May 27, 2025 • 62 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life
podcast is brought to you byTransformational Coaching with
Michelle Rios.
Created for high achievers justlike you who've checked all the
boxes yet still wonder is thisreally it?
You've built success, but deepdown, you're craving more more
(00:22):
meaning, more freedom, more joy.
Deep down, you're craving moremore meaning, more freedom, more
joy.
You're ready for your nextchapter, one that feels fully
aligned, deeply fulfilling andunapologetically yours?
Through my transformationalcoaching, I'll help you break
free from the patterns andbeliefs keeping you stuck.
Clarify your vision for lifeand business in this next
(00:42):
chapter of life, for life andbusiness in this next chapter of
life, build unshakableconfidence and self-trust.
Align your mindset, energy andactions so success feels
authentic and easeful, andcreate extraordinary results
without sacrificing yourselfalong the way.
If you're done playing smalland you're ready to rise, visit
(01:05):
michelleriosofficialcom.
Backslash coaching to learnmore and apply.
Your extraordinary life iswaiting.
Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
When you say I am worthy and deserving of making a
good living doing what I love.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing healthy and happy.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing in a kind, loving
relationship, having wonderfulfriends.
When you believe this in yourcore that you are worthy and
(01:34):
deserving, you will manifestanything.
Mark my word.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Hi, I'm Michelle Rios , host of the Live your
Extraordinary Life podcast.
This podcast is built on thepremise that life is meant to be
joyful, but far too often wesettle for less.
So if you've ever thought thatsomething is missing from your
life, that you were meant formore, or you simply want to
experience more joy in theeveryday, then this podcast is
(02:05):
for you.
Each week, I'll bring youcaptivating personal stories,
transformative life lessons andjuicy conversations on living
life to the fullest, with thehope to inspire you to create a
life you love on your terms,with authenticity, purpose and
connection.
Together, we'll explore what itmeans to live an extraordinary
(02:27):
life, the things that hold usback and the steps we all can
take to start living our bestlives.
So come along for the journey.
It's never too late to getstarted, and the world needs
your light.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of the Live your ExtraordinaryLife podcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and today I'm thrilled to
introduce you to Emily Florence.
Emily is an award-winningwriter, she's a coach and she's
the author of Even Better,easier Ways to a Happier Life.
(03:05):
And I want to delve in deepbecause we have so many
synchronicities.
We've known each other for awhile and I know that you're
going to find this just to be ajuicy and very relatable
conversation.
So with that, emily, welcome tothe show.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Thank you so much, Michelle.
I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Well, I'm thrilled that you could make the time to
come, because you have a bookout there and you have been
doing your like everythinggetting it out to everyone's
hands and I'm really happy tosay it's getting a lot of notice
.
In fact, I want to say it wasactually named the Feel Good
Book of 2024.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
And I know you're going to end up sweeping a whole
bunch in 2025 because you cameout with the audio book or the
paperback to remind, thehardcover came out and then the
paperback and then the audiocomes out in the fall, which I'm
so excited about.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Oh my gosh, this is really excited about it.
An author in progress righthere.
I feel this in my bones.
I'm really excited about it.
An author in progress righthere.
I feel this in my bones.
I'm so excited for you and I'mso excited how well the book has
done and you have, in largepart, really been the marketer
behind it.
It's what a lot of people don'tknow is that when you sit down
to write a book, you're not done.
(04:22):
When the writing is done, it'sa big thing.
So my hat goes off to you.
Let's step back, because I knowso much of what you talk about
is really about happiness.
How do we choose happiness in aworld that really prioritizes
hustle and kind of glorifiesthat busyness thing?
(04:44):
So let's talk about happinessas a whole.
You say happiness isn't justsomething that happens, it's
something we can choose.
What are ways people can choosemore happiness each day, no
matter what's going on and let'sbe honest, there's a lot going
on right now there?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
is a lot going on and you know, it was really
interesting.
When I set out to write thisbook, I knew that I wanted to
title it something that was likethe opportunity, like something
about, you know, a better life,right, and so I chose even
better.
And then the subtitle is easierways to a happier life.
(05:25):
Because it's not easy, right,but there are easier ways.
And I think the first thingthat I recognize in so many
people, and myself as well wehave to choose it, we have to
want it.
Which might sound really simple, michelle, if I'm listening to
you, I'd be like well, of courseI want to be happy.
(05:46):
Who doesn't want to be happy?
But when you actually youreally intend for it, you start
making different choices.
But the first thing you need todo you have to intend for it.
The second thing that you needto do is you need to be aware,
because when you create moreawareness, then you can make
different choices.
So what I mean by that is sooften we just go through the
(06:09):
motions, right, we just do thethings.
It could be social media, itcould be talking to a friend who
, quite frankly, is kind ofdraining.
There are all these differentthings that we just do.
But when we have the intentionto say you know what I want to
be even a tiny bit happier, Iwant to feel even a little bit
(06:30):
better in my daily life, then wecan make some choices, some
very, very specific choices.
I think that all of us can makeis to pay attention to our
attention, right to ourattention.
Right, like I can't choose somany things that happen around
(06:51):
me or in the news or outside ofmy world I cannot control.
But I can absolutely controlwhat I turn on at night when I
watch TV.
I can absolutely control thepodcast, like your podcast is so
inspiring, it's so empowering,it's so uplifting.
I'm like everyone should listento Michelle's podcast.
Right, it's positive.
But I could also listen tothings that really bring me down
(07:15):
, like the news.
Yes, exactly, and I believe youknow I did my master's in
broadcast journalism.
I love the news.
I have a lot of respect forbeing informed, and also I know
that we do not need to glueourselves to the TV or to the
radio all day long.
(07:35):
You know, we can get theinformation and get on with our
days.
So, paying attention to ourattention, social media is a big
one.
I think we're going to betalking about that a lot more
and more over the next years,decades to come for sure.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Hold on for a minute.
Let's stay there for a minuteBecause, well, two things.
You and I come from the worldof public relations, so my life
for 20 some odd years was reallyabout devouring as much of the
news and the headlines as Icould, because it was going to
impact my particularly mycorporate clients on any given
day.
And I was looking at financialnews, I was looking at headlines
(08:14):
, what was happening and trends,so that was part of my job.
First thing, I did grab myphone and check the headlines,
and now that I've transitionedto another walk of life, that's
not the case.
However, it is so tempting toget up first thing in the
morning and check your Instagramfeed, and so I've had to get
(08:36):
into the habit of putting myphone on the other side of the
room to charge and not lettingthat be my first go-to in the
morning, but it was for a longtime.
It took the place of the newsconsumption that I was doing for
work for the agency world.
It was sort of an easyreplacement, but it immediately
(08:57):
just gets you in this state ofmind, of tactic.
You're already comparingyourself.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
You haven't even got it 100%, 100%.
And I have this.
You know my book is obviously.
You know it's like bite-sizedchapters, but I have this
incredibly bite-sized one-pagechapter called Create Before you
Consume and it's this idea thatI'm a big believer that we are
(09:24):
all being like taken.
It's very easy to be taken offcourse, right, it's very easy
for us to get on someone else'sagenda, whether that's like
waking up and seeing a textmessage from somebody or an
email before the workdayactually has to be, or social
media, or opening your email andthere's a newsletter.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Is everywhere, everywhere, everywhere you turn,
there's an opportunity to bedistracted totally, I know, and
it's so hard.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
How do you deal with that, like, what do you do?
What are your healthyboundaries with social media?
I'm always so curious.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I would say I have to be very conscientious and
intentional about it.
But, for example, finishing upthe manuscript that I'm working
on, I had to say I'm not goingto be as active during this
period because it's so easy togo down a rabbit hole of either
creating content and consumingcontent right after creating it
(10:21):
and posting it that it'sactually getting in the way.
It will slow me down and onceI'm realizing it's actually not
a good use of my time in themoment.
It was easy to do, but I willtell you there were times where
it actually I realized after thefact.
I feel like it's a Mel Robbinsconfessional right now but the
(10:44):
fact of laying in bed, like on aSaturday, well past the hour
that was appropriate for wakingup and going wow, I just read
this, really.
I watched this really greatvideo and then I watched another
really great video and Iwatched another, and then I'm
like, what am I doing?
I'm just watching these videosthat are popping up in my feed
that I don't need.
I have so much to do.
(11:04):
So it had to become a consciouschoice because it's so easy to
access.
So I don't actually look at mysocial media before I get up.
Do my morning routine.
I don't do any of that,probably until mid-morning.
I have administrative hours onmy calendar, yeah, and that's
(11:29):
when I start to look at it,which I know is like late for a
lot of people who post, a lot ofus who do it.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
But I'm like you know what I'm going to operate on
Pacific time, even though I'mfine and I'm on Pacific and I'm
always like late to the dailyparty or the end.
But you know it's the pastthree or four months of who I'm
(12:07):
following.
I started taking my own adviceand saying to myself every time
I got off of Instagram, do Ifeel better or worse than before
I got on?
Because it's kind of like acrapshoot.
I can choose my Netflix and Ican kind of know how I'm going
to feel and I can pick up a bookand understand the genre or
(12:31):
whatever, but on Instagram Idon't know if I'm going to hop
on and see that somebody's puppyjust passed away and I'm going
to be so sad, or if I'm going tosee something inspiring, like
from you or from other people, Idon't know.
And so I started to really kindof questioning, like putting it
like, just taking a little bitof inventory, like soul
inventory, I would say, and alsorealizing that if it was a
(12:54):
person and it's not evenpersonal about the person, it
can be completely where I'mcoming from.
But if I end up too oftenseeing a post from a person who
I end up not feeling great aboutit, then I just will take a
little break.
So I've been a little bit moreintentional about who I follow.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
You know, we went a little bit of a rabbit hole on
social media.
It is so much part of our dailylives, so I think it makes
sense, like the reality is.
I have some friends you knowI'm at that place in midlife
where 50% of marriages areending in divorce, unfortunately
, and I'm getting videos fromthem that are funny little
(13:36):
anecdotes on either dating againor the divorce life or whatever
they are, and it's veryentertaining.
And now all of a sudden, myfeed was taken over and I was
like I'm confused.
It's not me, go away, go awayTotally.
It's highly entertaining, andthat's another thing.
It's a time waste because, atthe end of the day, when we
(13:58):
think about our biggest asset,it really is time.
Yes, talk to me aboutintentionality and happiness and
prioritizing your time, becauseI know that you've been very
diligent about and you're on.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Yeah, I have and honestly, kind of piggybacking,
michelle, on what you're sayinglike the algorithms.
It's so true that if we want tolook at law of attraction or
something you know law ofattraction I always said you
know what you think about youget more of right.
And the algorithms have becomethis like whatever on social
media, the algorithms reallydon't care if what they're
(14:38):
serving you makes you happy ornot, they just want to retain
you.
They want the retentions.
But I think as far as likeintentionality for being happy,
so we've got, like the socialmedia, we've got with you know,
kind of cut back on those things.
When you are a little bit moreaware and conscious of how does
this or that make me feel?
(15:00):
Kind of, if you start askingyourself that question
throughout the day and you say,you know, my intention is to
feel even a tiny bit better,then you can make these choices.
I can cut back on the news, Ican cut back on social media.
I don't have to take that phonecall from that person who you
know maybe doesn't make me feelall that great about myself or
(15:22):
life all the time.
You can make these choices.
So those are the things thatyou can cut back on right, and
then you can always add in thethings For me personally, I love
what you were saying about themorning routine For me.
