October 28, 2025 • 41 mins
What if the only way to interrupt harm—at school, at home, in the headlines—is to choose compassion when it’s least convenient? We sit down with my parents for a raw, four-voice conversation about the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion, and why the last one must be defined by action, not emotion. From stories in special education to the wear and tear of caregiving, we unpack how calling, humility, and heart-guarding keep us from slipping into control and resentment when stress spikes.
We don’t romanticize it. Empathy has limits; you can’t fully stand in someone else’s shoes, and pretending you can often backfires. Instead, we offer a grounded path: tie your compassion to a larger purpose, practice restraint when buttons are pushed, and treat disruption as a prompt to ask why before you act. You’ll hear real classroom moments—the kick to the shin, the mess on the floor—and what it looks like to respond without making yourself the center. We also explore how faith shapes motive and endurance, and why denying our impulse to control can open space for wiser, kinder choices that protect the most vulnerable.
By the end, you’ll have a practical framework to apply tomorrow: identify one routine you can soften, one student or family member you can meet at eye level, and one habit that keeps your heart from hardening. Compassion is a muscle, and repetition makes it reliable when life gets loud. If this conversation stirred something in you, subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us the first place you’ll choose compassion this week.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:53):
So for anybody who is brand new to our
conversations, our uh ourpodcast, this one's gonna be a
little bit different than theones uh in the past.
Um very excited because not onlyis Laura with me, but I have my
parents with me as well.
(01:14):
And so we're gonna be having aconversation between the four of
us, which is kind of a stretch,right?
We before we've done where we'llhave one person call in or
actually a video chat, right?
And uh and we have ourconversations that way.
But now there's four people,right?
So we're moving on up.
(01:35):
No?
And it's what huh?
SPEAKER_03 (01:38):
I just dated myself, I suppose.
SPEAKER_01 (01:40):
Right.
So it's funny, it's funny yousay that.
Um so what's really cool aboutthis too is that it's almost
like uh it is almost like acrossover episode.
SPEAKER_03 (01:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:51):
Because you and I, we we do this thing and and we
have a lot of fun.
And then also, um, when we havetime, uh, which seems to almost
be never lately, um, my dad andI will we'll do a podcast
together too that's uh you knowfocused on scripture and walking
through uh different passagesand talking about it and and
(02:11):
kind of um expounding.
Is that the right word?
I believe you know, with all theeducation, what's that
expressing?
Expressing, you know, it youwould think with all of the
education um that I am in debtfor, I would know words better
than I do.
But, you know, I digress.
So anyway, yeah, so we're allkind of come together and we're
(02:32):
gonna talk about something thatum has kind of weighed heavy on
on our hearts, um and looking atthe the state of society, which
putting it that way soundspretty pretty huge, and it's
like, well, how do you talkabout something like that?
(02:53):
I was looking just the otherday, or actually even today too,
and uh I try to stay away fromthe news.
Like just get the little bitsand pieces that I have to have
to know what's going on in theworld around me, uh, because it
can be quite depressing.
Uh-huh I was looking uh at umjust in the last you know three
(03:14):
months, there's been a handfulof these mass shootings.
Um you know, we we hear storiesof there was the uh was it the
the politician whose house gottorched up north?
Was it in Minnesota?
SPEAKER_03 (03:33):
I don't know because I watched the news less than
years.
SPEAKER_01 (03:38):
And just like these horrible violent acts.
There was uh, you know, CharlieKirk and him being shot because
somebody came to the conclusionthat what this person is saying
is so dangerous, my that thesewords are so dangerous to me
that I need to act out inviolence.
(04:00):
And then, of course, if you'relistening to this, you may be
wondering, well, what does thathave to do with special
education?
Uh we see the same things in theschools around us.
Um, I read a story, I don'tremember when it was, it wasn't
too long ago that we weretalking, Laura, about a teacher
that had been arrested becauselet's see if I get this right.
(04:21):
The student they were trying toget the student to eat, the
student vomited, and they forcefed the student his own vomit.
Right?
So there's these there's thesestories of of uh these kids who
don't necessarily have theability to share what goes on in
(04:43):
their classrooms.
And so there's things that aretaking place that we don't even
know about.
Um and while we would love tolook at laws and we would love
to look at authority, and wewould love to look at all these
different ways to minimize thesuffering, the pain, the
(05:04):
wrongdoing, um, I believe thatwe have to start with ourselves
and ask the question (05:12):
what happens when we become
compassionate people?
What happens when we begin tolook at others in a way that
isn't necessarily uh you know,looking at myself to see what do
I think of me, but questionmyself as to how why do I view
(05:33):
the people around me as I do?
What would cause that teacher tothink it was a good idea to do
that to that student?
What is it that would causesomebody to think it's a good
idea for me to burn downsomebody's house or to go to a
homecoming and start shooting,or to walk into a church and
start shooting?
Like this is the next logicalstep in my life based on what I
(05:57):
hear, what I see, and uh what Ifeel.
SPEAKER_03 (06:03):
I know I've heard both you and your dad, and we've
had conversations, people don'tjust wake up one day and that
and that's the choice they make.
It there's things leading up tothat act.
It's not just one day they wakeup and say, Hey, I think I'm
gonna do this.
And so it makes you wonder thatwhere at what point in their
(06:25):
life could a compassionateindividual have changed that
trajectory.
What happened to them?
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
And so what we're gonna do is we are gonna have a
conversation between the four ofus, and we're gonna talk about
we're gonna talk about how howwe how we deal with that.
This is gonna be a differentepisode.
And so uh I think I think peopleneed to hold on, um prepare to
(06:53):
be uncomfortable.
Uh but we ask that you just atthe very least listen to what is
said and consider the thingsthat are shared.
So, first things first, what iscompassion?
Y'all want to go ahead andanswer that?
What is compassion?
We can make it up if we want.
SPEAKER_03 (07:12):
The definition of compassion is not only
recognizing another umindividual's suffering, but also
having a desire to do somethingabout it, to alleviate it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:27):
So, um, like I said, I've got I've got my parents
here with me, and I'm veryexcited about this.
SPEAKER_02 (07:32):
We're excited to be here.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:34):
Well, yeah, I'm sorry.
I I get my mind going, I forgetwhether but I think it's it's
it's a desire to live alleviateit, but it's also uh taking the
action to the best of yourability to begin that um that
healing or that help or whateverthat person may need.
So I think it goes a little bitmore than a desire or a feeling,
(07:57):
and you're we're gonna talkabout like sympathy and empathy
and all of that.
But it's it's it's working backto show compassion, you may not
feel like it.
You know, you do it becauseyou're driven to do it.
There's something inside of youthat compels you to say, I can't
let this pain and this person'slife persist.
(08:19):
And um so I I think it's it's anaction and it's uh uh it's
saying, okay, you know, what ismy plan?
Because I love these people somuch.
And I even know Jesus in Matthewchapter nine, he looks over
Jerusalem.
He says they're like they'relike sheep without a shepherd.
And the scripture says he hadcompassion.
(08:40):
He he cried, he wept.
You know, what makes you cry?
What makes what makes you say Ican't sleep at night because
I've got to do something becauseI care so much.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
And and that is an important um differentiation
there between sympathy andempathy, right?
Sympathy we know uh means we welook at others that are
suffering and we feel bad forthem.
And that's a good thing.
There's there's absolutelynothing wrong with sympathy.
We can read in scripture wherewhere sympathy is is something
(09:11):
that is um is a godlycharacteristic.
Empathy is a really hard one,though.
Because empathy says I need toput myself in the shoes of
others.
Well, like we've already talkedabout though, that's really hard
to do because mom, you you evenjust said it's we all experience
different things.
We all we interact withdifferent people.
SPEAKER_02 (09:35):
I think it's I think it's impossible to know exactly
what people are going through.
