May 26, 2025 • 13 mins
In this episode, we delve into the profound question, 'What do you really want?' Some people know from a young age, while others need to embark on a personal journey of self discovery. Use questions for self discovery to help you with career development and self development. If you've ever felt unsure about your path in life, this discussion is for you. We'll explore why it's challenging to identify our true desires, the impact of external expectations, and how fear and perfectionism cloud our clarity. Learn practical steps to uncover what energizes you and aligns with your authentic self. From journaling to meditation and quiet reflection, we'll guide you through a process of self-discovery. Join us as we navigate through acknowledging limiting beliefs, exploring curiosities, and taking small steps toward a more fulfilling life. Grab a journal and let's uncover your true desires together.
00:00 Introduction: The Quest for Clarity
01:29 Understanding the Struggle
03:08 The Art of Self-Questioning
04:24 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
05:54 Practical Steps to Discovering Your Desires
08:24 Four Strategies for Gaining Clarity
11:32 Recap and Encouragement
12:53 Final Thoughts and Action Steps
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Disclaimer: I am not a CPA, attorney, insurance/real estate agent, contractor, lender, or financial advisor. The content in these videos shall not be construed as tax, legal, financial advice, or other and may be outdated or inaccurate; it is your responsibility to verify all information yourself. This is a podcast for entertainment purposes ONLY.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey everyone, and welcome tothis episode where we're gonna
talk about what do you reallywant?
Now, some people are bornknowing exactly what they want.
My brother knew from thebeginning that he was gonna be
an engineer.
Legos to him were just a naturalextension of his ability to
(00:24):
create and put together andfigure out how things work.
And for him, the career, thelifestyle, the goals, they were
clear from day one.
And then there was me.
I had no idea what I wanted todo with my life.
And some days I still feel likethat.
For me, it wasn't that simple.
(00:45):
I didn't really know what Iliked, what I didn't like, what
I wanted, what I didn't want,mainly because I never took the
time to stop and ask myself,what do you want?
I did what was expected and Idid what I should do.
And so today we're gonna talkabout this because for the rest
(01:07):
of us who are like me, it's notthat simple.
We don't just know.
And if that's you, I want you toknow there's nothing wrong with
you.
It's okay.
We're gonna figure out how to dothis together.
The only wrong move that we canmake is never asking ourselves
(01:27):
that question, what do I want?
Let's talk about why we struggleto know what we want.
If you're like me, you've beenconditioned to ask, what's
expected of me?
What should I do?
What's important?
Not what I want, or what lightsme up?
What makes me feel alive?
(01:48):
What could I do that would makeme feel energized?
I didn't ask myself thosequestions at all growing up or
until my forties.
We have made a lot of lifechoices based on external
validation, what's expected andnot what we desire internally.
(02:11):
Fear, perfectionism, peoplepleasing, definitely clouded my
clarity.
What about you?
Is that what seemed to hold youback a little bit too?
You may not know what you wantbecause you've never been given
permission to truly askyourself.
Now, I want to stop right thereand say you don't need
(02:33):
permission.
You can do this on your own, itcan be very difficult to feel
like it's okay to stop and askmyself these questions.
I don't know about you.
For me, when I started to askmyself these questions, all of
these thoughts about this isselfish.
You know, you, you know what'sexpected of you, just keep going
(02:55):
on that path.
There was a lot of negativeself-talk that I had to deal
with in order to explore thisquestion, what do I really want?
So what I want you to do is.
If you're in this category, ifyou're like me and hundreds of
(03:17):
millions of other people who arelike, I just don't really know
what I want to do, first of all,you've gotta ask yourself this
question, and I want you tounderstand that the answer may
not come quickly.
It may not be obvious, andthat's okay.
There's nothing wrong with you.
(03:38):
Just keep going.
So start with saying thisquestion out loud.
What do I want?
Not what should I want, or whatdo people expect of me, but what
do I want?
And be okay with not having ananswer right away.
And I would assume for most ofus, that answer doesn't come at
(04:01):
all because we've never reallytaken the time to truly ask
ourselves, what do we want?
And so our brain has a hard timeanswering that question.
'cause we don't know.
'cause we've never asked thisquestion before.
As you ask yourself thisquestion, what's really going to
happen is the art of listening.
(04:24):
And just sitting with thatquestion, what comes up, there's
probably going to be a lot oflimiting beliefs that come up,
so I want to encourage you tojournal, maybe do voice notes,
ways that you can explore thesethoughts that come up and figure
(04:45):
out how to work with them or setthem aside, for example.
If I ask myself that question ofwhat do I want, one of the
thoughts that comes up is itdoesn't really matter.
You just, just keep doing whatyou're doing.
And what I'm gonna encourage youto do is take that next thought
(05:07):
that comes up, especially ifit's a negative thought, and
dissect it.
Start asking yourself questionsabout it.
Is that true?
Does it matter?
Does it not matter?
What if I explore this and whatcould that mean for me?
Start asking yourself questions,especially when you have those
(05:28):
negative thoughts to come upwith why you have those.
Is it true?
Is it always true?
Is it sometimes true?
What?
What would make the oppositetrue?
And write those things down.
Because then you can starttaking those negative beliefs,
those limiting beliefs, andstart turning them into positive
(05:51):
beliefs and positive reflectionsmoving forward.
Now the other thing that mightbe helpful is doing some
meditation.
Maybe it's just five minutes aday and just sitting with a
notebook nearby and thinking.
What do I want?
And, and see what comes up.
Write down those negativethoughts.
Write down those thoughts thatpop into your head that you're
(06:14):
like, whoa, where did that comefrom?
And start exploring it.
Maybe going for a walk withoutany music or a book.
Something that you know, younormally you would do.
I always run listening to abook, so being able to do that
without something distracting mea lot of times, that's where
some of those thoughts will comein.
(06:36):
In those times, the shower isdefinitely a big one.
Um, where people get ideas andthings just hit you differently
because your mind isn't focusedon anything in particular.
You're just going through themotions.
And that's sometimes where itcomes up with the best ideas.
Am I right?
Have you been in the shower andhad like the best idea?
(06:57):
So that might be helpful, butyou need those quiet moments
where you can really tune in toyourself and start listening.
So ask that question.
What do I want?
Sit with it.
Be curious.
Ask it again.
Keep asking it until you startfinding those answers.
(07:18):
It may be one thing, it may be awhole bunch of things, but keep
asking.
I'm gonna tell you, in the lastcouple months I have done this
and it took me several weeksbefore.
I really got clarity on answers,but I just kept asking, what do
(07:39):
I want?
What do I want to do?
If it didn't matter, if I had tomake money, what would I want to
do?
What do I want?
What are the things that I loveto do?
That was the other thing thatreally.
Helped me figure out what I wantis I just wrote down what do I
love?
What are the things that I love?
(07:59):
I love coffee.
I love books.
I love traveling.
I love journaling.
I love talking to people.
I love my podcasts.
You know, just start writingdown the things that you love,
that you, that you like to do.
You want to do that if didn'tmatter, if you made money doing
it or not, you could do what arethose things?
(08:19):
Start asking yourself and keepasking that question until you
get clarity.
So the next thing I want to talkabout is you may go through this
process.
I've, I've done this.
This is what I've been workingon and working through is.
You may get some of theseanswers, but you're still not
really sure.
(08:40):
So I'm gonna give you fourthings that you can try to see
if we can get more clarityaround this topic.
Number one, ask yourself what Idon't want to do, what do I not
want to do?
What drains you?
What no longer fits?
What are you doing currently?
That you hate doing and you wishyou could stop it.
(09:03):
What are those things?
Write down the things that pullenergy from you, that take
energy away that you hate doing.
Write those things down.
What do you not want?
And then number two, this one's,this one's kind of interesting.
Pay attention to jealousy.
Who or what makes you say, oh, Iwish I could do that.
(09:26):
When jealousy rises up in us,it's, it's because of a longing.
It's because it's something thatwe want and because we don't
have it yet.
Then that feeling of jealousyarises.
So pay attention to yourfeelings, your thoughts, your
emotions, your intuition.
(09:48):
When you're, you see otherpeople doing things, you're
like, man, I really wish I coulddo that.
If you say that to yourself, itmight be something that you
really want.
Maybe what they're doingspecifically isn't exactly it.
Maybe, maybe it's speaking onstages you don't want to speak
about.
