November 18, 2024 • 45 mins
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Unlock the secrets of homeschooling and personal growth with Teresa Widreck, our inspirational guest and certified life coach. Teresa takes us through her incredible transformation from a registered nurse to a homeschool mom of four, sharing over two decades of invaluable insights. Discover how she helps parents move beyond traditional curriculums to embrace child-inspired learning, set meaningful boundaries, and find a purpose that extends beyond motherhood. We challenge the conventional schooling mindsets and explore the liberating concepts of "de-schooling" and "unschooling," encouraging a shift towards personal autonomy and a life filled with purpose.
Our conversation extends into the heart of parenting, where we emphasize the importance of life skills acquired outside of textbooks. Through relatable stories and insights from Shefali Tsabary's "The Awakened Family," we explore the unintentional lessons that everyday situations bring to children. We discuss the power of modeling resilience and courage, demonstrating how children learn from observing the strength and perseverance of their parents. This episode celebrates the wisdom of nurturing a relationship-based approach to parenting, honoring the perceptive nature of children and the profound impact of authenticity and self-awareness.
In the final segment, Teresa shares her journey of discovering coaching as a natural gift, highlighting the harmony between mindset coaching and traditional therapy. We delve into the courage it takes to live authentically and break free from societal expectations, embracing creativity and forging unique paths. With heartfelt reflections, we offer advice to our younger selves, underscoring the importance of trusting instincts and embracing authenticity. This episode is a treasure trove of insights and inspiration, perfect for anyone seeking to enrich their homeschooling experience or personal growth journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
Today we have a very specialguest.
Teresa is here with us, sothank you for joining us.
Say hi, thanks for inviting me.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Awesome, we're happy to have you, and Teresa also has
a podcast.
Teresa, do you want to sharewhat that is?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, it is homeschool mama self-care
podcast, which is also onYouTube, and all the podcast
players.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, and we'll have that linked for everybody who
wants to check that out.
It'll be in the description.
If you're watching on YouTube,it'll.
It'll be down there too.
So yeah, so cool.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
All right, so we are talking about mindset
specifically for homeschool.
That's your, that's your,that's your thing, right?
You're a homeschool, like kindof a homeschool coach, correct?
Like tell us a little bit aboutyourself, like introduce
yourself a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah.
So I'm a certified life coachand I graduated as a homeschool
mom myself.
I homeschooled for almost twodecades for children and you
know before that I was an RN,before I had my family.
But as a certified life coachI've moved in toward, you know,
all the life challenging things,the wellness and mindset
(02:04):
challenges.
So it's not just aboutcurriculum and and all the basic
you know beginner questions.
In fact, I try not to answerthose or go toward that
discussion area because it'sit's the entry level stuff.
So I'm often speaking to momsin the three to four year and
beyond range and helping themdeal with various things,
whether it's leaning into childinspired learning and
(02:27):
de-schooling their unhelpfulschooled mindsets, or dealing
with their relationships andtheir boundary challenges, or
addressing different things like, obviously, self-care and their
wellness and how to take careof themselves, developing who
they are beyond the mom role andtheir purpose beyond the mom
role.
(02:47):
All those sorts of areas.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, All those, all those things.
Like I'm like yeah, I'mthinking to myself, I'm so
interested in all of them, LikeI love the idea of de-schooling.
I've heard it calledunschooling.
Is that the same?
No, de-schooling.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
unschooling is like a method of educational delivery.
De-school is more coming awayfrom the unhelpful school
mindsets that we have and, basedon our conversation before, I'm
like I think you're definitelyfull in there.
You've been there, yeah, and, tobe fair, I still feel like I'm
doing that, even after I'vehomeschooled, that I still see
(03:24):
elements of I think it'spersonal autonomy that our
culture doesn't really support,and becoming who we were meant
to be and living our livespurposely on our own terms.
And when you lean into that,then you look at the things that
you did like in the school andyou say why like?
What was the purpose of that?
(03:44):
It serves the system, not thechild yes, oh yes.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I feel like I've just met a soulmate, like yeah that
is um I know, I totally, Itotally understand that and the
and get that and feel like thereare so many things that we're
not focusing on the child andthe benefit of the child, the
child discovering who they areand what they love and what
they're good at, and stifled.
(04:10):
And then I was speaking tosomeone recently and they were
saying to me because I wastelling them like I really want
to make this pivot because Ihave been running into this wall
with teachers.
Basically, you know, I can't dothat, I'm not allowed.
I have to running into thiswall with, with, with teachers.
Basically, you know, I can't dothat, I'm not allowed.
I have to follow the script.
My district says my principal,all the things, and I'm like,
(04:32):
well, I want to talk to parentsthen because I care about kids
loving to read and I'm verypassionate about that and I feel
like some of the things thatwe've done in the school system
has actually hurt our children'slike love of reading.
And and then she's like, well,you know that homeschool parents
just want workbooks and youknow dictated scripts, and I'm
(04:54):
like I don't think that's true.
I'm like I don't, I don't thinkthat's true.
So I think it's interesting foryou to say that you know that
you are like talking about thosekinds of hurdles, and so I just
, yeah, I think that's really, Ithink that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Well, yeah, you know, I actually resonate with what
that other person said to you,because that was certainly my
story.
In the first three years Ifigured like I can just private
school, the private school, andwe're just going to sit down and
do the things.
And I did, and we're just goingto sit down and do the things
and and I did.
It was a fabulous education forme, but it was an education not
(05:32):
just in the practical thingsthat you might learn in a
typical school, but also aneducation in learning that this
isn't the way kids actuallylearn.
And even the kiddo cause she'sall grown up now the kiddo so my
oldest two are very differentsaid everybody, but they're one
of my kids is the compliant,like I want to always do things
the way that you want it, momapproach.
(05:53):
And so even that kiddo said itwas too much, like you were just
trying to do every last thing.
And I'm like that's really true, I was, and so I actually
resonate with the trying to dothe scripts.
Just tell me what is the bestcurriculum, best routine, give
me all the things and then I'mdone.
I've got it figured, except byyear three, year four, I
(06:13):
remember waking up late and mykids were up.
I could hear them in thekitchen and I had this cup of
coffee that woke me up beside mybedside.
So my kids were trying to wakeme up with a cup of coffee,
which it usually did, and but itwas cold, I slept through.
I can hear the kids talking,arguing in the kitchen and
(06:35):
there's like I come out thereand I can see that the two
oldest are trying to createbreakfast for the others and
that was really lovely.
And also there's like drops ofpancake batter everywhere
they're fighting over theflipper.
Who's going to flip the pancake?
And then we're going to go intoI finally, actually it's.
It got a little crazy and Iremember um, trying to corral
(06:56):
that energy and it wassuperhuman energy to corral that
energy.
But I did, even though I had aheadache.
It was probably premenstrual,possibly it was slump month and
it was gray outside.
We get into the circle time, youknow the first hour, half hour
or so of our morning, andimagine this I've got like a 10,
(07:17):
8, 3 and a baby or maybe a 4and a 2-year-old at this point
and we're trying to corraleverybody and I'm not feeling
good in the first part of theday anyway, and then I'm sitting
in the, the family room there,um, in this house where we
didn't even live.
It was in northern BritishColumbia.
We were traveling and Iremember feeling like, okay, we,
(07:39):
finally we're here, we're gonnado circle, time it's, I've
rescued this Monday.
And then a fight breaks out,something about who's sitting
where or who has the lego piece,or I'm just like randomly
giving you an example which I'msure you understand, um, because
there were so manypossibilities, and I just
remember feeling really intense.
But I remember hearing someoneyelling stop, like just stop,
(08:03):
and possibly other words, but Idon't remember all the words.
And then I realized, oh, thatwas me yelling, and so I had to
turn on my heels and leave theroom because I knew that
anything else I'd say wouldn'tbe beneficial.
And so I left the room, andsome days I didn't leave the
room without you know butanyways, something not
(08:26):
beneficial, yeah, and so then Ileft the room and I texted madly
to my husband.
He wasn't available at the time.
I texted to my friend you knowrant texting and felt more angry
as I was doing it, and myfriend interrupted it and said
you should watch this TEDx talkthat went viral yesterday.
And I did, and this woman inblack chunky shoes and a jean
(08:49):
jacket and this cute blonde coifkind of like yours actually was
talking about how she is, andthis is what I remember
receiving from it that shedidn't know who she was, or she
didn't understand this narrativein her story about how shame
was contributing to herinability to be her authentic
(09:12):
self.
This is Brené Brown oh yeah, Iwas gonna say yeah yes, and it
completely, it shiftedeverything for me, so that I
went from this really intense,frustrated, not addressing my
emotions or my needs, not evenknowing who I was, to moving
toward what I needed and who Iwas and my identity.
And that moment anyways, if Ican back up a couple of minutes
(09:38):
here, that was the one thatshifted everything for me.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Wow, that's, that's really, that's so interesting
and so like really cool as well,because it's like it's.
Sometimes it takes that kind ofshouting moment or that moment
of chaos to be, to think, tofigure that out about yourself.
