October 15, 2024 • 22 mins
In this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show, host Don Ross discusses the distinctions between buddies and close friends and the importance of forming lasting, transformational male friendships.
Don outlines the steps to create a 'tribe' of men who will support each other in becoming the best versions of themselves.
The episode also delves into the series' topics, including the crucial aspects of manhood, camaraderie, and freedom, and offers actionable advice on how to invite men into a tribe, setting clear expectations, and ensuring the relationships' sustainability.
Don invites interested men to join a launch process to help shape the best practices for forming such tribes.
00:00 Introduction: Buddies vs. Close Friends
01:15 The Importance of Close Friendships
02:20 Challenges in Forming Close Friendships
03:36 Building Your Tribe: First Steps
05:48 Key Considerations for Forming a Tribe
11:40 Inviting Men into Your Tribe
15:39 Maintaining and Growing Your Tribe
20:58 Conclusion and Next Steps
💪 Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly. 💪
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
All right guys, question foryou.
What's the difference between abuddy and a close friend?
Lots of guys have buddies, butvery few guys, these days have
close friends.
And if you don't know thedifference between the two,
you're going to have a hard timeforming those lasting close
friendships.
So we need to talk about thattoday here on the manhood tribe
(00:22):
show.
Don Ross (00:42):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(01:04):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
Men welcome to the manhoodtribes show.
I'm Don Ross.
I'm your host.
And today on the show, we aregoing to continue in our series
(01:24):
about how to form close France.
Now, this might seem like kindof a silly topic to you.
And if you're just jumping infor the first time, you may be
thinking like, what is thisabout?
Why is this something that menneed to talk about?
Why is this important?
And I think, honestly, it's justbecause of the reality that
these days, most men don't haveclose friends.
(01:46):
Study after study will tell usthat close friendships are just
kind of a dying art among men inour culture, but you don't have
to look at studies to know that,right?
Any guy that you talk to, ifthey're honest, will probably
tell you that the last time thatthey had a close friendship with
another guy, meaning somebodythat they were seeing on a
regular basis and talking to ona regular basis and talking
(02:08):
about things of importance andsignificance in their lives with
it probably was high school orcollege since the last time that
they were doing.
That.
And without those closefriendships in our lives, we men
are really suffering.
And so we need to kind of talkabout how it is that we form
those kinds of friendships,because frankly.
We're just not very good at itanymore.
The culture doesn't really helpus do that.
(02:30):
There aren't natural places formen to form close friendships
anymore.
And so if they're going tohappen, we're going to have to
be intentional to make ithappen.
But it's not the easiest thingin the world to do, to form
close friendships, especiallywhen there's just not natural
places in our society where mentend to connect.
So that's what we're talkingabout in this series is just
(02:50):
what can we do to help men beable to form the kinds of
friendships that are going tohelp make us into the
extraordinary men that we wantto be?
How do we build what we callhere and manhood tribes.
A tribe of men around us, thekind of men who are actually
going to be transformational inour life.
That are going to help us be thevery best version of ourselves.
(03:13):
Now, we've already spent alittle bit of time in this
series, kind of talking aboutwhy we even need to do that.
And also just if you're startingfrom scratch and you're kind of
in a place of like, I don't evenknow that I have friends, where
would I begin inviting guys intoa tribe?
Okay.
Well, that's a good question.
If those are your questions, goback and listen to some of our
pre.
The previous episodes in thisseries and they'll help address
(03:34):
some of your questions.
But what we want to do today.
Is assume that you're at theplace where you've got some
friends in your life that youthink you would like to develop
into these kinds of closefriendships, but you're just
kind of not sure how to takethem to the next level.
You've got some guys that you'rearound on a regular basis.
Some guys who were more thanjust buddies, but you're not
(03:56):
really sure how to help thosefriendships kind of evolve into
this idea of a tribe or somekind of friendship that's going
to help bring you to that levelof extraordinary and your life.
How do you do that?
How do you be intentional withthat kind of friendship, to be
able to make sure that thosethings are happening in your
life and that that's regularlytaking place?
(04:17):
Okay.
That's a great question.
It's not going to happen on itsown.
Um, no male friendship honestly,is going to just gravitate
towards being transformational.
Most guy, friends just left toour own devices.
We aren't going to help eachother be the best versions of
ourselves.
We're going to tend to defaultto kind of like lowest, common
(04:37):
denominators, more often thannot.
And so because of that, we'vegot to really be strategic to
think about what are we lookingfor in those kinds of
friendships, what do we need todo?
How would we form them andcreate them in a way that
actually does push us andchallenge us and mold us and
transform us into anextraordinary version of
ourselves.
(04:58):
So that's what we want to do.
We want to talk about how youcan form a tribe.
How do you form atransformational group of men
around you?
All right.
So I want to give you kind ofjust a few big ideas on that
today.
