November 23, 2025 • 22 mins
In today’s episode, we’re diving into something so many of us crave but don’t always know how to create: authentic connection.
I’m sharing an honest look at my November freedom and aliveness experiment — what I intended, what actually happened, and what I’m learning about the real work it takes to build meaningful relationships as an adult.
We’ll explore:
✨ Why connection is a core part of our wellbeing
✨ How values-aligned relationships support your body, mind, and spirit
✨ What my November intentions were (meetups, reconnecting with old friends, dating with intention…)
✨ What got in the way, and why that matters
✨ What cultivating connection actually requires from us
✨ The “Life Council” concept and how it can help you build a supportive circle
✨ Simple ways to bring more authentic connection into your life this season
If you’ve been feeling a little disconnected, lonely, or stuck in surface-level relationships, this episode will give you insight, compassion, and some ideas you can put into practice right away.
Mentioned in This Episode
- The Life Council (book concept referenced)
- My November connection experiment
- Ideas for creating more authentic relationships
- Navigating connection during the busy holiday season
Want Support Staying Grounded and Connected?
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✨ Black Friday Sale is happening now
✨ Grab your session at the best price of the year
✨ Start in December (for holiday support) or book for January to kick off the new year with clarity and momentum
→ Grab your Wellness Wakeup Session HERE
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Want more?
For more information about the podcast, visit www.realbraveunstoppable.com. To learn more about your host, Kortney Rivard, visit www.kortneyrivard.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:51):
Hello, my friends, and welcomeback to Real, brave and
Unstoppable for episode number136.
Today's episode is aboutconnection and relationships,
why it matters, and some of mylearnings from my November
connection experiment.
The November focus for myFreedom and Aliveness projectis
(01:14):
connection, So this episode wasinspired by my takeaways so far.
I recognize that November is notfinished yet, but I thought I
would share anyway, I, So inaddition to takeaways so far,
I'll also cover some thoughts oncultivating true authentic
(01:34):
connections in our lives.
So, as you know, this week isThanksgiving, which is
unbelievable to me.
It's funny, when I was in sixthgrade, my teacher, Mrs.
Noyd, said to our class, oh,time goes faster and faster the
older you get or something likethat.
And we were at the time, I meana bunch of sixth graders, we
(01:56):
were just like, oh, okay,whatever.
But now that I am older, Itotally get it.
Time does go so fast.
And at this time of the year,I'm really reminded how
important it is to slow down,get really present, and savor
some of those moments.
(02:17):
It is really hard this time ofyear too, isn't it?
As a side note, mindfulness andbeing present is actually going
to be my topic for December, soa lot more to come on that.
Anyway, getting back on track...
this time of the year is, Ithink, very connection-focused.
(02:37):
It's a time for gathering andforgiving for spending time with
the people we care about.
And on the flip side, people whohave lost loved ones or have
streamed relationships withloved ones or family, friends,
et cetera, might really struggleat this time of the year because
they've lost a connection tosomeone.
(02:58):
Or that connection is justdifferent than it once was.
There's a lot of focus on thisat this time of the year, and it
can be a really difficult timefilled with some loneliness for
some people, and it's a hardtime of the year to experience
loneliness.
So let's first of all talk aboutwhy connection matters.
(03:20):
It's human nature to seek outrelationships.
We're wired for connection, andit's actually a fundamental need
for both our mental and physicalhealth.
The negative effects ofloneliness and isolation has
been really well documented.
Studies have shown that socialisolation and loneliness
significantly increased the riskof serious health problems like
(03:44):
heart disease, Stroke, anxiety,depression, dementia, with the
risk of premature death, alsoincreasing.
So from a biological standpoint,our nervous systems co-regulate
with other people also.
We're calmer, more grounded andmore resilient when we feel
connected.
(04:05):
It's not an optional thing, likeI mentioned before, it's a need
just like movement or rest ornourishing food.
Connection, or the lack thereof,impacts all three pillars of
wellness that I talk about allthe time.
In our body, connection helpslower stress hormones, regulate
heart rate support our immunesystem.
(04:26):
Connection, uh, keeps our mindhealthy by improving mood,
reduces anxiety, and helps usprocess our emotions.
And on a spiritual level,connection plays a huge role in
giving us purpose and belongingand that feeling of being seen
and understood.
So connection really activatesall three of these pillars and
(04:47):
helps them work together.
