May 21, 2025 • 39 mins
“Where do we go from here” is a common question when we encounter a crossroads in life. Whether a transition is big or small, each point is an invitation learn more about yourself and choose what is aligned for the person you are becoming. This episode engages two types of transition reflection. First the riptide transition point, when you realize you’ve unconsciously slid back into ways of being you thought you’d moved away from. Second the seismic transition point, when something outside your control cracks your stability. Though vastly different levels of outward impact, they both impact who you understand yourself to be in relation to your life. Radical self-compassion and connecting with trusted others for support allow the room to intentionally answer where do we go from here.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore ways we answer the question “Where do we go from here” through reflections on this podcast and speaking to federal workers facing layoffs.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- Why I started this podcast
- My relationship to podcasting & perfectionism
- My background in Sociology
- A letter to Federal Workers
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Assigned Reading by Becky Mollenkamp
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello, my friends and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset, unlimited.
Mindset tips, tools andinspiration for a time of
change. I'm your host. ValerieFriedlander, ICF, certified
coach, sociologist,intersectional feminist, artist,
mom and nerd. Today we aretalking about, where do we go
from here? Reflections on thispodcast and the world now, I
gotta admit, here's a nerd part.
(00:26):
When I put down what is thispodcast episode gonna be titled?
I'm like, where do we go fromhere? And the next thought is,
where do we go from here? And ifyou know what, that's from, you
are also a Buffy nerd, becausethat's from Buffy the Vampire
(00:47):
Slayer, which was a favoriteshow so many years ago, anywho.
That's not what this podcastepisode is about. But I thought
I would nod and acknowledge thatupon hearing that, if that's
where your brain went, I seeyou. I see you. So what this
podcast episode is actuallyabout is some shifts with the
(01:12):
podcast, and also a little loveletter, really, to those of you
who are really feeling what'sgoing on in the world, and I
would imagine that's probablyall of you listening to this
podcast, and that is actuallywhy one of the adjustments that
you may have noticed is that thesub header for this podcast, I
(01:36):
switched from mindset tips,tools and Inspiration for women
leaders to for a time of change.
I talk a little bit about why Imade some of those shifts in
this episode, but it has to dowith some feedback and also
really wanting to be clear aboutwhat I'm talking about, to an
extent, but more in the episode.
(01:58):
So what I'm talking about is whyI started this podcast in the
first place, my relationship topodcasting and perfectionism, my
background in sociology, I havea request for you regarding
using chatgpt, to be specific,it has to do with using chatgpt
for life coaching and therapy,which is something that Just
(02:19):
came to my attention, thatpeople are doing, and I want to
know more if you are someone whouses it or has used it in that
way. So more, of course, in theepisode. And then my love
letter, it is from a speech thatI gave to some federal workers
(02:40):
recently, and I put it into aletter form, and I wanted to
share it with you all, because Ithink the reflections in it
really do have an impact on howwe think about where do we go
from here? So that's what youcan expect in this episode.
Before we dive in, I want toencourage you, for those of you
(03:05):
who are big podcast listenersand who love books and feminist
essays, my friend Beckymullencamp just launched her new
podcast called assigned readingconversations about feminist
essays. This is an amazingpodcast. I have just started
listening to it myself, and it'slike a radical little book club
(03:26):
for your ears. Each week, Beckyinvites a brilliant guest to
read and unpack a feminist essayand dive into the juicy,
nuanced, sometimes uncomfortablequestions these texts raise
about power, identity,leadership, liberation and more.
So if you love book clubs butfind you haven't really had time
(03:47):
for them or just want to exposeyourself to more thoughts out
there in the feminist realm, Ihighly recommend this podcast.
The link is in the show notes,but you can also just type in
assigned reading into yourfavorite podcast player and go
check it out. And now, withoutfurther ado, let's dive into
(04:10):
where do we go from here?
I was on a hot seat, or a loveseat with some fellow podcasters
just recently, just the otherday, actually, and got some
(04:32):
loving support around mypodcast. I was kind of exploring
this idea of being more likestarting a new like Chicago
focused podcast, and one personwas kind enough to check in,
knowing that for her, startingfresh when things are feeling a
little bit wonky, like they'renot quite going the. Way that
(04:55):
she wants them to it's like, oh,let's just start fresh and just
checking in to see if maybe thatwas what was going on. And I had
to be honest, that partly that'strue. Partly it's because I
think that in this time, wherewe go from here with everything
that's going on is hyper local.
It is more focused on ourcommunities and not our online
(05:19):
communities. So I do thinkthere's a lot of support in
online communities. So I am notcrashing on online communities,
but our local communities, ourin person, real people
communities, and I know that'shard. I know there's a lot of
challenge around doing that.
(05:41):
It's actually one of the reasonsI just signed up. Well, not just
I'm in the middle of a trainingon somatic attachment therapy,
and, no, I'm not a therapist,but there's a lot of therapeutic
energy in what I dointentionally, because I think
that how we move forward, how wecreate change, what we do, where
(06:05):
we're going, everything abouthow we lead our life is related
to all of who we are, andthere's so many wounds that we
are operating from that tochange the patterns that we are
currently operating in, we haveto address some of those, and it
doesn't necessarily mean goingback and and engaging specific
(06:28):
things. Can. I don't diagnosepeople, but I do work with
patterns and shifting thosepatterns, and sometimes we need
to do a little bit of likecaring. Actually, I would say a
lot. We need to do a lot ofcaring for ourself in that
process and for each other andto be able to connect with each
(06:51):
other, we have to address thoseconnection wounds. And I
honestly think that that's a bigpart of how we become more and
more disconnected. Systemscreating this disconnect and us
learning to function inisolation, in individualism,
means that we develop copingstrategies that become the
(07:13):
patterns for how we operate,which creates a stuckness, those
wounds, traumas, a stuckness.
And that means that we havetrouble then connecting, and
it's been magnifying, and it hasto do with generations, and
there's so much there that, likewe have to look at that. So I
signed up to do this training,because I think that's something
(07:37):
we need to do, some healingaround, some engagement around
so that we can address thepatterns that are keeping us
separated and in isolation andin the dynamics that we're
currently experiencing. And sowe need connection. We need to
address that so we can connectwith each other, so that we can
(07:59):
build stronger communities. SoI'm going to come back to that
because I have some questionsfor you as a listener, several
questions for you as a listener,and I also want to address some
of what's a little bit differenthere. So that was the first
thing was, like, are you doingthis because you were just like,
(08:23):
try to create somethingcompletely different, because
it's not going the way you werethinking it would. And somewhat
Yes, and then the question was,well, couldn't you become more
Chicago focused with thepodcast? So that is something
that's coming up. Obviously Iwill have the kind of content
(08:46):
that I currently have, but interms of like guests that I
bring on, I may be honing in alittle bit more on support
that's found specifically inChicago, and then also
contemplating some ideas of likemeetups and things to promote to
connect more with my Chicagolisteners. Hello, Chicago
(09:09):
listeners. Not to exclude thoseof you who are not in Chicago, I
love you too, so I still care,and I'm really, really wanting
to encourage building incommunities, local communities.
