February 6, 2024 • 38 mins
Discover the secrets to a deeper, more electrifying sexual connection with our returning guest, Lewis Huckstep, an expert in mindset, business, and relationships. He joins me, Stephanie Smith, on an exploratory journey where we unlock the potential for profound intimacy and gratification in your bedroom exploits. We navigate through the realms of mental and emotional clarity, pinpointing the foundational elements that spark openness and vulnerability with your significant other. Lewis generously imparts four powerful tips that promise to dismantle the mental barriers and address the pervasive influence of pornography on our intimate lives.
Venture into the heart of your relationship, where presence is more than just being there—it's about engaging fully, soul to soul. As we dissect the ever-growing emphasis on self-care, understand its ripple effect extending beyond personal health to the nourishment of our closest bonds. We unwrap the complexities of the polyvagal theory, offering a lens to view the critical role our nervous system plays in our overall well-being. Grasp why adopting a slower pace and fostering a parasympathetic state can unlock a more connected, loving partnership—one where stress and digestion find balance, and intimacy flourishes.
Embark with us as we reveal how personal growth and the journey of healing can dramatically amplify the intimacy in your relationships. Through my own narratives of trauma triumphs and the relentless pursuit of self-improvement, we spotlight the significance of authenticity and facing our innermost wounds. Lewis lends insight into the synergy between a well-nourished lifestyle, a resilient mindset, and the profound expression of love and sexuality. This episode is your beacon towards embracing a richer, health-focused sexual dynamism, where the physical and emotional converge to redefine pleasure.
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12/30/23
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to let's Talk About Sex with Stephanie
Smith.
I am, stephanie, your host, andI am here today with again
another he Louis Faison oncetime before and I intend to have
him on as much as possible togive people some insight and a
place to go.
(00:20):
So let me introduce him first.
Ladies and gentlemen, pleasewelcome that incredible because
he is I think he is being hisage and all that he's done a
passionate mindset, business andrelationship coach, dedicated
to helping business ownersenhance their lives and careers,
with a focus on unlocking yourfull potential.
(00:41):
Louis specializes in findingpurpose and overcoming mental,
emotional, strategic andleadership blocks, ultimately
leading to more success, loveand fulfillment.
So I welcome back, louisHuckstaff.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Thank you for being, thank you for having me for
round two and such a beautifulenergy that you have, as I
complimented that last time, sopleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward to, yeah,diving into wherever this goes
and, yeah, hopefully adding somevalue to some people.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, well, as you know, I am a sex positive, you
know, platform.
I like to give couplesprimarily couples my age group
or even ones that are not ideasand how to spice things up in
their relationship throughfantasy, through you know,
(01:37):
having you on and helping peoplethrough different types of
things in their lives and justto honestly have the best,
healthiest sex life they can.
Through health, because youneed to be healthy to have good
sex right and through, you know,having good sex.
So, because that's the ultimategoal is we want to be healthy
(01:58):
and have good sex and have agood relationship.
So one of the reels that youdid that I really love because I
do, as I was saying to youbefore, but I wanted to all the
guys that I like to talk to andI have lots of guys that reach
out to me, I mean becausethey're lost, they're like I
(02:19):
don't know what to do, and so Ialways answer them and then I
always refer them back to yourplatform, lewis, to understand
women better.
I also say that you and yourfiancee have a nice way that you
communicate.
I also talk about how you knowsome of your things, that you
(02:40):
your foundation or rules of arelationship and are they having
those and their relationship?
And so I, because I love allthese things that you know I
mean I, I watch you, I watch youand I love your stuff.
So I like to reference peopleback to these areas, because a
lot of people are not taught howto have good relationships okay
(03:02):
, and we're not told that weneed to actually be in good
sounding space here and that ourpartner needs to either be in
it or be willing to reach thatand then together doing it
together, which is what wetalked about last time and I
love that.
So anyone who missed that,please go back to our other
(03:23):
podcast about that, but Lewiscovers that incredibly well.
So today we're going to talkabout the four tips for an
incredible relation, like sexualrelationship, for better
orgasms, for more fulfillment.
So you have the four tips, soyou're going to tell us about it
.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Beautiful Look to be real.
There's.
There's many more than four.
I've made a couple, a couplereels, kind of just sort of
throwing some tips in there, andyeah, that and a lot of my
content.
I'm just speaking to myself, tobe honest, and they're things
that I've learned and downloadedthrough my own work, my own
(04:04):
awareness.
Obviously, you're working witha lot of coaches myself, I'm
constantly working with coaches.
I just came back from a six dayintensive event which was very,
very intense and very deep.
So, yeah, the video that you'rereferring to I think I posted
not too long ago, maybe a weekor so ago, and they're just four
tips that have really served meon my journey.
(04:25):
I did a sexual mastery for menprogram I think 12 months ago
and the very first uh, takensome up, coś down.
Thank you, guys for the firstmodule, outside of the four tips
I'm about to go into, was stopwatching pornography.
That was the very first one.
So I didn't.
That was one of the tips, butthat's also a side note for
people Not not necessarily stopit completely, depending on the
(04:47):
Context and the intention andthe type that you're doing it
for from.
But we can talk about thatlater if you want to.
The four tips that you'rereferring to, number one is
clearing out any mental blocks,because if you've got anything
that you have shame around, thatyou're hiding from your partner
, that you're Not expressing it,create, it manifests internally
and it manifests externally asa disconnect from your head to
(05:10):
your body.
And when we get into our bodies, in the bedroom, when we
actually open up Ideally open upto be vulnerable and actually
express and explore every inchof who we are and every inch of
our partner, it requires thatlevel of embodiment of actually
being in your body and not inyour head.
So if you've got this thingaround, you've lied to your
(05:31):
partner, you've even maybecheated on your partner, or
you're hiding something fromyour partner, or you are
watching porn and you're hidingthat all.
Whatever it is that you'rehiding or have shame around,
it's going to energetically showup in the bedroom.
And I've had experiences withthat early on in my relationship
, where there were some thingsthat I wasn't showing my partner
, that I was Watching porn.
Early on in our relationship Iwas not being as honest as I
(05:53):
could be with my presence withher, with being attracted to
other women with my partner andtrying to hide that from her and
Then it would just manifestwith this very not fake sex, but
just not fully conscious,connected sex and yeah, it's
more of a performance ratherthan an embodiment.
So, yeah, definitely, havingthe tough conversations is Is
(06:14):
where I would get started, forif anyone listening to this.
So, whatever you have shamearound or you hide or that
you're not being open andvulnerable about, just book in a
really open Conversation withyour partner along the lines of
just saying, hey, hon, there yougo.
I would love to really connectwith you and just open up with
you.
There's, I'm really workingmyself.
I've just listened to thisfucking amazing podcast with
(06:36):
Stephanie Smith and this awesomedude from Australia and I just
I Really want to get, I reallywant to be open and vulnerable
and real with you.
Can we book in like a couple ofhours just to have some time
together and connect and open upand for yourself as well, for
the conversation, I'd love foryou to think about anything that
you want to open up and get offyour chest so we can be really
clean things out.
So that was the first one.
(06:56):
Think of the top of my head.
Number two was, I believe,explore.
I think it was explore or slow,oh no, was the sex around it?
Yeah, they build up.
So one of the other tips I gotfrom that same program was the
analogy of men versus women whenit comes to intimacy, and she
used the her name's Kim and army.
If anyone knows, go look downher stuff.
(07:17):
I really enjoyed it.
Kim and army K, I, ama Ni, IHopefully saw that right and she
uses the analogy of men versuswomen when it comes to sexual
energy and the build up, and menAre very quick to build up.
We can turn on really quickly.
She uses a matchstick as theexample.
We can light really quickly butwe go out.
We can go out pretty quickly.
When we have our orgasm, whenwe ejaculate, we can pretty much
(07:39):
like go limp and then we wantto roll over and take in that.
That's.
That's kind of men, where womenare more like boiling water,
where it takes a while to warmthings up and to heat Things up,
but then you can stay heatedfor a very long period of time,
have many, many, many orgasms,and men can have multiple
orgasms, which I'll get to lateron the podcast.
