October 29, 2024 • 24 mins
In this episode of the Manhood Tribes Show, host Don Ross discusses the essential element needed to transform a group of men from friends into a brotherhood. We delve into the significance of adventures and how they can foster deep connections, create lasting memories, and build camaraderie.
We also share practical tips on planning successful adventures, incorporating challenges, and celebrating achievements.
Additionally, learn about our resources, including the 'How Manly Are You?' quiz and ways to launch your own tribe.
00:00 Introduction: Building Brotherhood
00:36 How Manly Are You? Take the Quiz!
01:10 Welcome to the Manhood Tribe Show
01:22 The Importance of Close Friendships
03:20 Chisel and Challenge: Tribe Rhythms
03:42 The Key Ingredient: Adventure
04:10 Planning the Perfect Adventure
04:56 Three Essential Elements of Adventure
11:11 Scheduling and Commitment
19:05 Incorporating Honor and Celebration
22:57 Conclusion: Launch Your Own Tribe
💪 Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly. 💪
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
How do you take a group of menwho are close friends and turn
them into something like abrotherhood?
There's probably a few ways togo about it, but there's really
one key ingredient that youdefinitely can't do it without.
We need to talk about that todayhere on the manhood tribe show.
Let's jump in.
Don Ross (00:37):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(00:59):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
Hey guys, welcome to the manhoodtribe show.
My name is Don Ross.
I'm your host.
And today I'm really glad to becontinuing this series with you
(01:19):
on how to build close friends.
So as men and our culture today,it has become really difficult
for us to figure out what do wedo to be able to build
friendships.
Men for the most part, don'thave a lot of friends.
Sure.
We might have like a drinkingbuddy, or we might have some
work colleagues that weoccasionally see, you know,
after business hours.
(01:40):
But for the most part, we don'thave close friends who were
really sharing life with andgetting to know on significant
levels.
But we really need those kindsof friends here at manhood
tribes.
We believe that every man shouldbe part of a tribe.
A group of men who can reallychallenge you and help transform
(02:00):
you into being the best versionof yourself.
But those kinds of friends,aren't just going to drop into
your lap.
You're going to have to put somework into building those kinds
of friendships.
And so we've spent the past fewepisodes trying to talk through,
what does it look like and whatdoes it take to be able to build
those kinds of friendships?
(02:21):
How do you do that?
If you're a guy who's maybe justeven starting from scratch and
kind of feels like.
I don't have any friends in mylife, or maybe you've got some
friends, but you would like tofigure out how do you take those
friends from just kind of beinglike casual acquaintances or
guys you see every once in awhile to really being close
friends, that you can build atribe with.
(02:41):
And if you're building a tribe,what do you need to do in order
to really take those closefriends to the place where you
can really be considered abrotherhood?
Where you feel like I can'timagine doing my life without
these guys as a part of it.
These men are a part ofeverything that I am.
They know me, they know mystory.
(03:03):
They are fighting for me.
They want me to be the bestversion of myself that I
possibly can be.
And they're committed to thatand I'm committed to that for
them as well.
That is a rare form offriendship.
And that's really what we'reafter here at manhood tribes.
Now in the last episode, wetalked some about, if you build
(03:23):
your own tribe, you're going towant to kind of follow this
rhythm of chisel and challenge.
And then those would be thenormal things that you do as
part of a tribe to really helpeach other get better at being
men and to grow in the placeswhere you're looking to overcome
some obstacles.
But that's not all there is tobeing a tribe.
And in particular, if you'relooking for your tribe to really
(03:45):
kind of grow into that elementof brotherhood, there's one key
ingredient that you're going toneed to add to the mix.
It's actually something thatwe've already talked about here
on the manhood tribe show andthat's adventure.
We did a whole episode aboutventure a while back.
So if you miss that, go backinto the archives and check that
out.
Just watch that through and getsome ideas of what we mean.
(04:07):
When we talk about adventurehere at manhood tribes.
But the point of this episode isnot just to rehash all of that,
but to really say, how should atribe do adventure together?
What does it look like if youhave a group of men who are
doing some kind of adventuretogether and how do you make
that work?
Well, how does that really buildinto the friendships that you're
(04:30):
trying to strengthen and how doyou come out better on the other
side?
Plus, I want to just give yousome tips from kind of like
learned experience of leadingtribes on adventures and trying
to figure out, like, what doesit take to be able to make those
things happen so that theyreally do what you need them to
do?
Okay.
So let's talk about a few thingsas it relates to doing adventure
(04:50):
together and really what kind ofadventures you want to have as a
tribe.
I think there's at least threethings that you want to consider
when you're thinking about whatshould you do if you want to put
together an adventure, whatkinds of adventures do you want
to go on?
So three things.
The first thing is that firstand foremost, it really has to
(05:11):
be fun.
Okay.
When we're thinking about it,vendor, this is the top of the
list.
It should be something that youare going to enjoy doing and
that your tribe is going toenjoy doing together.
So when you think about itventure, like there's lots of
different things that you coulddo and not every tribe is going
to enjoy doing the same things.
(05:31):
When we think about like manlytypes of adventures, we usually
think of things like outdoors orthat involve sports, or, you
know, that involves some likesignificant, like conquering
some kind of major challenge inshort.
Those things are great.
I love doing those kinds ofthings.
But it doesn't have to be thatit can be something just that
your tribe would enjoy doing.