And to also just sort of say, Iwant to offer some things to you
there to help you build a tribe,the way that I would build it,
(05:20):
but you don't have to do it theway that I would do it.
There's lots of different waysto have transformational guy
friendships around you.
But since most men don't knowhow to do that, and aren't doing
it on purpose, I want to offerkind of a specific path that I
use for building a tribe.
If you want to adapt.
Adapt it and use it in someother ways.
That's totally okay.
(05:40):
But we're going to look at kindof the way that I've done it.
A few times, both with men andmy own life and helping other
guys be able to do it as well.
Now, when you're thinking aboutthe men that you would like to
build a tribe with, there's afew things that you need to
really consider.
Okay.
Let's say you've got multipleguy friendships in your life.
(06:02):
Men that you know, well enough,you enjoy spending time around
with, you've talked about somethings of significance, you
know, a little bit about eachother's lives.
And let's say you've got, Idon't know, anywhere from five
to 12 of those kinds of guys inyour life.
Okay.
If you've got at least that,then you're probably ready to
start thinking about how do Ibuild a tribe with a few of them
(06:24):
that could really help takethings to the next level.
There's at least two things thatyou really need to consider.
Okay.
The first is that you want tobuild a tribe with some guys
that you have some things incommon with.
Now this is probably alreadytrue with the guys that you.
You know, H have gotten to thisplace in life with, but you
really want to make sure thatthere's some actual overlap in
(06:47):
your life.
Okay.
So there needs to be somethingin common, probably around your
demographics.
Maybe that's your age, maybethat's your stage of life.
Maybe that's the number of kidsyou have or the age that your
kids are, or maybe it's that youlive on the same street or, uh,
you know, some of those kinds ofthings that help you just have
some natural overlap with thosemen at your place in life.
(07:11):
But then even beyond that, youwant to probably have some just
kind of like commonalities inplace, things that you do that
you both enjoy doing.
We like going to the gym.
Uh, we are both really into foodand we like checking out food
places in town.
We, uh, both enjoy woodworkingor some other kind of craftsman
(07:32):
hobby and like working on ortinkering with things together.
Okay.
So.
Anything like that, those kindsof things will help you just
build some commonality.
And here's why that's important.
When you're building a tribe,there's going to be times within
the cycle of the tribe where.
Uh, things might get tough.
Relationships might getchallenging.
(07:53):
The things that you're dealingwith within the context of a
tribe might get heavy.
And when that happens, it can beeasy for guys to start to kind
of pull away from each other.
Even if it's just for the sakeof, gosh, things are heavy and I
could really just use a littlebit of a break right now.
That's okay.
That's kind of normal.
But if in taking that kind of abreak, there's not anything else
(08:15):
in your lives that you kind ofshare in common besides the time
that you spend together as atribe, then it's going to be too
easy to just completely breakapart.
You need some kind of naturaloverlap, some reasons that
you're seeing each other andinteracting with each other.
Just through the normal parts ofyour life, because you've got
some things shared and things incommon.
(08:35):
You go to the same churchtogether.
Uh, you, you know, your kids goto the same school.
And so you're regularly atsports.
Events or, you know, schoolevents or whatever, but for
whatever reason, this guy iskind of in your life, at least a
little bit, you're going to seehim on a regular basis
regardless.
And so you have more in commonthan just your tribe and that's
(08:55):
a really good thing.
Okay.
So you want to have some sharedcommonality, it will help
increase the bond of your tribeif that's really the case.
But the second thing that youreally need to think about is
that you want to build a tribewith men that you enjoy.
Okay.
And this is Mike kind of seemedlike a, uh, yeah.
Duh moment, but at the sametime, it's too easy to just kind
(09:18):
of force this.
If you're looking for thesekinds of relationships to where
you just sort of say like, well,I really want this to happen.
And so, yeah, I kind of know himand we kind of do these things
together.
When I see him.
Uh he's he's okay to talk tolike, maybe I'll just give it a
shot.
I want to really kind of pushyou and encourage you there to
say it needs to be a guy thatyou actually enjoy spending time
(09:40):
around.
You're going to spend a lot oftime around each other as a part
of a tribe.
And you're going to share somethings of really significance
and depth that are going on inboth of your lives.
This needs to be a guy that youactually like talking to you
like being around.
He's a good conversationalist,there's an ease between the two
of you.
You enjoy each other'spersonalities.
(10:01):
You don't mostly get on eachother's nerves.
You know, just those kinds ofthings.
You need to enjoy this guybecause you're going to be
spending a lot of time aroundhim and talking about really
important things.
And if you don't already kind ofenjoy the easiness of your
friendship, it's just going tomake tribe more strained and
make it harder for.
For those kinds of relationshipsto really last and in order for
(10:24):
tribe to work in order for youto really become the
extraordinary man that you wantto be, these relationships need
to last, they need to be longterm relationships, where you
can have a significant impact onanother man's life, over a
significant amount of time, andthat he can do the same thing
for you.
