October 22, 2024 • 23 mins
If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the countless resources on personal transformation, this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show is for you.
Host Don Ross delves into why most transformation efforts fall short and introduces the key missing ingredient: community. Discover how building a transformational tribe of men can lead to real and lasting change.
Learn about the 'Chisel and Challenge' method, a structured approach to fostering growth and accountability. Don't miss out on practical steps to becoming the best version of yourself through supportive, meaningful relationships.
Plus, take our free 'How Manly Are You?' quiz at manhoodtribes.com/manly to get started on your journey to extraordinary manhood.
00:00 Introduction to Personal Transformation
01:41 The Missing Ingredient in Transformation
04:45 Building a Transformational Community
07:09 The Chisel and Challenge Method
21:19 Implementing the Tribe Rhythm
22:16 Conclusion and Call to Action
💪 Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly. 💪
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
If you go on the internet orjust on YouTube these days, and
look for videos about personaltransformation and how to be
your best self.
You're going to find countlessarticles, videos,
advertisements, all kinds ofthings, trying to help you
become the best version of youpossible.
How to transform your physique,how to transform your diet, how
(00:23):
to transform your finances, howto transform your home, how to
transform even your pet.
All this stuff is justeverywhere.
And yet we kind of knowinstinctively that for the most
part, it doesn't really work.
Why is that?
What's the ingredient that'smissing to really help personal
transformation take place.
How do you actually become yourbest self.
(00:47):
Let's talk about that today onthe manhood tribe show.
Don Ross (01:09):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(01:30):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
All right, men, welcome to themanhood tribe show.
My name is Don Ross.
I'm your host, I'm the founderof manhood tribes.
And I'm really glad to be withyou here today.
(01:52):
We are going to talk aboutsomething that I just really,
really love talking about.
It is such a critical element ofwhat we do at manhood tribes,
and I think you are going tobenefit tremendously from it.
Now at the top of the episode, Imentioned that we are in an era
where personal transformationreally sells.
(02:13):
I mean, it is everywhere.
Anybody can try to create acareer or at least some kind of
a side hustle income out ofhelping other people become the
best version of themselves.
I mean, heck.
I'm doing it right now, but thepoint is in our culture,
everyone seems to be trying tofigure out how can I be better?
(02:34):
Life is hard.
And man, I could sure use somehacks to help me get through all
of the challenges that I'mfacing.
And maybe figuring those thingsout is something that somebody
else has done.
And so if I can just follow hismethod or if I can just do her
techniques or try this course ordo this video, or, you know,
(02:54):
whatever it is, then somehowsome way I'm going to be able to
overcome and get to the thingthat I really want to get to.
I'm going to be the kind ofperson that I really want to be.
And as somebody who isinterested in helping you be the
most extraordinary man that youpossibly can be.
I pay attention to these kind ofthings.
(03:16):
I know you're paying attentionto those kinds of things as
well, or you wouldn't bewatching the show.
But the point that all of uskind of intrinsically know at
this point in our culture isthat.
Most of that stuff is justgarbage.
I mean, right.
Most of it just doesn't work.
We've tried it.
We've maybe used it as a newyear's resolution at some point
in time, it lasts for maybe aweek or two, and then we're kind
(03:38):
of right back to square one.
It not only leaves us.
Disappointed that we triedsomething and it didn't work,
but it also really leads, leavesus kind of feeling skeptical.
That is any of that stuff goingto work.
Is there actually a way tochange?
Why is transformation so hardand why can I not get to.
(04:00):
And why can I not seem to get tothe place that I want to go and
become the man that I want tobe.
Why does it take so much effort?
What I want to say to you todayis that look no matter what.
Transformation is hard.
It takes a lot of work to beable to get from point a to
(04:21):
point B and who you are as aperson.
But more often than not, thereis a key ingredient and
transformation that mostprograms and courses and methods
and techniques just leave outentirely.
And that's, what's mostimportant to us here at manhood
(04:41):
tribes.
You can hear it in the name.
We think that in order for youto transform into a better
version of yourself, you have tohave a group of men around you.
You have to build atransformational community of
men who are helping you becomethat version of yourself.
(05:04):
Real and lasting change almostnever takes place without
community.
And so that's why we reallybelieve that in order for you to
become an extraordinary man, inorder for you to become the best
version of yourself, you'regoing to have to build a tribe.
Now.
We are in this series where weare talking about how to build.
(05:28):
Close friends as a man.
How do you build those kinds offriends around you that can
actually help you transform thatcan help you be the kind of man
that you want to be.
It takes hard work and we'vespent the past few episodes
talking through what work isactually involved in doing that.
Those kinds of friendships.
Aren't just going to fall inyour lap.
Usually you're going to have togo out and build them.
(05:51):
And because of that, most menare never going to do it.
It takes real work just to evenget the kinds of friends who
could be able to help youtransform let alone to pursue
transformation together.
Okay.
But you're different.
You I know are different becauseyou're watching or you're
listening to this episode andyou're saying, I want this.
