A Battle of Wits with an Unarmed Man

Beck and Dash show up with mics on and zero prep — and somehow go from dead languages to Jehovah's Witnesses to the most redneck thing a giraffe has ever done.

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Season 2 of Queer Next is officially "fancy pants," and this episode swings wild: language-class disasters, unforgettable teachers, a Masters of the Universe review, drag culture, gender as a social construct, and a genuinely moving tribute to the Marshall University Memorial Fountain.

Chapters: (02:25) Language Class Disasters — Japanese, Latin & "I feel like chicken tonight" (07:33) Masters of the Universe & Jared Leto's Skeletor (14:32) Drag Culture, RuPaul & the Heterosexual Gaze (22:52) Gender as a Social Construct — "Canada Is Imaginary" (28:46) Jehovah's Witnesses & You Can Live Forever (42:36) Sponsor Break: The Topics.net Gossip Forum (36:43) Running From the Law: Potato Guns & Campus Cops (57:11) Karaoke Confessions (51:27) Noun of Appalachian Interest: The Marshall Memorial Fountain

Queer, Appalachian, and gloriously unhinged. Happy Pride. 🏳️‍🌈

Episode Transcript

Beck (00:07):
Welcome to Queernecks, the podcast that puts the "yehaw" in y'all means all.
I'm your host, Beck,

Dash (00:13):
and I'm your host.
Dash.
Welcome to today's episode.

Beck (00:19):
Hola, señor
¿ está?

¿ Dash (00:22):
Bien?
¿Y tú?

Beck (00:23):
Taco taco.
That's all of the Spanish I know.

Dash (00:26):
Oh.

Beck (00:27):
a know even less French.
I know French, I know the wordmustard, and I know j'ai envie de
poulet ce soir, de poulet ce soir.
Do you remember that?

Dash (00:35):
You've told me that before, but I've never heard it before that.
And I didn't take French in high school.
I took Spanish and Latin, and then I tooksome more Spanish when I got to college.
And I know to, perhaps navigatea, a slight emergency situation.
I don't know.

Beck (00:54):
Yeah, I don't know any.
I, I've, I took Japanese andFrench and I couldn't tell you.
I, the, I remember moreJapanese than I do French

Dash (01:02):
Wow.
Yeah, I don't…
would be really cool, like tho- likethe non Indo-European languages.
Like, just a language that hasabsolutely nothing in common
with the one that we speak.
It's just so

Beck (01:17):
it was really cool how they did it because it was very a low-tech endeavor.
Um, it was me and my very good friend Ben.
He's the guy that married me and Shanna.
He, I, when I moved to Lucasville inthe sixth grade, I got sat next to
him, and we've been BFFs ever since.
Um, he's an attorney in Columbus.
Anyway, uh, wait, what was I telling you?
I totally just lost my mind.

(01:38):
Japanese.
So it was me and Ben in Japaneseclass, and it was facilitated
by the librarian who had noknowledge of Japanese whatsoever.
So we had these, like, really thick booksthat we would get, and every day there
would be an episode broadcast on TV,um, on satellite, and my, the librarian
would record it, and then Ben and I wouldwatch that during our language period.

(02:01):
And then we had exams that we had tomail in, and then we did speaking.
We would have a conference call.
It was us and a littleschool in Louisiana.
They had, like, four people, and therewas a Japanese facilitator, and we
would have conversations and talk.
And that, uh, L- Louis- Japanese andLouisiana accent was really interesting.
They were worse than we were.

(02:22):
That's hillbillies.
it was inter- it was really cool

Dash (02:25):
Well, that's very similar to how our Latin class was.
I don't believe there wasa satellite component.
I think it was actually VHS tapes,because I, we, we went into a room and
there was a facilitator who did notspeak Latin, just a school employee, and
would put the, the tapes in or whateverthey were, and a pre-recorded lesson

(02:48):
a woman who I swear she was an NPC.
The…
I don't think this womanexisted outside of these tapes.
Her name was Jane Smith.
She got one haircut ayear on her birthday.
Like, she, the

Beck (02:59):
For the personal details,

Dash (03:01):
were like, "Are

Beck (03:02):
we're like, "Are you made up?"

Dash (03:04):
but, and I remember, like, she had sh- I don't…
She didn't have an accent like ours,

Beck (03:09):
bit like ours, but

Dash (03:10):
American

Beck (03:11):
American accent because

Dash (03:12):
know

Beck (03:12):
we're-- we don't know what Latin sounds like.
We

Dash (03:14):
We know,

Beck (03:15):
know,

Dash (03:17):
you know, w-

Beck (03:17):
you know, how…

Dash (03:19):
know the

Beck (03:20):
We know the specifically the version

Dash (03:21):
and phonemes

Beck (03:22):
of

Dash (03:23):
just from historical records, right?
So we know that, like, the V wouldbe pronounced with a W sound.
There were no soft Cs,they were all hard Cs.
So the word caveat is actually caweat.

Beck (03:35):
away on.
So

Dash (03:36):
there's things like

Beck (03:37):
there's things like that we know, but we don't know what it sounded
like to be spoken 'cause it's dead.
Nobody has spoken in, you know.

Dash (03:42):
So it

Beck (03:43):
So it doesn't really matter what her accent

Dash (03:45):
very

Beck (03:45):
was, but it still very was like, I remember her.

" Dash (03:48):
Cornelia East…"

Beck (03:50):
Eve,

Dash (03:50):
Like, everybody was

Beck (03:51):
like everybody was named Cornelia in All Creatures Great
Shana wants to name everything Petunia

Dash (03:55):
Petunia's a good name.
There's a scene in Monty Python Lifeof Brian where a street ruffian is
doing graffiti and the guard comesup, played by John Cleese, and starts
correcting his grammar, and starts, like,conjugating it the way you have to do
whenever you're doing Latin because it's

Beck (04:13):
Right?

Dash (04:13):
complex.
And so the guard, like, takeshis, like, He's got this blood red
paintbrush and, and stuff, and starts,like, painting on the wall, showing
him how to conjugate the thing.
It's so funny

Beck (04:25):
That is hilarious.
They went to France when I was inhigh school, and God, I wanted to
go on that trip, but my mom didn'thave the money to send me to France.
Um, it was a couple grand to go.
But several people went, andthey had the time of their lives.
I recently, like in the last twoweeks, reached out to my French
teacher, um, because after Japanese1, I decided Japanese 2 was not for

(04:46):
me 'cause I'm really bad at languages.
But you had to take at least two years ofsomething, so I started over with French.
Uh, and so I was with the class below me.
The man that proudly taught me,we called him the Monshore because
we couldn't say the monsieur.
We called him the Monshore, andhe taught us words like mustard,
and I feel like chicken tonight,and whoop eleah, whoop eleah.

(05:10):
I knew that one from French class as well.
But I reached out to him.
He's teaching at a, at a high school in,in Ashland, Kentucky, and I reached out
to him, but I haven't heard back yet.
He was one of my favorite teachers.
He was very ineffective as a teacher,but he was a really fabulous person, so

Dash (05:25):
Have you ever, like, reconnected with any of your teachers on, like,
social media like since leave, since

Beck (05:31):
Y- m- my high school English teacher is hilarious.
Her name is Mrs.
Williams, and she's probably inher 80s now, and she has a gay
son, and she has a very sharp wit.
Like, I remember she taught, like,world literature, so we learned,
like, Beowulf and Dante's Inferno.
We read things like that.

(05:51):
Not Inferno, The Seven Circles of Hell.
Which one's…
Is that Inferno?

Dash (05:54):
Yeah,

Beck (05:55):
Divine Comedy.
A- and we also had a semester ofShakespeare, so she w- bravely taught
Appalachian teenagers Shakespeare.
But one time she got intoan argument with this kid.
Um, he was just being a dick, and thething you have to know about him is
that when he was a kid, him and hisbrother were playing with swords, and
he got the, the tip of his ring fingercut off on one of his hands, so he

(06:17):
had four and a half fingers, right?
And so they got into thisargument, and she said, "Mr.
Metzler, I will not have battleof wits with an unarmed man."
And it was really funny 'causehe's missing a finger, and
that just, we all roared.
Like, I can imaginehow embarrassed he was.
It was fucking hilarious.
He never gave her shit after that.
was, there was another teacher.
She would pick people up and throwthem out of the room, desk and all

Dash (06:40):
Damn

Beck (06:41):
Yeah, that was Mrs.
War- or Miss Warren.
She was single.
She never married.
And there were times Iswear her desk meowed.
She was famous for having all her cats

Dash (06:51):
Oh, man.

