June 29, 2025 • 26 mins
Ever feel like you're the only one who remembers to feed the dog, clean the litter box, or refill the water bowls? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to keep doing it all.
This bonus summer episode gives you a complete system to get your household to step up and share the pet care load, without nagging, yelling, or turning into the resentful pet parent you swore you’d never be.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
• The communication traps that keep you stuck doing everything yourself
• How to host a productive “pet care reset” meeting that works
• Step-by-step ways to assign tasks fairly and create accountability
• What to say when someone forgets their pet care job without starting a fight
If you’re ready to stop being the unpaid CEO of Pet Operations and finally get the help you deserve, this episode is your action plan.
Bonus download mentioned in the episode: Get your FREE guide to getting help with pet care.
Love the show? Please share it with another pet parent who wants less chaos and more clarity. Please leave a 5-star review to help others find real-life, judgment-free advice.
🎧Get your free guide: 10 Tips for Bonding With Your Pet
Follow:
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Big pet challenges we help pet parents solve include: puppy training, cat behavior, pet budgeting, stress-free vet visits, solutions for multi-pet households, and more.
Contact: Amy@muddypawsandhairballs.com
©Ⓟ 2025 by Amy Castro.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy Castro (00:00):
Surprise! I know we said we were on break until
August 10th, and we really are,but I decided to drop this bonus
episode because, let's face it,summer can be chaos.
Kids might be home, maybeyou've adopted a new pet, and
somehow you end up doing all thepet care while everyone else
just vibes out for the summer.
This episode is all aboutgetting the other humans in your
house to step up and share theload without you having to nag,
(00:22):
yell, or pull a muscle draggingthe litter box to the curb by
yourself.
When we come back in August,we're going to have a new name,
a new approach, and even morepractical help to make life with
pets work better for you.
Until then, enjoy this bonusbecause you deserve a little
backup.
Ever find yourself feeding thepets, scooping the poop, and
handling everything whileeveryone else is too busy
(00:44):
building Lego towers or bingewatching Netflix?
Well, today we're calling outthe biggest mistakes that might
be keeping you stuck doing itall and laying out a real plan
to reset, reassign, and rebootthe pet care around your home
without nagging, begging, orlosing your damn in mind.
Welcome back to Muddy Paws andHairballs.
(01:07):
I'm Amy Castro, yourstraight-talking guide through
the wild, wild world of pets,life, and everything messy in
between.
Today, we're not just ventingabout doing it all.
We're going to fix it.
If you're tired of feeling likeyou're the only one in the
family who even notices thewater bowls are empty, you're in
the right place.
And don't worry, my solo livinglisteners, I've got you covered
(01:28):
too with a few ninja-levelsurvival hacks later in the
episode.
To make things easy, I've puttogether a free guide that walks
you through everything we'regoing to talk about today.
You don't need to take notes ortry to remember all the steps.
I'll give you the link later inthe episode so you can download
it and start putting it intoaction right away.
So let's start with this.
If you're feeling like you'recarrying the entire pet care
(01:49):
load on your back, you'reprobably not wrong.
And you're not broken.
And you're definitely notalone.
But here's the kicker.
Sometimes the way that we askfor help actually guarantees
that we don't get it.
Now, I don't want to get on mysoapbox here too much, but some
of you may not realize that myalter ego, Amy Castro,
professional speaker, trainer,and communication coach,
(02:11):
actually knows a thing or twoabout communicating with other
people.
But I'll tell you right upfront.
Number one, I'm not perfect.
And number two, sometimes evenI forget what I'm supposed to
do.
So don't feel like today I'mtrying to be judgy or preach or
anything like that.
I just want to give you somecommunication tools to put in
your pet parent communicationtoolbox that will help make your
(02:32):
life easier and help you get alittle more help around your
home in caring for your pets.
So here are some of the biggestmistakes you might be making
that are keeping you stuck doingit all.
First of all, timing people.
Timing is so important.
Too many times when we are theones that end up getting a lot
of the pet care responsibilitiesdumped on us, we wait until a
blowing point and we decide, I'mready now.
(02:55):
I'm ready to blow.
Somebody's going to pay.
We don't necessarily thinkabout the timing for the other
person.
So one of the mistakes isbringing things up at the worst
possible moment.
So while your kids are in themiddle of a Lego build and
they're three quarters of theway of getting that tower built
or your partner is watching thatmovie they've been waiting to
to sit down and watch for thelast week and there's 10 minutes
(03:16):
left and now you decideeverything's got to stop and the
litter box needs to be cleaned.
Okay, that's a rookie mistake.
Don't make that mistake becauseyou're very rarely ever going
to get any cooperation when youapproach things like that.
The other thing is focusing onnagging instead of planning.
Just repeating yourself overand over again like that litter
box is not going to cleanitself.
(03:37):
The litter box is not going toclean itself.
Have you cleaned the litter boxyet?
At some point you can nag, youcan remind as much as you
possibly can, and you quicklyrealize that that's not working.
But for some reason, you keepdoing it, hoping that it's going
to work the 15th time or the15,000.
So don't keep nagging.
You've got to take a differentapproach, and I'm going to give
you that approach later in theepisode.
(03:58):
The other thing I would say isstop using sarcasm, passive
aggression, or explosions.
When it comes to conflictsituations and taking care of
pets can turn into conflictsituations, especially, like I
said, when it all falls on you,we're going to fall into our
natural personality when itcomes to conflict.
So some of you are going to besarcastic.
That litter box doesn't cleanitself.
(04:19):
Boy, I can smell that cat poopfrom here.
I guess Buddy's never going toget a walk.
Poor Buddy, you're just out ofluck.
They know your games by now,people.
Your significant others, yourfamily members, they know that
that's your MO and they alsoknow how to ignore it.
So using sarcasm, passiveaggression, or going to the
other extreme and just blowingup.
I mean, we know that kids thathave parents that scream,
(04:41):
scream, scream all the timebecome basically immune to
screaming.
So definitely don't need towait until you get to that point
where the worst of you iscoming out.
We're going to give you a planfor addressing things early or
maybe before problems occur.
Another mistake is making itall about your own stress.
You know, the bottom line is wegot a pet because we wanted to
(05:01):
add a loving family member toour family or to our household.
And so it's not about mom ordad, whoever's picking up that
slack.
It's about getting Buddy outfor a walk that he needs to be
happy and healthy or getting thecat's litter box scooped so
that the cat doesn't poop onsomebody's bed or get a UTI
because they're holding it toolong.
So don't make it about you.
(05:22):
Make it about the pet that yourfamily loves.
Another mistake is is justassuming that people know how to
do the tasks and do them right.
