July 22, 2026 • 52 mins
Outsourcing your child’s formation sounds normal until you blink and realize you don’t recognize who they’re becoming. I’m Alexandria Robinson, and I’m walking you through why our family chose homeschooling, not as a trendy identity, but as a conviction about parenting, responsibility, and the long game of raising future adults.
I unpack the biggest homeschooling myths head-on: “homeschool kids are weird”, “they won’t have friends”, “I don’t have patience”, “I can’t teach”. Then I share the real-life stories behind our decision, including what I experienced in public school as a kid, what I saw when I worked around schools, and why bullying, violence, and age-inappropriate exposure aren’t rites of passage we should accept as inevitable. We also talk about how often families try other options first, what daycare and private pre-K taught us, and why “the school will handle it” can quietly turn into parents living in reaction mode.
You’ll also hear what a structured online homeschool can look like day-to-day, from curriculum support and progress tracking to recordkeeping, PE and fine arts requirements, clubs, meetups, and ways to build real homeschool socialization through neighborhood life and sports. I end with a simple metaphor: parents are the general contractor, schools are the subcontractors, and the foundation is still on us.
This one will hit differently if you have kids, if you were shaped by your school experience in ways you are still untangling, or if you have ever wondered whether the way things have always been done is actually working. But the content could benefit ANYONE for sure.
Important Note Before You Listen: This episode contains a brief reference to explicit content discussed in the context of childhood exposure in school settings
Resources Mentioned:
For More Information About Enlightium & to Sign Up for a Virtual Open House: Referral Link
Enlightium Academy (online homeschool curriculum, pre-K through high school)
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker (00:00):
When I'm homeschooling and when we're with our
children, we get to nurture themin a way that is so special and
so intentional for parents.
Nobody is going to care for mychildren the way that I will.
And that's not cynical.
That's just true.
We've only been painted onepicture or one idea of what
homeschool is.
The honest truth is that thehardest part isn't the logistics
(00:24):
of it all.
It's deciding that yourchildren's formation is your job
and not someone else's.
Because once you make thatdecision, then the rest becomes
solvable.
I'm raising boys who will beadults one day.
And that work starts at home.
Welcome to Renovating the Soul.
(00:44):
I'm your host, AlexandriaRobinson, and this is a podcast
about the real unglamorous workof becoming.
The work that actually requiressomething from you.
Hard questions, honest answers,and the willingness to look at
the foundation you were handedand decide what you want to
build on it.
That's what we do here.
So wherever you're coming fromtoday, I'm glad you're in it
(01:07):
with me.
Let's get into today'sconversation.
I have shared with you all thatseason three, The Messy Middle,
is going to start off with somepretty personal topics and like
life experiences.
And today's episode is nodifferent.
Today we're going to be talkingabout homeschool.
It's something that my familyhas been doing since my boys
(01:30):
were were little, or my oldestwas in kindergarten.
And it's a topic thatconsistently comes up in my
conversations with friends.
And it is something that peoplehave asked me for.
So that is why we're doing thistoday.
It may seem like it doesn't fittheir innovating theme, but it
does.
And even if it doesn't, like Iexplained, these first few
(01:51):
episodes are to help you allwith like the past year of my
life to share some things andsome value systems that are most
important to us.
And so that's what we're goingto be talking about.
I want to be clear that today'sepisode about homeschooling is
not to shame people who cannotdo it.
It's not to be pro-homeschool,like I feel like it's the only
way.
(02:11):
It's really to discuss ourperspective, what we've gotten
from it and our belief systemand why we do value it.
And it is also to help all ofmy friends and um and strangers
even who have asked about ourhomeschool experience.
So I hope you all are excitedfor today's episode.
Let's get into it.
So first, let's get some of theassumptions out of the way.
(02:33):
If you've been around andyou're like me, like you've
heard these assumptions thathomeschool kids are weird, that
it's for religious cult people.
Um, I also heard people say,like, I don't have patience, or
I can't teach my kids, or Idon't have the time.
And we're gonna talk aboutthese in more detail as we go
on.
But our reason had nothing todo with religious ideology or
(02:55):
thinking that our kids were, youknow, better than anyone
else's, or, you know, wanting toshelter them from life.
No, it came from wanting toknow our children deeply and to
be a part of their education andtheir learning in a real and
meaningful way.
My husband and I, we are bothpublic school babies through and
(03:15):
through, all the way throughfrom daycare to high school.
We are public school kids.
We've seen the best and we'veseen the worst that it has to
offer.
And for both of us, we wishthat our talents and our skills
had been nurtured more.
Because let's face it, everyteacher we had did not have the
capacity to see somethingspecial in us.
(03:35):
Those moments happened, butthey were far and few between.
There's so much going on in oureducation system today that is
even different from when we wereyounger.
And those are realities that wehad to acknowledge.
And when I'm homeschooling andwhen we're with our children, we
get to nurture them in a waythat is so special and so
(03:56):
intentional for parents.
And when I say that this isintentional for parents, I have
an idea of this original design,how things were supposed to be,
right?
So parents rear their childrenat home.
You build the foundation, yougive them the values, the
principles, the lessons.
You're you're training them.
You're you're literallyparenting them.
You're giving them the yesesand the no's, the ebbs and the
(04:19):
flows.
You're paying attention totheir character, who they're
shaping up to be, things that bethat could become red flags as
an adult.
You're trying to make them whatshould be an honorable and
respectful and responsibleadult.
You're not training them to bea child forever.
But what's actually happeningand has been happening for a
(04:39):
long time is that parents areoutsourcing their rearing to
teachers.
And then you're blaming theteachers when things go wrong.
It's been happening since I waslittle.
Now, the teachers' job is toeducate.
The teachers are supposed to beexperts in their fields of
whether it's kindergarten, whatdo you what do they need to
learn?
Their colors, how to read, howto write, how to talk,
(05:03):
seemingly, right?
Like that's what you're relyingon the teachers for.
They are experts, they areimportant.
They're supposed to do the mathand the English and the things
that they went to school for togive back to their children.
But what's happening is thatwhen they have to do both the
rearing and the teaching,something's gonna be off
balance.
And when you think about itthis way, teachers are seemingly
(05:25):
strangers.
You might build a relationshipeventually, but that doesn't
replace what a parent's roleshould be.
They don't necessarily sharethe same values and principles
that you as a family or that youas a parent hold.
And so then you have theseenvironments, right?
So we're talking about thisoriginal design, okay?
You have the the parents rearthe children at home, then they
(05:48):
send the children to school forthe education while the parents
are intricately andintentionally involved in every
aspect of what that looks like.
What I've seen that oftenhappens is even when you are
doing that and you go to school,when other children come into
school without that foundation,it doesn't just affect them, it
disrupts the kids who are readyto learn.
(06:09):
It disrupts the learningprocess because, and I have
friends who are teachers.
I've I and I'll talk about myexperience with education a
little bit later, but you'reyou're taking 20 to 30 children
and you're putting them in thisclassroom and you're expecting
one, two, or even three peopleto be able to handle not only
the education, but thediscipline and the training, and
(06:33):
again, the rearing.
And this is not about shamingparents who are doing their best
with what they have.
Hear me, I'm not shaming atall.
I told y'all a lot of peoplehave been asking me about
homeschool, so I'm just tryingto fulfill your desires.
But it is a call to be honest,though.
There's a difference betweencan't and won't.
And a lot of what gets calledcan't is actually, I haven't
(06:55):
decided that this is urgentenough yet.
This is really a convictionpush.
This is really to for thosepeople who have that desire,
they notice that something's offwith the school or the
education system with wherethey're at.
They want to do more.
Again, every time I've not metone person who hasn't been
interested in homeschoolingtheir kids.
(07:16):
They just won't do it or can'tdo it.
And I would say it's more of awon't do it because of some of
the assumptions or the thingsthat I mentioned earlier.
Social life, um, no patience,uh, I need my space or my break,
or you have to see them 24-7,all of these things.
So then you decide that's whereit comes down to this idea that
it's not urgent enough.
The result, and I would sayit's the unfortunate result, is
(07:38):
that you blink and you don'trecognize your child.
And it's not because somethingwent wrong, but it's because you
weren't the one doing theraising the school system was.
This for us, for Quincy and I,it did not start when we had
kids.
Quincy and I met in highschool.
We've been talking abouthomeschooling our kids.
Like before we even talkedabout being married to each
other, we separately had thisidea that we wanted to
(08:01):
homeschool our children.
And I've struggled with that,even when I would say it then,
and I struggled with the idea ofhomeschool for the same
assumptions that I mentionedearlier, mainly like the
socially awkward that homeschoolkids are weird, until I met a
homeschool family.
Shout out to the princes, and Imet their girls, and I would
have never guessed that theywere homeschooled because they
were the most social butterfliesthat you could ever meet.
(08:25):
And I saw that and I thought,well, there's one of those
assumptions kind of taken away.
Um, and so I've struggled withthis idea of homeschool
throughout the years, but overtime I've become more sure and
more sure, and that's what Iwant to explain to you all kind
of how we came onto thisjourney.
I think our desire tohomeschool really came from our
own experiences in school.
(08:45):
And some of those things werebullying, exposure to violence,
uh sexual things outside of theclassroom, um, comparison, like
all of these things that washappening, right?
And so when we look atbullying, I told you guys in
season one, Skinny Girls GetBullied 2, how I was bullied in
high school for my weight.
And I was taken, you know, I'vetalked about the story where,
(09:07):
you know, the girl took my beltand she's swinging me around
because she finds out that Ihave like all these lubes in my
belt.
Now in elementary school, Iused to tell my parents, or I
used to tell my dad, all anybodythat was messing with me, my
dad would show up.
Okay.
He came to the school, he wouldwalk right past the office, go
straight up to the kid and say,You better leave my daughter
alone.
But in middle school, it's notcute to do that anymore.
Middle school introduced allthese different things and, you
(09:30):
know, trying to be the cool kidand trying to have the designer
things and all these things thatthese kids, you know, that that
kids bring your way and thatjust being in an environment
with so many different peoplefrom so many different
backgrounds will do.
And so in middle school, Inever went to my parents and
told them that I was gettingbullied for my weight, or I
didn't talk about the thingsthat I experienced in high
school, like physically, likebeing physically slapped by
other girls in school or beinglike pressed up against, like
(09:54):
bullied, literally, like, youknow, these these bullies.
Um, exposure to violence was abig one because there were
fights from middle school tohigh school all the time, y'all.
And the kids, we would walkfrom, so I used to have to walk
from the middle school, DemantMiddle School.
Okay, so if you know, you know.
Used to have to walk fromDimmitt middle school to home.
(10:16):
And on our way home, they wouldfight on the way home.
Because of course, if you fightat school, you would get in
trouble.
So what would they do?
Plan the fights.
A lot of fights were planned.
They would plan the fights andthey would fight from our school
going towards like the7-Eleven, you know, um, fighting
the library, fighting, like allof this exposure to violence.
And then you get to highschool, this one guy, he got
(10:38):
knocked out.
I'm talking about clear, justpunched, fell straight back.
Um, the another time in theclassroom was sitting there next
to the girl who was about toget beat up, didn't know this
was about to happen, but I'msitting next to her, still
remember their names, so I'mgonna try not to say names, but
she's sitting, I'm sitting nextto her, and I noticed the other
another girl, she's getting upand she's going to the pencil
sharpener.
And I'm noticing she's takingthe long way around, and I'm
(11:00):
like, that's so weird.
Like, why, you know, why shetake like why is she sharpening
her pencil?
Or sorry, why is she takingthis long route from sharpening
her pencil?
And she comes up to the girlnext to me, and she has the
pencil in her hand like this,and she's literally fighting her
with the pencil in her hand.
Like, what kind of cra andwe're in a classroom, we're not
even like where there's space.
So they're right next to me.
I have to jump up.
(11:21):
The teacher's like so caughtoff guard, he doesn't know what
to do, he's like frantic.
But like, what kind ofcraziness is that that like
you're taking the pencil to tryto fight this girl?
These are the this is theexposure to violence that I'm
referring to that I don't thinkwas necessary.
I don't think I needed to seeall of these fights, even if I
wasn't myself getting into them.
(11:41):
And then when you talk aboutsexual things, I was introduced
to, and we'll probably have toput an explicit filter on this
episode, but I was introduced toanal sex in fourth grade by
other people, other kids teasingone of the other girls.
And again, I'm trying not tosay names because I have a
really good memory.
I had a lot of friends, Iremember their names, but they
were teasing her about havinganal sex.
And that was something that Igot introduced to in elementary
(12:04):
school.
