December 17, 2025 • 26 mins
Dreaming, setting intentions, and keeping yourself accountable are not easy in the world we currently live in. Our society has built systems that erode the individual and collective spaces that hold these generative processes. This is a powerful time of year to begin to reclaim the space of pausing in the darkness to be with yourself, dream new possibilities, and lay the foundation for what you want to create in the world.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I share insights and tips on the power of dreaming, setting intentions, and keeping yourself accountable as we head into a new year.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Embracing end of year energy (darkness
- The importance of pausing and why it’s hard
- Understanding intentions and creating accountability
- You don’t have to be perfect, just present
Have thoughts or questions about this episode? Share them with me!
Send me a voice memo: https://www.speakpipe.com/MindsetUnlimited
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Lord Of The Rings Facebook Post
A Swiftly Tilting Planet – Madeleine L’Engle
How to Plan for the Future and Enjoy the Present
How to Avoid Overwhelm and Access Joy in a Time of Change
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello, my friends, and welcome to the
(00:03):
final episode of season five ofMindset Unlimited. Mindset tips,
tools and inspiration for womenin a time of change. I'm your
host. Valerie Friedlander, ICF,certified coach, sociologist,
intersectional feminist, artist,mom and nerd, and today we are
(00:23):
talking about dreaming, settingintentions and keeping yourself
accountable. It is the end of acalendar year, and I always take
a little bit of time at the endof the year to reflect on the
previous year, and this year,it's been a lot. This is I know
(00:44):
that it has been a heavy year,and I think we knew it going in
there was a lot of talk about,yikes, 2025 and here we are at
the end, going, Oh, yikes, 2025and we want to step into a new
year with hope. And it's hard.
We have endured a lot this year,and I know I have personally as
(01:05):
well as professionally, as wellas being in this world and
navigating the social,political, all the things. So I
just want to invite you for amoment to take a breath. I often
invite you to pause, and I thinkin pausing right now is
particularly invited. I wasplanning on doing kind of a
(01:29):
reflection on the podcast, andas I started it, I went, ooh, I
need more time for this, becausethis year has marked 10 years as
a solo practitioner coach andfive years doing this podcast.
And that's a lot to take a lookat, and I can feel this change
(01:49):
energy in place. I don't knowexactly what it's inviting, but
I know it's there, and I knowsome of the steps to lean into
that. I recognize that this ischallenging for a lot of people.
It's challenging for me too. SoI thought, rather than doing a
(02:10):
reflection on the year or thepast 510, years, I would instead
talk a little bit about the timeand why this is a good time to
do this, not just because it'swhen I started everything. I
realized I have a tendency tostart and end things in
(02:30):
November, for some reason, notlike that's the most
energetically aligned time on somany levels, but it is a thing
so beyond that. Though, why isthis a good time? We're going to
talk about embracing the end ofyour energy. Talk about the
importance of pausing and whyit's hard understanding
(02:54):
intentions and creating supportfor accountability, and possibly
the most important of all,remembering that you don't have
to be perfect if you are lookingfor support as you enter a new
year to engage any of Theseprocesses, just to get some
clarity, some discernment, tohave support in accountability
(03:18):
and how you want to move forwardin a new year, I invite you to
sign up for an exploration call.
I am going to be closed throughthe last two weeks of the year,
but come the New Year, I wouldlove to chat with you and offer
(03:39):
you whatever support I can. Sothere's a link in the show notes
to sign up if you just have aquestion you'd like me to engage
on the podcast in the comingseason. You can also send me a
little voice message and let meknow, or email me. All of the
(04:00):
links are in the show notes, andnow, without further ado, let's
get started.
