November 11, 2025 • 23 mins
Hard questions deserve better answers than panic or platitudes. We dig into a simple, sturdy framework—build a moral compass and default to love—that helps parents lead honest conversations about sex, technology, and culture without shaming kids or surrendering their values.
KEEPING KIDS SAFE ONLINE
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:01):
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Develop a moral compass anddefault to love.
That is part of our Next Talk 10core practices.
(00:23):
This is a formula on the culturethat we want to build in our
home to create opencommunication to keep our kids
safe online and off.
All kids need a moral compass.
Now, in your family, as aparent, you get to choose what
that is for your kids.
It's your family, your choice.
(00:45):
But I think anyone can agreethat kids need a moral compass.
I think of it like children onthe first day of school.
The teachers outline what isright and what is wrong, what
you can do, what you cannot do.
They go over the ground rules,their expectations of what they
(01:06):
expect of the students in theirclass.
For parents, we need to do thatwith our kids in our home about
cultural issues.
So it's key to create a moralcompass so your kids will
understand what you know isright and wrong.
But then also the default tolove portion of this practice is
(01:29):
really about teaching love andrespect for all people.
If different families havedifferent rules or different
belief systems, no matter how wedefine our moral compass, that
we are going to choose todefault to love and respect
everyone's choices.
Since we serve such a diverseaudience at next talk, I want to
(01:51):
talk to two groups of people,Christian believers and
non-believers.
And let me talk to thenon-believers first.
When you are defining yourchild's moral compass, what I'm
asking you to talk about arethings like sex.
Is it okay or not okay?
What's the moral compass?
Is it when you're in a committedrelationship or not in a
(02:13):
committed relationship?
What is the definition of acommitted relationship?
These are the things that Ithink are extremely important to
teach our kids about theirculture and how they're growing
up because everything goes intheir world.
Like everything is okay.
And most parents want to be ableto define some sort of moral
(02:35):
compass for their children.
I know sometimes when we thinkmoral compass, we think
stealing, murder.
I want you to think past thenormal character traits we would
call them or the obvious thingsthat we're all going to agree on
and dig a little deeper into thecultural aspect of the world
that our kids are growing up in.
(02:56):
And I think sex is one of thosethings where, like, what is the
line in your family?
As you have conversations aboutsex with your kids, how are you
defining the moral compass?
Again, it's your family, yourchoice.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but these are the things
that I want you to think aboutbecause they do need to know
boundaries.
They need to know expectations.
They need to know what youbelieve about this and when it's
(03:19):
safe and when it's not safe.
And by being unclear about thatline, that moral compass line,
it confuses our kids.
And we don't want to put them atrisk for STDs or, you know,
emotional baggage becausethey're rushing into sexual
activity too fast.
(03:40):
Now I want to switch and talk toour Christian audience.
And so if you are anon-Christian, feel free to
listen in, but you may not agreewith everything that I'm going
to say.
Again, default to love, youknow, that love and respect I
think is so important to teachour kids, even if we disagree.
Christian families.
For me and my house, the Bibleis our moral compass.
(04:04):
That determines right and wrong.
And for me, talking to my kidsabout sex or marriage, it's
actually, I almost feel like alittle easier because God
defines that for us, right?
I don't have to figure it out.
I don't have to figure out whenit's okay to have sex or not and
communicate that to my kids.
Like the Bible is clear on sexshould be maintained for a
(04:29):
marriage between one man and onewoman.
As I try to teach my young kidsa moral compass in the culture
that they were growing up in, Iwill be very honest with you.
This is the conversation thatgave me a lot of anxiety.
Because the last thing I want todo is raise a bully or raise a
Pharisee or raise someone who'snot respectful to others.
(04:52):
So that default to love clausewas really big in our home as we
were teaching them their moralcompass.
But I also believe that asChristian families, we they do
need to know the truth of God'sword and what it says.
And I want to talk to you alittle bit about practical ways
(05:12):
that you can have thisconversation in your home.
So if your kids come home andask you, mom, is it okay for two
women to be married?
Mom, is it okay for two men tobe married?
I don't know about you, but oldMandy, and I'm ashamed to admit
this, but old Mandy probablywould have said, Where did you
hear that?
And then they'll say some kid'sname.
(05:33):
And then I would have probablysaid, stay away from those kids.
They're confused.
It's a terrible response.
It's a terrible, terribleresponse.