And again, I'm not going backto my parents and saying, guess
what I learned today?
And I don't know that they werenecessarily asking either, but
so I'm not talking about sexualeducation.
I didn't have any problem withsexual education or when like we
got to watch a birth and thingslike that.
You have to get consent, youknow, et cetera, et cetera.
But you're talking about theseconversations amongst kids and
things that people have told me,I'm keeping my children, my
(12:27):
children are missing out fromsomething by not getting some of
these experiences.
Even though they're not sayingthis part, when I have given
specific examples like this,I've had especially older people
be like, Well, that's just apart of being there.
And that's just a part.
And I'm like, I don't thinkthat my kid needs to get bullied
in order to to become a a goodperson.
Like, I don't think that heneeds to be exposed to certain
(12:49):
sexual things that should not betalked about or come from
students because in elementaryschool the students were
sexually active.
There are things that are moreappropriate for us to be
teaching than for them to beexposed to.
And and in the vein of peopletrying to tell me that my
children are gonna miss out oncertain experiences, my kids get
(13:10):
bullied and was getting bulliedand and still got problems with
the neighborhood bully.
We got a neighborhood bully.
He has, and I kid y'all not, hehas bullied every kid on our
block.
We have about five kids andanother one, like six of them.
He has literally bullied everykid on that block and he goes to
school with them, and I heardit's worse at school, but he uh
choked my second oldest, yes,when we first moved into this
(13:34):
neighborhood, and we had aconference confrontation with
him and his parents because wedon't play that, you're not
gonna physically touch mychildren, and you know, it's not
been that there, but stillthere's the verbal things,
there's the looks, there's atalking.
I've had to talk to this kidmultiple times.
And what happened though wasthat when my when this first
happened to my kids, they wereterrified.
Like they didn't know what todo, what to do.
(13:54):
We as parents got to be a partof that entire process.
Even for me, when Quincy wastelling me, like, you gotta,
there are certain things youdon't need to intervene on
because I'm definitely like, I'mgonna protect my child, but
they also have to learn how tostick up for themselves.
So that was a couple years agoto now flash forward when he was
out there bothering them theother day, they were sticking up
for themselves.
(14:14):
So I say that because people,like I said, people have
literally tried to say, you haveto, that like your kids are
gonna miss out on so much, butthey can experience so much just
by being in the regular world.
And for me, also part of myreason to homeschool is because
I've worked in the schoolsystems.
I thought I was gonna be ateacher, so I did the rent in
(14:34):
teacher academy.
I worked at an elementaryschool, I did volunteering at
elementary schools andpreparatory academies in
Atlanta.
And when you're in Atlanta, itis like a it's like you you were
focused more on behavior thanyou are on any education.
And they the kids had to callme Auntie Alex from plainly
putting it, like sexualizing me.
(14:55):
That the main teacher was like,no, we're gonna call her Auntie
Alex because she's not yourgirlfriend, she's not your wife.
Like you, you see what I'msaying?
So it's like the kids areexposed to things because of
home life, and then they bringon that into the classroom, and
then teachers then have to teachthese values and principles of
and boundaries of like, no, andI don't necessarily think that
that is the teacher's job fully.
(15:16):
It's going to happen, it'sgoing to come up, but it's not
the teacher's job fully.
I also say that becauseteachers themselves have their
own values, principles, ideas,ideologies that they bring into
the classroom with our children.
It used to kind of be differentwhere you don't, you don't
blend those things.
(15:36):
But by the time I was inschool, I was treated
differently by a teacher who washomosexual because he found out
I was a Christian, but I hadnever said, I've never done
anything to this teacher.
I had never, I don't even knowhow I found out like I was a
Christian.
Might have been like, you know,I was very Jesus Jesus back
then.
So maybe I said something ordid a presentation.
I don't know.
But he would treat all theChristian kids like we were just
(15:57):
the scum of the earth, and thenhe would bond like and
literally have like a littlefavorite bubble with other kids.
That's wrong.
Period.
Like you, the same way that Ishouldn't, you know, treat you a
certain way for your decisionsand your beliefs is the same way
you shouldn't do the same thingto me.
And that, especially me beingthe child.
You're the adult.
He acted more like he was thehomeboy than he was our teacher.
(16:17):
And so these experiences arevery real.
Nobody is going to care for mychildren the way that I will.
And that's not cynical.
That's that's just true.
And so we put our children intohomeschool.
And before we did that, wetried daycare, we tried pre-K at
two different private schools.
(16:38):
My with daycare, and this isnot really the point of this,
but you know, just to note it,my kids were sick all the time.
Just, I mean, with one of myboys had a UTI, which boys
typically don't get UTIs.
My oldest son had got pneumoniabecause they said that he was
so sick repeatedly that it justwould lie dormant.
It was never really going away.
(16:58):
That's how often the kids weresick at the daycare, and that it
developed pneumonia in him sobad that we thought he had a uh
appendicitis because he was theit it the pneumonia went like
down to his stomach.
My my second oldest son had afebrile seizure.
I didn't learn about this untilhe had it.
And it was because he had afever at the daycare, and the
(17:20):
daycare teacher did not notice.
It was a warm day, but there'sa difference between you're warm
and you're burning hot.
As a mother, as soon as I heldhim, I knew something was wrong.
And as soon as I went to go getthe thermometer, he has this
seizure in my arms, and I'm justlike crying and freaking out.
And thankfully, at that time,we lived in a basement apartment
(17:41):
and our landlords were an oldercouple.
They were grandparents andparents.
And so they recognized that hewas having a seizure.
They they helped us out.
We called 911 and then and thenthey explained, yeah, his
temperature was 104 or 105.
And, you know, the seizurewasn't dangerous.
He didn't keep having them.
They're like it's common, youknow, amongst kids that he was
only one, amongst kids his age.
But I'm just saying, like, thelack of neglect and care that
(18:04):
people have for their for otherpeople's children, and I don't
fault them for it because it'snot necessarily their
responsibility, but I'm justsaying that we've also tried to
fight against these likehomeschool desires to see can we
trust the people out there?
Can we trust the school system?
So they went, they've gonethrough daycares, they did um
private school at two differentprivate schools, and at the one,
(18:26):
so my oldest son at the privateschool that we put him in, it
was a test to see, okay, if hecan do pre-K, then he can go to
kindergarten because the costdoes increase.
Okay, so we're like, okay,we'll see how they do.
Pre-K was nothing but aglorified daycare.
The teacher was supposed to beone teacher for each room.
He had a teacher, a differentteacher, almost every other day.
And anybody that has childrenor anybody that works with
(18:48):
children knows they needconsistency.
His uh teacher was in and out.
Then we would show up forpickup and they were just
getting up for a nap.
They're not supposed to napthat long.
So I was like, I'm not gonnakeep paying for a glorified
daycare.
So we put him into homeschool.
He does kindergarten.
While he's in kindergarten, wetried pre-K for my second
oldest, and actually it was abrand new pre-K in Vancouver,
(19:09):
Washington, and it was reallygreat.
The issue became that thiswoman who started this school,
she wanted to do a balance ofeducation and play.
She was a tutor, she had thisidea, thought it was an
incredible idea.
And our biggest thing was wewant them to get the education.
We want them to be learningbecause we now know that they
are fully capable.
Something that wasn't alwaystold to us.
You wear these identities.
(19:30):
I'm bad at math, I'm bad atscience, I'm bad at test taking,
and no one ever challenges thatto tell you you're not born
good at it.
You have to just work hard todo it.
That's the values that we'retrying to instill in our
children.
So we know you're more thancapable.
So she had a great idea, greatphilosophy.
But what happened that shefound was that the other
children who were coming in withbehavior issues were taking so
(19:50):
much away from the kids thatcould sit down, from the kids
that could listen, from the kidsthat could raise their hand,
that it again became just kindof like another glorified
daycare that we were paying for.
So we take him out.
So we really did try.
That's what I'm trying to.
I I want people to understandthat we really did try.
Um, and it and we just kepthitting the wall.
(20:13):
And so we finally bit thebullet.
We put my oldest son intopreschool, and I knew a few
things.
And this is what I'm alwayspreaching about when I'm talking
to parents who are like, Idon't know how to find
curriculum, or I don't want todo this, or I don't want to do
that.
And I'm like, listen, I've Igot it for you.
You don't have to because Iknew that I did not want to
create the curriculum.
I also knew that I wantedstructure.
(20:34):
I didn't want it to just bewake up at whatever time, or,
you know, we were doing arts andcrafts all day.
Like, I actually want you tostay on track.
And I wanted an option so thatif they do go to school, they
would be again like on track or,you know, getting the getting
the fundamentals that they needfor whatever age or grade that
they're at.
I just happened to be scrollingon Instagram at the time I was
(20:57):
looking for homeschools, andthen Lytium Academy pops up.
And I see that they saidthey're an online, online
homeschool.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, Inever even thought about an
online homeschool.
This is very interesting.
And I go on the website and Isee that they have different
options for curriculum,different tiers and different
levels.
Um, and I I signed up for anopen house and the rest is
(21:20):
history.
And so one of the uh firstthings that I did was after
attending the open house, got myyou know, son registered
through in Lighttium, and I'mgonna talk about Lighttium.
This is not sponsored by themin any way.
I am not in partnership withthem.
They they can pay me if theywant, but I'm not in partnership
with them.
This is literally to help theones that have been asking me
about homeschool, and I'mtelling you what has worked for
(21:42):
us and what we found.
Um, and Lightum offered for thekindergarten age where we
started at two different typesof curriculum.
And they still offer this.
I think they took away the bookbased, so you'll have to kind
of do some research on thatbecause we're like we're in this
now, but there was a book basedcurriculum that you yourself
teach.
Or online, where it was videolessons or live instruction.
(22:03):
And the great thing aboutEnlighten them is that they went
from pre-K all the way up tohigh school and college prep.
They also will keep all therecords so that the boys ever
transition to in-person school,everything's documented and I
can show the school theirprogress.
They also give you the stateregulations and requirements.
So if there are state teststhat your children are required
to take, they will still takethose.
(22:24):
And they have um what cannotthink of the term, but they're
it's like a system where you cantrack your child's progress to
make sure that they're on trackwith the standards of that
grade.
So are they behind?
Are they ahead?
Are they right where they needto be?
So Enlighten does all of thatfor you.
I will note here that it is aChristian home online
(22:47):
homeschool.
They have a Christian lensthrough their curriculum.
So one of the required classesis Bible.
I will also tell you that wedon't agree with all of the
theology and everything thatthey believe, but it also
doesn't hinder the educationthat my children get.
But I say that because if youdon't necessarily want that, if
you don't want to have to coursecorrect, or you just don't want
(23:08):
to be affiliated with theschool that has that Christian
lens, then that would be yourpause or that would be your
concern.
But it doesn't get in the wayfor us because he still has to
learn how to get up, do yourwork, pay attention.
Those are skills that he has tocarry with him, no matter what
the class is, what thecurriculum is, those are skills
that he's gonna have to takewith him as an adult.
There's a parent app, so youcan get all the information on
(23:31):
the parent app, and I'll talk alittle bit more about my role
and what I do in a second.
But there's a parent app, theyalso have um like a student
body, so older kids could runfor student body president, vice
president, secretary.
They still have all of that.
They have Spirit Week, and soyou send your pictures in.
They have pep rallies, they'revirtual, you get on, they're
(23:52):
actually really fun, they playgames and they have them by age
so or by grades.
And so you're not dealing witheveryone, but you'll have it by
your grade depending on what itis.
They also have meetups incertain towns and areas so you
can actually physically meetother homeschool kids, but they
also have a map to show you howmany other homeschool kids are
(24:13):
in your area.
So if you ever want to reachout to someone on the parent app
or email, like you can reachout to them.
And so I'm saying that becausethey are functioning as this
online homeschool, but it's not,they're not trying to isolate
the kids, they're trying to makeit social, they're trying to
incorporate the things that youknow you would get if you went
to an in-person school down thestreet.
For the kindergarten for myoldest son, I taught the
(24:34):
curriculum myself.
I realized, I knew I was notmeant to be an elementary school
teacher.
I told y'all that I did a lotof stuff in education and I did
volunteer a lot in elementaryschool because it's like the
easiest ones to get into becausethose teachers need a lot of
help.
But I knew that I was not meantfor like kindergarten or first
grade, second grade.
(24:55):
I'm like a fourth grade, fifthgrade, middle school, high
school.
It was a lot of if Johnny hadfive apples energy in that in
that session, but we bothsurvived, okay?
We we each survived.
It was hard.
But I was amazed at how much weboth learned because you don't
realize how far away you arefrom kindergarten until you go
(25:16):
back in and you start having tolearn.