But yeah, that's justunderstanding that, and then,
(08:01):
when you get in the mood for anyof the men, you get really
horny.
You're in the zone you want torock and roll and your partner
is still warming up, she's stilla bit cold.
It's like we get thatfrustration.
Or she doesn't find meattractive or she's not as
sexually active as I wanted tobe.
It's like, no, you just haven'tWarm the oven up, you just
haven't heat, boiled the water.
So doing things around thebedroom, whether it's the touch,
(08:23):
the cute little touch, the kisson the ear, the whisper on the,
so the breath on the neck, thewhisper in the ear, the little
bum, grab the little toucheracross the, across the cock, or
across the Volvo as you walk andpass each other.
It's like just doing those nicelittle touches around, just
around the house, depending whenyou see your partner, whether
it's some flirty messages, maybeit's some photos you want to go
experience together, some, somesexual words you want to share
(08:45):
with each other about rippingeach other's clothes off or
whatever it is.
It's just building that, that,that suspense and heating for
the women, heating them up.
So it's like when you're readyto roll, you're ready to roll.
So that's been really helpful,especially for my partner,
because she's still on herjourney, as me with our own
healing, our own sexual healing,and Been out to just because I
(09:08):
pretty much experiencedeverything I just said of like
I'm like really horny, I want togo, let's do it.
And she's like like she's kindof performing to do it because
she's not really in the mood,and towards the end, where I'm
almost finished, she's stilljust warming up.
So it's been out to then youboth at a boiling point and you
can both really sort of rip intoit together.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Hold on.
I want to go back to this one.
I want to jump in on this one.
Just some other ideas withregards to ways to bring up that
mood and whatnot.
Some women like to cooktogether.
You guys can cook together.
You can make it fun cookingtogether.
Dude can do it naked, you canplay around while you're cooking
(09:50):
.
You know Even doing laundry,making the bed, you know.
There's so many things that Ithink that you should really
take into Playfulness, a lot ofplayfulness, not just the whole
touching, you know, getting itkind of going.
All that other stuff is builtup for women as well.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Think, even like taking a walk sometimes women
just get built, get it turned onby just getting a walk.
You know, take me, let me go,take you and I'm gonna take you
to see the sunset and we'regonna walk and see that, and
it's like it's a turn on forwomen.
And so there's a lot of thingsthat I think that Men can learn
(10:30):
from that way of that, that kindof a buildup.
It's not always I need to takethem out for a date.
I got to spend the money andeveryone's got to get ready and
and everyone's nice and plain,and then we're.
No, it doesn't always have tobe that way and and it doesn't.
It shouldn't always be that way, but we do need to have the
(10:52):
little kisses, the littlerubbing, the massages, the
touching, the, the going upbehind and grabbing and you know
whatever, like what you weresaying.
But just, you can speed that upa little bit too and getting
some of those, getting some ofthat connection together.
I have a swing at my house.
(11:14):
Oh, a swing.
Women love swings.
Every woman that comes heregets on my swing and it just
brings this like childlikeattitude.
So bring things like you canhave a swing, like I, I, I
toward.
I was taking a walk yesterdayand I saw a swing for two, like
(11:36):
a big one for both of you, justto lay things like that.
You're just built that, allthat stuff you know, laying
there, talking, looking at the,you know the sun, the stars, the
, whatever.
So things like that, aside fromall the little touching and the
little kissing and all of that,all those other things are
really building connectionsbetween each other.
(11:58):
So I love that.
And one thing I wanted to askyou.
You know I'd love to hear Ithink the listeners will too.
I know you're going to not beable to do all of them, but
maybe you'll come back and maybeyou or put together something
that you can do for us alongthose lines of that course that
you went to, so that peoplecould really understand, because
(12:22):
I have so many, like I said, somany guys just don't know what
to do and are really feelinglost.
But I think if they had a placeand a platform to go to and
where they're all feeling thesame, it would feel really good.
So you know what I mean.
More men reach out to me thanfemales.
So that's just it.
(12:42):
They want to fix it, okay, andthe females are just like
doesn't he know, you know?
It's like no, he doesn't.
And I constantly say that hejust doesn't know.
So, okay, you were taking somenotes, do you want to?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, no one of the words that really came through
me as you'll speak in about,like the other ways to sort of
warm up the water is presence.
That's what women want for men.
That's what the feminine yearnsfor and craves from men.
So, whatever it's like saying,doing the washing together,
doing the cleaning together,going to the beach together,
(13:19):
playfully to playing together,just being with each other,
women want presence.
They want that they'remasculine or they're man, and
this can be heterosexual orbisexual, it doesn't matter,
it's whoever's the masculine is.
The feminine wants that levelof presence from the masculine.
So, yeah, that was just one ofthe notes that I took out as you
(13:43):
were talking.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Very good, that's a very good option and you're
right, 100%, they do.
They want presence, yeah, andpeople are requiring it more.
I feel like people are becomingmore enlightened in the world
today, and we're becoming moreenlightened to people about
needing to take care of selfcare, to make sure that we take
(14:05):
care of ourselves, and not onlyfor ourselves, but for our
partner, for our kids, for ourgrandkids, for whatnot.
So, which was in top before, sothings are really changing, I
think, for the better.
So it's just going to be thatlittle change that we have to do
.
So okay, so the next one slowthings down.
What do you do to slow thingsdown?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, beautiful.
So I teach the polyvagal theoryor I teach a version of that.
It's just put your vagus nerveand how that influences your
nervous system.
You've got your anonomicnervous system.
Just to keep it in basic terms,it's your nervous system that
controls all your unconsciousfunctions, your heartbeat, your
(14:46):
lungs, your digestive system andall that stuff.
And you've got two branches ofthat.
You've got the sympatheticnervous system and the
parasympathetic nervous system.
If anyone that's done any sortof like mindset self development
, you probably heard these termsbefore.
So the parasympathetic is yourulterior first.
The sympathetic I just think ofthe S's scared.
(15:06):
So the sympathetic is yourfight or flight.
So it's like your defensive.
A tiger walks in, you're goingto defend yourself.
It's like your survivalinstincts, essentially.
So there's fight and flight.
And on the other side, theother branch is your
parasympathetic, I think, is Pfor pausing or slowing things
down.
So your parasympathetic isresponsible for freeze.
So like some people freeze.
(15:27):
So it's like you slows yourheartbeat down and you freeze to
let the tiger not see you.
You've got the rest and digest.
So when you're actually safe tocalm the fuck down and be
relaxed and feel safe, yourdigestive system can actually
work properly and off topic,little tangent.
How many people are superstressed, super anxious?
And then how many people haveso many fucking gut issues these
(15:49):
days?
They're interesting becauseyou're not in parasympathetic,
your digestive system is notworking properly, because you're
always constantly trying todefend yourself from a tiger,
because you're just stressed andanxious.
That's a conversation.
And then the third piece of theparasympathetic is connection,
because that's all we generallyyearn for as human beings, as a
(16:09):
tribe.
We want to feel loved andconnected and a part of
community.
Now, if you're not inparasympathetic, then you're not
deeply sinking into connection.
And the ultimate form ofconnection is sex, especially
for women, because you'resurrendering and you're actually
releasing and letting go.
So if you're in your headespecially for women and men as
well, because I've certainlybeen in myself as well if you're
(16:31):
in your head around yourperformance and you're having to
please your woman and having todo XYZ because of whatever you
watched or you've beenconditioned to be like in the
bedroom, the woman has to pleasethe men, has to dominate the
men, has to take control andflip them all over and do all
these positions and just havesex like a jackhammer for 30
minutes straight, withoutpausing or breaking or switching
.
It's like you've got to theseall the conditions I've had to
(16:53):
work through.
But if you're in your, ifyou're in a sympathetic, if
you're in this the stressed orscared response you're not able
to actually sink into actuallydeep, conscious, body embodied
connection.
So simple way to do that isbreathwork.
So we don't do this all the.
We did this.
We just do this when we need to, because me and my partner do a
lot of work together.
(17:13):
We work from home so we get tospend a fair bit of time
together and we feel so safearound each other because we've
been doing so much healing andgrowth and we're in a fair bit
of sync.
But early on, like, definitelynot like I've had times with my
partner even a year or two years, two years into our
relationship.