I am a morning person.
(15:43):
I love to go very slow.
Obviously you can't every day,but when I can choose to, I add
in things that make me feel good, affirmations, a gratitude
practice that I adopted when Iwas in my 20s, when I was going
through a really hard time and Isaw firsthand how powerful just
(16:06):
even a little gratitudepractice can be in your life.
Meditation I meditate Even 10minutes a day can change your
life.
So you can add in these thingsthat you know make you feel good
and you can cut back on thesethings that don't.
And that is where we really dohave a lot more choice than we
(16:27):
believe.
And also another thing I talk alot about are thoughts, because
you cannot control.
We have so many thoughtspopping in our head all day
You're not going to be able tocontrol them all.
However, you really can.
When you start paying attentionto your attention, you really
(16:47):
can start catching yourself.
You can be like I could bewalking my dog Harper, like on
the beach in the morning.
It's a beautiful day and likebam, like a bad thought pops
into my head.
Maybe it was something apolitician said the day before
that got under my skin, orsomething that a neighbor said
(17:08):
that sounded like a complimentbut was really.
You know, maybe it's somethingthat happened to me five years
ago that I've already unpacked,I've already worked through.
But as humans, our memories runlong and they can be triggered
very quickly, and so when Istart catching myself, then I
can say to myself you know what?
(17:29):
I don't have to go there rightnow, like I don't have to think
about this.
I can let this thought go andturn my attention to what's
right in front of me or tosomething positive.
I think it's very easy for allof us also to anticipate, to
think about the worst thing thatcould possibly happen, and I
(17:52):
always tell people why notponder the best, like you know,
what's the best possible outcometo this situation?
So I do believe that ourthoughts are something that I
don't think we can control aseasily as selecting something to
watch on TV, on Netflix orsomething.
But with a little bit ofawareness, intention and effort,
(18:15):
we can really change our wholelives by changing our thoughts,
even a little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I mean, you know that I'm a full believer in our
thoughts create our environment,because our thoughts become our
beliefs and our beliefs thencharge our actions, and our
actions and our behaviors andour habits form our life.
So I'm 100 percent on boardwith you there.
Ok, let's talk a little bitabout how you got to writing the
(18:42):
book.
Because you were in the worldof PR, you were doing a lot of
other things.
You've written three books, yes, but even better is the first
one you've published.
So talk to us a little bitabout the journey of becoming an
author.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yes, I always loved writing as a little girl.
I always had a journal and Ialways loved poetry and stories
and things like that.
I started writing my first booktotally accidentally.
It was the night I dropped outof law school.
I dropped out of law schoolafter four days.
It just wasn't for me.
(19:19):
I had no idea what I was goingto do with my life and also I
just felt really inspired oneevening to sit in my little
windowsill nook and that becamemy first book.
I got an agent and it was acollection of short stories and
it was fun to write and ittaught me how to write.
(19:39):
It taught me how to finishsomething.
It was incredible.
I got an agent pretty quicklyand then I don't know how many
rejections I had from publishinghouses, but let's just say it
was a lot.
By this time you know how longthe journey can be, and so by
the time all of this kind of wasplaying out, I was already in
(20:01):
PR.
I was doing publicity of anentertainment company, you know,
in Beverly Hills, afterrejection from the publishing
house and I just let it go.
That was that, and I just saidyou know what A lot of authors
(20:22):
out there have that one bookthat's kind of like in their
little attic graveyard orsomething.
And then the second book that Iwrote.
It was a novel and I just never, even though I finished it, I
never was happy with the ending.
But I'm going to tell youyou're going to be the first one
to notice, michelle I'veactually put on my calendar
because I've been gettinginspired of that ending, and I
(20:46):
put it on my calendar to revisitthat the end of this year and
I'm really looking forward tothat.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh, I've got goosebumps.
The writing journey is such aself-discovery journey.
A lot of people think I'm goingto go write about this thing
that I know, or even if it'sfiction, this thing I'm picking
up, and then you learn so muchabout yourself in the writing
process and you process so muchof things behind the scenes as
(21:13):
you're going through it.
It's amazing to me.
Some of the stuff I'm talkingabout, of course, my book is
non-fiction.
Yeah, things I'm talking aboutare things that happened 20 plus
40 plus years ago, but they'restill relevant.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Right, there's still like a message 100 relevant.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
They're important context setters and the being.
You think you've processedsomething until you write about
it and then you're like huh,this hits differently than
sitting in a therapy office, youknow, in a therapist's office.
It hits differently when you'rewriting about it and trying to
communicate it effectively sothat it brings it to life in a
(21:51):
visceral way for the audience,the reading audience, and you
relive it.
So a way for the audience, areading audience, and you relive
it and you realize like, wow,that was really a profound thing
that happened and I know it was.
That's why I'm writing about it.
But I'm reliving it again.
And how much you've changedsince that original event.
(22:11):
And you just get sucked intothat all over again.
It's a lot to process.
As you're unpacking a book, Ithink a lot of us think, oh, I
am distant from that memory, I'mjust going to write without you
have to.
No, you're in it, you're in itagain.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
That's what's so You're in it.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Look, I think some days are really hard, but some
days are incredibly inspiring,because you're like, yes, this
was it, this was that.
Lived experience is sort of nowchanneling through me that I'm
going to be able to share, andit brings it to life for someone
else.
But you realize, like, how faryou've come, yeah, how it still
(22:54):
punches the buttons.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yes, it can still activate.
I mean, I think for a lot ofpeople, writing can be,
especially when it comes to anykind of memoir or personal
stories that are interwoven in anon-fiction.
That's what you know.
Mine is heavily uh.
Non, it's non-fiction and alsomy stories are interwoven.
It can be so cathartic though.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
It is.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
You know, and it's so interesting, michelle, as a
writer, I wonder if youexperience this too but because
when you are in on the pages,you feel it all, you see it all,
and then you get to choose whatyou're going to share with the
reader.
And that's a really interestingmoment too, to be like how
(23:38):
vulnerable do I want to be, howmuch detail do I want to go into
?
Writing is a beautiful thing.
I absolutely love it, andthere's a lot of choices that
are made every single moment.
A lot of choices.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I might have understood that as well as I do
now if I hadn't sat down towrite this book, because what I
wrote, even six months ago goinginto this book, has evolved.
Theme is the same, the topic isthe same, the stories are the
same, but the level of honestyyou don't even realize, simply
(24:17):
pulling back on the story andallowing the language to show up
differently, how much moreauthentic it becomes.
I didn't even realize theoriginal language was somewhat
holding back and that's becomein the revision process a lot
more.
And that's become in therevision process a lot more
(24:44):
visceral, a lot more like you'rethere, you know kind of what's
happened in some of thesestories and that was.
It was a difficult choice tomake of saying how honest am I
going to be?
And it's so funny for someonewho talks about authenticity,
right, and it's not that it'snot a true story, like all of it
, yeah, but how detailed and inthe story are you going to allow
the reader?
And yeah, that's a choice.
(25:05):
It isn't relevant or not.
Yes, help them or not.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yes, and there's that too, like it's the reader
experience as well.
So I know it's wild.
You just have no idea until youget into it, how many layers
there's going to be and choicesand all the things.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, it's crazy.
All right, let's talk about it,because I want to talk a little
bit more about self-acceptance.
You talk a lot about this inthe book.
How can people stop being sohard on themselves?
And it feels like such arelevant conversation.
As my own critic reading a book,it's been really hard.
(25:44):
I'm, you know, yeah, I workwith a coach who will say how's
the book coming and what haveyou?
And yeah, he goes and I'm like,well, I'm still working on
whatever chapter I'm in.
And she's like, isn't that thesame chapter you're working on?
You know, two weeks ago?
And I said, yeah, I went backto it.
She said it's done, it wasbeautiful, let it go.
And she's like you're socritical and I said no, it
(26:05):
wasn't to your point earlier, itwasn't quite conveying what I
wanted to convey.
Yes, need needed it to sharpenthe pencil a little bit more
about when I wanted to haveGermany in that particular story
.
But I also realize I amprobably my own worst critic and
I've definitely stood in theway of getting this book out
(26:28):
into the world.
So it's coming out this year.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I know and I cannot wait From hell or high water.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I am so excited for it, but tell me a little bit
about your process and whatyou've learned.
You talk a lot aboutself-acceptance.
I know it's something that allof us can benefit from hearing
more about.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yeah, I have really come to believe strongly not
from people I follow or readtheir books, like in my own
experiences, in my own life,people I work with, my clients
that work with me for PR andmarketing or for any kind of
(27:08):
self-empowerment I have learnedthat self-kindness is the key to
success in every area in ourlives.
Self-kindness is the key tosuccess for your business, it is
the key to success for being inrelationships.
It is everything.
Because when you haveself-kindness for yourself, you
(27:30):
have self-worth, and when youhave self-worth and you believe
yourself worthy and deserving,you can love yourself, even when
there are things about yourselfthat you don't exactly like.
Welcome to the cloud.
That's just being a human.
You can manifest anything.
People talk about manifesting,people talk about it over and
(27:54):
over, and I'm a big believer.
I read all the books, I followall the people, all the things,
but it really starts.
Very few people talk about LuisHay I think was someone who
really talked about it.
But it all begins in how youvalue yourself.
So self-kindness, how that canshow up Because-worth when you
(28:16):
say I am worthy and deserving ofmaking a good living doing what
I love.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing healthy and happy.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing in a kind, loving
relationship, having wonderfulfriends.
When you believe this in yourcore, that you are worthy and
(28:36):
deserving, you will manifestanything.
Mark my word.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
So and yeah, let's hold that for a minute yeah, so
many high achievers of which wehave many listening, yes, are
seemingly confident on theexterior.
They're holding high power jobsand titles or doing doing
yeoman's work and they're notthe people you would suspect
would have worthiness issues andyet so much of their self-worth
(29:04):
is tied up in theiraccomplishments or what their
productivity.
So the idea of self-kindness orself-acceptance is almost
counterintuitive to a lot ofthese very high achieving
individuals, because they'reused to having to sacrifice in
order to achieve, in order tofeel worthy.
(29:28):
So how do we short circuit that?
Because we know that thatactually just leads to a great
deal of burnout.
We know that that actuallycreates a lot of dissatisfaction
in life.
How do we help those individualswho maybe have a lifetime of
stocking their value and theirtitles or achievements, the
(29:50):
goals they've been able to break?
You know, I just did thismarathon.
I'm on to the next marathon andI'm like this right, and I'm
always like, yay, go you.
Oh, that's hard and at the sametime, it's because they're used
to being hardwired this way.
Yes, a little bit judgmental ofthose that seem to be going at
(30:13):
a slower, more methodical andintentional pace.
So how do we break through thatmyth?
Speaker 3 (30:21):
People don't want to hear this, but that's okay A lot
of these people.
First of all, they should beincredibly proud of themselves
for everything they achieve,because self-kindness begins
with being proud of yourself Ahundred percent.
So they should absolutely honorthemselves and be proud of
themselves for running that 10kdoing the left.
The problem is is when theirself-worth is tied to
(30:47):
achievements.
It's the person who only feelsgood about themselves when they
check something off the to-dolist right and and we all know
them, I've been them, I've beenthat person.
I still sometimes suffer fromthat where I'm like, oh my gosh,
michelle, I used to be the typeof person who would do
something not on my to-do listand I would add it to my to-do
(31:07):
list just for the satisfactionof crossing it out, because that
would make me feel good aboutmyself, not kidding.