Startup companies, but maybe youwant to be a motivational
(10:09):
speaker.
Maybe that's something that youwant, and there's a pull to
that.
Maybe you see someone makingincredible art and you think,
man, back in college I used tolove to draw and paint and I was
so good at it.
You know, I, I wish I could dothat more.
Those are things that you wantto start paying attention to,
(10:31):
what your heart pulls youtowards.
Okay.
Number three, think about whatenergizes you.
What are you doing, or when doyou feel like you are most
yourself?
When do you feel like I could dothis for hours, I could do this
forever and be so thankful thatI get to keep doing that.
(10:51):
What are those things in yourlife?
And then the fourth thing I wantyou to try is to experiment.
Try small things.
If there's something that comesup, say yes to that curiosity
and see where it takes you.
Every step will reveal more.
If you start down that path oryou start thinking about things
(11:13):
and you realize, oh no, I don'tactually really want to do that.
It might give you insight intowhat you really do want to do.
Sometimes those, trials anderrors, and that failing forward
really will move you to theright path that you're meant to
be on.
So let's recap that.
(11:33):
Start with what you don't want.
What drains you, what no longerfits?
Pay attention to jealousy.
What or who makes you say, oh, Iwish I could do that.
Notice what energizes you.
When do you feel the most likeyourself?
And experiment.
Try small things.
Say yes to curiosity.
Every step reveals more.
(11:55):
Clarity rarely comes all atonce.
It unfolds like a flowerblooming.
It unfolds when we take steps,even small steps towards what
feels like alignment.
What are we aligned to and whatare we moving towards?
That clarity will start to openup.
(12:15):
So I know this is an interestingone, but I really want you to
explore this, if you haven'texplored this before, it can be
really powerful.
You don't have to have it allfigured out, but don't stop
asking that question, what do Iwant?
Because the more you ask, themore what you'll remember and
(12:39):
see who you truly are and themore aligned your life will
become.
So keep asking, keep listening.
Your desires are alreadyspeaking.
You just have to get quietenough to hear them.
So as we wrap up, y'all know itwouldn't be me without a little
action step and some homework,so I want you to get a journal.
(13:03):
Get your voice notes out and Iwant you to ask that question,
what do I want?
Write it down and sit with iteach day.
It doesn't have to be a lot.
Five minutes.
Do it in the shower.
You're gonna be in the showeranyway, so do it in the shower.
What do I want?
As you're washing your hair andthinking about it.
Things may come up.
All right, everyone.
Share this episode with a friendwho's searching too, because
(13:26):
there is a lot of us out therewho are still trying to figure
out what we want to be when wegrow up.
So share this episode and ifthis resonated with you, please
hit subscribe and let's keepgrowing together.
Alright, friends, until nexttime.
Hey everyone, and welcome tothis episode where we're gonna
talk about what do you reallywant?
Now, some people are bornknowing exactly what they want.
My brother knew from thebeginning that he was gonna be
an engineer.
Legos to him were just a naturalextension of his ability to
(00:24):
create and put together andfigure out how things work.
And for him, the career, thelifestyle, the goals, they were
clear from day one.
And then there was me.
I had no idea what I wanted todo with my life.
And some days I still feel likethat.
For me, it wasn't that simple.
(00:45):
I didn't really know what Iliked, what I didn't like, what
I wanted, what I didn't want,mainly because I never took the
time to stop and ask myself,what do you want?
I did what was expected and Idid what I should do.
And so today we're gonna talkabout this because for the rest
(01:07):
of us who are like me, it's notthat simple.
We don't just know.
And if that's you, I want you toknow there's nothing wrong with
you.
It's okay.
We're gonna figure out how to dothis together.
The only wrong move that we canmake is never asking ourselves
(01:27):
that question, what do I want?
Let's talk about why we struggleto know what we want.
If you're like me, you've beenconditioned to ask, what's
expected of me?
What should I do?
What's important?
Not what I want, or what lightsme up?
What makes me feel alive?
(01:48):
What could I do that would makeme feel energized?
I didn't ask myself thosequestions at all growing up or
until my forties.
We have made a lot of lifechoices based on external
validation, what's expected andnot what we desire internally.
