October 17, 2024 • 15 mins
Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions in your relationship? On Love Our Talks, we explore the critical distinction between merely existing and truly living with your partner. Join me, K-Love, as we unravel the nuances that make a partnership vibrant and meaningful. We're diving into the reality that while many couples maintain the facade of togetherness, they might be missing out on the genuine connection that makes relationships worthwhile.
Listen in as we share honest insights and strategies to break free from the monotony and transform your relationship from being more like roommates to lovers who live and love out loud.
We would LOVE to hear from you!
Thank you joining Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, loves, welcome back to Love Our Talks, the
podcast where we dive into allthings juicy about love,
relationships and everything inbetween.
I'm your host, k-love.
If you tuned in last time, youknow we broke down how to watch
out for manipulating red flags,but today we're diving into
(00:22):
something that makes you sitback and think, and I want you
to also look at relationshipsaround you as well.
So the topic of today is areyou living or existing, or are
you just existing in yourrelationship?
Because there's a bigdifference between the two.
Okay, and we're going to breakdown everything.
(00:47):
We're just going to break itall down for you.
So go ahead, grab your wine,your tea, your coffee or
whatever makes you feel good,because I got mine all right,
let's go ahead and jump right oninto it.
So let's talk about what itreally means to live in your
relationship versus justexisting.
(01:09):
And I'm sure y'all have seenthis before.
The couples who are just there.
I mean they're together, butthey're not really together, and
you know what I mean.
They're doing all the thingsthat make them a couple, like
living together, raising kids,going to family gatherings but
(01:29):
there's no passion, no spark, noreal enjoyment of each other's
company.
I've seen it with my own twoeyes myself.
I see it around me Friends andfamily for sure.
They're just existing, day inand day out, going through the
motions, keeping up with theappearances and maybe even
(01:53):
convincing themselves that thisis just how relationships are
supposed to be.
But let me tell you somethingthis is not what relationships
are about.
Relationships are supposed tobe fulfilling, fun and vibrant,
right?
I mean?
(02:13):
They're supposed to add life toyour life, not to make you feel
like you're dragging throughthe days.
I mean that's what I callliving in your relationship.
When you're living, you feelconnection, you show your love
and it's not just for socialmedia or to appease other people
(02:33):
, right, I mean you genuinelyenjoy being around each other,
and that shows up in the way youtalk, the way you laugh and
love together.
Okay, you're out there livingout loud and loving out loud.
(02:54):
That's powerful, right there.
That's powerful.
Now let's get honest.
For a second right.
Not that we're not being honest, but come with me here Are you
really living in yourrelationship or are you existing
?
Here are some things to look outfor.
If you're not sure, you knowone thing is you just going
(03:18):
through the motions?
If it feels like yourrelationship is more of a
routine and a choice, whereyou're just doing things because
you have to, not because youreally want to.
That's the red flag, y'all.
That's the red flag.
So when was the last time youplanned something together or
(03:38):
even had a conversation thatdidn't revolve around what's for
dinner, okay, or who's pickingup the kids, mm-hmm, you know
you don't feel excited anymore.
Remember when just hearingtheir voice used to give you
tingles, right.
Or even just getting a textmessage, you start smiling all
(04:00):
giddy and stuff, you know, andit will make your heart just
kind of skip a beat.
If you're struggling toremember the last time you felt
that kind of excitement or evenlook forward to spending time
together, that could be a signyou're just existing.
You know you could be likeyou're more like roommates than
lovers and I'm talking aboutliving together but you're
(04:25):
living separately.
You know it's like y'all are inthe same space but emotionally
in different worlds.
You're doing your own thing,living like parallel lives and
only coming together when it'sabsolutely necessary, which is
crazy, that's not.
(04:47):
No, you avoid like quality timetogether.
Now, this one's real If you'reconstantly finding reasons to be
away from each other, whetherit's working late, spending time
with your friends, or yousitting on the couch binge
watching Netflix by yourself,that's a sign, because quality
(05:08):
time should be something youcrave, not something you avoid,
not something you avoid.
So if you're listening to allof this and just thinking, dang,
that sounds like me.
Look, don't worry, you are notalone and you can change it.
You definitely could changethat.
If you're willing to do that,if you truly value the
(05:33):
relationship that you have andyou are committed to this person
, you can change that.
