Stop Proving You're Worth Loving! YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

We explore the exhausting cycle of trying to prove our worth in relationships and how to break free from this pattern of performative love.

• Performative love occurs when we overextend ourselves for people who give us crumbs in return
• This pattern often stems from childhood trauma where love was conditional upon performance
• Real love is soft, mutual, peaceful, and doesn't require a performance
• Stop trying to earn love and start recognizing your inherent worth
• Healing includes sitting with your inner child, using affirmations, and creating new standards
• Setting boundaries may mean some people don't understand, but distance can be protection
• The right people will see your worth without requiring you to prove it

Continue to be bold in your healing, brave in who you're becoming, and grounded in love that knows its worth. Keep growing, keep glowing, and never settle for less than real.

We would LOVE to hear from you!

Thank you joining  Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of Love Art
Talks, the podcast that givesreal talk on love, relationships
, dating, wellness andentertainment.
I'm your host, k Love, andagain we are in season three,
y'all, and I'm super, superexcited.
See, I'm your certifiedmatchmaker and love advisor and

(00:22):
y'all.
Today's episode might justsnatch your soul just a little
bit, okay, in the best waypossible, though.
So, because today we're talkingabout something too many of us
are silently battling, okay, andthat's you keep trying to prove
your worth loving.

(00:43):
I need y'all to stop that.
Just stop right now.
Stop it, and I just want you tolet that sink in just for a
moment.
You keep trying to prove yourworth loving.
Think about who you've beendoing that with.

(01:03):
Think about who you've beentrying to overdo things with.
Yeah, think about that.
You've been trying to earn love, to deserve care, to convince
someone to choose you, but letme tell you, love is not

(01:24):
something you perform for.
It's something you receivebecause of who you are, not what
you do, okay, so let's talkabout what I mean by perform,
and that's called likeperformative love, right?
You ever find yourself doingthe most in a relationship or

(01:45):
just for someone, and you knowyou overextend.
You become emotionally likeavailable for someone who gives
you crumbs, you turn into theirsafe place, their cheerleader,
their therapist, their peace.
They place their cheerleader,their therapist, their peace.

(02:08):
But the second you needsomething, suddenly they're not
available or they're distractedor dismissive.
They're too busy to talk.
And let me say this with loveto you If you have to perform to
be loved, that's not love, it'semotional labor disguised as a

(02:34):
relationship.
Y'all Real quick.
You know I like to talk aboutlittle personal things.
You know, there was a time I'mnot even going to lie I was the
girl who bent over backwards.
And I, you know, bent overbackwards.
I thought if I just showed howloyal I was, I was that, how
ride or die I could be, thatthey see me, that they stay, you

(02:57):
know, stick around.
But what I realized was thepeople I was trying to prove
myself to.
They weren't capable of lovingme.
In return, they were just drawnto what I could do, what I
could give, not for who I was.
Okay, and let's get real, itwasn't just romantic

(03:20):
relationships, it wasfriendships, it was family
situations where I felt like Ihad to constantly earn my place,
since I was young y'all.
And that's trauma, that'semotional conditioning and
that's something we unlearn.
You know right here we're goingto do that together.

(03:43):
So ask yourself I need you tojust ask yourself pause and
reflect real quick.
Are you constantly givingwithout being poured into and do
you feel anxious if you're notdoing enough in a relationship?
In a relationship, or do youfeel and do you believe you have
to prove your value just tokeep them?

(04:05):
And if any of those hit home,this is your wake-up call For
real, for real, okay.
So the thing is, if you're aspiritual person, listen to me,

(04:27):
god didn't create you to beg forlove.
God didn't form you in the womb, pour purpose into your soul
just for you to chase people whodon't see your work.
You were born valuable, youwere loved before you even know

(04:48):
it, and your spirit deservesrest, not performance, and the
right person will love youwithout needing a show.
There's no lights, camera,action.
No, it's not that.
As in the Bible, romans 5.8says, while we were still
sinners, christ died for us.

(05:11):
So even in your mess, you werealready loved, and I listened to
Pastor PMJ.
He said if they can only loveyou when you're broken, they
were never sent to help you.

