Episode Transcript
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Alexandria (00:00):
Have you ever
noticed how easy it is to
believe that the next messagewill finally be the one?
The next sermon, like the nextpodcast, like the next quote,
the next prophecy, the nextconversation, the next dream,
the next sign.
And I've started wonderingsomething.
How many messages does it takebefore we finally trust what
(00:21):
we've already been given?
I mean, really think about it.
How many sermons have youlistened to?
How many books have youhighlighted?
How many podcasts have yousaved?
How many journal entries say theexact same thing?
And I don't think most of useven realize we're doing it.
It just feels like staying openor staying spiritually fed or
staying ready.
(00:42):
Today I want to talk about whathappens when the search for the
next message becomes the reasonyou never do anything with the
last one.
Because here's what I've had totell myself in this season, and
I mean it.
You don't need a new message.
You need to trust what youalready know.
Welcome to Renovating the Soul.
(01:02):
I'm your host, AlexandriaRobinson, and this is a podcast
about the real unglamorous workof becoming the work that
actually requires something fromyou.
Hard questions, honest answers,and the willingness to look at
the foundation you were handedand decide what you want to
build on it.
That's what we do here.
So wherever you're coming fromtoday, I'm glad you're in it
(01:25):
with me.
Let's get into today'sconversation.
Welcome back to Renovating theSoul.
I'm your host, AlexandriaRobinson, and I'm so glad that
you're here.
I hope you all are enjoying theseason and having as much fun as
I am.
As we always do, we're gonnastart with our definition
(01:47):
because words matter.
I need to define what I mean bymessage because I know someone
is already thinking, or maybeit's just the overthinker in me
putting it in my head thatsomeone is thinking this.
But I can hear it being apossible objection saying, But
Alexandria, this whole podcast,my podcast, this podcast, right,
is all about messages.
(02:08):
Especially if you listen to thispodcast the way we're talking
about today, constantly waitingfor the next episode instead of
living the last one.
So for today's conversation, amessage is any idea, insight, or
moment that comes from outsideyourself that you believe is
meant to guide, confirm, ordirect your life.
(02:29):
So as I said in the intro, thatcould be a prophecy, it could be
a quote, it could be a sermon,an Instagram reel, an
affirmation, a dream, yourzodiac sign, astrology, or like
a sign that anything that youlook to for direction or
confirmation.
And I'm not talking aboutstudying or building knowledge
or reading good books ordeveloping wisdom over time
(02:49):
because those things requirethought, wrestling, and
learning, and that's just adifferent conversation entirely.
And I want you to hear mebecause I'm also not saying that
messages aren't real.
They are.
I believe in them, I've hadthem, right?
And I think most of us haveexperienced moments where
someone said exactly what weneeded to hear or a quote landed
at the perfect time.
I've experienced that too.
(03:10):
And I and I honestly I treasurethose moments.
This episode isn't aboutdismissing those messages or
those moments.
It's about asking what happenswhen the search for the next
message becomes the thingkeeping us from acting on the
ones we've already received orwhat we already know, right?
Because every new condition thatwe place on moving forward
(03:31):
becomes another opportunity tostay exactly where we are.
And here's where this getspersonal for me because I know
this all too well.
Growing up in church, I wassurrounded by prophets, right?
And people who, you know, spokewords over your lives and you
know, all of that.
But I I was I was terrified.
I was terrified of theseprophets that would come.
(03:53):
And when I was a little girl, Iwould hide under the pew at
church.
So in my family church that Igrew up in, we had these long
yellow pews with like woodenbacks, and there's this little
edge.
So you have the bench, and thenyou have like an edge here and
an edge here.
And I would hide, I was tinyenough to hide on that little
edge when the prophets wouldcome to church because I was
(04:15):
just I was terrified.
I I would hide so that theycouldn't see me or that they
wouldn't be able to like call meout because that's what was
happening.
I was scared that they wouldtell me something bad or was
gonna tell my parents somethingbad.
I was scared to be pushed on theground because if you know, you
know, like I didn't want them totouch me.
I was I was just terrified ofit.
And it's funny to me now becauseI'm like, as if they had
(04:37):
anything to say to a little girlin elementary school anyway,
right?
But that was just the fear inme.
That's just kind of what myperception was.
And you also, if you didn't growup in this way or you didn't
grow up like in a charismaticchurch, I really want to paint
this picture because theprophets were always so
performative and dramatic.
Like, first of all, black peoplein general are very performative
(04:57):
and dramatic.
But to be in a church settingwith these prophets who are said
to have like this word from Godand this higher knowledge, it
just took it to another level.
And there was one prophet thatwould come, and he was, I was
scared of him the most.
For years, I was scared of him,and then we became really good
buddies.