So dumping tasks on kids, or Isee this a lot in rescue, the
kid that's promising they'regoing to scoop the litter box,
please, if you just get me thatkitten, I promise I'll do
everything.
But do they even know how toscoop a litter box?
Do they know how to do itproperly?
Do they know how often it needsto be done?
All of that needs to be spelledout and don't make assumptions
(05:45):
about it.
Same thing with adult householdmembers.
I mean, we've all seen peoplewho we've gone to their house
and the whole house smells likelitter box because their concept
of cleaning the litter box islet it fill up with poop and
dump it at the end of the week.
That's not how I roll.
So if that's not how you roll,then make sure that we're making
those expectations known.
And then last but not least,trying to manage everyone
(06:07):
forever.
It should not be yourresponsibility to stay on top of
all of these things if youhappen to be the primary pet
caregiver.
If you try to manage all thison your own, congratulations,
you are now the unpaid CEO ofHousehold Pet Operations.
And guess what?
You ain't getting any stock OK,so if you're nodding your head
(06:28):
at all of these thinking, yep,that's me or some of those are
me, we're about to hit the resetbutton.
OK, we've got to start over.
And the secret to getting thisunder control is probably not
what you think.
So here's how we flip thescript.
No more chasing.
No more nagging.
No more wondering why nobodycares that you're the one that's
cleaning up the vomit at 10o'clock at night while
(06:50):
everybody's watching a movie.
OK, if you want people toactually hear you, don't ambush
them.
All right.
So I'm a big proponent.
Doesn't matter if your familyis.
We're talking about two leggershere versus four legged family
members because they're notgoing to be part of the family
meeting.
So whether it's one otherperson in your household or six,
you're going to want to set afamily meeting.
And that family meeting needsto be at a time that is calm.
(07:13):
That is not just a spontaneous.
We need to sit down and talkabout this now.
It's going to be set in advancewhen everybody's schedule
allows so that we can allparticipate equally calmly,
productively and successfully.
snacks and bribes are certainlyacceptable and always
appreciated.
You know, if you have kids,bribe them with a pizza party.
We're going to have a pizzaparty Friday night and we're
(07:33):
going to have a family meetingafter we eat pizza or maybe
before we eat pizza.
But the key is getting buy-in.
So frame it positively.
You know, don't say the peoplearound here haven't been
carrying your responsibilitiesand we're going to sit down on
Friday night and we're going tohave a meeting about it so that
everybody's week is entirelyruined because they're having
that hanging over their head theentire time.
(07:53):
So, hey, I wanna make surewe're all set up to keep all of
our pets happy and healthy andmake life as easy as possible
for all of us.
So let's get a family meetingtogether and we can brainstorm
options and talk about whatneeds to be done so that Buddy
and Fluffy can be happy andhealthy and we can too.
Now, my second tip beyondhaving the family meeting to
(08:14):
reset and reboot is creating apet care task chart.
Now, you can have a draft readyin advance Or you can create it
from scratch at the familymeeting.
If you want to save time, setit up, do it in advance.
So what I'm talking about hereis a document that indicates,
and depends on how many pets youhave, but what is the pet, what
tasks need to be completed.
(08:36):
So walking, feeding, litter boxcleaning, grooming, bathing,
nail clipping, poop or scoopingthe yard, whatever it might be,
all of the tasks that go alongwith taking proper care of that
pet are going to get listed downthe left side of the chart,
okay?
You can make yourself a nicelittle spreadsheet.
The reason we want to writedown all these tasks is because
(08:56):
you can't fix what's invisible.
So it would be something you'regoing to put on paper maybe at
first, and then maybe you'regoing to transfer it to a
whiteboard because nothing saysbusiness like a big old chart in
the mudroom or in the kitchenor wherever in the hallway
coming in the front door,wherever you put it.
So make sure that you, whenyou're writing down these tasks,
I want you to do a couple ofthings.
(09:17):
Make it super, super clear,okay?
So it's not just feed pets.
You know, it's feed Buddymorning, feed Buddy afternoon,
clean Buddy's water bowl, youknow, morning, afternoon,
whatever it might be.
I mean, you've got to find abalance of breaking it out, but
try to break it out as much aspossible because the more you
break tasks down, the more youcan divvy them up.
(09:38):
Sometimes the less challengingit feels like, oh, I've just got
to clean the bowl.
That's my task this morning.
Or, oh, I've just got to putthe food in the bowl for Buddy
this morning.
I don't have to feed all pets,which can seem a little bit
overwhelming.
The other thing I wouldrecommend doing just so that you
can make sure that you'reassigning things fairly is
across the top of the chart,indicate how many times a week
(10:01):
that has to happen, what days ofthe week that has to happen,
and also track how long eachitem takes, just as an example.
So I did this when I wasrelatively newly married, when I
felt like my husband and I wereboth working, we both work kind
of the same hours, and I didn'tfeel like he was doing his fair
share around the house.
And in his mind, he's like, Itake out the trash.
(10:23):
I mow the lawn.
I do this.
And he did.
He had a list of things that hedid that was fairly equal to
the list of the things that Idid.
However, the trash only goesout twice a week and the trash
only takes whatever time to goout.
The lawn gets mowed once a weekand it takes an hour to happen.
Going to swim practice fivedays a week and sitting there
for two hours or the commuteback and forth an hour each way,
(10:46):
that's different.
So creating a chart like thiswith the tasks, the amount of
time it takes How many days aweek it occurs and creating
blocks for people to fill intheir names allows you to assign
responsibilities based onpeople's schedules, based on
their physical abilities.
You know, you've got littlekids that can only do certain
things, things like that.
And you can reassess everysingle week and change the jobs
(11:08):
up.
Maybe the job of cleaning thelitter boxes was too much for
the six year old.
And so you're going to have todo something different or
bringing in the 50 pound bag ofdog food might be too much for
somebody to handle.
So you can reassess andreassign And then, you know, if
you set up your chart right,you've got the ability to set it
up so that as those tasksoccur, people can check off what
(11:30):
they've done.
And then you've got thatautomatic kind of accountability
built into your chart.
and oftentimes that falls topet moms, then yeah, you are
(11:54):
trying to get some stuff off ofyour plate because this is our
pet, not my pet.
So stress the why.
Why is it so important thatthese tasks get taken care of?
And the bottom line with a lotof them, with pretty much all of
them, is they can't do thesethings themselves.
They rely on us to do them forthem, to live happily in our
families.
And make sure when you'rehaving this discussion
(12:14):
throughout your family meeting,you know, really focus on that
need to meet the needs of thepet.
You know, instead of saying,I'm sick and tired of being the
only person who does this ordoes that, or I'm sick and tired
of being the only one who caresabout the pets, say something
like, hey, Daisy depends on allof us.
