February 13, 2024 • 32 mins
Every year, as February's chill begins to thaw for Ellen in California and Tish in South Carolina, we are reminded of the warmth found in the company of good friends—especially during Galentine's Day on February 13th which is a day to celebrate the remarkable women who make our midlife a little brighter.
This episode wraps you in the comfort, much like Tish's latest obsession, a snug white fleece blanket ideal for cool spring nights. And Ellen chats about her obsession - the laugh-out-loud moments provided by an adult coloring book that melts stress away, and give a shout-out to friends like Ellen, whose thoughtful acts are rays of sunshine on a cloudy day.
For Galentines Day, Ellen shares her top pick books on friendship which include the deep friendship narratives of "Firefly Lane" and "The Villa," a book set in the 70s in an European villa, two books that perfectly encapsulate the journey of female friendships across the tapestry of time.
Come along as we share on our own Galentine's traditions (or future plans), whether it's a simple text or a festive bash, and uncover the secrets behind Laura Pauli's legendary Phenomenal Woman parties. And for Tish, it's about celebrating the 'too much woman' in all of us, and cherishing our girl tribes in every creative way we can muster—so set your finest plates, choose a moving poem, and let's feast on the joys of camaraderie and support.
Obesessions:
Tish: Fleece blanket
Ellen: Coloring Book Live Laugh and Fuck off.
Great reads on friendship:
Firefly Lane
The Villa
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife Podcast.
Today's episode is all aboutcelebrating those wonderful
women in our lives and, yes,tish, we are talking about
Gallentine's Day today.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
You know, it just seems like we had New Year's and
I can't believe it's alreadyGallentine's Day.
Ellen, how did that happen?
It's like poof, it's here.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I don't know.
I think we this time of yearjust I think, goes from New
Year's until it's almost April.
But for those of you that mightnot be familiar with
Gallentine's Day, it'scelebrated on February 13th, the
day before Valentine's Day, andit is a day dedicated to
showering all your friends withlove and appreciation, and it's
(00:49):
really, to me, about women,supporting women.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You know, I thought we could take today Gallentine's
Day and really dive into how tocelebrate this fabulous day
right, share some of ourfavorite Gallentine traditions
or ideas, and we've even gottensome, you know, heartwarming
stories from our listeners abouttheir Gallentine's Day
(01:16):
celebrations.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Excellent.
But before we jump into thisweek's episode and all the
things fun and fabulous aboutGallentine's Day, let's get to
my favorite part of the showTish our obsessions.
What do you have for me thisweek?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
You know, every once in a while I just like
freshening up my bedding,whether it's a new comforter or
new blanket or whatever.
And here's the thing, though,like I need one right now.
So I have found the mostamazing white fleece blanket
right.
It's going to be, you know,kind of bright in the room up
because, you know heading intospring, but it's still cold out,
(01:54):
so I wanted something that wasstill warm.
So this fleece blanket is justfabulous for that bright,
springy look, but still bringthat warmth for those cool
nights.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Wow, that is a really great idea and I agree with you
white things feel so fresh andso springy, and it's true, where
you are in South Carolina it isstarting to get a little warm
right.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
A little springy.
It is starting.
It is starting not quite fastenough for my like, but it is
starting, and I seem to have todo my bedding more often because
my fur baby shares my bed.
So I need new bedding probablymore often, like a couple times
(02:41):
a year, wow.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, it sounds great .
We'll definitely have a link toit in our show notes.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Okay, well, what about you, Ellen?
What is your obsession thisweek?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, my obsession this week was sent to me by a
friend and it wasn't a gallonkinds gift but it was a pick me
up.
You know, I had like four orfive things happen in a row last
week and my friend Ellen sentme a coloring book, an adult
coloring book.
(03:15):
I'm showing this because it'scalled Fuck Off, I'm Still
Coloring.
Every page has a swear word onit in this one and it is to
de-stress.
And she also sent with itbecause she knows I'm not super
crafty this fabulous array ofmarkers and I just thought this
(03:39):
was the best pick me up ever.
I have started coloring and youknow you do de-stress right
away and these are so fun and sosilly.
So my obsession this week isthis Fuck Off coloring book from
my good friend Ellen.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know anything, we can figure out how to de-stress
.
But I have to say Ellen is, sheis just one of those friends
that is always there with thecard.
I know when I was sick she hadsent me flowers, she sent me bee
earrings because she knows Ilove the bees.
(04:17):
She's just one of those superthoughtful friends with the card
, with the little gift, with the, you know, and it just makes
you feel great.
So big shout out to Ellen, whois just we're going to name her
the number one Galentine of thisyear.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I think we are.
I think we are, so we'll have alink to both of those, and
there are many other funny,funny adult coloring books that
we can link to as well.
All right, so let's jump in andstart chit-chatting about
Galentine's Day.
Let's talk about how it started.
It was actually popularized ina 2010 episode of the TV show
(04:58):
Parks and Recreation, where thecharacter Leslie, played by Amy
Poehler, throws her annualGalentine's Day party for her
female friends.
Now, I didn't watch that show,tish, did you, did you?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
watch Parks and Rec.
You know, I did not, and untilwe decided to do this episode I
didn't even know whereGalentine's Day came from.
So it was really kind of coolto hear where it came from and
it really just shows the powerof like pop culture in creating
new traditions like Galentine'sDay.
So now it's not only celebratednationwide here in the US but
(05:35):
it's even celebrated globally bywomen of all ages.
But this really goes to showthe power of friendship, you
know, especially for us atMidlife, but that we just we
just latched onto this holidaybecause it resonated with that.
We need to appreciate our galpals.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
You are so right, tish, and that is something I
know we talk about so much onthe podcast.
