October 26, 2025 • 10 mins
You tell yourself you’re building for her, a business that brings freedom, security, choice. But somewhere along the way, she stopped feeling part of the dream.
In this solo episode, Lachlan Stuart, founder of The Man That Can Project, unpacks the silent trap high-performing men fall into: mistaking productivity for purpose, and success for connection.
You’ll learn how to:
- Build with your partner, not for her
- Redefine success around shared vision
- Reclaim presence at home
- Audit your alignment before it’s too late
This isn’t about working less. It’s about leading better.
The Man That Can Project, for men ready to lead with impact and intimacy.
Discover your blind spots across the 7 Domains of Life with the Man That Can Scorecard.
Just 14 questions, instant results. I wish I had this earlier.
It would’ve fast-tracked my success.
Take the quiz now: TAKE QUIZ
Take the "7 Domain" Scorecard: HERE
Follow Lachlan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lachlanstuart/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@lachlanstuart91
Website: https://themanthatcanproject.com/
Newsletter: https://lachlan-stuart-tmtcp.ck.page/profile
Do Something Today To Be Better For Tomorrow
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
How high performing men lose their marriage without
noticing.
You tell yourself that you'rebuilding a better future, a
business that will give yourfamily freedom, security, and
choice.
But somewhere along the way,your wife stopped feeling part
of that dream.
The more you push, the moredistance she becomes.
The more you sacrifice time forher now, the more that you're
convincing yourself that it'llbe worth it later.
(00:22):
But here's the truth that mostmen do not want to admit.
Your wife isn't waiting forsuccess.
She is waiting for you.
I'm Lachlan Stewart, founder ofthe Man That Can Project and a
life coach for men.
I help men grow from the insideout so that they can lead more
powerfully in their career, intheir relationships, and in
their life.
And the lesson that I'm about toshare is one that too many
(00:43):
ambitious men find out the hardway.
This is the trap thathigh-performing men fall into,
right?
For decades, we've been sold,and I'm including myself in
this, but we've been sold thesame story that being a good man
means providing, that if youjust work hard enough, earn
enough, achieve enough,everything else is going to fall
into place.
But what if that one belief, thebelief that is building your
(01:04):
career, is the one that isquietly breaking your marriage?
Every week I coach men who aretrying to build for their
families, not with them.
They mistake productivity forpurpose and they think that love
can be postponed.
You can't bank intimacy, youcan't schedule connection for
someday.
And by the time most men realizethis, it's already too late.
(01:25):
And honestly, this breaks myheart.
So here's the real question: what if your success story is (01:27):
undefined
costing you the one personyou're building it for?
Building your business doesn'thave to cost your marriage, but
it will if you're notintentional, right?
High performing men think insystems.
So you probably do too.
We plan, track, and optimizeeverything.
Yet when it comes torelationships, are you relying
on emotion and chance?
You see, that's ultimately likerunning a million-dollar company
(01:50):
or a successful company withouthaving a vision statement,
without meetings, and withoutmetrics.
You don't know where things are,whether you're making progress,
or whether things are slowlyfalling apart underneath.
A relationship is a livingsystem.
It needs alignment, it needscommunication, it needs shared
meaning.
A client who just started withme recently came to me after
(02:11):
achieving his first seven-figureyear, which I was like, how
unreal is this?
This guy is gonna have ittogether.
The business was booming and hefinally felt like he had made
it.
Maybe you're relating to this.
But one night his wife snappedat him.
She said, I'd rather have youhome and broke than rich and
never here.
That hit him harder than anyfinancial loss ever could
(02:33):
because in that moment herealized all his growth was
taking him further away fromwhat he said he was building
for.
So this is when he came to meand we had to start rebuilding
from the inside out.
We had to start redefiningsuccess, understanding what
motivated him, understanding andgetting his marriage realigned.
We started doing weekly debriefsjust like he did with his team,
(02:55):
but this time for his marriage.
We created shared rituals forhim, going for a walk, having a
Tuesday dinner meeting.