This time of year, we are in thedarkest part of the year the
solar cycle, at least in thenorthern hemisphere. So for
everybody in the NorthernHemisphere, we are entering into
(04:20):
that darkest part right beforewe move toward the light. And
not only do we have the darkestpart of the solar cycle, but we
are heading into a new moon,which is the darkest part of the
lunar cycle. And while there isa lot of stuff in our social
(04:41):
psyche around darkness. It is afertile period. It is a really
important part of the cycle. Iwas recently rereading the book
A Swiftly Tilting Planet byMadeleine langle, and there was
a quote in there that stood outto me. That says darkness was
(05:01):
and darkness was good, as waslight, light and darkness,
dancing together, born together,born of each other, neither
proceeding, neither following,both fully being in joyful
rhythm. And that joyful rhythmis something we miss when we cut
one out. It is hard to go intothe dark because the dark is
(05:26):
unknown. We can't see what's inthe dark, and we don't know what
we'll find. There's so muchmythology around what we find in
the darkness. I think you know,as a sci fi nerd, the scene
where Luke goes into the darkcave and has to confront Vader
(05:46):
who is actually himself, thatdream of self confrontation. And
that is something that happensin the dark. It's also where we
rest, where we rejuvenate, andwhere we create, where we
generate. It is something thatis not very conducive to an
extractive system that wants usto just keep going and not stop
(06:11):
and move all the time andproduce all the time, and not
question, not look at ourselves,ourselves as individuals,
ourselves, as a collective, andgo, What are we doing? And rest
and care for ourselves. Sothere's a lot that's been
demonized about the darkness,and yet this is where we must
(06:35):
enter. We must go in and take alook at ourselves, and this look
doesn't always necessarily looklike specific reflection, like
walking through all of thethings and analyzing all the
things. It's not necessarilylike that. I was listening to
someone I deeply respect intheir spiritual journey share
(06:59):
about an experience they hadgoing on a month long retreat,
and the reflection and readingand awareness that came and one
of the awarenesses that came tothis person was how practices
are support to be ready for themoments where insight, where
(07:19):
guidance occur. So it's notnecessarily the practices you
know, the practice ofreflection, of journaling, of
going inward, of taking thatspace. It's not necessarily in
those moments where we'll havethe Epiphany, where we will have
the awareness, but what it is ispreparation. It is preparation
(07:44):
to notice when our intuitionsays this, here it is, or when
we get that nudge that tells usto keep walking or turn in a
particular direction, thoselittle small voices that we
would miss otherwise, thepractices of going into the
dark, of resting, ofrejuvenating, of Listening, of
(08:07):
journaling, all of those thingswhere we dream about what we
want to see in the world, whatwe want to see in our life.
Those are all preparation forthe action, for the steps that
we take. The other thing that hesaid that really stood out to me
(08:27):
was a quote probably from 19thcentury Danish thinker Soren
Kierkegaard, and it said, lifecan only be understood looking
backwards, but must be livedlooking forwards. And that stood
out to me because one of theplaces of tension that I have
often experienced in my life isthe how do I plan for the future
(08:52):
and be in the present? And thisdesire to understand all the
things, and the bottom line is,I can't understand all the
things. I'm not designed to mybrain is not meant to understand
all the things. Even in lookingback, I'm taking a particular
(09:13):
perception that all of myexperiences have created. Like
if you've ever talked to asibling who went through an
exact same experience but had acompletely different perception,
we have a filter that weunderstand the world through,
and that's just normal, thatthere's nothing wrong with that,
(09:37):
and knowing that it is all justpart of a process. It's part of
a journey, and that's okay. Theother thing I wanted to mention
about darkness I almost forgot,is. Is to look at light so
literal light. There's been somany studies about the impact of
(09:57):
light on our brain and on ourcycles and blue light, and how
we shouldn't have our devices onbefore we go to bed at a certain
point, and all of that sort ofstuff. And so it's really
important to think about, whatare the things around us that
(10:17):
support us in what we want, inour life, in the world, and so
it could be as simple as nothaving certain lights on. Now I
say that, and I'm like, well, isthat simple? Because we have
these really addictive devicesthat make it hard to not use
(10:37):
them, and that's where thechanges that we want to step
into come into place before wecan get to identifying those
things that we want to change,like our relationship to devices
before bed. It could be not ourrelationship to devices
entirely, though that might bepart of it, but just at this
(11:01):
particular time before we can dothat, setting an intention for
ourselves. Why? What is thepurpose? What is important to us
about this, connecting to thatbigger picture for ourselves,
and this period of time whenwe're invited into the darkness
(11:22):
and to reflect is where we maydiscover an intention. An
intention isn't just a thought.
An intention is how we focus. Itinfluences that perception, that
mindset, the way we perceivethings in our past, in our
present, in our future, how weunderstand the world. Our
intention can create a filter.
(11:46):
It is also action, how we move,that invites more of that in.
Some people like to center in ona word. Some people use a
phrase. Some people create awhole sentence or a paragraph.
Businesses will have a missionstatement and a vision statement
(12:06):
that centralize what isimportant and how they will move
in the world, not that everybodyalways stays accountable to that
or does it in integrity. So thatidea of an intention is part of
how we stay in integrity throughaccountability. So I'll pull
(12:27):
this together in that what westart with is turning inward.