(10:44):
Because when that happens, realtransformation.
Begins to take place.
Okay.
So look for guys where you'vegot some things in common and
look for guys that you actuallyenjoy being around.
Okay.
That's her.
Those are the bar's kind of low,right.
But it will take you some timeto find guys who really fit all
of that criteria.
And so, as you do, as you've gotkind of a handful of guys that
(11:07):
really fall into thosecategories, then you're ready to
say, okay, I want to take somethings to the next level.
I'm ready to form my own tribeand try to pull together some
guys to make this work.
But.
What does that look like?
What do you even do in a tribe?
How do you build a group of menthat does actually help each
other transform.
(11:27):
All right.
Here's where I said, I want tooffer to you some suggestions of
how I would do it, how I havedone it.
When I really recommend to youas a man, who's trying to build
those kinds of relationships inyour life.
The first thing that I would sayis that you want to invite those
men into a season ofexploration.
(11:47):
Okay.
You, you don't want to justinvite them into a major
commitment of being a part ofthis tribe.
It's going to be a lifelongthing.
These relationships are going tolast forever.
You know, like that's, that'sway too big of an ask for pretty
much any man to say yes to.
So what you want them to be ableto say yes to is?
Yeah.
I'll give this a shot.
I'm willing to consider this.
(12:09):
I like you enough that I'd bewilling to explore kind of what
this looks like with you.
Uh, you want a guy to feelcomfortable, being able to say
yes to something that's simpleand easily defined.
So you're inviting him intosomething that he can explore.
And here's what I mean by that.
You want to give it a definiteamount of time?
Okay.
(12:30):
And starting a tribe.
We like to make that time periodabout 12 weeks.
You're going to meetconsistently on the same day,
every week for about 12 weeks.
And you're usually going to meetfor an hour or two, you know,
something that really kind ofallows you to spend some quality
time together talking aboutthings that are significant, but
also just really enjoying andgetting to know one another.
(12:51):
So you need some dedicated timetogether and it needs to be
clear how much time that's goingto be.
Give your guys that you'reinviting a clear idea of what it
is that you're inviting theminto.
Okay.
So number one, give them adedicated amount of time.
Number two, give them a specificpurpose of what this thing is
(13:13):
about that you're inviting theminto.
Okay.
You want to tell them that it'sreally for the sake of, Hey, I'm
trying to build a group of menthat can help us be the best men
that we possibly can be.
We're going to talk about thingsof significance.
We're going to challenge eachother and we're going to have a
lot of fun.
So you want to just kind of givethem a broad overview of, we're
trying this out.
(13:33):
It's with guys that are likeyou, that you're going to enjoy
being around and we're going topush each other.
We're going to see howextraordinary we can become as
men.
When you give them a dedicatedamount of time and you give them
kind of a specific purpose, thenit makes them a little more
likely to be able to say yes tosomething like that.
But because it probably peakstheir interest as well.
(13:55):
If you've gotten to the pointwhere, you know, these guys well
enough that you're like, yeah,they're kind of like me and we
enjoy spending time around eachother.
They're probably going to beinterested in that because
you're interested in it.
But the final thing to let themknow is that there is an actual
opportunity for an off-ramp.
Okay.
So at the end of the 12 weeks orhowever long, you're kind of
setting it up to be, you can letthem know that they have an
(14:17):
opportunity at that point tojust opt out.
If they.
Enjoyed it, but maybe they don'twant to keep going.
They have a chance to be able tosay no, thanks.
And then that's an easy way fora guy to say yes, because he
knows that at some point he'llhave another opportunity to say
no, if he wants to.
And that's so crucial for men tobe able to consider committing
(14:39):
to something like this.
Any guy who might considercommitting to something like
this probably knows that theweight of what's involved in
saying yes is going to besignificant.
If he were to commit to it, heknows it's a pretty big
commitment long-term so he wantssome opportunity to be able to
back out.
And you want to be able to givethat to him.
Now, hopefully as you get guysinto it, they're going to have a
(15:01):
phenomenal experience in that 12weeks of kind of exploration
time.
And of course, they're going towant to say yes, of course,
they're going to want to keepgoing.
But some guys want, and theyneed to be able to have an
opportunity to say.
Ah, thanks.
But no, thanks.
And to just opt out at thatpoint.
Okay.
So a dedicated season of time, aspecific purpose.
(15:22):
And an opportunity for anoff-ramp.
If you can give them all ofthose things, most guys who are
already at that place offriendship with you would
probably say, sure, I'll give ita shot.
And that's what you're afteryou're after inviting guys in
and having them be able to giveyou a yes.
Okay.
So now once they have given youa yes, what are you actually
(15:44):
going to do?
What do you do in a tribe thatactually does produce the kind
of transformation that you'relooking for?
How do you lead a group of menthat will help each of you be
able to challenge each other inways that you will get better?