So, first of all, any way thatwe can feel proud of ourselves
is a win.
That's important, absolutely.
The problem is is that it's tiedto the outside.
It's tied to achievements, andpeople who typically find their
(31:31):
worth in their achievements, whotypically find their worth in
their achievements, things likethat they equally.
You might not see it and theymight not say it, but they're
usually the people that are themost hard on themselves if they
fall short or it's just neverenough and self-kindness you're
just enough as you are.
(31:51):
You just love yourself fully.
You love yourself.
If you didn't complete themarathon because you were taking
care of yourself, you loveyourself if you did.
You just love yourselfunconditionally Doesn't mean you
say I'm not going to stopworking on myself.
We're constantly evolving, andit's so important that we all
(32:12):
take steps to be the version ofourselves that we love and
appreciate even more.
But it's really fascinating towatch what happens with people
when they start lovingthemselves as they are.
Not when they lose 10 pounds,not when they become a
(32:32):
millionaire, not when theybecome a millionaire, not when
they have the kids or get thejob, or say I do, or get the,
you know, when they lovethemselves right now.
It's really amazing, though,the transformation that happens.
People always say I'll lovemyself when, like, oh my gosh,
I'll love myself when I lose 10pounds, or I'll love myself when
(32:53):
I get a job, or I'll lovemyself when it's easier to make
those changes.
It's easier to make thosetransformations, to watch them
come into fruition.
It's easier to attract what youwant.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I think A hundred percent, absolutely.
One thing that always caught mebecause I fell into this
category highly intelligentpeople, high achievers, suffer
from being over intellectualabout a lot of things.
Right, we over intellectualizea lot, and I think one of the
most profound things that everhappened to me was I got a copy
(33:34):
of Wayne Dyer's You'll See itwhen you Believe it.
Love it.
I remember looking at the titlegoing there's something wrong
with this title.
You see it when you believe it,what do you mean?
And I was like I think theyscrewed this up.
And of course then I had to buyit because I was just curious.
And the full notion is within itthis idea that, first of all,
(33:55):
we are inherently worthy becausewe know we are spiritual beings
having a human existence, andso the worth is never tied to
what you do.
You're already worthy.
Then you start making choicesthat are authentic to you.
If you know who you are andwhat you want, instead of like
you know, the world will tellyou.
(34:15):
If you don't figure it out by acertain age, right, the world
will tell you who you are andwhat you are, and what you
should have and what youshouldn't, if you don't fill in
the blanks for yourself.
I think that's one of the mostunfortunate things that happened
as a society.
Right, you don't have a clue?
You're just trying to figureyourself out in your 20s.
Well beware, the world willtell you who you are.
You're going to have to spendtime undoing and unlearning and
(34:40):
really going within.
But when you tell a highachiever you're inherently
worthy, they get this like knotin their throat.
Like what do you meaninherently worthy?
I didn't get anything donetoday.
Yeah, inherently worthy.
You didn't even have to doanything to deserve to be told.
You're worthy just as you are.
(35:01):
That's a game changer for a lotof people.
Yeah, and they're like wait aminute, I don't have to jump
through the hoops.
No, and actually spend timejumping through the hoops and
come back and tell me if thatactually made you happy in the
end.
Because if it did, halla,freaking Luia.
But nine times out of 10, Ihave clients who say, well, I
(35:23):
did that because I thought Ishouldn't do that, because
that's what I was told to do.
I don't even know what I likeor what I want.
This has been the path, right?
I didn't know how to get offthe path until here I am.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Yes, 100%.
And what you just said kind ofreminded me of that wonderful
scene in Bridget Jones' diarywhen Mark Darcy says to Bridget
Jones I like you just the wayyou are.
Yeah, and it's like yeah, notskinny or not like all the
things she said.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That's the big aha moment, I think, for a lot of us
and I think what makes the 20soften so difficult for a lot of
people, and I think it's sort ofdesigned human design.
You kind of go into thewilderness in your 20s.
Nobody really knows what end isup.
And I'm sort of navigating thisright now with a son who's 18
and just about ready to graduatehigh school in a couple of
(36:18):
weeks and then head off tocollege.
He looks as cool as a cucumber,the most self-assured,
confident kid I know, and he wasreading something for me today
and he goes.
You know, reading that chapterreally helped me with my anxiety
and I had to go.
What you and I was like youdon't show any of that.
(36:41):
And he goes, mom, he's like I'mjust like a normal kid, like
everyone else.
I don't know what I'm doing,I'm making it up as I go, and it
just brought me back down to.
I was very outwardly expressiveof like, oh my God, I don't
know what I'm doing, so betteras well, do all of it and be
great at everything, just incase.
And then I have this quiet,introspective kid who's much
(37:04):
more observant, much moreintentional, but also still I
we're 18, 25, 40, 50, 65.
Totally Constant?
Yeah, it is, and so theself-acceptance piece is
(37:37):
critical, because you need it tobe able to navigate all of
these chapters.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Well, the truth is is like all love begins with
self-love, and you are with you.
We are all just with ourselves,from birth to death, your good
times and bad, all the things.
For the rest of our, you know,we owe it to ourselves to be
(38:05):
good to ourselves.
We have to love ourselves Likeit's our number one job.
We have to treat ourselvesnumber one in our lives in order
to give that love to otherpeople too.
But really, you know, we areour own best friend all the time
and we have to just be kind toourselves.
(38:26):
I think that the number onething that I see that destroys
people is self-talk, that talk.
Beat yourself up with that talk.
And, michelle, I think you andI both agree on this, but you
tell me me we teach people howto treat us.
We have to set those boundaries, whether it's with bosses or
(38:50):
with partners or friends orneighbors or it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah yeah, absolutely yeah, think they're the boss of
me.
Yeah, yeah, I think we havethis inherent need to be loved,
right, we all love, we all wantacceptance, and I think that's
probably the hardest thing iswhen we don't even realize who
(39:17):
are outsourcing it.
By trying to get people to likeus, by trying to do things nice
for, like an order, becauseyou're in this conditional space
of like, I need to get peopleto like us.
By trying to do things nice for, like an order, because you're
in this conditional space oflike, I need to get it outside
of me, or I want this person tolike me or I want you know, I
don't want there to be anargument, whatever the thing is
fill in the blank.
And yet, by taking inherentlygood care of ourselves, by
(39:42):
filling up our own cup ofourselves, by filling up our own
cup, by being intentional, byprotecting our energy yes, big
one Our thoughts, mining ourmind for our thoughts, and being
like whoa, where did that comefrom?
Yeah, now, if I have thatnegative thought, then that's
(40:04):
going to turn into a spiral thatis going to have me acting on
it.
Yes, that action is going tobring about a result or a
consequence that doesn't need tohappen.
It is all the byproduct of athought I had, and I think, when
we start to back up and realizewe are the writers here of our
own stories and we have a lotmore control over what's
(40:27):
happening than we realize, yeah,we have really like a
responsibility to go back andfill up our cups first and take
care of ourselves, createhealthy boundaries, right,
healthy ways of being, so otherpeople know who we are and how
(40:47):
to interact with us, and yetmost of us are like I can't
believe they did that.
Why did they do that to me?
They're like, yeah, kidding,right, you want me to tell you
why?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
yeah, yeah, and it's up to us to decide, like, what
feels good, what doesn't feelgood, what works for us, what
doesn't.
This is not behavior I'm gonnaaccept, you know.
Or this is like these are linesthat we get to draw in the sand
, these are boundaries that weget to create.
No one has to create them forus, but we have to create them,
(41:23):
and, and then we have to honorthem, and we do so all because
we love ourselves, because wewant to take care of ourselves,
because we want to be happy andwe want to feel good.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Well, and I think also, you know, if you think
about purpose-driven lives,which we're both for the best
thing you can do is takeimpeccable care of yourself so
that you have something to offerthe world.
You cannot do that in a stateof depletion and a state of
exhaustion and a state ofsadness.
(41:56):
You have to be taking justguttural care of yourself so
that you are able to have impactin the world.
And a lot of people will say,well, not me, that's not what
I'm here to do.
Yes, yes, it is.
You came here for a reason andyou have choices on this path
and this choice to embracehappiness and make intentional
(42:21):
choices around what's going tobring happiness out in you, joy
out of you, so that you can havea greater impact on the world,
whether that's your household,your family, your classroom,
your organization, the broadersociety at large, whatever that
space is that you're occupying.
You have a choice every day andyou know I actually just did a
(42:45):
workshop on this, so I want toshare this little bit.
Energy, right, everything, weknow everything is made of
energy you, me, our books, ourphones, everything particles,
small particles, energy.
Everything is this energeticexchange, and you know when you
get on a call, or you walk intoa room and the energy changes
(43:08):
because you're in a state ofhigher vibration, or you bring
it down.
You're dimming the lightbecause you're not in a good
place and you're literallybringing the entire frequency of
the room down.
You have a nice waist Talk toeverybody, frequency of the room
down.
You have a nice waste ofeverybody.
There's an electromagneticfield that extends three feet
(43:29):
throughout from where you are inany direction minimum.
Yeah, you have that power.
In fact, your energy speaksbefore you do, before you even
open your mouth.
Yeah, and that's like.
It's such a powerful thing thatpeople often aren't aware of.
They think we're hiding whathappened.
No one can tell.
No, no, we all know, it's outof your being, we sense it and
(43:55):
you know, I once thought, likeno one can know, like I'm a high
pirate executive and I'm justin the world.
You know, is was hot to trot inmy 30s.
I was actually freaking out andfalling apart and deeply
insecure, but I didn't wantanyone to know that.
I didn't want to get found out.
So it came across as thisfrenetic energy and probably an
(44:16):
assertive confidence to hide thefact that I was really unhappy
and very insecure and it cameacross as just super stressed.
Yeah, it was really busy, itwas super stressed.
Yes, miserable, and othersshare this really quickly.
(44:38):
It took my grandmother who wasdeceased I was giving her eulogy
, it took showing up for that toactually pull me back into an
understanding that my energy waswalking into the room before I
did, because here was mygrandmother who was the complete
opposite life of mine.
(44:59):
You know, she loved really ourhometown.
I mean she had a very modestlife, never really had any
financial success, never had acareer.
She had eight children.
A lot of tragedy in her life,but the most loving, giving,
caring, warm.
I mean I think of mygrandmother and I immediately
(45:21):
think of safety.
I immediately think of safety,sanctuary, home.
And then contradict that withthis young 30-something in a
beautiful suit, with all thisfrenetic energy, yeah, praying
to pretend that everything wasokay.
And I'm watching the church atmy grandmother's funeral as I'm
(45:44):
up on the pulpit, just fill withall these people she had
impacted, all these people whoselives she had touched.
She'd never left my hometown.
I'd been jet-setting to Chinaand Australia and Chile and
Argentina and I'm like I'mwondering if five people are
going to come to my funeral,because I'm probably missing
everybody else for the way I'mbehaving and showing up and this
(46:05):
weird energy I'm carryingaround in me and I remember I
was.
It just hit me so hard in thatmoment and I could hear my
grandmother going, put the notesdown and talk from your heart
oh, wow, it's be you, it'senough, it's enough.
Wow, Michelle, it's be you,it's enough, it's enough.
(46:29):
And it just changed everythinghow I showed up being more
present.
Yeah, down, becoming a betterlistener.
