July 15, 2026 • 46 mins
More than 20 rejections. Not one acceptance. And somehow, the hardest part is not the “no” itself; it is the shame that tries to make you whisper about it.
I’m Alexandria, and I’m sharing the part of the story we usually skip: not getting into law school after going all in. I walk through the law school application process from the inside, what it’s like to study for the LSAT as a wife and mom of four, and why a single score can start to feel like a judgment on your entire life. We talk about rejection as dismissal, the kind that feels personal even when it isn’t, and how “holistic review” can still come with an unspoken floor.
We also zoom out, because this is not only about law school. It’s about the patterns rejection exposes: choosing the safe route, talking ourselves out of hard things, and avoiding critique because we’re terrified of finding out we’re not naturally great. I share what actually helped me grow, including the simple but brutal practice of tracking mistakes, learning from them, and watching competence build in real time.
Then we land in the messy middle, where the renovation is happening but the finished room isn’t visible yet. If you’re in a fresh disappointment after a layoff, a closed door, or a goal that did not work out, I hope this gives you language, permission, and a next step. If it resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find Renovating the Soul.
Mentioned in this episode:
Dangerous Daughters, Alexandria's speaking appearance on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWlVl9sQ4Pc
A resource for tracking law school acceptance data by LSAT score range: LSD.law
The In Bloom Conference (shoutout to Shawni Davis): https://www.instagram.com/inbloomconf/
Have a story to share? If you've been through a rejection you haven't talked about yet, or you're on the other side of one and want to pass along some encouragement, Alexandria wants to hear from you directly. Email her at hello@renovatingthesoul.com or find her on social media @renovatingthesoulpod and send her a message.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker (00:00):
After I got over 20 rejections.
Over 20 rejections.
I will still cry and still beupset.
But I don't regret doing it.
It's it sounds kind of insane,but I didn't want to keep
carrying that pain by actinglike it it doesn't exist or that
(00:20):
I wasn't hurt or affected bybeing rejected over and over
again.
Everything that I do todaymatters to my future self.
And I either wallow or I getup.
I want you to know that ifyou're in a hole right now,
you're not the only one.
I didn't plan on having to saythis.
(00:48):
In episode 19, I shared withyou all that I was going back to
school, but I didn't say whatkind or what school for this
exact reason.
Because if I didn't get in,then I wouldn't have had to say
anything.
Um but I also didn't plan onnot getting in.
Like you couldn't have told methat at the beginning of that
journey that I was not going toget accepted anywhere, but here
(01:10):
we are.
So yes, I didn't get into lawschool and it hurts so bad.
So let's talk about it.
Welcome to Renovating the Soul,where we turn the mess into
something meaningful.
I'm your host, Alexandria, andI am so excited that you have
joined me today.
This episode is going to behard for your girls.
(01:30):
If you've ever set out to dosomething and it didn't go the
way you planned, if you've everchased something hard, a job, a
program, a relationship, a goal,and you gotta know that you
weren't expecting, then thisepisode is for you.
I wish I could tell y'all thatthis story was from five or ten
years ago and I have the otherside, but this is something that
(01:52):
I just it was still goingthrough that I still haven't
made full peace with, but it'slife.
I have to take it for what itis.
I'm talking about it right nowbecause I'm still in it.
I'm still figuring it out.
And so if you're currentlysitting in a fresh
disappointment, I want you tostay with me.
So y'all know here onRenovating the Soul, we like to
(02:12):
define our terms.
And one of the things you'regonna hear me talk about that is
at the center of this isrejection.
So let's define rejection.
It is the dismissal ofsomething as inadequate or
unsuitable.
And I've always said that I'mnot good with rejection.
Now, when I've said that, itcan be in terms of whatever,
like a relationship, a job, youknow, even kind of seeing
(02:36):
rejection as like critique orfeedback, like negative, like
when you have this idea, butthen someone's like, I don't
like that.
Um, but but this also comes upfor me mostly with like people
when you're in public and youdon't know if that person
recognizes you or you someonemay be upset with you and you
don't know.
Like, I'm not the first toapproach.
I'm going to cut the corner andgo around the corner because
(02:58):
I'm so nervous about you notsaying hello to me.
It's the equivalent of when youthink someone's waving to you
in public and you wave back andthey're not actually waving to
you, like that's soembarrassing.
But this type of rejection, notgetting into law school, it's
just a different level, and itis more embarrassing.
And I I hate to call it that,and my husband has been telling
(03:21):
me not to say that, that it'sjust life, but it doesn't feel
that way.
And so this isn't just aboutlaw school, it's also about my
issue, and I'm sure maybesomeone who's watching yours of
avoiding hard things.
And I have spent most of mylife taking the safe route.
If there's a safe route, I'mgonna take it.
(03:43):
I'm not a risk taker, I don'tlike challenge, I'm gonna take
the easy road.
What that's looked like for meis no confrontation.
I don't stick up for myselfunless I'm like forced into
these things.
I want I want to I want that tobe clear.
I have done all of thesethings, but I have to be forced
into it.
It's not the option that Iwillingly choose.
(04:04):
I don't welcome the risk, Idon't welcome the challenge.
I would do it if it's like thelast resort, but these are not
my go-to.
So again, what that's lookedlike for me is no confrontation.
I do not like confrontation.
I I don't like having to do it.
I don't like conflict.
Um, I have not historicallylike stuck up for myself.
Um, it also has looked likedoing things that I'm already
(04:24):
good at and then calling it agrand accomplishment.
So, oh, I'm a I know I'm agreat public speaker, right?
And then I go and I do thisevent and I'm like, yeah, yeah,
patted myself on the back, butit's like you're already good at
that.
That wasn't a challenge foryou, right?
Um, the uh how this has alsoshown up is talking myself out
of challenges before I've eventried.
(04:46):
We're gonna talk about thatmore, but talking myself out of
things that seem risky or thatseem hard, and then also running
from things again, same thinglike that.
I perceive is too hard or toorisky.
So those last two kind ofreally go together.
But the application of this iswhen I applied to graduate
school at Azusa PacificUniversity, I really wanted an
MBA.
(05:06):
So I went to Clark AtlantaUniversity, got my business
degree, amazing school.
I already talked about ClarkAtlanta, love Clark Atlanta, and
my professors were all great.
And the next step, like theobvious next step for a business
major, is getting your MBA.
But your girl was too afraid totake the G MAT.
And for whatever reason, Idon't know if it's like hearing
(05:27):
other people say this, or I justI honestly don't know where it
came from, y'all.
Like I really don't, but I wastelling myself that I was a bad
test taker, that I wouldn't beable to pass the GMAT or the GRE
or whatever test was requiredto get in.
So instead of going after theMBA, I applied for my Masters of
Arts in Management.
And I did not like the program.
I found out when I got therethat because there are no
(05:50):
barriers to entry or norequirements, no test
requirements, a lot of thestudents at Azusa were doing
this program because it waseasy, because they had um been
able to graduate in three yearsand they wanted to continue to
play sports for Azusa.
So this is the program thatpeople would do when they want
to play sports.
So not only was I coming fromClark Atlanta, this amazing
(06:14):
business program, right?
Where we're doing fortune orpresentations in front of
Fortune 500 companies, we're umuh building marketing plans for
real small businesses, we haveto dress professional twice a
week.
Um, all of these things, right?
To then this management programwhere the kids don't really
care, they don't know how todress, they don't know how to
(06:35):
present, they don't know how toput a business plan together,
and I'm sitting there like thisis crazy.
And I remember standing in thehallway of the business school
at Azusa and watching the NBAstudents come out of class, and
it's like a scene out of amovie, it's like slow motion,
and they're all dressed up intheir professional attire.
And I remember sitting thereand literally thinking to
myself, that's where I belong.
(06:56):
Oh, it was like watching themdap each other up.
I know this probably wasn'thappening, but this is how I
remember it.
They're like dapping each otherup, and they're high-fiving,
and they're coming, and theylook so serious, and I'm like,
that's where I'm supposed to be.
But I settled.
I did not push myself, I didfinish my master's because I had
already started it, and I waslike, you know what?
(07:18):
This is, you know, I startedit, let's finish it.
And I already spent the money,but I settled.
And that same fear of that hardtest, not wanting to take the G
MAT, is why I never pursue lawschool.
And it's why I didn't do itsooner, even though I've always
wanted to be a lawyer.
So I want to walk you guysthrough this process.
(07:40):
Since I did tell you guys inepisode 19 about the layoff and
I was going to school, I want towalk you through what this last
year has looked like.
After losing my job, I thought,well, I have nothing to lose
and everything to gain.
So I just I jumped all in.
I started my uh LSAT prep,which is the law school
administration test.
I started that prep in Februaryof 2025, right after I got laid
(08:02):
off.
So I got laid off in likeJanuary, into January, February.
I signed up for a prep course,was in there.
And now this is not a lawschool chat, so if y'all want
more information, we can talkabout this offline.
But that prep course did nothelp me.
I didn't find that out untillater, but I just want to put a
little pin in there because Idon't want to make it seem like
I'm supporting that route.
It's just kind of what Ithought was right at the moment.
(08:25):
But the whole point is I jumpedall in, started studying,
started doing my research, whatkind of law do I want to
practice?
Um I saw myself improving.
I studied hard.
I stayed dedicated, I pushedthrough, even though I had the
kiddos at home.
At this time, we still had ournanny.
So I was able to dedicate mytime to like studying, um, doing
(08:46):
the law school research,attending virtual admissions
tours with different schools.
I was just doing so much.
And I remember when I starteddoing this, I just started
kicking myself.
And I was just so frustratedand crying because I was like, I
should have done this when Iwas single.
Because I actually seen myselfimproving.
(09:07):
I was like, girl, you werenever bad at this.
You just had to sit down,practice it.
That's all it took.
Rarely do people come toanything where they're an expert
already.
And I don't know why in my mindI thought that.
But I was just so frustrated atthe process itself.
But then I was frustrated that,girl, if you had done this in
(09:29):
your 20s, you would haveexcelled.
If you would have done the GMath, you would have excelled.
So I had to accept that I wasthere.
I had to accept that okay,you're doing this now, married
with four kids.
You missed that opportunityback then.
And as I was going through thisjourney, one of the biggest
lessons that I have gotten fromthis whole process was how much
that I can learn from mymistakes.
Part of that rejection, nottaking risks, not taking
(09:52):
challenges is not looking at mymistakes or wanting to ignore
mistakes, not acceptingcritique, like I'm not good with
feedback or critique, all ofthose things because I don't
want to think that I'm doing abad job.
But when I was doing the LSAT,one of the things that they
encourage you to do is to keepan error journal.
I don't know why I say error soweird, but error log or error,
(10:12):
your mistakes journal.
Um, and I didn't take itseriously when they were saying,
when they were recommending it,because I was like, I don't
want to highlight all the waysthat I'm messing up.
I don't want to see what I'mdoing wrong.
I don't want to know that I'mfailing when I already know I'm
failing and this and I'mstruggling.