She can't grab a snack.
She can't fill her own waterbowl.
She trusts us to take care ofher, and that's a team job.
(12:36):
So you've got to get everybodyon board with this
responsibility.
Shift the conversation fromblaming to responsibility and
caring for our pets who can'tcare for themselves.
And again, as a reminder,assign tasks based on reality,
not hope or promises on the partof kids, because sometimes
they're just not physically ableto, sometimes they're not,
(12:57):
their schedules don't allow.
And then sometimes you're justbeing unrealistic and setting
everybody up for failure.
For example, assigning the walkthe dog responsibility to your
teenager that sleeps till noon.
If the dog needs to be walkedat 6am and can't wait till noon,
then that 6am walk is probablynot a good job to assign the
teenager.
Even if you get an agreement,you're fighting an uphill battle
(13:19):
trying to make that happen fora especially in the summertime,
just as an example.
There's a fine balance betweenholding people accountable and
making them responsible andmatching responsibilities and
tasks to people's realschedules, their real energy
levels, and their realabilities, because the goal is
to work together for success,not to teach people a lesson.
(13:39):
So, for example, you know,little kids, jobs like, you
know, putting the food in thebowl or refilling water bowls,
things like that are probablyappropriate jobs.
Teens, maybe the pooperscooping, because it doesn't
have to happen at 6 a.m.
It can happen when they get upat noon or maybe bathing the dog
because that doesn't have tohappen at a certain time of day.
If you have a partner that hasa busy schedule, maybe that once
(14:02):
a month heartworm pill,remembering that is one of their
responsibilities or nightlymedications if your pet gets
medication because they're notthere to do the vet appointments
or vice versa.
So just think about theassignments of making them fair,
but also being firm.
Everybody needs to be doingtheir fair share within reason.
And I Last but not least, Imentioned the idea of having the
(14:23):
check marks as being a sourceof accountability.
I cannot overstate thenecessity for that.
You know, sitting around andhaving a family meeting and
everybody nods their head andsmiles and says, yes, I've got
that.
That's what I'm going to do.
It's not going to happen.
All right.
So if it's not written down orif there's not alarms set for it
to happen, it's not going toexist.
And this is where most peoplehave a tendency to fall apart.
(14:44):
Setting the expectations is notenough.
You have to create a systemthat make it visible early on
whether things are happening ornot.
So again, the whiteboards aregreat ideas.
Phone alarms, everybody can sitright there.
Even the littlest kids havephones, it seems, these days.
So set reminders for walking,feedings, or medication.
You can use apps.
There are family organizer appslike Cozy or shared Google
(15:07):
calendars.
Maybe you have a shared petcalendar.
And then I highly recommendthat every week you do a
check-in, just a quick check-in,to see how things are going.
Whether it's resetting on thenext Friday night, where we're
going to switch up the and givepeople new responsibilities, or
at minimum, just an opportunityto say what went well, what got
missed, what needs adjusting,who's having problems or
(15:29):
struggles getting theirresponsibilities done.
But the bottom line is it'sabout the pet's well-being and
making sure that we worktogether as a team or as
partners, not about...
busting people and catchingthem failing.
But even if you do all that,you've got your systems in
place, you're doing somecheck-ins.
I'm just telling you right now,and you already know as you're
listening to this, things arenot going to work as smoothly as
(15:49):
it's magically fixed and thingsare happening.
So what we need to do is weneed to have a plan for when
those boxes are not checked.
We can't wait till Friday tosay that the dog hasn't been fed
all week or that the litter boxhasn't been scooped or the dog
hasn't been taken for a walk orthe bunny's rabbit cage hasn't
been cleaned, whatever it mightbe.
All right.
So you have to havemethodology.
(16:11):
So this is where I want to giveyou some tools for
communicating when things arenot kind of going as planned.
So here's what generallyhappens, right?
We create this great plan.
Everybody is excited or atleast moderately excited and on
board.
And then the plan startsfalling apart.
You're watching it startfalling apart.
And then you fall right backinto old habits of
communicating.
So you start the screaming, theyelling, the sarcasm, the not
(16:33):
so subtle hints, and everythingjust kind of falls apart.
Right.
So here's where I really wantto put on my communication
expert hat and give you sometechniques that you can try to
keep things on track.
All right, so number one, bringthings up early not days later.
You want to address it whenit's a speed bump, not a
sinkhole.
So what you're going to do isyou're not going to nag.
You're not going to be throwingout hints and hoping people get
(16:56):
them, that kind of thing.
You're going to start withwhat's called a perception
check.
Perception check is somethingas simple as, here's what I
noticed.
Is it happening because of A?
Is it happening because of B?
Please clarify for me.
So you assign to your teenagerto get the dog food out of the
car and load the dog foodcontainers.
And you walk by and you notice,and this is the next day,
right?
(17:16):
You know, walk by, you noticethe dog food container is still
empty and your teenager islaying on the sofa watching
SpongeBob SquarePants.
So you say, hey, I noticed thedog food container is still
empty.
Is that on your to-do list forlater today or did you forget?
And then just stop.
The question is implied.
And that gives the teenager anout.
They can say, I forgot.
Awesome.
Are you, you know, when do youthink you can get that done?
(17:37):
Or they might say, I forgot.
And they might actually get upand go grab the dog food bag.
Or they might truthfully ornot, doesn't matter, say, oh
yeah, I'm definitely going to dothat later today.
What time do you think you'llhave it done?
Four o'clock.
Okay.
And then you want to check inon it at four o'clock, right?
Because old habits are notgoing to die overnight.
It's going to take a while, butnotice I didn't have to yell.
(17:58):
I didn't have to be angry.
I didn't have to be sarcastic.
It's just a check-in.
And because it's not an attack,I don't get the defensive
response back from that partneror teenager.
All right.
So if the problem happensagain, now we need to go from a
perception check, which we'vealready done, to a let's sit
down and talk about what's goingon, because this is now two
(18:19):
times that this thing hashappened.
So this is what you're going todo.
I'm going to give you thislittle pattern.
Number one, state.
State what you observed.
I notice that the dog containeris still empty, despite the
fact that you said yesterdaythat you were going to fill it
when you were done watchingSpongeBob.
Second step, Wait, date, andthen wait.
I've stated what I've observed.
(18:39):
I'm waiting for a response.
When you wait for a response,you're going to get a couple of
things.
So admission is, you're right,I screwed up.
I'll go do it now.
Defense is, why do I have to doeverything around here?
Why are you always nagging me?
Denial, I didn't know that wasmy responsibility.
So you know one of those threethings is going to happen.
And so be prepared.