Beck (06:53):
Teachers are a fun
bunch.

Dash (06:54):
The
get away with shit, man

Beck (06:58):
And my mom would never tell me who, but she said there were teachers at my
school that would come into the shop.
So that was interesting.
I wanted to know who,but she wouldn't tell me

Dash (07:07):
Well, you know, good for her She wouldn't be very good at the business
she was in if she didn't have discretion

Beck (07:13):
Yeah.
The, the main guy on the radiostation was a regular, like
he was there every other day.
Uh, the, the people that came inthere, you'd be really surprised
at who, who frequents a porn shop
Went to the drive-in last night

Dash (07:31):
I saw that you watched, um

Beck (07:33):
Masters of the Universe

Dash (07:35):
Yehaw

Beck (07:36):
He- He-Man.
He-Man was a big, a big guyin my, in my formative years.
That was my brother's,like, favorite army guy.
Um, it was always He-Man and She-Ra.
And so his love of He-Man made meget things that were She-Ra as, you
know, 'cause you'd get things thatwere tangential to your brother
or sister's favorite things.
It was … For, for, for the m-for the genre, it was pretty good.

(07:59):
I'll give it that.
There was a lot of suspended disbeliefand, uh, lots of … I mean, but
they're talking about an alien froma different planet and talking tigers

Dash (08:08):
don't know anything about He-Man really.
Watch the show growing up.
I don't know anything aboutShe-Ra, any of those things.
Like, those, those kinds ofcartoons, I missed them somehow

Beck (08:19):
The, the highlight of the movie was Jared Leto as Skeletor.
You can't even tell it's him.
It's wild.
Like, I tried to like, like, like figureit out, but yeah, it, it w- he, he did
a great job in that film, I thought.
I thought he was thehighlight of the, the movie.
The evil bastard

Dash (08:38):
right.
It's nice to see that, I guess so Iguess, I mean, and I can cut this out
later if it doesn't work, but we couldtalk really quick about those segments
you know, we're, we're fancy pants nowin, in season two, so we're official.

Beck (08:53):
So the, the idea I guess was,

Dash (08:55):
to s- and we

Beck (08:56):
'cause

Dash (08:57):
about this

Beck (08:57):
we talked about before, like shifting like that back to,

Dash (09:00):
or shifting it

Beck (09:01):
or shifting-

Dash (09:01):
being something we have to come up

Beck (09:03):
Okay

Dash (09:03):
fly and being pure improv, and more like something that we can
incorporate into an episode and then, you

Beck (09:10):
to have showed in there

Dash (09:11):
it plays out in the next episode so that there's a little bit more prep

Beck (09:14):
That's, that resolve.

Dash (09:15):
but I didn't want it to

Beck (09:16):
I didn't want it to be adding more work.

Dash (09:19):
so

Beck (09:20):
So

Dash (09:20):
had ideas like stupid shit like show and tell, where each of us
brings a an item that we have, likea weird item, something unusual, and
the other has to guess like what itis or why you have it or what its
story is, bonus points for creativity.

(09:41):
or we could each, aYouTube video that makes

Beck (09:45):
Video that makes us

Dash (09:46):
and

Beck (09:46):
laugh and show it

Dash (09:48):
and

Beck (09:48):
and

Dash (09:48):
to it.
We could prepare an anecdote ofsome kind, uh, on a theme And then,
you know, we could put m- review amovie on there so that if it lands
on that, then that's what we do

Beck (09:59):
Okay

Dash (10:00):
So I'm making a wheel that has all these things on it.
Okay, so I've got show and tell,
YouTube night a s- a story from social
book report,

(10:23):
reading
Movie review

Beck (10:27):
I think they're great

Dash (10:28):
I, and I've got like a word game or trivia or
do Pictionary or
it work for
Uh, so I'm just gonna do trivia/word

(10:48):
And then,
I've got joke
So,

Beck (10:58):
So,

Dash (10:59):
we land on
back and
a,
f- a
And then finally I've got anecdote.
So for anecdote and movie review,
either the movies

(11:19):
what's it called?
The theme for the

Beck (11:23):
I think those are all great ideas

Dash (11:24):
so we'll, B- at the end of every episode we'll spin and see
what we're gonna do for the next time

Beck (11:29):
Then and see what we gotta do Okay.
That'll really change things up.
I think that'll be fun

Dash (11:30):
maybe s- uh, like a least a little 10, 15-minute segment that people can
actually, like, know what's gonna happenin the next episode, 'cause they never do.
They just show up and th- assume we're

Beck (11:41):
Let's assume we're gonna entertain this one.
Let's

Dash (11:43):
which is a bold

Beck (11:44):
choose a bowl or think we're entertaining

Dash (11:47):
Yehaw Get down.

Beck (11:48):
Yehaw

Dash (11:49):
I'm so tired of them lately

Beck (11:51):
I hear you.
If I could ship Pita offto somewhere, I would.
To like boarding school,she would be there

Dash (11:57):
They have boarding school for dogs.
Like, you send them off and they getlike beha- you know, training and stuff

Beck (12:03):
She has Trazodone that she takes for stressful situations, and we gave
it to her last night for the movies.
And she still was a barker, so it was…
She's, she's done better on itbefore than she did last night.
So we'll have to figure that out.
'Cause I wanna go.
There's several movies coming thissummer, and it's a lot of fun to go, so

Dash (12:22):
I would go to the drive-in if I could.
That sounds fun.
I used to go to the one in Corbin a lot

Beck (12:28):
We bought a little battery-operated radio, and then we bought a
splitter and two sets of earbuds.
And so we listened to the…
Because the car keeps turning offafter, like, 15 minutes, and then you
gotta restart the, you know, the, yougotta restart the aux or whatever.
Um, and it's just a pain in the ass.
You don't wanna listen through your phone.
You don't wanna listenthrough anything like that.
So we decided to put it directlyin our ears, and we got the

(12:51):
battery-operated AM/FM radio andthe splitter and two headphones.
So it cost us, like, 30 bucks toinvest in it, but if we're gonna do
it all summer, that's really worthit, and it sounded great last night

Dash (13:03):
Eat meth?
I heard there's a pronoun joke in it

Beck (13:05):
He had the, They show his nameplate, like that he's telling
you that he's this alien from outerspace or whatever, and he's telling
you that he's looking for this sword.
And then you go to his work, andit's like, uh, Adam Glen, he/him.
It was, it was funny.
I noticed that.

Dash (13:20):
That is pretty

' Beck (13:21):
Cause he tries to mediate all the way through it.
Uh, you probably would like it.
It was a pretty good movie
And a lot of it is theimagination of a child.
Like, some of the main characters are,like, Ram Head and Fisto 'cause he has a
big fist, and he's like, "I do not fistpeople," like 100 times in the movie.
There's some funny lines like that

Dash (13:38):
It's really becoming apparent that I know nothing about He-Man.
Oh man, there's thisYouTube series called Jizz,

Beck (13:50):
Yehaw

Dash (13:51):
where it's…
Yeah, it's a guy who, he edited

Beck (13:55):
Of course

Dash (13:56):
over Jem and the Holograms episodes, and he was just a gay
dude who edited, you know, gaysort of audio or what's it called?
Dialogue over Jem and the Holograms.
And he actually became the editor forthe Trixie and Katya Show on YouTube.
But that, like, I'm more likelyto have seen that version.

(14:18):
There's, there's, uh, the He-Man versionof the 4 Non Blondes, What's Going On.
Have you seen that?

