Needy No More: Anxious Attachment Healing

For so long, I internalized the message that my anxious attachment style was the problem—that in order to have the love I wanted, I needed to be less. Less sensitive. Less expressive. Less needy. And I hear that same painful belief echoed back to me by almost everyone who reaches out to me for coaching.

But today's episode is my pushback on all of that. Because there are real, tangible strengths that come with having an anxiou...

Today's episode is one of the most personal conversations I've had on the show—because my guest, Christina Melgar Thomssen, has been on both sides of the work. She first came to me as a client in late 2021, in one of the darkest seasons of her life: newly single, living alone for the first time, a mattress on the floor, and barely taking care of herself. She felt too ashamed to admit to anyone how desperate she felt for conne...

If you've ever spiraled after a match went quiet, overthought whether to confirm a date, or locked down a relationship label too early just to feel safe—this episode is for you.

This week, I'm sitting down with the brilliant Erika Ettin, founder of A Little Nudge and one of the most trusted voices in online dating. Erika has helped thousands of people navigate dating apps—from crafting the perfect profile to landing that...

If you've ever gone through a breakup and felt like you were losing your mind, obsessively checking their Instagram, unable to eat or sleep, constantly replaying every conversation, I want you to know: you're not crazy. Your brain is literally going through withdrawal. And if you're wondering how to get over your ex, why no contact feels almost impossible to maintain, or why heartbreak can feel just as painful as a physical injury,...

Have you ever held back from sending that text? Talked yourself out of being excited about someone? Wondered if you were "too much"—too eager, too open, too real?

This episode is for you.

I'm fired up this week. Recent pieces in The Cut and Time are celebrating the reclaiming of "cringe" in dating—and I love that. But I've been thinking deeply about how we got here in the first place. Because the fact that we even have a ...

Healing anxious attachment is deeply personal work. And I know that better than anyone, because I've had to do it myself.

In this deeply personal episode, I'm opening up about the three relationships that broke me wide open and ultimately transformed me into a more secure, self-aware version of myself. For the first time on the podcast, I'm going fully off-script to share raw, real stories from my own romantic past.

The long-distance...

If you've ever struggled to picture what a healthy relationship actually looks like, you're not alone—and it's not a coincidence. Many of us with anxious attachment simply haven't had secure relationships modeled for us. In this episode, I change that. Drawing on five years of data from my coaching clients, I walk through what secure couples actually do, distill it into 10 core principles of secure relating, and give you a pr...

In this episode, we shift focus from the anxious attacher to explore the often-misunderstood world of avoidant attachment. If you've ever experienced someone's warmth vanish overnight, felt confused by hot-and-cold behavior, or wondered why closeness seems to trigger distance, this episode will give you the clarity and compassion you've been seeking. I unpack what's really happening beneath the surface when an avoidant partner pull...

In this episode, I sit down with relationship and anxiety therapist Valerie Rubin for an illuminating conversation about why so many of us with anxious attachment feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. We dig into the early wounds and nervous system imprints that shape our adult attraction patterns, how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, and what it really takes to break the cycle of choosing inconsistency over ...

In honor of the release of her new book Safe, I sit down with licensed therapist and author of Anxiously Attached, Jessica Baum, for a powerful conversation about what it truly means to heal anxious attachment. We explore how safety shapes every aspect of our relationships, how old abandonment wounds resurface in adulthood, and why somatic awareness and co-regulation are at the heart of real transformation. Jessica brings both clin...

If setting boundaries makes you anxious, guilty, or afraid they’ll walk away—you’re exactly who this episode was made for.

In this powerful solo episode, I unpack the complicated relationship anxious attachers have with boundaries—and why setting them can feel so triggering. We explore the real reasons guilt shows up, the role of nervous system dysregulation, and why some boundaries feel more like walls (and ...

In honor of Pride Month, I’m sitting down with therapist and author Tom Bruett to unpack how gay relationships differ from straight ones—and why so many of us in the LGBTQ+ community struggle with intimacy, identity, and emotional safety in dating. Whether you're queer or an ally, this conversation is packed with insights that go far beyond sexuality—because at the end of the day, we’re all trying to love an...

Is your relationship stuck in the anxious-avoidant "trap" or a cycle of pushing and pulling, ups and downs? In this powerful episode, I sit down with relationship writer Rikki Cloos (@anxiousheartsguide on Instagram and TikTok) to talk about why anxious-avoidant relationships feel so hard—and how to make the dynamic more secure. Here's what we discuss:

• 🔁 How Rikki broke up with her now-husband eight times early on in thei...

In this week's episode of the Needy No More podcast, I dive deep into the final two steps of the cycle of anxious attachment, stress and addiction, answering the following questions:

• What is stress and how does it relate to addiction?
• What is love addiction?
• How does stress factor into the experience of anxious attachment?
• How does stress relate to safety and why is that important?
• What is cortisol and what are some ways you can red...

In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I interview my very first guest, Jessica Da Silva.

Jessica Da Silva is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist and Attachment Coach who empowers individuals to free themselves from attachment patterns that sabotage their relationships by teaching them actionable skills to relate to themselves and others more authentically and effectively. Not only does she talk the talk, but she also devotes ...

In this week's episode, we unpack everything pertaining to nervous system dysregulation, including:

• What is nervous system dysregulation? How is it connected to being triggered?

• What are the causes of nervous system dysregulation in the past and present?

• How has nervous system dysregulation shown up in my own life?

• How is nervous system dysregulation connected to anxious attachment?

• What can I do to regulate my nervous system?

H...

In this episode of the Needy No More podcast, I answer the top five most common questions I get from folks when it comes to the anxious attachment style:

1. Where does the anxious attachment style come from?
2. Why do I feel this way?
3. How can I "fix" it?
4. Will I always feel this way?
5. How long does it take to heal?

From there, I answer 25 questions from my audience, which are as follows:

1. Currently enmeshed and I can’t end it. I...

In the fourth episode of the Needy No More podcast, we unpack everything related to a fear of abandonment, including:

• What is abandonment? How do we define it? What about a fear of abandonment?

• What are various types of abandonment? How has it shown up in my own life?

• What is the worst form of abandonment you can experience?

• How does abandonment relate to the other steps in the cycle of anxious attachmen...

In the third episode of the Needy No More podcast, I cover the following:

• What is codependency?
• How does codependency relate to anxious attachment?
• How is codependency similar to and different from addiction?
• What are some early warning signs that you might be slipping into a codependent dynamic?
• How can you address and interrupt your codependent tendencies?

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment: