March 25, 2025 • 18 mins
In this solo episode of Live Your Extraordinary Life, host Michelle Rios pulls no punches. She’s asking the hard questions—and inviting you to do the same. Are your daily choices aligned with the life you say you want? Or is there a quiet, widening gap between your words and your actions?
Fresh off the road from retreats, keynotes, and writing, Michelle returns with a fire-lit conversation on the power of alignment and the underestimated discipline of self-mastery. She breaks down why most people—yes, even high achievers—are living out of sync with their desires, and how that disconnect erodes self-trust, fuels burnout, and keeps you stuck in cycles of “trying” instead of becoming.
Expect real talk, neuroscience-backed insights, and a powerful 5-question Alignment Audit to help you reclaim your clarity, recalibrate your habits, and start living in radical integrity with your truth. Whether you’re building a business, calling in love, or seeking more freedom, this episode will challenge you to stop just talking the talk—and start walking it.
If you're ready to collapse timelines and become the version of you who already has the life you crave, this one's a must-listen.
WAYS TO CONNECT WITH ME:
- New Course Alert - Extraordinary Wealth: Mastering the Art of Selling With Soul: https://michellerios.mykajabi.com/Extraordinary-Wealth-Selling-With-Soul
- Book: https://michelleriosofficial.com/book. (Coming in early 2026. Join the Waitlist)
- The Energetic Blueprint for Financial Freedom (Free Audio): https://michellerios.mykajabi.com/extraordinary-wealth-the-energetic-blueprint
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- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/michelle.c.rios
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- Website: https://michelleriosofficial.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the
Live your Extraordinary Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and I am thrilled to be with you
today.
We are diving in deep on atopic that's near and dear to my
heart, and that is alignment inself-mastery.
The bottom line is are youwalking your talk?
(00:26):
Okay, why are we talking aboutthis?
A lot of you who follow theshow are going to know I took a
little bit of a hiatus for a fewweeks.
I've been on the road and doingsome writing and some speaking,
and I've been at a retreat, andnow I'm back and what I am
seeing relative to alignment isreally eyeopening, and I say
(00:50):
that not only of those that youknow, the people I meet out and
about, but also what's happenedin my own life.
Right, let's be honest.
We all say we want to succeedand we want to be at the top of
our game, whether it's business,a career or a healthy body, or
finding the love of our lives orfriends that feed our soul or
(01:12):
the wealth that really createsfreedom.
But here's the million dollarquestion Are your actions
actually in alignment with thelife you say you want?
Because here's a truth mostpeople don't want to hear.
You don't get what you want.
You get what you commit to,what you do day in and day out,
(01:33):
how you live your life.
And when your actionscontradict your desires, you're
not just delaying success,you're actually eroding
self-trust.
So this episode is all aboutalignment, real alignment and
self-mastery, that secret thatbridges the gap between ambition
(01:54):
and reality.
And here's the honest to God'struth Most people are out of
alignment.
What they say they want and howthey actually live their lives
are two totally differentuniverses.
And if you're listening to thispodcast, I already know you're
a high achiever.
I know you're driven, I knowyou've got big goals.
(02:17):
But I also know that even highachievers fall into this trap
saying one thing thing but doinganother, wanting results but
avoiding the mirror that showsthe gap between who you say you
are and how you actually show up.
Even I fall down here.
But this episode it's not aboutjudgment.
(02:39):
It's about the hard truths thatare going to set you free if
you're willing to hear them.
So buckle up and let's dive in,all right.
So are you out of alignment?
How do we know?
If we took a look at your lastseven days, your calendar, your
bank statement, your screen time, your habits, your
(03:02):
conversations, would we seesomeone becoming who they say
they want to be?
Because your life is alwaysshowing you what you're actually
committed to, not what you hopefor, not what you intend to do
what you actually do.
Let me give you some real worldexamples.
