September 7, 2023 • 50 mins
Hey! Hi! It’s me MommaQueue. I welcome you to Moments in Queue.
In Queue Today: Hi Why > Black Business > Who do Hoodoo > and Are you Kinky or Knot
Don’t be the messenger unless I consent. I talk about forms of abuse from spiritual abuse to bdsm abuse. I also mention a client that had a fortress during the reiki session. It’s Virgo Season! And Happy Belated 901 Day to Memphis. Don’t get it twisted I am still an Owl. Hooot!
Black Business
Lady D. Emerald
Link tree: https://linktr.ee/LadyDEmerald
TikTok: ladydemerald
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:33):
M-O-Double-M-A-Q-D-W-E-D-A-W-E,that's my name, momma-q.
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e-d-a-w-e,that's my name, momma-q.
Say it faster or slow, don'treally matter, though the u-e
gets a minute tongue tizzy.
Yo, hey, kind of dizzy bro.
(00:55):
Who is she?
Momma-q?
Momma gave birth little waste,no girth, 60 years ago.
No, I don't want mo.
Q is a line and I tried toalign this double end.
Tundra petty, hi, it's one ofmy mantras.
Momma-q, I'm the first one inand the first one out.
Memphis Tend to.
Key is my whereabouts, don'tcomplain.
(01:15):
Main saying stick it to onetopic.
I reply your mind is verymyopic with momma-q.
You need better.
I'm just picking and choosingto copy me.
Are you inspired on?
Definitely no need to whispergracefully, I like it better off
key.
Now let's see.
Um, do you remember me?
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e-d-a-w-e,that's my name, momma-q.
(01:40):
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e, that'smy name, momma-q.
Hey, hi, it's me.
Momma-q.
I welcome you to moments in Q,in Q today.
How?
Why?
Black business?
(02:00):
Who do, who do?
And are you kinky or not?
How?
Why?
I give you the green of the dayand I'm explaining the why of
this episode.
Baby girl, want you come andhold my hand.
Want you come, chill out.
I'm a Virgo.
Baby boy, want you come andhold my hand?
Want you come chill out, I'm aVirgo.
(02:22):
Mv.
Want you come and hold my hand.
Want you come chill out?
I'm a Virgo.
We sipping on bourbon in thedrops of bourbon.
Drop us off at broad and CecilB, I was gonna bully them.
Tigers boo thing says hell, no,if Chaney was alive we would.
Though it's Virgo season, I know, I know that was my rendition
(02:43):
that I like to do every yearbecause I'm a Virgo, and I like
to do the remix of Virgo withNas, luda, chris and, oh my gosh
, that other.
Oh, that's so embarrassingbecause he was like super
well-known and, yes, the nameescapes me.
But anyways, the Virgo song.
(03:04):
Hopefully you do not hear thisflippin lawnmower y'all.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.
The moment I decide to startrecording, that's when it
happens and I'm like, hmm, Igotta commit at this point.
I tried to change the channelson my mic, my mic, my mic, so we
shall see if it was able to fixit.
(03:26):
But anyway, back to what I'msaying is a Virgo season and I
know, I know, coming off ofMemphis Tend to Key 901 day and
I'm ripping the 215, I missPhilly, y'all.
What can I say?
I'm still a Memphis Tend to Keyin at heart.
It's just that Philly raised me, temple made me and many me was
conceived in Philly.
(03:46):
The city holds a special placein my heart.
It's brotherly love, althoughthankfully I didn't have to deal
with any quote-unquote brostrying to protect me, cuz we
know them niggas won't do thatanyway, and I also want to let
you know that just because thecover has me wearing a 901 shirt
(04:06):
, that don't mean anything.
Alright, I'm a temple alumthrough and through TUMF and I
will rip the white and blue on901 day and if temple is in plan
and I go to a University,memphis game, 901 is a Memphis
holiday because our area code is901.
Also during this lovely Virgoseason.
(04:27):
I will be turning 40 in 10 days.
Hey now, hey now.
And my car Thomas voice.
This episode will possibly havetrigger warnings because I will
talk about abuse, from BDSM tospirituality.
I plan to keep it light cuzit's Virgo season.
I'm in a joyful, joyful, joyfulmood.
The retrograde it ends in aweek and we so far, fingers
(04:52):
crossed, knock on the wood.
This retrograde has been sogood, so good, so good.
To me.
Black business I highlight ablack business to bring
awareness and my experience withsaid business, unless I say it
isn't a paid ad.
(05:12):
I am open to paid ads, but Idefinitely want to highlight
black businesses.
There's enough money for all ofus to get it.
I will talk about Lady DEmerald.
I learn about her from mymentors podcast.
I like Lady D Emerald vibe, soI follow her on all the socials.
Let me read her about me.
Okay, it says Lady D Emeraldstarted online as a way for me
(05:37):
to document my spiritual journeyand creative projects, and it
has turned into a way to be ofservice to community and a way
to express creativity.
Yes, lady D Emerald is a person, but also in an entity itself.
As far as the black womanbehind the brand, I am a mythian
that loves to be connected andweave the spiritual,
(05:59):
specifically black spirituality,with the mundane.
I'm a candle maker and lover ofall things that make you feel
at home, but I'm also a medium,ancestor, connector, a hoodu,
electoral and so much more.
Thank you for coming on thisjourney with me in cooperating
Lady D Emerald with yours.
All right, yeah, okay.
(06:20):
So let me tell you some morethings about Lady D.
She offers various spiritualservices, such as spiritual work
, consultation, ancestralreadings, general readings, and
she also taught a class onmediumship.
She also makes candles and oilsmonthly.
Her social media she remindsher followers of important dates
such as full moons, new moons,retro grades and classes, if any
(06:45):
.
I'm knowledgeable about thevery basic of astrology, but I
do enjoy keeping up with themercury regerate which, like I
said, that's what we'reexperiencing now, and the
changes with the new moon werespecifically the fool in the new
moon.
I don't work with the moon andplanets as much as I would like
I do.
My work is when the mood isright, I have her.
When you add the planets, whenthey are aligned, and the Sun
(07:08):
and or the moon, it intensifiesyour working.
I also learn a bit about tarotcards from Lady D as well.
Again, that's not my ministrytarot cards but I'm always in
awe when someone can read them.
My favorite parts about her onsocial media is breaking down
the things content creators sayand explaining it in a way that
makes sense to me fromexplaining to Christians,
(07:28):
because I mean, you know I liketo talk about them.
If you petition, aka write downwhat type of spouse you desire,
you pray on it and you put thatpetition paper in the Bible,
that's who do?
Boo, boo, yeah, and then let'ssee.
Also, I did not add, like Ishould have, when she does her
monthly reminders, she alsoexplains, if she has time with
(07:53):
which, I'm sorry not with whichzodiac sign would be affected
the most during the differentfull moons, retro grace, etc.
Etc.
And, like I said, for someonewho was just starting to dabble,
put my toe in with astrology,it really makes it easy.
But again, I hope that onastrology is not my ministry,
(08:13):
cuz that's a lot.
So, of course, lady D, socialmedia info will be in the show
notes and support her, if youcan, especially if you are
Memphis Tendakian, like she is.
Who do who do I get to the rootof?
Who do conjure up thoughts thatpop into my mind about
spirituality, to come on and getthis work.
(08:35):
They finally stop cutting thegrass.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy.
Oh, y'all check this out.
I'm embarrassed, but I'm a.
I'm a keep on pushing.
So I wrote my script and whatpart did I not write?
The who do part.
And what am I talking about?
Spiritual abuse.
But you know what?
(08:58):
I'm gonna ask for the ancestorsto help me give you the word,
okay?
So before we begin, I want tosay a couple things that you'll
see.
You're gonna continue to seeexamples of what abuse is.
Whether it's BDSM, which I'lltalk about later, and spiritual
(09:19):
abuse, which I'll talk about now, I feel like it's the same what
I'm saying.
It's the same flags it beingred flags, of course, but I
think it's the same type of waysthat will show up when it comes
to potentially abusive people,because I feel like, as humans
(09:43):
that are abusers, they show youwho they are.
Sometimes it's subtle, soyou're not gonna be able to
catch all of them, but when theyshow you who they are, of
course you got to believe themthe first time, but the
potential red flags will be thesame vanilla world, bdsm world,
spiritual world.
(10:03):
Now, again, when the samebreath.
It will be just slightlydifferent, but I think the
foundation of it will be thesame.
So, first, not to insult yourintelligence, but let's come
through with the come through ofexplaining to you what
spiritual abuse is, and ofcourse, I am going to use when I
(10:23):
talk about my experiences, theywill be mine and mine alone.
So spiritual abuse is whensomeone uses spiritual or
religious beliefs to hurt, scareor control you, and I felt like
I experienced that when I was apart of Christianity, but can
you believe it?
I'm gonna do something a littledifferent and talk about
(10:45):
spiritual abuse that existswithin some forms of
spirituality.
They there are people who talkabout it on their various
platforms who are in the Ifareligion.
Again, as I've stated manytimes and will continue to state
, I'm not in the Ifa religion,so I can't really go into too
(11:06):
much details.
But there's this one later.
Her name is Alaphia and I'mwhat's what I'm looking for.
I am paraphrasing but she hastalked about it before that on
her page because I follow herthat when it comes to babas, how
you need to be careful aboutthem and those are like male
(11:26):
priests.
Hopefully I'm saying thatcorrectly and I'm giving them
the correct title, but she hadsaid that sometimes what they
will do will, unfortunately, tryto sleep with their godparents.
I mean, they're goddaughtersbecause when you are a priest or
priestess, you are considered agodparent and you have a
(11:52):
goddaughter or godson Someonewho, I guess, who decided to go
into the religion underneath you.
I don't know that part, butjust know that there's a power
dynamic between the godparentand the godchild and, more
specifically, this shows up.
Not to say that, according toAlaphia, not to say that the
(12:17):
godmothers aren't like this, butit's very prevalent when it
comes to the godfathers and thegoddaughters where they will
have the godchild.
More specifically, thegoddaughter give up her money in
order to help out with the ele,which I guess that would
(12:40):
translate to church, and youcould be part of scams and
things of that nature, and Ireally, again per usual, don't
want to go talk about somethingthat I'm not familiar with.
But, either way, if you'refamiliar with Alaphia, you can
follow her.