Beck (14:23):
No

Dash (14:24):
that, I'm more likely to be familiar with what people have
done to the, a, a popular culturething than the, the f- actual thing

Beck (14:32):
I am so not up to date on drag queen culture or, like, all of that.
I've seen maybe two episodes ofRuPaul's Drag Race in my life, and I
couldn't tell you anything about them.
I just … It's so over the topgay, it is just too much for me.
It … I know that sounds crazybeing a gay person, but I think

(14:54):
it's so stereotypical thatsometimes I think it hurts us.
Um, it gives something p- people somethingto negatively speak about in my opinion.
I think it's a great culture.
I think there's a lotof fun to be had in it.
It's just not for me.
I'm kind of a prude, I guess

Dash (15:09):
well, and stuff like that actually, like that's the thing that
people are like most likely to findrespectable, is drag queens on a TV show.
They're, it's, it's through that m- that

Beck (15:22):
Through then

Dash (15:23):
of popular culture that straight people, like the straight world, is
most likely to tolerate queerness.

Beck (15:29):
Right

Dash (15:29):
that becomes what they are most, like they're, they don't,
they're not gonna know anything about

Beck (15:35):
know anything about real

Dash (15:36):
queer people

Beck (15:37):
queer panic

Dash (15:37):
their experiences and their needs, because what they think of
when they think of gay is somethinglike RuPaul's Drag Race, which isn't
even of real drag, because it's

Beck (15:51):
Maybe that's why I don't like it.
I don't, I don't like reality shows verymuch either, so that, that compounds it.
But I don't like Queer as Folk either.
I don't like, uh, Queer Eyefor the Straight Guy or just
Queer Eye as it's now called.
It's, it's just too over thetop, in your face gay culture,

(16:12):
like, it feels like a performanceto me, which of course it is.

Dash (16:15):
Yehaw

Beck (16:15):
feels inauthentic to me, and it, it, it rubs me the wrong way, and I don't
like being represented by inauthenticity.
That's a hard word to say

Dash (16:25):
it's a very specific part of one part of queerness.
and it's the part that alwaysgets represented, which is the
cis gay experience like cis malegay experience or perspective.
And something like QueerEye is literally that.
It's literally like them authoring the

(16:45):
I don't even know.
one,
two or three seasons of
there
I followed
am
individual performers
whatever they're doing, and I
them

(17:08):
and that's where
like gender
racial
and always has been.
That was the first
started to

(17:31):
drag
drag
mainland American
they would be
But like
do a
if it's

Beck (17:46):
if

Dash (17:48):
I, I, I
role that
in a lot of ways
they're the folk
a
a lot
community's core culture

(18:09):
that
But you're not somebody
has the identities
thing,
I could imagine
very

Beck (18:22):
it.
I think something you have to alsobe mindful of when it comes to gay
media and stuff is we know aboutthe male gaze, but there's also,
I think, a heterosexual gaze.
Because it's well known that straightwomen are really into things like
heated rivalry or, or gay men beingtogether and things like that.
It's like really a fantasyfor them or whatever it is.

(18:45):
Uh, and so it's not just men consuminglesbian content, it is wom- straight
women consuming gay male content whichI find really interesting, you know?
Somebody once told-- I know a lesbian who,

Dash (18:57):
So I know the lead way

Beck (18:58):
we talked, years ago we talked about this, and she liked
watching male-on-male porn becauseshe said no women were being hurt.
And I've always thoughtabout that, you know?

Dash (19:09):
Yeah, and there's no like female degrading or subjectivity.
And like you, you know thatyou're not at risk of that.
So like

Beck (19:16):
Yeah

Dash (19:17):
you go in and…
I had a kid, one of my studentswho transitioned we were talking
about You know, orientation,
a
were living in a,

(19:41):
And i-
there's quite a
trans men in
to
never
before.
said that
d- dating a man

(20:04):
a man,
as
Like, you're
have to
those
things that straight
I was like, "Huh, well

Beck (20:19):
That makes a lot of sense

Dash (20:21):
he said it doesn't feel as degrading
or
that I'm one of
Okay.
Fascinating

Beck (20:30):
That is fascinating

Dash (20:32):
Which Makes me wonder, like,
then
speculative.
guess the,

(20:53):
heterosexism, compulsory
role it
be seen

Beck (21:10):
Yeah.
You know, as somebody who identifiesas a lesbian and for a long time, there
have absolutely been men that I have beenattracted to in the last 30 years, right?
But I would never initiate arelationship with a man because
I just can't even imagine havinga conversation with one more than
twice, you know for the most part.

(21:31):
so I don't think, I, I think the Kin-when you think of the Kinsey scale and
things like that, I think that's thebest way to look at it, that, you know,
it's a spectrum and your emotionalattraction is different than your physical
attraction, uh, which is differentthan your romantic attraction, right?
There's all kinds of different waysthat you can be attracted to somebody.
And I, I don't think that you canseparate them out very, very much.

(21:54):
but yeah, I think that as a lesbian it'stotally normal 'cause I have human eyes.
I can look and see, like Shemar Moore fromCriminal Minds is a beautiful human being,
and even as a lesbian I would lick hisabs because he is just beautiful, right?
Like, so you have people like that,but I'm still as queer as they come.
So I, I don't know what you would call me

Dash (22:14):
Yeah.
Well, and, and fucking attraction isnot, it's not the laws of physics, right?
It's, it, they, there's no like, "Oh,I felt an attraction to this person,
now I have to change how I identify."
Like, even identity iski- it's made up, you

Beck (22:28):
Yehaw

Dash (22:29):
what, what do we need to do and say to have the experience
we want to have out of life?
And that's, that's kind ofthe, the nuts and bolts of it.
And, you know, when it comes tomen, like, you know, a, a broken
clock can be right twice a day.
know, some of them are fine.
And the, all this comes from
like

Beck (22:46):
It all just comes from like thinking that

Dash (22:48):
and gender are so concrete

Beck (22:51):
They're anything but
When you take one of my classes,especially in women's studies, if
you leave w- if you take women'sstudies, you're gonna learn that gender
and race are socially constructed.
Um, and if you take my ethnicstudies class, you're gonna learn
that race, and then as by way ofexample, gender is also, you know,
you're gonna learn it either way.
So it's a, it's a big point.

(23:12):
And I think it really opens peopleup to the idea that maybe there isn't
just one way to be, and I think that'sa good lesson for kids to learn.
I call them kids and they're 18, 19

Dash (23:23):
Good lesson for kids to learn.
I do too, and I've gotta,I've gotta stop it.
But the, the whole socialconstruct thing, I think people are
distressed by that idea at first.
I'm trying to put myself in the shoesof someone who finds that upsetting.
Because
because there's no good goddamn reason forsome of the ways we have to be , right?

(23:45):
There's, like, no good excusefor something like inequality
between genders or sexes.
There's no good excuse for
the
like,
on the other hand, you
what they

(24:06):
Yeah, but made
made up means made by us.
constructed means made by a society.
through its
about
the, the horrifying part

Beck (24:34):
The way that I explain it in class is I start off by saying, "How
many of you would think I am crazyif I said Canada is imaginary?"
And I get some laughs, right?
And I'm like, "But it absolutely is."
I was like, "What would happen ifan alien came down and zap, all
of the humans disappeared," right?
What would happen to the boundarybetween Canada and the United States?

(24:56):
It would physically still be there,but the representation of, oh, this is
Canada, and oh, this is the United States,those ideas are only ideas because we
agree as a people to share those ideas.
You know, it's like money.
Just because we giveit value, it has value.
And people really seem to, tounderstand that, that it exists and
it's real, but it's 100% made up.

(25:18):
Because, you know, your, your boundaryof the state of Ohio, people did that.
Like we just agree it's a, it'sa mass agreement that, that
it's a, it's a fact, right?
But it's really not.
It's just a, a piece of land that'ssitting there, and we put all kinds
of meaning and attach meaning to it.
They seem to do a good job with that, so

Dash (25:36):
Yeah, if you can, if you can apply it to something that has been somehow
less politicized, kind of wild that actualliteral borders have been less politicized
than something like race or gender

Beck (25:48):
You gotta, the only word I can think of is pussyfoot around, like a
lot of the, the, the stuff you have to,like you have to make se- I say several
times a semester when I have whitemen in my class, I say, "Just remember
we're not trying to make white menthe villain in this scenario," right?
We're talking about, as we agreed asa class, white men are the dominant

(26:08):
paradigm in American culture,just like if we were in Japanese,
it would be Japanese men, right?
We're in America, so white men arethe dominant paradigm, and they
get all of this power simply forbeing born into that demographic.
And it's important to understand howthat power is distributed, right?
And, and that's where we, that'show we understand race and gender

(26:31):
as, as distributions of power, um,and equal distributions of power.
And I think it's a, a reallygood way to, to look at it.