But I was scared of him becausehe would come and he's a little
man in stature, and the pews arethey're not so far apart, but
(05:21):
they're far apart enough that heshouldn't have been doing what
he was doing.
But he would walk the pews, likeI'm not even kidding.
I wish I could find a clip ofthis.
But he would walk the pews withhis little legs, like
stretching, and I'm talkingabout he'll be stretched from
one pew to the other one, likewalking through with the mic,
preaching and prophesying topeople and laying hands like as
(05:43):
a for a little child, that'sterrifying.
Like that, like what are youdoing?
Why are you doing that?
And and it and and it also feltlike these prophets, they had
power, like they themselves hadpower to make you physically do
something, right?
Which is why I didn't want to betouched, or to say things over
you whether they were true ornot.
And in our church, the way thatit was is that it's not a big
(06:06):
church, so you maybe had 40, 30people, and usually the like
when the prophets came, theywere middle of the week
services, and so everybody got aprophecy.
You know, you could stand inline, right, and get your hands
laid on and a word, and so itjust felt like the prophets had
this sort of authority.
(06:27):
So I and I say that because as alittle girl, I think that's what
I was afraid of without beingable to say it, that whatever
this person said had to happenor couldn't happen, or whatever,
like them acting like that, likeGod is making them act like
this.
And so I was I was terrified ofit.
And if you didn't grow up likethis in church, then you might
still be familiar with likeBenny Hinn or seeing the
(06:49):
prophets, the videos that wherethey be blowing on people and
making them fall out.
Now, I I have seen, I have seena lot of stuff growing up in
church.
And so I have seen people do theblow and the fall and all of
that stuff, but it wasn't asdramatic or unrealistic.
It, you know, again, it's afamily church, it's a small
church, it's not hundreds ofpeople, so there's still
(07:10):
elements of it that felt veryjust normal.
But what's interesting is thatsomewhere between the little
girl hiding under the pew andbeing afraid, and the woman I
became, something completelyflipped.
Instead of avoiding messages, Istarted desperately wanting one.
(07:31):
I'd go to church hoping andwishing that someone would stop
me in the aisle or call me up tothe altar, right?
Like I wanted someone to give mea word, tell me what I was
supposed to do with my life,where am I supposed to go?
Who am I supposed to be?
Instead of being, you know,scared and cowering, I'm walking
in like please.
I'm I'm still a little scared,right?
Because again, you don't want tohear something bad, or you don't
(07:53):
want someone to say somethingthat isn't what you plan to do.
Like, I didn't want somebody totell me you should be a
veterinarian and I don't evenlike animals, you know.
So I there's still a fear there,but there was also just this
longing for please tell me whatI'm supposed to do, where I'm
supposed to go.
And it wasn't just in church,like I would scroll through
quotes looking for the ones thatwould finally make everything
(08:13):
click.
I wanted dreams that told meexactly what to do because I
believed that every dream that Ihad meant something.
And I'm a very vivid dreamer.
So I used to try to pull themeaning and the messages out of
every single dream that I had.
And I just looked for signseverywhere and anything.
I'm like, oh, it's blue, thenthat means that just confirms
that I should eat thatblueberry.
Like whatever it was, I waslooking for it, right?
(08:34):
And I think looking back on thisnow, what I really wanted was
confirmation.
Like I just said, I wantedsomeone to tell me that I was on
the right path, that I wasmaking the right decision, that
I was dating the right person,that I was pursuing the right
career, that I was going in theright direction.
I think that I just wanted thatassurance of, and it, and I
didn't I didn't want theredirection.
(08:56):
But it, but if you gotredirection, then it felt like,
okay, that's still confirmationthat I wasn't doing the right
thing and that this is what I'msupposed to be doing.
And I believe that messages arereal, as I've already said, and
I've had moments where peoplesaid things they couldn't have
known.
I've had dreams that feltsignificant.
I've had quotes that came at theright time or that just
resonated with it with me sodeep.
(09:17):
You know, I've even laughed atfortune cookies because it
somehow fit the momentperfectly.
And, you know, I on Instagramstill, I follow all the little
pages and, you know, like thethe I don't, I'm not a big per
I'm not big into like zodiacsigns and things, but you know,
I look at what they say forVirgo or being born in August,
you know, all of those things,right?
But and this surprised me.
(09:38):
Even when I got the message, itwas almost never enough.
Instead of bringing peace,sometimes it made me even more
anxious.
Because now I had one more thingto interpret, one more
expectation to fulfill, one morething to wonder if I was getting
right.
And like I said, for a longtime, I believed that every
(09:58):
message had to mean something.
That if it came in my path, thatif I seen it, that if someone
said it to me, then it had tohave meaning.
Even when it didn't align withwhat I already knew to be true
about myself, about what Iwanted, right?