Not is a doing, but as a being,giving yourself space, slowing
down, pausing, a practice of notdoing. Even you might think
about it like that, of like, I'mjust not going to do. Maybe you
(12:47):
do need some more structure toit, like I'm going to journal,
and you have something thatguides you in your journaling,
if that's supportive, but thattime, that's not about, I'm not
trying to create an awareness. Iam trying to prepare myself.
(13:07):
It's like, I suppose you couldsay it's like training for a
marathon, where you practicewhen you're doing the stretches
and all of those things. It'snot that's not the marathon,
that's the preparation. Well,giving yourself pause, giving
yourself space, creatingpractices that support that are
(13:31):
all part of that preparation.
And then we do life, and then wego out into the world and we
show up. And when we have anintention of how we want to show
up, that guides our focus. Ithelps us notice the things. And
then we do then we have thatcommitment of taking action. We
(13:51):
have accountability. Andaccountability is, if this
happens, then I'm going to dothis. And if I don't do this,
then this happens. And thishappening of not doing isn't
about beating ourselves up. Itcan simply be a recalibration.
So if I don't do the thing, thenI'm going to check in and go
(14:16):
what happened? What stopped me?
What would support me in doingthe thing? Is the thing actually
the thing, or maybe I need topause again and having that time
to check in. Now, this is notsupported, and we have so much
(14:36):
conditioning our brains lovepatterns, and they will default
to the known patterns when thereis stress, and we live in a
society full of stress. So youmight be like Val, then how do I
do this? Well, it takes a littleextra effort, and it takes the
(14:56):
awareness that this is part ofit. That to do something
different requires these piecesof pausing, of engaging
ourselves with care, recognizingthat it's not just cognitive.
It's in our bodies. It's in ourhearts. It's the feelings that
we want to evoke, that we wantto bring more of in. Those are
(15:21):
those intentions. Maybe they'revalues that we hold. And my dad
talked about a moral compassthat he found really helpful. He
found it in the Tao and havingthat as a tethering point to
check in and support practicesthat might be different when we
(15:41):
want to step into somethingdifferent, because our brains
like patterns. When we're doingsomething that is unknown,
unfamiliar, it can feeldangerous, and our survival mode
kicks in. Our stress responsekicks in because we want to stay
safe, and we don't, in thissociety, have a lot of support
(16:06):
to do something different, so wetend to turn towards the things
that are already familiar. So tohave accountability to the
things we actually want can alsomean creating support systems
for ourselves to be in thediscomfort be in that liminal
(16:26):
space between doing one thingand doing another thing as we
learn, it's messy and that'sscary, because we're taught that
we're supposed to be perfect andwe're supposed to get everything
right and we're supposed to justknow and do and that's just not
(16:46):
how it works. So I just want tovalidate that it's okay, that
it's messy, and if it'simportant, again, tapping into
what is important about this,then what do I need in order to
do the thing? What would help meand building in that support for
(17:06):
that middle space between whatis known before and what we want
to be known. And it might bethat we don't know exactly what
that is that wants to be known,but we know the feel of it.
That's something we find in thatdarkness, that's something we
(17:27):
find where we know theheartbeat, we know the flow, we
know what it feels like. Andwhen our body goes, Ah, there's
danger here. That is not what wethink it should feel like. And
so then we turn back and go,Well, this must be wrong,
because my system says this iswrong. And it's like, No, we're
(17:51):
just in that in between, spacebetween when we want something
and when we have it, when weknow there's a story about
catching a monkey in a cagewhere there's a banana in the
cage, and the monkey can get itshand in without the banana, but
it can't pull its hand out withthe banana, because it's too
(18:16):
small of a hole. And this fearof letting go I have this thing,
and the other hand is empty, andthis hand is full, and I don't
want to let go of this thingthat I know, even though it's
keeping me trapped where I am.
So then we have to dream. Wedream what it looks like, what
(18:36):
it feels like, and we connect tothe courage, not the confidence,
but the courage to go after it.
Why is it important enough tostep through this space? And
maybe we grab onto somebodyelse's hand, maybe we create a
(18:56):
supportive container for us,other routines that keep our
brain tethered to somethingfamiliar. Well, I know I always
do this, and so this helps mefeel stable while I change this
other thing. So we're notchanging everything at once.