Dash (26:39):
Th- like, this issue we're having with the evangelical conservative
Republican thing is c- I think i- it'sa misunderstanding, but it's also an
what Judeo-Christian
means.

(26:59):
and I've taught, like,
and culture, it's like
who all agree
about n- their socially
culture is
so
West
or
white, Western

(27:20):
you need to
here,
we're
mean
doesn't
is

(27:42):
if
at
being
believe
I know
it is sort of
of our, of a,

(28:02):
because we

Beck (28:03):
Just because we are all literally affected by

Dash (28:05):
we need to, to appeal to

Beck (28:07):
to appeal to it, that that actually should be our whole life.

Dash (28:10):
of

Beck (28:10):
That's definitely the right side, obviously.
Yeah.

Dash (28:13):
you

Beck (28:13):
But you cannot

Dash (28:15):
about

Beck (28:16):
disagree about something.
Here's the thing

Dash (28:17):
Y- we wouldn't be able to

Beck (28:18):
We wouldn't be able to argue about it or disagree with it if it didn't

Dash (28:21):
all

Beck (28:22):
follow any of those.
So, and

Dash (28:23):
So l- like your example

Beck (28:25):
like your example with the aliens.

Dash (28:27):
wouldn't

Beck (28:27):
An alien would find out that they're

Dash (28:29):
God is

Beck (28:30):
completely insane.

Dash (28:30):
because they

Beck (28:31):
They

Dash (28:31):
know what I'm

Beck (28:32):
don't know what I'm talking about.
They don't believe it becausethey aren't living it.
They rely on sources of information.
Right.
I watched a really good movie thisweek in my procrastination called
You Can Live Forever, I think

Dash (28:35):
because they aren't

Beck (28:35):
is

Dash (28:36):
dictate their lives the way we are.

Beck (28:45):
the name of it.
Um, it was a lesbian movie, two younggirls, high school age and they are
in the, uh, Jehovah's Witnesses.
And I learned a lot about theJehovah's Witness sect from watching
that movie that I didn't know.
Um, just little things someof it has already escaped me.
Um, but the, the fact that they saythey belong to the truth if they're

(29:05):
part of the congregation that shegot in trouble for having a birthday,
for example, that was a big deal.
And like you said, I th- wherereligion is so socially constructed,
it's what people understand about.
Like the whole birthday thing, her and herfriend who was not a Jehovah's Witness,
all he did was buy her a piece of cake ina diner for her birthday, and everybody in

(29:25):
her church got really mad about it, right?
That is some sociallyconstructed nonsense.
That's, that's what we're talking about.
It's their religion and really importantto them, and I think that's one of
the only things that most peopleknow about Jehovah's Witnesses is
they don't, they don't like holidays.
I don't understand why.
I just know that they don't.
I think that they consider thempagan or satanic or something.

(29:46):
I don't know.

Dash (29:47):
It could be like idolatry

Beck (29:49):
Yeah.
I know when I worked at Amazon, um,I was on what was called the, uh,
attrition, retention, and moralecommittee, the ARM committee, and we
helped sponsor, uh, decorations allover the site for different holidays.
And we had one girl who was aJehovah's Witness, and for her
team, they just didn't decorate,and it was really a downer.
I just can't imagine forcing my religionon a whole group of people like that.

(30:13):
Like, you can't exist around Halloween?
Like, this, this, this drawing ofa ghost is really gonna affect you?
Like, it just…
I don't, I don't know.
Maybe it's because I'm not a religiousperson and I don't understand that.
If I'm wrong, somebody please correct me.

Dash (30:27):
I think of the, the fundamental things about religion is that
you can't have a, sense of playor humor or anything like that.
Like, everybody fuckingcelebrates Christmas.
People who don't believe in Christian-like, white people who don't believe in
Christianity, and literal members of otherreligions, right, celebrate Christmas.
They manage to find a way to have fun, tomake something good out of Christmas that

(30:50):
is the religious holiday that, that theydon't celebrate, you know, for like, say,
like Jews or Muslims or Sikhs or whoever.
But zealots aren't gonna do that.
Zealots can't find the fun inanything that isn't their own story.
just Googled it, and Jehovah's Witnessesdon't celebrate certain holidays.

(31:10):
We were both right, because it mayhave pagan roots, or it promotes the
worship of entities above JehovahI don't know anything about them.
I, my, one of my friend's parentswere JWs, and whenever I was over
at his house, they would have, like,their Watchtower magazines and stuff.
They were the 144,000 people, right?

Beck (31:30):
No, that's the Mormons.
I'm pretty sure

Dash (31:32):
No.
Jehovah's Witnesses, butmaybe it's Mormons too.
But yeah, Jehovah's Witnesses believethat exactly 144,000 faithful Christians
will be resurrected to heaven.
I'm gonna ask

Beck (31:45):
Such a specific number

Dash (31:47):
I know, right?
Okay, no, Mormons is not 144,000But it i- there is a restriction
though, it's just not that number.
So yeah, that was, that's oneof the few things I remember.
It was like, okay, so y'allhave to like rouchambeau for it?
We standing outside the pearlygates playing rock, paper, scissors?

Beck (32:06):
My luck, I'd be 144,001

Dash (32:09):
Yeah.
Like, is that supposed to makeme want to join your religion?
Because it doesn't.
assume there's already been thatmany people died in the world,
in the history of the world.

Beck (32:22):
Like, the, the ideology presented in the movie suggested that they
believe that there's going to be alarge war of some kind, and there's
gonna be a new what they call systemafterwards, um, a new organization
of culture and society, I guess.
Um, and that everyone that hadever died will come back to life
and be pain-free and live happily.
I didn't know that was their belief.

(32:44):
Like I said, I learned a lot aboutthe Jehovah's Witnesses by watching,
you know, an hour and a half movie.
Things I hadn't … I didn't evenknow what I didn't know, you know?
It's one of those things.
There's … I didn't evenknow what I didn't know

Dash (32:55):
So there's, all right, it's- they've got two classes.
It's called the two classes of the saved.
So that's the 144,000, are consideredspiritual Israelites who have
the heavenly hope of reigningover the universe from heaven.
Wow, so they become God?
And then there's the great crowdor the other sheep, an innumerable

(33:20):
ever-growing group of faithfulfollowers who have the earthly hope.
After surviving Armageddon, they will liveforever in a restored physical paradise
on Earth ruled over by Jesus and the144,000 in heaven So if you're a believer,
then you get to stay on Earth forever.
You become immortal onEarth after Armageddon.
That sounds like a punishment to me

Beck (33:39):
Yeah.
One thing I did notice was the hymnsbecause they show them being in, in
their, I don't know if you call ittemple or, or, or what you call it,
um, in their religious gathering.
And the songs were justso dead on their religion.
Like, "We believe that Jehovah isthe, the leader of our 144,000."

(34:02):
Like, it was

Dash (34:04):
Oh,

Beck (34:04):
There was … Yeah, it, it was hilarious in my opinion.

Dash (34:08):
Written by ChatGPT.