And maybe that's having a boardgame night or going to a museum,
(05:56):
or who knows.
There could be all kinds ofthings that could fall into the
category of adventure that don'tnecessarily kind of fit the
stereotype of the.
Over the top, you know, grandguys trip that everybody longs
to take that's okay.
It can be any of those kinds ofthings.
But it needs to be fun.
It needs to be the kind of funthat your tribe is going to look
(06:17):
back on with fond memories andshared laughter and just being
able to have a sense of like,yeah, we did that together and
that was awesome.
That's what you're going for.
You're going for sharedexperience.
You're going for things that aregoing to build memories and
laughter more than anything.
Because when guys look back onthose kinds of experiences,
(06:38):
those are the things that helptake it to the place of
brotherhood.
That's where guys really beginto feel like these are the men
that I do life with.
I'm invested in them.
We have shared experience and wekeep building on that shared
experience over time.
And that's what makes us close.
That's what really.
Really cements our relationshipsas a tribe.
(06:59):
So that's what you're lookingfor.
You're looking for any of thosekinds of experiences.
The second thing that you wantto think about when you're
trying to figure out what kindof adventure you might want to
have is that it probably needsto be something new, something
that most of you haven'texperienced before.
This is a great way just to geteverybody out of their comfort
(07:22):
zone a little bit.
And for the most part onto alevel playing field, now, maybe
one or two guys in your tribe,might've had some experience
with this thing before, or havebeen there and done that, and
they can kind of serve the roleof helping to like coach or
guide the rest of the tribe andhow to do those things or how to
experience them.
But for the most part, it's somuch more enjoyable if you're
(07:42):
all kind of learning and goingthrough it together for the
first time, or at least asbeginners or adventurers who are
kind of figuring things out asyou go.
That is the way to really createsome fun memories, to create
some opportunities for learningbecause you're helping each
other out as you go.
It's not just about competition.
(08:02):
Although competition can be funas part of an adventure.
But it really is aboutexploration and about doing it
together as a tribe, as a team,building comradery, experiencing
things together for the firsttime.
There's nothing like that kindof shared experience of, I did
this for the first time andthese were the guys that were
with me when I did it.
(08:23):
Those make for incrediblelasting memories and really
amazing experiences that yourtribe can build off of.
Now the third thing that youmight want to take into
consideration is that it's evenbetter.
If you can add in some kind ofan element of challenge, or
maybe even that has just alittle bit of danger to it.
(08:45):
So something that's going topush your limits just a little
bit.
Get you out of your comfortzone, but also kind of test you
in some ways that you might nothave been tested before.
Something that will kind ofcause you to say, I got to work
on developing a new skill.
You might even find that it's askill you'd really like to keep
working on once the adventure isdone and you realize, gosh, this
(09:07):
is something that I could reallylove.
You're only going to find thatout by trying it out together as
a tribe.
And when you do it withsomething that has a little
challenge to it, it causes allof you to kind of push yourself.
You're kind of trying to step upyour game a little bit as a man,
right.
And then the competition elementmaybe does come in some, as you
try to outdo each other a littlebit.
(09:28):
Uh, there's, there's nothingwrong with that.
In fact, that can really makefor great bonding opportunities
together as a tribe.
And if there's some dangerinvolved, then you know, there's
an element of like, okay, gosh,I really got to work at this.
We're really kind of going allin on making this happen on
doing the best that we can onwatching each other's back, like
(09:48):
helping each other out.
All of those things gets youeven more fully invested as a
tribe and doing this togetherwith the guys that you love and
want to be with.
So.
Those are the kinds of thingsthat really make for great
adventures.
Maybe you want to go, not juston a camping trip, but you want
to include some kind of like amountain climbing as a part of
(10:09):
what you're doing on a campingtrip.
Or, you know, maybe you want togo sailing, but you also want to
go like, uh, swimming with thedolphins or something like that.
That's going to have a littlebit more risk, a little more
challenge involved in doingthat.
There's all kinds of things thatyou can do to add to your
adventure as a way ofincorporating some things that
are going to push you as a man.
(10:31):
None of us really love to justkind of have our limits
constantly stretched.
But as men, we always need to bechallenging ourselves.
It's how we continue to grow andget better as men.
It's how we become theextraordinary men that we were
meant to be.
So no matter your age,incorporate a little bit of
challenge into what you'redoing.
And watch how it will help yourtribe grow into that sense of
(10:53):
brotherhood.
Now.
All of these things areincredible.
There's so much fun.
But they're not always theeasiest things to be able to
pull off.
Sometimes when it comes toadventure, incorporating
adventure into your tribe canactually be the biggest
challenge.
So I want to give you some tipson how to be able to do
(11:14):
adventure well as a tribe sothat it meets the needs of your
tribe.
And that you actually get theguys in your tribe on some
adventures together, that youactually are able to do the
thing, because what's the pointof having these adventures.
If only half of your tribe canshow up to them, right?
You want every guy there thatpossibly can be there.
And for the most part, you wantevery guy there every time, but
(11:37):
in order to make that happen,there's some things that you
need to think through.
In terms of a rhythm for howoften a tribe ought to do an
adventure.
I probably recommend that youought to look at like two to
three times a year.
Okay.
And that's just because it'shard to pull these things into
your calendar.
It's hard to be able to carveout time.
