April 14, 2025 • 42 mins
What happens when the foundation upon which you've built your entire life suddenly breaks? For Marnie Batista it took a near-crippling ski accident—with seven fractures in her sacrum—to recognize that she'd been chasing external markers of success that could never truly satisfy her soul.
During nine weeks of forced immobility, she confronted the question that would transform her life: "If I'm not doing, then who am I?" This profound awakening led to the development of her revolutionary framework, the Seven Spiritual Questions for Leading a Meaningful Life, which forms the heart of her new book.
Marnie reveals how our attachment to outcomes and expectations creates unnecessary suffering. She shares a transformative story about a music festival experience where letting go of control completely shifted the energy and unlocked joy that would have otherwise been missed. This lesson applies universally—when we don't get what we want, or get what we don't want, how we respond determines the quality of our lives.
At the core of authentic living is distinguishing between what Marnie calls our "shopping cart" (achievements, titles, possessions) and our true soul essence. Through her concept of the "soul map," she offers a practical way to identify what naturally energizes you, the conditions under which you thrive, and your core motivations. When your life aligns with this map, existence flows with remarkable ease.
For busy professionals who believe they don't have time for spiritual practices, Marnie introduces the accessible "four-way check"—a simple daily conversation with your intellect, body, emotions, and inner wisdom that takes just minutes but yields profound insights. As many executives discover, the badge of honor of an overscheduled calendar is actually "pumping the brakes and gas at the same time."
Whether you're questioning your career path, feeling unfulfilled despite outward success, or simply sensing there's more to life, Marnie's insights offer a roadmap to greater meaning, purpose, and joy. Take the first step by visiting RadicalLivingChallenge.com to discover your own hidden blocks to fulfillment and begin designing a life that truly resonates with your soul.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life
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Speaker 2 (01:05):
That's extraordinarywealthco when we
don't get what we want or we getwhat we don't want, how we
react to that really is thequality of our life, and really
learning that lesson can changeyour life in so many ways and
actually improve not only yourpersonal relationships but your
business relationships.
The kinds of money you make,impact you make.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hi, I'm Michelle Rios , host of the Live your
Extraordinary Life podcast.
This podcast is built on thepremise that life is meant to be
joyful, but far too often wesettle for less.
So if you've ever thought thatsomething is missing from your
life, that you were meant formore, or you simply want to
experience more joy in theeveryday, then this podcast is
(01:54):
for you.
Each week, I'll bring youcaptivating personal stories,
transformative life lessons andjuicy conversations on living
life to the fullest, with thehope to inspire you to create a
life you love on your terms,with authenticity, purpose and
connection.
Together, we'll explore what itmeans to live an extraordinary
(02:17):
life, the things that hold usback and the steps we all can
take to start living our bestlives.
So come along for the journey.
It's never too late to getstarted, and the world needs
your light.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to another episode of the
(02:38):
Live your Extraordinary Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and today I am so thrilled to be
able to introduce you to whohas become now a dear friend of
mine, mark Batista.
Marnie is an entrepreneur,she's an author, she's a
transformational life designspecialist, she's a podcast host
and she's a radical truthseeker.
(03:00):
She happens to be the founderof Dating with Dignity and the
Institute for LivingCourageously, organizations that
are dedicated to empoweringwomen to create fulfilling
intimate relationships andmeaningful lives.
Marty's latest book, yourRadical Living Challenge Seven
Questions for Leading aMeaningful Life offers a unique
(03:23):
blend of both spiritual wisdomand practical exercises designed
to help individuals just likeyou redefine to success and
reignite passion in their lives.
Her work has been featured inpublications as vast as the LA
Times and the New Yorker, andshe's appeared on multiple
programs, including the Dr PhilShow On Air with Ryan Seacrest
(03:45):
and Home and Family TV.
I am thrilled to present to youmy dear friend, marnie Batista.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Marnie, such a nice, heartfelt welcome, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I am just so happy that we had the opportunity to
sit back, now that your book isout there, now that you've had
the opportunity to launch andit's breathing, it's going and
doing its thing in the world tojust kind of sit back and have
some reflective time together onthis journey and what this book
is doing out in the world.
So thank you for taking thetime to do that.
(04:16):
I'm so happy to do it.
Let's start with the firstquestion.
Okay, what does it mean to you,marnie Batista, to live your
extraordinary life?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I love the question because I was just
actually thinking about this andtalking about it with my
husband last night because inthe last five years, since COVID
, since I had my ski accident,which was sort of like the
impetus for my own sort of wakeup call I've really been
committed to living a life thatis extraordinary and for me that
(04:49):
means fully expanded version ofmyself, so that my life
actually allows me to expressmyself and gives me challenges
and adventures and fun andeverything right that is
actually set up to allow me tobe even more of who I am and to
(05:10):
question those things.
I would say in all that is thento design every single part of
my life with intention to notever be on autopilot.
My husband said last nightsometimes I fantasize like if we
would have never left LosAngeles, like we just have this
house and we wouldn't have toalways decide what are we doing
next, what are we doing next?
And I said, yeah, that is theoften not talked about flip side
(05:33):
of freedom is taking personalresponsibility for the choices
that you're going to make.
And I wrote a piece yesterdayabout the grief for the version
of us that kind of thrived withstructure, that just did what
she was told, that could hustle100 million miles an hour and
(05:55):
not like give a thought about it, right, like there was a
comfort and safety in that whenyou decide to be extraordinary,
there comes great responsibilitywith that freedom.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Oh, that is so true.
I love how you talk about theidea of being so intentional
about different aspects of yourlife, because that's what draws
up the authenticity, that's whatactually allows the alignment
to unfold.
Otherwise, you are on autopilotand, let's be honest, there are
times when there is atremendous amount of freedom in
(06:28):
not having to think about that.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And yeah, that's also the very thing that stifles us
from that next leveling up.
So I appreciate that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I mean, I think we're all conditioned to be
uncomfortable with change.
Especially the older we get, webecome more attached to what is
, and because we can't predictour happiness as humans, it
takes a decision and acommitment to live an
extraordinary life.
My husband said, like at theend of your life, what are the
(07:01):
experiences you want to say youhad?
What kind of life did you sayyou wanted to live?
And I was like, yeah, like I'mthinking about that and all the
decisions that we make, and soeverything is intentional.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, I love that.
All right, let's dive into thebook.
Okay, what motivated you towrite your radical living
challenge and how does itreflect your personal journey?
Because I know a little bit ofthis backstory, but I would love
for our audience to hear itfrom you.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah.
So what motivated me?
I mean, it was sort of likeeverything happened that pointed
in that direction.
But I did have this nearcrippling ski accident.
Just weeks before everyone washoarding toilet paper 2020.
And I was in bed for about nineweeks, unable to literally do
anything, while everybody wascleaning vegetables in my
(07:51):
kitchen, and I had this profoundawareness that if I'm not doing
, then who am I?
And when the doctor said you'rehealed according to the scans
and the x-rays and I still waswalking with tremendous pain
that I was terrified.
(08:11):
It was going to be lifetimechronic pain.
I was like what else is goingon?
And that required deeperreflection and some process to
kind of uncover that.
And what I realized was that Ihad broken seven places in my
sacrum, which is the foundationof your physical self, because
(08:33):
the foundation on which I hadbuilt my life no longer served
me and so I had to break that inorder to rebuild.
And I wrote the book becausethere was no map.
I couldn't find a roadmaponline, other coaches I couldn't
find anyone or any how tofigure out.
Well, if I'm not this, thenwhat do I do?
I just didn't know how to getthere.
I just knew that I couldn'tkeep doing what I was doing, and
(08:56):
so, in my own journey offiguring that out, I came up
with my own system and frameworkthat ultimately became the book
, and in the book I tell thestory of my own journey and my
own reinvention, in each chapterthrough an adventure.
My husband and I went on livingin an RV full time.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I love it.
Let's get into that a littlebit.
I want to talk about the sevenspiritual questions because I
think that as the framework ofyour book, they're so beautiful,
first of all in helping andinviting the reader to really
examine their life more closely.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Can you elaborate on the seven spiritual questions
that you talk about in the bookand the significance in leading
a meaningful life was that, inthat moment of near paralysis,
that if I aspired to thetraditional metrics of success,
it became really clear to methat I would never be satisfied.
(09:52):
Because if you're using themore more as your metric more
money, more cars, more status,more clothes, more trips, more
right Like that's infinite andthere's never enough and it just
hit me like I will never besatisfied.