They set clear expectations,what they expected of each
other, uh, so they could achievetheir aligned vision.
And also that Tuesday nightdinner was a space for them to
talk about pressure before itexploded because that happened
(03:15):
so regularly.
And the final thing was alearning that changed
everything.
He had been isolating his goal.
If you don't share your goalwith the people you're building
it with, how are they supposedto understand why you're making
certain decisions or they may,you may feel like you're making
a sacrifice, but they don't seeit that way.
This is the whole point aroundhow domains of life are actually
or should be integrated, notisolated.
(03:37):
He thought success in businesswas separate from success in
marriage, health, and family.
But life doesn't work that way.
When you isolate a goal, youcreate imbalance.
When you integrate your goals,you create harmony or work-life
balance as people get it.
It's, you know, balance doesn'tcome down to equal time.
It comes down to feeling likethings are working.
(03:57):
Because a man who grows abusiness must grow at home too.
Otherwise, the weight of one isgonna crush the other.
So after about six months, uh,we've been working together for
his business is still growing,it's bigger, but his family is
stronger.
That's not sacrifice, that isleadership.
And I truly believe that successstarts at home.
If you're recognizing yourselfin this, here's where to start.
Number one, build with, not for.
(04:19):
So stop protecting your partnerfrom the process.
Involve them to the level thatthey want to be involved in, but
so they feel like they're you'regrowing together.
When you build with her, right,she becomes your ally, not your
audience.
Number two, redefine success.
Ask, what does winning look likefor us, not just me?
Shared vision creates sharedenergy, right?
(04:40):
This is where you grow together,you're a team, you're not
enemies, you're not competition.
Thirdly, create communicationrituals, right?
When you first started dating,you would have had this.
How do I win the win them overto make them want to date me, to
make them want to move in withme, to make them want to marry
me?
It's no different now.
Weekly check-in, make time.
We get more busy, we have moreresponsibilities, and we
(05:02):
sometimes think that theydeserve more than our marriage.
No, it doesn't.
The weekly check-in isn't justabout logistics, who's doing
what, the groceries, what are wehaving for dinner, who's looking
after the kids.
It's about the emotion, it'sabout the connection.
It's not always about fixingproblems, it's got to be about
that connection.
Number four is reclaim yourpresence, right?
When you're at home, be home,phones down, attention on,
(05:25):
energy invested.
I recently bought one of thesebricks, and I've only got it
here because I'm currentlywriting my book and I've got my
phone switched off.
But one of the best things,because it can shut down all of
your apps.
And when, for me personally,when I don't have access to
things, I'm not picking up myphone and just mindlessly
scrolling, I'm where I need tobe.
So presence isn't just abouttime, it's about attention.
So think about it like this: people are looking for work-life (05:45):
undefined
balance, people are looking forharmony, and we go, if I'm
spending X amount of hours atwork, let's say eight-hour
workday, then I need eight hourswith my partner to balance that
out.
Wrong.
It's about the intention withthe time that you are allocating
towards things, whether it'syour time in the gym, your time
with friends, your time workingon goals, your time writing a
(06:06):
book, what is what the best useof your time in that to deliver
an outcome, right?
And this is where you all shouldhave visions for the seven
domains.
And if you aren't clear on theseven domains, take the free
scorecard that is going to showyou where you're drifting and
where you're thriving in thoseareas.
Because once you know and youget a rating, you will then be
able to go, this is what a 10would look like, and this is
(06:27):
what has to happen to get thereover the next three years.
Number five now is audit youralignment.
If the man your wife fell inlove with met the man you are
today, would she recognize him?
This isn't just about saying youshouldn't grow, you should, but
you should also stay connectedto yourself and to what matters
most, which means when you werewinning your partner over, you
have to do the daily deposits tostill be the man that she values
(06:49):
and she is inspired and proud towalk side by side, just as much
as you would want the same fromher.
So you must make sure that sherecognizes who you're becoming.
We've all had our journeys ofgrowth, myself included.