Well, I struggled to even getmy my cock up for sex with my
partner after two years becauseI was still having my stuff come
(17:36):
to the surface.
I was still having myperformance anxieties come up,
my lack of connection come upand those after two years have
been with her and a lot of I.
We haven't had that for abouttwo years.
We've been together about fouryears now and back then when I
was having those sort of stillblows blocks, because I still
had those mental blocks I hadn'tcleared out.
I was still some shame that Ihad around myself, around to it
(17:59):
and it was showing up.
You can see how step one leadsinto the step as well, because
if you've got this shame andguilt and shit you're hiding,
then you're going to be oh myGod, what if she figures out?
I don't know what I'm doing andI feel like I'm a piece of shit
and whatever.
So again, you're not inparasympathetic.
So to do that we do breath work.
So there's a yam yum positionwhere you sit kind of cross
legged with each other, ideallycompletely naked If and
(18:22):
obviously you hopefully feelcomfortable doing that with your
partner is you sit pretty muchcross legged on each other, so a
woman on the man's lap, and youput each hand, your hand, on
each other's heart, you stareinto each other's eyes, eye
gazing, and you breathe intounison together.
So I breathe and I focuspersonally on feeling the rise
of her chest and her heartbeatand she does the same, and we
(18:43):
just keep breathing like thatand you just do that for a
couple of minutes One.
It makes you super fuckingconnected with your partner.
Two it calms because if you'redoing slow breathing, so
whenever you want to tap intoparasympathetic, the easiest
breath work pattern to rememberis just to breathe slower on the
way out.
So if you think of like someonehaving a panic attack, they're
(19:04):
really short, shally fast.
So just to tap a little bitmore into your parasympathetic
to actually chill out is breathein slow, all the slow, but just
breathe out slower.
So we're breathing in and thenwe're breathing out through your
lips and you're breathing outjust a little bit slower.
So your eye gaze and you'refully connected.
You're present with each other.
You're connected with eachother.
(19:24):
You're slowing things down andyou just do that for a couple of
minutes and then that, if youdo that right, you'll feel a lot
more connected.
Your walls will come down,you'll be more vulnerable,
you'll be more open, you'll bemore connected and then you can
start to explore and taking your.
Another sort of addition ontothis is to take your the mindset
of orgasm like take the goaloff that it's like don't get so
(19:47):
fixated on that right.
Like enjoy the exploration.
Like be so curious to exploreevery inch of your partner the
back of their knees, their bum,obviously, their genitals, their
nipples, their neck, their ears, like just be so beautifully
curious about exploring,obviously, having that beautiful
conversation back and forth,what feels good for you, what do
(20:08):
you want more of, what do youwant less of.
And a lot of men, if you've gotthat sort of performance
anxiety, will probably strugglewith that, and I did.
Definitely early on, when she'dgive me feedback, I'd take that
.
Oh, I must be shit, I must notbe good at what I'm doing.
She's telling me what she wants, like no, she's just literally
giving you the answers to thetest.
She's actually helping youperform right.
It's like take the feedback,lower the ego, hence the breath
(20:31):
work and help you do that.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
That's really good that you just said, because I
didn't even think that that'swhat guys would think.
But that is a very good pointthat you bring up Women don't
mean to do that, so that's good.
Thank you, for I just wanted tomake sure we, okay, go ahead.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
And from your point before, like you're saying, like
women think men should knowwhat they're doing and men think
they should think they shouldknow what they're doing, and
really everyone's just trying tofigure the fucking shit out and
everyone's different.
Every man, every woman hastheir own kinks, their own
pleasures, their own sweet spots, their own desires, their own
fetishes.
It's like how the fuck youmeant to know, you know, by
(21:10):
exploring and having, yeah, justhaving some asking, hey, what
feels really well for you, whatfeels alive Right For you right
now?
Yeah, and having thatconversation and again, early on
, probably sort of still thatsort of two year period into our
relationship it's, I was stillsort of figuring that out and
probably taking things a littlebit more personally than I
(21:30):
should Like.
Oh my God, I fuck.
Oh, babe, that doesn't feelthat great.
Can you do that instead?
Oh, fuck, fuck, I'm shit atthis, I should be better at this
, and those are things I wasexperiencing.
I'm sure a lot of men canrelate to that as well.
So, yeah, slow things down isto summarize of it.
So do some breath work, someconnections, some grounding,
especially if you've beenstressed, especially if there's
some anxiety going around,especially if you guys haven't
(21:52):
been connecting regularly.
If you guys work and you don'tsee each other that often, to
just make sure you guys areconnected.
Another point on that whichwasn't in those steps is at
least 90 minutes per week ofgenuine presence and connection.
Is they did the study I thinkit was Jordan Peterson said it,
it was 90 minutes is what'sneeded for genuine, authentic
(22:17):
connection in a relationship, ina partnership.
So it doesn't have to be a one90 minute block.
It can be.
It can be your schedules arehectic and maybe that is what
you've scheduled in.
But at least 90 minutesthroughout the week of actual
presence and like what we weretalking about before, not just
watching it.
It can be.
It could be watching a movietogether if you guys are present
with each other.
But if you're kind of watchingTV one person's on their phone,
(22:38):
one person's distracted, it'slike that.
I don't call that presence.
So, where you're actuallycompletely connected and present
with each other, 90 minutesthroughout the week will add to
this.
So, yeah, that's step three.
Slow things down and hopefullygot some tips out of that one.
And then number four, which ismy fave, is the healing healing
(22:58):
your wounds.
So whenever you go to trauma ora wound, psychologically, what
you'll do is you'll build a walland a shield or armor to
protect it so you don't, so itdoesn't get hurt again.
And that's very justcompensation.
Trauma responses, very sort ofpsychological stuff.
And when we are in the bedroombeing intimate, having sex, it's
(23:18):
like the ultimate version ofsurrendering and opening up,
because you're being seen in allof your glory, with no clothes,
and your full, fullestexpression.
And if you've got all of theseunhealed traumas which we all
have we've were all alwayshealing and continuously healing
.
But if you feel unsafe becauseof if you've got unhealed trauma
(23:39):
, you know you're going to beable to heal you will want to
protect that wound or trauma.
So you'll build a shield up.
So therefore you'll be unsafe.
So you'll be back intosympathetic, not parasympathetic
, so you'll be put on a mask.
You won't be surrendering.
Especially important for thewomen to actually fully
surrender If you want those deepembodied cervical G spot
orgasms you got to reallysurrender.
(24:00):
And especially for cervicalorgasms is really let go of
control, control and dependinghow you frame it, but control in
this context is justcompensation from past hurt.
I love the quote past hurtinforms future fear.
So if you've been through hurtbefore, you got a trauma or a
wound there you don't want toexperience it again.
So you'll perpetuate that intothe future and therefore be
(24:22):
fearful of it happening again.
So say, you've had sex with aman and has hurt you before.
You're in a bad relationshipand the man like, dominated you
in a bad way, unconsensuallymaybe.
You've been abused sexually.
It's like you've been throughthat past hurt.
So you don't feel that hurtagain.
You're going to put the wallsup and shut off and not fully
surrender.
However, yes, it protects youfrom that pain, but it also
(24:43):
stops you from feeling the fullspectrum of what sex has to
offer.
So it's a bit of a double-edgedsword.
It keeps you what you believeis safe, but it also perpetuates
that past pain and it alsoprevents you from exploring to
your full depth.
So it's a bit of a paradox.
So heal through your shit soyou don't need the walls and the
armor anymore.
It's the summary of thisconversation and, yeah, that's
(25:04):
that for.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I just I want to say about this because I am hearing
a lot of people come and send memessages but with women and men
especially when women arehealing from trauma, or men or
couples same sex it doesn'tmatter anybody.
If you're a person who's notgoing to be patient and willing
(25:30):
to work through that with thatperson to get to where you're
saying that they need to be,which is in that safe,
comfortable space so that theycan open up truly to that
partner, then you should reallynot be in that relationship.
Because I do see people rushinghow long will it take this
(25:53):
person?
How long?
And it's not a rush, it's aboutwhat they need to go through
Now.
I think it's.