Even, you know, like it's Ibelieve that when we go through
a hurt that um as a follower ofJesus Christ, he wants me.
If I if I go through that samehurt, I should share it with
those that are going throughthat that same thing.
(09:59):
But we're still two differentpeople with different makeups
and different strengths anddifferent weeks and uh
weaknesses.
And um, there's no way we canreally know what people are
going through.
SPEAKER_00 (10:12):
Even if it's similar, right?
Even if you know if if somebodyloses a child, well, they they
lose a child, but thecircumstances are different.
So how they process that, howthey feel about that, uh is
different.
So empathy, it's almostimpossible.
SPEAKER_02 (10:32):
That's what I was thinking.
It's really impossible.
SPEAKER_00 (10:34):
You can say, you can say, well, that you know, we
both went through some of thesame things.
So there's there's thatempathetic kind of feeling, but
to really know what somebodyelse goes through is you know,
only only God knows that, youknow.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Right.
So we can say in in justspeaking on sympathy, empathy,
and compassion from from thesympathy standpoint, that is
something that we can do.
We can we can and it's almost anatural when we can look at
other people and and and hurtfor where they are.
And I we've um all of usactually have uh at different
(11:07):
times had the opportunity to togo to Ethiopia and to and to
spend time with the people thereand and fantastic people, uh
compassionate people, lovingpeople, uh, but to see some of
the the hardship that they gothrough, and it it moves you to
(11:28):
the point of sometimes eventears.
We can't empathize with that,right?
Especially in our country.
So, you know, it things we don'tdeal with in our country, we
don't deal with starving peoplein our country.
As a matter of fact, I I thinkit's fair to say it's kind of
the up the opposite, right?
We don't take care of ourselvesvery well because we stuff
(11:49):
ourselves.
We have an obesity problem, notright um and there's so there's
no way for us to empathize withthat.
We can look at it, we can feelbad, we can't empathize with it,
but what does compassion looklike?
Right?
Compassion is that that thatstirring in me that I have to,
as you were saying, I have torespond to.
(12:12):
And so for just for the sake ofconversation, let's label these
three in that way.
Our sympathy is we can look atothers and we can genuinely feel
sorry, not being ridiculous andoh but can genuinely feel sorry.
Empathy is like I said, almostimpossible to do.
But compassion compassion drivesus to move.
(12:38):
So what do we tether thedecision to be compassionate to?
Because there's some issues withthis, right?
If it's based on how I feel,compassion is subjective.
Compassion happens when I feellike it.
(12:59):
It's the actually the exactopposite of what you said.
So there has to be somethingobjective.
There has to be something thatis more of an authority over me
that requires me to submit to itfor me to be compassionate.
(13:22):
Now, can I can I have moments ofcompassion?
Can I can I at times be movedbased on that feeling to do
something?
Yes.
But what does that look likewhen it is something that we
want to be core in our lives?
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
How do we do that?
I think it comes from a calling,which is a little bit different
than uh, you know, every day Iwalk down the road, or I don't
walk down the road, I may drivedown the road.
Walking, think about walkingdown the road, but I should.
But uh drive, or I see peopleand I and I say to myself, you
know, um, they that's sad.
(14:05):
This person's hurting here, thisperson's hurting there, but
there's really nothing I can doabout that.
So what happens is, you know, II kind of that's a sympathy kind
of thing, maybe even a littlebit of an empathy.
And uh, you know, I I've maybebeen where they've been.
However, compassion is birthed,I think, out of something that's
uh that that's who you are, whatyou're called.
(14:28):
And and I can only attest tothat personally in my life, I've
been called to the gospel uhmessage to preach the gospel,
and uh because I understand theincredible uh results and
effects of the gospel.
So so for me it's a calling,something that I have to do, I
(14:48):
have to say, I have to, and uhand I think I think I don't
think I think everybody's gotsome kind of a uh a calling to
their life.
They may not be a preacher ofthe gospel, but they God may put
them in a situation where notonly do they empathize a little,
sympathize, but now they havethis compassion where they can
(15:10):
make a difference.
That maybe I I can use my sisterfor an example, my sister Lori,
uh, when my dad was dying, sheuh attended to him, she took
care of him, and she dideverything she could to help
him.
And out of that birthed withinher a compassion to care for
people.
And at 50 years old, she becamea nurse and uh and cared for
(15:33):
people.
And and so something of thatnature, maybe with your
situation, of course, with withXander, who um, you know, I
remember when his diagnosisfirst came in, how difficult
that was for you, Jared.
And uh, but rather than uh beingupset and wondering, what do I
do, you you God developed in youand in Laura, because I've seen
(15:55):
her deal with these kids,develop within you, and Xander
especially, uh, a calling.
This is maybe something morethan I do in my home.
This is something I do with my,and in my home is my life, but I
do with my life.
And I think compassion uh on along-scale uh long haul level is
(16:16):
something that we say, you know,this is just something I have to
do.
It's something within my heart.
And it doesn't matter who uhinsults me, it doesn't matter
who makes fun of me, it doesn'tmatter who ridicules me.
I've got to do this.
Now it may not always go to thatextreme, but but I think I think
(16:36):
within everybody, you know,whatever your situation,
whatever the situation maybeyour child's in or or a friend
of yours is in, God will, Ithink, place within you a kind
of calling to help you exhibitcompassion.
SPEAKER_02 (16:50):
And often it's sacrificial.
SPEAKER_00 (16:52):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, quite often.
Compassion is not because itmakes it may make you feel good,
but it's not about a feeling.
It's about, you know, you loveyour kids and you have
compassion for your kids.
And when they're sick at two inthe morning, you don't may not
feel like tending to them.
SPEAKER_01 (17:08):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
But the but the love for them and that you care about
them, uh, you know, uh brings upthe compassion in your heart and
your soul.
I'm gonna do whatever it takesto take care of them.
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
So it reminds me of a a a story years ago.
I was working at a at a hoteland there's a a doctor staying
there, and he was obviously verysuccessful at what he did.
And there was nobody else in thelobby, and we're just kind of
hanging out, and and uh, and heasked me about what it was I was
gonna do with my life, if Iplanned on staying in the
(17:45):
hospitality industry, and uh andI told him, I said, no, I said
it's it's fun sometimes, but Idon't know.
There it's just not anythingthat's gonna get me up in the
morning and excited about doing.
Uh, I don't I don't see for methat being super fulfilling.
Now, for other people it may be,but I was like, I I've got to
know that what I'm doing ismaking a bigger difference.
(18:07):
And in this particular setting,I don't feel that.
And I had a doctor look at meand say, Yeah, I don't
understand that.
Like, how are you a doctor andnot it's like, no, I you know, I
I went to school and I make mymoney and that's what I did.
SPEAKER_00 (18:26):
Yeah.
You know, and and watch nailsrust kind of thing, you know,
not really make an impact withmy life.
But but uh I think everybody,Jared.
I I mean, I know preachers andteachers, and but I think
parent, you know, God gives you,I think there's this kind of uh,
you know, built-in calling totake care of and be
compassionate for your kids.
(18:46):
Now we when we read his storiesor hear of horrible incidents
where where parents you knowkill their kids or uh that story
some years ago where the the momput the kids in the car and oh
yeah and put them into uhsomewhere in South Carolina into
a lake and killed them.
That's unusual.
In fact, that is so bizarre.
We we look at that and go, ah,that's crazy.
But but to have that kind ofcompassion for your kids
(19:09):
wherever they are, uh it goesbeyond feelings, it goes beyond
sympathy.
There's sympathy and empathy,but it goes to, I've got to, you
know, I've got to do thisbecause I love this person or
these people so much.
