201. What Your Kids Are Learning About Money Without You Saying a Word

What are your kids learning about money before you ever sit them down to teach them? In this episode, Laura unpacks how children absorb the emotional climate around money long before they understand budgets, bank accounts, or financial terms. From your tone and tension to your silence, fear, and hush-hush conversations, your kids are already learning what money means in your home. 

Laura explains why kids feel the weight of money before they understand the numbers, how heavy or fearful money talk can teach children to tiptoe around the subject, and why many parents stay silent not because they do not care, but because they feel unequipped. She also shares practical ways to start talking about money in age-appropriate ways without overwhelming your kids or waiting until you feel like an expert. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  What kids pick up from your tone around money 
•  Why silence can teach shame, fear, and avoidance 
•  How to start talking about money without overwhelming your children 
•  Why your kids are not too young to begin learning 
•  How ordinary conversations shape the habits, mindset, and tools you leave behind 

Laura also shares how her Money Mastery coaching can help you get clearer on your own money so you can teach your kids from a healthier, more confident place. When you are ready to break the silence and start building a better money legacy at home, the next step is in the show notes. 

Learn more about working with Laura Sexton

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·        Become a master with your money. Learn more here!

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Episode Transcript

Laura (00:00):
What are your kids learning about money before you
ever sit them down to teachthem?
Because they are learning.
They're learning from your tone.
Is there tension in your voice?
They're learning from yoursilence.
They're learning every time yousay,"Well, we can't afford
that," or from the way that youquietly hide the bills when they

(00:22):
come in the mail.
They're learning from any ofyour fear or stress, your
relief.
They hear the arguments.
They hear the hush-hushconversations, and then they
look at the things that nobodyexplains.
The kids feel the weight ofmoney long before they
understand the numbers, and whenmoney always sounds heavy,

(00:43):
scary, or off limits, they donot just learn that money
matters.
They learn that money issomething to tiptoe around.
They learn shame.
So today, I wanna talk to youabout what your kids are
learning about money without youeven saying a word, and why the
goal is not to become a perfectteacher overnight, but simply to

(01:03):
start talking You are listeningto the Money and Legacy Podcast
with Laura Sexton.
I'm helping families pay offdebt, grow wealth, and build a
legacy without sacrificing whatmatters most.
This is where money feels easy.

Audio Only - All Participa (01:19):
Hey, Legacy Builders, episode 201.
Today we are gonna talk aboutkids learning your tone before
they learn about numbers.
You see, your kids are gonnapick up the emotional climate
around money long before theyunderstand the math, way before
they understand budgets, andwe're not even going to start

(01:39):
talking about bank accounts thatthey have to be 13 before they
can even open.
And at that, they have to haveyour name attached to them
because legally you can't ownanything if you're under the age
of 18 And trust me, this goesfor other subjects as well.
Are there other things you sweepunder the rug?
Are there other things you say,"Yeah, I'll talk to you about

(02:00):
that later," and then never comeback to?
Your kids are picking up onthat.
But for today, we're just gonnatalk about money.
Your tone is gonna be whatteaches them first.
Anything that you're open andhonest and bold about, your kids
are like,"Wow, that's amazing."And anything that you're quiet
about, your kids are like,"Iwonder what that's about." Have

(02:24):
you ever caught yourself sayingthat to your children?
How did you learn that?" I feellike I do that once a week now.
But your kids are really gonnahone in on the heaviness of
money before they everunderstand the words about
money.
My mother is working with thekids right now to teach them
about change, which I think isreally funny because pennies are

(02:46):
no longer a thing.
They don't make them anymorebecause it costs three cents to
make a penny that's only worthone cent.
And my kids are trying to noodlethrough this conversation, and,
four quarters make a dollar,things like that.
We, obviously in my house, wetry to be really open about
money.
And yeah, we have to get down tothe basics.