You can always set limits onthings and how we're going to
work through things, but ifthey've got some deep wound it's
things it's important toacknowledge them, right?
I mean, we need to like be kindabout that and let them work
(26:15):
through that.
So sex might not be right awayor might not be as often, it
might be more infrequent.
That's what I'm saying andthat's where these people think
that well, she was a high libidoand now she's a low libido and
I don't know.
But these things happen as theyget, as people start opening up
(26:36):
.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Great, yeah, beautiful it's the more you heal
.
It's a good conversation and,just to frame this, I'm
definitely not an expert fromthe women's side, so I'm just
sort of speaking what I'velearned from my journey so far
and I learned from other expertsin this, from what I understand
, and this is from Kim and Ami'swork.
So if you guys want to goconsume her stuff, she validates
(26:58):
this and she teaches us a lotmore in depth than what I do.
But a fully healthy, embodiedwoman loves sex, a fully healthy
one, one who is in their body.
They've done a lot of healingthrough their stuff.
They're physically healthy,like they're not eating fucked
up foods, they're training well,they're embodying their
feminine, they're connected withtheir sisterhood.
(27:18):
Again, health is quiteobviously there's a bit of a
checklist when it comes tohealth, right, but a fully
healthy woman loves sex, and I'mnot a woman, so I can't speak
on behalf of women.
No, you're 100% right though yes, from my experience, yes,
that's what I believe and Isubscribe to, and my partner and
I we're the healthiest we'veever been, we've done the most
(27:38):
amount of healing we've everdone and we'll continue to do
that, and our sex just getsbetter and better and better and
better, and that's where I lovethe depths that a relationship
can offer.
If you do commit to a journeywith someone is like I just came
back.
I did a six day event last weekand it was fucking hectic.
It was like it was a verytrauma healing event and like
(28:03):
I've got one of the next to me.
So one of these sheetsessentially is like a process of
like unpacking a trauma.
So it's like I actually didthis one on Georgia.
So so, wow, a trigger revealsthe traumas and your partner is
gonna trigger you more thananyone else.
I think we spoke about this inthe first podcast and she
triggers me of being invalidated.
(28:23):
So that was what she triggersin me.
And this line remember, nothingtriggers you.
It reveals what's inside of you.
So she revealed a wound in meof being invalidated or not seen
or not enough.
So I did the process on it andthat took me like this process
took me four hours to unpackthat.
So four hours to dissolve andthat's like four hours of folks
were not getting fuckingdistracted and anyways.
So I did four of thoseprocesses last week during this
(28:46):
event.
So big week just healinganother pack in my shit, and
especially after I did that one.
So I did that process onGeorgia.
Our sex that night was fuckingepic.
And then the next day wasbetter, and then the next day
was better, the next day wasbetter.
It's like we just had like agrowth, a sex growth week in the
last week it's great Cause Iwas working through my shit and
(29:08):
I'm a coach that thank you,thank you, thank you.
And I'm a coach that teacheshealing stuff and I'm still
healing through my stuff and themore she does on her that
whenever we do transformationalwork whether it's a psychedelic
journey, a plant medicinejourney, a Demartini process, a
holographic process which iswhat that was it's like we just
(29:28):
feel more authentic, our wallscome down more and therefore we
can explore and express more ofwho we are to each other in a
safe environment, cause we'reconnected, cause we're healthy
and all that stuff.
So, yeah, I don't know whereyour question was to be on, I
was just kind of around withthat, but no, keep it in your
water.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
That was beautiful because you were very authentic.
You're actually sharing somepersonal experiences.
That shows that you're stillgoing through things, cause, as
coaches and people who are doingthis type of work, we're still
continually on a growth thing.
And what you said, that youwere real, I mean like when
(30:08):
everything you said I'm like, ohmy God, they're gonna benefit,
they're gonna benefit, they'regonna benefit, they're gonna
benefit.
I mean that's all I kept onthinking is like, oh my God,
this is so great because of allthese people who I work with.
You know, so when I work withpeople, I guess I do work with
people, but everyone I work withI work with Probook.
I don't charge anyone.
(30:29):
I it's been, I worked my wholelife, and this is my icky guy,
as I've told you.
So.
But what you said was justimpactful.
So I love that, and especiallythe part that you admitted that
you weren't doing well eatinghealthy, get healthier.
You saw an improvement in yoursex life.
(30:52):
It goes to show exactly what Isay that sex is better when
you're healthy.
And look what you're sayingwhen your mind is healthy too.
Look at that.
Clearing that type of thatinvalidating that thing.
You know, not feeling validated.
That comes from ADHD too, causewe've been invalidated our
(31:13):
whole life and so but that ishuge in a relationship.
So you being able to conquerthat and move past that is huge.
And being able to teach otherpeople who have ADHD and who I'm
I know in my life that are onesI'm thinking of.
They've all admitted that theyhaven't, so this will be very
(31:36):
huge.
So I love it.
Okay, and you were saying andyes, as women become into their
truly healthy female, somebodywho's worked through their
wounds, somebody who's workedthrough their past trauma from
sex, can actually have the mostamazing sex life.
(31:59):
And look at what George isexperiencing now.
I'm sure she's like, probablyif you were to ask her, you know
this is I would love to havethe two of you on one point,
because I'd love to be able toask both of you as a couple
because you both are like almostlike a power couple is what I
would see on a journey togetherof growth, and so you can share
(32:22):
with others that are also in thesame situation that you're in.
And it's funny, I was thinkingas you were talking you two are
starting your life, right,you're starting your life.
You're getting married, okay.
Well, I'm in a place, and Ihave a bunch of people around me
where we're becoming emptynesters, learning how to even
figure out each other again,like ew, who are you right?
(32:46):
So your way of communicatingand talking to each other can be
incorporated to those emptynesters People who are you know,
who are just becoming learningabout each other again.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah, beautiful.
Is there any specific questionoff the back end of that, or
just thoughts in general?
You what?
Any questions specifically offthat, or just thoughts in
general?
Speaker 1 (33:17):
No, that was it, I just was.
I thought that, yeah,everything you have to say is
very good, so anything else youwant to share with everyone.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Nothing specifically Like.
I always enjoy ourconversations.
I love how authentic you areand the fact that you obviously
dive into these conversationsbecause they're taboo and they
shouldn't be spoken about, butthen it's such a then it becomes
a problem because people don'tknow what the fuck they're doing
because no one's talking aboutit.
So it's.
I love that you're just addingvalue to people.
That, like it's taken me, I'vebeen doing on my self growth for
(33:52):
about 10 years now and I feellike I'm only just getting
started and starting to reallylean into the depths of who I am
.
And, yeah, like to have peoplelike you who are sharing your
message and other people'smessages to help people in an
area which fuck it can.
When there's that same woman Kim, and Army Georgia has done her
(34:13):
program and it's called the wellfucked woman program and it's
around like when you're a wellfucked woman from my
understanding I haven't done thecourse, but from my
understanding, like a wellfucked woman is liberated, she
glides, she heals, she radiateslove and femininity and strength
, and so that's the power ofhaving fucking great sex and for
a man it's very liberating andstrong and empowering and and
(34:36):
harming and grounding.
It's like there's so much thatsex has to offer and yeah, I
think you're you're just doingsuch a great service to the
world.
So I hope I someone got somevalue from today's conversation
and, yeah, look forward tohaving further conversations.
I think Georgia woulddefinitely down to come on for a
conversation.
We're pretty open about our sexlife.
Obviously, I do content on it,so we're pretty open about that
(34:58):
because she's very passionateabout it as well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So Talk about the sex , but the connection I love the
connection is really powerful,and I know that you and I talked
about her journey in thebeginning, that she had not done
a whole lot of self-help workand so she could share her
journey with others, about how,how did she get started and
(35:23):
wasn't uncomfortable and was itweird and and then.
But it's okay and once you getpast you know what I mean.
Like you know, because everyoneneeds to start somewhere.
So I love the fact that she waswilling, even because I want
people to not be intimidated bysomeone like yourself or someone
like me.
Oh gosh, I have to be rightwhere he's at.
(35:43):
That's not true.
We're growing together.
We're all people growingtogether.
We all have stuff to offer.