Beck (34:10):
Yeah funny

Dash (34:20):
This, I don't know if this is true.
I was about to, I'm gonna say it and thenI'm gonna Google it and see if it's true.
I think that there are 55,000denominations of Christianity in America

Beck (34:31):
Wow

' Dash (34:33):
Cause we just

Beck (34:34):
That would be over 1,000 in each state

Dash (34:36):
45,000 So there are 45,000 Christian denominations due to
schisms and splintering of Protestantbeliefs Which is crazy to me

Beck (34:50):
That's a lot of,
acid plates

Dash (34:53):
everything I find out about this stuff makes me more suspicious of it

Beck (34:58):
Yeah.
I'm with you.
Like I've said before, I wish Icould give myself to some higher
belief, but I'm too suspicious
So many kisses I'm getting over here.
Hi.
Rue's just handing out kissesleft and right over here

Dash (35:13):
Mine are awfully cuddly.
It's because it's hot.
I don't know why theywanna cuddle when it's hot

Beck (35:17):
Yeah.
Our apartment does not directlyface the sun so we are able to
keep it pretty cool in here.
Plus it's always coolerhere than everywhere else.
So we keep it at 68

Dash (35:28):
I went down a a kind of rabbit hole looking up this week's sponsor.
But I found a Reddit threadcalled Puttin' On Airs, which I
don't know anything else about.
Or this Reddit is ca- this sub is calledPuttin' On Airs, but the thread on it is
basically the question is, "What's themost redneck thing you've ever done?"

(35:51):
so I just, like, was sitting herereading this whole thread, and some
of them, you know, they're justkind of relatable, funny things.
Re- a lot of them are But, uh, solike this person, "I fisted a steer."

Beck (36:01):
I once did it on a four-wheeler.

Dash (36:04):
Oh, nice.
But this one here, like you everlike read the thing, like you're
scrolling on TikTok or something or onsocial media, and you read the thing
and you're like, "Okay, that's it.
I have to close the tab and godo something," because that's
the funniest thing I'll see, inthis session of doom scrolling.
And so this person said, "We were doingsome work for this stupid rich guy
in Mississippi a giraffe and a zebra.

(36:26):
The, the giraffe got into the zebra'syard and kept trying to fuck it.
We had to use four-wheelers and an airhorn to scare the giraffe back into its
yard so it wouldn't butt fuck the zebra."
Yeah, that is pretty redneck

Beck (36:43):
Have you ever run from the law?

Dash (36:45):
Yes.
I've
on here though.
It was with the potato gun

Beck (36:51):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, behind the bingo hall.
One time we were coming throughIronton, Ohio, uh, and Hanging Rock,
which is the little right beside it.
Um, and it's, Hanging Rock isknown, just the cops get…
You go 55 through there.
You know, you don't speed through there.
And we were, we were enjoying some,some herbal refreshments and driving

(37:12):
down through there, and a cop seesus, and I'm speeding of course, and he
flips around and comes following us.
So I take the exit, and I saw a little,like, driveway, so I pulled up in
this driveway of this off-the-roadlittle church, and we saw the cop
fly right past us on that road.
So he was following us, and we gotaway in that little churchyard.

(37:32):
We turned around, went back the otherdirection and got the hell out of there.
Um, that's the only time Iactively ran from the cops

Dash (37:38):
That time is the only one I can remember in a vehicle.
We used to, like rollerbladingwas big when I was in high school,
in middle school and high school.
And the kids at Williamsburg some ofthem were that skater kid type of thing.
And so I did that for a little while,and we would go and skate places.

(38:01):
This was back when, and I-maybe they still do this.
Kids, if you're a skater now, like, arethere still signs everywhere that say
no rollerblading or skateboarding on s-in sidewalks and parking lots and stuff?
But there were back then, and sowe were s- we would go skating on
the Cumberland College, campus.
It's University of the Cumberlands now,but back then it was Cumberland College.

(38:22):
And they would chase us all overthat, uh, campus, but I don't…
Like, there's that separation becausethey weren't real police, and so, like, if

Beck (38:31):
Right

Dash (38:31):
on campus, they could, they could try to get us, and if they did, they
could call the police, but they couldn'tcall them until we left like that.
And so, like, we would leave campus,take them off, and then, like,
run to whoever's car and leave.
And, like, stuff like that,like, we used to really…
We would go through that campus and,like, gun the engine and, like, blow

(38:54):
smoke and try to wake everybody up.
Like, we were total dicks to that college.
And they were right across thestreet from our high school, so
they just had no defense against us

Beck (39:03):
The police at the universities, they really don't have a lot of power,
which, um, I'm on … I follow a lotof random pages on, on the internet,
and one of them on Facebook is a parentpage for the university, which I find
interesting because they always haveanswers to questions and things I
hadn't thought of before, and it keepsme up to date on what's happening
with students and things like that.

(39:24):
and they'll be like, "Idon't know where to park.
There's no parking.
We have to park so far away."
I'm like, "Unless your car is actuallyregistered to your student, park wherever
the fuck you want because they canticket you and there's nothing y- th-
it, it doesn't go into the Ohio system.
It's just a campus ticket."
I mean, if you get enough of them,you could get a boot or whatever, but
if you're just do- on, on moving inday, just park there for 10 minutes.

(39:48):
You know what I mean?
Like

Dash (39:50):
Well, and most campuses, like they have a system for dealing
with parking on move-in day.
Like

Beck (39:56):
Yehaw

Dash (39:56):
campuses that have an actual number of students coming in, w- the whole
every fucking staff member on campus hadto, to sign up for at least one shift
of move-in day, and we w- would, youknow, "Here you've got, here's your…"
They would- the parents would haveto sign up for a 15-minute slot.
They could come and parkright in front of the door.
was at EKU.
They had the best system I've ever seen.

Beck (40:16):
Sounds like what BG does

Dash (40:18):
if you don't park…
As long as you park inan actual spot, you know.
Like if you, if you do somethingstupid, like we have called
people to get towed before becausethey blocked something, right?
They parked somewhere that, that itisn't even supposed to be any parking.
Like you'll get towed for thatshit, but yeah, just like you say,
like these aren't real tickets.

Beck (40:36):
Yehaw

Dash (40:37):
like fa- faculty and staff are more likely to get a ticket than you.

Beck (40:42):
Yeah.
Well, and there would be someincentive to pay it if you're
faculty, you know what I mean?
Because your car is gonna be on campusa lot, and if you ev- don't pay it,
you're eventually gonna have it comeoff your Bursar bill, or they're gonna
get their money one way or the other.
You know what I mean?
But if you are just somebody whodoesn't have any connection to the
college besides your kid, and ifyour tags aren't, like, connected

(41:02):
to that kid, do whatever you want.
They're not gonna … There'sno repercussions whatsoever.
You know, you might get towed ifyou park at a really shitty place,
but, I mean, just be res- berespectful and you're gonna be fine.
I just don't understand people who, whowon't bend little rules here and there
on things that have no consequence.
One time I was drivingwith a friend in my car,

Dash (41:24):
a

Beck (41:24):
and I don't know if you remember the PNC Bank in BG.
Um, it has an, one side an entranceand one side an exit, and the exit
side has two parking spots there.
And if you're coming down, uh, MainStreet and you pull in the exit,
you can pull right into that parkingspot and it's not a big deal, right?
But my friend freaked out because Iwent in the exit, and he was like,
"You can't do that," and blah, blah.

(41:45):
I was like, "Dude, it's fine.
There was nobody evenin the drive-through."
You know?
Like, uh, it doesn't hurt anything.
I don't understand people who can'tbe flexible, I guess is my point

Dash (41:55):
Yeah.
Like moral, moral rigidity is, thatshould, that should only exist in
some really extreme situations Ifound out that, I think this was
the ca- well, I, this was the caseat two universities I've worked at.
If you call public safety for something,they're gonna check for warrants.
We

Beck (42:14):
Oh, wow

Dash (42:15):
way at, at orientation at EKU.
A student, somebody, Idon't know what happened.
They locked their keys in theircar or something like that, and we
called public safety, and they ranthem for warrants, and they had one.

Beck (42:26):
Oh.

Dash (42:27):
this kid came to orientation, and their m- parent
or whoever got, went to jail.

Beck (42:33):
That's crazy

Dash (42:35):
Yeah.
Let's, let's listen, let's hear fromthis week's sponsor, and then I'll
tell you why I was looking it up,'cause I found some other fun stuff.
this week's episode of Queernecksis brought to you by topix.net.
This website started out withnoble intentions, trying to be a
respectable aggregator for localnews and community announcements.