Uh, whether that's an evening oran overnight or whatever it is,
(12:01):
those things are just hard toadd to a schedule, especially if
you've got guys in your tribewho are married and have kids,
and they've got other competingschedules with them that they're
having to juggle and figure outwhere am I going to put this in?
Where am I going to find thetime for this?
So two to three times a year isabout the most that a tribe can
handle, but that's also reallyjust enough to help the guys in
(12:22):
your tribe.
Be looking forward to the nextadventure, to be able to say,
oh, I can't wait when we'regoing to get to go to this
football game together.
Or I can't wait when we're goingto be able to, uh, go check out
this new whiskey bar in our areaor, you know, whatever it is.
There's all kinds of things thatyou can do.
But that's the point is you'regiving guys something to look
(12:42):
forward to.
And to anticipate as a part ofyour normal tribe rhythms, the
chisel and challenge rhythm thatyou go through every month can
at times be a little bitexhausting.
Sometimes you're dealing withsome really heavy things and an
adventure helps break up thatrhythm.
It gives you something else tokind of get you out of the
normal habits and to really justkind of like let loose and have
(13:05):
some fun.
Those are the things that guysin your tribe are really going
to look forward to.
And so if you can build theminto your calendar ahead of
time, it helps guys not only tohave something to anticipate,
but also something to staycommitted to.
It will give them some reason tobe able to go.
I want to be around because thisthing is coming up and I want to
be a part of it.
If, if the chisel and challengeroutine ever starts to feel
(13:28):
tedious, it probably is becauseyou're lacking a little bit of
adventure in your tribe.
You need some more fun, and thisis the best way to build it in.
Okay, but to get two to threeadventures into your tribe
calendar every year, there'ssome things that you need to
consider.
One, you need to schedule it outin advance.
I would recommend at least threeand probably up to six months in
(13:51):
advance to get something on thecalendar.
This is just the reality of ourlives.
These days, all of us are busy.
All of our calendars are packed.
And so trying to put somethingelse onto the calendar can just
be super, super difficult.
If you've got it planned outwell in advance, then it at
least gives guys the opportunityto say.
Uh, I can't schedule anythingelse that weekend or that
(14:13):
evening or that, whatever,because I've got this tribe
thing that's already plannedout.
If you wait until the lastminute to schedule it, I
guarantee every guy in yourtribe is going to have other
priorities that are going tohave to come before the tribes
adventure activity.
And that's just life, you know,as much as we might wish that
guys could prioritize the tribeabove everything that just isn't
(14:33):
real guys have families, guyshave work.
Obligations guys have vacationsthat they've already planned.
And tribe is always going tocome as a lower priority than
those things.
If those things are already onthe calendar, but if you can get
your tribe thing.
On the calendar way in advance,then guys can be able to
schedule a round it.
And that's really what you'relooking for is for guys to be
(14:54):
able to know what they havecoming so that they can schedule
around it and keep that timefree for some tribe, adventure.
When you're thinking about thosetwo to three adventures as well,
you probably want to think thatat least one of them needs to be
some kind of an overnightexperience.
You want to do something atleast once a year, that really
(15:15):
causes guys to get out of theirrhythm and routine of day to day
life.
It brings them out of home, lifeof work, life of just normal
obligations, hobbies, interestin whatever else.
It allows them to disconnect andjust kind of be fully engaged
and focused on the tribe.
Even if it's just for a littlewhile.
(15:35):
And an overnight trip of somekind is maybe the best way to be
able to do that.
That might be really hard forthe guys in your tribe to be
able to coordinate.
So once a year might be the bestthat you can do with that.
And if that's it, that's okay.
Just make it a habit to try tosay we do need some time
together as a tribe to dosomething, whether it's an
overnight camping trip or anovernight beach trip, or just an
(15:57):
overnight Airbnb in some townthat you all would love to go
to, like do something that getsyou away and allows you to
really just connect with eachother for an extended amount of
time, that will help youradventures.
Be even more significant and ittakes the pressure off of your
other adventures to not have tobe quite the same scale.
And so if you've got guys inyour tribe who are concerned
(16:19):
about costs or concerned abouttime away from their families,
most of your adventures don'thave to be a huge impact to
those things.
But if you've got one a year,that's a little bit bigger, it
allows that to create some morefun and create some more
memories without having to betoo taxing on the guys in your
group.
Let me give you an example ofhow our tribe handled an
(16:39):
adventure.
One time that really created.
Fantastic experience for all ofus.
We had kind of decided that oneof the things that we would like
to try out that most of us neverhad before was archery.
We just, you know, it's kind oflike every boy's fantasy, right?
You want to be Robin hood or youwant to be a character from Lord
of the rings and to be able topull out that bow and fire it
(17:00):
away at a target and just nailit.
Right.
There's something.
So like just cool and awesomeabout that kind of a mainly
experience.
And so we decided if, if wecould find a place that would
help us out, we wanted to gotake some archery.
Lessons.
And we did, we found a, we foundan archery range in our area and
a guy who was a coach and ateacher who agreed to kind of
take us on as a group lesson.
(17:21):
And so we went and spent aboutan hour and a half, just
learning proper techniqueshooting at some targets, trying
to get better.
And, you know, as the eveningwent on and we'd kind of learned
some of the basics, he startedcreating some games for us and
some competitions with eachother.
And, oh man, it was so much fun.
We took great pictures.