I don't want to see that I'mstruggling.
I don't want to highlight that,right?
But without the error journal,it felt like I was messing up on
(10:35):
everything.
And then with it, I could seeexactly where my patterns were,
what traps I would I keptfalling for, and I could start
training my brain to get better.
I took the LSAT three times.
I increased my score by fivepoints, and I never went
backwards.
And in the LSAT world, andaccording to like the admissions
people I talked to, that issignificant.
(10:57):
A lot of times people eitherstay where they're at or they go
backwards, but that but theydon't have a lot of big leaps.
And even in my practicing bymyself, my my score, I had
issues with timing, but my scorewas a lot higher in my practice
than it was on my actualperformance.
That was all from looking at mymistakes.
(11:18):
That was all from highlightingthe things that I was doing
wrong.
That's not something that Iwould have welcomed had I not
gone on this journey.
And so for me, I'm gonna I'mgonna go back to the process.
So we do the LSAT right, andthen I knew my score could be
stronger, but I took this leapof faith, if you want to call it
that, and applied with thescore that I had.
(11:39):
Now that was based oninformation that I was
receiving, but I've learned, andthis is for anybody that's
gonna go through this process oris thinking about law school,
the LSAT matters more than theytry to let on.
Do not listen to people try totell you that the LSAT does not
matter because it does.
But in this time, I was meetingvirtually with schools, as I
mentioned.
I um flew to Atlanta for thepre-law HBCU conference to make
(12:04):
these connections and meetschool representatives in
person.
I spent so much money onapplications and study materials
to test itself.
So I'm saying that because itwasn't like I was just in on the
LSAT.
No, I was all in on this entireprocess.
And when I was talking topeople, person after person
after person was saying, hey, welook at it holistically.
(12:25):
Well, what they don't tell youis that they look at you
holistically after they see yourLSAT score.
They make you think thatholistic means we're going to
discount the LSAT score almost.
I literally have quotes frompeople.
I recorded some of my sessions,so I had to go back and listen
and see, was I crazy?
Did I misinterpret what theywere saying?
No, they sell it to you so thatyou can uh uh do the
(12:45):
application and then apply forlaw school.
And this is not a bash, okay?
I'm not I'm not trying to, likeI said, I'm not trying to make
this a law school bash.
I may have to talk about thison my personal channel because I
did vlog my entire journey,y'all.
Entire, it's it's more tears inthat vlog.
The tears in that vlog couldfeel a river or a little lake
somewhere because it was it wasjust a crazy process.
(13:06):
It's a crazy time.
But I just want you all to seethat like this pain that comes
later that I'm gonna talk aboutis because of how all in that I
was.
So again, flying to Atlanta togo to the HBCU pre-law
conference, meetingrepresentatives virtually.
I mean, just it was myfull-time job essentially.
At one point, I started workingout of a co-working space here
(13:27):
in Vancouver, Washington, justso I could focus and study
properly.
So when it came time to startapplying, like I said, I applied
with the scores that I had.
I knew I could get, you know,better scores, but I had taken
the LSAT three times.
That thing, that thing, that,that thing, okay.
It's not like Lauren Hill, butmy mind was just it, it was it,
(13:49):
it's it wasn't as hard as Ithought it was going to be.
I'm gonna be honest.
All you have to do is applyyourself and keep going and keep
going.
But I was just in this liketime pressure.
I wanted to get to law schoolbecause I just got laid off.
I wanted to hurry up, you know,keep going.
So when it came time toactually apply, I'm excited, I'm
(14:12):
hopeful, I'm thinking like,okay, I've put in the work,
they're telling me that I have achance, they're hearing my
story, they're understanding,they're telling me that because
I'm a mom, these are literalthings that people are telling
me that because I'm a mom, thatalready gives you a little edge
up because we know that you canmanage time and you can balance,
which I was like, but you don'tknow if I'm a good mom or a bad
mom.
So I was using my brain, y'all.
I just wanted to buy into likeI had a chance.
(14:34):
Um, but there, yeah, that's solike that, having work
experience as well.
Like I have years of workexperience since I was 17 or 18.
And you on certainapplications, you have to list
every single job you've had.
There's like barely any gaps inmy work history.
I was either working or inschool.
All of these things that arecalled sauce, but that you know,
I'm thinking will give me theedge of being older, because
(14:55):
being an older applicant, youknow, they said that it reads
that you're more sure, you'vehad a path, you kind of know
what you want versus being youngand coming out, and you don't
necessarily know where you wantto go, you're just doing this as
a fallback, etc.
etc.
Right.
I will say, because I am gonnagive you myself some grace here,
because it's not because I justfailed, okay?
The cycle really was thatcompetitive.
(15:17):
This law school cycle, I thinkthey said, was the most
competitive in years.
They've had the mostapplications that they've seen
historically in years.
I don't even know if they'veever had this many applications,
but that's just how they weresaying it.
And after I got over 20rejections.
Over 20 rejections.
(15:38):
And I applied high and Iapplied low with that when it
comes to ranking.
Um, a couple of thoserejections were at schools that
I would have otherwise gotteninto last year or even the year
before with the scores that Ihad.
But I didn't.
And those ones really startedto sting.
Okay, I applied to Duke Law.
Duke Law is the number for alaw school.
You gotta be like, not that Ican't hang, okay.
(16:01):
Let's not get it mixed up.
Your girl can survive in any ofthese environments.
Put me in there.
Harvard, I can do it.
But when it comes to like statsand the type of kids that are
getting in there, you know, thethe awards, just that the way
that they're set up, I did notget that trajectory or path in
life.
So a Duke Law, okay, that makessense.
I got rejected there.
(16:22):
But some of the other schools,and I'm not gonna list them
because just in case I do thisprocess again, I don't want to
shoot myself in the foot, butsome of the other schools really
stung.
But I met with those schools.
I I met with them because I wasI was like, this is after
rejection, after rejection,after rejection, after
rejection.
And I was like, I have to knowwhat's going on because I'm
spiraling, I'm like, is it mywriting?
Oh my gosh, it's because Istarted graduate school at PSU
(16:45):
and then I stopped.
Oh my gosh, it's because likewhat is it?
They literally told me that myapplication was strong.
One lady said, Your applicationis perfect, your writing is
perfect, everything that youhave here is perfect, it's just
your LSAT score.
And that was a relief, but itwas also and still is a dagger
to my chest.
I have so many thoughts onthis, and like I said, this is
(17:06):
not, I'm not trying to give youguys my law school frustrations
or like law school processfrustrations, but it did mess
with my self-worth and mess withmy head because it made me
think, why am I not good enough?
Why would this test score thatyou guys know cannot fully
capture a person?
You tell me that there's thereis a correlation between a
(17:30):
slight correlation between yourLSAT score and your first year
of law school, but it stilldoesn't determine the type of
lawyer that you're gonna be.
These are literally speechesthat they're giving us.
Like they're they're literallysaying we know that you can have
a high LSAT score and suck atlaw school and not pass the bar,
and you can have a low LSATscore and do great in law school
and pass the bar, and still,and you can look this up,
(17:52):
LSD.law, they still only accepta bubble.
They will tell you that theyhave no floor, but there's a
floor.
There's a floor.
If you look at lsd.law and youlook at people's the ranges
where people are gettingaccepted, waitlisted, or
rejected, there's a floor.
So all of these things, I knowI'm 34.
(18:14):
I know the marketing.
I know you're selling me adream, but I wanted the dream,
y'all.
unknown (18:20):
I'm not even gonna lie.
Speaker (18:22):
I wanted the dream, and I wanted the dream because I
wanted to say, look at look,GSA, and look at government.
You tried to hold me back.
And I went to law school and Igot accepted, and I wanted to
show all those naysayers thatthere were no naysayers, by the
way, but all these naysayers inmy mind, I wanted to let them
know, like, look at me, I didit.
That's not what I'm here totell you guys.
(18:42):
Like, getting those rejectionsalmost and hearing that about
the LSAT score specificallyactually almost validated my
wrongness in the fact that Inever tried.
And I went to Quincy and I waslike, see, this is why I never
tried.
Like, this is why I actuallydidn't do this process because
look, look at what's happeningnow.
I was not right to say that Ishould have never tried.
(19:02):
I was not right for not tryingin the past or telling myself
that I was bad at tests or nottaking the risk or not not doing
the challenges.
But when these rejectionsstarted coming back to back, I'm
like, see, this is why I don'ttake risks.
This is why I don't challengemyself, this is why I never
tried this.
But that's that doesn't need tobe because now I have a new
(19:26):
perspective of my capabilities.
And I'm telling this storybecause I told y'all I was going
to school in episode 19, and itfelt wrong to like skip over
this and try to come back to thepodcast and start talking about
something else because I hadalways planned on coming to
celebrate with y'all and belike, yay, this is what
happened, and I got it to lawschool, y'all, and I'm not gonna
(19:47):
be doing the podcast.
So it's like, why wouldn't Icome and tell this other side?
Why wouldn't I come and say,you know what?
I had these plans in my mind.
It it didn't work out that way.
I had to admit this out loud,as I said in episode 20, to
avoid from spiraling further.
I told Quincy, looked him deadin his eyes.
I was like, I will not, I justrefuse to not to not be honest
(20:11):
that I didn't get in.
Because if I had started goingaround when people were asking
me about law school, like, didyou get in?
How was it going?
Did you get accepted anywhere?
And I had to keep tellingpeople, no, not yet, or oh, this
cycle was just so competitive.
It was literally going to putme in a deeper sadness.
I was feeling it would make mefeel more shameful and more
(20:33):
embarrassed, and I don't need tobecause it's life.
I'm not the only one who gotrejected, I'm not the only one
who lost a job, I'm not the onlyone going through the things
I'm going through.
It is life.
And why do we get so ashamed oflife?
So I started practicing.
First with my close family, andI love my family dearly.
I told my parents, I told a fewcousins, and I love them
(20:55):
dearly, and they're so funnybecause they it's racism, it's
discrimination, those people areinsane.
And I'm like, no, it's just Iwasn't good enough this round,
you know?
But but I love them.
I'm not gonna correct them.
Family's gonna ride for you,and that's what they should do,
okay?
Yeah, have my back.
Okay, tell me those people aresilly for not letting me in.
Like, absolutely, right?
So I don't, I'm not, I'm notmad at them for that energy.
(21:17):
We want that, we want that, butI know I'm like, no, it's it's
not those things.
They don't even know me, theycan't see you, and you can't put
your race down on yourapplication anymore, so it's not
that.
Like, it's just I was not goodenough, guys.
Like, this was just not mytime, and that's okay.
Then I practiced with somefriends at a brunch I held.
So I hosted a brunch at myhouse, had some girlfriends
over.
Some some of them knew that Ihad been trying to go to law
(21:39):
school, some of them didn't, andwe kind of were doing this
circle thing, everybody's kindof introducing themselves and
we're talking, and just youknow, and I just been like, hey,
y'all, like, yeah, this it's ahard season I didn't get in law
school.