You can have one great friend,or you could have 50, but at
Midlife, friends or friends areimportant.
So I want to be clear, thoughthe type of Galentine's we're
talking about here on ourpodcast today isn't to play Kate
, single women who are bummedabout Valentine's Day.
(06:20):
We're here to talk about takingthat day to celebrate all of
your friends married friends,single friends, divorce friends,
friends in relationships,friends in situationships right,
and appreciate all of them.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know, when we even like on our podcast.
You know our theme is aboutempowering women and supporting
women and stuff like that.
And even our like recent guests, holly, when she did the hope
with Holly episode, we talkedabout that great golden girls
life.
You know, if we can't find ourromantic relationship that we're
(06:58):
gonna have later in life.
You know we can always dependon our gale friends to maybe
have one of those golden girlswhen we all live together kind
of situation and as a collegefriends we've talked about this
too who's gonna end up livingtogether at midlife?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh, that's right or beyond, and you know exactly
tish, I think really beingempowered to say a golden girls
lifestyle here Is a good thing.
But you know I want to sharethat I read an article in
psychology today because you andI love Doing our research about
the power of midlifefriendships and they can be male
(07:38):
or female and the articlestates that midlife friendships
are not a luxury, they are anecessity, and I know you and I
both believe this to be true.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, when you think about it, you know, the happiest people
have that good core group ofpeople and, yes, we love
researching our topics today,don't we?
But I came across this reallygreat article it was back from
2019, but it was in psychologyand aging, right, and it shared
(08:12):
that the current generation ofolder adults are less likely
than previous generations beforethem Um to rely on romantic
partners for social support,right, and they're more likely
to be relying on friends and andI know I'm living proof of that
, you know, I don't know what Iwould do without my girl pals.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
You know, tish, I agree with that, and I think you
know why this has happened.
Happening is really interestingto me.
Why are we different?
And the first thing I thoughtis that it seems like there's so
many more of us are aredivorced, right, and so we are
not with lifelong partners, andmaybe that's why it's happening.
(08:59):
But you know, I feel like we'rea generation that's just
empowered and we spend more timedeveloping these friendships.
But according to research bythe lingerie brand Bo Avenue I
hope I'm pronouncing that rightsearches for gallentines day
have increased 400% since 2015,and Valentine's Day has
(09:24):
decreased by 55%.
So, wow, I think that goes tothe power of you know how much a
day Dedicated to your friendsresonates with people, and
especially with people in ourage group.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
You know, we did that recent episode about gray
divorce and it talked about howmore and more women At midlife
are opting for divorce.
So, again, you know thepsychology and aging talks about
not relying on romanticpartners.
Later in life, and With theincrease in gray divorce, who do
(10:08):
you have?
Who is your support group?
And that's your friends.
And so I think investing intothese female friendships becomes
more and more important as weget older.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I so true, tish, I think you hit the nail on the
head there, and I just want tobring up one more article, since
you and I did this research.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I know we were deep into this Galen Tynes research.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Deep into it.
But the Mayo Clinic, which isso renowned and well-known, says
friendships increase your senseof belonging and purpose, and
they boost happiness and reducestress.
They improve yourself-confidence and your
self-worth.
I think every single thingthere is true, and so why not
(10:55):
celebrate that?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You know, and I think the importance of all this type
of research is like why do webring this up?
Why do we bring this researchup all the time?
Because it's not just this.
Oh, I think it's better for me.
I mean, there's real sciencebehind the importance of these
and that's why we stress it somany times on this podcast to
make that type of effort and Ican't agree more with you, alan.
(11:21):
You know, these types offriendships, especially as we
get older, can help us cope withtraumas, can help us cope
through divorce, through seriousillness, through job loss or
death of a loved one.
I mean, these are the core ofwhat's going to keep us stable
and that's why it's important toknow this.
(11:43):
Invest your time with this andcelebrate your Gale Tribe.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yep, it's always been my girlfriends that have helped
me through the toughest timesin my life, like my cancer
diagnosis, my divorce or thingsthat happen with my three boys.
But you know, they've alwaysbeen the ones to be there when
something good happens too, tocelebrate my joys and successes,
and those are just as importantto me.
(12:11):
These are women and a few menthat feel just so happy when
things go right for me as well.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yes, you need that too, because you don't want to
surround yourself with women incompetition with you.
You know, and I think that'swhat I love about you know, our
group of friends and stuff likethat, it's no matter where they
are, they're supporting you, youknow, encouraging you, pushing
you forward, just inspiring you.
(12:42):
Yeah, it's absolutely important.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
So important.
So, tish, you know how much Ilove to read, and I haven't
talked about books on our showin quite a while.
So, in honor of Gallantines Day, I'd like to recommend a few
great books about friendshiphere for February.
So are you ready?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I'm ready.
I always love your bookselections because there's
things I wouldn't necessarilyread.
You know there's so much outthere.
You know I'm more of an audiblegirl because I'm always in the
car.
But what have you got for me interms of what should I be
reading?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
All right.
Well, these are two books andthey're not new.
But the first one is by KristinHannah and it is called Firefly
Lane, and this book has beenout for at least 10 years.
But there was an amazing miniseries with Catherine Heigl and
Sarah Chalk, who was on Scrubs,and these women take us on a
(13:44):
friendship journey from the timethey were like 12, right up
through their upper 50s, fromthe 70s through today, and do
they go through it?
The book is amazing and I haveto say, most of the time I don't
like when there was a TV showor a mini series or a movie, but
(14:05):
this one hits the nail on thehead Firefly Lane.
Have you read it, tiff?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I have not read it, but I'm gonna put it on my list
because I've got three creditswith audible, so this might be
my next one, okay, but we can dothat.
