September 2, 2025 • 41 mins
So many high-achieving women quietly lean on a glass of wine to take the edge off, without realizing how much it chips away at their energy, clarity, and self-trust. In this conversation with transformation coach Silvia Subriana, we dive into the deeper truth about alcohol’s impact on stress, identity, and the pursuit of authentic living.
Silvia shares her own journey of redefining her relationship with alcohol and offers powerful insights on how releasing old coping patterns can open the door to resilience, freedom, and transformation. Together, we explore how to shift from numbing to nourishing, and what it really takes to live in alignment with your values—without reaching for the bottle.
If you’ve ever questioned the role alcohol plays in your life—or wondered what’s possible on the other side—this episode offers both honesty and hope.
Silvia Subirana is a clinical psychologist and the Head of Content Development at Unconscious Moderation, an innovative app designed to help users take control of their relationship with alcohol – but it's so much more than that! UM helps people discover greater meaning, happiness, and fulfillment in their lives so they can become a healthier version of themselves. To help users achieve this, the app integrates tools like hypnotherapy, journaling, readings, and many other exercises to support lasting change.
Connect with Silvia:
https://www.instagram.com/um_app_
✨ Sacred Boundaries: Scripts for Saying No with Love ✨
If you’ve ever felt the pressure to say “yes” when your whole body was begging you to say “no,” you’re not alone. So many high-achieving, heart-centered women struggle with guilt, fear of disappointing others, or worry that boundaries will push people away.
But the truth is: boundaries don’t break relationships—they strengthen them. 💛
That’s why I created Sacred Boundaries: Scripts for Saying No with Love. It’s a free guide filled with gentle, real-life scripts you can start using today to:
🌿 Protect your energy without guilt🌿 Say no in a way that feels kind and authentic🌿 Ask for what you need—without overexplaining🌿 Create space for deeper, more respectful connections
This isn’t about being harsh or distant. It’s about finally honoring your needs while still showing up with love.
👉 Download your free guide here: www.drkellykessler.com/sacredboundaries
Because your peace, your energy, and your voice matter.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Rewiring Health. If you're a high achieving woman
feeling trapped in the endless cycle of guilt and exhaustion
from always putting others first, then this is your
sanctuary. I'm Doctor Kelly Kessler, your
dedicated empowerment mentor, and I'm here to tell you that
it's time to reclaim your peace,health, and happiness.
(00:20):
Imagine waking up every day feeling energized and
unapologetically living for yourself.
Together, we'll break down the walls that have been holding you
back and unlock the vibrant, unstoppable force that you truly
are. It's time to put yourself first,
embrace your authentic self, andlive a life that's not just
endured, but celebrated. Now let's dive in.
(00:46):
Alcohol is so frequently used and advertised as something to
just take off the edge when you're feeling stressed.
It's something that you can havethat glass of wine at night and
just kind of ease yourself out of the day, but it can become a.
Very slippery. Slope as stress levels increase,
then that one glass of wine becomes 2, and then before you
(01:07):
know it, it becomes this normal routine.
And in this episode, I have Sylvia Subriana who will share
about alcohol as a coping mechanism, the shame and guilt
that can happen around it, and what our subconscious beliefs
are underneath it all that may be driving this behavior and how
we can start to release ourselves from that and actually
navigate stress at its root. Understand why we're feeling the
(01:31):
way we're feeling and how we canrelease ourselves from that and
live a life of more peace and harmony.
Sylvia Subriana is a clinical psychologist and the head of
Content Development at Unconscious Moderation, an
innovative app designed to help users take control of their
relationship with alcohol. But it's so much more than that.
(01:51):
UMM helps people discover greater meaning, happiness, and
fulfillment in their lives so they can become a healthier
version of themselves. To help users achieve this, the
app integrates tools like hypnotherapy, journaling,
reading, and many other exercises to support lasting
change. Sylvia shares so much value in
(02:12):
this episode in understanding ourselves better, understanding
stress and why alcohol has become such a common coping
mechanism for stress and what wecan do to really.
Release ourselves from it. All right, Welcome back to
another episode of Rebarring Health.
I'm so honored to have Sylvia Subrana on the podcast today.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you. I'm very excited to be here too.
(02:34):
Yes, this is going to be a topicthat I know is going to speak to
so many of us, you know, especially when we're working
hard and it's like sometimes youget home and it's like that
glass of wine that you reach forthat just seems so appealing to
like take off the edge. I can't tell you how many people
who have said that to me like I just need my glass of wine at
night, you know, just to. Take off the edge, but.
There's so much more that goes into that and so.
(02:57):
What I would love. To just start with is why do so
many people reach for alcohol, whether it's all the way.
Do you like? Alcoholism or just like a glass
of wine here or there? Why is alcohol become such a
coping mechanism for people? There are many reasons for that.
First one is that is very normalized.
You see it everywhere. We see it in like restaurants,
(03:20):
everyone or like most of the tables have a drink on the
table. We see it in obviously parties,
in bars, in every scenario possible, in barbecues, in even
workplaces sometimes we have like wine, right?
People close deals with wine or with beer or something like
that. So it is extremely normalized
(03:43):
in, we see it all the time, not only in our real lives, but also
in movies and series and stuff like that.
So we believe that it's just another tool, right?
That it's accessible. It's very, very accessible and
it's very normalized. And sometimes you're even the
weird one if you don't drink. So it is that level of, of
normalized, right? And that obviously plays a, a
(04:04):
huge role in it. But also it's a very good
numbing tool. So we think that we're dealing
with our stress or it's helping us wind down, as you said, but
in reality, it's not helping us.Yes, it's numbing our emotions.
So they're going away, but it's it's fake because you're numbing
(04:25):
them and they're going to come back sometimes even stronger
than before, because everything that goes like up goes down to
everything that goes to one sideand needs to go to the other,
right? So people keep using it as a
tool to wind down because yes, in the moment it feels great.
And we are very, we live very short lived, like we're, we look
(04:47):
very short term, right? So we're like, OK, this is going
to help me right now in the next, I don't know, half an
hour. So I won this.
And if we have to work on something that it might take, I
don't know, a Week, 2 weeks, a month, six months, we're like,
Oh no, this is too far away. I want it now.
We are in a world where we have everything now.
(05:10):
Amazon drops us passes in like 2hours if we want.
So. We need things right now and
obviously anything related to health, physical, mental,
anything needs time. We cannot get it done in a
second or like, like The thing is, and then it's done, right?
(05:31):
So that's why it's very, very difficult for people to
understand things take time and take patience and work, right.
So instead of just working on different tools that might be
healthy, they just reach out forthe easiest option and
accessible option because it's very, very accessible, as I was,
as I was saying before, and theyjust have that glass of wine or
(05:53):
two or the whole bottle. So that's what a lot of people
do. And, and I, I think that loads
of people don't realize the impact that that has in their
lives in general. Because that might be the reason
why the next day they're more irritable.
They have less patients with their kids, for example, or with
(06:13):
their partners or at work, right?
And why they feel like they theyhave a fog in their brain and
many many, many other things that actual like the alcohol
actually is impairing. Yeah, Oh my gosh, so, so
relatable and so true. And I, I've seen it so many
(06:34):
people I've worked with. And one aspect of that, you
know, is that like slippery slope, it becomes like one glass
and then, you know, the two and then the bottle.
Like you mentioned, one thing I've heard from so many women
I've worked with is like this aspect of shame.
Like they, they're in this pattern of drinking, but then
they also feel very shameful forit.
Like they don't, they recognize that they shouldn't be reaching
for the glass of wine, but yet they do.
Can you talk about that, how that contributes to it, where
(06:56):
we're feeling shameful for grabbing the glass of wine, but
yet we continue to do it and it just kind of spirals us?
Yeah, I believe as, as related to what I was saying before,
people don't have the tools because we don't, we don't spend
the time to actually work on those tools and have different
tools in our toolbox, right. So we reach for that glass of
(07:20):
wine or as many glasses of wine as people do.
And we feel bad because we know that that is actually not
helping us. And we're not, we're not
targeting or we're not addressing what is happening,
right? We're just numbing.
And a lot of people feel shameful about it because they
know that. However, they don't know how to
change it. They don't know what to do
(07:42):
instead of reaching for that glass of wine or that bottle of
wine, right? So.