Like I said, if someone wouldhave told me I was supposed to
be a vet in that season, I wouldhave found a way to force it
because that's that's how much Iwas trusting the messages and
(10:23):
how much I was seeing everysingle message as something for
me, right?
And then I realized that if Iwas always searching for the
next message, I never had to doanything with the one that I
already have.
And we can see this, right?
Messages are new, they've beenaround for a long time.
And when I say messages, I'mgonna talk more right here about
(10:46):
like forms of communication, butwithin these forms of
communication still come themessages.
And so, you know, we don't mailstuff as much as we used to.
I we mail stuff like products,but I'm talking about like
written letters, you know, thatyou get in the mail.
Or when I was little, you usedto be able to sign up for like
if you got something off acereal box, you can sign up to
(11:06):
get the message, the seat, thehidden message, the whatever,
and they would mail it to you.
Um, anyways, I'm saying that youcould have got messages in all
kinds of places.
You could have got them inmagazines.
Um in the newspapers, they usedto have like little well, and I
know there are still newspapers,so I don't mean to say this as
if they're not around.
I just mean they're not ascommon where you could only get
the newspapers, you're mainlycommunicating by mail and not by
(11:29):
phone.
That's kind of what I'm meaningto say.
And so in the newspapers, theyused to have, you know, quotes
or people used to write in topeople too to like ask them
questions, and then you wouldhave somebody that was
responsible for that section oflike responding back to you, and
they had different names for itdepending on where you lived or
what newspaper you subscribe to.
Used to look for messages intalk shows.
(11:50):
Talk shows now are not as big asthey used to be.
The talk show used to be thecenter for your message, for
like your next moment, for likewhat you're supposed to do with
your life.
Even if you weren't the personon the talk show, you're
watching other people spilltheir drama, their gossip, their
family troubles, their personalissues, right?
And then in there was like thismessage that you just you can
(12:10):
take away.
And also, I think, you know,televangelists, right?
With the televangelists, though,the messages ran and a lot of
this stuff runs even throughproducts.
But I know for teleevangelists,those little infomercials that
would come on at night wherethey're telling you to give$10
so you can get the prayer clothor the little bottle of oil or
(12:31):
whatever, right?
That's because, again, it comesback to this idea that, you
know, there's a message in this,there's something that you need
for your life.
There's something here to guideand direct you or to confirm
what you're supposed to bedoing, right?
Now, while these forms ofcommunication and messages have
been around since, you know, thebeginning of time, the internet
(12:52):
has made these messages moreaccessible.
Because, like I just said, whenyou had to mail a letter, you
had to wait a little whilebefore you got that letter,
right?
Or if you got somebody to mailyou the thing, you know, get
something in the mail, it tooksome time.
But now we have this stuff inthe palm of our hands.
And I say the internet becauseit's not just social media, it's
(13:12):
forums, blogs, websites, onlinejournals, you know, it it's the
internet.
We're inundated with messagesright in our laps, on our
laptops, right in our palms.
Like they're everywhere, right?
And it and it doesn't matter ifyou're looking for it or not.
And I want to make this clearthat consuming a lot of messages
is not the same as receiving themessage.
(13:36):
Because you can feel spirituallyactive or emotionally charged
without taking a single step.
And that's sometimes whatconsuming a lot of messages does
for us and makes us feel itmakes us feel like we're doing
something, but you can feel fedwithout being nourished.
More doesn't equal healthy.
If you consumed every messageyou came across this week and
(13:57):
acted on not one of them, thenyou didn't receive those
messages, you just used them tofeel better.
Some seasons of our life make usmore vulnerable to this than
others.
When your back is against thewall, when things are uncertain,
when you don't know what's next,when you're in this messy
middle, like we've been talkingabout in season three.
That's when the pull toward thenext message gets loudest.
(14:18):
And I want to caution us tostart paying attention because
the entire industries arecounting on us to stay in this
pattern.
And here's where we're gonnazoom out, and I'm gonna give you
guys a little Alexandria rant,something that, you know, breaks
my heart to see people fallingfor, but that, you know, I'll
tell you guys my story in asecond.
But I would say that theseindustries they want you to stay
(14:41):
in this place of vulnerabilityand longing and and and thinking
that your back is against thewall, so you need something from
outside of you.
And I don't think that all ofthe in industries have ill
intent.
I don't think that every personwithin certain industries has
ill intent.
I think some have done greatwork, but I've also seen others
harm, right?
(15:01):
But every industry built aroundtransformation has the same
temptation to convince you thatyour breakthrough, that your
moment, that your next level isjust one purchase away, or one
more book, or one moreconference, or one more course,
one more coach, or one moremessage and raise your hand if
(15:24):
you've been a victim of ReginaGeorge.
Yes, it's a mean girl's line,but yeah, it's like raise your
hand if this is you, it's it'sme.