It is so good, so good.
You know, what I love, though,about books that take you
through different decades, right, is you tend to see how
friendships morph and change.
What we share, how we bond, howwe communicate, that unspoken
(14:38):
connection that we have withpeople that have been in our
life a long time.
There's just nothing like it.
So, to me, I'm drawn to a bookthat's gonna talk about
friendship for over the decades,because I do have a handful of
friends that I have literallyhad for decades.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I love that too.
It's something that reallyspeaks to me, and this book
seriously will just take youright back there, because a lot
of us experience the 70s and the80s and the 90s, and it's an
escape.
So I'll be curious to see whatyou think about it.
(15:20):
Tish, and for those of you whoare not big readers, tune in to
the mini series.
It is so well done and thesetwo characters are just so
relatable.
I could see myself in both ofthem All right.
A second girlfriend book that Iloved from a few years ago is
called the Villa, and it's thatin the 1970s, in a villa over in
(15:44):
Europe that these folks go toand think about maybe Fleetwood
Mac or some of those kinds of.
It has rock stars, it has love,it has Europe.
But underlying all of this isthe most powerful story of
female friendship, and one ofthe reasons I really like this
(16:05):
book is because it takes youagain back through time and back
to a time where there was a lotof sex and drugs and rock and
roll.
So this one really, I think, iskind of, you know, makes you
want to go to Europe, makes youwant to be in a villa and make
makes you want to have yourfemale friends with you.
(16:26):
So neither book is new, but Ijust had to throw out a couple
of great reads and in our shownotes I'll put three or four
other books about femalefriendship that touched my heart
.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You know.
I do think, though, friendshipshave definitely changed in this
more modern age of texting andsocial media and stuff like that
, so to kind of kind of presetit deck to deck to the 70s.
I love that idea, because Ithink there was just so much
more face to face interaction,so much more face time with your
(17:04):
friends than there tends to benow.
You know, it's just changed alittle.
I think you can always usesocial media and these types of
ways to keep in contact withpeople that you might not have
been able to use before.
So I think it could be good,but there's nothing like that
face to face friendship.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I agree, well put.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, alan, I want to know I love these book
selections and I can't wait tosee the other ones that you list
as well.
But I want to ask you so do youhave any special Gallantine
State traditions that you haveparticipated in?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Well, I personally don't yet, but after doing this
show I definitely will.
In a way, I feel like every dayis Gallantine's day for me,
right, because I just love mytribe so much.
But one of my good friends,chef Laura Pauley, who's been on
our show before, she did aparty years ago, so she was very
(18:07):
ahead of her time.
She hosted an annual phenomenalwoman party.
So she invited a group of women.
She put out full China, sheprinted menus at each place
setting.
She had books of poetry forevery guest One year it was Maya
Angelou and we were, you know,reading poems about women.
(18:29):
It was such a treat to getinvited to one of her parties.
Now, of course, she started itout with Gougers, which are like
French cheese pops andchampagne.
So that's the stage for thisphenomenal women event, and I've
always wanted to do one ofthese, host a party like that or
make it an annual event, andnow that I'm an empty nester, I
(18:53):
think this is something I coulddo.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You know, here's the thing about what you were saying
about her party.
She made it special the China,the menus, the taking the time
to pick out poetry that shewanted to share, the incredible
food or whatever.
I mean, I'm dying to go to oneof these parties.
(19:18):
I want her to throw another oneso I can come too, but it's
taking the time and effort tomake your friends feel so
special and that's what'samazing about what she had done.
So I love that.
I just love that idea.
I'm thinking next year I reallyneed to put a little more
(19:42):
effort into this whole gallontimes thing.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I agree.
I'm just going to share withyou too.
I saw my best friend from highschool this past weekend and
somehow we started talking aboutChina.
She has fine China.
You know, back when we gotmarried we all wanted to get a
China.
I had China from mygrandmother's and I told her
I've never used it and she waslike just your girlfriend's over
(20:07):
or your book club and servesome cake on that pretty China.
You know, china can justsomething like that, can just
elevate an event.
But let's ask, let me ask you,what are you doing this year?
Tish?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You know I want to celebrate embracing that too
much, woman.
You know that was inspired by arecent gasgina.
I love her energy aboutembracing, being exactly who you
are, not toning it down orwatering it down for anyone.
And so now what I'm doing forthis Gallantines it's just small
(20:47):
right.
I'm still coming out of thistime of not feeling well, but I
still wanted to celebrate theday.
So I'm going out with just acouple friends to our favorite
wine bar and just having a glassof wine, and even though it's a
busy week, I wanted to takethat time out just to remind
(21:07):
them that they are special to me.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I love that and it sounds like a perfect day,
actually Tish, a perfectGallantines day.
And, like you said beforeearlier in the show, it's not
about what you do but who youspend it with, and celebrating
those friendships and peoplewho've supported and enriched
our lives in the last year.
You know, today Gallantines daybecause we're actually taping
(21:35):
this show on Gallantines day ismy middle son's birthday.
He's turning 20.
So I might need to make thisparty on a different day, but I
don't think that matters becauseno, I don't think it does
either.
Yeah, we got to cherish ouradult kids when they want to be
with us and then make time forour girlfriends or girl tribe.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Absolutely, you know, and just for the same thing,
you know, the reason that wecelebrate Valentine's Day right
is when we have somebody in ourlives who is significant to us
and we want to show them they'reimportant to us, right?
So so should we make thateffort to show our girl tribe
(22:18):
that they are also important tous and just to say a thank you
to them for enriching our livesand being there when we've
needed that shoulder to cry onor to cheer us on, be our
cheerleaders during our biggestaccomplishments or, you know,
mend our wounds when we'refeeling defeated in life.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yep, all of the above and you know what, tish, I know
you've been trying to get aZoom call together for our
college friends for Valentine'sDay too.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
You know I was trying to get a Zoom call together.