And I think this really issomething that I could pursue.
(06:14):
Okay.
So I want to help you be able toget there.
If you are still in that placewhere you're saying, I want
those kinds of friends, but I'mjust not sure who they are.
I don't have them in my liferight now.
I want to encourage you to goback and to listen to the past
few episodes in this series tothink about how you could build
those types of friendships inyour life.
And when you are at that place,when you were ready to say,
(06:35):
yeah, I've got some men in mylife, I have pulled them into a
tight circle.
We are trying to launch and formthis kind of tribe community.
We want to pursue that.
Now's the time to start actuallytalking about how do you do
that?
How do you get together as agroup of men as a tribe?
And follow some kind of methodthat helps you actually
(06:58):
accomplish transformation.
What do you do in order to beable to change, to grow, to get
better, to become extraordinary.
At tribe, we have a method thatwe follow that's called chisel
and challenge.
It's the method that I recommendthat every tribe go through in
(07:18):
terms of how they meet togetheras a group of men and what they
do regularly to help themselvesbe able to pursue
transformation, chisel, andchallenge.
What that usually means is thatyour tribe is going to meet once
a week.
And as you do that, you're goingto follow a method where three
weeks out of the month, you'redoing what we call chiseling.
(07:41):
And then one week out of themonth, you're going to do
manhood challenges.
Now, if you've been followingthe manhood tribes show, you've
probably heard me talk a littlebit about manhood challenges
already, but if not, that's allright.
We're going to cover it a littlebit today as well, but not as
much as I've covered it in thepast.
So you may want to go back andwatch some of our episodes about
the marks of manhood and try tounderstand a little bit more
(08:02):
about what a manhood challengeis from those episodes.
Okay.
But this is our method.
This is our rhythm fortransformation.
Three weeks of chisel, one weekof challenge.
Now, what does that mean?
What are those things and howyou do them?
Chisel is an acronym.
Okay.
It stands for the things thatyou're going to do together as a
(08:25):
group of men.
And what it looks like is thatas a group, when you get
together for an hour or two,You're going to pick one guy in
the group that you're going tochisel, and you're really going
to focus your time.
During that particular meeting,just on that one guy.
This is different than what mostsmall groups.
(08:46):
And especially if you come fromany kind of a faith background.
It's especially different fromwhat church small groups tend to
do, which is they want everybodyto contribute.
They want group discussion whereeverybody's getting an equal
opportunity, or at least achance to have equal opportunity
to be a part of the discussionthat night.
And tribe, you're going to dosomething a little different.
(09:07):
You're just going to focus onone guy each time you're
together.
And that's what the chiselmethod is all about.
Okay.
So here's what it stands for.
The C H and chisel stands forchoose.
And that really means you'regoing to choose which guy you're
going to focus on for thatparticular tribe gathering.
Now you can do this a number ofways.
(09:27):
It can be, you know, a guy who'scoming in just saying he's got
some real particulardifficulties going on in his
life right now.
Maybe some crisis popped up eventoday or sometime that week.
And he really needs some helpbeing able to address it.
Maybe it's a guy who's kind ofhad some longstanding issues or
particular patterns of behaviorthat he just can't break free
(09:48):
from.
Maybe it's some kind ofaddiction that he's been dealing
with or just a vice in his lifethat he can't seem to get free
of and he's ready to be able totackle it and he wants to talk
about it.
And so you choose him.
Maybe it's a guy who's dealingwith relational challenges and
he's been hesitant to talk aboutit, but the group kind of nudges
him and says, Hey, I think it'sprobably time that we talk about
(10:10):
you and your wife, or, Hey, youkeep bringing up this challenge
that you're having with yourteenage kid.
Like maybe it's time that wetalk about it and that's how you
choose.
It could just be, Hey, this guyhasn't really been chiseled in a
while.
We've had several sessions sincewe've heard from him last, maybe
it's time for it to be his turn.
And that's totally okay.
There doesn't really have to bea particular reason for how you
(10:33):
choose, but you just want to bestrategic about it.
You just want to have a reasonthat you're choosing him for
that particular gathering andthat's really all that there is
to it.
Okay.
So chief C H stands for choose.
I stands for identify.
Identify means that you're goingto have that guy identify the
(10:55):
issue and his life that hethinks need chiseling.
You're going to have him kind oftalk about what's going on in
his world at the moment.
What's good.
What's not so good.
What's blowing up in his face.
What's stressful.
What's hopeful.
You're just going to have himkind of walk through the gamut.
Sometimes it might be reallyeasy for a man to be able to
identify what thing he thinksneeds chiseling.
(11:17):
And sometimes he'll kind of go,I'm not really sure guys, life
seems kind of okay right now, orI'm dealing with a number of
things, but they're all justkind of like small nagging
issues.
And I don't know that any ofthose things really needs
chiseling.
It might be that a guy needschiseling for something that's
kind of deeply rooted in hispast that he doesn't see that
it's really showing up in hispresent, but the guys in the
(11:38):
tribe can start to see thatthat's the case.