And I would look back and go,I'm completely different to who
I was when I first met Amy.
But if I think about the thingsthat I did when I first met Amy
that I still do now, it's givingher time, it's making her feel
(07:12):
valued, seen, and heard.
So are you doing that with yourpartner as well?
Because you're doing that inyour business.
You're seeing problems arise andyou address them, you look to
solve them and you're always onthe pulse because you know if
you don't, business fails.
And if we think business fails,I'm a failure.
Take the same approach with yourmarriage.
You need to be on the pulse.
You need to go, how is myrelationship health?
(07:33):
How is my partner feeling?
Are they feeling valued, seen,and heard?
If not, what do I need to do tomake that happen?
Because you're growing together.
So that's going to be yourstarting point.
Small changes done consistentlywill shift the entire energy of
your relationship.
You may be thinking, lucky,yeah, but you don't know how
much pressure I'm under.
And you're right, you'recarrying a lot.
Teams potentially, revenue,reputation, responsibility.
(07:56):
I get it.
But if your relationshipcollapses, what are you really
building it all for?
Being intentional about yourmarriage doesn't take more time.
It gives you time because itcreates harmony, stability, and
support that ripples into everyarea of your life.
You don't just need to choosebetween impact and intimacy.
You just have to leaddifferently.
And this is one of the biggestmistakes that men are making at
(08:18):
the moment is they are assumingthat loyalty lasts forever.
Loyalty is earned daily.
I'd call it the daily deposits,right?
Through presence, throughappreciation, through alignment.
For my wife, the daily coffee.
But when your partner feelsseen, safe, and included, she
doesn't just wait.
She walks with you.
Because when you build abusiness in isolation, you're
going to build walls up, right?
(08:39):
You're doing it by yourself.
But when you build with love andleadership, you're building a
legacy.
You're building something, aspaceship or a bus that brings
all of your friends and thepeople that you care about on
board.
So if this hits home, don'tscroll away.
Take five minutes to find outwhere your life is thriving and
where it's quietly drifting.
Take the scorecard.
Because if your business isgrowing but your connection is
(09:01):
fading, that is not success.
That is imbalance.
Take the seven-domain scorecard,the same tool that I'll use with
my clients to help them realignbefore we start.
It's only five minutes.
If you're enjoying these videos,make sure you see what videos
are suggested next.
There's plenty to come.
Drop a comment below.
I would love to engage with youand find out what you're
thinking about, what you'rebuilding towards, what you're
(09:21):
challenging with, and what'smost important in your marriage.
My name's Lochin Stewart.
Thank you for being here andenjoy the next video.
How high performing men lose their marriage without
noticing.
You tell yourself that you'rebuilding a better future, a
business that will give yourfamily freedom, security, and
choice.
But somewhere along the way,your wife stopped feeling part
of that dream.
The more you push, the moredistance she becomes.
The more you sacrifice time forher now, the more that you're
convincing yourself that it'llbe worth it later.
(00:22):
But here's the truth that mostmen do not want to admit.
Your wife isn't waiting forsuccess.
She is waiting for you.
I'm Lachlan Stewart, founder ofthe Man That Can Project and a
life coach for men.
I help men grow from the insideout so that they can lead more
powerfully in their career, intheir relationships, and in
their life.
And the lesson that I'm about toshare is one that too many
(00:43):
ambitious men find out the hardway.
This is the trap thathigh-performing men fall into,
right?
For decades, we've been sold,and I'm including myself in
this, but we've been sold thesame story that being a good man
means providing, that if youjust work hard enough, earn
enough, achieve enough,everything else is going to fall
into place.
But what if that one belief, thebelief that is building your
(01:04):
career, is the one that isquietly breaking your marriage?
Every week I coach men who aretrying to build for their
families, not with them.
They mistake productivity forpurpose and they think that love
can be postponed.
You can't bank intimacy, youcan't schedule connection for
someday.
And by the time most men realizethis, it's already too late.
(01:25):
And honestly, this breaks myheart.