You're, you know, you're likeI'm going down this.
Why am I trying to create this,create this one thing.
(10:04):
Why am I doing it this way?
Why have I put us all in thisbox, Like we got out of this box
on purpose?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
And yeah, but yet.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I'm still doing that and then you're not finding any
joy or any happiness, and thenyou can't show up for your kids
when you feel, or not, in theway that you want to, when you
feel that way about yourself.
So I think that like is such ayou know, it's such an important
moment for us to have.
I mean, I wish that it wouldcome easier and not in the
middle of it.
But it doesn't often work thatway, unfortunately.
(10:37):
So I think it's.
I mean, the point is is to cometo that like, to come to that
realization that we don't wantit to things to go on in this
way for anyone, for anyone inthe family, like, what do we
need to do to help the familyyou know, grow and flourish and
and do as well, even as theperson that's you know,
providing the, you know source?
(10:59):
I mean, they like have,allowing them to like discover,
because it's funny the wholetime you were telling me about
like the scene, setting thescene with the kids in the in
the kitchen with the pancakebatter, and you know, maybe
they're fighting, but they'reworking, they're figuring it out
, they're figuring out how towork with one another.
All these things are happeningthat they were already doing and
you didn't feel like schoolstarted until you got to circle
(11:21):
time.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
However, like really happening.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Feel like school started until you got to circle
time, however, like reallyhappening, so um.
So I think that sometimes we do.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
We don't even realize we're like look at the skills
that they're learning just bycooperating and figuring out how
to make pancakes together we'rearguing, you know, because then
arguing too even though youthink that might be the hardest
thing about homeschooling ishearing the constant bickering,
or you know, know, stuff and as.
But what I've learned, I meanwhen I can just take a bigger
(11:49):
look over what's really going onthey have to learn to negotiate
relationships and deal withconflict, and they learn to deal
with conflict, but it alsohelps them to figure out who
they really are all at the sametime.
So it's a requirement for themto do that.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
It's rather unpleasant listening to it, for
sure, for sure it'suncomfortable and it's like what
kids are learning, likenegotiating and things like that
that we are not thinking of inthe moment because, you're right
, it is uncomfortable and it'slike, please stop, like, let
just just be quiet.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
So, um so yeah, the triggers like our own triggers,
and I'm actually literallylistening right before our
conversation.
Or yeah, Shefali Zabari's book,the Awakened Family.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh, I haven't heard about one.
I need to look at that.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And I realized that the things she said.
I don't recommend parentingbooks generally because I think
the concept of parenting is nothelpful.
It's a very top-down approachof here's who I am and I'm going
to tell you what to do.
No, I just want you to know,emily, just for the record, I've
totally done that with my kids.
My kids are I've got two, andone is presently at home and if
(12:57):
she heard me saying that she'slike silly, is that how you?
Is that how you say it?
But at the same time, I'velearned that it's like it's a
fantasy, that we've been kind oftold that like you are, and how
you handle the challenges thatyou have, or how you communicate
(13:27):
, you addressing your triggers,all of those things.
It is the natural role modeland you are the center of that,
and that is parenting.
To me, parenting isn't.
And now here are the things youneed to do in order to, you
know, teach your child how to dosomething, even though I do
default to that, naturally.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah, no, I think that's really interesting
because I feel like it's themoments that I, that I didn't
even realize, like my kidsrecently, emily and my son
Jackson, he's 20.
They have, they have, a mindsetcoach myself and she, besides,
emily is also like she, she'svery, she's very wise for her 24
(14:11):
years, um, so, anyway, so themom's spawning over you right
now, so they're very like,they've been very helpful, but
they create, um, my person hashelped create these little short
videos of things that my kidslike, appreciated about me and
like all these different prompts, and I was in shock of the
things that they said because itwas like the accidental
(14:33):
parenting moments.
It was the, it was the modelingof like going through a really
difficult transition when wewere all a family and then I got
divorced, and like what thatlooked like, and then also where
I left the school system andwas like I'm going to, I'm going
to build a business for myselfbased on kids loving to think
(14:54):
and read and learn, and um, andnot, and trying not to give up,
even though times are sometimeshard, um, and so it's like
things that I didn't evenrealize that they were picking.
You know what I mean, that theywere picking up on and that
they said, yeah, that I'm like,wow, this was wish.
I feel like we're better andnot and some of those moments
(15:15):
are, I mean like I wish that wedidn't have to experience some
of those moments, but but alsolike teaching kids or showing
kids perseverance and, you know,grit and determination and
courage and all those thingsthat we want kids.
You know we want kids tounderstand those, those feelings
and that way of being, and thatthat's a part of who they are.
(15:38):
But I mean, I guess you know,sometimes they learn.
They do learn.
I mean I don't know.
I told my brother recently he'sgoing through like a difficult
time himself and I said, yeah, Isaid your son is getting the
best.
He's getting ready to watch youas like a phoenix.
Rise above this and I'm like,and you're going to show him how
(16:02):
not to give up, how to keepgoing, how when things get hard.
This is what we do, this is howwe move forward, and I'm like
that is so much more powerfulthan any materialistic thing
you've ever given him.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
So I think that that I lovethat.
I'm going to, emily, do youwant to talk?
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I've like been yeah well.
So what I was going to say is Ijust feel like that, like kids,
just from such a young age,like aren't almost not given
enough credit of like how likethey do learn and what they do
see, and I think that that iswhere, like, there are issues
when it comes to like parentingthat we see now like of people
like oh, you should do this oryou should do that.
(16:45):
Like it like Teresa, whatyou're talking about is like a
relationship.
Like you're talking about likeshowing the child a relationship
and they are a human, you'revaluing them as their own person
, which is something that, likeI always am, like when I have
kids, like I want to do.
Obviously, I'm not going to beperfect in any way, but, um, I'm
(17:07):
like that's like what I want totry to do the best that I can,
because it's we.
We look at somebody that'ssmaller and less knowledgeable
and we're like okay, well, weneed to teach you this, this and
this.
But also teaching somebodysomething is doing it with them,
is being there through it andsupporting them in that way and
(17:29):
showing them that they arevaluable, so that way, when they
go into the world, it's notlike this big shock, that
they're like not being told whatto do every five seconds,
because it's not how we live.
And it feels like such atransition whenever you actually
go into the world and you'relike, oh shit, like okay, wait,
I got to figure it out.
(17:50):
Yeah, like I need to problemsolve, and that's something that
I see in my generation.
I'm like nobody knows how tojust figure it out.
It drives me insane, I feel Iconstantly say this.
I'm like I was given the giftof problem solving because she
(18:11):
used to say that and I at thetime I was like OK, but now I'm
like I look at people who areeven a little bit older than me,
but like still in my age range,and they're like well, I just
don't know what to do and I'mlike did you try?
Like did you, did you dosomething to see if it worked,
and maybe it doesn't, and thentry something else.
So yeah, I don't know that Ifeel like that was a rambling,
but it's just like going into.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I get that.
That that's the one of thedynamics of the education system
is that there is a top-downeffect, and there is.
You couldn't learn unless thereis a teacher to teach you.
And I'm not saying that youalways can do it independently,
and sometimes you needassistance or mentorship, but
you couldn't learn unlesssomeone taught you.
(18:53):
You only know what to learnuntil someone tells you and then
you're going to process it inthe way that you're taught to do
it.
You can't think outside the box, you can't come up with your
own answers.
So I think when you hear thosemessages all the time, then you
aren't following and you don'tthink of what could I do?
How could I lead this, even?
(19:13):
Or what could I just doindependently?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
what could I do?
How could I lead this, even?
Or what could I just doindependently?
Yeah, and subliminally, likethat's teaching kids from a
young age that they like need tobe controlled, like always, and
like if they're not, then theycan't do it right, and that's
that breeds horriblerelationships when you get older
.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah, yeah and you, you can shift it, though, having
said that, you can shift itCause I'm essentially telling
you my own story that I verymuch thought that the benefit
would be to create this idealyou know, essentially a school
at home though I wouldn't havecalled it that, but that's what
I was doing, cause I thought itwas the best thing.
I actually come from a reallytough family background like
(19:54):
from from, like from childhooddomestic violence, and so then,
for me, creating a perfect worldwas my goal, like some form of
homeschool utopia, and it didn'thappen Shock, but I really was
going for that.
That's actually why mywebsite's called Capturing the
Charmed Life, because that wasmy goal.
My website it's calledcapturing the charmed life
(20:17):
because that was my goal, and um, and so I was trying to create
that utopia and fast forward acouple decades.
I can see that was never goingto happen, but what was going to
happen was being invited into agrowth journey over the course
of parenting, not even just twodecades, I think it's an
indefinite no matter how oldyour kids are, but into a growth
journey alongside your kids.
(20:37):
And that was not part of, youknow, my formula for a charmed
life.
I thought I had to take controlover it.
But I realized that it wasn'tabout control, it was about
yielding or listening or justlearning, and that does not
sound fun.