Okay, so one thing that I thinkis important to touch on with
connection is actually like thequality of connections versus
quantity.
Have you ever been in arelationship where you felt
almost lonelier when you were init with the person or people
than when you weren't in arelationship?
(05:10):
I've totally been there.
That's a tough one toexperience.
You can be surrounded by peopleand still feel lonely.
So meaningful connection,values- aligned connection is
really important.
As you can probably imaginethen, real connection isn't
about having tons of friendsnecessarily.
(05:32):
It's about having the rightpeople.
We'll talk a little bit moreabout that as we get into the
episode.
You know, surface levelinteractions, they feel fine,
but they don't really feed younecessarily on an emotional
level, that spirit pillar ofwellness.
You need at least a few peoplewho you can truly be yourself
(05:52):
with.
A place where you really do feelseen and understood.
A place where you have thissense of belonging.
Super important.
And belonging isn't aboutfitting in, it's about being
accepted as who you are.
So that group of people whoreally can accept you for the
person you are.
All of it.
(06:14):
And I think today, so many of usdo try to really fit into
certain places.
I know I went through that for along time in my life and there
was a certain point in timewhere I realized that not
everyone's gonna like me, andthat's okay.
I'm not for everyone.
Just like everyone isn'tnecessarily for me.
(06:36):
I talk to a lot of people whohave that fear of someone not
liking them or criticizing themor not agreeing with them, and
it's sort of a hard one to getover.
But once this clicks for youthat,"okay, it's not about me,"
it's just it's not a good fit.
Or, you know, they, we justdon't click.
We're all different.
(06:57):
So once that clicks, it's somuch easier to really embrace
that idea that it doesn't matterwhat other people think of me,
it matters what I think of meand my close people think of me.
But getting back to belonging,when we feel like we belong, our
whole system just kind ofrelaxes'cause we're not
performing, we're not proving,we're not worrying about people
(07:19):
liking us.
'cause we just, we feel at homewith these people.
Connection is also one of thebiggest predictors of long-term
wellbeing.
Not just happiness, but actualhealth and energy longevity.
People with strong social tiescope better with stress, they
bounce back faster and feel morefulfilled.
(07:41):
And I don't think thisnecessarily means like all these
extroverts who are just outthere meeting tons of people,
like I said earlier, we have tohave values aligned
relationships and connection andyou know, it's sort of like if
we have a few people that we canreally be ourselves with, that
counts.
Connection also reallyencourages our own personal
(08:02):
growth.
The right relationshipschallenge us.
They, you know, cheer us on andhelp us grow.
We become better versions ofourselves in the presence of
healthy people who reflect ourstrengths back to us.
And also really important isthat connection makes life
lighter.
Shared laughter, sharedexperiences...
(08:23):
going out for a glass of wine,or a hike, or a yoga class, or a
cup of coffee.
These moments make life morefun.
Yesterday I met some friends outat a brewery and there was an
oyster and stout little festivaland we had a ton of fun.
Laughed a lot, and then we wentout to another brewery and had a
(08:45):
beer there, and yeah, I mean, wejust laughed all night.
It was really fun.
So we need to have thoseconnections.
I know when I end up spending awhole weekend at home by myself,
I start to feel that sense ofloneliness and isolation.
And I'm okay with being bymyself, but I feel that need for
(09:08):
connection sometimes.
And if you think about this froma biological standpoint, the
need for connection back in, youknow, the cave person days,
having connection was reallyessential for survival.
Being out on your own, away fromyour people was dangerous.
We don't really have those samedangers on a day-to-day basis
(09:31):
today, but when we're isolatedor disconnected, our nervous
system just it senses a threat.
Oh no.
So, it goes into the survivalstate looking out for danger,
and it's determined to protectus.
We're on high alert and that'swhen loneliness, overthinking in
(11:23):
that kinda, eh feeling can startto creep in.
So my November connectionexperiment, I'm gonna tell you a
little bit about how that'sgoing and my takeaways from
that.
But it's been prettyeye-opening.
The biggest thing I've noticedthis month in my attempt to
(11:44):
focus on connection is thatsometimes we think connection
should just happen, but itreally doesn't.
That isn't the case at all.
Most people don't talk a lotabout this, but connection takes
effort, it takes energy, andreally you have to be really
(12:04):
intentional about it.
Most of us, I don't think are.
So that's part of why myNovember experiment has been so
eye-opening.
