, we'regoing to make sure you're okay,
because he knew that I was insuch awful pain.
He saw it in my face.
I had been bent over cryingbecause it was so painful and it
(13:16):
was just the craziest thingbecause all of a sudden it
wasn't there anymore and I feltfine.
I felt like everything was fine.
But even though I was, you know, a part of me is like okay, we
should just go.
I have learned there have beenso many situations in my life
(13:39):
that have shown me that to justmake sure that I'm okay, to just
make sure that it's fine,because every other moment in my
life I have not done that, butI have learned from other
experiences up until this point,to make sure that I am fine,
because when I thought I wasfine, I was not fine and it
(14:03):
doesn't hurt to make sure, itdoesn't hurt to ask for help or
to lean in to support.
So, even though I felt fine atthis point, I just wanted to
make sure.
So the doctor eventually comesin and he's like you know, all
(14:24):
your labs came back fine,there's nothing wrong with you
here.
And I told him you know, I'mnot having any pain right now.
It's the weirdest thing, butI'm not having any pain.
It kind of just disappeared.
And he told me you could get aCT scan just to make sure it
(14:47):
isn't something else like yourappendix or something like that
he's like.
But based off of the bloodresults.
I really don't think it's yourappendix, because your blood
isn't even showing high levelsof whatever they test for when
your appendix needs to come out,he's like.
So he walked me through thepros and cons of getting a CT
(15:10):
scan done and, of course, hegave me the option of just
keeping an eye on it and makingsure that if the pain did come
back, I could always come back,and that was an option.
But as of right now, everythingseemed fine.
So the choice was mine.
(15:30):
Basically what I wanted to do.
I chose to come home and not doany further testing and to keep
an eye on it and to see how itwent, to see if the pain came
back, and if it did, I couldalways go back to the hospital
(15:51):
and get checked out again.
So it's been a week since thenand the pain has not come back.
And the days after this happenedlike that weekend, and the days
after this happened like thatweekend, I kept mulling it over
in my mind.
You know like what was this?
Why did this happen?
(16:12):
You know this was such a weirdexperience for me to go through
the motions of going to thehospital and making sure that I
was okay, and the pain comingand going and all of these
things, and I came to theconclusion that I do believe
(16:37):
that this was a test to makesure that I was being true to
myself, because over the lastcouple of years, my healing has
been a huge theme in my life andI know I have talked about
different aspects of that inthis podcast and there's so much
more that I haven't evencovered but I have said that I
(17:02):
have been devoted to myself andmy healing and tuning into my
body's needs, so that has beenwhat I say that I'm devoted to.
So I felt like this was theuniverse saying okay, here is a
test to see if you really meanit this time, because, like I
mentioned before, there havebeen so many other moments in my
(17:26):
life where I have pushed it off, where I didn't listen, where I
pushed through the pain and thediscomfort.
But me, knowing what I know,now, I know that some things
need to be dealt with.
Things need to be dealt withwhen it comes to our body
(17:52):
especially.
These are messages from ourbody saying something is not
right.
Pain is showing you somethingand before I thought that in
pushing through the pain, itmade me stronger and more
capable.
It was almost a badge of honorfor me and my gosh, have I
(18:12):
pushed in almost every aspect ofmy life.
That's kind of just been howI've been.
That's always been.
My core being is pushing throughevery moment of life.
But again, I have learned fromfirsthand experience what it
(18:34):
costs to disregard the signalsyour body sends you, to keep
pushing and disregarding thepain and discomfort.
It has brought me to moments ofnear death where life is
quickly flashing before youreyes and you have no idea.
(18:56):
That's how close you were tothe edge, how close to causing
serious harm to ourselves, howmuch it could have really cost
us.
And so many of us get to thatpoint in our life and it isn't
until we are forced to facethese situations that we become
(19:21):
aware, our eyes open.
I was presented with this lessonat the age of 18, and I pushed
and kept telling myself to pushthrough, and there have been
multitudes of times in the last10 years where the lessons have
(19:43):
been presented and Icontinuously told myself to keep
pushing.
I have seen many, many timeswhat this has cost me and I know
this was a lesson beingpresented once again.
It was an opportunity for me tochoose differently, to choose
(20:10):
to listen to my body, to chooseto ask for help and to choose to
be vulnerable and open up tothe situation, to the situation.