(03:23):
So say you want to build amillion dollar business, or even
a six figure business, butyou're not even putting in 90
minutes of focused work each day.
Or you say you want to findlove, maybe even start a family,
but you're still entertainingemotionally unavailable people.
Or worse, you're still notemotionally available yourself.
(03:47):
Or you say you want to get intoshape, but the last three times
you promised yourself you'dstart on Monday, you didn't.
Or you want to grow yournetwork, but you're actually way
too busy for real connection.
That's distraction.
That's not alignment, it'savoidance, and we're all
(04:09):
culpable of this.
You're not alone If this issomething that you're
experiencing.
Believe me, most people are outof alignment, but the life you
want requires a version of youthat shows up before the results
appear.
So let's talk about misalignment, because misalignment creates
(04:31):
more than disappointment itcreates mental chaos.
If we take a look atneuroscience and psychology for
a moment, we know that ourbrains crave coherence, which is
when your beliefs, your valuesand your actions all line up,
and when they don't, youexperience something called
(04:53):
cognitive dissonance.
That's internal friction, andit causes stress, self-doubt and
even procrastination.
It actually creates two majorissues it goes back to, it
erodes your self-trust and itguarantees that you stay stuck
in place while convincingyourself.
(05:13):
You're trying.
Research shows that cognitivedissonance causes anxiety,
procrastination and burnoutanxiety, procrastination and
burnout.
So when you say you valuehealth but you don't prioritize
sleep or hydration or movement,that disconnect.
(05:34):
It creates the mental stresswe're talking about, even if
you're not aware of it, and theprefrontal cortex, the
decision-making center of yourbrain, gets fatigued by repeated
misalignment.
You're literally making itharder to make good decisions
when you're living out of syncwith your values.
According to a study in theJournal of Consumer Psychology,
(05:57):
people who are in a constantstates of misalignment with
their goals are alsosignificantly more likely to
self-sabotage, avoidaccountability, numb out with
distractions and feel burned out, even when they're not doing
that much.
Translation misalignment isn'tjust a personal problem, it's a
(06:20):
performance problem and it's notall emotional, it's
neurological.
And the more you stay out ofalignment, the more fatigued
your decision-making brainbecomes, and the more you stay
out of alignment, the morefatigued your decision-making
brain becomes.
Self-mastery is what restoresyour clarity and conviction.
(06:43):
Okay, let's talk about theillusion of effort, right?
We need to debunk a major mythright now being busy does not
mean you're in alignment.
Far from it.
You can fill your day with 37tasks and still be completely
off track.
(07:03):
Ask me.
I know a study by a HarvardBusiness Review found that up to
80% think about that.
80% of the average workday isspent on low value activities
meetings, admin, responding tothings that feel urgent but
actually aren't important andaren't going to help you achieve
(07:24):
your goals.
So you may feel like you'reputting in the work, but the
real question is are you movingthe needle in the direction of
your true desires?
If you want to grow a brand,for example, are you building
assets or are you just consumingcontent?
If you want to change your life, are you investing your time in
(07:44):
strategy and action or are youstaying struck?
If you want to change your life, are you investing your time in
strategy and taking action orare you staying stuck in
strategy consumption?
There's a difference betweenactivity and effectiveness,
between looking productive andactually being productive, and
(08:07):
alignment lives in that gap.
All right.
So self-mastery isn't sexy, butit works.
Most people want freedom, right, but they don't want the
discipline that's needed tocreate it.
And here's the paradox Freedomis the byproduct of self-mastery
(08:28):
.
When you master your choices,your focus, your energy, you
don't need motivation.
You move from a place ofintention.
Angela Duckworth, the author ofGrit, found that long-term
discipline is a much strongerpredictor of success than IQ,
talent or even passion.
(08:49):
Angela Duckworth, the author ofGrit, found that long-term
discipline is actually astronger predictor of success
than IQ, talent or even passion.
Self-mastery means doing whatit needs.