I literally would have toYouTube what sounds certain like
letters made because I'm like,I don't, I don't know.
I don't I don't remember this.
I just I just talked now.
Um, but it was great.
It was great for both of us.
It was hard on both of us, butI he was surprised at his
progress, and I was surprised athis progress and being able to
(25:37):
see it up close.
By the end of kindergarten, hewas counting to 100, he was
reading, he knew, you know, hisphonetic sounds.
I mean, just so much he waswriting, like there was so much
that he was doing at the end ofkindergarten, all based on, you
know, me teaching.
And I I was really proud oflike how well I was able to
teach him from the curriculumand to be able to help him.
(25:58):
But after that, we switched toonline so that they have uh
video lessons on their iPads.
And so they um we switchedonline for him.
So he did first, second, firstand second grade on online, and
then my youngest just didkindergarten online.
Now, I will tell y'all thereason why that I taught the
curriculum first was because weare not um screen time parents.
(26:22):
Our children don't havededicated iPads, they don't have
phones.
The screen time that they getis like they can watch TV and
movies, and we watch like afamily movie or family show.
We're going through the nannyright now.
It's one of our favorites rightnow.
So, like they have screen timein regards to that, but they
don't have like dedicated iPadsand things like that outside of
the ones that they use forschool.
So we were hesitant on doingthe online videos because we
(26:44):
didn't want Calel, our oldest,to start thinking like, you
know, this this is my iPad.
I got it, and it's it's neverbeen that.
They know that those iPads aremore associated with school than
they are with anything else.
Sure, have they watchedsomething on them before?
Absolutely, but it's just not adedicated practice.
And so that was our hesitation.
But then I told him, I'm like,well, I told Quincy, I said,
(27:05):
well, if they're watching TV, Ithink they'll be okay with a
little little with the iPad,like with the education part of
the videos.
And it's great.
It really is a classroomsetting that they're in.
These videos are pre-recorded.
They uh are going through thelesson, they're doing the um the
assignment, and they're it'sjust like being in the
(27:26):
classroom, right?
Except you're at home andyou're looking on the iPad.
Now, do they have to learneverything that you're going to
learn in school?
Absolutely.
They have to learn how to payattention, they have to learn
how to sit still, they have tolearn to regurgitate and be able
to say back what they'relearning.
All of those same things, it'sjust that I get to be there for
(27:47):
them and I get to do it withonly two kids instead of them
being in a room full of 20 whereit's easily neglected.
Now, on my end, as a parent,for all my parents out there, I
do more of the administrativestuff.
So you get your curriculum fromthe whichever one you choose,
and you have to organize itstill.
So I organize their curriculumweekly, but the great thing
(28:09):
about Enlightenment is that theygive me the calendar and the
schedule so I know whatassignments need to be done on
this day, what assignments needto be turned in for this week.
And that's kind of what I'mtaking care of.
They're extracurriculars, theyhave a fine arts requirement and
a PE requirement.
So they have to get 60 hours offine art that's dance, music,
(28:30):
art, etc., and 60 hours ofphysical education, which is,
you know, exactly what it soundslike.
So those things I have to keeptrack of.
I had they give you a GoogleSheets file, and you have to go
in there and you have to trackthat.
You have to take pictures toshow that they're doing it.
But if your kids are already inactivities, then you know, you
can you it's easy.
Those 60 hours are very easy.
(28:50):
And so, yeah, that's what Itake care of.
There is a cost, and you canbreak that down monthly.
They offer packages, and thepackages are really reasonable,
very, very reasonable.
Even with two children, I'mpaying less than what I was
paying when they were in theprivate homeschools, and I'm
getting more from thiscurriculum and from this
structure than I was over there.
(29:11):
The only thing that is anupfront cost is the actual
curriculum, and that can beanywhere from 500 bucks and on
up because I'm sorry, dependingon what class or what grade that
they're in, excuse me.
So kindergarten is gonna be alittle cheaper because you only
have like three classes toteach.
And mind you, when I didkindergarten for Khalil, I was
(29:33):
working full-time.
It was easier because he's onlygot Bible math and like phonics
and English.
I it was harder when he got tofirst grade to kind of help, but
that's why we also switched toonline classes so that he can
watch it because I didn't havethe time to be able to do teach
the teach him and all of thatwhen I was working full time.
So, and I forgot I forgot tomention that.
(29:54):
But your upfront cost is goingto be that curriculum, but you
have some time to get it.
I get mines early because and Iand we eat the cost because it
is so worth it.
Like you're you're getting allthe books that they need, you're
getting uh this the teacherbook.
They're going to give youeverything that you as the
parent need so you can go aheadof them.
(30:15):
You understand what they'regoing to be learning in that
class, you see what theassignment's going to be.
Like you don't have to guess.
And I don't have to interactwith the school.
I don't I have not had any badexperiences.
There are minor things thathave irritated me, but they're
not major things that the nextperson would probably even
notice.
I don't have to email them andbe like, y'all, dah-da-da.
(30:36):
I've I've barely interactedwith the school besides paying
my monthly costs and showing upto certain events.
They had a kindergartengraduation.
We went to that and otherthings.
I forgot to mention that theyalso have social clubs.
So my kids were a part of artclub and chess club, but they
also have like horseback riding,and I don't know how that
works, but I think theyhorseback ride separately and
(30:59):
then come together.
I don't know, but I know forthe art club, you meet, uh, I
think it's once a quarter.
I'm not sure if you're I thinkit's once a quarter.
You meet or once a month.
One of those two.
But you meet, you get your artproject, you do your art
project, you submit your artproject at the next meeting.
We talk about it.
Chess club, you practice, youcome together, you have a
(31:20):
tournament.
So that's how it was.
There's several other socialclubs that they have, but all of
that is available through,again, this homeschool.
And I'm hoping that you'rehearing homeschool in a
different way because I think alot of times homeschool is
passed off again, it's just likevery weird, very selective,
very isolated thing.
(31:41):
And it's not, it doesn't haveto be when you go through a
school like in Lytium.
I'm sure there are otherschools out there.
I've not done really researchbecause I don't plan on leaving
in Lytime.
My kids do want to go toin-person school, they'll
they'll be allowed to do thatmaybe middle school or high
school.
But for right now, we're prettyhappy with their foundation and
what they're getting.
I will also say that, you know,sometimes people are afraid of
(32:04):
the pushback that they're gonnaget from their family and
friends.
And I will tell y'all that whenwe first started this, our
family did not understand it.
All those things that I wastelling y'all are things that
have been said to me.
Your kids are gonna be weird,they're gonna lack social
skills, they're gonna fallbehind academically.
Um, I have family members thatare educators.
I had one, she went off on mebecause she just really believed
(32:27):
that we had gained so much fromthe public education system.
And when I was trying to tellher some of the objections, you
know, everything was kind ofbeing spun like it's good, it's
good, it's good for you.
Now she's old school, and I wastrying to tell her, like, girl,
school when you were teaching,I'm sure was totally different
than the school that these kidsgonna have to go in.
It's not the same, but it'shard to bring people into a time
(32:48):
that they're not familiar with.
Um, so a lot of my family areparents, and like just so many
things that people were tellingus, and we didn't buy into it.
Again, I already knewhomeschooled parents and
families, and I knew them girlsare just fine.
They're not weird, they don'tlack, they're going to college,
they're doing just fine, right?
And now nobody, I don't thinkthey think that.
(33:09):
And if they think it, theydon't say it.
They ask my kids all the time,how's school going?
What is, what are you learning?
And my mom, she was sosurprised to hear that you know,
Callel is in like six or sevenclasses, which I forgot to
mention that second and thirdgrade, or he just sorry, first
and second grade, his classesare Bible, math, English,
(33:29):
reading, spelling, handwriting,and then it alternates between
social studies and socialstudies and science.
So that's his day.
He starts at about nineo'clock, they eat breakfast at
eight when I get up, but theyeat breakfast at eight-ish.
Okay, and then uh 9 a.m.
they start, and he's doneanywhere between like two and
(33:52):
four, depending upon the day andhow much his workload has, or
if he, you know, takes too manybreaks, right?
Because they also get breaks.
So you get up five to tenminutes, you can go outside, you
can get a snack, you have lunchat noon, so you eat your lunch,
you can play also a little bit,get your outdoors time when the
weather is good here.
And so when my mom heard andshe was talking to Khalil about
all his classes when he got tofirst grade, they're just like,
(34:14):
whoa, like I didn't I didn'texpect it to be that way.
And it's no fault to thembecause I think that we've only
been painted one picture or oneidea of what homeschool is.
Now, the social question is themost common one.
Your kids are gonna be weird,they're gonna lack social.
If you met Khalel, he we callhim motor mouth may bale because
he never stops talking.
So the and he knows nostranger.
(34:35):
And on my little baby is two,he knows no stranger.
This guy goes up to people allthe time and he just is talking
to them or he's sitting withthem.
Like, so even for him being athome with us, it's like these
kids are social.
But if you are nervous aboutthat, here are ways to keep your
kids social.
First, for our kids, they werein church, so they were around
people, they're around kids whenthey go to children's church.
(34:57):
Um, you're our neighborhood.
These guys play with all thekids in the neighborhood, they
are not locked up in the house,sheltered away from the
neighborhood kids.
They have their friends.
We go to lunch with our withour neighbors across the street,
and our kids play together.
I think this is coming to menow.
It's like I think your childrenare as social as you are.
If you stay locked up in thehouse and that's the only option
(35:18):
they have, then what do youthink is gonna happen, right?
But you can get them intosports.
Our boys did martial arts, theydid swimming.
They didn't really make a lotof friends at swimming because
that's just a differentstructure.
You're really in and out, it'sa little chaotic.
But martial arts, they theywere doing martial arts, we're
getting ready to put them intotennis.
And y'all, do you know what Ifound?
The sport, so like with martialarts and with the tennis uh
(35:39):
club that I just found, theyhave special homeschool classes.
And it's not to again isolatethe kids or make it be like this
specialty thing, but it'sactually because usually those
classes are a little earlier inthe day because homeschool, you
can kind of structure and havethat flexibility, but these guys
also got to meet other kids whowere homeschooled to see, like,
oh, we're not the only ones.
(36:00):
And the homeschool class waspacked, like it was.
I was like, Oh, it's gonna belike five kids in here.
No, it's it's a packed class.
I had parents, you know, thatwere that became my friends that
I would say friends loosely,like acquaintances, people that
I could talk to when I came toclass, okay?
People whose lives I got toknow more about and just be
around.
And so, yeah, you you find thatthey that they end up having
(36:20):
these homeschool options.
The tennis club, same thing,which just looking them up, they
have a whole homeschool classfor them.
And so you can absolutely buildthis social life and you can do
it intentionally.
So, yes, the the social aspectof it again is a it's all about
what you do, what you canafford, what you can get them
into, but you can take your kidsto the park for free.
You can, again, if you'rereligious, you you go to where
(36:44):
whatever that looks like foryou.
If you have neighbors, you getto know your neighbors, you have
family, right?
You keep them talking, you keepthem active.
That's on you.
I don't think that's somethingthat has to happen because
they're homeschooled.
Um, the I I don't have patienceargument.
Patience is built, not given.
You grow into this.
I told y'all my patience waszero when I started this.
It was if Johnny had fiveapples, boy, and don't you say
(37:05):
four.
It was very much that.
But I have come to understandthem.
I get to learn them, I get toask questions.
I've learned to ask themquestions because I know far
more than they know, so it makessense to me, but they're just
now learning this.
So I have to start askingKhalel, what do you hear me
saying?
Or what do you hear these andlike what do you understand
(37:26):
these instructions to be saying?
And I then I'm like, oh, okay,there's a gap.
Okay, then I can help.
And so, yes, that patiencecomes over time, but you have to
give yourself a chance.
You cannot just say you don'thave patience and you never
really try to see.
And also, as we talked abouthere in Benevenus, you can grow.
Stop thinking that you cannotchange.
I don't know why we get sobogged down into these
(37:48):
ideologies about ourselves, intothese like value things about
ourselves without ever givingourselves a chance to fly,
essentially.
Um, and then the other argumentthat I mentioned earlier or
assumption is that the I can'tteach.
Well, I just told y'all, youdon't have to create the
curriculum.
That's what platforms likeEnlighten are for.
And I will say that there arelots of homeschool curriculum
(38:09):
out there, and it gets hard tochoose.
I I have looked at some of theother curriculums.
I do not like them.
I'm not gonna say them, but ifyou want to talk about it, we
can.