I think that the the problem with shame is that it gets very
rooted to our self perception and our self esteem.
So there's this massive difference between guilt and
shame because guilt is more external and shame is more
(08:04):
internal. And what does that mean?
We live guilt in a not in a personal way.
Like for example, I've made a mistake and I say OK, I failed,
I did this wrong and I have to improve in this, this and that.
But as you notice, I'm not saying anything about me.
I'm just saying that I have failed, that I made a mistake
(08:25):
and that mistake is external from me.
But shame is very personal. Instead of saying I have failed,
I say I am a failure. Instead of saying I need to
improve, it says I am not enough.
I don't, I'm not enough to do this.
I am not capable enough. So.
When field can actually be a tool for us to grow and say OK I
(08:49):
need to improve in this shame actually make pushes deeper in
the hole right and makes us feeleven worse and worse and worse
about ourselves. So.
I think that making this differentiation for people is
key because when they realize what they're telling themselves,
like for example, I, I've, I'm stressed and I've dealt it with
(09:11):
wine, right? I had wine to numb my emotions
and to make myself feel better. Even though I know that it's not
going to help me. Eventually I failed or I did
this and I know that it's not going to help me and this blah,
blah, blah, there would be more guilt, but I'm a failure.
I cannot do this. I, I am the worst, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah. That is shame.
(09:31):
So targeting those that self talk and changing it little by
little, so changing the dialoguecan really help in people
understanding that they need to get out of that hole of blaming
themselves because no, they're doing the best they can with the
tools that they have. And right now, they might not
(09:53):
have any tools to address that stress apart from that wine.
So. The first step is to not put the
blame on themselves and say, OK,I make this mistake because I
don't have the tools. I am not the worst and a lot of
people are exactly the same position as me.
I am not a failure. I am just doing the best I can
(10:13):
with what I have. So changing little by little,
this idea and this dialogue thatyou have with yourself is key.
So then you can actually target that and say, OK, how can I
actually address that stress, that anxiety that all those
feelings that are becoming too much for me that are leading me
to actually drink? Yeah, absolutely.
(10:34):
That self compassion is so powerful and you approach it
from that of like, you know, howcan I do this through loving
myself rather than like beratingmyself for a choice I'm making.
I absolutely love that. Going off of that, can you talk
about willpower? Because lots of people be like,
I'm not going to do it. They'll set this goal, but then
like end up going back to the old patterns.
Can you talk about why willpoweris maybe not the best choice in
(10:56):
making long term changes? Willpower alone can only take
you so far because we as humans,when we grow up, we identify
different things from our lives and then we create different
patterns that our minds identifyas.
This is going to keep me safe. This is going to protect me.
(11:19):
And sometimes these patterns arevery helpful when you are a kid
and when you're adult. But then some patterns can be
helpful when you're a kid, but then when you grow up, they're
not helpful at all. And they make you feel stuck in
situations and they're not helping you get out of these
cycles, right. And you, you feel a lot of
people say, I feel like I keep live living my life on repeat,
(11:43):
only with different characters, right?
Like different people. But I keep having the same like
problems, the same mistakes and everything.
And I'm like, yes, because you're not breaking the pattern.
And when it comes to drinking alcohol, that is a huge, like,
that plays a huge role because again, if we deal with stress
(12:06):
with alcohol, maybe there's a pattern of, I don't know, at
home, we don't talk about our emotions.
We don't address this. I have to be overachieving.
I always have to be perfect, right?
There's this control, there's this perfection.
And that happens a lot in the people that you see, as you told
me before, and in the people that I see as well that I work
with. So.
(12:26):
This high achievement is this pattern and you're not getting
out of it because in order to behigh achieving, you need to wind
down at some point. And the way to wind down might
be that alcohol that you're thatyou're taking, right?
So. Realizing the pattern that
you're in is key to then make changes and start changing that
(12:49):
pattern and rewiring your brain little by little.
Because with willpower, it's very difficult to actually get
out of that pattern if you don'trealize what is going on and
what is the cycle that you're stuck in and that you keep
repeating, right? And I always say that realizing
your pattern and being aware of what you do, what you're, what
(13:13):
you're repeating in your life is50% of the work done knowing and
accepting that pattern because knowing about it and accepting
it can, can go play my hand, butnot or not always.
So accepting that you're doing that, even if it hurts to yeah,
to say yes, OK, I keep doing that because of this isn't that
it's 50% of the way done becausethen you're open to rewiring
(13:36):
your brain. You're open to shifting those
patterns into considering other options, but again, this takes
time and this takes a lot of self refraction and patience
because you have to look inwardsand yes, it can be very painful
and a lot of people can be very scared of doing that.
(13:56):
Yeah, 100%, yeah. I mean, change is very
difficult. It's, you know, are we, we're
wired to do the same thing over and over again, even if it's not
self-serving. So it can be really tough to to
go through that and overcome that resistance that we have
internally. And can you talk about that?
Like, you know, as far as the the app, where do you, where
does someone begin? Like, does that all part of the
(14:16):
app where you can start to dive into some of the subconscious
patterns that you're holding on to?
So basically the app is a 90 dayprogram.
And then in the 1st 30 days, we encourage people to not drink at
all to have that sort of reset, right?
And then on, on day 30, they will be able to choose if they
want to learn how to moderate their consumption or if they
(14:37):
want to completely quit during the rest of the challenge,
right, on the other 60 days. So they do 90 days of no
alcohol. And the way that we do that with
rewiring those, those subconscious patterns is we work
with the unconscious mind and wework with the conscious mind and
we do 30 minutes a day, 15 minutes of unconscious work and
(14:59):
15 minutes of conscious work. The, the way that we work with
the unconscious mind is through hypnotherapy.
And when I talk about this, a lot of people get scared and
they're like, Oh no, I've, I've seen like very weird things in
movies or in theaters where, I don't know, people swing a
pendant in front of someones face.
They cut their fingers and they start acting like a chicken.
(15:20):
That is not it. That is not how it works.
So in hymnotherapy in the type that we do is 15 minute audio.
So people put headphones in and then they just listen to this
voice. So it's very similar to
relaxation and meditation, breath work and stuff like that.
(15:40):
So first you listen to the voiceand it brings you to a deep
state of relaxation where all your worries dial down the
intensity. But again, you are conscious,
you are aware of what's going on.
So you never lose that consciousness.
And I think that for people thatdon't like losing control, that
(16:01):
is a good thing to say because yes, you're not going completely
numb and not realizing what you're doing.
You're actually aware of everything that you're listening
to. So in that deep state of
relaxation, the difference between meditation and
hymnotherapy is that in hymnotherapy we go into a deep
state of suggestion. So instead of associating stress
(16:26):
to wine, as we were saying before with that example, your
mind starts getting a bit open and knowing or understanding
there are more options to that. So next time you're stressed,
you might not automatically think about alcohol.
Maybe you'll think about callinga friend, or maybe you'll think
about going to the gym or playing with your kids or making
(16:48):
a cake or whatever you like doing, right?
But it just opens the mind. And yes, you might consider
alcohol as well, but it's not that automatic, right?
It's not that cause effect like I've stressed, then I eat
alcohol. You have more options and you
feel like you are more in control of what you can actually
choose and it doesn't control you, right?
(17:11):
So it's very powerful because ofthat.
And we don't realize that our minds are doing that because
it's, it's an unconscious work, right?
And only by us listening to those suggestions, our mind
understands that there are more options.
Because when we are centered in one thing, like for example, if
someone is obsessing about, as you were saying before, someone
(17:34):
drinks alcohol because they don't have any other tools to to
deal with stress. But then they feel ashamed that
they do that. They are centered, They're
centering the problem in alcohol.
So all they're thinking about isalcohol.
So their minds don't don't understand that that is not
something that they want to stopdoing that this one they don't
(17:57):
want to get rid of. But their minds are constantly
thinking about alcohol. They have the image, for
example, if I say now think of ayellow taxi, everyone has a
yellow taxi in their minds. And if I all the time I keep
saying yellow taxi, yellow taxi,yellow taxi, you are, you're
going to have that in your mind a lot.