SPEAKER_01 (19:25):
So we've kind of touched on it, Laura, but like
why why would you say, you know,if if I were that doctor and I
was gonna ask you, why doescompassion really matter?
How would you respond to that?
SPEAKER_03 (19:44):
I think that um I mean it matters in almost
everything we do, like in in inpeople that we interact with and
it in our um relationships, itis uh it matters in ourself.
Uh it's if we are just doingwhatever we want to do and
(20:08):
everything's about me, then be aa shallow person and not have a
whole lot of of personal growth.
So um so it as far as being, Iguess, a well-rounded
individual.
SPEAKER_01 (20:23):
Um I think I'm a pretty well-rounded individual.
SPEAKER_03 (20:27):
Um but in yeah, and your relationships with others,
and then it also impacts um thecommunity that you live in.
So not just your immediaterelationships, but also the
different areas in your life anddifferent places that you um
interact, and it can it impactsall of all of that.
SPEAKER_01 (20:56):
Compassion.
I like to say it that way.
Compassion.
SPEAKER_03 (21:01):
I like opera announcer, right?
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
So well it and it's one of those conversations that
is kind of really strange.
So uh uh there's this likeconstant battle inside of my
head to where I um I have thisissue, and and I'm sure
everybody sitting around thetable is gonna sh nod their head
when I say this because they'veall seen it.
(21:26):
I really struggle with doingthings just because somebody
told me to.
Like I I was that kid who, youknow, it could be something as
silly as you know, we get up inthe morning and and mom says,
Hey, remember today's your dad'sbirthday.
Don't forget to tell him happybirthday.
And I'm like, Well, I could havecame up with that on my own.
So I'm not gonna tell them rightnow.
(21:47):
I'll wait and tell them whenit's my idea.
And then I would forget.
Right?
That that's that's me.
That's how I'm that not sayingit's right, and I work on it,
but that's how I'm wired.
SPEAKER_03 (21:59):
Um Which is why I like have to say, you know, you
might want to consider.
SPEAKER_01 (22:04):
You might want to consider.
Here's an idea.
If you would like to write thisdown, look at it later when
you're on your own, and and andfeel free to make whatever
decision it is that you want tomake, and it can be your idea.
Uh the problem with that thoughis that does come from a uh it
comes from a perspective of I'min control.
And and and there's this almostlike a power struggle that
(22:26):
happens in our lives where umyou know we have to establish
ourselves, we have to jockey forposition, we have to um be in
control of what is going on.
And and it almost seems as wehave this conversation, it's
very difficult to be the the themaster of your universe and be
(22:54):
compassionate at the same time.
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Like it's one of those things that we cannot do.
And so one of the things, youknow, when we talk, of course,
we look through the lens of ofteachers working in special
education and and you know, welearn how to say the right
things.
Right?
We can say, we can when we'reworking with kids, we can say,
Yes, I've I've I've had thetraining, I will not have a
(23:20):
power struggle with this studentbecause it's not most important
that that I'm right or that I'min control.
I understand that what's mostimportant is that this student
can become the best student theycan be.
So I understand that there's notgonna be any power struggle.
(23:43):
I understand that I'm gonnaspeak to them in a calm way.
And I understand that when wewalk down the hall, I'm gonna
praise them and I'm gonna letthem know that I'm so glad that
they're walking down the hall inin in the right manner.
And then life happens, and thenthat kid wants to be a stinker,
(24:05):
and it's funny, like all of thatjust runs right out your ear.
I said ear.
It's okay, I didn't ear.
E-A-R.
Oh, you gave me a look.
Sorry.
Like I was talking about mybutt.
Sorry.
See, I I've got problems.
But anyway, back to what I wassaying.
SPEAKER_00 (24:25):
And we have compassion for you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:27):
Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (24:28):
Yeah, uh yeah, I'm sure they do.
They're about to move on thatcompassion.
So if you hear me screaming orsomething, um but it again, it's
real easy to say the rightthings, it's real easy to even
know the right things, but it'sdifferent to do them.
And so I I keep kind of goingback to this question of how do
(24:52):
we do that?
How do how do I tie myself to adecision that doesn't feel what
what do I do when this kid isspitting at me?
I had this happen today.
Kid wanted to go to theplayground, it just wasn't time
(25:13):
to go to the playground.
He got mad, spit at me and kickme in the shin.
Yeah.
And I didn't even lose my mind.
Because in that in that momentin time, I was being successful
and being compassionate andknowing that me just being right
and in control is not what'smost important here.
(25:35):
How do I do that in life?
How do I do that when somebodycan push my buttons, when
somebody knows the exact thingto say to me to get me spun up,
how do I stay compassionate withthat person?
SPEAKER_02 (25:48):
You protect your heart.
You protect your heart becauseif you if your heart isn't
right, you're not gonna havecompassion.
And if you don't havecompassion, when a child throws
up, it's not gonna be, oh, thispoor kid, it's oh, you've made
my life complicated.
For me, and I'm gonna make youeat it, you know.
(26:10):
And to me, it it's a heartthing.
SPEAKER_03 (26:13):
I don't know how many piles of vomit you cleaned
up when Xander was was um firsteating foods, and was it easy?
No, it wasn't easy because thatlittle stinker would finish that
whole bowl and look at us, turnhis head, and right on the floor
it went.
Now, now did we start over?
(26:33):
Yes, but with a new bowl.
SPEAKER_04 (26:35):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:36):
That's and that's the was it hard?
Yes, it was hard.
There were tears and both.
SPEAKER_02 (26:44):
And if your heart's not right and it's all about
you, that that's not a that'snot a good thing.
SPEAKER_00 (26:52):
Right.
Compassion cannot be about aselfish right what makes me feel
good, or a lot of people get itgo into different professions or
vocations because of what theycan do, not what they can give.
And I guess I know this is true.
I've I'm not taught, I've beenwith Xander a lot, but I haven't
(27:14):
taught special needs kids.
You have to say it's not aboutwhat I want or what I like or
what I think, but it's abouthelping them to get what they
need.
And when that kind of um hearthappens, when the hurling
happens and when the difficultyhappens, you you see past that.
(27:35):
You see past yourself and yousay, you know, I'm not gonna be
about myself, even though I feellike being about myself.
You know, like I feel likesaying, I don't want to deal
with this.
Uh, but I say I deal with itanyway because that's what
compassion is, caring for thosewho can't maybe can't care for
themselves.
SPEAKER_02 (27:53):
So wouldn't I get over?
I'm sorry.
No, go ahead.
I still can't get over thedoctor saying he can't
understand the whole compassionthing.
You would think, because most ofthe time you hear people going
into the medical field becausethey have compassion.
So that that's real weird to me.
SPEAKER_00 (28:10):
Well, sometimes they go into their fields because of
prestige or power or possessionor money.
So one that's why we went intospecial education.
Yeah, I know.
All three of those.
SPEAKER_04 (28:22):
Yeah, you know, because you got a lot of power
there, don't you?
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
That's and I think that like uh I can I can you
know remember times thinking,why is my shoe getting wet
looking down and there's a kidpeeing on it?
I'm like, this this is what Igot, this is what I got all of
that student loan debt for.
But no, uh no, no, and I I I dolove the kids.
I'm being silly.
I don't know if the kids everpee on my shoe or not.
It's very evident.
Yeah, that's that's obvious.
(28:49):
But something that that if I'm Isay I say things like this all
the time, something we talkabout a lot.
But we really do.
Something that that that we'vetalked about a lot is how we
only perceive the world throughour eyes, right?
From a from a psychological,from a physical, we are in the
(29:12):
middle of our life and we arewatching everybody else operate
around us.
And so it is incredibly easy forus to believe that we are the
center of our universe, right?
I mean, it makes sense.
Not that it's right, but itmakes sense.