Self-mastery means doing whatneeds to be done, even when you
(09:09):
don't feel like it.
In fact, especially when youdon't feel like it, you're not
waiting to become disciplined.
You decide to act in alignmentagain and again until you are
that person.
Okay, here comes the truth.
It's time for a personalalignment audit.
(09:30):
I want you to grab something towrite with or you can use your
phone, but grab a journal, apiece of paper or your notes in
your phone and I want you to askyourself the following
questions what do I say I want?
Okay, I'll repeat that.
What do I say I want?
Number two what actions do Itake consistently?
(09:56):
What is it that I do day in andday out, and do they support
what I say I want?
Number three where's the gap?
Number four what's the storyI'm telling myself about why I'm
not doing what I need to do toget what I say I want?
(10:18):
What's that story I'm tellingmyself about why I'm not doing
it?
And number five who would Ineed to become to close that gap
?
Now, if you need to take a fewminutes, go ahead, stop, pause
the episode and answer thesequestions as honestly as you can
(10:39):
.
This is going to give you a muchmore accurate assessment about
whether or not you're living inalignment.
And let me be clear Alignmentis not just about what you do.
It's about who you becomethrough what you do, and there's
no need to be perfect.
It's about being congruent,showing up in integrity with
(11:03):
your own desires.
People think alignment meansdoing more, but often it means
doing differently.
So saying no when you alwayssay yes, slowing down when
you're addicted to speed, orchoosing discomfort today for
growth tomorrow.
(11:23):
Because nothing drains yourpower more than saying what you
want Okay.
Because nothing drains yourpower more than saying you want
one thing and yet doing another,because nothing drains your
power more than saying you wantone thing and yet doing another.
(11:46):
Okay, so let's talk habits.
Self mastery is the bridgebetween your potential and your
reality.
Again, it's not about beingperfect, it's about being in
charge of yourself, yourthoughts, your energy and your
(12:06):
habits.
So you want to know whatalignment looks like in action.
Here are habits of people whowalk their talk.
Number one they have a morningpractice that sets their
intention.
Daily Studies actually showthat people who start their day
with intention are 87% morelikely to follow through.
(12:30):
I like my odds.
Morning practices are gamechangers.
Number two people who havehabits that align their walk
with their talk guard theirenergy like it's currency,
because it is because noteverything or everyone deserves
(12:54):
your energy or attention.
Remember that.
Number three they keep theirpromises.
They follow through period.
If they say they're going to dosomething, they do it Even when
no one is watching.
Number four they say no withconfidence.
(13:16):
Alignment requires boundaries.
Number five they check in withthemselves regularly.
Alignment isn't a one-time thing, it's a daily recalibration.
And lastly, they don't let thehard moments take them out.
(13:36):
Sometimes you're going to fallflat on your face when it comes
to alignment.
It just happens.
But when that happens, you needto adjust, recommit to your
goals and then just keep going,pick yourself up and dust
yourself off and get back on thehorse.
Self-mastery, again, is notabout control.
(13:57):
It's about consistently actingin service of your higher self.
Okay, so you've done thatalignment audit.
If you find that there's a gapbetween where you are and where
you want to be, that's a message.
The gap is showing you whereyou're out of integrity with
(14:20):
yourself.
And the bridge that's thedecision to do something
different, to live different, toembody the person who already
has the life you want.
You don't have to earnalignment, you just have to
choose it.
So here's my challenge to youIf you're out of alignment,
(14:40):
don't shame yourself.
Reclaim yourself, recommit toyour truth, to your goals,
recommit to your vision and backit up with action.
Look at the next 30 days andask what would it look like if
my actions reflected radicalalignment with what I say I want
(15:04):
?
Alignment with what I say Iwant Now?
Go do that, be that version ofyou now, because alignment is
how you collapse timelines.
It's how you go from stuck tostriving to unstoppable and
thriving.
And it all starts with this.
Walk your talk, own your energy, master yourself.
