February 17, 2025 • 19 mins
In this episode of 'Investor Evolution Elevate,' we explore the art of effective communication inspired by Charles Duhigg's book, 'Super Communicators.' We discuss how mastering communication can improve relationships, foster deeper connections, and lead to greater success. Discover the different types of communication—practical, emotional, and social—and learn how to align your conversations for better understanding. Implement the 'looping for understanding' technique and avoid common communication pitfalls to transform your interactions. Tune in for actionable tips and insights to elevate your life and conversations.
00:00 Introduction to Effective Communication
00:43 Welcome to Investor Evolution
01:57 Why Communication Matters
02:56 Three Types of Communication
07:57 Active Listening: Looping for Understanding
12:28 Aligning Your Emotional State
13:40 Common Communication Mistakes to Avoid
17:11 Homework: Practicing Looping for Understanding
18:13 Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts
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Disclaimer: I am not a CPA, attorney, insurance/real estate agent, contractor, lender, or financial advisor. The content in these videos shall not be construed as tax, legal, financial advice, or other and may be outdated or inaccurate; it is your responsibility to verify all information yourself. This is a podcast for entertainment purposes ONLY.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever walked away from aconversation feeling unheard,
misunderstood, or justcompletely drained?
What if I told you that the keyto better relationships,
stronger connections, and evengreater success lies in how we
communicate.
Today we're diving into the artof effective communication, what
(00:22):
to do, what to avoid, and onesimple technique that you can
start using today to helptransform the way you connect
with others.
This is inspired by CharlesDuhigg's book, Super
Communicators, and this episodewill help you level up your
conversations and make everyinteraction more impactful.
Let's get started.
(00:43):
Welcome to investor evolution,elevate the podcast, designed to
help busy professional womenlike you, rise higher in every
area of life.
Whether you're looking to createfinancial freedom, reclaim your
time, or find harmony whileyou're thriving in your career,
this show is for you.
Join me each week.
As we uncover strategies to growyour wealth, nurture your
(01:06):
personal development, andelevate your life to new
heights, so you can live withpurpose, joy, and confidence.
So, today's episode is broughtto you by the letter C for
communication, because this weekI had experienced some
miscommunication, somemisunderstanding that happened
(01:28):
and just got me thinking abouthow I can be a better
communicator to make sure thatI'm being heard, but also really
importantly, to make sure I'munderstanding where others are
coming from.
And I think this is somethingthat we can work on continuously
and continue to refine and honethose skills so that we foster
(01:51):
stronger relationships, deeperconnections and even success in
our careers.
Why communication matters.
Effective communication can helpstrengthen personal and
professional relationships.
Miscommunication often leads tofrustration, of course we've all
felt that, conflict, when we'refighting over things when we
(02:12):
actually agree because we justsaid it in different ways and
didn't actually communicateproperly.
But more importantly, missedopportunities because of that
miscommunication.
So what are we diving into thisepisode?
What do you get today?
We're going to talk about threethings that you can do for more
effective communication.
(02:33):
And this is all coming fromCharles Duhigg's book on super
communicators.
A great book, a great read.
I listened to it, so it was agreat listen.
Uh, I, I encourage you to checkit out.
And then we'll talk about threethings to avoid.
And lastly, I'll give you alittle bit of homework.
So a simple but powerful toolthat you can start using today.
(02:56):
Okay, let's talk about the threedifferent types of
communication.
When you're having aconversation, there isn't just
one type of conversation you'rehaving.
Under the surface, kind of inthe subconscious, there's three
different types of communicationand conversations that you're
(03:19):
actually having when you'rediscussing a topic.
And those three are practical,Emotional and social.
And we'll go over what each ofthese mean.
So when you're having aconversation, a practical
conversation, think of problemsolving.
What are we having for dinnertonight?
Where would you like to go forvacation?
(03:41):
What do we need to get to fromthe store?
Those are all practicalconversations and problem
solving.
Here's a question.
Here's what we need.
And we need to talk about, let'sfind the solutions Under the
emotional conversation, this iswhere you're seeking some sort
(04:04):
of support or empathy.
One of the most common types ofthis conversation that I think
we can all relate to is cominghome from work kind of
expressing our feelings on theday.