So there's that. The other thingthat was brought up is how
someone who is just fabulous canremain just an amazing person. I
(09:32):
was on her podcast recently.
She's going to be on mine soon,so keep your eye out for that.
She called me out on somethingvery, very kindly. They're all
lovely, but she called me out onhow when she interviewed me on
her podcast, it sounded sodifferent than when she listens
(09:56):
to my solo episodes on mypodcast, she's like, I don't
know if you're just likeediting, like extra, but there's
so much wisdom, so muchinformation, so much value that
you bring when you're not superscripted. And I just don't get
that. Same vibe from you on yourpodcast, and I recognize that
(10:19):
that is a real thing that hashappened. I have become so much
more particular, and some of ithas to do with editing, but
editing systems have improved,so I can let that go just a
little bit in just editing, likethe ums and the and little
noises and breaths and all ofthat. It just got a little got a
(10:42):
little too much. If you listento my earlier episodes, I think
I'm way less like that. And it'sjust kind of been this
progressive thing. And thathappens, that is such a thing
that happens to us we don'trealize when we're on this this
incline, we would notice theuphill inclines, we don't notice
(11:05):
the downhill inclines, where weslide into patterns of behavior
that maybe we'd moved away from,we'd done work around. But then
the conditions are such thatthere we are again, and
perfectionism may be one of thethings that I navigate, that
comes up, that gets activatedfor me, and it's really counter
(11:28):
to what I started this podcastabout. I started this podcast,
and I may have said this before,I don't remember, but I it was
because I was on a Voxer chatwith several other women, and I
would go on and kind of processout something I was working
through. I'm very much an outloud processor. And so I would
(11:52):
bring something to them, like,Oh, I've got this thing going
on. And then I kind of talkedthrough it, and they were like,
Oh my gosh, I love hearing youcoach yourself. Like, that's
fascinating. You should start apodcast. And my response was, I
don't really listen to podcasts.
Why would I start one? Why wouldI have one of my own? And Well,
(12:16):
it's because you like to listento it. You being all of you who
are listening, you like tolisten to podcasts. I do like
podcasts. I don't want to likeknock on podcasts. I definitely
like them. I find it harder tolisten to them than like an
audio book, because ofconsistency with it or
(12:39):
something. I'm not sure it'ssomething to do with, like, I
have specific podcasts I want tolisten to, but I realized I want
to put things into a playlist.
I've just got to put, like, aplaylist of podcasts to listen
to. It becomes very tied up inmy work. I think that's what it
(13:02):
is. It gets really tied up in mywork and like, oh, I should
pitch a podcast. So I need tolisten to these podcasts so that
I can be really, like, kind andthoughtful with my pitch.
Because I got podcasts for myfor this and I don't, did I say
podcast? I get pitches for thispodcast too many viewers, and
(13:25):
some of them, it's, like, veryclearly filled in the blank, not
listened to the podcast, justtrying to get visibility, like,
not even aware of the vibe of mypodcast. Like, very like, I get
bro vibes from people pitching alot of times, and was just like,
we're not on the same page. Youclearly didn't listen to this
(13:50):
podcast. So I want to make sureI am not that person, and that
I've listened and made sure thatit is aligned both for them and
for me. I think that'simportant. And so having that
out there of like, oh, I need tolisten the shoulds. I need to
listen to a podcast. And also,there are people that I want to
(14:14):
support, so I need to listen totheir podcast, because I want to
be able to, like, be authenticin shouting people out, and not
just be like, You should listento this, like, I've listened to
this. You should listen to this,not that I like to shut on
people, but then I can be like,I've listened to, this is what I
(14:38):
really liked about it. If youlike those things, then you
might like this too. So itbecomes this chore, even if I
would enjoy it. Otherwise, it'sthis chore and another mental
labor thing, and I think that'swhat it is. So I'm working on
what is a strategy to overcomethat. And I think for me, that
(15:01):
strategy is going to be creatinga lay list to go through of
podcasts to listen to, so thatit's just as easy as turning on
NPR, which is what I often do,or turning on an audio book, I
don't have to search. I can justclick Play. So coming back to
why I started a podcast wasbecause people wanted to hear me
(15:25):
do what you just heard me do.
Not that I planned that, but I.
And Kim was kind enough tonotice that and and to speak to
me that it is something that ismissing, or that she misses in
terms of my personality, interms of what she gets from
listening to me. So where I'mgoing from here is that I'm
(15:48):
gonna try and lean more intothat. I know that doing video is
a good idea, which also tends toget me into my head, but I think
maybe if I can let that go, thenmaybe I will let even more of it
go, like we'll go all in justlike starting a new podcast.
We're not starting a newpodcast, we're starting a new
(16:11):
thing, and we're just gonna,like, let it all go. We're just
gonna do the things and be inthe place and see what happens.
So so this is where I turn toyou all, and I say, I love
feedback. So those are some ofthe containered feedback that I
received. But I do want to hearfrom you about what you like
(16:35):
about this podcast, what youwould like to see more of maybe
you're somebody who listensbecause you think I'm awesome,
because you know me and thankyou. I love you too. And maybe
you're someone who found this,and we're like, this is great. I
really enjoy Valerie's thoughtson things, and I really enjoy
(16:58):
the people that she interviews.
That's cool, too. So I want tohear from you about those
things. The other thing that gotcalled out in this little love
seat session was that my focusis on women navigating life
transitions. So, yeah, highachieving women, but usually the
people who come to me are peoplewho are like, I need to make a
(17:22):
professional shift. Maybe it'strying to level up, get a
promotion. Maybe it is a newjob. Maybe it is leaving the
workforce and doing stay at homestuff. Maybe it is starting a
business, those sorts ofprofessional shifts. But what
they know is that the shift thatthey're looking for is tied to
(17:44):
something deeper. It's tied tomore of their life than just I
need to find a new job, andmaybe that's part of it, but
maybe, usually, there's somesort of pattern or habit or some
dynamic that they're like thisis this is replaying, or I feel
stuck, and I'm not doing thethings to do what I say I want,
(18:08):
and I don't know why, and I keepnot procrastination, whatever.