And so as we look around at thepeople around us, and we kind of
alluded to it a little bitearlier, is that the way that
(29:35):
I'm seeing the world around mehas been shaped and molded
through all of my experiencesover the course of life, right?
And my interactions with um myparents, my interactions with my
siblings, my interactions withfriends, with teachers, right?
It all of my interactions inlife shape and mold the way I
look at the world.
(29:55):
And if I leave it to that, thatwill be how I live my life.
It's almost a reactionarylifestyle.
I'm allowing everybody to toshape and form the way I look at
the world around me.
And it's very, very difficultfor anybody to say, oh wow, this
is the wrong way to see theworld.
(30:16):
I need I need that to change.
So what if we're gonna have towrap this thing up in a minute?
What if somebody is listening,like I would say two of our
listeners, but mom's here, sothere's one other one out there.
If that one listener says, youknow what, there's I believe
(30:38):
there's some truth to what thisweird Curtis family is talking
about.
I recognize in my life that I amvoid of compassion.
I may do some compassionatethings on occasion, but my
overall perspective when itcomes to my job, my family, my
(31:05):
whatever.
My overall perspective islacking compassion.
What is it that I can do?
How do I change who I am?
How do I change the way I seethe world?
How do I change the way I viewmy family, my kids, my you know,
(31:30):
I years ago I was a youthpastor, and I used to tell the
kids that if you want to get anidea of the person that you're
dating, if you want to get anidea how they would treat you in
in a in a marriage relationship,watch your girlfriend and how
she interacts with her dad.
(31:50):
Watch your boyfriend and see howhe interacts with his mom.
Because what's happening isthey're being taught how to view
the world, and they're beingtaught how to view your
relationship in that house,whether they're doing it on
purpose or not, right?
We're all being shaped, we'reall being molded by our
experiences.
(32:10):
What if I'm somebody right nowthat says, I obviously am
lacking compassion in my life?
I'm lacking it in myrelationships, I'm lacking it in
my job, like I'm just viewing myjob as a job, even talking about
the the hotel.
When I was working there, Icould still be compassionate to
(32:32):
those there.
I could still in that settingput them as a high priority in
my life to move and to care forand to help take care of them
the best that I possibly can.
How does somebody change whothey are to be more
compassionate?
SPEAKER_00 (32:50):
You want me to preach?
SPEAKER_03 (32:54):
You don't change who you are.
SPEAKER_00 (32:56):
I'm open to an idea.
I don't think you can change whoI don't think only God can
change who a person is.
And uh and what you know, whatthe whole, and I'm a I'm a
Christian, so I'm coming fromthat perspective.
But the whole Christian life isabout I think it begins, I think
its foundation is humility,where I say humility is not
(33:20):
thinking less of yourself, it'sthinking more of others.
Humility is not thinking less ofyourself in a biblical sense,
it's thinking more of Christ.
And uh one of the one of the bigscriptures that a lot of people
don't like to use is a scripturethat says, uh, deny yourself.
(33:40):
And I'm you have you have uh youknow personal growth
relationships and communityimpact.
Well, it all starts with denyingyourself, not doing what feels
good to me, not doing what Iwant to do, but with doing
what's best for the people thatI'm uh I'm around and that I
have uh any kind of uhconnection with.
(34:02):
But in a real spiritual sense,it's saying, God, I want to put
you first in my life.
Because when we learn to put Godfirst in our lives, something
really amazing happens.
We learn to put other peoplefirst in our lives.
And uh and and it's an amazingthing.
Jesus says you can't be mydisciples unless you deny
yourself, take up your cross andfollow me.
(34:23):
And I just did the message lastweek and we talked about uh uh
Jesus and his children, and thatwhen the children came to Jesus,
the disciples said, No, you guysget away.
He's he's too busy for you.
And Jesus said, No, let thechildren come into me, for such
is the kingdom of God.
And so uh so that kind ofcompassion uh just runs out of
(34:46):
you when you the closer you getto God, the more passionate get
towards others.
SPEAKER_02 (34:50):
We've seen so many people who were miserable
because they didn't like whothey they are, because they
didn't have compassion orsympathy, and and we've seen
them uh surrender their lives toChrist and become brand new
people, you know, and thatthat's that's biblical, you
(35:11):
know.
You become a new person and umit's an amazing thing to watch.
SPEAKER_00 (35:17):
That's the evidence.
That's the evidence.
SPEAKER_03 (35:19):
Left left to ourselves, we're just gonna end
up on on autopilot and justgoing through the motions and
going through, okay, this iswhat I have to do today.
Today I have to do this and Ihave to do this and I have to do
that.
And when something gets in theway of us on this autopilot,
that's when the things the horthose horrible things happen
(35:41):
with like the story we'retalking about with the child
that vomited.
Nope, okay, now you're in myway.
Now like you said, Robin, theymade it about them and then
you've impacted my life, and sonow I have to do something.
But right when we have Jesus' toguide us, that's when we can see
(36:03):
this child that is learning toeat and vomits, whether they're
being a stinker and beingdefiant, or whether there is
really something like, oh yeah,they don't like mashed potatoes.
And you can take a step back andsay, okay, why did this happen?
SPEAKER_02 (36:22):
Not just there's a scripture that says that we need
to protect our hearts becausewhat's in there, it's gonna come
out.
And and I know from experienceit's gonna come out at the worst
time, you know.
And um, so it's really importantto protect our hearts because
what's in there is gonna comeout.
SPEAKER_00 (36:44):
For sure, because compassion isn't automatic.
SPEAKER_02 (36:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (36:47):
Compassion is developed, I think, as God
places that inside of you, thathe develops it through you.
That's why a truly convertedperson who comes to Christ is
one who will be a compassionateperson.
Uh you know, but people who playchurch or play religion, that
you know, their theirself-centerness is going to come
(37:08):
out.
But uh if we can learn to allowChrist to just live and grow and
and thrive in us, the compassionwill flow out of us.
Not that we don't have to learnit and and grow in it and allow
it to be developed.
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
It's a process.
Just like just like us becomingadults or becoming who we are in
life.
It's that again, that process.
There's things that are takingplace, there's influences that
are going on.
And and and when your influenceis the creator of the universe
who specifically decided to makeyou um well it changes
(37:48):
everything.
It changes everything.
Um I I can say this, and andwe're gonna wrap up our
conversation.
This is one that we might haveto get back together again on
this one.
We got a lot to cover.
SPEAKER_03 (38:00):
I think we just barely scratched the surface.
Thank you for inviting us.
SPEAKER_00 (38:03):
Thank you for letting us be a part of this.
I love you.
We're so proud of it.
SPEAKER_02 (38:06):
So proud of you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:08):
And let me just say this one thing.
And I've seen the compassion inboth of your lives.
Definitely amazing ways, uh, andways that you people don't know
about, but I get to see it.
Uh, you know, I've seen you bothjust God just just take a hold
of your heart in your lives andthe in the and a major impact
that you're making on familiesand children.
(38:29):
Thank you so much.
God bless you.
unknown (38:31):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
And so now, whoever's listening to this,
it's just me and you.
We're not going to talk to themanymore.
Um, but I can tell you, justbetween me and you, right?
It's just me and you talkingnow.
Nobody else is here.
Laura and and mom and dad aren'tlistening anymore, and neither
is anybody else.
Um, I've I've I've grown up inthis area where we live.
(38:52):
I've been here for um about 38years, and the life that I have
chosen to live over the courseof that 38 years has been pretty
ridiculous.
There have been um a lot of poordecisions.
There have been a lot ofresponding to feelings versus
(39:15):
doing what we know to be right,what I know to be right.
Um, and I gotta tell you, it isthe compassion of the people
that have been around me duringthe course of my life that has
helped me to live a life that Ibelieve is more productive and
(39:36):
more fulfilling um than everbefore.