When people in coaching ask mewell, just tell me what to do,
yeah, one says that, but somepeople do I'm like I can't tell
(21:00):
you what to do because I've hadteenagers so I already know
that's not going to work.
Yeah, and also it has to comefrom within.
You have to know for sure thatthis is the right thing for you
yeah, it has to decision.
Yes, and then you grow up to beindependent.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, and I love the thought of like the growth
journey because I feel like Iwould.
I don't know if you feel thisway, emily, but I feel like when
we, when our family changed,when the family dynamics changed
, that is what happened withwith I felt like the three of us
, like my son and my daughter,myself is I didn't have any, I
(21:42):
had no choice.
So, even if I wanted what Ioriginally intended and wanted
to happen for a family and anunloving marriage and kids happy
and you know, wasn't going tobe the reality.
So I had no choice but to shiftinto a growth journey with the
kids, because we all were werefiguring out, figuring ourselves
(22:04):
out and like coming out of likesome trauma and like trying to
understand what do we do next,how do we survive?
Next, how do we survive and howdo we rebuild?
So, yeah, I really um, what didyou do at?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
that point.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I um?
What did I do, emily?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
um, I mean, like I think the the biggest thing,
like you did in the beginning,was ask for help um which I
think, like was so hard for youbecause, like I think you're
naturally an independent person,like you're naturally like you
know what to do, you want to getit done on your own.
Like we're both stubborn in thatway too, to a point where like,
(22:47):
oh no, like we'll figure it out, um, but like you really
released that and was like Ineed help, and it's okay that I
need help, and you leaned intothe community that that you had
built and that I mean like and Iknow that you'll agree with me
in saying like there weremiracles that came out of that,
(23:07):
like there were things, ways weshould not have survived,
certain things, but we did.
So I feel like that was likethe biggest thing and that's
such a that, in and of itself,is such a valuable lesson for
anyone, because asking for helpis hard, it feels it's
vulnerable, it's raw, like it'suncomfortable.
(23:30):
So like doing that in a stagewhere, so like doing that in a
stage where you're still healingfrom trauma and abuse and
everything's still chaotic, likeis it just shows so much so
that's what you did, yeah, yeah,that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That's interesting that you that's how you see it
and I see it as like I just hadto move forward, had to move
forward.
I had to, I had to keep going, Ihad to keep us afloat, um, but
the big thing in my mind wasalways it wasn't about me, it
was about, you know, my kids.
It was about my children and howI needed to make it okay as as
(24:10):
much as I could for them.
That I, you know, and I mean Idid have a lot of like I didn't,
you know, I I like had a lot ofnegative self-talk going on,
like I felt very like a failure.
I felt like I had failed themand that, um, it was.
You know, they didn't get whatI had hoped for them to get, and
, um, and that it was hard andthat we were going to go through
(24:32):
challenges.
But the whole time I I'm like Ijust I just kept feeling like
I've got to figure this outbecause I have two people that
need me to.
Um, it didn't even become ithas.
You know, it's just recentlythat my um, that my son, moved
out.
Like, I mean, it's this is mysecond year of being like an
(24:54):
empty nester, and and that hitme, it goes out to you, it hit
me hard.
It was very hard.
Yeah, I had to talk because Ihave a psychiatrist, I have
depression and anxiety and ADD,all the things, and I I was like
I'm struggling.
This is not like the.
(25:15):
This isn't.
This is going on longer than Ifeel like it might for some
people and not to compare myself, but I'm really having a hard
time and I read books and it washard to find some quality
things.
Everything was marriage, Likelean back into your marriage,
Lean into your partnership andyour relationship, and I'm like,
well, I don't have that.
So what does that mean?
(25:36):
Lean into nothing?
So it was really I felt like Ilost a loss, a little bit of my
purpose and then, but it wasalmost like, well, now you
actually have the space and themoment to like breathe and think
about the parts of you thatthat you can nourish and and so
that's, and so I guess, in asense, I've reached out again,
(25:58):
because now I have two people,that one of which is Emily, two
people that I meet with and talkto on a regular basis and with
mindset kinds of things, Cause II went to counseling for years
and years and I love her, shewas, she changed my life, she
saved my life and um, but sheretired and so, but the thought
of going through counseling allover again, I felt I was like,
(26:21):
oh, that just sounds so hard.
So so this mindset like coachinghas been more the right fit for
me, because I don't feel like Ineed to revisit like every
single traumatic thing.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
That's happened to me , but you're here now and where
are you going forward?
Yeah, yeah, I might've done anequivalent amount of therapy as
well, and it actually was very,very helpful and had dramatic
shifts for me.
And also there's somethingabout coaching, or when people
incorporate coaching intotherapy or mindset.
My YouTube channel is thewellness and mindset.
(26:53):
I think is this the rightwellness and mindset coaching
for homeschool moms and for me.
I see that coaching has thispotential for being present and
forward thinking.
There are times, though, whereyou can say, okay, you're stuck
there, so where did where didyou first get stuck and then
going back and then addressingthat is useful to go forward,
(27:15):
but I find coaching reallyuseful to propel forward.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, no, I love that .
So what?
So?
How do when people find youlike how, what is your initial
like?
How do you?
How do you find the people thatyou're serving?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Well, they find me on the internet.
I have a podcast that I put outevery week.
I have yesterday's was aboutdecluttering our homes, our
homeschools, our minds and ourrelationships.
And then I do a YouTube, aweekly YouTube channel or video.
And then I'm on socials doinglives and all sorts of different
(27:48):
things on other people'spodcasts, in various conferences
, things like that.
So people find me.
Sometimes they've beenfollowing me for a good long
time and sometimes it's justrandom, like I need somebody and
I need someone to walkalongside me.
I really see and it was onlyafter, I think, months of my
(28:10):
husband saying something aboutmy counseling work and I'm like,
like, well, I'm not a counselorofficially and in this province
I could be deemed that, but I Idon't, I self-identify that way
.
And then he's like but you'reactually doing that, he's an
emergency physician himself, soalso does counseling in a
different capacity.
Um, but I'm like, actuallythat's what I do is some sort of
(28:32):
counseling and coaching.
And because I unschooled, I atsome point I realized that I
probably have enough unschoolhours as unschool therapy hours,
if that was a thing.
It's not, but I think if youcould qualify as a therapist,
how many hours of actual therapyfor yourself.
Do you need to do You're?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
you're right, you're right and it's not official, of
course.
Yeah, I think that I love thatit's opened the door for more
people to do it, that thereisn't just this one path to
counseling or that kind of work.
You don't just have to go toschool, get your master's, get
even get a doctorate, whatever.
You don't have to do it in thatexact way.
(29:14):
There's other opportunities.
Because sometimes people arereally just almost a natural
like you, seem like just anatural at at talking about you
know, counseling kinds of things.
Like I was, I felt myself, Ifelt I'm like, am I having a
therapy session?
Like I thought that for a fewminutes in the podcast, but
because you have instantly makeit feel safe, you instantly make
(29:35):
it feel like I can talk andthat is a gift.
But I also I also think that,emily, I also think that same
thing of you, I think you do thesame thing and and so I think
that's really cool to get toshare that with other people and
and it not having to be likeofficially counseling or
whatever.
Because you know, even when Iwas a, I was a student support
(29:58):
specialist for a couple of yearsout of the classroom and I
worked with, you know, kids thatwere in trouble, but I, I the
part that I I hated the job.
The part that I loved about thejob was the kids and it I just I
was.
I felt like I was counseling,we would have these
conversations and I wouldunderstand why the behavior.
(30:21):
And nobody, everyone's like whocares about that.
You need the consequence ofconsequence.
And I'm like yeah, and I'm likeno, we have to understand or we
will never reshape the behavior.
And I'm like so we have to findout what's going on, because
people don't just yell and throwchairs for no reason.
They're, they're trying to tellus something, so let's give
(30:42):
them the opportunity to tell us.
And that was the best part ofthe job.
That was the part that and youknow, people would get mad and
frustrated oh, they're justgoing there to talk.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
And I'm yeah, you know what, maybe they need to
talk, so I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, but it was.
But you know it's like, well,you're not the guidance
(31:11):
counselor, you're the studentsupport specialist, and so they
always have to put you in theseboxes, but you don't have to us
as having a natural gifting in acertain way.
Do you see it as something thatyou came into the world as, or
is there certain Enneagram typeor Myers-Briggs type, or you
know something that you identifythat is the basis for your
abilities?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yes, yeah, well, my Enneagram is a two and I'm, and
I am, an INFJ in theMyers-Briggs Me too.
Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
That's surprising to me.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yeah.
So I mean I kind of feel like Imean people have told me for a
long time they're like, oh, youshould be a counselor, um.
And when I was younger it waslike you should be a teacher.
And I was like I'm never beinga teacher because I know what
that entails and I don't want todo that.
Yeah, and then when I got olderand people are like, oh, you
(32:07):
should be a counselor, because Iwas always like people call me
like the mom of our friend group, like I was the one people went
to like if they neededsomething, if they needed to
talk or vent or whatever, like Iwas that person.