And so there's something morethere. So it's not just the
logistics. These are women whoare like, there is more here for
me to look at, and maybe theyjust got a promotion or changed
jobs, and they're starting tosee some of those patterns come
(18:31):
in again where they thought, Oh,if I made this shift, then it
would be done, and it's not. Andso those are my people, and one
of the things that got calledout is that I don't say anything
about transformation or changein my header, like I changed it
to say mindset, tips, tools andinspiration for women leaders.
(18:56):
But like, why and that? Thatwould make a little bit more
sense, because otherwise I'm sogeneric. Like I was saying how I
am competing for airspace withthe Brene browns and the Glennon
Doyles and the Mel robbinses Andall of those people. Now, of
course, my people sometimes aretheir people, but a lot of times
(19:20):
they're not. It's just there's avibe there that's not in
resonance. And so that's fine.
All of that is like, there's nojudgment about any of that. And
I don't want, in terms ofsearching, people looking for
podcasts to be searching andgoing, well, do I listen to this
(19:43):
coach, or do I listen to thisperson who writes books and has
huge followings. So I thinkthat's the thing that's
different, that I mean, BreneBrown is a social scientist. I'm
a sociologist, so there's somesimilarity, but I'm also an
artist. I'm also a coach. Iactually work with people. I
(20:06):
don't just write about thethings I'm studying. So some
differences. Those are somedifferences for you to highlight
in your mind. If you're talkingwith people and they're like,
who should I listen to? You'llbe like, I know this awesome
person who is actually coachingpeople, and a sociologist and.
(20:29):
Pulls all of those thingstogether. Now, if you're not
familiar, it occurs to me,because sometimes I take for
granted certain things, and Itry and lean into my word
nerdiness. And I also need torecognize that not everybody
uses certain words all the time.
Sociologist is someone who'slooking at social patterns. And
(20:51):
there are so many differentlayers of sociology, and
sometimes sociology gets lumpedunder anthropology, which is a
little different, becauseanthropology is studying
cultures, sociology is studyinglike groups of people. There's a
lot of similarity, but there aredifferences. I'm focused more on
(21:14):
sociology so like peoplepatterns, patterns of
interaction. I personally, whenI study I studied pop culture,
and so like how we understandourselves through popular
culture, and especially thethings that you can't study
through watching people, becausepeople know when they're being
(21:36):
watched, but throughperformance, because they embody
the space that someone you know,like imagining you are in a in a
position. I'll give you anexample. My honors thesis was on
the confessional nature of firstkisses and film. So you can't
really study first kisses in thewild, because you don't know
(21:59):
when they're gonna happen, andthen they would be like, very
contrived. Now, this was beforereality TV really took off, so
that might have added anotherlayer to it, had that been the
thing I am dating myself. That'sso weird. Time is such a weird
thing anyway, as a side note, sostudying that you could really
(22:23):
study it through film, wherepeople were putting themselves
in the experience. And so yes,there was a consciousness about
performing it, but as an actor,putting that experience on,
embodying what that was like.
And so I was talking about likeconfessions, looking at Foucault
(22:47):
and the history of sexuality,and looking at Goffman and
social interaction and stufflike that. So little, little
side note about me and kind ofwhere I'm coming from, that I
always am fascinated, and Idon't always deep dive into
things. I like doing that on thepodcast, and I do think that
(23:09):
there's a layer that structurethat well, okay, the the more
what's the word I want? Rigidside of it gets like, the
perfectionistic and likespecific and a little caught in
my own head, the part so that'sthe part I'm I'm working to let
go of when it comes to this I dostill want to pull in the
(23:32):
researched part, the part wherethere's information. I value
data and scientific analysis asmuch as I value spirituality and
a vibe and it can be kind ofchallenging to merge those two,
because I think one is is veryin your head, and one is very in
your body and experiential. AndI think that is an important
(23:56):
thing to learn how to merge. Andit can be tricky, because most
of our world values up in ourhead, and so still wanting to
have that data piece. Okay, sothat brings me to the data piece
that I'm looking for you. So Ihave asked you if you would be
willing to share with me whatyou enjoy about the podcast,
(24:20):
what you want more of. And ofcourse, if there's anything that
you haven't seen that. You wouldlike to see I love feedback.
Part of the reason I'm sharingall the feedback that I received
that's leading to a newiteration. So the next thing
that I would love is I amexploring this idea of
(24:42):
artificial intelligence beingused for, quote, unquote therapy
and quote, unquote lifecoaching. And I'm going to use
quotes because it's aI now I'mgoing to talk all about them,
and I'm talking about that rightnow. But if you are listening to
this and you are someone who hasused AI specifically chat, GPT,
(25:06):
but I'm open to any othersystems, if you've used it in
this way, I want to know whatled you to do that, like, what
inspired you to do that? I'veheard a lot about, like,
accessibility, about time,things along those lines, but
what? What was it that you werelike? Maybe it's curiosity even.
(25:29):
But. What was it that inspiredyou to reach out to AI and ask
it your questions and ask forsupport from it, and what was
that experience like for you togo a little bit further knowing,
are you using one of the onesthat says that, like, I know, on
chatgpt, you can turn off theor, supposedly, you could turn
(25:52):
off its learning system. Sowhatever you put in doesn't go
into its learning model, and itdoesn't save it. Or are you
using it just generally, so itlearns from you, and, like it's
kind of an ongoing conversationthat you come back to. So
anything that you're willing toshare with me on that I would
(26:16):
love, love, love to know forthis podcast episode that I am
working on to talk about AI andoffer some support, because it's
not going anywhere. And we wantto make sure that you have some
helpful information on how youuse it. So I have a little form
that says, Ask Val. It isValerie friedlander.com/ask,
(26:39):
Val, and it will be in the shownotes for this episode, just
click that link and fill out theform with as much or as little
information as you want. You canbe anonymous, or you can share
who you are. Anything is fine.