So here's the real question: what if your success story is (01:27):
undefined
costing you the one personyou're building it for?
Building your business doesn'thave to cost your marriage, but
it will if you're notintentional, right?
High performing men think insystems.
So you probably do too.
We plan, track, and optimizeeverything.
Yet when it comes torelationships, are you relying
on emotion and chance?
You see, that's ultimately likerunning a million-dollar company
(01:50):
or a successful company withouthaving a vision statement,
without meetings, and withoutmetrics.
You don't know where things are,whether you're making progress,
or whether things are slowlyfalling apart underneath.
A relationship is a livingsystem.
It needs alignment, it needscommunication, it needs shared
meaning.
A client who just started withme recently came to me after
(02:11):
achieving his first seven-figureyear, which I was like, how
unreal is this?
This guy is gonna have ittogether.
The business was booming and hefinally felt like he had made
it.
Maybe you're relating to this.
But one night his wife snappedat him.
She said, I'd rather have youhome and broke than rich and
never here.
That hit him harder than anyfinancial loss ever could
(02:33):
because in that moment herealized all his growth was
taking him further away fromwhat he said he was building
for.
So this is when he came to meand we had to start rebuilding
from the inside out.
We had to start redefiningsuccess, understanding what
motivated him, understanding andgetting his marriage realigned.
We started doing weekly debriefsjust like he did with his team,
(02:55):
but this time for his marriage.
We created shared rituals forhim, going for a walk, having a
Tuesday dinner meeting.
They set clear expectations,what they expected of each
other, uh, so they could achievetheir aligned vision.
And also that Tuesday nightdinner was a space for them to
talk about pressure before itexploded because that happened
(03:15):
so regularly.
And the final thing was alearning that changed
everything.
He had been isolating his goal.
If you don't share your goalwith the people you're building
it with, how are they supposedto understand why you're making
certain decisions or they may,you may feel like you're making
a sacrifice, but they don't seeit that way.
This is the whole point aroundhow domains of life are actually
or should be integrated, notisolated.
(03:37):
He thought success in businesswas separate from success in
marriage, health, and family.
But life doesn't work that way.
When you isolate a goal, youcreate imbalance.
When you integrate your goals,you create harmony or work-life
balance as people get it.
It's, you know, balance doesn'tcome down to equal time.
It comes down to feeling likethings are working.
(03:57):
Because a man who grows abusiness must grow at home too.
Otherwise, the weight of one isgonna crush the other.
So after about six months, uh,we've been working together for
his business is still growing,it's bigger, but his family is
stronger.
That's not sacrifice, that isleadership.
And I truly believe that successstarts at home.
If you're recognizing yourselfin this, here's where to start.
Number one, build with, not for.
(04:19):
So stop protecting your partnerfrom the process.
Involve them to the level thatthey want to be involved in, but
so they feel like they're you'regrowing together.
When you build with her, right,she becomes your ally, not your
audience.
Number two, redefine success.
Ask, what does winning look likefor us, not just me?
Shared vision creates sharedenergy, right?
(04:40):
This is where you grow together,you're a team, you're not
enemies, you're not competition.
Thirdly, create communicationrituals, right?
When you first started dating,you would have had this.
How do I win the win them overto make them want to date me, to
make them want to move in withme, to make them want to marry
me?
It's no different now.
Weekly check-in, make time.
We get more busy, we have moreresponsibilities, and we
(05:02):
sometimes think that theydeserve more than our marriage.
No, it doesn't.
The weekly check-in isn't justabout logistics, who's doing
what, the groceries, what are wehaving for dinner, who's looking
after the kids.
It's about the emotion, it'sabout the connection.
It's not always about fixingproblems, it's got to be about
that connection.
Number four is reclaim yourpresence, right?
When you're at home, be home,phones down, attention on,
(05:25):
energy invested.
I recently bought one of thesebricks, and I've only got it
here because I'm currentlywriting my book and I've got my
phone switched off.
But one of the best things,because it can shut down all of
your apps.