So whatever we need to do toget together and work on being
together, the best way we can,in a healthy way, in a healthy
manner, is the best you know.
So that's, that's all.
So well.
Thank you again.
(36:04):
I appreciate it.
I'm going to try my Irish hairSlanché is taunché, which is
health and wellness in the NewYear.
So thank you so much.
All right, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
Louis.
On, let's talk about sex withStephanie Smith.
(36:27):
You have a good one, thank you,and that was great having Louis
Huck step back again foranother session with us.
Please go check him out.
He is a mindset, business andrelationship coach and he
dedicates his life in helpingyou enhance your life and your
(36:48):
career and your relationship.
So go check him out.
I really enjoy working with him.
He's going to come back on formore sessions with me and he's
also going to bring Georgia, soI'm excited about that.
Thank you so much and have afabulous day.
Welcome back to let's Talk About Sex with Stephanie
Smith.
I am, stephanie, your host, andI am here today with again
another he Louis Faison oncetime before and I intend to have
him on as much as possible togive people some insight and a
place to go.
(00:20):
So let me introduce him first.
Ladies and gentlemen, pleasewelcome that incredible because
he is I think he is being hisage and all that he's done a
passionate mindset, business andrelationship coach, dedicated
to helping business ownersenhance their lives and careers,
with a focus on unlocking yourfull potential.
(00:41):
Louis specializes in findingpurpose and overcoming mental,
emotional, strategic andleadership blocks, ultimately
leading to more success, loveand fulfillment.
So I welcome back, louisHuckstaff.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Thank you for being, thank you for having me for
round two and such a beautifulenergy that you have, as I
complimented that last time, sopleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward to, yeah,diving into wherever this goes
and, yeah, hopefully adding somevalue to some people.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, well, as you know, I am a sex positive, you
know, platform.
I like to give couplesprimarily couples my age group
or even ones that are not ideasand how to spice things up in
their relationship throughfantasy, through you know,
(01:37):
having you on and helping peoplethrough different types of
things in their lives and justto honestly have the best,
healthiest sex life they can.
Through health, because youneed to be healthy to have good
sex right and through, you know,having good sex.
So, because that's the ultimategoal is we want to be healthy
(01:58):
and have good sex and have agood relationship.
So one of the reels that youdid that I really love because I
do, as I was saying to youbefore, but I wanted to all the
guys that I like to talk to andI have lots of guys that reach
out to me, I mean becausethey're lost, they're like I
(02:19):
don't know what to do, and so Ialways answer them and then I
always refer them back to yourplatform, lewis, to understand
women better.
I also say that you and yourfiancee have a nice way that you
communicate.
I also talk about how you knowsome of your things, that you
(02:40):
your foundation or rules of arelationship and are they having
those and their relationship?
And so I, because I love allthese things that you know I
mean I, I watch you, I watch youand I love your stuff.
So I like to reference peopleback to these areas, because a
lot of people are not taught howto have good relationships okay
(03:02):
, and we're not told that weneed to actually be in good
sounding space here and that ourpartner needs to either be in
it or be willing to reach thatand then together doing it
together, which is what wetalked about last time and I
love that.
So anyone who missed that,please go back to our other
(03:23):
podcast about that, but Lewiscovers that incredibly well.
So today we're going to talkabout the four tips for an
incredible relation, like sexualrelationship, for better
orgasms, for more fulfillment.
So you have the four tips, soyou're going to tell us about it
.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Beautiful Look to be real.
There's.
There's many more than four.
I've made a couple, a couplereels, kind of just sort of
throwing some tips in there, andyeah, that and a lot of my
content.
I'm just speaking to myself, tobe honest, and they're things
that I've learned and downloadedthrough my own work, my own
(04:04):
awareness.
Obviously, you're working witha lot of coaches myself, I'm
constantly working with coaches.
I just came back from a six dayintensive event which was very,
very intense and very deep.
So, yeah, the video that you'rereferring to I think I posted
not too long ago, maybe a weekor so ago, and they're just four
tips that have really served meon my journey.
(04:25):
I did a sexual mastery for menprogram I think 12 months ago
and the very first uh, takensome up, coś down.
Thank you, guys for the firstmodule, outside of the four tips
I'm about to go into, was stopwatching pornography.
That was the very first one.
So I didn't.
That was one of the tips, butthat's also a side note for
people Not not necessarily stopit completely, depending on the
(04:47):
Context and the intention andthe type that you're doing it
for from.
But we can talk about thatlater if you want to.
The four tips that you'rereferring to, number one is
clearing out any mental blocks,because if you've got anything
that you have shame around, thatyou're hiding from your partner
, that you're Not expressing it,create, it manifests internally
and it manifests externally asa disconnect from your head to
(05:10):
your body.
And when we get into our bodies, in the bedroom, when we
actually open up Ideally open upto be vulnerable and actually
express and explore every inchof who we are and every inch of
our partner, it requires thatlevel of embodiment of actually
being in your body and not inyour head.
So if you've got this thingaround, you've lied to your
(05:31):
partner, you've even maybecheated on your partner, or
you're hiding something fromyour partner, or you are
watching porn and you're hidingthat all.
Whatever it is that you'rehiding or have shame around,
it's going to energetically showup in the bedroom.
And I've had experiences withthat early on in my relationship
, where there were some thingsthat I wasn't showing my partner
, that I was Watching porn.
Early on in our relationship Iwas not being as honest as I
(05:53):
could be with my presence withher, with being attracted to
other women with my partner andtrying to hide that from her and
Then it would just manifestwith this very not fake sex, but
just not fully conscious,connected sex and yeah, it's
more of a performance ratherthan an embodiment.
So, yeah, definitely, havingthe tough conversations is Is
(06:14):
where I would get started, forif anyone listening to this.
So, whatever you have shamearound or you hide or that
you're not being open andvulnerable about, just book in a
really open Conversation withyour partner along the lines of
just saying, hey, hon, there yougo.
I would love to really connectwith you and just open up with
you.
There's, I'm really workingmyself.
I've just listened to thisfucking amazing podcast with
(06:36):
Stephanie Smith and this awesomedude from Australia and I just
I Really want to get, I reallywant to be open and vulnerable
and real with you.
Can we book in like a couple ofhours just to have some time
together and connect and open upand for yourself as well, for
the conversation, I'd love foryou to think about anything that
you want to open up and get offyour chest so we can be really
clean things out.
So that was the first one.
(06:56):
Think of the top of my head.
Number two was, I believe,explore.
I think it was explore or slow,oh no, was the sex around it?
Yeah, they build up.
So one of the other tips I gotfrom that same program was the
analogy of men versus women whenit comes to intimacy, and she
used the her name's Kim and army.
If anyone knows, go look downher stuff.
(07:17):
I really enjoyed it.
Kim and army K, I, ama Ni, IHopefully saw that right and she
uses the analogy of men versuswomen when it comes to sexual
energy and the build up, and menAre very quick to build up.
We can turn on really quickly.
She uses a matchstick as theexample.
We can light really quickly butwe go out.
We can go out pretty quickly.
When we have our orgasm, whenwe ejaculate, we can pretty much
(07:39):
like go limp and then we wantto roll over and take in that.
That's.
That's kind of men, where womenare more like boiling water,
where it takes a while to warmthings up and to heat Things up,
but then you can stay heatedfor a very long period of time,
have many, many, many orgasms,and men can have multiple
orgasms, which I'll get to lateron the podcast.
But yeah, that's justunderstanding that, and then,
(08:01):
when you get in the mood for anyof the men, you get really
horny.
You're in the zone you want torock and roll and your partner
is still warming up, she's stilla bit cold.
It's like we get thatfrustration.
Or she doesn't find meattractive or she's not as
sexually active as I wanted tobe.
It's like, no, you just haven'tWarm the oven up, you just
haven't heat, boiled the water.
So doing things around thebedroom, whether it's the touch,
(08:23):
the cute little touch, the kisson the ear, the whisper on the,
so the breath on the neck, thewhisper in the ear, the little
bum, grab the little toucheracross the, across the cock, or
across the Volvo as you walk andpass each other.
It's like just doing those nicelittle touches around, just
around the house, depending whenyou see your partner, whether
it's some flirty messages, maybeit's some photos you want to go
experience together, some, somesexual words you want to share
(08:45):
with each other about rippingeach other's clothes off or
whatever it is.