So just to sort of remind you,'cause it's been a couple weeks
since I've, uh, released anepisode, but my November
intentions around connectionwere to go to meetups and put
(12:27):
myself in new environments totry to meet friends and possibly
dating options based on thethings I'm interested in; to
reach out to old friends orexisting friends more
consistently and actually, reachout to people I haven't talked
to in a while.
(12:47):
To be intentionally really kindand thoughtful in my current
relationships, and then also toput more energy into dating
intentionally, being out in theworld and not just on those fun
apps.
And I say fun, very facetiously.
So now I'll talk about whatactually happened.
(13:09):
Well, life got busy.
I'm not sure that it was reallybusier from a things to do
standpoint, but I think it wasmentally really busy for me.
Lots of thinking happening inKortney's brain.
From my October energy focus,what I learned there is I know
that this drains me a lot when Ihave a lot of mental clutter.
(13:32):
I think I've had a harder timebeing present, and I've also
noticed my energy levels havebeen lower.
It also might be related to theshorter days since daylight
savings time also, I'm not sure.
But as far as how this went,I've done okay with connecting
with existing friends, but Ireally haven't reached out to
people who I haven't been intouch with for a while.
(13:55):
I didn't really dig into doinglittle nice, unexpected things
like send a nice note or take afriend out for a coffee or a
glass of wine so much.
Although I did express to afriend who was furloughed during
the shutdown that I'd beenthinking about her hoping that
it wouldn't take too long beforeshe was able to return to work,
and I think she appreciatedthat.
(14:17):
I also had grand plans offinding meetups to go to on the
weekends when my daughter iswith her dad.
I was hoping to go to at leastone meetup a weekend.
Possibly two, which was prettyambitious.
I also planned to reach out topeople I hadn't talked to in a
(14:38):
long time.
I thought I'd do fun, littleunexpected, nice things for my
friends, and I also made a pointto go on some dates.
Not much of this actuallyhappened.
I mean, that's okay.
The point of this is just toreflect and learn from it.
So what I did learn through allof this is that connection
(15:00):
doesn't just magically appearjust because you want it.
It requires energy, clarity, andvulnerability.
We also need to be willing toinitiate, not just wait for
people, and then the follow-through is so important too.
I was just talking to a clientabout this, he was really
frustrated that people seemed tobe really quick to say, oh yeah,
(15:22):
sometime we should do X, Y, Z.
But then there was never anyfollow through and he, he just
felt like he was always the oneinitiating things and it
frustrated him when people wouldsay, oh, we should do this, and
then never reached out to him.
I've noticed this too, like I'vefrequently been on the receiving
end of things like this, and Ithink what it really is is that
(15:47):
it does take energy andintention and like kind of
planning ahead to connect withpeople.
It's really easy to let timepass and then let it kind of
fall to the bottom of the list.
But doing this is exactly whatkeeps us, you know, stuck,
lonely or, or feelingdisconnected.
And that also brings up animportant point, like sometimes
(16:08):
relationships we have justaren't aligned.
You know, we have to be able tohave some boundaries and
sometimes we even decide that weneed to let go of a relationship
that isn't really aligned, andthat takes some courage.
It can be hard.
One thing that's really struckme during this month of
focusing, or trying to focus asit may be, on connection is the
(16:33):
amount of planning and effortthat it can take to cultivate
new friendships andrelationships.
Like it's really helpful to beintentional when choosing where
to put our time when it comes tomeeting people.
We want to cultivate values-aligned relationships.
The ones that really fill ourcup.
And what do values alignedrelationships look like?
(16:55):
Well, you might align on hobbiesthat you're interested in, like
being outdoors or certain sportsor travel.
You might enjoy spending timewith others who are just
generally focused on a certainaspect of life, like health and
wellness or personal growth.
You know, having deepconversations about something
(17:15):
existential, I personally lovethose conversations.
Or it could also mean that youalign on a political or a
religious plane.
I think today it's reallydifficult for people who are not
politically aligned to reallyspend a lot of time together.
Uh, not necessarily, but I'vetalked to people who really do
(17:37):
struggle with that.
So it really comes down towhat's important to you and how
those values mesh with those ofothers.
One example could be, ifreciprocity is important to you
and you have a friendship or a,a connection where you're always
reaching out or doing nicethings and the other person
(18:00):
isn't really putting in thateffort.
You might, it might not work foryou.