Before I thought I was tryingto prove myself right.
Wow, see me, see me do thesegreat things all over the place
and like, yay me, and maybeyou'll all love me now, kind of
thing.
And here was my grandmotherfrom beyond the grave going
(46:51):
daddy, love you.
You have to do more.
Whatever you decide to do, justbe you, just be present.
You know that's all we need.
It shifted my life.
It literally cracked thefoundation, the faulty
foundation that I'd built.
Yeah, all based on titles andachievements and awards and
(47:13):
accolades and money, which Ididn't have any growing up, so I
had to get some and then thatwould fix everything.
And, yeah, exacerbated bro,yeah, exacerbated bro, yeah,
absolutely.
But it all came back down tothat premise you are enough.
You can choose happiness, youcan choose how you show up and
(47:37):
when you choose how you show up,you have such an opportunity to
have an impact on others.
Yeah, that's why we're here.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, I love that.
It's so funny.
You and I have always had solike parallel lines, Like we
have so much in common.
And I write in my book this onesection about rethink success.
And I really talk about successdoes not define us.
We define success and I sharein it a story of when I decided
(48:13):
to follow my passion versusstaying in the safety of the
corporate world.
And I write about reading at mygrandma Dorothy's Memorial
Service a beautiful little poemby Ralph Waldo Emerson.
(48:34):
It's called what is Success.
It's all about how you know,leaving the world a little bit
better of a place than you foundit.
That is to have succeeded.
And it was about, you know,maybe it's tending to a garden,
maybe it's tending to a child,whatever it is.
But it was so interesting thatyou said that I was really
(48:54):
touched because I felt the sameway about my grandma.
She didn't have it easy at alland in fact she had it quite
hard sometimes and also yet shewas the very first to laugh and
sing and have a good time andcelebrate life.
And I had that moment, kind ofyou know, where I really
realized like I am not a success.
(49:18):
It's like a Sunday, drivingaway from the parking lot after
like another weekend of work,and you know again like success
does not define us, weindividually define success.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
I love that.
I love it, and how blessed arewe that we have the experience
of having strong grandmothersthat will show the way that,
despite hardships, despitetragedies, despite not having,
maybe, conventional success,they lived well.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
They chose joy even when there was a lot of darkness
around them, a lot of hardship,a lot of tough times.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
And I don't think that we're as hardwired in our
generation to do that.
It's definitely a muscle weneed to work on more and more.
It's why your book is soimportant, more and more.
It's why your book is soimportant.
Let's go through.
I would love for you if youcould talk to us just a few
(50:22):
minutes about, maybe, some ofthe ways intentionality,
choosing joy, slowing down.
What are the top ways that wecan live an easier life?
What are your favorite evenbetter go-tos?
Speaker 3 (50:39):
I love this.
I love this so much.
So, obviously we've coveredways that we can choose joy in
our daily life.
We've talked about also, youknow, a lot of self-love and
kindness, but in the day-to-daylet's just be real.
Life is a lot.
Your phone pings, the doorbellrings like everything's like
(51:00):
it's Fender Bender in the E-Born, expected, yes, yes, Hello,
Exactly Like life happens, right.
And one of the best things thatwe can do a few things is I'm
very much a believer that we arehere for purpose.
Like I had a dream, like towrite this book, right, this was
(51:20):
important to me and I also knew, with every hiccup or anything
that it would come into theworld in its own perfect time.
So three things that we can do.
The first one is we can stoptrying to control everything
that we can't control, becauseall it does is drive us crazy.
Right, it's like bend with thewind.
(51:44):
Like the palm tree is one ofthe strongest in the world
because it knows how to bendwith the wind.
You know even the beautiful,ginormous, incredible oak trees.
They don't bend, they snap thepalm.
It goes with the wind and so itadapts, the more that we can
adapt and not fight these thingsthat are out of our control,
the better it is for our nervoussystems, for our minds, for our
(52:06):
sanity, for manifesting.
The more that we can go withthe flow, the better off we are.
The second thing I want to saythat I think is so important to
create a little bit more ease ineverybody's life is to honor
our life seasons.
You know, Michelle, you are soaccomplished and there's so much
that you've done, you are doingand you will continue to do
Each and every one of us right.
But we cannot do it all at thesame time while still enjoying
(52:32):
the journey and also taking goodcare of ourselves.
We just can't, and sometimesthe kindest thing we can do for
ourselves is say you know, thisis the journey of writing, this
is the season of writing my book.
This is the season of raisingmy child.
This is the season ofestablishing myself in a new
community after moving andmaking new friends, Like
whatever it is.
(52:52):
Maybe this is the season to geta new job or to really step it
up a notch at your current job.
Maybe this is the season to geta new job or to really step it
up a notch at your current job.
Maybe this is the season tostart your own company, whatever
it is, honor that season thatyou're in, without trying to do
it all at once, because therewill always be next season, you
know.
And the third thing that I loveis just the very simple day to
(53:14):
day.
It's like I'm an easy buttonperson, right?
You remember that staple?
That was easy.
I'm the easy person and I thinkthat life is hard and there's a
lot going on all the time andyou can't always press the easy
button.
But the choices that we makeit's like if I am really tight
(53:34):
on time right now and I'mstressed, do I have to bake a
dozen cupcakes for book club orcan I just go down to the bakery
and buy them?
You know like there are theselittle choices I am all about
like press the easy button, takethe shortcut, take off your
overachiever hat, kick back,relax, because I also believe
(53:58):
that the happier we are, theeasier it is to get things done.
And I know that might soundreally strange to people, but I
think it's just what you'retalking about energy and
frequency.
It's like the more calm we havein our lives and our day to day
, the choices that we make tokind of just make our lives, to
(54:22):
uncomplicate our lives as muchas possible, We'll just have a
better energy frequency tomanifest if we want to go down
that rabbit hole.
But those are my three things,my top things, yeah, and I think
each and every one of us can dothat and you know we all can do
it.
But it all starts withintention and awareness.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
All right, before we close, I'm going to give you the
floor with one piece of advicethat you would give to our
listeners to be happier rightnow.
Speaker 3 (55:02):
Oh gosh, give to our listeners to be happier right
now.
Oh gosh, I feel like we'vecovered so much already, but I
would just say love yourself,believe in yourself, take it
easy on yourself.
One thing that I love to tellpeople, or you know to consider
doing, is each day, prioritizeyour joy, to boost your joy
levels by taking a daily momentof joy.
(55:23):
Can be five minutes, it can be10 minutes, it can be a whole
afternoon, but the whole pointis to write something on your to
do list for that day.
That is like my daily moment ofjoy, because you are
prioritizing your happiness.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
I think this is so important and such a wonderful
note to end on, because I know Icertainly, growing up, was one
of those people who was veryhigh achieving and thought I had
to delay joy.
I had to earn joy.
I had to work super hard and ifI worked super hard and crossed
everything off my list and Idid really, really well, then I
can have a moment of joy.
I had to work super hard and ifI worked super hard and crossed
everything off my list and Idid really really well, then I
(56:00):
can have a moment of joy.
And after a period of time itcatches up with you and then you
find that you can't be joyfuland you're really either going
to have a breakdown or abreakthrough.
Right, and I'm pretty gratefulthat I had the breakdown that
led to the breakthrough, and nowjoy is the priority.
(56:22):
Joy is the point, and I took alot of unlearning, a lot of ways
of being that I was notaccustomed to, that I actually
do produce my best work when I'moperating from a joyful state,
when I am completely depletedand exhausted, and yet that is
very much a cultural Westernsociety outlook.
(56:47):
It is.
Why are you going to go?
Do that now Like, what have youdone lately?
Like, and we have to stop that.
We have to stop that shamingand judging, because I'll tell
you I've done more in the twoyears that I left my corporate
environment than all of thoseyears.
I will say, look, I did greatwork.
I'm proud of the work I did,but personally satisfied that I
(57:11):
was showing up as my authenticself, living my purpose and
having an impact.
I've done more in two yearsthan I did in those 20 plus
years Not proud to say.
I find it almost like acautionary tale.
I love telling younger people.
I hope, I hope that you'lllisten to these stories.
You don't have to go down thesame route.
(57:32):
There is a different way andwe're redefining success and I
think this is a beautiful time,despite all of the chaos.
It's a beautiful time to begrowing up and being alive,
because the conversation aroundwhat success is and what
constitutes an extraordinarylife is mainstream now.
(57:55):
In a way it was never discussedwhen we were growing up, and
opportunity to have an evengreater impact at a younger age.
Because you understand thepoint of this life.
It's a magnitude better.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
So interesting to Michelle.
But no, but it's so interestingbecause, you know, in the
corporate you and I both had thecorporate and then we both
branched out on our own and Iwill say even like, if you want
to talk about hours, you know, Imean, we both put in.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
I mean so many hours in the car.
Why does Will have become alawyer?
Because I had billable hours inthe corporate world.
Speaker 3 (58:36):
But when I started my first company or when I wrote
my book I mean, I can't tell youhow many Saturdays and Sundays
I wrote this book or when Istarted my company, yes, but
when you have passion for it,like when the work itself brings
you joy, that is like the bestthing in the whole entire world.
(58:59):
I remember Howard Shulman saidthe author.
He said don't ask what theworld needs, Ask what makes you
come alive, Because what theworld needs is more people who
have come alive.
Speaker 1 (59:19):
And I think that's so profound.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
And when you do work, you know whether it's your book
or you're.
You know building your business, working with your clients.
I love my clients.
When you help people, wheneverit is that you are doing, if it
lights your soul on fire, if itbrings you know, if it makes you
lose track of time in the verybest way, that is wonderful,
(59:45):
Like that is the ultimate, Ithink, joy that you can achieve.
So it's not just about, likeyou know, sitting on the couch
and nibbling chocolate.
Well, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
But it's also about doing these things that give
oxygen to your soul into thisworld is spirit.
We're walking in this humanjourney but still our essence is
spirit and we will return atthe end of the journey.
Like matter is neither creatednor destroyed people, we're just
changing states.
But our true essence isspiritual.
(01:00:30):
And when you recognize that,feeding the soul, feeding our
need for self-expression and forliving in that place of joy,
and that what you weredescribing earlier, when you
lose that track of time becauseyou're enjoying it so much as
flows and we can't operate fromflows, you know, I want to say
it's like that divinity withinyou coming alive.
(01:00:52):
Anything is possible, you'rereally operating in that field
of all possibility and you arecreating life.
That's giving me the chillstalking about it, because that,
right, there is what the worldneeds more of, more of us coming
alive.
Oh, thank you so much for yourtime on the show.
Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
Thank you for having me, Michelle.
Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
You're the best you know how much I love you.
Thank you for sharing yourgifts and talking about the book
, so help everybody understandwhere they can find you and
where they can get a copy of thebook.
Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
Yes, yes, come say hello to me on Instagram at
emilyflorenceoffer and you cansign up for my newsletter at
emilyflorencecom.
And you can sign up for mynewsletter at emilyflorencecom
and you can get a copy of EvenBetter, easier Ways to a Happier
Life on Amazon, barnes, noblepretty much all the book places.
I would love to get to know.
(01:01:48):
I love you, I love youraudience.
Michelle, you have like thebest community, so I look
forward to getting to know allof the people in your community
and your listeners as well.
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Oh, thank you, Emily.
We love you too.
All right, everyone.
Until next time, go and liveyour extraordinary life.
Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
Thank you for listening to today's episode.
