March 26, 2024 • 25 mins
Ever find yourself making a New Year's resolution only to abandon it by February? We've all been there, but this episode promises to change that pattern. Join me, Amber D, as I sit down with the insightful Sara, a mental health counselor hailing from the sunny state of Florida, to delve into the art of setting resolutions that stick. We're not just talking about making promises to ourselves; we're crafting a roadmap for genuine, lasting transformation. As we unwrap the complexities of healing, particularly in the wake of trauma, Sarah offers a comforting perspective on personal growth, emphasizing that healing isn't a straight line but a journey with twists and turns.
Now, let's tackle those pesky hurdles that seem to crop up whenever we chase our goals. Listen closely as Sarah enlightens us on turning stumbling blocks into stepping stones, highlighting the need for adaptability and the power of intention in surmounting challenges. We'll explore practical steps to keep you on track, from syncing your workout routine with your daily schedule to consulting nutritionists for health goals. Moreover, Sarah introduces us to Sound Mind Wellness, her sanctuary for empowering women and fostering professional growth. Whether you're seeking motivation or a deeper understanding of the emotional landscape, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom that will leave you inspired and ready to take on your resolutions with newfound vigor.
Visit: https://solaray.com/BLACKFEMALETHERAPISTS for 15% off your entire order
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amber (00:00):
Welcome to On the Couch, the podcast where we keep it
honest, keep it fun and keep itall about our growth and mental
health and wellness.
I'm your fabulous host, amber D, and get ready to spill the tea
as we dive into all things mind, mood and motivation.
Grab your snacks, your favoritefuzzy socks, and let's be comfy
, because we're about to dishsome serious wisdom with a side
(00:20):
of sass, From navigating thechaos of adulting to decoding
the drama of our inner thoughts.
We're here to laugh, cry andmaybe even roll our eyes a
little because, let's be honest,life can be a hot mess
sometimes.
Join us for some unfilteredconversations, plenty of laughs
and maybe even a few aha momentsalong the way.
On the couch is where girlfriendchats become therapeutic and
(00:43):
we're all about keeping it realand keeping it fabulous.
Let's dive in.
Thank you so much, sarah, forjoining us.
We are so excited to have youand to continue on with our
series of On the Couch.
Right, because we thought itwas a great name, because kind
of that's when you the older wayyou used to think of therapy,
like sitting on someone's couchor laying on someone's couch and
(01:04):
talking.
So we thought that it was areally good name, um, to name
our podcast, but here, no, there.
Let people know who you are,what you do, how they can find
you thank you so much for havingme.
Sara (01:17):
When I saw like the invitation, I was like really
excited, um, because that's onething this year that I said I
wanted to be able to do more.
So I am Sarah and I am in theFlorida area, I practice in
Florida and I'm also licensed inthe state of Georgia and I have
been a licensed mental healthcounselor for over a decade now
(01:40):
in private.
Yeah, I'm going to look at it.
I'm oh no, how old am I?
And then, and then I'm like, ohokay, the math is mapping, it
just hasn't connected.
So, um, and in differentcapacities, different roles, but
my most rewarding role, I wouldsay, is being in private
practice, because of theautonomy and being able to work
(02:05):
without being stuck in a boxwith the clients that I do work
with.
And I work with women and Ihelp them, like, navigate the
complexities of trauma, anxietyand also the pressures of the
workplace.
So I would say, at the core ofmy work is my passion for the
(02:31):
well-being and mental health ofwomen, especially Black women,
and mothers in professionalspaces, as the founder of Sound
Mind Wellness.
My private practice, myapproach, I would say, is rooted
in empowerment, and when I sayempowerment I mean true
empowerment.
Amber (02:53):
That word I feel like it's so cliche right.
Sara (03:03):
You hear these, like I want to be able to, for you to
leave feeling empowered to dothe things that you never
thought you could do or you'vealways wanted to do, and being
empowered to be able to face thechallenges in life.
And also, I'm a true advocateof creating spaces and being
(03:25):
able to understand the need forhealing and growth for not just
all women but, you know, dear tomy heart, my black women.
Amber (03:37):
Yeah, I think that's awesome.
I mean, I feel like we hearthat a lot at BFT, and not only.
I do think that it is reallylike a buzzword right now,
talking about healing and traumaright, you hear those words,
you hear narcissistic all thetime.
Those are words you hear allthe time but truly like
identifying what trauma lookslike and how does healing look
(04:01):
for you Because it's on, that isdifferent for everyone and to
understand that the road isn'tlinear, right, it ebbs and flows
, you know.
So I think that's really reallygood and it's something that we
really really need more of.
And it kind of rolls into thequestion that we have.
We're talking about new year'sresolution.
You know, people start out thenew year like I'm going to do
(04:21):
this different, I'm going to dothat different, I'm going to,
I'm gonna do this different, I'mgonna do that different.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna addressthis trauma, I'm gonna get a
therapist, I'm gonna, um, justdo all the things right, and
then it might not happen or wefall off.
But let's start with that, likewhat is what is true?
What is considered a new year'sresolution?
Like what is a resolution?
Sara (04:41):
when you think about the definition of resolution, it's
really a promise or a commitmentyou make to yourself of saying
that you are going to fosterpositive change or do something
new as you enter the new year.