Maybe he's not relating well tothe other guys in the trap.
And it's time to kind of be ableto say, What's that about?
There can be any kind of thingthat the guy might identify.
But the point of this is thatyou want him to be the one to
try to identify it.
You want him to bring somethingto the table saying.
(11:59):
I think this is the thing thatneeds chiseling.
Now the S and chisel stands forshare.
And this is where you're goingto have the guy do what we in
tribe talk about as get naked.
And he's just going to shareeverything he can about that
particular issue or area of hislife.
He's going to unpack it and beas honest and as genuine and as
(12:21):
vulnerable as he possibly can.
Certainly as he feelscomfortable with at the moment,
but hopefully, maybe evenpushing past the boundaries of
comfort.
I like to talk about this ideaof sharing and of getting naked
in the context of thinking aboutlike surgery.
If you're going to have a doctorgo in for surgery, that doctor
really wants to have some goodimages of what's going on
(12:45):
underneath the surface before heactually gets in there.
So he's going to want x-rays,he's going to want MRIs.
He's gonna want some idea ofwhat's happening in that world
that I'm about to enter into sothat I can be most effective
when I get down there.
That's exactly what you want,the guy and your tribe, who
sharing to be able to do for therest of the trap.
(13:07):
You want him to give as clear ofa picture as he possibly can.
And that means.
Sharing everything, warts andall about what's going on and
that aspect of his life.
Sometimes that's going to bereally hard to do.
And so you want to reassure himthat what's said in the context
of tribe stays in the context oftribe.
(13:27):
You want him to be able to trustthe other guys so that he can be
vulnerable and honest aboutwhat's going on with him.
Now, once he's shared all thereis to share the tribe is really
just at this point, listening tohim, not asking a whole lot of
questions, maybe just forclarity.
Maybe just to kind of prompt himto share a little more, but
mostly you're just listening.
(13:47):
Until you get to the E E standsfor explore.
And this is really theopportunity for the tribe to be
able to enter into that man'slife and story.
And try to figure out more ofwhat's going on.
Now as a tribe, you're mostinterested in a few things.
You want to try to figure outwhat about that part in his life
(14:09):
relates to other parts in hislife?
How has he experienced thatthing before?
Maybe how has that thing relatedto, or been related to something
in his childhood or with hisfamily growing up?
You also want to really try toexplore what is God up to in the
midst of that place?
What does it seem like God mightbe doing in this place in a
(14:31):
man's life?
How is he at work here?
Most men, when we encounterreally difficult situations in
our lives.
Don't even stop to think aboutGod.
It's usually just, what's mysolution.
What's the quick fix.
What is going to get me out ofthis pain at the moment?
But usually God is using thatpain to try to be able to
accomplish something in thatman's life.
(14:52):
And that's what you want to tryto figure out.
Very often in the chiselingprocess, the issue that a man
identifies and shares about,isn't actually the place where
he meets transformation.
It's more like a symptom.
Of some kind of a root issuethat needs addressing.
And the exploration process.
(15:13):
Is where a tribe can really digdown deep into what's happening
there and find out how is God atwork?
What's he trying to accomplishin this man's life?
I'm going to leave that withkind of some vague terms at that
point to just say there's a lotthat can go into this explore
phase of the chisel process.
And if you're in a tribe andwant to learn more about that,
(15:34):
we've got some resources for youfor how to be able to do that.
That I'll talk about here at theend of the episode.
But just know the explorationprocess is one of the main
components of chiseling becauseit helps you.
I be able to realize as a tribe,what actually needs to change
and transform in that man'slife.
The last part of that process isthe most important step.
(15:56):
The L.
The L L stands for listen.
And it's where as a tribe, youtake time to listen to the voice
of God.
Now.
That may sound like a realinteresting twist to this
process.
Right?
Most men would probably thinkthat after all that exploration,
they're going to offer a littlebit of, well, here's what I
(16:18):
think you ought to do.
Here's what seems like the bestpath to take.
Here's some resources that Iknow about, or some things that
I've tried.
Maybe you should try thosethings too.
Men are really, really good atoffering advice and really,
really bad at having thatadvice.
Actually lead to transformation.
So we just in tribe, we justavoid advice-giving as much as
(16:44):
we possibly can.
We're not there to give advice.
We're there to help a man figureout how is God at work in his
life and where is God trying tobring transformation?
And then lastly, How is Godtrying to do that?
And that's what listening is allabout.
It's about inviting God to speakand saying, God, what do you
(17:06):
want this man to hear throughus?
What are you saying to him thatwill help him be able to take
some next steps and his journeyof transformation and change and
growth.
And you just listen.
You listen in prayer quietly,you try to discern what God is
saying.
And you're offered that up tothat man.
And see maybe what God issharing kind of resonates with
(17:28):
him.
Maybe God starts sharing somethings to different guys in the
tribe.
And as they all kind of line uptogether, that man begins to see
some threads that none of youwould have seen individually.
The listening part of thechiseling process is probably my
favorite part of tribe.