If you're being in Africantraditional religions such as
IFA, is something that you'reinterested in or is something
(13:03):
that you currently practice, soyou can know the signs of a
godparent that is a scammer andalso a godparent who could
possibly be abusive towards you.
Okay, so another thing I wantto talk about is and I'm pretty
sure I've mentioned it before isthat when people come to this
(13:25):
hoodoo because that's what Icurrently practice and they
think that it's supposed to be acertain way and again,
charlatan scammers, they knowthat and they will use that to
pray, pray and PREY on you,because I wholeheartedly believe
that when you leave somethingfor something else, that you
(13:46):
need to have time to yourself toheal, and I'm serious about
that.
And if you don't do that, thenyou could just give off the
certain type of energy, whetheryou know it or not, that you did
not do your research and you'renaive and you just don't know
what's going on.
Because you could make thisassumption that, oh yeah, if I
go over to the Africantraditional religion, you know
(14:07):
it's going to be better, there'snot going to be people who
would abuse me or use mefinancially and all that stuff.
They're everywhere.
And this is not me victimblaming at all.
This is just me reminding youthat fortunately well, first of
all, unfortunately you have tobe aware of it.
So it's like to me yay, it'sfortunate for you to come over
(14:29):
to this side, if that's what youchoose to do and you willingly
consent it to it.
But you also, per usual, haveto have discernment and just
really have to vet and watch outfor these people so that you
won't be blindsided in thinkingthat this is how the religion or
the spiritual practice issupposed to go.
You know, similar to whenpeople slide in other folks, dms
(14:49):
, trying to pretend to be acreator that's popular or just
period, is like oh, you know,and your ancestors, blah, blah,
blah.
And you know, depending on whatyou're going through, you could
unfortunately fall for that.
And next thing, you know Iconsider that to be financial
abuse, because they are usingyour ancestors or what have you,
(15:11):
or saying that you're cursed orhexed or whatever it is, so
that you can give them moremoney.
That's a that's a form offinancial abuse.
So you know, you got to watchout for that and stuff.
And then another thing that Ithink is that, when it comes to
people that come to thisspirituality and leave it, I
also think that it could also bewith them.
(15:32):
Like I said, I do encourage youto heal and to figure out your
why in every situation, tofigure out what it is that you
want out of the spirituality,why you switched over.
But for me, when it comes to whodo what, I think the foundation
of the spirituality is takingcare of your ancestors, giving
them the eye shade that theyneed so they can help you in any
(15:54):
way that they can, but theyaren't your slaves at all, you
know.
That's one.
And then the second thing isthey do need you, especially if
you and your family members havenot ever venerated them, so
it's going to take them time,strength to get what they need
so that they can help you andstuff.
(16:15):
And so, you know, a lot ofpeople again will have this
expectation of what's supposedto happen, what needs to happen,
and it happens, you know.
You know, some months ago Iexperienced that and stuff, and
they'll just like you know whatthe I'm leaving.
I'm leaving spirituality.
I can do bad all by myself orwhatever, and you know,
(16:36):
unfortunately, scammers,charlatans, they give the people
who are real about the stuffthat they do a bad name.
But there's one of those thingsthat you cannot even, you can't
run away from it, you just haveto deal with it.
So anyway, with that being said, you could again come across an
abuser who uses, who docorrectly but in a malicious way
(17:01):
, you know, taking, for example,your hair and doing things with
it because you might not bevery protected because you just
started the journey, and so,again, that's a form of abuse.
Or they're again, like I said,they'll try to mentor you or
something, and obviously noteverybody, but you know, try to
mentor you, to show you the waysto do it, and the actuality,
(17:22):
what they're trying to do isfigure out what kind of
spiritual gifts you have, if any, and how strong you are and
hopes that you can use that inyour favor, or just be jealous
simply if you're new to it andyour gifts are magnified in
comparison to theirs, because,let's not be surprised, they
hurt people, hurt people andstuff.
You know, there can be times ofyou doing magic with someone or
(17:44):
working to whatever you want tocall it, and they could be
plotting against you and youdon't know.
So it's best to do yourresearch, the best way that you
can, and consult your ancestorsyour honorable and light-hearted
ones, of course and see what'sthe best recourse when it comes
to going down this path.
I know when I first started thejourney of who do and then
(18:06):
eventually I'm going to talkabout Christianity because you
know that's what I like to dobut when I first started this, I
had accepted all of myancestors at first because I was
like I want nobody to feel leftout or whatever.
And then kind of find out, no,you only want to call certain
ones and stuff, and luckily Idid not get too hurt by it.
Oh, thank y'all, thank youancestors.
(18:27):
But you know I had to do a lotof learning and research and
trying to understand things thatfelt right.
And then, once I started to geta better understanding on the
right path, they were able tocommunicate with me and guide me
, and so that's why I'm so happyand thankful that I have not
encountered too many people, ifany, that have tried to use me
(18:49):
in that way and take my naiveteabout who do and use it against
me for nefarious things.
What else?
What else?
Oh, it was just in my flippingmind.
I was talking about who do, ohyeah, so another thing people do
that I wholeheartedly believeis a form of abuse, spiritual
(19:09):
abuse is that when they willthreaten that if you don't act
right, they're going to put youin a jar or a freezer.
Now, sometimes I say that stuffto be petty because, you know,
some people are fearful of mebeing a who do practitioner so
they don't want to mess with me.
But I mean again, the type ofperson I am.
I'm not going to throw at youunless I have to, and that's
when I have exhausted allresources.
Okay, but um, darn, it escapesme.
(19:31):
So I guess it was not importantto talk about that.
Whatever was with the who dothing.
So, um, you know again, if youswitch over from religion to
spirituality and switch backagain.
I mean, at the end of the day,you can't run away from your
problems.
Okay, you're still going tofind them.
(19:52):
So that's that Now for me.
I experienced what I considerreligious trauma, and I have a
few stories about experiencingthat.
I'm sorry, I'm trying to get myfreaking earbuds to work as I'm
talking but it's not working.
So sorry about all the staticor whatever in the background.
There we go.
Great, I finally fixed it.
Okay.
(20:13):
So for me, um, um, there's a lotof trauma, unfortunately, that
I experienced when it came to mebeing a Christian.
I don't even know if I wasreally really quote unquote a
Christian, christian for real,because we didn't go to church
that often.
Not that that means anything,but we didn't, um.
So some of the examples that Ihave that just doesn't logically
(20:33):
make any sense to me is that,first, when I was growing up, I
was growing up in a Baptistchurch, and I probably already
mentioned this before, so I'mjust going to gloss over it is
that I was a tomboy and I wantedto wear pants all the time, but
I feel like I couldn't bemyself going to church because
my family forced me, as a girl,to wear skirts and dresses to
(20:56):
church?
Um, because you know, quoteunquote was in the Bible and to
me, I really feel like that wasa way to um to control me.
Seriously, I did feel like thatwas a way to control me, which
would be spiritual abuse fromfamily and also from the
religion itself.
Because, you know, on onebreath you say, come as you are,
but on the other breath, if I'ma girl, I need to wear a dress
(21:18):
or skirt.
Like which one is it?
And still talking about clothes,when I went to Philly early
2000, a high school friend ofmine, um, he went to college in
upstate New York, but he was atthat time I don't know if he
still is apostolic.
So in Philadelphia there's a um, the apostolic church is huge,
right, and so we had wentbecause they had, I guess, their
(21:41):
annual shing-dig I don't knowwhat it was, it was so long ago
and the person would not let usin, um, because of the way we
were dressed, especially mebecause I had on pants, and it
was just like, are you seriousTo me again trying to control my
body on what I should wear,when I thought that God is
(22:01):
supposed to know my heart andit's supposed to be okay with
what I wear.
It's not like I was half nakedwith ass cheeks out.
You know what I'm saying.
Um, one, my one last try quoteunquote was when many of me came
into the world, maybe aroundthree, four or five months, I
can't remember.
She was baptized intoCatholicism and so, um, when we
left um where we were livingwith her father, and came back
(22:25):
to Memphis, I was like, okay,let me continue um mass and the
next steps with in Catholicism.
And, yeah, the priest I guessthat's what you would call the
guy over the Catholic church, hewas more concerned about me
being married than concernedabout me trying to continue my
(22:46):
daughter's soul or however itwould work, in Catholicism, you
know, because they're usuallyconservative was concerned about
what?
The fact that if I was married,um, and that was a bigger
factor and I cried the day.
It was very emotional to me.
Um, I think that was probablymy last straw about Christianity
and I just couldn't do itanymore.
(23:07):
And, um, to me, what I see now alot is that people are more
specifically Christians because,again, that's what I'm mostly
around and I see a whole lot onTV they use their religion as a
way, again, to control everybody, especially um cisgender women.
Oh wait, I'm sorry I said thatwrong.
(23:27):
I'm sorry Um cisgender women,that's one.
And then also trans men as well, if they still have um their
parts, um as far as their ovary,um the sex organs of what a
female body would have.
Okay, hopefully that wasn't toohard for the way I said that.
But you know, with um realversus weight and they're all
(23:50):
about, you know, pro-life,pro-life, but when the child
gets here they don't care.
You know what I'm saying.
And also, using um, even withinthe black community because
again, being black is all I knowwill use spiritual abuse with
using the Bible of saying what awoman is supposed to do
submissive, be traditional andeverything like that.
(24:11):
But in actuality it's a way tocontrol and you know, if you are
not um submissive, you'll neverget married.
And there's that assumptionthat there's so much pressure on
what um a woman is supposed todo within a heterosexual
relationship, and it has to bequote-unquote heterosexual,
because, you know, no gays ortrans are allowed to love, which
(24:34):
is some BS to me, but you knowagain.
So I think that again itstifles the person who.
I feel like it stifles theperson who's a Christian?
Because I'm like you put allthis extra pressure
quote-unquote pressure on me andsuffering on me, and do we even
know if this heaven reallyexists?
You know what I'm saying, butnot only that.
Yeah, you know, you can liveyour life and be joyful and
(24:58):
enjoy it.
When you go to heaven and die,like what the fuck?
I remember again when I wasyounger, I had asked my holier
than thou auntie and I was like,okay, so when we go to heaven,
like what that's going to belike?
Can you still have kids?
And her response, againparaphrasing is like no, you
won't, because that was thewhole point of sin and
everything in the first place.
So again, growing up and havingall these questions and things
(25:22):
not making logical sense and mehaving this anxiety and pressure
to be perfect so I wouldn't goto hell, so I could be with my
family and friends, andeverything like that, and it's
like I was like this is justbullshit, straight up bullshit.