(03:06):
But even before they knew thosethings, they hear whether or not
I'm telling them,"Hey, we can'tafford that." We can't afford
that sounds scary.
And when money feels scary, evenwhen it's not directly explained
to them, when money feels scary,they get nervous about asking

(03:27):
about it.
If we don't talk about money andit feels scary, and we wonder
why Mom and Dad don't talk aboutit, and there's shame around it,
how are we ever going to learn?
How are we ever going to knowanything other than, wow, that's
really scary, if things arenever directly explained to us?

(03:48):
when things come in the mail,there are bills, there are-
Unexpected blessings.
The way we act about thosethings is how our kids are going
to perceive them.
So we need to make sure that weare calm around those things
because your calm teaches justas much as your hush teaches

(04:12):
When money always soundsstressful, kids learn that money
is dangerous or better leftalone.
That's not what we want for ourkids.
We want them to ask questions.
We want them to hear the nuancesin things from a very young age
because they are in the wonderstage.

(04:33):
My kids right now are one,three, five, seven, and nine,
and they are all still in thiswonder stage.
Y- they're asking why over andover and over again.
You want them asking why aboutmoney over and over and over
again when they're little,because you can answer them in
very basic terms.
They don't have to be fulldeveloped, in depth.

(04:54):
They can be very basic And thenit's not scary.
Now, I don't want you to lie toyour kids.
I don't want you to tell themeverything's fine if
everything's not.
But let's keep them in the loop,because we don't want them to
learn not to ask.
We want them asking questions.
We want them asking why.
But we don't want them to feellike anything is a burden.

(05:16):
You have to be veryage-appropriate when you have
these conversations with yourkids.
But sometimes that just meansbeing a sportscaster.
Now, I heard this ideaoriginally in a Mommy and Me
class where they were saying,"Don't put your emotions on your
children.
Go ahead and just sportscast."And I was like,"What does that
mean?" It's like when your kidfalls down and skins their knee,

(05:37):
they're gonna look up at you andWithout saying anything, they're
looking at you and asking youhow they should feel about this.
And a lot of times if my kidsfall down, I'll do something
like yell out,"Safe," like theyjust ran into home base, right?
I'm not going to give them athis is a positive or a
negative, or if I'm going tochoose one, I'm gonna be like,

(06:00):
"You're all right," but I don'twanna say you're all right,
because if they're actuallyhurt, I don't wanna lie to them
Maybe I took gentle parenting alittle too seriously when I was
a brand new mom, but I tend tothink that adding a little bit
of humor definitely makes thingseasier.
So a kid falls down, skins theirknee, they're gonna look at me
and go,"Hey, is that a...

(06:20):
Am I okay or am I not okay?" Youdefinitely wanna give them a
positive feeling about it.
You wanna sportscast.
A lot of times I do wanna be theperson that's like,"Wow, you
fell down.
Oh my goodness, you tripped."That kind of thing.
We don't need to give any kindof emotion towards it.
We're just sportscasting.

(06:42):
When it comes to your money,that's what you wanna be doing.
You wanna be sportscasting.
You wanna say,"Hey, bill came inthe mail." You don't have to get
into any of the specifics aboutit.
If you tiptoe around money, theywill begin tiptoeing around
money, and that is a cycle ofnever ask, never learn.
We don't wanna create that.
We definitely want to add, asense of wonder.

(07:05):
A lot of parents are quiet aboutmoney, not because they don't
care, but because they feel u-unequipped We don't wanna be
thinking,"This is too much formy kids," or,"I- no one ever
taught me.
I don't wanna overwhelm them.
I'm still figuring this outmyself." You see, those are
things that I hear from parentsoften.
But the truth of the matter is,it's too much of your, for your

(07:26):
kids if you're explainingcompound interest.
When they're little bitty, theydon't need to hear that.
But they do need to hear thatyou have money in the bank, that
money comes in, that money goesout.
And if you're still figuring itout, this is actually the
perfect time to bring them in onlearning.
This is the time that you bringthem in and you teach them the
things that you're learning.
Because where silence feels saferight now, it's actually not

(07:50):
setting them up for success.
It's not setting you up forsuccess.
You have to be able to say thewrong thing.
Sometimes as parents, we say thewrong things and things get
messed up, but we have to bewilling to continue to move
forward So what do we doinstead?
We start talking about money inage-appropriate ways instead of
waiting until you feel likeyou're perfectly ready.