It has nothing to do withtalent, it has nothing to do
with knowledge, it has nothingto do with uh anything that we
can drum up on our own, but thecompassion of people around me
changed my life and allowed meto move in a direction where I
(40:00):
had the opportunity to impactother people's lives as well.
And again, it's just me and you.
Consider that.
Think about that.
Think about the person you youhave a desire to be.
And hey, if you want to, you canreach out to us, you can shoot
(40:23):
us an email, you can get us onuh Facebook, and we would love
to talk to you more about how tobecome that person that your
creator desires you to be.
We'll talk to you next time.
So for anybody who is brand new to our
conversations, our uh ourpodcast, this one's gonna be a
little bit different than theones uh in the past.
Um very excited because not onlyis Laura with me, but I have my
parents with me as well.
(01:14):
And so we're gonna be having aconversation between the four of
us, which is kind of a stretch,right?
We before we've done where we'llhave one person call in or
actually a video chat, right?
And uh and we have ourconversations that way.
But now there's four people,right?
So we're moving on up.
(01:35):
No?
And it's what huh?
SPEAKER_03 (01:38):
I just dated myself, I suppose.
SPEAKER_01 (01:40):
Right.
So it's funny, it's funny yousay that.
Um so what's really cool aboutthis too is that it's almost
like uh it is almost like acrossover episode.
SPEAKER_03 (01:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:51):
Because you and I, we we do this thing and and we
have a lot of fun.
And then also, um, when we havetime, uh, which seems to almost
be never lately, um, my dad andI will we'll do a podcast
together too that's uh you knowfocused on scripture and walking
through uh different passagesand talking about it and and
(02:11):
kind of um expounding.
Is that the right word?
I believe you know, with all theeducation, what's that
expressing?
Expressing, you know, it youwould think with all of the
education um that I am in debtfor, I would know words better
than I do.
But, you know, I digress.
So anyway, yeah, so we're allkind of come together and we're
(02:32):
gonna talk about something thatum has kind of weighed heavy on
on our hearts, um and looking atthe the state of society, which
putting it that way soundspretty pretty huge, and it's
like, well, how do you talkabout something like that?
(02:53):
I was looking just the otherday, or actually even today too,
and uh I try to stay away fromthe news.
Like just get the little bitsand pieces that I have to have
to know what's going on in theworld around me, uh, because it
can be quite depressing.
Uh-huh I was looking uh at umjust in the last you know three
(03:14):
months, there's been a handfulof these mass shootings.
Um you know, we we hear storiesof there was the uh was it the
the politician whose house gottorched up north?
Was it in Minnesota?
SPEAKER_03 (03:33):
I don't know because I watched the news less than
years.
SPEAKER_01 (03:38):
And just like these horrible violent acts.
There was uh, you know, CharlieKirk and him being shot because
somebody came to the conclusionthat what this person is saying
is so dangerous, my that thesewords are so dangerous to me
that I need to act out inviolence.
(04:00):
And then, of course, if you'relistening to this, you may be
wondering, well, what does thathave to do with special
education?
Uh we see the same things in theschools around us.
Um, I read a story, I don'tremember when it was, it wasn't
too long ago that we weretalking, Laura, about a teacher
that had been arrested becauselet's see if I get this right.
(04:21):
The student they were trying toget the student to eat, the
student vomited, and they forcefed the student his own vomit.
Right?
So there's these there's thesestories of of uh these kids who
don't necessarily have theability to share what goes on in
(04:43):
their classrooms.
And so there's things that aretaking place that we don't even
know about.
Um and while we would love tolook at laws and we would love
to look at authority, and wewould love to look at all these
different ways to minimize thesuffering, the pain, the
(05:04):
wrongdoing, um, I believe thatwe have to start with ourselves
and ask the question (05:12):
what happens when we become
compassionate people?
What happens when we begin tolook at others in a way that
isn't necessarily uh you know,looking at myself to see what do
I think of me, but questionmyself as to how why do I view
(05:33):
the people around me as I do?
What would cause that teacher tothink it was a good idea to do
that to that student?
What is it that would causesomebody to think it's a good
idea for me to burn downsomebody's house or to go to a
homecoming and start shooting,or to walk into a church and
start shooting?
Like this is the next logicalstep in my life based on what I
(05:57):
hear, what I see, and uh what Ifeel.
SPEAKER_03 (06:03):
I know I've heard both you and your dad, and we've
had conversations, people don'tjust wake up one day and that
and that's the choice they make.
It there's things leading up tothat act.
It's not just one day they wakeup and say, Hey, I think I'm
gonna do this.
And so it makes you wonder thatwhere at what point in their
(06:25):
life could a compassionateindividual have changed that
trajectory.
What happened to them?
SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
And so what we're gonna do is we are gonna have a
conversation between the four ofus, and we're gonna talk about
we're gonna talk about how howwe how we deal with that.
This is gonna be a differentepisode.
And so uh I think I think peopleneed to hold on, um prepare to
(06:53):
be uncomfortable.
Uh but we ask that you just atthe very least listen to what is
said and consider the thingsthat are shared.
So, first things first, what iscompassion?
Y'all want to go ahead andanswer that?
What is compassion?
We can make it up if we want.
SPEAKER_03 (07:12):
The definition of compassion is not only
recognizing another umindividual's suffering, but also
having a desire to do somethingabout it, to alleviate it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:27):
So, um, like I said, I've got I've got my parents
here with me, and I'm veryexcited about this.
SPEAKER_02 (07:32):
We're excited to be here.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:34):
Well, yeah, I'm sorry.
I I get my mind going, I forgetwhether but I think it's it's
it's a desire to live alleviateit, but it's also uh taking the
action to the best of yourability to begin that um that
healing or that help or whateverthat person may need.
So I think it goes a little bitmore than a desire or a feeling,
(07:57):
and you're we're gonna talkabout like sympathy and empathy
and all of that.
But it's it's it's working backto show compassion, you may not
feel like it.
You know, you do it becauseyou're driven to do it.
There's something inside of youthat compels you to say, I can't
let this pain and this person'slife persist.
(08:19):
And um so I I think it's it's anaction and it's uh uh it's
saying, okay, you know, what ismy plan?
Because I love these people somuch.
And I even know Jesus in Matthewchapter nine, he looks over
Jerusalem.
He says they're like they'relike sheep without a shepherd.
And the scripture says he hadcompassion.
(08:40):
He he cried, he wept.
You know, what makes you cry?
What makes what makes you say Ican't sleep at night because
I've got to do something becauseI care so much.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
And and that is an important um differentiation
there between sympathy andempathy, right?
Sympathy we know uh means we welook at others that are
suffering and we feel bad forthem.
And that's a good thing.
There's there's absolutelynothing wrong with sympathy.
We can read in scripture wherewhere sympathy is is something
(09:11):
that is um is a godlycharacteristic.
Empathy is a really hard one,though.
Because empathy says I need toput myself in the shoes of
others.
Well, like we've already talkedabout though, that's really hard
to do because mom, you you evenjust said it's we all experience
different things.
We all we interact withdifferent people.
SPEAKER_02 (09:35):
I think it's I think it's impossible to know exactly
what people are going through.
Even, you know, like it's Ibelieve that when we go through
a hurt that um as a follower ofJesus Christ, he wants me.
If I if I go through that samehurt, I should share it with
those that are going throughthat that same thing.
(09:59):
But we're still two differentpeople with different makeups
and different strengths anddifferent weeks and uh
weaknesses.
And um, there's no way we canreally know what people are
going through.
SPEAKER_00 (10:12):
Even if it's similar, right?
Even if you know if if somebodyloses a child, well, they they
lose a child, but thecircumstances are different.
So how they process that, howthey feel about that, uh is
different.
So empathy, it's almostimpossible.
