Am I Exploting Myself?

Introduction
Those are the words of Kim Mi-kyung — speaker, author, and entrepreneur — in a recent interview. A viewer had written in: "On the outside I look fine, but inside I'm falling apart. Work is okay. But the moment I come home, it's like the power goes off. I'm hollow. Every day I just get through it on duty."
Does any of that sound familiar?

The Functional Self Trap

Diagnosis
There is a version of ourselves built for the world — competent, capable, productive. Call it the functional self. We invest in it heavily. Then there is the self that comes home at night — the one we leave in the corner to fend for itself.
Edward Welch, in When People Are Big and God Is Small (P&R, 1997), traces this to a deeper root. When we hand the weight of our worth to other people's approval, those people quietly grow larger than God in our inner world. We stop seeing ourselves from the inside and begin perpetually evaluating ourselves through external eyes. The functional self is the structure that fear builds.
Tim Keller makes a related observation in Every Good Endeavor (Dutton, 2012): work and achievement are genuinely good things — but the moment they become the source of our identity, they become idols. Marshall Goldsmith adds in What Got You Here Won't Get You There (Hyperion, 2007): the very patterns that produced success become, at a certain point, the greatest obstacles to growth.

A Theology of Stopping

Rest
Kim Mi-kyung's hard-won wisdom: "Some things cannot be solved while running. You have to stop and set them down." But stopping is terrifying — because the moment we stop performing, the identity built on performance is suddenly exposed.
The Westminster Shorter Catechism opens here: the chief end of human beings is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. That is the original KPI — Key Performance Indicator, the measure by which you judge whether you are succeeding — and it was never issued by the market, never earned by decades of grinding. When that KPI becomes the one we live by, everything begins to shift.

"So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his."— Hebrews 4:9–10 (ESV)

Gospel
The rest of Hebrews 4 is not about sleep or vacation. It is about ceasing to prove yourself — because God has already declared you in Christ. Reformed theology has always understood this rest as fulfilled in Christ himself: he is our Sabbath. We do not rest in order to be accepted; we rest because we already are.
John Calvin wrote in the very first lines of the Institutes that nearly all wisdom consists of two things: knowledge of God and knowledge of ourselves — and that these cannot be separated. Self-knowledge that bypasses God leads us back to the mirror of other people's approval. Only God-knowledge gives us a place to stand that does not shake.

The Turning Point in the Dark

Vulnerability
Kim Mi-kyung shared something many public figures never say aloud. At the height of her career — the speaking, the staff, the recognition — her inner world was in collapse. She described it plainly: "I was carrying unhappiness into every working day."
In the depths of that season, she called her sister. And said: "언니, 나 좀 살려 줘 — Sister, help me live." It was the moment she stopped holding the weight alone and let someone see her. That became the turning point.
Marcia Reynolds writes in Coach the Person, Not the Problem (Berrett-Koehler, 2020) that real change rarely begins with solving the presenting problem. It begins when a person feels genuinely seen — not for what they produce, but for who they are. That one phone call opened exactly that space.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."— Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

A Second Life — When the KPI Changes

Freedom
After that season, Kim Mi-kyung describes seeing the world differently — not as a stage on which she must prove herself, but as a constructed set whose rules no longer have to be treated as ultimate. The KPI changed: from "what can I achieve?" to "do I know who I am, and am I living from that?"
David Powlison of CCEF observed that the question of identity can only be rightly answered when we first know who God is — self-knowledge follows God-knowledge, not the other way around (Powlison, "A Man's Identity," Journal of Biblical Counseling, CCEF).
Returning to Welch's insight: as long as other people's approval feels larger than God, fear of losing that approval will keep us running past every warning sign. When

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:06):
Welcome to another episode of Jubilee Life Coach's
blog.
In today's episode, Am IExploiting Myself?
I talk about the dangerous trapof treating your life like a
project to be managed instead ofa gift to be lived.
And why succeeding on theoutside often leaves us feeling

(00:28):
hollow on the inside.
Let's take a listen.
Am I exploiting myself?
Now those are the words of KimMi Yang, speaker, author, and
entrepreneur.
In a recent interview, a viewerhad written in, on the outside I
look fine, but inside I amfalling apart.