It could be good, it could bebad, you know, what went well at
work or what went wrong, what'sgoing on with your boss and all
those dynamics.
Now in this conversation, youmay just want to be heard.
(04:30):
You maybe don't want someone togive you practical advice and
tell you or help you solve theproblem.
You may not be ready for thatyet.
And so, when you're talking tosomeone, and they're listening,
and you're talking about theemotions of the day, and they're
offering you solutions, you guysare not communicating on the
(04:53):
same level.
This is why knowing thedifferent types of Communication
and conversations is veryimportant because you're talking
on the emotions, just lookingfor some support, looking for
some empathy, and your partnermay be trying to give you
solutions and there's amismatch, and then you may feel
(05:15):
even more frustrated because youfeel like, I'm not being heard,
I'm not being seen in thisconversation, and you may just
throw your hands up and walkaway.
So that is why it's veryimportant to understand this.
And then the third type ofcommunication or conversation is
social.
This is about learning aboutyour identity, learning about
(05:37):
your values.
It could have an emotionalcomponent to it, like
understanding where you grew,what was it like when you were
growing up?
What kind of things did youexperience, kind of
understanding who they are, whattheir world looks like.
So you can understand thingsfrom their perspective a little
bit.
Now as I said, the conversationmay flow through these different
(06:03):
types of conversations.
So let's say you come home fromwork and you're venting.
About the day you had, you know,you've had problems with your
boss for a while.
And it's kind of been an ongoingconversation with your
significant other.
And if you come home and you'reon the emotional level and they
don't match that, they're kindof on that problem solving
(06:25):
level, again, that's where thatcommunication mismatch is
happening.
But let's say you came home, Ohman, today was really rough.
My boss, uh, da, da, da, da, da.
This is what happened.
And your partner is like, Ohman, again, that's really
frustrating and allows you sometime to get through that
(06:47):
emotion.
Once, once you've done that andyou feel like you've been heard,
they might say, that soundsreally frustrating.
Do you want to talk more aboutit?
Or do we want to talk about somesolutions for this problem?
Now, you feel as though you'vebeen heard because your
(07:09):
significant other has listenedto you, they understand the
situation, and now they'reasking.
Not just changing theconversation, but asking if you
want to switch from an emotionalconversation to a practical
conversation.
And that might feel a lotbetter, because you may be
ready, like, yes, I would reallylove your advice, or nope.
(07:32):
I want to be right here.
I want to stay in, in, in thisemotional conversation or maybe
at another time.
I'm still really upset rightnow.
Let me think about it and thenwe'll come back and we'll have
that practical conversation.
So that's where that, thoseconversations can flow from one
type of conversation to another.
And it's important to understandthat so that you are on the
(07:55):
same, same wavelength, so tospeak.
Another thing that can beextremely important for
effective communication is It'sengaging in active listening.
And what Charles Duhigg writesin Super Communicators is this
idea of looping forunderstanding.
And I love this.
(08:15):
What this is doing is you arelistening to hear and understand
versus to just respond.
And this shows that you aretruly understanding and hearing
where the speaker is comingfrom.
Making sure you're understandingwhat they're saying.
(08:36):
One way you can do this is whensomeone is discussing a problem
or a situation, you can stop andsay, Okay, I want to take a
minute and just reflect backwhat I'm hearing to make sure I
understand where you're comingfrom.
What I heard you say was this.
And it sounds like this isfrustrating you because that.
(09:00):
And it gives the other person.
To hear how you're interpretingtheir situation, what they're
saying.
And they may say, that's exactlywhat I mean.
That's exactly how I'm feeling.
And then you know you're on thesame page.
What might also happen is theymay say, actually, no, that's
(09:26):
not how I really feel.
I didn't mean to portray it thatway.
Or, actually, That's wrong.
Here's how I'm really feeling.
And it gives them a chance totruly clarify their emotions,
how they're feeling, what'sgoing on from their perspective
to make sure that you are seeingit the same way they do.
(09:47):
And asking some open endedquestions of Maybe they're
telling you their story andyou're like, hold on, I need
some clarification.
What did you mean by this?