What am I going to say when oneof those three things comes out
(19:00):
of their mouth in some form orfashion?
And because the person that youare talking to is somebody that
you probably know pretty well,You know where they're going to
go.
You know what their methodologyis going to be.
But wait for that response andthen just go back to reminding
them of the goal.
So I understand and I hear youthat that's what happened.
But you accepted theresponsibility to fill that dog
(19:21):
food container.
You said you were going to doit.
Not once.
But now this is the secondtime.
It's not done.
What are you going to dodifferently starting tomorrow to
make sure that your tasks, yourresponsibilities on the chart
get done?
So this is reminding them ofthe goal.
So what is it?
I'm reminding you of the goal.
The goal is this needs to bedone.
What are you going to do tomake it happen?
(19:42):
So you're asking them for aspecific solution because
obviously you reminding them isnot what you want to put
yourself into that position.
So maybe they need to set aphone reminder.
Maybe they need to pay betterattention to the chore chart and
make sure that they're checkingit every single day.
Maybe they need to specificallyfocus on checking it every
single day when they come infrom school or come in from
(20:04):
work.
What's on my chart for thisevening or for today?
So they need to come up with aplan.
You can you can certainly tellthem a plan.
You know, you should do this oryou should do that.
But it's always better whenthey come up with their own
plan, because number one, itdoesn't sound like you're
bossing them around.
And number two, maybe theirplan is going to be better than
your plan.
But if they're like, oh, Idon't know.
I don't know what I'm going todo to remember.
I can't possibly remember this.
(20:24):
Then you can certainly offersolutions.
And then the last step is toagree on a new plan.
So from now on, you're going toset an alarm for every Thursday
at 3 p.m.
to check the dog food containerto make sure it's full,
whatever they agree on.
So state what you observed,wait for a response, remind them
of the goal, ask them for asolution, agree on a plan.
(20:44):
And oh, by the way, you justgot my problem solving class.
So this can actually be usedfor any kind of thing beyond pet
care, but it's just a calm,productive way to have a
conversation about a problemthat is recurring in your life.
And last but not least, thinkabout consequences.
My mom was the queen ofthreatening.
She would threaten all kinds ofthings.
(21:05):
I'm not going to pay yourcollege tuition.
I'm going to call the police onyou if you walk out the door.
I'm going to sell your horse ifyou don't do X, Y, Z.
But she was not a queen offollow through.
So she was just a threatenerand nobody listens to a
threatener.
So make sure if you're going toset consequences like if this
happens again, here's what'sgoing to happen.
You better be prepared andwilling to make that consequence
(21:25):
occur the very next time thatthe problem happens.
So be very careful aboutthrowing out consequences.
However, I think consequencesare important because most of
the time people don't followthrough because of a couple of
things and consequences is oneof them.
Number one, they don't see whywhatever it is that the task is,
is important.
Well, hopefully you've madethat pretty darn clear.
(21:47):
It's for the survival and thehealth and the happiness of the
pet.
So if they don't see that, youkind of have a problem and you
might need to reassess whetheryou need to have pets in your
house.
Okay.
Second reason, if beyondunderstanding the importance,
they don't understand what theexpectations.
So you could, you couldcertainly ask some questions of
the person like, Hey, is theresomething that you don't
understand about this task.
(22:07):
You know, maybe your childdoesn't have a good grasp on
what cleaning the litter boxcould look like.
You know, is it just dumpingout the litter or is it
bleaching it, scouring it,scrubbing it?
So make sure those expectationsare clear.
Another reason why people don'tfollow through is because they
don't know how or theyphysically couldn't or maybe
their schedule is getting in theway.
So that's definitely somethingto be explored.
(22:28):
But barring all of thoseconsequences.
So if there are no consequencesfor me not doing something, why
would I do it?
especially something unpleasantlike poop or scooping the yard.
Nothing happens if I don't doit, but also there's good
consequences, right?
So if nothing happens when I doit, like I don't have somebody
say, hey, Paul, thank you somuch for poop or scooping the
(22:51):
yard.
I really appreciate you gettingup early this morning and
taking care of that so we canenjoy the barbecue today,
whatever you're going to say.
But people respond toconsequences, good ones, praise
and positive feedback, and theyalso respond to negative ones.
And so I would say look for theopportunities to provide the
good ones.
You know, good work that getsnoticed gets repeated.
So especially when you'retalking about kids, but really
(23:13):
for anybody showing someappreciation for what they've
done, even if it's their job ortheir responsibility.
So what?
Make them feel good about doingwhat they're supposed to do.
But I think it is important toreally look at the consequences
that you're willing to followthrough on if the task continues
to get forgotten.
So many times, just as anexample in families, people will
(23:34):
threaten their kids with, well,we're going to get rid of the
dog.
If you can't take that dog fora walk, we're going to get rid
of the dog.
Are you really willing to dothat?
Because if you're not, thenyou're wasting your time
threatening that.
You're a threatener, not aconsequence provider.
So I look at my consequences asnot threats, but, and this is
the phrase that I use, promisesof resulting action.
And am I going to make thathappen?
(23:55):
Is that action going toactually occur?
Great.
then go ahead and throw it outthere.
But if you're not reallywilling to get rid of the family
dog because your kid won't poopor scoop the yard, then you
need some other consequence tocome up with before you threaten
that.
That's enough on my soapbox ofcommunication.
So if you identify the tasksthat need to be done, how they
need to be done, when they needto be done, and who's going to
(24:17):
be doing them, and then you holdeverybody, including yourself,
accountable, and this doesn'thave to be your job necessarily
as the former primary pet careprovider.
I think having a chart andhaving every body hold each
other accountable is a goodthing, especially in a family.
So keep that in mind.
But if you fix this and thenyou have the accountability in
place, you fix the system andyou can always reassess as you
(24:40):
go along.
So to wrap things up in today'sepisode, you're not wrong for
needing help.
You're not wrong for wantingmore balance in your life.
And you're definitely not crazyfor being tired.
Building better pet care habitsisn't about being the bad guy.
It's about creating a teamwhere everybody steps up.
And if your first plan doesn'tgo perfectly, that's not
(25:01):
failure.
That's feedback.
Keep going.
Go back.
Reassess what slipped.
tweak the plan and keep movingforward.
And hey, if you ever need alittle backup from me, you know
where to find me and I am alwayshappy to help you.
Before you go, don't forget tograb your free guide on how to
get everyone in your house tohelp with pets.
It breaks down the simplesystem I shared today in this
(25:21):
episode and the exactcommunication tips that actually
work without nagging, guilttrips or meltdowns.
Just head to bit.ly forwardslash share pet care to download
it.