Like, I bought the workbooks,y'all.
I purchased the online course, Ihave filled notebooks with pages
of notes.
And I would say that one of mymost vulnerable times was early
marriage 2020, and I bought thisonline course to do marketing
(15:49):
for my brand, and it sucked.
I was gonna put it like that.
I was definitely bamboozled, andthat's when the cover started
coming off my eyes that I waslike, these folks be on this
internet lying.
Like they just they be, and andit's funny because a lot of us
have that same experience, butyou don't see people go on to
say like warn them or be like,don't do it, because I think for
(16:11):
me, and I think I could imaginesomeone else might felt this
way, you kind of ration it as,well, it didn't help me, but
maybe it's helping someone else.
No, no, no.
They they just taking your moneyand they're trying to sell you
this idea again that like thisis what you need to level up or
to you know become the personyou want to become.
And so it wasn't just buyingthat course, but I was reading
books by this one lady, and I Imean that was probably one of
(16:36):
the seasons where I was like solonging for it.
But in general, I would want togo to these conferences, I would
be looking up ticket prices andflights and hotels, and I would
be convincing myself that maybethis would be the thing that
finally changed everything.
And then when I wasn't able togo, because in that season, we
didn't have the finances for meto spend thousands of dollars to
(16:58):
go to a conference to hearpeople give me, like, you know,
these little messages, theselittle feel-good messages to
make me feel good about myself,but that really gave me no
action steps or really didn'tset me up.
We just didn't have the money todo it, but that didn't change
anything.
I my husband could have givengave me every objection and you
know, was like, girl, don't fallfor that.
And I'm just like, no, but Ijust I need this, like I need
(17:19):
this because there's somethingthere.
There I I'm listening to them,listen to these messages, and
it's just like, no.
When I was there and I couldn'tgo to the conferences or I
couldn't go to the workshops,and I would, you know, stock the
social media pages trying to getwhatever little crumbs I could
get, right?
And then doing this episode, Istarted to realize that
consumption began to feel likeprogress.
(17:40):
That when I read the self-helpbooks, that when I attended the
courses, that when I whateverthe way, you know, when I got
the prophecies, like it made mefeel so good.
It made me feel like, okay, thisis a step in the right
direction, but none of what Iwas doing was the same as
changing.
That's why I said earlier thatyou can feel fed without being
nourished.
And these industries, theirmodel, it only works if you keep
(18:04):
believing that the answer isstill somewhere outside of you.
It only works when you'revulnerable and you're searching
and you're desperate and youfeel like they have an answer
that you yourself don't have oryou yourself can't find.
Then it becomes incredibly easyto get hooked because you begin
(18:26):
trusting everyone else'sexpertise more than the evidence
you've collected from your ownlife.
You start believing that theanswers, the power, or the
insight belong to someone elseinstead of recognizing that by
this point in your life, you'veprobably accumulated far more
wisdom than you give yourselfcredit for.
You've probably gone throughenough things in life to know
(18:50):
what to do and what not to do.
Right?
And I say this in two partsbecause, like I said, it's a
hard thing for me that I'm avery much a self-help girly.
I'll still read a self-helpbook, you know, I'll still go to
church, like all of thesethings, right?
But I that really weighs on myheart because I watch people who
are in similar seasons that Iwas in longing for the message
(19:12):
and being sucked into thesesystems.
And a lot of times it leads youagain back to paying more,
paying more, paying more, right?
It always usually turns aroundto a product, something they're
trying to sell you.
What I'm trying to do here isdifferent.
And I I'm not saying that to putmyself above anyone, but to be
clear with you all about myintentions.
I'm not trying to get you to buyinto me.
(19:33):
I'm trying to get you to buyinto yourself.
But I don't mean that in a waywhere I'm secretly dropping
crumbs, and then you realize, ohmy gosh, I'm I'm back in her
system.
I'm back at no, I don't have asystem to sell you.
If I ever started doing, youknow, which which is a goal,
right?
To do like in-person events orto, you know, maybe walk with
people or have a book one day,it's not to sell you guys a
(19:56):
perfect step-by-step thing.
It's going to be the same aswhat I've been saying.
That you as a human have whatyou need.
You have a soul, you have abrain, you have experience, and
that's what I have, right?
I have a soul, I have a brain, Ihave experiences, and I'm
choosing to learn from theminstead of constantly looking
(20:18):
for someone else to explain meto me.
And that's what I'm inviting youinto.
Not my system, but your ownevidence, your own life, your
own ability to recognize what'salready been true all along.
And if you're identifying withwhat I'm saying, I don't want
you to beat yourself up aboutit.
I don't want you to startcounting all the coins you
(20:38):
didn't spend, right, or all thebooks you didn't read, or all
the, you know, I don't want youto start, you know, going down
the list, although I think it'sgood to reflect, but I don't
want you to beat yourself upabout it because our brains are
literally designed to look forpatterns.