What does that even look like?
How do you do those kinds ofthings?
Well, We're going to fall backon the three big pillars of what
(16:06):
we talk about here at manhoodtribes, manhood, camaraderie,
and freedom.
You need ways to be able to doall three of those things within
the context of your tribe.
So when you're going throughthose initial 12 weeks or
however many weeks, it is ofexploration.
You want to be able to presentthose three things to your group
(16:29):
in a way that helps themunderstand this is what we're
going to be about.
And this is how we're going todo these things.
Okay, so you want to be able togive them a clear vision of
manhood.
Really?
That's the first thing you needto be talking about.
We're trying to becomeextraordinary men.
What does that mean?
How do we become the man that wereally want to be?
(16:50):
And what do we mean by being aman in the first place?
That's where you can go back andtalk through our five marks of
manhood.
What does it look like to beable to possess all of those
traits so that you candemonstrate manhood to the
world?
Where are you strong in some ofthose traits?
Where are you weak?
What can you do to be able toget better in some of those
(17:11):
places?
How can you help each other getbetter?
What ways can you challengeyourself?
What ways can you challenge theother men in the group?
How can you challenge each othertogether, which is going to
honestly be a lot more fun.
All of those are the kinds ofthings that you want to be able
to present about manhood.
You want to have a shared ideaand understanding of what it
(17:31):
means to be a man so that youcan help each other get better
in those ways and continue togrow in being the extraordinary
kind of man that you really wantto be.
Okay.
So you need a clear vision ofmanhood.
You also want to be able to givethem a pattern of what these
relationships are going to looklike.
(17:51):
What is it that we're going toactually do together if we're
forming a tribe and this isabout building some kind of
camaraderie.
What are we going to actuallydo?
How do we do that?
We're going to spend a whole lotmore time kind of on that
particular question in our nextepisode, but let me give you
just a little bit of a briefrundown right now.
(18:12):
Let me give you just a littlebit of a brief rundown right
now.
You want the guys to understandthat as being a part of a tribe,
there's going to be a balancebetween both serious and fun
aspects of your friendships.
You want to be able to do thingstogether that you're all going
to enjoy.
You want to let off some steam,you want to take some adventures
and do some challenges togetherthat are going to.
(18:34):
Both push you, but also besomething that you really enjoy
doing that you're going tocreate experiences that
everybody has a lot of fun doingtogether.
But you're also going to havetime together where you're going
to talk about things ofsignificance.
You're going to get to know eachother really well in terms of
the ways that, you know, andunderstand each other's stories.
(18:55):
How you've become the men thatyou are today.
And you're going to talk throughthose things and ways that will
help you figure out how couldyou be better in those places?
What are some ways that you needto improve?
What are the major obstacles inlife that are holding you back
from being the best man that youcan beat?
You're going to be able to talkabout those things.
And you're going to have someways of being able to address
(19:15):
them that will help you getbetter in those areas.
So a balance between serious andfun, and you're going to be,
you're going to do it by meetingregularly, probably once a week.
For the most part.
Maybe occasionally you'll takesome breaks here and there, but
you need to have regularpersonal contact with the guys
and your tribe.
So let them know that that'skind of what we're aiming for.
(19:38):
And this will be the patternthat we're pursuing.
Lastly, you need to give themsome ways of being able to be
transformed.
You need to help themunderstand?
What are the things that areactually going to get us to the
next level?
How are we going to become thekind of men that we actually
want to be?
(19:58):
What's going to help us get overthe humps and break through the
barriers that are going on inour lives right now.
Now in order to do that, we'regoing to cover some very
specific things in our nextepisode, that will help you
understand the method that alltribes use to help men be able
to pursue transformation.
(20:19):
It's going to be really cool.
And I think you're going toenjoy it.
I can't wait to be able to talkto you more about that, but for
now, let me just remind you,those are the three big things
that you want to try to coverduring your season of
exploration.
You want to cover manhood,camaraderie and freedom.
You want to help the guysunderstand what a vision for
manhood looks like?
(20:39):
You want to help them be able tograsp the idea that you're
building lasting friendships andhere's the components of what a
lasting friendship actuallycontains.
And you want to help themunderstand that you're pursuing
freedom.
We are trying to break free fromthe things that hold us back
from being the best versions ofourselves.
Now in tribe, we have somespecific ways of doing that, and
(21:01):
that's what we're going to coverin our next episode.
But for now I hope this has beenhelpful for you, as you think
about how to launch a tribe.
It really is an incredible groupof men to be a part of.
If you're interested insomething like that.
And if you're listening to thisepisode and you go, yeah, I want
to form my own tribe.
How do I do that?
Where do I get started?
(21:22):
Do you have some resources tohelp me with that?
I'm actually in the process offorming that now.
And I would love to get somefeedback from other men as I go
through that process to get yourideas on how I can make it the
best process possible for you.