I don't like them because a lotof times they are not as
thorough as like an Enlightenis, where you have like
Enlightenment has a principal,they have a coordinator for each
grade, they have so manyresources, and like I was
(38:31):
saying, your children can go upto live instruction where they
actually have teachers who doteach live, so it's kind of like
how COVID was you're watchingvirtually.
That is a different kind ofeducation and curriculum than
what you're getting from some ofthe other ones, and that's just
kind of a fact.
Well, also what I love aboutEnlighten's curriculum is it's
old school.
Okay, it's so old school thatthe the little the little videos
(38:56):
that they give you to previewwhat your child is doing,
they're still called momsminutes because you know moms
were the homeschool ones, right?
And I love it.
That doesn't bother me becausewe we know it doesn't have to be
that way, and we know theydidn't mean any harm by it.
It's just naturally kind ofusually who the homeschool
parent is, right?
But I say that because wewanted uh not traditional, we
just we wanted them to belearning the style of kind of
(39:19):
more similar to what we learnedor what we know to be true.
Just because people havechanged the curriculum to fit
today doesn't mean that it'sworking.
Also, my son is doing cursive.
I know there's a big thingabout that now that they took
cursive out and they're puttingit back.
There's no question that hewasn't gonna learn cursive
through their through theircurriculum, like at all.
So you just have to understandwhat you're looking for.
(39:42):
This may not work for you,their curriculum may not work
for you.
But if your argument is thatyou can't teach, that's just not
a fair one because thecurriculum really gives you all
that you need.
It's a blueprint, everything.
Okay.
The honest truth is that thehardest part isn't the logistics
of it all.
It's deciding that yourchildren's formation is your job
(40:04):
and not someone else's.
Because once you make thatdecision, then the rest becomes
solvable.
That's it.
You decide that you know what,like we did, I want to, I want
to watch my child's growth.
I want to, I want to be therefor those those milestones and
those steps.
Not only do I get to learnabout my children's education,
(40:24):
but I get to learn about theircharacter, their values.
I get to see red flags and belike, okay, this could turn into
something as an adult if Idon't help him nip it.
It doesn't mean that I cansolve everything for them and I
can't call everything out.
I just have to, as a parent, Iget to notice it, I get to know
what's there and I get to payattention instead of, like I
(40:45):
said earlier, blinking and I'mlike, who is that kid?
I don't know him.
It's like, no, I I I seen thatcoming.
Yeah.
I see the people pleaser in myoldest son.
He gets that from me, okay?
And that and that's somethingthat I can help him with and
kind of guide him with and coachhim through when he's old
enough to understand and whenhe's ready for those
conversations.
And again, y'all, like I knowthis isn't for everyone, but the
(41:07):
conviction might be.
And I want to be really clearthat I'm not here to make you
feel guilty about how you'reschooling your kids.
You have to do what you canwith what you have, and I
understand that.
But for those of you who'vebeen feeling something, a pool,
a discomfort, a sense thatsomething isn't quite right, I
don't want you to dismiss that.
(41:27):
That conviction is there for areason.
The people asking me abouthomeschool, that feeling is
there for a reason.
You don't have to homeschool,right?
But you do have to do somethingwith what you're feeling.
Speak directly to it, call itout, do something with it,
right?
My heart breaks at all thestories of my friends whose
children are in school beingactively bullied.
(41:50):
And they go up to fight theseschools and they go up to fight
these teachers, not physicallyfight, but just, you know, like
fight the system and say, like,why aren't you there for my
child?
And look what you're lettinghappen to my child.
And honestly, again, it's it'sreally not, that's not their
job.
It is the reason why kids wereable to get away with so many
fights in middle school is thata lot of times school is more
(42:12):
reactionary than it ispreventative.
And so you would hear thewhispers in middle school about
who was planning this fight andwho was planning this fight.
We all knew somebody was gonnafight.
The administrators might nothave known, but even if they
did, they cannot act until it'sactually happening.
So they don't step in to say,hey, you guys, let's let's
smooth this out.
They only step in when thefight is actually happening.
(42:32):
And you as a parent, you get tobe proactive and not reactive.
You get to help your childrenand guide them before the
problems flourish or manifestitself.
I have talked to kids that Iknow, not like random kids, but
like kids that I know, and I'masking how's school going, and
they're like, I don't likeschool.
I don't want to be there.
A lot of girls are like this.
(42:52):
I don't want to be there.
Like I was like, you know, andthey're like, Oh, I would, I
would love to be homeschooled.
But the parent isn't willing.
The parent has all of theseexcuses, right?
You but they're also saying atthe same time, I don't like how
they treat my baby.
I don't like what they'redoing, they don't listen, they
don't care.
I'm going up there, they're nottaking it seriously.
Kids are dying, kids are, yeah,they they're not though.
(43:14):
And honestly, how can they?
They don't have the sameconnection to your child that
you had.
Mothers carrying your child fornine months.
No one's gonna have that sameconnection and that care for
your child like you can and youdo.
And that's why I'm saying it'snot about homeschool, it's about
this bigger picture that if youhave that conviction and that
discomfort, you have to dosomething about it.
(43:35):
You can't just ignore it andlet it go.
And you can't let your childrenbe the target for something
that they don't have to be.
You don't need to try to provethe whole education system is
corrupt by pushing your babythrough a school where they're
being tormented and bulliedevery day.
Do you know what that's doingto our children's mental health?
(43:55):
Do you know what that's doingto our girls' self esteem?
They are seeing themselves.
And you can look up all thestats so differently, not just
from being in the school, butfrom social media, from phones,
from all these things that arehappening.
And so for me, again, our kidsmay go to school one day, but
this foundation, I hope that Iset a good foundation for who
they are so that when they do gointo school, they know that
(44:16):
they don't have to carry oneverything.
When they do go into school,they know that they can come
back and talk to mom and dadabout whatever is happening.
When they do go to school, theyget bullied, they know how to
stick up for themselves.
What I what I really want youto walk away with and the heart
of this is that I wanted to knowmy children.
I wanted to learn them, Iwanted to help shape them,
(44:38):
especially in these pivotalyears.
I don't fault my parents.
They they were both working,they're putting food on the
table, they're doing the bestthat they can with what they've
been given.
Right?
Um But I could have beennurtured differently, I could
have been cared for differently.
I I think I would have lovedand excelled at homeschool to
(45:02):
know that I could be good atmath, and I could be good at
science, and I can be good atbiology and chemistry and these
things that I wanted to do, butI'm adopting all these
mentalities because it's almostnot cool to even be good.
In school, it wasn't cool toraise your hand and ask
questions.
It wasn't cool to, you know, uhbe the nerd, right?
Like all of these things.
It it's not cute when I lookback at my childhood and I'm so
(45:26):
self-conscious about my weightand my appearance because the
boys are making me feel that wayand the girls were no better.
I don't look back fondly andsay, yeah, I'm a better person
because I got bullied, or I'm abetter person because I, you
know, was exposed to all ofthis, you know, sexual uh talk
and activity like that was goingon from elementary school to
high school.
(45:46):
This opportunity that I have issomething that I do not take
lightly.
And I hope you guys hear thatand hear my heart in that.
I didn't want to send my kidssomewhere for eight to nine
hours a day and never reallyknow how they're learning or who
they're becoming.
My responsibility as a parentisn't just to keep them alive
and fed, but it's to raisepeople with values, with work
(46:08):
ethic, with strong beliefs, witha solid foundation, with uh,
what did I already sayprinciples?
Like, it's not just parentingthem for the 18 years that
they're gonna be in my house andthen to watch them become an
adult and be like, why are youmaking those choices?
That's crazy.
Like, no, at some point as aparent, I'll have to look in the
mirror and say, Well, did I gowrong somewhere?
(46:30):
Was I doing everything that Ican to help shape and mold them?
I'm raising boys who will beadults one day, and that work
starts at home.
I also have four boys, so Iimagine them being husbands and
leaders and uh fathers.
That work starts now whenthey're five and two and one,
(46:51):
and I've always believed that.
It starts now, it doesn't waituntil they become 18.
It starts now and it starts athome.
And our blueprint for thisepisode is that no contractor
outsources the foundation of thejob and then wonders why the
house doesn't hold.
You can bring in experts,plumbers, electricians,
specialists, but you still haveto know what's being built and
(47:14):
why.
You don't just hand over theassignment to the plumber and
say, here, go do what you want.
You have a vision, you have anidea for what you want.
The school is thesubcontractor.
You are the general contractor,and that's always been true.
Subcontractors, they can help,but you set the vision, you
approve the plans, and you arethe one responsible for what
(47:34):
gets built.
Don't hand someone else theblueprint and then be surprised
when the house doesn't look likewhat you imagined.
So here are the questions orthe takeaways that I'm gonna
leave you with, but uh, butwe're gonna do three questions
this time.
First is, do you know what'sbeing built in your child's life
right now?
Academically, socially,spiritually.
Number two is are you reactingto who your child is becoming or
(47:58):
are you actively shaping it?
And on this one, I want topause right quick because we
seem to have this problem inAmerica with arranging our
children's lives.
I understand certain things arenot rooted in the best habits,
but when you take the generalidea of what parents were trying
to do in other countries andother cultures, it's expected
because you as a parent arepaying attention, but you're
(48:19):
also seemingly trying to leadyour child to a better life.
I know that, you know, theimmigrant children now or
children of immigrants now arekind of complaining and oh, my
mom wouldn't be a lawyer andthey wanted me to be a doctor,
but I wouldn't be a painter.
And I'm like, do you know howmuch I wish my mama or daddy
would have said be a doctor?
You know how much I wishsomeone at in black church would
have said, you can go on and bea lawyer instead of a preacher?
(48:41):
Like, what?
I I mean, I think when we startto, again, we're asking
different questions this season,when we see it in a different
way.
I should know my childrenbetter than then, than they know
themselves at a point in theirlife, right?
I'm also trying to get mychildren to be better than me.
Just the idea of arranging yourchild's life, seeing what
they're capable of, knowingwhat's a good job for them.
(49:03):
We seem to have that problem,but a lot of that is I want you
to be better than me.
We have an idea of whatprofessions our children should
have, like our boys should have.
None of them are anythingthat's like, well, what we're
doing.
Everything is what we're like,wow, you can be an engineer
because you because you likepatterns.
Wow, you can be a pediatricianbecause you like people and you
(49:23):
like caring for people andyou're so loving, right?
And we also know that they havethe capability to do it.
I would much rather my parentshave said you can be a doctor or
a lawyer, and then I know, wow,they believe that I can do it.
The math, the science, the hardwork, the long nights, the
grind of it, right?
Than to be like, oh, you couldbe a church secretary.
(49:43):
Who wants to hear that, right?
And I'm not, I'm not, I mean,hear me, guys.
I'm not saying there's anythingwrong with that because my
mother was a secretary and Iabsolutely love what she did.
So there's nothing wrong withit.
It's this idea that if we passoff the betterment to our
children, there's nothing wrongwith that.
So when I'm asking thatquestion, are you just reacting
to who your child is becoming,or are you actively shaping it?
(50:05):
Know that there is nothingwrong with helping to shape your
child's life.
Now, if they go a differentdirection, they do different
things, that happens, right?
It's not saying that you haveto stop loving them or being
their parent because they didn'tdo your program or your plan,
but it is to say that if I'mpaying attention to my child, if
I'm paying attention to theirhabits, their skills, the things
that they're able to do or notable to do, and I know more
(50:28):
about the professional world andwhat they're able to get a hold
of, I can guide them.
Instead of me and my husbandhaving to like trip along our
way and I'm filling out fastfood forms and don't know what
I'm doing.
I'm choosing a major based onsomething that's not really
gonna be lucrative in my future.
I'm going to get my master'snot knowing that's not a good
idea.
I'm going into it's like, no.
I'd rather do the research.
(50:49):
And this goes back to us asparents is we have to be
renovating our souls.
We have to be doing checks andbalances.
We have to make sure that we'rein a good place so that we can
pass those values and principlesand experiences off to our
children in a healthy way,right?
Um, next question, thirdquestion, and we're almost out
of here, is that what is onething I can take back ownership
of this week?
(51:09):
And that's with your family,with your children.
I'd also add on that thatconviction that you may be
feeling, that feeling that youhave that something's not right,
follow it.
Ask it.
Just just add, just, just, justlean into it a little bit and
see what you find.
So if you want to talk moreabout homeschool or hear more of
(51:30):
my journey or just have generalquestions about anything I
said, please reach out to meagain via email or social media.
Homeschool is one of myfavorite topics because I love
debunking all of the things andI love showing like people who
know my kids, they're like, ohmy gosh, they're they talk well,
they're doing well, they'redoing amazing, so they're not
socially weird.