SPEAKER_02 (10:32):
That's what I was thinking.
It's really impossible.
SPEAKER_00 (10:34):
You can say, you can say, well, that you know, we
both went through some of thesame things.
So there's there's thatempathetic kind of feeling, but
to really know what somebodyelse goes through is you know,
only only God knows that, youknow.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Right.
So we can say in in justspeaking on sympathy, empathy,
and compassion from from thesympathy standpoint, that is
something that we can do.
We can we can and it's almost anatural when we can look at
other people and and and hurtfor where they are.
And I we've um all of usactually have uh at different
(11:07):
times had the opportunity to togo to Ethiopia and to and to
spend time with the people thereand and fantastic people, uh
compassionate people, lovingpeople, uh, but to see some of
the the hardship that they gothrough, and it it moves you to
(11:28):
the point of sometimes eventears.
We can't empathize with that,right?
Especially in our country.
So, you know, it things we don'tdeal with in our country, we
don't deal with starving peoplein our country.
As a matter of fact, I I thinkit's fair to say it's kind of
the up the opposite, right?
We don't take care of ourselvesvery well because we stuff
(11:49):
ourselves.
We have an obesity problem, notright um and there's so there's
no way for us to empathize withthat.
We can look at it, we can feelbad, we can't empathize with it,
but what does compassion looklike?
Right?
Compassion is that that thatstirring in me that I have to,
as you were saying, I have torespond to.
(12:12):
And so for just for the sake ofconversation, let's label these
three in that way.
Our sympathy is we can look atothers and we can genuinely feel
sorry, not being ridiculous andoh but can genuinely feel sorry.
Empathy is like I said, almostimpossible to do.
But compassion compassion drivesus to move.
(12:38):
So what do we tether thedecision to be compassionate to?
Because there's some issues withthis, right?
If it's based on how I feel,compassion is subjective.
Compassion happens when I feellike it.
(12:59):
It's the actually the exactopposite of what you said.
So there has to be somethingobjective.
There has to be something thatis more of an authority over me
that requires me to submit to itfor me to be compassionate.
(13:22):
Now, can I can I have moments ofcompassion?
Can I can I at times be movedbased on that feeling to do
something?
Yes.
But what does that look likewhen it is something that we
want to be core in our lives?
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
How do we do that?
I think it comes from a calling,which is a little bit different
than uh, you know, every day Iwalk down the road, or I don't
walk down the road, I may drivedown the road.
Walking, think about walkingdown the road, but I should.
But uh drive, or I see peopleand I and I say to myself, you
know, um, they that's sad.
(14:05):
This person's hurting here, thisperson's hurting there, but
there's really nothing I can doabout that.
So what happens is, you know, II kind of that's a sympathy kind
of thing, maybe even a littlebit of an empathy.
And uh, you know, I I've maybebeen where they've been.
However, compassion is birthed,I think, out of something that's
uh that that's who you are, whatyou're called.
(14:28):
And and I can only attest tothat personally in my life, I've
been called to the gospel uhmessage to preach the gospel,
and uh because I understand theincredible uh results and
effects of the gospel.
So so for me it's a calling,something that I have to do, I
(14:48):
have to say, I have to, and uhand I think I think I don't
think I think everybody's gotsome kind of a uh a calling to
their life.
They may not be a preacher ofthe gospel, but they God may put
them in a situation where notonly do they empathize a little,
sympathize, but now they havethis compassion where they can
(15:10):
make a difference.
That maybe I I can use my sisterfor an example, my sister Lori,
uh, when my dad was dying, sheuh attended to him, she took
care of him, and she dideverything she could to help
him.
And out of that birthed withinher a compassion to care for
people.
And at 50 years old, she becamea nurse and uh and cared for
(15:33):
people.
And and so something of thatnature, maybe with your
situation, of course, with withXander, who um, you know, I
remember when his diagnosisfirst came in, how difficult
that was for you, Jared.
And uh, but rather than uh beingupset and wondering, what do I
do, you you God developed in youand in Laura, because I've seen
(15:55):
her deal with these kids,develop within you, and Xander
especially, uh, a calling.
This is maybe something morethan I do in my home.
This is something I do with my,and in my home is my life, but I
do with my life.
And I think compassion uh on along-scale uh long haul level is
(16:16):
something that we say, you know,this is just something I have to
do.
It's something within my heart.
And it doesn't matter who uhinsults me, it doesn't matter
who makes fun of me, it doesn'tmatter who ridicules me.
I've got to do this.
Now it may not always go to thatextreme, but but I think I think
(16:36):
within everybody, you know,whatever your situation,
whatever the situation maybeyour child's in or or a friend
of yours is in, God will, Ithink, place within you a kind
of calling to help you exhibitcompassion.
SPEAKER_02 (16:50):
And often it's sacrificial.
SPEAKER_00 (16:52):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, quite often.
Compassion is not because itmakes it may make you feel good,
but it's not about a feeling.
It's about, you know, you loveyour kids and you have
compassion for your kids.
And when they're sick at two inthe morning, you don't may not
feel like tending to them.
SPEAKER_01 (17:08):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
But the but the love for them and that you care about
them, uh, you know, uh brings upthe compassion in your heart and
your soul.
I'm gonna do whatever it takesto take care of them.
SPEAKER_01 (17:22):
So it reminds me of a a a story years ago.
I was working at a at a hoteland there's a a doctor staying
there, and he was obviously verysuccessful at what he did.
And there was nobody else in thelobby, and we're just kind of
hanging out, and and uh, and heasked me about what it was I was
gonna do with my life, if Iplanned on staying in the
(17:45):
hospitality industry, and uh andI told him, I said, no, I said
it's it's fun sometimes, but Idon't know.
There it's just not anythingthat's gonna get me up in the
morning and excited about doing.
Uh, I don't I don't see for methat being super fulfilling.
Now, for other people it may be,but I was like, I I've got to
know that what I'm doing ismaking a bigger difference.
(18:07):
And in this particular setting,I don't feel that.
And I had a doctor look at meand say, Yeah, I don't
understand that.
Like, how are you a doctor andnot it's like, no, I you know, I
I went to school and I make mymoney and that's what I did.
SPEAKER_00 (18:26):
Yeah.
You know, and and watch nailsrust kind of thing, you know,
not really make an impact withmy life.
But but uh I think everybody,Jared.
I I mean, I know preachers andteachers, and but I think
parent, you know, God gives you,I think there's this kind of uh,
you know, built-in calling totake care of and be
compassionate for your kids.
(18:46):
Now we when we read his storiesor hear of horrible incidents
where where parents you knowkill their kids or uh that story
some years ago where the the momput the kids in the car and oh
yeah and put them into uhsomewhere in South Carolina into
a lake and killed them.
That's unusual.
In fact, that is so bizarre.
We we look at that and go, ah,that's crazy.
But but to have that kind ofcompassion for your kids
(19:09):
wherever they are, uh it goesbeyond feelings, it goes beyond
sympathy.
There's sympathy and empathy,but it goes to, I've got to, you
know, I've got to do thisbecause I love this person or
these people so much.
SPEAKER_01 (19:25):
So we've kind of touched on it, Laura, but like
why why would you say, you know,if if I were that doctor and I
was gonna ask you, why doescompassion really matter?
How would you respond to that?
SPEAKER_03 (19:44):
I think that um I mean it matters in almost
everything we do, like in in inpeople that we interact with and
it in our um relationships, itis uh it matters in ourself.
Uh it's if we are just doingwhatever we want to do and
(20:08):
everything's about me, then be aa shallow person and not have a
whole lot of of personal growth.
So um so it as far as being, Iguess, a well-rounded
individual.
SPEAKER_01 (20:23):
Um I think I'm a pretty well-rounded individual.