So if you're interested in that,I would love for you to go to
manhood tribes.com/launch andput your name on the list there
(21:45):
to help me know that you'reinterested in not only launching
a tribe, but giving me somefeedback on how to be able to do
it the best that?
I can do it.
So.
That's manhood,tribes.com/launch.
And just add your name to thelist there.
I look forward to being incontact with you.
And I look forward to touchingbase with you guys again on the
next episode of manhood tribes,I'll see you.
(22:06):
then.
All right guys, question foryou.
What's the difference between abuddy and a close friend?
Lots of guys have buddies, butvery few guys, these days have
close friends.
And if you don't know thedifference between the two,
you're going to have a hard timeforming those lasting close
friendships.
So we need to talk about thattoday here on the manhood tribe
(00:22):
show.
Don Ross (00:42):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(01:04):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
Men welcome to the manhoodtribes show.
I'm Don Ross.
I'm your host.
And today on the show, we aregoing to continue in our series
(01:24):
about how to form close France.
Now, this might seem like kindof a silly topic to you.
And if you're just jumping infor the first time, you may be
thinking like, what is thisabout?
Why is this something that menneed to talk about?
Why is this important?
And I think, honestly, it's justbecause of the reality that
these days, most men don't haveclose friends.
(01:46):
Study after study will tell usthat close friendships are just
kind of a dying art among men inour culture, but you don't have
to look at studies to know that,right?
Any guy that you talk to, ifthey're honest, will probably
tell you that the last time thatthey had a close friendship with
another guy, meaning somebodythat they were seeing on a
regular basis and talking to ona regular basis and talking
(02:08):
about things of importance andsignificance in their lives with
it probably was high school orcollege since the last time that
they were doing.
That.
And without those closefriendships in our lives, we men
are really suffering.
And so we need to kind of talkabout how it is that we form
those kinds of friendships,because frankly.
We're just not very good at itanymore.
The culture doesn't really helpus do that.
(02:30):
There aren't natural places formen to form close friendships
anymore.
And so if they're going tohappen, we're going to have to
be intentional to make ithappen.
But it's not the easiest thingin the world to do, to form
close friendships, especiallywhen there's just not natural
places in our society where mentend to connect.
So that's what we're talkingabout in this series is just
(02:50):
what can we do to help men beable to form the kinds of
friendships that are going tohelp make us into the
extraordinary men that we wantto be?
How do we build what we callhere and manhood tribes.
A tribe of men around us, thekind of men who are actually
going to be transformational inour life.
That are going to help us be thevery best version of ourselves.
(03:13):
Now, we've already spent alittle bit of time in this
series, kind of talking aboutwhy we even need to do that.
And also just if you're startingfrom scratch and you're kind of
in a place of like, I don't evenknow that I have friends, where
would I begin inviting guys intoa tribe?
Okay.
Well, that's a good question.
If those are your questions, goback and listen to some of our
pre.
The previous episodes in thisseries and they'll help address
(03:34):
some of your questions.
But what we want to do today.
Is assume that you're at theplace where you've got some
friends in your life that youthink you would like to develop
into these kinds of closefriendships, but you're just
kind of not sure how to takethem to the next level.
You've got some guys that you'rearound on a regular basis.
Some guys who were more thanjust buddies, but you're not
(03:56):
really sure how to help thosefriendships kind of evolve into
this idea of a tribe or somekind of friendship that's going
to help bring you to that levelof extraordinary and your life.
How do you do that?
How do you be intentional withthat kind of friendship, to be
able to make sure that thosethings are happening in your
life and that that's regularlytaking place?
(04:17):
Okay.
That's a great question.
It's not going to happen on itsown.
Um, no male friendship honestly,is going to just gravitate
towards being transformational.
Most guy, friends just left toour own devices.
We aren't going to help eachother be the best versions of
ourselves.
We're going to tend to defaultto kind of like lowest, common
(04:37):
denominators, more often thannot.
And so because of that, we'vegot to really be strategic to
think about what are we lookingfor in those kinds of
friendships, what do we need todo?
How would we form them andcreate them in a way that
actually does push us andchallenge us and mold us and
transform us into anextraordinary version of
ourselves.
(04:58):
So that's what we want to do.
We want to talk about how youcan form a tribe.
How do you form atransformational group of men
around you?
All right.
So I want to give you kind ofjust a few big ideas on that
today.
And to also just sort of say, Iwant to offer some things to you
there to help you build a tribe,the way that I would build it,
(05:20):
but you don't have to do it theway that I would do it.
There's lots of different waysto have transformational guy
friendships around you.
But since most men don't knowhow to do that, and aren't doing
it on purpose, I want to offerkind of a specific path that I
use for building a tribe.
If you want to adapt.
Adapt it and use it in someother ways.
That's totally okay.
(05:40):
But we're going to look at kindof the way that I've done it.