I cannot be happy and I have towait till I die to be able to
be happy.
And again, as I've said before,according to the Bible, even if
(25:42):
you die, you're not in heavenuntil he comes back.
So what the fuck?
So and I know I said this onTikTok, can't remember if I say
to hear, and then I'm gonnastart wrapping it up is that
somebody has said on TikTok, andI agree with them is that when
it comes to trying to turn theUnited States into a theocracy I
hope I pronounced that wordcorrectly Nobody, some of these
(26:05):
Christians, especially the whiteChristians, they don't care at
all about people, theenvironment, nothing.
They just want to stack alltheir money up, hoard it or
spend it as they see fit andwant everybody else to suffer.
Because, in the end, what wasit that would be?
Goldberg had said in colorpurple, joy comes in the morning
(26:27):
or heaven comes.
I forgot because, again, Ididn't write this down, but
whatever that quote was duringcolor purple.
And when we hear all the timethat joy comes in the morning,
like we're not gonna care aboutall these worldly things because
we're gonna go to heaven, sowhy we're here?
You know it's okay if we putGod's people through hell
because I'm a get by glory likethat makes no sense to me.
(26:50):
And so that's one of the many,many reasons why I think that
being the religion ofChristianity is a hundred
percent spiritual abuse andborderline at this point in time
is about to be a cult, if it'snot already, and it is Harming
the black community for sure,because, again, black Christians
first of all who do is rootedin black Christianity.
(27:11):
So the way that blackChristians go about Worshiping
and doing all these things inchurch is who do?
It's not the same way of howwhite folks are when they Go to
church.
I know it's not been to acouple of white churches, so
whatever like that.
So it's like you're trying tobreak this apart and break
people away and what you'redoing is using fear mongering
(27:33):
tactics To get everybody to goagainst themselves and to force
people to not be curious and toask questions about this
religion that they most likelythat's all they have ever known,
since they were a child, beingindoctrinated, and their
ancestors and their Ancestors,ancestors all the way back until
you know enslavement.
That's all they ever knew.
And let's not forget, as I'vesaid before and I'll continue to
(27:55):
say, is that it was forced uponsome of Our ancestors in order
to get freedom.
It was used as a tool to sayyes, you In enslaved Africans
are a curse and this is yourpunishment.
You are not worthy to be savedand to be loved by God because
(28:16):
you Are savages.
So let me help heal you.
And next thing, you know theentire world is being
indoctrinated and Whitesupremacy and stuff is under the
guise of Christianity.
It's a mess.
So again, I say all that stuffto say hopefully I wasn't
rambling too bad, but it but Isay all that stuff to say that
(28:36):
again, you got to usediscernment and if you cannot
ask questions and and feelcomfortable and being who you
are and Ask questions inwhatever you practice, it's
probably not something that youshould believe in.
And I know I keep saying andand another thing is that you
(28:57):
have to remember that usuallypeople will try to brainwash you
when you try to go against thetide.
I guess that's a better way tosay it and you know you're not,
you're not with the streams thatyou used to, but, like you know
, you have a weird,quote-unquote weirdo like me who
practices, who do, and it's notthat many.
(29:17):
So, of course, movies andeverything has depicted what I
do again, as I continue to say,is demonic.
So when you have someone who'snot Doing what the majority is
doing, you know there's a way totease somebody and talk shit
and Every time something life belife, and that'll be a way to
throw it in somebody's face.
Ah, see, see, see.
(29:37):
That person practices XYZ, andjust what would Jesus do?
And I wholeheartedly believe itwould not be none of this shit.
So, yes, no matter for RiverRoad conclusion, no matter what
religion, spirituality that youare in, do it if that's what
works for you and stuff.
(29:58):
But if you can't ask questions,if you can't be yourself and
you have this carrot in front ofyou that is telling you to be
somebody else, just so you canexperience life when you die, is
it worth it?
I don't think it is, and that'swhy I love who do.
I'm taking care of my ancestorsand my descendants at the same
(30:20):
damn time.
Let's get him to this businessthing.
I'm a budding business woman.
I will talk about the currentstatus of my business and let
you know it's more than just aFacebook meme and a few dollars.
I was gonna get rid of thissegment, but something great
happened during my Reiki sessionon yesterday, so I had to share
(30:43):
.
No, this does not deal withabuse, unless you correlate it
to me on being verbally andemotionally abusing myself,
which I don't think I did that,but now that I mentioned it, I
gotta see with myself about it.
Anyway, I did a one-on-oneReiki session with the new
person at the gym where I holdRe weekly Reiki classes.
During the session I was havingdifficulty connecting to the
(31:06):
person.
Normally I received downloadsthat various from Chakras that
are out of alignment messages orareas that are sore or hurt the
person.
The nerve of my ego, thinkingthat I'm doing a crappy Reiki
session because I couldn'tconnect to the client.
I started getting mad at myselfand blaming myself for the lack
(31:27):
of a connection.
Then another thought came intomy head and while back, pj I
mentioned him on a previouspodcast episode had told me that
as Reiki practitioners, weshould not allow ego to
interfere with our sessions.
Just because the session wasn'tlike a typical session doesn't
mean I didn't send the Reikienergy.
This has happened before, but Ichalked it up at that time to
(31:51):
me being in a noisy environment,which is why I couldn't connect
.
Yesterday, though, that wasdifferent.
It was no one else but us to.
Afterwards, I learned that alot of readers have told this
person is difficult to connectand or read them.
I felt better.
I also talked to my spiritualteam about making me a fortress
as well.
Luckily, no one uses theconnection against me.
(32:12):
Like I said in my other segment, they don't use their
connection against me, and Ithink when it comes to small
business owners, well, let mesay me, I'm hard on myself with
wanting things to go well inhopes of having repeat customers
, cuz duh, I work for myself.
Capitalistic society, youalready know, but the ancestors
(32:35):
always helped the universe finda way to provide.
So I should focus more onensuring that I'm being
authentically myself.
No need to compare myself orforce myself doing Reiki
sessions to do more than I'mcapable and confident in.
For example, a lot of peoplelike to use sound bows during
Reiki.
That's not my strong suit.
If I want to add sound bows, itshould be because it's my gift,
(32:58):
not cuz other Reikipractitioners are doing it.
Even when it comes to me readingmy playing cards, I talked
badly to myself because, firstoff, I didn't even know that
there was a thing.
Secondly, everyone is so usedto tarot or oracle cards that I
felt like I was too out there.
Turns out I am different andout there, but this is my talent
(33:19):
and other people do use playingcards.
It's just like I said, moretarot and oracle card readers
than playing card readers.
But this is my talent, so I gota practice and own it.
To be honest, tarot cards werenever for me.
I don't understand it, nor do Icare to.
I'm barely using my Reikioracle cards.
I get down on myself because Ifeel like I am different than
(33:43):
other spiritualists andpodcasters, that no one Want to
go to me because I'm all overthe place.
But humans are not one, no, butseveral sounds familiar.
Speaking of the podcast, then Iwill stop the self-doubt train.
I feel silly talking aboutseveral things that don't always
mesh together and that, butthat's who I am.
(34:03):
I am into a whole lot of shit.
Okay, it would be boring, in myopinion, to make it a hoodoo
only podcast.
First off, there are severalpodcasts that talks about who do
.
Secondly, that's not the onlylifestyle that I'm actively in
and enthusiasticallyparticipating.
Again, if that's too much, thenit is what it is.
I am authentically being myself.
(34:24):
As I always say, there's enoughmoney out there for us to get
it, so no need to be likesomeone else.
That person is taken, but me.
Now I'm one of a kind Are youkinky or not?
I'm a proud kinkster to BDSMcommunity.
Let me tell you about thislifestyle to see if you want to
(34:45):
come over to the dark side.
We got candles.
Keeping with the theme of abuse,I will talk about the
differences between consensualBDSM versus Abuse of BDSM.
As you heard, in the hoodoosegment I was saying that again,
vanilla people and ourrelationships easily can't cross
over to BDSM as far as the redflags.
(35:05):
But the main difference betweenBDSM abuse and BDSM is consent,
of course.
So here are my own personalstories over the past eight
years of being a kinkster.
When I started my professionalrelationship with my therapist,
she wanted to ensure that thepunishments and or consensual
hits I received wasn't because Ifelt like I deserved it.
I came to my therapist formultiple reasons.
(35:28):
One reason was to ensure Iwasn't being abused when I
participated in BDSM, because Iwas constantly in my head about
it as someone at the time that Isurvived an abusive
relationship from my child'sfather.
I remember doing the abuse fromhim.
Unfortunately, when he wouldchoke me, that would turn me on,
or him and I would have angrysex.
Now other exes and I would havemakeup sex after an argument,
(35:52):
but it wasn't this angry sexthat I had with my child's
father and my abuse of ex,because what would happen is
that I would consent to have sexwith them just to shut them up,
and that was not consensual atall.
It was a different scene, whichwas coercion I literally would
just do it later or whatever sothat they can leave me alone.
(36:14):
So, again, if you're beingcoerced, forced into consenting,
that's not consensual at all.
Okay so.
But however, the way that my sirtreated me over these eight
years was different.
I knew it wasn't abusive, but Ihad to be sure, and the way
that my sir has treated me overthe years has just been like
(36:35):
pretty awesome.
He would be an asshole andpetty with me and stuff like
that, but I never felt like Icouldn't be myself around him.
I never felt like I couldn'tsay no to the things that I
would consent to or if he wouldsay something different to me
that I had never thought of orbefore.
I trusted him and I feltcomfortable in letting him leave
(36:58):
, which I know is so weird,because people who really really
know me and stuff are likeyou're submissive, I'm like,
yeah, I really am, and stuff,but I guarantee y'all I'm not a
picmica submissive, okay.
Another story is my abusive exwanted to be my dumb.
Now, this asshole was before Igot with the love of my
motherfucking life.
Who was, who not was, I'm sorry, is the best thing that could
(37:21):
ever happen to me.
Love you, boo thing, okay.
So with that ex asshole, hewanted to be my dumb and I was
excited because that means thatI would have two dums a local
and out of state dumped.
That's how he got me.
He didn't want to be my dumb,he wanted to control me.
And where the title of being adumb and or being with me?
Because of the access that Icould give him access to
(37:43):
swingers club, access to thefact that I'm bisexual.
So that means that which was sodumb.