Amber (04:55):
Yeah.
So then if you make thispromise to yourself, right,
which is why these gyms are alllike yeah, yeah, come, come,
come.
Yeah, you want to lose thisweight, come on in here and we
know you're going to keep yourmoney because you're not going
to come we have that with thesenew year's resolutions, like is
that something that we shouldhave?
(05:16):
Like what a resolution?
Should you have a resolutionwhether it's a new year or not?
Like, let's just not even tieit around the new year.
Let's say, is it something thatyou should have for yourself?
Or, um, anytime you're tryingto reach a goal, should you have
, like a resolution?
Sara (05:33):
I think it is important to have resolutions, whether you
call it a resolution or you sayit's a goal, because some people
are really tied in the nuanceof the words and you know they
say, you know, I'm not gonna.
I don't have words and you knowthey say you know I'm not going
to, I don't have any resolutions, but you know I have these
goals that I want to set.
So it's healthy to set goals,but what's important is for us
(05:57):
to evaluate the current one.
So you're setting these newgoals, what about the ones that
you already set?
Have you completed them?
Or you know always say whatabout the ones that you already
said?
Have you completed them?
Or you know always say forgetabout this.
You know you got to reallyassess your current situation
and see okay, I have these newresolutions, but what about the
(06:17):
old ones?
Have they already beenaccomplished?
So I think it's reallyimportant to do that already
been accomplished.
Amber (06:25):
So I think it's really important to do that.
So if you're doing that andyou're kind of going back to
looking at the old goals and newgoals, should I not set new
goals until I reach the oldgoals that I have for myself?
Sara (06:37):
Not necessarily Because, as you are assessing whether or
not you have completed thosegoals, you may want to say
forget about them altogether andjust they're no longer
something that align with what'scurrently going on in your life
and you might say, ok, you knowwhat these new goals actually
(07:00):
are, what I need to be able toget where I want to get now in
this season of my life, becausewe have different seasons and as
we grow, we evolve to differentmindsets, different things,
different ideas, differentperspectives, because we learn
things every day.
We learn things about ourselves.
So, especially if you're inyour healing journey, you're
(07:20):
learning new things.
So those goals might have beenfor last season, but this season
they no longer apply and that'sokay.
So, if you have to say, forgetabout those goals and set new
ones, but you have to beintentional when you're doing
that, not just said it, justbecause, okay, you know what I
(07:41):
said, I was going to do this,but it didn't happen.
Okay, so now I'm going to trysomething else.
Okay, why are you tryingsomething else?
Did you try to see why thoseother goals did not work or you
did not accomplish them?
Did you try to find out?
Were there any barriers?
Because if you don't do that,then how are you going to be
(08:01):
able to accomplish the new ones?
Because you're entering it withthe same mindset that you had.
Amber (08:08):
That's really true, and that was going to be one of my
next questions is why is it sodifficult for us to keep set new
goals and keep them?
And I love that you just saidyou're kind of going in with the
same mindset and if you wantsome different results, you have
to do something different.
Sara (08:29):
Yes, yes, yes.
So I believe, like sticking toa resolution, it really requires
a clear and concrete plan.
You have to have a clearunderstanding what those goals
are.
Don't just set them because youknow everyone in your circle
are setting those goals orbecause somebody said you should
(08:50):
do it.
Do you even want to do it?
Is that something that youreally want to do?
Is that something that you havethe bandwidth or the capacity
to do at?
Is that something that youreally want to do?
Is that something that you havethe bandwidth or the capacity
to do at this time?
So you really got to have aclear understanding on why you
want, you know, to accomplishthose goals, why you want to set
them and also have an actionplan, because if you don't have
(09:11):
those things, not saying that itwill not happen because, hey,
you may be able to accomplishthem, but it's going to make it
even more difficult for you.
Amber (09:21):
Before we dive deeper in today's discussion, we want to
take a moment to thank oursponsor, solaray.
Since 1973, they've creatededucation supplements that helps
everyone everywhere livebrighter everywhere live
brighter.
Their 50-year legacy ofaward-winning innovation
continues today with more than700 science-backed, cutting-edge
products to support your healthand well-being.
(09:43):
They triple test for purity andpotency so that you can feel
confident about what you'reputting in your body.
Visit solaraycom to learn more.
Now let's get back to ourepisode.
Right, it made me think aboutthis.
Like, if it's something thatyou really want, and talking to
about myself, and even withfamily or friends or some
(10:05):
clients that I've had, like Ireally want to lose 10 pounds.
Like I really do, but I seem tonot.
Or I always find a way to notintentionally, but kind of set
myself back because reallyshouldn't have had that extra
donut, or, uh, I don't have aplan, or I thought I had a plan,
(10:30):
right, um, I thought I wasgoing to get up early and take
those extra 30 minutes to workout, but I'm staying up late
working and, man, it's reallyhard for me to wake up early to
get those extra 30 minutes.
Like what, if it's somethingthat you want or that you truly
think that you want, or you dowant, but you can't fall off the
(10:52):
bandwagon.
What is that about?
Is that so?
Does that mean it's somethingthat I'm not truly intentional
about, or is it something that Ithink that I want, but maybe
I'm not ready for it?
