"Why 'Perfect on Paper' Isn’t Always Your Type"

Summary:

Are you tired of searching for the perfect partner, only to find yourself feeling emotionally disconnected? Join us for an eye-opening conversation as we challenge the notion of superficial attraction and explore the true ingredients for a fulfilling relationship. In this thought-provoking episode, we uncover why ticking all the boxes on paper often leads to dissatisfaction, infidelity, and heartbreak. We'll guide you through the importance of emotional compatibility and vulnerability, highlighting the power of being truly seen by your partner. Get ready to prioritize genuine emotional fulfillment over societal expectations, as we empower you to focus on what truly nurtures your soul.

Tune in now to redefine what truly matters in a partner and prioritize true love rooted in genuine connection, not just checking boxes.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, loves, welcome back to Love Our Talks, the
podcast where we dive into allthings juicy about love,
relationships and everything inbetween.
I'm your host, kayla, and we'rediving into something real,
something so real today,something that we all have to
reckon with at some point.

(00:22):
And we're talking aboutattraction.
We've been there, we've allbeen attracted to someone or
they've been attracted to us.
Whether they are attracted tous, whether they have a great
job, they look good on paper,but does that really make

(00:42):
someone your type?
I'm going to take it a stepfurther.
Could this be why some peoplecheat?
I'm just saying so.
The topic of today is whyperfect on paper isn't always
your type, because why they maylook good but it feels wrong.
So we're going to break it allthe way down.

(01:05):
So go ahead, grab your wine,your tea, your coffee or
whatever makes you feel goodbecause I got mine and let's go
ahead and get on into it.
So let's be honest here We'veall met someone who checks all
our boxes.
You know they got the looks,the success, charming.

(01:25):
They even say all the rightthings.
But here's the catch thatdoesn't always mean they're good
for you, because sometimes whatlooks perfect on the outside
doesn't feel perfect on theinside, and that's where things
can get pretty shaky.
Now I'm not justifying cheatingby any means, okay, but let's

(01:53):
really break this thing down.
You know, some people findthemselves in relationships
where everything looks right butsomething's missing.
You know there's no emotionaldepth, no real connection.
And you know, let me tell you,because you can be in a
relationship with someone whohas it all right, but if they

(02:17):
don't see you, see you, if theydon't connect with you in that
deep, vulnerable way, it canleave you feeling pretty empty.
You know that emotional void,that's real.
So think about it.
How many times have you everheard someone say I don't know
why I cheated, okay, everythingseemed perfect.

(02:40):
Well, the truth is, when theemotional connection isn't there
, when you're just going throughthe motions or pretending that
everything is all hunky-dory,you know, because they should be
your type that's when peoplestart looking for that
connection elsewhere.
Again, this isn't about excusingthat behavior, it's about

(03:03):
understanding where it starts.
See, we got to stop chasingwhat looks good and start paying
attention to what feels good.
And I don't mean surface levelgood, I mean soul level good,
the kind of love where you feeltruly understood, where your

(03:24):
partner knows you I'm talkingabout your flaws, your quirks
and everything like that youcould be goofy, silly, whatever
the case may be and stillchooses you every day.
That's what we're all lookingfor, right?
Even if sometimes we don'trealize it.
This is where you know thatself-awareness comes in,

(03:46):
especially as you get older andI'm talking about a little bit
over 40s, right, you get over40s.
You've lived enough to knowthat attraction alone it can't
sustain a relationship.
You know, being with someonewho looks good on your arm, who
impresses your friends, whochecks off a few items on your

(04:06):
wish list, doesn't guaranteehappiness.
Because what happens when lifereally gets real?
Because it will when challengescome up and they will, you know
, are they still your personwhen things get rough?
Or are they just someone whowas easy to be with when life

(04:28):
was just all smooth sailing andlet's take it?
You know, let's think aboutthis again too.
Let's get a little bit moredeeper and more real here.
Sometimes people step out ofrelationships because they're
searching for that emotionalconnection they're not getting
at home, and that doesn't meanit's right, it's just, that's
the real of it.