Or for example, when you want tobuy a new car and then you like,
(18:22):
you say, OK, I like this model. Out of nowhere you start seeing
them everywhere. That is because your mind is
putting the attention in that. So if we put that attention in
alcohol, the only thing that we're going to be thinking of is
that alcohol. So going back to chemotherapy
really like dialing down that intensity in our thoughts in
(18:45):
alcohol and just bringing more options to the table can be
very, very helpful for people tosay, OK, I can relax because I
have more options. I don't depend on alcohol
exclusively to deal with that stress, right?
And then we combine this with conscious work, with journaling,
with reading and a little bit ofmovement, and it's also 15
(19:07):
minutes. And so then people can actually
understand their patterns and work in everything that we're
working with the unconscious mind that they might not realize
that is that they're working on,right?
So in the, in the journaling, for example, we put them in
different scenarios, in different situations where they
have to choose everything is correct.
Like there's no right or wrong answers.
(19:28):
If they're just different scenarios or different answers
that lead them to different things so that they can realize
what patterns they're using and they they're, they're stuck in.
So then they can address them aswell.
Because as we say, knowledge is power.
Knowing how you act and your triggers and your patterns and
(19:50):
all that can actually lead you to a massive change.
Yeah. And so power, empowering the
power of the mind when you can start to change those patterns
and then you just see the life through a different lens.
You see yourself through a different lens.
It's, it's so amazing how you can literally transform yourself
and in that process become a different person in that.
(20:10):
And through that, can you know, for someone who's listening and
they're like, you know, I have the occasional drink, but I just
enjoy it, You know, I, I find joy in it.
I don't know if I'm doing it forstress.
Like can you differentiate or kind of speak to that person?
Like, how do we know if this is something that we're using as a
coping mechanism and that the stress is bringing it about, or
if it's just someone who's like,I just like the taste of alcohol
(20:31):
and I just have it occasionally?So something that really works
and I, I always say, say to everyone that I help with and
that I work with and I help is stop yourself right before
ordering that drink and think why?
Where is this coming from? Is it coming from me wanting
(20:52):
that drink because I am in the mood for a drink and I haven't
had a drink in a while? That's completely fine.
I am never going to dominise alcohol.
I'm never going to blame anybodythat drinks alcohol and from
unconscious moderation, we don'tblame anybody because we
understand that people live their own lives right and and
people make their own choices. However, if that why comes from
(21:14):
I'm stressed and I'm just tryingto avoid what happened at work
or what happened at home or whatmany other things then that you
might be obviously numbing and you might need to reconsider how
you're using alcohol or if it's it can be for many other
reasons. It doesn't need to be that deep.
Sometimes we just want to feel included because everyone around
(21:36):
us has alcohol in their hand, like they have a glass of wine
or they have, I don't know, a cocktail or something like that.
And we just want to feel included because we don't want
to be the weird ones or, or sometimes there's just, I don't
know, you're in a hot day and you just want something
refreshing and you want that, I don't know, Mojito, you know?
So. There are many, many, many
(21:56):
reasons why and they don't need to be that deep like I am
dealing with, I don't know. So a situation that is very,
very hurtful and I'm using alcohol to distract me from it.
It can be very, very easy as I just want something refreshing.
But then when people actually realize the reason why they're
having that craving, most of thetimes they realize that it's not
(22:18):
because they're just in the moodfor that specific drink.
They just want something else. And when they change that, when
they, when they address that andthey, for example, if I want
something refreshing, I say, OK,instead of having a mojito and
have a virgin mojito. And then a lot of people say I
actually just wanted that freshness, right?
(22:39):
Or I actually just want it to feel included.
But if I have a mocktail in a fancy glass, then I already feel
included, right? So there are many, many options
out there that I always encourage people to try because
again, a lot of people don't want to have the talk of why are
you drinking, why are you not drinking?
(22:59):
Why this, are you sick, are you pregnant?
Especially for women, we are bombarded with these questions
and it is very annoying because sometimes you don't want to talk
about it. You just want people to leave
you alone, especially when you're surrounded by people that
are not probably your closest friends.
Because with your closest friends, maybe you can talk
about this. But with random people or with
(23:21):
like, I don't know, Co workers or stuff like that.
Like you just don't want to talkto them about it.
So having that alternative that is non alcoholic but they can
make you feel included might actually solve all the issue and
you are just happy and it's giving you exactly what you
need, which is that feeling of being included, that freshness
(23:43):
and many, many different things that you might be craving.
Yeah. And it's so nice that there are
so many more options because it is like those assumptions that
other people make and explanations and it becomes just
like such an effort sometimes just when you're making a
healthier choice for yourself. But yeah, there is something
around alcohol where you always have to explain yourself if
you're not the one drinking, which is it's so societally
(24:03):
driven. It's it's crazy.
Yeah. And can you talk about like for
someone who, you know, maybe used alcohol as a coping
mechanism, dealt with stress with that, and then they went
through that 30 days even without alcohol.
Can you talk about their experience from like what
they're experiencing mentally and emotionally to after 30 days
without alcohol, any changes that they experienced mentally
(24:26):
and emotionally? So the reason why we we say 30
days, it's because there are many challenges out there like
dry January, sober October, where people stop drinking for
30 days and they have been proven to be very effective
because they give reset to the body.
The body resets and says, OK, I can actually have a healthier
(24:49):
sleep pattern, I can concentratebetter, my blood like the blood
pressure goes down and many, many different things in your
body start working better. So those 30 days can actually
feel really good for someone that is drinking quite
frequently. So that's why from our program,
we wanted to focus on that because we wanted to give people
(25:10):
that break and say, OK, if you're going to moderate, if
you're going to keep drinking, at least give yourself this
break because we know that it's effective.
It's been proven many times by many scientists.
So give yourself this break and giving yourself a 30 day break
from time to time is very, very effective because again, they're
(25:32):
going to start probably on the first week or maybe 2 weeks,
depending on the person. Their symptoms might become
worse because they are used to having that glass of wine when
they're stressed or having that cocktail or that, I don't know,
whiskey or whatever when they cannot fall asleep or many, many
(25:52):
different things, right? But so on the first days, the,
the body is used to that. So it's going to crave that.
But then when you go past that, your body starts saying, OK, I
can actually work without these substances.
I can actually work even better than I was doing before while I
was consuming all this, right? And people really do feel the,
(26:15):
the changes and everything. And that's why when, when we
implement the, the unconscious mind work like the the
chemotherapy, people see benefits and changes in less
than two weeks. And as I was saying before, in a
very impatient world, two weeks is very short term.
When we talk about mental healthand changing habit, changing
(26:40):
patterns, that is a very short term goal, right?
Again, obviously you're not going to get 100% like no guilt,
no alcohol, no nothing and 1414 days no, But you're going to
start seeing the changes and something that is very
(27:00):
frustrating for people that are in this journey.
And maybe they've tried to reduce alcohol in their lives
before, but they've always gone back to old habits.
Having this shift and only 14 days can be very, very
encouraging because when they tried in the past, maybe they
(27:22):
went on this journey for like 4 months and they didn't see that
shift. They didn't see any improvement.
So that's why working with the unconscious mind, realizing on
the patterns, like taking accountability of your patterns
and working on that. We, we have seen a lot of people
actually say this really works. I am more excited like I'm
(27:46):
excited to continue with with this journey because I'm
actually seeing the results, right.
So obviously to respond your, your question in like very
summed up, 30 days is always beneficial, but it's not
completely beneficial if you arewaiting and counting down the
days to go back to old habits. It's even more beneficial if you
(28:08):
actually put on the work, like the, the, the work that we
offer. And then you can actually change
your habits and work on yourself.
So then you can choose better, make better decisions on how you
want to spend your time and how you want to live life.
Yeah, beautiful. Thank you for sharing that
because it's, again, it's the brain loves evidence.
So it like wants that evidence of like, OK, we're seeing the
(28:30):
changes. So I love that you share just
within two weeks people are noticing the evidence and that
it's not just about removing some from your something from
your life, but it's about that deeper transformation that the
alcohol is not necessarily the problem.
It's that coping mechanism for what the deeper problem is.
And that once we start to get tothe root of it, it may be just a
less desired even have alcohol at that point because you're
(28:51):
fulfilled in a different way. So it's so beautiful to have
that complementary practice in there with the removing of
alcohol for that time period. So it's powerful.
I can, you know, sugar was always my thing.
So I would always go to sugar and I did that for 90 days.
I removed all refined sugar frommy like diet and everything.