New Mandy, though, beingchallenged by God to create a
Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 culturein our home where we talk about
everything.
New Mandy had to figure out howI was going to answer these
(05:56):
questions.
And I want to encourage youtoday.
I was figuring this out back in2014, 15, 16 when nobody was
really talking about it from aChristian perspective.
And the Lord gave me the wisdom.
I want to reiterate that.
No matter what happens next withAI, with wherever technology
(06:18):
goes, with however we define sexin the future, God is going to
equip you, parents.
He is going to give you wisdomon how to respond to your child.
I want to walk through a couplethings that I feel like God
really helped me grasp when mykids were little.
One of the things was, you know,when they would ask these
(06:39):
questions, can two can two womenbe married?
Can two men be married?
Old Mandy would have respondedthat terrible way.
New Mandy, guess what New Mandysays?
Honey, I don't get to tellpeople how to live their lives.
I'm a mom trying to figure itout.
I get stuff wrong all the time.
(07:01):
So I don't really get to have anopinion on that, on how people
live their lives.
But there is one who isall-knowing, he's all powerful,
he created us and he sees thingsthat we don't see, he
understands things from a biggerpicture that we don't get.
(07:24):
And he gives us guidance onthis.
So why don't you go look upFirst Corinthians 7, 2 and 3?
You tell me how God answers yourquestion.
Okay, now a couple things here.
Typically, when my kids wouldask me those questions, old
(07:44):
Mandy, again, we would respondbad.
I would say, those kids areconfused, stay away from those
kids.
I would also respond kind of ina lecture.
The Bible says this, God saysthis.
And I would just go on and onand on in kind of an angry tone
because that they even asked,right?
That's how I used to respond.
But God really showed me thatwas not the way at all.
(08:06):
And when your kids are little,of course you're going to spoon
feed them scripture.
But when they are older and theycan read, I need you to send
your kid to the scripture toread it for themselves.
That is a big shift that I madein my home.
Instead of me saying God saysthis or whatever, I would say
(08:27):
they would have a question and Iwould say, you go look up this
verse and tell me what you thinkGod says about the question that
you just asked.
That way, it's teaching my kidsto seek Jesus, to seek the word,
to seek God for his knowledgeand wisdom on this issue.
(08:49):
And it takes me out of theequation because honestly, I'm
gonna say it wrong.
I'm gonna mess something up.
I'm human.
If you know this verse, 1Corinthians 7, 2 and 3, I love
this verse because it basicallysays, because there is so much
sexual immorality, each manshould have one wife, and each
(09:09):
wife should have one husband tofulfill their sexual needs.
Now, before I go on in talkingto you about how this verse
helped my kids, I want to go ona little tangent here and say, 1
Corinthians 7, 2 and 3, it isvery clear that sexual pleasure
(09:32):
is for both man and woman,husband and wife.
I think the church really, andI'm talking about the big
church, you know, Capital Cchurch, got this wrong when I
was a kid.
Because I grew up in a culturethat was basically saying men
need sex, women need to keepthem happy.
(09:54):
That is toxic.
And obviously, that is not whatscripture says.
And so I just want to encourageyou like, like, sex should be
equal pleasure for both husbandand wife.
And if it's not that way in yourmarriage, that's a conversation
and maybe some therapy to workthat out because it's not the
(10:15):
way that God intended.
So that's kind of my separatesoapbox.
And you guys let me know.
I can do a whole separatepodcast, a deep dive into that
if you want me to.
But let's get back to how thisconversation equates with some
different discussion with mykids.
So, you know, my kids would goread this scripture and they
(10:37):
would come back and they wouldsay, Oh, you know, God, it's not
okay for two women to getmarried, or it's not okay for
two men to get married.
And I would see a little bit ofjudgment in them, and I would
have a little bit of fear of,uh-oh, I am teaching them God's
moral compass, but I got to becareful here because I also need
(10:58):
to teach them God's love andGod's character and how God
feels about people who may notbe living this out according to
God's word in our culture today.
And so, you know, we would talkabout this is what the Bible
says, marriage between a man anda woman, but then I would take
them to the story of theadulterous woman in John 8.
(11:20):
And this was really to teach thedefault to love section.
And if you're familiar with thisstory, a a woman is caught in
the act of adultery, and she isbrought in front of Jesus and
the religious leaders of theday.