SPEAKER_03 (20:27):
Um but in yeah, and your relationships with others,
and then it also impacts um thecommunity that you live in.
So not just your immediaterelationships, but also the
different areas in your life anddifferent places that you um
interact, and it can it impactsall of all of that.
SPEAKER_01 (20:56):
Compassion.
I like to say it that way.
Compassion.
SPEAKER_03 (21:01):
I like opera announcer, right?
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
So well it and it's one of those conversations that
is kind of really strange.
So uh uh there's this likeconstant battle inside of my
head to where I um I have thisissue, and and I'm sure
everybody sitting around thetable is gonna sh nod their head
when I say this because they'veall seen it.
(21:26):
I really struggle with doingthings just because somebody
told me to.
Like I I was that kid who, youknow, it could be something as
silly as you know, we get up inthe morning and and mom says,
Hey, remember today's your dad'sbirthday.
Don't forget to tell him happybirthday.
And I'm like, Well, I could havecame up with that on my own.
So I'm not gonna tell them rightnow.
(21:47):
I'll wait and tell them whenit's my idea.
And then I would forget.
Right?
That that's that's me.
That's how I'm that not sayingit's right, and I work on it,
but that's how I'm wired.
SPEAKER_03 (21:59):
Um Which is why I like have to say, you know, you
might want to consider.
SPEAKER_01 (22:04):
You might want to consider.
Here's an idea.
If you would like to write thisdown, look at it later when
you're on your own, and and andfeel free to make whatever
decision it is that you want tomake, and it can be your idea.
Uh the problem with that thoughis that does come from a uh it
comes from a perspective of I'min control.
And and and there's this almostlike a power struggle that
(22:26):
happens in our lives where umyou know we have to establish
ourselves, we have to jockey forposition, we have to um be in
control of what is going on.
And and it almost seems as wehave this conversation, it's
very difficult to be the the themaster of your universe and be
(22:54):
compassionate at the same time.
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Like it's one of those things that we cannot do.
And so one of the things, youknow, when we talk, of course,
we look through the lens of ofteachers working in special
education and and you know, welearn how to say the right
things.
Right?
We can say, we can when we'reworking with kids, we can say,
Yes, I've I've I've had thetraining, I will not have a
(23:20):
power struggle with this studentbecause it's not most important
that that I'm right or that I'min control.
I understand that what's mostimportant is that this student
can become the best student theycan be.
So I understand that there's notgonna be any power struggle.
(23:43):
I understand that I'm gonnaspeak to them in a calm way.
And I understand that when wewalk down the hall, I'm gonna
praise them and I'm gonna letthem know that I'm so glad that
they're walking down the hall inin in the right manner.
And then life happens, and thenthat kid wants to be a stinker,
(24:05):
and it's funny, like all of thatjust runs right out your ear.
I said ear.
It's okay, I didn't ear.
E-A-R.
Oh, you gave me a look.
Sorry.
Like I was talking about mybutt.
Sorry.
See, I I've got problems.
But anyway, back to what I wassaying.
SPEAKER_00 (24:25):
And we have compassion for you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:27):
Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (24:28):
Yeah, uh yeah, I'm sure they do.
They're about to move on thatcompassion.
So if you hear me screaming orsomething, um but it again, it's
real easy to say the rightthings, it's real easy to even
know the right things, but it'sdifferent to do them.
And so I I keep kind of goingback to this question of how do
(24:52):
we do that?
How do how do I tie myself to adecision that doesn't feel what
what do I do when this kid isspitting at me?
I had this happen today.
Kid wanted to go to theplayground, it just wasn't time
(25:13):
to go to the playground.
He got mad, spit at me and kickme in the shin.
Yeah.
And I didn't even lose my mind.
Because in that in that momentin time, I was being successful
and being compassionate andknowing that me just being right
and in control is not what'smost important here.
(25:35):
How do I do that in life?
How do I do that when somebodycan push my buttons, when
somebody knows the exact thingto say to me to get me spun up,
how do I stay compassionate withthat person?
SPEAKER_02 (25:48):
You protect your heart.
You protect your heart becauseif you if your heart isn't
right, you're not gonna havecompassion.
And if you don't havecompassion, when a child throws
up, it's not gonna be, oh, thispoor kid, it's oh, you've made
my life complicated.
For me, and I'm gonna make youeat it, you know.
(26:10):
And to me, it it's a heartthing.
SPEAKER_03 (26:13):
I don't know how many piles of vomit you cleaned
up when Xander was was um firsteating foods, and was it easy?
No, it wasn't easy because thatlittle stinker would finish that
whole bowl and look at us, turnhis head, and right on the floor
it went.
Now, now did we start over?
(26:33):
Yes, but with a new bowl.
SPEAKER_04 (26:35):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:36):
That's and that's the was it hard?
Yes, it was hard.
There were tears and both.
SPEAKER_02 (26:44):
And if your heart's not right and it's all about
you, that that's not a that'snot a good thing.
SPEAKER_00 (26:52):
Right.
Compassion cannot be about aselfish right what makes me feel
good, or a lot of people get itgo into different professions or
vocations because of what theycan do, not what they can give.
And I guess I know this is true.
I've I'm not taught, I've beenwith Xander a lot, but I haven't
(27:14):
taught special needs kids.
You have to say it's not aboutwhat I want or what I like or
what I think, but it's abouthelping them to get what they
need.
And when that kind of um hearthappens, when the hurling
happens and when the difficultyhappens, you you see past that.
(27:35):
You see past yourself and yousay, you know, I'm not gonna be
about myself, even though I feellike being about myself.
You know, like I feel likesaying, I don't want to deal
with this.
Uh, but I say I deal with itanyway because that's what
compassion is, caring for thosewho can't maybe can't care for
themselves.
SPEAKER_02 (27:53):
So wouldn't I get over?
I'm sorry.
No, go ahead.
I still can't get over thedoctor saying he can't
understand the whole compassionthing.
You would think, because most ofthe time you hear people going
into the medical field becausethey have compassion.
So that that's real weird to me.
SPEAKER_00 (28:10):
Well, sometimes they go into their fields because of
prestige or power or possessionor money.
So one that's why we went intospecial education.
Yeah, I know.
All three of those.
SPEAKER_04 (28:22):
Yeah, you know, because you got a lot of power
there, don't you?
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
That's and I think that like uh I can I can you
know remember times thinking,why is my shoe getting wet
looking down and there's a kidpeeing on it?
I'm like, this this is what Igot, this is what I got all of
that student loan debt for.
But no, uh no, no, and I I I dolove the kids.
I'm being silly.
I don't know if the kids everpee on my shoe or not.
It's very evident.
Yeah, that's that's obvious.
(28:49):
But something that that if I'm Isay I say things like this all
the time, something we talkabout a lot.
But we really do.
Something that that that we'vetalked about a lot is how we
only perceive the world throughour eyes, right?
From a from a psychological,from a physical, we are in the
(29:12):
middle of our life and we arewatching everybody else operate
around us.
And so it is incredibly easy forus to believe that we are the
center of our universe, right?
I mean, it makes sense.
Not that it's right, but itmakes sense.
And so as we look around at thepeople around us, and we kind of
alluded to it a little bitearlier, is that the way that
(29:35):
I'm seeing the world around mehas been shaped and molded
through all of my experiencesover the course of life, right?
And my interactions with um myparents, my interactions with my
siblings, my interactions withfriends, with teachers, right?
It all of my interactions inlife shape and mold the way I
look at the world.
(29:55):
And if I leave it to that, thatwill be how I live my life.
It's almost a reactionarylifestyle.
I'm allowing everybody to toshape and form the way I look at
the world around me.
And it's very, very difficultfor anybody to say, oh wow, this
is the wrong way to see theworld.
(30:16):
I need I need that to change.