Uh, you know, they still getexposed to things because you
have the neighborhood kids, butthey usually come back and we
(51:52):
can talk about it, we can havethose conversations, and that's
all I'm really saying.
It's like it's the effort, it'sthe time, it's the value.
What does it mean to you?
What do your children mean toyou?
What do their futures mean toyou?
I think those are questionsthat are worth asking and worth
exploring.
So I hope this episode sitswell with you all.
Again, please reach out.
Don't sit on there and bejudging me.
(52:13):
Just reach out.
If I said something you didn'tlike, reach out, it's not gonna
hurt my feelings.
Just reach out, let's have aconversation.
Really, let's do that.
Um, so yeah, until next time,let's keep doing the work to
renovate the soul.
When I'm homeschooling and when we're with our
children, we get to nurture themin a way that is so special and
so intentional for parents.
Nobody is going to care for mychildren the way that I will.
And that's not cynical.
That's just true.
We've only been painted onepicture or one idea of what
homeschool is.
The honest truth is that thehardest part isn't the logistics
(00:24):
of it all.
It's deciding that yourchildren's formation is your job
and not someone else's.
Because once you make thatdecision, then the rest becomes
solvable.
I'm raising boys who will beadults one day.
And that work starts at home.
Welcome to Renovating the Soul.
(00:44):
I'm your host, AlexandriaRobinson, and this is a podcast
about the real unglamorous workof becoming.
The work that actually requiressomething from you.
Hard questions, honest answers,and the willingness to look at
the foundation you were handedand decide what you want to
build on it.
That's what we do here.
So wherever you're coming fromtoday, I'm glad you're in it
(01:07):
with me.
Let's get into today'sconversation.
I have shared with you all thatseason three, The Messy Middle,
is going to start off with somepretty personal topics and like
life experiences.
And today's episode is nodifferent.
Today we're going to be talkingabout homeschool.
It's something that my familyhas been doing since my boys
(01:30):
were were little, or my oldestwas in kindergarten.
And it's a topic thatconsistently comes up in my
conversations with friends.
And it is something that peoplehave asked me for.
So that is why we're doing thistoday.
It may seem like it doesn't fittheir innovating theme, but it
does.
And even if it doesn't, like Iexplained, these first few
(01:51):
episodes are to help you allwith like the past year of my
life to share some things andsome value systems that are most
important to us.
And so that's what we're goingto be talking about.
I want to be clear that today'sepisode about homeschooling is
not to shame people who cannotdo it.
It's not to be pro-homeschool,like I feel like it's the only
way.
(02:11):
It's really to discuss ourperspective, what we've gotten
from it and our belief systemand why we do value it.
And it is also to help all ofmy friends and um and strangers
even who have asked about ourhomeschool experience.
So I hope you all are excitedfor today's episode.
Let's get into it.
So first, let's get some of theassumptions out of the way.
(02:33):
If you've been around andyou're like me, like you've
heard these assumptions thathomeschool kids are weird, that
it's for religious cult people.
Um, I also heard people say,like, I don't have patience, or
I can't teach my kids, or Idon't have the time.
And we're gonna talk aboutthese in more detail as we go
on.
But our reason had nothing todo with religious ideology or
(02:55):
thinking that our kids were, youknow, better than anyone
else's, or, you know, wanting toshelter them from life.
No, it came from wanting toknow our children deeply and to
be a part of their education andtheir learning in a real and
meaningful way.
My husband and I, we are bothpublic school babies through and
(03:15):
through, all the way throughfrom daycare to high school.
We are public school kids.
We've seen the best and we'veseen the worst that it has to
offer.
And for both of us, we wishthat our talents and our skills
had been nurtured more.
Because let's face it, everyteacher we had did not have the
capacity to see somethingspecial in us.
(03:35):
Those moments happened, butthey were far and few between.
There's so much going on in oureducation system today that is
even different from when we wereyounger.
And those are realities that wehad to acknowledge.
And when I'm homeschooling andwhen we're with our children, we
get to nurture them in a waythat is so special and so
(03:56):
intentional for parents.
And when I say that this isintentional for parents, I have
an idea of this original design,how things were supposed to be,
right?
So parents rear their childrenat home.
You build the foundation, yougive them the values, the
principles, the lessons.
You're you're training them.
You're you're literallyparenting them.
You're giving them the yesesand the no's, the ebbs and the
(04:19):
flows.
You're paying attention totheir character, who they're
shaping up to be, things that bethat could become red flags as
an adult.
You're trying to make them whatshould be an honorable and
respectful and responsibleadult.
You're not training them to bea child forever.
But what's actually happeningand has been happening for a
(04:39):
long time is that parents areoutsourcing their rearing to
teachers.
And then you're blaming theteachers when things go wrong.
It's been happening since I waslittle.
Now, the teachers' job is toeducate.
The teachers are supposed to beexperts in their fields of
whether it's kindergarten, whatdo you what do they need to
learn?
Their colors, how to read, howto write, how to talk,
(05:03):
seemingly, right?
Like that's what you're relyingon the teachers for.
They are experts, they areimportant.
They're supposed to do the mathand the English and the things
that they went to school for togive back to their children.
But what's happening is thatwhen they have to do both the
rearing and the teaching,something's gonna be off
balance.
And when you think about itthis way, teachers are seemingly
(05:25):
strangers.
You might build a relationshipeventually, but that doesn't
replace what a parent's roleshould be.
They don't necessarily sharethe same values and principles
that you as a family or that youas a parent hold.
And so then you have theseenvironments, right?
So we're talking about thisoriginal design, okay?
You have the the parents rearthe children at home, then they
(05:48):
send the children to school forthe education while the parents
are intricately andintentionally involved in every
aspect of what that looks like.
What I've seen that oftenhappens is even when you are
doing that and you go to school,when other children come into
school without that foundation,it doesn't just affect them, it
disrupts the kids who are readyto learn.
(06:09):
It disrupts the learningprocess because, and I have
friends who are teachers.
I've I and I'll talk about myexperience with education a
little bit later, but you'reyou're taking 20 to 30 children
and you're putting them in thisclassroom and you're expecting
one, two, or even three peopleto be able to handle not only
the education, but thediscipline and the training, and
(06:33):
again, the rearing.
And this is not about shamingparents who are doing their best
with what they have.
Hear me, I'm not shaming atall.
I told y'all a lot of peoplehave been asking me about
homeschool, so I'm just tryingto fulfill your desires.
But it is a call to be honest,though.
There's a difference betweencan't and won't.
And a lot of what gets calledcan't is actually, I haven't
(06:55):
decided that this is urgentenough yet.
This is really a convictionpush.
This is really to for thosepeople who have that desire,
they notice that something's offwith the school or the
education system with wherethey're at.
They want to do more.
Again, every time I've not metone person who hasn't been
interested in homeschoolingtheir kids.
(07:16):
They just won't do it or can'tdo it.
And I would say it's more of awon't do it because of some of
the assumptions or the thingsthat I mentioned earlier.
Social life, um, no patience,uh, I need my space or my break,
or you have to see them 24-7,all of these things.
So then you decide that's whereit comes down to this idea that
it's not urgent enough.
The result, and I would sayit's the unfortunate result, is
(07:38):
that you blink and you don'trecognize your child.
And it's not because somethingwent wrong, but it's because you
weren't the one doing theraising the school system was.
This for us, for Quincy and I,it did not start when we had
kids.
Quincy and I met in highschool.
We've been talking abouthomeschooling our kids.
Like before we even talkedabout being married to each
other, we separately had thisidea that we wanted to
(08:01):
homeschool our children.
And I've struggled with that,even when I would say it then,
and I struggled with the idea ofhomeschool for the same
assumptions that I mentionedearlier, mainly like the
socially awkward that homeschoolkids are weird, until I met a
homeschool family.
Shout out to the princes, and Imet their girls, and I would
have never guessed that theywere homeschooled because they
were the most social butterfliesthat you could ever meet.
(08:25):
And I saw that and I thought,well, there's one of those
assumptions kind of taken away.
Um, and so I've struggled withthis idea of homeschool
throughout the years, but overtime I've become more sure and
more sure, and that's what Iwant to explain to you all kind
of how we came onto thisjourney.
I think our desire tohomeschool really came from our
own experiences in school.
(08:45):
And some of those things werebullying, exposure to violence,
uh sexual things outside of theclassroom, um, comparison, like
all of these things that washappening, right?
And so when we look atbullying, I told you guys in
season one, Skinny Girls GetBullied 2, how I was bullied in
high school for my weight.
And I was taken, you know, I'vetalked about the story where,
(09:07):
you know, the girl took my beltand she's swinging me around
because she finds out that Ihave like all these lubes in my
belt.
Now in elementary school, Iused to tell my parents, or I
used to tell my dad, all anybodythat was messing with me, my
dad would show up.
Okay.
He came to the school, he wouldwalk right past the office, go
straight up to the kid and say,You better leave my daughter
alone.
But in middle school, it's notcute to do that anymore.
Middle school introduced allthese different things and, you
(09:30):
know, trying to be the cool kidand trying to have the designer
things and all these things thatthese kids, you know, that that
kids bring your way and thatjust being in an environment
with so many different peoplefrom so many different
backgrounds will do.
And so in middle school, Inever went to my parents and
told them that I was gettingbullied for my weight, or I
didn't talk about the thingsthat I experienced in high
school, like physically, likebeing physically slapped by
other girls in school or beinglike pressed up against, like
(09:54):
bullied, literally, like, youknow, these these bullies.
Um, exposure to violence was abig one because there were
fights from middle school tohigh school all the time, y'all.
And the kids, we would walkfrom, so I used to have to walk
from the middle school, DemantMiddle School.
Okay, so if you know, you know.
Used to have to walk fromDimmitt middle school to home.
(10:16):
And on our way home, they wouldfight on the way home.
Because of course, if you fightat school, you would get in
trouble.
So what would they do?
Plan the fights.
A lot of fights were planned.
They would plan the fights andthey would fight from our school
going towards like the7-Eleven, you know, um, fighting
the library, fighting, like allof this exposure to violence.
And then you get to highschool, this one guy, he got
(10:38):
knocked out.
I'm talking about clear, justpunched, fell straight back.
Um, the another time in theclassroom was sitting there next
to the girl who was about toget beat up, didn't know this
was about to happen, but I'msitting next to her, still
remember their names, so I'mgonna try not to say names, but
she's sitting, I'm sitting nextto her, and I noticed the other
another girl, she's getting upand she's going to the pencil
sharpener.
And I'm noticing she's takingthe long way around, and I'm
(11:00):
like, that's so weird.
Like, why, you know, why shetake like why is she sharpening
her pencil?
Or sorry, why is she takingthis long route from sharpening
her pencil?
And she comes up to the girlnext to me, and she has the
pencil in her hand like this,and she's literally fighting her
with the pencil in her hand.
Like, what kind of cra andwe're in a classroom, we're not
even like where there's space.
So they're right next to me.
I have to jump up.
(11:21):
The teacher's like so caughtoff guard, he doesn't know what
to do, he's like frantic.
But like, what kind ofcraziness is that that like
you're taking the pencil to tryto fight this girl?
These are the this is theexposure to violence that I'm
referring to that I don't thinkwas necessary.
I don't think I needed to seeall of these fights, even if I
wasn't myself getting into them.
(11:41):
And then when you talk aboutsexual things, I was introduced
to, and we'll probably have toput an explicit filter on this
episode, but I was introduced toanal sex in fourth grade by
other people, other kids teasingone of the other girls.
And again, I'm trying not tosay names because I have a
really good memory.
I had a lot of friends, Iremember their names, but they
were teasing her about havinganal sex.
And that was something that Igot introduced to in elementary
(12:04):
school.
And again, I'm not going backto my parents and saying, guess
what I learned today?
And I don't know that they werenecessarily asking either, but
so I'm not talking about sexualeducation.
I didn't have any problem withsexual education or when like we
got to watch a birth and thingslike that.
You have to get consent, youknow, et cetera, et cetera.
But you're talking about theseconversations amongst kids and
things that people have told me,I'm keeping my children, my
(12:27):
children are missing out fromsomething by not getting some of
these experiences.
Even though they're not sayingthis part, when I have given
specific examples like this,I've had especially older people
be like, Well, that's just apart of being there.
And that's just a part.
And I'm like, I don't thinkthat my kid needs to get bullied
in order to to become a a goodperson.
Like, I don't think that heneeds to be exposed to certain
(12:49):
sexual things that should not betalked about or come from
students because in elementaryschool the students were
sexually active.