That means that you know hecould be, we could have
threesomes with other women, oryou know that whole thing that
my woman had.
Well, my girlfriend has agirlfriend.
Or you know, I don't like to bea call girl, my woman has a
woman and stuff like that.
So that was his whole thing,and it's always baffles me how
(38:07):
they are quick to forget thatwhen it comes to being a
bisexual, that means both.
But oh, oh gosh, speaking of myboo thing, love of my
motherfucking life.
He just takes me.
He is at work.
Oh, am I falling in?
I don't do not disturb, I will.
I'm almost done.
Okay, okay, okay, um.
So, um, like I said, he wantedto be my dumb, so I tried to
(38:28):
teach him.
I wanted a partner that was mydumb, or at least into BDSM
activities, because BDSM is mylife and I didn't like the other
people in my community enoughfor us to be partners, play
partners.
Okay.
So, um, he was unwilling tolisten to me or to be open to
other male doms, to teach himwhat it's like to dominate me,
(38:50):
to participate in scenes safelyand, above all, listen.
I had went to Friar Lacan, whichis this annual convention for
kinksters.
Of course you have to be anadult and stuff is in ATL
shorting, and so a guy taughthim at Friar Lacan how to tie me
up, because the abuse of ASSOXwas supposedly into rope.
Rope wasn't my thing, but I'mlike, yeah, if he's into it,
(39:12):
okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.
Okay, so the rope dumb hadtaught my abuse of X how to tie
me with my hands behind my backand you know, um, you can kick
somebody with in the shin orsomewhere and make them fall or
whatever, when you kick them inthe, not the shin, I'm sorry in
the back of the leg.
So the ASSOX boyfriend, he didthat and I fell to my knees and
(39:37):
I cursed him the fuck out anddid not care.
Because how dare you?
You see that my hands are tiedup and you kick from underneath
me the fuck.
So the rope dumb was like youcan't do that, dude.
Like you got a role with her toavoid injury.
So there for all the con, or why, god show, my abuse of X, how
to choke me properly.
And I even had it on video andwhenever we would get into
(40:00):
argument about his insecurities,because he was an insecure
bitch, he would bring up thefact.
Like you know, you won't let mechoke you, but your little
white man choke you.
So one day during the argumentI say look at this video and
it's clear as fucking day thewhite dude say hey, here's how
to safely choke.
And it was there.
But of course, him being thedummy that he is, he ain't say
shit.
He tried to gas, like me, likeI said, the entire time,
(40:22):
thinking that I randomly let awhite man choke me.
I'm a casino or Ian purse?
Why the fuck would I do that?
So when I first started the life, there was this dumb who was
playing with me, which was fine.
But then he started to rub myclip through my jaws and I came
and I told him in the future,don't do that.
I never spoke to him againbecause, number one, I didn't
consent to that and, honestly, Ifelt taken advantage of playing
(40:44):
with him because, like you know, I was a new person and I felt
like he was being a predator,right, because first of all,
initially I said I won't playwith him.
But you know, of course I'mallowed to change my mind.
But I saw him and his femalepartner play and I was kind of
curious about it and stuff, andI really didn't negotiate, which
was my bad, but I also didn'tknow I was supposed to negotiate
and stuff.
(41:04):
So I didn't know any better,but I for damn sure knew that I
did not say it was okay to touchmy clip.
So from that moment for mynegotiations, where you cannot
touch what is not exposed, andthat was a way to let everybody
know, like yo, if my tittiesain't out, you ain't hitting me
on my titties and I always weardraws because I mean, come on
(41:24):
sanitary.
But it's like if I ain'twearing no draws, you're like
you don't touch my pussy.
So like he didn't even stay inthe lifestyle long enough
because he was one of thosepeople that was in the lifestyle
for the wrong reasons.
Okay, so I had also played withthe in sale and I didn't know
(41:44):
at the time that he was in sale,nor did I know at the time that
he was a predator, that he hadall these tendencies.
And I had talked to towel shoutout to you, towel, because I'm
going to talk shit about you.
Okay, but towel had told methat the reason he never told me
is because which I mean, hemade sense with the same time.
Like damn, maybe you couldn'ttell me about it, is that for
(42:05):
him?
He was like you know what mywork for?
Well, I mean, he would neverplay with a guy, towel one.
But the point is, like thesides of this predator that I
was seeing maybe you know itwouldn't be the same for me.
So that's why he didn't likewant to warm me or whatever,
like that.
But at the time that in sale, hedid not violate my consent, but
he tried to pry into mypersonal life and that was a big
(42:29):
no, no and got mad because Iplayed with other dogs.
But I didn't play with himbecause some of these other dogs
were already attached, whichwas okay because it was
consensual.
Of course I had my sir, butthis particular in sale, that
fucker, was single, which wasfor a reason why.
So he didn't like how I wouldplay with other people that were
attached and stuff.
So of course that was a flagfor me and I find it very funny
(42:54):
and that's not good, but I findit very funny that I could see
the red flags that existed inhim, but in other people
sometimes I couldn't see redflags and stuff like that.
So whatever.
But the final straw for me andthat in sale was the fact that I
was dating this guy and Iintroduced him to BDSM and he
(43:16):
knew I was polyamorous.
Polly wasn't for him and that'sfine.
He let me know that thatwouldn't be something that he
would be into, but he was opento participate in BDSM.
So the in sale didn't like thatbecause he overheard a
conversation and felt like I wasdoing all the sacrifices but
what was I giving him Likethat's none of your fucking
business, what's going on withme and someone that I'm dating
and not you.
So I blocked him and I madesure that he never talked to me.
(43:38):
And I saw him, like maybe acouple years later, and I guess
he thought the time he'll, allthings know the fuck.
It does not.
He spoke to me and I was like Istill don't fuck with you, I
still don't like you.
Don't you ever speak to meagain?
I like that side about me, butanyway.
So, like I was saying that, ohyeah, I kind of veered off
(44:00):
script, but it is what it is.
So another yellow flag that Icut off before it turned into a
red flag was this guy that didnot respect me by saying, by
letting me go when I was done ahug him.
He continued to hold me tightertill I said I got a knife and I
ain't afraid to use it.
I felt that if he can respectme, saying okay, let's stop
(44:20):
hugging, what else would he notrespect?
Would he respect the safe word?
So, all right, enough of theyellow and red flags.
Let me mention some green flags.
All right, and like vanillapeople and their relationships,
if the person respects yourboundaries, does not gaslight
you or non-consensually controlsyou, they should be a keeper.
And wait, did I say it?
(44:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because,again, in order to be controlled
, you have to consent to it.
So there we go.
All right, I said thatcorrectly.
So with BDSM, seeing the top,and you can insert whatever, and
you can insert whichever rolethat you want to when I say top
or whatever, but for real, thetop should ensure that you are
as safe as you can be.
(45:03):
I almost backed out of a scenebefore because I was co-topping
someone, because the bottomwanted me to play in a way that
I did was unsafe.
He wanted me to peg him, andthat's fine, and he wanted
another chick to fuck him in themouth with her strap on, all
while being tied up on no, no,no, which reminds me I need to
(45:24):
discuss safety or whatever.
But the problem with me withthat one was, again, how could
he say, if you know his mouth isfull and if he's tied, how can
he even like drop keys, dropsomething?
And he was like, well, I couldgrunt and I'm like no, dude,
that's not going to work.
And we ended up playingtogether, but we didn't do that.
(45:46):
We did co-top me and this otherlady, but we didn't end up
doing it the way that he wantedto, which made me feel
comfortable and stuff, because,like I said, I didn't feel
comfortable participating inthat at all.
So, all right, so back totalking about towel some more.
That fucker Hi towel.
Okay, so I played with towelbefore from one of my birthdays
(46:07):
and was a green flag scene.
He respected my boundaries andmy negotiations and what I was
not comfortable with doing inthe scene.
He was okay, but it still hadthis element of surprise,
because he knows I like to runshit and I'm paraphrasing.
But he was like, basically, Iknow you like to run shit, I'm
not going to hurt you, you'regoing to be fine, stop trying to
control shit.
But you know it was a greattime because, again, it was my
(46:29):
birthday and so, yeah, why am Isubmissive, who knows?
So I'm going to talk about gray, another green flag scene.
We were set to play a Fibonaccisequence and I think I was 32 or
34, whatever, whichever one ofthose numbers in your 30s, the
first one, this is a Fibonaccisequence and stuff like that.
(46:49):
And so we were supposed to dothat for my birthday because I
was turning, whatever age thatwas, and he felt like my mood
had changed, because at the timethe dungeon lights were out,
literally because I guesssomebody had hit a transformer.
So he had asked could we movethe date or shall we proceed and
wait until the lights come backon at the dungeon?
And I felt comfortable enoughto say no.
And maybe, like a week laterand I can't remember was like
(47:13):
the date of my birthday or after, but either way, we ended up
doing the Fibonacci sequence.
So, and that was great because,like I said, I was able to say
no, he respected it.
He even gave a fuck enough toquestion me Like are you still
good with this?
So there's this out of townperson that I know named Scott.
He was fire-flogging me andbefore I could say for it, he
(47:35):
stopped.
I still don't know whathappened, but my body felt super
weird.
I guess I did too much that day, I don't know, but either way,
he checked in on me and assuredI was okay.
After I say for it, matter offact.
No, no, no, I said the wrong.
He stopped the scene before Icould say for it.
So, again, as I think I've saidbefore, it doesn't matter who
was the one participating.
You can, whether you're a giveror a receiver, you can stop it.
(47:58):
And that was great, that herespected me enough, cared
enough to ensure that, okay, Ican tell about her body that
this ain't given what it'ssupposed to be given.
So we're going to stop it.
And I also did play the daybefore.
So, again, maybe I was goingthrough a lot of stuff, because
you know when you play whichmaybe I need to talk about that
there's a lot of chemicalscience, these kind of stuff.
(48:18):
That goes on.
Anyway, per usual, there willbe good and the bad.
When it comes to doing a riskyplay such as BDSM, some people
think because you are a swingeror a kinkster, it's free range
to touch, smack, hit, flip it,rub it down.
Oh no, it's not Okay.
That's far from the truth.
Please ensure that you feelcomfortable to be yourself.
(48:39):
Talk, listen and respect allthat occurs from the moment you
meet a potential pickup playpartner or a long-term play
partner, which I don't alwaysadvocate for you to do pick up
play, but that's another storyfor another day.
