Feeling Mothered: It’s Not Just About Your Mom

Today, we’re diving into the whole concept of mothering—yep, that warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from the nurturing we all crave at some point in our lives. Whether your mom is still around or has taken a permanent vacation, we’re here to chat about the motherly love we’ve experienced from all sorts of figures in our lives, not just the ones who gave birth to us. It’s about recognizing those who’ve stepped up to fill that role, like friends, caretakers, or even a random stranger who wraps you in a cozy blanket when you need it most. So, grab a cup of something comforting and kick back as we reflect on the mothering moments we’ve had and how we can be open to more of that good stuff. Spoiler alert: you might just find you’ve got a few unexpected "moms" in your life too!

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, right? It’s not just about the woman who gave birth to you; it’s about all those who’ve mothered you throughout life. Maybe it was a beloved aunt, a neighbor who always had fresh cookies, or even a teacher who took you under her wing. We all have a relationship with mothering, whether that’s a warm embrace or a few comforting words when we’re feeling lost. Today, let’s dive into that and reflect on the mothering we’ve received and the mothering we’ve craved. Think back to times you felt cared for, like when you were sick and someone brought you soup, or when you had a question about life and someone stepped in with advice. Those moments matter, and they shape who we are.

As we chat, consider what mothering means to you personally. I’ll share some sweet memories, like my mom’s special toast with butter and strawberry jam when I was feeling under the weather. It’s not just the food, but the love behind it that stays with us. And while we might not all have a traditional mother present in our lives, there are mother figures everywhere if we choose to see them. Even friends can step into those roles, providing that nurturing energy we sometimes need. I realized this when I turned to my friend Marta for advice and comfort, feeling that motherly support come through our friendship. It’s about recognizing the love around us and allowing ourselves to be mothered, even by those younger or less familiar with us. Let's not overlook those little moments of care we get from unexpected sources, like when a young physical therapist wraps you in a blanket and you find yourself grateful for that brief connection. It’s those small gestures that can fill our hearts with warmth and remind us of the nurturing we all need.

So, as we wrap up, I want to invite you to celebrate motherhood in all its forms. Reflect on your life and who has mothered you, whether through advice, love, or just a comforting presence. And if you find yourself needing more of that mothering, don’t be afraid to reach out and seek it out. There’s love everywhere if you’re open to receiving it. So here’s to all the mothers and mother figures out there – let’s embrace the love and the growth that comes from these connections. Until next time, be fearless, and remember, I love you!

Takeaways:

• We all have mothers, whether they're in our lives or not, and that's a shared experience.
• Mothering comes from various sources, not just birth mothers; it can be anyone who nurtures us.
• Reflecting on the mothering we've received can help us understand our needs and relationships.
• It's totally okay to seek motherly love from friends, strangers, or even younger people.
• Mothering can be as simple as someone tucking you in with a blanket; it’s the little things.
• Celebrating the different forms of mothering in our lives can lead to greater emotional support.

Episode Transcript

(00:14):
Welcome to Love Notes from Rhonda.
And today I want to talk about mothers.
Mothers.
We all have one whether arelationship with that person, whether
that person has passed,whether that person is no longer
in our life.
No matter the relationship youhave or don't have, we all have mothers.

(00:38):
And I just want us to look attoday our relationship with our mothers
and not necessarily even withour mother that birthed us.
But think about it in a bigger context.
The mothering that we'vereceived in our lives, whether that's
from your mother, your birthmother, whether that's from a caretaker,
whether that's from a familymember, whether that's from your

(01:00):
adoptive parents, right.
Whether it's from somebodyelse that has loved you in that motherly
way.
That's what I'd like to thinkabout today is that mothering that
mothers give us.
And again, many times for manyof us, we receive that mothering
not from mothers at all, butfrom the people, other people in
our lives.

(01:21):
So let's take a moment to juststop and reflect on the mothering
we've received.
And maybe the mothering youhaven't received that you feel and
have felt so desperate for inthe past.
So let's just think about mothering.
What does it mean to be mothered?
I think about being motheredwhen you're sick, right?