So let's get into some tips onhow to go from just existing in
your relationship to trulyliving it out and loving it out
loud.
Okay, so number one thing isbring back the playfulness.
(05:55):
Remember when you first starteddating and y'all would do silly
things together, just fun, youknow, just for the fun of it.
Bring back that energy For real.
Try new things together,whether it's going on
spontaneous dates, trying a newhobby or even having a game
night at your house.
I mean, people still do playboard games yeah, they do and
(06:18):
even have games online that youcan join with couples.
Right, the point is to have funand break out of that monotony,
pretty much.
Number two you want to reallycheck in with each other
regularly, not every blue moon,and what I mean by that?
(06:39):
I don't just mean how hey,how's your day, or you know,
something like that.
I mean really check in, askthat person, how are you feeling
about us, or what's somethingwe could do more of.
You know, when you make spacefor these deeper conversations,
(07:00):
it creates a stronger emotionalconnection.
Seriously, it really does.
I also, number three I want youto be intentional about
intimacy, and I'm not justtalking about sex, although
that's important too.
I'm talking about, like,touching, hugging, holding hands
(07:21):
and cuddling, any kind ofphysical connection that makes
your partner feel wanted.
Little gestures of love, trustme, trust me, little gestures of
love, trust me, trust me, itcan go a long way in making your
partner feel seen andappreciated.
And number four communicate yourneeds, though.
(07:43):
You know your needs and yourdesires, because if you're
feeling like something ismissing, yo say something.
Don't just sit there silentlike you got your lips zipped
together.
You know they taped shut.
Don't do that.
That's not going to help youand it's definitely not going to
help them, because they're nota mind reader.
Now, if you feel as though,like you know, you're saying
(08:08):
something, it'll start like someargument, like some mess.
Then that's a problem, that's ared flag, because if you can't
communicate your feelings to theperson that you're sharing a
space with, you're sharing a bedwith, that's a problem.
Yeah, now, a lot of us assumeour partners know, like I said,
what we want and what we need.
But if you haven't told them,how are they supposed to know?
(08:31):
Tell me how you have to open upabout what you need more of in
the relationship and be willingto listen to your partner's
needs as well.
It's a two-way street boo.
It's a two-way street Numberfive treat.
(08:52):
Number five QT quality time.
Make time for each other.
Schedule it if you have to,because life, you know, is busy,
and if you're not making timeto connect and present you know
things with your partner, it'sgoing to be hard to build a
(09:12):
relationship that's truly alive.
I mean, if you have to planyour date nights, somebody's got
to do it right.
Plan regular date nights,weekend getaways or even just an
hour each week where y'all justsit down, unplug your phones,
devices, your mind, just detach.
I know you can't detach yourhead right from your body, but
(09:35):
you know what I mean and justfocus on each other.
That goes a long way.
And number six is fun.
You want to celebrate eachother's wins.
I mean, celebrate each other'swins.
A part of living out loud inyour relationship is supporting
and celebrating each other'ssuccesses.
(09:56):
You know, it could be a smallwin at work, hitting a personal
goal or even just gettingthrough a tough week, because
celebrating together brings joyand a sense of shared
accomplishment.
All right.
So again I question you to askyourself are you living or
(10:21):
existing in your relationship?
Now that I broke down thedifference between the two, kind
of figure that out.
Where are you?
And if you're just existing,what are you going to do to
change it?
And remember your relationshipshould be a source of joy,
growth and connection, becauseif it feels more like a chore,
(10:46):
then it's time to do some work.
Yes, you know, love is meant tobe felt Truly.
It is Not just something yousay or do.
Love is meant to be felt Truly.
It is Not just something yousay or do you know.
It's all about taking smallsteps every day to bring that
life and excitement back intoyour relationship.
(11:09):
If that's what you really want,if you really want that person,
you got to give as well, sothat you know you're both
feeling fulfilled, happy andconnected.
Because who wants to be in alifeless you know relationship
or marriage?
That's not good, it's not goodat all.
(11:29):
And if your relationship isworth it, then you got to work
it and stop making excuses.
Don't put that on that otherperson.
If you have the power to make achange or shift or do something
about it, do it.
Do it, show effort, because ifsomething happens and you walk
(11:53):
away from this relationship, atleast you can say to yourself
you gave it all that you can,100%.