You can also put information,like under, I know at least
Spotify has a little thing whereyou can put comments if you want
(27:03):
to comment there. That's cool,but I would love to hear from
you along those lines. So Okay,those are some of the where do
we go from here? Why are we herein the first place? Was it comes
to this podcast. Now I also wantto make sure that we're talking
about where do we go from here,because, in like, a general
(27:28):
sense, because it's, it's kindof a mess, and I have talked
about it a fair amount. And nottoo long ago, I was given the
privilege of speaking to somefederal workers who were really
are really stressed out abouttheir work situation, and what I
shared with them in this meetingreally seemed to resonate, and I
(27:51):
was thinking about how it reallyis something that we all need to
have. One support. And what Isaid in there, I think, is, I
think is important. I shared itin my newsletter. But, you know,
not everybody reads thenewsletters. I'm not great with
emails myself, unless I'mspecifically looking for
(28:15):
something, so I wanted to sharethat here, so I was just going
to read what I wrote from what Italked about. I talked about it,
then I wrote it. Now I'm goingto read it for you, in case it's
helpful. As you think aboutwhere do we go from here in
terms of your own life, not justmy podcast. So here's what I
(28:38):
said, we are relational beings,and the way you and your work
are being handled is immenselydisrespectful. It is your job to
help people in crisis who areexperiencing traumatic
situations. Now you are the oneexperiencing a traumatic
situation that you have nocontrol over. The additionally
(29:01):
traumatizing layer is that youkeep being teased with the idea
that you could take control,like if you told a community
impacted by a flood, go here forlife saving supplies. But
actually those supplies aresomewhere else, and we'll only
give them to you, only 10 of youin if you prove that you deserve
(29:24):
them, you would never you wouldnever do that. You would never
also cause a disaster thatharmed people. Your deepest
values are being threatenedbecause you are being treated in
a way that goes againsteverything that you stand for,
and as a note, and these arepeople who have been working in
(29:47):
this particular branch fordecades, even so, there's a lot
of identity in this work. Theword traumatic is used a lot,
and I want to speak to what itis and why I'm highlighting it
here. Trauma is a wound that isnot rooted in what happens to
you, but what happens in you asa result of what happened to
(30:10):
you. So. It can occur, not justfrom what happens to you, but
also from what should havehappened and didn't. As
relational creatures, we arewired for connection, and our
brain loves patterns. You knowwhat taking care of people in a
traumatic situation looks likeand you are not receiving it.
(30:33):
This sends your unconscious amessage that you don't deserve
care. You are being abandoned bythe structures you've relied on.
But that doesn't mean you haveto abandon each other or
yourself engaging the emotionsof this wounding, and providing
yourself evidence that you dodeserve care is the key to
(30:56):
healing and finding a wayforward. So first, I invite you
to hold yourself with all thetenderness and care that you
hold the people you support,allow yourself to feel all the
feelings that are present foryou right now. Feel angry, sad,
scared, indignant, outraged,and, of course, grief. Know that
(31:19):
this isn't your fault, and justbecause you aren't receiving
care from a place you are usedto receiving it doesn't mean you
don't deserve it. Repressing thefeelings of this situation
rushing past them makes themmore likely to get stuck in your
body. That stuckness is part ofthe trauma pattern you then
(31:43):
carry with you. I've worked witha lot of people who have
workplace trauma from previoustoxic work environments, who
have found those patternsreplaying in their new
environment. Yes, sometimes it'sbecause they found another toxic
work environment, but sometimesit's not like the entrepreneur
(32:05):
who left corporate because theywere burning out, only to burn
out working for themselves insurvival mode, we may freeze
feeling overwhelmed and unableto take action because the
situation seems so much biggerthan us, or we may fight rushing
to take action based on thehyper limited options our
(32:29):
stressed brain presents, or abit of both. This is a normal
self protective reaction.
However, you may find that itdoesn't help you the way you'd
like to be helped to createsomething else. We must engage
the pattern and consciously,intentionally create a different
(32:51):
one you are currently in thecrisis situation, which is why I
emphasize care. First andforemost, your curiosity
creativity and imagination ismore available when you can find
or create spaces where you canfeel safe as you care for
yourself and each other, youbegin to make room to explore
(33:14):
the choices available to you,not the often false or loaded
choices being dangled in frontof you by the very people
causing you harm, but the moreexpansive choices of what you
want To create in your life andin the world. Once you have
room, I like to focus on threequestions to be both simple and
(33:37):
expansive in setting a decisionmaking foundation. Those
questions are, how do you wantto experience your life? How do
you want to show up to life?
What impact do you want to make?
This foundation is where youbuild the stability you need
when the stability you thoughtyou had has been destroyed.
(34:00):
Finally, please, know you don'thave to do this alone. You have
each other, and there areresources like myself who care
what's happening and are herefor you. That is the essence of
what I shared. And I want tohighlight a couple things. One
is I jumped over a spot of selfcompassion, accessing your own
(34:23):
ability to be compassionatewithin yourself. So this is a
space where we're all navigatingthis with their their particular
situation is acute in its in itsway, and this is an invitation
for you to notice where yourtension is, because we're all
navigating this in our own ways.
Where is the tension for you?
(34:47):
Where is the tension in yourbody? Where are you pulling
resource to protect yourselffrom what is happening from the
stress? Of this situation, ofthe environment. Maybe it's a
particular situation. Maybe it'snot related to the broader world
context. Maybe there's somethinggoing on in your own life, to
(35:10):
take a minute and just noticewhere you're holding that tension.
If that tension could saysomething to you, what would it
say?
(35:40):
What does that space in yourbody need to hear right now?
And along with that, maybe justsend it some compassion. Just
send it some care, like youwould a small child, a beloved
(36:03):
pet, send it some compassion,not to get rid of it, but
because it deserves care. Andthat is a really important
distinction. This kind ofpractice isn't to dissipate. It
(36:24):
to tell it to go away, to makeit stop. It is because it
deserves care, because youdeserve care, and that part of
yourself also deserves care.
That's it.
(36:58):
So I don't have a specificanswer to where we go from here
in this moment, I do think thatwhere we go is towards care.
It's towards compassion,wherever you are in the
(37:19):
experience of the world and yourlife right now, you deserve care
and compassion. So givingyourself that, allowing receipt
(37:39):
of that, one of the other thingsthat came up that I didn't write
in this has to do with honoringyour experience, not just of
hardship, but also of skills,everything that you've built
while we may be in this bigshift, and we're Not necessarily
creating like we're gonna gothrough decomposition before
(38:03):
we're in creation. I talkedabout that in the last episode,
or the one before that,something like that. I talked
about it recently, and it'sreally important as we go
through that process, whateverprocess looks like for us, the
care is part of what we'redelivering, and that can create
(38:29):
room for planting seeds. Tendingthe garden of our life makes
room for planting the seeds thatwe would like to cultivate, and
I think that is the foundationof where we go from here,
whatever layer of transitionwe're currently in. So thank you
(38:52):
so much for listening. I hopeyou enjoyed this episode, and if
you are willing to share morewith me about what you would
like to hear on the podcast,what you like about the podcast,
any questions, topics, any ofthat, please do it however feels
(39:15):
most comfortable for you, youcan fill it out under the
podcast, where it says comments.