If they want to play secretlyand discreetly and that's not
your bag they are probably anabusive person waiting to pop on
out.
I've been abused way too muchand I refuse to let it happen
(48:59):
again.
So I take my time and watch outa person's response to my
boundaries and my requests.
It will keep you safe duringunsafe times.
I've talked long enough.
I have you out.
M-O-Double-M-A-Q-D-W-E-D-A-W-E,that's my name, momma-q.
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e-d-a-w-e,that's my name, momma-q.
Say it faster or slow, don'treally matter, though the u-e
gets a minute tongue tizzy.
Yo, hey, kind of dizzy bro.
(00:55):
Who is she?
Momma-q?
Momma gave birth little waste,no girth, 60 years ago.
No, I don't want mo.
Q is a line and I tried toalign this double end.
Tundra petty, hi, it's one ofmy mantras.
Momma-q, I'm the first one inand the first one out.
Memphis Tend to.
Key is my whereabouts, don'tcomplain.
(01:15):
Main saying stick it to onetopic.
I reply your mind is verymyopic with momma-q.
You need better.
I'm just picking and choosingto copy me.
Are you inspired on?
Definitely no need to whispergracefully, I like it better off
key.
Now let's see.
Um, do you remember me?
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e-d-a-w-e,that's my name, momma-q.
(01:40):
M-o-double-m-a-q-d-w-e, that'smy name, momma-q.
Hey, hi, it's me.
Momma-q.
I welcome you to moments in Q,in Q today.
How?
Why?
Black business?
(02:00):
Who do, who do?
And are you kinky or not?
How?
Why?
I give you the green of the dayand I'm explaining the why of
this episode.
Baby girl, want you come andhold my hand.
Want you come, chill out.
I'm a Virgo.
Baby boy, want you come andhold my hand?
Want you come chill out, I'm aVirgo.
(02:22):
Mv.
Want you come and hold my hand.
Want you come chill out?
I'm a Virgo.
We sipping on bourbon in thedrops of bourbon.
Drop us off at broad and CecilB, I was gonna bully them.
Tigers boo thing says hell, no,if Chaney was alive we would.
Though it's Virgo season, I know, I know that was my rendition
(02:43):
that I like to do every yearbecause I'm a Virgo, and I like
to do the remix of Virgo withNas, luda, chris and, oh my gosh
, that other.
Oh, that's so embarrassingbecause he was like super
well-known and, yes, the nameescapes me.
But anyways, the Virgo song.
(03:04):
Hopefully you do not hear thisflippin lawnmower y'all.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.
The moment I decide to startrecording, that's when it
happens and I'm like, hmm, Igotta commit at this point.
I tried to change the channelson my mic, my mic, my mic, so we
shall see if it was able to fixit.
(03:26):
But anyway, back to what I'msaying is a Virgo season and I
know, I know, coming off ofMemphis Tend to Key 901 day and
I'm ripping the 215, I missPhilly, y'all.
What can I say?
I'm still a Memphis Tend to Keyin at heart.
It's just that Philly raised me, temple made me and many me was
conceived in Philly.
(03:46):
The city holds a special placein my heart.
It's brotherly love, althoughthankfully I didn't have to deal
with any quote-unquote brostrying to protect me, cuz we
know them niggas won't do thatanyway, and I also want to let
you know that just because thecover has me wearing a 901 shirt
(04:06):
, that don't mean anything.
Alright, I'm a temple alumthrough and through TUMF and I
will rip the white and blue on901 day and if temple is in plan
and I go to a University,memphis game, 901 is a Memphis
holiday because our area code is901.
Also during this lovely Virgoseason.
(04:27):
I will be turning 40 in 10 days.
Hey now, hey now.
And my car Thomas voice.
This episode will possibly havetrigger warnings because I will
talk about abuse, from BDSM tospirituality.
I plan to keep it light cuzit's Virgo season.
I'm in a joyful, joyful, joyfulmood.
The retrograde it ends in aweek and we so far, fingers
(04:52):
crossed, knock on the wood.
This retrograde has been sogood, so good, so good.
To me.
Black business I highlight ablack business to bring
awareness and my experience withsaid business, unless I say it
isn't a paid ad.
(05:12):
I am open to paid ads, but Idefinitely want to highlight
black businesses.
There's enough money for all ofus to get it.
I will talk about Lady DEmerald.
I learn about her from mymentors podcast.
I like Lady D Emerald vibe, soI follow her on all the socials.
Let me read her about me.
Okay, it says Lady D Emeraldstarted online as a way for me
(05:37):
to document my spiritual journeyand creative projects, and it
has turned into a way to be ofservice to community and a way
to express creativity.
Yes, lady D Emerald is a person, but also in an entity itself.
As far as the black womanbehind the brand, I am a mythian
that loves to be connected andweave the spiritual,
(05:59):
specifically black spirituality,with the mundane.
I'm a candle maker and lover ofall things that make you feel
at home, but I'm also a medium,ancestor, connector, a hoodu,
electoral and so much more.
Thank you for coming on thisjourney with me in cooperating
Lady D Emerald with yours.
All right, yeah, okay.
(06:20):
So let me tell you some morethings about Lady D.
She offers various spiritualservices, such as spiritual work
, consultation, ancestralreadings, general readings, and
she also taught a class onmediumship.
She also makes candles and oilsmonthly.
Her social media she remindsher followers of important dates
such as full moons, new moons,retro grades and classes, if any
(06:45):
.
I'm knowledgeable about thevery basic of astrology, but I
do enjoy keeping up with themercury regerate which, like I
said, that's what we'reexperiencing now, and the
changes with the new moon werespecifically the fool in the new
moon.
I don't work with the moon andplanets as much as I would like
I do.
My work is when the mood isright, I have her.
When you add the planets, whenthey are aligned, and the Sun
(07:08):
and or the moon, it intensifiesyour working.
I also learn a bit about tarotcards from Lady D as well.
Again, that's not my ministrytarot cards but I'm always in
awe when someone can read them.
My favorite parts about her onsocial media is breaking down
the things content creators sayand explaining it in a way that
makes sense to me fromexplaining to Christians,
(07:28):
because I mean, you know I liketo talk about them.
If you petition, aka write downwhat type of spouse you desire,
you pray on it and you put thatpetition paper in the Bible,
that's who do?
Boo, boo, yeah, and then let'ssee.
Also, I did not add, like Ishould have, when she does her
monthly reminders, she alsoexplains, if she has time with
(07:53):
which, I'm sorry not with whichzodiac sign would be affected
the most during the differentfull moons, retro grace, etc.
Etc.
And, like I said, for someonewho was just starting to dabble,
put my toe in with astrology,it really makes it easy.
But again, I hope that onastrology is not my ministry,
(08:13):
cuz that's a lot.
So, of course, lady D, socialmedia info will be in the show
notes and support her, if youcan, especially if you are
Memphis Tendakian, like she is.
Who do who do I get to the rootof?
Who do conjure up thoughts thatpop into my mind about
spirituality, to come on and getthis work.
(08:35):
They finally stop cutting thegrass.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy.
Oh, y'all check this out.
I'm embarrassed, but I'm a.
I'm a keep on pushing.
So I wrote my script and whatpart did I not write?
The who do part.
And what am I talking about?
Spiritual abuse.
But you know what?
(08:58):
I'm gonna ask for the ancestorsto help me give you the word,
okay?
So before we begin, I want tosay a couple things that you'll
see.
You're gonna continue to seeexamples of what abuse is.
Whether it's BDSM, which I'lltalk about later, and spiritual
(09:19):
abuse, which I'll talk about now, I feel like it's the same what
I'm saying.
It's the same flags it beingred flags, of course, but I
think it's the same type of waysthat will show up when it comes
to potentially abusive people,because I feel like, as humans
(09:43):
that are abusers, they show youwho they are.
Sometimes it's subtle, soyou're not gonna be able to
catch all of them, but when theyshow you who they are, of
course you got to believe themthe first time, but the
potential red flags will be thesame vanilla world, bdsm world,
spiritual world.
(10:03):
Now, again, when the samebreath.
It will be just slightlydifferent, but I think the
foundation of it will be thesame.
So, first, not to insult yourintelligence, but let's come
through with the come through ofexplaining to you what
spiritual abuse is, and ofcourse, I am going to use when I
(10:23):
talk about my experiences, theywill be mine and mine alone.
So spiritual abuse is whensomeone uses spiritual or
religious beliefs to hurt, scareor control you, and I felt like
I experienced that when I was apart of Christianity, but can
you believe it?
I'm gonna do something a littledifferent and talk about
(10:45):
spiritual abuse that existswithin some forms of
spirituality.
They there are people who talkabout it on their various
platforms who are in the Ifareligion.
Again, as I've stated manytimes and will continue to state
, I'm not in the Ifa religion,so I can't really go into too
(11:06):
much details.
But there's this one later.
Her name is Alaphia and I'mwhat's what I'm looking for.
I am paraphrasing but she hastalked about it before that on
her page because I follow herthat when it comes to babas, how
you need to be careful aboutthem and those are like male
(11:26):
priests.
Hopefully I'm saying thatcorrectly and I'm giving them
the correct title, but she hadsaid that sometimes what they
will do will, unfortunately, tryto sleep with their godparents.
I mean, they're goddaughtersbecause when you are a priest or
priestess, you are considered agodparent and you have a
(11:52):
goddaughter or godson Someonewho, I guess, who decided to go
into the religion underneath you.
I don't know that part, butjust know that there's a power
dynamic between the godparentand the godchild and, more
specifically, this shows up.
Not to say that, according toAlaphia, not to say that the
(12:17):
godmothers aren't like this, butit's very prevalent when it
comes to the godfathers and thegoddaughters where they will
have the godchild.
More specifically, thegoddaughter give up her money in
order to help out with the ele,which I guess that would
(12:40):
translate to church, and youcould be part of scams and
things of that nature, and Ireally, again per usual, don't
want to go talk about somethingthat I'm not familiar with.
But, either way, if you'refamiliar with Alaphia, you can
follow her.
If you're being in Africantraditional religions such as
IFA, is something that you'reinterested in or is something
(13:03):
that you currently practice, soyou can know the signs of a
godparent that is a scammer andalso a godparent who could
possibly be abusive towards you.