Sara (11:04):
it could be that too, because sometimes, like we have
certain goals, even like workingsometimes with clients, where
they have certain goals and I,we go back and like they're
frustrated with themselves andI'm frustrated with myself
because I'm like, okay, maybe.
I'm not doing my job, you know.
And then we go back and we lookat it.
You're looking, what were thebarriers that cause you to not
(11:28):
be able to see these thingsthrough?
And not only that okay, did youtry, should we try a different
approach?
So if you maybe this, this, youcan't.
Maybe you don't have time towork out in the morning right
now, maybe in the evening, andalso look into whether there's
(11:49):
some underlying factors that youmay not know that may be
affecting your health, that eventhough you're trying to lose
weight, but no matter how hardyou try, you can't.
So I also advise people to gosee a physician and like do your
blood work and see if there'sany you know deficiencies or any
health issues that may becausing you to not lose weight.
(12:13):
Maybe it's a thyroid issue,maybe it's, you know, whatever
it may be, because when you tryto rule out everything, then you
can say, okay, oh, I was tryingto lose weight and I see it's
not happening.
Then I'm getting frustrated,but now I understand why.
So then now, not only do youhave, if you do have a therapist
(12:34):
, you have a therapist in yourcorner, you know, to help you.
Now you have your physician inyour corner to help you and that
physician you can ask them.
Hey, can you refer me to anutritionist that can help me,
you know, join my team.
So now you can start bringingpeople on your team to help you.
Finally, you know, be able tobreak those barriers.
(12:57):
So I would say, don't give upon those resolutions.
We got to find out first.
Why are we not able toaccomplish them?
What are the barriers?
Amber (13:09):
This is really good.
I'm thinking about, like, ifyou said, like, let's I?
I decided I do want to lose 10pounds, right, and I'm gonna get
up an extra 30 minutes early,whatever.
Right, here we are already injanuary, past january, and I've
already hasn't, have not hitthat goal, not even one day out
(13:30):
of the whole month.
So I'm like, forget it, I don'teven want to do that anymore.
Like, what do I do now?
If I didn't I set something formyself, I couldn't reach that
goal.
Clearly, I couldn't show up formyself, or whatever.
I may be telling myself what doI do now?
Sara (13:51):
Because that's the goal that you had.
If that's what you really wantto do, do not give up on that,
because you don't have to beperfect.
It's perfectly normal to not beperfect.
So if it didn't happen, youknow, in January, we still have
February.
So we're looking at okay, ithas to be the specific day, it
(14:14):
has to be the specific timeline,because they say it's a new
year resolution, If I, you know,let it go into, like after the
first quarter, that's it.
Oh, forget it.
No, you got to look at itdifferently.
So always tell yourself like,every day that I wake up, this
is a new day for me to startover, for me to work on the
things that I need to work on,for me to keep working on the
things that I need to work on,for me to keep working on the
(14:37):
things that I need to work on.
And if I made a mistakeyesterday, you know what I'm
gonna work on that mistake.
Amber (14:45):
So is that something that you should bring to your
therapist, if you have one?
Sara (14:52):
um the challenge that you had with that absolutely,
absolutely, especially if it's atherapist that you had with
that Absolutely, absolutely,especially if it's a therapist
that you really align with andyou really feel comfortable with
and they've been helping youwith other things.
And that's the thing that somepeople like, who are not in the
field, like we know, noteverybody understands, we don't
(15:15):
understand everybody'sprofession and what they can do,
um, but yeah, you candefinitely, you know, have
include your therapist in yourcorner because they can help you
identify those barriers that wewere talking about that may be
holding you back, and they canhelp you create um, not only
like a treatment, but include awellness plan in there that
(15:36):
includes your goal, because youwant to look at your life in a
holistic way, because it's notjust okay, I have just these
goals, but okay, what othersystems are you connected to
that may be affecting thesegoals?
(16:00):
That's why I said it.
Really, it also may includeyour doctor, um, your physician,
your nutritionist, your youknow your fitness person,
whoever it is that you know, um,um, that may be part of um your
circle to be able to help you.
But, yeah, most definitely,bring it to your therapist and
say, listen, I have been tryingto accomplish these things and
it's not happening.
I'm frustrated with myself,like I no longer want to
(16:23):
continue being this way.
I want to finally be able tosee progress and be, you know,
be satisfied with myself and seethat I can do it.
Okay, let's, I want to find outwhy, and then that's when you
can come up with a plan.
Amber (16:37):
Let's see, let's try to identify the underlying root to
it all you want to find a rootIf I don't have a therapist,
right, cause there's some peopleout there that can't afford it
or just not ready to have atherapist yet.
But I do want to work on myself.
What are ready to have atherapist yet?
But I do want to work on myself.
(16:57):
What's one or two things thatyou can tell someone, if they
are.
If they did not make theresolution right, like I wasn't
in my head, I wasn't successful,because I agree with you.
You know I'm always trying totake the other side of the
audience, but I agree with you.
You know it doesn't have tohave a date, because even when
(17:17):
we're talking about resolutionsright, why did they have to
start January 1,?
Right?
We could have started December23rd and say, hey, we're going
to start today.