We're constantly trying to makesense of what's happening around
us.
We're constantly trying to closeloops that we don't understand.
(21:01):
So it's not a character flaw ora mistake, it's biology.
It's not something that'sinherently wrong with you, it's
how you're made up.
So you don't have to sit aroundand feel bad and you know, like
I was saying, count up all themoney or beat yourself up.
That's not what I'm asking youto do, right?
But I am saying that when you'researching hard, when when you go
(21:24):
out looking, you're bound tofind something.
And sometimes, often, you startmaking something out of nothing.
So while yes, it is in ourbiology, it is how we're made
up, we have to be aware thatthat is how we're made.
It's a human thing, it's not anAlexandria thing, or it's a
human thing, it's not a just ame thing that I'm going to do
(21:47):
this, right?
But again, because we areconstantly looking to close
those loops, because we'reconstantly trying to understand
the things around us, right?
Sometimes we can make thingsappear.
Here that don't exist.
And although I keep talkingabout how this is heightened,
like in our most vulnerableseasons or in our messy middle,
(22:08):
this is also something we needto be aware of at any times of
our lives if we're doing itunknowingly.
If it's unchecked, it doesn'tmatter if you're up or if you're
down.
It's still something that canlead you into places that you
don't want to be, or to makedecisions that aren't
necessarily the right ones,right?
(22:28):
And this is why this is a littleside note, but this is why I
tell people don't go searchingthrough a significant other's
phone.
Why?
Because you're bound to findsomething.
And I don't mean that there willbe something there.
I'm just saying that when you'relooking hard enough, you'll
start connecting dots that maynot belong together.
You'll see a text message from anumber you don't recognize, and
thank you so much.
(22:48):
And then you here goes yourmind.
And this happens all the time inour lives, right?
You see positive signs.
Oh, and I and I feel lifted.
Then you see something negative,right?
Or some or a hiccup happens inyour life, or a setback, or
(23:09):
something goes wrong, and thensuddenly that feels like a sign
too.
Does that make sense?
Like you you could see, okay,you got this job, and you're
like, oh my gosh, it's a signthat my life is in the right
direction, right?
Something happens in your life,right?
Alone doesn't go through, orwhich is true for my experience
when I was at Clark Atlanta,right?
You're you're struggling uh toget into school, and it feels
(23:30):
like the struggle is a sign thatyou shouldn't be doing it, but
that may not be the sign, right?
Like, and so that's what I meanwhen I'm saying that when you're
looking for something, whenyou're looking for the message,
when you're looking forsomething to guide you and
direct your life or confirm thatyou're on the right path,
whether you're looking forsomething positive or negative,
(23:51):
you'll find it.
Even if you're not looking forsomething to be positive or
negative, you'll make somethingout of nothing.
And I watched someone close tome go through this at Clark and
Lane University.
He had a dream of working in lawenforcement, very clear
direction, knew what he wantedto do with his life, and then
the obstacles came.
A car accident, lost his car,um, his apartment was flooded,
(24:15):
relationships that got strained,you know, friendships, you know,
you come into college, you youyou make friends, and as quickly
as you make them, is as quicklyas they go, right?
It was just one thing afteranother for him.
The issue was that he and andand myself, the way that we kind
of grew up is like when you'reconvinced that life speaks to
you primarily through signs,then those obstacles don't just
(24:39):
feel like obstacles anymore.
They start feeling likeinstructions.
And because of the way that heand I were raised, right?
This framework that we grew upwith around signs and messages,
like I, you know, been tellingyou guys about, and the people
closest to him started to readall of it as confirmation that
that college wasn't for him.
Not necessarily the lawenforcement path, no, but that
(25:01):
college wasn't for him.
They had already had like secretdoubts and kind of didn't want
him to leave, you know.
And so that was already in theirmind, but I don't think he could
see that at the time.
All you're listening to is whenyou're calling people back home
for advice and you're tellingthem what's going on, they're
like, oh, that's a sign youain't supposed to be doing this.
Oh, that oh, you facing allthat?
(25:22):
No, you need to come back home.
So he went back home.
He walked away from his dreams.
And years later, he regrets thatdecision.
And now he's back trying tostart over, working toward the
same career path that he leftbehind 10 plus years ago.
Because none of those thingswere signs that he wasn't
supposed to be there.
(25:44):
It was just life.
And now he's back trying to dothis, and it and it's I don't
want to say I I guess yeah, I'mgonna be honest.
It's harder.
It is harder when you're marriedand you have children and you're
not as young anymore, you're notas youthful, right?
Versus, and I think that's whythe idea is that you go from
high school and then you go intocollege because you're younger,
(26:04):
you have more stamina, you, youknow, you you don't have all
those responsibilities yet.