It's just building that, that,that suspense and heating for
the women, heating them up.
So it's like when you're readyto roll, you're ready to roll.
So that's been really helpful,especially for my partner,
because she's still on herjourney, as me with our own
healing, our own sexual healing,and Been out to just because I
(09:08):
pretty much experiencedeverything I just said of like
I'm like really horny, I want togo, let's do it.
And she's like like she's kindof performing to do it because
she's not really in the mood,and towards the end, where I'm
almost finished, she's stilljust warming up.
So it's been out to then youboth at a boiling point and you
can both really sort of rip intoit together.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Hold on.
I want to go back to this one.
I want to jump in on this one.
Just some other ideas withregards to ways to bring up that
mood and whatnot.
Some women like to cooktogether.
You guys can cook together.
You can make it fun cookingtogether.
Dude can do it naked, you canplay around while you're cooking
(09:50):
.
You know Even doing laundry,making the bed, you know.
There's so many things that Ithink that you should really
take into Playfulness, a lot ofplayfulness, not just the whole
touching, you know, getting itkind of going.
All that other stuff is builtup for women as well.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Think, even like taking a walk sometimes women
just get built, get it turned onby just getting a walk.
You know, take me, let me go,take you and I'm gonna take you
to see the sunset and we'regonna walk and see that, and
it's like it's a turn on forwomen.
And so there's a lot of thingsthat I think that Men can learn
(10:30):
from that way of that, that kindof a buildup.
It's not always I need to takethem out for a date.
I got to spend the money andeveryone's got to get ready and
and everyone's nice and plain,and then we're.
No, it doesn't always have tobe that way and and it doesn't.
It shouldn't always be that way, but we do need to have the
(10:52):
little kisses, the littlerubbing, the massages, the
touching, the, the going upbehind and grabbing and you know
whatever, like what you weresaying.
But just, you can speed that upa little bit too and getting
some of those, getting some ofthat connection together.
I have a swing at my house.
(11:14):
Oh, a swing.
Women love swings.
Every woman that comes heregets on my swing and it just
brings this like childlikeattitude.
So bring things like you canhave a swing, like I, I, I
toward.
I was taking a walk yesterdayand I saw a swing for two, like
(11:36):
a big one for both of you, justto lay things like that.
You're just built that, allthat stuff you know, laying
there, talking, looking at the,you know the sun, the stars, the
, whatever.
So things like that, aside fromall the little touching and the
little kissing and all of that,all those other things are
really building connectionsbetween each other.
(11:58):
So I love that.
And one thing I wanted to askyou.
You know I'd love to hear Ithink the listeners will too.
I know you're going to not beable to do all of them, but
maybe you'll come back and maybeyou or put together something
that you can do for us alongthose lines of that course that
you went to, so that peoplecould really understand, because
(12:22):
I have so many, like I said, somany guys just don't know what
to do and are really feelinglost.
But I think if they had a placeand a platform to go to and
where they're all feeling thesame, it would feel really good.
So you know what I mean.
More men reach out to me thanfemales.
So that's just it.
(12:42):
They want to fix it, okay, andthe females are just like
doesn't he know, you know?
It's like no, he doesn't.
And I constantly say that hejust doesn't know.
So, okay, you were taking somenotes, do you want to?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, no one of the words that really came through
me as you'll speak in about,like the other ways to sort of
warm up the water is presence.
That's what women want for men.
That's what the feminine yearnsfor and craves from men.
So, whatever it's like saying,doing the washing together,
doing the cleaning together,going to the beach together,
(13:19):
playfully to playing together,just being with each other,
women want presence.
They want that they'remasculine or they're man, and
this can be heterosexual orbisexual, it doesn't matter,
it's whoever's the masculine is.
The feminine wants that levelof presence from the masculine.
So, yeah, that was just one ofthe notes that I took out as you
(13:43):
were talking.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Very good, that's a very good option and you're
right, 100%, they do.
They want presence, yeah, andpeople are requiring it more.
I feel like people are becomingmore enlightened in the world
today, and we're becoming moreenlightened to people about
needing to take care of selfcare, to make sure that we take
(14:05):
care of ourselves, and not onlyfor ourselves, but for our
partner, for our kids, for ourgrandkids, for whatnot.
So, which was in top before, sothings are really changing, I
think, for the better.
So it's just going to be thatlittle change that we have to do
.
So okay, so the next one slowthings down.
What do you do to slow thingsdown?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, beautiful.
So I teach the polyvagal theoryor I teach a version of that.
It's just put your vagus nerveand how that influences your
nervous system.
You've got your anonomicnervous system.
Just to keep it in basic terms,it's your nervous system that
controls all your unconsciousfunctions, your heartbeat, your
(14:46):
lungs, your digestive system andall that stuff.
And you've got two branches ofthat.
You've got the sympatheticnervous system and the
parasympathetic nervous system.
If anyone that's done any sortof like mindset self development
, you probably heard these termsbefore.
So the parasympathetic is yourulterior first.
The sympathetic I just think ofthe S's scared.
(15:06):
So the sympathetic is yourfight or flight.
So it's like your defensive.
A tiger walks in, you're goingto defend yourself.
It's like your survivalinstincts, essentially.
So there's fight and flight.
And on the other side, theother branch is your
parasympathetic, I think, is Pfor pausing or slowing things
down.
So your parasympathetic isresponsible for freeze.
So like some people freeze.
(15:27):
So it's like you slows yourheartbeat down and you freeze to
let the tiger not see you.
You've got the rest and digest.
So when you're actually safe tocalm the fuck down and be
relaxed and feel safe, yourdigestive system can actually
work properly and off topic,little tangent.
How many people are superstressed, super anxious?
And then how many people haveso many fucking gut issues these
(15:49):
days?
They're interesting becauseyou're not in parasympathetic,
your digestive system is notworking properly, because you're
always constantly trying todefend yourself from a tiger,
because you're just stressed andanxious.
That's a conversation.
And then the third piece of theparasympathetic is connection,
because that's all we generallyyearn for as human beings, as a
(16:09):
tribe.
We want to feel loved andconnected and a part of
community.
Now, if you're not inparasympathetic, then you're not
deeply sinking into connection.
And the ultimate form ofconnection is sex, especially
for women, because you'resurrendering and you're actually
releasing and letting go.
So if you're in your headespecially for women and men as
well, because I've certainlybeen in myself as well if you're
(16:31):
in your head around yourperformance and you're having to
please your woman and having todo XYZ because of whatever you
watched or you've beenconditioned to be like in the
bedroom, the woman has to pleasethe men, has to dominate the
men, has to take control andflip them all over and do all
these positions and just havesex like a jackhammer for 30
minutes straight, withoutpausing or breaking or switching
.
It's like you've got to theseall the conditions I've had to
(16:53):
work through.
But if you're in your, ifyou're in a sympathetic, if
you're in this the stressed orscared response you're not able
to actually sink into actuallydeep, conscious, body embodied
connection.
So simple way to do that isbreathwork.
So we don't do this all the.
We did this.
We just do this when we need to, because me and my partner do a
lot of work together.
(17:13):
We work from home so we get tospend a fair bit of time
together and we feel so safearound each other because we've
been doing so much healing andgrowth and we're in a fair bit
of sync.
But early on, like, definitelynot like I've had times with my
partner even a year or two years, two years into our
relationship.
Well, I struggled to even getmy my cock up for sex with my
partner after two years becauseI was still having my stuff come
(17:36):
to the surface.
I was still having myperformance anxieties come up,
my lack of connection come upand those after two years have
been with her and a lot of I.
We haven't had that for abouttwo years.
We've been together about fouryears now and back then when I
was having those sort of stillblows blocks, because I still
had those mental blocks I hadn'tcleared out.
I was still some shame that Ihad around myself, around to it
(17:59):
and it was showing up.
You can see how step one leadsinto the step as well, because
if you've got this shame andguilt and shit you're hiding,
then you're going to be oh myGod, what if she figures out?
I don't know what I'm doing andI feel like I'm a piece of shit
and whatever.
So again, you're not inparasympathetic.