And I always remember being like, oh, I don't want to do like
that much school, like that justlike sounds like so much.
And eventually I realized Ididn't want to go to school
(32:31):
after high school at all.
And then I was like, well, I doreally care about listening to
people and I really I've had myown like journey with mental
health that I'm like I can't,that is what I want to focus on,
but I'm like I don't want it tohave to be in this way, where I
have to go to school and likeget so much in debt and like all
(32:55):
these things and also like betied to another system.
I guess that was kind of likemy mind.
I was like I don't really wantto be like in another system.
And then, after like becoming abusiness owner, I was like
actually I could be a coach andnobody can tell me I can't do
that without a degree.
(33:15):
So it just like I feel like itdid like come naturally.
But it was like the way thatthe world viewed it gave me
resistance, which I feel is kindof like why it took me to this
point to get to it, if you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Tell me more.
I'm curious about that.
Do you mean, like, the lifestory that you've had that's
influenced how you, you know,show up as a coach?
Is that what you mean?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
No, I guess I feel like when I left high school, I
was, I think I was confusedwhich we all are at that age but
I really thought I would go tocollege, like it was, like it
was something I was on the pathfor for forever.
So when I got out and I waslike, ok, well, I'm just going
(34:04):
to work and see how this goes,there was a lot of like energy
fighting against me in me beingable to do what I really wanted
to do, which was the morecreative part of helping people
and being there with people andlike forming connections in that
(34:25):
way.
But it was a lot of like, well,you're going to end up going
back to school or you have totake this course to do this, or
you like you have to have thiscertification or whatever it was
.
And in my mind, like I've neverbeen a black and white thinker,
like I'm always I function inthe gray, like that's just how I
feel about myself.
So whenever people are like youshould be a counselor, and I'm
(34:47):
like I don't want to do that,but I also like don't want to
not help people, it was like mybrain couldn't fully get in the
gray because it was so much oflike here's the black and the
white, like this is what youshould do, and if you don't do
either of those options, thenwho knows what that looks like?
Because it didn't really exist.
(35:08):
It was like I kind of had tocreate it for myself in the
environment that I lived in,like I didn't grow up knowing
anything about like life coachesto me, like that was not a
thing.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
So I'm like it wasn't a thing, though I think, yeah,
no, it was a thing officially,but not known at all.
We're very much in thepioneering days of coaching.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, definitely, and , and so it was kind of like oh,
I have to, I have to make itand I feel like I don't know.
I kind of feel like that's beenmy story with a lot of things
is like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Well, I'm going to create it now.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, it'll exist.
Totally resonate with that too,yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Interesting.
Thank you for sharing that,because that part of me I'm like
, oh, that's also me.
And sometimes I look at howI've done things.
When I started homeschoolingthere were two options.
I could do the you know,essentially under the umbrella
of the province's educationsystem, but do it at home.
Or else do it entirelyindependently, with no hands on
(36:10):
what I'm doing, and I'm like,well, I'll just do it by myself,
like why would I have anyinvolvement?
And so that was me.
But I think I look at it and Isay why was it that I was trying
to do?
And even before I rememberhaving significant memories of
(36:31):
family challenges early on.
I can remember way back andthinking I was just always not
out of the box thinker, so Ithink it was always there just
waiting to be fed and nurtured.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Yeah, when do you think that, like you, it really
hit you that you were like, okay, like I'm going to lean into
this, almost like this, knowingthat you've had about yourself,
but you kind of were, it waslike society's leaning you one
way or other when what made youfeel like, okay, I'm going to,
I'm going to give into this?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Well, I mean, there's been many iterations, is the
true answer.
I refer to that one storybecause it applies to the
homeschool world, the coffee andthe pancakes.
But I have had many significantiterations.
There was a moment in 2004where there's a really
significant marriage hit for us,where we're like no, we can't
(37:23):
do marriage this way anymore.
And in that compelledcounseling for me.
And in the counseling I came tounderstand that I had never
advocated for myself at all,like I wasn't aware of who I was
, I wasn't someone separate inmy family systems.
And when things began to shiftwith my husband and I, then it
(37:45):
began to shift with my approachto my parents so that I was no
longer willing to be in thatcodependent little bubble.
And and that was that was likeearth quaking because, like
Trina at the time, I was like Idon't ask for help, I don't do
that, I just play the role ofwhat I'm supposed to and I don't
(38:07):
do things outside the box.
And for me that was like thebeginning of okay, we don't have
any choice.
Now you have to own who you areand what you're really about.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
that shifted everything in every element of
my life yeah, how, how, liketell me more.
I'm like, how, how did it?
Because I'm like I feel likeit's different for so many
different people and in my headI feel like you're telling me
like it was like different partsof you like got to come out in
different, different moments inlife.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
That's the essence of it is I came out of the closet
and I became a me.
Well, I mean my reality, my mybackstory is that it isn't just
my, my family of origin that wassteeped in this you know
unhealthy approach to relating.
(38:57):
I also had the entire communitybefore that that's supporting
that system, and I had to comeaway from that as well.
Yeah, the was terrifying, likeit was truly terrifying, because
not only did that happen, butthen it started to help me see
why I was engaging in myreligious community at the time,
(39:20):
the way I was, and all of asudden that was like nope, I'm
not, I'm not showing up in thatanymore.
Like I had to be congruent or Iwas going to drown, you know.
Like I had to figure out who amI really and how does this work
(39:44):
in every aspect of my life.
So to me it's not like oh yeah,this looks enticing for me.
I had to, or else how would Isurvive?
Speaker 1 (39:55):
yeah, yeah, like it was, like it looked like crap.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
You didn't want to do it, but then yeah, you went
into it and then you did do ityeah sometimes we have to be
uncomfortable or in some kind ofpressure to like really grow
and and to try somethingdifferent.
If not, we'll just continuegoing along in our well.
Maybe that's just true for me.
I'll continue going along in mypatterns.
But um, being uncomfortable orbeing in a situation where I'm
(40:21):
like, nope, I have to have nochoice but to figure it out the
beauty of hard things.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And when you talk about the crap, I actually have
goats and chickens, um, and Ireally I see this now
practically that there are pilesof crap in my homestead, on my
homestead, and if they'reaerated and watered and given
some sun, they actually turninto some very nourishing
compost for the garden.
And even though, especially forour kids.
(40:49):
I would like I, if you couldgive me the option of doing the
following.
I would not give them a pile ofcrap.
You could not actually convinceme to, you know, but it would
be good for resilience.
I'd be like you know also, no,and?
And yet I can see in my ownlife, and also now cause they're
(41:09):
older, I see in their livesthat actually that pile of crap
can become some remarkablynourishing compost for their
life.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
That's actually beautiful.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
And we're talking about crap.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
I love it.
Okay, so I know that we're likecoming up at the two at the 45
minutes, so I want to make surethat you've gotten a chance to
say anything that you want tosay and also ask if you would be
willing to play like a quicklightning round.
Yeah, okay.
So first of all, you mentionedyour podcast, and so now we know
(41:49):
how to find you, and that isexciting, so that's good.
Is there anything else that youwant to share about the work
that you're doing, or the workthat you do, that you do offer,
or, yeah, anything like that.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
The only thing I would say in addition to that is
what I see and this is reallylike my personal passion project
Every, every person that comesto have or spend time with me.
They have very unique storiesand very unique reasons for
showing up, and yet they itfeels to me that I'm here to
(42:24):
support them to become whothey're really meant to be and
to own who they are, own theirvoices, and that's my passion.
At first glance, you go oh,she's a homeschool coach, so
she's going to help me figureout my curriculum and my routine
and all that.
And I can do that and I do helpyou do that.
But I'm always going to pointyou back to what really matters,
and it is the child in front ofyou and who you are what really
(42:49):
matters to you.
So that's what I would say as aan addition.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that Me too.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Okay, so these are just for fun.
Um, on a scale from one to 10,how good of a driver are you?
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Excellent.
One of my kids would be like umyou do rolling stops?
They're all at the.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
either have their drivers or else they're in the
place of about to take adriver's let you know and I'm
like, yeah, you don't like haveto right.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
The other day, when the RCMP was behind me then I
said hey, notice the full stops.
Yeah, you decide.
I don't know is, is that a five, a seven?
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Hard to know.
Yeah, I think it can bewhatever you want it to be, so
that's funny.
All right, what is yourfavorite day of the week?
Speaker 3 (43:48):
I'm down for all of them.
They all have different thingsin them.
I like them all that's cool.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Yeah, what about your favorite junk food?
That's hard to decide, oh,pizza yeah, I haven't had pizza
in a long time.
Okay, so two more.
Do you have any reoccurringdreams or nightmares?
Speaker 3 (44:11):
not anymore, but that took me years.
Yeah, that's really only in thelast maybe seven or eight years
where I don't yeah that's,that's good.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
That's good that you have, yeah, come to the point
where there's not it's sloweddown significantly yeah yeah,
okay.
And then, knowing what you knownow, what would advice would
you give to your 18-year-oldself?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
Oh girl, I have a 19-year-old daughter, so okay,
let me think Depends on thedaughter too, though.
