Roots: The Beliefs You've Never Questioned are Holding You Back | Ep. 12

Your roots, what you believe, what you've been taught, what you've absorbed without ever questioning—are what make you who you are. The hard truth? If you don't dig deep and confront what's buried beneath the surface, you'll never be able to grow beyond your past. In this raw, unapologetic episode of Renovating the Soul, we pull back the layers and expose the uncomfortable truths hiding in your roots.

What beliefs are you holding onto simply because they’ve always been there? What stories have you accepted that aren’t even yours? It’s time to stop pretending they’re harmless. The stories we inherit, the patterns we repeat, and the lies we’ve swallowed shape every part of our lives—our decisions, our relationships, our happiness.

This season is about stripping it all down, challenging the narratives that keep you stuck, and rebuilding from the ground up. You can’t evolve until you address the mess beneath you. But here's the kicker: you have to be willing to face it.

In this episode, we’ll help you:

Recognize the hidden influences that shape your beliefs—family, culture, past trauma.

Confront the surface-level ideals you’ve been holding onto, and why they’re stopping you from growing.

Understand how your roots—good or bad—hold the power to either anchor you or keep you stagnant.

This is your wake-up call. It's time to confront the mess beneath your surface, dig up the beliefs that don’t serve you, and rebuild stronger. Are you ready to face what's been hiding?

If you're serious about breaking free and rebuilding, don't skip this one.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Through reflection, through introspection, through
digging deeper, to understandingyour beliefs and values.
You don't have to keep wastingyour time watering the surface
level parts of you, putting onthem again the makeup, the
clothes, the cologne, theperfume, the shoes, the Jordans,
the jewelry, the career, thecar, the house, the girlfriend,

(00:20):
the boyfriend, the spouse, thethe best friend, the social
media, the TikTok, the whateverit is.
Like you don't have to just keepwatering the surface of you
because in the interim timewhile you have while life is
sweet and good and or at leastdecent, that's the times that
you should be taking advantageof watering the depths of you.

(00:42):
So that when the wind blows, youdon't topple over.
I'm your host, AlexandriaRobinson, and I'm so glad that

(01:05):
you are joining me today.
Whether you're new here or areturning listener, I believe
that today's episode will sparksome deep reflections.
This podcast is all aboutintrospection, personal growth,
and exploring the deeper aspectsof life.
And I'm so grateful that youhave decided to join me on this
journey, that we journeytogether, as I like to say.

(01:26):
In our last episode, we exploredthe theme or the topic of
predators in the pulpit,essentially talking about how
our spiritual foundations can bechallenged and even uprooted
when faced with unhealthyinfluences.
I go through several examples ofhow to spot spiritual abuse and
the subtle power of spiritualabuse through a book that I read

(01:49):
and my personal experiences andoverall really getting to the
point of how much our faithjourneys affect our lives,
whether they're healthy orunhealthy, because for a lot of
us, faith is the foundation.
And so, again, when we'retalking about being uprooted,
right, we have to look at thisconcept of digging deeper into

(02:09):
our roots.
And so today we're going to bediving even deeper into this
concept about roots and how theyplay a crucial role, not only in
the natural world, but in ourpersonal growth as well.
Just like a tree depends on itsroots for nourishment,
stability, and growth, we toorely on the roots of our beliefs
and values to thrive.

But here's the thing (02:30):
just like a tree needs deep root watering
to grow strong and healthy, ourbeliefs and personal growth
require deep nourishment totruly flourish.
And so in today's episode, we'regoing to explore why it's so
important to look beyond thesurface and dig deeper into our
roots.
Um, our roots being ourfoundational beliefs, values,

(02:51):
and experiences.
By doing this, by lookingdeeper, we can ensure we're
growing in a grounded andhealthy way that will support us
throughout life.
And so, first I want to talkabout the power of roots or what
are roots, and then dive intosome of our beliefs and our
values.
Um, before I jump in there, Iwant to precursor this with I am
not, your girl is not agardener.

(03:14):
I'm not a plant mom.
I probably, I actually I'm noteven gonna say probably, I
cannot keep a plant alive.
I'm I'm uh honestly, I can'teven blame it on my kids.
I can't even say, oh, it'sbecause I got four kids and
gotta tend to them.
If I was single and had a plant,I couldn't keep it alive.
Okay.
Um, so yeah, I'm not a plantgirl, I'm not a botanist, I'm

(03:34):
you know, not like a natureadventure.
Really, I've just I I watched mygrandma when I was young like
plant roses, and so some ofthose things are very fond
memories of watching her dig upthe weeds and plant roses in
front of her yard.
So I've always loved flowerslike the you know, average
person.
And um some years ago I got uhthis idea for in a thing called

(03:59):
Blossom Girl.
And so I looked up flowers andhow the life cycle works and or
the plant life cycle, excuse me,works.
And I just I have always admiredhow much plants and trees and
nature uh resembles and can beused as an analogy of our lives
and how much nature and us areso similar.

(04:21):
I just I just I just love it.
Like when you really think aboutit, and I think we we obviously
know those things, right?
We talk about butterflies andcaterpillars and things of that
uh nature, which is funny and nopun intended.
Um but and and I think that onceeven if you haven't thought
about it before, I think many ofus can easily understand how we
can see plants and trees andnature um resembling our lives

(04:45):
and being able to be used as anexample of how we should also
live and approach um life andchallenges and and things that
we go through, right?
And so um, yeah, I just for along time I really just been
intrigued and inspired by natureand again how it reflects us.

(05:07):
And so let's dive in and talkabout, like I was saying, we're
gonna start with the power ofroots and kind of go through
some definitions.
So, what exactly are roots?
And nature, roots are the unseenanchors that keep a tree stable
and nourished.
And I love this um first littlephrase, unseen anchors, because
it very much resembles like oursoul already and our beliefs and

(05:31):
our values, those things that wecannot see, but that um affect
us the most, right?
And so without deep roots, atree cannot survive.
It will topple in strong windsor struggle to grow in times of
drought.
And this is really the maininspiration behind doing this
episode.
Asking ourselves the question,what keeps us, what keeps me

(05:53):
grounded in hard times?
Because life is full of them.
Life is full of hard times andstruggles.
Not one of us is exempt fromhard times, difficulties,
struggles, and challenges.
And I think we've hear, we hearoften about people saying it's
not what you go through it, buthow you go through it.
It's not what happens to you,but how you respond.

(06:13):
Those are all reflections of usdigging deeper into our roots
and what really grounds us.
I believe that a sign and of ana sign of an emotionally healthy
and stable and growing person ishow they weather the storms and
handle the challenges of life.
Um, we'll talk about this laterin a later episode when we talk
about red flags.