And so now in this season,trying to get back on a path
that you left so long ago, it ismore difficult now.
But all of that was just life.
It wasn't a sign that you quit.
No, that's that's how that's howwhat?
The diamonds are made, right?
(26:24):
From the pressure.
And that's the thing about life.
It's full of highs and lows,obstacles and setbacks, things
that go wrong at the worstpossible time.
Y'all know that, right?
But the sign was never to stop.
The sign said this is what itcosts to get where you're going.
And my husband said something tome recently that stuck with me.
(26:45):
If you train your mind to seesigns and wonders or messages
and everything, you'll find themeverywhere, including against
you.
I've been doing the same thing.
And the reason actually, thereason why he was saying that
was because I was like, whenanything goes wrong with this
podcast, that must be a sign I'mnot supposed to do it.
(27:06):
But he's like, if you alreadyhave trained yourself to think
that that's what it's gonna be,then that's what it is.
That oh, a technical mistake allof a sudden is a message that
you shouldn't be doing that.
That's not, no, it's atechnical, it's a technical
mistake.
Right?
My I didn't charge my phone lastnight.
And I when I when I got up thismorning, I said, now how did I
(27:26):
it's it was on the charger, butthe plug wasn't in, probably
because one of my kids steppedon it.
But I didn't recognize itbecause I was so tired.
And when I got up this morning,I started, I said, and I did say
in my head, I said, if it ain'tone thing, it's another.
Or it's always something, one ofthose things that I said.
But then I quickly had to remindmyself, listen, what would that
stop?
It doesn't stop anything.
You know what I did?
Brought my charger to thestudio.
(27:47):
Charge my phone.
You know what?
I don't even need my phone.
I don't need my phone, right?
So it's like I could either makesomething out of nothing, I
could see something intoeverything, right?
I think there's another reasonthat we keep looking for one
more message.
And I don't think it's alwaysbecause we we we want certainty.
I don't think that's the onlyreason.
In fact, I don't think manythings only have one reason.
But I think another reason isthat certainty feels lighter
(28:10):
than responsibility.
Because if someone else tells mewhat to do, if the prophet tells
me, the coach tells me, thementor tells me, the expert
tells me, then I don't have tocarry the full weight of
trusting my own judgment.
If we go back to me and my storyof like longing for the messages
and looking for the prophets andreading all of the quotes,
right?
If someone had told me what todo, then I didn't have to carry
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the weight of trusting myself.
If I was wrong, it really wasn'tmy decision.
I was just following themessage.
And if it works, wonderful.
If it doesn't, well, I was just,they told me they did it.
Right?
Like it's on them.
And I've had, you know, messageslike I said, I, you know, come
(28:55):
and things be said to me.
And then when it didn't happen,I was like, well, I didn't say
it to myself, I didn't ask forthat.
So almost longing for themessage is bigger than just
wanting the certainty.
It's easier to take thecertainty than it is to take the
responsibility.
But eventually, thatresponsibility has to become
(29:17):
yours.
And for me, it had to becomemine too, right?
That instead of seeing a setbackas a cosmic message, it's a
setback.
You fix what you can, you learnwhat you need to, and you move
forward.
And the thing is, the anxiety ofthe unknown future doesn't
disappear because someone tellsyou what's coming.
(29:40):
Remember, I told y'all when Iwould get those messages, or
somebody would give me a word, aprophecy, a quote, it it felt
like more pressure, moreanxiety, more even frustration,
because now I'm trying tointerpret.
So, what they mean?
What does this mean now?
How do I, what did that dreammean, right?
Like, so it doesn't go away theanxiety of not knowing what to
do next or wanting direction inyour life, it doesn't go away
(30:03):
just because someone tells youwhat to do or what's coming.
No, it begins to disappear whenyou trust what you've already
been given, what you've alreadyendured, and what you've already
learned about yourself.
So if the messages aren't theanswer and chasing confirmation
is costing you, what do you useinstead?
You return to your evidence.
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And when I say evidence, I meanthe receipts of your own life.
The things you've done,survived, chosen, and built.
You could call it proof, you cancall it testimony.
It's what you know from livingyour life.
And yes, through living life,you will find out, you know
what, I actually don't want todo that.
You know what?
I actually want to do thisinstead.
(30:44):
You know what?
Through trying this thing outand it's not working, or I go
and I do a pottery class, Irealize I don't like it.
I took a bartending class, Ijust did it willy-nilly, found
out I'm great with my hands.
It's not surprising, but it wasjust like, oh wow, never thought
that bartending would be athing.
Like you learn and you gatheryour evidence as you live your
(31:04):
life.
By the time most of us areadults, we have evidence.
Real evidence, not just abouthumanity in general.