At the same time, my dad haddied a year before and in the
(10:17):
last day of his life he wasmumbling about credit cards and
just like desperate to get intohis email, like half unconscious
, like trying to get thatpassword.
He got locked out.
He's like mumbling about.
You know, it was just like alot Right, and I had this.
I was so sad, but there's alike a put a pin in it moment
where I was like is this what Iwant to be thinking about?
Like at the end of my life.
I was like, uh, no, you know.
And then I kind of went aboutthe grieving process and about
(10:40):
six months later I was sittingat a sermon and I heard the
spiritual leader talking aboutthis story in the ancient text,
about you go to the pearly gatesand you're asked these seven
questions Did you lead ameaningful life?
And I immediately was like, didmy dad?
(11:00):
And then I realized, oh, youknow, one finger pointing out,
three fingers pointing back atyou, and I was like, wait, am I?
And then that's when it hit methat, oh my gosh, the more
framework, the more paradigm isnever fulfilling, never
meaningful, you're never arrived.
It's all outside of our control.
And these seven questions, Ilove them because give me a
(11:23):
project, right, like I felt likethey, because they were
internal, they're about therelationship you have with
yourself, that that wassomething that I could do and
that I could find meaning inevery step, and that there is no
final answer in this journey ofspirituality and meaning.
And that seemed like resonant,like wait, this is kind of how I
(11:44):
want to flip the switch.
And so I dove into studyingthem and then I was like wait,
everyone needs to know aboutthis.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, Give us a flavor.
What are some of the questions?
We don't have to get them all.
We want to go and get the bookand we'll have links to the book
and we'll talk about where theycan get it later.
But give us a little bit offlavor for some of the really
perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So I think let's see, I always like to start with the
one that was in the ancienttext.
It was the first question and Iuniversalized and modernized
all of them right for our time.
But in the ancient text it waswere you honest with money?
And when I set about to do thisresearch I was like, well,
that's really interesting.
I mean, this is like pre-TenCommandment vibes Were you
(12:28):
honest with money, what?
And so what I learned was thatthis was the first question at
the pearly gates, because thethought was that if you were
honest about money, which iseveryone's very attached to and
self centered around if you werehonest about money, then you'd
probably be honest in your life.
And I thought, well, that'sreally interesting.
(12:50):
And then I started to reallylook at like honesty overall and
I thought, well, most peoplelearn about honesty with others
Generally.
You know, most people arefamiliar with the Ten
Commandments, right, we try tobe an integrity.
And I thought what nobody'sreally talking about is are you
(13:12):
honest with yourself?
And so that question were youhonest with yourself?
And the idea of radical honestyis a really important question
because when they interviewpeople, at the end of life
people have a lot of regrets forwhat they didn't say, what they
didn't do, what they didn't letgo of, what they didn't go for
(13:35):
Right.
Those are the regrets thatpeople have, and I think a lot
of that comes from avoiding thetruth and trying to navigate
around it rather than in it, andthat, to me, is a really,
really important question,because self-honesty allows us
(13:57):
to reveal what's really holdingus back, to have difficult
conversations, to stop doingwhat it is that isn't aligned
and to start doing the thingsthat we're afraid of.
So to me, it's a reallybeautiful guardrail.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Well, and you just hit on something that I want to
stay with for a minute, becauseI think why so many people get
stuck and not really beinghonest with themselves isn't
because they don't know.
It's because they don't trustwhat's coming up to be valid, or
they don't believe that theyare worth pursuing their own
(14:38):
dreams, that they have someself-worth issues that are
really deeply holding them frommoving forward, and or they
really are questioning that.
What's coming up for them, whatwe would say you know your
truth, what's bubbling upnaturally for them like that
doesn't make sense.
That's not what I was told.
Where's that coming from?
(14:59):
And they negate their owninternal wisdom.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah.
So I think what is cool aboutthis question is that it does
require us to learn some newskills, right?
And so one of those, and Iteach you and talk about it in
the book, because everyone askedme this question how do I know
if this is?
I just wrote a sub stack, apost about it.
How do I know if this is whatI'm supposed to do or if this is
(15:25):
just the inner critic, right?
How do I trust myself?
And so the concept I want tokind of introduce to your
audience is this idea ofresonance and dissonance and
that, as a soul, we're kind ofstitched to our physical self.
When we come in and when thingsare really resonant at a soul
(15:45):
level, those stitches betweenour physical self and our soul
are just seamless.
And what happens through ourexperiences when things are
dissonant, little knots andtangles end up happening and we
feel that, like it, justsomething just doesn't feel
right.
And what most people do is theyavoid, like I don't know what,
(16:09):
what to do, I don't know what'strue or not true, so I'll just
kind of suck it up for anothersix months or not deal with it,
or hope it works out, or see ifsomething else outside of me
changes, and then all of thatmental gymnastics and avoiding
right pulls the knots tighterand tighter until we're in so
much pain or the universedelivers us something that
(16:30):
forces us to untangle thoseknots.
So the way that you can behonest is you can start to
recognize with very simplethings at the beginning of, like
, what is resonant, what feelslike a full body, yes, and what
feels a little dissonant, andthen keep it really simple at
the beginning.
You know, like, go to therestaurant and look at the menu
(16:52):
instead of saying what do I want, look at it and be like what
feels, like soul, likeenergetically aligned for me
today, you know, and sometimesit might be like cheesy nachos,
you know, with lots of stuff onthem.
You know, might not be a salad,right, and that right there is
like, oh wow, what's reallygoing on here?
(17:14):
Is there a rule about salad?
I talked about this to so manywomen and they're like oh well,
I always look around and seewhat the other ladies are
ordering, you know, right.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's a guilt thing, it's a guilt shame all wrapped
up in one, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So it's like such a great place to practice being
like what's resonant.
You know that one bite of thedessert usually feels pretty
resonant, and we know when wehave like 20 of them, it starts
to feel dissonant, right, and soI always use food as a great
example, because it's just sosimple.
It's something we do every day,but once we start to learn, or
(17:48):
like hanging out with someonethat you really love, that's
really easy and fun and you'relike oh, that felt really
resonant.
So I teach you that in the bookso that you can start to
understand.
When are you pulling thoseknots tighter?
And then the other question wecan talk about is like well then
, how do I start to like it'slike jewelry?
How do I start to untanglethose knots?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
that are really really tied up.
I love it.
All right, let's talk aboutstories, because you share a lot
of personal stories in thisbook.
Could you share one that wasparticularly transformative for
you with the audience?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Oh my gosh, there's so many.
I think my favorite story fromthe book, when my husband and I
first decided to kind ofexperiment with leaving Los
Angeles and living in an RV fulltime, we rented.
Well, first we rented aSprinter van for two weeks and
we loved it west coast of thecountry for like eight weeks and
(18:43):
one of those things that we didwas we went to this music
festival In that music festival.
It was amazing.
It was the first time I'd everdone anything like this,
especially with my husband.
We were, like you know, makingout like teenagers.
(19:03):
It was like it was like a peakmoment, right.
So when we got the RV and wewent on our year long adventure,
we decided to commit to that.
We went back and I realizedthat I had all these
expectations and attachments ofwhat it should be like because
that was perfect and that wasthe.
That was like the ultimateexperience romance, fun, playful
(19:28):
.
It was like the first time,right.
And we get there this year it'slike 103 degrees in the shade.
Uh, if you've ever, I'm curious, which music festival were you?
Oh, it's called.
It's called watershed.
Okay, okay, it's in EasternWashington.
It's a country music festival.
And we get there we're travelingwith our two cats.
If you know anything about RVs,like even with air conditioning
(19:51):
they really only can cool like10 degrees less than the
temperature.
And so the minute we startdriving there, my husband, who's
a little OCD, starts freakingout, worrying, anxious.
What are we going to do?
You know you can't rungenerators there.
It's like too loud with thecats Like, and he was just so
angsty and like unhappy and inmy brain I was like be like you
(20:15):
were last year, this is supposedto be fun.
You know, like I was just soattached to that and I also
realized a pattern maybe some ofyou can relate where I was like
I literally do everything I canto try and make my husband
happy so he can be who I wanthim to be, and I don't like it
when he's uncomfortable.
So what do I do?
I start jumping in withsolutions and, okay, what do we
(20:38):
do?
And he's just like stop it.
And so I have this like momentof self-awareness around not
needing to control, awarenessaround not needing to control,
not needing to fix, letting goof my attachments and my
expectations to allow thisexperience to be what it was
meant to be, and practice all ofthese questions, like in one
(20:59):
moment.