You put in that effort.
Okay, all right, you know.
Well, that's it for today'sepisode of Love, our Talks, and
I hope you found something inthis message that resonates with
(12:15):
you and if it sparks some, youknow, real change in your
relationship.
I really hope it does, becauseI'm out here I'm really trying
to, you know, help betterrelationships with the
information that I have, withthe wisdom that I have.
I've been in a relationship for20 years and I've been married.
I am married and so you knowyou have to be willing to work
(12:40):
together.
I cannot stress that enough.
You can't give up, you know, ifthat's what you truly want.
If that person is a good person, fight for it, continue to
fight for it and continue tofight for it after that.
Okay, so be sure to follow formore relationship tips and
advice and heart to heart combos.
(13:03):
So until next time, keep lovingand living out loud, you guys,
and thank you, thank you, thankyou again for tuning in y'all.
If you love this episode, don'tforget to like, share and
subscribe, because guess whaty'all?
I'm really trying to grow thispodcast and you know I want to
(13:24):
get to a place where we're bigout here in the world.
If my voice or if informationor anything that you grasp from
me, let's spread it.
I am on all social mediaplatforms, um, so you know I got
tips on tiktok as well.
You can find me there, um, yeah, you can definitely find me
(13:48):
there, um, so let's, like I said, keep the conversation going in
the comments on social mediaand tell me are you living or
existing in your relationship?
I love to hear from you.
So, like I said, until nexttime with Love, our Talks.
I'm your host, k Love, and I'llsee you on the next episode.
But you know what?
(14:08):
Wait, wait, wait, just realquick.
Like I said, we're on allstreaming platforms.
We're on Spotify, itunes, applePodcasts, iheartradio.
We're on Google Podcasts Also,like I said, you can find us on
all streaming platforms.
And remember one thing, too, Ihave to leave you with this Each
(14:33):
day holds the promise of a newbeginning, you guys.
So be better, right, do betterand love harder than the day
before, because, guess what?
Your best days aren't behindyou, they're being written today
.
So keep moving forward, because, guess what?
(14:55):
Your potential is limitless.
You can do anything.
You put your mind to youreffort to Okay, faith that works
is dead.
You believe in yourself.
Believe that you're higherpower.
(15:15):
If it's God, okay, because Ibelieve in God.
God, but you can do anything.
You're limitless.
You just have to believe, right.
Well, I love you guys, untilnext time.
Like I said, bye.
Hey, loves, welcome back to Love Our Talks, the
podcast where we dive into allthings juicy about love,
relationships and everything inbetween.
I'm your host, k-love.
If you tuned in last time, youknow we broke down how to watch
out for manipulating red flags,but today we're diving into
(00:22):
something that makes you sitback and think, and I want you
to also look at relationshipsaround you as well.
So the topic of today is areyou living or existing, or are
you just existing in yourrelationship?
Because there's a bigdifference between the two.
Okay, and we're going to breakdown everything.
(00:47):
We're just going to break itall down for you.
So go ahead, grab your wine,your tea, your coffee or
whatever makes you feel good,because I got mine all right,
let's go ahead and jump right oninto it.
So let's talk about what itreally means to live in your
relationship versus justexisting.
(01:09):
And I'm sure y'all have seenthis before.
The couples who are just there.
I mean they're together, butthey're not really together, and
you know what I mean.
They're doing all the thingsthat make them a couple, like
living together, raising kids,going to family gatherings but
(01:29):
there's no passion, no spark, noreal enjoyment of each other's
company.
I've seen it with my own twoeyes myself.
I see it around me Friends andfamily for sure.
They're just existing, day inand day out, going through the
motions, keeping up with theappearances and maybe even
(01:53):
convincing themselves that thisis just how relationships are
supposed to be.
But let me tell you somethingthis is not what relationships
are about.
Relationships are supposed tobe fulfilling, fun and vibrant,
right?
I mean?
(02:13):
They're supposed to add life toyour life, not to make you feel
like you're dragging throughthe days.
I mean that's what I callliving in your relationship.
When you're living, you feelconnection, you show your love
and it's not just for socialmedia or to appease other people
(02:33):
, right, I mean you genuinelyenjoy being around each other,
and that shows up in the way youtalk, the way you laugh and
love together.
Okay, you're out there livingout loud and loving out loud.
