Is it better to stay singe?

Beginning in chapter 7, Paul enters a new phase. He opens with the phrase, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote" — meaning he is no longer raising his own concerns, but answering questions the Corinthians themselves sent him. We only have one side of the correspondence. But reading his replies, the shape of their questions begins to emerge. It seems some in the Corinthian church had concluded that the more spiritually mature a person is, the freer they should be from physical things — that a holier life meant keeping one's distance from marriage and marital intimacy.

In contemporary language, the question becomes: "Isn't singleness a holier state than marriage?" This question has recurred throughout church history. Roman Catholicism has long answered it in one direction through the institution of clerical celibacy. But Paul's answer is far more balanced, far more generous — and, in all honesty, far more consistent with the Gospel.

1부 · The Body Matters (vv. 1–7)

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:3–4 — NIV

These verses were striking in the ancient world. In Greco-Roman culture, women were largely regarded as property of their husbands. The very idea of granting wives equal standing in this domain was exceptional. Yet Paul says exactly that: the husband's body belongs to the wife, and the wife's body belongs to the husband. This is mutual accountability within the covenant of marriage. Tim Keller, in a 2005 leadership talk at Redeemer Presbyterian Church, described marital intimacy as a covenant renewal — a way of saying in physical terms, "I belong completely, totally, and exclusively to you." Paul is not embarrassed by the body. He treats it as a gift from God and an expression of the marriage covenant.

Paul then says: do not deprive one another — except by mutual agreement, for a limited season of prayer. And after that, come back together. Otherwise, Satan may find an opening through lack of self-control. (v. 5) This warning is not an encouragement toward asceticism. It is exactly the opposite. Paul is actively commending physical intimacy within marriage.

Then, in verse 7, Paul reveals his own heart. He wishes that everyone were as he is — that is, single. But he immediately adds: each person has their own gift from God, one kind or another. Calvin, in his commentary on 1 Corinthians (available at the Christian Classics Ethereal Library), identifies this as "a singular token of modesty" (Calvin, Commentary on 1 Corinthians, 7:7): Paul is endowed with the gift of continency but does not impose his own standard on others. To require celibacy of those who do not have that gift is to work against God's own design.

Reformed Note

The Council of Trent (1563) declared celibacy superior to marriage for those entering holy orders. The Reformers — Calvin above all — rejected this as an unwarranted hierarchy not found in Scripture. For Calvin, marriage is a legitimate calling and a God-given remedy, not a concession to weakness. Neither state is inherently closer to God. What matters is whether a person is living faithfully within the calling God has given them.

2부 ·  Singleness Is Not a Consolation Prize (vv. 8–9)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 — NIV

The phrase "it is better to marry than to burn with passion" is sometimes read as though marriage were a lesser option. But that is exactly the wrong reading. Paul's point is this: if God has given you the gift of marriage, use it. Forcing yourself into a celibacy you were never given is not a mark of holiness — it is a setup for failure. By the same logic, a church culture that regards single people as those who "haven't found someone yet" also conflicts with Paul's theology. Singleness is not second-class citizenship. It is also a gift from God.

Singleness is a gift from God. Marriage is a gift from God. Neither one saves you. Neither one defines you. What defines you is your union with Christ alone.

3부 · The Gospel Holds the Marriage (vv. 10–16)

From verse 10, Paul turns to those who are already married. And here he does something he does rarely — he explicitly appeals to the Lord's own teaching: do not divorce. This is not merely Paul's personal opinion. He grounds his instruction in what Jesus himself commanded, reflecting the teaching of Jesus found in Mark 10 and Matthew 5 and 19. In a world wher

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Welcome to Jubilee Coach, where we are free to live
and now we live to free.
I'm Coach Brian.
Today we're in 1 Corinthianschapter 7, and I want to open
with a question that I suspectsome of you have wondered about.
Maybe out loud, maybe just inyour head, and that is, is it

(00:26):
better to stay single?
Now if you've ever sat in achurch uh church service and
felt like the sermon assumedeveryone is married or married
with kids or trying to getmarried, this episode is for
you.
And if you are married andyou're wondering what Paul's

(00:47):
answer has to do with you, staywith me because what Paul says
here reshapes how every one ofus thinks about our bodies, our
relationships, and our calling.
A little background first.
Chapter 7 begins with thephrase, now concerning the

(01:08):
matters about which you wrote.
Now the Corinthians had sentPaul a letter with questions.
We don't have their letter, onlyPaul's reply, and it's like
hearing one side of a phonecall.
And one of their questions seemsto have been this, which is
should Christians perhaps avoidmarriage altogether?

(01:31):
Or at least avoid sex, evenwithin marriage?
Some in Corinth had concludedthat the more spiritual you are,
the less you need physicalthings.
And that included food inchapter 8, and it included sex
here.
So Apostle's answer is morenuanced and more gracious than

(01:55):
either extreme.
Verses 1 through 7.
The point is the body matters.
The apostle opens with astatement that sounds like he
agrees with the aesthetics.
It is good for a man not tomarry, verse 1.
But immediately, in the verynext breath, he turns it,

(02:17):
because sexual immorality is areal and present danger.
He says in verse 2, each manshould have his own wife, and
each woman her own husband.
And then he says something thatwould have been genuinely
surprising in the ancient world,surprising for both Greek

(02:38):
culture and Jewish culture.
Verses 3 and 4.
The husband should fulfill hismarital duty to his wife, and
likewise the wife to herhusband.
The wife does not have authorityover her own body, yet yields to
yields it to her husband.
In the same way, the husbanddoes not have authority over his

(02:59):
own body, but yields it to hiswife.
Now, did you catch that?
The apostle applies theprinciple equally in a world
where women were largely aproperty.
I'm not saying that it wasright, I'm just saying it was
that way.
The apostle says, withinmarriage, the body belongs to

(03:22):
both.
That's not a concession, that'sa revolution in the first
century.
Tim Keller, in a 2005 leadershiptalk at Redeemer Presbyterian
Church, put it this way.