God shows up and does amazingand unique things and bringing
(17:49):
about transformation in a man'slife.
When we all stop long enough tolisten to what he has to say.
Okay.
So that is the chisel process.
Choose, identify, share,explore, and listen.
You're going to do that threeweeks out of the month and
you're going to change up whichguy you're doing it with each
(18:10):
time.
The point is you're going to beable to rotate through and
choose different men every timethat you do it.
And because of that, everybody'sgoing to have a turn, but you're
not going to have a turn for alittle while.
And so you're never going to runout of things to share about.
I promise.
I've got a tribe.
Now we've been meeting foralmost six years.
And we have certainly not runout of things to talk about.
(18:32):
Every time we gathered, there'ssomething new to chisel.
There's something new to diveinto, and God has unique and
fresh things to be able to shareto us.
It is a remarkable process.
But it can also be something ofa heavy process and that's where
you need that one week duringthe month where you're doing
something a little bitdifferent.
So three weeks are going to bechiseling and one week is going
(18:54):
to be challenged.
Now the challenge night is meantto be much more lighthearted,
much more fun, and gives you anopportunity to pursue growth in
a way that should be.
Big time different than whatyou're doing with chiseling, but
also still lead to change andgrowth as a man.
And that's what challenge is allabout.
You're going to set manhoodchallenges together and figure
(19:17):
out how you can help each otherbecome better as men.
And one of our five marks ofmanhood.
If you haven't heard me talkabout those before the five
marks of manhood.
Our strength, courage skill.
Honor and allegiance.
These are the traits that wethink all men should possess in
order to demonstrate what itmeans to be a man.
(19:39):
And a manhood challenge issimply some kind of a task
that's designed around.
One of those marks of manhood.
That's going to help you growand get better.
And that particular place ofyour life as a man.
And it should be fun.
It should be something that'sgoing to like.
That's going to push yourskillset as a man.
(19:59):
It's going to challenge you.
Obviously.
That's what the name is, butit's also going to be something
that you're going to enjoydoing.
It's going to give you anopportunity to try something
that you've never tried.
It's going to maybe push you outof your comfort zone, but you're
going to be glad that you, youdid it.
It's going to be something thatyou might even share with
another guy in the group.
Maybe you do a manhood challengetogether.
Uh, or maybe the whole groupdoes a manhood challenge
(20:20):
together.
But whatever it is, you're goingto spend just kind of some fun
time that one time a week thatyou gathered together to figure
out what your manhood challengesare.
And then to figure out how youcan hold each other accountable
to accomplishing those thingsover the next 30 days or 60
days, or maybe even 90 days atthe most, but you probably don't
(20:40):
want a manhood challenged to gomuch longer than that, because
then it's just getting to thelevel of being probably too
difficult and more than likelysomething that you're not going
to accomplish.
So.
I keep it to 90 days or less.
I actually think 30 days isbest.
And just go ahead and set whatyour challenge is and talk about
how those things are going to befun, how you can hold each other
(21:01):
accountable to getting themdone.
Maybe you pair up or pair off asa way of being able to say,
yeah, I'm going to hold that guyaccountable.
Or, yeah, I'm going to teachthat guy who had to do what he
doesn't know how to do, but I doknow how.
Whatever it is, figure out someways of helping each other,
accomplish your manhoodchallenges and be able to have
some fun doing them.
Okay.
So that is the tribe rhythm fortransformation.
(21:24):
Three weeks chisel one weekchallenge.
And I guarantee that as youfollow that rhythm, you are
going to watch yourself.
And the men around you change inamazing ways.
You're going to get better asmen.
But not only that you're goingto break free.
Break free from some of thereally hard things in your
(21:45):
lives.
Become the extraordinary menthat you really have always
wanted to be.
And you get to do it with guysthat you really love being
around.
They're going to watch you growand change, and you're going to
do the same for them.
And it is going to submit yourrelationships together in a way
that you won't believe couldeven be possible when you're
(22:06):
first getting started.
So I want you to think about howyou can give that a try with the
men in your life.
As you begin forming a tribe.
Now for those of you who arelistening to this and you're
thinking, gosh, That soundsamazing.
Well, it is.
I can say from experience, butyou might be thinking, how do I
do that?
Like, how do I go about makingthat happen?
(22:27):
What are some ways that I couldlike help my guys?
Understand what that looks likeand have, can I have somebody
like, give me some tips on it?
I want to put together someresources that will help you and
being able to form your owntribe and to pursue this kind of
method in the way that you workas a tribe.
But to do that, I need some helpfrom you guys.
I need some help knowing whatwould be the best ways to do
(22:48):
that, what would be some thingsthat would really be helpful for
you in putting these resourcestogether?
So, if that's you, if you'rethinking I would love to be part
of something like that.
And I would love to get somefeedback to help with how that
gets formed.
I would love for you to go tomanhood tribes.com/launch.
And help me by putting your nameon the list and I can get in
(23:09):
contact with you so that youwill know how to give me some
feedback on how to pull all thistogether.