(06:34):
But I often ask my youngcousins, especially the girls,
uh, and when we're talking aboutrelationships and assessing a
person's character and who theyare, I often tell them you
should look at how they handlestress.
You should look at how theyhandle struggles and trials and
and things.
Do they crack and break down atthe sight of something very

(06:55):
little?
The tire pops, and all of asudden he's freaking out,
rolling on the ground.
And I'm using, you know, theguys as an example because I'm
talking to my girl cousins moreoften than my boy cousins.
Um, and so I'm like, is he, youknow, does he crack under every
little thing or pressure?
Does one thing get to him andhe's just flailing with his arms
around and falling on the floor?
And and and obviously the samecan be applied to a lady as

(07:18):
well, right?
To a person in general, right?
And so it's it's really lookingat how are we handling these
moments?
Because what is at the core ofus, what is at the center of us,
is really what keeps usgrounded.
And when we're looking at ourour roots, our roots are the
foundational beliefs, values,and experiences that shape who

(07:39):
we are.
Um, they anchor us in the worldand provide the nourishment we
need to grow.
But just like trees, again, needthat deep watering, you'll hear
me reference this and we'll talkabout what that is here in a few
minutes.
Um, but we need to nourish ourown roots by digging deep into
our beliefs and experiences togrow in a meaningful way.
And so um when I I don't evenknow the year, I have this open

(08:04):
and I'm I'm gonna post a pictureor two of it, but like some
years ago, had to be 2013.
So what is that?
Almost more than 10 years ago,like 11 years ago.
So, like 11 years ago, I was Ithink I was preparing to speak
somewhere, and I wrote down thislittle structure, and it's like
I it became a saying that is hadthat has stuck with me since

(08:29):
then.
So it's been this saying thatI've had that whatever is at a
whatever is at the core of youis what you are or who you'll
be.
Like we have to look at the coreof us, who we are, to and in
order to understand how wefunction, how we respond.
And because of that, I drew thislittle circle with three rings

(08:52):
in it, and I'm looking at itright now, so that's how I can
describe it so well.
It's not that I have this downby memory, um, but it in the
center for me, I knew that atthe core of me was God, and so I
put God, and um at the time Iwas trying to really understand
my faith and how things work.
So I put God, Jesus, and theHoly Spirit.
I put the gospel, right?
Like I was putting these thingsthat are at the core of me, and

(09:15):
then I put from my core, howdoes my core inform the rest of
my life?
And so then I put, you know,relationships, decisions,
discipleship, support,loneliness, servitude, support.
Uh, did I already say support?
I got support on here twice.
Um, love, struggles, growth.
Like I put all of these otherthings because I believe that

(09:35):
whatever was at the core of meinforms how I respond, how I
act, how I see, what I do.
And that's the challenge heretoday.
To again ask yourselves what isat the core of me that keeps me
rooted and grounded, thatessentially affects our I don't
think I want to say essential, Ithink I want to say that

(09:55):
ultimately affects how I respondto trials and tribulations, how
I interact with friends,neighbors, and co-workers, um,
how I act in general, private orpublic, right?
And so, first, uh before I and Idon't want to say before, but
let's define some terms.
And so I really want to take thetime to tease out beliefs.

(10:19):
And so, beliefs are theconvictions, ideas, or
perceptions that a person holdsto be true, often without the
need for immediate proof orevidence, and that's huge.
A lot of times our beliefs cometo us indirectly.
Okay, that's so importantbecause, and I want to finish
this definition, but that's soimportant because I know people

(10:41):
who feel like they're in controlof what they believe until you
actually sit down and you startto uncover some of your beliefs
and you're trying to trace back,well, where did I why did I
start?
Why do I believe that?
You know, and so we have to keepin mind that a lot of our
beliefs, again, come indirectlyand they often come without the
need for immediate proof orevidence.
They form the foundation of howwe think, behave, and interpret

(11:04):
the world around us.
Beliefs are shaped by acombination of personal
experiences, culturalinfluences, societal norms,
family values, and individualreflections.
And so when it comes to umbeliefs, again, uh going back to
that, you know, not needing thatimmediate proof or evidence,
this is why it's so importantthat our lives are well-rounded.

(11:26):
That's why I always like to say,like, I'm a well, I'm a regular,
well-rounded woman.
I just I like to bewell-rounded.
I find that when you'rewell-rounded, you have um a good
balance, a good healthy view ofthings, right?
So, what I'm really trying tosay is that it's not enough to
have beliefs in and ofthemselves, especially seeing
that a lot of our beliefs comeum with no immediate proof or

(11:48):
evidence.
As you go throughout life, justlike we take a belief from
family, right?
Something that you believed allyour life that let's take an
example of um like if you wereraised in an environment where
financial success was wasparamount, right?
So the belief that then becomesthat um happiness and security

(12:08):
comes from wealth.
And so you may spend years liketrying to get money and trying
to get money, and only to findout that it doesn't really
provide long-term satisfaction.
And so then you struggle withthese feelings of emptiness and
and uh uh loneliness and all andand like unsatisfaction, even
though it seems like you haveoutward success success.

(12:31):
And so when you go back to thatbelief of, oh my gosh, wait a
minute, where did that beliefcome from?
You realize that you adoptedthat belief from the way you
were raised and from the peoplethat were around you without
questioning it and wondering.
But as again, as you gothroughout life and you develop
and grow and read more andyou're exposed to more, and even
through your own lifeexperiences, when you've gotten

(12:53):
the money and and and you shouldfeel a certain way.
You you you believe that okay,I'm successful because I have
this wealth, but you don't feelthat, right?
Like, or you're not you you seethe success, but you're
struggling still, like yourealize that there's more than
just that one thing.
And so our beliefs need tocombine with other aspects of

(13:15):
life truth, logic, knowledge,um, you know, perception,
experiences, right?
And so that's why that's whythat's why on this podcast we
talk about all kinds of thingsbecause they really do go hand
in hand.
So, anyways, little tangent.
But so our beliefs can becognitive, which I know that I'm
when we think about this, it'snot hard to understand that our

(13:35):
beliefs are cognitive.
And so you're like, oh, Ibelieve the earth is round,
right?
Or or back, you know, back.
I think some people stillbelieve that the earth is flat.
Um, but you know, you have, youknow, people believe that,
right?
That's that's a cognitivebelief.
You have emotional beliefs, likeI believe in love, moral or
ethical beliefs, I believe umhonesty is important, or
spiritual or religious beliefs,as we talked about in the first

(13:58):
episode of the season, predatorsin the pulpit, that I believe in
God, or I believe in karma, or Ibelieve in, you know, whatever
it is, right?
And so these beliefs, they guidehow we make decisions.
They um how we make decisions,how we interpret events and
relate to others.
And that's why it's so importantto understand what our beliefs
are because it influences somuch of our lives.

(14:20):
So these beliefs they can bedeeply ingrained and influence
our actions, relationships, andhow we interact with the world,
and they often function assubconscious frameworks for how
we see and sense our lives.
My husband wrote this paper on alogic, it was a class we taught
on on logic together, and hetalks about beliefs and he talks

(14:41):
about the noetic structure inhis paper.
And this is not concepts thatyou know we came up with
ourselves.
Um, this is what's been passeddown, right, and understood
about how beliefs work in thisnoetic structure.
And so I want to read this fromhis paper.
It says, throughout our lives,we adopt all types of beliefs
and act on these beliefs, whichwere influenced by other beliefs

(15:02):
or people.
We all create what is called anoetic structure, which is a
web-like structure having theleast important beliefs towards
more the periphery, which is themost outward boundary.
So the most outer part of, likeI said, like with my circle,
right?
Um, of the web, which the noeticstructure in the paper that he
wrote, um, there's a chart, andI think you can look it up too.