So what if we're gonna have towrap this thing up in a minute?
What if somebody is listening,like I would say two of our
listeners, but mom's here, sothere's one other one out there.
If that one listener says, youknow what, there's I believe
(30:38):
there's some truth to what thisweird Curtis family is talking
about.
I recognize in my life that I amvoid of compassion.
I may do some compassionatethings on occasion, but my
overall perspective when itcomes to my job, my family, my
(31:05):
whatever.
My overall perspective islacking compassion.
What is it that I can do?
How do I change who I am?
How do I change the way I seethe world?
How do I change the way I viewmy family, my kids, my you know,
(31:30):
I years ago I was a youthpastor, and I used to tell the
kids that if you want to get anidea of the person that you're
dating, if you want to get anidea how they would treat you in
in a in a marriage relationship,watch your girlfriend and how
she interacts with her dad.
(31:50):
Watch your boyfriend and see howhe interacts with his mom.
Because what's happening isthey're being taught how to view
the world, and they're beingtaught how to view your
relationship in that house,whether they're doing it on
purpose or not, right?
We're all being shaped, we'reall being molded by our
experiences.
(32:10):
What if I'm somebody right nowthat says, I obviously am
lacking compassion in my life?
I'm lacking it in myrelationships, I'm lacking it in
my job, like I'm just viewing myjob as a job, even talking about
the the hotel.
When I was working there, Icould still be compassionate to
(32:32):
those there.
I could still in that settingput them as a high priority in
my life to move and to care forand to help take care of them
the best that I possibly can.
How does somebody change whothey are to be more
compassionate?
SPEAKER_00 (32:50):
You want me to preach?
SPEAKER_03 (32:54):
You don't change who you are.
SPEAKER_00 (32:56):
I'm open to an idea.
I don't think you can change whoI don't think only God can
change who a person is.
And uh and what you know, whatthe whole, and I'm a I'm a
Christian, so I'm coming fromthat perspective.
But the whole Christian life isabout I think it begins, I think
its foundation is humility,where I say humility is not
(33:20):
thinking less of yourself, it'sthinking more of others.
Humility is not thinking less ofyourself in a biblical sense,
it's thinking more of Christ.
And uh one of the one of the bigscriptures that a lot of people
don't like to use is a scripturethat says, uh, deny yourself.
(33:40):
And I'm you have you have uh youknow personal growth
relationships and communityimpact.
Well, it all starts with denyingyourself, not doing what feels
good to me, not doing what Iwant to do, but with doing
what's best for the people thatI'm uh I'm around and that I
have uh any kind of uhconnection with.
(34:02):
But in a real spiritual sense,it's saying, God, I want to put
you first in my life.
Because when we learn to put Godfirst in our lives, something
really amazing happens.
We learn to put other peoplefirst in our lives.
And uh and and it's an amazingthing.
Jesus says you can't be mydisciples unless you deny
yourself, take up your cross andfollow me.
(34:23):
And I just did the message lastweek and we talked about uh uh
Jesus and his children, and thatwhen the children came to Jesus,
the disciples said, No, you guysget away.
He's he's too busy for you.
And Jesus said, No, let thechildren come into me, for such
is the kingdom of God.
And so uh so that kind ofcompassion uh just runs out of
(34:46):
you when you the closer you getto God, the more passionate get
towards others.
SPEAKER_02 (34:50):
We've seen so many people who were miserable
because they didn't like whothey they are, because they
didn't have compassion orsympathy, and and we've seen
them uh surrender their lives toChrist and become brand new
people, you know, and thatthat's that's biblical, you
(35:11):
know.
You become a new person and umit's an amazing thing to watch.
SPEAKER_00 (35:17):
That's the evidence.
That's the evidence.
SPEAKER_03 (35:19):
Left left to ourselves, we're just gonna end
up on on autopilot and justgoing through the motions and
going through, okay, this iswhat I have to do today.
Today I have to do this and Ihave to do this and I have to do
that.
And when something gets in theway of us on this autopilot,
that's when the things the horthose horrible things happen
(35:41):
with like the story we'retalking about with the child
that vomited.
Nope, okay, now you're in myway.
Now like you said, Robin, theymade it about them and then
you've impacted my life, and sonow I have to do something.
But right when we have Jesus' toguide us, that's when we can see
(36:03):
this child that is learning toeat and vomits, whether they're
being a stinker and beingdefiant, or whether there is
really something like, oh yeah,they don't like mashed potatoes.
And you can take a step back andsay, okay, why did this happen?
SPEAKER_02 (36:22):
Not just there's a scripture that says that we need
to protect our hearts becausewhat's in there, it's gonna come
out.
And and I know from experienceit's gonna come out at the worst
time, you know.
And um, so it's really importantto protect our hearts because
what's in there is gonna comeout.
SPEAKER_00 (36:44):
For sure, because compassion isn't automatic.
SPEAKER_02 (36:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (36:47):
Compassion is developed, I think, as God
places that inside of you, thathe develops it through you.
That's why a truly convertedperson who comes to Christ is
one who will be a compassionateperson.
Uh you know, but people who playchurch or play religion, that
you know, their theirself-centerness is going to come
(37:08):
out.
But uh if we can learn to allowChrist to just live and grow and
and thrive in us, the compassionwill flow out of us.
Not that we don't have to learnit and and grow in it and allow
it to be developed.
SPEAKER_01 (37:23):
It's a process.
Just like just like us becomingadults or becoming who we are in
life.
It's that again, that process.
There's things that are takingplace, there's influences that
are going on.
And and and when your influenceis the creator of the universe
who specifically decided to makeyou um well it changes
(37:48):
everything.
It changes everything.
Um I I can say this, and andwe're gonna wrap up our
conversation.
This is one that we might haveto get back together again on
this one.
We got a lot to cover.
SPEAKER_03 (38:00):
I think we just barely scratched the surface.
Thank you for inviting us.
SPEAKER_00 (38:03):
Thank you for letting us be a part of this.
I love you.
We're so proud of it.
SPEAKER_02 (38:06):
So proud of you.
SPEAKER_00 (38:08):
And let me just say this one thing.
And I've seen the compassion inboth of your lives.
Definitely amazing ways, uh, andways that you people don't know
about, but I get to see it.
Uh, you know, I've seen you bothjust God just just take a hold
of your heart in your lives andthe in the and a major impact
that you're making on familiesand children.
(38:29):
Thank you so much.
God bless you.
unknown (38:31):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
And so now, whoever's listening to this,
it's just me and you.
We're not going to talk to themanymore.
Um, but I can tell you, justbetween me and you, right?
It's just me and you talkingnow.
Nobody else is here.
Laura and and mom and dad aren'tlistening anymore, and neither
is anybody else.
Um, I've I've I've grown up inthis area where we live.
(38:52):
I've been here for um about 38years, and the life that I have
chosen to live over the courseof that 38 years has been pretty
ridiculous.
There have been um a lot of poordecisions.
There have been a lot ofresponding to feelings versus
(39:15):
doing what we know to be right,what I know to be right.
Um, and I gotta tell you, it isthe compassion of the people
that have been around me duringthe course of my life that has
helped me to live a life that Ibelieve is more productive and
(39:36):
more fulfilling um than everbefore.
It has nothing to do withtalent, it has nothing to do
with knowledge, it has nothingto do with uh anything that we
can drum up on our own, but thecompassion of people around me
changed my life and allowed meto move in a direction where I
(40:00):
had the opportunity to impactother people's lives as well.
And again, it's just me and you.
Consider that.
Think about that.
Think about the person you youhave a desire to be.
And hey, if you want to, you canreach out to us, you can shoot
(40:23):
us an email, you can get us onuh Facebook, and we would love
to talk to you more about how tobecome that person that your
creator desires you to be.
We'll talk to you next time.
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