What I'm learning is when peoplesay certain things, I assume a
(10:07):
lot, and I assume I understandwhat they meant by that.
But what I'm finding is a lot ofthe times I'm not on the same
page, and my assumption of whatthey meant by that phrase or
that word is different.
than how I interpret it.
So asking some clarifyingquestions as they're telling you
(10:30):
their story and what they'regoing through can help you see
and understand from theirperspective, not yours.
Because unfortunately, we dobring our perspective into that
conversation, and we do need tobe mindful of that and adjust it
a little bit.
I had a situation this weekwhere I reached out to a friend
to say, Hey, I need some adviceon this situation.
(10:54):
And before I got into it, I gaveher a little detail in a text
message.
But when we got on the phone,the first thing she asked me
was, when you reached out, Iwant to make sure we're on the
same page.
Do you want me just to listen?
Or are you looking for somestrategic advice to move
forward?
(11:14):
And I loved that she did thatbecause then I could tell her
exactly what I needed.
I'm looking for some strategyand some advice in this
situation, and that's why Ireached out to you.
Now, before we even start, we'realready on the same page.
And it was a really greatconversation.
And we had, I had a lot ofclarity coming out of that.
And I think because A lot ofthat was because we started on
(11:39):
the same page when we were goingthrough, if we were becoming out
of sync, she asked questions tohelp keep us on the same page
and move through thatconversation.
So that was a great example ofthat looping for understanding,
making sure she understood whereI was coming from and what I was
needing in order to reflect backto me those things.
(12:03):
I find this so powerful in somany situations.
Communication is key ineverything that we do.
And so it's very important forus to make sure that We are
looping for understanding sothat we're all on the same page
and we're not unintentionallyfrustrating others.
(12:26):
So I think that's veryimportant.
So the third thing that can helpwith communication is aligning
your emotional state.
When we're in sync emotionally,it feels so much better, right?
People respond better when theyfeel emotionally in sync with
you.
Using your tone and your bodylanguage to match where the
(12:48):
other person is can actuallyhelp create good rapport.
So let's say someone is sharingexciting news and they're like,
Oh my gosh, I can't believe thishappened.
Let me share this with you.
And if you were like, Oh, thatsounds great.
Like clearly they're going to bedeflated and.
It's just not going to feelgood.
(13:10):
But if they're sharing that newsand you're like, Oh my goodness,
that sounds so amazing.
Tell me more.
I can't wait to hear it.
Just it flows so much better.
And we all know thatintuitively, but actually
thinking about that and creatingthat environment when we have
conversations where emotionalalignment will actually
strengthen our connection andour impact is really important.
(13:33):
So that's the biggest takeaway,that emotional alignment
strengthens connections and ourimpact.
Now let's talk about threecommunication mistakes that we
want to make sure we'reavoiding.
It kind of goes in alignmentwith what we talked about
already.
Number one, misreading theconversation type.
As we talked about earlier withthose different types of
(13:56):
conversations, practical,emotional and social, if you're
not on the same wavelength,there's going to be some
miscommunication.
If someone is seeking emotionalsupport, don't just respond with
solutions.
For example, a friend is ventingabout work stress, and you're
not really listening and youjust offer some advice of maybe
(14:16):
you should just quit.
That obviously is not helpfuland clearly misaligned.
The way you can go about thatfrom making that mistake to
creating a better situation isasking, are you looking for
advice or are you just lookingto vent?
And that's a great way toclarify what type of
(14:38):
conversation you're having andwhere you need to go next.
Number two, neglecting theemotional layer.
Have you ever been in aconversation and you're like,
clearly their body language,their tone isn't matching their
words, right?
The feelings behind the wordsare misaligned and you can tell,
(15:04):
but.
You just kind of power throughit because you're like, I don't
want to talk about that.
Ignoring those cues isdetrimental to the connection.
Here's a good example whenyou're.
Kids are really upset and yousay calm down.
Does that help anything?
No.
But if you say, I can see you'rereally frustrated right now.
(15:26):
How can I help?
Then you're acknowledging theiremotions are real and there, and
then you're asking, what can youdo in that situation?
How can you help?
Validating those emotions.
Before you're offering solutionscan help people feel seen.
And that helps with yourcommunication.