(15:24):
You can Google it and it'll havelike a like little chart of a
web of rings.
And so the outer part is whereour least important beliefs are,
and our more core beliefs, thethings that um affect us the
most are in the center of thatweb.
And so the further to the centerof the belief, the more
important it is.

(15:45):
If my most important belief isdestroyed, my whole web
structure would be torn.
That thought is exactly why Idid the episode on predators in
the pulpit and why I opened upthis season talking about
spiritual abuse and predators inthe pulpit and predators in the
pews, as I mentioned, right?
Because faith plays such animportant role in so many

(16:08):
people's life.
And usually, usually your faithis at the core of you, it's at
the center of you from yourfaith and what you believe about
your faith, your God, right?
Um informs how you act, how youlive, how you see the world, how
you interact, right?
How you use your money, how youdate, how you right.

(16:28):
And I also talked about how alot of times people say they
believe something, but theydon't truly believe it because
your actions need to show thatas well.
Again, if I believe, and I'msaying again because I said this
in the first episode, if Ibelieve that I can jump, I mean,
I can fly, then I'm gonna get onthat roof and I'm gonna jump off
of it and I'm gonna fly, but Idon't truly believe that, so I'm

(16:49):
not gonna act upon it, and sothat's why it's so important for
us to really dig deeper and lookat our beliefs because they
inform so much of our lives.
I want us to also keep in mind,and it's kind of it's like
nerding out, but kind of not toomuch, because there's so much
about beliefs that you can readand get to know about, but
there's also different degreesof beliefs, so all of our

(17:12):
beliefs are not the same, andthat's what the noetic structure
is trying to get us tounderstand, too, that all of our
beliefs are not created equal.
Some of our beliefs are at themore core of us, so those are
the most important ones, whereasothers are, you know, kind of
okay, we're we can change.
Like, so let me say it like thisusually, usually how it works is

(17:32):
at this interview, your mostimportant beliefs are the ones
that are also the hardest tochange.
Those are the ones that take itwill probably take years, but I
have to put it in time, right,for them to change.
Then you kind of have, and I'mthis is my own interpretation.
Then you kind of have yourmiddle ones.
So your middle beliefs are oneswhere you're like, okay, you

(17:53):
know, I I could go this way, Icould go that way.
Like, I'm not, I'm not, um, I'mnot like putting my stake in the
ground, and and this is thisisn't the heel that I'm gonna
die on.
I'm still learning, I'm stillyou know, mulling around with
this kind of belief.
And then in the outermost part,these are the beliefs that are
are the most fickle, you know.
Like, um, I'm trying to think ofsomething, I don't know, I don't

(18:17):
know.
I can't think of an example, butthese are the these are the
beliefs that can be plucked upthe easiest, that can be changed
the fastest and the quickestbecause they're the the least,
you know, things that they'rethey're the most shaky, and
that's not a bad thing, right?
Because you don't necessarilyneed every belief to be at the
core of you.
You may believe that aliensexist, even though you've never

(18:38):
seen them.
But if someone came around, andI think there's different
degrees of this for differentpeople, but I at the outer core,
I could say, yeah, I believealiens could exist.
I believe aliens could exist.
Now, if someone came along andsaid aliens don't exist, we have
100% proof of that, will thatreally shake up my life?
No, it wouldn't because it's atthe outermost part of me.

(19:00):
Whether now I think I think theopposite, right?
If aliens, if we did find outthat aliens did exist, right,
then that would do somethingelse to my structure.
It would it would have to causeme to kind of shift some things
around where I'm like, okay, soaliens exist.
Now, how do I act and respondwith knowing that they exist?
But again, finding out that theydon't exist or do or do exist is

(19:23):
not a heel that I am dying on.
Now, it'd be different for me ifat my core I found out that
there's no God.
That completely disrupts myentire structure and my entire
web and would cause a lot ofreassessing and in my entire web
to be torn and destroyed, and alot of trying to figure things
out now.
On that token, even though Ibelieve that there is a God and

(19:46):
that's at their core of me, andI believe there's good evidence
for that, there are things thatI have learned from my faith
that were close around there,right, that have interrupted and
changed how I see God, how I seemy faith, how I see people,
right?
And so I'm just kind of givingthis bigger understanding

(20:07):
because I want us to get whythis matters so much and why
beliefs play such a big role inour lives.
Okay, and so before I go, I'mgonna go back to a little bit
back to the noetic structure atum after, but I want to talk
about values because we'vealready said that digging deeper
into our roots means looking atthe core of us, right?

(20:28):
And at the core of us um in oursouls, right, are these beliefs
and these values.
That's specifically what we'refocusing on today.
And so values are theprinciples, standards, or
qualities that a person orsociety considers important and
worthwhile.
They serve as guiding beliefs orideals that influence decisions,
actions, and behavior.

(20:49):
Values help define whatindividuals prioritize in life
and what they believe is morallyright, meaningful, or desirable.
So, from that definition, we getthe hint that values, again, are
important alongside beliefs.
So values can be personal, sothese can be these individual
beliefs about what is importantin life, such as honesty,

(21:09):
kindness, hard work, or freedom.
Cultural values can be cultural,so these are shared principles
within a group or society, likerespect for traditions,
community, or social justice.
And then you have moral orethical values, so these are
values that govern what is rightand wrong, such as fairness,
integrity, and responsibility.
And then we have theseprofessional values that are

(21:30):
values in a work context thatmight include reliability,
creativity, teamwork, orprofessionalism.
And so our values often guidedecisions, helping individuals
choose actions that align withtheir beliefs, and they can
influence both long term goalsand everyday choices.
And so over time, values canevolve based on new experiences,

(21:50):
learning, or shifts in lifepriorities.
And I think that's to say, um,or shifts in life's priorities.
Reading from my notes there.
Um So I love what this says,though, is that it says values
often guide decisions, helpingindividuals choose actions that
align with their beliefs.
And so we're seeing thispattern, right?

(22:11):
We're seeing this beliefs,values, action.
They they go hand in hand.
That your values um choose theactions that align with your
beliefs, but it starts with yourbeliefs.
I would say it goes beliefs,values, actions.
That from your beliefs informsyour values, informs your
actions.
That's how I would say it.

(22:31):
I could be wrong on that.
I'm not an expert, but that'sjust kind of my conclusion of
what I understand and how I seeit working.
It can go other ways.
That's fine.
I'm not again, I'm not dying onthat hill, just kind of an
observation.
Um, what I what I want to saytoo is that we see how your
values and beliefs divide peoplein our history, history.

(22:53):
That's so funny, history ofAmerica.
And you can look at how we havethe Republican Party and the
Democratic Party, and how fromthe founding fathers, just
different beliefs and valuesseparated people to be in these
different camps.
You have this party over herethat believes this, and then you
have this party over here.