Okay, so another thing I wantto talk about is and I'm pretty
sure I've mentioned it before isthat when people come to this
(13:25):
hoodoo because that's what Icurrently practice and they
think that it's supposed to be acertain way and again,
charlatan scammers, they knowthat and they will use that to
pray, pray and PREY on you,because I wholeheartedly believe
that when you leave somethingfor something else, that you
(13:46):
need to have time to yourself toheal, and I'm serious about
that.
And if you don't do that, thenyou could just give off the
certain type of energy, whetheryou know it or not, that you did
not do your research and you'renaive and you just don't know
what's going on.
Because you could make thisassumption that, oh yeah, if I
go over to the Africantraditional religion, you know
(14:07):
it's going to be better, there'snot going to be people who
would abuse me or use mefinancially and all that stuff.
They're everywhere.
And this is not me victimblaming at all.
This is just me reminding youthat fortunately well, first of
all, unfortunately you have tobe aware of it.
So it's like to me yay, it'sfortunate for you to come over
(14:29):
to this side, if that's what youchoose to do and you willingly
consent it to it.
But you also, per usual, haveto have discernment and just
really have to vet and watch outfor these people so that you
won't be blindsided in thinkingthat this is how the religion or
the spiritual practice issupposed to go.
You know, similar to whenpeople slide in other folks, dms
(14:49):
, trying to pretend to be acreator that's popular or just
period, is like oh, you know,and your ancestors, blah, blah,
blah.
And you know, depending on whatyou're going through, you could
unfortunately fall for that.
And next thing, you know Iconsider that to be financial
abuse, because they are usingyour ancestors or what have you,
(15:11):
or saying that you're cursed orhexed or whatever it is, so
that you can give them moremoney.
That's a that's a form offinancial abuse.
So you know, you got to watchout for that and stuff.
And then another thing that Ithink is that, when it comes to
people that come to thisspirituality and leave it, I
also think that it could also bewith them.
(15:32):
Like I said, I do encourage youto heal and to figure out your
why in every situation, tofigure out what it is that you
want out of the spirituality,why you switched over.
But for me, when it comes to whodo what, I think the foundation
of the spirituality is takingcare of your ancestors, giving
them the eye shade that theyneed so they can help you in any
(15:54):
way that they can, but theyaren't your slaves at all, you
know.
That's one.
And then the second thing isthey do need you, especially if
you and your family members havenot ever venerated them, so
it's going to take them time,strength to get what they need
so that they can help you andstuff.
(16:15):
And so, you know, a lot ofpeople again will have this
expectation of what's supposedto happen, what needs to happen,
and it happens, you know.
You know, some months ago Iexperienced that and stuff, and
they'll just like you know whatthe I'm leaving.
I'm leaving spirituality.
I can do bad all by myself orwhatever, and you know,
(16:36):
unfortunately, scammers,charlatans, they give the people
who are real about the stuffthat they do a bad name.
But there's one of those thingsthat you cannot even, you can't
run away from it, you just haveto deal with it.
So anyway, with that being said, you could again come across an
abuser who uses, who docorrectly but in a malicious way
(17:01):
, you know, taking, for example,your hair and doing things with
it because you might not bevery protected because you just
started the journey, and so,again, that's a form of abuse.
Or they're again, like I said,they'll try to mentor you or
something, and obviously noteverybody, but you know, try to
mentor you, to show you the waysto do it, and the actuality,
(17:22):
what they're trying to do isfigure out what kind of
spiritual gifts you have, if any, and how strong you are and
hopes that you can use that inyour favor, or just be jealous
simply if you're new to it andyour gifts are magnified in
comparison to theirs, because,let's not be surprised, they
hurt people, hurt people andstuff.
You know, there can be times ofyou doing magic with someone or
(17:44):
working to whatever you want tocall it, and they could be
plotting against you and youdon't know.
So it's best to do yourresearch, the best way that you
can, and consult your ancestorsyour honorable and light-hearted
ones, of course and see what'sthe best recourse when it comes
to going down this path.
I know when I first started thejourney of who do and then
(18:06):
eventually I'm going to talkabout Christianity because you
know that's what I like to dobut when I first started this, I
had accepted all of myancestors at first because I was
like I want nobody to feel leftout or whatever.
And then kind of find out, no,you only want to call certain
ones and stuff, and luckily Idid not get too hurt by it.
Oh, thank y'all, thank youancestors.
(18:27):
But you know I had to do a lotof learning and research and
trying to understand things thatfelt right.
And then, once I started to geta better understanding on the
right path, they were able tocommunicate with me and guide me
, and so that's why I'm so happyand thankful that I have not
encountered too many people, ifany, that have tried to use me
(18:49):
in that way and take my naiveteabout who do and use it against
me for nefarious things.
What else?
What else?
Oh, it was just in my flippingmind.
I was talking about who do, ohyeah, so another thing people do
that I wholeheartedly believeis a form of abuse, spiritual
(19:09):
abuse is that when they willthreaten that if you don't act
right, they're going to put youin a jar or a freezer.
Now, sometimes I say that stuffto be petty because, you know,
some people are fearful of mebeing a who do practitioner so
they don't want to mess with me.
But I mean again, the type ofperson I am.
I'm not going to throw at youunless I have to, and that's
when I have exhausted allresources.
Okay, but um, darn, it escapesme.
(19:31):
So I guess it was not importantto talk about that.
Whatever was with the who dothing.
So, um, you know again, if youswitch over from religion to
spirituality and switch backagain.
I mean, at the end of the day,you can't run away from your
problems.
Okay, you're still going tofind them.
(19:52):
So that's that Now for me.
I experienced what I considerreligious trauma, and I have a
few stories about experiencingthat.
I'm sorry, I'm trying to get myfreaking earbuds to work as I'm
talking but it's not working.
So sorry about all the staticor whatever in the background.
There we go.
Great, I finally fixed it.
Okay.
(20:13):
So for me, um, um, there's a lotof trauma, unfortunately, that
I experienced when it came to mebeing a Christian.
I don't even know if I wasreally really quote unquote a
Christian, christian for real,because we didn't go to church
that often.
Not that that means anything,but we didn't, um.
So some of the examples that Ihave that just doesn't logically
(20:33):
make any sense to me is that,first, when I was growing up, I
was growing up in a Baptistchurch, and I probably already
mentioned this before, so I'mjust going to gloss over it is
that I was a tomboy and I wantedto wear pants all the time, but
I feel like I couldn't bemyself going to church because
my family forced me, as a girl,to wear skirts and dresses to
(20:56):
church?
Um, because you know, quoteunquote was in the Bible and to
me, I really feel like that wasa way to um to control me.
Seriously, I did feel like thatwas a way to control me, which
would be spiritual abuse fromfamily and also from the
religion itself.
Because, you know, on onebreath you say, come as you are,
but on the other breath, if I'ma girl, I need to wear a dress
(21:18):
or skirt.
Like which one is it?
And still talking about clothes,when I went to Philly early
2000, a high school friend ofmine, um, he went to college in
upstate New York, but he was atthat time I don't know if he
still is apostolic.
So in Philadelphia there's a um, the apostolic church is huge,
right, and so we had wentbecause they had, I guess, their
(21:41):
annual shing-dig I don't knowwhat it was, it was so long ago
and the person would not let usin, um, because of the way we
were dressed, especially mebecause I had on pants, and it
was just like, are you seriousTo me again trying to control my
body on what I should wear,when I thought that God is
(22:01):
supposed to know my heart andit's supposed to be okay with
what I wear.
It's not like I was half nakedwith ass cheeks out.
You know what I'm saying.
Um, one, my one last try quoteunquote was when many of me came
into the world, maybe aroundthree, four or five months, I
can't remember.
She was baptized intoCatholicism and so, um, when we
left um where we were livingwith her father, and came back
(22:25):
to Memphis, I was like, okay,let me continue um mass and the
next steps with in Catholicism.
And, yeah, the priest I guessthat's what you would call the
guy over the Catholic church, hewas more concerned about me
being married than concernedabout me trying to continue my
(22:46):
daughter's soul or however itwould work, in Catholicism, you
know, because they're usuallyconservative was concerned about
what?
The fact that if I was married,um, and that was a bigger
factor and I cried the day.
It was very emotional to me.
Um, I think that was probablymy last straw about Christianity
and I just couldn't do itanymore.
(23:07):
And, um, to me, what I see now alot is that people are more
specifically Christians because,again, that's what I'm mostly
around and I see a whole lot onTV they use their religion as a
way, again, to control everybody, especially um cisgender women.
Oh wait, I'm sorry I said thatwrong.
(23:27):
I'm sorry Um cisgender women,that's one.
And then also trans men as well, if they still have um their
parts, um as far as their ovary,um the sex organs of what a
female body would have.
Okay, hopefully that wasn't toohard for the way I said that.
But you know, with um realversus weight and they're all
(23:50):
about, you know, pro-life,pro-life, but when the child
gets here they don't care.
You know what I'm saying.
And also, using um, even withinthe black community because
again, being black is all I knowwill use spiritual abuse with
using the Bible of saying what awoman is supposed to do
submissive, be traditional andeverything like that.
(24:11):
But in actuality it's a way tocontrol and you know, if you are
not um submissive, you'll neverget married.
And there's that assumptionthat there's so much pressure on
what um a woman is supposed todo within a heterosexual
relationship, and it has to bequote-unquote heterosexual,
because, you know, no gays ortrans are allowed to love, which
(24:34):
is some BS to me, but you knowagain.
So I think that again itstifles the person who.
I feel like it stifles theperson who's a Christian?
Because I'm like you put allthis extra pressure
quote-unquote pressure on me andsuffering on me, and do we even
know if this heaven reallyexists?
You know what I'm saying, butnot only that.
Yeah, you know, you can liveyour life and be joyful and
(24:58):
enjoy it.
When you go to heaven and die,like what the fuck?
I remember again when I wasyounger, I had asked my holier
than thou auntie and I was like,okay, so when we go to heaven,
like what that's going to belike?
Can you still have kids?
And her response, againparaphrasing is like no, you
won't, because that was thewhole point of sin and
everything in the first place.
So again, growing up and havingall these questions and things
(25:22):
not making logical sense and mehaving this anxiety and pressure
to be perfect so I wouldn't goto hell, so I could be with my
family and friends, andeverything like that, and it's
like I was like this is justbullshit, straight up bullshit.
I cannot be happy and I have towait till I die to be able to
be happy.
And again, as I've said before,according to the Bible, even if
(25:42):
you die, you're not in heavenuntil he comes back.
So what the fuck?