You know it doesn't have tohappen there, but and I get that
, that's a mindset mindset shift.
But let's say I didn't reach mygoal.
But I want to try again.
(17:38):
I want to start over.
I heard everything that yousaid.
Okay, I want to do thisdifferent.
What's one, two or three thingsthat I can do to try to help
myself stay on track this timearound?
Sara (17:46):
the first thing is understand the why behind your
resolution.
Number two like pull out awhether it's electronically or
paper version.
Like I like touching paper, youwrite down those resolutions
and it's important that you havea trusted accountability
partner that can help hold youaccountable, because sometimes
(18:09):
when we keep our goals toourselves, we hear okay, move in
silence.
Yeah, you can move in silencewith certain people, but in your
trusted circle you don't haveto move in silence.
And if you have to move insilence in your trusted circle,
we may have to reevaluate thatcircle like, why am I moving in
silence without you when you'remy trusted, you know person?
(18:30):
so really, um you know, findsomebody who can you know you
trust, who can help hold youaccountable, and start there
because you're right.
Um, not everybody um can go totherapy, whether it's five
dollars or five, four, not notfive hundred dollars.
But you know, no matter whatthe um you don't know, you know
(18:51):
people's um current situation sodefinitely, and also there are
some therapists out there whohave workshops that are um
affordable on different topics.
Look for that, um.
I think starting there wouldhelp that's's a good start.
Amber (19:11):
Are there any like book recommendations or, like you
said, workshops that someone mayhave held, or do you have
something like is theresomething that I can read?
Is it something that I can do,or join or attend support group,
or something that me and otherwomen are also going through the
(19:33):
same thing and I want to talkto my peers and we bounce it off
.
Do you have any recommendations, um, about anything like that
that someone can join?
Sara (19:42):
so you say that and I laugh to myself, not because
it's funny, but you know life,when you think about the plan
you're like, oh, life could befunny.
That's something that I've beenthinking that I need to work on
this year, that I have part ofthe different.
You know the goals that I haveto be able to offer.
(20:02):
You know different workshops ondifferent topics, that for
those who cannot, um, go totherapy for different reasons,
you know for different reasons,but one book, I would say
actually three books.
One of them, um, her name isescaping me, but if you look at,
(20:26):
why am I like this?
Um, it's a black femaletherapist and I apologize for
not having your name from thetop of my head, um, but, um, I
really respect her work, um.
Another one is, um sisterhoodhill, because that ties into
(20:46):
relationships, by Dr Joy Harden,bradford.
And the third one would be theColor of Emotional Intelligence,
because you want to understandthat and increase your EQ,
because that's a part of thatlearning how to regulate
yourself, manage yourrelationship, manage yourself
and understanding yourself, byFala Harris.
Amber (21:07):
Why Am I Like?
This is by Colby Campbell,sorry.
Sara (21:10):
Yes, colby, my apologies for not having your name at the
top of my head, but I reallyrespect her and I respect her
work.
I really do.
Amber (21:20):
Those are three really really good books.
I love that.
So I mean I think this is areally good start for people to
kind of listen, to understandthat you shouldn't beat yourself
up about whatever you know,whatever goal you have set.
And if you thought you weregoing to do it in 30 days, and
it doesn't take 30 days, ittakes 90 days or it may just
take you to reset all over again, that's OK.
(21:43):
It's OK for us to reset becauseit's life right.
We're always starting somethingand starting something new or
trying to get somewhere, sototally understandable.
So I think this is a reallygood start for people to hear
this and then kind of startbeing able to put some things
into place.
Do you offer these things forwomen?
(22:04):
Do you have any availabilitywhere people can come to you if
they want to chat with you about, um, setting up a plan, some
type of plan or goal about whatI want to do for myself or for
my and we're not even gonna sayresolution.
We're gonna say these are justgoals that I have for myself.
That's something that you offerfor for, uh, people and not
just women.
(22:25):
But I know women is yourspecialty.
Sara (22:26):
But no, I really do, I really do.
Even I've been known to be theone even like we meet each other
and then we just start talkingabout your goals, like you're
just in this setting, like whichway see yourself in two years?
Okay, and it just ends up andthen I love to see once I've had
a conversation with someone,even if it's a year from now and
(22:49):
they haven't connected with meagain, but I see them doing the
things that we talked about.
Well, that's how I make me feelso good inside.
It's just very rewarding.
So, yes, it is something that Ido offer.
I do offer it, I include it, Iintegrate it in my therapy
sessions.
(23:10):
I just do because, justnaturally, I just love doing
that.
I love to see results.
I'm very goal-oriented andresult-driven kind of person and
I just actually added it as aservice in my practice earlier
(23:33):
this year, where I said you knowwhat?
Not everybody are in a seasonwhere they need therapy.
Yes, therapy is important.
I will always advocate for it,but I know that not everybody is
always in the season where theydo need therapy.
So if that's the case, it maybe that they want to work on
their goals, and that'ssomething that I decided to add
(23:56):
as a service.
Amber (23:58):
I love that.
I think that I agree and Iwanted to piggyback off what you
said, like when you see yourclients succeed with something
or actually implementingsomething, the gratification
that you get to see someone elselike you did it.