There are things that are moreappropriate for us to be
teaching than for them to beexposed to.
And and in the vein of peopletrying to tell me that my
children are gonna miss out oncertain experiences, my kids get
(13:10):
bullied and was getting bulliedand and still got problems with
the neighborhood bully.
We got a neighborhood bully.
He has, and I kid y'all not, hehas bullied every kid on our
block.
We have about five kids andanother one, like six of them.
He has literally bullied everykid on that block and he goes to
school with them, and I heardit's worse at school, but he uh
choked my second oldest, yes,when we first moved into this
(13:34):
neighborhood, and we had aconference confrontation with
him and his parents because wedon't play that, you're not
gonna physically touch mychildren, and you know, it's not
been that there, but stillthere's the verbal things,
there's the looks, there's atalking.
I've had to talk to this kidmultiple times.
And what happened though wasthat when my when this first
happened to my kids, they wereterrified.
Like they didn't know what todo, what to do.
(13:54):
We as parents got to be a partof that entire process.
Even for me, when Quincy wastelling me, like, you gotta,
there are certain things youdon't need to intervene on
because I'm definitely like, I'mgonna protect my child, but
they also have to learn how tostick up for themselves.
So that was a couple years agoto now flash forward when he was
out there bothering them theother day, they were sticking up
for themselves.
(14:14):
So I say that because people,like I said, people have
literally tried to say, you haveto, that like your kids are
gonna miss out on so much, butthey can experience so much just
by being in the regular world.
And for me, also part of myreason to homeschool is because
I've worked in the schoolsystems.
I thought I was gonna be ateacher, so I did the rent in
(14:34):
teacher academy.
I worked at an elementaryschool, I did volunteering at
elementary schools andpreparatory academies in
Atlanta.
And when you're in Atlanta, itis like a it's like you you were
focused more on behavior thanyou are on any education.
And they the kids had to callme Auntie Alex from plainly
putting it, like sexualizing me.
(14:55):
That the main teacher was like,no, we're gonna call her Auntie
Alex because she's not yourgirlfriend, she's not your wife.
Like you, you see what I'msaying?
So it's like the kids areexposed to things because of
home life, and then they bringon that into the classroom, and
then teachers then have to teachthese values and principles of
and boundaries of like, no, andI don't necessarily think that
that is the teacher's job fully.
(15:16):
It's going to happen, it'sgoing to come up, but it's not
the teacher's job fully.
I also say that becauseteachers themselves have their
own values, principles, ideas,ideologies that they bring into
the classroom with our children.
It used to kind of be differentwhere you don't, you don't
blend those things.
(15:36):
But by the time I was inschool, I was treated
differently by a teacher who washomosexual because he found out
I was a Christian, but I hadnever said, I've never done
anything to this teacher.
I had never, I don't even knowhow I found out like I was a
Christian.
Might have been like, you know,I was very Jesus Jesus back
then.
So maybe I said something ordid a presentation.
I don't know.
But he would treat all theChristian kids like we were just
(15:57):
the scum of the earth, and thenhe would bond like and
literally have like a littlefavorite bubble with other kids.
That's wrong.
Period.
Like you, the same way that Ishouldn't, you know, treat you a
certain way for your decisionsand your beliefs is the same way
you shouldn't do the same thingto me.
And that, especially me beingthe child.
You're the adult.
He acted more like he was thehomeboy than he was our teacher.
(16:17):
And so these experiences arevery real.
Nobody is going to care for mychildren the way that I will.
And that's not cynical.
That's that's just true.
And so we put our children intohomeschool.
And before we did that, wetried daycare, we tried pre-K at
two different private schools.
(16:38):
My with daycare, and this isnot really the point of this,
but you know, just to note it,my kids were sick all the time.
Just, I mean, with one of myboys had a UTI, which boys
typically don't get UTIs.
My oldest son had got pneumoniabecause they said that he was
so sick repeatedly that it justwould lie dormant.
It was never really going away.
(16:58):
That's how often the kids weresick at the daycare, and that it
developed pneumonia in him sobad that we thought he had a uh
appendicitis because he was theit it the pneumonia went like
down to his stomach.
My my second oldest son had afebrile seizure.
I didn't learn about this untilhe had it.
And it was because he had afever at the daycare, and the
(17:20):
daycare teacher did not notice.
It was a warm day, but there'sa difference between you're warm
and you're burning hot.
As a mother, as soon as I heldhim, I knew something was wrong.
And as soon as I went to go getthe thermometer, he has this
seizure in my arms, and I'm justlike crying and freaking out.
And thankfully, at that time,we lived in a basement apartment
(17:41):
and our landlords were an oldercouple.
They were grandparents andparents.
And so they recognized that hewas having a seizure.
They they helped us out.
We called 911 and then and thenthey explained, yeah, his
temperature was 104 or 105.
And, you know, the seizurewasn't dangerous.
He didn't keep having them.
They're like it's common, youknow, amongst kids that he was
only one, amongst kids his age.
But I'm just saying, like, thelack of neglect and care that
(18:04):
people have for their for otherpeople's children, and I don't
fault them for it because it'snot necessarily their
responsibility, but I'm justsaying that we've also tried to
fight against these likehomeschool desires to see can we
trust the people out there?
Can we trust the school system?
So they went, they've gonethrough daycares, they did um
private school at two differentprivate schools, and at the one,
(18:26):
so my oldest son at the privateschool that we put him in, it
was a test to see, okay, if hecan do pre-K, then he can go to
kindergarten because the costdoes increase.
Okay, so we're like, okay,we'll see how they do.
Pre-K was nothing but aglorified daycare.
The teacher was supposed to beone teacher for each room.
He had a teacher, a differentteacher, almost every other day.
And anybody that has childrenor anybody that works with
(18:48):
children knows they needconsistency.
His uh teacher was in and out.
Then we would show up forpickup and they were just
getting up for a nap.
They're not supposed to napthat long.
So I was like, I'm not gonnakeep paying for a glorified
daycare.
So we put him into homeschool.
He does kindergarten.
While he's in kindergarten, wetried pre-K for my second
oldest, and actually it was abrand new pre-K in Vancouver,
(19:09):
Washington, and it was reallygreat.
The issue became that thiswoman who started this school,
she wanted to do a balance ofeducation and play.
She was a tutor, she had thisidea, thought it was an
incredible idea.
And our biggest thing was wewant them to get the education.
We want them to be learningbecause we now know that they
are fully capable.
Something that wasn't alwaystold to us.
You wear these identities.
(19:30):
I'm bad at math, I'm bad atscience, I'm bad at test taking,
and no one ever challenges thatto tell you you're not born
good at it.
You have to just work hard todo it.
That's the values that we'retrying to instill in our
children.
So we know you're more thancapable.
So she had a great idea, greatphilosophy.
But what happened that shefound was that the other
children who were coming in withbehavior issues were taking so
(19:50):
much away from the kids thatcould sit down, from the kids
that could listen, from the kidsthat could raise their hand,
that it again became just kindof like another glorified
daycare that we were paying for.
So we take him out.
So we really did try.
That's what I'm trying to.
I I want people to understandthat we really did try.
Um, and it and we just kepthitting the wall.
(20:13):
And so we finally bit thebullet.
We put my oldest son intopreschool, and I knew a few
things.
And this is what I'm alwayspreaching about when I'm talking
to parents who are like, Idon't know how to find
curriculum, or I don't want todo this, or I don't want to do
that.
And I'm like, listen, I've Igot it for you.
You don't have to because Iknew that I did not want to
create the curriculum.
I also knew that I wantedstructure.
(20:34):
I didn't want it to just bewake up at whatever time, or,
you know, we were doing arts andcrafts all day.
Like, I actually want you tostay on track.
And I wanted an option so thatif they do go to school, they
would be again like on track or,you know, getting the getting
the fundamentals that they needfor whatever age or grade that
they're at.
I just happened to be scrollingon Instagram at the time I was
(20:57):
looking for homeschools, andthen Lytium Academy pops up.
And I see that they saidthey're an online, online
homeschool.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, Inever even thought about an
online homeschool.
This is very interesting.
And I go on the website and Isee that they have different
options for curriculum,different tiers and different
levels.
Um, and I I signed up for anopen house and the rest is
(21:20):
history.
And so one of the uh firstthings that I did was after
attending the open house, got myyou know, son registered
through in Lighttium, and I'mgonna talk about Lighttium.
This is not sponsored by themin any way.
I am not in partnership withthem.
They they can pay me if theywant, but I'm not in partnership
with them.
This is literally to help theones that have been asking me
about homeschool, and I'mtelling you what has worked for
(21:42):
us and what we found.
Um, and Lightum offered for thekindergarten age where we
started at two different typesof curriculum.
And they still offer this.
I think they took away the bookbased, so you'll have to kind
of do some research on thatbecause we're like we're in this
now, but there was a book basedcurriculum that you yourself
teach.
Or online, where it was videolessons or live instruction.
(22:03):
And the great thing aboutEnlighten them is that they went
from pre-K all the way up tohigh school and college prep.
They also will keep all therecords so that the boys ever
transition to in-person school,everything's documented and I
can show the school theirprogress.
They also give you the stateregulations and requirements.
So if there are state teststhat your children are required
to take, they will still takethose.
(22:24):
And they have um what cannotthink of the term, but they're
it's like a system where you cantrack your child's progress to
make sure that they're on trackwith the standards of that
grade.
So are they behind?
Are they ahead?
Are they right where they needto be?
So Enlighten does all of thatfor you.
I will note here that it is aChristian home online
(22:47):
homeschool.
They have a Christian lensthrough their curriculum.
So one of the required classesis Bible.
I will also tell you that wedon't agree with all of the
theology and everything thatthey believe, but it also
doesn't hinder the educationthat my children get.
But I say that because if youdon't necessarily want that, if
you don't want to have to coursecorrect, or you just don't want
(23:08):
to be affiliated with theschool that has that Christian
lens, then that would be yourpause or that would be your
concern.
But it doesn't get in the wayfor us because he still has to
learn how to get up, do yourwork, pay attention.
Those are skills that he has tocarry with him, no matter what
the class is, what thecurriculum is, those are skills
that he's gonna have to takewith him as an adult.
There's a parent app, so youcan get all the information on
(23:31):
the parent app, and I'll talk alittle bit more about my role
and what I do in a second.
But there's a parent app, theyalso have um like a student
body, so older kids could runfor student body president, vice
president, secretary.
They still have all of that.
They have Spirit Week, and soyou send your pictures in.
They have pep rallies, they'revirtual, you get on, they're
(23:52):
actually really fun, they playgames and they have them by age
so or by grades.
And so you're not dealing witheveryone, but you'll have it by
your grade depending on what itis.
They also have meetups incertain towns and areas so you
can actually physically meetother homeschool kids, but they
also have a map to show you howmany other homeschool kids are
(24:13):
in your area.
So if you ever want to reachout to someone on the parent app
or email, like you can reachout to them.
And so I'm saying that becausethey are functioning as this
online homeschool, but it's not,they're not trying to isolate
the kids, they're trying to makeit social, they're trying to
incorporate the things that youknow you would get if you went
to an in-person school down thestreet.
For the kindergarten for myoldest son, I taught the
(24:34):
curriculum myself.
I realized, I knew I was notmeant to be an elementary school
teacher.
I told y'all that I did a lotof stuff in education and I did
volunteer a lot in elementaryschool because it's like the
easiest ones to get into becausethose teachers need a lot of
help.
But I knew that I was not meantfor like kindergarten or first
grade, second grade.
(24:55):
I'm like a fourth grade, fifthgrade, middle school, high
school.
It was a lot of if Johnny hadfive apples energy in that in
that session, but we bothsurvived, okay?
We we each survived.
It was hard.
But I was amazed at how much weboth learned because you don't
realize how far away you arefrom kindergarten until you go
(25:16):
back in and you start having tolearn.
I literally would have toYouTube what sounds certain like
letters made because I'm like,I don't, I don't know.
I don't I don't remember this.
I just I just talked now.
Um, but it was great.
It was great for both of us.
It was hard on both of us, butI he was surprised at his
progress, and I was surprised athis progress and being able to
(25:37):
see it up close.
By the end of kindergarten, hewas counting to 100, he was
reading, he knew, you know, hisphonetic sounds.
I mean, just so much he waswriting, like there was so much
that he was doing at the end ofkindergarten, all based on, you
know, me teaching.
And I I was really proud oflike how well I was able to
teach him from the curriculumand to be able to help him.
(25:58):
But after that, we switched toonline so that they have uh
video lessons on their iPads.
And so they um we switchedonline for him.