(23:13):
And of course, I know that it'snot just Democrat and
Republican, you haveindependent, you have, I know,
you know, I'm not a politician,but um, you know, you have these
different camps, right?
So I'm just acknowledging that Iknow it's not just two main
things.
One of the examples, though,that kept coming to my mind was
the time Martin Luther King daysof segregation, and I was
thinking about how, you know,because of Martin Luther King's

(23:36):
beliefs, like how strongly hebelieved in equality and in how
wrong segregation was, and howyou know, humans should be
humans, right, should be treatedfair and equal.
And we have we should have thesame rights as other people,
despite the color of our skin orhow much money we make and all
of these things.
You can look at how stronglythose beliefs played out in

(23:59):
again values and actions, butreally I want to focus on those
actions that from the beliefs,and really I just want to focus
on those actions that from thebelief that he had led this
movement, this amazing movementthat you know has informed the

(24:20):
rest of history that literallychanged laws and changed
mindsets and got people tobelieve something different,
right?
And that's the power of what ourbeliefs can do, not just for us,
but for other people around us,for society at large, for our
communities.
And again, I'm kind of gonnalike beaten, you know, beaten

(24:41):
the what is it called?
I don't even know what it'scalled.
Beating the horse with the deadstick, beating the dead horse
with a stick, y'all.
Child, I cannot think of thesame.
But all I'm trying to say is,all I'm trying to say is this is
why this is it's so importantfor us to dig deeper and to
understand our beliefs, ourvalues.

(25:02):
You may not be able to teasethem all out, you may not even
be able to trace where all ofthem come from.
That's okay, but we gotta wegotta dig deeper.
We gotta look at these roots andthese things that are at the
core of us and that define us.
We can't go through life tryingto ignore them because too often
we stay on the surface level ofour lives, um, operating on

(25:22):
these surface level beliefs,which focus on our immediate
needs, and it causes us to avoidthe deeper work that is
required.
Surface level living is likewatering a plant only at the
surface of the soil.
It might seem sufficient forjust a little while, but it
won't create lasting growth.
Without digging deep into ourroots, we risk stagnation, and

(25:44):
true growth comes from thedepths, not from just skimming
the surface of us.
So last season there was thiscon this method that I found
that I don't even remember whatI was looking up or looking for,
but I was doing some type ofresearch and I came up on this
method called the deep rootwatering method.
Now, this is a real technique,it was it's actually just you um

(26:05):
the article I found is is givingadvice to people for how to take
care of their trees and theirplants.
That it's not an analogy, it isa literal system.
Now, when I read it, I saw adifferent ver a different from a
different perspective.
I did see it as an analogy or ametaphor, I would say.
I saw it as a metaphor for ourlives and how we could be.

(26:28):
And so the idea of this deeproot watering system is that you
have to get down into the rootsof the tree, tree specifically,
is what I'm gonna addressbecause with plants, you don't
need to um get down as deepdepending on what type of plant
you have.
So we're specifically talkingabout trees that in order to
take care of the health of thetree, you have to use this um

(26:49):
deep root watering method to getdown to the roots of it.
Because if you were to only keepthe water at the surface level,
you will do more damage overtime than good.
Oh, you guys, it just blows mymind.
It's so good, it's so good.

(27:10):
They say that if you water thesoil only at the top, you will
only be able to maintain thehealth of the tree for only so
long because while it looks likeyou are doing good by the tree
by giving it the water at thetop and getting the soil, you're

(27:32):
missing the main roots, and theroots are what is keeping the
tree alive and grounded andhealthy.
That from the roots, the trunkis whole, the leaves are
healthy, the branches arehealthy, and when you stay at
the surface level, you again domore damage, you almost kill it

(27:53):
faster over time than doing thedeep root watering method.
And another thing that they saidwith the deep root watering
method was that you have to doit slow.
Oh, I just love this.
I just love this as a metaphor.
You have to do the the the thethe deep root watering method
slow.

(28:14):
See, when you're doing thewatering at the surface, you
often want to put a lot of waterbecause you think that by
putting a lot of water, it'sgonna make help it sustain for a
long time.
But it's actually doing theopposite.
It eats it up so fast, so thesoil so fast because it's so
thirsty from the roots not beingum fed that you're gonna have to

(28:34):
actually water it more.
Isn't that crazy?
That you're gonna have to waterit more when you start doing it
at the at the surface or thesoil level.
But when you go to the roots ofthe tree, you're more efficient.
Even though it's a slowerprocess, like I kind of think of
it like a coffee drip, eventhough it's probably not that

(28:55):
slow.
But you know, when you get thethe tools down in there into the
roots, it's a slower process,but it's a longer sustaining um
method for keeping the treehealthy and keeping the roots
healthy.
It helps with stronger roots,water efficiency.
So you lose you use less waterover time when you water the

(29:19):
roots.
It has better droughtresistance, so the plant with
deep roots, they're better ableto withstand dry conditions
because their roots are wellestablished and can access
moisture from lower from sorryfrom lower soil layers.
And then you ultimately gethealthier plants, that the deep
root watering method ensuresthat the plants get the water

(29:41):
and nutrients it needs,promoting healthier growth,
improved flowering, and strongeroverall plant health.
And when you water at thesurface level, you actually miss
the things that the tree needs,and you're actually feeding
other parts that really thatbecause all there are other
parts that are sucking up thewater that actually really don't

(30:01):
need it.
The roots need it the most,y'all.
Woo woo woo, child.
I don't know if y'all arecatching it.
I hope, I hope you're catchingit.
I hope you can hear theexcitement in my voice.
Like, this is so good.
It's so good.
Like, this is such a powerfulmetaphor for our personal growth
and our lives.
That just like deep rootwatering encourages the roots to

(30:23):
grow stronger and moreresilient, focusing on deep
self-reflection and addressingour core beliefs, it can help us
grow in a grounded andmeaningful way.
I also think about how weexhaust ourselves with so many
things.
And I talked about this in thefirst season.
We exhaust ourselves with somany things, journaling and this
and that and that, and runningand drinking and partying and

(30:45):
and you know, all these,whatever it is in that season.
I have to do this, I have to dothat, I have to do this, I gotta
go to my yoga, I gotta go, youknow, um, I don't know, clean my
house.
Whatever it is, right?
It's like we have this laundrylist of things that we think
we're supposed to do in order togrow, and and we think that it's
helping us, but really it's justcausing us to burn out faster.

(31:07):
It's actually causing us to beless efficient because we're
focusing on so many surfacelevel and external things that
we're missing the core and theroot of us.
So then when storms happen andstruggles happen, um, we wonder
why we're so easily affected.
We wonder why we're we're justwe just we topple over like a
tree that has no roots becausewe're not actually watering and

(31:31):
taking care of the deeper partsof us, we're only taking care of
the the surface levels of us.
And let's put it like this whenyou water the surface levels of
you, when you only take care ofthe surface levels of you, there
are parts of you that are takingthe nutrients that you need and
your core is not getting it.
So let's say, like your face isgetting it, you're getting the

(31:52):
makeup, or your clothes aregetting it, because you're
spending money on your shoes andyour watches and your jewelry,
or your your bank accountsgetting it, because all it is is
really about money, or peopleare getting it, they're getting
the nutrients that you need, butyou're giving it to everybody
else because you're so focusedon these outward things or or
taking care of other people orwhatever it is that you don't

(32:13):
realize you're exhaustingyourself faster by doing all of
these things instead of slowingdown, looking deep within, doing
some introspection, someself-reflection, looking at your
core beliefs and your values.
Yes, it takes time.
Yes, it is slower, but it ismore efficient in the long run,

(32:37):
it is less exhausting in thelong run.
It is more beneficial to you tolook at those things, the core
of you, to water and take careof your roots so that you can be
a healthier person.
When you don't know how torespond to situations, you will
spend your weeks and years, andI'm speaking from personal

(32:58):
experience, y'all.
You'll spend weeks and yearsfocusing on one situation
because you have not reallygotten to the root of who you
are and how to handle things andhow to how to how to how to how
to be rooted and grounded injust who you are, your beliefs,
your values.
And so you'll spend weeks, yearson one situation exhausting your

(33:20):
energy.
It drives you crazy, it drivesyou nuts.
Why am I still responding tosomething that I should be over?
Why am I still struggling withthis thing that I should have
been done and dealt with?
Now everybody has a process.
Um I hear me out.
I'm not saying rush thatprocess.
But what I am saying is the waythat how am I responding?
Am I still exhausted?