We had little contests, welaughed.
(17:41):
A lot, we made fun of each otherwhen we would beat each other.
It was great.
And it was just a really funskill that felt so manly and
cool to be doing.
But when the archery practicewas over, we weren't done with
our adventure.
We actually had found a guy intown who let us use his guest
house.
And we went there and grilledout some delicious steaks for
(18:01):
the evening and had fun justspending the rest of the night,
playing cards and cutting looseand having a good time as guys.
We made fantastic memories fromthat we still, that was years
ago.
And we still look back on thatadventure with such fondness and
such laughter over how much funwe had, what a good opportunity
that was and how glad we allwere that we got to be a part of
(18:24):
it.
That's what you're looking forin terms of an adventure that
really builds brotherhood intoyour tribe.
Those are the things that yourtribe will most remember.
And those are the things thatthey will most enjoy.
Those are the things that theywill share about with other guys
to tell them about how awesomeyour tribe is.
So adventure is really, reallyvital.
(18:46):
But I want to tell you about onemore aspect of how a tribe
really needs to do adventure.
Well, to especially just kind oftake it up to the next level.
To make it something that is notjust fun, but also meaningful
really becomes something aboutbuilding that comradery among
your tribe.
And that's it.
I think you need to incorporatean element of honor and
(19:09):
celebration into the way thatyou do try.
Guys who are a part of a tribework really hard at bettering
themselves.
They're constantly trying tofigure out how can I grow in
these areas?
What can I do to challengemyself?
How can I help my brother beable to get better at the things
he's working at?
There's all kinds of challengesin all kinds of work that goes
into it.
(19:29):
And because of that, it needs tobe celebrated.
Guys need to feel seen andcelebrated for the ways that
they are growing and achievingthings they have set out to
achieve.
So when you go on youradventure, I would recommend
that you carve out some time ineach adventure to do a little
bit of celebrating for the waysthat you have seen your guys
(19:51):
grow over the past season.
Maybe since the last adventurethat you went on.
So two things in particular thatyou might do.
One is, I would recommend thatyou do some kind of a
celebration for all of themanhood challenges that guys
have completed since your lastadventure.
So.
If a guy has spent some time ona manhood challenge, the easiest
(20:13):
way to just kind of honor him ismaybe to give him a little
token.
You know, something that's kindof reminiscent of like, if you
grew up in Scouts and you got abadge, whenever you completed
them, a merit or a task, Thenyou've got that badge and you
got to sew it on your uniform.
And man, it felt like youcouldn't wait to get more badges
to put on there.
Pulling into that kind offeeling, even for adult men is
(20:35):
really fun.
So if there's a way that you canjust give him a simple token,
maybe it's a little wood chipthat you create yourself, or
even just something that youprint off on a piece of card
stock that.
You know, represents thechallenge that he completed,
whatever it is.
It's less about the token andmore about the fact that you're
intentionally honoring the guysin your group for the challenges
(20:57):
that they have completed.
This helps the guy feel special.
It helps him to not only to feellike he did something
meaningful, but actually even toremember what he did.
You would be surprised as guysgo along and keep doing manhood
challenges, how often theyforget what they actually have
already accomplished.
So honoring them for that helpsthem as individuals and the
(21:18):
tribe as a whole, to rememberthe things that they have
completed and to celebrate them.
But the other thing that I thinkyou can also do is to just take
some time to celebrate thechiseling work that guys have
done over the past few monthssince your last adventure.
Just take some time to reflecton what all challenges have we
(21:39):
faced, what all obstacles in ourlives have we overcome?
What are the things that Jesushas met us in, as we have tried
to fight for one another, whatare those things let's reflect
on those, let's celebrate eachother and let's celebrate Jesus
for the work that he has done inour lives.
Those kinds of moments ofremembering create really
(22:00):
lasting experiences.
And again, it's just good torecall what all have.
Have we done because it's easyto forget when you're just going
one week to the next, it's easyto leave some things behind.
So this is why we also recommendas a tribe that you get a
notebook of some kind to keeprecord of the manhood challenges
that you've done, the chiselingwork that has been done so that
(22:21):
you can look back on thosethings and reflect on them and
celebrate them and honor theguys in your tribe for
accomplishing them.
Now, if you can incorporate allof that, if you can incorporate
fun, if you can incorporatechallenge, if you can
incorporate new, if you canincorporate celebration, you are
going to build some epicadventures for your tribe.
(22:43):
And that's really what you'reafter.
It's those epic adventures thatwill help take your tribe to the
next level and really form yourgroup of men into a brotherhood
that is going to last for alifetime.
Now, if you're listening to thisepisode with me and you're
thinking, man, I want that.
I want a tribe like that.
I want to go on some adventureswith guys around me.
(23:06):
I want to build something likethat.
I want to let you know that I'min the process of creating a
resource that can help you tolaunch your own tribe.
But I would love to get somehelp and some feedback from some
of you guys who would love to beable to say, here are some ideas
that I have, or here's how Ithink you might could do that.
part better, or I've listened tosome of your episodes.
(23:26):
And I was a little confused onthis.
If you're building a resource,could you maybe clarify this
aspect of it?
I would love to get that kind offeedback from some of you guys.
So if you're interested inhelping with that, Would you go
to manhood tribes.com/launch andput your name on the list.