We talked about that in the lastepisode, but I mean evidence
about you specifically.
Evidence of who you are and whoyou're not, what you like and
what you don't, your highs andlows, the general direction that
(31:25):
you want to go in, the evidencethat even when life doesn't go
as planned, you learn from it,you pivot when necessary, and
you keep going.
One of the things that I gotcaught up in too when looking
for a new message was alsosearching for my purpose.
And this is something I'm onlygonna tease here.
I'll have to come back and talkmore about it with y'all later.
(31:46):
But in this search for mypurpose and people constantly
telling me, you have to findyour purpose, you have to find
your purpose.
I don't mean like personalpeople, I just mean like all the
again, messages out there,right?
The conferences, the books,everything's geared toward this
like purpose thing.
My brand was called PurposelyRoyal.
I think I've talked about this alittle bit before.
And this search for that purposedistracted me more from actually
(32:07):
living, from actually justdoing.
Because I was constantly like,what is my purpose?
What am I purpose?
I gotta find my purpose.
I'm looking for my purpose, I'msearching for my purpose.
I'm listening to all theworkshops, trying to find my
purpose, but then I never gotout and actually lived to figure
out what do I want to do.
It wasn't until actually living,actually getting outside,
actually trying stuff, that Igot again, like we're talking
(32:29):
about the evidence of like, ohyeah, I want to do that.
No, I get to choose what I wantto do, right?
Because again, we talked aboutthis with law school.
Not getting into law schoolcould have been a sign and a
message to me that, oh, and Ialmost went there, y'all, but
you know, I came back.
But it could have been a signand a message to me that, okay,
this isn't for you, or you'renot gonna be a good lawyer, or
(32:50):
this was never meant for you,right?
But that's not what it was.
It's life.
It's a rejection, it's asetback, right?
It but again, on the other side,it's time, right?
And and and guess and I'velearned so much from even doing
it the way that I did that nowgoing into it again, if I decide
to go into it again, I'vecollected the evidence, the data
(33:12):
about what do I want to do, howdo I want to do it, how do I
want to show up, right?
That I don't have to take it as,oh, that's not that's not my
purpose, that's not meant forme.
No, I get to decide that.
I get to decide that based onthis the decisions that I make
and the life that I live.
And I want to say this next partwith love and with holding your
(33:34):
hand.
This only works if you're beinghonest with yourself.
I am not asking you to liebecause evidence isn't the story
you wish were true.
It's the story that's there whenyou look at your life with clear
eyes.
That means that not everythingis good and that's okay.
(33:55):
And when I say not everything isgood, I mean that you haven't
always written made the rightdecisions.
That you yourself have gottenyou into places that you
shouldn't have been in.
It's still evidence.
That's why we do the work we doon this podcast, so that when
moments like this come, we knowhow to look at ourselves
honestly, not trying to createthe person that we want to be,
(34:19):
but being honest about who weare and who we've been.
That doesn't mean you can't worktowards being a better person or
even a different person.
But you have to acknowledge thatright now, that's not who I am.
Right now, I'm not the personthat always had good judgment.
Right now, I'm the person whoalways sought after the messages
and never did anything with thelast one.
(34:39):
And that's okay.
It's still evidence.
And I think part of where we'vegotten confused is that we've
been taught to look for evidencein, I don't want to call it like
wrong places, but I let's justcall it different places.
A title, a degree, a promotion,a new car, a resume, a follower
(35:01):
account, you know, someoneelse's approval, right?
That look, I got my new car, andthen that that's like evidence
that, oh, that person's on theup and up, but they could have
definitely taken out a loan.
It doesn't mean they're up.
We've been taught sometimes tolook at evidence in these
milestones, right?
And don't get me wrong, theymatter, right?
These are great things we'recelebrating.
It's exciting.
I'll celebrate with you, butthey aren't the only evidence
(35:23):
that matters.
Because the blueprint existedlong before anyone official ever
handed you anything.
Your evidence lives in the smallchoices, often the things that
nobody applauded.
Your evidence also lives in thegenerational patterns, the
things you've inherited, theenvironment you grew up in.
(35:44):
But they can live in thesesmaller moments, the midnight
planning that no one saw, thething you built without
permission or a manual, theconversations you have with
yourself after making a reallyhard decision, choosing not to
text that ex, finally having thedifficult conversation, going to
therapy, apologizing, setting aboundary, walking away, or even
(36:07):
staying, right?
One step at a time, one choice aday, that is evidence too.
Hold on to not just what you'veheard and read, but what you've
seen and lived.
The evidence of what's real andwhat can be done, that's not
mystical, that's testimony.
And when you stop outsourcingthat testimony to other people,
(36:27):
when you stop waiting forsomeone else to hand you back
your own story, a shift canhappen.