(33:41):
Am I still crying?
Am I still emotionally justexhausted and overwhelmed from
whatever this thing is?
Whereas I could be, right?
I could be, I could haveresponded in a in a totally
different way, in a simple way,and been done with it.
I didn't have to cuss you out,block you on Instagram, tell

(34:03):
everybody about you.
Um, I didn't have to go andslander your name, or I don't
have to be tossing and turning.
I could simply just respond inthis simple way because I have a
belief of whatever it is, and Ihave a value that says I respect
myself, I love myself, Iwhatever, whatever it is, right?

(34:24):
I hope y'all, I can spend somuch time on that, and I've been
dying to to get this analogy toy'all or this metaphor to y'all.
So I am like, I'm I'm just I amjust like here for this moment,
and I hope you all are here withme.
Um so, anyways, ah, okay, let'skeep going.

(34:48):
We're almost done.
We're about to, you know, wrapup here.
I wanted to quickly go back tothe noetic structure because I
want to um now that we talkedabout beliefs and values, I want
to go back to the noeticstructure really fast.
So the the term noetic comesfrom the Greek word, I hope I
said this right, noasis, noesis,noasis, which means intellect or

(35:08):
understanding.
And so the components of yournoetic structure, again, it's
this mental framework or systemof knowledge and understanding
that organizes and shapes anindividual's perceptions,
belief, beliefs, and cognitiveprocesses.
So components of our noeticstructure are beliefs, as we've
already talked about,perceptions, so our sensory
experiences and how we interpretthem are part of our noetic

(35:30):
structure.
Um, and then our values, whichwe've already talked about, uh
cognitive filters, so these aremental filters through which we
process new information.
So they include biases, here uhpast experiences and assumptions
that color our understanding ofthe world.
And then we have these emotionsand intuition.
So our emotional reactions andgut feelings are also a part of

(35:55):
this noetic structure, right?
And these often arise from ourdeeply held beliefs and personal
experiences, and so our emotionscan reinforce beliefs and values
influencing how we processinformation and make decisions.
Um, beliefs tie into this noeticstructure, as I mentioned early,
because beliefs are central tothe noetic structure.

(36:16):
The beliefs shape ourperceptions, beliefs influence
emotional responses, beliefsguide decision making, beliefs
act as cognitive filters, andbeliefs reinforce each other.
So beliefs are not isolated, aswe talked about, right?
They're interconnected and theycan support each other.
So, for example, a belief inpersonal responsibility, right?
This might align with the beliefin the importance of hard work.

(36:40):
So together, um, to thoseworking together, right,
influence how a personapproaches their goals.
So when beliefs are aligned,they form a strong, coherent
framework for understanding theworld.
And then when beliefs conflict,it can create cognitive
dissonance, a sense ofdiscomfort when holding two
contradictory beliefs.

(37:00):
I'm sure we've all been there,especially again for those of us
who, you know, are coming out ofsome of the things that we've
grown up with, sometimes we areat a point where our beliefs
contradict and we have to figureout which one is the which one
is the one that I should reallybe holding on to.
And so when it comes to like ourbeliefs and personal growth, um,
changing our beliefs, like Isaid earlier, it alters the new

(37:23):
the noetic structure.
And so, in order to shift ournoetic structure, again, that's
our beliefs, perceptions,values, emotional responses, um
we often need to change ourbeliefs.
So if we hold a limiting beliefabout ourselves, like I'm not
good enough, or success is onlyfor certain people, then this
will dictate our perceptions,emotions, and actions.

(37:45):
And so changing these beliefs,beliefs can lead to a
transformation in how weperceive ourselves and the
world.
I also want to add that it's noteasy to change our beliefs.
Changing our beliefs does notcome from like just sitting in
the room.
Changing our beliefs comes fromwhat you expose yourself to.
That's why I always stress read,go on a walk, see some art,

(38:06):
travel, do something because theworld was given to us in order
for us to learn, grow, andexplore and inform and shape our
beliefs, which then inform andshape who we are, our
perceptions, how we interact,and our actions.
And that's why I don't, that'swhy I said in the last in the
last episode, I didn't make thispodcast a quote unquote

(38:26):
Christian podcast, because Ibelieve that this work can be
done for all people, that allpeople should be adhering and
seeing the world in this way.
But the other reason why Ididn't make this a Christian
podcast was because it's funnybecause I did Eric quote, so you
can probably hear Christianpodcast, was because I think
that Christians have a verylimited belief.

(38:49):
I think they have a very limitedview of who God is and how He
put us in this earth.
There is no reason that anyperson, but but Christians
especially should be so staleand stagnant, and yet many, most
are.
Why?
Because they're not changingtheir beliefs, they're not
exposing themselves to newthings, they don't want to be
challenged or changed or um youknow see new things.

(39:09):
And and then often again, it'stalking about those things of
spiritual abuse.
Many people are told that theyshouldn't, that they can't, that
they they they you know,whatever.
So then they won't and theydon't.
So going back to this structureagain and and kind of wrapping
this up, and so beliefs shapeour identity, it it they
contribute significantly to whowe are, they help us define who

(39:34):
we are and how we relate toothers.
But then what I love too is thatit gives us when you have this
noetic structure and thesebeliefs in your noetic
structure, it gives us thiscognitive flexibility.
And I think this is kind of whatI was referring to when I was
talking about how I interactwith friends.
Like I don't just take yourside, I'm more I try to be more
objective.
And so I think this have hadlike being able for me to take a

(39:55):
step back and see the world inthis new way, an open way, it
has given me this cognitiveflexibility where I'm able to
examine and adjust my beliefs.
Um, or or I was I should sayexamining and adjusting my
beliefs leads me to greatercognitive flexibility where I
can have more space to recognizethat my beliefs can evolve or be

(40:17):
challenged.
I can accept new experiences andhave these deeper insights and
more adaptive responses tolife's challenges because you
have this greater cognitiveflexibility.
And I think that's veryessential for our personal
growth, is when we get so stuckthat we put ourselves in this

(40:39):
bubble, we realize just howsmall the world is.
I would say it leaves us withthe idea that the world is so
small when in reality it's veryvast and very big.
You know those people that havethose limiting and small
beliefs, and you may be one ofthem, right?
But when we accept and we startto dig deeper into what our

(41:02):
beliefs are, what our valuesare, we start to see how much
this affects our personalgrowth.
How much we are open to beingchallenged and open to new ideas
and no longer afraid of ourbeliefs changing, no longer
afraid of you know, you you youex you just I don't know.
Maybe I should get off of thatbecause I think you guys, I

(41:24):
think you guys get it.
Like, I just want us to be opento those things.
But anyways, okay, let's moveon.
And so obviously, like when itcomes to our roots and and
what's a f how how how our rootsare affected, right?
Those things that are at thecore of us, they can be they can
be affected by both externalforces and internal forces.