Okay, they were they were calledthe Pharisees, but they were
religious leaders.
(11:40):
The law at the time was to stoneher because she got caught in
the act of adultery.
Now, she was committing adulterywith a man, but all sexual sin
is sexual sin, right?
So a married husband has anaffair, that's sexual sin.
Two women having sex, that'ssexual sin.
So that's sexual sin is sexualsin.
(12:01):
So she got caught in the act ofadultery and brought before the
church leaders.
The church leaders said, We haveto stone her.
Like this is what we have to do.
This is what the law says.
Jesus was on the scene and hewas calm.
He it's a scripture says he bentdown to write something in the
(12:21):
sand.
And then he says, and he looksup very calmly and he says, You
without sin cast the firststone.
What's he saying to thereligious leaders of the day?
He's saying, you have your ownsin to worry about.
(12:43):
Christian families.
We have people watching porn inour homes.
We have addictions.
We need to focus on our own sin.
It's real easy to point outeverybody else's sin and not
deal with your own.
And Jesus is saying, religiousleaders, you holier than thou
people, you guys have sin too.
(13:05):
So if you don't have any, youcan cast the first stone.
But if you do, you need to checkyourself.
You need to check your heart.
One by one, the church leaderswalked away because they're
thinking, yeah, I got my ownstuff to deal with.
It's Jesus and the adulterouswoman left.
Jesus was perfect, Jesus couldstone her.
(13:25):
Jesus says to her, Where are allof your accusers?
They don't condemn you, neitherdo I.
But go and sin no more.
Jesus is the one to tell her notto sin anymore.
Jesus is the one to convict her,to point her out.
(13:48):
And I tell you this because wehad a little saying in our home
when the kids were little and wewere walking through all these
issues of teaching them themoral compass of the Bible and
teaching them to love well, todefault to love.
One of our core sayings wasdon't throw stones, right?
Don't throw stones.
If you see a kid struggling withsomething in your class, don't
(14:09):
throw stones.
I want you to think to yourself,what do I need to work on?
What is my sin that I need todeal with?
Right?
It's a gut check.
And so teaching these twoprinciples together in your home
as a Christian will help yourkids, yes, see the moral compass
of God's scripture, but also itwill help your kids default to
(14:30):
love and understand that we'reall sinning, we're all falling
short of where we need to be.
So don't throw stones.
Now, your kids may also ask youthings like, well, why wouldn't
God allow two consenting adultsto do what they wanted to do?
That's a valid question.
(14:50):
And don't dismiss them.
Don't be mean to them forasking.
Be thankful that they'restruggling with this and
wrestling with God's word andthey're trying to figure it out.
They're trying to understand theheart of God.
One of the things that I wouldsay to my kids is Do you
remember when you wanted to haveSnapchat in third grade?
And I said no.
(15:10):
That wasn't because I hated youand wanted to make your life
miserable.
I knew what was on Snapchat.
And now that you have Snapchat,do you understand that I was
trying to protect you?
So I think we need to shift ourthinking in the sense of why
does God make rules for us tofollow?
(15:32):
It's not because he hates us,it's because he loves us and has
our best interest at heart.
I heard a pastor one time talkabout a dog going out in the
backyard and it had a fence up.
And the pastor said the doghated the fence.
But the fence saved the dog fromgetting hit by a car.
(15:54):
It was a safety feature to keepthe dog safe.
The homeowner didn't put up thefence to make the dog miserable.
The homeowner put up the fenceto keep the dog safe.
That's our good God.
He does ask us not to do certainthings, but it's because he
knows best and he has ourinterest at heart.
(16:18):
And so when we're having theseconversations, it's extremely
important for your kid to seethe heart behind the rule, the
character of God behind therestriction.
I also want to say, you know,some other conversations that
have come up in our home is uh,you know, this saying, love is
love.
And years ago, when I firstheard this saying, it was from a
(16:42):
mommy blogger that I followed.
And I know that's dating me, butyes, I used to follow mommy
bloggers.
And I remember her saying, loveis love.
And I honestly thought that'ssuch a just a cute, trendy
saying.
Years passed, and I helped afamily through Next Talk,
through our nonprofit, and itwas a mom with a 12-year-old
(17:06):
girl, and she had been groomedonline by a much older man, like
a 76-year-old perpetrator inanother state.
And the little 12-year-old keptsaying to her mom, but mom, love
is love.
