Forever Carried — Honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss

October can be a heavy month for many mothers. It’s a time to honor the babies who never made it earthside and the women who continue to carry their memories with love and courage.

In this episode of Motherhood Intended, Jacqueline opens her heart for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. She shares her story of losing her daughters Charlotte, Cecilia, and Maren, and how those experiences continue to shape her as a mother today. This conversation is a safe space for every woman who has known loss, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, a failed transfer, or the loss of a child after birth.

Jacqueline also offers comfort through science and faith, revealing the remarkable fact that fetal cells remain in a mother’s body forever, proving that we truly carry our babies in our hearts and in our biology. She speaks about healing through connection, the creation of Your Fertility Village, and ways to honor the memory of every baby gone too soon. This is a gentle, compassionate episode that reminds listeners they are never alone.

Questions answered in this episode:

• How do we honor Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in a way that brings comfort and connection?
• What does science reveal about how mothers continue to carry their babies after loss?
• How can sharing your story help you heal and remind others they are not alone?
• What does invisible grief look like when it comes to failed transfers and embryo loss?
• How can communities like Your Fertility Village provide support through infertility and loss?

Links mentioned in the episode: 

• Local listeners: Join Jacqueline at the annual SHARE Walk to Remember to honor, connect, and support those impacted by pregnancy and infant loss.
• Not local or can't make the event, but want to support? Donate to help provide comfort and resources to grieving families.

✨ Free Resource for You ✨
Want to feel more confident and prepared at your next doctor’s appointment? I created a simple, one-page tool just for you — the Doctor’s Appointment Prep Sheet.

With space to track your symptoms, jot down questions, and take notes, this free worksheet will help you walk into your appointment feeling empowered and walk out with clarity. 

👉 Grab your free copy here: https://motherhoodintended.kit.com/prepsheet

 Connect beyond the podcast:

• Your Village
• Instagram
• Facebook group
• Text
• Email: [e-mail]
• Support the show!

CURIOUS ABOUT SURROGACY?  Help give the absolute greatest gift to deserving intended parents and learn more about becoming a surrogate (plus you can earn up to $650 just for taking the first few simple steps!)

Support the show

__________________________________________________________________________________

💛 You don’t have to do this alone. Join Your Fertility Village — a safe, supportive community for women on their fertility journey. 🌻__________________________________________________________________________________

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see
the highlight reel version ofmotherhood?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
Welcome to the MotherhoodIntended Podcast.
I'm your host, Jacqueline Baird,and I am a passionate mom here
to support women like you intheir unique journeys to and
through motherhood.
I have been through it all.
We're gonna be talking aboutthings like trying to conceive,

(00:21):
infertility, IVF, surrogacy, momlife, and more.
It's time to get real about whatit takes to be a mom and come
together in the fact that thingsdon't always go as planned.
So here we go.
Hey friends, welcome back toMotherhood Intended.
October is pregnancy and infantloss awareness month.
And today I want to hold spacefor every woman listening whose

(00:44):
known loss in one form oranother, whether it's
miscarriage, stillbirth, afailed transfer, a loss after
birth, or the invisible griefthat comes when embryos you
hoped would become your babiesnever make it earth side.
This episode is for you.
For me, this month is alwaystender.

(01:05):
My journey to motherhood hasbeen full of both heartbreak and
miracles.
In September of 2016, Imiscarried our twins, Charlotte
and Cecilia, due to prematurebirth because of an incompetent
cervix.
Unfortunately, we lost Charlotteat only 14 weeks along and

(01:26):
Cecilia at 16 weeks.
And then in September of 2021,we lost our daughter, Marin, due
to placental abruption at 20weeks.
And both of these pregnancies,our three losses of these
daughters, absolutelyheartbreaking.
Charlotte and Cecilia was thefirst time I had ever become

(01:49):
pregnant after years ofinfertility treatments.
And with Marin, Marin was amiracle.
You know, we that was the onlytime we ever conceived
naturally.
It was unexpected.
It was a welcomed surprise andmiracle.
And so it was absolutelydevastating when we lost Marin

(02:10):
as well.
And it and it all hit differenttoo, because we had Hunter and
Noah at home and they were, youknow, four and two.
And all of our losses kind ofcame back to us and the grief
just really, really sank in atthat point.
And I've known the anxiety thatcomes with a pregnancy after
loss, you know, even though Iwasn't the one pregnant watching

(02:35):
our surrogate be pregnant withour daughter Lorelei carried its
own anxiety.
And, you know, there's alwaysthat quiet fear of letting hope
in.
And if you've been there, youknow the feeling, holding joy
and fear in the same heartbeat.
And if you brought home a babyafter loss, you know that
motherhood after infertility isits own balancing act, truly.