(41:47):
And so some of those externalforces are like society,
culture, family expectations,and even our own past
experiences can distort orchallenge our beliefs, causing
us to question our foundations.
We may adopt beliefs that aren'ttruly ours, as I talked about
early, simply because they'vebeen handed down or influenced
by those around us.
I've talked about this before.

(42:07):
I believed for so long that likemy voice was not valuable, that
I had nothing to offer becausesomeone else said that to me.
But even though they said thatto me and it was no longer, uh,
it really wasn't mine to carry,I still adopted that belief.
Though it wasn't a core belief,it was a belief that still had
an effect on how I see myselfand how I seen the world.

(42:28):
That belief kept me from uhgoing after things.
Or every time that I went aftersomething, that belief would
come back and haunt me, makingme feel like I was inadequate
and unworthy and uncapable ofdoing something or that I
shouldn't be doing it because myvoice did not matter.
And so we have to again becareful about where these
beliefs are coming from andreally examine and take the time

(42:51):
to peel back some of thoselayers.
As I talked about earlier, somepeople may feel like that that
financial success, right?
But for other people, you mayhave grown up in a family or an
environment where academicachievement, career status, or
again, financial success um uhwas internalized, that the
belief is that your self-worthis tied to these things.

(43:14):
So your self-worth saying itbetter, saying kind of cleaning
this up, your self-worth is tiedto academic achievement, career
status, or even religion, right?
And how you perform in church orwhat you do.
And so then you go throughoutlife, and even though you may
achieve significant uh personalprofessional success, or you
become a big church star,whatever it is, you may still

(43:37):
feel unfulfilled and anxious andunable to reconcile um your
internal sense of purposebecause of those pressures that
were placed on you.
And so it's like I want to useas an example where this is it's
just like a little quote, but itsays, I spent most of my life
chasing promotions andaccolades, thinking that success
meant constantly outdoingothers.
But when I finally reached thetop, I felt lost.

(43:59):
I realized.
I had been le I had been livingsomeone else's definition of
success, not my own.
Now I'm focusing on findingmeaning in my work and building
deeper, more meaningfulconnections with people instead
of just climbing a ladder thatnever felt right to me.
It's okay if that's your beliefof success, but it's different
when you've adopted a belieffrom someone else that you are

(44:23):
do not personally believe.
You are you may be like me,where you came from a strict
family that believes you canonly do these certain things or
traditional expectations, youcan only dress this way or not.
Um let me say this, let me goback.
You can only dress this way orwear these things, or like how I

(44:44):
grew up, tattoos are a sin.
And so when I started realizingthat some of these things, like
when I wore jeans to church, ohshoot, I didn't burn.
Oh shoot, and then umunderstanding that the
scriptures, right?
The scriptures that were usedagainst me for why tattoos were

(45:08):
bad, taking the taking it back,and then understanding actually
what those scriptures reallymeant and realizing that the way
they were using them wasn'taccurate, it it freed me up to
new beliefs.
Now, I got my tattoos, right?
I got four tattoos over time.
And when I got my after I got mytattoos, I no longer had the

(45:30):
belief that my tattoos were asin, but I held different
beliefs about how they actuallydo the tattoos.
There was there's no evidence ornot enough research on how
tattoos affect our bodies overtime.
I would realize that my tattooswould raise at certain points,
like that it would be it wouldbe um lifted as if I had just
got it.
And I've I've had my tattoos foryears.

(45:52):
And so my beliefs on it being asin change, however, I adopted
new beliefs that maybe they'renot the most healthy thing for
me, and there's not enoughresearch on the toxins and the
things that do actually affectyour body.
But I ran to get my tattoos onceI found out they wanted sin, and
I didn't care about the thehealth implications, I just

(46:13):
wanted to prove a point.
So you see how, like, when wehave those unhealthy beliefs,
right?
And they can be replaced withhealthy ones, how it can inform
our decisions very differently.
I mean, we can go on and on withexamples, and I'm sure you're
thinking of your own, you know,examples, and we can go back to,
you know, growing up again intoxic or unhelpful religious

(46:37):
environments, or even, you know,growing up in a certain marriage
environment, or, you know, Istill have uncles that will try
to take a baby doll out of myson's arms because they think
that him carrying a baby doll isall of a sudden gonna
mysteriously make him gay.
Uh, it's just silly, right?
It's just silly things that wepass down from time to time and

(47:00):
beliefs that keep us verylimited, and beliefs that can
really do damage when they'reacted upon.
Again, can't stress it enough.
That's why this is so important.
It's so essential to dive deepinto these, into our roots
because true growth requiresnourishment from the deepest
part of ourselves.

(47:21):
If we only tend to the surface,if we ignore the deeper layers
of our beliefs and values, thenwe miss out on the opportunity
to grow into the fullest, mostauthentic version of ourselves.
This is where the deep rootwatering method can serve as
such a beautiful metaphorbecause just as trees need water

(47:43):
to penetrate deep into the soilto encourage strong roots, we
need to nourish our inner selvesby going deeper.
We need to give ourselves thetime, attention, and tools to
connect with our true beliefsand values.
And again, when your beliefs andvalues aren't rooted, that means

(48:03):
that they can be easilyuprooted.
I know people who beliefs changedepending upon who they're
dating.
Beliefs change depending uponwho or you know what setting
they're in.
All of a sudden they're actingdifferent, they're acting on a
new belief because they'rearound a different person.
That's why it's important to berooted at the core of you.

(48:26):
As I mentioned earlier, there'sdifferent degrees, right?
But your core beliefs shouldn'tbe changing with the wind.
Because then what's reallykeeping you grounded when those
struggles happen, when life'schallenges happen, when when
you're going through, you know,so many women, right, go through
miscarriages and um and peoplein general go through divorces,

(48:48):
and then you have even um peoplegetting married, right?
And you're nervous to getmarried, and people have all
these different ideas andbeliefs about um a prenup,
right?
It's it's just like you need toestablish your core beliefs so
that when you go through thesedifferent situations, as I
mentioned, miscarriage,marriage, divorce, friendship

(49:08):
breakups, or meeting newfriends, um, school things, or
or even car accidents, right?
Seeing someone be killed, likeor shot.
And you know, just I mean, youcan go from the least traumatic
thing to the most traumaticthing.
And there are stories of peoplewho have been through some of
the most traumatic things thathave um taught them so many
things, but what is it at thecore of you that's gonna keep

(49:30):
you rooted and influence how yourespond to life and life
challenges?
I say that because you neverknow what's going to happen.
We don't know what life is goingto bring us.
And sometimes we think, oh, I'mgonna respond, or I got it, or I
or I don't got it, right?
It's like you don't really know,but you can prepare yourself in

(49:54):
the interim through reflection,through introspection, through
digging deeper, to understandthrough understanding your
beliefs and values.
You don't have to keep wastingyour time watering the surface
level parts of you, putting onthem again the makeup, the
clothes, the cologne, theperfume, the shoes, the Jordans,
the jewelry, the the career, thecar, the house, the girlfriend,

(50:17):
the boyfriend, the spouse, thethe best friend, the the social
media, the TikTok, the whateverit is.
Like you don't have to just keepwatering the surface of you
because in the interim timewhile you have while life is
sweet and good and or at leastdecent, that's the times that
you should be taking advantageof watering the depths of you so

(50:40):
that when the wind blows, youdon't topple over.
You ever seen certain states whoknow they get hurricanes or know
they get these tropical stormsor strong winds?
You ever seen the trees?
How deeply rooted the trees are,them trees will bend left.
I watched trees at ClarkAtlanta.