As a guy who's willing to sayI'd love to get some feedback
and help launch my own tribe sothat I know that it's going to
(23:49):
be the best resource possiblewhen it comes out.
So go to manhoodtribes.com/launch and put your
name on the list.
I look forward to interactingwith you about that.
And I look forward to talking toyou guys next time here on the
manhood tribe show.
We'll see you then.
How do you take a group of menwho are close friends and turn
them into something like abrotherhood?
There's probably a few ways togo about it, but there's really
one key ingredient that youdefinitely can't do it without.
We need to talk about that todayhere on the manhood tribe show.
Let's jump in.
Don Ross (00:37):
Guys want to know how you measure up as a man?
I've got a great resource foryou.
It's called how manly are you?
And it's a free quiz that youcan take to figure out how you
stack up against what it meansto be a man.
And when you take the quiz,you'll also get some free
resources to help you figure outhow you can get better as a man
in the areas where you wouldlike to grow.
(00:59):
So go to manhoodtribes.com/manlyto download your free.
How manly are you quiz today?
That's manhoodtribes.com/manly.
Hey guys, welcome to the manhoodtribe show.
My name is Don Ross.
I'm your host.
And today I'm really glad to becontinuing this series with you
(01:19):
on how to build close friends.
So as men and our culture today,it has become really difficult
for us to figure out what do wedo to be able to build
friendships.
Men for the most part, don'thave a lot of friends.
Sure.
We might have like a drinkingbuddy, or we might have some
work colleagues that weoccasionally see, you know,
after business hours.
(01:40):
But for the most part, we don'thave close friends who were
really sharing life with andgetting to know on significant
levels.
But we really need those kindsof friends here at manhood
tribes.
We believe that every man shouldbe part of a tribe.
A group of men who can reallychallenge you and help transform
(02:00):
you into being the best versionof yourself.
But those kinds of friends,aren't just going to drop into
your lap.
You're going to have to put somework into building those kinds
of friendships.
And so we've spent the past fewepisodes trying to talk through,
what does it look like and whatdoes it take to be able to build
those kinds of friendships?
(02:21):
How do you do that?
If you're a guy who's maybe justeven starting from scratch and
kind of feels like.
I don't have any friends in mylife, or maybe you've got some
friends, but you would like tofigure out how do you take those
friends from just kind of beinglike casual acquaintances or
guys you see every once in awhile to really being close
friends, that you can build atribe with.
(02:41):
And if you're building a tribe,what do you need to do in order
to really take those closefriends to the place where you
can really be considered abrotherhood?
Where you feel like I can'timagine doing my life without
these guys as a part of it.
These men are a part ofeverything that I am.
They know me, they know mystory.
(03:03):
They are fighting for me.
They want me to be the bestversion of myself that I
possibly can be.
And they're committed to thatand I'm committed to that for
them as well.
That is a rare form offriendship.
And that's really what we'reafter here at manhood tribes.
Now in the last episode, wetalked some about, if you build
(03:23):
your own tribe, you're going towant to kind of follow this
rhythm of chisel and challenge.
And then those would be thenormal things that you do as
part of a tribe to really helpeach other get better at being
men and to grow in the placeswhere you're looking to overcome
some obstacles.
But that's not all there is tobeing a tribe.
And in particular, if you'relooking for your tribe to really
(03:45):
kind of grow into that elementof brotherhood, there's one key
ingredient that you're going toneed to add to the mix.
It's actually something thatwe've already talked about here
on the manhood tribe show andthat's adventure.
We did a whole episode aboutventure a while back.
So if you miss that, go backinto the archives and check that
out.
Just watch that through and getsome ideas of what we mean.
(04:07):
When we talk about adventurehere at manhood tribes.
But the point of this episode isnot just to rehash all of that,
but to really say, how should atribe do adventure together?
What does it look like if youhave a group of men who are
doing some kind of adventuretogether and how do you make
that work?
Well, how does that really buildinto the friendships that you're
(04:30):
trying to strengthen and how doyou come out better on the other
side?
Plus, I want to just give yousome tips from kind of like
learned experience of leadingtribes on adventures and trying
to figure out, like, what doesit take to be able to make those
things happen so that theyreally do what you need them to
do?
Okay.
So let's talk about a few thingsas it relates to doing adventure
(04:50):
together and really what kind ofadventures you want to have as a
tribe.
I think there's at least threethings that you want to consider
when you're thinking about whatshould you do if you want to put
together an adventure, whatkinds of adventures do you want
to go on?
So three things.
The first thing is that firstand foremost, it really has to
(05:11):
be fun.
Okay.
When we're thinking about it,vendor, this is the top of the
list.
It should be something that youare going to enjoy doing and
that your tribe is going toenjoy doing together.
So when you think about itventure, like there's lots of
different things that you coulddo and not every tribe is going
to enjoy doing the same things.
(05:31):
When we think about like manlytypes of adventures, we usually
think of things like outdoors orthat involve sports, or, you
know, that involves some likesignificant, like conquering
some kind of major challenge inshort.
Those things are great.
I love doing those kinds ofthings.
But it doesn't have to be thatit can be something just that
your tribe would enjoy doing.
And maybe that's having a boardgame night or going to a museum,
(05:56):
or who knows.
There could be all kinds ofthings that could fall into the
category of adventure that don'tnecessarily kind of fit the
stereotype of the.
Over the top, you know, grandguys trip that everybody longs
to take that's okay.