If you enjoyed this podcastepisode, please take a moment to
rate and review.
If you have recommendations forfuture topics, please reach out
to me atmichelleriosofficialcom.
Lastly, please considersupporting this podcast by
sharing it.
Together, we can reach, inspireand positively impact more
(01:02:33):
people.
Thank you.
This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life
podcast is brought to you byTransformational Coaching with
Michelle Rios.
Created for high achievers justlike you who've checked all the
boxes yet still wonder is thisreally it?
You've built success, but deepdown, you're craving more more
(00:22):
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Align your mindset, energy andactions so success feels
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If you're done playing smalland you're ready to rise, visit
(01:05):
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Backslash coaching to learnmore and apply.
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Speaker 3 (01:13):
When you say I am worthy and deserving of making a
good living doing what I love.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing healthy and happy.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing in a kind, loving
relationship, having wonderfulfriends.
When you believe this in yourcore that you are worthy and
(01:34):
deserving, you will manifestanything.
Mark my word.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Hi, I'm Michelle Rios , host of the Live your
Extraordinary Life podcast.
This podcast is built on thepremise that life is meant to be
joyful, but far too often wesettle for less.
So if you've ever thought thatsomething is missing from your
life, that you were meant formore, or you simply want to
experience more joy in theeveryday, then this podcast is
(02:05):
for you.
Each week, I'll bring youcaptivating personal stories,
transformative life lessons andjuicy conversations on living
life to the fullest, with thehope to inspire you to create a
life you love on your terms,with authenticity, purpose and
connection.
Together, we'll explore what itmeans to live an extraordinary
(02:27):
life, the things that hold usback and the steps we all can
take to start living our bestlives.
So come along for the journey.
It's never too late to getstarted, and the world needs
your light.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of the Live your ExtraordinaryLife podcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and today I'm thrilled to
introduce you to Emily Florence.
Emily is an award-winningwriter, she's a coach and she's
the author of Even Better,easier Ways to a Happier Life.
(03:05):
And I want to delve in deepbecause we have so many
synchronicities.
We've known each other for awhile and I know that you're
going to find this just to be ajuicy and very relatable
conversation.
So with that, emily, welcome tothe show.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Thank you so much, Michelle.
I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Well, I'm thrilled that you could make the time to
come, because you have a bookout there and you have been
doing your like everythinggetting it out to everyone's
hands and I'm really happy tosay it's getting a lot of notice
.
In fact, I want to say it wasactually named the Feel Good
Book of 2024.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
And I know you're going to end up sweeping a whole
bunch in 2025 because you cameout with the audio book or the
paperback to remind, thehardcover came out and then the
paperback and then the audiocomes out in the fall, which I'm
so excited about.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Oh my gosh, this is really excited about it.
An author in progress righthere.
I feel this in my bones.
I'm really excited about it.
An author in progress righthere.
I feel this in my bones.
I'm so excited for you and I'mso excited how well the book has
done and you have, in largepart, really been the marketer
behind it.
It's what a lot of people don'tknow is that when you sit down
to write a book, you're not done.
(04:22):
When the writing is done, it'sa big thing.
So my hat goes off to you.
Let's step back, because I knowso much of what you talk about
is really about happiness.
How do we choose happiness in aworld that really prioritizes
hustle and kind of glorifiesthat busyness thing?
(04:44):
So let's talk about happinessas a whole.
You say happiness isn't justsomething that happens, it's
something we can choose.
What are ways people can choosemore happiness each day, no
matter what's going on and let'sbe honest, there's a lot going
on right now there?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
is a lot going on and you know, it was really
interesting.
When I set out to write thisbook, I knew that I wanted to
title it something that was likethe opportunity, like something
about, you know, a better life,right, and so I chose even
better.
And then the subtitle is easierways to a happier life.
(05:25):
Because it's not easy, right,but there are easier ways.
And I think the first thingthat I recognize in so many
people, and myself as well wehave to choose it, we have to
want it.
Which might sound really simple, michelle, if I'm listening to
you, I'd be like well, of courseI want to be happy.
(05:46):
Who doesn't want to be happy?
But when you actually youreally intend for it, you start
making different choices.
But the first thing you need todo you have to intend for it.
The second thing that you needto do is you need to be aware,
because when you create moreawareness, then you can make
different choices.
So what I mean by that is sooften we just go through the
(06:09):
motions, right, we just do thethings.
It could be social media, itcould be talking to a friend who
, quite frankly, is kind ofdraining.
There are all these differentthings that we just do.
But when we have the intentionto say you know what I want to
be even a tiny bit happier, Iwant to feel even a little bit
(06:30):
better in my daily life, then wecan make some choices, some
very, very specific choices.
I think that all of us can makeis to pay attention to our
attention, right to ourattention.
Right, like I can't choose somany things that happen around
(06:51):
me or in the news or outside ofmy world I cannot control.
But I can absolutely controlwhat I turn on at night when I
watch TV.
I can absolutely control thepodcast, like your podcast is so
inspiring, it's so empowering,it's so uplifting.
I'm like everyone should listento Michelle's podcast.
Right, it's positive.
But I could also listen tothings that really bring me down
(07:15):
, like the news.
Yes, exactly, and I believe youknow I did my master's in
broadcast journalism.
I love the news.
I have a lot of respect forbeing informed, and also I know
that we do not need to glueourselves to the TV or to the
radio all day long.
(07:35):
You know, we can get theinformation and get on with our
days.
So, paying attention to ourattention, social media is a big
one.
I think we're going to betalking about that a lot more
and more over the next years,decades to come for sure.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Hold on for a minute.
Let's stay there for a minuteBecause, well, two things.
You and I come from the worldof public relations, so my life
for 20 some odd years was reallyabout devouring as much of the
news and the headlines as Icould, because it was going to
impact my particularly mycorporate clients on any given
day.
And I was looking at financialnews, I was looking at headlines
(08:14):
, what was happening and trends,so that was part of my job.
First thing, I did grab myphone and check the headlines,
and now that I've transitionedto another walk of life, that's
not the case.
However, it is so tempting toget up first thing in the
morning and check your Instagramfeed, and so I've had to get
(08:36):
into the habit of putting myphone on the other side of the
room to charge and not lettingthat be my first go-to in the
morning, but it was for a longtime.
It took the place of the newsconsumption that I was doing for
work for the agency world.
It was sort of an easyreplacement, but it immediately
(08:57):
just gets you in this state ofmind, of tactic.
You're already comparingyourself.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
You haven't even got it 100%, 100%.
And I have this.
You know my book is obviously.
You know it's like bite-sizedchapters, but I have this
incredibly bite-sized one-pagechapter called Create Before you
Consume and it's this idea thatI'm a big believer that we are
(09:24):
all being like taken.
It's very easy to be taken offcourse, right, it's very easy
for us to get on someone else'sagenda, whether that's like
waking up and seeing a textmessage from somebody or an
email before the workdayactually has to be, or social
media, or opening your email andthere's a newsletter.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Is everywhere, everywhere, everywhere you turn,
there's an opportunity to bedistracted totally, I know, and
it's so hard.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
How do you deal with that, like, what do you do?
What are your healthyboundaries with social media?
I'm always so curious.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I would say I have to be very conscientious and
intentional about it.
But, for example, finishing upthe manuscript that I'm working
on, I had to say I'm not goingto be as active during this
period because it's so easy togo down a rabbit hole of either
creating content and consumingcontent right after creating it
(10:21):
and posting it that it'sactually getting in the way.
It will slow me down and onceI'm realizing it's actually not
a good use of my time in themoment.
It was easy to do, but I willtell you there were times where
it actually I realized after thefact.
I feel like it's a Mel Robbinsconfessional right now but the
(10:44):
fact of laying in bed, like on aSaturday, well past the hour
that was appropriate for wakingup and going wow, I just read
this, really.
I watched this really greatvideo and then I watched another
really great video and Iwatched another, and then I'm
like, what am I doing?
I'm just watching these videosthat are popping up in my feed
that I don't need.
I have so much to do.
(11:04):
So it had to become a consciouschoice because it's so easy to
access.
So I don't actually look at mysocial media before I get up.
Do my morning routine.
I don't do any of that,probably until mid-morning.
I have administrative hours onmy calendar, yeah, and that's
(11:29):
when I start to look at it,which I know is like late for a
lot of people who post, a lot ofus who do it.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
But I'm like you know what I'm going to operate on
Pacific time, even though I'mfine and I'm on Pacific and I'm
always like late to the dailyparty or the end.
But you know it's the pastthree or four months of who I'm
(12:07):
following.
I started taking my own adviceand saying to myself every time
I got off of Instagram, do Ifeel better or worse than before
I got on?
Because it's kind of like acrapshoot.
I can choose my Netflix and Ican kind of know how I'm going
to feel and I can pick up a bookand understand the genre or
(12:31):
whatever, but on Instagram Idon't know if I'm going to hop
on and see that somebody's puppyjust passed away and I'm going
to be so sad, or if I'm going tosee something inspiring, like
from you or from other people, Idon't know.
And so I started to really kindof questioning, like putting it
like, just taking a little bitof inventory, like soul
inventory, I would say, and alsorealizing that if it was a
(12:54):
person and it's not evenpersonal about the person, it
can be completely where I'mcoming from.
But if I end up too oftenseeing a post from a person who
I end up not feeling great aboutit, then I just will take a
little break.
So I've been a little bit moreintentional about who I follow.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
You know, we went a little bit of a rabbit hole on
social media.
It is so much part of our dailylives, so I think it makes
sense, like the reality is.
I have some friends you knowI'm at that place in midlife
where 50% of marriages areending in divorce, unfortunately
, and I'm getting videos fromthem that are funny little
(13:36):
anecdotes on either dating againor the divorce life or whatever
they are, and it's veryentertaining.
And now all of a sudden, myfeed was taken over and I was
like I'm confused.
It's not me, go away, go awayTotally.
It's highly entertaining, andthat's another thing.
It's a time waste because, atthe end of the day, when we
(13:58):
think about our biggest asset,it really is time.
Yes, talk to me aboutintentionality and happiness and
prioritizing your time, becauseI know that you've been very
diligent about and you're on.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Yeah, I have and honestly, kind of piggybacking,
michelle, on what you're sayinglike the algorithms.
It's so true that if we want tolook at law of attraction or
something you know law ofattraction I always said you
know what you think about youget more of right.
And the algorithms have becomethis like whatever on social
media, the algorithms reallydon't care if what they're
(14:38):
serving you makes you happy ornot, they just want to retain
you.
They want the retentions.
But I think as far as likeintentionality for being happy,
so we've got, like the socialmedia, we've got with you know,
kind of cut back on those things.
When you are a little bit moreaware and conscious of how does
this or that make me feel?
(15:00):
Kind of, if you start askingyourself that question
throughout the day and you say,you know, my intention is to
feel even a tiny bit better,then you can make these choices.
I can cut back on the news, Ican cut back on social media.
I don't have to take that phonecall from that person who you
know maybe doesn't make me feelall that great about myself or
(15:22):
life all the time.
You can make these choices.
So those are the things thatyou can cut back on right, and
then you can always add in thethings For me personally, I love
what you were saying about themorning routine For me.
I am a morning person.
(15:43):
I love to go very slow.
Obviously you can't every day,but when I can choose to, I add
in things that make me feel good, affirmations, a gratitude
practice that I adopted when Iwas in my 20s, when I was going
through a really hard time and Isaw firsthand how powerful just
(16:06):
even a little gratitudepractice can be in your life.