We're just changing one thing ata time, one important thing at a
(19:21):
time. And maybe if an importantthing feels too big, we change a
smaller thing, and then we havethose check in points where we
go. How is this going? Is thismoving me in the direction I
want? Is this how I want tomove? I think about the travel
(19:41):
analogy, and I've used this alot, where you're in a car and
you're going someplace, butmaybe you don't want to be in
the car, maybe you want to be ona bicycle, or maybe you want to
be on an airplane or on a boat,and you still want to go to the
(20:01):
same place, but you want to gothere differently. Or maybe you
want to go in a different place.
And you want to stay in the car.
There are different pieces wherewe're going, how we're going,
the experience of going there.
Are we taking a lot of stops?
(20:22):
Are we just driving straightthrough as fast as we can? What
do you want your experience tobe like? This is part of where
we dream. So just to recap,going into the darkness first,
to dream, to imagine, topractice being in an open,
regenerative, rejuvenative spacewhere we don't have to know, we
(20:46):
don't have to have the answers.
We're just seeking, we're justlistening, we're just exploring.
We're just open, caring forourselves. And then we can set
an intention. How am I moving?
And sometimes that intention cancome through that dreaming
(21:07):
darkness, space how am I moving?
How do I want to show up? Whatexperiences Am I inviting into
my life in this season? Could bethis year, could be this
quarter, whatever that lookslike for you, shorter, longer,
whatever supportive setting thatintention and then deciding what
(21:27):
supports you need, and whenyou're checking in. When do I
check in on how this is going?
How do I feel? What pivots oradjustments do I want to make?
And finally, as I've said,actually, but again, you don't
have to understand it all. Youdon't have to have all the
(21:51):
answers. And it's important toremember that on this journey,
sometimes the most importantthings are not obvious. There
was a post recently on Facebookthat I saw talking about the
journey of Frodo in The Lord ofthe Rings, and how the
resolution of that journey, thequest resolves because of a
(22:15):
chain reaction of restraint. Thedecisive force is not
discipline, not optimization,not grit, it's pity. It's when
first Aragorn, then Gandalf,then Frodo, have restraint in
doing the thing that seems themost obvious. They care about
another person they refuse todestroy. And it's that that
(22:40):
allows evil to be destroyed inthe end. And it was a great
post. I'll link it in the shownotes. It was, I don't know if
it's actually written by GinnyHarrison. The Internet is a
weird place, but I reallyappreciated the message in
there, remembering that life ismessy, and that's part of it,
(23:04):
and we're all doing these thingstogether, so it's not just on
you, and it's not you beingperfect, it's you being as you,
as you can be, and Not expectingyourself to be more than that,
but striving to be more you tobe who you want to be. Finally,
(23:24):
I am going to take some time toreflect on where I am and where
I've come, and perhaps that'llbe shared in the next season.
I'm sure some aspects of it willbe, some of the things that I
know will stay the same inlooking over several of the
writings over the years that Ihave put down as to why I do,
(23:49):
what I do, and what is importantto me. It's about helping people
tap into their inner GPS andmake loving, conscious choices
as they navigate life. Some ofwhat I wrote on that was to tap
into means to access through theshoulds and the shell of
(24:09):
expectations, advice and quote,unquote, right way stuff we've
internalized our GPS is thespirit center, that of you that
knows beyond fear, selfknowledge and awareness, the
inner light, that of God withinaccess to a limitlessness where
you have infinite creativity Andthe ability to design your life
(24:34):
and make choices to move towardswhat you want, as well as live
in your life in the presentmoment. It is the source of
confidence and of joy. Andrecently, I also wrote that I
want to live in a world whereeveryone is free. To shine where
we each are seen and held withcare and joy. We contribute and
(24:59):
receive because we are incommunity. We don't have to earn
a place. We have a place becausewe are worthy of one, just for
being. We honor ourselves, eachother, all our relations, our
planet. Leadership is howeveryone shows up, not with
pressure to perform and earn,but with presence, compassion
(25:23):
and ownership, self possessionand collective accountability.