It's so awesome, yeah, I lovethat yes it is Well remind
people who you are, how they canfind you, what you do, what's
(24:22):
your website.
Give them all the good stuff,tell them all about you.
Sara (24:26):
So I am Shana Elise.
I am a licensed mental healthcounselor and I am, in private
practice, the owner of SoundMind Wellness.
You can find me at on thewebsite, wwwsoundmindwellnesscom
, and on Instagram at Sound MindWellness, and also on LinkedIn
(24:48):
under my name Sia Elise.
Amber (24:50):
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
We really appreciate it and wewill chat with you soon.
Thank you.
Sara (24:56):
Thank you, it was my pleasure.
Welcome to On the Couch, the podcast where we keep it
honest, keep it fun and keep itall about our growth and mental
health and wellness.
I'm your fabulous host, amber D, and get ready to spill the tea
as we dive into all things mind, mood and motivation.
Grab your snacks, your favoritefuzzy socks, and let's be comfy
, because we're about to dishsome serious wisdom with a side
(00:20):
of sass, From navigating thechaos of adulting to decoding
the drama of our inner thoughts.
We're here to laugh, cry andmaybe even roll our eyes a
little because, let's be honest,life can be a hot mess
sometimes.
Join us for some unfilteredconversations, plenty of laughs
and maybe even a few aha momentsalong the way.
On the couch is where girlfriendchats become therapeutic and
(00:43):
we're all about keeping it realand keeping it fabulous.
Let's dive in.
Thank you so much, sarah, forjoining us.
We are so excited to have youand to continue on with our
series of On the Couch.
Right, because we thought itwas a great name, because kind
of that's when you the older wayyou used to think of therapy,
like sitting on someone's couchor laying on someone's couch and
(01:04):
talking.
So we thought that it was areally good name, um, to name
our podcast, but here, no, there.
Let people know who you are,what you do, how they can find
you thank you so much for havingme.
Sara (01:17):
When I saw like the invitation, I was like really
excited, um, because that's onething this year that I said I
wanted to be able to do more.
So I am Sarah and I am in theFlorida area, I practice in
Florida and I'm also licensed inthe state of Georgia and I have
been a licensed mental healthcounselor for over a decade now
(01:40):
in private.
Yeah, I'm going to look at it.
I'm oh no, how old am I?
And then, and then I'm like, ohokay, the math is mapping, it
just hasn't connected.
So, um, and in differentcapacities, different roles, but
my most rewarding role, I wouldsay, is being in private
practice, because of theautonomy and being able to work
(02:05):
without being stuck in a boxwith the clients that I do work
with.
And I work with women and Ihelp them, like, navigate the
complexities of trauma, anxietyand also the pressures of the
workplace.
So I would say, at the core ofmy work is my passion for the
(02:31):
well-being and mental health ofwomen, especially Black women,
and mothers in professionalspaces, as the founder of Sound
Mind Wellness.
My private practice, myapproach, I would say, is rooted
in empowerment, and when I sayempowerment I mean true
empowerment.
Amber (02:53):
That word I feel like it's so cliche right.
Sara (03:03):
You hear these, like I want to be able to, for you to
leave feeling empowered to dothe things that you never
thought you could do or you'vealways wanted to do, and being
empowered to be able to face thechallenges in life.
And also, I'm a true advocateof creating spaces and being
(03:25):
able to understand the need forhealing and growth for not just
all women but, you know, dear tomy heart, my black women.
Amber (03:37):
Yeah, I think that's awesome.
I mean, I feel like we hearthat a lot at BFT, and not only.
I do think that it is reallylike a buzzword right now,
talking about healing and traumaright, you hear those words,
you hear narcissistic all thetime.
Those are words you hear allthe time but truly like
identifying what trauma lookslike and how does healing look
(04:01):
for you Because it's on, that isdifferent for everyone and to
understand that the road isn'tlinear, right, it ebbs and flows
, you know.
So I think that's really reallygood and it's something that we
really really need more of.
And it kind of rolls into thequestion that we have.
We're talking about new year'sresolution.
You know, people start out thenew year like I'm going to do
(04:21):
this different, I'm going to dothat different, I'm going to,
I'm gonna do this different, I'mgonna do that different.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna addressthis trauma, I'm gonna get a
therapist, I'm gonna, um, justdo all the things right, and
then it might not happen or wefall off.
But let's start with that, likewhat is what is true?
What is considered a new year'sresolution?
Like what is a resolution?
Sara (04:41):
when you think about the definition of resolution, it's
really a promise or a commitmentyou make to yourself of saying
that you are going to fosterpositive change or do something
new as you enter the new year.
Amber (04:55):
Yeah.
So then if you make thispromise to yourself, right,
which is why these gyms are alllike yeah, yeah, come, come,
come.
Yeah, you want to lose thisweight, come on in here and we
know you're going to keep yourmoney because you're not going
to come we have that with thesenew year's resolutions, like is
that something that we shouldhave?
(05:16):
Like what a resolution?
Should you have a resolutionwhether it's a new year or not?
Like, let's just not even tieit around the new year.
Let's say, is it something thatyou should have for yourself?
Or, um, anytime you're tryingto reach a goal, should you have
, like a resolution?