(15:28):
That's the path to gettingeverything you say you want.
I want to thank you for spendingthis time with me in this
episode.
It's such an important one.
We all need that reminder.
We all need that holding up ofthe mirror to assess whether or
(15:48):
not we're living in alignment.
So if this episode hit you inthe gut or lit a fire under you,
please share it.
It's the best way we can reachmore people who need to hear
this message.
And lastly, if you haven'talready, I would really
appreciate if you couldsubscribe, rate and review the
(16:08):
show on Apple podcasts or iTunesor wherever you're getting your
podcast.
Thank you again for joining me.
It's been an absolute pleasureto be on this journey with you.
Until next time, go and liveyour extraordinary life.
Go and live your extraordinarylife.
(16:31):
Oh my God, you are kidding meright?
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the
Live your Extraordinary Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and I am thrilled to be with you
today.
We are diving in deep on atopic that's near and dear to my
heart, and that is alignment inself-mastery.
The bottom line is are youwalking your talk?
(00:26):
Okay, why are we talking aboutthis?
A lot of you who follow theshow are going to know I took a
little bit of a hiatus for a fewweeks.
I've been on the road and doingsome writing and some speaking,
and I've been at a retreat, andnow I'm back and what I am
seeing relative to alignment isreally eyeopening, and I say
(00:50):
that not only of those that youknow, the people I meet out and
about, but also what's happenedin my own life.
Right, let's be honest.
We all say we want to succeedand we want to be at the top of
our game, whether it's business,a career or a healthy body, or
finding the love of our lives orfriends that feed our soul or
(01:12):
the wealth that really createsfreedom.
But here's the million dollarquestion Are your actions
actually in alignment with thelife you say you want?
Because here's a truth mostpeople don't want to hear.
You don't get what you want.
You get what you commit to,what you do day in and day out,
(01:33):
how you live your life.
And when your actionscontradict your desires, you're
not just delaying success,you're actually eroding
self-trust.
So this episode is all aboutalignment, real alignment and
self-mastery, that secret thatbridges the gap between ambition
(01:54):
and reality.
And here's the honest to God'struth Most people are out of
alignment.
What they say they want and howthey actually live their lives
are two totally differentuniverses.
And if you're listening to thispodcast, I already know you're
a high achiever.
I know you're driven, I knowyou've got big goals.
(02:17):
But I also know that even highachievers fall into this trap
saying one thing thing but doinganother, wanting results but
avoiding the mirror that showsthe gap between who you say you
are and how you actually show up.
Even I fall down here.
But this episode it's not aboutjudgment.
(02:39):
It's about the hard truths thatare going to set you free if
you're willing to hear them.
So buckle up and let's dive in,all right.
So are you out of alignment?
How do we know?
If we took a look at your lastseven days, your calendar, your
bank statement, your screen time, your habits, your
(03:02):
conversations, would we seesomeone becoming who they say
they want to be?
Because your life is alwaysshowing you what you're actually
committed to, not what you hopefor, not what you intend to do
what you actually do.
Let me give you some real worldexamples.
(03:23):
So say you want to build amillion dollar business, or even
a six figure business, butyou're not even putting in 90
minutes of focused work each day.
Or you say you want to findlove, maybe even start a family,
but you're still entertainingemotionally unavailable people.
Or worse, you're still notemotionally available yourself.
(03:47):
Or you say you want to get intoshape, but the last three times
you promised yourself you'dstart on Monday, you didn't.
Or you want to grow yournetwork, but you're actually way
too busy for real connection.
That's distraction.
That's not alignment, it'savoidance, and we're all
(04:09):
culpable of this.
You're not alone If this issomething that you're
experiencing.
Believe me, most people are outof alignment, but the life you
want requires a version of youthat shows up before the results
appear.
So let's talk about misalignment, because misalignment creates
(04:31):
more than disappointment itcreates mental chaos.