(15:49):
Another thing to avoid numberthree is dominating the
conversation.
A conversation should go bothways.
So if you're always waiting torespond, instead of truly
listening.
It's time to pause.
If you're just waiting for themto, to pause so that you can get
your words in, you're notactually having a conversation.
You're talking at each other.
(16:10):
And if you can slow down andafter they're done talking, you
can ask an open ended questionthat helps the other person feel
heard.
One of the things I've noticedwith my Zooms that I do is when
they're recording, It shows uphow much I'm talking and how
(16:32):
much of the conversation I havehad.
And I try to make sure that I amless than 50 percent of the
conversation.
I find that I'm actually verygood at continuing to ask them
questions and to get moreinformation out of them.
Sometimes that means I don'ttalk a lot about myself.
In a way, I think I need to finda better balance, to be honest,
(16:55):
because sometimes they're like,I don't know anything about you,
you didn't even talk.
And I'm like, oh, it's okay, Ilearned so much about you, you
know?
But there does need to be thatbalance of that reciprocation of
your conversation.
Because that's where thatconnection is formed.
Okay.
And the last thing we're goingto talk about today is your
homework.
Yes, I'm giving you homework.
(17:17):
What I want you to do ispractice that looping for
understanding technique.
So how does it work?
Let's recap it.
Next time you're in aconversation, I want you to
reflect back or repeat back whatyou hear before you respond to
them.
And you can say, what I heardyou say was da, da, da, da, da.
And then before you respond,ask, did I get that right?
(17:42):
And I want you to start watchinghow this shifts your
conversation dynamic.
Does it help improvecommunication?
Does it help you feel likeyou're more in sync with the
other person?
Does it help deepenrelationships?
I think it will, and I thinkyou'll be pleasantly surprised
by how this works.
So why does this matter?
(18:02):
Again, it creates clarity, itreduces misunderstandings, and
it helps strengthen Truerelationships where you truly
feel connected with the otherperson.
All right, so key takeaways.
Let's recap what we heard.
We talked about the differentcommunication styles and you
want to make sure you're workingto match that communication
(18:24):
style.
and the conversation type.
You want to use that activelistening and emotional
alignment.
And, of course, we want to avoidcommon mistakes, like problem
solving, when all the otherperson was looking for was a
supportive ear to listen tothem.
All right, final thought for theday.
Great communication isn't aboutsaying more.
(18:46):
It's about being understood.
Start practicing these simpleshifts and watch how your
conversations transform.
Again, try this loop forunderstanding technique this
week and share your experience.
And as always, if you foundvalue here, please like,
subscribe, and share thisepisode if this resonated with
(19:07):
you.
All right, until next week.
Have you ever walked away from aconversation feeling unheard,
misunderstood, or justcompletely drained?
What if I told you that the keyto better relationships,
stronger connections, and evengreater success lies in how we
communicate.
Today we're diving into the artof effective communication, what
(00:22):
to do, what to avoid, and onesimple technique that you can
start using today to helptransform the way you connect
with others.
This is inspired by CharlesDuhigg's book, Super
Communicators, and this episodewill help you level up your
conversations and make everyinteraction more impactful.
Let's get started.
(00:43):
Welcome to investor evolution,elevate the podcast, designed to
help busy professional womenlike you, rise higher in every
area of life.
Whether you're looking to createfinancial freedom, reclaim your
time, or find harmony whileyou're thriving in your career,
this show is for you.
Join me each week.
As we uncover strategies to growyour wealth, nurture your
(01:06):
personal development, andelevate your life to new
heights, so you can live withpurpose, joy, and confidence.
So, today's episode is broughtto you by the letter C for
communication, because this weekI had experienced some
miscommunication, somemisunderstanding that happened
(01:28):
and just got me thinking abouthow I can be a better
communicator to make sure thatI'm being heard, but also really
importantly, to make sure I'munderstanding where others are
coming from.
And I think this is somethingthat we can work on continuously
and continue to refine and honethose skills so that we foster
(01:51):
stronger relationships, deeperconnections and even success in
our careers.
Why communication matters.
Effective communication can helpstrengthen personal and
professional relationships.