It can be any of those kinds ofthings.
But it needs to be fun.
It needs to be the kind of funthat your tribe is going to look
(06:17):
back on with fond memories andshared laughter and just being
able to have a sense of like,yeah, we did that together and
that was awesome.
That's what you're going for.
You're going for sharedexperience.
You're going for things that aregoing to build memories and
laughter more than anything.
Because when guys look back onthose kinds of experiences,
(06:38):
those are the things that helptake it to the place of
brotherhood.
That's where guys really beginto feel like these are the men
that I do life with.
I'm invested in them.
We have shared experience and wekeep building on that shared
experience over time.
And that's what makes us close.
That's what really.
Really cements our relationshipsas a tribe.
(06:59):
So that's what you're lookingfor.
You're looking for any of thosekinds of experiences.
The second thing that you wantto think about when you're
trying to figure out what kindof adventure you might want to
have is that it probably needsto be something new, something
that most of you haven'texperienced before.
This is a great way just to geteverybody out of their comfort
(07:22):
zone a little bit.
And for the most part onto alevel playing field, now, maybe
one or two guys in your tribe,might've had some experience
with this thing before, or havebeen there and done that, and
they can kind of serve the roleof helping to like coach or
guide the rest of the tribe andhow to do those things or how to
experience them.
But for the most part, it's somuch more enjoyable if you're
(07:42):
all kind of learning and goingthrough it together for the
first time, or at least asbeginners or adventurers who are
kind of figuring things out asyou go.
That is the way to really createsome fun memories, to create
some opportunities for learningbecause you're helping each
other out as you go.
It's not just about competition.
(08:02):
Although competition can be funas part of an adventure.
But it really is aboutexploration and about doing it
together as a tribe, as a team,building comradery, experiencing
things together for the firsttime.
There's nothing like that kindof shared experience of, I did
this for the first time andthese were the guys that were
with me when I did it.
(08:23):
Those make for incrediblelasting memories and really
amazing experiences that yourtribe can build off of.
Now the third thing that youmight want to take into
consideration is that it's evenbetter.
If you can add in some kind ofan element of challenge, or
maybe even that has just alittle bit of danger to it.
(08:45):
So something that's going topush your limits just a little
bit.
Get you out of your comfortzone, but also kind of test you
in some ways that you might nothave been tested before.
Something that will kind ofcause you to say, I got to work
on developing a new skill.
You might even find that it's askill you'd really like to keep
working on once the adventure isdone and you realize, gosh, this
(09:07):
is something that I could reallylove.
You're only going to find thatout by trying it out together as
a tribe.
And when you do it withsomething that has a little
challenge to it, it causes allof you to kind of push yourself.
You're kind of trying to step upyour game a little bit as a man,
right.
And then the competition elementmaybe does come in some, as you
try to outdo each other a littlebit.
(09:28):
Uh, there's, there's nothingwrong with that.
In fact, that can really makefor great bonding opportunities
together as a tribe.
And if there's some dangerinvolved, then you know, there's
an element of like, okay, gosh,I really got to work at this.
We're really kind of going allin on making this happen on
doing the best that we can onwatching each other's back, like
(09:48):
helping each other out.
All of those things gets youeven more fully invested as a
tribe and doing this togetherwith the guys that you love and
want to be with.
So.
Those are the kinds of thingsthat really make for great
adventures.
Maybe you want to go, not juston a camping trip, but you want
to include some kind of like amountain climbing as a part of
(10:09):
what you're doing on a campingtrip.
Or, you know, maybe you want togo sailing, but you also want to
go like, uh, swimming with thedolphins or something like that.
That's going to have a littlebit more risk, a little more
challenge involved in doingthat.
There's all kinds of things thatyou can do to add to your
adventure as a way ofincorporating some things that
are going to push you as a man.
(10:31):
None of us really love to justkind of have our limits
constantly stretched.
But as men, we always need to bechallenging ourselves.
It's how we continue to grow andget better as men.
It's how we become theextraordinary men that we were
meant to be.
So no matter your age,incorporate a little bit of
challenge into what you'redoing.
And watch how it will help yourtribe grow into that sense of
(10:53):
brotherhood.
Now.
All of these things areincredible.
There's so much fun.
But they're not always theeasiest things to be able to
pull off.
Sometimes when it comes toadventure, incorporating
adventure into your tribe canactually be the biggest
challenge.
So I want to give you some tipson how to be able to do
(11:14):
adventure well as a tribe sothat it meets the needs of your
tribe.
And that you actually get theguys in your tribe on some
adventures together, that youactually are able to do the
thing, because what's the pointof having these adventures.
If only half of your tribe canshow up to them, right?
You want every guy there thatpossibly can be there.
And for the most part, you wantevery guy there every time, but
(11:37):
in order to make that happen,there's some things that you
need to think through.
In terms of a rhythm for howoften a tribe ought to do an
adventure.
I probably recommend that youought to look at like two to
three times a year.
Okay.
And that's just because it'shard to pull these things into
your calendar.
It's hard to be able to carveout time.
Uh, whether that's an evening oran overnight or whatever it is,
(12:01):
those things are just hard toadd to a schedule, especially if
you've got guys in your tribewho are married and have kids,
and they've got other competingschedules with them that they're
having to juggle and figure outwhere am I going to put this in?
Where am I going to find thetime for this?