(51:01):
Them trees bent left, they bentright, but they did not come out
of that route.
Why?
Because they grounded them, theyprepared them in such a way for
an environment where they knowthat strong winds and storms
were likely to happen.
That is how you and I need tobe, because life happens.

(51:24):
We cannot control so much oflife, but then there are the
things that we can control likeour growth, our health, our
emotional, spiritual, mental,physical health, our beliefs,
our values, right?
Again, a lot of them come to us,right?
But by examining what they are,there are aspects that we can

(51:47):
control and refine and tease outand learn over time.
I hope this is helping y'all.
It's so good to me that I reallyhope that you're getting
something from it.
You know, we talked about umrenovating the soul.
And in season one, I talkedabout specifically our

(52:08):
renovation and building you knowwhat it's like to renovate a
home.
And so as I was thinking aboutthis, it really didn't hit me
till I sat down to record and Iwas thinking about how you when
you are building a house, whatis a house made out of wood.
And what is wood from trees, andso even when we're looking at

(52:30):
this idea of renovating oursoul, our foundation, what what
the type of wood we use, right?
The the the house itself is madeout of wood.
Obviously, you know the outsidecan have brick, and but the
inside structures of that houseis wood.
If you built the house on uh, Idon't know, materials, rubber,

(52:53):
is that a good one?
I'm by myself asking myself, isrubber a good one?
I'm gonna go with rubber becauseI don't think that rubber is as
strong as wood.
And hopefully I'm right.
But if you if you you guysunderstand what I'm saying, like
if you built your house on evenglass, glass is easily

(53:13):
shattered.
There's a reason why we arestill using trees and wood to
build, you know, not justhouses, but cabinets and drawers
and desks and and things, somany things come from wood.
Why?
Because it can withstand, it cango through some things.
My husband and I were thinkingabout moving to Arkansas, and uh

(53:37):
we have some friends there thathave own a real estate company
and they build houses.
And so when we're talking tothem about potentially building
a house out there, they told usthey said, you know, you can't,
we we typically don't dotwo-story houses out here in
Arkansas.
And I said, Oh, why?
They said, Because of thetornadoes.
They're already preparing thathouse now to not be a house of

(54:02):
two stories because they knowthat the environment is
conducive of having tornadoes.
They know that tornadoes are solikely to happen in that area.
That why would I set us up forfailure with two a two-story
house?
And instead, we build theseone-story houses because we
found that they are safer andthat they can withstand our

(54:25):
strong storms.
Now, there's can be an argumentmade of why move there in the
first place, and we're not goingthere, we're just gonna stick
with the analogy, y'all.
Just rock with me.
Sometimes I can feel like Ihear, and maybe it's just me.
Sometimes I feel like I hear theother side, which I do often.
I try to look at both sides whensomebody, and I just feel like I
hear somebody like, yeah, butyou could also just not move
there, like you can also justnot go to Arkansas, and to that

(54:48):
I say, you right, friend.
I 100% agree.
So let me end this by giving youall just like a few practical
ways that you can start to digdeeper.
I did mention earlierjournaling, and I I use it as
like a like a thing to do, butwhen I say journaling, I really
just mean writing, like I don'twant to make it a thing.
It it's just all I'm saying isyou can write, you can type on

(55:11):
your phone, you can get apost-it sticky note, you can
type on your computer, um, andyou can start by just writing
down your thoughts andreflecting on your beliefs.
You can ask yourself questionslike what core values drive my
decisions, or what beliefs do Ihold that I've never truly
examined?
In my coaching session, my coachoften asked me, she she I've

(55:35):
been with her for two years, Ithink.
Almost actually, I think I'vebeen with her longer.
I think where I've been with herfor um since my since my
grandfather passed away, so itwas like three years.
And one of the questions thatshe asked me that stumped me
when she asked me was, What corevalue does this trample on?
And when she asked me, I waslike, what are values in my

(55:56):
mind?
I had to Google it.
I was like, what are values?
Because I didn't really knowwhat my values were.
I couldn't think of what whatare my values, like what are
values?
And so I so in from our coachingsessions, I have become more in
tune with what my values are andwhat my core values are.
And she'll ask, what is at thewhat is at the core of this for
you?
Why does this matter so much?

(56:18):
And so you can take onesituation as I do in my coaching
sessions with her.
You don't have to take many, butyou can take one one thing in
your life that has happened,past or present, and ask
yourself, what core value doesthis trample on?
And Google core Google whatvalues are.
Google some ideas and valueslike I did and look through them
and get to know them andunderstand them.

(56:40):
And over time you'll begin todevelop and understand.
And I'm faster, I'm faster atsaying it.
I feel like I'm limited in mystill in the values that I I
know I know what my core corevalues are, and then I feel like
I'm still learning what my othervalues are.
Um, and so it it does take time,but that's a way that you can
start, right?
What what are what core valuesdrive my decisions or what

(57:02):
beliefs do I hold that I'venever truly examined?
Um I think the easiest, one ofthe easiest ways to start again
is with a specific situation andthen work your way from there.
You can also practice, and thisis, you know, for people, just
to give a name to it, likemindfulness or meditation.
And again, I'm not trying tomake these ultra deep or weird.

(57:25):
It's just helping you to observeyour thoughts and your feelings
without judgment.
And so this just allows you tosit quietly in a space.
You can call it whatever youwant to call it, you can call it
quiet time.
It just allows you to sitquietly in a space and really
just give your time yourselftime.
No music, no distractions.
If you gotta sit in your car, ifyou gotta sit in um some office

(57:48):
spaces, have those quiet rooms.
If you gotta, you know, gosomewhere, right?
Whatever, or even maybe you'rereflective when you're walking
around the mall or going for awalk, right?
Um, but I I say no music andthings like that because you
kind of want to look withinwithout relying on the influence

(58:09):
of certain emotions at thattime.
And even when you're talking tosomeone like a therapist or a
coach or psychologist, they canbring up emotions as well, or a
friend, even right, or a familymember, right?
But when you're alone and youhave nothing to influence that,
it's a little more organic, inmy opinion.
And so you can sit in a spaceagain, walk, whatever, sit at a

(58:30):
park, and you can begin toreflect and just think, just
become in tune with what'shappening on the inside of you.
And then from there, you canwrite down or voice note what
you've experienced or what youthought about or what you've
discovered.
If you're like me, you might bea little bit of a crab baby.
Because coming face to face withsome of the things is is

(58:53):
challenging and hard.
Some of the things that youbeliefs that you've been holding
on to about other people, Isometimes I think are the
hardest ones to have to let goof.
Where you believe that someonewas going to be further along,
or you thought that someone wasgoing to be here and they passed
on, or you thought that you weregoing to have a different type
of relationship with someone.
We talked about last seasongrieving relationships.

