226. Are Your Expectations Getting in Your Child's Way?

You want your child to be happy, successful and confident. But when does wanting the best for them quietly turn into deciding what their life should look like?

In this episode of Parents of the Year, Andrew and Dr. Caroline get personal as one of their daughters prepares to move out. That milestone sparks a bigger conversation about the goals parents carry for their children and how easily our own experiences, missed opportunities and expectations can shape them.

They talk about raising curious lifelong learners, letting kids choose their own path, modelling rather than pushing, building confidence through new experiences, and why frustration and disappointment have an important place in growing up.

Caroline also offers a simple exercise: write down the goals you have for your child, ask why each one matters, who it is really for, and whether it supports growth.

Your child doesn't need to become the person you pictured. Your job is to give them opportunities to discover who they can become.

Parent Homework Ideas

This is the clearest actionable exercise from the episode. Dr. Caroline tells listeners to write down their goals, ask why they hold each one, determine who benefits and consider whether the goal focuses on growth.

Write Down Your Goals

Without editing yourself, finish:

"I want my child to…"

Examples might include:

• Go to university
• Have good friends
• Be confident
• Get good grades
• Exercise
• Find a partner
• Have children
• Be financially successful
• Be happy

Ask "Why?"

Beside every goal, write:

Why does this matter to me?

Then go one layer deeper:

Is this connected to something I wanted, missed, struggled with or valued in my own life?

Dr. Caroline points directly to this distinction: wanting university because you didn't attend, athletics because you had an unrealized athletic dream, or confidence because you lacked it yourself.

Ask "Who Is This For?"

Mark each goal:

Mostly for my child / Mostly for me / Both

Pay particular attention to goals that affect how you believe your child's choices reflect on you.

Turn Outcomes Into Growth

Change goals you cannot control into opportunities for development.

Instead of:

"I want my child to always be happy."

Try:

"I want my child to recognize moments of happiness and develop the skills to cope with difficult emotions."

Dr. Caroline makes this distinction in the episode, explaining that children need the full range of emotions and the ability to recognize, manage and move through them.

Choose One Opportunity for Exposure

Give your child an opportunity to experience something without requiring them to love it.

That could be cooking, skating, volunteering, hiking, music, sport, art, reading, travel or another family interest.

Parent rule: expose, invite and model. Don't make your child's enthusiasm the measure of success.

Andrew and Dr. Caroline describe this with fitness and golf: their daughters were exposed to these activities without being pushed, then returned to some of them later for motivations of their own.

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