So two to three times a year isabout the most that a tribe can
handle, but that's also reallyjust enough to help the guys in
(12:22):
your tribe.
Be looking forward to the nextadventure, to be able to say,
oh, I can't wait when we'regoing to get to go to this
football game together.
Or I can't wait when we're goingto be able to, uh, go check out
this new whiskey bar in our areaor, you know, whatever it is.
There's all kinds of things thatyou can do.
But that's the point is you'regiving guys something to look
(12:42):
forward to.
And to anticipate as a part ofyour normal tribe rhythms, the
chisel and challenge rhythm thatyou go through every month can
at times be a little bitexhausting.
Sometimes you're dealing withsome really heavy things and an
adventure helps break up thatrhythm.
It gives you something else tokind of get you out of the
normal habits and to really justkind of like let loose and have
(13:05):
some fun.
Those are the things that guysin your tribe are really going
to look forward to.
And so if you can build theminto your calendar ahead of
time, it helps guys not only tohave something to anticipate,
but also something to staycommitted to.
It will give them some reason tobe able to go.
I want to be around because thisthing is coming up and I want to
be a part of it.
If, if the chisel and challengeroutine ever starts to feel
(13:28):
tedious, it probably is becauseyou're lacking a little bit of
adventure in your tribe.
You need some more fun, and thisis the best way to build it in.
Okay, but to get two to threeadventures into your tribe
calendar every year, there'ssome things that you need to
consider.
One, you need to schedule it outin advance.
I would recommend at least threeand probably up to six months in
(13:51):
advance to get something on thecalendar.
This is just the reality of ourlives.
These days, all of us are busy.
All of our calendars are packed.
And so trying to put somethingelse onto the calendar can just
be super, super difficult.
If you've got it planned outwell in advance, then it at
least gives guys the opportunityto say.
Uh, I can't schedule anythingelse that weekend or that
(14:13):
evening or that, whatever,because I've got this tribe
thing that's already plannedout.
If you wait until the lastminute to schedule it, I
guarantee every guy in yourtribe is going to have other
priorities that are going tohave to come before the tribes
adventure activity.
And that's just life, you know,as much as we might wish that
guys could prioritize the tribeabove everything that just isn't
(14:33):
real guys have families, guyshave work.
Obligations guys have vacationsthat they've already planned.
And tribe is always going tocome as a lower priority than
those things.
If those things are already onthe calendar, but if you can get
your tribe thing.
On the calendar way in advance,then guys can be able to
schedule a round it.
And that's really what you'relooking for is for guys to be
(14:54):
able to know what they havecoming so that they can schedule
around it and keep that timefree for some tribe, adventure.
When you're thinking about thosetwo to three adventures as well,
you probably want to think thatat least one of them needs to be
some kind of an overnightexperience.
You want to do something atleast once a year, that really
(15:15):
causes guys to get out of theirrhythm and routine of day to day
life.
It brings them out of home, lifeof work, life of just normal
obligations, hobbies, interestin whatever else.
It allows them to disconnect andjust kind of be fully engaged
and focused on the tribe.
Even if it's just for a littlewhile.
(15:35):
And an overnight trip of somekind is maybe the best way to be
able to do that.
That might be really hard forthe guys in your tribe to be
able to coordinate.
So once a year might be the bestthat you can do with that.
And if that's it, that's okay.
Just make it a habit to try tosay we do need some time
together as a tribe to dosomething, whether it's an
overnight camping trip or anovernight beach trip, or just an
(15:57):
overnight Airbnb in some townthat you all would love to go
to, like do something that getsyou away and allows you to
really just connect with eachother for an extended amount of
time, that will help youradventures.
Be even more significant and ittakes the pressure off of your
other adventures to not have tobe quite the same scale.
And so if you've got guys inyour tribe who are concerned
(16:19):
about costs or concerned abouttime away from their families,
most of your adventures don'thave to be a huge impact to
those things.
But if you've got one a year,that's a little bit bigger, it
allows that to create some morefun and create some more
memories without having to betoo taxing on the guys in your
group.
Let me give you an example ofhow our tribe handled an
(16:39):
adventure.
One time that really created.
Fantastic experience for all ofus.
We had kind of decided that oneof the things that we would like
to try out that most of us neverhad before was archery.
We just, you know, it's kind oflike every boy's fantasy, right?
You want to be Robin hood or youwant to be a character from Lord
of the rings and to be able topull out that bow and fire it
(17:00):
away at a target and just nailit.
Right.
There's something.
So like just cool and awesomeabout that kind of a mainly
experience.
And so we decided if, if wecould find a place that would
help us out, we wanted to gotake some archery.
Lessons.
And we did, we found a, we foundan archery range in our area and
a guy who was a coach and ateacher who agreed to kind of
take us on as a group lesson.
(17:21):
And so we went and spent aboutan hour and a half, just
learning proper techniqueshooting at some targets, trying
to get better.
And, you know, as the eveningwent on and we'd kind of learned
some of the basics, he startedcreating some games for us and
some competitions with eachother.
And, oh man, it was so much fun.
We took great pictures.
We had little contests, welaughed.
(17:41):
A lot, we made fun of each otherwhen we would beat each other.
It was great.
And it was just a really funskill that felt so manly and
cool to be doing.
But when the archery practicewas over, we weren't done with
our adventure.
We actually had found a guy intown who let us use his guest
house.