(02:54):
That's powerful, right there.
That's powerful.
Now let's get honest.
For a second right.
Not that we're not being honest, but come with me here Are you
really living in yourrelationship or are you existing
?
Here are some things to look outfor.
If you're not sure, you knowone thing is you just going
(03:18):
through the motions?
If it feels like yourrelationship is more of a
routine and a choice, whereyou're just doing things because
you have to, not because youreally want to.
That's the red flag, y'all.
That's the red flag.
So when was the last time youplanned something together or
(03:38):
even had a conversation thatdidn't revolve around what's for
dinner, okay, or who's pickingup the kids, mm-hmm, you know
you don't feel excited anymore.
Remember when just hearingtheir voice used to give you
tingles, right.
Or even just getting a textmessage, you start smiling all
(04:00):
giddy and stuff, you know, andit will make your heart just
kind of skip a beat.
If you're struggling toremember the last time you felt
that kind of excitement or evenlook forward to spending time
together, that could be a signyou're just existing.
You know you could be likeyou're more like roommates than
lovers and I'm talking aboutliving together but you're
(04:25):
living separately.
You know it's like y'all are inthe same space but emotionally
in different worlds.
You're doing your own thing,living like parallel lives and
only coming together when it'sabsolutely necessary, which is
crazy, that's not.
(04:47):
No, you avoid like quality timetogether.
Now, this one's real If you'reconstantly finding reasons to be
away from each other, whetherit's working late, spending time
with your friends, or yousitting on the couch binge
watching Netflix by yourself,that's a sign, because quality
(05:08):
time should be something youcrave, not something you avoid,
not something you avoid.
So if you're listening to allof this and just thinking, dang,
that sounds like me.
Look, don't worry, you are notalone and you can change it.
You definitely could changethat.
If you're willing to do that,if you truly value the
(05:33):
relationship that you have andyou are committed to this person
, you can change that.
So let's get into some tips onhow to go from just existing in
your relationship to trulyliving it out and loving it out
loud.
Okay, so number one thing isbring back the playfulness.
(05:55):
Remember when you first starteddating and y'all would do silly
things together, just fun, youknow, just for the fun of it.
Bring back that energy For real.
Try new things together,whether it's going on
spontaneous dates, trying a newhobby or even having a game
night at your house.
I mean, people still do playboard games yeah, they do and
(06:18):
even have games online that youcan join with couples.
Right, the point is to have funand break out of that monotony,
pretty much.
Number two you want to reallycheck in with each other
regularly, not every blue moon,and what I mean by that?
(06:39):
I don't just mean how hey,how's your day, or you know,
something like that.
I mean really check in, askthat person, how are you feeling
about us, or what's somethingwe could do more of.
You know, when you make spacefor these deeper conversations,
(07:00):
it creates a stronger emotionalconnection.
Seriously, it really does.
I also, number three I want youto be intentional about
intimacy, and I'm not justtalking about sex, although
that's important too.
I'm talking about, like,touching, hugging, holding hands
(07:21):
and cuddling, any kind ofphysical connection that makes
your partner feel wanted.
Little gestures of love, trustme, trust me, little gestures of
love, trust me, trust me, itcan go a long way in making your
partner feel seen andappreciated.
And number four communicate yourneeds, though.
(07:43):
You know your needs and yourdesires, because if you're
feeling like something ismissing, yo say something.
Don't just sit there silentlike you got your lips zipped
together.
You know they taped shut.
Don't do that.
That's not going to help youand it's definitely not going to
help them, because they're nota mind reader.
Now, if you feel as though,like you know, you're saying
(08:08):
something, it'll start like someargument, like some mess.
Then that's a problem, that's ared flag, because if you can't
communicate your feelings to theperson that you're sharing a
space with, you're sharing a bedwith, that's a problem.
Yeah, now, a lot of us assumeour partners know, like I said,
what we want and what we need.
But if you haven't told them,how are they supposed to know?
(08:31):
Tell me how you have to open upabout what you need more of in
the relationship and be willingto listen to your partner's
needs as well.
It's a two-way street boo.
It's a two-way street Numberfive treat.
(08:52):
Number five QT quality time.
Make time for each other.
Schedule it if you have to,because life, you know, is busy,
and if you're not making timeto connect and present you know
things with your partner, it'sgoing to be hard to build a
(09:12):
relationship that's truly alive.
I mean, if you have to planyour date nights, somebody's got
to do it right.
Plan regular date nights,weekend getaways or even just an
hour each week where y'all justsit down, unplug your phones,
devices, your mind, just detach.
I know you can't detach yourhead right from your body, but
(09:35):
you know what I mean and justfocus on each other.
That goes a long way.
And number six is fun.
You want to celebrate eachother's wins.
I mean, celebrate each other'swins.
A part of living out loud inyour relationship is supporting
and celebrating each other'ssuccesses.
(09:56):
You know, it could be a smallwin at work, hitting a personal
goal or even just gettingthrough a tough week, because
celebrating together brings joyand a sense of shared
accomplishment.
All right.
So again I question you to askyourself are you living or
(10:21):
existing in your relationship?
Now that I broke down thedifference between the two, kind
of figure that out.
Where are you?
And if you're just existing,what are you going to do to
change it?
And remember your relationshipshould be a source of joy,
growth and connection, becauseif it feels more like a chore,
(10:46):
then it's time to do some work.
Yes, you know, love is meant tobe felt Truly.
It is Not just something yousay or do.
Love is meant to be felt Truly.
It is Not just something yousay or do you know.
It's all about taking smallsteps every day to bring that
life and excitement back intoyour relationship.
(11:09):
If that's what you really want,if you really want that person,
you got to give as well, sothat you know you're both
feeling fulfilled, happy andconnected.
Because who wants to be in alifeless you know relationship
or marriage?
That's not good, it's not goodat all.
(11:29):
And if your relationship isworth it, then you got to work
it and stop making excuses.
Don't put that on that otherperson.
If you have the power to make achange or shift or do something
about it, do it.
Do it, show effort, because ifsomething happens and you walk
(11:53):
away from this relationship, atleast you can say to yourself
you gave it all that you can,100%.
You put in that effort.
Okay, all right, you know.
Well, that's it for today'sepisode of Love, our Talks, and
I hope you found something inthis message that resonates with
(12:15):
you and if it sparks some, youknow, real change in your
relationship.
I really hope it does, becauseI'm out here I'm really trying
to, you know, help betterrelationships with the
information that I have, withthe wisdom that I have.
I've been in a relationship for20 years and I've been married.
I am married and so you knowyou have to be willing to work
(12:40):
together.
I cannot stress that enough.
You can't give up, you know, ifthat's what you truly want.
If that person is a good person, fight for it, continue to
fight for it and continue tofight for it after that.
Okay, so be sure to follow formore relationship tips and
advice and heart to heart combos.
(13:03):
So until next time, keep lovingand living out loud, you guys,
and thank you, thank you, thankyou again for tuning in y'all.
If you love this episode, don'tforget to like, share and
subscribe, because guess whaty'all?
I'm really trying to grow thispodcast and you know I want to
(13:24):
get to a place where we're bigout here in the world.
If my voice or if informationor anything that you grasp from
me, let's spread it.
I am on all social mediaplatforms, um, so you know I got
tips on tiktok as well.
You can find me there, um, yeah, you can definitely find me
(13:48):
there, um, so let's, like I said, keep the conversation going in
the comments on social mediaand tell me are you living or
existing in your relationship?
I love to hear from you.
So, like I said, until nexttime with Love, our Talks.
I'm your host, k Love, and I'llsee you on the next episode.
But you know what?
(14:08):
Wait, wait, wait, just realquick.
Like I said, we're on allstreaming platforms.
We're on Spotify, itunes, applePodcasts, iheartradio.
We're on Google Podcasts Also,like I said, you can find us on
all streaming platforms.
And remember one thing, too, Ihave to leave you with this Each
(14:33):
day holds the promise of a newbeginning, you guys.
So be better, right, do betterand love harder than the day
before, because, guess what?
Your best days aren't behindyou, they're being written today
.
So keep moving forward, because, guess what?
(14:55):
Your potential is limitless.
You can do anything.
You put your mind to youreffort to Okay, faith that works
is dead.
You believe in yourself.
Believe that you're higherpower.
(15:15):
If it's God, okay, because Ibelieve in God.
God, but you can do anything.
You're limitless.
You just have to believe, right.
Well, I love you guys, untilnext time.
Like I said, bye.
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