(00:50):
Work is okay, but the moment Icome home, it's like the power
goes off.
I'm hollow.
Every day I just get through iton duty.
Now does any of that soundfamiliar?
There is a version of ourselvesbuilt for the world, competent,
capable, productive.

(01:10):
Call it the functional self.
We invest in it heavily.
Then there is the self thatcomes home at night, the one we
leave in the corner to fend foritself.
Ed Weld in When People Are Bigand God is Small, published in
1997, traces this to a deeperroot.

(01:32):
When we hand the weight of ourworth to other people's
approval, those people quietlygrow larger than God in our
inner world, and we stop seeingourselves from the inside and
begin perpetually evaluatingourselves through external eyes.
The functional self is thestructure that fear builds.

(01:55):
Tim Keller makes a relatedobservation in Every Good
Endeavor, published in 2012.
Work and achievement aregenuinely good things, but the
moment they become the source ofour identity, they become idols.
Marshall Goldsmith adds in WhatGot You Here Won't Get You

(02:17):
There, published in 2007, thevery patterns that produced
success become, at a certainpoint, the greatest obstacles to
growth.
So Kim Mi Gang's hard-won wisdomis this some things cannot be
solved while running.
You have to stop and set themdown.

(02:40):
But stopping is terrifyingbecause the moment we stop
performing, the identity builton performance is suddenly
exposed.
The Westminster ShorterCatechism opens here.

(03:01):
And that is the original KPI,key performance indicator, the
measure by which you judgewhether you're succeeding.
And it was never issued by themarket, never earned by decades
of grinding.
When that KPI becomes the one welive by, everything begins to

(03:22):
shift.
Hebrews 4 9 and 10 says, So thenthere remains a Sabbath rest for
the people of God, for whoeverhas entered God's rest has also
rested from his works as God didfrom his.
You see, the rest of Hebrews 4is not about sleep or vacation,

(03:45):
it is about ceasing to proveyourself, because God has
already declared you in Christ.
Reformed theology has alwaysunderstood this rest as
fulfilled in Christ Himself.
He is our Sabbath.
We do not rest in order to beaccepted, we rest because we are

(04:06):
already accepted.
John Calvin wrote in the veryfirst lines of the Institutes
that nearly all wisdom consistsof two things, knowledge of God
and knowledge of ourselves, andthat these cannot be separated,
and self-knowledge that bypassesGod leads us back to the mirror
of other people's approval.

(04:28):
Only God knowledge gives us aplace to stand that does not
shake.
So Kim Mig shared something manypublic figures never said say
out loud.
At the height of her career, thespeaking, the staff, the
recognition, her inner world wasin collapse.

(04:49):
She decried it plainly.
I was carrying unhappiness intoevery working day.
In the depths of that season,she called her sister and said,
Onye Najom's Halyojo meaningsister, please help me to live.
It was a moment she stoppedholding the weight alone and let

(05:13):
someone see her.
That became the turning point.
Marcia Reynolds writes in Coachthe Person, not the problem,
published in 2020, that realchange rarely begins with
solving the presenting problem.
It begins when a person feelsgenuinely seen, not for what

(05:37):
they produce, but for who theyare.
Their one phone call openedexactly that space.
Psalm 34 says the Lord is nearto the brokenhearted and saves
the crushed in spirit.
So after that season, Kim Migangdescribes seeing the world

(05:59):
differently, not as a stage onwhich she must prove herself,
but as a constructed set whoserules no longer have to be
treated as ultimate.
The KPI changed from what can Iachieve to do I know who I am?
And am I living from that?

(06:20):
David Paulison of CCF observedthat the question of identity
can only be rightly answeredwhen we first know who God is.
Self-knowledge follows Godknowledge, not the other way
around.
So returning to Welch's insight,as long as other people's

(06:42):
approval feels larger than God,fear of losing that approval
will keep us running past everywarning sign.
When that fear loosens its grip,when the fear of the Lord takes
its proper place, we find thatwe can at last stop.

(07:03):
Well, that's it for today.
Thanks for joining us.
And I have some Jubilee Coach'squestions on my homepage,
jubileecoach.com under the liveblog section.
And um, yeah, I reallyappreciate your listening and
supporting this program.
Godspeed.