What would I say to myself,though, at 19?
I would say I know this seemsterrifying, that you feel like
you're entirely on your own andyou have no support system, but
(44:57):
just lean into what you know tobe true, and I do believe
there's a relationship beyondmyself but I would say lean into
what you know to be true and bethe fullest you that you are
now.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Thank you you thank you so much.
Yeah, thanks for letting mehang out with you.
This was fun.
Yeah, I'd like to meet newfriends.
Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your
favorite corner of the internetwhere we chat about all things
mental health.
I'm Emily.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Trina.
Together, we're like yourreal-life Lorelai and Rory
Gilmore.
Each week, we'll bring you realconversations about the world
of mental health and we willpeel back layers on topics like
anxiety, depression and muchmore.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff,
the everyday stuff andeverything in between.
So grab your emotional supportwater bottle I know we have ours
.
Find your comfiest chair orkeep your eyes on the road and
let's get into it.
Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely.
Join us as we mind our heartsand hopefully make minding yours
a little easier.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart.
Today we have a very specialguest.
Teresa is here with us, sothank you for joining us.
Say hi, thanks for inviting me.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Awesome, we're happy to have you, and Teresa also has
a podcast.
Teresa, do you want to sharewhat that is?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, it is homeschool mama self-care
podcast, which is also onYouTube, and all the podcast
players.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, and we'll have that linked for everybody who
wants to check that out.
It'll be in the description.
If you're watching on YouTube,it'll.
It'll be down there too.
So yeah, so cool.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
All right, so we are talking about mindset
specifically for homeschool.
That's your, that's your,that's your thing, right?
You're a homeschool, like kindof a homeschool coach, correct?
Like tell us a little bit aboutyourself, like introduce
yourself a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah.
So I'm a certified life coachand I graduated as a homeschool
mom myself.
I homeschooled for almost twodecades for children and you
know before that I was an RN,before I had my family.
But as a certified life coachI've moved in toward, you know,
all the life challenging things,the wellness and mindset
(02:04):
challenges.
So it's not just aboutcurriculum and and all the basic
you know beginner questions.
In fact, I try not to answerthose or go toward that
discussion area because it'sit's the entry level stuff.
So I'm often speaking to momsin the three to four year and
beyond range and helping themdeal with various things,
whether it's leaning into childinspired learning and
(02:27):
de-schooling their unhelpfulschooled mindsets, or dealing
with their relationships andtheir boundary challenges, or
addressing different things like, obviously, self-care and their
wellness and how to take careof themselves, developing who
they are beyond the mom role andtheir purpose beyond the mom
role.
(02:47):
All those sorts of areas.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, All those, all those things.
Like I'm like yeah, I'mthinking to myself, I'm so
interested in all of them, LikeI love the idea of de-schooling.
I've heard it calledunschooling.
Is that the same?
No, de-schooling.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
unschooling is like a method of educational delivery.
De-school is more coming awayfrom the unhelpful school
mindsets that we have and, basedon our conversation before, I'm
like I think you're definitelyfull in there.
You've been there, yeah, and, tobe fair, I still feel like I'm
doing that, even after I'vehomeschooled, that I still see
(03:24):
elements of I think it'spersonal autonomy that our
culture doesn't really support,and becoming who we were meant
to be and living our livespurposely on our own terms.
And when you lean into that,then you look at the things that
you did like in the school andyou say why like?
What was the purpose of that?
(03:44):
It serves the system, not thechild yes, oh yes.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I feel like I've just met a soulmate, like yeah that
is um I know, I totally, Itotally understand that and the
and get that and feel like thereare so many things that we're
not focusing on the child andthe benefit of the child, the
child discovering who they areand what they love and what
they're good at, and stifled.
(04:10):
And then I was speaking tosomeone recently and they were
saying to me because I wastelling them like I really want
to make this pivot because Ihave been running into this wall
with teachers.
Basically, you know, I can't dothat, I'm not allowed.
I have to running into thiswall with, with, with teachers.
Basically, you know, I can't dothat, I'm not allowed.
I have to follow the script.
My district says my principal,all the things, and I'm like,
(04:32):
well, I want to talk to parentsthen because I care about kids
loving to read and I'm verypassionate about that and I feel
like some of the things thatwe've done in the school system
has actually hurt our children'slike love of reading.
And and then she's like, well,you know that homeschool parents
just want workbooks and youknow dictated scripts, and I'm
(04:54):
like I don't think that's true.
I'm like I don't, I don't thinkthat's true.
So I think it's interesting foryou to say that you know that
you are like talking about thosekinds of hurdles, and so I just
, yeah, I think that's really, Ithink that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Well, yeah, you know, I actually resonate with what
that other person said to you,because that was certainly my
story.
In the first three years Ifigured like I can just private
school, the private school, andwe're just going to sit down and
do the things.
And I did, and we're just goingto sit down and do the things
and and I did.
It was a fabulous education forme, but it was an education not
(05:32):
just in the practical thingsthat you might learn in a
typical school, but also aneducation in learning that this
isn't the way kids actuallylearn.
And even the kiddo cause she'sall grown up now the kiddo so my
oldest two are very differentsaid everybody, but they're one
of my kids is the compliant,like I want to always do things
the way that you want it, momapproach.
(05:53):
And so even that kiddo said itwas too much, like you were just
trying to do every last thing.
And I'm like that's really true, I was, and so I actually
resonate with the trying to dothe scripts.
Just tell me what is the bestcurriculum, best routine, give
me all the things and then I'mdone.
I've got it figured, except byyear three, year four, I
(06:13):
remember waking up late and mykids were up.
I could hear them in thekitchen and I had this cup of
coffee that woke me up beside mybedside.
So my kids were trying to wakeme up with a cup of coffee,
which it usually did, and but itwas cold, I slept through.
I can hear the kids talking,arguing in the kitchen and
(06:35):
there's like I come out thereand I can see that the two
oldest are trying to createbreakfast for the others and
that was really lovely.
And also there's like drops ofpancake batter everywhere
they're fighting over theflipper.
Who's going to flip the pancake?
And then we're going to go intoI finally, actually it's.
It got a little crazy and Iremember um, trying to corral
(06:56):
that energy and it wassuperhuman energy to corral that
energy.
But I did, even though I had aheadache.
It was probably premenstrual,possibly it was slump month and
it was gray outside.
We get into the circle time, youknow the first hour, half hour
or so of our morning, andimagine this I've got like a 10,
(07:17):
8, 3 and a baby or maybe a 4and a 2-year-old at this point
and we're trying to corraleverybody and I'm not feeling
good in the first part of theday anyway, and then I'm sitting
in the, the family room there,um, in this house where we
didn't even live.
It was in northern BritishColumbia.
We were traveling and Iremember feeling like, okay, we,
(07:39):
finally we're here, we're gonnado circle, time it's, I've
rescued this Monday.
And then a fight breaks out,something about who's sitting
where or who has the lego piece,or I'm just like randomly
giving you an example which I'msure you understand, um, because
there were so manypossibilities, and I just
remember feeling really intense.
But I remember hearing someoneyelling stop, like just stop,
(08:03):
and possibly other words, but Idon't remember all the words.
And then I realized, oh, thatwas me yelling, and so I had to
turn on my heels and leave theroom because I knew that
anything else I'd say wouldn'tbe beneficial.
And so I left the room, andsome days I didn't leave the
room without you know butanyways, something not
(08:26):
beneficial, yeah, and so then Ileft the room and I texted madly
to my husband.
He wasn't available at the time.
I texted to my friend you knowrant texting and felt more angry
as I was doing it, and myfriend interrupted it and said
you should watch this TEDx talkthat went viral yesterday.
And I did, and this woman inblack chunky shoes and a jean
(08:49):
jacket and this cute blonde coifkind of like yours actually was
talking about how she is, andthis is what I remember
receiving from it that shedidn't know who she was, or she
didn't understand this narrativein her story about how shame
was contributing to herinability to be her authentic
(09:12):
self.
This is Brené Brown oh yeah, Iwas gonna say yeah yes, and it
completely, it shiftedeverything for me, so that I
went from this really intense,frustrated, not addressing my
emotions or my needs, not evenknowing who I was, to moving
toward what I needed and who Iwas and my identity.
And that moment anyways, if Ican back up a couple of minutes
(09:38):
here, that was the one thatshifted everything for me.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Wow, that's, that's really, that's so interesting
and so like really cool as well,because it's like it's.
Sometimes it takes that kind ofshouting moment or that moment
of chaos to be, to think, tofigure that out about yourself.
You're, you know, you're likeI'm going down this.
Why am I trying to create this,create this one thing.
(10:04):
Why am I doing it this way?
Why have I put us all in thisbox, Like we got out of this box
on purpose?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
And yeah, but yet.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I'm still doing that and then you're not finding any
joy or any happiness, and thenyou can't show up for your kids
when you feel, or not, in theway that you want to, when you
feel that way about yourself.
So I think that like is such ayou know, it's such an important
moment for us to have.
