69: Consent is Sexy: Why Enthusiastic Consent Is So Important

Consent isn’t just about saying yes or no, it is much more complex than that.

 In this episode, Tara and André discuss and explore the nuances of consent in intimate interactions, emphasizing that consent is not a one-time agreement but an active, ongoing conversation that involves both people every step of the way.

They unpack what enthusiastic consent really means, how it plays out in different settings like dates, parties, and clubs, and why the idea of “ongoing consent” or “ask once” don’t apply. 

Instead, consent is a living, dynamic process — one that deepens trust, connection, and genuine desire. And each person plays an active role and responsibility  in ensuring mutual comfort.

You’ll also hear about some of the most common frameworks used to understand consent — from FRIES (Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific, developed by Planned Parenthood) and CRISP (Considered, Reversible, Informed Specific, Participant) to frameworks used in the kink community such as  SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). As well as the Yes, No, Maybe List. Each of these helps shape awareness, yet none replace real-time communication.

Tara and André share examples of what consent can sound like in the moment even in non-sexual environments - for example a recent example where Tara asked someone - Would you be open to me giving you a compliment?”, why asking builds connection rather than killing the mood, and how saying — or hearing — a clear no can be just as sexy as an enthusiastic yes.

And finally they talk about consent and law.

This conversation reminds us that consent is the heartbeat of healthy intimacy — an evolving, mutual agreement that requires awareness, communication, and care.

Want to hear T&A live? Join them on December 10, 2025 for Reconnect Wednesday at the Mermaid Lounge just outside Toronto. Information about the Mermaid Lounge at https://mermaidlounge.ca/. Tickets at https://thexclub.net/event_description.php?event=452. 

📖 Episode Chapters:

3:07 Understanding Consent

6:07 Ongoing Consent: Myths & Realities

12:21 Consent Frameworks

23:14 The Nuances of Consent

34:25 Navigating Compliments & Consent

40:20 Consent in Different Scenarios

55:50 The Legal Landscape of Consent

Show Resources:

• K is for Kink, Kitchen Table Polyamory, Kissing + Other K Words Episode - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7FOrTjvfhxOB2Il9BLoNwc?si=ihdSbNg2RSaxlE24TjOPgA 
• Cup of Team Consent Video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8 

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• Looking for therapy or coaching?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ or book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠
• Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