(59:17):
That is not an easy processbecause you have to directly
challenge the beliefs thatyou've held all those years of
the I ideal that you of arelationship that you were
supposed to have.
And I and I think that's a goodexample of holding two
contradictory beliefs where youbelieve that this person is
capable of doing this, but thenyou also believe that this

(59:39):
relationship is probably notgoing to go anywhere.
And so you're so conflicted.
Like, I want this, I think itcan happen, I believe it can
happen.
But then you're also like, but Idon't believe that we'll ever
get to the place that we'regonna get.
And so you have to figure outwhich one of those is gonna
inform your actions.
And it creates, it created, Isay, I would say for me, this
funnel of emotions because I'mfighting with these two

(01:00:01):
contradictory ideas, and I don'tknow which one is winning.
I don't know which one I want towin, but it's causing me to act
out, it's causing me to not likethis person, it's causing me to
to stop speaking to this personfor times or give this person
the cold, give this person thecold shoulder at one moment, but
then you know, be nice to themin the next.
And so it's it's challenging.

(01:00:22):
The other thing that you can dois to so that so that was
mindfulness, meditation, or likeI said, quiet time, sitting
still, just again being in tuneand digging deeper and then
covering some of those beliefsand values that guide your life.
And then, as I mentioned, youknow, using that notebook
journal, paper, post-it note, orvoice note to um write it down

(01:00:44):
so you can see it.
I'm a firm believer in seeingyour thoughts on paper.
I love me some pen and paper.
Um, seeking diverse perspectivesso you expand your worldview by
engaging with people who havedifferent experiences or
beliefs.
You can seek diverseperspectives through reading
books or having conversationswith other people who challenge

(01:01:07):
your viewpoints.
This can help you break freefrom the surface-level beliefs
that may not um truly serve you.
And so, y'all know I stressreading books, reading articles,
um, reading different opinionsother than yours, reading
arguments on the other side ofyours, um, talking with people
who have had different lifeexperiences.

(01:01:28):
That has given me such a greatappreciation for um the way I
grew up.
And and honestly, talking withpeople, talking to people with
different life experiences alsocreated space and room.
As we talked about with thatcognitive flexibility, it
created space and room for me toeven appreciate what I did get
in the moments of like growingup in church, even though

(01:01:51):
there's a lot of bad, I can alsoacknowledge that there's a lot
of good too.
Even though my family had somuch drama and so many things,
and it was you know negative andall this stuff.
I've also from expanding and getseeking these diverse
perspectives, I've also beenable to appreciate who they've
been, who they are, the things Ilearned, right?

(01:02:13):
And so you don't want to be all,like I said, a ball of just
fire, right?
You want to find that balanceand you want to be able to look
at things a little moreobjectively and know that it
wasn't all bad and it wasn't allgood.
But you can pull from both ofthose experiences to inform you
and how you interact and how yougrow and how you see the world.

(01:02:33):
And it'll give you, it can, Ishould say, give you a different
and a better appreciateappreciation for who you are,
for how you've made it, or forwhat you do have.
Um, you can do this throughcoaching, right?
You can do it through a mentor,you can do it through a um, like
I said, a therapist,psychologist, psychiatrist.
You may even have a pastor whoyou trust, right?

(01:02:53):
One of the things that I amobsessed with is people's
stories.
I have built so many of myprograms and things off of
hearing people's stories,creating space for people to
share their stories.
Um, because I I I keep sayingthis now that we keep talking
about beliefs, but I do believethat everyone has a story,

(01:03:15):
everyone has a journey, andoftentimes we only make space
for certain stories or certainjourneys, but everyone has
something to offer in mypersonal belief bubble, in my
noetic structure.
Um, everyone has something tooffer.
And so I have loved hearingabout stories, not necessarily
from celebrities andbiographies, although I love

(01:03:36):
those and I love history, um,but from my neighbor.
I got I have gotten close withmy neighbors this past year and
have gotten to know them andjust love to see their life
through them and love to see howdifferent they are.
I I just I love it.
I have my neighbor across thestreet comes from a different

(01:03:57):
background than us.
My our neighbors next door tous, though Christian, right, are
different from us.
Our neighbors, a couple housesdown, they're different from us.
And we've all been able to talkand laugh and get along and find
commonalities in our stories,but also celebrate the
differences.
And it's and it's uh, it justhas like opened up so much for
me doing that.

(01:04:17):
But like I said, also reading.
That's why I'm always giving youguys resources and books because
I hope that you would take fromthem and learn and read and
grow.
Because from reading one thing,it sparks ideas in you, ideas
that you didn't have before, um,beliefs you didn't have before.
By right, like it sparkssomething in you, new ideas,
fresh perspectives, creativity.

(01:04:39):
Um, I just just so much can comefrom it.
So those are just a fewpractical examples that you can
do.
And so the benefits of lookingbeyond the surface is that when
we take the time to dig deeperinto our roots, the
transformation can be profound.
Much like a tree that growstaller and stronger when its

(01:04:59):
roots are properly nourished, wetoo can evolve into more
authentic, confident versions ofourselves when we examine and
nurture our foundationalbeliefs.
By digging deeper into ourbeliefs, we free ourselves from
the limiting beliefs that nolonger serve us.
We can shed old narratives andembrace new truths that align

(01:05:20):
with our true selves.
This process leads to moreintentional living, healthier
relationships, and greaterfulfillment.
With deep roots, we're moreresilient, y'all.
We can handle life's challengeswith greater ease because we're
anchored in what we trulybelieve and value.
Our personal growth becomesaligned with our authentic self

(01:05:42):
and we begin to create a lifethat's truly reflective of who
we are deep down.
So as we close today's episode,I encourage you to think about
your own roots.
What are the foundationalbeliefs and values that shape
your life?
Have you been watering themdeeply or have you stayed on the
surface?
I challenge you to take time todig deeper, whether through

(01:06:03):
journaling, mindfulness, orseeking new perspectives.
Just as deep root wateringencourages healthy trees to grow
strong and resilient, nurturingyour inner roots will help you
grow into your most authenticself.
So I'd love to hear yourthoughts and experiences from
today's episode.
Please share them with me onsocial media or in the comments.

(01:06:25):
Please like, share, andsubscribe.
Um, again, you can find us onApple Podcasts, Spotify,
YouTube.
Share this episode with someonewho needs it.
Share it with someone who couldbenefit from it.
And thank you all so much fortuning in.
And remember that growth beginsbelow the surface.

(01:06:46):
Let's continue nourishing ourroots and growing together, and
let's keep doing the work torenovate our souls.
Bye, y'all.