And I can tell you the clarity Ihad in that and just felt
(29:12):
lighter and just so free. I can really speak on like when
you remove some of those things that you always go to and
stress, it makes a huge difference.
But I absolutely love that. And can you talk about as far as
like support systems, So for someone who's going through this
and they're navigating this, they want more of this in their
life, but maybe they're in like friend groups or family groups
where this is kind of the norm. Can you talk about the value of
(29:36):
finding support or any support that's given in the process?
So we are social animals, like this is our nature.
We are not wired to be alone. And I think that there's this,
there's this sort of idea, especially for women, that we
have to be very strong, very independent.
(29:57):
We need to be able to do everything.
And we don't need no man and we don't need anybody.
And if we choose to have someonein our lives, it's just to like
be like AI don't know, like a second sight character, but not
like the main character, right? And by thinking like that, the
only thing that we do is isolateourselves and we take on
(30:18):
everything. We take care of absolutely
everything because we, we don't learn how to delegate, we don't
learn how to share responsibility.
We just take on a lot. And again, I'm not blaming women
because a lot of the responsibilities, the
responsibilities just like fall on us automatically without us
(30:38):
even asking for them, right? But I think it's just like a
cycle that is very difficult to get out of because we just
accept these responsibilities without even questioning them.
And yes, we are very stressed. We are, well, everything, just
that it's, it's our responsibility.
And that is so, so difficult. And when we like when people
(31:02):
studied how our ancestors lived,they were always in tribes.
People grew children with their tribes, with more people.
They were not alone. Like it takes a village, right?
So. That is actually that is true.
And then I'm talking about mums,but it doesn't need to be fairly
(31:26):
mums because I talk to a lot of people that don't have kids and
choose to not have kids. And they might feel very
isolated as well. Because again, our lives are
suited to live alone because we work and then we go home where
we're alone or a partner or a family and that's it.
And we sleep and that's it, right?
(31:46):
And feeling those connections, feeling loved and feeling
surrounded by others is key for you to feel fulfilled, for you
to feel like you have actually got something to do in your
love. You have a purpose, right?
Because again, it's in our nature, we need to feel those
(32:06):
connections and those real connections.
So people that tell me that theyhave environments, as you said
before, they have environments where everybody drinks.
Like for example, in their family, everybody drinks and
they go out with group of friends and everybody's drinking
as well. First, I would always encourage
(32:27):
people to do what I was saying before of trying that other
drink without alcohol, that the other like the alternative
without alcohol. So maybe they don't stand out,
but they are still surrounded bythose people.
And then maybe when they're sober, they will realize that
that is not actually given the the it's not fulfilling the need
(32:50):
of connection that they have, right?
So something that is very, very powerful is opening yourself to
new hobbies, to new friendships,to meeting new people.
And something that I always talkabout and I, I always tell
people that the people that I help is that when we're little,
(33:13):
when we're kids, we do so many extracurricular activities.
Now we go to play the piano and now we go to dance or football
this or that, or volleyball. Like we do so many things and
our bodies, our minds learn thatdoing this hobby is a very good
way for us to deal with our emotions because we are, we're
(33:34):
connected with we're, it's not mind and body separate.
Our bodies store a lot of tension and it would release it
through sport or through hobbies.
Then our body gets used to that.But then we go to college or we
start work and that's gone. And then maybe we go to the gym
and that's it, you know, So I always encourage people to
(33:57):
people that have that situation where they're like, everyone
around me drinks alcohol. I'm like, OK, what did you enjoy
doing as a kid? Did you enjoy, I don't know,
playing an instrument or playingthis sport or doing this or
doing that? Obviously adapting it to the age
that you have and your abilitiesthat you have right now.
(34:18):
But maybe you can start a new hobby, right, that makes you
feel that connected to other people.
And that can actually help so, so much because it's a new door
not only to meet new people, butalso to connect with your
emotions in a different way thatyou haven't been doing for the
(34:38):
past many years, but you used todo when you were a kid.
Yeah, that creative connection is so powerful.
And it's like, you're so right. So many of us just get into this
adulthood and we just leave ourselves behind.
And that's, that's exactly my audience.
It's like that self abandonment.We literally abandoned ourselves
in the process. We do what everybody thinks
we're, you know, we're supposed to do.
(34:58):
And we try to meet those expectations.
But it's like coming back home to yourself.
And I love that you suggest connecting with like, what you
enjoyed as a child because that's your true essence.
That's what's within you. And it's like we may have
forgotten about that person for 20 or 30 years.
And it's like, how can we come back home to that person, that,
that little person and within usthat we can grow from within.
(35:18):
So I, I absolutely love that suggestion.
And it's, it's so powerful to bring that creative aspect and
spirit into our lives again, forsomeone who's listening that
they're like, OK, I, I don't know if like alcohol is, I
don't, you know, is the coping mechanism.
I kind of feel like it is. And I'm, I'm stressed all the
time. I don't know what to do.
And, you know, can you speak to that person?
(35:39):
Like what's the first step to deciding and choosing themself
and choosing something differentin this moment rather than
continuing on and maybe investing in themselves in this
moment? I will say a very powerful
sentence, but you're not changing your choosing.
You're actually choosing not to change.
(35:59):
So yes, it might be very scary for you to take that step
because yes, you don't know what's going, what's going to
happen when you cross that bridge, right?
But if you choose to say exactlyhow you are right now, then
you're choosing this path as well.
And you see the consequences. Now, yes, you're in control.
(36:20):
Yes, you know everything where you control everything around
you. But does that make you happy?
Does that make you feel fulfilled?
Because if you are reconsideringsomething, it's because maybe
you're not comfortable in this position, right?
So if you don't take that opportunity to actually change,
then you're choosing to stay thesame.
(36:42):
And something that I have to remind myself a lot because it's
very, very difficult to to thinkof or do to have in mind, at
least for me, is that the world is constantly changing.
We try to control everything, but actually we cannot control
not even 1 ounce of it. Like it's just everything
(37:03):
happens. And we think that we can control
so much, so many more things that we can actually control.
So. Anything can happen.
Like literally we cannot be heretomorrow.
Like literally anything can happen and we live on autopilot
and we don't take consequences for our actions and our
situations. We don't address them and change
them if we are not feeling comfortable.
(37:25):
So. Again, we're not changing it.
We're choosing and we just, so we're just wasting our time,
right? I talk to so many people that
when they have done this change and they've gone through this
path and they've learned how to either moderate or completely
stop drinking alcohol. They say I should have done this
(37:45):
10 years before. Like they, they just, they were
just scared of doing this. But now that they've crossed
that bridge, they're like, Oh myGod, this is so much better
because I can be more in connection with who I am, right?
And yes, it might be painful, itmight be difficult.
You might need to get out there,meet new people or not.
(38:07):
Maybe you just talk about it with a friend and that friend
says, Oh my God, I've been feeling the same.
Can we do it together? Because that, that happens a lot
too. And I see it people that have,
they're scared of sharing it. And then once they share it,
they've, they see that people around them are actually feeling
exactly the same like they are. So I always encourage people to
(38:28):
just try, give yourself a chanceto to try new things to get out
there. And the worst that can happen is
that you go back to square 1, you go back exactly how you're
right now and you're consideringit as an option.
So then just get, get yourself out there and try different
(38:49):
things. There's, there are so many tools
out there and for example, the, the one that we offer in
unconscious moderation is very, very powerful.
But I always encourage people tokeep going.
If you feel like unconscious moderation has worked, maybe you
can complement it with somethingelse in the future, right?
There are many, many tools out there that are very, very
effective and you just need to find what works for you.
(39:12):
So just don't lose hope. Beautiful.
And that's so true. That statement is so powerful,
but it is completely true and it's just for anyone who's
listening like you were completely worth being the best
version of yourself and whateverthat looks like, allow yourself
to have that gift to grow into that and become actually unveil
that because you are that already, but unveil it and don't
(39:33):
allow yourself to be shrouded anymore.
And so for someone who wanted toconnect with you and check out
the app, where can they find you?
So the app, they can find it in App Store, you will play it's
unconscious moderation. And if they want to learn a bit
more about the program, who's behind it and well, we have a
lot of things explained in the website.
They can check UM dot APP. So UM dot app and yeah, they can
(39:57):
have, they can find absolutely everything in there.