And for some people that mightnot bother them.
So it just really depends, likeI said, on what you really value
in life.
And one thing I think can bereally helpful with this is to
do a values exercise to reallykinda look at your core values.
(18:21):
And that's one of the things Iwork on with my clients a lot is
being able to really spend thetime to narrow that down.
And it becomes a greatfoundation for further
reflection and exploration oflike, it really helps us make
choices about things in ourlives, including friendships and
(18:43):
relationships.
But it can be helpful to askyourself questions about this to
reflect on like (18:48):
what kinds of relationships am I craving?
Am I creating opportunities tomeet those people?
So I wanna share a book that Ihave read called"The Life
Council, 10 Friends, every WomanNeeds".
A past client of mine sharedthis book with me and it's a
pretty good book and it reallychallenges the notion that
(19:10):
friendship comes naturally andorganically.
And it also presents the ideathat different friends play
different roles in our lives.
One particular friend isn'tgonna meet every aspect of what
you want in a friendship.
For example, we have friendsthat we go to in our most
vulnerable moments, but theymight not be the friend we wanna
(19:32):
go to to have a girl's night outor, you know, ask for an
objective opinion from.
So we don't need a hundredfriends.
We just need the right friends.
We also need to be a friend tosomeone else.
We can't just expect otherpeople to be our friends, like
we have to do our part and betheir friends as well, show up
(19:52):
for them.
We also need to be intentionaland effortful in cultivating and
maintaining- that's superimportant, maintaining those
relationships.
So November's connection focusis going to be an ongoing thing
for me.
One month wasn't enough for meto really get my feet wet, and I
(20:13):
think it's something that I justneed to make part of my life.
A month goes really fast andwith limited time to spend with
friends and new people, it's,it's gonna be an ongoing process
for me and that's okay.
And I mentioned that December'sfocus is mindfulness, so perhaps
I'll bring some mindfulness intomy work of cultivating and
nurturing connection.
(20:34):
I really do think it's arequirement to be successful at
this.
So I would love for you to joinme during this holiday season.
Ask yourself, what if you madeDecember your month for mindful
connection too?
We could have some greatconversations about that.
So to recap today's episode, wedug deep into the idea that
(20:55):
connection isn't accidental.
It takes a lot of intentionaleffort, and it's definitely not
about perfection.
I'm celebrating the fact thatI'm choosing awareness and
intention, and that I can learnfrom that to continue journeying
towards what I really want.
And as you enjoy this year'sThanksgiving, ask yourself how
(21:17):
might you be able to bring moreauthentic connection to your
interactions?
So before I go, just a reminderthat the wellness wake up, black
Friday deal is live.
So you can go grab that at thelink in the show notes, and that
deal will be available untilmidnight on December 1st, my
(21:39):
daughter's 16th birthday.
Thank you so much for joining metoday, friends.
Have a very happy Thanksgivingfilled with connection and love,
and I will see you next time.
Hello, my friends, and welcomeback to Real, brave and
Unstoppable for episode number136.
Today's episode is aboutconnection and relationships,
why it matters, and some of mylearnings from my November
connection experiment.
The November focus for myFreedom and Aliveness projectis
(01:14):
connection, So this episode wasinspired by my takeaways so far.
I recognize that November is notfinished yet, but I thought I
would share anyway, I, So inaddition to takeaways so far,
I'll also cover some thoughts oncultivating true authentic
(01:34):
connections in our lives.
So, as you know, this week isThanksgiving, which is
unbelievable to me.
It's funny, when I was in sixthgrade, my teacher, Mrs.
Noyd, said to our class, oh,time goes faster and faster the
older you get or something likethat.
And we were at the time, I meana bunch of sixth graders, we
(01:56):
were just like, oh, okay,whatever.
But now that I am older, Itotally get it.
Time does go so fast.
And at this time of the year,I'm really reminded how
important it is to slow down,get really present, and savor
some of those moments.
(02:17):
It is really hard this time ofyear too, isn't it?
As a side note, mindfulness andbeing present is actually going
to be my topic for December, soa lot more to come on that.
Anyway, getting back on track...
this time of the year is, Ithink, very connection-focused.
(02:37):
It's a time for gathering andforgiving for spending time with
the people we care about.
And on the flip side, people whohave lost loved ones or have
streamed relationships withloved ones or family, friends,
et cetera, might really struggleat this time of the year because
they've lost a connection tosomeone.
