Breaking Down Walls to Build Stronger Bonds

Have you ever found yourself yearning for a deeper connection in your relationships, wondering what it truly means to be emotionally available? This episode is your guide to unlocking the secrets of emotional availability, the keystone for thriving relationships. As we prepare for "Thrive in 25," I offer personal insights, sharing the joy of my recent birthday celebration and the exciting launch of my new book, "Love Secrets Code." We journey through the vital aspects of being emotionally present, embracing vulnerability, and confronting the fear of rejection that often creates emotional barriers. Discover how life's distractions can unexpectedly breed emotional distance, and learn practical strategies to rekindle that essential connection with your partner.

As we close one chapter and look toward another, let's embrace the limitless potential of the future with optimism and love. Gratitude is at the heart of this episode, as I extend thanks to all our listeners and share a heartfelt message about the power of new beginnings. Our journey forward is one of self-improvement, encouraging everyone to strive for better, love harder, and seize the promise each day offers. The future is bright, with our best days crafted in the present moment. Join us in this uplifting episode as we welcome 2025 with hope and determination, ready to make every moment count.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, loves, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
to man.
Another episode of Love, ourTalks, okay, where we dive into
all things juicy about love,right, and everything in between
.
You know this.
We have made it to the end ofthe year, so this will be the

(00:23):
last episode of the year and Iam so, so, so excited to be
going into 25, 2025.
Y'all and I call it my thrivingyear.
Thrive in 25, right?
So I'm just looking for anamazing, an amazing 25, 2025

(00:43):
year.
So let's go ahead and get righton into it.
You already know the drill Goahead, grab your tea, grab your
coffee, grab your smoothie,whatever makes you feel comfy
and cozy, and let's go ahead anddive in today's topic.
So much has been going on withinthe time the last episode, um,

(01:06):
so a lot has happened.
I will get you caught up witheverything.
Um, I had my birthday inNovember.
Um went on vacation.
That was such an amazingvacation with friends.
Um also been spending a lot oftime working on writing, so I'm

(01:27):
writing new material which willbe out.
But however, okay, however youcan go.
We've already launched LoveSecrets Code.
It is out now.
You can purchase that on Amazonor you can get the signed copy
yeah, the signed copy attheloveplacenet Love's secret

(01:52):
code unlocking the mysteries torelationships, okay, and we're
talking about emotionalavailability.
We're talking about how tocommunicate between you and your
partner.
Why do you feel disconnectedfrom your partner, and so forth
and so on.
There is 10 chapters in thatbook, so you want to go ahead
and grab that book because thiscould help save your

(02:14):
relationship.
Okay, you're going to find alot of key tips and advice and
things of that nature to helpyou.
Okay, so go ahead and grab thatbook.
Like I said, it's on Amazon andit's on the loveplacenet.
So, and when we're talking aboutemotional availability, which

(02:34):
is our topic for today, we areshining a light on that.
Okay, and why does it feel?
Like?
You know, some people may saywhy do I feel disconnected from
my partner or why does it feellike I'm giving more emotionally
than I'm getting back?
Now, if you can relate to anyof those things, then this is

(02:59):
for you.
So let's talk about thefoundation of emotional
availability.
I want to break down emotionalavailability, okay, because as
the heartbeat of any thrivingrelationship.
Without it, even the strongestattraction okay, the strongest,

(03:20):
the deepest love or the longesthistory together, can feel kind
of hollow, kind of empty rightNow.
Emotion availability isn't justabout showing up physically.
It's about showing up with yourwhole self.
It's about being open to givingand receiving love, letting
your walls down and allowingsomeone into the space you

(03:44):
usually guard.
And so many people walk aroundwith their guards up like dukes
up.
Let's fight all the time, right?
You know, I always say thisbeing emotionally available
isn't just something yourpartner needs to be.
It's something you need tocheck in on right For yourself.
It's something you need tocheck in on right For yourself.
Are you really open to beingvulnerable, or are you holding

(04:09):
back because of fear?
Because, let's be real, fear ofrejection, fear of being hurt
or fear of failure can turn eventhe most loving person into
someone emotionally closed off,and that's when you start to see
cracks in your relationships.

(04:29):
Okay, now let's take a look atwhat emotion availability looks
like now.
In my book, I painted a pictureof what, uh, emotion
availability looks like inaction.
It's not just um, about the bigromantic gestures or saying I

(04:49):
love you.
It's in a small things,consistent ways, we show up for
each other.
It's when your partner sitsdown and listens to you, really
listens, really listens rightwhen you're venting about your
day, it's when they noticesomething's off with you and
they ask hey, you know what'sgoing on Instead of brushing it
under the rug.
And it's when you feel safeenough to cry in front of them,

(05:14):
to share your fears or yourdreams without worrying they'll
judge you or shut you down.
Now, on the flip side,emotional unavailability is just
as easy to spot.
It looks like avoidance,avoiding tough conversations,
brushing things off, brushingoff your emotions, throwing up

(05:40):
walls every time things get, youknow, too real for you.
And that kind of emotionaldistance can make you feel like
you're alone, even when you'rein the same room with someone in
the same space.
Okay, so let's also talk aboutwhy emotional availability fades
.
Here's a reality check, and Italk about this again in the