And we also have our our Instagram AUM app and, and they
will find us. Amazing.
I'll put everything in the show notes.
So for anyone listening, definitely check it out and
thank you so much for everythingyou shared today.
Like I said, you know on this podcast, there's you never know
what seed is going to be plantedthat may not be immediate but
may grow next month. You might be like I remember
(40:17):
that podcast, like maybe I'll check it out.
So you just never know what's going to stick and what will
transform your life. So thank you for everything you
shared today. Yeah, thank you for having me.
I really enjoyed it. Absolutely.
And again for. Everyone who's listening.
If you know someone who could really benefit from this, share
it with them so that they can also receive these messages.
And again, thank you for everyone who tuned in today.
(40:38):
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode if there was
something in this. Episode that really resonated.
With you or message that. Stuck with you?
Please share it with someone else.
It's only through sharing these messages that we can start to
rewire. Our minds.
To feel empowered and live the life that we truly.
Desire please subscribe so. You never miss an episode.
(40:58):
And again, thank you so much fortuning in to.
Rewiring Health.
Welcome to Rewiring Health. If you're a high achieving woman
feeling trapped in the endless cycle of guilt and exhaustion
from always putting others first, then this is your
sanctuary. I'm Doctor Kelly Kessler, your
dedicated empowerment mentor, and I'm here to tell you that
it's time to reclaim your peace,health, and happiness.
(00:20):
Imagine waking up every day feeling energized and
unapologetically living for yourself.
Together, we'll break down the walls that have been holding you
back and unlock the vibrant, unstoppable force that you truly
are. It's time to put yourself first,
embrace your authentic self, andlive a life that's not just
endured, but celebrated. Now let's dive in.
(00:46):
Alcohol is so frequently used and advertised as something to
just take off the edge when you're feeling stressed.
It's something that you can havethat glass of wine at night and
just kind of ease yourself out of the day, but it can become a.
Very slippery. Slope as stress levels increase,
then that one glass of wine becomes 2, and then before you
(01:07):
know it, it becomes this normal routine.
And in this episode, I have Sylvia Subriana who will share
about alcohol as a coping mechanism, the shame and guilt
that can happen around it, and what our subconscious beliefs
are underneath it all that may be driving this behavior and how
we can start to release ourselves from that and actually
navigate stress at its root. Understand why we're feeling the
(01:31):
way we're feeling and how we canrelease ourselves from that and
live a life of more peace and harmony.
Sylvia Subriana is a clinical psychologist and the head of
Content Development at Unconscious Moderation, an
innovative app designed to help users take control of their
relationship with alcohol. But it's so much more than that.
(01:51):
UMM helps people discover greater meaning, happiness, and
fulfillment in their lives so they can become a healthier
version of themselves. To help users achieve this, the
app integrates tools like hypnotherapy, journaling,
reading, and many other exercises to support lasting
change. Sylvia shares so much value in
(02:12):
this episode in understanding ourselves better, understanding
stress and why alcohol has become such a common coping
mechanism for stress and what wecan do to really.
Release ourselves from it. All right, Welcome back to
another episode of Rebarring Health.
I'm so honored to have Sylvia Subrana on the podcast today.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you. I'm very excited to be here too.
(02:34):
Yes, this is going to be a topicthat I know is going to speak to
so many of us, you know, especially when we're working
hard and it's like sometimes youget home and it's like that
glass of wine that you reach forthat just seems so appealing to
like take off the edge. I can't tell you how many people
who have said that to me like I just need my glass of wine at
night, you know, just to. Take off the edge, but.
There's so much more that goes into that and so.
(02:57):
What I would love. To just start with is why do so
many people reach for alcohol, whether it's all the way.
Do you like? Alcoholism or just like a glass
of wine here or there? Why is alcohol become such a
coping mechanism for people? There are many reasons for that.
First one is that is very normalized.
You see it everywhere. We see it in like restaurants,
(03:20):
everyone or like most of the tables have a drink on the
table. We see it in obviously parties,
in bars, in every scenario possible, in barbecues, in even
workplaces sometimes we have like wine, right?
People close deals with wine or with beer or something like
that. So it is extremely normalized
(03:43):
in, we see it all the time, not only in our real lives, but also
in movies and series and stuff like that.
So we believe that it's just another tool, right?
That it's accessible. It's very, very accessible and
it's very normalized. And sometimes you're even the
weird one if you don't drink. So it is that level of, of
normalized, right? And that obviously plays a, a
(04:04):
huge role in it. But also it's a very good
numbing tool. So we think that we're dealing
with our stress or it's helping us wind down, as you said, but
in reality, it's not helping us.Yes, it's numbing our emotions.
So they're going away, but it's it's fake because you're numbing
(04:25):
them and they're going to come back sometimes even stronger
than before, because everything that goes like up goes down to
everything that goes to one sideand needs to go to the other,
right? So people keep using it as a
tool to wind down because yes, in the moment it feels great.
And we are very, we live very short lived, like we're, we look
(04:47):
very short term, right? So we're like, OK, this is going
to help me right now in the next, I don't know, half an
hour. So I won this.
And if we have to work on something that it might take, I
don't know, a Week, 2 weeks, a month, six months, we're like,
Oh no, this is too far away. I want it now.
We are in a world where we have everything now.
(05:10):
Amazon drops us passes in like 2hours if we want.
So. We need things right now and
obviously anything related to health, physical, mental,
anything needs time. We cannot get it done in a
second or like, like The thing is, and then it's done, right?
(05:31):
So that's why it's very, very difficult for people to
understand things take time and take patience and work, right.
So instead of just working on different tools that might be
healthy, they just reach out forthe easiest option and
accessible option because it's very, very accessible, as I was,
as I was saying before, and theyjust have that glass of wine or
(05:53):
two or the whole bottle. So that's what a lot of people
do. And, and I, I think that loads
of people don't realize the impact that that has in their
lives in general. Because that might be the reason
why the next day they're more irritable.
They have less patients with their kids, for example, or with
(06:13):
their partners or at work, right?
And why they feel like they theyhave a fog in their brain and
many many, many other things that actual like the alcohol
actually is impairing. Yeah, Oh my gosh, so, so
relatable and so true. And I, I've seen it so many
(06:34):
people I've worked with. And one aspect of that, you
know, is that like slippery slope, it becomes like one glass
and then, you know, the two and then the bottle.
Like you mentioned, one thing I've heard from so many women
I've worked with is like this aspect of shame.
Like they, they're in this pattern of drinking, but then
they also feel very shameful forit.
Like they don't, they recognize that they shouldn't be reaching
for the glass of wine, but yet they do.
Can you talk about that, how that contributes to it, where
(06:56):
we're feeling shameful for grabbing the glass of wine, but
yet we continue to do it and it just kind of spirals us?
Yeah, I believe as, as related to what I was saying before,
people don't have the tools because we don't, we don't spend
the time to actually work on those tools and have different
tools in our toolbox, right. So we reach for that glass of
(07:20):
wine or as many glasses of wine as people do.
And we feel bad because we know that that is actually not
helping us. And we're not, we're not
targeting or we're not addressing what is happening,
right? We're just numbing.
And a lot of people feel shameful about it because they
know that. However, they don't know how to
change it. They don't know what to do
(07:42):
instead of reaching for that glass of wine or that bottle of
wine, right? So.
I think that the the problem with shame is that it gets very
rooted to our self perception and our self esteem.
So there's this massive difference between guilt and
shame because guilt is more external and shame is more
(08:04):
internal. And what does that mean?
We live guilt in a not in a personal way.
Like for example, I've made a mistake and I say OK, I failed,
I did this wrong and I have to improve in this, this and that.
But as you notice, I'm not saying anything about me.
I'm just saying that I have failed, that I made a mistake
(08:25):
and that mistake is external from me.
But shame is very personal. Instead of saying I have failed,
I say I am a failure. Instead of saying I need to
improve, it says I am not enough.
I don't, I'm not enough to do this.
I am not capable enough. So.
When field can actually be a tool for us to grow and say OK I
(08:49):
need to improve in this shame actually make pushes deeper in
the hole right and makes us feeleven worse and worse and worse
about ourselves. So.