They all kind of came togetherand I just remember and I wrote
about the moment.
But I just shifted the energyand I was just like let's blow
up the baby pool.
Like there's a whole thingwhere you bring a baby pool and
you fill it with water and likepeople are just chilling in
their baby pools when it'sreally hot out.
It's so fun.
And so I was like, hey, let'sdo that.
(21:21):
And I just shifted the energyand I went and I just filled it
up and we were just and itshifted and I realized, wow,
like I get to create, like theenergy, I can set the energy by
how I respond to situations andwhen I'm aware of my own
patterns, then so muchpossibility.
And the first year I saw TimMcGraw if anyone knows that song
(21:43):
, live like you're dying, right,and the whole idea is like you
know, you just live your lifefull out.
And that was the moment where Iwas like you know what I need
to live like I'm dying, like Ineed to have like my time, I
need to let this go, I need tojust be here for myself.
And it was a huge, huge momentand we ended up having a great
time because I didn't need tocontrol the entire thing and
(22:03):
make it be what I wanted it tobe, because that's not life, but
oh, I'm so good at it.
That was like a life lesson toget in again.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I mean, I'm just for all our listeners out there.
I just sit for a moment withthis because it certainly
resonates with me.
How often have we gone intosituations that are maybe repeat
deja vu moments and we go inwith the same expectations that
it will be what it was before,and then, when it doesn't,
you're let down or you feeldisappointment or you think
(22:31):
something is wrong or fill inthe blank.
And yet if we just hold off ongiving it or judging it based on
what our previous experiencewas, you open up a whole realm
of possibilities for it to bedifferent, new and equally good
in a different way.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Totally and I realized I do this not in repeat
experiences, but on any,whether it's a conversation with
a potential client, how I wantmy book launch to go, how I want
my kids to be, you know how Iwant, like the first.
You know when you drop your kidoff at college, we have these
rules of how we think thingsshould go and write this down.
When we don't get what we wantor we get what we don't want,
(23:15):
how we react to that really isthe quality of our life and
really learning that lesson canchange your life in so many ways
and actually improve not onlyyour personal relationships but
your business relationships.
The kinds of money you makeimpact you make right Because
you're really being there for itand you're able to be creative
(23:38):
and you're able to be who youreally are.
So it's a huge question toreally dive into because if
you're practicing that andthat's the area of your focus,
you can really expand in thatway because it's in your control
.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I love that.
All right, let's connect tocoaching.
How does your radical livingchallenge align with the work
that you do at the Institute forLiving Courageously and Dating
with Dignity?
Tell me about your overallphilosophy and how this all
aligns.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, so when I started coaching 16 years ago, I
had gotten divorced and I wastrying to figure out how do you
date with your dignity intact.
And I worked on that for fiveyears and I solved the puzzle as
much as I could and met myhusband, who I'm married to now,
and I wanted to write a bookabout dating and it all like
(24:32):
came together and I was like theway that I teach the dating
piece is that you fall in lovewith yourself and then you find
someone to love, right?
So it's an inside out job andmost people do the other way,
like they just want to know thestrategy.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
And they want that person to validate them so they
don't have to worry about lovingthem.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Exactly, it's a huge piece and it's so vague, like
loving yourself.
What does that mean?
So I really help clients dothat and what I noticed over,
you know, working and having mybusiness, for you know, at that
time, like 12, 13 years, I hadclients that stayed with me for
three, four, five, seven, eightyears, right, I helped them meet
their dude and then theyrealized, when they love
(25:15):
themselves, right, that theirwhole life was built based on
this desire to prove their worthbecause someone told them they
should.
It was reaction to a divorce ora loss, and they were like,
wait a minute, I want my wholelife to be soul aligned.
And so they would stay with meand I would help them live this
life.
And what they all would say iswow, this is beyond what I could
(25:37):
have dreamed of.
So when I was in that business,after 12 or 13 years, I knew
that what I did was so much morethan dating and I started to
resent my business because itwas limiting me.
And you know you have to domarketing.
We all have to market, right,and you know we all have to give
(25:57):
them what they want or sellthem what they want, but give
them what they need.
I was on TikTok, michelle, and Iwas getting all these followers
.
I was talking about dating andI just was like I literally
dislike all of you, like all thecomments.
And I was like and I said tothis colleague of mine like I
think I need to break up with mybusiness, like I just don't
(26:18):
want to talk about this anymore.
And he said, well, do you loveyour business anymore?
And I was like no, but I thinkI could suck it up for like
three more years.
And he was like that is not aMarnie thing to say.
And then I went to my coach andhe was like what is the soul of
your business?
And I was like, oh, it's reallyliving life on your own terms,
(26:39):
beyond what you can imagine, anddoing it in a way that doesn't
blow it up and that basicallythat soul.
When I started to explore that,the idea for the book came.
I pivoted my brand.
That was like three years agoand I've just it's like again.
I lived in a 40 foot RV.
It's like a you know, arockstar bus, it's huge.
(27:01):
So you don't do a hairpin turn,you turn it slowly.
So for the last few years I'vejust been like turning this
thing around.
I still totally do dating and Ilove helping people with dating
.
I can do it with my eyes closedand my hands tied behind my
back, because it's really iseasy when you have the process.
But now when people come to me,they know that this is like,
(27:22):
this is soul work, this is deepwork, like we're going to do the
inside work, and so thoseclients like are, it's so fun,
it's so yummy.
I help people with life design.
I help people be leaders intheir business.
So now I have to just really beall of who I am in my business.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
I love that.
All right, let's talk about therole of spirituality.
We haven't delved too deeply inthere, but I would like to talk
about how incorporatingspirituality into the daily life
contributes to personaltransformation and how you
experienced in your own life.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, I just talked to someone who said you know,
like I'm so sick of trying tostrive for this divine
connection and like why can't Ijust be?
And I was like I totally get it, because when we think about
spirituality or meditation orany of those things as like a
to-do thing to get an outcome,it does just become a task.
(28:19):
Right?
You're like I have to meditatebecause if I meditate I'll make
more money, like no so.
And in the book one of thequestions is like did you live a
spiritual life?
Mostly, did you make time tolisten, to study, to learn, to
ask yourself questions?
And that is what I think aspiritual life really is and how
(28:40):
you do that is a 100% based onyour unique soul map.
Like that is yours to figureout and is a fun adventure.
You get to choose your ownadventure in spirituality.
And I think that people getreally tied up when they think
they have to meditate for 20minutes or sit cross-legged or
light a candle or chant an um ordo breath work or do this that
(29:02):
it just becomes like sooverwhelming.
And so when that question wascreated in ancient times it
really was about did you setaside for learning?
That's really it.
And learning is like the inwardlearning, like learning about
yourself.
What do you want?
What do you think?
When I talk to leaders, I tellthem this is like basically the
(29:24):
meeting you have with yourself.
Like how can you go aroundevery day and like tell people
what to do and make bigdecisions and lead other
meetings if you're actually noteven having a meeting with you?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Well, so I'm very curious, and we may or may not
be on the same page with this,but how do you feel when I say
something like spiritual?
We're spiritual beings having ahuman existence.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I totally agree.
I just want people who don'tget that to understand that they
can access this wisdom theyhave inside of them in a way
that works for them, because Ithink a lot of people get turned
off or they have a lot oflimiting beliefs or rules that
meditation doesn't work for me.
(30:06):
I'm not woo woo, that's youknow.
I'm an engineer.
I don't operate that way andI'm just here to say are you
creating time to get quiet, tolisten to the voice inside, to
get to know what feels resonantand dissonant?
Ultimately, a lot of people endup connecting into something
bigger, and I don't need you to.
(30:28):
I just am telling you that ifyou live a life where you don't
even have five minutes to bewith yourself and say how am I
doing today, that's a reason whyyou need to take five minutes
and say how am I doing today,and I teach a process in the
book.
I'll just go over reallyquickly, because it's like
(30:48):
listening for dummies, so tospeak.
I call it the four-way check.
You can close your eyes, youcan keep them open.
The only reason why we want youto close your eyes is to not be
distracted, but if it works foryou to like look down and just
find a point on the floor andjust stay focused on that.
That works too.
And you're just going to checkin with your intellect, your
brain.
Hey, intellect, what's going ontoday?
(31:10):
Now, when I do this, myintellect is like girlfriend,
there's a list, do this, do that.