That's bit.ly bit.ly forwardslash share pet care because you
shouldn't have to do it all onyour own and you deserve backup.
(25:42):
Thanks for listening to MuddyPaws and Hairballs.
Be sure to visit our website atmuddypawsandhairballs.com for
more resources and be sure tofollow this podcast on your
favorite podcast app so you'llnever miss a show.
And hey, if you like this show,text someone right now and say,
I've got a podcastrecommendation.
You need to check the show outand tell them to listen and let
you know what they think.
(26:03):
Don't forget to tune in nextweek and every week for a brand
new episode.
And if you don't do anythingelse this week, give your pets a
big hug from us.
y
Surprise! I know we said we were on break until
August 10th, and we really are,but I decided to drop this bonus
episode because, let's face it,summer can be chaos.
Kids might be home, maybeyou've adopted a new pet, and
somehow you end up doing all thepet care while everyone else
just vibes out for the summer.
This episode is all aboutgetting the other humans in your
house to step up and share theload without you having to nag,
(00:22):
yell, or pull a muscle draggingthe litter box to the curb by
yourself.
When we come back in August,we're going to have a new name,
a new approach, and even morepractical help to make life with
pets work better for you.
Until then, enjoy this bonusbecause you deserve a little
backup.
Ever find yourself feeding thepets, scooping the poop, and
handling everything whileeveryone else is too busy
(00:44):
building Lego towers or bingewatching Netflix?
Well, today we're calling outthe biggest mistakes that might
be keeping you stuck doing itall and laying out a real plan
to reset, reassign, and rebootthe pet care around your home
without nagging, begging, orlosing your damn in mind.
Welcome back to Muddy Paws andHairballs.
(01:07):
I'm Amy Castro, yourstraight-talking guide through
the wild, wild world of pets,life, and everything messy in
between.
Today, we're not just ventingabout doing it all.
We're going to fix it.
If you're tired of feeling likeyou're the only one in the
family who even notices thewater bowls are empty, you're in
the right place.
And don't worry, my solo livinglisteners, I've got you covered
(01:28):
too with a few ninja-levelsurvival hacks later in the
episode.
To make things easy, I've puttogether a free guide that walks
you through everything we'regoing to talk about today.
You don't need to take notes ortry to remember all the steps.
I'll give you the link later inthe episode so you can download
it and start putting it intoaction right away.
So let's start with this.
If you're feeling like you'recarrying the entire pet care
(01:49):
load on your back, you'reprobably not wrong.
And you're not broken.
And you're definitely notalone.
But here's the kicker.
Sometimes the way that we askfor help actually guarantees
that we don't get it.
Now, I don't want to get on mysoapbox here too much, but some
of you may not realize that myalter ego, Amy Castro,
professional speaker, trainer,and communication coach,
(02:11):
actually knows a thing or twoabout communicating with other
people.
But I'll tell you right upfront.
Number one, I'm not perfect.
And number two, sometimes evenI forget what I'm supposed to
do.
So don't feel like today I'mtrying to be judgy or preach or
anything like that.
I just want to give you somecommunication tools to put in
your pet parent communicationtoolbox that will help make your
(02:32):
life easier and help you get alittle more help around your
home in caring for your pets.
So here are some of the biggestmistakes you might be making
that are keeping you stuck doingit all.
First of all, timing people.
Timing is so important.
Too many times when we are theones that end up getting a lot
of the pet care responsibilitiesdumped on us, we wait until a
blowing point and we decide, I'mready now.
(02:55):
I'm ready to blow.
Somebody's going to pay.
We don't necessarily thinkabout the timing for the other
person.
So one of the mistakes isbringing things up at the worst
possible moment.
So while your kids are in themiddle of a Lego build and
they're three quarters of theway of getting that tower built
or your partner is watching thatmovie they've been waiting to
to sit down and watch for thelast week and there's 10 minutes
(03:16):
left and now you decideeverything's got to stop and the
litter box needs to be cleaned.
Okay, that's a rookie mistake.
Don't make that mistake becauseyou're very rarely ever going
to get any cooperation when youapproach things like that.
The other thing is focusing onnagging instead of planning.
Just repeating yourself overand over again like that litter
box is not going to cleanitself.
(03:37):
The litter box is not going toclean itself.
Have you cleaned the litter boxyet?
At some point you can nag, youcan remind as much as you
possibly can, and you quicklyrealize that that's not working.
But for some reason, you keepdoing it, hoping that it's going
to work the 15th time or the15,000.
So don't keep nagging.
You've got to take a differentapproach, and I'm going to give
you that approach later in theepisode.
(03:58):
The other thing I would say isstop using sarcasm, passive
aggression, or explosions.
When it comes to conflictsituations and taking care of
pets can turn into conflictsituations, especially, like I
said, when it all falls on you,we're going to fall into our
natural personality when itcomes to conflict.
So some of you are going to besarcastic.
That litter box doesn't cleanitself.
(04:19):
Boy, I can smell that cat poopfrom here.
I guess Buddy's never going toget a walk.
Poor Buddy, you're just out ofluck.
They know your games by now,people.
Your significant others, yourfamily members, they know that
that's your MO and they alsoknow how to ignore it.
So using sarcasm, passiveaggression, or going to the
other extreme and just blowingup.
I mean, we know that kids thathave parents that scream,
(04:41):
scream, scream all the timebecome basically immune to
screaming.
So definitely don't need towait until you get to that point
where the worst of you iscoming out.
We're going to give you a planfor addressing things early or
maybe before problems occur.
Another mistake is making itall about your own stress.
You know, the bottom line is wegot a pet because we wanted to
(05:01):
add a loving family member toour family or to our household.
And so it's not about mom ordad, whoever's picking up that
slack.
It's about getting Buddy outfor a walk that he needs to be
happy and healthy or getting thecat's litter box scooped so
that the cat doesn't poop onsomebody's bed or get a UTI
because they're holding it toolong.
So don't make it about you.
(05:22):
Make it about the pet that yourfamily loves.
Another mistake is is justassuming that people know how to
do the tasks and do them right.
So dumping tasks on kids, or Isee this a lot in rescue, the
kid that's promising they'regoing to scoop the litter box,
please, if you just get me thatkitten, I promise I'll do
everything.
But do they even know how toscoop a litter box?
Do they know how to do itproperly?
Do they know how often it needsto be done?
All of that needs to be spelledout and don't make assumptions
(05:45):
about it.
Same thing with adult householdmembers.
I mean, we've all seen peoplewho we've gone to their house
and the whole house smells likelitter box because their concept
of cleaning the litter box islet it fill up with poop and
dump it at the end of the week.
That's not how I roll.
So if that's not how you roll,then make sure that we're making
those expectations known.