A few times, both with men andmy own life and helping other
guys be able to do it as well.
Now, when you're thinking aboutthe men that you would like to
build a tribe with, there's afew things that you need to
really consider.
Okay.
Let's say you've got multipleguy friendships in your life.
(06:02):
Men that you know, well enough,you enjoy spending time around
with, you've talked about somethings of significance, you
know, a little bit about eachother's lives.
And let's say you've got, Idon't know, anywhere from five
to 12 of those kinds of guys inyour life.
Okay.
If you've got at least that,then you're probably ready to
start thinking about how do Ibuild a tribe with a few of them
(06:24):
that could really help takethings to the next level.
There's at least two things thatyou really need to consider.
Okay.
The first is that you want tobuild a tribe with some guys
that you have some things incommon with.
Now this is probably alreadytrue with the guys that you.
You know, H have gotten to thisplace in life with, but you
really want to make sure thatthere's some actual overlap in
(06:47):
your life.
Okay.
So there needs to be somethingin common, probably around your
demographics.
Maybe that's your age, maybethat's your stage of life.
Maybe that's the number of kidsyou have or the age that your
kids are, or maybe it's that youlive on the same street or, uh,
you know, some of those kinds ofthings that help you just have
some natural overlap with thosemen at your place in life.
(07:11):
But then even beyond that, youwant to probably have some just
kind of like commonalities inplace, things that you do that
you both enjoy doing.
We like going to the gym.
Uh, we are both really into foodand we like checking out food
places in town.
We, uh, both enjoy woodworkingor some other kind of craftsman
(07:32):
hobby and like working on ortinkering with things together.
Okay.
So.
Anything like that, those kindsof things will help you just
build some commonality.
And here's why that's important.
When you're building a tribe,there's going to be times within
the cycle of the tribe where.
Uh, things might get tough.
Relationships might getchallenging.
(07:53):
The things that you're dealingwith within the context of a
tribe might get heavy.
And when that happens, it can beeasy for guys to start to kind
of pull away from each other.
Even if it's just for the sakeof, gosh, things are heavy and I
could really just use a littlebit of a break right now.
That's okay.
That's kind of normal.
But if in taking that kind of abreak, there's not anything else
(08:15):
in your lives that you kind ofshare in common besides the time
that you spend together as atribe, then it's going to be too
easy to just completely breakapart.
You need some kind of naturaloverlap, some reasons that
you're seeing each other andinteracting with each other.
Just through the normal parts ofyour life, because you've got
some things shared and things incommon.
(08:35):
You go to the same churchtogether.
Uh, you, you know, your kids goto the same school.
And so you're regularly atsports.
Events or, you know, schoolevents or whatever, but for
whatever reason, this guy iskind of in your life, at least a
little bit, you're going to seehim on a regular basis
regardless.
And so you have more in commonthan just your tribe and that's
(08:55):
a really good thing.
Okay.
So you want to have some sharedcommonality, it will help
increase the bond of your tribeif that's really the case.
But the second thing that youreally need to think about is
that you want to build a tribewith men that you enjoy.
Okay.
And this is Mike kind of seemedlike a, uh, yeah.
Duh moment, but at the sametime, it's too easy to just kind
(09:18):
of force this.
If you're looking for thesekinds of relationships to where
you just sort of say like, well,I really want this to happen.
And so, yeah, I kind of know himand we kind of do these things
together.
When I see him.
Uh he's he's okay to talk tolike, maybe I'll just give it a
shot.
I want to really kind of pushyou and encourage you there to
say it needs to be a guy thatyou actually enjoy spending time
(09:40):
around.
You're going to spend a lot oftime around each other as a part
of a tribe.
And you're going to share somethings of really significance
and depth that are going on inboth of your lives.
This needs to be a guy that youactually like talking to you
like being around.
He's a good conversationalist,there's an ease between the two
of you.
You enjoy each other'spersonalities.
(10:01):
You don't mostly get on eachother's nerves.
You know, just those kinds ofthings.
You need to enjoy this guybecause you're going to be
spending a lot of time aroundhim and talking about really
important things.
And if you don't already kind ofenjoy the easiness of your
friendship, it's just going tomake tribe more strained and
make it harder for.
For those kinds of relationshipsto really last and in order for
(10:24):
tribe to work in order for youto really become the
extraordinary man that you wantto be, these relationships need
to last, they need to be longterm relationships, where you
can have a significant impact onanother man's life, over a
significant amount of time, andthat he can do the same thing
for you.
(10:44):
Because when that happens, realtransformation.
Begins to take place.
Okay.
So look for guys where you'vegot some things in common and
look for guys that you actuallyenjoy being around.
Okay.
That's her.
Those are the bar's kind of low,right.
But it will take you some timeto find guys who really fit all
of that criteria.
And so, as you do, as you've gotkind of a handful of guys that
(11:07):
really fall into thosecategories, then you're ready to
say, okay, I want to take somethings to the next level.
