Ep31: What is Sexy?

Many of us confuse sexiness with physical beauty and sexuality, when in fact it is all about confidence and sensuality. In this episode, I expressly talk about the sexy man, as opposed to the sexy woman, to make that delineation clear. Listen up and enjoy your time!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello there, and welcome to Quite So, the podcast that takes on various themes from

(00:07):
a personalized lens so that you always end up with my unwarranted advice and my own take
on matters.
If you're expecting this to be the casual Fridays podcast, you're in the right place.
I've just rebranded the show and named it Quite So, because you know sometimes things
develop and it's time to change the name.

(00:29):
I am your host Dada, and I do urge you to look me up on YouTube.
Just search for at I read aloud, and you'll enter my world of storytelling with the click
of a button.
Today's episode is titled What is sexy?
And I know this topic is a bit left field in my usual selection of topics, but sometimes

(00:51):
I enjoy talking about lighter topics, and here we go.
I believe that what truly makes a person attractive is charisma, confidence, and yes, sexiness.
And this means that physical beauty does not rank high in attractiveness and what makes
people attractive.
It could be a plus if played right, but attractiveness, in my opinion, does not have anything to do

(01:18):
with physical beauty and the physical standards that society has set for physical beauty.
But what is sexy?
Usually, when people hear the word, they almost immediately associate it with a woman who's
curving on the right places in a tight black dress that is also short, flowing blonde hair,

(01:39):
pouting red lips, and basically they link sexiness to sexuality, when in fact sexiness
is more about sensuality.
The reality is a woman could look just like that and not be sexy at all.
It could be a vacant look in the eyes.
It could be dirty hair.

(02:00):
It could be smeared lipstick.
It could be that she's high on some drugs.
Because in truth, what makes that woman I just described sexy is her charisma, is her
self-confidence that enhance her appearance and create this sexiness.
And because most people have this perception of sexiness, I want to discuss today the sexy

(02:26):
man as opposed to the sexy woman, because that would force you to step out of your preconceived
idea of what sexy is and look at it from a different angle.
Try and picture this with me.
A sexy man is a man who is confident, but who is also self-aware.

(02:47):
So he is not at all presumptuous.
He's not at all egotistical.
And he's a little bit self-conscious, even a little bit shy.
And if he finds himself a center of attention at some point, he would smile shyly at the
absurdity of it all, even though he's generally confident in his natural element.

(03:07):
A sexy man does not need to be naked with a six pack to be noticed.
He could be fully clothed and hatted with no flesh showing at all and still exude sexiness.
So sexy is an attitude.
It's a way of comporting oneself, a way of behaving that is appealing to others.

(03:29):
And it has nothing to do with ego, nothing to do with overbearing confidence, and definitely
has nothing to do with pretentiousness.
Of course, a certain way of dress does help increase sexiness.
Generally, men in suits and men in uniforms are seen as sexy, but I have to defer and

(03:49):
say that if you are wearing a baggy suit or a baggy uniform or a too tight suit or a too
tight uniform, then this is not sexy.
Baggy clothes take away from your sexiness and too tight clothes are simply distasteful
and off-putting.
And that goes for not only suits and uniforms, but for everyday clothing as well.

(04:13):
So it is important to dress according to your body type and according to your size.
Don't be ashamed of extra fat lying around on your body.
Embrace it.
Embrace the fat.
Love it.
Don't squeeze it into something that annoys you and makes you unable to breathe.
And don't hide it in a way that you think it's not going to show if you hide it and

(04:38):
you end up wearing a potato sack.
Always wear form-fitting clothes.
Form-fitting means not tight and not baggy.
It's somewhere in the middle where the clothes fall on your body just so, in the right way,
that you are able to move comfortably and look good in them.
And honestly, I do have reservations about suits and uniforms for men because they are

(05:05):
too restricting.
And whoever designed them, I am sure, designed them only for, I don't know, a very small-sized
human because if you have a little bit of a belly, for example, your pants are not going
to fit or fall in the right place.
Your belt is going to pinch you in some place or the other.

(05:25):
The tie is going to choke you and the buttons are going to also choke you even more.
So I am all for losing the suit, if you can, and embrace comfortable clothing such as linen,
for example, in summer that falls beautifully on your body and makes you feel sexy as you
move in it too.