(03:46):
It's a covenant renewal inphysical form.
So the apostle is notembarrassed by the body.
No, he says to not deprive eachother except by mutual agreement

(04:06):
and only for a season of prayer.
And then come back together,verse 5.
And then verses 7 through 9 saysthat singleness is a gift, not a
consolation prize.
The apostle says somethingunexpected in verse 7 that he
wishes everyone could be likehim.

(04:29):
Uh he was unmarried at the time.
Now we have to be careful here.
The apostle is not saying thatsingleness is a holier than
marriage, that he is notsuggesting that married people
are somehow second class.
No, what he's saying is thisthat singleness, when it comes

(04:51):
with the capacity to livefaithfully, is a gift, just as
much as marriage is a gift.
Neither is a consolation prize,neither is the default spiritual
status.
Calvin, in his commentary on 1Corinthians, put it plainly, and
the apostle does not requireothers to bind themselves to his

(05:15):
rule, but allows them thatremedy for infirmity which he
himself dispenses with.
For those who cannot exerciseself-control, Paul says, Marry.

(05:40):
It is better to marry than toburn with passion, verse 9.
And that line, better to marrythan to burn, is often read as
though marriage is a lessergood.
But that's not that's not whatthe passage is saying.
In fact, that is the opposite ofwhat the passage is saying.
The apostle is saying this, andthat is, God has given you the

(06:03):
gift of marriage, use it.
Don't hold yourself to astandard of celibacy that were
never meant for you.
Now, verses 10 through 16 saysthe gospel holds the marriage
together, and that's true of allrelationships.
So now the apostle turns tothose who are already married,

(06:27):
including those in what we mightcall mixed marriages, where one
spouse has become a Christianand the other has not.
And to the married, he echoesthe Lord's own teaching that is,
do not get a divorce.
Verses 10 and 11.
This is one of the rare momentsin his letters where Paul

(06:51):
explicitly appeals to the wordsof Jesus, pointing to what Jesus
taught about the permanence ofmarriage.
But then he addresses a questionthat must have been agonizing
for new converts in Corinth.
What if my spouse is not abeliever?
Should I leave?

(07:12):
And the apostle's answer isclear.
No, stay, stay within thatmarriage.
Why?
Verse 14.
For the unbelieving husband hasbeen sanctified through his
wife, and the unbelieving wifehas been sanctified through her
believing husband.
Now what's going on here?
The Bible is not saying theunbelieving spouse is

(07:36):
automatically saved.
No, the Bible is sayingsomething more subtle, and that
the presence of a believer in ahousehold brings that household
into contact with grace of God.
The children are not spirituallyoutside, they are in some sense
covered by the covenantcommunity through the believing

(07:59):
parent.
Just one of the two.
Now, if the unbelieving spousechooses to leave, then the
apostle says, Well, let them go.
God has called us to live inpeace, verse 15.
And then this remarkable verse,verse 16, how do you know, wife,
whether you will save yourhusband?

(08:21):
Or how do you know, husband,whether you will save your wife?
What the passage is saying isthat the gospel changes the
calculus of every relationship,and that you don't know what God
might do.
So, uh here is a thread runningthrough all of this.
Whether you are single ormarried, the apostle's deepest

(08:43):
assumption is that you identityyour identity is not defined by
your relationship status, it isdefined by your union with
Christ.
And that is why he can say withequal dignity, singleness is a
gift.
Marriage is a gift.
Neither one saves you, neitherone defines you.

(09:04):
Christ does.
And the Passover lamb has beensacrificed.
You are already holy, notbecause your marital status, but
because of whose you are.
And that frees you, whether youare single, married, widowed, or
in a complicated situation, tolive for something larger than

(09:25):
your own fulfillment.
So let me conclude with somequestions, coaching questions,
status.
How do you honestly feel aboutyour current relationship
status, married or single?
Is there a story you are tellingyourself about it that might
need to be revisited in light ofwhat the apostle is saying here?

(09:49):
Second, surrender.
In marriage or in singleness,where have you been holding
back, emotionally, physically,or spiritually, rather than
yielding as an act of love andcovenant?
What would it mean to surrenderthat place to God and to the
person that God has placed inyour life?

(10:12):
And lastly, sanctification.
The apostle says the believingspouse is an instrument of grace
in the home.
Who in your household, yourworkplace, or your closest
circle might be touched by thegrace that lives in you, not by
your words, but by yourpresence.

(10:34):
Well, this is it.
Um for the full writtenmeditation with study notes,
visit us at jubileecoach.com atthe life blog section.
And if this episode was helpful,please share it with someone who
needs it, who needs to hear thatGod's grace covers every season

(10:55):
of life.
This was Coach Brian.
We are free to live.
Now let us live to free.