(02:11):
Fear, perfectionism, peoplepleasing, definitely clouded my
clarity.
What about you?
Is that what seemed to hold youback a little bit too?
You may not know what you wantbecause you've never been given
permission to truly askyourself.
Now, I want to stop right thereand say you don't need
(02:33):
permission.
You can do this on your own, itcan be very difficult to feel
like it's okay to stop and askmyself these questions.
I don't know about you.
For me, when I started to askmyself these questions, all of
these thoughts about this isselfish.
You know, you, you know what'sexpected of you, just keep going
(02:55):
on that path.
There was a lot of negativeself-talk that I had to deal
with in order to explore thisquestion, what do I really want?
So what I want you to do is.
If you're in this category, ifyou're like me and hundreds of
(03:17):
millions of other people who arelike, I just don't really know
what I want to do, first of all,you've gotta ask yourself this
question, and I want you tounderstand that the answer may
not come quickly.
It may not be obvious, andthat's okay.
There's nothing wrong with you.
(03:38):
Just keep going.
So start with saying thisquestion out loud.
What do I want?
Not what should I want, or whatdo people expect of me, but what
do I want?
And be okay with not having ananswer right away.
And I would assume for most ofus, that answer doesn't come at
(04:01):
all because we've never reallytaken the time to truly ask
ourselves, what do we want?
And so our brain has a hard timeanswering that question.
'cause we don't know.
'cause we've never asked thisquestion before.
As you ask yourself thisquestion, what's really going to
happen is the art of listening.
(04:24):
And just sitting with thatquestion, what comes up, there's
probably going to be a lot oflimiting beliefs that come up,
so I want to encourage you tojournal, maybe do voice notes,
ways that you can explore thesethoughts that come up and figure
(04:45):
out how to work with them or setthem aside, for example.
If I ask myself that question ofwhat do I want, one of the
thoughts that comes up is itdoesn't really matter.
You just, just keep doing whatyou're doing.
And what I'm gonna encourage youto do is take that next thought
(05:07):
that comes up, especially ifit's a negative thought, and
dissect it.
Start asking yourself questionsabout it.
Is that true?
Does it matter?
Does it not matter?
What if I explore this and whatcould that mean for me?
Start asking yourself questions,especially when you have those
(05:28):
negative thoughts to come upwith why you have those.
Is it true?
Is it always true?
Is it sometimes true?
What?
What would make the oppositetrue?
And write those things down.
Because then you can starttaking those negative beliefs,
those limiting beliefs, andstart turning them into positive
(05:51):
beliefs and positive reflectionsmoving forward.
Now the other thing that mightbe helpful is doing some
meditation.
Maybe it's just five minutes aday and just sitting with a
notebook nearby and thinking.
What do I want?
And, and see what comes up.
Write down those negativethoughts.
Write down those thoughts thatpop into your head that you're
(06:14):
like, whoa, where did that comefrom?
And start exploring it.
Maybe going for a walk withoutany music or a book.
Something that you know, younormally you would do.
I always run listening to abook, so being able to do that
without something distracting mea lot of times, that's where
some of those thoughts will comein.
(06:36):
In those times, the shower isdefinitely a big one.
Um, where people get ideas andthings just hit you differently
because your mind isn't focusedon anything in particular.
You're just going through themotions.
And that's sometimes where itcomes up with the best ideas.
Am I right?
Have you been in the shower andhad like the best idea?
(06:57):
So that might be helpful, butyou need those quiet moments
where you can really tune in toyourself and start listening.
So ask that question.
What do I want?
Sit with it.
Be curious.
Ask it again.
Keep asking it until you startfinding those answers.
(07:18):
It may be one thing, it may be awhole bunch of things, but keep
asking.
I'm gonna tell you, in the lastcouple months I have done this
and it took me several weeksbefore.
I really got clarity on answers,but I just kept asking, what do
(07:39):
I want?
What do I want to do?
If it didn't matter, if I had tomake money, what would I want to
do?
What do I want?
What are the things that I loveto do?
That was the other thing thatreally.
Helped me figure out what I wantis I just wrote down what do I
love?
What are the things that I love?
(07:59):
I love coffee.
I love books.
I love traveling.
I love journaling.
I love talking to people.
I love my podcasts.