So he did first, second, firstand second grade on online, and
then my youngest just didkindergarten online.
Now, I will tell y'all thereason why that I taught the
curriculum first was because weare not um screen time parents.
(26:22):
Our children don't havededicated iPads, they don't have
phones.
The screen time that they getis like they can watch TV and
movies, and we watch like afamily movie or family show.
We're going through the nannyright now.
It's one of our favorites rightnow.
So, like they have screen timein regards to that, but they
don't have like dedicated iPadsand things like that outside of
the ones that they use forschool.
So we were hesitant on doingthe online videos because we
(26:44):
didn't want Calel, our oldest,to start thinking like, you
know, this this is my iPad.
I got it, and it's it's neverbeen that.
They know that those iPads aremore associated with school than
they are with anything else.
Sure, have they watchedsomething on them before?
Absolutely, but it's just not adedicated practice.
And so that was our hesitation.
But then I told him, I'm like,well, I told Quincy, I said,
(27:05):
well, if they're watching TV, Ithink they'll be okay with a
little little with the iPad,like with the education part of
the videos.
And it's great.
It really is a classroomsetting that they're in.
These videos are pre-recorded.
They uh are going through thelesson, they're doing the um the
assignment, and they're it'sjust like being in the
(27:26):
classroom, right?
Except you're at home andyou're looking on the iPad.
Now, do they have to learneverything that you're going to
learn in school?
Absolutely.
They have to learn how to payattention, they have to learn
how to sit still, they have tolearn to regurgitate and be able
to say back what they'relearning.
All of those same things, it'sjust that I get to be there for
(27:47):
them and I get to do it withonly two kids instead of them
being in a room full of 20 whereit's easily neglected.
Now, on my end, as a parent,for all my parents out there, I
do more of the administrativestuff.
So you get your curriculum fromthe whichever one you choose,
and you have to organize itstill.
So I organize their curriculumweekly, but the great thing
(28:09):
about Enlightenment is that theygive me the calendar and the
schedule so I know whatassignments need to be done on
this day, what assignments needto be turned in for this week.
And that's kind of what I'mtaking care of.
They're extracurriculars, theyhave a fine arts requirement and
a PE requirement.
So they have to get 60 hours offine art that's dance, music,
(28:30):
art, etc., and 60 hours ofphysical education, which is,
you know, exactly what it soundslike.
So those things I have to keeptrack of.
I had they give you a GoogleSheets file, and you have to go
in there and you have to trackthat.
You have to take pictures toshow that they're doing it.
But if your kids are already inactivities, then you know, you
can you it's easy.
Those 60 hours are very easy.
(28:50):
And so, yeah, that's what Itake care of.
There is a cost, and you canbreak that down monthly.
They offer packages, and thepackages are really reasonable,
very, very reasonable.
Even with two children, I'mpaying less than what I was
paying when they were in theprivate homeschools, and I'm
getting more from thiscurriculum and from this
structure than I was over there.
(29:11):
The only thing that is anupfront cost is the actual
curriculum, and that can beanywhere from 500 bucks and on
up because I'm sorry, dependingon what class or what grade that
they're in, excuse me.
So kindergarten is gonna be alittle cheaper because you only
have like three classes toteach.
And mind you, when I didkindergarten for Khalil, I was
(29:33):
working full-time.
It was easier because he's onlygot Bible math and like phonics
and English.
I it was harder when he got tofirst grade to kind of help, but
that's why we also switched toonline classes so that he can
watch it because I didn't havethe time to be able to do teach
the teach him and all of thatwhen I was working full time.
So, and I forgot I forgot tomention that.
(29:54):
But your upfront cost is goingto be that curriculum, but you
have some time to get it.
I get mines early because and Iand we eat the cost because it
is so worth it.
Like you're you're getting allthe books that they need, you're
getting uh this the teacherbook.
They're going to give youeverything that you as the
parent need so you can go aheadof them.
(30:15):
You understand what they'regoing to be learning in that
class, you see what theassignment's going to be.
Like you don't have to guess.
And I don't have to interactwith the school.
I don't I have not had any badexperiences.
There are minor things thathave irritated me, but they're
not major things that the nextperson would probably even
notice.
I don't have to email them andbe like, y'all, dah-da-da.
(30:36):
I've I've barely interactedwith the school besides paying
my monthly costs and showing upto certain events.
They had a kindergartengraduation.
We went to that and otherthings.
I forgot to mention that theyalso have social clubs.
So my kids were a part of artclub and chess club, but they
also have like horseback riding,and I don't know how that
works, but I think theyhorseback ride separately and
(30:59):
then come together.
I don't know, but I know forthe art club, you meet, uh, I
think it's once a quarter.
I'm not sure if you're I thinkit's once a quarter.
You meet or once a month.
One of those two.
But you meet, you get your artproject, you do your art
project, you submit your artproject at the next meeting.
We talk about it.
Chess club, you practice, youcome together, you have a
(31:20):
tournament.
So that's how it was.
There's several other socialclubs that they have, but all of
that is available through,again, this homeschool.
And I'm hoping that you'rehearing homeschool in a
different way because I think alot of times homeschool is
passed off again, it's just likevery weird, very selective,
very isolated thing.
(31:41):
And it's not, it doesn't haveto be when you go through a
school like in Lytium.
I'm sure there are otherschools out there.
I've not done really researchbecause I don't plan on leaving
in Lytime.
My kids do want to go toin-person school, they'll
they'll be allowed to do thatmaybe middle school or high
school.
But for right now, we're prettyhappy with their foundation and
what they're getting.
I will also say that, you know,sometimes people are afraid of
(32:04):
the pushback that they're gonnaget from their family and
friends.
And I will tell y'all that whenwe first started this, our
family did not understand it.
All those things that I wastelling y'all are things that
have been said to me.
Your kids are gonna be weird,they're gonna lack social
skills, they're gonna fallbehind academically.
Um, I have family members thatare educators.
I had one, she went off on mebecause she just really believed
(32:27):
that we had gained so much fromthe public education system.
And when I was trying to tellher some of the objections, you
know, everything was kind ofbeing spun like it's good, it's
good, it's good for you.
Now she's old school, and I wastrying to tell her, like, girl,
school when you were teaching,I'm sure was totally different
than the school that these kidsgonna have to go in.
It's not the same, but it'shard to bring people into a time
(32:48):
that they're not familiar with.
Um, so a lot of my family areparents, and like just so many
things that people were tellingus, and we didn't buy into it.
Again, I already knewhomeschooled parents and
families, and I knew them girlsare just fine.
They're not weird, they don'tlack, they're going to college,
they're doing just fine, right?
And now nobody, I don't thinkthey think that.
(33:09):
And if they think it, theydon't say it.
They ask my kids all the time,how's school going?
What is, what are you learning?
And my mom, she was sosurprised to hear that you know,
Callel is in like six or sevenclasses, which I forgot to
mention that second and thirdgrade, or he just sorry, first
and second grade, his classesare Bible, math, English,
(33:29):
reading, spelling, handwriting,and then it alternates between
social studies and socialstudies and science.
So that's his day.
He starts at about nineo'clock, they eat breakfast at
eight when I get up, but theyeat breakfast at eight-ish.
Okay, and then uh 9 a.m.
they start, and he's doneanywhere between like two and
(33:52):
four, depending upon the day andhow much his workload has, or
if he, you know, takes too manybreaks, right?
Because they also get breaks.
So you get up five to tenminutes, you can go outside, you
can get a snack, you have lunchat noon, so you eat your lunch,
you can play also a little bit,get your outdoors time when the
weather is good here.
And so when my mom heard andshe was talking to Khalil about
all his classes when he got tofirst grade, they're just like,
(34:14):
whoa, like I didn't I didn'texpect it to be that way.
And it's no fault to thembecause I think that we've only
been painted one picture or oneidea of what homeschool is.
Now, the social question is themost common one.
Your kids are gonna be weird,they're gonna lack social.
If you met Khalel, he we callhim motor mouth may bale because
he never stops talking.
So the and he knows nostranger.
(34:35):
And on my little baby is two,he knows no stranger.
This guy goes up to people allthe time and he just is talking
to them or he's sitting withthem.
Like, so even for him being athome with us, it's like these
kids are social.
But if you are nervous aboutthat, here are ways to keep your
kids social.
First, for our kids, they werein church, so they were around
people, they're around kids whenthey go to children's church.
(34:57):
Um, you're our neighborhood.
These guys play with all thekids in the neighborhood, they
are not locked up in the house,sheltered away from the
neighborhood kids.
They have their friends.
We go to lunch with our withour neighbors across the street,
and our kids play together.
I think this is coming to menow.
It's like I think your childrenare as social as you are.
If you stay locked up in thehouse and that's the only option
(35:18):
they have, then what do youthink is gonna happen, right?
But you can get them intosports.
Our boys did martial arts, theydid swimming.
They didn't really make a lotof friends at swimming because
that's just a differentstructure.
You're really in and out, it'sa little chaotic.
But martial arts, they theywere doing martial arts, we're
getting ready to put them intotennis.
And y'all, do you know what Ifound?
The sport, so like with martialarts and with the tennis uh
(35:39):
club that I just found, theyhave special homeschool classes.
And it's not to again isolatethe kids or make it be like this
specialty thing, but it'sactually because usually those
classes are a little earlier inthe day because homeschool, you
can kind of structure and havethat flexibility, but these guys
also got to meet other kids whowere homeschooled to see, like,
oh, we're not the only ones.
(36:00):
And the homeschool class waspacked, like it was.
I was like, Oh, it's gonna belike five kids in here.
No, it's it's a packed class.
I had parents, you know, thatwere that became my friends that
I would say friends loosely,like acquaintances, people that
I could talk to when I came toclass, okay?
People whose lives I got toknow more about and just be
around.
And so, yeah, you you find thatthey that they end up having
(36:20):
these homeschool options.
The tennis club, same thing,which just looking them up, they
have a whole homeschool classfor them.
And so you can absolutely buildthis social life and you can do
it intentionally.
So, yes, the the social aspectof it again is a it's all about
what you do, what you canafford, what you can get them
into, but you can take your kidsto the park for free.
You can, again, if you'rereligious, you you go to where
(36:44):
whatever that looks like foryou.
If you have neighbors, you getto know your neighbors, you have
family, right?
You keep them talking, you keepthem active.
That's on you.
I don't think that's somethingthat has to happen because
they're homeschooled.
Um, the I I don't have patienceargument.
Patience is built, not given.
You grow into this.
I told y'all my patience waszero when I started this.
It was if Johnny had fiveapples, boy, and don't you say
(37:05):
four.
It was very much that.
But I have come to understandthem.
I get to learn them, I get toask questions.
I've learned to ask themquestions because I know far
more than they know, so it makessense to me, but they're just
now learning this.
So I have to start askingKhalel, what do you hear me
saying?
Or what do you hear these andlike what do you understand
(37:26):
these instructions to be saying?
And I then I'm like, oh, okay,there's a gap.
Okay, then I can help.
And so, yes, that patiencecomes over time, but you have to
give yourself a chance.
You cannot just say you don'thave patience and you never
really try to see.
And also, as we talked abouthere in Benevenus, you can grow.
Stop thinking that you cannotchange.
I don't know why we get sobogged down into these
(37:48):
ideologies about ourselves, intothese like value things about
ourselves without ever givingourselves a chance to fly,
essentially.
Um, and then the other argumentthat I mentioned earlier or
assumption is that the I can'tteach.
Well, I just told y'all, youdon't have to create the
curriculum.
That's what platforms likeEnlighten are for.
And I will say that there arelots of homeschool curriculum
(38:09):
out there, and it gets hard tochoose.
I I have looked at some of theother curriculums.
I do not like them.
I'm not gonna say them, but ifyou want to talk about it, we
can.
I don't like them because a lotof times they are not as
thorough as like an Enlightenis, where you have like
Enlightenment has a principal,they have a coordinator for each
grade, they have so manyresources, and like I was
(38:31):
saying, your children can go upto live instruction where they
actually have teachers who doteach live, so it's kind of like
how COVID was you're watchingvirtually.
That is a different kind ofeducation and curriculum than
what you're getting from some ofthe other ones, and that's just
kind of a fact.
Well, also what I love aboutEnlighten's curriculum is it's
old school.
Okay, it's so old school thatthe the little the little videos
(38:56):
that they give you to previewwhat your child is doing,
they're still called momsminutes because you know moms
were the homeschool ones, right?
And I love it.
That doesn't bother me becausewe we know it doesn't have to be
that way, and we know theydidn't mean any harm by it.
It's just naturally kind ofusually who the homeschool
parent is, right?