Go to manhood tribes.com/launchand put your name on that list
so that I know you're interestedand I'll begin gathering
feedback from you.
I hope that this episode hasbeen really helpful for you.
but I hope it has also enticedyou to want to build this kind
(23:31):
of a tribe group ofrelationships around you.
I would love to show you the wayand I look forward to continue
talking about this on our nextepisode of manta traps.
I'll see you then.
If you go on the internet orjust on YouTube these days, and
look for videos about personaltransformation and how to be
your best self.
You're going to find countlessarticles, videos,
advertisements, all kinds ofthings, trying to help you
become the best version of youpossible.
How to transform your physique,how to transform your diet, how
(00:23):
to transform your finances, howto transform your home, how to
transform even your pet.
All this stuff is justeverywhere.
And yet we kind of knowinstinctively that for the most
part, it doesn't really work.
Why is that?
What's the ingredient that'smissing to really help personal
transformation take place.
How do you actually become yourbest self.
(00:47):
Let's talk about that today onthe manhood tribe show.
Don Ross (01:09):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(01:30):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
All right, men, welcome to themanhood tribe show.
My name is Don Ross.
I'm your host, I'm the founderof manhood tribes.
And I'm really glad to be withyou here today.
(01:52):
We are going to talk aboutsomething that I just really,
really love talking about.
It is such a critical element ofwhat we do at manhood tribes,
and I think you are going tobenefit tremendously from it.
Now at the top of the episode, Imentioned that we are in an era
where personal transformationreally sells.
(02:13):
I mean, it is everywhere.
Anybody can try to create acareer or at least some kind of
a side hustle income out ofhelping other people become the
best version of themselves.
I mean, heck.
I'm doing it right now, but thepoint is in our culture,
everyone seems to be trying tofigure out how can I be better?
(02:34):
Life is hard.
And man, I could sure use somehacks to help me get through all
of the challenges that I'mfacing.
And maybe figuring those thingsout is something that somebody
else has done.
And so if I can just follow hismethod or if I can just do her
techniques or try this course ordo this video, or, you know,
(02:54):
whatever it is, then somehowsome way I'm going to be able to
overcome and get to the thingthat I really want to get to.
I'm going to be the kind ofperson that I really want to be.
And as somebody who isinterested in helping you be the
most extraordinary man that youpossibly can be.
I pay attention to these kind ofthings.
(03:16):
I know you're paying attentionto those kinds of things as
well, or you wouldn't bewatching the show.
But the point that all of uskind of intrinsically know at
this point in our culture isthat.
Most of that stuff is justgarbage.
I mean, right.
Most of it just doesn't work.
We've tried it.
We've maybe used it as a newyear's resolution at some point
in time, it lasts for maybe aweek or two, and then we're kind
(03:38):
of right back to square one.
It not only leaves us.
Disappointed that we triedsomething and it didn't work,
but it also really leads, leavesus kind of feeling skeptical.
That is any of that stuff goingto work.
Is there actually a way tochange?
Why is transformation so hardand why can I not get to.
(04:00):
And why can I not seem to get tothe place that I want to go and
become the man that I want tobe.
Why does it take so much effort?
What I want to say to you todayis that look no matter what.
Transformation is hard.
It takes a lot of work to beable to get from point a to
(04:21):
point B and who you are as aperson.
But more often than not, thereis a key ingredient and
transformation that mostprograms and courses and methods
and techniques just leave outentirely.
And that's, what's mostimportant to us here at manhood
(04:41):
tribes.
You can hear it in the name.
We think that in order for youto transform into a better
version of yourself, you have tohave a group of men around you.
You have to build atransformational community of
men who are helping you becomethat version of yourself.
(05:04):
Real and lasting change almostnever takes place without
community.
And so that's why we reallybelieve that in order for you to
become an extraordinary man, inorder for you to become the best
version of yourself, you'regoing to have to build a tribe.
Now.
We are in this series where weare talking about how to build.
(05:28):
Close friends as a man.
How do you build those kinds offriends around you that can
actually help you transform thatcan help you be the kind of man
that you want to be.
It takes hard work and we'vespent the past few episodes
talking through what work isactually involved in doing that.
Those kinds of friendships.
Aren't just going to fall inyour lap.
Usually you're going to have togo out and build them.
(05:51):
And because of that, most menare never going to do it.
It takes real work just to evenget the kinds of friends who
could be able to help youtransform let alone to pursue
transformation together.
Okay.
But you're different.
You I know are different becauseyou're watching or you're
listening to this episode andyou're saying, I want this.
And I think this really issomething that I could pursue.
(06:14):
Okay.
So I want to help you be able toget there.
If you are still in that placewhere you're saying, I want
those kinds of friends, but I'mjust not sure who they are.
I don't have them in my liferight now.
I want to encourage you to goback and to listen to the past
few episodes in this series tothink about how you could build
those types of friendships inyour life.
And when you are at that place,when you were ready to say,
(06:35):
yeah, I've got some men in mylife, I have pulled them into a
tight circle.