So and I know I said this onTikTok, can't remember if I say
to hear, and then I'm gonnastart wrapping it up is that
somebody has said on TikTok, andI agree with them is that when
it comes to trying to turn theUnited States into a theocracy I
hope I pronounced that wordcorrectly Nobody, some of these
(26:05):
Christians, especially the whiteChristians, they don't care at
all about people, theenvironment, nothing.
They just want to stack alltheir money up, hoard it or
spend it as they see fit andwant everybody else to suffer.
Because, in the end, what wasit that would be?
Goldberg had said in colorpurple, joy comes in the morning
(26:27):
or heaven comes.
I forgot because, again, Ididn't write this down, but
whatever that quote was duringcolor purple.
And when we hear all the timethat joy comes in the morning,
like we're not gonna care aboutall these worldly things because
we're gonna go to heaven, sowhy we're here?
You know it's okay if we putGod's people through hell
because I'm a get by glory likethat makes no sense to me.
(26:50):
And so that's one of the many,many reasons why I think that
being the religion ofChristianity is a hundred
percent spiritual abuse andborderline at this point in time
is about to be a cult, if it'snot already, and it is Harming
the black community for sure,because, again, black Christians
first of all who do is rootedin black Christianity.
(27:11):
So the way that blackChristians go about Worshiping
and doing all these things inchurch is who do?
It's not the same way of howwhite folks are when they Go to
church.
I know it's not been to acouple of white churches, so
whatever like that.
So it's like you're trying tobreak this apart and break
people away and what you'redoing is using fear mongering
(27:33):
tactics To get everybody to goagainst themselves and to force
people to not be curious and toask questions about this
religion that they most likelythat's all they have ever known,
since they were a child, beingindoctrinated, and their
ancestors and their Ancestors,ancestors all the way back until
you know enslavement.
That's all they ever knew.
And let's not forget, as I'vesaid before and I'll continue to
(27:55):
say, is that it was forced uponsome of Our ancestors in order
to get freedom.
It was used as a tool to sayyes, you In enslaved Africans
are a curse and this is yourpunishment.
You are not worthy to be savedand to be loved by God because
(28:16):
you Are savages.
So let me help heal you.
And next thing, you know theentire world is being
indoctrinated and Whitesupremacy and stuff is under the
guise of Christianity.
It's a mess.
So again, I say all that stuffto say hopefully I wasn't
rambling too bad, but it but Isay all that stuff to say that
(28:36):
again, you got to usediscernment and if you cannot
ask questions and and feelcomfortable and being who you
are and Ask questions inwhatever you practice, it's
probably not something that youshould believe in.
And I know I keep saying andand another thing is that you
(28:57):
have to remember that usuallypeople will try to brainwash you
when you try to go against thetide.
I guess that's a better way tosay it and you know you're not,
you're not with the streams thatyou used to, but, like you know
, you have a weird,quote-unquote weirdo like me who
practices, who do, and it's notthat many.
(29:17):
So, of course, movies andeverything has depicted what I
do again, as I continue to say,is demonic.
So when you have someone who'snot Doing what the majority is
doing, you know there's a way totease somebody and talk shit
and Every time something life belife, and that'll be a way to
throw it in somebody's face.
Ah, see, see, see.
(29:37):
That person practices XYZ, andjust what would Jesus do?
And I wholeheartedly believe itwould not be none of this shit.
So, yes, no matter for RiverRoad conclusion, no matter what
religion, spirituality that youare in, do it if that's what
works for you and stuff.
(29:58):
But if you can't ask questions,if you can't be yourself and
you have this carrot in front ofyou that is telling you to be
somebody else, just so you canexperience life when you die, is
it worth it?
I don't think it is, and that'swhy I love who do.
I'm taking care of my ancestorsand my descendants at the same
(30:20):
damn time.
Let's get him to this businessthing.
I'm a budding business woman.
I will talk about the currentstatus of my business and let
you know it's more than just aFacebook meme and a few dollars.
I was gonna get rid of thissegment, but something great
happened during my Reiki sessionon yesterday, so I had to share
(30:43):
.
No, this does not deal withabuse, unless you correlate it
to me on being verbally andemotionally abusing myself,
which I don't think I did that,but now that I mentioned it, I
gotta see with myself about it.
Anyway, I did a one-on-oneReiki session with the new
person at the gym where I holdRe weekly Reiki classes.
During the session I was havingdifficulty connecting to the
(31:06):
person.
Normally I received downloadsthat various from Chakras that
are out of alignment messages orareas that are sore or hurt the
person.
The nerve of my ego, thinkingthat I'm doing a crappy Reiki
session because I couldn'tconnect to the client.
I started getting mad at myselfand blaming myself for the lack
(31:27):
of a connection.
Then another thought came intomy head and while back, pj I
mentioned him on a previouspodcast episode had told me that
as Reiki practitioners, weshould not allow ego to
interfere with our sessions.
Just because the session wasn'tlike a typical session doesn't
mean I didn't send the Reikienergy.
This has happened before, but Ichalked it up at that time to
(31:51):
me being in a noisy environment,which is why I couldn't connect
.
Yesterday, though, that wasdifferent.
It was no one else but us to.
Afterwards, I learned that alot of readers have told this
person is difficult to connectand or read them.
I felt better.
I also talked to my spiritualteam about making me a fortress
as well.
Luckily, no one uses theconnection against me.
(32:12):
Like I said in my other segment, they don't use their
connection against me, and Ithink when it comes to small
business owners, well, let mesay me, I'm hard on myself with
wanting things to go well inhopes of having repeat customers
, cuz duh, I work for myself.
Capitalistic society, youalready know, but the ancestors
(32:35):
always helped the universe finda way to provide.
So I should focus more onensuring that I'm being
authentically myself.
No need to compare myself orforce myself doing Reiki
sessions to do more than I'mcapable and confident in.
For example, a lot of peoplelike to use sound bows during
Reiki.
That's not my strong suit.
If I want to add sound bows, itshould be because it's my gift,
(32:58):
not cuz other Reikipractitioners are doing it.
Even when it comes to me readingmy playing cards, I talked
badly to myself because, firstoff, I didn't even know that
there was a thing.
Secondly, everyone is so usedto tarot or oracle cards that I
felt like I was too out there.
Turns out I am different andout there, but this is my talent
(33:19):
and other people do use playingcards.
It's just like I said, moretarot and oracle card readers
than playing card readers.
But this is my talent, so I gota practice and own it.
To be honest, tarot cards werenever for me.
I don't understand it, nor do Icare to.
I'm barely using my Reikioracle cards.
I get down on myself because Ifeel like I am different than
(33:43):
other spiritualists andpodcasters, that no one Want to
go to me because I'm all overthe place.
But humans are not one, no, butseveral sounds familiar.
Speaking of the podcast, then Iwill stop the self-doubt train.
I feel silly talking aboutseveral things that don't always
mesh together and that, butthat's who I am.
(34:03):
I am into a whole lot of shit.
Okay, it would be boring, in myopinion, to make it a hoodoo
only podcast.
First off, there are severalpodcasts that talks about who do
.
Secondly, that's not the onlylifestyle that I'm actively in
and enthusiasticallyparticipating.
Again, if that's too much, thenit is what it is.
I am authentically being myself.
(34:24):
As I always say, there's enoughmoney out there for us to get
it, so no need to be likesomeone else.
That person is taken, but me.
Now I'm one of a kind Are youkinky or not?
I'm a proud kinkster to BDSMcommunity.
Let me tell you about thislifestyle to see if you want to
(34:45):
come over to the dark side.
We got candles.
Keeping with the theme of abuse,I will talk about the
differences between consensualBDSM versus Abuse of BDSM.
As you heard, in the hoodoosegment I was saying that again,
vanilla people and ourrelationships easily can't cross
over to BDSM as far as the redflags.
(35:05):
But the main difference betweenBDSM abuse and BDSM is consent,
of course.
So here are my own personalstories over the past eight
years of being a kinkster.
When I started my professionalrelationship with my therapist,
she wanted to ensure that thepunishments and or consensual
hits I received wasn't because Ifelt like I deserved it.
I came to my therapist formultiple reasons.
(35:28):
One reason was to ensure Iwasn't being abused when I
participated in BDSM, because Iwas constantly in my head about
it as someone at the time that Isurvived an abusive
relationship from my child'sfather.
I remember doing the abuse fromhim.
Unfortunately, when he wouldchoke me, that would turn me on,
or him and I would have angrysex.
Now other exes and I would havemakeup sex after an argument,
(35:52):
but it wasn't this angry sexthat I had with my child's
father and my abuse of ex,because what would happen is
that I would consent to have sexwith them just to shut them up,
and that was not consensual atall.
It was a different scene, whichwas coercion I literally would
just do it later or whatever sothat they can leave me alone.
(36:14):
So, again, if you're beingcoerced, forced into consenting,
that's not consensual at all.
Okay so.
But however, the way that my sirtreated me over these eight
years was different.
I knew it wasn't abusive, but Ihad to be sure, and the way
that my sir has treated me overthe years has just been like
(36:35):
pretty awesome.
He would be an asshole andpetty with me and stuff like
that, but I never felt like Icouldn't be myself around him.
I never felt like I couldn'tsay no to the things that I
would consent to or if he wouldsay something different to me
that I had never thought of orbefore.
I trusted him and I feltcomfortable in letting him leave
(36:58):
, which I know is so weird,because people who really really
know me and stuff are likeyou're submissive, I'm like,
yeah, I really am, and stuff,but I guarantee y'all I'm not a
picmica submissive, okay.
Another story is my abusive exwanted to be my dumb.
Now, this asshole was before Igot with the love of my
motherfucking life.
Who was, who not was, I'm sorry, is the best thing that could
(37:21):
ever happen to me.
Love you, boo thing, okay.
So with that ex asshole, hewanted to be my dumb and I was
excited because that means thatI would have two dums a local
and out of state dumped.
That's how he got me.
He didn't want to be my dumb,he wanted to control me.
And where the title of being adumb and or being with me?
Because of the access that Icould give him access to
(37:43):
swingers club, access to thefact that I'm bisexual.
So that means that which was sodumb.
That means that you know hecould be, we could have
threesomes with other women, oryou know that whole thing that
my woman had.
Well, my girlfriend has agirlfriend.
Or you know, I don't like to bea call girl, my woman has a
woman and stuff like that.
So that was his whole thing,and it's always baffles me how
(38:07):
they are quick to forget thatwhen it comes to being a
bisexual, that means both.