I want to be with him.
(17:26):
And when her mom told me that,you know what my mind flashed to
in Ephesians 4:14.
It says, We will be tricked withlies so clever they sound like
the truth.
I thought love is love was acute, trendy little saying.
(17:49):
And we see hashtags like thatall day on social media, you
know, these three-secondbuzzword phrases.
We cannot adopt those astheology.
We cannot adopt that as truth.
We have to process everythingwe're seeing and hearing through
the lens of scripture.
(18:10):
And guess what?
We need to teach our kids to dothat because they're hearing the
little buzzwords.
And we need to, as a family,work together and be like, that
is such a cute saying, but is ittruth from God's word?
This is a critical skill that weneed to teach our kids, like a
critical thinking skill.
(18:32):
That part of it, for sure, ishelping us teach the moral
compass of our kids, right?
Talking about culture, talkingabout these cute trendy sayings,
talking about God's characterand heart, about why He makes
certain rules and restrictionsfor us.
But I also want to talk to youabout this default to love
(18:52):
section.
Your kids need to see you lovepeople who are different than
you.
They need to see that.
And not is it only biblical andwhat Jesus would do, but there's
something that happened in myhome that I did not anticipate.
When my kids were younger andthey were bringing these
sexuality and gender questionsto me, and I would respond with
(19:15):
a loving response, but also amoral compass, biblical
response.
When they were younger, theywould just really accept it.
Like, okay, that's truth.
But as they got older, they gotexposed to more worldview stuff.
They saw stuff on TikTok, theyjust got ingrained more in the
culture.
(19:35):
And the culture was telling themif your parents believe
marriages between a man and awoman, your parents are phobic.
Your parents are bigots, yourparents are hateful.
That's what the world is tellingChristian kids.
And what I did not expect wasthat when that started
(19:56):
happening, my kids would belike, wait a minute.
My mom loves this person, thisperson, this person.
This person comes over fordinner and they're they're not
like us, and they're my mom'snot phobic.
Yeah, she's true to herreligious convictions.
Yeah, she's not gonna waver onwhat God's word says, but she
loves everyone.
(20:17):
Like I've seen it.
She loves these people and thesepeople that come over and
they're they're in our lives.
Here's what I'm telling you (20:25):
if you are modeling this behind
closed doors well, your kids aregonna see Jesus in you.
And when the world tries to tellyour kids that Jesus is phobic,
that Jesus is hateful, they aregonna be like, no, that doesn't
add up.
I see my mom and dad behindclosed doors modeling this.
(20:50):
So I want to challenge you,Christian parents, the worst
thing you can do is talknegatively about people who are
different than you becauseyou're not modeling Jesus.
And you're probably gonna turnyour kids away from the faith
because it's not the heart andcharacter of God.
Does God want those people toturn from their sin?
Absolutely.
But he meets them where they areand he loves them radically,
(21:12):
like he did the adulterouswoman.
We need to check our hearts.
We need to make sure that we arebeing the real Jesus behind
closed doors and when we talkabout culture with our kids.
Because if we don't and we getthis wrong, we could turn our
kids away from the heart of Godbecause we have not modeled it
(21:34):
well.
We need to be in scripture.
We need to know what we believeand why we believe it.
And we need to have the lovingspirit of God guiding us in
every conversation.
Now, listen, this balance ofmoral compass and default to
love, it may fluctuate indifferent seasons of your kids'
life.
For example, when they'relittle, you're just telling them
(21:57):
moral compass and they'rebelieving it, and you're gonna
have to sprinkle on the love andteach them how to love.
But as they get older andthey're open to more in the
world, they're gonna probablylove everybody well.
And you're gonna have toremember the moral compass, the
sprinkling of there's only onewho knows the truth here.
And his name is Jesus.
(22:18):
Let's go to his word and try andfigure it out together.
This is a core principle at NextTalk.
Develop a moral compass anddefault to love.
This will help you navigate anycultural topic that comes your
way.
Because Jesus is all-knowing, hedoesn't change.
(22:39):
And when you're instilling thatwisdom in your kids, they're
gonna be safe and they're gonnabe protected from the crazy
world that we live in.
SPEAKER_00 (22:50):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(23:11):
personal treatment plan.
Welcome to the Next Talk podcast.
We are a nonprofit passionateabout keeping kids safe online.
We're learning together how tonavigate tech, culture, and
faith with our kids.