(42:55):
Then the founders gave the fine peopleof the rural working class an anonymous
forum in every single zip code inAmerica, and it instantly turned into
the information gossip superhighway.
Back when Facebook was only forcollege kids and long before
Nextdoor, topix was the place wheresmall town civility went to die.
It was a digital map of the countrywhere nobody had to sign their name,

(43:15):
creating a modern-day telephone partyline fueled by pure, unadulterated
malice and dial-up internet.
When you logged into your local topixpage, you skipped the news articles
entirely and went straight to the forums.
You were looking at a wall of textwhere people accused their neighbors
of stealing lawnmowers, exposed whowas cheating on who behind the car
wash, detailed exactly which local highschool football coach was allegedly

(43:37):
running a pill clinic out of his garage.
It was a beautiful, terrifying wastelandof defamation, where the local sheriff
spent half his shift trying to figure outwho Hollerboy88 actually was in real life.
And for the queer kids tryingto survive the mid-2000s, topix
was a but educational ecosystem.
It was a place where peopleweaponized rumor, but it was also

(43:58):
the first place you saw proof thatthe town was deeply obsessed with
what happened behind closed doors.
learned how to read between the lines ofthe local slander just to figure out who
else might be flying under the radar.
This was a master class in human nature,and it proved that if you give a small
town resident a username like Guest304and a blank text box, they will drop a
piece of information that will dividea local church congregation into three

(44:21):
separate factions by Sunday morning.
So topix, the now-defunct digitalgraveyard where the grudges of 2008
are preserved in amber forever.
And now, back to Queernecks, where weare still trying to undo the reputational
damage caused by an anonymous threadfrom our sophomore year of high school

Beck (44:39):
That was a great one

Dash (44:40):
Did you, did, uh, you have a p- topix where you were

Beck (44:43):
Oh yeah, there were topixes everywhere.
Um, I was in Huntington at that point.
Yeah, there was topix.
That's when I moved from Huntingtonto Cincinnati, or to Hamilton
and there was one there too.
They were wild

Dash (44:55):
Yeah.
I used to haunt one of this dudewho was so fascinatingly weird.
He, he was this guy who thought thathe was entitled a beautiful girlfriend
because, uh, his dad was rich.
He would just come out and say this stuff,and he wasn't trolling, that's the thing,
because I- we had a mutual in real life.

(45:16):
And people would come on there tocall him stupid and tell him he didn't
know what he was talking about, andhe would just argue with them all day.
And, and finally I was like,"This is this man's life."
he had a public Facebook.
He still has a public Facebook,and occasionally I'll just go and
look and see what he's up to, andhe's, he's posted on there a couple
times, "I miss the old topix site."

(45:37):
I bet you do.
That was all you did.
meth

Beck (45:42):
the one in Portsmouth, they had a, uh, uh, somebody posted a
question, "Do you think Jonas is gay?"
And, like, God love his soul, Jonaswas one of those people that you
could see was gay from 100 paces.
You know?
Like, the way he moved, the wayhe did his hair, the way he spoke,
the way he moved his hands, theway he dressed, the way he walked.

(46:02):
Like, everything about him just screamedqueer, and it just, it made me laugh
then, and it still makes me laugh now.
Who was so confused that theydidn't know that Jonas was gay?
Like

Dash (46:15):
They had to make a topix forum about it.

Beck (46:17):
Yeah.
Like, no shit he's gay.
Like, you know what I mean?
your gaydar is so bad

Dash (46:24):
Yeah, I, I mean, and were never any about me because I wasn't from there.
But the I don't know if it was aWilliamsburg one or Corbin, was a thread
about, or there was a forum about Davidafter he died, and I was like, "All right,
I'm just not gonna be on topix anymore."
But it got taken down because peopledid sue it for defamation, and topix

(46:44):
had to actually give up the IP addressesof people who participated in a
thread, defaming this couple that sued.
And so Top- that's where topix went.
They, they, like, got shut down.
But you can still go and lookat some of the old forums on the
WayBack Machine, which is what I wasdoing I found that redneck thread

Beck (47:03):
The Internet Graveyard is an interesting place

Dash (47:06):
I like to watch YouTube videos or like icebergs about weird defunct
sites or things like that, likethe forgotten things of the early

Beck (47:20):
Do you, did you ever see the videos from that Matty McTech guy
that says, "Here's an interestingwebsite you didn't know about"?
did one the other day called Driveand Listen, like driveandlisten.com.
Um, basically you can Google Mapshop, um, and drive through traffic
through different cities, and whileat the same time you have a whole
list of their local radio stations.

(47:42):
So you can drive around thesecities and listen to their radio
stations all over the world

Dash (47:47):
Where does he find all these websites?

Beck (47:49):
I could find out, but I spent like a good 45 minutes on that website yesterday.
It was fun
Driving through Hong Konglistening to Chinese music

Dash (47:56):
Oh, that's very cool.
There used to be a, a user on TikTok, acreator from West Virginia would just,
around on Google Maps, get high andfuck around on Google Maps, and sort
of narrate what she was looking at.
Some of the best content ever,and listeners, y'all probably
know who I'm talking about.
And her handle was Sinister Pond Babe,'cause she would call everything…

(48:19):
She's like, "Oh, that's sinister."
And she was a trans woman, so you- shehad that, like, that West Virginia gay
sort of like s- patois is not the rightword because that's specific to a region,
but you know what I'm getting at, right?
Like, the w- just that way

Beck (48:35):
Right

Dash (48:36):
I haven't seen her.
I was, I wish she had a YouTube channel sothat I didn't have to just go on TikTok.
if, if you're listening, SinisterPond Babe, make a YouTube channel.
Oh, I would die if, if she waslistening to us But she has rules
that, like, she can live at…
There's, like, there's signs youcan live somewhere if it has,
like, a family Mexican restaurant.
She's like, "Any- anywhere that there'sa, a Mexican restaurant, you can be fine

Beck (48:58):
Well, there's one in Lucasville, so I don't know about that.
I couldn't live there, man.
It was real hard

Dash (49:02):
in Morris.

Beck (49:03):
Yeah.
It's Senora's.
And they were pretty good.
We ate there.
We ate talk- we ate take outquite more often than we ate
in the actual restaurant.
But Lucasville is growingby leaps and bounds.
They put in a, um, a, ahighway that is a byway.
It basically diverts youcompletely around Portsmouth.
It used to be you would go down 23straight down from Columbus in a straight

(49:24):
line, and then you would basicallymake a left, um, at the Ohio River,
and then you could go to Huntington orIronton or all the way up through there.
And instead of doing that, theynow have a cut between where you
go from Lucasville to Wheelersburg.
Um, it used to be a, a 40-minutetrip, and now it's a 20-minute trip.
And you can completelybypass all of Portsmouth.

(49:45):
And w- the end of it is in Lucasville.
And so they've got a Taco Bell now,and they've got a Bigby Coffee now and
a Mexican restaurant, and yeah, thingsare starting to po- pop up down there.
Though I did notice the US Bankwas shut down, which good on them.
US Bank is the shittiest bank out there
IMO

Dash (50:04):
I wonder what's gonna happen to these little towns
with how the economy's going

Beck (50:10):
One good thing about down there is that food is still expensive, but it's a
lot cheaper than in some of the big areas.
Like, um, one time we went to Tutorsand we got like two biscuits and
some apples and a s- and a soda, andit came to like a $13 or something.
And we were like, "Are you sure?
Did you get everything on the
Like you, you got everything?"
Like, you know, with th- it's $30 to eatanywhere here in Toledo for two people.

(50:34):
It was wild.
So that's one good thingthey have going for them.
They have the … But on the otherhand, there's no freaking jobs,
so what are you supposed to do?
Buy with … You don't havemoney, you don't have…
I mean, there's things to buy,but no money to buy it with
And it's such a food desert.
There's one Walmart inall of Scioto County.
There's two Krogers inall of Scioto County.
There's just so few everythingaround town, and those are

(50:58):
the only grocery stores.
There used to be a a Food Fair andthere used to be BG Blackburns, um,
but both, they were independent grocerystores and they both shut down It's
crazy to see how stuff changes over time

Dash (51:10):
Yehaw.
Did you bring a noun ofAppalachian interest?

Beck (51:12):
I sure did.
It's a bit of a somber one today.
Let me see here

Dash (51:17):
We'll have to be extra funny next week.