I don't think it's actuallygoing to happen because it
doesn't seem to be a good nightfor everybody.
But, like you were saying, it'snot about the 13th of February,
it's about getting together.
So I'm going to try toreschedule our little Zoom call
because I miss everybody.
(23:11):
I know we just saw them inOctober and I know we're
planning another big gettogether next October.
But I just think it's importantto keep that face to face
connection when it all possible.
And hey, zoom's the way to doit.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, and we have been doing them back a few years
ago during the pandemicregularly, so I think it's good
to get it going now.
You know I read that over 100prominent women in Massachusetts
got together last year tocelebrate Valentine's, and these
were women from the publicsector, from philanthropy,
(23:48):
education and other industries.
So I love that this is kind ofbranching out not just to your
personal friends but to otherpeople in your orbit.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yeah, I like that.
You know, some women do doValentine's Day in a big way,
right?
You know, even the magazineCosmopolitan featured the
ultimate gift-giving guide forValentine's Day in their January
2024 issue and it has all thesegreat gifts.
So you can go there and getsome ideas.
(24:21):
I mean, you can do it big.
You can plan a short triptogether for Gallantines or, you
know, even just doing like avideo call, just connecting with
friends in one way or another.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know, all of those are great ideas and I
decided to just text some of mygirlfriends today too because
just a simple text.
I'm thinking about you atGallantines Day.
Miss you, let's catch up soon.
I think it is an easy,cost-free way also of
celebrating and just lettingthat person know, giving them
(24:58):
that reminder that they're yourfriend and you love them.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, I know some women get together and do book
groups on Gallantines Day.
You know, whatever, however,you can do this, but Gallantines
Day is becoming a real thingfor even young people.
So one of my colleagues,minerva, she was telling me how
she hosted this big sleepoverfor her daughter and her
(25:25):
daughter's young.
You know, she's not, I don'tthink she's even a teenager yet
and she did this huge, veryelaborate, big decorated for her
daughter and all their friendsto celebrate Gallantines Day and
I thought, bravo, she'steaching her daughter at a very
young age to value thesefriendships.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I love that stardom, young value, the girl tribe.
That's a really great thing andmaybe some of our listeners
have younger daughters orgranddaughters and I think a
good thing to put out there forthat.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And the other thing Minerva was doing is she is very
involved in Hispanic women'sgroups, right, you know she is
Latin and she does theseget-togethers very frequently
that promote each other, promoteeach other's business, support
(26:22):
each other.
It's just a really good networkthat she has put together in
her community and it's justabout building those strong
female friendships.
And she's done this around herSpanish community and I can't
applaud her enough for thatbecause you know, there I think
(26:42):
there's challenges for a lot of,you know, hispanic women and to
bring them together, to promotethem, to lift them up, to
celebrate their culture andembrace everything.
I just love that.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I love that too and, you know, I think if you look,
you can find communities to joinand to emulate as well, because
it seems like your friend.
Really, it has put together agreat structure around it, and I
(27:19):
think that I am really lookingforward to hearing from our
listeners and from other folkswhat they're doing.
Tish right, this is kind of newterritory for a lot of us.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
I think it is, and I almost wish we had done this
episode a couple of weeks ago togive people, you know, a chance
to kind of plan this.
But, you know, maybe plan itfor next year or plan it for a
little later in the month.
Again, it's not about aspecific day.
I mean, that was out of a popculture you know thing.
(27:54):
It's about taking that time.
I know I recently joined agroup of ladies and we are
planning to do like a high teamonce a month and it's, you know,
it's a Christian based and it'sabout supporting each other and
our community and it's mostlymidlife women that are doing
(28:19):
this.
But again, find those differentgroups out there If you're not
already plugged in, I know I'minvolved in that one as well as
a Facebook group that regularlymeets in the community and we do
different stuff.
One of the ladies was talkingabout getting together once a
month that one of the local wineshops does a puzzle night, oh
(28:43):
and yeah, and they have acontest to see who can finish
their puzzle first and they justhad the first one.
I thought I want to go do apuzzle.
I want to go do a puzzle, butagain, it's about getting out
there, connecting with women,finding that tribe, finding that
base of support.
It is more important now thanin any other time in our lives
(29:09):
that we have a broad, diversegroup of women who support us,
who we support, who are therefor us, who make us laugh, where
we can build memories to gofrom.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
You know, Tish, I really like that.
You said a broad and diverseset of women, because I know
we've talked about this beforetoo Our friends don't have to be
our age.
They can be older 10 yearsolder, 20 years older, 20 years
younger, right, and I thinkwe're really learned from
friends that are in differentage groups as well.
(29:47):
So I love the idea of reallyhaving and creating that broad
and diverse set of friends andcelebrating them during gallon
times.
But I know we'd love to hearfrom you right, Tish, about what
our listeners are doing.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I would love to hear what people have done for gallon
times day, or maybe what they'dlike to do in the future, even.
But how do you celebrate yourgirl tribe?
How do you show them in a waythat they are important to you
or they are special to you?
It doesn't have to be about biggifts, it's usually more about
(30:29):
time, intention, maybe makingthem a meal when they're not
feeling well.
It's connecting and again, Ican't tell you that that type of
investment of your time isgoing to be well spent.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Really and pay bountifully in your life.
Now, before we get going,because I know we're close to
the end of our podcast, I didwant to give a shout out to our
newest patron from Patreon, andthat is Martha McSorley-Suthi,
my freshman year roommate fromTrinity College.
