Do you have a teen whose emotions feel huge and explosive—and nothing you say seems to calm things down?Do you find yourself reacting out of fear, walking on eggshells, or second-guessing whether you’re doing any of this “right”?
In this episode, Colleen O’Grady talks with therapist and author Katie K. May about what’s really happening when teens have big, intense emotions—and why common parent responses (like “You’re fine” or “Relax”) often backfire. Katie introduces the concept of “fire feelers,” teens who experience emotions as all-consuming, and explains how self-destructive behaviors can become a desperate attempt to shut down emotional pain. You’ll learn why validation is the fastest way to lower emotional intensity, how “radical acceptance” helps parents stop fighting reality and start rebuilding connection, and why parents need a plan to regulate their own nervous system so they can respond instead of react—especially when safety is a concern.
Guest Bio: Katie K. May
Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and is the author of You’re On Fire, It’s Fine: Effective Strategies for Parenting Teens with Self-Destructive Behaviors. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of a select few board-certified DBT clinicians in Pennsylvania. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change.
Three Takeaways
Validation lowers the emotional “fire.” Before problem-solving, teens need to feel seen and understood—validation helps calm the nervous system and opens the door to change.
Radical acceptance reduces parental suffering. Accepting “this is where we are” doesn’t mean approving—it means stopping the fight with reality so you can respond more effectively.
Parents need their own regulation plan. A “stress meter” and a proactive calming strategy help moms manage fear, avoid catastrophic thinking, and stay steady when emotions run high.
Learn More at: https://katiekmay.com/
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