Beck (51:19):
Yes.
Well, it was unplanned, so.
All right, let me get my glasses here
All right, this week's noun ofAppalachian interest is the Marshall
University Memorial Fountainin Huntington, West Virginia.
Before we get going, let me start byacknowledging that this noun is not funny.
No, this is one of those nounswhere Appalachia asks for quiet

(51:41):
first because the story matterstoo much to rush past it.
Why does this memorial exist?
Well, on November 14th, 1970, on arainy hillside in Wayne County, West
Virginia, the lives of 75 men andwomen were lost to the s- worst single
air tragedy in NCAA sports history.
Among the losses were nearly theentire Marshall University football

(52:02):
team, coaches, flight crew,numerous fans, and supporters.
The event marked a boundary by whichthe entire community would forever
measure time, before or after the crash.
The Marshall Memorial Fountain sits onthe Marshall University campus beside
the Memorial Student Center, whereit honors the 75 people who died.
The fountain was dedicated in Novemberof 1972, two years after the crash.

(52:27):
It was designed by artist HarryBertoia, and it is more than 13 feet
tall and weighs about 6,500 pounds.
This fountain is not some littledecorative water feature like you'd
see outside a dentist's office next tothree fake, fake rocks and a sad shrub.
This thing has presence.
It stands there proud and tall likeit knows what it is holding, and what

(52:47):
it is holding is a precious memory.

Dash (52:49):
Precious

Beck (52:50):
Every year on November 14th, Marshall holds a memorial
ceremony at the fountain.
A wreath is laid, the names areremembered, and then the water
is turned off, and it staysoff until the following spring.
Now, that's the part that gets mebecause a fountain is supposed to move.
That's the whole job.
The water rises, it falls, itsplashes, and it keeps going.

(53:10):
But at Marshall, once ayear, the movement stops.
The silence becomes part of the memorial,and that is all very Appalachia to me.
Lord knows people love to flattenus into sadness and poverty
like that's our whole story.
But Appalachia knows what it meansto keep living from within a loss.
Around here, memory is notlocked away somewhere distant.
It stays close.
It shows up in the places people passevery day and in the stories which

(53:33):
begin with, "Now, I don't know ifyou ever heard about this, but…"
The memorial artist said he wantedthe fountain to honor life, not just
death, with water that rises and fallsand suggests growth and mortality and
eternity, and that is the part thatmakes it more than just a monument.
It's not only saying,"Here is what happened."
It is saying, "Here is who we still carry.

(53:53):
This is how we love and honor."
And for Marshall, that fountainis also tied to identity.
You cannot really talk aboutMarshall without talking about We
Are Marshall, and that phrase isbigger than just a movie title.
Though, if you haven't seen the movie,it's a great flick filmed in Huntington.
No, We Are Marshall is a communitymotto declaring that we are still here.
We are not replacing the peoplewe lost, but we are carrying

(54:14):
them with us now and forever.
So I think that is whythis noun matters so much.
The memorial fountainis not just a fountain.
It is a ritual.
It is a physical festation of grief.
It is school spirit.
Without the tacky foam fingerpart, it is a public promise.
Memory sometimes keeps a schedule.
Every November 14th, people gather.
Every year, the water stops.

(54:35):
Every spring, the water returns.
The cycle endures.
And there's something beautifulabout that process, because it
does not pretend grief ends.
It just says grief canmove with the seasons.
Sometimes football is more thanthe game, and the Marshall Memorial
Fountain remembers this well.
That's your Noun of Appalachian Interest

Dash (54:54):
Wow.
I didn't know that.
I just looked it up.
It's beautiful

Beck (54:58):
Yeah.
It's a, it's a big thing theycover it on the news every year.
They, they really still honorthe memory of those people.
It w- happened in Kenova, WestVirginia, where the airport is.
It's a tiny little airport.
But it was raining that night, and the,they were on their way back and the, they
missed the, the landing strip and hit a,it hit a hill, and it killed everybody
on the plane Oh, you've seen it?

Dash (55:20):
No, I haven't seen the movie

Beck (55:21):
Oh.
We, when I lived there,they were filming it.
One time we were on our way towork at Amazon, and we were coming
down, uh, 3rd Avenue or 4th Avenue,I can't remember, 4th Avenue.
And Matthew McConaughey was standingbeside the street in his '70s outfit,
'cause it was from the '70s, right?
So he was dressed in '70s apparel, andhe was on his cell phone by a dumpster,

(55:43):
and we like, I screamed like a straightgirl and nearly ran my car off the
road, 'cause I was like, "Oh, my God."
But then there was a couple of scenesthat we actually watched being filmed.
Um, at the beginning of the movie, the,there, there's a couple of kids who are
hurt on the football team, and so theydon't go on the trip, and they're at the
movies, and then there's all the sirensand all the stuff that happens, and they
come running out of the movie theater.

(56:03):
And we were s- we were in aparking garage across the street
watching them film the whole thing.
And there's pe- I, we know peoplein the extras and like all of the…
It's, it's very…
They, they go to Jim's Spaghetti,which I've eaten at several times.
Um, it was just, it's really neat.
It, it's a, they do a goodjob representing Huntington.
If you've not s- if you'venot seen it, I recommend it

Dash (56:24):
Getting which I read it several times.
It's just, it's really neat.
It, it's, uh, they do a good jobrepresenting us We should add
this If not needed, I recommendthat We could add it to the wheel.
So s- somebody get the web administratorof the University of Marshall on
the phone for me, please, becausethis website is a fucking disaster.
Every link I click on is dead.
Tell me about the fountain

Beck (56:39):
That seems right on brand for Marshall

Dash (56:41):
Isn't it?

Beck (56:42):
Yeah.
When I moved to Huntington, Iapplied there but never went.
I never signed up for classes or whatever.
Um, Shanna went there, so she, that waswhere she spent her first two years of
college, but she finished at Miami with me
My neighbor's kid got a karaoke machine.

(57:04):
Can you imagine howexcited I am about that?

Dash (57:06):
Go out there and join them

Beck (57:08):
It's better than the high school band that lived in my front yard

Dash (57:11):
What's your karaoke song?

Beck (57:13):
Me and Bobby motherfucking McGee busted flat in Baton Rouge

Dash (57:17):
Chri- the Janis version or the Kris Kristofferson version?

Beck (57:20):
Oh, the Janis version for sure.

Dash (57:22):
Yehaw

Beck (57:22):
Me and my best friend would get up and sing that, like, every time we went to
the Midnight Cowboy, or the Midnight Rodeois what it was called, the Midnight Rodeo.
They had a bull that we would ride.
It was, it was hilarious.
It was a good time.
That's where mom, we went withmom when she let us pick the bar

Dash (57:37):
Did you ever do karaoke in Bowling Green?

Beck (57:40):
Nope.
The only bar I was ever inin Bowling Green was Grumpy
Dave's, and I went to trivia

Dash (57:45):
Well, that's what it was.
We, it, they had a karaoke night too.
we went up there I was there infrequently.
It was, it was always because ofsome s- I made some friends that had
graduated from the program prior,and they still lived in town, and
they would always wanna go there.
so yeah, the, we went to a karaokenight, and Eric was there with us.

(58:06):
And he is a, he's like a reallygood singer, which I didn't know.
But also, the song he chose to do wasRing of Fire by Johnny Cash, and he was

Beck (58:16):
Oh, wow

Dash (58:17):
dead-on good at it that we thought the radio was playing.
Like, he didn't tell ushe was going to do it.
I just noticed he was gone, and Ringof Fire was playing, and I just s- it
sounded like the Johnny Cash version.
And so then I, I just lookedover, and I was like, "Oh my God,
that's Eric singing this song."
And so our whole table just got up and ranover there, and we're like, "You didn't

Beck (58:39):
That's
awesome

Dash (58:41):
Uh, I don't think I've done it since…
Well, I haven't done it sinceI transitioned, but I was…
What did I…
I w- I, I remember doing Fiona Apple

Beck (58:49):
That's a good one, like criminal

Dash (58:51):
I, I did that one.
I, I remember having a lot of fun doingher cover of that Beatles song, Nothing…
What is that song?
She did it for thePleasantville soundtrack

Beck (59:01):
I just watched that the other night

Dash (59:02):
Nothing's gonna change my world or whatever.