But I say that because wewanted uh not traditional, we
just we wanted them to belearning the style of kind of
(39:19):
more similar to what we learnedor what we know to be true.
Just because people havechanged the curriculum to fit
today doesn't mean that it'sworking.
Also, my son is doing cursive.
I know there's a big thingabout that now that they took
cursive out and they're puttingit back.
There's no question that hewasn't gonna learn cursive
through their through theircurriculum, like at all.
So you just have to understandwhat you're looking for.
(39:42):
This may not work for you,their curriculum may not work
for you.
But if your argument is thatyou can't teach, that's just not
a fair one because thecurriculum really gives you all
that you need.
It's a blueprint, everything.
Okay.
The honest truth is that thehardest part isn't the logistics
of it all.
It's deciding that yourchildren's formation is your job
(40:04):
and not someone else's.
Because once you make thatdecision, then the rest becomes
solvable.
That's it.
You decide that you know what,like we did, I want to, I want
to watch my child's growth.
I want to, I want to be therefor those those milestones and
those steps.
Not only do I get to learnabout my children's education,
(40:24):
but I get to learn about theircharacter, their values.
I get to see red flags and belike, okay, this could turn into
something as an adult if Idon't help him nip it.
It doesn't mean that I cansolve everything for them and I
can't call everything out.
I just have to, as a parent, Iget to notice it, I get to know
what's there and I get to payattention instead of, like I
(40:45):
said earlier, blinking and I'mlike, who is that kid?
I don't know him.
It's like, no, I I I seen thatcoming.
Yeah.
I see the people pleaser in myoldest son.
He gets that from me, okay?
And that and that's somethingthat I can help him with and
kind of guide him with and coachhim through when he's old
enough to understand and whenhe's ready for those
conversations.
And again, y'all, like I knowthis isn't for everyone, but the
(41:07):
conviction might be.
And I want to be really clearthat I'm not here to make you
feel guilty about how you'reschooling your kids.
You have to do what you canwith what you have, and I
understand that.
But for those of you who'vebeen feeling something, a pool,
a discomfort, a sense thatsomething isn't quite right, I
don't want you to dismiss that.
(41:27):
That conviction is there for areason.
The people asking me abouthomeschool, that feeling is
there for a reason.
You don't have to homeschool,right?
But you do have to do somethingwith what you're feeling.
Speak directly to it, call itout, do something with it,
right?
My heart breaks at all thestories of my friends whose
children are in school beingactively bullied.
(41:50):
And they go up to fight theseschools and they go up to fight
these teachers, not physicallyfight, but just, you know, like
fight the system and say, like,why aren't you there for my
child?
And look what you're lettinghappen to my child.
And honestly, again, it's it'sreally not, that's not their
job.
It is the reason why kids wereable to get away with so many
fights in middle school is thata lot of times school is more
(42:12):
reactionary than it ispreventative.
And so you would hear thewhispers in middle school about
who was planning this fight andwho was planning this fight.
We all knew somebody was gonnafight.
The administrators might nothave known, but even if they
did, they cannot act until it'sactually happening.
So they don't step in to say,hey, you guys, let's let's
smooth this out.
They only step in when thefight is actually happening.
(42:32):
And you as a parent, you get tobe proactive and not reactive.
You get to help your childrenand guide them before the
problems flourish or manifestitself.
I have talked to kids that Iknow, not like random kids, but
like kids that I know, and I'masking how's school going, and
they're like, I don't likeschool.
I don't want to be there.
A lot of girls are like this.
(42:52):
I don't want to be there.
Like I was like, you know, andthey're like, Oh, I would, I
would love to be homeschooled.
But the parent isn't willing.
The parent has all of theseexcuses, right?
You but they're also saying atthe same time, I don't like how
they treat my baby.
I don't like what they'redoing, they don't listen, they
don't care.
I'm going up there, they're nottaking it seriously.
Kids are dying, kids are, yeah,they they're not though.
(43:14):
And honestly, how can they?
They don't have the sameconnection to your child that
you had.
Mothers carrying your child fornine months.
No one's gonna have that sameconnection and that care for
your child like you can and youdo.
And that's why I'm saying it'snot about homeschool, it's about
this bigger picture that if youhave that conviction and that
discomfort, you have to dosomething about it.
(43:35):
You can't just ignore it andlet it go.
And you can't let your childrenbe the target for something
that they don't have to be.
You don't need to try to provethe whole education system is
corrupt by pushing your babythrough a school where they're
being tormented and bulliedevery day.
Do you know what that's doingto our children's mental health?
(43:55):
Do you know what that's doingto our girls' self esteem?
They are seeing themselves.
And you can look up all thestats so differently, not just
from being in the school, butfrom social media, from phones,
from all these things that arehappening.
And so for me, again, our kidsmay go to school one day, but
this foundation, I hope that Iset a good foundation for who
they are so that when they do gointo school, they know that
(44:16):
they don't have to carry oneverything.
When they do go into school,they know that they can come
back and talk to mom and dadabout whatever is happening.
When they do go to school, theyget bullied, they know how to
stick up for themselves.
What I what I really want youto walk away with and the heart
of this is that I wanted to knowmy children.
I wanted to learn them, Iwanted to help shape them,
(44:38):
especially in these pivotalyears.
I don't fault my parents.
They they were both working,they're putting food on the
table, they're doing the bestthat they can with what they've
been given.
Right?
Um But I could have beennurtured differently, I could
have been cared for differently.
I I think I would have lovedand excelled at homeschool to
(45:02):
know that I could be good atmath, and I could be good at
science, and I can be good atbiology and chemistry and these
things that I wanted to do, butI'm adopting all these
mentalities because it's almostnot cool to even be good.
In school, it wasn't cool toraise your hand and ask
questions.
It wasn't cool to, you know, uhbe the nerd, right?
Like all of these things.
It it's not cute when I lookback at my childhood and I'm so
(45:26):
self-conscious about my weightand my appearance because the
boys are making me feel that wayand the girls were no better.
I don't look back fondly andsay, yeah, I'm a better person
because I got bullied, or I'm abetter person because I, you
know, was exposed to all ofthis, you know, sexual uh talk
and activity like that was goingon from elementary school to
high school.
(45:46):
This opportunity that I have issomething that I do not take
lightly.
And I hope you guys hear thatand hear my heart in that.
I didn't want to send my kidssomewhere for eight to nine
hours a day and never reallyknow how they're learning or who
they're becoming.
My responsibility as a parentisn't just to keep them alive
and fed, but it's to raisepeople with values, with work
(46:08):
ethic, with strong beliefs, witha solid foundation, with uh,
what did I already sayprinciples?
Like, it's not just parentingthem for the 18 years that
they're gonna be in my house andthen to watch them become an
adult and be like, why are youmaking those choices?
That's crazy.
Like, no, at some point as aparent, I'll have to look in the
mirror and say, Well, did I gowrong somewhere?
(46:30):
Was I doing everything that Ican to help shape and mold them?
I'm raising boys who will beadults one day, and that work
starts at home.
I also have four boys, so Iimagine them being husbands and
leaders and uh fathers.
That work starts now whenthey're five and two and one,
(46:51):
and I've always believed that.
It starts now, it doesn't waituntil they become 18.
It starts now and it starts athome.
And our blueprint for thisepisode is that no contractor
outsources the foundation of thejob and then wonders why the
house doesn't hold.
You can bring in experts,plumbers, electricians,
specialists, but you still haveto know what's being built and
(47:14):
why.
You don't just hand over theassignment to the plumber and
say, here, go do what you want.
You have a vision, you have anidea for what you want.
The school is thesubcontractor.
You are the general contractor,and that's always been true.
Subcontractors, they can help,but you set the vision, you
approve the plans, and you arethe one responsible for what
(47:34):
gets built.
Don't hand someone else theblueprint and then be surprised
when the house doesn't look likewhat you imagined.
So here are the questions orthe takeaways that I'm gonna
leave you with, but uh, butwe're gonna do three questions
this time.
First is, do you know what'sbeing built in your child's life
right now?
Academically, socially,spiritually.
Number two is are you reactingto who your child is becoming or
(47:58):
are you actively shaping it?
And on this one, I want topause right quick because we
seem to have this problem inAmerica with arranging our
children's lives.
I understand certain things arenot rooted in the best habits,
but when you take the generalidea of what parents were trying
to do in other countries andother cultures, it's expected
because you as a parent arepaying attention, but you're
(48:19):
also seemingly trying to leadyour child to a better life.
I know that, you know, theimmigrant children now or
children of immigrants now arekind of complaining and oh, my
mom wouldn't be a lawyer andthey wanted me to be a doctor,
but I wouldn't be a painter.
And I'm like, do you know howmuch I wish my mama or daddy
would have said be a doctor?
You know how much I wishsomeone at in black church would
have said, you can go on and bea lawyer instead of a preacher?
(48:41):
Like, what?
I I mean, I think when we startto, again, we're asking
different questions this season,when we see it in a different
way.
I should know my childrenbetter than then, than they know
themselves at a point in theirlife, right?
I'm also trying to get mychildren to be better than me.
Just the idea of arranging yourchild's life, seeing what
they're capable of, knowingwhat's a good job for them.
(49:03):
We seem to have that problem,but a lot of that is I want you
to be better than me.
We have an idea of whatprofessions our children should
have, like our boys should have.
None of them are anythingthat's like, well, what we're
doing.
Everything is what we're like,wow, you can be an engineer
because you because you likepatterns.
Wow, you can be a pediatricianbecause you like people and you
(49:23):
like caring for people andyou're so loving, right?
And we also know that they havethe capability to do it.
I would much rather my parentshave said you can be a doctor or
a lawyer, and then I know, wow,they believe that I can do it.
The math, the science, the hardwork, the long nights, the
grind of it, right?
Than to be like, oh, you couldbe a church secretary.
(49:43):
Who wants to hear that, right?
And I'm not, I'm not, I mean,hear me, guys.
I'm not saying there's anythingwrong with that because my
mother was a secretary and Iabsolutely love what she did.
So there's nothing wrong withit.
It's this idea that if we passoff the betterment to our
children, there's nothing wrongwith that.
So when I'm asking thatquestion, are you just reacting
to who your child is becoming,or are you actively shaping it?
(50:05):
Know that there is nothingwrong with helping to shape your
child's life.
Now, if they go a differentdirection, they do different
things, that happens, right?
It's not saying that you haveto stop loving them or being
their parent because they didn'tdo your program or your plan,
but it is to say that if I'mpaying attention to my child, if
I'm paying attention to theirhabits, their skills, the things
that they're able to do or notable to do, and I know more
(50:28):
about the professional world andwhat they're able to get a hold
of, I can guide them.
Instead of me and my husbandhaving to like trip along our
way and I'm filling out fastfood forms and don't know what
I'm doing.
I'm choosing a major based onsomething that's not really
gonna be lucrative in my future.
I'm going to get my master'snot knowing that's not a good
idea.
I'm going into it's like, no.
I'd rather do the research.
(50:49):
And this goes back to us asparents is we have to be
renovating our souls.
We have to be doing checks andbalances.
We have to make sure that we'rein a good place so that we can
pass those values and principlesand experiences off to our
children in a healthy way,right?
Um, next question, thirdquestion, and we're almost out
of here, is that what is onething I can take back ownership
of this week?
(51:09):
And that's with your family,with your children.
I'd also add on that thatconviction that you may be
feeling, that feeling that youhave that something's not right,
follow it.
Ask it.
Just just add, just, just, justlean into it a little bit and
see what you find.
So if you want to talk moreabout homeschool or hear more of
(51:30):
my journey or just have generalquestions about anything I
said, please reach out to meagain via email or social media.
Homeschool is one of myfavorite topics because I love
debunking all of the things andI love showing like people who
know my kids, they're like, ohmy gosh, they're they talk well,
they're doing well, they'redoing amazing, so they're not
socially weird.
Uh, you know, they still getexposed to things because you
have the neighborhood kids, butthey usually come back and we
(51:52):
can talk about it, we can havethose conversations, and that's
all I'm really saying.
It's like it's the effort, it'sthe time, it's the value.
What does it mean to you?
What do your children mean toyou?
What do their futures mean toyou?
I think those are questionsthat are worth asking and worth
exploring.
So I hope this episode sitswell with you all.
Again, please reach out.
Don't sit on there and bejudging me.
(52:13):
Just reach out.
If I said something you didn'tlike, reach out, it's not gonna
hurt my feelings.
Just reach out, let's have aconversation.
Really, let's do that.
Um, so yeah, until next time,let's keep doing the work to
renovate the soul.
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