And I'm like whoa, andsometimes I'm like no-transcript
, can you do that thing?
That this been on my mind, like, can you please do that, follow
through, make it happen, yeah.
And I'm like okay, cool.
(31:31):
And then my that part of mybrain just goes and then I go
okay, body, what's going on foryou?
Right, what do you need?
Oh, my God, you know you atelike a lot yesterday.
Can you just like move a littlemore, can you?
I just really need you to go tobed.
You're having a dialogue, whatdo you need?
And then you ask your emotionalself, like how am I feeling?
Like, am I sad, am I angry, amI tired?
(31:53):
Am I pissed off at my husband?
But just ignoring him, like,okay, well, what do you need?
Honestly, I just need to relax.
Maybe I need to take off earlyand like watch a silly rom-com
and watch cat videos?
Okay, great.
And then, finally, you ask yourinner wisdom.
You could call it yourspiritual self, you could call
it your higher self.
It's just that part of you,that is your truth, and you just
(32:16):
go.
Any messages for me today.
Imagine the pink memo sheet.
You know, oh, what's the memo?
You got this.
Just relax, I'm going to beokay.
I do that in the shower.
I can do that while I'm driving.
I can do that while I'm layingin bed.
It's so basic.
I teach you that in the bookand it is when I have clients do
(32:37):
that for like seven days in arow, like literally everything
changes.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I love that and you know this is such an important
point.
You do not need to do all thethings in order to access that
part of you.
I think that simple advicearound making time to be with
yourself, whether that's alonein your room, on a walk in
nature, in your car just takethe time.
(33:03):
And I do believe breathing ofsome sort is good, because I
spend most of our time holdingour breath.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Definitely breathe.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Definitely breathe I can tell you, having had the
ability to study and learn manydifferent methods, from yoga to
meditation to Reiki, the simplepart of just being with yourself
is the most important part.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
A hundred percent and most executives will say I
don't even have time to thinkWell, how can you have your best
ideas if you're so busy doingyou literally can't.
I'll be meditating.
Sometimes I'll get like thebest idea I just drops in and I
go back and I'm like that wasamazing, right.
So it might be while you'reworking out.
(33:53):
It might be going for a walkwithout your ear pods in.
It might be just sit whileyou're waiting in your car wash
and put your phone away and justbe, just be.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I have the best, probably the most influential
mentor very high up in my career.
I thought by the time I got tothe C-suite that I really wasn't
going to have any time.
I had the best, probably themost influential mentor very
high up in my career.
I thought by the time I got tothe C-suite that I really wasn't
going to have any time to run acompany globally.
It was a lot going on and hesaid whoa, nellie?
First of all, if you aren'tblocking off time in that
calendar where nobody else isscheduling you, not your
(34:25):
assistant, not other people inthe company that's for you to
think how can you lead?
You can't.
It was revolutionary for mebecause as you kind of grow up
in a career, or particularly inthe corporate environment, but
really any organization orbusiness, you tend to think well
, I don't have any time, my timeis somebody else's time, that's
(34:46):
what I'm getting paid for.
As you start out and then asyou move up, the idea really is,
the more responsibility youhave, the more free time you
need to just be, because youcannot lead people from a place
of chaos, from a place ofbusyness, from a place of lack
of clarity, which was, quitehonestly, all those previous
experiences as well, as I wasdoing, I was doing it without a
(35:10):
lot of clarity and when I got tothat higher level in the
C-suite for him to actually giveme the permission to say no, no
, your time needs to be blockedout for you every day.
You need time for you so thatyou can be for everyone else.
Do not forget that.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
A hundred percent.
And when I work with executives, and the first thing they do
and they're like look at mycalendar, like it's like a badge
of honor, look at this thing,look at all the colors, you know
, like I don't even have time totake a shower or eat lunch and
I'm like, okay, exactly.
And so you are so wise and thatis so true, and if that is you
and you're listening, I hope youfeel called out.
(35:51):
You are pumping the brakes andthe gas at the same time.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah, absolutely word in this whole business, and yet
it is so important.
Let's talk about howindividuals can maintain this
thing we call authenticity whilestill seeking meaningful
connections in today's modernworld.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Well, I do not like the word authentic because I
think it is overused and I thinkthat we think our authenticity
is authentic, but actually it'sa lot of ego.
Right, like, oh, my authenticself, I call it the shopping
cart.
You know, like you have thisimagine you're in the shop, the
Costco of life, and you believethat the authentic you has a lot
(36:43):
of different items that you'vepulled on the shelf right and
it's like you're a nice car andyour job title and what a good
daughter you are and a greatmother and there's all these
rules, and you've got theshopping cart.
And I realized this when I wasin bed for nine weeks is that I
had none of the shopping cartitems.
I couldn't do any of thosethings.
And so that's when I was like,oh well, what is the authentic
(37:05):
me?
And I realized that theauthentic me was based on all
that stuff.
So I sort of go to the.
For me, the next level of thatis what is actually your soul,
that I mean, you just hit thenail on the head.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Actually, that to me, what is your soul?
Who are you?
Your most authentic being iswho you are at your spiritual
base.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yes, right, and so, and so I always like, when I
were with a client, I'm like,okay, we're emptying out the
shopping cart and we're like, ohmy God, look at all these rules
, you know, look at all thesethings.
And so one of the things that Italk about in the book is what
I call your soul map, and thatis really important because of
(37:46):
the shopping cart, because ofthe identity, because of
whatever we think ourauthenticity is.
It's really great to actuallyunderstand that for a lot of us,
the life that we're living, andyou have this experience when
you're in the C-suite and doingall this stuff, there was a
version of you that thought thatwas going to be the end-all,
be-all, that that was going tomake you happy, that checking
that box would be like, Michelle, is it, this, is it right?
(38:08):
And then we wake up and wedon't feel fulfilled, happy, we
don't like it and we feel somuch guilt and shame because
this is what we worked so hardfor and this was supposed to
make us happy and what's wrongwith us and all of those things.
So one of the first things toreally excavate is really
understanding at a soul level,what are you today?
(38:32):
What do you love?
What do you love to do at amicro level, like the most
granular level, that feelseffortless, it feels like it's
in flow.
You're highly engaged.
How do you best carry thosethings out?
What are the conditions?
What are the conditions?
What are the environments?
Where do you thrive?
And then what are your coremotivations?
(38:54):
And I walk people through thatin the book and when you get
this soul map, I do this withleaders, executives all the time
and they do it and they're like, oh God, no wonder I don't like
what I'm doing at my job rightnow.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Lack of alignment, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
I don't do that.
I also did this with a client.
I like this Right.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
But then you look at the actions and how they live
and they're like oh wait, I'mnot doing any of the things I
say I like.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Exactly.
And then I also had a clientand this is really interesting
too and, I think, helpful, soI'll share.
It is part of like her angstwas her regret that she should
have been a doctor.
She had a fantasy that like,instead of being like a
executive in a consultingcompany, that she should have
been a doctor and that shefailed right.
So we did the soul map, weworked through it and I was like
(39:42):
where is doctor in this?
I was like I literally I'm likelooking at the whiteboard,
i'm'm like where is this?
She's like there's nothing init.
She's like, I mean, I likepuzzles and I like spreadsheets
and I like doing that, but it'sreally more like the creative.
And it just hit her and it waslike, oh my God, like cause her
parents told her like you know,you shouldn't be a doctor, you
(40:05):
don't want that life, you're notgood at it.
And she always felt like shefailed.
And when she looked at her soulmap she was like number one.
Now I know exactly why I don'tlike my job right now, because
I'm not doing any of the thingsthat fill me up.
Also, where did I get thedoctor thing?
And so when you ask thequestion, what is your
authenticity Like?
(40:25):
It's your soul map.
And then I want my wish foreveryone who's listening or
reads the book is that then youstart designing your life, your
work, your relationships, everyarea, your money to be an
expression of that soul map.
So what you do is in flow andease, how you best carry it out,
flow and ease and your coremotivations flow and ease.
(40:46):
And when that lines up, thenlife feels pretty freaking
awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Well, Marnie, we're going to end right there because
that's a mic drop moment foryou.
Please tell everyone where theycan find you.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, so you can go to RadicalLivingChallengecom,
and it's the two L'sRadicalLivingChallengecom, you
can find out about me, you canget the book and I have a quiz
called Decode your Destiny, andit will actually help you
uncover the hidden blocks thatare keeping you from living a
fulfilling and meaningful life,and what shifts you need to make
(41:21):
to start getting there andstart heading in that direction.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Okay, marnie, thank you so much for coming on the
show.