There's also a way you can hittext me. So if that's super easy
for you and you prefer to textthings, you can just text me. It
doesn't send me your phone. It'slike, it sends like an email to
me. So you can do that. Or youcan click the link in the show
(39:35):
notes that says, Ask Val andfill out a little form where you
can be as anonymous as youchoose to be. So I appreciate
you. I'm sending you lots oflove, lots of care, and I will
talk to you all next time.
Hello, my friends and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset, unlimited.
Mindset tips, tools andinspiration for a time of
change. I'm your host. ValerieFriedlander, ICF, certified
coach, sociologist,intersectional feminist, artist,
mom and nerd. Today we aretalking about, where do we go
from here? Reflections on thispodcast and the world now, I
gotta admit, here's a nerd part.
(00:26):
When I put down what is thispodcast episode gonna be titled?
I'm like, where do we go fromhere? And the next thought is,
where do we go from here? And ifyou know what, that's from, you
are also a Buffy nerd, becausethat's from Buffy the Vampire
(00:47):
Slayer, which was a favoriteshow so many years ago, anywho.
That's not what this podcastepisode is about. But I thought
I would nod and acknowledge thatupon hearing that, if that's
where your brain went, I seeyou. I see you. So what this
podcast episode is actuallyabout is some shifts with the
(01:12):
podcast, and also a little loveletter, really, to those of you
who are really feeling what'sgoing on in the world, and I
would imagine that's probablyall of you listening to this
podcast, and that is actuallywhy one of the adjustments that
you may have noticed is that thesub header for this podcast, I
(01:36):
switched from mindset tips,tools and Inspiration for women
leaders to for a time of change.
I talk a little bit about why Imade some of those shifts in
this episode, but it has to dowith some feedback and also
really wanting to be clear aboutwhat I'm talking about, to an
extent, but more in the episode.
(01:58):
So what I'm talking about is whyI started this podcast in the
first place, my relationship topodcasting and perfectionism, my
background in sociology, I havea request for you regarding
using chatgpt, to be specific,it has to do with using chatgpt
for life coaching and therapy,which is something that Just
(02:19):
came to my attention, thatpeople are doing, and I want to
know more if you are someone whouses it or has used it in that
way. So more, of course, in theepisode. And then my love
letter, it is from a speech thatI gave to some federal workers
(02:40):
recently, and I put it into aletter form, and I wanted to
share it with you all, because Ithink the reflections in it
really do have an impact on howwe think about where do we go
from here? So that's what youcan expect in this episode.
Before we dive in, I want toencourage you, for those of you
(03:05):
who are big podcast listenersand who love books and feminist
essays, my friend Beckymullencamp just launched her new
podcast called assigned readingconversations about feminist
essays. This is an amazingpodcast. I have just started
listening to it myself, and it'slike a radical little book club
(03:26):
for your ears. Each week, Beckyinvites a brilliant guest to
read and unpack a feminist essayand dive into the juicy,
nuanced, sometimes uncomfortablequestions these texts raise
about power, identity,leadership, liberation and more.
So if you love book clubs butfind you haven't really had time
(03:47):
for them or just want to exposeyourself to more thoughts out
there in the feminist realm, Ihighly recommend this podcast.
The link is in the show notes,but you can also just type in
assigned reading into yourfavorite podcast player and go
check it out. And now, withoutfurther ado, let's dive into
(04:10):
where do we go from here?
I was on a hot seat, or a loveseat with some fellow podcasters
just recently, just the otherday, actually, and got some
(04:32):
loving support around mypodcast. I was kind of exploring
this idea of being more likestarting a new like Chicago
focused podcast, and one personwas kind enough to check in,
knowing that for her, startingfresh when things are feeling a
little bit wonky, like they'renot quite going the. Way that
(04:55):
she wants them to it's like, oh,let's just start fresh and just
checking in to see if maybe thatwas what was going on. And I had
to be honest, that partly that'strue. Partly it's because I
think that in this time, wherewe go from here with everything
that's going on is hyper local.
It is more focused on ourcommunities and not our online
(05:19):
communities. So I do thinkthere's a lot of support in
online communities. So I am notcrashing on online communities,
but our local communities, ourin person, real people
communities, and I know that'shard. I know there's a lot of
challenge around doing that.
(05:41):
It's actually one of the reasonsI just signed up. Well, not just
I'm in the middle of a trainingon somatic attachment therapy,
and, no, I'm not a therapist,but there's a lot of therapeutic
energy in what I dointentionally, because I think
that how we move forward, how wecreate change, what we do, where
(06:05):
we're going, everything abouthow we lead our life is related
to all of who we are, andthere's so many wounds that we
are operating from that tochange the patterns that we are
currently operating in, we haveto address some of those, and it
doesn't necessarily mean goingback and and engaging specific
(06:28):
things. Can. I don't diagnosepeople, but I do work with
patterns and shifting thosepatterns, and sometimes we need
to do a little bit of likecaring. Actually, I would say a
lot. We need to do a lot ofcaring for ourself in that
process and for each other andto be able to connect with each
(06:51):
other, we have to address thoseconnection wounds. And I
honestly think that that's a bigpart of how we become more and
more disconnected. Systemscreating this disconnect and us
learning to function inisolation, in individualism,
means that we develop copingstrategies that become the
(07:13):
patterns for how we operate,which creates a stuckness, those
wounds, traumas, a stuckness.
And that means that we havetrouble then connecting, and
it's been magnifying, and it hasto do with generations, and
there's so much there that, likewe have to look at that. So I
signed up to do this training,because I think that's something
(07:37):
we need to do, some healingaround, some engagement around
so that we can address thepatterns that are keeping us
separated and in isolation andin the dynamics that we're
currently experiencing. And sowe need connection. We need to
address that so we can connectwith each other, so that we can
(07:59):
build stronger communities. SoI'm going to come back to that
because I have some questionsfor you as a listener, several
questions for you as a listener,and I also want to address some
of what's a little bit differenthere. So that was the first
thing was, like, are you doingthis because you were just like,
(08:23):
try to create somethingcompletely different, because
it's not going the way you werethinking it would. And somewhat
Yes, and then the question was,well, couldn't you become more
Chicago focused with thepodcast? So that is something
that's coming up. Obviously Iwill have the kind of content
(08:46):
that I currently have, but interms of like guests that I
bring on, I may be honing in alittle bit more on support
that's found specifically inChicago, and then also
contemplating some ideas of likemeetups and things to promote to
connect more with my Chicagolisteners. Hello, Chicago
(09:09):
listeners. Not to exclude thoseof you who are not in Chicago, I
love you too, so I still care,and I'm really, really wanting
to encourage building incommunities, local communities.