Because every time you trust theevidence you've honestly
collected, you're practicingtrust.
And maybe, maybe that's kind ofwhat this has been about all
along.
Not messages, not signs, notquotes, not zodiac signs, but
(36:50):
power.
Because every time we believesomeone else is more qualified
to interpret our lives than weare, we hand them a little more
of our power.
And I'm simply asking you tostart taking it back.
Now we're going to go to ourblueprint segment for this
(37:10):
episode.
There's a show that I told youguys about in season one called
Unsellable Houses with twinsisters, Lindsay and Leslie.
Lindsay handles the design, andLeslie handles the market and
the numbers.
Um, and Lindsay will make designchoices that genuinely startle
Leslie, and it's actually quitehilarious.
And and sometimes I sit back andI look and I'm like, what is she
(37:33):
gonna do with that, right?
But more often than not, itworks.
Why?
Because Lindsay trusts her eye.
She trusts the experience thatshe's built over years of doing
the work.
She trusts what she's learned,even when the person standing
right next to her can't see it.
Leslie's doubt isn't proof thatLindsay is wrong.
(37:53):
It's simply proof that noteveryone has the same eye.
Not everyone has access to whatLindsay knows.
And that's what we've beentalking about today.
We stop looking outsideourselves for one more message,
and we stop letting outsidedoubt override the evidence
we've already collected.
Because your evidence willalways outweigh the opinion of
(38:14):
someone who has never lived yourlife.
Trust what you know, build fromit, and move forward.
I am deeply convicted by thethings that I share here.
If I'm not convicted by it, I'mnot saying it.
And I'm still course correctingin a lot of areas of my life.
And you guys know sometimes Icome and I'm like, we're gonna
explore this topic together, butthis one I know.
(38:36):
I've lived long enough now tohave evidence.
Enough evidence to say withconviction that you don't need
another message.
You need to trust the onesyou've already been given.
You need to trust the evidencethat you already have.
At this point in your life, youprobably have enough messages to
feel a little lake or something,right?
(38:57):
You don't need any more.
You don't need someone else oranother sign or another quote or
another zodiac message to tellyou what you should be doing.
Sometimes we know what we shouldbe doing.
I should be writing that book, Ishould be making that music, I
should be teaching.
Just do it, right?
Because when I stop searchingfor the next message, when I
(39:18):
stop logging onto social mediahoping something lands, when I
stop going to church with mysoul on edge, waiting for a
word, and I just trust theevidence I've already collected,
my soul gets quiet.
I'm less on edge.
I'm more at peace.
My nervous system isn't in aconstant state of expecting and
then being disappointed when Idon't get the message or when it
(39:41):
doesn't land like I thought itwould.
Like it's you, you you arelooking for it, right?
You're expecting it.
But when I take that expectationaway and I just live and I let
life happen and I use what Ialready know, no longer can
things even control me in thatway, like I was talking about
with those industries.
No longer am I going in and, youknow, buying the courses and
(40:02):
being almost bamboozled by allof these people trying to be
experts in my life because I'mthe expert of my life.
And just to be clear, I stillfollow the affirmation pages, I
still share quotes, I stilllisten to podcasts, sermons, and
TED Talks.
Like those things didn'tdisappear from my life, but my
relationship to them changed.
They're no longer a lifeline.
(40:25):
Sometimes they're encouraging,sometimes they're interesting,
sometimes they're just fun.
But I'm not waking up everymorning going, okay, let me read
my Zodiac sign.
This is the direction for mylife.
They're telling me I'm gonna bethis.
Even my aura ring.
My aura ring, I go and I wake upin the morning and it says, um,
here's your readiness, right?
And they might give me a 70, butI don't feel like a 70.
(40:45):
And I'm like, you know what?
That ain't my message for theday.
I'm I'm still going to feel howI want to feel, right?
And so yeah, it's okay to havethe things and listen to the
messages, right?
Sometimes they reflect somethingI've already been seeing in my
own life, but I no longer feellike every message has to become
my assignment, or that everymessage has a meaning, or that
every message is somethingthat's going to guide me or
(41:08):
direct me.
I don't attach myself to it sotightly now that it starts
pulling me whichever way that itwants to go.
And I get to put myself to thetest.
I get to look at the evidence Ihave about who I am and trust
it.
And when I trust it, I get tosee that I can do this.
That's what healing is about.
Not just feeling better, notjust surviving, not just
(41:29):
thinking differently.
Healing is becoming someonewhose own judgment you can
increasingly rely on.
Healing is becoming someone whohas earned their own trust.
The next message you need isn'tcoming from outside you.
It's already in everything yousurvived, everything you've
learned, everything you'vealready been given.
(41:50):
So you don't need a new batmessage.
Thank you for listening.
Until next time, let's keepdoing the work to renovate this
song.