Meditation I meditate Even 10minutes a day can change your
life.
So you can add in these thingsthat you know make you feel good
and you can cut back on thesethings that don't.
And that is where we really dohave a lot more choice than we
(16:27):
believe.
And also another thing I talk alot about are thoughts, because
you cannot control.
We have so many thoughtspopping in our head all day
You're not going to be able tocontrol them all.
However, you really can.
When you start paying attentionto your attention, you really
(16:47):
can start catching yourself.
You can be like I could bewalking my dog Harper, like on
the beach in the morning.
It's a beautiful day and likebam, like a bad thought pops
into my head.
Maybe it was something apolitician said the day before
that got under my skin, orsomething that a neighbor said
(17:08):
that sounded like a complimentbut was really.
You know, maybe it's somethingthat happened to me five years
ago that I've already unpacked,I've already worked through.
But as humans, our memories runlong and they can be triggered
very quickly, and so when Istart catching myself, then I
can say to myself you know what?
(17:29):
I don't have to go there rightnow, like I don't have to think
about this.
I can let this thought go andturn my attention to what's
right in front of me or tosomething positive.
I think it's very easy for allof us also to anticipate, to
think about the worst thing thatcould possibly happen, and I
(17:52):
always tell people why notponder the best, like you know,
what's the best possible outcometo this situation?
So I do believe that ourthoughts are something that I
don't think we can control aseasily as selecting something to
watch on TV, on Netflix orsomething.
But with a little bit ofawareness, intention and effort,
(18:15):
we can really change our wholelives by changing our thoughts,
even a little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I mean, you know that I'm a full believer in our
thoughts create our environment,because our thoughts become our
beliefs and our beliefs thencharge our actions, and our
actions and our behaviors andour habits form our life.
So I'm 100 percent on boardwith you there.
Ok, let's talk a little bitabout how you got to writing the
(18:42):
book.
Because you were in the worldof PR, you were doing a lot of
other things.
You've written three books, yes, but even better is the first
one you've published.
So talk to us a little bitabout the journey of becoming an
author.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yes, I always loved writing as a little girl.
I always had a journal and Ialways loved poetry and stories
and things like that.
I started writing my first booktotally accidentally.
It was the night I dropped outof law school.
I dropped out of law schoolafter four days.
It just wasn't for me.
(19:19):
I had no idea what I was goingto do with my life and also I
just felt really inspired oneevening to sit in my little
windowsill nook and that becamemy first book.
I got an agent and it was acollection of short stories and
it was fun to write and ittaught me how to write.
(19:39):
It taught me how to finishsomething.
It was incredible.
I got an agent pretty quicklyand then I don't know how many
rejections I had from publishinghouses, but let's just say it
was a lot.
By this time you know how longthe journey can be, and so by
the time all of this kind of wasplaying out, I was already in
(20:01):
PR.
I was doing publicity of anentertainment company, you know,
in Beverly Hills, afterrejection from the publishing
house and I just let it go.
That was that, and I just saidyou know what A lot of authors
(20:22):
out there have that one bookthat's kind of like in their
little attic graveyard orsomething.
And then the second book that Iwrote.
It was a novel and I just never, even though I finished it, I
never was happy with the ending.
But I'm going to tell youyou're going to be the first one
to notice, michelle I'veactually put on my calendar
because I've been gettinginspired of that ending, and I
(20:46):
put it on my calendar to revisitthat the end of this year and
I'm really looking forward tothat.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Oh, I've got goosebumps.
The writing journey is such aself-discovery journey.
A lot of people think I'm goingto go write about this thing
that I know, or even if it'sfiction, this thing I'm picking
up, and then you learn so muchabout yourself in the writing
process and you process so muchof things behind the scenes as
(21:13):
you're going through it.
It's amazing to me.
Some of the stuff I'm talkingabout, of course, my book is
non-fiction.
Yeah, things I'm talking aboutare things that happened 20 plus
40 plus years ago, but they'restill relevant.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Right, there's still like a message 100 relevant.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
They're important context setters and the being.
You think you've processedsomething until you write about
it and then you're like huh,this hits differently than
sitting in a therapy office, youknow, in a therapist's office.
It hits differently when you'rewriting about it and trying to
communicate it effectively sothat it brings it to life in a
(21:51):
visceral way for the audience,the reading audience, and you
relive it.
So a way for the audience, areading audience, and you relive
it and you realize like, wow,that was really a profound thing
that happened and I know it was.
That's why I'm writing about it.
But I'm reliving it again.
And how much you've changedsince that original event.
(22:11):
And you just get sucked intothat all over again.
It's a lot to process.
As you're unpacking a book, Ithink a lot of us think, oh, I
am distant from that memory, I'mjust going to write without you
have to.
No, you're in it, you're in itagain.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
That's what's so You're in it.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Look, I think some days are really hard, but some
days are incredibly inspiring,because you're like, yes, this
was it, this was that.
Lived experience is sort of nowchanneling through me that I'm
going to be able to share, andit brings it to life for someone
else.
But you realize, like, how faryou've come, yeah, how it still
(22:54):
punches the buttons.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yes, it can still activate.
I mean, I think for a lot ofpeople, writing can be,
especially when it comes to anykind of memoir or personal
stories that are interwoven in anon-fiction.
That's what you know.
Mine is heavily uh.
Non, it's non-fiction and alsomy stories are interwoven.
It can be so cathartic though.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
It is.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
You know, and it's so interesting, michelle, as a
writer, I wonder if youexperience this too but because
when you are in on the pages,you feel it all, you see it all,
and then you get to choose whatyou're going to share with the
reader.
And that's a really interestingmoment too, to be like how
(23:38):
vulnerable do I want to be, howmuch detail do I want to go into
?
Writing is a beautiful thing.
I absolutely love it, andthere's a lot of choices that
are made every single moment.
A lot of choices.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I might have understood that as well as I do
now if I hadn't sat down towrite this book, because what I
wrote, even six months ago goinginto this book, has evolved.
Theme is the same, the topic isthe same, the stories are the
same, but the level of honestyyou don't even realize, simply
(24:17):
pulling back on the story andallowing the language to show up
differently, how much moreauthentic it becomes.
I didn't even realize theoriginal language was somewhat
holding back and that's becomein the revision process a lot
more.
And that's become in therevision process a lot more
(24:44):
visceral, a lot more like you'rethere, you know kind of what's
happened in some of thesestories and that was.
It was a difficult choice tomake of saying how honest am I
going to be?
And it's so funny for someonewho talks about authenticity,
right, and it's not that it'snot a true story, like all of it
, yeah, but how detailed and inthe story are you going to allow
the reader?
And yeah, that's a choice.
(25:05):
It isn't relevant or not.
Yes, help them or not.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yes, and there's that too, like it's the reader
experience as well.
So I know it's wild.
You just have no idea until youget into it, how many layers
there's going to be and choicesand all the things.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, it's crazy.
All right, let's talk about it,because I want to talk a little
bit more about self-acceptance.
You talk a lot about this inthe book.
How can people stop being sohard on themselves?
And it feels like such arelevant conversation.
As my own critic reading a book,it's been really hard.
(25:44):
I'm, you know, yeah, I workwith a coach who will say how's
the book coming and what haveyou?
And yeah, he goes and I'm like,well, I'm still working on
whatever chapter I'm in.
And she's like, isn't that thesame chapter you're working on?
You know, two weeks ago?
And I said, yeah, I went backto it.
She said it's done, it wasbeautiful, let it go.
And she's like you're socritical and I said no, it
(26:05):
wasn't to your point earlier, itwasn't quite conveying what I
wanted to convey.
Yes, need needed it to sharpenthe pencil a little bit more
about when I wanted to haveGermany in that particular story
.
But I also realize I amprobably my own worst critic and
I've definitely stood in theway of getting this book out
(26:28):
into the world.
So it's coming out this year.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I know and I cannot wait From hell or high water.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I am so excited for it, but tell me a little bit
about your process and whatyou've learned.
You talk a lot aboutself-acceptance.
I know it's something that allof us can benefit from hearing
more about.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yeah, I have really come to believe strongly not
from people I follow or readtheir books, like in my own
experiences, in my own life,people I work with, my clients
that work with me for PR andmarketing or for any kind of
(27:08):
self-empowerment I have learnedthat self-kindness is the key to
success in every area in ourlives.
Self-kindness is the key tosuccess for your business, it is
the key to success for being inrelationships.
It is everything.
Because when you haveself-kindness for yourself, you
(27:30):
have self-worth, and when youhave self-worth and you believe
yourself worthy and deserving,you can love yourself, even when
there are things about yourselfthat you don't exactly like.
Welcome to the cloud.
That's just being a human.
You can manifest anything.
People talk about manifesting,people talk about it over and
(27:54):
over, and I'm a big believer.
I read all the books, I followall the people, all the things,
but it really starts.
Very few people talk about LuisHay I think was someone who
really talked about it.
But it all begins in how youvalue yourself.
So self-kindness, how that canshow up Because-worth when you
(28:16):
say I am worthy and deserving ofmaking a good living doing what
I love.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing healthy and happy.
I am worthy and deserving ofbeing in a kind, loving
relationship, having wonderfulfriends.
When you believe this in yourcore, that you are worthy and
(28:36):
deserving, you will manifestanything.
Mark my word.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
So and yeah, let's hold that for a minute yeah, so
many high achievers of which wehave many listening, yes, are
seemingly confident on theexterior.
They're holding high power jobsand titles or doing doing
yeoman's work and they're notthe people you would suspect
would have worthiness issues andyet so much of their self-worth
(29:04):
is tied up in theiraccomplishments or what their
productivity.
So the idea of self-kindness orself-acceptance is almost
counterintuitive to a lot ofthese very high achieving
individuals, because they'reused to having to sacrifice in
order to achieve, in order tofeel worthy.
(29:28):
So how do we short circuit that?
Because we know that thatactually just leads to a great
deal of burnout.
We know that that actuallycreates a lot of dissatisfaction
in life.
How do we help those individualswho maybe have a lifetime of
stocking their value and theirtitles or achievements, the
(29:50):
goals they've been able to break?
You know, I just did thismarathon.
I'm on to the next marathon andI'm like this right, and I'm
always like, yay, go you.
Oh, that's hard and at the sametime, it's because they're used
to being hardwired this way.
Yes, a little bit judgmental ofthose that seem to be going at
(30:13):
a slower, more methodical andintentional pace.
So how do we break through thatmyth?
Speaker 3 (30:21):
People don't want to hear this, but that's okay A lot
of these people.
First of all, they should beincredibly proud of themselves
for everything they achieve,because self-kindness begins
with being proud of yourself Ahundred percent.
So they should absolutely honorthemselves and be proud of
themselves for running that 10kdoing the left.
The problem is is when theirself-worth is tied to
(30:47):
achievements.
It's the person who only feelsgood about themselves when they
check something off the to-dolist right and and we all know
them, I've been them, I've beenthat person.
I still sometimes suffer fromthat where I'm like, oh my gosh,
michelle, I used to be the typeof person who would do
something not on my to-do listand I would add it to my to-do
(31:07):
list just for the satisfactionof crossing it out, because that
would make me feel good aboutmyself, not kidding.
So, first of all, any way thatwe can feel proud of ourselves
is a win.
That's important, absolutely.
The problem is is that it's tiedto the outside.