I mean, I wish that it wouldcome easier and not in the
middle of it.
But it doesn't often work thatway, unfortunately.
(10:37):
So I think it's.
I mean, the point is is to cometo that like, to come to that
realization that we don't wantit to things to go on in this
way for anyone, for anyone inthe family, like, what do we
need to do to help the familyyou know, grow and flourish and
and do as well, even as theperson that's you know,
providing the, you know source?
(10:59):
I mean, they like have,allowing them to like discover,
because it's funny the wholetime you were telling me about
like the scene, setting thescene with the kids in the in
the kitchen with the pancakebatter, and you know, maybe
they're fighting, but they'reworking, they're figuring it out
, they're figuring out how towork with one another.
All these things are happeningthat they were already doing and
you didn't feel like schoolstarted until you got to circle
(11:21):
time.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
However, like really happening.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Feel like school started until you got to circle
time, however, like reallyhappening, so um.
So I think that sometimes we do.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
We don't even realize we're like look at the skills
that they're learning just bycooperating and figuring out how
to make pancakes together we'rearguing, you know, because then
arguing too even though youthink that might be the hardest
thing about homeschooling ishearing the constant bickering,
or you know, know, stuff and as.
But what I've learned, I meanwhen I can just take a bigger
(11:49):
look over what's really going onthey have to learn to negotiate
relationships and deal withconflict, and they learn to deal
with conflict, but it alsohelps them to figure out who
they really are all at the sametime.
So it's a requirement for themto do that.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
It's rather unpleasant listening to it, for
sure, for sure it'suncomfortable and it's like what
kids are learning, likenegotiating and things like that
that we are not thinking of inthe moment because, you're right
, it is uncomfortable and it'slike, please stop, like, let
just just be quiet.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
So, um so yeah, the triggers like our own triggers,
and I'm actually literallylistening right before our
conversation.
Or yeah, Shefali Zabari's book,the Awakened Family.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh, I haven't heard about one.
I need to look at that.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And I realized that the things she said.
I don't recommend parentingbooks generally because I think
the concept of parenting is nothelpful.
It's a very top-down approachof here's who I am and I'm going
to tell you what to do.
No, I just want you to know,emily, just for the record, I've
totally done that with my kids.
My kids are I've got two, andone is presently at home and if
(12:57):
she heard me saying that she'slike silly, is that how you?
Is that how you say it?
But at the same time, I'velearned that it's like it's a
fantasy, that we've been kind oftold that like you are, and how
you handle the challenges thatyou have, or how you communicate
(13:27):
, you addressing your triggers,all of those things.
It is the natural role modeland you are the center of that,
and that is parenting.
To me, parenting isn't.
And now here are the things youneed to do in order to, you
know, teach your child how to dosomething, even though I do
default to that, naturally.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah, no, I think that's really interesting
because I feel like it's themoments that I, that I didn't
even realize, like my kidsrecently, emily and my son
Jackson, he's 20.
They have, they have, a mindsetcoach myself and she, besides,
emily is also like she, she'svery, she's very wise for her 24
(14:11):
years, um, so, anyway, so themom's spawning over you right
now, so they're very like,they've been very helpful, but
they create, um, my person hashelped create these little short
videos of things that my kidslike, appreciated about me and
like all these different prompts, and I was in shock of the
things that they said because itwas like the accidental
(14:33):
parenting moments.
It was the, it was the modelingof like going through a really
difficult transition when wewere all a family and then I got
divorced, and like what thatlooked like, and then also where
I left the school system andwas like I'm going to, I'm going
to build a business for myselfbased on kids loving to think
(14:54):
and read and learn, and um, andnot, and trying not to give up,
even though times are sometimeshard, um, and so it's like
things that I didn't evenrealize that they were picking.
You know what I mean, that theywere picking up on and that
they said, yeah, that I'm like,wow, this was wish.
I feel like we're better andnot and some of those moments
(15:15):
are, I mean like I wish that wedidn't have to experience some
of those moments, but but alsolike teaching kids or showing
kids perseverance and, you know,grit and determination and
courage and all those thingsthat we want kids.
You know we want kids tounderstand those, those feelings
and that way of being, and thatthat's a part of who they are.
(15:38):
But I mean, I guess you know,sometimes they learn.
They do learn.
I mean I don't know.
I told my brother recently he'sgoing through like a difficult
time himself and I said, yeah, Isaid your son is getting the
best.
He's getting ready to watch youas like a phoenix.
Rise above this and I'm like,and you're going to show him how
(16:02):
not to give up, how to keepgoing, how when things get hard.
This is what we do, this is howwe move forward, and I'm like
that is so much more powerfulthan any materialistic thing
you've ever given him.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
So I think that that I lovethat.
I'm going to, emily, do youwant to talk?
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I've like been yeah well.
So what I was going to say is Ijust feel like that, like kids,
just from such a young age,like aren't almost not given
enough credit of like how likethey do learn and what they do
see, and I think that that iswhere, like, there are issues
when it comes to like parentingthat we see now like of people
like oh, you should do this oryou should do that.
(16:45):
Like it like Teresa, whatyou're talking about is like a
relationship.
Like you're talking about likeshowing the child a relationship
and they are a human, you'revaluing them as their own person
, which is something that, likeI always am, like when I have
kids, like I want to do.
Obviously, I'm not going to beperfect in any way, but, um, I'm
(17:07):
like that's like what I want totry to do the best that I can,
because it's we.
We look at somebody that'ssmaller and less knowledgeable
and we're like okay, well, weneed to teach you this, this and
this.
But also teaching somebodysomething is doing it with them,
is being there through it andsupporting them in that way and
(17:29):
showing them that they arevaluable, so that way, when they
go into the world, it's notlike this big shock, that
they're like not being told whatto do every five seconds,
because it's not how we live.
And it feels like such atransition whenever you actually
go into the world and you'relike, oh shit, like okay, wait,
I got to figure it out.
(17:50):
Yeah, like I need to problemsolve, and that's something that
I see in my generation.
I'm like nobody knows how tojust figure it out.
It drives me insane, I feel Iconstantly say this.
I'm like I was given the giftof problem solving because she
(18:11):
used to say that and I at thetime I was like OK, but now I'm
like I look at people who areeven a little bit older than me,
but like still in my age range,and they're like well, I just
don't know what to do and I'mlike did you try?
Like did you, did you dosomething to see if it worked,
and maybe it doesn't, and thentry something else.
So yeah, I don't know that Ifeel like that was a rambling,
but it's just like going into.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I get that.
That that's the one of thedynamics of the education system
is that there is a top-downeffect, and there is.
You couldn't learn unless thereis a teacher to teach you.
And I'm not saying that youalways can do it independently,
and sometimes you needassistance or mentorship, but
you couldn't learn unlesssomeone taught you.
(18:53):
You only know what to learnuntil someone tells you and then
you're going to process it inthe way that you're taught to do
it.
You can't think outside the box, you can't come up with your
own answers.
So I think when you hear thosemessages all the time, then you
aren't following and you don'tthink of what could I do?
How could I lead this, even?
(19:13):
Or what could I just doindependently?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
what could I do?
How could I lead this, even?
Or what could I just doindependently?
Yeah, and subliminally, likethat's teaching kids from a
young age that they like need tobe controlled, like always, and
like if they're not, then theycan't do it right, and that's
that breeds horriblerelationships when you get older
.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah, yeah and you, you can shift it, though, having
said that, you can shift itCause I'm essentially telling
you my own story that I verymuch thought that the benefit
would be to create this idealyou know, essentially a school
at home though I wouldn't havecalled it that, but that's what
I was doing, cause I thought itwas the best thing.
I actually come from a reallytough family background like
(19:54):
from from, like from childhooddomestic violence, and so then,
for me, creating a perfect worldwas my goal, like some form of
homeschool utopia, and it didn'thappen Shock, but I really was
going for that.
That's actually why mywebsite's called Capturing the
Charmed Life, because that wasmy goal.
My website it's calledcapturing the charmed life
(20:17):
because that was my goal, and um, and so I was trying to create
that utopia and fast forward acouple decades.
I can see that was never goingto happen, but what was going to
happen was being invited into agrowth journey over the course
of parenting, not even just twodecades, I think it's an
indefinite no matter how oldyour kids are, but into a growth
journey alongside your kids.
(20:37):
And that was not part of, youknow, my formula for a charmed
life.
I thought I had to take controlover it.
But I realized that it wasn'tabout control, it was about
yielding or listening or justlearning, and that does not
sound fun.
When people in coaching ask mewell, just tell me what to do,
yeah, one says that, but somepeople do I'm like I can't tell
(21:00):
you what to do because I've hadteenagers so I already know
that's not going to work.
Yeah, and also it has to comefrom within.
You have to know for sure thatthis is the right thing for you
yeah, it has to decision.
Yes, and then you grow up to beindependent.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Yeah, and I love the thought of like the growth
journey because I feel like Iwould.
I don't know if you feel thisway, emily, but I feel like when
we, when our family changed,when the family dynamics changed
, that is what happened withwith I felt like the three of us
, like my son and my daughter,myself is I didn't have any, I
(21:42):
had no choice.