(31:08):
So thank you, martha, forsupporting us, and happy gallon
times to you.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh, happy gallon times, martha.
You know it was so great whenwe first started the podcast.
Martha had reached out and itwas so amazing to know that she
had been tapping in andlistening and you just never
know where you're gonna get thatsupport from.
But her support in just being aconsistent listener and now as
(31:40):
a patron as well, I just lovethat.
Women supporting women is wherethat's the core of everything
right it is.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
So until next time, keep embracing midlife, be
positive, laugh and have alittle bit of that gallon time
spirit, right Tish.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
You said it, Alan.
I love that.
Happy gallon times day toeveryone.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
That's right.
Until next week, midlifers.
Welcome back to the Positively Midlife Podcast.
Today's episode is all aboutcelebrating those wonderful
women in our lives and, yes,tish, we are talking about
Gallentine's Day today.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
You know, it just seems like we had New Year's and
I can't believe it's alreadyGallentine's Day.
Ellen, how did that happen?
It's like poof, it's here.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I don't know.
I think we this time of yearjust I think, goes from New
Year's until it's almost April.
But for those of you that mightnot be familiar with
Gallentine's Day, it'scelebrated on February 13th, the
day before Valentine's Day, andit is a day dedicated to
showering all your friends withlove and appreciation, and it's
(00:49):
really, to me, about women,supporting women.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You know, I thought we could take today Gallentine's
Day and really dive into how tocelebrate this fabulous day
right, share some of ourfavorite Gallentine traditions
or ideas, and we've even gottensome, you know, heartwarming
stories from our listeners abouttheir Gallentine's Day
(01:16):
celebrations.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Excellent.
But before we jump into thisweek's episode and all the
things fun and fabulous aboutGallentine's Day, let's get to
my favorite part of the showTish our obsessions.
What do you have for me thisweek?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
You know, every once in a while I just like
freshening up my bedding,whether it's a new comforter or
new blanket or whatever.
And here's the thing, though,like I need one right now.
So I have found the mostamazing white fleece blanket
right.
It's going to be, you know,kind of bright in the room up
because, you know heading intospring, but it's still cold out,
(01:54):
so I wanted something that wasstill warm.
So this fleece blanket is justfabulous for that bright,
springy look, but still bringthat warmth for those cool
nights.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Wow, that is a really great idea and I agree with you
white things feel so fresh andso springy, and it's true, where
you are in South Carolina it isstarting to get a little warm
right.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
A little springy.
It is starting.
It is starting not quite fastenough for my like, but it is
starting, and I seem to have todo my bedding more often because
my fur baby shares my bed.
So I need new bedding probablymore often, like a couple times
(02:41):
a year, wow.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, it sounds great .
We'll definitely have a link toit in our show notes.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Okay, well, what about you, Ellen?
What is your obsession thisweek?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, my obsession this week was sent to me by a
friend and it wasn't a gallonkinds gift but it was a pick me
up.
You know, I had like four orfive things happen in a row last
week and my friend Ellen sentme a coloring book, an adult
coloring book.
(03:15):
I'm showing this because it'scalled Fuck Off, I'm Still
Coloring.
Every page has a swear word onit in this one and it is to
de-stress.
And she also sent with itbecause she knows I'm not super
crafty this fabulous array ofmarkers and I just thought this
(03:39):
was the best pick me up ever.
I have started coloring and youknow you do de-stress right
away and these are so fun and sosilly.
So my obsession this week isthis Fuck Off coloring book from
my good friend Ellen.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know anything, we can figure out how to de-stress
.
But I have to say Ellen is, sheis just one of those friends
that is always there with thecard.
I know when I was sick she hadsent me flowers, she sent me bee
earrings because she knows Ilove the bees.
(04:17):
She's just one of those superthoughtful friends with the card
, with the little gift, with the, you know, and it just makes
you feel great.
So big shout out to Ellen, whois just we're going to name her
the number one Galentine of thisyear.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I think we are.
I think we are, so we'll have alink to both of those, and
there are many other funny,funny adult coloring books that
we can link to as well.
All right, so let's jump in andstart chit-chatting about
Galentine's Day.
Let's talk about how it started.
It was actually popularized ina 2010 episode of the TV show
(04:58):
Parks and Recreation, where thecharacter Leslie, played by Amy
Poehler, throws her annualGalentine's Day party for her
female friends.
Now, I didn't watch that show,tish, did you, did you?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
watch Parks and Rec.
You know, I did not, and untilwe decided to do this episode I
didn't even know whereGalentine's Day came from.
So it was really kind of coolto hear where it came from and
it really just shows the powerof like pop culture in creating
new traditions like Galentine'sDay.
So now it's not only celebratednationwide here in the US but
(05:35):
it's even celebrated globally bywomen of all ages.
But this really goes to showthe power of friendship, you
know, especially for us atMidlife, but that we just we
just latched onto this holidaybecause it resonated with that.
We need to appreciate our galpals.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
You are so right, tish, and that is something I
know we talk about so much onthe podcast.
You can have one great friend,or you could have 50, but at
Midlife, friends or friends areimportant.
So I want to be clear, thoughthe type of Galentine's we're
talking about here on ourpodcast today isn't to play Kate
, single women who are bummedabout Valentine's Day.
(06:20):
We're here to talk about takingthat day to celebrate all of
your friends married friends,single friends, divorce friends,
friends in relationships,friends in situationships right,
and appreciate all of them.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know, when we even like on our podcast.
You know our theme is aboutempowering women and supporting
women and stuff like that.
And even our like recent guests, holly, when she did the hope
with Holly episode, we talkedabout that great golden girls
life.
You know, if we can't find ourromantic relationship that we're
(06:58):
gonna have later in life.