And it's embarrassing to haveto say that out loud and to have
to admit that in front of youknow your friends and tell them
who were so excited for you.
You rarely kind of get thatpart.
Usually if someone comes backto you, they're like, oh, I
(22:03):
didn't get into law school, butI don't I didn't have a butt.
I didn't have a but hold on.
I'm still great.
No, I didn't.
I was like, y'all, I didn't getin law school, lost my job.
I'm just here.
Yeah.
That's all I had, right?
Part of the practicing.
The next after that was I hadto speak on a panel at the
MBloom conference.
Shout out to the MBloomConference and Shawni Davis.
(22:25):
Um, but I I had to speak on thepanel.
I spoke at MBloom last year andI went this year as an
attendee, but uh Shawni gave methe opportunity to do this
legacy panel where the speakers,listen to this, get a kick out
of this.
The speakers on the panel aresupposed to share where they're
at since the last conference.
Talk about slapping my face,right?
(22:45):
Not that she's doing this likeit's my face, but just like, you
know, I'm like, oh wow.
Okay, God.
Like, all right.
And so I I I was going to do tothe conference as an attendee.
I never practiced what I wasgonna say.
I didn't really have like a lotof context as to what I was
gonna say.
I just knew I'm gonna sit onthis panel.
And it wasn't until I got intothe conference and I'm talking
(23:05):
to Shawnee and she's telling me,like, okay, yeah, this, and I'm
like, oh wait, I don't haveanything to offer these women.
Where I thought I was going tobe this year compared to last
year is not where I am.
I told a small group of themlast year that I was going to
law school, and I'm sure theywere pretty excited to hear
that, you know, got accepted andthat these were my plans.
I told Shawnee, my friendShawnee, that like I'm I'm
(23:27):
getting ready to move.
All of these things that I wasthinking was gonna happen, and I
have to sit on this panel, andnone of that's true, and I
almost backed out.
I was like, I don't haveanything to offer.
But I I didn't back out.
I sat there, and at first Istarted to try to paint
everything in this kind ofbetter light.
And in Christian world, and Ithink just in life, we want to
(23:48):
give good stories.
We want to give a pretty bowlon the package.
And as I was listening to theother women, I realized that
exactly what my story is isexactly what I needed to share
because I was the girl on theother side in a rough season, in
a horrible relationship, um,down on my luck, or just going
(24:10):
through, and I'm looking atthese beautiful women and I'm
wondering, but have you everbeen through anything?
You you've told me yourbeautiful stories, but like,
where's the mess in it all?
And it's always in hindsight.
It's yeah, I was down, but nowI'm up.
But we don't talk about whatyou did to get up.
And so I sat there and I waslike, no, exactly where you're
at is exactly what you have toshare.
(24:30):
And that's exactly what I did.
I was rough, I was raw, I wasjust giving it plainly.
I didn't say I was lost becauseby that time I knew not to be
saying that, but I did say, youknow, I felt lost, but these are
things that I've come tounderstand.
Didn't get into law school, butit's more than that, right?
It's it's it's like I talkedabout in the last episode.
It's the church, it's this,it's all of these things.
(24:52):
It's like not having anyfriends.
I'm a friend person.
I've always had friends.
It's like, you know, being homeagain.
It was all it was just like acomplication of all these things
that I'm sharing with thesestrangers.
And y'all, when I it wasn'tuntil later on that night when I
got home that I said, or backto the Airbnb, and I was like,
oh my gosh.
I just told a group ofstrangers that I didn't get into
(25:13):
law school.
I just told those ladies that Ididn't get in, and that I don't
know where I'm going, and Idon't know if this like where
God is in all of this.
Like, I was just very brutallyhonest.
And I don't regret it though.
I don't regret it because it'slife.
I wish I could tell you thateven with all of that practice,
(25:33):
it gets easier to have to admit.
But in sitting here, evenbefore I started recording, I'm
like, oh God, I have to say thisagain.
Like I have to sit here and sayit again.
But I'm also sitting here tosay that my life didn't end.
It's like the rejections werepunching me and punching me and
punching me, but they were alsomaking me stronger.
(25:55):
Which it's hard to even saybecause I don't even want to I
don't even want to sell it likeit felt so good or that I seen
it that way.
But sometimes the things thatwe think are working against us
are really making us strongereven if we don't feel that way.
It's the strength that I haveto be able to sit here and say
(26:15):
it because we rarely talk aboutthe journey when we're in it.
And like I was saying earlier,the reality is I'm not
experiencing anything thatsomeone else hasn't already.
I was one of thousands whodidn't get into law school just
this year alone.
But you know what I thoughtabout a lot of them are young.
(26:36):
They're in their 20s.
They don't necessarily havefamilies, and you know, they're
coming out of college, they'reso bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
And I thought about the peoplethat were feeling the same pain
that I was feeling, but didn'thave anyone.
And at least I had my family.
I had my sons to distract mebecause I don't care.
I mean, they knew I was goingto law school, they prayed for
me every night, but they didn'tcare that I didn't get in.
(26:57):
You know, when I told my son,he was never like, dang, mom,
you suck.
Like I he was just like, oh,you didn't get in, like, okay,
you know, and he just bounces,they bounce back.
They're they're they're intoPower Rangers and they're
flipping and they're fighting,and they want me to, you know,
punch them and do all the theydon't care.
So at least I had that todistract me.
I had my husband who's so proudof me and who never made me
feel bad, and he was so happybecause we've known each other
(27:19):
since high school, so he knowsI'm not a risk taker.
I don't try new foods, I'mgetting better, but I just I
don't take risks.
And so he's like, I'm so proudthat you did it.
And not only did you do it, butyou did it with 20 plus
schools.
Like you you went in, you knewwhat you were capable of, and my
mentality started to changebecause I took so much on me
personally, my worth.
I'm not good enough, you know,all these things.
(27:40):
And he kept telling me likealmost every single day, I hope
you're not letting this defineyou.
I hope you're not letting thisbe anything about who you are,
because they don't know who youare, they don't know you
personally.
So I had him in my corner, andI'm so sad.
I am so sad.
It still makes me cry that Ididn't get in.
(28:01):
I wish I could say that Iregret doing it, but I don't.
I will still cry and still beupset.
But I don't regret doing it.
It's it sounds kind of insanefor someone like me.
It sounds crazy even coming outmy mouth.
But I want you to know that ifyou're in a hole right now,
you're not the only one.
(28:21):
And I want to stop here for asecond and speak directly to
whoever is in the middle oftheir own rejection right now.
Not the one from five years agothat you've already healed
from, but the fresh one.
The one from the other day, theother week, the other month, or
even just a few months ago.
The one that you really haven'tdiscussed or told people about
yet, the one you're embarrassedby, and I want you to know that
(28:42):
I see you.
And I want you to know that thesadness is real, the grief is
valid, and that getting back updoesn't mean pretending it
didn't hurt.
No, it hurts.
It's hard for me to even say itout loud because I'm not there,
but there is another side.
There is another side.
And I thought that once I gotlaid off, I had to keep going, I
(29:05):
had to keep going, I had tokeep going, and right now I
really don't have to doanything.
I'm asking myself, okay, I'mnot where I want to be, but what
if I'm exactly where I'msupposed to be?
And that same thing of nothingbad has ever happened to me.
It's all about this mentalityshift.
I had to keep digging andsaying it and asking myself,
(29:26):
what's really bothering me?
What's really bothering you,Alexandria?
And it's layered.
It is, but it's nothing thatinvalidates who I am and who
I've been and the type of lawyerthat I could be one day.
I had to realize that, yeah,you get back up, you say you
didn't get in, you don't letanyone shame you for that
because it's life.
(29:46):
It's literally life.
I came back, I got back to thispodcast, and I get to do it in
the messy middle.
It's not the story that Iwanted to tell, but here we are.
And I was laughing the otherday because I'm like, you know
what's funny is that I didn't, Iwas gonna put myself into law
school.
I had an opportunity to take afull break.
I came back to the podcast.
So after this season, I reallywill like sit down and take a
(30:09):
break.
I'm just so used to moving.
It's a it's a complex of mine.
I haven't really figured thatone out.
But anyways, the worst thingthat I could have done was to
act like it never happened.
Like seriously.
I don't know what it I don'tknow what it was about this time
in my life that I was like, Icannot act like this didn't
(30:29):
happen.
And it's probably because Iwanted this so bad.
Because it felt like I wasfinally going after a dream, it
was going to come true, and thenit didn't.
And I think that's why the painwas also I feel like the pain
was just as big as the dream.
The pain of not getting it wasjust as big as how excited I
would have been if I did.
And I didn't want to keepcarrying that pain by acting
(30:52):
like it it doesn't exist, orthat I wasn't hurt or affected
by being rejected over and overagain.
Do you know how many storiesthere are of people who were
rejected, who you know didn'tget this job they were going
after, doors closed.
I mean, we were just watchingthe um uh I don't know exactly
what it's called, but it's likethe Kevin Hart comedy
(31:13):
competition.
I don't know what it'ssomething silly, like funny AF.
There you go.
And Kevin Hart is saying howevery closed door just opened up
another one.
Like he didn't get on SNL, andyou look back at that and you're
like, they're crazy, but hedidn't get on SNL, but it opened
up, I think he said like soulplain for him, right?
But if you watch Shark Tank,you listen to the stories of the
(31:34):
sharks, and they talk abouttheir personal stories, but they
talk about the stories of theira lot of them are immigrants,
so they're immigrant parents andgrandparents who came to
America not speaking thelanguage, not knowing what to
do, but they made something ofthemselves, right?
Closed doors, uh, peoplepushing you aside, and then you
listen to the sharks themselves,and they talk about bankruptcy,
they talk about failingbusinesses, they talk about all
the no's that they've gotten,but how everything kept pushing
(31:58):
them.
That resiliency comes fromthose, again, like I talked
about, your mistakes,acknowledging your mistakes.
It the resiliency comes fromgetting kicked down and having
to get back up, making thechoice to get back up.
And here's the thing (32:09):
you have the choice, and you have the
power to get back up.
No law school rejection,layoff, no nothing, nothing has
to stop me.
They don't have the power tostop me.
I only have the power to stopme, and I figured that out, and
I thought, you know what, yourgirl's gonna get up.
(32:32):
It's not a plan.
I don't have a plan.
I don't have a 10, 5 year planlike I'm used to.
It's just every day I am makingthe decision to do something.
Every day I am making thedecision that whatever I do now,
my future self is affected bythat whatever I do today is
(32:55):
pouring into my future self.
What do I want that to looklike?
Sadness, crying, wallowing, whyme?
Oh my gosh, this is horrible,my life is crazy, why did I do?
Or reading a new book, spendingtime with my kids, teaching my
children their colors and theirABCs and watching them grow.
You have options.
(33:16):
And even if the rejection isyour own, because sometimes we
reject things as well, right?