But oh, oh gosh, speaking of myboo thing, love of my
motherfucking life.
He just takes me.
He is at work.
Oh, am I falling in?
I don't do not disturb, I will.
I'm almost done.
Okay, okay, okay, um.
So, um, like I said, he wantedto be my dumb, so I tried to
(38:28):
teach him.
I wanted a partner that was mydumb, or at least into BDSM
activities, because BDSM is mylife and I didn't like the other
people in my community enoughfor us to be partners, play
partners.
Okay.
So, um, he was unwilling tolisten to me or to be open to
other male doms, to teach himwhat it's like to dominate me,
(38:50):
to participate in scenes safelyand, above all, listen.
I had went to Friar Lacan, whichis this annual convention for
kinksters.
Of course you have to be anadult and stuff is in ATL
shorting, and so a guy taughthim at Friar Lacan how to tie me
up, because the abuse of ASSOXwas supposedly into rope.
Rope wasn't my thing, but I'mlike, yeah, if he's into it,
(39:12):
okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.
Okay, so the rope dumb hadtaught my abuse of X how to tie
me with my hands behind my backand you know, um, you can kick
somebody with in the shin orsomewhere and make them fall or
whatever, when you kick them inthe, not the shin, I'm sorry in
the back of the leg.
So the ASSOX boyfriend, he didthat and I fell to my knees and
(39:37):
I cursed him the fuck out anddid not care.
Because how dare you?
You see that my hands are tiedup and you kick from underneath
me the fuck.
So the rope dumb was like youcan't do that, dude.
Like you got a role with her toavoid injury.
So there for all the con, or why, god show, my abuse of X, how
to choke me properly.
And I even had it on video andwhenever we would get into
(40:00):
argument about his insecurities,because he was an insecure
bitch, he would bring up thefact.
Like you know, you won't let mechoke you, but your little
white man choke you.
So one day during the argumentI say look at this video and
it's clear as fucking day thewhite dude say hey, here's how
to safely choke.
And it was there.
But of course, him being thedummy that he is, he ain't say
shit.
He tried to gas, like me, likeI said, the entire time,
(40:22):
thinking that I randomly let awhite man choke me.
I'm a casino or Ian purse?
Why the fuck would I do that?
So when I first started the life, there was this dumb who was
playing with me, which was fine.
But then he started to rub myclip through my jaws and I came
and I told him in the future,don't do that.
I never spoke to him againbecause, number one, I didn't
consent to that and, honestly, Ifelt taken advantage of playing
(40:44):
with him because, like you know, I was a new person and I felt
like he was being a predator,right, because first of all,
initially I said I won't playwith him.
But you know, of course I'mallowed to change my mind.
But I saw him and his femalepartner play and I was kind of
curious about it and stuff, andI really didn't negotiate, which
was my bad, but I also didn'tknow I was supposed to negotiate
and stuff.
(41:04):
So I didn't know any better,but I for damn sure knew that I
did not say it was okay to touchmy clip.
So from that moment for mynegotiations, where you cannot
touch what is not exposed, andthat was a way to let everybody
know, like yo, if my tittiesain't out, you ain't hitting me
on my titties and I always weardraws because I mean, come on
(41:24):
sanitary.
But it's like if I ain'twearing no draws, you're like
you don't touch my pussy.
So like he didn't even stay inthe lifestyle long enough
because he was one of thosepeople that was in the lifestyle
for the wrong reasons.
Okay, so I had also played withthe in sale and I didn't know
(41:44):
at the time that he was in sale,nor did I know at the time that
he was a predator, that he hadall these tendencies.
And I had talked to towel shoutout to you, towel, because I'm
going to talk shit about you.
Okay, but towel had told methat the reason he never told me
is because which I mean, hemade sense with the same time.
Like damn, maybe you couldn'ttell me about it, is that for
(42:05):
him?
He was like you know what mywork for?
Well, I mean, he would neverplay with a guy, towel one.
But the point is, like thesides of this predator that I
was seeing maybe you know itwouldn't be the same for me.
So that's why he didn't likewant to warm me or whatever,
like that.
But at the time that in sale, hedid not violate my consent, but
he tried to pry into mypersonal life and that was a big
(42:29):
no, no and got mad because Iplayed with other dogs.
But I didn't play with himbecause some of these other dogs
were already attached, whichwas okay because it was
consensual.
Of course I had my sir, butthis particular in sale, that
fucker, was single, which wasfor a reason why.
So he didn't like how I wouldplay with other people that were
attached and stuff.
So of course that was a flagfor me and I find it very funny
(42:54):
and that's not good, but I findit very funny that I could see
the red flags that existed inhim, but in other people
sometimes I couldn't see redflags and stuff like that.
So whatever.
But the final straw for me andthat in sale was the fact that I
was dating this guy and Iintroduced him to BDSM and he
(43:16):
knew I was polyamorous.
Polly wasn't for him and that'sfine.
He let me know that thatwouldn't be something that he
would be into, but he was opento participate in BDSM.
So the in sale didn't like thatbecause he overheard a
conversation and felt like I wasdoing all the sacrifices but
what was I giving him Likethat's none of your fucking
business, what's going on withme and someone that I'm dating
and not you.
So I blocked him and I madesure that he never talked to me.
(43:38):
And I saw him, like maybe acouple years later, and I guess
he thought the time he'll, allthings know the fuck.
It does not.
He spoke to me and I was like Istill don't fuck with you, I
still don't like you.
Don't you ever speak to meagain?
I like that side about me, butanyway.
So, like I was saying that, ohyeah, I kind of veered off
(44:00):
script, but it is what it is.
So another yellow flag that Icut off before it turned into a
red flag was this guy that didnot respect me by saying, by
letting me go when I was done ahug him.
He continued to hold me tightertill I said I got a knife and I
ain't afraid to use it.
I felt that if he can respectme, saying okay, let's stop
(44:20):
hugging, what else would he notrespect?
Would he respect the safe word?
So, all right, enough of theyellow and red flags.
Let me mention some green flags.
All right, and like vanillapeople and their relationships,
if the person respects yourboundaries, does not gaslight
you or non-consensually controlsyou, they should be a keeper.
And wait, did I say it?
(44:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because,again, in order to be controlled
, you have to consent to it.
So there we go.
All right, I said thatcorrectly.
So with BDSM, seeing the top,and you can insert whatever, and
you can insert whichever rolethat you want to when I say top
or whatever, but for real, thetop should ensure that you are
as safe as you can be.
(45:03):
I almost backed out of a scenebefore because I was co-topping
someone, because the bottomwanted me to play in a way that
I did was unsafe.
He wanted me to peg him, andthat's fine, and he wanted
another chick to fuck him in themouth with her strap on, all
while being tied up on no, no,no, which reminds me I need to
(45:24):
discuss safety or whatever.
But the problem with me withthat one was, again, how could
he say, if you know his mouth isfull and if he's tied, how can
he even like drop keys, dropsomething?
And he was like, well, I couldgrunt and I'm like no, dude,
that's not going to work.
And we ended up playingtogether, but we didn't do that.
(45:46):
We did co-top me and this otherlady, but we didn't end up
doing it the way that he wantedto, which made me feel
comfortable and stuff, because,like I said, I didn't feel
comfortable participating inthat at all.
So, all right, so back totalking about towel some more.
That fucker Hi towel.
Okay, so I played with towelbefore from one of my birthdays
(46:07):
and was a green flag scene.
He respected my boundaries andmy negotiations and what I was
not comfortable with doing inthe scene.
He was okay, but it still hadthis element of surprise,
because he knows I like to runshit and I'm paraphrasing.
But he was like, basically, Iknow you like to run shit, I'm
not going to hurt you, you'regoing to be fine, stop trying to
control shit.
But you know it was a greattime because, again, it was my
(46:29):
birthday and so, yeah, why am Isubmissive, who knows?
So I'm going to talk about gray, another green flag scene.
We were set to play a Fibonaccisequence and I think I was 32 or
34, whatever, whichever one ofthose numbers in your 30s, the
first one, this is a Fibonaccisequence and stuff like that.
(46:49):
And so we were supposed to dothat for my birthday because I
was turning, whatever age thatwas, and he felt like my mood
had changed, because at the timethe dungeon lights were out,
literally because I guesssomebody had hit a transformer.
So he had asked could we movethe date or shall we proceed and
wait until the lights come backon at the dungeon?
And I felt comfortable enoughto say no.
And maybe, like a week laterand I can't remember was like
(47:13):
the date of my birthday or after, but either way, we ended up
doing the Fibonacci sequence.
So, and that was great because,like I said, I was able to say
no, he respected it.
He even gave a fuck enough toquestion me Like are you still
good with this?
So there's this out of townperson that I know named Scott.
He was fire-flogging me andbefore I could say for it, he
(47:35):
stopped.
I still don't know whathappened, but my body felt super
weird.
I guess I did too much that day, I don't know, but either way,
he checked in on me and assuredI was okay.
After I say for it, matter offact.
No, no, no, I said the wrong.
He stopped the scene before Icould say for it.
So, again, as I think I've saidbefore, it doesn't matter who
was the one participating.
You can, whether you're a giveror a receiver, you can stop it.
(47:58):
And that was great, that herespected me enough, cared
enough to ensure that, okay, Ican tell about her body that
this ain't given what it'ssupposed to be given.
So we're going to stop it.
And I also did play the daybefore.
So, again, maybe I was goingthrough a lot of stuff, because
you know when you play whichmaybe I need to talk about that
there's a lot of chemicalscience, these kind of stuff.
(48:18):
That goes on.
Anyway, per usual, there willbe good and the bad.
When it comes to doing a riskyplay such as BDSM, some people
think because you are a swingeror a kinkster, it's free range
to touch, smack, hit, flip it,rub it down.
Oh no, it's not Okay.
That's far from the truth.
Please ensure that you feelcomfortable to be yourself.
(48:39):
Talk, listen and respect allthat occurs from the moment you
meet a potential pickup playpartner or a long-term play
partner, which I don't alwaysadvocate for you to do pick up
play, but that's another storyfor another day.
If they want to play secretlyand discreetly and that's not
your bag they are probably anabusive person waiting to pop on
out.
I've been abused way too muchand I refuse to let it happen
(48:59):
again.
So I take my time and watch outa person's response to my
boundaries and my requests.
It will keep you safe duringunsafe times.
I've talked long enough.
I have you out.
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