(05:31):
Heal Y'all right there, rightthere.
See, real love doesn't requirea performance.
So stop auditioning for peoplewho don't even know how to value
what God already approved.
Stop it.
I want to go ahead and go alittle deeper, because I want to
.
Let's think about why.
Why do we feel, or why do wefeel the need to prove ourselves

(05:54):
?
Probably comes from childhoodneglect, abandonment, trauma,
rejection, wounds and familydynamics where love was
conditional and some of us grewup being praised only when we
performed.
Right, think about it.
Yeah, when we got the grades,helped around the house, kept

(06:19):
the peace, you know.
So, as adults, we startbelieving if I don't do enough,
then I'm not enough.
Y'all.
Just let that go ahead and letthat.
Pause there.
Breathe through that, thinkabout that, reflect on that and

(06:40):
let's talk about what loveshould feel like.
So let me remind you again whatreal love should look like.
Love is soft, y'all.
It's not performative.
And love is mutual, notone-sided.
It's not a one-way street baby,it's not.
And love feels like peace, notone-sided, it's not a one-way

(07:01):
street baby, it's not.
And love feels like peace, notpressure.
Love feels safe, right, notstrategic.
And love says come as you are,not, convince me to stay so when
you stop proving and startreceiving, that's when you're
going to notice that shift.

(07:22):
Okay, you start preservingyourself, you start attracting
people who love your soul, notjust what you do for them.
You stop chasing and you startaligning.
You become a magnet.
You're not anxious anymore andyou stop begging to be seen and

(07:43):
you realize you've been worthyall along.
Now I want to give y'all just afew little steps and things of
how you can possibly get there,and this is something that you
could do, like anyone can dothis, but first you have to be

(08:06):
intentional about what you'redoing with yourself.
So I need you to just sit withyour inner child, write that
person a letter, write yourselfa letter and let yourself know
that you don't have to keepproving yourself anymore and
that you are loved right now, asis, and also start saying

(08:35):
affirmations.
Affirm your worth out loud.
Say it out loud.
I am worthy of love.
That doesn't need convincing.
My value isn't up for debateand I deserve rest, not
performance.
Start creating new standardsfor debate and I deserve rest,
not performance.
Start creating new standardsfor yourself no more one-sided

(08:56):
love, no more proving, and ifthey can't love you and your
softness, they don't deserveaccess to you.
No, for what?
For what?
For what?
So get comfortable beingmisunderstood and get
comfortable being by yourselfsometimes, because in that space

(09:18):
you're going to find peace.
You're going to find so muchpeace by yourself sometimes, and
some people won't understandyour boundaries and if they
can't, you got to let them go.
Silence is peace.
Distance is your protection andGod will send replacements who
don't require explanations.

(09:43):
Yeah, so you know I love hearingfeedback from my listeners.
I truly do, the people thatactually reach out.
They DM me and I love that.
I get it.
I love getting notes and likesaid DMs about the show, what
you've heard.
And one of my listenersmessaged me and said hey, kayla,

(10:07):
I love everything you're doingwith your show.
I really Take in the Advicethat you're giving.
And this person said I walkedaway from Someone I love so
deeply Because I realized I lovethem More than I love myself,

(10:28):
so I had To let them go.
I love them more than I lovemyself, so I had to let them go.
I'm like, wow, wow.
You know that's powerful andthat's what this episode is
about and that's what I amreally trying to do with this

(10:49):
podcast is reach people so wecan all be on a healing journey
together, right, okay, but withthis episode, I just need you to
stop performing and startunderstanding that you got to
start healing yourself.
Stop proving you're worthloving.
You already are.
The right ones will see you.
They will see you, boo, and thewrong ones will test you yeah,

(11:12):
but either way, it's not on youto perform, it's on them to
recognize.
So stop proving it and startreceiving what's to come to you.
Okay, so I man, this was, I toldyou all.
It was going to be a deep one,this was going to be a soul Like

(11:34):
this makes you think, and youknow, I'm really hoping this
resonates with someone and sharethis with someone that you
think or feel that they're goingthrough it.
Okay, I'm K Love, yourcertified matchmaker and love
advisor, and this is Love OurTalks.
So thank you, guys for rockingwith me, for, like I said,

(11:55):
healing with me and for knowingthat you don't have to do
anything else but be yourauthentic self and continue to
be bold in your healing, bravein who you're becoming and
grounded in love that knows itsworth.
So, until next time, keepgrowing, keep glowing and never

(12:17):
settle for less than real.
All right, until next time.
We love our talks, bye.