(08:11):
They're not too young, myfriend.
They're not.
Just don't dump everything onthem.
Start exactly where they are,and then get deeper later when
the conversation feels lessheavy, when you're less worried
about it.
The more you can talk aboutmoney, the more curiosity will
come in, and that will lead theconversation.
And maybe they say,"Well, Mom,can you explain to me what an

(08:34):
ETF is?" And you're sitting heregoing,"I have no idea what that
is." Guess what, my friend?
It's okay to say that.
"Hey, where'd you learn aboutETFs?""Really?
You heard about it on TikTok.
Interesting.
What did you learn?
Huh.
That sounds like a get richquick scheme.
Maybe I should do some researchinto that and see whether or not
that's an actual thing that youshould be looking into learning

(08:54):
more about." Normalize notknowing, and normalize money as
part of everyday life.
Because guess what?
Money is a part of your everydaylife.
Even if you don't leave and goto the store, you are consuming
energy at your home, and you aregoing to have to pay the
electric bill.
These are things that wedefinitely wanna talk about on a
normal, ongoing basis.

(09:15):
When I was growing up, myparents wanted me to stop
leaving the lights on every timeI left the room.
I'd have every light in theentire house on, and that will
drain your electricity.
Every time I'd walk out of aroom and leave the light on, I
had to pay a nickel into themissions bank.
And whereas the missions madereally good money for about two
months, I eventually decided Ididn't wanna give away all my

(09:36):
nickels.
I learned that leaving thelights on costs money, because
it actually cost me physicalmoney.
Now, whether or not it was fivecents, I don't know, and did my
money go towards paying theelectric bill?
No, it did not.
But it allowed me to be a partof the money conversation.
It allowed me to be a part ofthe electric conversation.

(09:56):
There are things that we need tolearn as children that will
serve us well being adults.
Your kids don't need you to bethe money expert.
They need a parent that'swilling to break the silence.
To be able to talk to them.
They need me to be able toanswer their questions, and if I
don't know, I don't have aproblem going,"Hey, you know
what?
I don't actually know the answerto that.
Let me do some research and I'lllet you know." Or,"Hey, right

(10:20):
now is not the perfect time totalk about that.
Let's circle back and we'll talkabout it this evening or when I
have more information." Both ofthose are acceptable answers.
Now, you have to remember tocircle back.
You can't say,"Let me circleback to that," and then never
come back to that, because thenyou're showing a loop of being
unsafe in asking questions.
So we wanna make sure that weare doing the circle back.

(10:42):
But stop letting the silence dothe teaching.
Instead, model openness to them,because your kids wanna learn,
and your legacy is not about thedollars and cents in your bank
account.
Your legacy starts in ordinaryconversations.
That's how you leave yourhabits, your tools, your
mindset.
That's how you leave a legacy.

(11:02):
What is your legacy going to bewhen you are no longer here for
your children to ask questionsto?
I have tiny people that arebanging on the wall over here.
They definitely want me to comeout and play with them, so I'm
going to close up this podcastsuper early.
If you have any questions oranything that you want to dive

(11:22):
into, maybe you are stilllearning about money and you
would like to learn more aboutthe money so that you can teach
your kids and make sure thatthey have a well-rounded
financial education.
If that's you, all you need todo is scroll down in the show
notes and learn about MoneyMastery, let's book a clarity
call.
Let's learn where you need toget clear on your money so you

(11:43):
can teach your kids about it.
I would be absolutely honoredand find it a complete joy to
talk to you and help you learnwhere you can tighten up your
money things so that you canhelp your children.
My goal is to make your moneyfeel easy, and I hope that you
found a little bit of that here.
All right, my friends, that's itfor this week.
Go out and make a difference