We are trying to launch and formthis kind of tribe community.
We want to pursue that.
Now's the time to start actuallytalking about how do you do
that?
How do you get together as agroup of men as a tribe?
And follow some kind of methodthat helps you actually
(06:58):
accomplish transformation.
What do you do in order to beable to change, to grow, to get
better, to become extraordinary.
At tribe, we have a method thatwe follow that's called chisel
and challenge.
It's the method that I recommendthat every tribe go through in
(07:18):
terms of how they meet togetheras a group of men and what they
do regularly to help themselvesbe able to pursue
transformation, chisel, andchallenge.
What that usually means is thatyour tribe is going to meet once
a week.
And as you do that, you're goingto follow a method where three
weeks out of the month, you'redoing what we call chiseling.
(07:41):
And then one week out of themonth, you're going to do
manhood challenges.
Now, if you've been followingthe manhood tribes show, you've
probably heard me talk a littlebit about manhood challenges
already, but if not, that's allright.
We're going to cover it a littlebit today as well, but not as
much as I've covered it in thepast.
So you may want to go back andwatch some of our episodes about
the marks of manhood and try tounderstand a little bit more
(08:02):
about what a manhood challengeis from those episodes.
Okay.
But this is our method.
This is our rhythm fortransformation.
Three weeks of chisel, one weekof challenge.
Now, what does that mean?
What are those things and howyou do them?
Chisel is an acronym.
Okay.
It stands for the things thatyou're going to do together as a
(08:25):
group of men.
And what it looks like is thatas a group, when you get
together for an hour or two,You're going to pick one guy in
the group that you're going tochisel, and you're really going
to focus your time.
During that particular meeting,just on that one guy.
This is different than what mostsmall groups.
(08:46):
And especially if you come fromany kind of a faith background.
It's especially different fromwhat church small groups tend to
do, which is they want everybodyto contribute.
They want group discussion whereeverybody's getting an equal
opportunity, or at least achance to have equal opportunity
to be a part of the discussionthat night.
And tribe, you're going to dosomething a little different.
(09:07):
You're just going to focus onone guy each time you're
together.
And that's what the chiselmethod is all about.
Okay.
So here's what it stands for.
The C H and chisel stands forchoose.
And that really means you'regoing to choose which guy you're
going to focus on for thatparticular tribe gathering.
Now you can do this a number ofways.
(09:27):
It can be, you know, a guy who'scoming in just saying he's got
some real particulardifficulties going on in his
life right now.
Maybe some crisis popped up eventoday or sometime that week.
And he really needs some helpbeing able to address it.
Maybe it's a guy who's kind ofhad some longstanding issues or
particular patterns of behaviorthat he just can't break free
(09:48):
from.
Maybe it's some kind ofaddiction that he's been dealing
with or just a vice in his lifethat he can't seem to get free
of and he's ready to be able totackle it and he wants to talk
about it.
And so you choose him.
Maybe it's a guy who's dealingwith relational challenges and
he's been hesitant to talk aboutit, but the group kind of nudges
him and says, Hey, I think it'sprobably time that we talk about
(10:10):
you and your wife, or, Hey, youkeep bringing up this challenge
that you're having with yourteenage kid.
Like maybe it's time that wetalk about it and that's how you
choose.
It could just be, Hey, this guyhasn't really been chiseled in a
while.
We've had several sessions sincewe've heard from him last, maybe
it's time for it to be his turn.
And that's totally okay.
There doesn't really have to bea particular reason for how you
(10:33):
choose, but you just want to bestrategic about it.
You just want to have a reasonthat you're choosing him for
that particular gathering andthat's really all that there is
to it.
Okay.
So chief C H stands for choose.
I stands for identify.
Identify means that you're goingto have that guy identify the
(10:55):
issue and his life that hethinks need chiseling.
You're going to have him kind oftalk about what's going on in
his world at the moment.
What's good.
What's not so good.
What's blowing up in his face.
What's stressful.
What's hopeful.
You're just going to have himkind of walk through the gamut.
Sometimes it might be reallyeasy for a man to be able to
identify what thing he thinksneeds chiseling.
(11:17):
And sometimes he'll kind of go,I'm not really sure guys, life
seems kind of okay right now, orI'm dealing with a number of
things, but they're all justkind of like small nagging
issues.
And I don't know that any ofthose things really needs
chiseling.
It might be that a guy needschiseling for something that's
kind of deeply rooted in hispast that he doesn't see that
it's really showing up in hispresent, but the guys in the
(11:38):
tribe can start to see thatthat's the case.
Maybe he's not relating well tothe other guys in the trap.
And it's time to kind of be ableto say, What's that about?
There can be any kind of thingthat the guy might identify.
But the point of this is thatyou want him to be the one to
try to identify it.
You want him to bring somethingto the table saying.
(11:59):
I think this is the thing thatneeds chiseling.
Now the S and chisel stands forshare.
And this is where you're goingto have the guy do what we in
tribe talk about as get naked.