(02:59):
It's love mixed with guilt,gratitude beside grief, and
reminders of what and who youare missing.
And there is a kind of loss thatoften goes unspoken that I
wanted to touch on today becauseI know many of you listening
have gone through or arecurrently going through
infertility treatments.

(03:20):
And so the loss I want to talkabout as well is the loss of
embryos during fertilitytreatments.
For many of us who've gonethrough IVF, those embryos
aren't just cells.
They are our babies and ourhearts.
They represent hope andbirthdays and the lives we
imagined.
And you've worked hard for thoseembryos.

(03:42):
When a transfer fails or anembryo doesn't survive, it's a
grief that can feel invisible.
There's no ultrasound photo, noritual of goodbye, but the love
is every bit as real.
So this month, I want to namethat too.
Your heart knew those babies.
You loved them, you hoped forthem, you dreamed of a life of

(04:04):
those for those embryos.
And truly, that that lovedoesn't disappear when science
says the cycle didn't work.
Here's something incredible thatscience does tell us.
It's when a woman is pregnant,cells from her baby remain in
her body forever.
I, when I discovered this factand the research behind it, I

(04:28):
was so comforted, and I hope youwill be too.
So the cells that from your babythat remain in your body
forever, they're called fetalmicrochimeric cells and they
travel to blood-dense organslike the heart.
And this happens regardless ofpregnancy outcome.
So even after miscarriage orinfant loss, those cells stay

(04:49):
with us.
And what's even more amazing isthey can migrate into future
pregnancies.
That means your next babycarries pieces of their sibling
within them.
So when we say we carry ourbabies in our hearts, we truly
biologically do.
Okay.
Your body remembers, your heartremembers, and your children,

(05:10):
all of them, remain connected toyou and to each other.
I kind of nerded out about thatfact, but I hope it brings you
the same kind of comfort itbrought me because we truly, I
mean, science says along withour faith and our and our hope
and our hearts, like sciencesays that we carry every baby
with us going forward.

(05:33):
So healing doesn't meanforgetting.
It means finding ways to letlove and loss live side by side.
My healing began throughconnection by speaking my story
out loud and hearing others say,be too.
This started for me back in 20,I'll say 17, when I started

(05:54):
opening up about my miscarriageson Instagram.
You know, it for me, it all kindof I was kind of given this
little nudge to share whether Iwas ready to or not, because we
had posted on social media justtwo weeks before we lost our
daughters that we wereexpecting.
You know, I hit that magical12-week mark.

(06:16):
It was my first time beingpregnant.
I thought I was following allthe quote unquote rules of when
to announce and all of that.
And it was just two weeks laterthat devastatingly, we lost one
of our twins.
And then yet again, two weekslater, lost our other baby.
And that was hard.
That was hard to publicly sharethat grief and loss.

(06:40):
But I'm glad that I did becauseit was at that point when I
shared what happened that I hadso many messages coming in of
others saying me too.
Women who have been in my lifeand my circles for so long that
I had no idea had experienced amiscarriage.
And if you don't know thestatistic, one in four

(07:00):
pregnancies ended inmiscarriage.
So I guarantee you know somebodyin your life that has
experienced a loss as well,whether you know about it or
not.
And so all of this opening upthrough connection, it allowed
me, and then after Marin, losingMarin, also devastating, had
obviously shared with everyone.