You know we can always dependon our gale friends to maybe
have one of those golden girlswhen we all live together kind
of situation and as a collegefriends we've talked about this
too who's gonna end up livingtogether at midlife?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh, that's right or beyond, and you know exactly
tish, I think really beingempowered to say a golden girls
lifestyle here Is a good thing.
But you know I want to sharethat I read an article in
psychology today because you andI love Doing our research about
the power of midlifefriendships and they can be male
(07:38):
or female and the articlestates that midlife friendships
are not a luxury, they are anecessity, and I know you and I
both believe this to be true.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, when you think about it, you know, the happiest people
have that good core group ofpeople and, yes, we love
researching our topics today,don't we?
But I came across this reallygreat article it was back from
2019, but it was in psychologyand aging, right, and it shared
(08:12):
that the current generation ofolder adults are less likely
than previous generations beforethem Um to rely on romantic
partners for social support,right, and they're more likely
to be relying on friends and andI know I'm living proof of that
, you know, I don't know what Iwould do without my girl pals.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
You know, tish, I agree with that, and I think you
know why this has happened.
Happening is really interestingto me.
Why are we different?
And the first thing I thoughtis that it seems like there's so
many more of us are aredivorced, right, and so we are
not with lifelong partners, andmaybe that's why it's happening.
(08:59):
But you know, I feel like we'rea generation that's just
empowered and we spend more timedeveloping these friendships.
But according to research bythe lingerie brand Bo Avenue I
hope I'm pronouncing that rightsearches for gallentines day
have increased 400% since 2015,and Valentine's Day has
(09:24):
decreased by 55%.
So, wow, I think that goes tothe power of you know how much a
day Dedicated to your friendsresonates with people, and
especially with people in ourage group.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
You know, we did that recent episode about gray
divorce and it talked about howmore and more women At midlife
are opting for divorce.
So, again, you know thepsychology and aging talks about
not relying on romanticpartners.
Later in life, and With theincrease in gray divorce, who do
(10:08):
you have?
Who is your support group?
And that's your friends.
And so I think investing intothese female friendships becomes
more and more important as weget older.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I so true, tish, I think you hit the nail on the
head there, and I just want tobring up one more article, since
you and I did this research.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I know we were deep into this Galen Tynes research.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Deep into it.
But the Mayo Clinic, which isso renowned and well-known, says
friendships increase your senseof belonging and purpose, and
they boost happiness and reducestress.
They improve yourself-confidence and your
self-worth.
I think every single thingthere is true, and so why not
(10:55):
celebrate that?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
You know, and I think the importance of all this type
of research is like why do webring this up?
Why do we bring this researchup all the time?
Because it's not just this.
Oh, I think it's better for me.
I mean, there's real sciencebehind the importance of these
and that's why we stress it somany times on this podcast to
make that type of effort and Ican't agree more with you, alan.
(11:21):
You know, these types offriendships, especially as we
get older, can help us cope withtraumas, can help us cope
through divorce, through seriousillness, through job loss or
death of a loved one.
I mean, these are the core ofwhat's going to keep us stable
and that's why it's important toknow this.
(11:43):
Invest your time with this andcelebrate your Gale Tribe.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yep, it's always been my girlfriends that have helped
me through the toughest timesin my life, like my cancer
diagnosis, my divorce or thingsthat happen with my three boys.
But you know, they've alwaysbeen the ones to be there when
something good happens too, tocelebrate my joys and successes,
and those are just as importantto me.
(12:11):
These are women and a few menthat feel just so happy when
things go right for me as well.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yes, you need that too, because you don't want to
surround yourself with women incompetition with you.
You know, and I think that'swhat I love about you know, our
group of friends and stuff likethat, it's no matter where they
are, they're supporting you, youknow, encouraging you, pushing
you forward, just inspiring you.
(12:42):
Yeah, it's absolutely important.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
So important.
So, tish, you know how much Ilove to read, and I haven't
talked about books on our showin quite a while.
So, in honor of Gallantines Day, I'd like to recommend a few
great books about friendshiphere for February.
So are you ready?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I'm ready.
I always love your bookselections because there's
things I wouldn't necessarilyread.
You know there's so much outthere.
You know I'm more of an audiblegirl because I'm always in the
car.
But what have you got for me interms of what should I be
reading?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
All right.
Well, these are two books andthey're not new.
But the first one is by KristinHannah and it is called Firefly
Lane, and this book has beenout for at least 10 years.
But there was an amazing miniseries with Catherine Heigl and
Sarah Chalk, who was on Scrubs,and these women take us on a
(13:44):
friendship journey from the timethey were like 12, right up
through their upper 50s, fromthe 70s through today, and do
they go through it?
The book is amazing and I haveto say, most of the time I don't
like when there was a TV showor a mini series or a movie, but
(14:05):
this one hits the nail on thehead Firefly Lane.
Have you read it, tiff?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I have not read it, but I'm gonna put it on my list
because I've got three creditswith audible, so this might be
my next one, okay, but we can dothat.
It is so good, so good.
You know, what I love, though,about books that take you
through different decades, right, is you tend to see how
friendships morph and change.
What we share, how we bond, howwe communicate, that unspoken
(14:38):
connection that we have withpeople that have been in our
life a long time.
There's just nothing like it.
So, to me, I'm drawn to a bookthat's gonna talk about
friendship for over the decades,because I do have a handful of
friends that I have literallyhad for decades.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I love that too.
It's something that reallyspeaks to me, and this book
seriously will just take youright back there, because a lot
of us experience the 70s and the80s and the 90s, and it's an
escape.
So I'll be curious to see whatyou think about it.