Beck (59:05):
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Yeah

Dash (59:10):
like her cover of that, it's a really good cover, so I
did that at karaoke once at…
Oh, it was at Hooters.
Karaoke at Hooters was awesome.
there's like the…
Was it Thursday night party scenefor you when you were in college?

Beck (59:27):
You know, I didn't party a lot.
My friends and I smokedpot, and so we would do that
basically any night of the week.
Um, we didn't have a lot of money,and drinking has never really been
my thing, so, and plus going to bars.
I was considered, I was notreally fat at that time.
I was a bigger girl.
So at Miami, I was considered obesebecause I was like a size 14 or whatever.

(59:48):
Um, so I didn't go out a lot.
And plus I wasn't part of thefraternity or sorority life,
um, which was so big at Miami.
So my answer is no.
I, I did, I didn't go out a lot

Dash (59:59):
so you don't know.
Well, at EKU it was Thurs- atmost colleges it's Thursdays
because kids go home on weekends.
EKU was a suitcasecollege back in the day,

Beck (01:00:07):
Yehaw

Dash (01:00:07):
go out and do their partying on Thursdays.
And so because of that, all thebusinesses would have their Thursday
night programming to, you know, tryto cultivate re- repeat customers.
So the bowling alley, forinstance, they had their…
It was 50 cent game night.
And had 50 cent wings and karaoke.

(01:00:29):
So the, me and the, the kids frommy f- dorm, we would go to Hooters
and have, you know, wings there.
Uh, so it, maybe Richmond it was a better,better environment for Thursday night
programming that didn't involve drinking.
Because also, like, that was whenit changed from being able to get
into a club at 18, you had to be 21.

(01:00:50):
somebody had to take over stufffor the people under, that
weren't, that couldn't drink

Beck (01:00:55):
Yehaw
Oxford was so small, we didn'thave a lot of places you could go.
you either went to the bars or therestaurants were either like Wendy's or so
upscale you had to dress up to go there.
There was like no in between.
So

Dash (01:01:09):
Yeah.
That was the best thing about Richmondwas all the opportunities to socialize.
Like, going to school at EKUwas a very social experience.
EKU used to be famousfor being a party school.
I don't think it is anymore

Beck (01:01:22):
BGSU is definitely a party school still, well known for it

Dash (01:01:26):
I remember living across the street from…
Well, I lived downtown, and um, theworst day of the whole year was St.
Patrick's Day.
Those monsters would get up at 6:00 AM put

Beck (01:01:39):
yeah

Dash (01:01:40):
and go, go down to the Stone's Throw and drink their breakfast.
And, like, Stone's Throw would open early.
They would do, like, a, an Irishbreakfast, right, with, like, the
sauerkraut and all that stuff, thenthey would give them the beer, and they
would s- like, some of them, they'd befalling out in the street by 10:00 AM

Beck (01:01:57):
Oh yeah.
They had Green Beer Day at Miami becauseMiami wisened up and would generally
traditionally make spring break over St.
Patrick's holiday, um, that waythat they wouldn't be in town.
So they came up with Green Beer Day.
They have T-shirts and everything forGreen Beer Day, and the bars open at like
4:00 in the morning, and people are drunkgoing to their classes, and everybody has
a green tongue, and it's a whole thing.

(01:02:19):
It's disgusting
passed out in the bushes

Dash (01:02:22):
I used to at…
So when I worked at SIU, I wouldon the high drinking days, of which
there were many, they had drinking…
Like, it was not just they had unofficialHalloween, real Halloween, uh, St.
Paddy's Day, and then they hadthese things called Polar and Solar
Bear, which were just, I thinkthey were at the equinoxes, and
they were just downtown parties.
And, uh, I would just go for my walksin the middle of the day and kind of

(01:02:48):
be on the lookout for the ones that…
There's like, there's, there'sa certain way to time a day
like that wrong, you know?
And you don't know you'vedone it until it's too late.
So they, they would be out there,like, laying down under a bush asleep
or something, like trying to…
'Cause it's also a mobile party, likeyou're going from house to house.
so I'm like, "I guess I'll justgo out and look for them," because

(01:03:10):
these kids can't be trusted.
Well, let's see, what kind of game orwhatever we're gonna do for next week

Beck (01:03:20):
All right

Dash (01:03:21):
Let me give this of what have ye.
Oh, So we landed on bookreport, or I expanded it to
just mean, like, media report.
So I'll probably give a report on whateverYouTube deep dive I watched most recently.
in fact, last night I stayed uplate watching an interesting one.

(01:03:43):
So it can be, it can be anything.
It can be literally the bookyou're reading or you, you could
give us a presentation about yourdissertation chapter you're working on

Beck (01:03:51):
Yeah, that wouldn't put everyone to sleep

Dash (01:03:53):
I trust you to be funny.

Beck (01:03:55):
I'm on, I'm working on chapter two right now, so

Dash (01:03:58):
Yehaw Yeah, I'll try to make whatever s- silly thing I, I or read
last sound, sound entertaining to people

Beck (01:04:07):
I watch a lot of movies when Shannon's at work.
So I'll see what I find this weekToo bad I already gave you the
Jehovah's Witness movie and theMasters of the Universe today, so
Oh no, I have to watch a movie

Dash (01:04:19):
Yeah, right.
Oi, what are you gonnado the rest of the day?

Beck (01:04:24):
Shanna wants to do something, so I'll probably get a shower and
get myself cleaned up, and, um,I don't know what we'll get into.
Probably go find something to eat and,uh, maybe go to a park or something.
Um, we're working on Rue with a leash,and she's been doing so much better.
we got her to pee outsidea couple of times.
That was really good, so she'scoming along pretty quickly.
So we'll probably go tothe park again today.

(01:04:44):
What about you?

Dash (01:04:45):
I, I wanna leave the house as well.
I've been stuck in analysis paralysislately, and I'm prone to those Uh, anytime
I have more than a couple things to, toget done at a time I just kinda get stuck.
haven't left the house in a coupledays, so I wanna make sure I do that.
Go for a walk or a bike ride.

Beck (01:05:04):
Yehaw

Dash (01:05:05):
a f- our, uh, one of our, uh, YouTube followers, person who, who keeps
up with us there, Techno Pop Tart, hada theory about why the Foxy Merkins was
called, why the merkin thing was there.
And so what they said was that becausea merkin is a facade, it's like a fake
version of a real thing that you use toput on top of it kind of, like, create an

(01:05:28):
illusion, hide who you really are whichI think there's definitely something
in there, like something to that.
Do you remember…
This is very cultural studies.
So like this, uh, uh, Jean…
Not Jean.
Goddammit.
What's his name?
Baudrillard.
I don't remember Baudrillard's first name.
Had this concept of the simulacra,which is, like, a thing that is so

(01:05:49):
hyperreal that it becomes the versionof a thing that we think of, even
though it's not the real version of it.
And so that's, the merkin iskind of like the hyperreal
illusion of what is in a vagina.
I don't know.
And in, in this paper, I w-I'm gonna write that paper.
I'm gonna cite Techno Pop Tart andsubmit it to the Women's Studies Journal.

Beck (01:06:12):
Mm-hmm.
Just cite your cat.
That's what most au- that'swhat a lot of authors do.
There was a guy whowrote a paper and used…
Yeah, he wrote we in, in his paper,and he was a single author, and
so they made him, like, add aco-author, and he added his cat.
Totally what I would do

Dash (01:06:27):
Right.
Me
All right, everybody.
Well, thanks for hangingout with us another week.
I woke up and got on mic, so if, ifwe didn't sound organized, th- you

Beck (01:06:42):
weren't.

Dash (01:06:43):
can get, okay?
We do our best.
We, we show up 'cause we love ye.
keep…
Hope you're out there doing funPride things or doing whatever it
is you do to, uh, observe Pride.
And fuck the man.

Beck (01:06:56):
Yehaw, fuck the law.

Dash (01:06:58):
hi to your mom and them

Beck (01:06:59):
Bye