(05:46):
Maybe in winter, where thin sweaters do throw out very thick sweaters unless you are going
hiking in sub-zero weather.
Embrace, you know, clothing that falls beautifully on you and feels good against your skin.
And forget about the shirt and its buttons and the tie.
Sometimes I also think the person who invented these suits and ties is a bit of a BDSM fan.

(06:10):
I mean, what is that, belts and ties and buttons everywhere, even on your handcuffs?
Now I have to admit that smell plays a huge role in how attractive and sexy a man could
be.
Please don't use cheap cologne or cheap perfume.
It's better that you smell of soap and freshness than cheap cologne or perfume.

(06:35):
Better buy a good expensive perfume that smells good on you or just go with natural, clean,
soapy smell.
That's my advice to you.
And to prove to you that sexiness has nothing to do with physical features, in my opinion,
the actor Javier Bardem is the epitome of sexy.
But if you look at his facial features, you will see that they're not really that symmetrical.

(07:00):
If you compare his facial features to Brad Pitt's, for example, you would see that he's
really flawed in his facial features.
However, he is so attractive and so charismatic and so sexy.
And that's because of his je ne sais quoi, this X factor.
Is it his confidence?
Is it the way he comports himself?

(07:21):
Is it the way he speaks?
The way he looks into the camera?
The way he just behaves in general?
Is it a mix of all these things?
I don't know.
I can't even put my finger on it.
But oh wow, that is one sexy man.
Now let's apply these qualities of sexiness to women.
As I said in the beginning, a woman could have a model's body or a curvy sexy body and

(07:46):
wear a short black dress and have long, wavy blonde hair, etc. and still not be sexy at
all.
I want to take Julia Roberts as an example of a sexy woman as a first example, because
it's taken now for granted that she is a beautiful, sexy woman.

(08:06):
This is synonymous with her name.
But if you actually look at her, she has a big mouth.
It's a beautiful big mouth, but generally in proportionality, you would say, oh, she
has a very wide smile, a rather big mouth.
But when she laughs, she is so attractive, so charismatic, so sexy.

(08:28):
She makes you forget this tiny little detail that maybe her mouth is a bit larger than
usual and maybe a bit larger than what is deemed as proportionate.
And so you find her as beautiful and sexy and charismatic.
The second example I want to take is Queen Latifah, who is a bit of a curvier woman.

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And she is such a sexy lady.
So how could a woman like Queen Latifah, who does not fit what society deems as proportionate,
as standard beauty, for example, how could such a woman be so sexy and so attractive
and so beautiful?
And this proves to you that it is, again, the confidence and the charisma and the way

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you comport yourself.
It is in this, again, the je ne sais quoi factor, this X factor, this extra little salt and
pepper in a human being, not at all ego and definitely not insecurity.
It is this lull in between that makes them amenable, that makes them lovable, that makes

(09:34):
them, again, attractive and yes, sexy in many cases.
Now imagine an average height woman, slightly curvy, wearing a fitted black dress, on top
of which she wears a flowing caftan that billows in the air as she walks down the street with
short black hair and a pair of boots, and her head is held high as if she owns the world

(09:58):
with a very small smile on her lips.
Now that is sexy.
And that will stop people mid-track and force them to stare a while.
And they would be confused because this is not what they were taught beauty and sexy
is.
Maya Angelou, author and poet, portrays sexy perfectly in her poem Phenomenal Woman.

(10:24):
And if you get the chance to look up her performance of Phenomenal Woman on stage, how she acts
it out, how she reads it aloud to people, you would fall in love with her and you would
really see what sexy really is.
I will read only the first half of this poem to end this podcast, and it goes as such.

(10:46):
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size, but when I start to tell them they think
I'm telling lies, I say it's in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips, the stride

(11:07):
of my step, the curl of my lips.
I'm a woman phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, that's me.
I walk into a room just as cool as you please, and to a man the fellows stand or fall down
on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, a hive of honeybees.

(11:30):
I say it's the fire in my eyes and the flash of my teeth, the swing of my waist and the
joy in my feet.
I'm a woman phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, that's me.
And with these beautiful words, I will end today's episode, and I wish you a lovely,

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lovely week ahead, and I send you all my love.
Take care.