It's always an enlighteningexperience to spend time with
you, listen to your stories,your experiences.
Thank you so much for sharingall of this of yourself and for
all our listeners.
I really encourage you to goand look up Marnie's new book.
It's your Radical LivingChallenge Seven Questions for
(41:46):
Leading a Meaningful Life.
We'll make sure we have thelink in the show notes and until
next time, go and live yourextraordinary life.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode.
If you enjoyed this podcastepisode, please take a moment to
rate and review.
If you have recommendations forfuture topics, please reach out
(42:10):
to me atmichelleriosofficialcom.
Lastly, please considersupporting this podcast by
sharing it.
Together, we can reach, inspireand positively impact more
people.
Thank you.
This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life
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Speaker 2 (01:05):
That's extraordinarywealthco when we
don't get what we want or we getwhat we don't want, how we
react to that really is thequality of our life, and really
learning that lesson can changeyour life in so many ways and
actually improve not only yourpersonal relationships but your
business relationships.
The kinds of money you make,impact you make.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hi, I'm Michelle Rios , host of the Live your
Extraordinary Life podcast.
This podcast is built on thepremise that life is meant to be
joyful, but far too often wesettle for less.
So if you've ever thought thatsomething is missing from your
life, that you were meant formore, or you simply want to
experience more joy in theeveryday, then this podcast is
(01:54):
for you.
Each week, I'll bring youcaptivating personal stories,
transformative life lessons andjuicy conversations on living
life to the fullest, with thehope to inspire you to create a
life you love on your terms,with authenticity, purpose and
connection.
Together, we'll explore what itmeans to live an extraordinary
(02:17):
life, the things that hold usback and the steps we all can
take to start living our bestlives.
So come along for the journey.
It's never too late to getstarted, and the world needs
your light.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to another episode of the
(02:38):
Live your Extraordinary Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, michelle Rios,and today I am so thrilled to be
able to introduce you to whohas become now a dear friend of
mine, mark Batista.
Marnie is an entrepreneur,she's an author, she's a
transformational life designspecialist, she's a podcast host
and she's a radical truthseeker.
(03:00):
She happens to be the founderof Dating with Dignity and the
Institute for LivingCourageously, organizations that
are dedicated to empoweringwomen to create fulfilling
intimate relationships andmeaningful lives.
Marty's latest book, yourRadical Living Challenge Seven
Questions for Leading aMeaningful Life offers a unique
(03:23):
blend of both spiritual wisdomand practical exercises designed
to help individuals just likeyou redefine to success and
reignite passion in their lives.
Her work has been featured inpublications as vast as the LA
Times and the New Yorker, andshe's appeared on multiple
programs, including the Dr PhilShow On Air with Ryan Seacrest
(03:45):
and Home and Family TV.
I am thrilled to present to youmy dear friend, marnie Batista.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Marnie, such a nice, heartfelt welcome, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I am just so happy that we had the opportunity to
sit back, now that your book isout there, now that you've had
the opportunity to launch andit's breathing, it's going and
doing its thing in the world tojust kind of sit back and have
some reflective time together onthis journey and what this book
is doing out in the world.
So thank you for taking thetime to do that.
(04:16):
I'm so happy to do it.
Let's start with the firstquestion.
Okay, what does it mean to you,marnie Batista, to live your
extraordinary life?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I love the question because I was just
actually thinking about this andtalking about it with my
husband last night because inthe last five years, since COVID
, since I had my ski accident,which was sort of like the
impetus for my own sort of wakeup call I've really been
committed to living a life thatis extraordinary and for me that
(04:49):
means fully expanded version ofmyself, so that my life
actually allows me to expressmyself and gives me challenges
and adventures and fun andeverything right that is
actually set up to allow me tobe even more of who I am and to
(05:10):
question those things.
I would say in all that is thento design every single part of
my life with intention to notever be on autopilot.
My husband said last nightsometimes I fantasize like if we
would have never left LosAngeles, like we just have this
house and we wouldn't have toalways decide what are we doing
next, what are we doing next?
And I said, yeah, that is theoften not talked about flip side
(05:33):
of freedom is taking personalresponsibility for the choices
that you're going to make.
And I wrote a piece yesterdayabout the grief for the version
of us that kind of thrived withstructure, that just did what
she was told, that could hustle100 million miles an hour and
(05:55):
not like give a thought about it, right, like there was a
comfort and safety in that whenyou decide to be extraordinary,
there comes great responsibilitywith that freedom.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Oh, that is so true.
I love how you talk about theidea of being so intentional
about different aspects of yourlife, because that's what draws
up the authenticity, that's whatactually allows the alignment
to unfold.
Otherwise, you are on autopilotand, let's be honest, there are
times when there is atremendous amount of freedom in
(06:28):
not having to think about that.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And yeah, that's also the very thing that stifles us
from that next leveling up.
So I appreciate that, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I mean, I think we're all conditioned to be
uncomfortable with change.
Especially the older we get, webecome more attached to what is
, and because we can't predictour happiness as humans, it
takes a decision and acommitment to live an
extraordinary life.
My husband said, like at theend of your life, what are the
(07:01):
experiences you want to say youhad?
What kind of life did you sayyou wanted to live?
And I was like, yeah, like I'mthinking about that and all the
decisions that we make, and soeverything is intentional.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, I love that.
All right, let's dive into thebook.
Okay, what motivated you towrite your radical living
challenge and how does itreflect your personal journey?
Because I know a little bit ofthis backstory, but I would love
for our audience to hear itfrom you.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah.
So what motivated me?
I mean, it was sort of likeeverything happened that pointed
in that direction.
But I did have this nearcrippling ski accident.
Just weeks before everyone washoarding toilet paper 2020.
And I was in bed for about nineweeks, unable to literally do
anything, while everybody wascleaning vegetables in my
(07:51):
kitchen, and I had this profoundawareness that if I'm not doing
, then who am I?
And when the doctor said you'rehealed according to the scans
and the x-rays and I still waswalking with tremendous pain
that I was terrified.
(08:11):
It was going to be lifetimechronic pain.
I was like what else is goingon?
And that required deeperreflection and some process to
kind of uncover that.
And what I realized was that Ihad broken seven places in my
sacrum, which is the foundationof your physical self, because
(08:33):
the foundation on which I hadbuilt my life no longer served
me and so I had to break that inorder to rebuild.
And I wrote the book becausethere was no map.
I couldn't find a roadmaponline, other coaches I couldn't
find anyone or any how tofigure out.
Well, if I'm not this, thenwhat do I do?
I just didn't know how to getthere.
I just knew that I couldn'tkeep doing what I was doing, and
(08:56):
so, in my own journey offiguring that out, I came up
with my own system and frameworkthat ultimately became the book
, and in the book I tell thestory of my own journey and my
own reinvention, in each chapterthrough an adventure.
My husband and I went on livingin an RV full time.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I love it.
Let's get into that a littlebit.
I want to talk about the sevenspiritual questions because I
think that as the framework ofyour book, they're so beautiful,
first of all in helping andinviting the reader to really
examine their life more closely.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Can you elaborate on the seven spiritual questions
that you talk about in the bookand the significance in leading
a meaningful life was that, inthat moment of near paralysis,
that if I aspired to thetraditional metrics of success,
it became really clear to methat I would never be satisfied.
(09:52):
Because if you're using themore more as your metric more
money, more cars, more status,more clothes, more trips, more
right Like that's infinite andthere's never enough and it just
hit me like I will never besatisfied.
At the same time, my dad haddied a year before and in the
(10:17):
last day of his life he wasmumbling about credit cards and
just like desperate to get intohis email, like half unconscious
, like trying to get thatpassword.
He got locked out.
He's like mumbling about.
You know, it was just like alot Right, and I had this.
I was so sad, but there's alike a put a pin in it moment
where I was like is this what Iwant to be thinking about?
Like at the end of my life.
I was like, uh, no, you know.
And then I kind of went aboutthe grieving process and about
(10:40):
six months later I was sittingat a sermon and I heard the
spiritual leader talking aboutthis story in the ancient text,
about you go to the pearly gatesand you're asked these seven
questions Did you lead ameaningful life?
And I immediately was like, didmy dad?
(11:00):
And then I realized, oh, youknow, one finger pointing out,
three fingers pointing back atyou, and I was like, wait, am I?