If we take a look atneuroscience and psychology for
a moment, we know that ourbrains crave coherence, which is
when your beliefs, your valuesand your actions all line up,
and when they don't, youexperience something called
(04:53):
cognitive dissonance.
That's internal friction, andit causes stress, self-doubt and
even procrastination.
It actually creates two majorissues it goes back to, it
erodes your self-trust and itguarantees that you stay stuck
in place while convincingyourself.
(05:13):
You're trying.
Research shows that cognitivedissonance causes anxiety,
procrastination and burnoutanxiety, procrastination and
burnout.
So when you say you valuehealth but you don't prioritize
sleep or hydration or movement,that disconnect.
(05:34):
It creates the mental stresswe're talking about, even if
you're not aware of it, and theprefrontal cortex, the
decision-making center of yourbrain, gets fatigued by repeated
misalignment.
You're literally making itharder to make good decisions
when you're living out of syncwith your values.
According to a study in theJournal of Consumer Psychology,
(05:57):
people who are in a constantstates of misalignment with
their goals are alsosignificantly more likely to
self-sabotage, avoidaccountability, numb out with
distractions and feel burned out, even when they're not doing
that much.
Translation misalignment isn'tjust a personal problem, it's a
(06:20):
performance problem and it's notall emotional, it's
neurological.
And the more you stay out ofalignment, the more fatigued
your decision-making brainbecomes, and the more you stay
out of alignment, the morefatigued your decision-making
brain becomes.
Self-mastery is what restoresyour clarity and conviction.
(06:43):
Okay, let's talk about theillusion of effort, right?
We need to debunk a major mythright now being busy does not
mean you're in alignment.
Far from it.
You can fill your day with 37tasks and still be completely
off track.
(07:03):
Ask me.
I know a study by a HarvardBusiness Review found that up to
80% think about that.
80% of the average workday isspent on low value activities
meetings, admin, responding tothings that feel urgent but
actually aren't important andaren't going to help you achieve
(07:24):
your goals.
So you may feel like you'reputting in the work, but the
real question is are you movingthe needle in the direction of
your true desires?
If you want to grow a brand,for example, are you building
assets or are you just consumingcontent?
If you want to change your life, are you investing your time in
(07:44):
strategy and action or are youstaying struck?
If you want to change your life, are you investing your time in
strategy and taking action orare you staying stuck in
strategy consumption?
There's a difference betweenactivity and effectiveness,
between looking productive andactually being productive, and
(08:07):
alignment lives in that gap.
All right.
So self-mastery isn't sexy, butit works.
Most people want freedom, right, but they don't want the
discipline that's needed tocreate it.
And here's the paradox Freedomis the byproduct of self-mastery
(08:28):
.
When you master your choices,your focus, your energy, you
don't need motivation.
You move from a place ofintention.
Angela Duckworth, the author ofGrit, found that long-term
discipline is a much strongerpredictor of success than IQ,
talent or even passion.
(08:49):
Angela Duckworth, the author ofGrit, found that long-term
discipline is actually astronger predictor of success
than IQ, talent or even passion.
Self-mastery means doing whatit needs.
Self-mastery means doing whatneeds to be done, even when you
(09:09):
don't feel like it.
In fact, especially when youdon't feel like it, you're not
waiting to become disciplined.
You decide to act in alignmentagain and again until you are
that person.
Okay, here comes the truth.
It's time for a personalalignment audit.
(09:30):
I want you to grab something towrite with or you can use your
phone, but grab a journal, apiece of paper or your notes in
your phone and I want you to askyourself the following
questions what do I say I want?
Okay, I'll repeat that.
What do I say I want?
Number two what actions do Itake consistently?
(09:56):
What is it that I do day in andday out, and do they support
what I say I want?
Number three where's the gap?
Number four what's the storyI'm telling myself about why I'm
not doing what I need to do toget what I say I want?
(10:18):
What's that story I'm tellingmyself about why I'm not doing
it?