And sometimes we regret that orwhatever that looks like, but
whether it's a rejection thatyou uh something that you
rejected or you being rejected,you still have the option to get
up and make something from itand do something.
Again, not having a full plan,not needing to go into the next
(33:38):
five years or my three-monthplan or whatever it is.
If you need that, that's great.
But I'm just saying it's notrequired.
But you just make decisionseach minute, each hour, that I'm
just gonna I'm gonna do this,right?
And right now, for me, I'mexcited about this podcast.
I I came back to this with Iactually left this with so many
(33:59):
ideas.
So it's not that I I waslacking ideas.
I thought about this podcastthroughout the whole journey,
and I felt so bad that I waslike neglecting the podcast to
do law school, but I just knewthat law school was gonna open
up so many doors for my career,financially, all these things.
So I needed to be all in.
But coming back, I was like, ohmy gosh, the ideas were like
(34:19):
sitting on my chest.
That's how I describe it, whereit's just like bam, bam, bam,
bam, bam.
So I'm excited about thispodcast.
I'm excited to spend time withmy kids, my family.
I'm excited to read.
I have a good list of booksthat I'll share with y'all that
I'm so excited to read.
I'm also excited about the factthat I don't have to go to
school.
I don't have to study rightnow.
(34:40):
I didn't have the stamina tojump back into LSAT studying or
to get back in there.
I and I honestly, I didn't wantto.
And I didn't have to.
I just wanted to do me, so tospeak.
Like I wanted to use the timethat even my husband has given
me where he's like, you don'tgotta rush back to work, you
don't gotta rush to school, youknow.
It I I get to come up with likenew meals, and it seems so
(35:02):
minor and so small, but they'reso fulfilling for me because I
haven't gotten this.
It's always moving.
I've had a nanny, I've had ababysitter, I've always had
someone else, and it's like nowit gets to be me.
And every day my children aredoing something that is
absolutely hilarious, alsoannoying, because we're not
gonna act like it's notannoying.
But every day there'ssomething.
My my baby came up to meliterally yesterday as I'm
(35:24):
preparing to come record, andhe's in my uh lipstick drawer,
just turned two, and he pullsout one of my lipstick and he
goes red.
And I was like, Oh, did youjust say red?
And he's like, Yeah, but thenhe calls everything red after
that.
But but he got the first oneright, okay?
He knew what red was, but it'slike I heard uh immigrate, and I
(35:45):
think I'm saying her, it'seither immigrate or immigrati.
I was getting her last namewrong, but I heard her say that
she's the type of mom, she's notthe nine to five mom or
something like that.
She doesn't need to be in everysingle detail.
Let's put it like that.
She and I'm not faulting herfor this.
That is her life, her children,her children will be fine.
I'm sure they will be totallyfine, okay?
So I'm not coming at her forthat.
What I'm trying to say is whenshe was saying that, I thought,
(36:06):
you know what?
I never really thought aboutthe type of mom that I want to
be, but I am the mom that wantsto be there for every moment.
I am the mom that, like, ifsomething happens when Quincy's
watching them and he doesn'ttell me, I'm like, why didn't
you tell me he did that?
Or I I'm the one who's like, ohmy gosh, guess what he just
said today?
Or they picked out theirclothes on their own, or look,
they like I I am I am that mom,and I haven't really gotten that
(36:29):
with having to work and havingto, you know, or wanting to work
and wanting to, you know, go toschool, all these things that I
was doing, but it's like now Iget that back.
And law school is always gonnabe there.
A job is always gonna be there.
I don't have to rush back intothose things, and it's funny
because Quincy's phone went offthe other day, and it was the
same chime that I had on my workphone.
(36:52):
And I tell y'all, when thatchime went off, my body leapt
because I'm thinking, oh gosh,somebody at work is chiming me.
And then I realized, oh, it'snot mine.
Oh my gosh, I don't have tosend my nervous system into a
frenzy because I don't have toanswer to them.
I don't have to be on someoneelse's schedule.
I don't I just I'm thankful.
(37:12):
That's all that's all I say.
I'm thankful.
And even outside of that, Ihave to still take care of me, I
have to still pour into mebecause like I said, everything
that I do today matters to myfuture self.
And I either wallow or I getup.
And I just made the decisionnow.
I'm gonna get up.
It's not the ideal.
(37:34):
The bumpy path is hard.
It's not what I would havechosen for myself if we're being
honest.
But I'm glad that I took therisk.
And I'm glad that I took achance at myself, and that I got
to see that I am so capable oflearning things at a high level,
even after four kids with mombrain, that I was able to close
(37:55):
those gaps and oh my gosh, andsee myself improve and see my
see who I am even in theprocess, because the way that I
showed up, even on virtualcalls, professional, uh, the way
I was dressed, I built thislittle uh like picture wall on
the back for those calls.
Like everything that I did wasso intentional, and that's who I
am.
It's the same way that Ipresent to the podcast.
(38:17):
It's so intentional.
I'm not just intentional on mybehalf, but I'm intentional on
others' behalf, right?
And that no matter what schoolwould have taken me, I was gonna
be that representative, butthey're missing out, and that's
on them, you know.
So, hey, they're missing out,you know?
But let's get it's like all thethings that they were looking
for, I know that I had.
And I know I'm a good speaker,I know I'm a good person, I know
that I would have been a goodlawyer, and no rejection can
(38:39):
take that away from me.
There is a brighter side.
There there are lots of lessonsthat I've been able to learn,
and I can say those things evenwhile it all still stings.
But it doesn't define me.
I get to define me that the mypatterns in life define me.
I'm not in a place where I'mtrying to prove that to people
or prove that to um them.
And that's what I was tellingthe ladies at the panel that I
(39:02):
spoke on.
They were asking a questionabout what is a lesson that you
had to learn this year or thatyou've learned, something like
that.
Like, what's where are you atnow that you weren't at last
year?
Some kind of question likethat.
I said last year, so 2025, Ifeel like I had a lot to prove.
When I walked into that church,and I'm gonna try not to cry
(39:23):
because I have a crybaby, I didthis whole episode without
crying, y'all, so that's good,but now I'm getting teary eyed.
But when I walked into thatchurch to speak, and that's up
on YouTube, it's calledDangerous Daughters, but when I
walked into the church to speaklast year, I was coming in a
place of needing to prove myselfbecause I did feel like
(39:43):
something, like I did somethingwith the last ministry and those
doors closing and having havinglost all those relationships.
And so I walked in the churchwith my head held high and my
chest stuck out because I needto prove that I am that girl and
(40:05):
that I am this person, and Ineeded to do that, I needed that
same proof for going to lawschool.
I needed that same proof toshow my family and friends that
I'm still your Alexandria, who'sa go-getter, and I'm not gonna
let anything stop me.
Like I had all of these thingsto prove, and I told the ladies,
(40:25):
but I sit here and I'm like, Idon't have anything to prove
anymore.
And not that I don't want toshow up, but it's like I've
taken the pressure off ofneeding to prove those things
because I had to start lookingat the data of my own life, of
who I am, and that person showswhether people see it or not, or
is there, I should say, whetherthey see it or not.
(40:46):
I sit here with less pressureof needing to prove that I'm a
professional and I'm I can betaken serious as a career woman
because that's why I wanted tobe a lawyer.
I thought, well, you know, theytalk about podcasters so bad
that I was like, well, I don'twant to be deemed just a
podcaster, but it's like, sowhat?
I'm a podcaster with four kids,a husband, got integrity, I've
done things already.
(41:06):
Like, why am I invalidating myown life and my own story when
it's legit?
It is legitimate.
So, yeah, this is for whoeverneeds that permission to be
honest about the hurt, evendespite the hurt, you can still
get up.
That it doesn't disqualify youor discount you.
(41:27):
And if you've been keeping adisappointment quiet because
you're embarrassed or becauseyou don't want to let people
down or because you're not surehow to explain it, you don't
have to have it figured outbefore you say it out loud.
I didn't.
And when I was saying it, Iwasn't saying it as eloquently
as I'm telling y'all, I have myhead down, I was like picking
that stuff, I'm like, yeah, Ididn't get in the law school,
(41:47):
but you know, like I I but youkeep saying it.
And you don't have to be on theother side of it to be honest
about it.
The renovation is happening.
You just can't see the finishedroom yet.
And our blueprint moment isthis every renovation hits a
moment where things look worsebefore they get better.
The walls are stripped, thefloors are torn up, nothing is
(42:08):
in its place.
And from the outside, it canlook like destruction, more like
construction.
But the contractor knows thisis just the middle of the
process.
A rejection isn't a verdict onthe structure, it's a materials
list telling you what to bringnext time.
You can learn from theirrejection if you let it teach
(42:31):
you.
You can learn from theirrejection so that next time you
know how you're gonna show up orwhat you're gonna bring, or
okay, that's not that path.
Well, let's just keep going,let's figure it out.
You are not a condemnedbuilding, you are under
construction.
The no's don't mean stop, theyonly mean not yet, not here, not
this door.
(42:51):
But you have to keep building.
It's often easier to say thosethings when you're on the other
side.
When I'm saying those things,it doesn't feel good, but I have
to trust the process.
It's okay to say it when it'sstill raw and fresh and it
hurts, and that it doesn't makeyou less of a person for being
willing to say the hard partsout loud.
(43:11):
So here are your takeaways.
Name the disappointment outloud to someone or even just to
yourself.
Number two, find the one thingthe experience taught you that
you couldn't have learned on theeasy path.
Y'all.
I think that is so good.
Like, I took the easy path somuch.
It really didn't get meanywhere.
unknown (43:33):
It really didn't.
Speaker (43:35):
I look back, I had this model where I was like, I'm not
gonna look back in life and I'mnot gonna regret.
I have it tattooed on me.
It's called the used to be,where it's like, you know, you
don't look back on the past, youdon't, not that you don't look
back on the past, but you don'tlook back on the past and
regret, I'm gonna live withoutno regret.
I went through that phase in my20s, and y'all are 34, and I
sit and I'm like, no, I gotregrets.
(43:55):
I got regrets because I tookthe easy path or because I
didn't do what I should have, orI got caught up in chasing boys
more than like, you know,focusing on myself.
Like, no, I'm not a bundle ofregret, but I for sure got some
regrets.
But it's like there is so muchmore that you're gonna learn
from the bumpy roll than youwill from the easy path.
That's just a fact of life.
Number three, ask yourself,what does keep building look
(44:17):
like for me right now?
I just hope that y'all don'tmake me feel bad when I get it
into law school.
No, I'm just kidding.
I don't think y'all will.
But I I was thinking of how onsocial media they're like, you
should have kept that toyourself.
I'm like, should I have kept itto myself?
But you know, no, I shouldn'thave.
And I and I don't regret it.
And I I'm still in it.
(44:38):
That's why, again, this seasonis coined the messy middle.
But if you all have likestories or, you know,
experiences that you want toshare, even just encouragement,
I will take whateverencouragement that you all have
of your own stories where youwere down and you didn't see how
it was gonna work out, and itdid.