So sitting there last week waslike deja vu.
(20:31):
It made me think about thatyounger version of me and all
that she was feeling when shewas in that experience.
I remember being so afraid andso alone.
I was in a very interestingchapter of my life.
I was living on my own.
I had been living on my own forover two years.
(20:51):
I was self-sufficient, I wasworking, I went to school and I
was going at life very alone.
I didn't have anyone to lean on.
I was in a very toxic cyclethat I didn't even know of and
all I was trying to do wassurvive.
(21:13):
That was my mentality when Iwas sitting there in that
experience is I was simplytrying to make it to the next
day, every single day.
So, as I was sitting there lastweek, that gave me the
opportunity to really reflect onhow my life has changed in the
(21:37):
most beautiful way.
Going through that experiencereally brought me back to that
moment in time where I was youngand I felt so alone in my life,
and what I learned from thatexperience.
So I was able to sit there andrealize how much I have grown in
(21:59):
my life in the last 10 years,how much I have really expanded
and chosen to walk a path thatis more authentic to me.
I'm walking my path.
I am doing work that I love.
I have a balance between allaspects of my life.
(22:21):
Achieving and working are nolonger my measures of my success
, which they very much were atthat moment in time.
I have a partner that I deeplylove in my life and I am not in
a state of survival.
My life is so full and I feellike this reflection was very
(22:47):
necessary for me for where I amon my path.
It gave me a deeper sense ofpeace to be able to see my
growth from this vantage point.
It has never been linear, asgrowth never is.
It has ebbed and flowed, but ithas been there nonetheless and
(23:11):
it has allowed me to feel atpeace with myself and my
beautiful life and where I am inthis moment.
This was medicine to therestlessness that I have been
feeling so deeply in my lifethis year, and I did open up
about that in last week'sepisode, about how every day, I
(23:36):
am working more and more tocultivate presence in my life
and how I have lived so much ofmy life in the future.
So being in the present canstill feel highly uncomfortable
at times.
It is a new way of being that Iam creating for myself, and
(23:58):
that is something that I remindmyself of every single day when
I do feel this restlessness,because creating a new way of
being does take time.
So with all of this, I justwant you to notice what has kept
(24:18):
showing up in your life, thatis, asking you to be in your
integrity, to really walk yourtalk.
It is very easy for us to saywe won't do something anymore or
that we won't keep feeding intothe same mental patterns,
(24:39):
addictions, relationships,situations that we are so used
to.
True freedom from these thingscomes when we choose otherwise,
when we use everything we havelearned about life ourselves,
(24:59):
all of these things up to thismoment for us to make a better
choice than we always have.
Dismantling these things arereally some of the hardest
things that we can do in ourlife, because it challenges our
way of being.
But we get to a point where weknow these things aren't serving
(25:23):
us anymore.
We all know that we get to thatmoment and this is how that
showed up for me is through thisexperience, and that's what I
recognized in that moment.
As I went through thatexperience and in the days that
passed after it, I want you tonotice how it's showing up for
(25:47):
you.
There is so much going on in theworld right now.
All around us, things arefalling away and it's a crazy
time to be alive and to be ableto witness all that is going on.
There is so much unrest andupheaval that is happening in
(26:07):
our world.
Being in integrity withourselves is the single best
thing we can do in this momentMaking sure that we are working
on whatever we are meant to beworking on, taking care of
ourselves first, watering ourside of the grass, nurturing our
(26:32):
corner of the world.
This helps the world at largein ways we can't see.
Through all of these highs andlows that we have been
experiencing, we are being giventhe opportunity to break away
from whatever is no longerserving us, to truly step into
(26:55):
our power, to free ourselvesonce and for all.
I want to leave you with thesetwo questions all I want to
leave you with these twoquestions here in this moment,
knowing what you do now, how areyou going to choose differently
(27:19):
for yourself and your highestevolution?
What mental patterns,addictions, relationships,
situations, experiences are youready to break free from once
and for all?
Really ponder on thesequestions, because we are all
being given the opportunity toexpand right now, but it
(27:42):
requires us to really dismantlethese things that have kept
coming into our life.
We are being given anopportunity.
Stay strong and rooted in yourpath.
I am sending you all so muchlove and light.
I will talk to you all nextweek.
(28:03):
And light I will talk you allso much love.
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