And we went there and grilledout some delicious steaks for
(18:01):
the evening and had fun justspending the rest of the night,
playing cards and cutting looseand having a good time as guys.
We made fantastic memories fromthat we still, that was years
ago.
And we still look back on thatadventure with such fondness and
such laughter over how much funwe had, what a good opportunity
that was and how glad we allwere that we got to be a part of
(18:24):
it.
That's what you're looking forin terms of an adventure that
really builds brotherhood intoyour tribe.
Those are the things that yourtribe will most remember.
And those are the things thatthey will most enjoy.
Those are the things that theywill share about with other guys
to tell them about how awesomeyour tribe is.
So adventure is really, reallyvital.
(18:46):
But I want to tell you about onemore aspect of how a tribe
really needs to do adventure.
Well, to especially just kind oftake it up to the next level.
To make it something that is notjust fun, but also meaningful
really becomes something aboutbuilding that comradery among
your tribe.
And that's it.
I think you need to incorporatean element of honor and
(19:09):
celebration into the way thatyou do try.
Guys who are a part of a tribework really hard at bettering
themselves.
They're constantly trying tofigure out how can I grow in
these areas?
What can I do to challengemyself?
How can I help my brother beable to get better at the things
he's working at?
There's all kinds of challengesin all kinds of work that goes
into it.
(19:29):
And because of that, it needs tobe celebrated.
Guys need to feel seen andcelebrated for the ways that
they are growing and achievingthings they have set out to
achieve.
So when you go on youradventure, I would recommend
that you carve out some time ineach adventure to do a little
bit of celebrating for the waysthat you have seen your guys
(19:51):
grow over the past season.
Maybe since the last adventurethat you went on.
So two things in particular thatyou might do.
One is, I would recommend thatyou do some kind of a
celebration for all of themanhood challenges that guys
have completed since your lastadventure.
So.
If a guy has spent some time ona manhood challenge, the easiest
(20:13):
way to just kind of honor him ismaybe to give him a little
token.
You know, something that's kindof reminiscent of like, if you
grew up in Scouts and you got abadge, whenever you completed
them, a merit or a task, Thenyou've got that badge and you
got to sew it on your uniform.
And man, it felt like youcouldn't wait to get more badges
to put on there.
Pulling into that kind offeeling, even for adult men is
(20:35):
really fun.
So if there's a way that you canjust give him a simple token,
maybe it's a little wood chipthat you create yourself, or
even just something that youprint off on a piece of card
stock that.
You know, represents thechallenge that he completed,
whatever it is.
It's less about the token andmore about the fact that you're
intentionally honoring the guysin your group for the challenges
(20:57):
that they have completed.
This helps the guy feel special.
It helps him to not only to feellike he did something
meaningful, but actually even toremember what he did.
You would be surprised as guysgo along and keep doing manhood
challenges, how often theyforget what they actually have
already accomplished.
So honoring them for that helpsthem as individuals and the
(21:18):
tribe as a whole, to rememberthe things that they have
completed and to celebrate them.
But the other thing that I thinkyou can also do is to just take
some time to celebrate thechiseling work that guys have
done over the past few monthssince your last adventure.
Just take some time to reflecton what all challenges have we
(21:39):
faced, what all obstacles in ourlives have we overcome?
What are the things that Jesushas met us in, as we have tried
to fight for one another, whatare those things let's reflect
on those, let's celebrate eachother and let's celebrate Jesus
for the work that he has done inour lives.
Those kinds of moments ofremembering create really
(22:00):
lasting experiences.
And again, it's just good torecall what all have.
Have we done because it's easyto forget when you're just going
one week to the next, it's easyto leave some things behind.
So this is why we also recommendas a tribe that you get a
notebook of some kind to keeprecord of the manhood challenges
that you've done, the chiselingwork that has been done so that
(22:21):
you can look back on thosethings and reflect on them and
celebrate them and honor theguys in your tribe for
accomplishing them.
Now, if you can incorporate allof that, if you can incorporate
fun, if you can incorporatechallenge, if you can
incorporate new, if you canincorporate celebration, you are
going to build some epicadventures for your tribe.
(22:43):
And that's really what you'reafter.
It's those epic adventures thatwill help take your tribe to the
next level and really form yourgroup of men into a brotherhood
that is going to last for alifetime.
Now, if you're listening to thisepisode with me and you're
thinking, man, I want that.
I want a tribe like that.
I want to go on some adventureswith guys around me.
(23:06):
I want to build something likethat.
I want to let you know that I'min the process of creating a
resource that can help you tolaunch your own tribe.
But I would love to get somehelp and some feedback from some
of you guys who would love to beable to say, here are some ideas
that I have, or here's how Ithink you might could do that.
part better, or I've listened tosome of your episodes.
(23:26):
And I was a little confused onthis.
If you're building a resource,could you maybe clarify this
aspect of it?
I would love to get that kind offeedback from some of you guys.
So if you're interested inhelping with that, Would you go
to manhood tribes.com/launch andput your name on the list.
As a guy who's willing to sayI'd love to get some feedback
and help launch my own tribe sothat I know that it's going to
(23:49):
be the best resource possiblewhen it comes out.
So go to manhoodtribes.com/launch and put your
name on the list.
I look forward to interactingwith you about that.
And I look forward to talking toyou guys next time here on the
manhood tribe show.
We'll see you then.
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