(04:48):
You might be with someone wholooks good on paper, but if you
don't feel seen or supported oremotionally safe with them, it's
easy to start seeking thatvalidation elsewhere.
Emotional cheating, physicalcheating it all comes from the

(05:09):
same place A lack of trueconnection.
You got to find that trueconnection.
Okay.
True connection, okay.
You have to start thinkingabout and doing some more soul
searching, especially whenyou're in a relationship with
that person.
You're around them enough toknow how you really feel, unless

(05:35):
you're just steady, walkingaround on surface level, like I
said, surface level love.
Then what are you really doing?
What are you really doing?
What are you really doing?
I think it's time you know.
If you have to continue to walkaround with that surface level
love for a year, that's aproblem.
You really need to move on fromthat.
That's not deep, that's notreal, it's just not so.
Here's my advice you know, whenyou're thinking about who's

(05:59):
really your type, go beyond thesurface.
Like I said, ask yourself doesthis person truly get me?
Can I be my whole authenticself with them?
Do they make me feel like I'menough?
Do they make me feel like I'menough?
You know, and if you can sayyes to these questions, it

(06:27):
doesn't matter how good theylook or how impressive they are
on paper.
At the end of the day,relationships are about more
than just checking boxes.
They're about building a lifewith someone who makes you feel
loved, appreciated and secure.
Y'all.
We got to stop settling forwhat looks right and start

(06:50):
demanding what feels right,because you deserve more than
just someone who just looks goodstanding next to you.
You deserve someone who makesyou feel good when you're alone
with them.
Right, and someone who fillsyour emotional cup.
Baby girl, baby guy, you knowpeople out there.

(07:14):
So next time you're thinkingabout what makes someone your
type remember this love isn'tjust about appearances or what's
on their resume.
It's about connection.
It's about that chemistry.
It's about connection.
It's about that chemistry, youknow, finding someone who fits

(07:38):
your life, not just someonewho's just your checklist,
checking off those boxes.
Okay, you know, that's the.
That's the real of it all today.
So I want you to go ahead andreflect on that.
Share with a friend, becauseyou know you never know who may
need to hear this message aswell.
Okay, and always stay true toyourself.
That's first and foremost.
Stay true to yourself, you know, until next time.

(08:03):
That is the end of this episodeand you know, keep the love at
the center of everything,especially if you're wanting to
have a real longevity connectionwith someone.
Keep that at the center of itand not the surface.
So, again, thank you for tuningin today with me.
If you love this episode, don'tforget to like, share and

(08:27):
subscribe.
Let's keep the conversationgoing in the comments and on
social media.
Let's discuss this further.
I want to hear from you guys.
Okay, I haven't yet to hearfeedback.
Okay, again, you can get moretips and advice for your
relationship.
Maybe you're struggling in acertain area my new ebook, love

(08:51):
Secret Code.
It covers a lot of things.
There's 10 chapters in there.
We talk about emotionalavailability, honesty in your
relationship, how to communicateeffectively, vulnerability and
intimacy.
We talk about toxicrelationships, red flags, also
overcoming jealousy.

(09:11):
So things like that.
You can find that in my newebook, love's Secret Code.
You can download your copytoday at theloveplacenet.
So follow me on all platforms.
I am on Facebook, love ourtalks, and the more you support
my podcast, the more I cancontinue to bring you

(09:36):
relationship advice.
So until next time, I'm K-Loveand I'll talk to you guys and
see you on the next episode.
And remember, though justremember this Each day holds the
promise of a new beginning.
So be better, do better.
Love harder than the day before.

(09:56):
Your best days aren't behindyou.
They're being written today.
So keep moving forward, becauseyour potential is limitless.
All right, love you guys.
Bye.