(02:58):
Or that connection is justdifferent than it once was.
There's a lot of focus on thisat this time of the year, and it
can be a really difficult timefilled with some loneliness for
some people, and it's a hardtime of the year to experience
loneliness.
So let's first of all talk aboutwhy connection matters.
(03:20):
It's human nature to seek outrelationships.
We're wired for connection, andit's actually a fundamental need
for both our mental and physicalhealth.
The negative effects ofloneliness and isolation has
been really well documented.
Studies have shown that socialisolation and loneliness
significantly increased the riskof serious health problems like
(03:44):
heart disease, Stroke, anxiety,depression, dementia, with the
risk of premature death, alsoincreasing.
So from a biological standpoint,our nervous systems co-regulate
with other people also.
We're calmer, more grounded andmore resilient when we feel
connected.
(04:05):
It's not an optional thing, likeI mentioned before, it's a need
just like movement or rest ornourishing food.
Connection, or the lack thereof,impacts all three pillars of
wellness that I talk about allthe time.
In our body, connection helpslower stress hormones, regulate
heart rate support our immunesystem.
(04:26):
Connection, uh, keeps our mindhealthy by improving mood,
reduces anxiety, and helps usprocess our emotions.
And on a spiritual level,connection plays a huge role in
giving us purpose and belongingand that feeling of being seen
and understood.
So connection really activatesall three of these pillars and
(04:47):
helps them work together.
Okay, so one thing that I thinkis important to touch on with
connection is actually like thequality of connections versus
quantity.
Have you ever been in arelationship where you felt
almost lonelier when you were init with the person or people
than when you weren't in arelationship?
(05:10):
I've totally been there.
That's a tough one toexperience.
You can be surrounded by peopleand still feel lonely.
So meaningful connection,values- aligned connection is
really important.
As you can probably imaginethen, real connection isn't
about having tons of friendsnecessarily.
(05:32):
It's about having the rightpeople.
We'll talk a little bit moreabout that as we get into the
episode.
You know, surface levelinteractions, they feel fine,
but they don't really feed younecessarily on an emotional
level, that spirit pillar ofwellness.
You need at least a few peoplewho you can truly be yourself
(05:52):
with.
A place where you really do feelseen and understood.
A place where you have thissense of belonging.
Super important.
And belonging isn't aboutfitting in, it's about being
accepted as who you are.
So that group of people whoreally can accept you for the
person you are.
All of it.
(06:14):
And I think today, so many of usdo try to really fit into
certain places.
I know I went through that for along time in my life and there
was a certain point in timewhere I realized that not
everyone's gonna like me, andthat's okay.
I'm not for everyone.
Just like everyone isn'tnecessarily for me.
(06:36):
I talk to a lot of people whohave that fear of someone not
liking them or criticizing themor not agreeing with them, and
it's sort of a hard one to getover.
But once this clicks for youthat,"okay, it's not about me,"
it's just it's not a good fit.
Or, you know, they, we justdon't click.
We're all different.
(06:57):
So once that clicks, it's somuch easier to really embrace
that idea that it doesn't matterwhat other people think of me,
it matters what I think of meand my close people think of me.
But getting back to belonging,when we feel like we belong, our
whole system just kind ofrelaxes'cause we're not
performing, we're not proving,we're not worrying about people
(07:19):
liking us.
'cause we just, we feel at homewith these people.
Connection is also one of thebiggest predictors of long-term
wellbeing.
Not just happiness, but actualhealth and energy longevity.
People with strong social tiescope better with stress, they
bounce back faster and feel morefulfilled.
(07:41):
And I don't think thisnecessarily means like all these
extroverts who are just outthere meeting tons of people,
like I said earlier, we have tohave values aligned
relationships and connection andyou know, it's sort of like if
we have a few people that we canreally be ourselves with, that
counts.
Connection also reallyencourages our own personal
(08:02):
growth.
The right relationshipschallenge us.
They, you know, cheer us on andhelp us grow.
We become better versions ofourselves in the presence of
healthy people who reflect ourstrengths back to us.
And also really important isthat connection makes life
lighter.
Shared laughter, sharedexperiences...
(08:23):
going out for a glass of wine,or a hike, or a yoga class, or a
cup of coffee.
These moments make life morefun.
Yesterday I met some friends outat a brewery and there was an
oyster and stout little festivaland we had a ton of fun.