And he's just going to shareeverything he can about that
particular issue or area of hislife.
He's going to unpack it and beas honest and as genuine and as
(12:21):
vulnerable as he possibly can.
Certainly as he feelscomfortable with at the moment,
but hopefully, maybe evenpushing past the boundaries of
comfort.
I like to talk about this ideaof sharing and of getting naked
in the context of thinking aboutlike surgery.
If you're going to have a doctorgo in for surgery, that doctor
really wants to have some goodimages of what's going on
(12:45):
underneath the surface before heactually gets in there.
So he's going to want x-rays,he's going to want MRIs.
He's gonna want some idea ofwhat's happening in that world
that I'm about to enter into sothat I can be most effective
when I get down there.
That's exactly what you want,the guy and your tribe, who
sharing to be able to do for therest of the trap.
(13:07):
You want him to give as clear ofa picture as he possibly can.
And that means.
Sharing everything, warts andall about what's going on and
that aspect of his life.
Sometimes that's going to bereally hard to do.
And so you want to reassure himthat what's said in the context
of tribe stays in the context oftribe.
(13:27):
You want him to be able to trustthe other guys so that he can be
vulnerable and honest aboutwhat's going on with him.
Now, once he's shared all thereis to share the tribe is really
just at this point, listening tohim, not asking a whole lot of
questions, maybe just forclarity.
Maybe just to kind of prompt himto share a little more, but
mostly you're just listening.
(13:47):
Until you get to the E E standsfor explore.
And this is really theopportunity for the tribe to be
able to enter into that man'slife and story.
And try to figure out more ofwhat's going on.
Now as a tribe, you're mostinterested in a few things.
You want to try to figure outwhat about that part in his life
(14:09):
relates to other parts in hislife?
How has he experienced thatthing before?
Maybe how has that thing relatedto, or been related to something
in his childhood or with hisfamily growing up?
You also want to really try toexplore what is God up to in the
midst of that place?
What does it seem like God mightbe doing in this place in a
(14:31):
man's life?
How is he at work here?
Most men, when we encounterreally difficult situations in
our lives.
Don't even stop to think aboutGod.
It's usually just, what's mysolution.
What's the quick fix.
What is going to get me out ofthis pain at the moment?
But usually God is using thatpain to try to be able to
accomplish something in thatman's life.
(14:52):
And that's what you want to tryto figure out.
Very often in the chiselingprocess, the issue that a man
identifies and shares about,isn't actually the place where
he meets transformation.
It's more like a symptom.
Of some kind of a root issuethat needs addressing.
And the exploration process.
(15:13):
Is where a tribe can really digdown deep into what's happening
there and find out how is God atwork?
What's he trying to accomplishin this man's life?
I'm going to leave that withkind of some vague terms at that
point to just say there's a lotthat can go into this explore
phase of the chisel process.
And if you're in a tribe andwant to learn more about that,
(15:34):
we've got some resources for youfor how to be able to do that.
That I'll talk about here at theend of the episode.
But just know the explorationprocess is one of the main
components of chiseling becauseit helps you.
I be able to realize as a tribe,what actually needs to change
and transform in that man'slife.
The last part of that process isthe most important step.
(15:56):
The L.
The L L stands for listen.
And it's where as a tribe, youtake time to listen to the voice
of God.
Now.
That may sound like a realinteresting twist to this
process.
Right?
Most men would probably thinkthat after all that exploration,
they're going to offer a littlebit of, well, here's what I
(16:18):
think you ought to do.
Here's what seems like the bestpath to take.
Here's some resources that Iknow about, or some things that
I've tried.
Maybe you should try thosethings too.
Men are really, really good atoffering advice and really,
really bad at having thatadvice.
Actually lead to transformation.
So we just in tribe, we justavoid advice-giving as much as
(16:44):
we possibly can.
We're not there to give advice.
We're there to help a man figureout how is God at work in his
life and where is God trying tobring transformation?
And then lastly, How is Godtrying to do that?
And that's what listening is allabout.
It's about inviting God to speakand saying, God, what do you
(17:06):
want this man to hear throughus?
What are you saying to him thatwill help him be able to take
some next steps and his journeyof transformation and change and
growth.
And you just listen.
You listen in prayer quietly,you try to discern what God is
saying.
And you're offered that up tothat man.
And see maybe what God issharing kind of resonates with
(17:28):
him.
Maybe God starts sharing somethings to different guys in the
tribe.
And as they all kind of line uptogether, that man begins to see
some threads that none of youwould have seen individually.
The listening part of thechiseling process is probably my
favorite part of tribe.
God shows up and does amazingand unique things and bringing
(17:49):
about transformation in a man'slife.
When we all stop long enough tolisten to what he has to say.
Okay.
So that is the chisel process.
Choose, identify, share,explore, and listen.
You're going to do that threeweeks out of the month and
you're going to change up whichguy you're doing it with each
(18:10):
time.
The point is you're going to beable to rotate through and
choose different men every timethat you do it.