And number five who would Ineed to become to close that gap
?
Now, if you need to take a fewminutes, go ahead, stop, pause
the episode and answer thesequestions as honestly as you can
(10:39):
.
This is going to give you a muchmore accurate assessment about
whether or not you're living inalignment.
And let me be clear Alignmentis not just about what you do.
It's about who you becomethrough what you do, and there's
no need to be perfect.
It's about being congruent,showing up in integrity with
(11:03):
your own desires.
People think alignment meansdoing more, but often it means
doing differently.
So saying no when you alwayssay yes, slowing down when
you're addicted to speed, orchoosing discomfort today for
growth tomorrow.
(11:23):
Because nothing drains yourpower more than saying what you
want Okay.
Because nothing drains yourpower more than saying you want
one thing and yet doing another,because nothing drains your
power more than saying you wantone thing and yet doing another.
(11:46):
Okay, so let's talk habits.
Self mastery is the bridgebetween your potential and your
reality.
Again, it's not about beingperfect, it's about being in
charge of yourself, yourthoughts, your energy and your
(12:06):
habits.
So you want to know whatalignment looks like in action.
Here are habits of people whowalk their talk.
Number one they have a morningpractice that sets their
intention.
Daily Studies actually showthat people who start their day
with intention are 87% morelikely to follow through.
(12:30):
I like my odds.
Morning practices are gamechangers.
Number two people who havehabits that align their walk
with their talk guard theirenergy like it's currency,
because it is because noteverything or everyone deserves
(12:54):
your energy or attention.
Remember that.
Number three they keep theirpromises.
They follow through period.
If they say they're going to dosomething, they do it Even when
no one is watching.
Number four they say no withconfidence.
(13:16):
Alignment requires boundaries.
Number five they check in withthemselves regularly.
Alignment isn't a one-time thing, it's a daily recalibration.
And lastly, they don't let thehard moments take them out.
(13:36):
Sometimes you're going to fallflat on your face when it comes
to alignment.
It just happens.
But when that happens, you needto adjust, recommit to your
goals and then just keep going,pick yourself up and dust
yourself off and get back on thehorse.
Self-mastery, again, is notabout control.
(13:57):
It's about consistently actingin service of your higher self.
Okay, so you've done thatalignment audit.
If you find that there's a gapbetween where you are and where
you want to be, that's a message.
The gap is showing you whereyou're out of integrity with
(14:20):
yourself.
And the bridge that's thedecision to do something
different, to live different, toembody the person who already
has the life you want.
You don't have to earnalignment, you just have to
choose it.
So here's my challenge to youIf you're out of alignment,
(14:40):
don't shame yourself.
Reclaim yourself, recommit toyour truth, to your goals,
recommit to your vision and backit up with action.
Look at the next 30 days andask what would it look like if
my actions reflected radicalalignment with what I say I want
(15:04):
?
Alignment with what I say Iwant Now?
Go do that, be that version ofyou now, because alignment is
how you collapse timelines.
It's how you go from stuck tostriving to unstoppable and
thriving.
And it all starts with this.
Walk your talk, own your energy, master yourself.
(15:28):
That's the path to gettingeverything you say you want.
I want to thank you for spendingthis time with me in this
episode.
It's such an important one.
We all need that reminder.
We all need that holding up ofthe mirror to assess whether or
(15:48):
not we're living in alignment.
So if this episode hit you inthe gut or lit a fire under you,
please share it.
It's the best way we can reachmore people who need to hear
this message.
And lastly, if you haven'talready, I would really
appreciate if you couldsubscribe, rate and review the
(16:08):
show on Apple podcasts or iTunesor wherever you're getting your
podcast.
Thank you again for joining me.
It's been an absolute pleasureto be on this journey with you.
Until next time, go and liveyour extraordinary life.
Go and live your extraordinarylife.
(16:31):
Oh my God, you are kidding meright?
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!