Develop a moral compass anddefault to love.
That is part of our Next Talk 10core practices.
(00:23):
This is a formula on the culturethat we want to build in our
home to create opencommunication to keep our kids
safe online and off.
All kids need a moral compass.
Now, in your family, as aparent, you get to choose what
that is for your kids.
It's your family, your choice.
(00:45):
But I think anyone can agreethat kids need a moral compass.
I think of it like children onthe first day of school.
The teachers outline what isright and what is wrong, what
you can do, what you cannot do.
They go over the ground rules,their expectations of what they
(01:06):
expect of the students in theirclass.
For parents, we need to do thatwith our kids in our home about
cultural issues.
So it's key to create a moralcompass so your kids will
understand what you know isright and wrong.
But then also the default tolove portion of this practice is
(01:29):
really about teaching love andrespect for all people.
If different families havedifferent rules or different
belief systems, no matter how wedefine our moral compass, that
we are going to choose todefault to love and respect
everyone's choices.
Since we serve such a diverseaudience at next talk, I want to
(01:51):
talk to two groups of people,Christian believers and
non-believers.
And let me talk to thenon-believers first.
When you are defining yourchild's moral compass, what I'm
asking you to talk about arethings like sex.
Is it okay or not okay?
What's the moral compass?
Is it when you're in a committedrelationship or not in a
(02:13):
committed relationship?
What is the definition of acommitted relationship?
These are the things that Ithink are extremely important to
teach our kids about theirculture and how they're growing
up because everything goes intheir world.
Like everything is okay.
And most parents want to be ableto define some sort of moral
(02:35):
compass for their children.
I know sometimes when we thinkmoral compass, we think
stealing, murder.
I want you to think past thenormal character traits we would
call them or the obvious thingsthat we're all going to agree on
and dig a little deeper into thecultural aspect of the world
that our kids are growing up in.
(02:56):
And I think sex is one of thosethings where, like, what is the
line in your family?
As you have conversations aboutsex with your kids, how are you
defining the moral compass?
Again, it's your family, yourchoice.
I'm not going to tell you whatto do, but these are the things
that I want you to think aboutbecause they do need to know
boundaries.
They need to know expectations.
They need to know what youbelieve about this and when it's
(03:19):
safe and when it's not safe.
And by being unclear about thatline, that moral compass line,
it confuses our kids.
And we don't want to put them atrisk for STDs or, you know,
emotional baggage becausethey're rushing into sexual
activity too fast.
(03:40):
Now I want to switch and talk toour Christian audience.
And so if you are anon-Christian, feel free to
listen in, but you may not agreewith everything that I'm going
to say.
Again, default to love, youknow, that love and respect I
think is so important to teachour kids, even if we disagree.
Christian families.
For me and my house, the Bibleis our moral compass.
(04:04):
That determines right and wrong.
And for me, talking to my kidsabout sex or marriage, it's
actually, I almost feel like alittle easier because God
defines that for us, right?
I don't have to figure it out.
I don't have to figure out whenit's okay to have sex or not and
communicate that to my kids.
Like the Bible is clear on sexshould be maintained for a
(04:29):
marriage between one man and onewoman.
As I try to teach my young kidsa moral compass in the culture
that they were growing up in, Iwill be very honest with you.
This is the conversation thatgave me a lot of anxiety.
Because the last thing I want todo is raise a bully or raise a
Pharisee or raise someone who'snot respectful to others.
(04:52):
So that default to love clausewas really big in our home as we
were teaching them their moralcompass.
But I also believe that asChristian families, we they do
need to know the truth of God'sword and what it says.
And I want to talk to you alittle bit about practical ways
(05:12):
that you can have thisconversation in your home.
So if your kids come home andask you, mom, is it okay for two
women to be married?
Mom, is it okay for two men tobe married?
I don't know about you, but oldMandy, and I'm ashamed to admit
this, but old Mandy probablywould have said, Where did you
hear that?
And then they'll say some kid'sname.
(05:33):
And then I would have probablysaid, stay away from those kids.
They're confused.
It's a terrible response.
It's a terrible, terribleresponse.
New Mandy, though, beingchallenged by God to create a
Deuteronomy 6, 6, and 7 culturein our home where we talk about
everything.
New Mandy had to figure out howI was going to answer these
(05:56):
questions.
And I want to encourage youtoday.