I think that making this differentiation for people is
key because when they realize what they're telling themselves,
like for example, I, I've, I'm stressed and I've dealt it with
(09:11):
wine, right? I had wine to numb my emotions
and to make myself feel better. Even though I know that it's not
going to help me. Eventually I failed or I did
this and I know that it's not going to help me and this blah,
blah, blah, there would be more guilt, but I'm a failure.
I cannot do this. I, I am the worst, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah. That is shame.
(09:31):
So targeting those that self talk and changing it little by
little, so changing the dialoguecan really help in people
understanding that they need to get out of that hole of blaming
themselves because no, they're doing the best they can with the
tools that they have. And right now, they might not
(09:53):
have any tools to address that stress apart from that wine.
So. The first step is to not put the
blame on themselves and say, OK,I make this mistake because I
don't have the tools. I am not the worst and a lot of
people are exactly the same position as me.
I am not a failure. I am just doing the best I can
(10:13):
with what I have. So changing little by little,
this idea and this dialogue thatyou have with yourself is key.
So then you can actually target that and say, OK, how can I
actually address that stress, that anxiety that all those
feelings that are becoming too much for me that are leading me
to actually drink? Yeah, absolutely.
(10:34):
That self compassion is so powerful and you approach it
from that of like, you know, howcan I do this through loving
myself rather than like beratingmyself for a choice I'm making.
I absolutely love that. Going off of that, can you talk
about willpower? Because lots of people be like,
I'm not going to do it. They'll set this goal, but then
like end up going back to the old patterns.
Can you talk about why willpoweris maybe not the best choice in
(10:56):
making long term changes? Willpower alone can only take
you so far because we as humans,when we grow up, we identify
different things from our lives and then we create different
patterns that our minds identifyas.
This is going to keep me safe. This is going to protect me.
(11:19):
And sometimes these patterns arevery helpful when you are a kid
and when you're adult. But then some patterns can be
helpful when you're a kid, but then when you grow up, they're
not helpful at all. And they make you feel stuck in
situations and they're not helping you get out of these
cycles, right. And you, you feel a lot of
people say, I feel like I keep live living my life on repeat,
(11:43):
only with different characters, right?
Like different people. But I keep having the same like
problems, the same mistakes and everything.
And I'm like, yes, because you're not breaking the pattern.
And when it comes to drinking alcohol, that is a huge, like,
that plays a huge role because again, if we deal with stress
(12:06):
with alcohol, maybe there's a pattern of, I don't know, at
home, we don't talk about our emotions.
We don't address this. I have to be overachieving.
I always have to be perfect, right?
There's this control, there's this perfection.
And that happens a lot in the people that you see, as you told
me before, and in the people that I see as well that I work
with. So.
(12:26):
This high achievement is this pattern and you're not getting
out of it because in order to behigh achieving, you need to wind
down at some point. And the way to wind down might
be that alcohol that you're thatyou're taking, right?
So. Realizing the pattern that
you're in is key to then make changes and start changing that
(12:49):
pattern and rewiring your brain little by little.
Because with willpower, it's very difficult to actually get
out of that pattern if you don'trealize what is going on and
what is the cycle that you're stuck in and that you keep
repeating, right? And I always say that realizing
your pattern and being aware of what you do, what you're, what
(13:13):
you're repeating in your life is50% of the work done knowing and
accepting that pattern because knowing about it and accepting
it can, can go play my hand, butnot or not always.
So accepting that you're doing that, even if it hurts to yeah,
to say yes, OK, I keep doing that because of this isn't that
it's 50% of the way done becausethen you're open to rewiring
(13:36):
your brain. You're open to shifting those
patterns into considering other options, but again, this takes
time and this takes a lot of self refraction and patience
because you have to look inwardsand yes, it can be very painful
and a lot of people can be very scared of doing that.
(13:56):
Yeah, 100%, yeah. I mean, change is very
difficult. It's, you know, are we, we're
wired to do the same thing over and over again, even if it's not
self-serving. So it can be really tough to to
go through that and overcome that resistance that we have
internally. And can you talk about that?
Like, you know, as far as the the app, where do you, where
does someone begin? Like, does that all part of the
(14:16):
app where you can start to dive into some of the subconscious
patterns that you're holding on to?
So basically the app is a 90 dayprogram.
And then in the 1st 30 days, we encourage people to not drink at
all to have that sort of reset, right?
And then on, on day 30, they will be able to choose if they
want to learn how to moderate their consumption or if they
(14:37):
want to completely quit during the rest of the challenge,
right, on the other 60 days. So they do 90 days of no
alcohol. And the way that we do that with
rewiring those, those subconscious patterns is we work
with the unconscious mind and wework with the conscious mind and
we do 30 minutes a day, 15 minutes of unconscious work and
(14:59):
15 minutes of conscious work. The, the way that we work with
the unconscious mind is through hypnotherapy.
And when I talk about this, a lot of people get scared and
they're like, Oh no, I've, I've seen like very weird things in
movies or in theaters where, I don't know, people swing a
pendant in front of someones face.
They cut their fingers and they start acting like a chicken.
(15:20):
That is not it. That is not how it works.
So in hymnotherapy in the type that we do is 15 minute audio.
So people put headphones in and then they just listen to this
voice. So it's very similar to
relaxation and meditation, breath work and stuff like that.
(15:40):
So first you listen to the voiceand it brings you to a deep
state of relaxation where all your worries dial down the
intensity. But again, you are conscious,
you are aware of what's going on.
So you never lose that consciousness.
And I think that for people thatdon't like losing control, that
(16:01):
is a good thing to say because yes, you're not going completely
numb and not realizing what you're doing.
You're actually aware of everything that you're listening
to. So in that deep state of
relaxation, the difference between meditation and
hymnotherapy is that in hymnotherapy we go into a deep
state of suggestion. So instead of associating stress
(16:26):
to wine, as we were saying before with that example, your
mind starts getting a bit open and knowing or understanding
there are more options to that. So next time you're stressed,
you might not automatically think about alcohol.
Maybe you'll think about callinga friend, or maybe you'll think
about going to the gym or playing with your kids or making
(16:48):
a cake or whatever you like doing, right?
But it just opens the mind. And yes, you might consider
alcohol as well, but it's not that automatic, right?
It's not that cause effect like I've stressed, then I eat
alcohol. You have more options and you
feel like you are more in control of what you can actually
choose and it doesn't control you, right?
(17:11):
So it's very powerful because ofthat.
And we don't realize that our minds are doing that because
it's, it's an unconscious work, right?
And only by us listening to those suggestions, our mind
understands that there are more options.
Because when we are centered in one thing, like for example, if
someone is obsessing about, as you were saying before, someone
(17:34):
drinks alcohol because they don't have any other tools to to
deal with stress. But then they feel ashamed that
they do that. They are centered, They're
centering the problem in alcohol.
So all they're thinking about isalcohol.
So their minds don't don't understand that that is not
something that they want to stopdoing that this one they don't
(17:57):
want to get rid of. But their minds are constantly
thinking about alcohol. They have the image, for
example, if I say now think of ayellow taxi, everyone has a
yellow taxi in their minds. And if I all the time I keep
saying yellow taxi, yellow taxi,yellow taxi, you are, you're
going to have that in your mind a lot.
Or for example, when you want tobuy a new car and then you like,
(18:22):
you say, OK, I like this model. Out of nowhere you start seeing
them everywhere. That is because your mind is
putting the attention in that. So if we put that attention in
alcohol, the only thing that we're going to be thinking of is
that alcohol. So going back to chemotherapy
really like dialing down that intensity in our thoughts in
(18:45):
alcohol and just bringing more options to the table can be
very, very helpful for people tosay, OK, I can relax because I
have more options. I don't depend on alcohol
exclusively to deal with that stress, right?
And then we combine this with conscious work, with journaling,
with reading and a little bit ofmovement, and it's also 15
(19:07):
minutes. And so then people can actually
understand their patterns and work in everything that we're
working with the unconscious mind that they might not realize
that is that they're working on,right?
So in the, in the journaling, for example, we put them in
different scenarios, in different situations where they
have to choose everything is correct.
Like there's no right or wrong answers.
(19:28):
If they're just different scenarios or different answers
that lead them to different things so that they can realize
what patterns they're using and they they're, they're stuck in.
So then they can address them aswell.
Because as we say, knowledge is power.
Knowing how you act and your triggers and your patterns and
(19:50):
all that can actually lead you to a massive change.