Sara (05:33):
I think it is important to have resolutions, whether you
call it a resolution or you sayit's a goal, because some people
are really tied in the nuanceof the words and you know they
say, you know, I'm not gonna.
I don't have words and you knowthey say you know I'm not going
to, I don't have any resolutions, but you know I have these
goals that I want to set.
So it's healthy to set goals,but what's important is for us
(05:57):
to evaluate the current one.
So you're setting these newgoals, what about the ones that
you already set?
Have you completed them?
Or you know always say whatabout the ones that you already
said?
Have you completed them?
Or you know always say forgetabout this.
You know you got to reallyassess your current situation
and see okay, I have these newresolutions, but what about the
(06:17):
old ones?
Have they already beenaccomplished?
So I think it's reallyimportant to do that already
been accomplished.
Amber (06:25):
So I think it's really important to do that.
So if you're doing that andyou're kind of going back to
looking at the old goals and newgoals, should I not set new
goals until I reach the oldgoals that I have for myself?
Sara (06:37):
Not necessarily Because, as you are assessing whether or
not you have completed thosegoals, you may want to say
forget about them altogether andjust they're no longer
something that align with what'scurrently going on in your life
and you might say, ok, you knowwhat these new goals actually
(07:00):
are, what I need to be able toget where I want to get now in
this season of my life, becausewe have different seasons and as
we grow, we evolve to differentmindsets, different things,
different ideas, differentperspectives, because we learn
things every day.
We learn things about ourselves.
So, especially if you're inyour healing journey, you're
(07:20):
learning new things.
So those goals might have beenfor last season, but this season
they no longer apply and that'sokay.
So, if you have to say, forgetabout those goals and set new
ones, but you have to beintentional when you're doing
that, not just said it, justbecause, okay, you know what I
(07:41):
said, I was going to do this,but it didn't happen.
Okay, so now I'm going to trysomething else.
Okay, why are you tryingsomething else?
Did you try to see why thoseother goals did not work or you
did not accomplish them?
Did you try to find out?
Were there any barriers?
Because if you don't do that,then how are you going to be
(08:01):
able to accomplish the new ones?
Because you're entering it withthe same mindset that you had.
Amber (08:08):
That's really true, and that was going to be one of my
next questions is why is it sodifficult for us to keep set new
goals and keep them?
And I love that you just saidyou're kind of going in with the
same mindset and if you wantsome different results, you have
to do something different.
Sara (08:29):
Yes, yes, yes.
So I believe, like sticking toa resolution, it really requires
a clear and concrete plan.
You have to have a clearunderstanding what those goals
are.
Don't just set them because youknow everyone in your circle
are setting those goals orbecause somebody said you should
(08:50):
do it.
Do you even want to do it?
Is that something that youreally want to do?
Is that something that you havethe bandwidth or the capacity
to do at?
Is that something that youreally want to do?
Is that something that you havethe bandwidth or the capacity
to do at this time?
So you really got to have aclear understanding on why you
want, you know, to accomplishthose goals, why you want to set
them and also have an actionplan, because if you don't have
(09:11):
those things, not saying that itwill not happen because, hey,
you may be able to accomplishthem, but it's going to make it
even more difficult for you.
Amber (09:21):
Before we dive deeper in today's discussion, we want to
take a moment to thank oursponsor, solaray.
Since 1973, they've creatededucation supplements that helps
everyone everywhere livebrighter everywhere live
brighter.
Their 50-year legacy ofaward-winning innovation
continues today with more than700 science-backed, cutting-edge
products to support your healthand well-being.
(09:43):
They triple test for purity andpotency so that you can feel
confident about what you'reputting in your body.
Visit solaraycom to learn more.
Now let's get back to ourepisode.
Right, it made me think aboutthis.
Like, if it's something thatyou really want, and talking to
about myself, and even withfamily or friends or some
(10:05):
clients that I've had, like Ireally want to lose 10 pounds.
Like I really do, but I seem tonot.
Or I always find a way to notintentionally, but kind of set
myself back because reallyshouldn't have had that extra
donut, or, uh, I don't have aplan, or I thought I had a plan,
(10:30):
right, um, I thought I wasgoing to get up early and take
those extra 30 minutes to workout, but I'm staying up late
working and, man, it's reallyhard for me to wake up early to
get those extra 30 minutes.
Like what, if it's somethingthat you want or that you truly
think that you want, or you dowant, but you can't fall off the
(10:52):
bandwagon.
What is that about?
Is that so?
Does that mean it's somethingthat I'm not truly intentional
about, or is it something that Ithink that I want, but maybe
I'm not ready for it?
Sara (11:04):
it could be that too, because sometimes, like we have
certain goals, even like workingsometimes with clients, where
they have certain goals and I,we go back and like they're
frustrated with themselves andI'm frustrated with myself
because I'm like, okay, maybe.
I'm not doing my job, you know.
And then we go back and we lookat it.
You're looking, what were thebarriers that cause you to not
(11:28):
be able to see these thingsthrough?
And not only that okay, did youtry, should we try a different
approach?
So if you maybe this, this, youcan't.