I'm ready to form my own tribeand try to pull together some
guys to make this work.
But.
What does that look like?
What do you even do in a tribe?
How do you build a group of menthat does actually help each
other transform.
(11:27):
All right.
Here's where I said, I want tooffer to you some suggestions of
how I would do it, how I havedone it.
When I really recommend to youas a man, who's trying to build
those kinds of relationships inyour life.
The first thing that I would sayis that you want to invite those
men into a season ofexploration.
(11:47):
Okay.
You, you don't want to justinvite them into a major
commitment of being a part ofthis tribe.
It's going to be a lifelongthing.
These relationships are going tolast forever.
You know, like that's, that'sway too big of an ask for pretty
much any man to say yes to.
So what you want them to be ableto say yes to is?
Yeah.
I'll give this a shot.
I'm willing to consider this.
(12:09):
I like you enough that I'd bewilling to explore kind of what
this looks like with you.
Uh, you want a guy to feelcomfortable, being able to say
yes to something that's simpleand easily defined.
So you're inviting him intosomething that he can explore.
And here's what I mean by that.
You want to give it a definiteamount of time?
Okay.
(12:30):
And starting a tribe.
We like to make that time periodabout 12 weeks.
You're going to meetconsistently on the same day,
every week for about 12 weeks.
And you're usually going to meetfor an hour or two, you know,
something that really kind ofallows you to spend some quality
time together talking aboutthings that are significant, but
also just really enjoying andgetting to know one another.
(12:51):
So you need some dedicated timetogether and it needs to be
clear how much time that's goingto be.
Give your guys that you'reinviting a clear idea of what it
is that you're inviting theminto.
Okay.
So number one, give them adedicated amount of time.
Number two, give them a specificpurpose of what this thing is
(13:13):
about that you're inviting theminto.
Okay.
You want to tell them that it'sreally for the sake of, Hey, I'm
trying to build a group of menthat can help us be the best men
that we possibly can be.
We're going to talk about thingsof significance.
We're going to challenge eachother and we're going to have a
lot of fun.
So you want to just kind of givethem a broad overview of, we're
trying this out.
(13:33):
It's with guys that are likeyou, that you're going to enjoy
being around and we're going topush each other.
We're going to see howextraordinary we can become as
men.
When you give them a dedicatedamount of time and you give them
kind of a specific purpose, thenit makes them a little more
likely to be able to say yes tosomething like that.
But because it probably peakstheir interest as well.
(13:55):
If you've gotten to the pointwhere, you know, these guys well
enough that you're like, yeah,they're kind of like me and we
enjoy spending time around eachother.
They're probably going to beinterested in that because
you're interested in it.
But the final thing to let themknow is that there is an actual
opportunity for an off-ramp.
Okay.
So at the end of the 12 weeks orhowever long, you're kind of
setting it up to be, you can letthem know that they have an
(14:17):
opportunity at that point tojust opt out.
If they.
Enjoyed it, but maybe they don'twant to keep going.
They have a chance to be able tosay no, thanks.
And then that's an easy way fora guy to say yes, because he
knows that at some point he'llhave another opportunity to say
no, if he wants to.
And that's so crucial for men tobe able to consider committing
(14:39):
to something like this.
Any guy who might considercommitting to something like
this probably knows that theweight of what's involved in
saying yes is going to besignificant.
If he were to commit to it, heknows it's a pretty big
commitment long-term so he wantssome opportunity to be able to
back out.
And you want to be able to givethat to him.
Now, hopefully as you get guysinto it, they're going to have a
(15:01):
phenomenal experience in that 12weeks of kind of exploration
time.
And of course, they're going towant to say yes, of course,
they're going to want to keepgoing.
But some guys want, and theyneed to be able to have an
opportunity to say.
Ah, thanks.
But no, thanks.
And to just opt out at thatpoint.
Okay.
So a dedicated season of time, aspecific purpose.
(15:22):
And an opportunity for anoff-ramp.
If you can give them all ofthose things, most guys who are
already at that place offriendship with you would
probably say, sure, I'll give ita shot.
And that's what you're afteryou're after inviting guys in
and having them be able to giveyou a yes.
Okay.
So now once they have given youa yes, what are you actually
(15:44):
going to do?
What do you do in a tribe thatactually does produce the kind
of transformation that you'relooking for?
How do you lead a group of menthat will help each of you be
able to challenge each other inways that you will get better?
What does that even look like?
How do you do those kinds ofthings?
Well, We're going to fall backon the three big pillars of what
(16:06):
we talk about here at manhoodtribes, manhood, camaraderie,
and freedom.
You need ways to be able to doall three of those things within
the context of your tribe.
So when you're going throughthose initial 12 weeks or
however many weeks, it is ofexploration.
You want to be able to presentthose three things to your group
(16:29):
in a way that helps themunderstand this is what we're
going to be about.