I would love to hear from youknow people who are our lawyers
(44:59):
now or in a career field thatyou didn't necessarily know that
you were gonna be in, or onethat you were striving for and
didn't think it was gonnahappen, but it did.
Like, I would love to hear yourstories, your encouragement.
And then also for those who youmay need encouragement.
You might want to talk aboutthe things that you don't want
to talk about with your familybecause they're too judgmental
or because they're not gonna getit.
(45:20):
You want to share with someonelike me because I get it.
I'd love to hear from youdirectly.
So you can email me or you canfind me on social media and
direct message me.
But let's chat, like you guysknow my inboxes, they're always
open.
But I love y'all so much.
Again, don't come down too hardon your girl.
This was hard, but we're here.
Um, and until next time, let'skeep doing the work to renovate
the soul.
After I got over 20 rejections.
Over 20 rejections.
I will still cry and still beupset.
But I don't regret doing it.
It's it sounds kind of insane,but I didn't want to keep
carrying that pain by actinglike it it doesn't exist or that
(00:20):
I wasn't hurt or affected bybeing rejected over and over
again.
Everything that I do todaymatters to my future self.
And I either wallow or I getup.
I want you to know that ifyou're in a hole right now,
you're not the only one.
I didn't plan on having to saythis.
(00:48):
In episode 19, I shared withyou all that I was going back to
school, but I didn't say whatkind or what school for this
exact reason.
Because if I didn't get in,then I wouldn't have had to say
anything.
Um but I also didn't plan onnot getting in.
Like you couldn't have told methat at the beginning of that
journey that I was not going toget accepted anywhere, but here
(01:10):
we are.
So yes, I didn't get into lawschool and it hurts so bad.
So let's talk about it.
Welcome to Renovating the Soul,where we turn the mess into
something meaningful.
I'm your host, Alexandria, andI am so excited that you have
joined me today.
This episode is going to behard for your girls.
(01:30):
If you've ever set out to dosomething and it didn't go the
way you planned, if you've everchased something hard, a job, a
program, a relationship, a goal,and you gotta know that you
weren't expecting, then thisepisode is for you.
I wish I could tell y'all thatthis story was from five or ten
years ago and I have the otherside, but this is something that
(01:52):
I just it was still goingthrough that I still haven't
made full peace with, but it'slife.
I have to take it for what itis.
I'm talking about it right nowbecause I'm still in it.
I'm still figuring it out.
And so if you're currentlysitting in a fresh
disappointment, I want you tostay with me.
So y'all know here onRenovating the Soul, we like to
(02:12):
define our terms.
And one of the things you'regonna hear me talk about that is
at the center of this isrejection.
So let's define rejection.
It is the dismissal ofsomething as inadequate or
unsuitable.
And I've always said that I'mnot good with rejection.
Now, when I've said that, itcan be in terms of whatever,
like a relationship, a job, youknow, even kind of seeing
(02:36):
rejection as like critique orfeedback, like negative, like
when you have this idea, butthen someone's like, I don't
like that.
Um, but but this also comes upfor me mostly with like people
when you're in public and youdon't know if that person
recognizes you or you someonemay be upset with you and you
don't know.
Like, I'm not the first toapproach.
I'm going to cut the corner andgo around the corner because
(02:58):
I'm so nervous about you notsaying hello to me.
It's the equivalent of when youthink someone's waving to you
in public and you wave back andthey're not actually waving to
you, like that's soembarrassing.
But this type of rejection, notgetting into law school, it's
just a different level, and itis more embarrassing.
And I I hate to call it that,and my husband has been telling
(03:21):
me not to say that, that it'sjust life, but it doesn't feel
that way.
And so this isn't just aboutlaw school, it's also about my
issue, and I'm sure maybesomeone who's watching yours of
avoiding hard things.
And I have spent most of mylife taking the safe route.
If there's a safe route, I'mgonna take it.
(03:43):
I'm not a risk taker, I don'tlike challenge, I'm gonna take
the easy road.
What that's looked like for meis no confrontation.
I don't stick up for myselfunless I'm like forced into
these things.
I want I want to I want that tobe clear.
I have done all of thesethings, but I have to be forced
into it.
It's not the option that Iwillingly choose.
(04:04):
I don't welcome the risk, Idon't welcome the challenge.
I would do it if it's like thelast resort, but these are not
my go-to.
So again, what that's lookedlike for me is no confrontation.
I do not like confrontation.
I I don't like having to do it.
I don't like conflict.
Um, I have not historicallylike stuck up for myself.
Um, it also has looked likedoing things that I'm already
(04:24):
good at and then calling it agrand accomplishment.
So, oh, I'm a I know I'm agreat public speaker, right?
And then I go and I do thisevent and I'm like, yeah, yeah,
patted myself on the back, butit's like you're already good at
that.
That wasn't a challenge foryou, right?
Um, the uh how this has alsoshown up is talking myself out
of challenges before I've eventried.
(04:46):
We're gonna talk about thatmore, but talking myself out of
things that seem risky or thatseem hard, and then also running
from things again, same thinglike that.
I perceive is too hard or toorisky.
So those last two kind ofreally go together.
But the application of this iswhen I applied to graduate
school at Azusa PacificUniversity, I really wanted an
MBA.
(05:06):
So I went to Clark AtlantaUniversity, got my business
degree, amazing school.
I already talked about ClarkAtlanta, love Clark Atlanta, and
my professors were all great.
And the next step, like theobvious next step for a business
major, is getting your MBA.
But your girl was too afraid totake the G MAT.
And for whatever reason, Idon't know if it's like hearing
(05:27):
other people say this, or I justI honestly don't know where it
came from, y'all.
Like I really don't, but I wastelling myself that I was a bad
test taker, that I wouldn't beable to pass the GMAT or the GRE
or whatever test was requiredto get in.
So instead of going after theMBA, I applied for my Masters of
Arts in Management.
And I did not like the program.
I found out when I got therethat because there are no
(05:50):
barriers to entry or norequirements, no test
requirements, a lot of thestudents at Azusa were doing
this program because it waseasy, because they had um been
able to graduate in three yearsand they wanted to continue to
play sports for Azusa.
So this is the program thatpeople would do when they want
to play sports.
So not only was I coming fromClark Atlanta, this amazing
(06:14):
business program, right?
Where we're doing fortune orpresentations in front of
Fortune 500 companies, we're umuh building marketing plans for
real small businesses, we haveto dress professional twice a
week.
Um, all of these things, right?
To then this management programwhere the kids don't really
care, they don't know how todress, they don't know how to
(06:35):
present, they don't know how toput a business plan together,
and I'm sitting there like thisis crazy.
And I remember standing in thehallway of the business school
at Azusa and watching the NBAstudents come out of class, and
it's like a scene out of amovie, it's like slow motion,
and they're all dressed up intheir professional attire.
And I remember sitting thereand literally thinking to
myself, that's where I belong.
(06:56):
Oh, it was like watching themdap each other up.
I know this probably wasn'thappening, but this is how I
remember it.
They're like dapping each otherup, and they're high-fiving,
and they're coming, and theylook so serious, and I'm like,
that's where I'm supposed to be.
But I settled.
I did not push myself, I didfinish my master's because I had
already started it, and I waslike, you know what?
(07:18):
This is, you know, I startedit, let's finish it.
And I already spent the money,but I settled.
And that same fear of that hardtest, not wanting to take the G
MAT, is why I never pursue lawschool.
And it's why I didn't do itsooner, even though I've always
wanted to be a lawyer.
So I want to walk you guysthrough this process.
(07:40):
Since I did tell you guys inepisode 19 about the layoff and
I was going to school, I want towalk you through what this last
year has looked like.
After losing my job, I thought,well, I have nothing to lose
and everything to gain.
So I just I jumped all in.
I started my uh LSAT prep,which is the law school
administration test.
I started that prep in Februaryof 2025, right after I got laid
(08:02):
off.
So I got laid off in likeJanuary, into January, February.
I signed up for a prep course,was in there.
And now this is not a lawschool chat, so if y'all want
more information, we can talkabout this offline.
But that prep course did nothelp me.
I didn't find that out untillater, but I just want to put a
little pin in there because Idon't want to make it seem like
I'm supporting that route.
It's just kind of what Ithought was right at the moment.
(08:25):
But the whole point is I jumpedall in, started studying,
started doing my research, whatkind of law do I want to
practice?
Um I saw myself improving.
I studied hard.
I stayed dedicated, I pushedthrough, even though I had the
kiddos at home.
At this time, we still had ournanny.
So I was able to dedicate mytime to like studying, um, doing
(08:46):
the law school research,attending virtual admissions
tours with different schools.
I was just doing so much.
And I remember when I starteddoing this, I just started
kicking myself.
And I was just so frustratedand crying because I was like, I
should have done this when Iwas single.
Because I actually seen myselfimproving.
(09:07):
I was like, girl, you werenever bad at this.
You just had to sit down,practice it.
That's all it took.
Rarely do people come toanything where they're an expert
already.
And I don't know why in my mindI thought that.
But I was just so frustrated atthe process itself.
But then I was frustrated that,girl, if you had done this in
(09:29):
your 20s, you would haveexcelled.
If you would have done the GMath, you would have excelled.
So I had to accept that I wasthere.
I had to accept that okay,you're doing this now, married
with four kids.
You missed that opportunityback then.
And as I was going through thisjourney, one of the biggest
lessons that I have gotten fromthis whole process was how much
that I can learn from mymistakes.
Part of that rejection, nottaking risks, not taking
(09:52):
challenges is not looking at mymistakes or wanting to ignore
mistakes, not acceptingcritique, like I'm not good with
feedback or critique, all ofthose things because I don't
want to think that I'm doing abad job.
But when I was doing the LSAT,one of the things that they
encourage you to do is to keepan error journal.
I don't know why I say error soweird, but error log or error,
(10:12):
your mistakes journal.
Um, and I didn't take itseriously when they were saying,
when they were recommending it,because I was like, I don't
want to highlight all the waysthat I'm messing up.
I don't want to see what I'mdoing wrong.
I don't want to know that I'mfailing when I already know I'm
failing and this and I'mstruggling.
I don't want to see that I'mstruggling.
I don't want to highlight that,right?
But without the error journal,it felt like I was messing up on
(10:35):
everything.
And then with it, I could seeexactly where my patterns were,
what traps I would I keptfalling for, and I could start
training my brain to get better.
I took the LSAT three times.
I increased my score by fivepoints, and I never went
backwards.
And in the LSAT world, andaccording to like the admissions
people I talked to, that issignificant.
(10:57):
A lot of times people eitherstay where they're at or they go
backwards, but that but theydon't have a lot of big leaps.
And even in my practicing bymyself, my my score, I had
issues with timing, but my scorewas a lot higher in my practice
than it was on my actualperformance.
That was all from looking at mymistakes.
(11:18):
That was all from highlightingthe things that I was doing
wrong.