It's tied to achievements, andpeople who typically find their
(31:31):
worth in their achievements, whotypically find their worth in
their achievements, things likethat they equally.
You might not see it and theymight not say it, but they're
usually the people that are themost hard on themselves if they
fall short or it's just neverenough and self-kindness you're
just enough as you are.
(31:51):
You just love yourself fully.
You love yourself.
If you didn't complete themarathon because you were taking
care of yourself, you loveyourself if you did.
You just love yourselfunconditionally Doesn't mean you
say I'm not going to stopworking on myself.
We're constantly evolving, andit's so important that we all
(32:12):
take steps to be the version ofourselves that we love and
appreciate even more.
But it's really fascinating towatch what happens with people
when they start lovingthemselves as they are.
Not when they lose 10 pounds,not when they become a
(32:32):
millionaire, not when theybecome a millionaire, not when
they have the kids or get thejob, or say I do, or get the,
you know, when they lovethemselves right now.
It's really amazing, though,the transformation that happens.
People always say I'll lovemyself when, like, oh my gosh,
I'll love myself when I lose 10pounds, or I'll love myself when
(32:53):
I get a job, or I'll lovemyself when it's easier to make
those changes.
It's easier to make thosetransformations, to watch them
come into fruition.
It's easier to attract what youwant.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I think A hundred percent, absolutely.
One thing that always caught mebecause I fell into this
category highly intelligentpeople, high achievers, suffer
from being over intellectualabout a lot of things.
Right, we over intellectualizea lot, and I think one of the
most profound things that everhappened to me was I got a copy
(33:34):
of Wayne Dyer's You'll See itwhen you Believe it.
Love it.
I remember looking at the titlegoing there's something wrong
with this title.
You see it when you believe it,what do you mean?
And I was like I think theyscrewed this up.
And of course then I had to buyit because I was just curious.
And the full notion is within itthis idea that, first of all,
(33:55):
we are inherently worthy becausewe know we are spiritual beings
having a human existence, andso the worth is never tied to
what you do.
You're already worthy.
Then you start making choicesthat are authentic to you.
If you know who you are andwhat you want, instead of like
you know, the world will tellyou.
(34:15):
If you don't figure it out by acertain age, right, the world
will tell you who you are andwhat you are, and what you
should have and what youshouldn't, if you don't fill in
the blanks for yourself.
I think that's one of the mostunfortunate things that happened
as a society.
Right, you don't have a clue?
You're just trying to figureyourself out in your 20s.
Well beware, the world willtell you who you are.
You're going to have to spendtime undoing and unlearning and
(34:40):
really going within.
But when you tell a highachiever you're inherently
worthy, they get this like knotin their throat.
Like what do you meaninherently worthy?
I didn't get anything donetoday.
Yeah, inherently worthy.
You didn't even have to doanything to deserve to be told.
You're worthy just as you are.
(35:01):
That's a game changer for a lotof people.
Yeah, and they're like wait aminute, I don't have to jump
through the hoops.
No, and actually spend timejumping through the hoops and
come back and tell me if thatactually made you happy in the
end.
Because if it did, halla,freaking Luia.
But nine times out of 10, Ihave clients who say, well, I
(35:23):
did that because I thought Ishouldn't do that, because
that's what I was told to do.
I don't even know what I likeor what I want.
This has been the path, right?
I didn't know how to get offthe path until here I am.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Yes, 100%.
And what you just said kind ofreminded me of that wonderful
scene in Bridget Jones' diarywhen Mark Darcy says to Bridget
Jones I like you just the wayyou are.
Yeah, and it's like yeah, notskinny or not like all the
things she said.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That's the big aha moment, I think, for a lot of us
and I think what makes the 20soften so difficult for a lot of
people, and I think it's sort ofdesigned human design.
You kind of go into thewilderness in your 20s.
Nobody really knows what end isup.
And I'm sort of navigating thisright now with a son who's 18
and just about ready to graduatehigh school in a couple of
(36:18):
weeks and then head off tocollege.
He looks as cool as a cucumber,the most self-assured,
confident kid I know, and he wasreading something for me today
and he goes.
You know, reading that chapterreally helped me with my anxiety
and I had to go.
What you and I was like youdon't show any of that.
(36:41):
And he goes, mom, he's like I'mjust like a normal kid, like
everyone else.
I don't know what I'm doing,I'm making it up as I go, and it
just brought me back down to.
I was very outwardly expressiveof like, oh my God, I don't
know what I'm doing, so betteras well, do all of it and be
great at everything, just incase.
And then I have this quiet,introspective kid who's much
(37:04):
more observant, much moreintentional, but also still I
we're 18, 25, 40, 50, 65.
Totally Constant?
Yeah, it is, and so theself-acceptance piece is
(37:37):
critical, because you need it tobe able to navigate all of
these chapters.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Well, the truth is is like all love begins with
self-love, and you are with you.
We are all just with ourselves,from birth to death, your good
times and bad, all the things.
For the rest of our, you know,we owe it to ourselves to be
(38:05):
good to ourselves.
We have to love ourselves Likeit's our number one job.
We have to treat ourselvesnumber one in our lives in order
to give that love to otherpeople too.
But really, you know, we areour own best friend all the time
and we have to just be kind toourselves.
(38:26):
I think that the number onething that I see that destroys
people is self-talk, that talk.
Beat yourself up with that talk.
And, michelle, I think you andI both agree on this, but you
tell me me we teach people howto treat us.
We have to set those boundaries, whether it's with bosses or
(38:50):
with partners or friends orneighbors or it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah yeah, absolutely yeah, think they're the boss of
me.
Yeah, yeah, I think we havethis inherent need to be loved,
right, we all love, we all wantacceptance, and I think that's
probably the hardest thing iswhen we don't even realize who
(39:17):
are outsourcing it.
By trying to get people to likeus, by trying to do things nice
for, like an order, becauseyou're in this conditional space
of like, I need to get peopleto like us.
By trying to do things nice for, like an order, because you're
in this conditional space oflike, I need to get it outside
of me, or I want this person tolike me or I want you know, I
don't want there to be anargument, whatever the thing is
fill in the blank.
And yet, by taking inherentlygood care of ourselves, by
(39:42):
filling up our own cup ofourselves, by filling up our own
cup, by being intentional, byprotecting our energy yes, big
one Our thoughts, mining ourmind for our thoughts, and being
like whoa, where did that comefrom?
Yeah, now, if I have thatnegative thought, then that's
(40:04):
going to turn into a spiral thatis going to have me acting on
it.
Yes, that action is going tobring about a result or a
consequence that doesn't need tohappen.
It is all the byproduct of athought I had, and I think, when
we start to back up and realizewe are the writers here of our
own stories and we have a lotmore control over what's
(40:27):
happening than we realize, yeah,we have really like a
responsibility to go back andfill up our cups first and take
care of ourselves, createhealthy boundaries, right,
healthy ways of being, so otherpeople know who we are and how
(40:47):
to interact with us, and yetmost of us are like I can't
believe they did that.
Why did they do that to me?
They're like, yeah, kidding,right, you want me to tell you
why?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
yeah, yeah, and it's up to us to decide, like, what
feels good, what doesn't feelgood, what works for us, what
doesn't.
This is not behavior I'm gonnaaccept, you know.
Or this is like these are linesthat we get to draw in the sand
, these are boundaries that weget to create.
No one has to create them forus, but we have to create them,
(41:23):
and, and then we have to honorthem, and we do so all because
we love ourselves, because wewant to take care of ourselves,
because we want to be happy andwe want to feel good.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Well, and I think also, you know, if you think
about purpose-driven lives,which we're both for the best
thing you can do is takeimpeccable care of yourself so
that you have something to offerthe world.
You cannot do that in a stateof depletion and a state of
exhaustion and a state ofsadness.
(41:56):
You have to be taking justguttural care of yourself so
that you are able to have impactin the world.
And a lot of people will say,well, not me, that's not what
I'm here to do.
Yes, yes, it is.
You came here for a reason andyou have choices on this path
and this choice to embracehappiness and make intentional
(42:21):
choices around what's going tobring happiness out in you, joy
out of you, so that you can havea greater impact on the world,
whether that's your household,your family, your classroom,
your organization, the broadersociety at large, whatever that
space is that you're occupying.
You have a choice every day andyou know I actually just did a
(42:45):
workshop on this, so I want toshare this little bit.
Energy, right, everything, weknow everything is made of
energy you, me, our books, ourphones, everything particles,
small particles, energy.
Everything is this energeticexchange, and you know when you
get on a call, or you walk intoa room and the energy changes
(43:08):
because you're in a state ofhigher vibration, or you bring
it down.
You're dimming the lightbecause you're not in a good
place and you're literallybringing the entire frequency of
the room down.
You have a nice waist Talk toeverybody, frequency of the room
down.
You have a nice waste ofeverybody.
There's an electromagneticfield that extends three feet
(43:29):
throughout from where you are inany direction minimum.
Yeah, you have that power.
In fact, your energy speaksbefore you do, before you even
open your mouth.
Yeah, and that's like.
It's such a powerful thing thatpeople often aren't aware of.
They think we're hiding whathappened.
No one can tell.
No, no, we all know, it's outof your being, we sense it and
(43:55):
you know, I once thought, likeno one can know, like I'm a high
pirate executive and I'm justin the world.
You know, is was hot to trot inmy 30s.
I was actually freaking out andfalling apart and deeply
insecure, but I didn't wantanyone to know that.
I didn't want to get found out.
So it came across as thisfrenetic energy and probably an
(44:16):
assertive confidence to hide thefact that I was really unhappy
and very insecure and it cameacross as just super stressed.
Yeah, it was really busy, itwas super stressed.
Yes, miserable, and othersshare this really quickly.
(44:38):
It took my grandmother who wasdeceased I was giving her eulogy
, it took showing up for that toactually pull me back into an
understanding that my energy waswalking into the room before I
did, because here was mygrandmother who was the complete
opposite life of mine.
(44:59):
You know, she loved really ourhometown.
I mean she had a very modestlife, never really had any
financial success, never had acareer.
She had eight children.
A lot of tragedy in her life,but the most loving, giving,
caring, warm.
I mean I think of mygrandmother and I immediately
(45:21):
think of safety.
I immediately think of safety,sanctuary, home.
And then contradict that withthis young 30-something in a
beautiful suit, with all thisfrenetic energy, yeah, praying
to pretend that everything wasokay.
And I'm watching the church atmy grandmother's funeral as I'm
(45:44):
up on the pulpit, just fill withall these people she had
impacted, all these people whoselives she had touched.
She'd never left my hometown.
I'd been jet-setting to Chinaand Australia and Chile and
Argentina and I'm like I'mwondering if five people are
going to come to my funeral,because I'm probably missing
everybody else for the way I'mbehaving and showing up and this
(46:05):
weird energy I'm carryingaround in me and I remember I
was.
It just hit me so hard in thatmoment and I could hear my
grandmother going, put the notesdown and talk from your heart
oh, wow, it's be you, it'senough, it's enough.
Wow, Michelle, it's be you,it's enough, it's enough.
(46:29):
And it just changed everythinghow I showed up being more
present.
Yeah, down, becoming a betterlistener.
Before I thought I was tryingto prove myself right.
Wow, see me, see me do thesegreat things all over the place
and like, yay me, and maybeyou'll all love me now, kind of
thing.
And here was my grandmotherfrom beyond the grave going
(46:51):
daddy, love you.
You have to do more.