So there's that. The other thingthat was brought up is how
someone who is just fabulous canremain just an amazing person. I
(09:32):
was on her podcast recently.
She's going to be on mine soon,so keep your eye out for that.
She called me out on somethingvery, very kindly. They're all
lovely, but she called me out onhow when she interviewed me on
her podcast, it sounded sodifferent than when she listens
(09:56):
to my solo episodes on mypodcast, she's like, I don't
know if you're just likeediting, like extra, but there's
so much wisdom, so muchinformation, so much value that
you bring when you're not superscripted. And I just don't get
that. Same vibe from you on yourpodcast, and I recognize that
(10:19):
that is a real thing that hashappened. I have become so much
more particular, and some of ithas to do with editing, but
editing systems have improved,so I can let that go just a
little bit in just editing, likethe ums and the and little
noises and breaths and all ofthat. It just got a little got a
(10:42):
little too much. If you listento my earlier episodes, I think
I'm way less like that. And it'sjust kind of been this
progressive thing. And thathappens, that is such a thing
that happens to us we don'trealize when we're on this this
incline, we would notice theuphill inclines, we don't notice
(11:05):
the downhill inclines, where weslide into patterns of behavior
that maybe we'd moved away from,we'd done work around. But then
the conditions are such thatthere we are again, and
perfectionism may be one of thethings that I navigate, that
comes up, that gets activatedfor me, and it's really counter
(11:28):
to what I started this podcastabout. I started this podcast,
and I may have said this before,I don't remember, but I it was
because I was on a Voxer chatwith several other women, and I
would go on and kind of processout something I was working
through. I'm very much an outloud processor. And so I would
(11:52):
bring something to them, like,Oh, I've got this thing going
on. And then I kind of talkedthrough it, and they were like,
Oh my gosh, I love hearing youcoach yourself. Like, that's
fascinating. You should start apodcast. And my response was, I
don't really listen to podcasts.
Why would I start one? Why wouldI have one of my own? And Well,
(12:16):
it's because you like to listento it. You being all of you who
are listening, you like tolisten to podcasts. I do like
podcasts. I don't want to likeknock on podcasts. I definitely
like them. I find it harder tolisten to them than like an
audio book, because ofconsistency with it or
(12:39):
something. I'm not sure it'ssomething to do with, like, I
have specific podcasts I want tolisten to, but I realized I want
to put things into a playlist.
I've just got to put, like, aplaylist of podcasts to listen
to. It becomes very tied up inmy work. I think that's what it
(13:02):
is. It gets really tied up in mywork and like, oh, I should
pitch a podcast. So I need tolisten to these podcasts so that
I can be really, like, kind andthoughtful with my pitch.
Because I got podcasts for myfor this and I don't, did I say
podcast? I get pitches for thispodcast too many viewers, and
(13:25):
some of them, it's, like, veryclearly filled in the blank, not
listened to the podcast, justtrying to get visibility, like,
not even aware of the vibe of mypodcast. Like, very like, I get
bro vibes from people pitching alot of times, and was just like,
we're not on the same page. Youclearly didn't listen to this
(13:50):
podcast. So I want to make sureI am not that person, and that
I've listened and made sure thatit is aligned both for them and
for me. I think that'simportant. And so having that
out there of like, oh, I need tolisten the shoulds. I need to
listen to a podcast. And also,there are people that I want to
(14:14):
support, so I need to listen totheir podcast, because I want to
be able to, like, be authenticin shouting people out, and not
just be like, You should listento this, like, I've listened to
this. You should listen to this,not that I like to shut on
people, but then I can be like,I've listened to, this is what I
(14:38):
really liked about it. If youlike those things, then you
might like this too. So itbecomes this chore, even if I
would enjoy it. Otherwise, it'sthis chore and another mental
labor thing, and I think that'swhat it is. So I'm working on
what is a strategy to overcomethat. And I think for me, that
(15:01):
strategy is going to be creatinga lay list to go through of
podcasts to listen to, so thatit's just as easy as turning on
NPR, which is what I often do,or turning on an audio book, I
don't have to search. I can justclick Play. So coming back to
why I started a podcast wasbecause people wanted to hear me
(15:25):
do what you just heard me do.
Not that I planned that, but I.
And Kim was kind enough tonotice that and and to speak to
me that it is something that ismissing, or that she misses in
terms of my personality, interms of what she gets from
listening to me. So where I'mgoing from here is that I'm
(15:48):
gonna try and lean more intothat. I know that doing video is
a good idea, which also tends toget me into my head, but I think
maybe if I can let that go, thenmaybe I will let even more of it
go, like we'll go all in justlike starting a new podcast.
We're not starting a newpodcast, we're starting a new
(16:11):
thing, and we're just gonna,like, let it all go. We're just
gonna do the things and be inthe place and see what happens.
So so this is where I turn toyou all, and I say, I love
feedback. So those are some ofthe containered feedback that I
received. But I do want to hearfrom you about what you like
(16:35):
about this podcast, what youwould like to see more of maybe
you're somebody who listensbecause you think I'm awesome,
because you know me and thankyou. I love you too. And maybe
you're someone who found this,and we're like, this is great. I
really enjoy Valerie's thoughtson things, and I really enjoy
(16:58):
the people that she interviews.
That's cool, too. So I want tohear from you about those
things. The other thing that gotcalled out in this little love
seat session was that my focusis on women navigating life
transitions. So, yeah, highachieving women, but usually the
people who come to me are peoplewho are like, I need to make a
(17:22):
professional shift. Maybe it'strying to level up, get a
promotion. Maybe it is a newjob. Maybe it is leaving the
workforce and doing stay at homestuff. Maybe it is starting a
business, those sorts ofprofessional shifts. But what
they know is that the shift thatthey're looking for is tied to
(17:44):
something deeper. It's tied tomore of their life than just I
need to find a new job, andmaybe that's part of it, but
maybe, usually, there's somesort of pattern or habit or some
dynamic that they're like thisis this is replaying, or I feel
stuck, and I'm not doing thethings to do what I say I want,
(18:08):
and I don't know why, and I keepnot procrastination, whatever.
And so there's something morethere. So it's not just the
logistics. These are women whoare like, there is more here for
me to look at, and maybe theyjust got a promotion or changed
jobs, and they're starting tosee some of those patterns come
(18:31):
in again where they thought, Oh,if I made this shift, then it
would be done, and it's not. Andso those are my people, and one
of the things that got calledout is that I don't say anything
about transformation or changein my header, like I changed it
to say mindset, tips, tools andinspiration for women leaders.