And then last but not least,trying to manage everyone
(06:07):
forever.
It should not be yourresponsibility to stay on top of
all of these things if youhappen to be the primary pet
caregiver.
If you try to manage all thison your own, congratulations,
you are now the unpaid CEO ofHousehold Pet Operations.
And guess what?
You ain't getting any stock OK,so if you're nodding your head
(06:28):
at all of these thinking, yep,that's me or some of those are
me, we're about to hit the resetbutton.
OK, we've got to start over.
And the secret to getting thisunder control is probably not
what you think.
So here's how we flip thescript.
No more chasing.
No more nagging.
No more wondering why nobodycares that you're the one that's
cleaning up the vomit at 10o'clock at night while
(06:50):
everybody's watching a movie.
OK, if you want people toactually hear you, don't ambush
them.
All right.
So I'm a big proponent.
Doesn't matter if your familyis.
We're talking about two leggershere versus four legged family
members because they're notgoing to be part of the family
meeting.
So whether it's one otherperson in your household or six,
you're going to want to set afamily meeting.
And that family meeting needsto be at a time that is calm.
(07:13):
That is not just a spontaneous.
We need to sit down and talkabout this now.
It's going to be set in advancewhen everybody's schedule
allows so that we can allparticipate equally calmly,
productively and successfully.
snacks and bribes are certainlyacceptable and always
appreciated.
You know, if you have kids,bribe them with a pizza party.
We're going to have a pizzaparty Friday night and we're
(07:33):
going to have a family meetingafter we eat pizza or maybe
before we eat pizza.
But the key is getting buy-in.
So frame it positively.
You know, don't say the peoplearound here haven't been
carrying your responsibilitiesand we're going to sit down on
Friday night and we're going tohave a meeting about it so that
everybody's week is entirelyruined because they're having
that hanging over their head theentire time.
(07:53):
So, hey, I wanna make surewe're all set up to keep all of
our pets happy and healthy andmake life as easy as possible
for all of us.
So let's get a family meetingtogether and we can brainstorm
options and talk about whatneeds to be done so that Buddy
and Fluffy can be happy andhealthy and we can too.
Now, my second tip beyondhaving the family meeting to
(08:14):
reset and reboot is creating apet care task chart.
Now, you can have a draft readyin advance Or you can create it
from scratch at the familymeeting.
If you want to save time, setit up, do it in advance.
So what I'm talking about hereis a document that indicates,
and depends on how many pets youhave, but what is the pet, what
tasks need to be completed.
(08:36):
So walking, feeding, litter boxcleaning, grooming, bathing,
nail clipping, poop or scoopingthe yard, whatever it might be,
all of the tasks that go alongwith taking proper care of that
pet are going to get listed downthe left side of the chart,
okay?
You can make yourself a nicelittle spreadsheet.
The reason we want to writedown all these tasks is because
(08:56):
you can't fix what's invisible.
So it would be something you'regoing to put on paper maybe at
first, and then maybe you'regoing to transfer it to a
whiteboard because nothing saysbusiness like a big old chart in
the mudroom or in the kitchenor wherever in the hallway
coming in the front door,wherever you put it.
So make sure that you, whenyou're writing down these tasks,
I want you to do a couple ofthings.
(09:17):
Make it super, super clear,okay?
So it's not just feed pets.
You know, it's feed Buddymorning, feed Buddy afternoon,
clean Buddy's water bowl, youknow, morning, afternoon,
whatever it might be.
I mean, you've got to find abalance of breaking it out, but
try to break it out as much aspossible because the more you
break tasks down, the more youcan divvy them up.
(09:38):
Sometimes the less challengingit feels like, oh, I've just got
to clean the bowl.
That's my task this morning.
Or, oh, I've just got to putthe food in the bowl for Buddy
this morning.
I don't have to feed all pets,which can seem a little bit
overwhelming.
The other thing I wouldrecommend doing just so that you
can make sure that you'reassigning things fairly is
across the top of the chart,indicate how many times a week
(10:01):
that has to happen, what days ofthe week that has to happen,
and also track how long eachitem takes, just as an example.
So I did this when I wasrelatively newly married, when I
felt like my husband and I wereboth working, we both work kind
of the same hours, and I didn'tfeel like he was doing his fair
share around the house.
And in his mind, he's like, Itake out the trash.
(10:23):
I mow the lawn.
I do this.
And he did.
He had a list of things that hedid that was fairly equal to
the list of the things that Idid.
However, the trash only goesout twice a week and the trash
only takes whatever time to goout.
The lawn gets mowed once a weekand it takes an hour to happen.
Going to swim practice fivedays a week and sitting there
for two hours or the commuteback and forth an hour each way,
(10:46):
that's different.
So creating a chart like thiswith the tasks, the amount of
time it takes How many days aweek it occurs and creating
blocks for people to fill intheir names allows you to assign
responsibilities based onpeople's schedules, based on
their physical abilities.
You know, you've got littlekids that can only do certain
things, things like that.
And you can reassess everysingle week and change the jobs
(11:08):
up.
Maybe the job of cleaning thelitter boxes was too much for
the six year old.
And so you're going to have todo something different or
bringing in the 50 pound bag ofdog food might be too much for
somebody to handle.
So you can reassess andreassign And then, you know, if
you set up your chart right,you've got the ability to set it
up so that as those tasksoccur, people can check off what
(11:30):
they've done.
And then you've got thatautomatic kind of accountability
built into your chart.
and oftentimes that falls topet moms, then yeah, you are
(11:54):
trying to get some stuff off ofyour plate because this is our
pet, not my pet.
So stress the why.
Why is it so important thatthese tasks get taken care of?
And the bottom line with a lotof them, with pretty much all of
them, is they can't do thesethings themselves.
They rely on us to do them forthem, to live happily in our
families.
And make sure when you'rehaving this discussion
(12:14):
throughout your family meeting,you know, really focus on that
need to meet the needs of thepet.
You know, instead of saying,I'm sick and tired of being the
only person who does this ordoes that, or I'm sick and tired
of being the only one who caresabout the pets, say something
like, hey, Daisy depends on allof us.
She can't grab a snack.
She can't fill her own waterbowl.
She trusts us to take care ofher, and that's a team job.
(12:36):
So you've got to get everybodyon board with this
responsibility.
Shift the conversation fromblaming to responsibility and
caring for our pets who can'tcare for themselves.
And again, as a reminder,assign tasks based on reality,
not hope or promises on the partof kids, because sometimes
they're just not physically ableto, sometimes they're not,
(12:57):
their schedules don't allow.
And then sometimes you're justbeing unrealistic and setting
everybody up for failure.