Maybe you don't have time towork out in the morning right
now, maybe in the evening, andalso look into whether there's
(11:49):
some underlying factors that youmay not know that may be
affecting your health, that eventhough you're trying to lose
weight, but no matter how hardyou try, you can't.
So I also advise people to gosee a physician and like do your
blood work and see if there'sany you know deficiencies or any
health issues that may becausing you to not lose weight.
(12:13):
Maybe it's a thyroid issue,maybe it's, you know, whatever
it may be, because when you tryto rule out everything, then you
can say, okay, oh, I was tryingto lose weight and I see it's
not happening.
Then I'm getting frustrated,but now I understand why.
So then now, not only do youhave, if you do have a therapist
(12:34):
, you have a therapist in yourcorner, you know, to help you.
Now you have your physician inyour corner to help you and that
physician you can ask them.
Hey, can you refer me to anutritionist that can help me,
you know, join my team.
So now you can start bringingpeople on your team to help you.
Finally, you know, be able tobreak those barriers.
(12:57):
So I would say, don't give upon those resolutions.
We got to find out first.
Why are we not able toaccomplish them?
What are the barriers?
Amber (13:09):
This is really good.
I'm thinking about, like, ifyou said, like, let's I?
I decided I do want to lose 10pounds, right, and I'm gonna get
up an extra 30 minutes early,whatever.
Right, here we are already injanuary, past january, and I've
already hasn't, have not hitthat goal, not even one day out
(13:30):
of the whole month.
So I'm like, forget it, I don'teven want to do that anymore.
Like, what do I do now?
If I didn't I set something formyself, I couldn't reach that
goal.
Clearly, I couldn't show up formyself, or whatever.
I may be telling myself what doI do now?
Sara (13:51):
Because that's the goal that you had.
If that's what you really wantto do, do not give up on that,
because you don't have to beperfect.
It's perfectly normal to not beperfect.
So if it didn't happen, youknow, in January, we still have
February.
So we're looking at okay, ithas to be the specific day, it
(14:14):
has to be the specific timeline,because they say it's a new
year resolution, If I, you know,let it go into, like after the
first quarter, that's it.
Oh, forget it.
No, you got to look at itdifferently.
So always tell yourself like,every day that I wake up, this
is a new day for me to startover, for me to work on the
things that I need to work on,for me to keep working on the
things that I need to work on,for me to keep working on the
(14:37):
things that I need to work on.
And if I made a mistakeyesterday, you know what I'm
gonna work on that mistake.
Amber (14:45):
So is that something that you should bring to your
therapist, if you have one?
Sara (14:52):
um the challenge that you had with that absolutely,
absolutely, especially if it's atherapist that you had with
that Absolutely, absolutely,especially if it's a therapist
that you really align with andyou really feel comfortable with
and they've been helping youwith other things.
And that's the thing that somepeople like, who are not in the
field, like we know, noteverybody understands, we don't
(15:15):
understand everybody'sprofession and what they can do,
um, but yeah, you candefinitely, you know, have
include your therapist in yourcorner because they can help you
identify those barriers that wewere talking about that may be
holding you back, and they canhelp you create um, not only
like a treatment, but include awellness plan in there that
(15:36):
includes your goal, because youwant to look at your life in a
holistic way, because it's notjust okay, I have just these
goals, but okay, what othersystems are you connected to
that may be affecting thesegoals?
(16:00):
That's why I said it.
Really, it also may includeyour doctor, um, your physician,
your nutritionist, your youknow your fitness person,
whoever it is that you know, um,um, that may be part of um your
circle to be able to help you.
But, yeah, most definitely,bring it to your therapist and
say, listen, I have been tryingto accomplish these things and
it's not happening.
I'm frustrated with myself,like I no longer want to
(16:23):
continue being this way.
I want to finally be able tosee progress and be, you know,
be satisfied with myself and seethat I can do it.
Okay, let's, I want to find outwhy, and then that's when you
can come up with a plan.
Amber (16:37):
Let's see, let's try to identify the underlying root to
it all you want to find a rootIf I don't have a therapist,
right, cause there's some peopleout there that can't afford it
or just not ready to have atherapist yet.
But I do want to work on myself.
What are ready to have atherapist yet?
But I do want to work on myself.
(16:57):
What's one or two things thatyou can tell someone, if they
are.
If they did not make theresolution right, like I wasn't
in my head, I wasn't successful,because I agree with you.
You know I'm always trying totake the other side of the
audience, but I agree with you.
You know it doesn't have tohave a date, because even when
(17:17):
we're talking about resolutionsright, why did they have to
start January 1,?
Right?
We could have started December23rd and say, hey, we're going
to start today.
You know it doesn't have tohappen there, but and I get that
, that's a mindset mindset shift.
But let's say I didn't reach mygoal.
But I want to try again.
(17:38):
I want to start over.
I heard everything that yousaid.
Okay, I want to do thisdifferent.
What's one, two or three thingsthat I can do to try to help
myself stay on track this timearound?
Sara (17:46):
the first thing is understand the why behind your
resolution.
Number two like pull out awhether it's electronically or
paper version.
Like I like touching paper, youwrite down those resolutions
and it's important that you havea trusted accountability
partner that can help hold youaccountable, because sometimes
(18:09):
when we keep our goals toourselves, we hear okay, move in
silence.