Laughed a lot, and then we wentout to another brewery and had a
(08:45):
beer there, and yeah, I mean, wejust laughed all night.
It was really fun.
So we need to have thoseconnections.
I know when I end up spending awhole weekend at home by myself,
I start to feel that sense ofloneliness and isolation.
And I'm okay with being bymyself, but I feel that need for
(09:08):
connection sometimes.
And if you think about this froma biological standpoint, the
need for connection back in, youknow, the cave person days,
having connection was reallyessential for survival.
Being out on your own, away fromyour people was dangerous.
We don't really have those samedangers on a day-to-day basis
(09:31):
today, but when we're isolatedor disconnected, our nervous
system just it senses a threat.
Oh no.
So, it goes into the survivalstate looking out for danger,
and it's determined to protectus.
We're on high alert and that'swhen loneliness, overthinking in
(11:23):
that kinda, eh feeling can startto creep in.
So my November connectionexperiment, I'm gonna tell you a
little bit about how that'sgoing and my takeaways from
that.
But it's been prettyeye-opening.
The biggest thing I've noticedthis month in my attempt to
(11:44):
focus on connection is thatsometimes we think connection
should just happen, but itreally doesn't.
That isn't the case at all.
Most people don't talk a lotabout this, but connection takes
effort, it takes energy, andreally you have to be really
(12:04):
intentional about it.
Most of us, I don't think are.
So that's part of why myNovember experiment has been so
eye-opening.
So just to sort of remind you,'cause it's been a couple weeks
since I've, uh, released anepisode, but my November
intentions around connectionwere to go to meetups and put
(12:27):
myself in new environments totry to meet friends and possibly
dating options based on thethings I'm interested in; to
reach out to old friends orexisting friends more
consistently and actually, reachout to people I haven't talked
to in a while.
(12:47):
To be intentionally really kindand thoughtful in my current
relationships, and then also toput more energy into dating
intentionally, being out in theworld and not just on those fun
apps.
And I say fun, very facetiously.
So now I'll talk about whatactually happened.
(13:09):
Well, life got busy.
I'm not sure that it was reallybusier from a things to do
standpoint, but I think it wasmentally really busy for me.
Lots of thinking happening inKortney's brain.
From my October energy focus,what I learned there is I know
that this drains me a lot when Ihave a lot of mental clutter.
(13:32):
I think I've had a harder timebeing present, and I've also
noticed my energy levels havebeen lower.
It also might be related to theshorter days since daylight
savings time also, I'm not sure.
But as far as how this went,I've done okay with connecting
with existing friends, but Ireally haven't reached out to
people who I haven't been intouch with for a while.
(13:55):
I didn't really dig into doinglittle nice, unexpected things
like send a nice note or take afriend out for a coffee or a
glass of wine so much.
Although I did express to afriend who was furloughed during
the shutdown that I'd beenthinking about her hoping that
it wouldn't take too long beforeshe was able to return to work,
and I think she appreciatedthat.
(14:17):
I also had grand plans offinding meetups to go to on the
weekends when my daughter iswith her dad.
I was hoping to go to at leastone meetup a weekend.
Possibly two, which was prettyambitious.
I also planned to reach out topeople I hadn't talked to in a
(14:38):
long time.
I thought I'd do fun, littleunexpected, nice things for my
friends, and I also made a pointto go on some dates.
Not much of this actuallyhappened.
I mean, that's okay.
The point of this is just toreflect and learn from it.
So what I did learn through allof this is that connection
(15:00):
doesn't just magically appearjust because you want it.
It requires energy, clarity, andvulnerability.
We also need to be willing toinitiate, not just wait for
people, and then the follow-through is so important too.
I was just talking to a clientabout this, he was really
frustrated that people seemed tobe really quick to say, oh yeah,
(15:22):
sometime we should do X, Y, Z.
But then there was never anyfollow through and he, he just
felt like he was always the oneinitiating things and it
frustrated him when people wouldsay, oh, we should do this, and
then never reached out to him.
I've noticed this too, like I'vefrequently been on the receiving
end of things like this, and Ithink what it really is is that
(15:47):
it does take energy andintention and like kind of
planning ahead to connect withpeople.
It's really easy to let timepass and then let it kind of
fall to the bottom of the list.
But doing this is exactly whatkeeps us, you know, stuck,
lonely or, or feelingdisconnected.