You know, just start writingdown the things that you love,
that you, that you like to do.
You want to do that if didn'tmatter, if you made money doing
it or not, you could do what arethose things?
(08:19):
Start asking yourself and keepasking that question until you
get clarity.
So the next thing I want to talkabout is you may go through this
process.
I've, I've done this.
This is what I've been workingon and working through is.
You may get some of theseanswers, but you're still not
really sure.
(08:40):
So I'm gonna give you fourthings that you can try to see
if we can get more clarityaround this topic.
Number one, ask yourself what Idon't want to do, what do I not
want to do?
What drains you?
What no longer fits?
What are you doing currently?
That you hate doing and you wishyou could stop it.
(09:03):
What are those things?
Write down the things that pullenergy from you, that take
energy away that you hate doing.
Write those things down.
What do you not want?
And then number two, this one's,this one's kind of interesting.
Pay attention to jealousy.
Who or what makes you say, oh, Iwish I could do that.
(09:26):
When jealousy rises up in us,it's, it's because of a longing.
It's because it's something thatwe want and because we don't
have it yet.
Then that feeling of jealousyarises.
So pay attention to yourfeelings, your thoughts, your
emotions, your intuition.
(09:48):
When you're, you see otherpeople doing things, you're
like, man, I really wish I coulddo that.
If you say that to yourself, itmight be something that you
really want.
Maybe what they're doingspecifically isn't exactly it.
Maybe, maybe it's speaking onstages you don't want to speak
about.
Startup companies, but maybe youwant to be a motivational
(10:09):
speaker.
Maybe that's something that youwant, and there's a pull to
that.
Maybe you see someone makingincredible art and you think,
man, back in college I used tolove to draw and paint and I was
so good at it.
You know, I, I wish I could dothat more.
Those are things that you wantto start paying attention to,
(10:31):
what your heart pulls youtowards.
Okay.
Number three, think about whatenergizes you.
What are you doing, or when doyou feel like you are most
yourself?
When do you feel like I could dothis for hours, I could do this
forever and be so thankful thatI get to keep doing that.
(10:51):
What are those things in yourlife?
And then the fourth thing I wantyou to try is to experiment.
Try small things.
If there's something that comesup, say yes to that curiosity
and see where it takes you.
Every step will reveal more.
If you start down that path oryou start thinking about things
(11:13):
and you realize, oh no, I don'tactually really want to do that.
It might give you insight intowhat you really do want to do.
Sometimes those, trials anderrors, and that failing forward
really will move you to theright path that you're meant to
be on.
So let's recap that.
(11:33):
Start with what you don't want.
What drains you, what no longerfits?
Pay attention to jealousy.
What or who makes you say, oh, Iwish I could do that.
Notice what energizes you.
When do you feel the most likeyourself?
And experiment.
Try small things.
Say yes to curiosity.
Every step reveals more.
(11:55):
Clarity rarely comes all atonce.
It unfolds like a flowerblooming.
It unfolds when we take steps,even small steps towards what
feels like alignment.
What are we aligned to and whatare we moving towards?
That clarity will start to openup.
(12:15):
So I know this is an interestingone, but I really want you to
explore this, if you haven'texplored this before, it can be
really powerful.
You don't have to have it allfigured out, but don't stop
asking that question, what do Iwant?
Because the more you ask, themore what you'll remember and
(12:39):
see who you truly are and themore aligned your life will
become.
So keep asking, keep listening.
Your desires are alreadyspeaking.
You just have to get quietenough to hear them.
So as we wrap up, y'all know itwouldn't be me without a little
action step and some homework,so I want you to get a journal.
(13:03):
Get your voice notes out and Iwant you to ask that question,
what do I want?
Write it down and sit with iteach day.
It doesn't have to be a lot.
Five minutes.
Do it in the shower.
You're gonna be in the showeranyway, so do it in the shower.
What do I want?
As you're washing your hair andthinking about it.
Things may come up.
All right, everyone.
Share this episode with a friendwho's searching too, because
(13:26):
there is a lot of us out therewho are still trying to figure
out what we want to be when wegrow up.
So share this episode and ifthis resonated with you, please
hit subscribe and let's keepgrowing together.
Alright, friends, until nexttime.
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