(01:42):
That's a.
Very many of us think that,like, mothering gets sick.
And my mother, when I used toget sick as a little girl, she used
to always bring a seven up andtoast with butter and strawberry
jam.
That's what we got.
And we didn't have any soda inthe house except when you were sick

(02:03):
and you got a seven up andthat toast with butter and strawberry
jam.
And to this day, I will grab apiece of toast occasionally and slather
that butter on and slatherthat strawberry, trying to mimic
what my mother gave me,because I remember she made the best
strawberry butter toast.
And I still to this day havenot been able to match it.

(02:26):
So when I think of mothering,that's one of the things I think
of.
The other aspect of motheringthat I think of is when you can ask
somebody a question that youdon't know the answer to, that maybe
you're embarrassed by somebodyelderly, somebody older, somebody
who's been around the blockthat you need some life advice from.
I'm not necessarily talkingcoaching, of course, but I'm talking

(02:47):
about things that you wouldlike to ask a mother, like to ask
somebody who cares about you.
There were lots of things ThatI didn't know much about because
my mother died when I was younger.
So my best friend Marta ismotherly to me.
She has been a mother figureto me.
Even though we're only eightyears apart, she has definitely been
that mother figure.
And whenever I have a questionabout something about physical beingness

(03:10):
or getting older or any ofthose types of things, I will ask
Marta.
I'll be like, marta, I need my mother.
And she'll be like, okay, Ineed mother.
I need mothering right now.
And that's the next thing Iwant to talk about.
Because right now you may ormay not have a mother in your life,
and maybe you're differentthan me.

(03:30):
But I believe that we all needmothering throughout our lives.
So after my mother died, as Istarted getting older, I realized
that I had no mother figures.
We when I was in my late 30s,early 40s, I started realizing that
I needed those figures.
I needed that motherly figure.
So I started to see everyolder woman in my life as a potential

(03:52):
mother.
Now, obviously, I didn't makethem my mother.
I just started looking formotherly figures, and I started finding
some again.
Taking Marta, for instance.
I mean, she's only eight yearsolder than me, but yet, at.
There are times in our relationship.
Not always, of course, butthere are times in our relationship
that she fulfills that rolefor me.

(04:13):
There are people that areyounger than me that fulfill that
role for me at times.
And in fact, there are peoplethat I don't know very well, that
are, in fact, strangers, thathave filled that role for me.
I'll give you another exampleof somebody who fulfills that role
for me.
When I go to physical therapy.
And the physical therapyassistant, who's probably 22 years
old.
20 years old, gets me on thetable and puts heating pads on.

(04:36):
And then she wraps me in ablanket, and I ask her, because I
want mothering.
I say, oh, will you tuck inthe blanket?
And she'll tuck it in.
And when anyone tucks in ablanket for me, I feel mothered.
And so I say to her, thanks, mom.
And I do that in everyday life.
I will say thanks, mom, tosomebody if I felt like they were
motherly.
And of course, I don't feellike they'll be insulted or hurt

(04:58):
or confused or upset if I say that.
So I invite us to just expandour idea of what mothering is and
who we can get mothering fromand ask yourself, have you been mothered?
Do you have mother figures inyour life?
Do you have that soft placethat you can land?
Do you have somebody that youcan ask embarrassing questions to?

(05:23):
Do you have somebody that youcan lean on?
That person may in fact beyour mother and or a mother figure
and like I said sometimes it'sa stranger just filling in that motherly
moment.
So today I invite you to justsit with what mother means to you

(05:44):
and what does mothering meanto you and how if you don't have
enough mothering if you'd likemore mothering are you open and available
to that mothering fromfriends, acquaintances and even strangers
and even the physicaltherapist who's 22 years old physical

(06:04):
therapist aide who's wrappingyou in a blanket.
Thanks mom.
So today I celebrate mothers Icelebrate my mother, I celebrate
motherine I celebrate all thelove all the growth opportunities
they've given us and I inviteyou to celebrate mothers and mother

(06:27):
eam and be willing to admitwhen you need it and then be willing
to go out and get some untilnext time be fearless.
I love you.