My Son Woke Up At 5 A.M. To Practice And It Changed How I Think About Motivation

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He was up at 5 a.m., alone in the dark, running drills before middle school tryouts and he didn’t do it because I pushed him. Watching my son Eli work that hard simply because he loves basketball hit me in a way I didn’t expect, and it forced me to question my own lifelong relationship with motivation.

I share a personal story that connects my past to my present: how my early basketball drive was shaped by dysfunction at home and a need to get away, and how a “tribe” of mentors helped me channel that intensity into something productive. Then I contrast that with what I’m seeing in my kids, especially Eli, whose routine includes reading, math, and voluntary practice, and Gideon, who is just as committed but prefers to train independently. As a father and coach, I talk through the tension of staying engaged without turning effort into pressure, and why it matters to protect the fun so motivation stays healthy.

If you’re thinking about resilience, parenting, coaching, or what it looks like to build a life after grief, this conversation offers a grounded reminder: you can be driven without running from something. The same principle shows up in grief support and financial planning after loss, where the best progress happens when people feel ownership, not force.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:03):
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief through anunparalleled process.

(00:24):
This week's podcast is sponsoredby Life After Grief Financial
Planning and Life After GriefConsulting.

SPEAKER_00 (00:35):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Real
Talk with Life After GriefChris.
This episode is going to beabout motivation.
My son, my oldest son, Eli,motivated me.
And I'm going to share a story,and this is kind of in the
spirit of the book that I'mgoing to be launching in the

(00:56):
next couple of months.
So in the book, and you may haveheard me speak on a previous
podcast about my experience inplaying basketball and kind of
where that came from.
So my experience playingbasketball and my motivation
came from a place of dysfunctionwithin my own family and trying
to get away.

(01:18):
And it was very extreme becauseI wanted to be away from the
house on a regular basis everyday, specifically when I hit
middle school.
And that was a source offreedom.
I found a tribe of men actuallywho helped to motivate me.

(01:39):
They helped to mentor me.
And a lot of good came fromthat.
But that motivation was underduress because I was just trying
to get out of a painful familydynamic.
And conversely, as a father, youknow, you always want the best,
you know, for your sons, in mycase, talking about personally.

(02:00):
And if you followed me orlistened to me, you know that I
coach a lot.
And my wife and I have createdthis space to where I have the
freedom and the flexibility tobe able to do that.
And my imprint, you know, now Iunderstand goes far beyond the
reach of my boys.
And so I'm going to bring thisback to Eli.

(02:21):
So Eli likes basketball, andI've been coaching him for a
long time.
He and his brother, separateteams, the same team.
And he wanted to go out for hismiddle school basketball team.
And I'm not going to talk aboutthe aspect about his ability or
my opinion of his ability.
That's really irrelevant.
What I am going to talk about isthe motivation that I have seen

(02:44):
in my son.
And his motivation is that hegets me up early on Saturdays to
shoot and to rebound for him.
He gets me out there to help himon his own.
And he goes out and he practicesall on his own, you know,

(03:04):
without any pressure from anyoneelse.
He just it's it'sself-motivating.
He wants to do it.
He likes to do it.
He has fun doing it.
And he had tryouts earlier thisweek, and he's put in the work.
He has definitely put in thework to make himself successful.
But prior to tryouts, histryouts were in the morning.
And that was painful for me toget up to take in the tryouts.

(03:27):
And something that I witnessed.
And so we were talking aboutlike what time he was going to
get up to be able to get totryouts.
And tryouts started at 6 45.
And he said he was going to getup around 5 30.
He has a routine in the morningthat he reads, and then he um
does some math.
And this guy got up around 5a.m.

(03:48):
And I was wondering why he gotup so early.
And I'm a light sleeper, so Ibasically hear everything that's
going on.
And so I heard what was goingon, and then I hear basketball
outside.
And I'm you know, walking thedog, and I'm like, man, he's up
early, and he's out thereshooting, and he's out there,

(04:09):
you know, doing drills, and um,I just walk by.
It's a proud dad moment becauseI see in motivation him.
There's something that he wantedto achieve, and he again was
putting the work in.
And his motivation comes from agenuine place of liking the
sport of basketball.
And it's not coming from aposition of mom or dad are

(04:33):
making you do it.
And quite frankly, I'm tired.
And both my boys push the paceand they want to maintain my
engagement as far as coaching,and I love it.
I absolutely love that.
I'm very careful that I don'twant to push them because it
will not be fun for themanymore.

(04:54):
So I just back off.
And if they want me to doanything outside of, you know,
specifically being their coachon the court when we have court
time, then they're gonna have toask me.
I'm not volunteering, you know,information, just don't want to
put any undue pressure on them.
But getting back to Eli and justwitnessing this self-motivation,

(05:16):
I was simply amazed.
And for me, it was a little bitforeign because I have really
only experienced high, highmotivation at the expense of
conflict or getting away fromsomething, or, you know, trying
to be better than the situationthat you're involved in.
And I learned something about myson that you can still be

(05:40):
motivated and just as motivatedin a very healthy manner, and
you're not running away fromsomething, and you're not
necessarily trying to be betterthan the product of your
environment.
And that's really nice to see.
And I'm very, very proud of myson for that motivation that he
showed.
And of course, I've said, youknow, that I'm very proud of

(06:02):
him, and he should be very proudof himself.
You know, again, this is aboutmotivation, and in the book, I
will share more about mybasketball experience.
But this motivation is kudos tomy son, Eli.
And I'm not going to neglectGideon.
And Gideon, in his own right,gets out there and he also puts
in the work.

(06:23):
And he tells me, I don't wantyou to have any parts to me
being, I don't want you helpingme shoot.
And he is very demonstrative inwhat um he wants.
And I respect that.
And he's like, I don't wantanybody to come out here and
rebound for me.
I just want to be out here bymyself.
And so it's nice to see themboth motivated and doing things
that they like to do, and theysee the progress of putting in

(06:45):
the work, whatever it is,whether it's schoolwork, whether
it's athletics or anything.
And that's just very nice tosee.
So I'm very, very proud of bothof my boys.
And it's nice to see that theirmotivation, again, and I now I'm
bringing Gideon into the mix,comes from a genuine place of
wanting to just be the best thatthey can be.

(07:07):
And, you know, not having thatcloud of, you know, extreme
dysfunction as I was growing up.
Very, very nice to see, and I'mvery proud of both my boys and
whatever endeavor they takeequally.
So I just chose Eli because thisone was fresh, and he did end up
making his middle schoolbasketball team.
So that was kind of the blessingon the end of putting in the

(07:30):
work and being rewarded.
So, and I hope you like thisepisode.
This one kind of came from theheart and it was kind of the
spur of the moment.
And please feel free to join mylaunch team.
The notes will be at the end ofthe episode.
Cheers, be well.
Feel free to pass this episodeand any others on Titty friends,

(07:53):
family members, or colleagues.
Be well.

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(08:21):
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