For example, assigning the walkthe dog responsibility to your
teenager that sleeps till noon.
If the dog needs to be walkedat 6am and can't wait till noon,
then that 6am walk is probablynot a good job to assign the
teenager.
Even if you get an agreement,you're fighting an uphill battle
(13:19):
trying to make that happen fora especially in the summertime,
just as an example.
There's a fine balance betweenholding people accountable and
making them responsible andmatching responsibilities and
tasks to people's realschedules, their real energy
levels, and their realabilities, because the goal is
to work together for success,not to teach people a lesson.
(13:39):
So, for example, you know,little kids, jobs like, you
know, putting the food in thebowl or refilling water bowls,
things like that are probablyappropriate jobs.
Teens, maybe the pooperscooping, because it doesn't
have to happen at 6 a.m.
It can happen when they get upat noon or maybe bathing the dog
because that doesn't have tohappen at a certain time of day.
If you have a partner that hasa busy schedule, maybe that once
(14:02):
a month heartworm pill,remembering that is one of their
responsibilities or nightlymedications if your pet gets
medication because they're notthere to do the vet appointments
or vice versa.
So just think about theassignments of making them fair,
but also being firm.
Everybody needs to be doingtheir fair share within reason.
And I Last but not least, Imentioned the idea of having the
(14:23):
check marks as being a sourceof accountability.
I cannot overstate thenecessity for that.
You know, sitting around andhaving a family meeting and
everybody nods their head andsmiles and says, yes, I've got
that.
That's what I'm going to do.
It's not going to happen.
All right.
So if it's not written down orif there's not alarms set for it
to happen, it's not going toexist.
And this is where most peoplehave a tendency to fall apart.
(14:44):
Setting the expectations is notenough.
You have to create a systemthat make it visible early on
whether things are happening ornot.
So again, the whiteboards aregreat ideas.
Phone alarms, everybody can sitright there.
Even the littlest kids havephones, it seems, these days.
So set reminders for walking,feedings, or medication.
You can use apps.
There are family organizer appslike Cozy or shared Google
(15:07):
calendars.
Maybe you have a shared petcalendar.
And then I highly recommendthat every week you do a
check-in, just a quick check-in,to see how things are going.
Whether it's resetting on thenext Friday night, where we're
going to switch up the and givepeople new responsibilities, or
at minimum, just an opportunityto say what went well, what got
missed, what needs adjusting,who's having problems or
(15:29):
struggles getting theirresponsibilities done.
But the bottom line is it'sabout the pet's well-being and
making sure that we worktogether as a team or as
partners, not about...
busting people and catchingthem failing.
But even if you do all that,you've got your systems in
place, you're doing somecheck-ins.
I'm just telling you right now,and you already know as you're
listening to this, things arenot going to work as smoothly as
(15:49):
it's magically fixed and thingsare happening.
So what we need to do is weneed to have a plan for when
those boxes are not checked.
We can't wait till Friday tosay that the dog hasn't been fed
all week or that the litter boxhasn't been scooped or the dog
hasn't been taken for a walk orthe bunny's rabbit cage hasn't
been cleaned, whatever it mightbe.
All right.
So you have to havemethodology.
(16:11):
So this is where I want to giveyou some tools for
communicating when things arenot kind of going as planned.
So here's what generallyhappens, right?
We create this great plan.
Everybody is excited or atleast moderately excited and on
board.
And then the plan startsfalling apart.
You're watching it startfalling apart.
And then you fall right backinto old habits of
communicating.
So you start the screaming, theyelling, the sarcasm, the not
(16:33):
so subtle hints, and everythingjust kind of falls apart.
Right.
So here's where I really wantto put on my communication
expert hat and give you sometechniques that you can try to
keep things on track.
All right, so number one, bringthings up early not days later.
You want to address it whenit's a speed bump, not a
sinkhole.
So what you're going to do isyou're not going to nag.
You're not going to be throwingout hints and hoping people get
(16:56):
them, that kind of thing.
You're going to start withwhat's called a perception
check.
Perception check is somethingas simple as, here's what I
noticed.
Is it happening because of A?
Is it happening because of B?
Please clarify for me.
So you assign to your teenagerto get the dog food out of the
car and load the dog foodcontainers.
And you walk by and you notice,and this is the next day,
right?
(17:16):
You know, walk by, you noticethe dog food container is still
empty and your teenager islaying on the sofa watching
SpongeBob SquarePants.
So you say, hey, I noticed thedog food container is still
empty.
Is that on your to-do list forlater today or did you forget?
And then just stop.
The question is implied.
And that gives the teenager anout.
They can say, I forgot.
Awesome.
Are you, you know, when do youthink you can get that done?
(17:37):
Or they might say, I forgot.
And they might actually get upand go grab the dog food bag.
Or they might truthfully ornot, doesn't matter, say, oh
yeah, I'm definitely going to dothat later today.
What time do you think you'llhave it done?
Four o'clock.
Okay.
And then you want to check inon it at four o'clock, right?
Because old habits are notgoing to die overnight.
It's going to take a while, butnotice I didn't have to yell.
(17:58):
I didn't have to be angry.
I didn't have to be sarcastic.
It's just a check-in.
And because it's not an attack,I don't get the defensive
response back from that partneror teenager.
All right.
So if the problem happensagain, now we need to go from a
perception check, which we'vealready done, to a let's sit
down and talk about what's goingon, because this is now two
(18:19):
times that this thing hashappened.
So this is what you're going todo.
I'm going to give you thislittle pattern.
Number one, state.
State what you observed.
I notice that the dog containeris still empty, despite the
fact that you said yesterdaythat you were going to fill it
when you were done watchingSpongeBob.
Second step, Wait, date, andthen wait.
I've stated what I've observed.
(18:39):
I'm waiting for a response.
When you wait for a response,you're going to get a couple of
things.
So admission is, you're right,I screwed up.
I'll go do it now.
Defense is, why do I have to doeverything around here?
Why are you always nagging me?
Denial, I didn't know that wasmy responsibility.
So you know one of those threethings is going to happen.
And so be prepared.
What am I going to say when oneof those three things comes out
(19:00):
of their mouth in some form orfashion?
And because the person that youare talking to is somebody that
you probably know pretty well,You know where they're going to
go.
You know what their methodologyis going to be.
But wait for that response andthen just go back to reminding
them of the goal.
So I understand and I hear youthat that's what happened.
But you accepted theresponsibility to fill that dog
(19:21):
food container.
You said you were going to doit.
Not once.
But now this is the secondtime.
It's not done.
What are you going to dodifferently starting tomorrow to
make sure that your tasks, yourresponsibilities on the chart
get done?
So this is reminding them ofthe goal.