I was figuring this out back in2014, 15, 16 when nobody was
really talking about it from aChristian perspective.
And the Lord gave me the wisdom.
I want to reiterate that.
No matter what happens next withAI, with wherever technology
(06:18):
goes, with however we define sexin the future, God is going to
equip you, parents.
He is going to give you wisdomon how to respond to your child.
I want to walk through a couplethings that I feel like God
really helped me grasp when mykids were little.
One of the things was, you know,when they would ask these
(06:39):
questions, can two can two womenbe married?
Can two men be married?
Old Mandy would have respondedthat terrible way.
New Mandy, guess what New Mandysays?
Honey, I don't get to tellpeople how to live their lives.
I'm a mom trying to figure itout.
I get stuff wrong all the time.
(07:01):
So I don't really get to have anopinion on that, on how people
live their lives.
But there is one who isall-knowing, he's all powerful,
he created us and he sees thingsthat we don't see, he
understands things from a biggerpicture that we don't get.
(07:24):
And he gives us guidance onthis.
So why don't you go look upFirst Corinthians 7, 2 and 3?
You tell me how God answers yourquestion.
Okay, now a couple things here.
Typically, when my kids wouldask me those questions, old
(07:44):
Mandy, again, we would respondbad.
I would say, those kids areconfused, stay away from those
kids.
I would also respond kind of ina lecture.
The Bible says this, God saysthis.
And I would just go on and onand on in kind of an angry tone
because that they even asked,right?
That's how I used to respond.
But God really showed me thatwas not the way at all.
(08:06):
And when your kids are little,of course you're going to spoon
feed them scripture.
But when they are older and theycan read, I need you to send
your kid to the scripture toread it for themselves.
That is a big shift that I madein my home.
Instead of me saying God saysthis or whatever, I would say
(08:27):
they would have a question and Iwould say, you go look up this
verse and tell me what you thinkGod says about the question that
you just asked.
That way, it's teaching my kidsto seek Jesus, to seek the word,
to seek God for his knowledgeand wisdom on this issue.
(08:49):
And it takes me out of theequation because honestly, I'm
gonna say it wrong.
I'm gonna mess something up.
I'm human.
If you know this verse, 1Corinthians 7, 2 and 3, I love
this verse because it basicallysays, because there is so much
sexual immorality, each manshould have one wife, and each
(09:09):
wife should have one husband tofulfill their sexual needs.
Now, before I go on in talkingto you about how this verse
helped my kids, I want to go ona little tangent here and say, 1
Corinthians 7, 2 and 3, it isvery clear that sexual pleasure
(09:32):
is for both man and woman,husband and wife.
I think the church really, andI'm talking about the big
church, you know, Capital Cchurch, got this wrong when I
was a kid.
Because I grew up in a culturethat was basically saying men
need sex, women need to keepthem happy.
(09:54):
That is toxic.
And obviously, that is not whatscripture says.
And so I just want to encourageyou like, like, sex should be
equal pleasure for both husbandand wife.
And if it's not that way in yourmarriage, that's a conversation
and maybe some therapy to workthat out because it's not the
(10:15):
way that God intended.
So that's kind of my separatesoapbox.
And you guys let me know.
I can do a whole separatepodcast, a deep dive into that
if you want me to.
But let's get back to how thisconversation equates with some
different discussion with mykids.
So, you know, my kids would goread this scripture and they
(10:37):
would come back and they wouldsay, Oh, you know, God, it's not
okay for two women to getmarried, or it's not okay for
two men to get married.
And I would see a little bit ofjudgment in them, and I would
have a little bit of fear of,uh-oh, I am teaching them God's
moral compass, but I got to becareful here because I also need
(10:58):
to teach them God's love andGod's character and how God
feels about people who may notbe living this out according to
God's word in our culture today.
And so, you know, we would talkabout this is what the Bible
says, marriage between a man anda woman, but then I would take
them to the story of theadulterous woman in John 8.
(11:20):
And this was really to teach thedefault to love section.
And if you're familiar with thisstory, a a woman is caught in
the act of adultery, and she isbrought in front of Jesus and
the religious leaders of theday.
Okay, they were they were calledthe Pharisees, but they were
religious leaders.
(11:40):
The law at the time was to stoneher because she got caught in
the act of adultery.
Now, she was committing adulterywith a man, but all sexual sin
is sexual sin, right?