(06:07):
book.
Emotional unavailability isn'talways intentional, because
here's the thing life gets busybetween work, kids, family and
the day-to-day grind.
Right, people get distractedand sometimes your partner isn't
emotional available becausethey you know they don't.
It's not because they don'tlove you, it's because they've

(06:30):
gotten caught up in everythingelse.
Okay, that the world isthrowing at them and forgotten
to prioritize the connection.
And, honestly, haven't we allbeen there right at some point.
Yeah, I know you can relatewith that, but when that
distance goes unchecked, itgrows, baby, it grows, baby, it

(07:02):
grows.
You know, what started as asmall disconnect can turn into
something huge, right?
If you're not careful, andbefore you know it, you're
wondering what happened to us.
That's why catching it earlyand doing the work is so
important.
Okay, it's so important.
Now I want to break down somethings on how to rebuild

(07:23):
emotional availability.
So let's talk about solutions,right, because we don't want to
continue to go down this path.
We don't want to continue tofeel like we're fighting with
someone that we're supposed tolove, right?
No, that's not okay.
So at this point, it's like aproblem, and I want to help you

(07:50):
fix that.
If you're feeling disconnectedfrom your partner, or if you're
realizing that you're the onewho's emotional unavailable,
here's how you can start turningthings around.
First, you got to acknowledgeit.
You can't fix what you don'tadmit.
And if you're feelingdisconnected, tell your partner.
And if you're the one holdingback, be honest with yourself

(08:16):
about why Are you afraid to letyour guard down?
Are you just too distracted bylife to invest emotionally?
You know?
So the next thing is createspace for emotional
conversations.
Again, like I say in the book,I give you examples of how to

(08:36):
start these dialogues in a waythat doesn't feel
confrontational.
That's not what you want.
For example, instead of sayingyou never listen to me, you know
, try saying look, I miss how weused to talk about everything.
Okay, you know, can we makesome time for that again?

(08:58):
I really miss that.
See, that sounds softer thanyou.
Never, you, you, you you'repointing a finger.
Okay, that's, it's a softer wayto do that.
So it's inviting.
You know.
You want to invite that personinto your space and it's opened
the door for connection insteadof conflict, you know.

(09:18):
The third thing is to reconnectthrough shared activities.
That's another great thing.
So sometimes the best way tobreak through emotional walls is
by stepping away from the heavystuff and doing something fun
together.
You know.
Go on a date, cook dinnertogether, take a walk, listen to
music, dance together anythingthat reminds you of the

(09:39):
connection that you guys sharedin the first place.
And last but not least, youreally want to be patient,
because emotional availabilitydoesn't magically just happen
overnight.
It's a process and it takestrust, consistency and a
willingness to keep showing upfor each other, even when it

(10:03):
feels hard.
Okay, even when it feels hard,you know, in my own marriage,
right, we've had seasons whereemotional availability was a
struggle.
There were times when life gotso hectic we didn't realize how

(10:23):
distant we'd become until it hitus hard.
But we made a choice toprioritize each other.
We had those toughconversations, even when it
wasn't comfortable.
We put in the work, wereconnected emotionally and
because of that we're strongertoday than we've ever been.

(10:43):
So trust me when I say emotionalavailability is the secret
sauce to making love last,because people ask me all the
time well, how y'all beentogether for so long?
What made you guys be togetherthis long?
There are some things thatpeople don't understand.
Every relationship will haveits ups and downs, but it's all

(11:03):
about the trust, the loyalty andthe commitment that you want to
put in it.
And you have to sit there andrealize, okay, well, what is it
that I need to work on and whatcould my partner work on?
You got to have those toughconversations, and that's what
I'm talking about.
Tough conversations Becausesometimes we don't want to admit

(11:24):
things and let alone do we wantto tell our partner.
And are they going to feel sometype of way because we're
telling them this.
Are they going to have a guardup?
And now we're conflict, right?
So think about that.
So, now that we've unpackedthat, you know what we talked
about in my book.
I hope it inspires you to take acloser look at emotional

(11:46):
availability in your ownrelationships, whether it's with
a partner, a family member oreven yourself.
Ask those tough questions Areyou emotionally open?
Ok, or are they?
And if not, what can you do tostart bridging the gap?
Y'all you got to go and grabLove Secret Code, ok, because it
is packed with insights, toolsand real life wisdom to help you

(12:09):
unlock the mysteries of loveand relationships.
So if you haven't already gotit, like I said, you can go
ahead and grab it now attheloveplacenet, and it is an
autograph, signed copy.
But if you want to get the bookAmazon Prime or if you have

(12:30):
Amazon, you can grab it rightnow amazoncom.
So I want to thank you guysagain for tuning in with me
today.
Like I said, it's been a lothappening and this is the end of
the year.
I'm so excited for what 2025has in store.
Okay, so until next time withLove, our Talks.

(12:52):
I'm Kayla and I'll see you in2025 on the next episode of Love
R Us Talks.
But remember before I go,remember these things Each day
holds a promise of a newbeginning, so do better, be
better, love harder than the daybefore, because your best days

(13:14):
aren't behind you.
They're being written today.
So keep moving forward, becauseyour potential is limitless.
All right, well, love you guys.
Bye.