My mission is to transform theculture of leadership from
control to co creation in aSwiftly Tilting Planet. Early on
in the book, Mr. Murray says theworld has been abnormal for so
(25:43):
long that we've forgotten whatit's like to live in a peaceful
and reasonable climate. If thereis to be any peace or reason, we
have to create it in our ownhearts and homes. So that's what
I'm striving to do, and I'mgoing to take some time in this
(26:04):
darkness to reflect. If youwould like support and to
connect. Please reach out. Thereare spots in the New Year open
on my calendar. I would love tosupport you any way I can. So
please connect. If you havethings that you'd like me to
engage in this podcast in thenext season, please leave me an
(26:28):
email. Leave me a voicemail onthe little link where you can
record a voice memo for me, andI would be happy to receive
those as well. I wish you all somany blessings, so much love,
and I will talk to you all next time.
Hello, my friends, and welcome to the
(00:03):
final episode of season five ofMindset Unlimited. Mindset tips,
tools and inspiration for womenin a time of change. I'm your
host. Valerie Friedlander, ICF,certified coach, sociologist,
intersectional feminist, artist,mom and nerd, and today we are
(00:23):
talking about dreaming, settingintentions and keeping yourself
accountable. It is the end of acalendar year, and I always take
a little bit of time at the endof the year to reflect on the
previous year, and this year,it's been a lot. This is I know
(00:44):
that it has been a heavy year,and I think we knew it going in
there was a lot of talk about,yikes, 2025 and here we are at
the end, going, Oh, yikes, 2025and we want to step into a new
year with hope. And it's hard.
We have endured a lot this year,and I know I have personally as
(01:05):
well as professionally, as wellas being in this world and
navigating the social,political, all the things. So I
just want to invite you for amoment to take a breath. I often
invite you to pause, and I thinkin pausing right now is
particularly invited. I wasplanning on doing kind of a
(01:29):
reflection on the podcast, andas I started it, I went, ooh, I
need more time for this, becausethis year has marked 10 years as
a solo practitioner coach andfive years doing this podcast.
And that's a lot to take a lookat, and I can feel this change
(01:49):
energy in place. I don't knowexactly what it's inviting, but
I know it's there, and I knowsome of the steps to lean into
that. I recognize that this ischallenging for a lot of people.
It's challenging for me too. SoI thought, rather than doing a
(02:10):
reflection on the year or thepast 510, years, I would instead
talk a little bit about the timeand why this is a good time to
do this, not just because it'swhen I started everything. I
realized I have a tendency tostart and end things in
(02:30):
November, for some reason, notlike that's the most
energetically aligned time on somany levels, but it is a thing
so beyond that. Though, why isthis a good time? We're going to
talk about embracing the end ofyour energy. Talk about the
importance of pausing and whyit's hard understanding
(02:54):
intentions and creating supportfor accountability, and possibly
the most important of all,remembering that you don't have
to be perfect if you are lookingfor support as you enter a new
year to engage any of Theseprocesses, just to get some
clarity, some discernment, tohave support in accountability
(03:18):
and how you want to move forwardin a new year, I invite you to
sign up for an exploration call.
I am going to be closed throughthe last two weeks of the year,
but come the New Year, I wouldlove to chat with you and offer
(03:39):
you whatever support I can. Sothere's a link in the show notes
to sign up if you just have aquestion you'd like me to engage
on the podcast in the comingseason. You can also send me a
little voice message and let meknow, or email me. All of the
(04:00):
links are in the show notes, andnow, without further ado, let's
get started.