Whatever you decide to do, justbe you, just be present.
You know that's all we need.
It shifted my life.
It literally cracked thefoundation, the faulty
foundation that I'd built.
Yeah, all based on titles andachievements and awards and
(47:13):
accolades and money, which Ididn't have any growing up, so I
had to get some and then thatwould fix everything.
And, yeah, exacerbated bro,yeah, exacerbated bro, yeah,
absolutely.
But it all came back down tothat premise you are enough.
You can choose happiness, youcan choose how you show up and
(47:37):
when you choose how you show up,you have such an opportunity to
have an impact on others.
Yeah, that's why we're here.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, I love that.
It's so funny.
You and I have always had solike parallel lines, Like we
have so much in common.
And I write in my book this onesection about rethink success.
And I really talk about successdoes not define us.
We define success and I sharein it a story of when I decided
(48:13):
to follow my passion versusstaying in the safety of the
corporate world.
And I write about reading at mygrandma Dorothy's Memorial
Service a beautiful little poemby Ralph Waldo Emerson.
(48:34):
It's called what is Success.
It's all about how you know,leaving the world a little bit
better of a place than you foundit.
That is to have succeeded.
And it was about, you know,maybe it's tending to a garden,
maybe it's tending to a child,whatever it is.
But it was so interesting thatyou said that I was really
(48:54):
touched because I felt the sameway about my grandma.
She didn't have it easy at alland in fact she had it quite
hard sometimes and also yet shewas the very first to laugh and
sing and have a good time andcelebrate life.
And I had that moment, kind ofyou know, where I really
realized like I am not a success.
(49:18):
It's like a Sunday, drivingaway from the parking lot after
like another weekend of work,and you know again like success
does not define us, weindividually define success.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
I love that.
I love it, and how blessed arewe that we have the experience
of having strong grandmothersthat will show the way that,
despite hardships, despitetragedies, despite not having,
maybe, conventional success,they lived well.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
They chose joy even when there was a lot of darkness
around them, a lot of hardship,a lot of tough times.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
And I don't think that we're as hardwired in our
generation to do that.
It's definitely a muscle weneed to work on more and more.
It's why your book is soimportant, more and more.
It's why your book is soimportant.
Let's go through.
I would love for you if youcould talk to us just a few
(50:22):
minutes about, maybe, some ofthe ways intentionality,
choosing joy, slowing down.
What are the top ways that wecan live an easier life?
What are your favorite evenbetter go-tos?
Speaker 3 (50:39):
I love this.
I love this so much.
So, obviously we've coveredways that we can choose joy in
our daily life.
We've talked about also, youknow, a lot of self-love and
kindness, but in the day-to-daylet's just be real.
Life is a lot.
Your phone pings, the doorbellrings like everything's like
(51:00):
it's Fender Bender in the E-Born, expected, yes, yes, Hello,
Exactly Like life happens, right.
And one of the best things thatwe can do a few things is I'm
very much a believer that we arehere for purpose.
Like I had a dream, like towrite this book, right, this was
(51:20):
important to me and I also knew, with every hiccup or anything
that it would come into theworld in its own perfect time.
So three things that we can do.
The first one is we can stoptrying to control everything
that we can't control, becauseall it does is drive us crazy.
Right, it's like bend with thewind.
(51:44):
Like the palm tree is one ofthe strongest in the world
because it knows how to bendwith the wind.
You know even the beautiful,ginormous, incredible oak trees.
They don't bend, they snap thepalm.
It goes with the wind and so itadapts, the more that we can
adapt and not fight these thingsthat are out of our control,
the better it is for our nervoussystems, for our minds, for our
(52:06):
sanity, for manifesting.
The more that we can go withthe flow, the better off we are.
The second thing I want to saythat I think is so important to
create a little bit more ease ineverybody's life is to honor
our life seasons.
You know, Michelle, you are soaccomplished and there's so much
that you've done, you are doingand you will continue to do
Each and every one of us right.
But we cannot do it all at thesame time while still enjoying
(52:32):
the journey and also taking goodcare of ourselves.
We just can't, and sometimesthe kindest thing we can do for
ourselves is say you know, thisis the journey of writing, this
is the season of writing my book.
This is the season of raisingmy child.
This is the season ofestablishing myself in a new
community after moving andmaking new friends, Like
whatever it is.
(52:52):
Maybe this is the season to geta new job or to really step it
up a notch at your current job.
Maybe this is the season to geta new job or to really step it
up a notch at your current job.
Maybe this is the season tostart your own company, whatever
it is, honor that season thatyou're in, without trying to do
it all at once, because therewill always be next season, you
know.
And the third thing that I loveis just the very simple day to
(53:14):
day.
It's like I'm an easy buttonperson, right?
You remember that staple?
That was easy.
I'm the easy person and I thinkthat life is hard and there's a
lot going on all the time andyou can't always press the easy
button.
But the choices that we makeit's like if I am really tight
(53:34):
on time right now and I'mstressed, do I have to bake a
dozen cupcakes for book club orcan I just go down to the bakery
and buy them?
You know like there are theselittle choices I am all about
like press the easy button, takethe shortcut, take off your
overachiever hat, kick back,relax, because I also believe
(53:58):
that the happier we are, theeasier it is to get things done.
And I know that might soundreally strange to people, but I
think it's just what you'retalking about energy and
frequency.
It's like the more calm we havein our lives and our day to day
, the choices that we make tokind of just make our lives, to
(54:22):
uncomplicate our lives as muchas possible, We'll just have a
better energy frequency tomanifest if we want to go down
that rabbit hole.
But those are my three things,my top things, yeah, and I think
each and every one of us can dothat and you know we all can do
it.
But it all starts withintention and awareness.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
All right, before we close, I'm going to give you the
floor with one piece of advicethat you would give to our
listeners to be happier rightnow.
Speaker 3 (55:02):
Oh gosh, give to our listeners to be happier right
now.
Oh gosh, I feel like we'vecovered so much already, but I
would just say love yourself,believe in yourself, take it
easy on yourself.
One thing that I love to tellpeople, or you know to consider
doing, is each day, prioritizeyour joy, to boost your joy
levels by taking a daily momentof joy.
(55:23):
Can be five minutes, it can be10 minutes, it can be a whole
afternoon, but the whole pointis to write something on your to
do list for that day.
That is like my daily moment ofjoy, because you are
prioritizing your happiness.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
I think this is so important and such a wonderful
note to end on, because I know Icertainly, growing up, was one
of those people who was veryhigh achieving and thought I had
to delay joy.
I had to earn joy.
I had to work super hard and ifI worked super hard and crossed
everything off my list and Idid really, really well, then I
can have a moment of joy.
I had to work super hard and ifI worked super hard and crossed
everything off my list and Idid really really well, then I
(56:00):
can have a moment of joy.
And after a period of time itcatches up with you and then you
find that you can't be joyfuland you're really either going
to have a breakdown or abreakthrough.
Right, and I'm pretty gratefulthat I had the breakdown that
led to the breakthrough, and nowjoy is the priority.
(56:22):
Joy is the point, and I took alot of unlearning, a lot of ways
of being that I was notaccustomed to, that I actually
do produce my best work when I'moperating from a joyful state,
when I am completely depletedand exhausted, and yet that is
very much a cultural Westernsociety outlook.
(56:47):
It is.
Why are you going to go?
Do that now Like, what have youdone lately?
Like, and we have to stop that.
We have to stop that shamingand judging, because I'll tell
you I've done more in the twoyears that I left my corporate
environment than all of thoseyears.
I will say, look, I did greatwork.
I'm proud of the work I did,but personally satisfied that I
(57:11):
was showing up as my authenticself, living my purpose and
having an impact.
I've done more in two yearsthan I did in those 20 plus
years Not proud to say.
I find it almost like acautionary tale.
I love telling younger people.
I hope, I hope that you'lllisten to these stories.
You don't have to go down thesame route.
(57:32):
There is a different way andwe're redefining success and I
think this is a beautiful time,despite all of the chaos.
It's a beautiful time to begrowing up and being alive,
because the conversation aroundwhat success is and what
constitutes an extraordinarylife is mainstream now.
(57:55):
In a way it was never discussedwhen we were growing up, and
opportunity to have an evengreater impact at a younger age.
Because you understand thepoint of this life.
It's a magnitude better.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
So interesting to Michelle.
But no, but it's so interestingbecause, you know, in the
corporate you and I both had thecorporate and then we both
branched out on our own and Iwill say even like, if you want
to talk about hours, you know, Imean, we both put in.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
I mean so many hours in the car.
Why does Will have become alawyer?
Because I had billable hours inthe corporate world.
Speaker 3 (58:36):
But when I started my first company or when I wrote
my book I mean, I can't tell youhow many Saturdays and Sundays
I wrote this book or when Istarted my company, yes, but
when you have passion for it,like when the work itself brings
you joy, that is like the bestthing in the whole entire world.
(58:59):
I remember Howard Shulman saidthe author.
He said don't ask what theworld needs, Ask what makes you
come alive, Because what theworld needs is more people who
have come alive.
Speaker 1 (59:19):
And I think that's so profound.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
And when you do work, you know whether it's your book
or you're.
You know building your business, working with your clients.
I love my clients.
When you help people, wheneverit is that you are doing, if it
lights your soul on fire, if itbrings you know, if it makes you
lose track of time in the verybest way, that is wonderful,
(59:45):
Like that is the ultimate, Ithink, joy that you can achieve.
So it's not just about, likeyou know, sitting on the couch
and nibbling chocolate.
Well, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
But it's also about doing these things that give
oxygen to your soul into thisworld is spirit.
We're walking in this humanjourney but still our essence is
spirit and we will return atthe end of the journey.
Like matter is neither creatednor destroyed people, we're just
changing states.
But our true essence isspiritual.
(01:00:30):
And when you recognize that,feeding the soul, feeding our
need for self-expression and forliving in that place of joy,
and that what you weredescribing earlier, when you
lose that track of time becauseyou're enjoying it so much as
flows and we can't operate fromflows, you know, I want to say
it's like that divinity withinyou coming alive.
(01:00:52):
Anything is possible, you'rereally operating in that field
of all possibility and you arecreating life.
That's giving me the chillstalking about it, because that,
right, there is what the worldneeds more of, more of us coming
alive.
Oh, thank you so much for yourtime on the show.
Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
Thank you for having me, Michelle.
Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
You're the best you know how much I love you.
Thank you for sharing yourgifts and talking about the book
, so help everybody understandwhere they can find you and
where they can get a copy of thebook.
Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
Yes, yes, come say hello to me on Instagram at
emilyflorenceoffer and you cansign up for my newsletter at
emilyflorencecom.
And you can sign up for mynewsletter at emilyflorencecom
and you can get a copy of EvenBetter, easier Ways to a Happier
Life on Amazon, barnes, noblepretty much all the book places.
I would love to get to know.
(01:01:48):
I love you, I love youraudience.
Michelle, you have like thebest community, so I look
forward to getting to know allof the people in your community
and your listeners as well.
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Oh, thank you, Emily.
We love you too.
All right, everyone.
Until next time, go and liveyour extraordinary life.
Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
Thank you for listening to today's episode.
If you enjoyed this podcastepisode, please take a moment to
rate and review.
If you have recommendations forfuture topics, please reach out
to me atmichelleriosofficialcom.
Lastly, please considersupporting this podcast by
sharing it.
Together, we can reach, inspireand positively impact more
(01:02:33):
people.
Thank you.
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