(18:56):
But like, why and that? Thatwould make a little bit more
sense, because otherwise I'm sogeneric. Like I was saying how I
am competing for airspace withthe Brene browns and the Glennon
Doyles and the Mel robbinses Andall of those people. Now, of
course, my people sometimes aretheir people, but a lot of times
(19:20):
they're not. It's just there's avibe there that's not in
resonance. And so that's fine.
All of that is like, there's nojudgment about any of that. And
I don't want, in terms ofsearching, people looking for
podcasts to be searching andgoing, well, do I listen to this
(19:43):
coach, or do I listen to thisperson who writes books and has
huge followings. So I thinkthat's the thing that's
different, that I mean, BreneBrown is a social scientist. I'm
a sociologist, so there's somesimilarity, but I'm also an
artist. I'm also a coach. Iactually work with people. I
(20:06):
don't just write about thethings I'm studying. So some
differences. Those are somedifferences for you to highlight
in your mind. If you're talkingwith people and they're like,
who should I listen to? You'llbe like, I know this awesome
person who is actually coachingpeople, and a sociologist and.
(20:29):
Pulls all of those thingstogether. Now, if you're not
familiar, it occurs to me,because sometimes I take for
granted certain things, and Itry and lean into my word
nerdiness. And I also need torecognize that not everybody
uses certain words all the time.
Sociologist is someone who'slooking at social patterns. And
(20:51):
there are so many differentlayers of sociology, and
sometimes sociology gets lumpedunder anthropology, which is a
little different, becauseanthropology is studying
cultures, sociology is studyinglike groups of people. There's a
lot of similarity, but there aredifferences. I'm focused more on
(21:14):
sociology so like peoplepatterns, patterns of
interaction. I personally, whenI study I studied pop culture,
and so like how we understandourselves through popular
culture, and especially thethings that you can't study
through watching people, becausepeople know when they're being
(21:36):
watched, but throughperformance, because they embody
the space that someone you know,like imagining you are in a in a
position. I'll give you anexample. My honors thesis was on
the confessional nature of firstkisses and film. So you can't
really study first kisses in thewild, because you don't know
(21:59):
when they're gonna happen, andthen they would be like, very
contrived. Now, this was beforereality TV really took off, so
that might have added anotherlayer to it, had that been the
thing I am dating myself. That'sso weird. Time is such a weird
thing anyway, as a side note, sostudying that you could really
(22:23):
study it through film, wherepeople were putting themselves
in the experience. And so yes,there was a consciousness about
performing it, but as an actor,putting that experience on,
embodying what that was like.
And so I was talking about likeconfessions, looking at Foucault
(22:47):
and the history of sexuality,and looking at Goffman and
social interaction and stufflike that. So little, little
side note about me and kind ofwhere I'm coming from, that I
always am fascinated, and Idon't always deep dive into
things. I like doing that on thepodcast, and I do think that
(23:09):
there's a layer that structurethat well, okay, the the more
what's the word I want? Rigidside of it gets like, the
perfectionistic and likespecific and a little caught in
my own head, the part so that'sthe part I'm I'm working to let
go of when it comes to this I dostill want to pull in the
(23:32):
researched part, the part wherethere's information. I value
data and scientific analysis asmuch as I value spirituality and
a vibe and it can be kind ofchallenging to merge those two,
because I think one is is veryin your head, and one is very in
your body and experiential. AndI think that is an important
(23:56):
thing to learn how to merge. Andit can be tricky, because most
of our world values up in ourhead, and so still wanting to
have that data piece. Okay, sothat brings me to the data piece
that I'm looking for you. So Ihave asked you if you would be
willing to share with me whatyou enjoy about the podcast,
(24:20):
what you want more of. And ofcourse, if there's anything that
you haven't seen that. You wouldlike to see I love feedback.
Part of the reason I'm sharingall the feedback that I received
that's leading to a newiteration. So the next thing
that I would love is I amexploring this idea of
(24:42):
artificial intelligence beingused for, quote, unquote therapy
and quote, unquote lifecoaching. And I'm going to use
quotes because it's aI now I'mgoing to talk all about them,
and I'm talking about that rightnow. But if you are listening to
this and you are someone who hasused AI specifically chat, GPT,
(25:06):
but I'm open to any othersystems, if you've used it in
this way, I want to know whatled you to do that, like, what
inspired you to do that? I'veheard a lot about, like,
accessibility, about time,things along those lines, but
what? What was it that you werelike? Maybe it's curiosity even.
(25:29):
But. What was it that inspiredyou to reach out to AI and ask
it your questions and ask forsupport from it, and what was
that experience like for you togo a little bit further knowing,
are you using one of the onesthat says that, like, I know, on
chatgpt, you can turn off theor, supposedly, you could turn
(25:52):
off its learning system. Sowhatever you put in doesn't go
into its learning model, and itdoesn't save it. Or are you
using it just generally, so itlearns from you, and, like it's
kind of an ongoing conversationthat you come back to. So
anything that you're willing toshare with me on that I would
(26:16):
love, love, love to know forthis podcast episode that I am
working on to talk about AI andoffer some support, because it's
not going anywhere. And we wantto make sure that you have some
helpful information on how youuse it. So I have a little form
that says, Ask Val. It isValerie friedlander.com/ask,
(26:39):
Val, and it will be in the shownotes for this episode, just
click that link and fill out theform with as much or as little
information as you want. You canbe anonymous, or you can share
who you are. Anything is fine.