And that also brings up animportant point, like sometimes
(16:08):
relationships we have justaren't aligned.
You know, we have to be able tohave some boundaries and
sometimes we even decide that weneed to let go of a relationship
that isn't really aligned, andthat takes some courage.
It can be hard.
One thing that's really struckme during this month of
focusing, or trying to focus asit may be, on connection is the
(16:33):
amount of planning and effortthat it can take to cultivate
new friendships andrelationships.
Like it's really helpful to beintentional when choosing where
to put our time when it comes tomeeting people.
We want to cultivate values-aligned relationships.
The ones that really fill ourcup.
And what do values alignedrelationships look like?
(16:55):
Well, you might align on hobbiesthat you're interested in, like
being outdoors or certain sportsor travel.
You might enjoy spending timewith others who are just
generally focused on a certainaspect of life, like health and
wellness or personal growth.
You know, having deepconversations about something
(17:15):
existential, I personally lovethose conversations.
Or it could also mean that youalign on a political or a
religious plane.
I think today it's reallydifficult for people who are not
politically aligned to reallyspend a lot of time together.
Uh, not necessarily, but I'vetalked to people who really do
(17:37):
struggle with that.
So it really comes down towhat's important to you and how
those values mesh with those ofothers.
One example could be, ifreciprocity is important to you
and you have a friendship or a,a connection where you're always
reaching out or doing nicethings and the other person
(18:00):
isn't really putting in thateffort.
You might, it might not work foryou.
And for some people that mightnot bother them.
So it just really depends, likeI said, on what you really value
in life.
And one thing I think can bereally helpful with this is to
do a values exercise to reallykinda look at your core values.
(18:21):
And that's one of the things Iwork on with my clients a lot is
being able to really spend thetime to narrow that down.
And it becomes a greatfoundation for further
reflection and exploration oflike, it really helps us make
choices about things in ourlives, including friendships and
(18:43):
relationships.
But it can be helpful to askyourself questions about this to
reflect on like (18:48):
what kinds of relationships am I craving?
Am I creating opportunities tomeet those people?
So I wanna share a book that Ihave read called"The Life
Council, 10 Friends, every WomanNeeds".
A past client of mine sharedthis book with me and it's a
pretty good book and it reallychallenges the notion that
(19:10):
friendship comes naturally andorganically.
And it also presents the ideathat different friends play
different roles in our lives.
One particular friend isn'tgonna meet every aspect of what
you want in a friendship.
For example, we have friendsthat we go to in our most
vulnerable moments, but theymight not be the friend we wanna
(19:32):
go to to have a girl's night outor, you know, ask for an
objective opinion from.
So we don't need a hundredfriends.
We just need the right friends.
We also need to be a friend tosomeone else.
We can't just expect otherpeople to be our friends, like
we have to do our part and betheir friends as well, show up
(19:52):
for them.
We also need to be intentionaland effortful in cultivating and
maintaining- that's superimportant, maintaining those
relationships.
So November's connection focusis going to be an ongoing thing
for me.
One month wasn't enough for meto really get my feet wet, and I
(20:13):
think it's something that I justneed to make part of my life.
A month goes really fast andwith limited time to spend with
friends and new people, it's,it's gonna be an ongoing process
for me and that's okay.
And I mentioned that December'sfocus is mindfulness, so perhaps
I'll bring some mindfulness intomy work of cultivating and
nurturing connection.
(20:34):
I really do think it's arequirement to be successful at
this.
So I would love for you to joinme during this holiday season.
Ask yourself, what if you madeDecember your month for mindful
connection too?
We could have some greatconversations about that.
So to recap today's episode, wedug deep into the idea that
(20:55):
connection isn't accidental.
It takes a lot of intentionaleffort, and it's definitely not
about perfection.
I'm celebrating the fact thatI'm choosing awareness and
intention, and that I can learnfrom that to continue journeying
towards what I really want.
And as you enjoy this year'sThanksgiving, ask yourself how
(21:17):
might you be able to bring moreauthentic connection to your
interactions?
So before I go, just a reminderthat the wellness wake up, black
Friday deal is live.
So you can go grab that at thelink in the show notes, and that
deal will be available untilmidnight on December 1st, my
(21:39):
daughter's 16th birthday.
Thank you so much for joining metoday, friends.
Have a very happy Thanksgivingfilled with connection and love,
and I will see you next time.
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