217. When Is It okay for kids to lie?

When Is It Okay for Kids to Lie? A Parent's Guide to Honesty, Friendship, and Boundaries

As parents, we tell our kids to be honest. Then one day they use us as the excuse to get out of plans with friends.

So what happens when honesty feels harder than a harmless excuse?

In this episode of Parents of the Year, Andrew and Dr. Caroline tackle a surprisingly complicated parenting question: Is it ever okay to teach kids to lie?

The conversation starts with a teenage daughter blaming "strict mom" to avoid a social outing and quickly turns into a bigger discussion about friendships, people-pleasing, social pressure, and why some kids feel the need to avoid telling the truth.

Andrew and Dr. Caroline share personal stories, parenting mistakes, and real-life examples while exploring:

• The difference between protecting yourself and protecting someone else's feelings
• How parents unintentionally model social avoidance
• When "little white lies" become a warning sign
• Helping teens recognize friendships that leave them feeling exhausted
• Teaching children how to identify healthy relationships
• Why honesty isn't always as simple as it sounds

If you've ever wondered whether your child is avoiding conflict, struggling with friendships, or having trouble setting boundaries, this episode offers practical conversations you can start today.

Listen now and discover how teaching honesty sometimes starts with helping kids understand themselves first.

Homework Ideas

Activity 1: Friendship Energy Audit

Draw a circle with lines extending outward like a wheel.

For each friend, rate them from 0-10 on:

• Trust
• Fun
• Kindness
• Reliability
• Shared Interests
• Feeling Accepted
• Feeling Drained After Spending Time Together

Discuss:

• Which friendships score highest?
• Which friendships leave you exhausted?
• Which friendships make you excited to make plans?

Activity 2: The "Why Am I Avoiding This?" Conversation

If your child wants to cancel plans:

Ask:

• What are you hoping to avoid?
• What are you worried might happen?
• Do you usually enjoy time with this person?
• Is this about being tired or about the relationship itself?

Activity 3: Honesty vs Kindness Scenarios

Review situations together:

• A friend gets a haircut you dislike.
• Someone invites you somewhere you don't want to go.
• A friend asks for your opinion on something you dislike.

Discuss:

• What is truthful?
• What is kind?
• Can both exist at the same time?

Activity 4: Relationship Non-Negotiables List

Ask your teen to identify:

• 5 qualities they want in close friends.
• 3 behaviours they won't accept.

Examples:

• Respect
• Loyalty
• Trustworthiness
• Inclusion
• Accountability

Activity 5: Spot the Pattern

Track social activities for two weeks.

After each outing, rate:

• Excitement before (1-10)
• Enjoyment during (1-10)
• Mood after (1-10)

Review patterns together.

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