This time of year, we are in thedarkest part of the year the
solar cycle, at least in thenorthern hemisphere. So for
everybody in the NorthernHemisphere, we are entering into
(04:20):
that darkest part right beforewe move toward the light. And
not only do we have the darkestpart of the solar cycle, but we
are heading into a new moon,which is the darkest part of the
lunar cycle. And while there isa lot of stuff in our social
(04:41):
psyche around darkness. It is afertile period. It is a really
important part of the cycle. Iwas recently rereading the book
A Swiftly Tilting Planet byMadeleine langle, and there was
a quote in there that stood outto me. That says darkness was
(05:01):
and darkness was good, as waslight, light and darkness,
dancing together, born together,born of each other, neither
proceeding, neither following,both fully being in joyful
rhythm. And that joyful rhythmis something we miss when we cut
one out. It is hard to go intothe dark because the dark is
(05:26):
unknown. We can't see what's inthe dark, and we don't know what
we'll find. There's so muchmythology around what we find in
the darkness. I think you know,as a sci fi nerd, the scene
where Luke goes into the darkcave and has to confront Vader
(05:46):
who is actually himself, thatdream of self confrontation. And
that is something that happensin the dark. It's also where we
rest, where we rejuvenate, andwhere we create, where we
generate. It is something thatis not very conducive to an
extractive system that wants usto just keep going and not stop
(06:11):
and move all the time andproduce all the time, and not
question, not look at ourselves,ourselves as individuals,
ourselves, as a collective, andgo, What are we doing? And rest
and care for ourselves. Sothere's a lot that's been
demonized about the darkness,and yet this is where we must
(06:35):
enter. We must go in and take alook at ourselves, and this look
doesn't always necessarily looklike specific reflection, like
walking through all of thethings and analyzing all the
things. It's not necessarilylike that. I was listening to
someone I deeply respect intheir spiritual journey share
(06:59):
about an experience they hadgoing on a month long retreat,
and the reflection and readingand awareness that came and one
of the awarenesses that came tothis person was how practices
are support to be ready for themoments where insight, where
(07:19):
guidance occur. So it's notnecessarily the practices you
know, the practice ofreflection, of journaling, of
going inward, of taking thatspace. It's not necessarily in
those moments where we'll havethe Epiphany, where we will have
the awareness, but what it is ispreparation. It is preparation
(07:44):
to notice when our intuitionsays this, here it is, or when
we get that nudge that tells usto keep walking or turn in a
particular direction, thoselittle small voices that we
would miss otherwise, thepractices of going into the
dark, of resting, ofrejuvenating, of Listening, of
(08:07):
journaling, all of those thingswhere we dream about what we
want to see in the world, whatwe want to see in our life.
Those are all preparation forthe action, for the steps that
we take. The other thing that hesaid that really stood out to me
(08:27):
was a quote probably from 19thcentury Danish thinker Soren
Kierkegaard, and it said, lifecan only be understood looking
backwards, but must be livedlooking forwards. And that stood
out to me because one of theplaces of tension that I have
often experienced in my life isthe how do I plan for the future
(08:52):
and be in the present? And thisdesire to understand all the
things, and the bottom line is,I can't understand all the
things. I'm not designed to mybrain is not meant to understand
all the things. Even in lookingback, I'm taking a particular
(09:13):
perception that all of myexperiences have created. Like
if you've ever talked to asibling who went through an
exact same experience but had acompletely different perception,
we have a filter that weunderstand the world through,
and that's just normal, thatthere's nothing wrong with that,
(09:37):
and knowing that it is all justpart of a process. It's part of
a journey, and that's okay. Theother thing I wanted to mention
about darkness I almost forgot,is. Is to look at light so
literal light. There's been somany studies about the impact of
(09:57):
light on our brain and on ourcycles and blue light, and how
we shouldn't have our devices onbefore we go to bed at a certain
point, and all of that sort ofstuff. And so it's really
important to think about, whatare the things around us that
(10:17):
support us in what we want, inour life, in the world, and so
it could be as simple as nothaving certain lights on. Now I
say that, and I'm like, well, isthat simple? Because we have
these really addictive devicesthat make it hard to not use
(10:37):
them, and that's where thechanges that we want to step
into come into place before wecan get to identifying those
things that we want to change,like our relationship to devices
before bed. It could be not ourrelationship to devices
entirely, though that might bepart of it, but just at this
(11:01):
particular time before we can dothat, setting an intention for
ourselves. Why? What is thepurpose? What is important to us
about this, connecting to thatbigger picture for ourselves,
and this period of time whenwe're invited into the darkness
(11:22):
and to reflect is where we maydiscover an intention. An
intention isn't just a thought.
An intention is how we focus. Itinfluences that perception, that
mindset, the way we perceivethings in our past, in our
present, in our future, how weunderstand the world. Our
intention can create a filter.
(11:46):
It is also action, how we move,that invites more of that in.
Some people like to center in ona word. Some people use a
phrase. Some people create awhole sentence or a paragraph.
Businesses will have a missionstatement and a vision statement
(12:06):
that centralize what isimportant and how they will move
in the world, not that everybodyalways stays accountable to that
or does it in integrity. So thatidea of an intention is part of
how we stay in integrity throughaccountability. So I'll pull
(12:27):
this together in that what westart with is turning inward.
Not is a doing, but as a being,giving yourself space, slowing
down, pausing, a practice of notdoing. Even you might think
about it like that, of like, I'mjust not going to do. Maybe you
(12:47):
do need some more structure toit, like I'm going to journal,
and you have something thatguides you in your journaling,
if that's supportive, but thattime, that's not about, I'm not
trying to create an awareness. Iam trying to prepare myself.