And because of that, everybody'sgoing to have a turn, but you're
not going to have a turn for alittle while.
And so you're never going to runout of things to share about.
I promise.
I've got a tribe.
Now we've been meeting foralmost six years.
And we have certainly not runout of things to talk about.
(18:32):
Every time we gathered, there'ssomething new to chisel.
There's something new to diveinto, and God has unique and
fresh things to be able to shareto us.
It is a remarkable process.
But it can also be something ofa heavy process and that's where
you need that one week duringthe month where you're doing
something a little bitdifferent.
So three weeks are going to bechiseling and one week is going
(18:54):
to be challenged.
Now the challenge night is meantto be much more lighthearted,
much more fun, and gives you anopportunity to pursue growth in
a way that should be.
Big time different than whatyou're doing with chiseling, but
also still lead to change andgrowth as a man.
And that's what challenge is allabout.
You're going to set manhoodchallenges together and figure
(19:17):
out how you can help each otherbecome better as men.
And one of our five marks ofmanhood.
If you haven't heard me talkabout those before the five
marks of manhood.
Our strength, courage skill.
Honor and allegiance.
These are the traits that wethink all men should possess in
order to demonstrate what itmeans to be a man.
(19:39):
And a manhood challenge issimply some kind of a task
that's designed around.
One of those marks of manhood.
That's going to help you growand get better.
And that particular place ofyour life as a man.
And it should be fun.
It should be something that'sgoing to like.
That's going to push yourskillset as a man.
(19:59):
It's going to challenge you.
Obviously.
That's what the name is, butit's also going to be something
that you're going to enjoydoing.
It's going to give you anopportunity to try something
that you've never tried.
It's going to maybe push you outof your comfort zone, but you're
going to be glad that you, youdid it.
It's going to be something thatyou might even share with
another guy in the group.
Maybe you do a manhood challengetogether.
Uh, or maybe the whole groupdoes a manhood challenge
(20:20):
together.
But whatever it is, you're goingto spend just kind of some fun
time that one time a week thatyou gathered together to figure
out what your manhood challengesare.
And then to figure out how youcan hold each other accountable
to accomplishing those thingsover the next 30 days or 60
days, or maybe even 90 days atthe most, but you probably don't
(20:40):
want a manhood challenged to gomuch longer than that, because
then it's just getting to thelevel of being probably too
difficult and more than likelysomething that you're not going
to accomplish.
So.
I keep it to 90 days or less.
I actually think 30 days isbest.
And just go ahead and set whatyour challenge is and talk about
how those things are going to befun, how you can hold each other
(21:01):
accountable to getting themdone.
Maybe you pair up or pair off asa way of being able to say,
yeah, I'm going to hold that guyaccountable.
Or, yeah, I'm going to teachthat guy who had to do what he
doesn't know how to do, but I doknow how.
Whatever it is, figure out someways of helping each other,
accomplish your manhoodchallenges and be able to have
some fun doing them.
Okay.
So that is the tribe rhythm fortransformation.
(21:24):
Three weeks chisel one weekchallenge.
And I guarantee that as youfollow that rhythm, you are
going to watch yourself.
And the men around you change inamazing ways.
You're going to get better asmen.
But not only that you're goingto break free.
Break free from some of thereally hard things in your
(21:45):
lives.
Become the extraordinary menthat you really have always
wanted to be.
And you get to do it with guysthat you really love being
around.
They're going to watch you growand change, and you're going to
do the same for them.
And it is going to submit yourrelationships together in a way
that you won't believe couldeven be possible when you're
(22:06):
first getting started.
So I want you to think about howyou can give that a try with the
men in your life.
As you begin forming a tribe.
Now for those of you who arelistening to this and you're
thinking, gosh, That soundsamazing.
Well, it is.
I can say from experience, butyou might be thinking, how do I
do that?
Like, how do I go about makingthat happen?
(22:27):
What are some ways that I couldlike help my guys?
Understand what that looks likeand have, can I have somebody
like, give me some tips on it?
I want to put together someresources that will help you and
being able to form your owntribe and to pursue this kind of
method in the way that you workas a tribe.
But to do that, I need some helpfrom you guys.
I need some help knowing whatwould be the best ways to do
(22:48):
that, what would be some thingsthat would really be helpful for
you in putting these resourcestogether?
So, if that's you, if you'rethinking I would love to be part
of something like that.
And I would love to get somefeedback to help with how that
gets formed.
I would love for you to go tomanhood tribes.com/launch.
And help me by putting your nameon the list and I can get in
(23:09):
contact with you so that youwill know how to give me some
feedback on how to pull all thistogether.
Go to manhood tribes.com/launchand put your name on that list
so that I know you're interestedand I'll begin gathering
feedback from you.
I hope that this episode hasbeen really helpful for you.
but I hope it has also enticedyou to want to build this kind
(23:31):
of a tribe group ofrelationships around you.
I would love to show you the wayand I look forward to continue
talking about this on our nextepisode of manta traps.
I'll see you then.
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