Yeah. And so power, empowering the
power of the mind when you can start to change those patterns
and then you just see the life through a different lens.
You see yourself through a different lens.
It's, it's so amazing how you can literally transform yourself
and in that process become a different person in that.
(20:10):
And through that, can you know, for someone who's listening and
they're like, you know, I have the occasional drink, but I just
enjoy it, You know, I, I find joy in it.
I don't know if I'm doing it forstress.
Like can you differentiate or kind of speak to that person?
Like, how do we know if this is something that we're using as a
coping mechanism and that the stress is bringing it about, or
if it's just someone who's like,I just like the taste of alcohol
(20:31):
and I just have it occasionally?So something that really works
and I, I always say, say to everyone that I help with and
that I work with and I help is stop yourself right before
ordering that drink and think why?
Where is this coming from? Is it coming from me wanting
(20:52):
that drink because I am in the mood for a drink and I haven't
had a drink in a while? That's completely fine.
I am never going to dominise alcohol.
I'm never going to blame anybodythat drinks alcohol and from
unconscious moderation, we don'tblame anybody because we
understand that people live their own lives right and and
people make their own choices. However, if that why comes from
(21:14):
I'm stressed and I'm just tryingto avoid what happened at work
or what happened at home or whatmany other things then that you
might be obviously numbing and you might need to reconsider how
you're using alcohol or if it's it can be for many other
reasons. It doesn't need to be that deep.
Sometimes we just want to feel included because everyone around
(21:36):
us has alcohol in their hand, like they have a glass of wine
or they have, I don't know, a cocktail or something like that.
And we just want to feel included because we don't want
to be the weird ones or, or sometimes there's just, I don't
know, you're in a hot day and you just want something
refreshing and you want that, I don't know, Mojito, you know?
So. There are many, many, many
(21:56):
reasons why and they don't need to be that deep like I am
dealing with, I don't know. So a situation that is very,
very hurtful and I'm using alcohol to distract me from it.
It can be very, very easy as I just want something refreshing.
But then when people actually realize the reason why they're
having that craving, most of thetimes they realize that it's not
(22:18):
because they're just in the moodfor that specific drink.
They just want something else. And when they change that, when
they, when they address that andthey, for example, if I want
something refreshing, I say, OK,instead of having a mojito and
have a virgin mojito. And then a lot of people say I
actually just wanted that freshness, right?
(22:39):
Or I actually just want it to feel included.
But if I have a mocktail in a fancy glass, then I already feel
included, right? So there are many, many options
out there that I always encourage people to try because
again, a lot of people don't want to have the talk of why are
you drinking, why are you not drinking?
(22:59):
Why this, are you sick, are you pregnant?
Especially for women, we are bombarded with these questions
and it is very annoying because sometimes you don't want to talk
about it. You just want people to leave
you alone, especially when you're surrounded by people that
are not probably your closest friends.
Because with your closest friends, maybe you can talk
about this. But with random people or with
(23:21):
like, I don't know, Co workers or stuff like that.
Like you just don't want to talkto them about it.
So having that alternative that is non alcoholic but they can
make you feel included might actually solve all the issue and
you are just happy and it's giving you exactly what you
need, which is that feeling of being included, that freshness
(23:43):
and many, many different things that you might be craving.
Yeah. And it's so nice that there are
so many more options because it is like those assumptions that
other people make and explanations and it becomes just
like such an effort sometimes just when you're making a
healthier choice for yourself. But yeah, there is something
around alcohol where you always have to explain yourself if
you're not the one drinking, which is it's so societally
(24:03):
driven. It's it's crazy.
Yeah. And can you talk about like for
someone who, you know, maybe used alcohol as a coping
mechanism, dealt with stress with that, and then they went
through that 30 days even without alcohol.
Can you talk about their experience from like what
they're experiencing mentally and emotionally to after 30 days
without alcohol, any changes that they experienced mentally
(24:26):
and emotionally? So the reason why we we say 30
days, it's because there are many challenges out there like
dry January, sober October, where people stop drinking for
30 days and they have been proven to be very effective
because they give reset to the body.
The body resets and says, OK, I can actually have a healthier
(24:49):
sleep pattern, I can concentratebetter, my blood like the blood
pressure goes down and many, many different things in your
body start working better. So those 30 days can actually
feel really good for someone that is drinking quite
frequently. So that's why from our program,
we wanted to focus on that because we wanted to give people
(25:10):
that break and say, OK, if you're going to moderate, if
you're going to keep drinking, at least give yourself this
break because we know that it's effective.
It's been proven many times by many scientists.
So give yourself this break and giving yourself a 30 day break
from time to time is very, very effective because again, they're
(25:32):
going to start probably on the first week or maybe 2 weeks,
depending on the person. Their symptoms might become
worse because they are used to having that glass of wine when
they're stressed or having that cocktail or that, I don't know,
whiskey or whatever when they cannot fall asleep or many, many
(25:52):
different things, right? But so on the first days, the,
the body is used to that. So it's going to crave that.
But then when you go past that, your body starts saying, OK, I
can actually work without these substances.
I can actually work even better than I was doing before while I
was consuming all this, right? And people really do feel the,
(26:15):
the changes and everything. And that's why when, when we
implement the, the unconscious mind work like the the
chemotherapy, people see benefits and changes in less
than two weeks. And as I was saying before, in a
very impatient world, two weeks is very short term.
When we talk about mental healthand changing habit, changing
(26:40):
patterns, that is a very short term goal, right?
Again, obviously you're not going to get 100% like no guilt,
no alcohol, no nothing and 1414 days no, But you're going to
start seeing the changes and something that is very
(27:00):
frustrating for people that are in this journey.
And maybe they've tried to reduce alcohol in their lives
before, but they've always gone back to old habits.
Having this shift and only 14 days can be very, very
encouraging because when they tried in the past, maybe they
(27:22):
went on this journey for like 4 months and they didn't see that
shift. They didn't see any improvement.
So that's why working with the unconscious mind, realizing on
the patterns, like taking accountability of your patterns
and working on that. We, we have seen a lot of people
actually say this really works. I am more excited like I'm
(27:46):
excited to continue with with this journey because I'm
actually seeing the results, right.
So obviously to respond your, your question in like very
summed up, 30 days is always beneficial, but it's not
completely beneficial if you arewaiting and counting down the
days to go back to old habits. It's even more beneficial if you
(28:08):
actually put on the work, like the, the, the work that we
offer. And then you can actually change
your habits and work on yourself.
So then you can choose better, make better decisions on how you
want to spend your time and how you want to live life.
Yeah, beautiful. Thank you for sharing that
because it's, again, it's the brain loves evidence.
So it like wants that evidence of like, OK, we're seeing the
(28:30):
changes. So I love that you share just
within two weeks people are noticing the evidence and that
it's not just about removing some from your something from
your life, but it's about that deeper transformation that the
alcohol is not necessarily the problem.
It's that coping mechanism for what the deeper problem is.
And that once we start to get tothe root of it, it may be just a
less desired even have alcohol at that point because you're
(28:51):
fulfilled in a different way. So it's so beautiful to have
that complementary practice in there with the removing of
alcohol for that time period. So it's powerful.
I can, you know, sugar was always my thing.
So I would always go to sugar and I did that for 90 days.
I removed all refined sugar frommy like diet and everything.
And I can tell you the clarity Ihad in that and just felt
(29:12):
lighter and just so free. I can really speak on like when
you remove some of those things that you always go to and
stress, it makes a huge difference.
But I absolutely love that. And can you talk about as far as
like support systems, So for someone who's going through this
and they're navigating this, they want more of this in their
life, but maybe they're in like friend groups or family groups
where this is kind of the norm. Can you talk about the value of
(29:36):
finding support or any support that's given in the process?
So we are social animals, like this is our nature.
We are not wired to be alone. And I think that there's this,
there's this sort of idea, especially for women, that we
have to be very strong, very independent.
(29:57):
We need to be able to do everything.
And we don't need no man and we don't need anybody.
And if we choose to have someonein our lives, it's just to like
be like AI don't know, like a second sight character, but not
like the main character, right? And by thinking like that, the
only thing that we do is isolateourselves and we take on
(30:18):
everything. We take care of absolutely
everything because we, we don't learn how to delegate, we don't
learn how to share responsibility.