And then that's when it hit methat, oh my gosh, the more
framework, the more paradigm isnever fulfilling, never
meaningful, you're never arrived.
It's all outside of our control.
And these seven questions, Ilove them because give me a
(11:23):
project, right, like I felt likethey, because they were
internal, they're about therelationship you have with
yourself, that that wassomething that I could do and
that I could find meaning inevery step, and that there is no
final answer in this journey ofspirituality and meaning.
And that seemed like resonant,like wait, this is kind of how I
(11:44):
want to flip the switch.
And so I dove into studyingthem and then I was like wait,
everyone needs to know aboutthis.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, Give us a flavor.
What are some of the questions?
We don't have to get them all.
We want to go and get the bookand we'll have links to the book
and we'll talk about where theycan get it later.
But give us a little bit offlavor for some of the really
perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So I think let's see, I always like to start with the
one that was in the ancienttext.
It was the first question and Iuniversalized and modernized
all of them right for our time.
But in the ancient text it waswere you honest with money?
And when I set about to do thisresearch I was like, well,
that's really interesting.
I mean, this is like pre-TenCommandment vibes Were you
(12:28):
honest with money, what?
And so what I learned was thatthis was the first question at
the pearly gates, because thethought was that if you were
honest about money, which iseveryone's very attached to and
self centered around if you werehonest about money, then you'd
probably be honest in your life.
And I thought, well, that'sreally interesting.
(12:50):
And then I started to reallylook at like honesty overall and
I thought, well, most peoplelearn about honesty with others
Generally.
You know, most people arefamiliar with the Ten
Commandments, right, we try tobe an integrity.
And I thought what nobody'sreally talking about is are you
(13:12):
honest with yourself?
And so that question were youhonest with yourself?
And the idea of radical honestyis a really important question
because when they interviewpeople, at the end of life
people have a lot of regrets forwhat they didn't say, what they
didn't do, what they didn't letgo of, what they didn't go for
(13:35):
Right.
Those are the regrets thatpeople have, and I think a lot
of that comes from avoiding thetruth and trying to navigate
around it rather than in it, andthat, to me, is a really,
really important question,because self-honesty allows us
(13:57):
to reveal what's really holdingus back, to have difficult
conversations, to stop doingwhat it is that isn't aligned
and to start doing the thingsthat we're afraid of.
So to me, it's a reallybeautiful guardrail.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Well, and you just hit on something that I want to
stay with for a minute, becauseI think why so many people get
stuck and not really beinghonest with themselves isn't
because they don't know.
It's because they don't trustwhat's coming up to be valid, or
they don't believe that theyare worth pursuing their own
(14:38):
dreams, that they have someself-worth issues that are
really deeply holding them frommoving forward, and or they
really are questioning that.
What's coming up for them, whatwe would say you know your
truth, what's bubbling upnaturally for them like that
doesn't make sense.
That's not what I was told.
Where's that coming from?
(14:59):
And they negate their owninternal wisdom.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah.
So I think what is cool aboutthis question is that it does
require us to learn some newskills, right?
And so one of those, and Iteach you and talk about it in
the book, because everyone askedme this question how do I know
if this is?
I just wrote a sub stack, apost about it.
How do I know if this is whatI'm supposed to do or if this is
(15:25):
just the inner critic, right?
How do I trust myself?
And so the concept I want tokind of introduce to your
audience is this idea ofresonance and dissonance and
that, as a soul, we're kind ofstitched to our physical self.
When we come in and when thingsare really resonant at a soul
(15:45):
level, those stitches betweenour physical self and our soul
are just seamless.
And what happens through ourexperiences when things are
dissonant, little knots andtangles end up happening and we
feel that, like it, justsomething just doesn't feel
right.
And what most people do is theyavoid, like I don't know what,
(16:09):
what to do, I don't know what'strue or not true, so I'll just
kind of suck it up for anothersix months or not deal with it,
or hope it works out, or see ifsomething else outside of me
changes, and then all of thatmental gymnastics and avoiding
right pulls the knots tighterand tighter until we're in so
much pain or the universedelivers us something that
(16:30):
forces us to untangle thoseknots.
So the way that you can behonest is you can start to
recognize with very simplethings at the beginning of, like
, what is resonant, what feelslike a full body, yes, and what
feels a little dissonant, andthen keep it really simple at
the beginning.
You know, like, go to therestaurant and look at the menu
(16:52):
instead of saying what do I want, look at it and be like what
feels, like soul, likeenergetically aligned for me
today, you know, and sometimesit might be like cheesy nachos,
you know, with lots of stuff onthem.
You know, might not be a salad,right, and that right there is
like, oh wow, what's reallygoing on here?
(17:14):
Is there a rule about salad?
I talked about this to so manywomen and they're like oh well,
I always look around and seewhat the other ladies are
ordering, you know, right.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's a guilt thing, it's a guilt shame all wrapped
up in one, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So it's like such a great place to practice being
like what's resonant.
You know that one bite of thedessert usually feels pretty
resonant, and we know when wehave like 20 of them, it starts
to feel dissonant, right, and soI always use food as a great
example, because it's just sosimple.
It's something we do every day,but once we start to learn, or
(17:48):
like hanging out with someonethat you really love, that's
really easy and fun and you'relike oh, that felt really
resonant.
So I teach you that in the bookso that you can start to
understand.
When are you pulling thoseknots tighter?
And then the other question wecan talk about is like well then
, how do I start to like it'slike jewelry?
How do I start to untanglethose knots?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
that are really really tied up.
I love it.
All right, let's talk aboutstories, because you share a lot
of personal stories in thisbook.
Could you share one that wasparticularly transformative for
you with the audience?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Oh my gosh, there's so many.
I think my favorite story fromthe book, when my husband and I
first decided to kind ofexperiment with leaving Los
Angeles and living in an RV fulltime, we rented.
Well, first we rented aSprinter van for two weeks and
we loved it west coast of thecountry for like eight weeks and
(18:43):
one of those things that we didwas we went to this music
festival In that music festival.
It was amazing.
It was the first time I'd everdone anything like this,
especially with my husband.
We were, like you know, makingout like teenagers.
(19:03):
It was like it was like a peakmoment, right.
So when we got the RV and wewent on our year long adventure,
we decided to commit to that.
We went back and I realizedthat I had all these
expectations and attachments ofwhat it should be like because
that was perfect and that wasthe.
That was like the ultimateexperience romance, fun, playful
(19:28):
.
It was like the first time,right.
And we get there this year it'slike 103 degrees in the shade.
Uh, if you've ever, I'm curious, which music festival were you?
Oh, it's called.
It's called watershed.
Okay, okay, it's in EasternWashington.
It's a country music festival.
And we get there we're travelingwith our two cats.
If you know anything about RVs,like even with air conditioning
(19:51):
they really only can cool like10 degrees less than the
temperature.
And so the minute we startdriving there, my husband, who's
a little OCD, starts freakingout, worrying, anxious.
What are we going to do?
You know you can't rungenerators there.
It's like too loud with thecats Like, and he was just so
angsty and like unhappy and inmy brain I was like be like you
(20:15):
were last year, this is supposedto be fun.
You know, like I was just soattached to that and I also
realized a pattern maybe some ofyou can relate where I was like
I literally do everything I canto try and make my husband
happy so he can be who I wanthim to be, and I don't like it
when he's uncomfortable.
So what do I do?
I start jumping in withsolutions and, okay, what do we
(20:38):
do?
And he's just like stop it.
And so I have this like momentof self-awareness around not
needing to control, awarenessaround not needing to control,
not needing to fix, letting goof my attachments and my
expectations to allow thisexperience to be what it was
meant to be, and practice all ofthese questions, like in one
(20:59):
moment.
They all kind of came togetherand I just remember and I wrote
about the moment.
But I just shifted the energyand I was just like let's blow
up the baby pool.
Like there's a whole thingwhere you bring a baby pool and
you fill it with water and likepeople are just chilling in
their baby pools when it'sreally hot out.
It's so fun.
And so I was like, hey, let'sdo that.
(21:21):
And I just shifted the energyand I went and I just filled it
up and we were just and itshifted and I realized, wow,
like I get to create, like theenergy, I can set the energy by
how I respond to situations andwhen I'm aware of my own
patterns, then so muchpossibility.
And the first year I saw TimMcGraw if anyone knows that song
(21:43):
, live like you're dying, right,and the whole idea is like you
know, you just live your lifefull out.