So a married husband has anaffair, that's sexual sin.
Two women having sex, that'ssexual sin.
So that's sexual sin is sexualsin.
(12:01):
So she got caught in the act ofadultery and brought before the
church leaders.
The church leaders said, We haveto stone her.
Like this is what we have to do.
This is what the law says.
Jesus was on the scene and hewas calm.
He it's a scripture says he bentdown to write something in the
(12:21):
sand.
And then he says, and he looksup very calmly and he says, You
without sin cast the firststone.
What's he saying to thereligious leaders of the day?
He's saying, you have your ownsin to worry about.
(12:43):
Christian families.
We have people watching porn inour homes.
We have addictions.
We need to focus on our own sin.
It's real easy to point outeverybody else's sin and not
deal with your own.
And Jesus is saying, religiousleaders, you holier than thou
people, you guys have sin too.
(13:05):
So if you don't have any, youcan cast the first stone.
But if you do, you need to checkyourself.
You need to check your heart.
One by one, the church leaderswalked away because they're
thinking, yeah, I got my ownstuff to deal with.
It's Jesus and the adulterouswoman left.
Jesus was perfect, Jesus couldstone her.
(13:25):
Jesus says to her, Where are allof your accusers?
They don't condemn you, neitherdo I.
But go and sin no more.
Jesus is the one to tell her notto sin anymore.
Jesus is the one to convict her,to point her out.
(13:48):
And I tell you this because wehad a little saying in our home
when the kids were little and wewere walking through all these
issues of teaching them themoral compass of the Bible and
teaching them to love well, todefault to love.
One of our core sayings wasdon't throw stones, right?
Don't throw stones.
If you see a kid struggling withsomething in your class, don't
(14:09):
throw stones.
I want you to think to yourself,what do I need to work on?
What is my sin that I need todeal with?
Right?
It's a gut check.
And so teaching these twoprinciples together in your home
as a Christian will help yourkids, yes, see the moral compass
of God's scripture, but also itwill help your kids default to
(14:30):
love and understand that we'reall sinning, we're all falling
short of where we need to be.
So don't throw stones.
Now, your kids may also ask youthings like, well, why wouldn't
God allow two consenting adultsto do what they wanted to do?
That's a valid question.
(14:50):
And don't dismiss them.
Don't be mean to them forasking.
Be thankful that they'restruggling with this and
wrestling with God's word andthey're trying to figure it out.
They're trying to understand theheart of God.
One of the things that I wouldsay to my kids is Do you
remember when you wanted to haveSnapchat in third grade?
And I said no.
(15:10):
That wasn't because I hated youand wanted to make your life
miserable.
I knew what was on Snapchat.
And now that you have Snapchat,do you understand that I was
trying to protect you?
So I think we need to shift ourthinking in the sense of why
does God make rules for us tofollow?
(15:32):
It's not because he hates us,it's because he loves us and has
our best interest at heart.
I heard a pastor one time talkabout a dog going out in the
backyard and it had a fence up.
And the pastor said the doghated the fence.
But the fence saved the dog fromgetting hit by a car.
(15:54):
It was a safety feature to keepthe dog safe.
The homeowner didn't put up thefence to make the dog miserable.
The homeowner put up the fenceto keep the dog safe.
That's our good God.
He does ask us not to do certainthings, but it's because he
knows best and he has ourinterest at heart.
(16:18):
And so when we're having theseconversations, it's extremely
important for your kid to seethe heart behind the rule, the
character of God behind therestriction.
I also want to say, you know,some other conversations that
have come up in our home is uh,you know, this saying, love is
love.
And years ago, when I firstheard this saying, it was from a
(16:42):
mommy blogger that I followed.
And I know that's dating me, butyes, I used to follow mommy
bloggers.
And I remember her saying, loveis love.
And I honestly thought that'ssuch a just a cute, trendy
saying.
Years passed, and I helped afamily through Next Talk,
through our nonprofit, and itwas a mom with a 12-year-old
(17:06):
girl, and she had been groomedonline by a much older man, like
a 76-year-old perpetrator inanother state.
And the little 12-year-old keptsaying to her mom, but mom, love
is love.
I want to be with him.
(17:26):
And when her mom told me that,you know what my mind flashed to
in Ephesians 4:14.
It says, We will be tricked withlies so clever they sound like
the truth.
I thought love is love was acute, trendy little saying.