Miscommunication often leads tofrustration, of course we've all
felt that, conflict, when we'refighting over things when we
(02:12):
actually agree because we justsaid it in different ways and
didn't actually communicateproperly.
But more importantly, missedopportunities because of that
miscommunication.
So what are we diving into thisepisode?
What do you get today?
We're going to talk about threethings that you can do for more
effective communication.
(02:33):
And this is all coming fromCharles Duhigg's book on super
communicators.
A great book, a great read.
I listened to it, so it was agreat listen.
Uh, I, I encourage you to checkit out.
And then we'll talk about threethings to avoid.
And lastly, I'll give you alittle bit of homework.
So a simple but powerful toolthat you can start using today.
(02:56):
Okay, let's talk about the threedifferent types of
communication.
When you're having aconversation, there isn't just
one type of conversation you'rehaving.
Under the surface, kind of inthe subconscious, there's three
different types of communicationand conversations that you're
(03:19):
actually having when you'rediscussing a topic.
And those three are practical,Emotional and social.
And we'll go over what each ofthese mean.
So when you're having aconversation, a practical
conversation, think of problemsolving.
What are we having for dinnertonight?
Where would you like to go forvacation?
(03:41):
What do we need to get to fromthe store?
Those are all practicalconversations and problem
solving.
Here's a question.
Here's what we need.
And we need to talk about, let'sfind the solutions Under the
emotional conversation, this iswhere you're seeking some sort
(04:04):
of support or empathy.
One of the most common types ofthis conversation that I think
we can all relate to is cominghome from work kind of
expressing our feelings on theday.
It could be good, it could bebad, you know, what went well at
work or what went wrong, what'sgoing on with your boss and all
those dynamics.
Now in this conversation, youmay just want to be heard.
(04:30):
You maybe don't want someone togive you practical advice and
tell you or help you solve theproblem.
You may not be ready for thatyet.
And so, when you're talking tosomeone, and they're listening,
and you're talking about theemotions of the day, and they're
offering you solutions, you guysare not communicating on the
(04:53):
same level.
This is why knowing thedifferent types of Communication
and conversations is veryimportant because you're talking
on the emotions, just lookingfor some support, looking for
some empathy, and your partnermay be trying to give you
solutions and there's amismatch, and then you may feel
(05:15):
even more frustrated because youfeel like, I'm not being heard,
I'm not being seen in thisconversation, and you may just
throw your hands up and walkaway.
So that is why it's veryimportant to understand this.
And then the third type ofcommunication or conversation is
social.
This is about learning aboutyour identity, learning about
(05:37):
your values.
It could have an emotionalcomponent to it, like
understanding where you grew,what was it like when you were
growing up?
What kind of things did youexperience, kind of
understanding who they are, whattheir world looks like.
So you can understand thingsfrom their perspective a little
bit.
Now as I said, the conversationmay flow through these different
(06:03):
types of conversations.
So let's say you come home fromwork and you're venting.
About the day you had, you know,you've had problems with your
boss for a while.
And it's kind of been an ongoingconversation with your
significant other.
And if you come home and you'reon the emotional level and they
don't match that, they're kindof on that problem solving
(06:25):
level, again, that's where thatcommunication mismatch is
happening.
But let's say you came home, Ohman, today was really rough.
My boss, uh, da, da, da, da, da.
This is what happened.
And your partner is like, Ohman, again, that's really
frustrating and allows you sometime to get through that
(06:47):
emotion.
Once, once you've done that andyou feel like you've been heard,
they might say, that soundsreally frustrating.
Do you want to talk more aboutit?
Or do we want to talk about somesolutions for this problem?
Now, you feel as though you'vebeen heard because your
(07:09):
significant other has listenedto you, they understand the
situation, and now they'reasking.
Not just changing theconversation, but asking if you
want to switch from an emotionalconversation to a practical
conversation.
And that might feel a lotbetter, because you may be
ready, like, yes, I would reallylove your advice, or nope.
(07:32):
I want to be right here.
I want to stay in, in, in thisemotional conversation or maybe
at another time.
I'm still really upset rightnow.
Let me think about it and thenwe'll come back and we'll have
that practical conversation.
So that's where that, thoseconversations can flow from one
type of conversation to another.