So to do that we do breath work.
So there's a yam yum positionwhere you sit kind of cross
legged with each other, ideallycompletely naked If and
(18:22):
obviously you hopefully feelcomfortable doing that with your
partner is you sit pretty muchcross legged on each other, so a
woman on the man's lap, and youput each hand, your hand, on
each other's heart, you stareinto each other's eyes, eye
gazing, and you breathe intounison together.
So I breathe and I focuspersonally on feeling the rise
of her chest and her heartbeatand she does the same, and we
(18:43):
just keep breathing like thatand you just do that for a
couple of minutes One.
It makes you super fuckingconnected with your partner.
Two it calms because if you'redoing slow breathing, so
whenever you want to tap intoparasympathetic, the easiest
breath work pattern to rememberis just to breathe slower on the
way out.
So if you think of like someonehaving a panic attack, they're
(19:04):
really short, shally fast.
So just to tap a little bitmore into your parasympathetic
to actually chill out is breathein slow, all the slow, but just
breathe out slower.
So we're breathing in and thenwe're breathing out through your
lips and you're breathing outjust a little bit slower.
So your eye gaze and you'refully connected.
You're present with each other.
You're connected with eachother.
(19:24):
You're slowing things down andyou just do that for a couple of
minutes and then that, if youdo that right, you'll feel a lot
more connected.
Your walls will come down,you'll be more vulnerable,
you'll be more open, you'll bemore connected and then you can
start to explore and taking your.
Another sort of addition ontothis is to take your the mindset
of orgasm like take the goaloff that it's like don't get so
(19:47):
fixated on that right.
Like enjoy the exploration.
Like be so curious to exploreevery inch of your partner the
back of their knees, their bum,obviously, their genitals, their
nipples, their neck, their ears, like just be so beautifully
curious about exploring,obviously, having that beautiful
conversation back and forth,what feels good for you, what do
(20:08):
you want more of, what do youwant less of.
And a lot of men, if you've gotthat sort of performance
anxiety, will probably strugglewith that, and I did.
Definitely early on, when she'dgive me feedback, I'd take that
.
Oh, I must be shit, I must notbe good at what I'm doing.
She's telling me what she wants, like no, she's just literally
giving you the answers to thetest.
She's actually helping youperform right.
It's like take the feedback,lower the ego, hence the breath
(20:31):
work and help you do that.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
That's really good that you just said, because I
didn't even think that that'swhat guys would think.
But that is a very good pointthat you bring up Women don't
mean to do that, so that's good.
Thank you, for I just wanted tomake sure we, okay, go ahead.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
And from your point before, like you're saying, like
women think men should knowwhat they're doing and men think
they should think they shouldknow what they're doing, and
really everyone's just trying tofigure the fucking shit out and
everyone's different.
Every man, every woman hastheir own kinks, their own
pleasures, their own sweet spots, their own desires, their own
fetishes.
It's like how the fuck youmeant to know, you know, by
(21:10):
exploring and having, yeah, justhaving some asking, hey, what
feels really well for you, whatfeels alive Right For you right
now?
Yeah, and having thatconversation and again, early on
, probably sort of still thatsort of two year period into our
relationship it's, I was stillsort of figuring that out and
probably taking things a littlebit more personally than I
(21:30):
should Like.
Oh my God, I fuck.
Oh, babe, that doesn't feelthat great.
Can you do that instead?
Oh, fuck, fuck, I'm shit atthis, I should be better at this
, and those are things I wasexperiencing.
I'm sure a lot of men canrelate to that as well.
So, yeah, slow things down isto summarize of it.
So do some breath work, someconnections, some grounding,
especially if you've beenstressed, especially if there's
some anxiety going around,especially if you guys haven't
(21:52):
been connecting regularly.
If you guys work and you don'tsee each other that often, to
just make sure you guys areconnected.
Another point on that whichwasn't in those steps is at
least 90 minutes per week ofgenuine presence and connection.
Is they did the study I thinkit was Jordan Peterson said it,
it was 90 minutes is what'sneeded for genuine, authentic
(22:17):
connection in a relationship, ina partnership.
So it doesn't have to be a one90 minute block.
It can be.
It can be your schedules arehectic and maybe that is what
you've scheduled in.
But at least 90 minutesthroughout the week of actual
presence and like what we weretalking about before, not just
watching it.
It can be.
It could be watching a movietogether if you guys are present
with each other.
But if you're kind of watchingTV one person's on their phone,
(22:38):
one person's distracted, it'slike that.
I don't call that presence.
So, where you're actuallycompletely connected and present
with each other, 90 minutesthroughout the week will add to
this.
So, yeah, that's step three.
Slow things down and hopefullygot some tips out of that one.
And then number four, which ismy fave, is the healing healing
(22:58):
your wounds.
So whenever you go to trauma ora wound, psychologically, what
you'll do is you'll build a walland a shield or armor to
protect it so you don't, so itdoesn't get hurt again.
And that's very justcompensation.
Trauma responses, very sort ofpsychological stuff.
And when we are in the bedroombeing intimate, having sex, it's
(23:18):
like the ultimate version ofsurrendering and opening up,
because you're being seen in allof your glory, with no clothes,
and your full, fullestexpression.
And if you've got all of theseunhealed traumas which we all
have we've were all alwayshealing and continuously healing
.
But if you feel unsafe becauseof if you've got unhealed trauma
(23:39):
, you know you're going to beable to heal you will want to
protect that wound or trauma.
So you'll build a shield up.
So therefore you'll be unsafe.
So you'll be back intosympathetic, not parasympathetic
, so you'll be put on a mask.
You won't be surrendering.
Especially important for thewomen to actually fully
surrender If you want those deepembodied cervical G spot
orgasms you got to reallysurrender.
(24:00):
And especially for cervicalorgasms is really let go of
control, control and dependinghow you frame it, but control in
this context is justcompensation from past hurt.
I love the quote past hurtinforms future fear.
So if you've been through hurtbefore, you got a trauma or a
wound there you don't want toexperience it again.
So you'll perpetuate that intothe future and therefore be
(24:22):
fearful of it happening again.
So say, you've had sex with aman and has hurt you before.
You're in a bad relationshipand the man like, dominated you
in a bad way, unconsensuallymaybe.
You've been abused sexually.
It's like you've been throughthat past hurt.
So you don't feel that hurtagain.
You're going to put the wallsup and shut off and not fully
surrender.
However, yes, it protects youfrom that pain, but it also
(24:43):
stops you from feeling the fullspectrum of what sex has to
offer.
So it's a bit of a double-edgedsword.
It keeps you what you believeis safe, but it also perpetuates
that past pain and it alsoprevents you from exploring to
your full depth.
So it's a bit of a paradox.
So heal through your shit soyou don't need the walls and the
armor anymore.
It's the summary of thisconversation and, yeah, that's
(25:04):
that for.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I just I want to say about this because I am hearing
a lot of people come and send memessages but with women and men
especially when women arehealing from trauma, or men or
couples same sex it doesn'tmatter anybody.
If you're a person who's notgoing to be patient and willing
(25:30):
to work through that with thatperson to get to where you're
saying that they need to be,which is in that safe,
comfortable space so that theycan open up truly to that
partner, then you should reallynot be in that relationship.
Because I do see people rushinghow long will it take this
(25:53):
person?
How long?
And it's not a rush, it's aboutwhat they need to go through
Now.
I think it's.
You can always set limits onthings and how we're going to
work through things, but ifthey've got some deep wound it's
things it's important toacknowledge them, right?
I mean, we need to like be kindabout that and let them work
(26:15):
through that.
So sex might not be right awayor might not be as often, it
might be more infrequent.
That's what I'm saying andthat's where these people think
that well, she was a high libidoand now she's a low libido and
I don't know.
But these things happen as theyget, as people start opening up
(26:36):
.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Great, yeah, beautiful it's the more you heal
.
It's a good conversation and,just to frame this, I'm
definitely not an expert fromthe women's side, so I'm just
sort of speaking what I'velearned from my journey so far
and I learned from other expertsin this, from what I understand
, and this is from Kim and Ami'swork.
So if you guys want to goconsume her stuff, she validates
(26:58):
this and she teaches us a lotmore in depth than what I do.