(17:49):
And we see hashtags like thatall day on social media, you
know, these three-secondbuzzword phrases.
We cannot adopt those astheology.
We cannot adopt that as truth.
We have to process everythingwe're seeing and hearing through
the lens of scripture.
(18:10):
And guess what?
We need to teach our kids to dothat because they're hearing the
little buzzwords.
And we need to, as a family,work together and be like, that
is such a cute saying, but is ittruth from God's word?
This is a critical skill that weneed to teach our kids, like a
critical thinking skill.
(18:32):
That part of it, for sure, ishelping us teach the moral
compass of our kids, right?
Talking about culture, talkingabout these cute trendy sayings,
talking about God's characterand heart, about why He makes
certain rules and restrictionsfor us.
But I also want to talk to youabout this default to love
(18:52):
section.
Your kids need to see you lovepeople who are different than
you.
They need to see that.
And not is it only biblical andwhat Jesus would do, but there's
something that happened in myhome that I did not anticipate.
When my kids were younger andthey were bringing these
sexuality and gender questionsto me, and I would respond with
(19:15):
a loving response, but also amoral compass, biblical
response.
When they were younger, theywould just really accept it.
Like, okay, that's truth.
But as they got older, they gotexposed to more worldview stuff.
They saw stuff on TikTok, theyjust got ingrained more in the
culture.
(19:35):
And the culture was telling themif your parents believe
marriages between a man and awoman, your parents are phobic.
Your parents are bigots, yourparents are hateful.
That's what the world is tellingChristian kids.
And what I did not expect wasthat when that started
(19:56):
happening, my kids would belike, wait a minute.
My mom loves this person, thisperson, this person.
This person comes over fordinner and they're they're not
like us, and they're my mom'snot phobic.
Yeah, she's true to herreligious convictions.
Yeah, she's not gonna waver onwhat God's word says, but she
loves everyone.
(20:17):
Like I've seen it.
She loves these people and thesepeople that come over and
they're they're in our lives.
Here's what I'm telling you (20:25):
if you are modeling this behind
closed doors well, your kids aregonna see Jesus in you.
And when the world tries to tellyour kids that Jesus is phobic,
that Jesus is hateful, they aregonna be like, no, that doesn't
add up.
I see my mom and dad behindclosed doors modeling this.
(20:50):
So I want to challenge you,Christian parents, the worst
thing you can do is talknegatively about people who are
different than you becauseyou're not modeling Jesus.
And you're probably gonna turnyour kids away from the faith
because it's not the heart andcharacter of God.
Does God want those people toturn from their sin?
Absolutely.
But he meets them where they areand he loves them radically,
(21:12):
like he did the adulterouswoman.
We need to check our hearts.
We need to make sure that we arebeing the real Jesus behind
closed doors and when we talkabout culture with our kids.
Because if we don't and we getthis wrong, we could turn our
kids away from the heart of Godbecause we have not modeled it
(21:34):
well.
We need to be in scripture.
We need to know what we believeand why we believe it.
And we need to have the lovingspirit of God guiding us in
every conversation.
Now, listen, this balance ofmoral compass and default to
love, it may fluctuate indifferent seasons of your kids'
life.
For example, when they'relittle, you're just telling them
(21:57):
moral compass and they'rebelieving it, and you're gonna
have to sprinkle on the love andteach them how to love.
But as they get older andthey're open to more in the
world, they're gonna probablylove everybody well.
And you're gonna have toremember the moral compass, the
sprinkling of there's only onewho knows the truth here.
And his name is Jesus.
(22:18):
Let's go to his word and try andfigure it out together.
This is a core principle at NextTalk.
Develop a moral compass anddefault to love.
This will help you navigate anycultural topic that comes your
way.
Because Jesus is all-knowing, hedoesn't change.
(22:39):
And when you're instilling thatwisdom in your kids, they're
gonna be safe and they're gonnabe protected from the crazy
world that we live in.
SPEAKER_00 (22:50):
Next Talk is a 501c3 nonprofit keeping kids safe
online.
To support our work, make adonation at next talk.org.
Next talk resources are notintended to replace the advice
of a trained healthcare or legalprofessional, or to diagnose,
treat, or otherwise renderexpert advice regarding any type
of medical, psychological,legal, financial, or other
problem.
You are advised to consult aqualified expert for your
(23:11):
personal treatment plan.
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