And it's important to understandthat so that you are on the
(07:55):
same, same wavelength, so tospeak.
Another thing that can beextremely important for
effective communication is It'sengaging in active listening.
And what Charles Duhigg writesin Super Communicators is this
idea of looping forunderstanding.
And I love this.
(08:15):
What this is doing is you arelistening to hear and understand
versus to just respond.
And this shows that you aretruly understanding and hearing
where the speaker is comingfrom.
Making sure you're understandingwhat they're saying.
(08:36):
One way you can do this is whensomeone is discussing a problem
or a situation, you can stop andsay, Okay, I want to take a
minute and just reflect backwhat I'm hearing to make sure I
understand where you're comingfrom.
What I heard you say was this.
And it sounds like this isfrustrating you because that.
(09:00):
And it gives the other person.
To hear how you're interpretingtheir situation, what they're
saying.
And they may say, that's exactlywhat I mean.
That's exactly how I'm feeling.
And then you know you're on thesame page.
What might also happen is theymay say, actually, no, that's
(09:26):
not how I really feel.
I didn't mean to portray it thatway.
Or, actually, That's wrong.
Here's how I'm really feeling.
And it gives them a chance totruly clarify their emotions,
how they're feeling, what'sgoing on from their perspective
to make sure that you are seeingit the same way they do.
(09:47):
And asking some open endedquestions of Maybe they're
telling you their story andyou're like, hold on, I need
some clarification.
What did you mean by this?
What I'm learning is when peoplesay certain things, I assume a
(10:07):
lot, and I assume I understandwhat they meant by that.
But what I'm finding is a lot ofthe times I'm not on the same
page, and my assumption of whatthey meant by that phrase or
that word is different.
than how I interpret it.
So asking some clarifyingquestions as they're telling you
(10:30):
their story and what they'regoing through can help you see
and understand from theirperspective, not yours.
Because unfortunately, we dobring our perspective into that
conversation, and we do need tobe mindful of that and adjust it
a little bit.
I had a situation this weekwhere I reached out to a friend
to say, Hey, I need some adviceon this situation.
(10:54):
And before I got into it, I gaveher a little detail in a text
message.
But when we got on the phone,the first thing she asked me
was, when you reached out, Iwant to make sure we're on the
same page.
Do you want me just to listen?
Or are you looking for somestrategic advice to move
forward?
(11:14):
And I loved that she did thatbecause then I could tell her
exactly what I needed.
I'm looking for some strategyand some advice in this
situation, and that's why Ireached out to you.
Now, before we even start, we'realready on the same page.
And it was a really greatconversation.
And we had, I had a lot ofclarity coming out of that.
And I think because A lot ofthat was because we started on
(11:39):
the same page when we were goingthrough, if we were becoming out
of sync, she asked questions tohelp keep us on the same page
and move through thatconversation.
So that was a great example ofthat looping for understanding,
making sure she understood whereI was coming from and what I was
needing in order to reflect backto me those things.
(12:03):
I find this so powerful in somany situations.
Communication is key ineverything that we do.
And so it's very important forus to make sure that We are
looping for understanding sothat we're all on the same page
and we're not unintentionallyfrustrating others.
(12:26):
So I think that's veryimportant.
So the third thing that can helpwith communication is aligning
your emotional state.
When we're in sync emotionally,it feels so much better, right?
People respond better when theyfeel emotionally in sync with
you.
Using your tone and your bodylanguage to match where the
(12:48):
other person is can actuallyhelp create good rapport.
So let's say someone is sharingexciting news and they're like,
Oh my gosh, I can't believe thishappened.
Let me share this with you.
And if you were like, Oh, thatsounds great.
Like clearly they're going to bedeflated and.
It's just not going to feelgood.
(13:10):
But if they're sharing that newsand you're like, Oh my goodness,
that sounds so amazing.
Tell me more.
I can't wait to hear it.
Just it flows so much better.
And we all know thatintuitively, but actually
thinking about that and creatingthat environment when we have
conversations where emotionalalignment will actually
strengthen our connection andour impact is really important.
(13:33):
So that's the biggest takeaway,that emotional alignment
strengthens connections and ourimpact.
Now let's talk about threecommunication mistakes that we
want to make sure we'reavoiding.
It kind of goes in alignmentwith what we talked about
already.
Number one, misreading theconversation type.
As we talked about earlier withthose different types of
(13:56):
conversations, practical,emotional and social, if you're
not on the same wavelength,there's going to be some
miscommunication.
If someone is seeking emotionalsupport, don't just respond with
solutions.
For example, a friend is ventingabout work stress, and you're
not really listening and youjust offer some advice of maybe
(14:16):
you should just quit.
That obviously is not helpfuland clearly misaligned.
The way you can go about thatfrom making that mistake to
creating a better situation isasking, are you looking for
advice or are you just lookingto vent?
And that's a great way toclarify what type of
(14:38):
conversation you're having andwhere you need to go next.
Number two, neglecting theemotional layer.
Have you ever been in aconversation and you're like,
clearly their body language,their tone isn't matching their
words, right?
The feelings behind the wordsare misaligned and you can tell,
(15:04):
but.
You just kind of power throughit because you're like, I don't
want to talk about that.
Ignoring those cues isdetrimental to the connection.
Here's a good example whenyou're.
Kids are really upset and yousay calm down.
Does that help anything?
No.
But if you say, I can see you'rereally frustrated right now.
(15:26):
How can I help?
Then you're acknowledging theiremotions are real and there, and
then you're asking, what can youdo in that situation?
How can you help?
Validating those emotions.
Before you're offering solutionscan help people feel seen.
And that helps with yourcommunication.
(15:49):
Another thing to avoid numberthree is dominating the
conversation.
A conversation should go bothways.
So if you're always waiting torespond, instead of truly
listening.
It's time to pause.
If you're just waiting for themto, to pause so that you can get
your words in, you're notactually having a conversation.
You're talking at each other.
(16:10):
And if you can slow down andafter they're done talking, you
can ask an open ended questionthat helps the other person feel
heard.
One of the things I've noticedwith my Zooms that I do is when
they're recording, It shows uphow much I'm talking and how
(16:32):
much of the conversation I havehad.
And I try to make sure that I amless than 50 percent of the
conversation.
I find that I'm actually verygood at continuing to ask them
questions and to get moreinformation out of them.
Sometimes that means I don'ttalk a lot about myself.
In a way, I think I need to finda better balance, to be honest,
(16:55):
because sometimes they're like,I don't know anything about you,
you didn't even talk.
And I'm like, oh, it's okay, Ilearned so much about you, you
know?
But there does need to be thatbalance of that reciprocation of
your conversation.
Because that's where thatconnection is formed.
Okay.
And the last thing we're goingto talk about today is your
homework.
Yes, I'm giving you homework.
(17:17):
What I want you to do ispractice that looping for
understanding technique.
So how does it work?
Let's recap it.
Next time you're in aconversation, I want you to
reflect back or repeat back whatyou hear before you respond to
them.
And you can say, what I heardyou say was da, da, da, da, da.
And then before you respond,ask, did I get that right?
(17:42):
And I want you to start watchinghow this shifts your
conversation dynamic.
Does it help improvecommunication?
Does it help you feel likeyou're more in sync with the
other person?
Does it help deepenrelationships?
I think it will, and I thinkyou'll be pleasantly surprised
by how this works.
So why does this matter?
(18:02):
Again, it creates clarity, itreduces misunderstandings, and
it helps strengthen Truerelationships where you truly
feel connected with the otherperson.
All right, so key takeaways.
Let's recap what we heard.
We talked about the differentcommunication styles and you
want to make sure you're workingto match that communication
(18:24):
style.
and the conversation type.
You want to use that activelistening and emotional
alignment.
And, of course, we want to avoidcommon mistakes, like problem
solving, when all the otherperson was looking for was a
supportive ear to listen tothem.
All right, final thought for theday.
Great communication isn't aboutsaying more.
(18:46):
It's about being understood.
Start practicing these simpleshifts and watch how your
conversations transform.
Again, try this loop forunderstanding technique this
week and share your experience.
And as always, if you foundvalue here, please like,
subscribe, and share thisepisode if this resonated with
(19:07):
you.
All right, until next week.
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