So, even if I wanted what Ioriginally intended and wanted
to happen for a family and anunloving marriage and kids happy
and you know, wasn't going tobe the reality.
So I had no choice but to shiftinto a growth journey with the
kids, because we all were werefiguring out, figuring ourselves
(22:04):
out and like coming out of likesome trauma and like trying to
understand what do we do next,how do we survive?
Next, how do we survive and howdo we rebuild?
So, yeah, I really um, what didyou do at?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
that point.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I um?
What did I do, emily?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
um, I mean, like I think the the biggest thing,
like you did in the beginning,was ask for help um which I
think, like was so hard for youbecause, like I think you're
naturally an independent person,like you're naturally like you
know what to do, you want to getit done on your own.
Like we're both stubborn in thatway too, to a point where like,
(22:47):
oh no, like we'll figure it out, um, but like you really
released that and was like Ineed help, and it's okay that I
need help, and you leaned intothe community that that you had
built and that I mean like and Iknow that you'll agree with me
in saying like there weremiracles that came out of that,
(23:07):
like there were things, ways weshould not have survived,
certain things, but we did.
So I feel like that was likethe biggest thing and that's
such a that, in and of itself,is such a valuable lesson for
anyone, because asking for helpis hard, it feels it's
vulnerable, it's raw, like it'suncomfortable.
(23:30):
So like doing that in a stagewhere, so like doing that in a
stage where you're still healingfrom trauma and abuse and
everything's still chaotic, likeis it just shows so much so
that's what you did, yeah, yeah,that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That's interesting that you that's how you see it
and I see it as like I just hadto move forward, had to move
forward.
I had to, I had to keep going, Ihad to keep us afloat, um, but
the big thing in my mind wasalways it wasn't about me, it
was about, you know, my kids.
It was about my children and howI needed to make it okay as as
(24:10):
much as I could for them.
That I, you know, and I mean Idid have a lot of like I didn't,
you know, I I like had a lot ofnegative self-talk going on,
like I felt very like a failure.
I felt like I had failed themand that, um, it was.
You know, they didn't get whatI had hoped for them to get, and
, um, and that it was hard andthat we were going to go through
(24:32):
challenges.
But the whole time I I'm like Ijust I just kept feeling like
I've got to figure this outbecause I have two people that
need me to.
Um, it didn't even become ithas.
You know, it's just recentlythat my um, that my son, moved
out.
Like, I mean, it's this is mysecond year of being like an
(24:54):
empty nester, and and that hitme, it goes out to you, it hit
me hard.
It was very hard.
Yeah, I had to talk because Ihave a psychiatrist, I have
depression and anxiety and ADD,all the things, and I I was like
I'm struggling.
This is not like the.
(25:15):
This isn't.
This is going on longer than Ifeel like it might for some
people and not to compare myself, but I'm really having a hard
time and I read books and it washard to find some quality
things.
Everything was marriage, Likelean back into your marriage,
Lean into your partnership andyour relationship, and I'm like,
well, I don't have that.
So what does that mean?
(25:36):
Lean into nothing?
So it was really I felt like Ilost a loss, a little bit of my
purpose and then, but it wasalmost like, well, now you
actually have the space and themoment to like breathe and think
about the parts of you thatthat you can nourish and and so
that's, and so I guess, in asense, I've reached out again,
(25:58):
because now I have two people,that one of which is Emily, two
people that I meet with and talkto on a regular basis and with
mindset kinds of things, Cause II went to counseling for years
and years and I love her, shewas, she changed my life, she
saved my life and um, but sheretired and so, but the thought
of going through counseling allover again, I felt I was like,
(26:21):
oh, that just sounds so hard.
So so this mindset like coachinghas been more the right fit for
me, because I don't feel like Ineed to revisit like every
single traumatic thing.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
That's happened to me , but you're here now and where
are you going forward?
Yeah, yeah, I might've done anequivalent amount of therapy as
well, and it actually was very,very helpful and had dramatic
shifts for me.
And also there's somethingabout coaching, or when people
incorporate coaching intotherapy or mindset.
My YouTube channel is thewellness and mindset.
(26:53):
I think is this the rightwellness and mindset coaching
for homeschool moms and for me.
I see that coaching has thispotential for being present and
forward thinking.
There are times, though, whereyou can say, okay, you're stuck
there, so where did where didyou first get stuck and then
going back and then addressingthat is useful to go forward,
(27:15):
but I find coaching reallyuseful to propel forward.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, no, I love that .
So what?
So?
How do when people find youlike how, what is your initial
like?
How do you?
How do you find the people thatyou're serving?
Speaker 3 (27:28):
Well, they find me on the internet.
I have a podcast that I put outevery week.
I have yesterday's was aboutdecluttering our homes, our
homeschools, our minds and ourrelationships.
And then I do a YouTube, aweekly YouTube channel or video.
And then I'm on socials doinglives and all sorts of different
(27:48):
things on other people'spodcasts, in various conferences
, things like that.
So people find me.
Sometimes they've beenfollowing me for a good long
time and sometimes it's justrandom, like I need somebody and
I need someone to walkalongside me.
I really see and it was onlyafter, I think, months of my
(28:10):
husband saying something aboutmy counseling work and I'm like,
like, well, I'm not a counselorofficially and in this province
I could be deemed that, but I Idon't, I self-identify that way
.
And then he's like but you'reactually doing that, he's an
emergency physician himself, soalso does counseling in a
different capacity.
Um, but I'm like, actuallythat's what I do is some sort of
(28:32):
counseling and coaching.
And because I unschooled, I atsome point I realized that I
probably have enough unschoolhours as unschool therapy hours,
if that was a thing.
It's not, but I think if youcould qualify as a therapist,
how many hours of actual therapyfor yourself.
Do you need to do You're?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
you're right, you're right and it's not official, of
course.
Yeah, I think that I love thatit's opened the door for more
people to do it, that thereisn't just this one path to
counseling or that kind of work.
You don't just have to go toschool, get your master's, get
even get a doctorate, whatever.
You don't have to do it in thatexact way.
(29:14):
There's other opportunities.
Because sometimes people arereally just almost a natural
like you, seem like just anatural at at talking about you
know, counseling kinds of things.
Like I was, I felt myself, Ifelt I'm like, am I having a
therapy session?
Like I thought that for a fewminutes in the podcast, but
because you have instantly makeit feel safe, you instantly make
(29:35):
it feel like I can talk andthat is a gift.
But I also I also think that,emily, I also think that same
thing of you, I think you do thesame thing and and so I think
that's really cool to get toshare that with other people and
and it not having to be likeofficially counseling or
whatever.
Because you know, even when Iwas a, I was a student support
(29:58):
specialist for a couple of yearsout of the classroom and I
worked with, you know, kids thatwere in trouble, but I, I the
part that I I hated the job.
The part that I loved about thejob was the kids and it I just I
was.
I felt like I was counseling,we would have these
conversations and I wouldunderstand why the behavior.
(30:21):
And nobody, everyone's like whocares about that.
You need the consequence ofconsequence.
And I'm like yeah, and I'm likeno, we have to understand or we
will never reshape the behavior.
And I'm like so we have to findout what's going on, because
people don't just yell and throwchairs for no reason.
They're, they're trying to tellus something, so let's give
(30:42):
them the opportunity to tell us.
And that was the best part ofthe job.
That was the part that and youknow, people would get mad and
frustrated oh, they're justgoing there to talk.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
And I'm yeah, you know what, maybe they need to
talk, so I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, but it was.
But you know it's like, well,you're not the guidance
(31:11):
counselor, you're the studentsupport specialist, and so they
always have to put you in theseboxes, but you don't have to us
as having a natural gifting in acertain way.
Do you see it as something thatyou came into the world as, or
is there certain Enneagram typeor Myers-Briggs type, or you
know something that you identifythat is the basis for your
abilities?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yes, yeah, well, my Enneagram is a two and I'm, and
I am, an INFJ in theMyers-Briggs Me too.
Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
That's surprising to me.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yeah.
So I mean I kind of feel like Imean people have told me for a
long time they're like, oh, youshould be a counselor, um.
And when I was younger it waslike you should be a teacher.
And I was like I'm never beinga teacher because I know what
that entails and I don't want todo that.
Yeah, and then when I got olderand people are like, oh, you
(32:07):
should be a counselor, because Iwas always like people call me
like the mom of our friend group, like I was the one people went
to like if they neededsomething, if they needed to
talk or vent or whatever, like Iwas that person.
And I always remember being like, oh, I don't want to do like
that much school, like that justlike sounds like so much.
And eventually I realized Ididn't want to go to school
(32:31):
after high school at all.
And then I was like, well, I doreally care about listening to
people and I really I've had myown like journey with mental
health that I'm like I can't,that is what I want to focus on,
but I'm like I don't want it tohave to be in this way, where I
have to go to school and likeget so much in debt and like all
(32:55):
these things and also like betied to another system.
I guess that was kind of likemy mind.