We just take on a lot. And again, I'm not blaming women
because a lot of the responsibilities, the
responsibilities just like fall on us automatically without us
(30:38):
even asking for them, right? But I think it's just like a
cycle that is very difficult to get out of because we just
accept these responsibilities without even questioning them.
And yes, we are very stressed. We are, well, everything, just
that it's, it's our responsibility.
And that is so, so difficult. And when we like when people
(31:02):
studied how our ancestors lived,they were always in tribes.
People grew children with their tribes, with more people.
They were not alone. Like it takes a village, right?
So. That is actually that is true.
And then I'm talking about mums,but it doesn't need to be fairly
(31:26):
mums because I talk to a lot of people that don't have kids and
choose to not have kids. And they might feel very
isolated as well. Because again, our lives are
suited to live alone because we work and then we go home where
we're alone or a partner or a family and that's it.
And we sleep and that's it, right?
(31:46):
And feeling those connections, feeling loved and feeling
surrounded by others is key for you to feel fulfilled, for you
to feel like you have actually got something to do in your
love. You have a purpose, right?
Because again, it's in our nature, we need to feel those
(32:06):
connections and those real connections.
So people that tell me that theyhave environments, as you said
before, they have environments where everybody drinks.
Like for example, in their family, everybody drinks and
they go out with group of friends and everybody's drinking
as well. First, I would always encourage
(32:27):
people to do what I was saying before of trying that other
drink without alcohol, that the other like the alternative
without alcohol. So maybe they don't stand out,
but they are still surrounded bythose people.
And then maybe when they're sober, they will realize that
that is not actually given the the it's not fulfilling the need
(32:50):
of connection that they have, right?
So something that is very, very powerful is opening yourself to
new hobbies, to new friendships,to meeting new people.
And something that I always talkabout and I, I always tell
people that the people that I help is that when we're little,
(33:13):
when we're kids, we do so many extracurricular activities.
Now we go to play the piano and now we go to dance or football
this or that, or volleyball. Like we do so many things and
our bodies, our minds learn thatdoing this hobby is a very good
way for us to deal with our emotions because we are, we're
(33:34):
connected with we're, it's not mind and body separate.
Our bodies store a lot of tension and it would release it
through sport or through hobbies.
Then our body gets used to that.But then we go to college or we
start work and that's gone. And then maybe we go to the gym
and that's it, you know, So I always encourage people to
(33:57):
people that have that situation where they're like, everyone
around me drinks alcohol. I'm like, OK, what did you enjoy
doing as a kid? Did you enjoy, I don't know,
playing an instrument or playingthis sport or doing this or
doing that? Obviously adapting it to the age
that you have and your abilitiesthat you have right now.
(34:18):
But maybe you can start a new hobby, right, that makes you
feel that connected to other people.
And that can actually help so, so much because it's a new door
not only to meet new people, butalso to connect with your
emotions in a different way thatyou haven't been doing for the
(34:38):
past many years, but you used todo when you were a kid.
Yeah, that creative connection is so powerful.
And it's like, you're so right. So many of us just get into this
adulthood and we just leave ourselves behind.
And that's, that's exactly my audience.
It's like that self abandonment.We literally abandoned ourselves
in the process. We do what everybody thinks
we're, you know, we're supposed to do.
(34:58):
And we try to meet those expectations.
But it's like coming back home to yourself.
And I love that you suggest connecting with like, what you
enjoyed as a child because that's your true essence.
That's what's within you. And it's like we may have
forgotten about that person for 20 or 30 years.
And it's like, how can we come back home to that person, that,
that little person and within usthat we can grow from within.
(35:18):
So I, I absolutely love that suggestion.
And it's, it's so powerful to bring that creative aspect and
spirit into our lives again, forsomeone who's listening that
they're like, OK, I, I don't know if like alcohol is, I
don't, you know, is the coping mechanism.
I kind of feel like it is. And I'm, I'm stressed all the
time. I don't know what to do.
And, you know, can you speak to that person?
(35:39):
Like what's the first step to deciding and choosing themself
and choosing something differentin this moment rather than
continuing on and maybe investing in themselves in this
moment? I will say a very powerful
sentence, but you're not changing your choosing.
You're actually choosing not to change.
(35:59):
So yes, it might be very scary for you to take that step
because yes, you don't know what's going, what's going to
happen when you cross that bridge, right?
But if you choose to say exactlyhow you are right now, then
you're choosing this path as well.
And you see the consequences. Now, yes, you're in control.
(36:20):
Yes, you know everything where you control everything around
you. But does that make you happy?
Does that make you feel fulfilled?
Because if you are reconsideringsomething, it's because maybe
you're not comfortable in this position, right?
So if you don't take that opportunity to actually change,
then you're choosing to stay thesame.
(36:42):
And something that I have to remind myself a lot because it's
very, very difficult to to thinkof or do to have in mind, at
least for me, is that the world is constantly changing.
We try to control everything, but actually we cannot control
not even 1 ounce of it. Like it's just everything
(37:03):
happens. And we think that we can control
so much, so many more things that we can actually control.
So. Anything can happen.
Like literally we cannot be heretomorrow.
Like literally anything can happen and we live on autopilot
and we don't take consequences for our actions and our
situations. We don't address them and change
them if we are not feeling comfortable.
(37:25):
So. Again, we're not changing it.
We're choosing and we just, so we're just wasting our time,
right? I talk to so many people that
when they have done this change and they've gone through this
path and they've learned how to either moderate or completely
stop drinking alcohol. They say I should have done this
(37:45):
10 years before. Like they, they just, they were
just scared of doing this. But now that they've crossed
that bridge, they're like, Oh myGod, this is so much better
because I can be more in connection with who I am, right?
And yes, it might be painful, itmight be difficult.
You might need to get out there,meet new people or not.
(38:07):
Maybe you just talk about it with a friend and that friend
says, Oh my God, I've been feeling the same.
Can we do it together? Because that, that happens a lot
too. And I see it people that have,
they're scared of sharing it. And then once they share it,
they've, they see that people around them are actually feeling
exactly the same like they are. So I always encourage people to
(38:28):
just try, give yourself a chanceto to try new things to get out
there. And the worst that can happen is
that you go back to square 1, you go back exactly how you're
right now and you're consideringit as an option.
So then just get, get yourself out there and try different
(38:49):
things. There's, there are so many tools
out there and for example, the, the one that we offer in
unconscious moderation is very, very powerful.
But I always encourage people tokeep going.
If you feel like unconscious moderation has worked, maybe you
can complement it with somethingelse in the future, right?
There are many, many tools out there that are very, very
effective and you just need to find what works for you.
(39:12):
So just don't lose hope. Beautiful.
And that's so true. That statement is so powerful,
but it is completely true and it's just for anyone who's
listening like you were completely worth being the best
version of yourself and whateverthat looks like, allow yourself
to have that gift to grow into that and become actually unveil
that because you are that already, but unveil it and don't
(39:33):
allow yourself to be shrouded anymore.
And so for someone who wanted toconnect with you and check out
the app, where can they find you?
So the app, they can find it in App Store, you will play it's
unconscious moderation. And if they want to learn a bit
more about the program, who's behind it and well, we have a
lot of things explained in the website.
They can check UM dot APP. So UM dot app and yeah, they can
(39:57):
have, they can find absolutely everything in there.
And we also have our our Instagram AUM app and, and they
will find us. Amazing.
I'll put everything in the show notes.
So for anyone listening, definitely check it out and
thank you so much for everythingyou shared today.
Like I said, you know on this podcast, there's you never know
what seed is going to be plantedthat may not be immediate but
may grow next month. You might be like I remember
(40:17):
that podcast, like maybe I'll check it out.
So you just never know what's going to stick and what will
transform your life. So thank you for everything you
shared today. Yeah, thank you for having me.
I really enjoyed it. Absolutely.
And again for. Everyone who's listening.
If you know someone who could really benefit from this, share
it with them so that they can also receive these messages.
And again, thank you for everyone who tuned in today.
(40:38):
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode if there was
something in this. Episode that really resonated.
With you or message that. Stuck with you?
Please share it with someone else.
It's only through sharing these messages that we can start to
rewire. Our minds.
To feel empowered and live the life that we truly.
Desire please subscribe so. You never miss an episode.
(40:58):
And again, thank you so much fortuning in to.
Rewiring Health.
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