But a fully healthy, embodiedwoman loves sex, a fully healthy
one, one who is in their body.
They've done a lot of healingthrough their stuff.
They're physically healthy,like they're not eating fucked
up foods, they're training well,they're embodying their
feminine, they're connected withtheir sisterhood.
(27:18):
Again, health is quiteobviously there's a bit of a
checklist when it comes tohealth, right, but a fully
healthy woman loves sex, and I'mnot a woman, so I can't speak
on behalf of women.
No, you're 100% right though yes, from my experience, yes,
that's what I believe and Isubscribe to, and my partner and
I we're the healthiest we'veever been, we've done the most
(27:38):
amount of healing we've everdone and we'll continue to do
that, and our sex just getsbetter and better and better and
better, and that's where I lovethe depths that a relationship
can offer.
If you do commit to a journeywith someone is like I just came
back.
I did a six day event last weekand it was fucking hectic.
It was like it was a verytrauma healing event and like
(28:03):
I've got one of the next to me.
So one of these sheetsessentially is like a process of
like unpacking a trauma.
So it's like I actually didthis one on Georgia.
So so, wow, a trigger revealsthe traumas and your partner is
gonna trigger you more thananyone else.
I think we spoke about this inthe first podcast and she
triggers me of being invalidated.
(28:23):
So that was what she triggersin me.
And this line remember, nothingtriggers you.
It reveals what's inside of you.
So she revealed a wound in meof being invalidated or not seen
or not enough.
So I did the process on it andthat took me like this process
took me four hours to unpackthat.
So four hours to dissolve andthat's like four hours of folks
were not getting fuckingdistracted and anyways.
So I did four of thoseprocesses last week during this
(28:46):
event.
So big week just healinganother pack in my shit, and
especially after I did that one.
So I did that process onGeorgia.
Our sex that night was fuckingepic.
And then the next day wasbetter, and then the next day
was better, the next day wasbetter.
It's like we just had like agrowth, a sex growth week in the
last week it's great Cause Iwas working through my shit and
(29:08):
I'm a coach that thank you,thank you, thank you.
And I'm a coach that teacheshealing stuff and I'm still
healing through my stuff and themore she does on her that
whenever we do transformationalwork whether it's a psychedelic
journey, a plant medicinejourney, a Demartini process, a
holographic process which iswhat that was it's like we just
(29:28):
feel more authentic, our wallscome down more and therefore we
can explore and express more ofwho we are to each other in a
safe environment, cause we'reconnected, cause we're healthy
and all that stuff.
So, yeah, I don't know whereyour question was to be on, I
was just kind of around withthat, but no, keep it in your
water.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
That was beautiful because you were very authentic.
You're actually sharing somepersonal experiences.
That shows that you're stillgoing through things, cause, as
coaches and people who are doingthis type of work, we're still
continually on a growth thing.
And what you said, that youwere real, I mean like when
(30:08):
everything you said I'm like, ohmy God, they're gonna benefit,
they're gonna benefit, they'regonna benefit, they're gonna
benefit.
I mean that's all I kept onthinking is like, oh my God,
this is so great because of allthese people who I work with.
You know, so when I work withpeople, I guess I do work with
people, but everyone I work withI work with Probook.
I don't charge anyone.
(30:29):
I it's been, I worked my wholelife, and this is my icky guy,
as I've told you.
So.
But what you said was justimpactful.
So I love that, and especiallythe part that you admitted that
you weren't doing well eatinghealthy, get healthier.
You saw an improvement in yoursex life.
(30:52):
It goes to show exactly what Isay that sex is better when
you're healthy.
And look what you're sayingwhen your mind is healthy too.
Look at that.
Clearing that type of thatinvalidating that thing.
You know, not feeling validated.
That comes from ADHD too, causewe've been invalidated our
(31:13):
whole life and so but that ishuge in a relationship.
So you being able to conquerthat and move past that is huge.
And being able to teach otherpeople who have ADHD and who I'm
I know in my life that are onesI'm thinking of.
They've all admitted that theyhaven't, so this will be very
(31:36):
huge.
So I love it.
Okay, and you were saying andyes, as women become into their
truly healthy female, somebodywho's worked through their
wounds, somebody who's workedthrough their past trauma from
sex, can actually have the mostamazing sex life.
(31:59):
And look at what George isexperiencing now.
I'm sure she's like, probablyif you were to ask her, you know
this is I would love to havethe two of you on one point,
because I'd love to be able toask both of you as a couple
because you both are like almostlike a power couple is what I
would see on a journey togetherof growth, and so you can share
(32:22):
with others that are also in thesame situation that you're in.
And it's funny, I was thinkingas you were talking you two are
starting your life, right,you're starting your life.
You're getting married, okay.
Well, I'm in a place, and Ihave a bunch of people around me
where we're becoming emptynesters, learning how to even
figure out each other again,like ew, who are you right?
(32:46):
So your way of communicatingand talking to each other can be
incorporated to those emptynesters People who are you know,
who are just becoming learningabout each other again.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah, beautiful.
Is there any specific questionoff the back end of that, or
just thoughts in general?
You what?
Any questions specifically offthat, or just thoughts in
general?
Speaker 1 (33:17):
No, that was it, I just was.
I thought that, yeah,everything you have to say is
very good, so anything else youwant to share with everyone.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Nothing specifically Like.
I always enjoy ourconversations.
I love how authentic you areand the fact that you obviously
dive into these conversationsbecause they're taboo and they
shouldn't be spoken about, butthen it's such a then it becomes
a problem because people don'tknow what the fuck they're doing
because no one's talking aboutit.
So it's.
I love that you're just addingvalue to people.
That, like it's taken me, I'vebeen doing on my self growth for
(33:52):
about 10 years now and I feellike I'm only just getting
started and starting to reallylean into the depths of who I am
.
And, yeah, like to have peoplelike you who are sharing your
message and other people'smessages to help people in an
area which fuck it can.
When there's that same woman Kim, and Army Georgia has done her
(34:13):
program and it's called the wellfucked woman program and it's
around like when you're a wellfucked woman from my
understanding I haven't done thecourse, but from my
understanding, like a wellfucked woman is liberated, she
glides, she heals, she radiateslove and femininity and strength
, and so that's the power ofhaving fucking great sex and for
a man it's very liberating andstrong and empowering and and
(34:36):
harming and grounding.
It's like there's so much thatsex has to offer and yeah, I
think you're you're just doingsuch a great service to the
world.
So I hope I someone got somevalue from today's conversation
and, yeah, look forward tohaving further conversations.
I think Georgia woulddefinitely down to come on for a
conversation.
We're pretty open about our sexlife.
Obviously, I do content on it,so we're pretty open about that
(34:58):
because she's very passionateabout it as well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So Talk about the sex , but the connection I love the
connection is really powerful,and I know that you and I talked
about her journey in thebeginning, that she had not done
a whole lot of self-help workand so she could share her
journey with others, about how,how did she get started and
(35:23):
wasn't uncomfortable and was itweird and and then.
But it's okay and once you getpast you know what I mean.
Like you know, because everyoneneeds to start somewhere.
So I love the fact that she waswilling, even because I want
people to not be intimidated bysomeone like yourself or someone
like me.
Oh gosh, I have to be rightwhere he's at.
(35:43):
That's not true.
We're growing together.
We're all people growingtogether.
We all have stuff to offer.
So whatever we need to do toget together and work on being
together, the best way we can,in a healthy way, in a healthy
manner, is the best you know.
So that's, that's all.
So well.
Thank you again.
(36:04):
I appreciate it.
I'm going to try my Irish hairSlanché is taunché, which is
health and wellness in the NewYear.
So thank you so much.
All right, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
Louis.
On, let's talk about sex withStephanie Smith.
(36:27):
You have a good one, thank you,and that was great having Louis
Huck step back again foranother session with us.
Please go check him out.
He is a mindset, business andrelationship coach and he
dedicates his life in helpingyou enhance your life and your
(36:48):
career and your relationship.
So go check him out.
I really enjoy working with him.
He's going to come back on formore sessions with me and he's
also going to bring Georgia, soI'm excited about that.
Thank you so much and have afabulous day.
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