(13:07):
It's like, I suppose you couldsay it's like training for a
marathon, where you practicewhen you're doing the stretches
and all of those things. It'snot that's not the marathon,
that's the preparation. Well,giving yourself pause, giving
yourself space, creatingpractices that support that are
(13:31):
all part of that preparation.
And then we do life, and then wego out into the world and we
show up. And when we have anintention of how we want to show
up, that guides our focus. Ithelps us notice the things. And
then we do then we have thatcommitment of taking action. We
(13:51):
have accountability. Andaccountability is, if this
happens, then I'm going to dothis. And if I don't do this,
then this happens. And thishappening of not doing isn't
about beating ourselves up. Itcan simply be a recalibration.
So if I don't do the thing, thenI'm going to check in and go
(14:16):
what happened? What stopped me?
What would support me in doingthe thing? Is the thing actually
the thing, or maybe I need topause again and having that time
to check in. Now, this is notsupported, and we have so much
(14:36):
conditioning our brains lovepatterns, and they will default
to the known patterns when thereis stress, and we live in a
society full of stress. So youmight be like Val, then how do I
do this? Well, it takes a littleextra effort, and it takes the
(14:56):
awareness that this is part ofit. That to do something
different requires these piecesof pausing, of engaging
ourselves with care, recognizingthat it's not just cognitive.
It's in our bodies. It's in ourhearts. It's the feelings that
we want to evoke, that we wantto bring more of in. Those are
(15:21):
those intentions. Maybe they'revalues that we hold. And my dad
talked about a moral compassthat he found really helpful. He
found it in the Tao and havingthat as a tethering point to
check in and support practicesthat might be different when we
(15:41):
want to step into somethingdifferent, because our brains
like patterns. When we're doingsomething that is unknown,
unfamiliar, it can feeldangerous, and our survival mode
kicks in. Our stress responsekicks in because we want to stay
safe, and we don't, in thissociety, have a lot of support
(16:06):
to do something different, so wetend to turn towards the things
that are already familiar. So tohave accountability to the
things we actually want can alsomean creating support systems
for ourselves to be in thediscomfort be in that liminal
(16:26):
space between doing one thingand doing another thing as we
learn, it's messy and that'sscary, because we're taught that
we're supposed to be perfect andwe're supposed to get everything
right and we're supposed to justknow and do and that's just not
(16:46):
how it works. So I just want tovalidate that it's okay, that
it's messy, and if it'simportant, again, tapping into
what is important about this,then what do I need in order to
do the thing? What would help meand building in that support for
(17:06):
that middle space between whatis known before and what we want
to be known. And it might bethat we don't know exactly what
that is that wants to be known,but we know the feel of it.
That's something we find in thatdarkness, that's something we
(17:27):
find where we know theheartbeat, we know the flow, we
know what it feels like. Andwhen our body goes, Ah, there's
danger here. That is not what wethink it should feel like. And
so then we turn back and go,Well, this must be wrong,
because my system says this iswrong. And it's like, No, we're
(17:51):
just in that in between, spacebetween when we want something
and when we have it, when weknow there's a story about
catching a monkey in a cagewhere there's a banana in the
cage, and the monkey can get itshand in without the banana, but
it can't pull its hand out withthe banana, because it's too
(18:16):
small of a hole. And this fearof letting go I have this thing,
and the other hand is empty, andthis hand is full, and I don't
want to let go of this thingthat I know, even though it's
keeping me trapped where I am.
So then we have to dream. Wedream what it looks like, what
(18:36):
it feels like, and we connect tothe courage, not the confidence,
but the courage to go after it.
Why is it important enough tostep through this space? And
maybe we grab onto somebodyelse's hand, maybe we create a
(18:56):
supportive container for us,other routines that keep our
brain tethered to somethingfamiliar. Well, I know I always
do this, and so this helps mefeel stable while I change this
other thing. So we're notchanging everything at once.
We're just changing one thing ata time, one important thing at a
(19:21):
time. And maybe if an importantthing feels too big, we change a
smaller thing, and then we havethose check in points where we
go. How is this going? Is thismoving me in the direction I
want? Is this how I want tomove? I think about the travel
(19:41):
analogy, and I've used this alot, where you're in a car and
you're going someplace, butmaybe you don't want to be in
the car, maybe you want to be ona bicycle, or maybe you want to
be on an airplane or on a boat,and you still want to go to the
(20:01):
same place, but you want to gothere differently. Or maybe you
want to go in a different place.