(15:20):
Tish, and for those of you whoare not big readers, tune in to
the mini series.
It is so well done and thesetwo characters are just so
relatable.
I could see myself in both ofthem All right.
A second girlfriend book that Iloved from a few years ago is
called the Villa, and it's thatin the 1970s, in a villa over in
(15:44):
Europe that these folks go toand think about maybe Fleetwood
Mac or some of those kinds of.
It has rock stars, it has love,it has Europe.
But underlying all of this isthe most powerful story of
female friendship, and one ofthe reasons I really like this
(16:05):
book is because it takes youagain back through time and back
to a time where there was a lotof sex and drugs and rock and
roll.
So this one really, I think, iskind of, you know, makes you
want to go to Europe, makes youwant to be in a villa and make
makes you want to have yourfemale friends with you.
(16:26):
So neither book is new, but Ijust had to throw out a couple
of great reads and in our shownotes I'll put three or four
other books about femalefriendship that touched my heart
.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You know.
I do think, though, friendshipshave definitely changed in this
more modern age of texting andsocial media and stuff like that
, so to kind of kind of presetit deck to deck to the 70s.
I love that idea, because Ithink there was just so much
more face to face interaction,so much more face time with your
(17:04):
friends than there tends to benow.
You know, it's just changed alittle.
I think you can always usesocial media and these types of
ways to keep in contact withpeople that you might not have
been able to use before.
So I think it could be good,but there's nothing like that
face to face friendship.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I agree, well put.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, alan, I want to know I love these book
selections and I can't wait tosee the other ones that you list
as well.
But I want to ask you so do youhave any special Gallantine
State traditions that you haveparticipated in?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Well, I personally don't yet, but after doing this
show I definitely will.
In a way, I feel like every dayis Gallantine's day for me,
right, because I just love mytribe so much.
But one of my good friends,chef Laura Pauley, who's been on
our show before, she did aparty years ago, so she was very
(18:07):
ahead of her time.
She hosted an annual phenomenalwoman party.
So she invited a group of women.
She put out full China, sheprinted menus at each place
setting.
She had books of poetry forevery guest One year it was Maya
Angelou and we were, you know,reading poems about women.
(18:29):
It was such a treat to getinvited to one of her parties.
Now, of course, she started itout with Gougers, which are like
French cheese pops andchampagne.
So that's the stage for thisphenomenal women event, and I've
always wanted to do one ofthese, host a party like that or
make it an annual event, andnow that I'm an empty nester, I
(18:53):
think this is something I coulddo.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You know, here's the thing about what you were saying
about her party.
She made it special the China,the menus, the taking the time
to pick out poetry that shewanted to share, the incredible
food or whatever.
I mean, I'm dying to go to oneof these parties.
(19:18):
I want her to throw another oneso I can come too, but it's
taking the time and effort tomake your friends feel so
special and that's what'samazing about what she had done.
So I love that.
I just love that idea.
I'm thinking next year I reallyneed to put a little more
(19:42):
effort into this whole gallontimes thing.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I agree.
I'm just going to share withyou too.
I saw my best friend from highschool this past weekend and
somehow we started talking aboutChina.
She has fine China.
You know, back when we gotmarried we all wanted to get a
China.
I had China from mygrandmother's and I told her
I've never used it and she waslike just your girlfriend's over
(20:07):
or your book club and servesome cake on that pretty China.
You know, china can justsomething like that, can just
elevate an event.
But let's ask, let me ask you,what are you doing this year?
Tish?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You know I want to celebrate embracing that too
much, woman.
You know that was inspired by arecent gasgina.
I love her energy aboutembracing, being exactly who you
are, not toning it down orwatering it down for anyone.
And so now what I'm doing forthis Gallantines it's just small
(20:47):
right.
I'm still coming out of thistime of not feeling well, but I
still wanted to celebrate theday.
So I'm going out with just acouple friends to our favorite
wine bar and just having a glassof wine, and even though it's a
busy week, I wanted to takethat time out just to remind
(21:07):
them that they are special to me.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I love that and it sounds like a perfect day,
actually Tish, a perfectGallantines day.
And, like you said beforeearlier in the show, it's not
about what you do but who youspend it with, and celebrating
those friendships and peoplewho've supported and enriched
our lives in the last year.
You know, today Gallantines daybecause we're actually taping
(21:35):
this show on Gallantines day ismy middle son's birthday.
He's turning 20.
So I might need to make thisparty on a different day, but I
don't think that matters becauseno, I don't think it does
either.
Yeah, we got to cherish ouradult kids when they want to be
with us and then make time forour girlfriends or girl tribe.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Absolutely, you know, and just for the same thing,
you know, the reason that wecelebrate Valentine's Day right
is when we have somebody in ourlives who is significant to us
and we want to show them they'reimportant to us, right?
So so should we make thateffort to show our girl tribe
(22:18):
that they are also important tous and just to say a thank you
to them for enriching our livesand being there when we've
needed that shoulder to cry onor to cheer us on, be our
cheerleaders during our biggestaccomplishments or, you know,
mend our wounds when we'refeeling defeated in life.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yep, all of the above and you know what, tish, I know
you've been trying to get aZoom call together for our
college friends for Valentine'sDay too.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
You know I was trying to get a Zoom call together.
I don't think it's actuallygoing to happen because it
doesn't seem to be a good nightfor everybody.
But, like you were saying, it'snot about the 13th of February,
it's about getting together.
So I'm going to try toreschedule our little Zoom call
because I miss everybody.
(23:11):
I know we just saw them inOctober and I know we're
planning another big gettogether next October.
But I just think it's importantto keep that face to face
connection when it all possible.
And hey, zoom's the way to doit.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, and we have been doing them back a few years
ago during the pandemicregularly, so I think it's good
to get it going now.