That's not something that Iwould have welcomed had I not
gone on this journey.
And so for me, I'm gonna I'mgonna go back to the process.
So we do the LSAT right, andthen I knew my score could be
stronger, but I took this leapof faith, if you want to call it
that, and applied with thescore that I had.
(11:39):
Now that was based oninformation that I was
receiving, but I've learned, andthis is for anybody that's
gonna go through this process oris thinking about law school,
the LSAT matters more than theytry to let on.
Do not listen to people try totell you that the LSAT does not
matter because it does.
But in this time, I was meetingvirtually with schools, as I
mentioned.
I um flew to Atlanta for thepre-law HBCU conference to make
(12:04):
these connections and meetschool representatives in
person.
I spent so much money onapplications and study materials
to test itself.
So I'm saying that because itwasn't like I was just in on the
LSAT.
No, I was all in on this entireprocess.
And when I was talking topeople, person after person
after person was saying, hey, welook at it holistically.
(12:25):
Well, what they don't tell youis that they look at you
holistically after they see yourLSAT score.
They make you think thatholistic means we're going to
discount the LSAT score almost.
I literally have quotes frompeople.
I recorded some of my sessions,so I had to go back and listen
and see, was I crazy?
Did I misinterpret what theywere saying?
No, they sell it to you so thatyou can uh uh do the
(12:45):
application and then apply forlaw school.
And this is not a bash, okay?
I'm not I'm not trying to, likeI said, I'm not trying to make
this a law school bash.
I may have to talk about thison my personal channel because I
did vlog my entire journey,y'all.
Entire, it's it's more tears inthat vlog.
The tears in that vlog couldfeel a river or a little lake
somewhere because it was it wasjust a crazy process.
(13:06):
It's a crazy time.
But I just want you all to seethat like this pain that comes
later that I'm gonna talk aboutis because of how all in that I
was.
So again, flying to Atlanta togo to the HBCU pre-law
conference, meetingrepresentatives virtually.
I mean, just it was myfull-time job essentially.
At one point, I started workingout of a co-working space here
(13:27):
in Vancouver, Washington, justso I could focus and study
properly.
So when it came time to startapplying, like I said, I applied
with the scores that I had.
I knew I could get, you know,better scores, but I had taken
the LSAT three times.
That thing, that thing, that,that thing, okay.
It's not like Lauren Hill, butmy mind was just it, it was it,
(13:49):
it's it wasn't as hard as Ithought it was going to be.
I'm gonna be honest.
All you have to do is applyyourself and keep going and keep
going.
But I was just in this liketime pressure.
I wanted to get to law schoolbecause I just got laid off.
I wanted to hurry up, you know,keep going.
So when it came time toactually apply, I'm excited, I'm
(14:12):
hopeful, I'm thinking like,okay, I've put in the work,
they're telling me that I have achance, they're hearing my
story, they're understanding,they're telling me that because
I'm a mom, these are literalthings that people are telling
me that because I'm a mom, thatalready gives you a little edge
up because we know that you canmanage time and you can balance,
which I was like, but you don'tknow if I'm a good mom or a bad
mom.
So I was using my brain, y'all.
I just wanted to buy into likeI had a chance.
(14:34):
Um, but there, yeah, that's solike that, having work
experience as well.
Like I have years of workexperience since I was 17 or 18.
And you on certainapplications, you have to list
every single job you've had.
There's like barely any gaps inmy work history.
I was either working or inschool.
All of these things that arecalled sauce, but that you know,
I'm thinking will give me theedge of being older, because
(14:55):
being an older applicant, youknow, they said that it reads
that you're more sure, you'vehad a path, you kind of know
what you want versus being youngand coming out, and you don't
necessarily know where you wantto go, you're just doing this as
a fallback, etc.
etc.
Right.
I will say, because I am gonnagive you myself some grace here,
because it's not because I justfailed, okay?
The cycle really was thatcompetitive.
(15:17):
This law school cycle, I thinkthey said, was the most
competitive in years.
They've had the mostapplications that they've seen
historically in years.
I don't even know if they'veever had this many applications,
but that's just how they weresaying it.
And after I got over 20rejections.
Over 20 rejections.
(15:38):
And I applied high and Iapplied low with that when it
comes to ranking.
Um, a couple of thoserejections were at schools that
I would have otherwise gotteninto last year or even the year
before with the scores that Ihad.
But I didn't.
And those ones really startedto sting.
Okay, I applied to Duke Law.
Duke Law is the number for alaw school.
You gotta be like, not that Ican't hang, okay.
(16:01):
Let's not get it mixed up.
Your girl can survive in any ofthese environments.
Put me in there.
Harvard, I can do it.
But when it comes to like statsand the type of kids that are
getting in there, you know, thethe awards, just that the way
that they're set up, I did notget that trajectory or path in
life.
So a Duke Law, okay, that makessense.
I got rejected there.
(16:22):
But some of the other schools,and I'm not gonna list them
because just in case I do thisprocess again, I don't want to
shoot myself in the foot, butsome of the other schools really
stung.
But I met with those schools.
I I met with them because I wasI was like, this is after
rejection, after rejection,after rejection, after
rejection.
And I was like, I have to knowwhat's going on because I'm
spiraling, I'm like, is it mywriting?
Oh my gosh, it's because Istarted graduate school at PSU
(16:45):
and then I stopped.
Oh my gosh, it's because likewhat is it?
They literally told me that myapplication was strong.
One lady said, Your applicationis perfect, your writing is
perfect, everything that youhave here is perfect, it's just
your LSAT score.
And that was a relief, but itwas also and still is a dagger
to my chest.
I have so many thoughts onthis, and like I said, this is
(17:06):
not, I'm not trying to give youguys my law school frustrations
or like law school processfrustrations, but it did mess
with my self-worth and mess withmy head because it made me
think, why am I not good enough?
Why would this test score thatyou guys know cannot fully
capture a person?
You tell me that there's thereis a correlation between a
(17:30):
slight correlation between yourLSAT score and your first year
of law school, but it stilldoesn't determine the type of
lawyer that you're gonna be.
These are literally speechesthat they're giving us.
Like they're they're literallysaying we know that you can have
a high LSAT score and suck atlaw school and not pass the bar,
and you can have a low LSATscore and do great in law school
and pass the bar, and still,and you can look this up,
(17:52):
LSD.law, they still only accepta bubble.
They will tell you that theyhave no floor, but there's a
floor.
There's a floor.
If you look at lsd.law and youlook at people's the ranges
where people are gettingaccepted, waitlisted, or
rejected, there's a floor.
So all of these things, I knowI'm 34.
(18:14):
I know the marketing.
I know you're selling me adream, but I wanted the dream,
y'all.
unknown (18:20):
I'm not even gonna lie.
Speaker (18:22):
I wanted the dream, and I wanted the dream because I
wanted to say, look at look,GSA, and look at government.
You tried to hold me back.
And I went to law school and Igot accepted, and I wanted to
show all those naysayers thatthere were no naysayers, by the
way, but all these naysayers inmy mind, I wanted to let them
know, like, look at me, I didit.
That's not what I'm here totell you guys.
(18:42):
Like, getting those rejectionsalmost and hearing that about
the LSAT score specificallyactually almost validated my
wrongness in the fact that Inever tried.
And I went to Quincy and I waslike, see, this is why I never
tried.
Like, this is why I actuallydidn't do this process because
look, look at what's happeningnow.
I was not right to say that Ishould have never tried.
(19:02):
I was not right for not tryingin the past or telling myself
that I was bad at tests or nottaking the risk or not not doing
the challenges.
But when these rejectionsstarted coming back to back, I'm
like, see, this is why I don'ttake risks.
This is why I don't challengemyself, this is why I never
tried this.
But that's that doesn't need tobe because now I have a new
(19:26):
perspective of my capabilities.
And I'm telling this storybecause I told y'all I was going
to school in episode 19, and itfelt wrong to like skip over
this and try to come back to thepodcast and start talking about
something else because I hadalways planned on coming to
celebrate with y'all and belike, yay, this is what
happened, and I got it to lawschool, y'all, and I'm not gonna
(19:47):
be doing the podcast.
So it's like, why wouldn't Icome and tell this other side?
Why wouldn't I come and say,you know what?
I had these plans in my mind.
It it didn't work out that way.
I had to admit this out loud,as I said in episode 20, to
avoid from spiraling further.
I told Quincy, looked him deadin his eyes.
I was like, I will not, I justrefuse to not to not be honest
(20:11):
that I didn't get in.
Because if I had started goingaround when people were asking
me about law school, like, didyou get in?
How was it going?
Did you get accepted anywhere?
And I had to keep tellingpeople, no, not yet, or oh, this
cycle was just so competitive.
It was literally going to putme in a deeper sadness.
I was feeling it would make mefeel more shameful and more
(20:33):
embarrassed, and I don't need tobecause it's life.
I'm not the only one who gotrejected, I'm not the only one
who lost a job, I'm not the onlyone going through the things
I'm going through.
It is life.
And why do we get so ashamed oflife?
So I started practicing.
First with my close family, andI love my family dearly.
I told my parents, I told a fewcousins, and I love them
(20:55):
dearly, and they're so funnybecause they it's racism, it's
discrimination, those people areinsane.
And I'm like, no, it's just Iwasn't good enough this round,
you know?
But but I love them.
I'm not gonna correct them.
Family's gonna ride for you,and that's what they should do,
okay?
Yeah, have my back.
Okay, tell me those people aresilly for not letting me in.
Like, absolutely, right?
So I don't, I'm not, I'm notmad at them for that energy.
(21:17):
We want that, we want that, butI know I'm like, no, it's it's
not those things.
They don't even know me, theycan't see you, and you can't put
your race down on yourapplication anymore, so it's not
that.
Like, it's just I was not goodenough, guys.
Like, this was just not mytime, and that's okay.
Then I practiced with somefriends at a brunch I held.
So I hosted a brunch at myhouse, had some girlfriends
over.
Some some of them knew that Ihad been trying to go to law
(21:39):
school, some of them didn't, andwe kind of were doing this
circle thing, everybody's kindof introducing themselves and
we're talking, and just youknow, and I just been like, hey,
y'all, like, yeah, this it's ahard season I didn't get in law
school.
And it's embarrassing to haveto say that out loud and to have
to admit that in front of youknow your friends and tell them
who were so excited for you.
You rarely kind of get thatpart.
Usually if someone comes backto you, they're like, oh, I
(22:03):
didn't get into law school, butI don't I didn't have a butt.
I didn't have a but hold on.
I'm still great.
No, I didn't.
I was like, y'all, I didn't getin law school, lost my job.
I'm just here.
Yeah.
That's all I had, right?
Part of the practicing.
The next after that was I hadto speak on a panel at the
MBloom conference.
Shout out to the MBloomConference and Shawni Davis.
(22:25):
Um, but I I had to speak on thepanel.
I spoke at MBloom last year andI went this year as an
attendee, but uh Shawni gave methe opportunity to do this
legacy panel where the speakers,listen to this, get a kick out
of this.