And you want to stay in the car.
There are different pieces wherewe're going, how we're going,
the experience of going there.
Are we taking a lot of stops?
(20:22):
Are we just driving straightthrough as fast as we can? What
do you want your experience tobe like? This is part of where
we dream. So just to recap,going into the darkness first,
to dream, to imagine, topractice being in an open,
regenerative, rejuvenative spacewhere we don't have to know, we
(20:46):
don't have to have the answers.
We're just seeking, we're justlistening, we're just exploring.
We're just open, caring forourselves. And then we can set
an intention. How am I moving?
And sometimes that intention cancome through that dreaming
(21:07):
darkness, space how am I moving?
How do I want to show up? Whatexperiences Am I inviting into
my life in this season? Could bethis year, could be this
quarter, whatever that lookslike for you, shorter, longer,
whatever supportive setting thatintention and then deciding what
(21:27):
supports you need, and whenyou're checking in. When do I
check in on how this is going?
How do I feel? What pivots oradjustments do I want to make?
And finally, as I've said,actually, but again, you don't
have to understand it all. Youdon't have to have all the
(21:51):
answers. And it's important toremember that on this journey,
sometimes the most importantthings are not obvious. There
was a post recently on Facebookthat I saw talking about the
journey of Frodo in The Lord ofthe Rings, and how the
resolution of that journey, thequest resolves because of a
(22:15):
chain reaction of restraint. Thedecisive force is not
discipline, not optimization,not grit, it's pity. It's when
first Aragorn, then Gandalf,then Frodo, have restraint in
doing the thing that seems themost obvious. They care about
another person they refuse todestroy. And it's that that
(22:40):
allows evil to be destroyed inthe end. And it was a great
post. I'll link it in the shownotes. It was, I don't know if
it's actually written by GinnyHarrison. The Internet is a
weird place, but I reallyappreciated the message in
there, remembering that life ismessy, and that's part of it,
(23:04):
and we're all doing these thingstogether, so it's not just on
you, and it's not you beingperfect, it's you being as you,
as you can be, and Not expectingyourself to be more than that,
but striving to be more you tobe who you want to be. Finally,
(23:24):
I am going to take some time toreflect on where I am and where
I've come, and perhaps that'llbe shared in the next season.
I'm sure some aspects of it willbe, some of the things that I
know will stay the same inlooking over several of the
writings over the years that Ihave put down as to why I do,
(23:49):
what I do, and what is importantto me. It's about helping people
tap into their inner GPS andmake loving, conscious choices
as they navigate life. Some ofwhat I wrote on that was to tap
into means to access through theshoulds and the shell of
(24:09):
expectations, advice and quote,unquote, right way stuff we've
internalized our GPS is thespirit center, that of you that
knows beyond fear, selfknowledge and awareness, the
inner light, that of God withinaccess to a limitlessness where
you have infinite creativity Andthe ability to design your life
(24:34):
and make choices to move towardswhat you want, as well as live
in your life in the presentmoment. It is the source of
confidence and of joy. Andrecently, I also wrote that I
want to live in a world whereeveryone is free. To shine where
we each are seen and held withcare and joy. We contribute and
(24:59):
receive because we are incommunity. We don't have to earn
a place. We have a place becausewe are worthy of one, just for
being. We honor ourselves, eachother, all our relations, our
planet. Leadership is howeveryone shows up, not with
pressure to perform and earn,but with presence, compassion
(25:23):
and ownership, self possessionand collective accountability.
My mission is to transform theculture of leadership from
control to co creation in aSwiftly Tilting Planet. Early on
in the book, Mr. Murray says theworld has been abnormal for so
(25:43):
long that we've forgotten whatit's like to live in a peaceful
and reasonable climate. If thereis to be any peace or reason, we
have to create it in our ownhearts and homes. So that's what
I'm striving to do, and I'mgoing to take some time in this
(26:04):
darkness to reflect. If youwould like support and to
connect. Please reach out. Thereare spots in the New Year open
on my calendar. I would love tosupport you any way I can. So
please connect. If you havethings that you'd like me to
engage in this podcast in thenext season, please leave me an
(26:28):
email. Leave me a voicemail onthe little link where you can
record a voice memo for me, andI would be happy to receive
those as well. I wish you all somany blessings, so much love,
and I will talk to you all next time.
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