And that was the moment where Iwas like you know what I need
to live like I'm dying, like Ineed to have like my time, I
need to let this go, I need tojust be here for myself.
And it was a huge, huge momentand we ended up having a great
time because I didn't need tocontrol the entire thing and
(22:03):
make it be what I wanted it tobe, because that's not life, but
oh, I'm so good at it.
That was like a life lesson toget in again.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I mean, I'm just for all our listeners out there.
I just sit for a moment withthis because it certainly
resonates with me.
How often have we gone intosituations that are maybe repeat
deja vu moments and we go inwith the same expectations that
it will be what it was before,and then, when it doesn't,
you're let down or you feeldisappointment or you think
(22:31):
something is wrong or fill inthe blank.
And yet if we just hold off ongiving it or judging it based on
what our previous experiencewas, you open up a whole realm
of possibilities for it to bedifferent, new and equally good
in a different way.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Totally and I realized I do this not in repeat
experiences, but on any,whether it's a conversation with
a potential client, how I wantmy book launch to go, how I want
my kids to be, you know how Iwant, like the first.
You know when you drop your kidoff at college, we have these
rules of how we think thingsshould go and write this down.
When we don't get what we wantor we get what we don't want,
(23:15):
how we react to that really isthe quality of our life and
really learning that lesson canchange your life in so many ways
and actually improve not onlyyour personal relationships but
your business relationships.
The kinds of money you makeimpact you make right Because
you're really being there for itand you're able to be creative
(23:38):
and you're able to be who youreally are.
So it's a huge question toreally dive into because if
you're practicing that andthat's the area of your focus,
you can really expand in thatway because it's in your control
.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I love that.
All right, let's connect tocoaching.
How does your radical livingchallenge align with the work
that you do at the Institute forLiving Courageously and Dating
with Dignity?
Tell me about your overallphilosophy and how this all
aligns.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, so when I started coaching 16 years ago, I
had gotten divorced and I wastrying to figure out how do you
date with your dignity intact.
And I worked on that for fiveyears and I solved the puzzle as
much as I could and met myhusband, who I'm married to now,
and I wanted to write a bookabout dating and it all like
(24:32):
came together and I was like theway that I teach the dating
piece is that you fall in lovewith yourself and then you find
someone to love, right?
So it's an inside out job andmost people do the other way,
like they just want to know thestrategy.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
And they want that person to validate them so they
don't have to worry about lovingthem.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Exactly, it's a huge piece and it's so vague, like
loving yourself.
What does that mean?
So I really help clients dothat and what I noticed over,
you know, working and having mybusiness, for you know, at that
time, like 12, 13 years, I hadclients that stayed with me for
three, four, five, seven, eightyears, right, I helped them meet
their dude and then theyrealized, when they love
(25:15):
themselves, right, that theirwhole life was built based on
this desire to prove their worthbecause someone told them they
should.
It was reaction to a divorce ora loss, and they were like,
wait a minute, I want my wholelife to be soul aligned.
And so they would stay with meand I would help them live this
life.
And what they all would say iswow, this is beyond what I could
(25:37):
have dreamed of.
So when I was in that business,after 12 or 13 years, I knew
that what I did was so much morethan dating and I started to
resent my business because itwas limiting me.
And you know you have to domarketing.
We all have to market, right,and you know we all have to give
(25:57):
them what they want or sellthem what they want, but give
them what they need.
I was on TikTok, michelle, and Iwas getting all these followers
.
I was talking about dating andI just was like I literally
dislike all of you, like all thecomments.
And I was like and I said tothis colleague of mine like I
think I need to break up with mybusiness, like I just don't
(26:18):
want to talk about this anymore.
And he said, well, do you loveyour business anymore?
And I was like no, but I thinkI could suck it up for like
three more years.
And he was like that is not aMarnie thing to say.
And then I went to my coach andhe was like what is the soul of
your business?
And I was like, oh, it's reallyliving life on your own terms,
(26:39):
beyond what you can imagine, anddoing it in a way that doesn't
blow it up and that basicallythat soul.
When I started to explore that,the idea for the book came.
I pivoted my brand.
That was like three years agoand I've just it's like again.
I lived in a 40 foot RV.
It's like a you know, arockstar bus, it's huge.
(27:01):
So you don't do a hairpin turn,you turn it slowly.
So for the last few years I'vejust been like turning this
thing around.
I still totally do dating and Ilove helping people with dating
.
I can do it with my eyes closedand my hands tied behind my
back, because it's really iseasy when you have the process.
But now when people come to me,they know that this is like,
(27:22):
this is soul work, this is deepwork, like we're going to do the
inside work, and so thoseclients like are, it's so fun,
it's so yummy.
I help people with life design.
I help people be leaders intheir business.
So now I have to just really beall of who I am in my business.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
I love that.
All right, let's talk about therole of spirituality.
We haven't delved too deeply inthere, but I would like to talk
about how incorporatingspirituality into the daily life
contributes to personaltransformation and how you
experienced in your own life.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, I just talked to someone who said you know,
like I'm so sick of trying tostrive for this divine
connection and like why can't Ijust be?
And I was like I totally get it, because when we think about
spirituality or meditation orany of those things as like a
to-do thing to get an outcome,it does just become a task.
(28:19):
Right?
You're like I have to meditatebecause if I meditate I'll make
more money, like no so.
And in the book one of thequestions is like did you live a
spiritual life?
Mostly, did you make time tolisten, to study, to learn, to
ask yourself questions?
And that is what I think aspiritual life really is and how
(28:40):
you do that is a 100% based onyour unique soul map.
Like that is yours to figureout and is a fun adventure.
You get to choose your ownadventure in spirituality.
And I think that people getreally tied up when they think
they have to meditate for 20minutes or sit cross-legged or
light a candle or chant an um ordo breath work or do this that
(29:02):
it just becomes like sooverwhelming.
And so when that question wascreated in ancient times it
really was about did you setaside for learning?
That's really it.
And learning is like the inwardlearning, like learning about
yourself.
What do you want?
What do you think?
When I talk to leaders, I tellthem this is like basically the
(29:24):
meeting you have with yourself.
Like how can you go aroundevery day and like tell people
what to do and make bigdecisions and lead other
meetings if you're actually noteven having a meeting with you?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Well, so I'm very curious, and we may or may not
be on the same page with this,but how do you feel when I say
something like spiritual?
We're spiritual beings having ahuman existence.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I totally agree.
I just want people who don'tget that to understand that they
can access this wisdom theyhave inside of them in a way
that works for them, because Ithink a lot of people get turned
off or they have a lot oflimiting beliefs or rules that
meditation doesn't work for me.
(30:06):
I'm not woo woo, that's youknow.
I'm an engineer.
I don't operate that way andI'm just here to say are you
creating time to get quiet, tolisten to the voice inside, to
get to know what feels resonantand dissonant?
Ultimately, a lot of people endup connecting into something
bigger, and I don't need you to.
(30:28):
I just am telling you that ifyou live a life where you don't
even have five minutes to bewith yourself and say how am I
doing today, that's a reason whyyou need to take five minutes
and say how am I doing today,and I teach a process in the
book.
I'll just go over reallyquickly, because it's like
(30:48):
listening for dummies, so tospeak.
I call it the four-way check.
You can close your eyes, youcan keep them open.
The only reason why we want youto close your eyes is to not be
distracted, but if it works foryou to like look down and just
find a point on the floor andjust stay focused on that.
That works too.
And you're just going to checkin with your intellect, your
brain.
Hey, intellect, what's going ontoday?
(31:10):
Now, when I do this, myintellect is like girlfriend,
there's a list, do this, do that.
And I'm like whoa, andsometimes I'm like no-transcript
, can you do that thing?
That this been on my mind, like, can you please do that, follow
through, make it happen, yeah.
And I'm like okay, cool.
(31:31):
And then my that part of mybrain just goes and then I go
okay, body, what's going on foryou?
Right, what do you need?
Oh, my God, you know you atelike a lot yesterday.
Can you just like move a littlemore, can you?
I just really need you to go tobed.
You're having a dialogue, whatdo you need?
And then you ask your emotionalself, like how am I feeling?
Like, am I sad, am I angry, amI tired?
(31:53):
Am I pissed off at my husband?
But just ignoring him, like,okay, well, what do you need?
Honestly, I just need to relax.
Maybe I need to take off earlyand like watch a silly rom-com
and watch cat videos?
Okay, great.
And then, finally, you ask yourinner wisdom.