The speakers on the panel aresupposed to share where they're
at since the last conference.
Talk about slapping my face,right?
(22:45):
Not that she's doing this likeit's my face, but just like, you
know, I'm like, oh wow.
Okay, God.
Like, all right.
And so I I I was going to do tothe conference as an attendee.
I never practiced what I wasgonna say.
I didn't really have like a lotof context as to what I was
gonna say.
I just knew I'm gonna sit onthis panel.
And it wasn't until I got intothe conference and I'm talking
(23:05):
to Shawnee and she's telling me,like, okay, yeah, this, and I'm
like, oh wait, I don't haveanything to offer these women.
Where I thought I was going tobe this year compared to last
year is not where I am.
I told a small group of themlast year that I was going to
law school, and I'm sure theywere pretty excited to hear
that, you know, got accepted andthat these were my plans.
I told Shawnee, my friendShawnee, that like I'm I'm
(23:27):
getting ready to move.
All of these things that I wasthinking was gonna happen, and I
have to sit on this panel, andnone of that's true, and I
almost backed out.
I was like, I don't haveanything to offer.
But I I didn't back out.
I sat there, and at first Istarted to try to paint
everything in this kind ofbetter light.
And in Christian world, and Ithink just in life, we want to
(23:48):
give good stories.
We want to give a pretty bowlon the package.
And as I was listening to theother women, I realized that
exactly what my story is isexactly what I needed to share
because I was the girl on theother side in a rough season, in
a horrible relationship, um,down on my luck, or just going
(24:10):
through, and I'm looking atthese beautiful women and I'm
wondering, but have you everbeen through anything?
You you've told me yourbeautiful stories, but like,
where's the mess in it all?
And it's always in hindsight.
It's yeah, I was down, but nowI'm up.
But we don't talk about whatyou did to get up.
And so I sat there and I waslike, no, exactly where you're
at is exactly what you have toshare.
(24:30):
And that's exactly what I did.
I was rough, I was raw, I wasjust giving it plainly.
I didn't say I was lost becauseby that time I knew not to be
saying that, but I did say, youknow, I felt lost, but these are
things that I've come tounderstand.
Didn't get into law school, butit's more than that, right?
It's it's it's like I talkedabout in the last episode.
It's the church, it's this,it's all of these things.
(24:52):
It's like not having anyfriends.
I'm a friend person.
I've always had friends.
It's like, you know, being homeagain.
It was all it was just like acomplication of all these things
that I'm sharing with thesestrangers.
And y'all, when I it wasn'tuntil later on that night when I
got home that I said, or backto the Airbnb, and I was like,
oh my gosh.
I just told a group ofstrangers that I didn't get into
(25:13):
law school.
I just told those ladies that Ididn't get in, and that I don't
know where I'm going, and Idon't know if this like where
God is in all of this.
Like, I was just very brutallyhonest.
And I don't regret it though.
I don't regret it because it'slife.
I wish I could tell you thateven with all of that practice,
(25:33):
it gets easier to have to admit.
But in sitting here, evenbefore I started recording, I'm
like, oh God, I have to say thisagain.
Like I have to sit here and sayit again.
But I'm also sitting here tosay that my life didn't end.
It's like the rejections werepunching me and punching me and
punching me, but they were alsomaking me stronger.
(25:55):
Which it's hard to even saybecause I don't even want to I
don't even want to sell it likeit felt so good or that I seen
it that way.
But sometimes the things thatwe think are working against us
are really making us strongereven if we don't feel that way.
It's the strength that I haveto be able to sit here and say
(26:15):
it because we rarely talk aboutthe journey when we're in it.
And like I was saying earlier,the reality is I'm not
experiencing anything thatsomeone else hasn't already.
I was one of thousands whodidn't get into law school just
this year alone.
But you know what I thoughtabout a lot of them are young.
(26:36):
They're in their 20s.
They don't necessarily havefamilies, and you know, they're
coming out of college, they'reso bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
And I thought about the peoplethat were feeling the same pain
that I was feeling, but didn'thave anyone.
And at least I had my family.
I had my sons to distract mebecause I don't care.
I mean, they knew I was goingto law school, they prayed for
me every night, but they didn'tcare that I didn't get in.
(26:57):
You know, when I told my son,he was never like, dang, mom,
you suck.
Like I he was just like, oh,you didn't get in, like, okay,
you know, and he just bounces,they bounce back.
They're they're they're intoPower Rangers and they're
flipping and they're fighting,and they want me to, you know,
punch them and do all the theydon't care.
So at least I had that todistract me.
I had my husband who's so proudof me and who never made me
feel bad, and he was so happybecause we've known each other
(27:19):
since high school, so he knowsI'm not a risk taker.
I don't try new foods, I'mgetting better, but I just I
don't take risks.
And so he's like, I'm so proudthat you did it.
And not only did you do it, butyou did it with 20 plus
schools.
Like you you went in, you knewwhat you were capable of, and my
mentality started to changebecause I took so much on me
personally, my worth.
I'm not good enough, you know,all these things.
(27:40):
And he kept telling me likealmost every single day, I hope
you're not letting this defineyou.
I hope you're not letting thisbe anything about who you are,
because they don't know who youare, they don't know you
personally.
So I had him in my corner, andI'm so sad.
I am so sad.
It still makes me cry that Ididn't get in.
(28:01):
I wish I could say that Iregret doing it, but I don't.
I will still cry and still beupset.
But I don't regret doing it.
It's it sounds kind of insanefor someone like me.
It sounds crazy even coming outmy mouth.
But I want you to know that ifyou're in a hole right now,
you're not the only one.
(28:21):
And I want to stop here for asecond and speak directly to
whoever is in the middle oftheir own rejection right now.
Not the one from five years agothat you've already healed
from, but the fresh one.
The one from the other day, theother week, the other month, or
even just a few months ago.
The one that you really haven'tdiscussed or told people about
yet, the one you're embarrassedby, and I want you to know that
(28:42):
I see you.
And I want you to know that thesadness is real, the grief is
valid, and that getting back updoesn't mean pretending it
didn't hurt.
No, it hurts.
It's hard for me to even say itout loud because I'm not there,
but there is another side.
There is another side.
And I thought that once I gotlaid off, I had to keep going, I
(29:05):
had to keep going, I had tokeep going, and right now I
really don't have to doanything.
I'm asking myself, okay, I'mnot where I want to be, but what
if I'm exactly where I'msupposed to be?
And that same thing of nothingbad has ever happened to me.
It's all about this mentalityshift.
I had to keep digging andsaying it and asking myself,
(29:26):
what's really bothering me?
What's really bothering you,Alexandria?
And it's layered.
It is, but it's nothing thatinvalidates who I am and who
I've been and the type of lawyerthat I could be one day.
I had to realize that, yeah,you get back up, you say you
didn't get in, you don't letanyone shame you for that
because it's life.
(29:46):
It's literally life.
I came back, I got back to thispodcast, and I get to do it in
the messy middle.
It's not the story that Iwanted to tell, but here we are.
And I was laughing the otherday because I'm like, you know
what's funny is that I didn't, Iwas gonna put myself into law
school.
I had an opportunity to take afull break.
I came back to the podcast.
So after this season, I reallywill like sit down and take a
(30:09):
break.
I'm just so used to moving.
It's a it's a complex of mine.
I haven't really figured thatone out.
But anyways, the worst thingthat I could have done was to
act like it never happened.
Like seriously.
I don't know what it I don'tknow what it was about this time
in my life that I was like, Icannot act like this didn't
(30:29):
happen.
And it's probably because Iwanted this so bad.
Because it felt like I wasfinally going after a dream, it
was going to come true, and thenit didn't.
And I think that's why the painwas also I feel like the pain
was just as big as the dream.
The pain of not getting it wasjust as big as how excited I
would have been if I did.
And I didn't want to keepcarrying that pain by acting
(30:52):
like it it doesn't exist, orthat I wasn't hurt or affected
by being rejected over and overagain.
Do you know how many storiesthere are of people who were
rejected, who you know didn'tget this job they were going
after, doors closed.
I mean, we were just watchingthe um uh I don't know exactly
what it's called, but it's likethe Kevin Hart comedy
(31:13):
competition.
I don't know what it'ssomething silly, like funny AF.
There you go.
And Kevin Hart is saying howevery closed door just opened up
another one.
Like he didn't get on SNL, andyou look back at that and you're
like, they're crazy, but hedidn't get on SNL, but it opened
up, I think he said like soulplain for him, right?
But if you watch Shark Tank,you listen to the stories of the
(31:34):
sharks, and they talk abouttheir personal stories, but they
talk about the stories of theira lot of them are immigrants,
so they're immigrant parents andgrandparents who came to
America not speaking thelanguage, not knowing what to
do, but they made something ofthemselves, right?
Closed doors, uh, peoplepushing you aside, and then you
listen to the sharks themselves,and they talk about bankruptcy,
they talk about failingbusinesses, they talk about all
the no's that they've gotten,but how everything kept pushing
(31:58):
them.
That resiliency comes fromthose, again, like I talked
about, your mistakes,acknowledging your mistakes.
It the resiliency comes fromgetting kicked down and having
to get back up, making thechoice to get back up.
And here's the thing (32:09):
you have the choice, and you have the
power to get back up.
No law school rejection,layoff, no nothing, nothing has
to stop me.
They don't have the power tostop me.
I only have the power to stopme, and I figured that out, and
I thought, you know what, yourgirl's gonna get up.
(32:32):
It's not a plan.
I don't have a plan.
I don't have a 10, 5 year planlike I'm used to.
It's just every day I am makingthe decision to do something.
Every day I am making thedecision that whatever I do now,
my future self is affected bythat whatever I do today is
(32:55):
pouring into my future self.
What do I want that to looklike?
Sadness, crying, wallowing, whyme?
Oh my gosh, this is horrible,my life is crazy, why did I do?
Or reading a new book, spendingtime with my kids, teaching my
children their colors and theirABCs and watching them grow.
You have options.
(33:16):
And even if the rejection isyour own, because sometimes we
reject things as well, right?
And sometimes we regret that orwhatever that looks like, but
whether it's a rejection thatyou uh something that you
rejected or you being rejected,you still have the option to get
up and make something from itand do something.
Again, not having a full plan,not needing to go into the next
(33:38):
five years or my three-monthplan or whatever it is.
If you need that, that's great.
But I'm just saying it's notrequired.
But you just make decisionseach minute, each hour, that I'm
just gonna I'm gonna do this,right?
And right now, for me, I'mexcited about this podcast.
I I came back to this with Iactually left this with so many
(33:59):
ideas.
So it's not that I I waslacking ideas.
I thought about this podcastthroughout the whole journey,
and I felt so bad that I waslike neglecting the podcast to
do law school, but I just knewthat law school was gonna open
up so many doors for my career,financially, all these things.
So I needed to be all in.