So what is it?
I'm reminding you of the goal.
The goal is this needs to bedone.
What are you going to do tomake it happen?
(19:42):
So you're asking them for aspecific solution because
obviously you reminding them isnot what you want to put
yourself into that position.
So maybe they need to set aphone reminder.
Maybe they need to pay betterattention to the chore chart and
make sure that they're checkingit every single day.
Maybe they need to specificallyfocus on checking it every
single day when they come infrom school or come in from
(20:04):
work.
What's on my chart for thisevening or for today?
So they need to come up with aplan.
You can you can certainly tellthem a plan.
You know, you should do this oryou should do that.
But it's always better whenthey come up with their own
plan, because number one, itdoesn't sound like you're
bossing them around.
And number two, maybe theirplan is going to be better than
your plan.
But if they're like, oh, Idon't know.
I don't know what I'm going todo to remember.
I can't possibly remember this.
(20:24):
Then you can certainly offersolutions.
And then the last step is toagree on a new plan.
So from now on, you're going toset an alarm for every Thursday
at 3 p.m.
to check the dog food containerto make sure it's full,
whatever they agree on.
So state what you observed,wait for a response, remind them
of the goal, ask them for asolution, agree on a plan.
(20:44):
And oh, by the way, you justgot my problem solving class.
So this can actually be usedfor any kind of thing beyond pet
care, but it's just a calm,productive way to have a
conversation about a problemthat is recurring in your life.
And last but not least, thinkabout consequences.
My mom was the queen ofthreatening.
She would threaten all kinds ofthings.
(21:05):
I'm not going to pay yourcollege tuition.
I'm going to call the police onyou if you walk out the door.
I'm going to sell your horse ifyou don't do X, Y, Z.
But she was not a queen offollow through.
So she was just a threatenerand nobody listens to a
threatener.
So make sure if you're going toset consequences like if this
happens again, here's what'sgoing to happen.
You better be prepared andwilling to make that consequence
(21:25):
occur the very next time thatthe problem happens.
So be very careful aboutthrowing out consequences.
However, I think consequencesare important because most of
the time people don't followthrough because of a couple of
things and consequences is oneof them.
Number one, they don't see whywhatever it is that the task is,
is important.
Well, hopefully you've madethat pretty darn clear.
(21:47):
It's for the survival and thehealth and the happiness of the
pet.
So if they don't see that, youkind of have a problem and you
might need to reassess whetheryou need to have pets in your
house.
Okay.
Second reason, if beyondunderstanding the importance,
they don't understand what theexpectations.
So you could, you couldcertainly ask some questions of
the person like, Hey, is theresomething that you don't
understand about this task.
(22:07):
You know, maybe your childdoesn't have a good grasp on
what cleaning the litter boxcould look like.
You know, is it just dumpingout the litter or is it
bleaching it, scouring it,scrubbing it?
So make sure those expectationsare clear.
Another reason why people don'tfollow through is because they
don't know how or theyphysically couldn't or maybe
their schedule is getting in theway.
So that's definitely somethingto be explored.
(22:28):
But barring all of thoseconsequences.
So if there are no consequencesfor me not doing something, why
would I do it?
especially something unpleasantlike poop or scooping the yard.
Nothing happens if I don't doit, but also there's good
consequences, right?
So if nothing happens when I doit, like I don't have somebody
say, hey, Paul, thank you somuch for poop or scooping the
(22:51):
yard.
I really appreciate you gettingup early this morning and
taking care of that so we canenjoy the barbecue today,
whatever you're going to say.
But people respond toconsequences, good ones, praise
and positive feedback, and theyalso respond to negative ones.
And so I would say look for theopportunities to provide the
good ones.
You know, good work that getsnoticed gets repeated.
So especially when you'retalking about kids, but really
(23:13):
for anybody showing someappreciation for what they've
done, even if it's their job ortheir responsibility.
So what?
Make them feel good about doingwhat they're supposed to do.
But I think it is important toreally look at the consequences
that you're willing to followthrough on if the task continues
to get forgotten.
So many times, just as anexample in families, people will
(23:34):
threaten their kids with, well,we're going to get rid of the
dog.
If you can't take that dog fora walk, we're going to get rid
of the dog.
Are you really willing to dothat?
Because if you're not, thenyou're wasting your time
threatening that.
You're a threatener, not aconsequence provider.
So I look at my consequences asnot threats, but, and this is
the phrase that I use, promisesof resulting action.
And am I going to make thathappen?
(23:55):
Is that action going toactually occur?
Great.
then go ahead and throw it outthere.
But if you're not reallywilling to get rid of the family
dog because your kid won't poopor scoop the yard, then you
need some other consequence tocome up with before you threaten
that.
That's enough on my soapbox ofcommunication.
So if you identify the tasksthat need to be done, how they
need to be done, when they needto be done, and who's going to
(24:17):
be doing them, and then you holdeverybody, including yourself,
accountable, and this doesn'thave to be your job necessarily
as the former primary pet careprovider.
I think having a chart andhaving every body hold each
other accountable is a goodthing, especially in a family.
So keep that in mind.
But if you fix this and thenyou have the accountability in
place, you fix the system andyou can always reassess as you
(24:40):
go along.
So to wrap things up in today'sepisode, you're not wrong for
needing help.
You're not wrong for wantingmore balance in your life.
And you're definitely not crazyfor being tired.
Building better pet care habitsisn't about being the bad guy.
It's about creating a teamwhere everybody steps up.
And if your first plan doesn'tgo perfectly, that's not
(25:01):
failure.
That's feedback.
Keep going.
Go back.
Reassess what slipped.
tweak the plan and keep movingforward.
And hey, if you ever need alittle backup from me, you know
where to find me and I am alwayshappy to help you.
Before you go, don't forget tograb your free guide on how to
get everyone in your house tohelp with pets.
It breaks down the simplesystem I shared today in this
(25:21):
episode and the exactcommunication tips that actually
work without nagging, guilttrips or meltdowns.
Just head to bit.ly forwardslash share pet care to download
it.
That's bit.ly bit.ly forwardslash share pet care because you
shouldn't have to do it all onyour own and you deserve backup.
(25:42):
Thanks for listening to MuddyPaws and Hairballs.
Be sure to visit our website atmuddypawsandhairballs.com for
more resources and be sure tofollow this podcast on your
favorite podcast app so you'llnever miss a show.
And hey, if you like this show,text someone right now and say,
I've got a podcastrecommendation.
You need to check the show outand tell them to listen and let
you know what they think.
(26:03):
Don't forget to tune in nextweek and every week for a brand
new episode.
And if you don't do anythingelse this week, give your pets a
big hug from us.
y
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