You could call it yourspiritual self, you could call
it your higher self.
It's just that part of you,that is your truth, and you just
(32:16):
go.
Any messages for me today.
Imagine the pink memo sheet.
You know, oh, what's the memo?
You got this.
Just relax, I'm going to beokay.
I do that in the shower.
I can do that while I'm driving.
I can do that while I'm layingin bed.
It's so basic.
I teach you that in the bookand it is when I have clients do
(32:37):
that for like seven days in arow, like literally everything
changes.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I love that and you know this is such an important
point.
You do not need to do all thethings in order to access that
part of you.
I think that simple advicearound making time to be with
yourself, whether that's alonein your room, on a walk in
nature, in your car just takethe time.
(33:03):
And I do believe breathing ofsome sort is good, because I
spend most of our time holdingour breath.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Definitely breathe.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Definitely breathe I can tell you, having had the
ability to study and learn manydifferent methods, from yoga to
meditation to Reiki, the simplepart of just being with yourself
is the most important part.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
A hundred percent and most executives will say I
don't even have time to thinkWell, how can you have your best
ideas if you're so busy doingyou literally can't.
I'll be meditating.
Sometimes I'll get like thebest idea I just drops in and I
go back and I'm like that wasamazing, right.
So it might be while you'reworking out.
(33:53):
It might be going for a walkwithout your ear pods in.
It might be just sit whileyou're waiting in your car wash
and put your phone away and justbe, just be.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I have the best, probably the most influential
mentor very high up in my career.
I thought by the time I got tothe C-suite that I really wasn't
going to have any time.
I had the best, probably themost influential mentor very
high up in my career.
I thought by the time I got tothe C-suite that I really wasn't
going to have any time to run acompany globally.
It was a lot going on and hesaid whoa, nellie?
First of all, if you aren'tblocking off time in that
calendar where nobody else isscheduling you, not your
(34:25):
assistant, not other people inthe company that's for you to
think how can you lead?
You can't.
It was revolutionary for mebecause as you kind of grow up
in a career, or particularly inthe corporate environment, but
really any organization orbusiness, you tend to think well
, I don't have any time, my timeis somebody else's time, that's
(34:46):
what I'm getting paid for.
As you start out and then asyou move up, the idea really is,
the more responsibility youhave, the more free time you
need to just be, because youcannot lead people from a place
of chaos, from a place ofbusyness, from a place of lack
of clarity, which was, quitehonestly, all those previous
experiences as well, as I wasdoing, I was doing it without a
(35:10):
lot of clarity and when I got tothat higher level in the
C-suite for him to actually giveme the permission to say no, no
, your time needs to be blockedout for you every day.
You need time for you so thatyou can be for everyone else.
Do not forget that.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
A hundred percent.
And when I work with executives, and the first thing they do
and they're like look at mycalendar, like it's like a badge
of honor, look at this thing,look at all the colors, you know
, like I don't even have time totake a shower or eat lunch and
I'm like, okay, exactly.
And so you are so wise and thatis so true, and if that is you
and you're listening, I hope youfeel called out.
(35:51):
You are pumping the brakes andthe gas at the same time.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah, absolutely word in this whole business, and yet
it is so important.
Let's talk about howindividuals can maintain this
thing we call authenticity whilestill seeking meaningful
connections in today's modernworld.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Well, I do not like the word authentic because I
think it is overused and I thinkthat we think our authenticity
is authentic, but actually it'sa lot of ego.
Right, like, oh, my authenticself, I call it the shopping
cart.
You know, like you have thisimagine you're in the shop, the
Costco of life, and you believethat the authentic you has a lot
(36:43):
of different items that you'vepulled on the shelf right and
it's like you're a nice car andyour job title and what a good
daughter you are and a greatmother and there's all these
rules, and you've got theshopping cart.
And I realized this when I wasin bed for nine weeks is that I
had none of the shopping cartitems.
I couldn't do any of thosethings.
And so that's when I was like,oh well, what is the authentic
(37:05):
me?
And I realized that theauthentic me was based on all
that stuff.
So I sort of go to the.
For me, the next level of thatis what is actually your soul,
that I mean, you just hit thenail on the head.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Actually, that to me, what is your soul?
Who are you?
Your most authentic being iswho you are at your spiritual
base.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yes, right, and so, and so I always like, when I
were with a client, I'm like,okay, we're emptying out the
shopping cart and we're like, ohmy God, look at all these rules
, you know, look at all thesethings.
And so one of the things that Italk about in the book is what
I call your soul map, and thatis really important because of
(37:46):
the shopping cart, because ofthe identity, because of
whatever we think ourauthenticity is.
It's really great to actuallyunderstand that for a lot of us,
the life that we're living, andyou have this experience when
you're in the C-suite and doingall this stuff, there was a
version of you that thought thatwas going to be the end-all,
be-all, that that was going tomake you happy, that checking
that box would be like, Michelle, is it, this, is it right?
(38:08):
And then we wake up and wedon't feel fulfilled, happy, we
don't like it and we feel somuch guilt and shame because
this is what we worked so hardfor and this was supposed to
make us happy and what's wrongwith us and all of those things.
So one of the first things toreally excavate is really
understanding at a soul level,what are you today?
(38:32):
What do you love?
What do you love to do at amicro level, like the most
granular level, that feelseffortless, it feels like it's
in flow.
You're highly engaged.
How do you best carry thosethings out?
What are the conditions?
What are the conditions?
What are the environments?
Where do you thrive?
And then what are your coremotivations?
(38:54):
And I walk people through thatin the book and when you get
this soul map, I do this withleaders, executives all the time
and they do it and they're like, oh God, no wonder I don't like
what I'm doing at my job rightnow.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Lack of alignment, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
I don't do that.
I also did this with a client.
I like this Right.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
But then you look at the actions and how they live
and they're like oh wait, I'mnot doing any of the things I
say I like.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Exactly.
And then I also had a clientand this is really interesting
too and, I think, helpful, soI'll share.
It is part of like her angstwas her regret that she should
have been a doctor.
She had a fantasy that like,instead of being like a
executive in a consultingcompany, that she should have
been a doctor and that shefailed right.
So we did the soul map, weworked through it and I was like
(39:42):
where is doctor in this?
I was like I literally I'm likelooking at the whiteboard,
i'm'm like where is this?
She's like there's nothing init.
She's like, I mean, I likepuzzles and I like spreadsheets
and I like doing that, but it'sreally more like the creative.
And it just hit her and it waslike, oh my God, like cause her
parents told her like you know,you shouldn't be a doctor, you
(40:05):
don't want that life, you're notgood at it.
And she always felt like shefailed.
And when she looked at her soulmap she was like number one.
Now I know exactly why I don'tlike my job right now, because
I'm not doing any of the thingsthat fill me up.
Also, where did I get thedoctor thing?
And so when you ask thequestion, what is your
authenticity Like?
(40:25):
It's your soul map.
And then I want my wish foreveryone who's listening or
reads the book is that then youstart designing your life, your
work, your relationships, everyarea, your money to be an
expression of that soul map.
So what you do is in flow andease, how you best carry it out,
flow and ease and your coremotivations flow and ease.
(40:46):
And when that lines up, thenlife feels pretty freaking
awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Well, Marnie, we're going to end right there because
that's a mic drop moment foryou.
Please tell everyone where theycan find you.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, so you can go to RadicalLivingChallengecom,
and it's the two L'sRadicalLivingChallengecom, you
can find out about me, you canget the book and I have a quiz
called Decode your Destiny, andit will actually help you
uncover the hidden blocks thatare keeping you from living a
fulfilling and meaningful life,and what shifts you need to make
(41:21):
to start getting there andstart heading in that direction.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Okay, marnie, thank you so much for coming on the
show.
It's always an enlighteningexperience to spend time with
you, listen to your stories,your experiences.
Thank you so much for sharingall of this of yourself and for
all our listeners.
I really encourage you to goand look up Marnie's new book.
It's your Radical LivingChallenge Seven Questions for
(41:46):
Leading a Meaningful Life.
We'll make sure we have thelink in the show notes and until
next time, go and live yourextraordinary life.
Thank you for listening totoday's episode.
If you enjoyed this podcastepisode, please take a moment to
rate and review.
If you have recommendations forfuture topics, please reach out
(42:10):
to me atmichelleriosofficialcom.
Lastly, please considersupporting this podcast by
sharing it.
Together, we can reach, inspireand positively impact more
people.
Thank you.
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