You know I read that over 100prominent women in Massachusetts
got together last year tocelebrate Valentine's, and these
were women from the publicsector, from philanthropy,
(23:48):
education and other industries.
So I love that this is kind ofbranching out not just to your
personal friends but to otherpeople in your orbit.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yeah, I like that.
You know, some women do doValentine's Day in a big way,
right?
You know, even the magazineCosmopolitan featured the
ultimate gift-giving guide forValentine's Day in their January
2024 issue and it has all thesegreat gifts.
So you can go there and getsome ideas.
(24:21):
I mean, you can do it big.
You can plan a short triptogether for Gallantines or, you
know, even just doing like avideo call, just connecting with
friends in one way or another.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know, all of those are great ideas and I
decided to just text some of mygirlfriends today too because
just a simple text.
I'm thinking about you atGallantines Day.
Miss you, let's catch up soon.
I think it is an easy,cost-free way also of
celebrating and just lettingthat person know, giving them
(24:58):
that reminder that they're yourfriend and you love them.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, I know some women get together and do book
groups on Gallantines Day.
You know, whatever, however,you can do this, but Gallantines
Day is becoming a real thingfor even young people.
So one of my colleagues,minerva, she was telling me how
she hosted this big sleepoverfor her daughter and her
(25:25):
daughter's young.
You know, she's not, I don'tthink she's even a teenager yet
and she did this huge, veryelaborate, big decorated for her
daughter and all their friendsto celebrate Gallantines Day and
I thought, bravo, she'steaching her daughter at a very
young age to value thesefriendships.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I love that stardom, young value, the girl tribe.
That's a really great thing andmaybe some of our listeners
have younger daughters orgranddaughters and I think a
good thing to put out there forthat.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And the other thing Minerva was doing is she is very
involved in Hispanic women'sgroups, right, you know she is
Latin and she does theseget-togethers very frequently
that promote each other, promoteeach other's business, support
(26:22):
each other.
It's just a really good networkthat she has put together in
her community and it's justabout building those strong
female friendships.
And she's done this around herSpanish community and I can't
applaud her enough for thatbecause you know, there I think
(26:42):
there's challenges for a lot of,you know, hispanic women and to
bring them together, to promotethem, to lift them up, to
celebrate their culture andembrace everything.
I just love that.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I love that too and, you know, I think if you look,
you can find communities to joinand to emulate as well, because
it seems like your friend.
Really, it has put together agreat structure around it, and I
(27:19):
think that I am really lookingforward to hearing from our
listeners and from other folkswhat they're doing.
Tish right, this is kind of newterritory for a lot of us.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
I think it is, and I almost wish we had done this
episode a couple of weeks ago togive people, you know, a chance
to kind of plan this.
But, you know, maybe plan itfor next year or plan it for a
little later in the month.
Again, it's not about aspecific day.
I mean, that was out of a popculture you know thing.
(27:54):
It's about taking that time.
I know I recently joined agroup of ladies and we are
planning to do like a high teamonce a month and it's, you know,
it's a Christian based and it'sabout supporting each other and
our community and it's mostlymidlife women that are doing
(28:19):
this.
But again, find those differentgroups out there If you're not
already plugged in, I know I'minvolved in that one as well as
a Facebook group that regularlymeets in the community and we do
different stuff.
One of the ladies was talkingabout getting together once a
month that one of the local wineshops does a puzzle night, oh
(28:43):
and yeah, and they have acontest to see who can finish
their puzzle first and they justhad the first one.
I thought I want to go do apuzzle.
I want to go do a puzzle, butagain, it's about getting out
there, connecting with women,finding that tribe, finding that
base of support.
It is more important now thanin any other time in our lives
(29:09):
that we have a broad, diversegroup of women who support us,
who we support, who are therefor us, who make us laugh, where
we can build memories to gofrom.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
You know, Tish, I really like that.
You said a broad and diverseset of women, because I know
we've talked about this beforetoo Our friends don't have to be
our age.
They can be older 10 yearsolder, 20 years older, 20 years
younger, right, and I thinkwe're really learned from
friends that are in differentage groups as well.
(29:47):
So I love the idea of reallyhaving and creating that broad
and diverse set of friends andcelebrating them during gallon
times.
But I know we'd love to hearfrom you right, Tish, about what
our listeners are doing.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I would love to hear what people have done for gallon
times day, or maybe what they'dlike to do in the future, even.
But how do you celebrate yourgirl tribe?
How do you show them in a waythat they are important to you
or they are special to you?
It doesn't have to be about biggifts, it's usually more about
(30:29):
time, intention, maybe makingthem a meal when they're not
feeling well.
It's connecting and again, Ican't tell you that that type of
investment of your time isgoing to be well spent.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Really and pay bountifully in your life.
Now, before we get going,because I know we're close to
the end of our podcast, I didwant to give a shout out to our
newest patron from Patreon, andthat is Martha McSorley-Suthi,
my freshman year roommate fromTrinity College.
(31:08):
So thank you, martha, forsupporting us, and happy gallon
times to you.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh, happy gallon times, martha.
You know it was so great whenwe first started the podcast.
Martha had reached out and itwas so amazing to know that she
had been tapping in andlistening and you just never
know where you're gonna get thatsupport from.
But her support in just being aconsistent listener and now as
(31:40):
a patron as well, I just lovethat.
Women supporting women is wherethat's the core of everything
right it is.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
So until next time, keep embracing midlife, be
positive, laugh and have alittle bit of that gallon time
spirit, right Tish.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
You said it, Alan.
I love that.
Happy gallon times day toeveryone.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
That's right.
Until next week, midlifers.
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