But coming back, I was like, ohmy gosh, the ideas were like
(34:19):
sitting on my chest.
That's how I describe it, whereit's just like bam, bam, bam,
bam, bam.
So I'm excited about thispodcast.
I'm excited to spend time withmy kids, my family.
I'm excited to read.
I have a good list of booksthat I'll share with y'all that
I'm so excited to read.
I'm also excited about the factthat I don't have to go to
school.
I don't have to study rightnow.
(34:40):
I didn't have the stamina tojump back into LSAT studying or
to get back in there.
I and I honestly, I didn't wantto.
And I didn't have to.
I just wanted to do me, so tospeak.
Like I wanted to use the timethat even my husband has given
me where he's like, you don'tgotta rush back to work, you
don't gotta rush to school, youknow.
It I I get to come up with likenew meals, and it seems so
(35:02):
minor and so small, but they'reso fulfilling for me because I
haven't gotten this.
It's always moving.
I've had a nanny, I've had ababysitter, I've always had
someone else, and it's like nowit gets to be me.
And every day my children aredoing something that is
absolutely hilarious, alsoannoying, because we're not
gonna act like it's notannoying.
But every day there'ssomething.
My my baby came up to meliterally yesterday as I'm
(35:24):
preparing to come record, andhe's in my uh lipstick drawer,
just turned two, and he pullsout one of my lipstick and he
goes red.
And I was like, Oh, did youjust say red?
And he's like, Yeah, but thenhe calls everything red after
that.
But but he got the first oneright, okay?
He knew what red was, but it'slike I heard uh immigrate, and I
(35:45):
think I'm saying her, it'seither immigrate or immigrati.
I was getting her last namewrong, but I heard her say that
she's the type of mom, she's notthe nine to five mom or
something like that.
She doesn't need to be in everysingle detail.
Let's put it like that.
She and I'm not faulting herfor this.
That is her life, her children,her children will be fine.
I'm sure they will be totallyfine, okay?
So I'm not coming at her forthat.
What I'm trying to say is whenshe was saying that, I thought,
(36:06):
you know what?
I never really thought aboutthe type of mom that I want to
be, but I am the mom that wantsto be there for every moment.
I am the mom that, like, ifsomething happens when Quincy's
watching them and he doesn'ttell me, I'm like, why didn't
you tell me he did that?
Or I I'm the one who's like, ohmy gosh, guess what he just
said today?
Or they picked out theirclothes on their own, or look,
they like I I am I am that mom,and I haven't really gotten that
(36:29):
with having to work and havingto, you know, or wanting to work
and wanting to, you know, go toschool, all these things that I
was doing, but it's like now Iget that back.
And law school is always gonnabe there.
A job is always gonna be there.
I don't have to rush back intothose things, and it's funny
because Quincy's phone went offthe other day, and it was the
same chime that I had on my workphone.
(36:52):
And I tell y'all, when thatchime went off, my body leapt
because I'm thinking, oh gosh,somebody at work is chiming me.
And then I realized, oh, it'snot mine.
Oh my gosh, I don't have tosend my nervous system into a
frenzy because I don't have toanswer to them.
I don't have to be on someoneelse's schedule.
I don't I just I'm thankful.
(37:12):
That's all that's all I say.
I'm thankful.
And even outside of that, Ihave to still take care of me, I
have to still pour into mebecause like I said, everything
that I do today matters to myfuture self.
And I either wallow or I getup.
And I just made the decisionnow.
I'm gonna get up.
It's not the ideal.
(37:34):
The bumpy path is hard.
It's not what I would havechosen for myself if we're being
honest.
But I'm glad that I took therisk.
And I'm glad that I took achance at myself, and that I got
to see that I am so capable oflearning things at a high level,
even after four kids with mombrain, that I was able to close
(37:55):
those gaps and oh my gosh, andsee myself improve and see my
see who I am even in theprocess, because the way that I
showed up, even on virtualcalls, professional, uh, the way
I was dressed, I built thislittle uh like picture wall on
the back for those calls.
Like everything that I did wasso intentional, and that's who I
am.
It's the same way that Ipresent to the podcast.
(38:17):
It's so intentional.
I'm not just intentional on mybehalf, but I'm intentional on
others' behalf, right?
And that no matter what schoolwould have taken me, I was gonna
be that representative, butthey're missing out, and that's
on them, you know.
So, hey, they're missing out,you know?
But let's get it's like all thethings that they were looking
for, I know that I had.
And I know I'm a good speaker,I know I'm a good person, I know
that I would have been a goodlawyer, and no rejection can
(38:39):
take that away from me.
There is a brighter side.
There there are lots of lessonsthat I've been able to learn,
and I can say those things evenwhile it all still stings.
But it doesn't define me.
I get to define me that the mypatterns in life define me.
I'm not in a place where I'mtrying to prove that to people
or prove that to um them.
And that's what I was tellingthe ladies at the panel that I
(39:02):
spoke on.
They were asking a questionabout what is a lesson that you
had to learn this year or thatyou've learned, something like
that.
Like, what's where are you atnow that you weren't at last
year?
Some kind of question likethat.
I said last year, so 2025, Ifeel like I had a lot to prove.
When I walked into that church,and I'm gonna try not to cry
(39:23):
because I have a crybaby, I didthis whole episode without
crying, y'all, so that's good,but now I'm getting teary eyed.
But when I walked into thatchurch to speak, and that's up
on YouTube, it's calledDangerous Daughters, but when I
walked into the church to speaklast year, I was coming in a
place of needing to prove myselfbecause I did feel like
(39:43):
something, like I did somethingwith the last ministry and those
doors closing and having havinglost all those relationships.
And so I walked in the churchwith my head held high and my
chest stuck out because I needto prove that I am that girl and
(40:05):
that I am this person, and Ineeded to do that, I needed that
same proof for going to lawschool.
I needed that same proof toshow my family and friends that
I'm still your Alexandria, who'sa go-getter, and I'm not gonna
let anything stop me.
Like I had all of these thingsto prove, and I told the ladies,
(40:25):
but I sit here and I'm like, Idon't have anything to prove
anymore.
And not that I don't want toshow up, but it's like I've
taken the pressure off ofneeding to prove those things
because I had to start lookingat the data of my own life, of
who I am, and that person showswhether people see it or not, or
is there, I should say, whetherthey see it or not.
(40:46):
I sit here with less pressureof needing to prove that I'm a
professional and I'm I can betaken serious as a career woman
because that's why I wanted tobe a lawyer.
I thought, well, you know, theytalk about podcasters so bad
that I was like, well, I don'twant to be deemed just a
podcaster, but it's like, sowhat?
I'm a podcaster with four kids,a husband, got integrity, I've
done things already.
(41:06):
Like, why am I invalidating myown life and my own story when
it's legit?
It is legitimate.
So, yeah, this is for whoeverneeds that permission to be
honest about the hurt, evendespite the hurt, you can still
get up.
That it doesn't disqualify youor discount you.
(41:27):
And if you've been keeping adisappointment quiet because
you're embarrassed or becauseyou don't want to let people
down or because you're not surehow to explain it, you don't
have to have it figured outbefore you say it out loud.
I didn't.
And when I was saying it, Iwasn't saying it as eloquently
as I'm telling y'all, I have myhead down, I was like picking
that stuff, I'm like, yeah, Ididn't get in the law school,
(41:47):
but you know, like I I but youkeep saying it.
And you don't have to be on theother side of it to be honest
about it.
The renovation is happening.
You just can't see the finishedroom yet.
And our blueprint moment isthis every renovation hits a
moment where things look worsebefore they get better.
The walls are stripped, thefloors are torn up, nothing is
(42:08):
in its place.
And from the outside, it canlook like destruction, more like
construction.
But the contractor knows thisis just the middle of the
process.
A rejection isn't a verdict onthe structure, it's a materials
list telling you what to bringnext time.
You can learn from theirrejection if you let it teach
(42:31):
you.
You can learn from theirrejection so that next time you
know how you're gonna show up orwhat you're gonna bring, or
okay, that's not that path.
Well, let's just keep going,let's figure it out.
You are not a condemnedbuilding, you are under
construction.
The no's don't mean stop, theyonly mean not yet, not here, not
this door.
(42:51):
But you have to keep building.
It's often easier to say thosethings when you're on the other
side.
When I'm saying those things,it doesn't feel good, but I have
to trust the process.
It's okay to say it when it'sstill raw and fresh and it
hurts, and that it doesn't makeyou less of a person for being
willing to say the hard partsout loud.
(43:11):
So here are your takeaways.
Name the disappointment outloud to someone or even just to
yourself.
Number two, find the one thingthe experience taught you that
you couldn't have learned on theeasy path.
Y'all.
I think that is so good.
Like, I took the easy path somuch.
It really didn't get meanywhere.
unknown (43:33):
It really didn't.
Speaker (43:35):
I look back, I had this model where I was like, I'm not
gonna look back in life and I'mnot gonna regret.
I have it tattooed on me.
It's called the used to be,where it's like, you know, you
don't look back on the past, youdon't, not that you don't look
back on the past, but you don'tlook back on the past and
regret, I'm gonna live withoutno regret.
I went through that phase in my20s, and y'all are 34, and I
sit and I'm like, no, I gotregrets.
(43:55):
I got regrets because I tookthe easy path or because I
didn't do what I should have, orI got caught up in chasing boys
more than like, you know,focusing on myself.
Like, no, I'm not a bundle ofregret, but I for sure got some
regrets.
But it's like there is so muchmore that you're gonna learn
from the bumpy roll than youwill from the easy path.
That's just a fact of life.
Number three, ask yourself,what does keep building look
(44:17):
like for me right now?
I just hope that y'all don'tmake me feel bad when I get it
into law school.
No, I'm just kidding.
I don't think y'all will.
But I I was thinking of how onsocial media they're like, you
should have kept that toyourself.
I'm like, should I have kept itto myself?
But you know, no, I shouldn'thave.
And I and I don't regret it.
And I I'm still in it.
(44:38):
That's why, again, this seasonis coined the messy middle.
But if you all have likestories or, you know,
experiences that you want toshare, even just encouragement,
I will take whateverencouragement that you all have
of your own stories where youwere down and you didn't see how
it was gonna work out, and itdid.
I would love to hear from youknow people who are our lawyers
(44:59):
now or in a career field thatyou didn't necessarily know that
you were gonna be in, or onethat you were striving for and
didn't think it was gonnahappen, but it did.
Like, I would love to hear yourstories, your encouragement.
And then also for those who youmay need encouragement.
You might want to talk aboutthe things that you don't want
to talk about with your familybecause they're too judgmental
or because they're not gonna getit.
(45:20):
You want to share with someonelike me because I get it.
I'd love to hear from youdirectly.
So you can email me or you canfind me on social media and
direct message me.
But let's chat, like you guysknow my inboxes, they're always
open.
But I love y'all so much.
Again, don't come down too hardon your girl.
This was hard, but we're here.
Um, and until next time, let'skeep doing the work to renovate
the soul.
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