You can also put information,like under, I know at least
Spotify has a little thing whereyou can put comments if you want
(27:03):
to comment there. That's cool,but I would love to hear from
you along those lines. So Okay,those are some of the where do
we go from here? Why are we herein the first place? Was it comes
to this podcast. Now I also wantto make sure that we're talking
about where do we go from here,because, in like, a general
(27:28):
sense, because it's, it's kindof a mess, and I have talked
about it a fair amount. And nottoo long ago, I was given the
privilege of speaking to somefederal workers who were really
are really stressed out abouttheir work situation, and what I
shared with them in this meetingreally seemed to resonate, and I
(27:51):
was thinking about how it reallyis something that we all need to
have. One support. And what Isaid in there, I think, is, I
think is important. I shared itin my newsletter. But, you know,
not everybody reads thenewsletters. I'm not great with
emails myself, unless I'mspecifically looking for
(28:15):
something, so I wanted to sharethat here, so I was just going
to read what I wrote from what Italked about. I talked about it,
then I wrote it. Now I'm goingto read it for you, in case it's
helpful. As you think aboutwhere do we go from here in
terms of your own life, not justmy podcast. So here's what I
(28:38):
said, we are relational beings,and the way you and your work
are being handled is immenselydisrespectful. It is your job to
help people in crisis who areexperiencing traumatic
situations. Now you are the oneexperiencing a traumatic
situation that you have nocontrol over. The additionally
(29:01):
traumatizing layer is that youkeep being teased with the idea
that you could take control,like if you told a community
impacted by a flood, go here forlife saving supplies. But
actually those supplies aresomewhere else, and we'll only
give them to you, only 10 of youin if you prove that you deserve
(29:24):
them, you would never you wouldnever do that. You would never
also cause a disaster thatharmed people. Your deepest
values are being threatenedbecause you are being treated in
a way that goes againsteverything that you stand for,
and as a note, and these arepeople who have been working in
(29:47):
this particular branch fordecades, even so, there's a lot
of identity in this work. Theword traumatic is used a lot,
and I want to speak to what itis and why I'm highlighting it
here. Trauma is a wound that isnot rooted in what happens to
you, but what happens in you asa result of what happened to
(30:10):
you. So. It can occur, not justfrom what happens to you, but
also from what should havehappened and didn't. As
relational creatures, we arewired for connection, and our
brain loves patterns. You knowwhat taking care of people in a
traumatic situation looks likeand you are not receiving it.
(30:33):
This sends your unconscious amessage that you don't deserve
care. You are being abandoned bythe structures you've relied on.
But that doesn't mean you haveto abandon each other or
yourself engaging the emotionsof this wounding, and providing
yourself evidence that you dodeserve care is the key to
(30:56):
healing and finding a wayforward. So first, I invite you
to hold yourself with all thetenderness and care that you
hold the people you support,allow yourself to feel all the
feelings that are present foryou right now. Feel angry, sad,
scared, indignant, outraged,and, of course, grief. Know that
(31:19):
this isn't your fault, and justbecause you aren't receiving
care from a place you are usedto receiving it doesn't mean you
don't deserve it. Repressing thefeelings of this situation
rushing past them makes themmore likely to get stuck in your
body. That stuckness is part ofthe trauma pattern you then
(31:43):
carry with you. I've worked witha lot of people who have
workplace trauma from previoustoxic work environments, who
have found those patternsreplaying in their new
environment. Yes, sometimes it'sbecause they found another toxic
work environment, but sometimesit's not like the entrepreneur
(32:05):
who left corporate because theywere burning out, only to burn
out working for themselves insurvival mode, we may freeze
feeling overwhelmed and unableto take action because the
situation seems so much biggerthan us, or we may fight rushing
to take action based on thehyper limited options our
(32:29):
stressed brain presents, or abit of both. This is a normal
self protective reaction.
However, you may find that itdoesn't help you the way you'd
like to be helped to createsomething else. We must engage
the pattern and consciously,intentionally create a different
(32:51):
one you are currently in thecrisis situation, which is why I
emphasize care. First andforemost, your curiosity
creativity and imagination ismore available when you can find
or create spaces where you canfeel safe as you care for
yourself and each other, youbegin to make room to explore
(33:14):
the choices available to you,not the often false or loaded
choices being dangled in frontof you by the very people
causing you harm, but the moreexpansive choices of what you
want To create in your life andin the world. Once you have
room, I like to focus on threequestions to be both simple and
(33:37):
expansive in setting a decisionmaking foundation. Those
questions are, how do you wantto experience your life? How do
you want to show up to life?
What impact do you want to make?
This foundation is where youbuild the stability you need
when the stability you thoughtyou had has been destroyed.
(34:00):
Finally, please, know you don'thave to do this alone. You have
each other, and there areresources like myself who care
what's happening and are herefor you. That is the essence of
what I shared. And I want tohighlight a couple things. One
is I jumped over a spot of selfcompassion, accessing your own
(34:23):
ability to be compassionatewithin yourself. So this is a
space where we're all navigatingthis with their their particular
situation is acute in its in itsway, and this is an invitation
for you to notice where yourtension is, because we're all
navigating this in our own ways.
Where is the tension for you?
(34:47):
Where is the tension in yourbody? Where are you pulling
resource to protect yourselffrom what is happening from the
stress? Of this situation, ofthe environment. Maybe it's a
particular situation. Maybe it'snot related to the broader world
context. Maybe there's somethinggoing on in your own life, to
(35:10):
take a minute and just noticewhere you're holding that tension.
If that tension could saysomething to you, what would it
say?
(35:40):
What does that space in yourbody need to hear right now?
And along with that, maybe justsend it some compassion. Just
send it some care, like youwould a small child, a beloved
(36:03):
pet, send it some compassion,not to get rid of it, but
because it deserves care. Andthat is a really important
distinction. This kind ofpractice isn't to dissipate. It
(36:24):
to tell it to go away, to makeit stop. It is because it
deserves care, because youdeserve care, and that part of
yourself also deserves care.
That's it.
(36:58):
So I don't have a specificanswer to where we go from here
in this moment, I do think thatwhere we go is towards care.
It's towards compassion,wherever you are in the
(37:19):
experience of the world and yourlife right now, you deserve care
and compassion. So givingyourself that, allowing receipt
(37:39):
of that, one of the other thingsthat came up that I didn't write
in this has to do with honoringyour experience, not just of
hardship, but also of skills,everything that you've built
while we may be in this bigshift, and we're Not necessarily
creating like we're gonna gothrough decomposition before
(38:03):
we're in creation. I talkedabout that in the last episode,
or the one before that,something like that. I talked
about it recently, and it'sreally important as we go
through that process, whateverprocess looks like for us, the
care is part of what we'redelivering, and that can create
(38:29):
room for planting seeds. Tendingthe garden of our life makes
room for planting the seeds thatwe would like to cultivate, and
I think that is the foundationof where we go from here,
whatever layer of transitionwe're currently in. So thank you
(38:52):
so much for listening. I hopeyou enjoyed this episode, and if
you are willing to share morewith me about what you would
like to hear on the podcast,what you like about the podcast,
any questions, topics, any ofthat, please do it however feels
(39:15):
most comfortable for you, youcan fill it out under the
podcast, where it says comments.
There's also a way you can hittext me. So if that's super easy
for you and you prefer to textthings, you can just text me. It
doesn't send me your phone. It'slike, it sends like an email to
me. So you can do that. Or youcan click the link in the show
(39:35):
notes that says, Ask Val andfill out a little form where you
can be as anonymous as youchoose to be. So I appreciate
you. I'm sending you lots oflove, lots of care, and I will
talk to you all next time.
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