And when, for me personally,when I don't have access to
things, I'm not picking up myphone and just mindlessly
scrolling, I'm where I need tobe.
So presence isn't just abouttime, it's about attention.
So think about it like this: people are looking for work-life (05:45):
undefined
balance, people are looking forharmony, and we go, if I'm
spending X amount of hours atwork, let's say eight-hour
workday, then I need eight hourswith my partner to balance that
out.
Wrong.
It's about the intention withthe time that you are allocating
towards things, whether it'syour time in the gym, your time
with friends, your time workingon goals, your time writing a
(06:06):
book, what is what the best useof your time in that to deliver
an outcome, right?
And this is where you all shouldhave visions for the seven
domains.
And if you aren't clear on theseven domains, take the free
scorecard that is going to showyou where you're drifting and
where you're thriving in thoseareas.
Because once you know and youget a rating, you will then be
able to go, this is what a 10would look like, and this is
(06:27):
what has to happen to get thereover the next three years.
Number five now is audit youralignment.
If the man your wife fell inlove with met the man you are
today, would she recognize him?
This isn't just about saying youshouldn't grow, you should, but
you should also stay connectedto yourself and to what matters
most, which means when you werewinning your partner over, you
have to do the daily deposits tostill be the man that she values
(06:49):
and she is inspired and proud towalk side by side, just as much
as you would want the same fromher.
So you must make sure that sherecognizes who you're becoming.
We've all had our journeys ofgrowth, myself included.
And I would look back and go,I'm completely different to who
I was when I first met Amy.
But if I think about the thingsthat I did when I first met Amy
that I still do now, it's givingher time, it's making her feel
(07:12):
valued, seen, and heard.
So are you doing that with yourpartner as well?
Because you're doing that inyour business.
You're seeing problems arise andyou address them, you look to
solve them and you're always onthe pulse because you know if
you don't, business fails.
And if we think business fails,I'm a failure.
Take the same approach with yourmarriage.
You need to be on the pulse.
You need to go, how is myrelationship health?
(07:33):
How is my partner feeling?
Are they feeling valued, seen,and heard?
If not, what do I need to do tomake that happen?
Because you're growing together.
So that's going to be yourstarting point.
Small changes done consistentlywill shift the entire energy of
your relationship.
You may be thinking, lucky,yeah, but you don't know how
much pressure I'm under.
And you're right, you'recarrying a lot.
Teams potentially, revenue,reputation, responsibility.
(07:56):
I get it.
But if your relationshipcollapses, what are you really
building it all for?
Being intentional about yourmarriage doesn't take more time.
It gives you time because itcreates harmony, stability, and
support that ripples into everyarea of your life.
You don't just need to choosebetween impact and intimacy.
You just have to leaddifferently.
And this is one of the biggestmistakes that men are making at
(08:18):
the moment is they are assumingthat loyalty lasts forever.
Loyalty is earned daily.
I'd call it the daily deposits,right?
Through presence, throughappreciation, through alignment.
For my wife, the daily coffee.
But when your partner feelsseen, safe, and included, she
doesn't just wait.
She walks with you.
Because when you build abusiness in isolation, you're
going to build walls up, right?
(08:39):
You're doing it by yourself.
But when you build with love andleadership, you're building a
legacy.
You're building something, aspaceship or a bus that brings
all of your friends and thepeople that you care about on
board.
So if this hits home, don'tscroll away.
Take five minutes to find outwhere your life is thriving and
where it's quietly drifting.
Take the scorecard.
Because if your business isgrowing but your connection is
(09:01):
fading, that is not success.
That is imbalance.
Take the seven-domain scorecard,the same tool that I'll use with
my clients to help them realignbefore we start.
It's only five minutes.
If you're enjoying these videos,make sure you see what videos
are suggested next.
There's plenty to come.
Drop a comment below.
I would love to engage with youand find out what you're
thinking about, what you'rebuilding towards, what you're
(09:21):
challenging with, and what'smost important in your marriage.
My name's Lochin Stewart.
Thank you for being here andenjoy the next video.
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