And this is how we're going todo these things.
Okay, so you want to be able togive them a clear vision of
manhood.
Really?
That's the first thing you needto be talking about.
We're trying to becomeextraordinary men.
What does that mean?
How do we become the man that wereally want to be?
(16:50):
And what do we mean by being aman in the first place?
That's where you can go back andtalk through our five marks of
manhood.
What does it look like to beable to possess all of those
traits so that you candemonstrate manhood to the
world?
Where are you strong in some ofthose traits?
Where are you weak?
What can you do to be able toget better in some of those
(17:11):
places?
How can you help each other getbetter?
What ways can you challengeyourself?
What ways can you challenge theother men in the group?
How can you challenge each othertogether, which is going to
honestly be a lot more fun.
All of those are the kinds ofthings that you want to be able
to present about manhood.
You want to have a shared ideaand understanding of what it
(17:31):
means to be a man so that youcan help each other get better
in those ways and continue togrow in being the extraordinary
kind of man that you really wantto be.
Okay.
So you need a clear vision ofmanhood.
You also want to be able to givethem a pattern of what these
relationships are going to looklike.
(17:51):
What is it that we're going toactually do together if we're
forming a tribe and this isabout building some kind of
camaraderie.
What are we going to actuallydo?
How do we do that?
We're going to spend a whole lotmore time kind of on that
particular question in our nextepisode, but let me give you
just a little bit of a briefrundown right now.
(18:12):
Let me give you just a littlebit of a brief rundown right
now.
You want the guys to understandthat as being a part of a tribe,
there's going to be a balancebetween both serious and fun
aspects of your friendships.
You want to be able to do thingstogether that you're all going
to enjoy.
You want to let off some steam,you want to take some adventures
and do some challenges togetherthat are going to.
(18:34):
Both push you, but also besomething that you really enjoy
doing that you're going tocreate experiences that
everybody has a lot of fun doingtogether.
But you're also going to havetime together where you're going
to talk about things ofsignificance.
You're going to get to know eachother really well in terms of
the ways that, you know, andunderstand each other's stories.
(18:55):
How you've become the men thatyou are today.
And you're going to talk throughthose things and ways that will
help you figure out how couldyou be better in those places?
What are some ways that you needto improve?
What are the major obstacles inlife that are holding you back
from being the best man that youcan beat?
You're going to be able to talkabout those things.
And you're going to have someways of being able to address
(19:15):
them that will help you getbetter in those areas.
So a balance between serious andfun, and you're going to be,
you're going to do it by meetingregularly, probably once a week.
For the most part.
Maybe occasionally you'll takesome breaks here and there, but
you need to have regularpersonal contact with the guys
and your tribe.
So let them know that that'skind of what we're aiming for.
(19:38):
And this will be the patternthat we're pursuing.
Lastly, you need to give themsome ways of being able to be
transformed.
You need to help themunderstand?
What are the things that areactually going to get us to the
next level?
How are we going to become thekind of men that we actually
want to be?
(19:58):
What's going to help us get overthe humps and break through the
barriers that are going on inour lives right now.
Now in order to do that, we'regoing to cover some very
specific things in our nextepisode, that will help you
understand the method that alltribes use to help men be able
to pursue transformation.
(20:19):
It's going to be really cool.
And I think you're going toenjoy it.
I can't wait to be able to talkto you more about that, but for
now, let me just remind you,those are the three big things
that you want to try to coverduring your season of
exploration.
You want to cover manhood,camaraderie and freedom.
You want to help the guysunderstand what a vision for
manhood looks like?
(20:39):
You want to help them be able tograsp the idea that you're
building lasting friendships andhere's the components of what a
lasting friendship actuallycontains.
And you want to help themunderstand that you're pursuing
freedom.
We are trying to break free fromthe things that hold us back
from being the best versions ofourselves.
Now in tribe, we have somespecific ways of doing that, and
(21:01):
that's what we're going to coverin our next episode.
But for now I hope this has beenhelpful for you, as you think
about how to launch a tribe.
It really is an incredible groupof men to be a part of.
If you're interested insomething like that.
And if you're listening to thisepisode and you go, yeah, I want
to form my own tribe.
How do I do that?
Where do I get started?
(21:22):
Do you have some resources tohelp me with that?
I'm actually in the process offorming that now.
And I would love to get somefeedback from other men as I go
through that process to get yourideas on how I can make it the
best process possible for you.
So if you're interested in that,I would love for you to go to
manhood tribes.com/launch andput your name on the list there
(21:45):
to help me know that you'reinterested in not only launching
a tribe, but giving me somefeedback on how to be able to do
it the best that?
I can do it.
So.
That's manhood,tribes.com/launch.
And just add your name to thelist there.
I look forward to being incontact with you.
And I look forward to touchingbase with you guys again on the
next episode of manhood tribes,I'll see you.
(22:06):
then.
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