Yeah, you can move in silencewith certain people, but in your
trusted circle you don't haveto move in silence.
And if you have to move insilence in your trusted circle,
we may have to reevaluate thatcircle like, why am I moving in
silence without you when you'remy trusted, you know person?
(18:30):
so really, um you know, findsomebody who can you know you
trust, who can help hold youaccountable, and start there
because you're right.
Um, not everybody um can go totherapy, whether it's five
dollars or five, four, not notfive hundred dollars.
But you know, no matter whatthe um you don't know, you know
(18:51):
people's um current situation sodefinitely, and also there are
some therapists out there whohave workshops that are um
affordable on different topics.
Look for that, um.
I think starting there wouldhelp that's's a good start.
Amber (19:11):
Are there any like book recommendations or, like you
said, workshops that someone mayhave held, or do you have
something like is theresomething that I can read?
Is it something that I can do,or join or attend support group,
or something that me and otherwomen are also going through the
(19:33):
same thing and I want to talkto my peers and we bounce it off
.
Do you have any recommendations, um, about anything like that
that someone can join?
Sara (19:42):
so you say that and I laugh to myself, not because
it's funny, but you know life,when you think about the plan
you're like, oh, life could befunny.
That's something that I've beenthinking that I need to work on
this year, that I have part ofthe different.
You know the goals that I haveto be able to offer.
(20:02):
You know different workshops ondifferent topics, that for
those who cannot, um, go totherapy for different reasons,
you know for different reasons,but one book, I would say
actually three books.
One of them, um, her name isescaping me, but if you look at,
(20:26):
why am I like this?
Um, it's a black femaletherapist and I apologize for
not having your name from thetop of my head, um, but, um, I
really respect her work, um.
Another one is, um sisterhoodhill, because that ties into
(20:46):
relationships, by Dr Joy Harden,bradford.
And the third one would be theColor of Emotional Intelligence,
because you want to understandthat and increase your EQ,
because that's a part of thatlearning how to regulate
yourself, manage yourrelationship, manage yourself
and understanding yourself, byFala Harris.
Amber (21:07):
Why Am I Like?
This is by Colby Campbell,sorry.
Sara (21:10):
Yes, colby, my apologies for not having your name at the
top of my head, but I reallyrespect her and I respect her
work.
I really do.
Amber (21:20):
Those are three really really good books.
I love that.
So I mean I think this is areally good start for people to
kind of listen, to understandthat you shouldn't beat yourself
up about whatever you know,whatever goal you have set.
And if you thought you weregoing to do it in 30 days, and
it doesn't take 30 days, ittakes 90 days or it may just
take you to reset all over again, that's OK.
(21:43):
It's OK for us to reset becauseit's life right.
We're always starting somethingand starting something new or
trying to get somewhere, sototally understandable.
So I think this is a reallygood start for people to hear
this and then kind of startbeing able to put some things
into place.
Do you offer these things forwomen?
(22:04):
Do you have any availabilitywhere people can come to you if
they want to chat with you about, um, setting up a plan, some
type of plan or goal about whatI want to do for myself or for
my and we're not even gonna sayresolution.
We're gonna say these are justgoals that I have for myself.
That's something that you offerfor for, uh, people and not
just women.
(22:25):
But I know women is yourspecialty.
Sara (22:26):
But no, I really do, I really do.
Even I've been known to be theone even like we meet each other
and then we just start talkingabout your goals, like you're
just in this setting, like whichway see yourself in two years?
Okay, and it just ends up andthen I love to see once I've had
a conversation with someone,even if it's a year from now and
(22:49):
they haven't connected with meagain, but I see them doing the
things that we talked about.
Well, that's how I make me feelso good inside.
It's just very rewarding.
So, yes, it is something that Ido offer.
I do offer it, I include it, Iintegrate it in my therapy
sessions.
(23:10):
I just do because, justnaturally, I just love doing
that.
I love to see results.
I'm very goal-oriented andresult-driven kind of person and
I just actually added it as aservice in my practice earlier
(23:33):
this year, where I said you knowwhat?
Not everybody are in a seasonwhere they need therapy.
Yes, therapy is important.
I will always advocate for it,but I know that not everybody is
always in the season where theydo need therapy.
So if that's the case, it maybe that they want to work on
their goals, and that'ssomething that I decided to add
(23:56):
as a service.
Amber (23:58):
I love that.
I think that I agree and Iwanted to piggyback off what you
said, like when you see yourclients succeed with something
or actually implementingsomething, the gratification
that you get to see someone elselike you did it.
It's so awesome, yeah, I lovethat yes it is Well remind
people who you are, how they canfind you, what you do, what's
(24:22):
your website.
Give them all the good stuff,tell them all about you.
Sara (24:26):
So I am Shana Elise.
I am a licensed mental healthcounselor and I am, in private
practice, the owner of SoundMind Wellness.
You can find me at on thewebsite, wwwsoundmindwellnesscom
, and on Instagram at Sound MindWellness, and also on LinkedIn
(24:48):
under my name Sia Elise.
Amber (24:50):
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
We really appreciate it and wewill chat with you soon.
Thank you.
Sara (24:56):
Thank you, it was my pleasure.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.