I was like I don't really wantto be like in another system.
And then, after like becoming abusiness owner, I was like
actually I could be a coach andnobody can tell me I can't do
that without a degree.
(33:15):
So it just like I feel like itdid like come naturally.
But it was like the way thatthe world viewed it gave me
resistance, which I feel is kindof like why it took me to this
point to get to it, if you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Tell me more.
I'm curious about that.
Do you mean, like, the lifestory that you've had that's
influenced how you, you know,show up as a coach?
Is that what you mean?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
No, I guess I feel like when I left high school, I
was, I think I was confusedwhich we all are at that age but
I really thought I would go tocollege, like it was, like it
was something I was on the pathfor for forever.
So when I got out and I waslike, ok, well, I'm just going
(34:04):
to work and see how this goes,there was a lot of like energy
fighting against me in me beingable to do what I really wanted
to do, which was the morecreative part of helping people
and being there with people andlike forming connections in that
(34:25):
way.
But it was a lot of like, well,you're going to end up going
back to school or you have totake this course to do this, or
you like you have to have thiscertification or whatever it was
.
And in my mind, like I've neverbeen a black and white thinker,
like I'm always I function inthe gray, like that's just how I
feel about myself.
So whenever people are like youshould be a counselor, and I'm
(34:47):
like I don't want to do that,but I also like don't want to
not help people, it was like mybrain couldn't fully get in the
gray because it was so much oflike here's the black and the
white, like this is what youshould do, and if you don't do
either of those options, thenwho knows what that looks like?
Because it didn't really exist.
(35:08):
It was like I kind of had tocreate it for myself in the
environment that I lived in,like I didn't grow up knowing
anything about like life coachesto me, like that was not a
thing.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
So I'm like it wasn't a thing, though I think, yeah,
no, it was a thing officially,but not known at all.
We're very much in thepioneering days of coaching.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, definitely, and , and so it was kind of like oh,
I have to, I have to make itand I feel like I don't know.
I kind of feel like that's beenmy story with a lot of things
is like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Well, I'm going to create it now.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, it'll exist.
Totally resonate with that too,yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Interesting.
Thank you for sharing that,because that part of me I'm like
, oh, that's also me.
And sometimes I look at howI've done things.
When I started homeschoolingthere were two options.
I could do the you know,essentially under the umbrella
of the province's educationsystem, but do it at home.
Or else do it entirelyindependently, with no hands on
(36:10):
what I'm doing, and I'm like,well, I'll just do it by myself,
like why would I have anyinvolvement?
And so that was me.
But I think I look at it and Isay why was it that I was trying
to do?
And even before I rememberhaving significant memories of
(36:31):
family challenges early on.
I can remember way back andthinking I was just always not
out of the box thinker, so Ithink it was always there just
waiting to be fed and nurtured.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Yeah, when do you think that, like you, it really
hit you that you were like, okay, like I'm going to lean into
this, almost like this, knowingthat you've had about yourself,
but you kind of were, it waslike society's leaning you one
way or other when what made youfeel like, okay, I'm going to,
I'm going to give into this?
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Well, I mean, there's been many iterations, is the
true answer.
I refer to that one storybecause it applies to the
homeschool world, the coffee andthe pancakes.
But I have had many significantiterations.
There was a moment in 2004where there's a really
significant marriage hit for us,where we're like no, we can't
(37:23):
do marriage this way anymore.
And in that compelledcounseling for me.
And in the counseling I came tounderstand that I had never
advocated for myself at all,like I wasn't aware of who I was
, I wasn't someone separate inmy family systems.
And when things began to shiftwith my husband and I, then it
(37:45):
began to shift with my approachto my parents so that I was no
longer willing to be in thatcodependent little bubble.
And and that was that was likeearth quaking because, like
Trina at the time, I was like Idon't ask for help, I don't do
that, I just play the role ofwhat I'm supposed to and I don't
(38:07):
do things outside the box.
And for me that was like thebeginning of okay, we don't have
any choice.
Now you have to own who you areand what you're really about.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
that shifted everything in every element of
my life yeah, how, how, liketell me more.
I'm like, how, how did it?
Because I'm like I feel likeit's different for so many
different people and in my headI feel like you're telling me
like it was like different partsof you like got to come out in
different, different moments inlife.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
That's the essence of it is I came out of the closet
and I became a me.
Well, I mean my reality, my mybackstory is that it isn't just
my, my family of origin that wassteeped in this you know
unhealthy approach to relating.
(38:57):
I also had the entire communitybefore that that's supporting
that system, and I had to comeaway from that as well.
Yeah, the was terrifying, likeit was truly terrifying, because
not only did that happen, butthen it started to help me see
why I was engaging in myreligious community at the time,
(39:20):
the way I was, and all of asudden that was like nope, I'm
not, I'm not showing up in thatanymore.
Like I had to be congruent or Iwas going to drown, you know.
Like I had to figure out who amI really and how does this work
(39:44):
in every aspect of my life.
So to me it's not like oh yeah,this looks enticing for me.
I had to, or else how would Isurvive?
Speaker 1 (39:55):
yeah, yeah, like it was, like it looked like crap.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
You didn't want to do it, but then yeah, you went
into it and then you did do ityeah sometimes we have to be
uncomfortable or in some kind ofpressure to like really grow
and and to try somethingdifferent.
If not, we'll just continuegoing along in our well.
Maybe that's just true for me.
I'll continue going along in mypatterns.
But um, being uncomfortable orbeing in a situation where I'm
(40:21):
like, nope, I have to have nochoice but to figure it out the
beauty of hard things.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And when you talk about the crap, I actually have
goats and chickens, um, and Ireally I see this now
practically that there are pilesof crap in my homestead, on my
homestead, and if they'reaerated and watered and given
some sun, they actually turninto some very nourishing
compost for the garden.
And even though, especially forour kids.
(40:49):
I would like I, if you couldgive me the option of doing the
following.
I would not give them a pile ofcrap.
You could not actually convinceme to, you know, but it would
be good for resilience.
I'd be like you know also, no,and?
And yet I can see in my ownlife, and also now cause they're
(41:09):
older, I see in their livesthat actually that pile of crap
can become some remarkablynourishing compost for their
life.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
That's actually beautiful.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
And we're talking about crap.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
I love it.
Okay, so I know that we're likecoming up at the two at the 45
minutes, so I want to make surethat you've gotten a chance to
say anything that you want tosay and also ask if you would be
willing to play like a quicklightning round.
Yeah, okay.
So first of all, you mentionedyour podcast, and so now we know
(41:49):
how to find you, and that isexciting, so that's good.
Is there anything else that youwant to share about the work
that you're doing, or the workthat you do, that you do offer,
or, yeah, anything like that.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
The only thing I would say in addition to that is
what I see and this is reallylike my personal passion project
Every, every person that comesto have or spend time with me.
They have very unique storiesand very unique reasons for
showing up, and yet they itfeels to me that I'm here to
(42:24):
support them to become whothey're really meant to be and
to own who they are, own theirvoices, and that's my passion.
At first glance, you go oh,she's a homeschool coach, so
she's going to help me figureout my curriculum and my routine
and all that.
And I can do that and I do helpyou do that.
But I'm always going to pointyou back to what really matters,
and it is the child in front ofyou and who you are what really
(42:49):
matters to you.
So that's what I would say as aan addition.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that Me too.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Okay, so these are just for fun.
Um, on a scale from one to 10,how good of a driver are you?
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Excellent.
One of my kids would be like umyou do rolling stops?
They're all at the.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
either have their drivers or else they're in the
place of about to take adriver's let you know and I'm
like, yeah, you don't like haveto right.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
The other day, when the RCMP was behind me then I
said hey, notice the full stops.
Yeah, you decide.
I don't know is, is that a five, a seven?
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Hard to know.
Yeah, I think it can bewhatever you want it to be, so
that's funny.
All right, what is yourfavorite day of the week?
Speaker 3 (43:48):
I'm down for all of them.
They all have different thingsin them.
I like them all that's cool.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Yeah, what about your favorite junk food?
That's hard to decide, oh,pizza yeah, I haven't had pizza
in a long time.
Okay, so two more.
Do you have any reoccurringdreams or nightmares?
Speaker 3 (44:11):
not anymore, but that took me years.
Yeah, that's really only in thelast maybe seven or eight years
where I don't yeah that's,that's good.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
That's good that you have, yeah, come to the point
where there's not it's sloweddown significantly yeah yeah,
okay.
And then, knowing what you knownow, what would advice would
you give to your 18-year-oldself?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
Oh girl, I have a 19-year-old daughter, so okay,
let me think Depends on thedaughter too, though.
What would I say to myself,though, at 19?
I would say I know this seemsterrifying, that you feel like
you're entirely on your own andyou have no support system, but
(44:57):
just lean into what you know tobe true, and I do believe
there's a relationship beyondmyself but I would say lean into
what you know to be true and bethe fullest you that you are
now.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Thank you you thank you so much.
Yeah, thanks for letting mehang out with you.
This was fun.
Yeah, I'd like to meet newfriends.
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