(07:21):
And we even waited longer toshare with our boys.
I think it was only, I think Iwas either like 16 or 18 weeks
pregnant when we told our sonsonly to abruptly lose Marin two
weeks later, 20 weeks along.
And so we found ourselves inanother place of really publicly

(07:41):
and with our friends and familyand just sharing her excitement
and grief all in a whirlwind.
And it took some time with allof my losses before I really was
ready to open up and talk aboutit.
But, you know, a year followingthe loss of Marin is when I had
the courage and really the thewant and need and drive to start

(08:04):
the podcast.
It's something that had been in,been on my mind for a while.
You know, my husband and Italked about starting a podcast
years before to document ourinfertility journey, more so for
ourselves, but to also justshare with others kind of how it
was going.
And truthfully, we were sooverwhelmed by the whole process
of IUIs and IVF and testing andloss and just, and then our

(08:26):
first son, our first child onearth being born prematurely and
in the NICU.
I mean, it was just a lot.
So we never started it.
And it was after I had, youknow, took time to reflect and
grieve that I after Mirin that Iwas like, you know what, this is
the best time.
I need this for myself.
I need to say, talk about whathappened out loud.

(08:49):
I need to speak about my journeyand our losses for myself.
And I only hope that, you know,it can help me deal with my
grief, but also touch others andhelp them through theirs.
So that's when I started theMotherhood Intended podcast.
And it has been a ripple effectever since.
Once we go into 2026, January2026 will be the three-year

(09:13):
anniversary of the podcast.
And all of this is why I've alsocreated your fertility village.
I am so proud and excited toopen up my heart to all of you
and to welcome you into thevillage.
It's a supportive community forwomen who are navigating
infertility, pregnancy loss, andhonestly everything in between.

(09:34):
Inside this group, we holdmonthly group calls, share
resources, and remind oneanother that motherhood and the
journey to motherhood in all itsforms deserve to be honored.
So if this episode resonateswith you and you are have
experienced a loss or are goingthrough infertility, or maybe

(09:54):
you're parenting after a loss orin pregnancy after loss, all of
these things really you deservea village for this.
They always say that it takes avillage to raise children.
And I am a firm believer ofthat, but I also believe that it
can take a village to havechildren too.

(10:14):
And if you are anywhere inbetween trying to become a mom
and in the thick of motherhood,the fertility village is for
you.
So if this resonates with you, Iwould love to invite you in as a
founding member.
Right now, it's literally just$7a month, one cup of coffee, a
rate that you'll lock in forlife.
And this is a space where you'llalways be seen, heard, and

(10:37):
understood.
So you can join through the linkin the show notes, and I would
love to have you there.
So before we close, I want toremind you that whether your
baby lived for a moment, aheartbeat, or a dream, they
mattered.
You matter.
Your story matters.
So maybe tonight, light acandle, whisper their name, or

(11:01):
simply place your hand over yourheart and know they're right
there with you always.
And if you're local to theChicago suburbs, I would love to
see you this Saturday, October11th at the Share Walk to
Remember in Naperville.
It is a beautiful event,honoring the babies we carry in

(11:21):
our hearts and supportingfamilies walking through grief.
If you're not nearby but want tohelp, you can also donate to the
Share program, which providescomfort and resources to
grieving families.
And I'll link both options inthe show notes.
It really is a wonderful event.
I think this is our family'sthird or fourth year attending.

(11:43):
One year I had the honor ofbeing the speaker and sharing my
story to everyone.
Motherhood Intended Podcast is asupporter of this event.
It always brings so much comfortto my family, and it's a great
opportunity to invite others inyour life to walk in honor of
the babies gone too soon.
So we always have our family andinvite friends to join us.

(12:05):
Would love to see you if you'renearby.
And if not, if your heart iskind of being tugged to donate
to other families who areexperiencing grief and this
would allow them to haveresources and comfort.
So I'll just I'll put the linkin the show notes.
But thank you for listening, forshowing up as always, and for
being a part of this community.
I'm so grateful you're here andI'm so grateful you hit play on

(12:28):
this episode.
If you know somebody who mightbe in the midst of grief or
experience have recentlyexperienced a loss, feel free to
send along this episode.
Hopefully it will bring themsome comfort as well.
Until next time, I'm sending youlove, strength, and the gentle
reminder that you are neveralone on this journey.