January 9, 2026 • 60 mins
On Friday, Rich discusses the United Arab Emirates (UAE) tensions with the Muslim Brotherhood, resulting in a ban on funding for UAE students attending universities in the United Kingdom (UK). Then, Psychotherapist and author Jill Robin Payne weighs in on adult children who choose to be estranged from their families. Plus, move over, artificial intelligence, listen to what thieves are now doing with basic antennas.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is America with Rich Valdez, powered by politweek dot
com and.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Rich Valdes is with us. Former Christian Administration official.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You worked at Chris Christie and Fallistas on a lot
of public service stuff, Rich.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Valdez, Communist now with the Washington Times. This is America, Richiev.
You're on the air with a nation Nation with America
with your host, Rich Valdez. What's up, America.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
I am Rich Valdes Valdez with an s at Rich
Valdez on all of the social media.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Happy Friday. We're now into our.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
First full week, right back from Happy New Year. Welcome
to the program, seventeen blocks away from Madison Square Garden,
Rich Valdez, it's a pleasure to be with you in
honor and a blessing. Lots of stuff. New footage on
that shooting from the ice officer. Apparently we have an
actual video. He had a phone in his pocket and
(00:56):
it was almost like a bodycam video shows you everything
how they were taunting these guys, how the other officer
pulled up and told her to get out of the car,
and the minute he said to get out of the car,
she did the dip. She tried to do the getaway.
It was really really something to watch. Short video too.
It's on my social media if you want to check
it out at rich Valdes. If you want to join
the program, feel free to give us a call. Eight
(01:17):
seven seven valdest one eight seven seven My last name
VALDESZ with an S and followed by the number one.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Now, I want to get into a few things.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
President Trump says he is not going to launch a
second attack on Venezuela because they are cooperating and they
have now released eight hundred prisoners that have been set
free from captivity. These people were being held by the regime.
Some say in torture chambers, others say in different situations.
(01:46):
I saw some videos showing that they were just in
jail because they believed in Jesus. They were pastors, preachers
and trying to spread the gospel, which is again contrary
to what the regime stood for. The Communists don't believe
in God, so you're not allowed to do that. Another
thing that happened today, President Trump, he says no to
a pardon for Diddy. Now I know because I have
(02:10):
a friend that is a consultant to a team Didty
and I was told that they were pushing very hard
to try and.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Get a.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Actual pardon, and it was a long shot and President
Trump shut that down today. So that's the latest on that.
And there's also this story coming out of the United
Arab Emirates. Apparently the UAE is now banning their college
(02:41):
students from studying in the UK. Why for fear of
them becoming radicalized radicalized Islamists. The United Arab Emirates are
afraid that their citizens are going to become radical Islamists
if they go to school in England. Wild never thought
(03:03):
I'd hear that. So they've stopped off funding for anything
related to helping people do that. And this is because
of their concern over the Muslim Brotherhood. And let me
tell you this was really interesting because a lot of
people don't realize how, I guess, intense these things can be.
(03:27):
But very intense, that's all I could say. Listen to
this exchange between Ian Hersey Ali and the gb News channel.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Check this out.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
There was a report in France last year which warned
that the problem with organizations like Muslim Brotherhood is they
don't really operate top down through violence, but bottom up
through state infiltration through embedding themselves in schools, councils, police
authorities and so on. And while we have you, I
do want to ask you. We're going to come to
this in a bit more detail later on in the show.
(04:01):
But we have had this case recently in the West
Midlands in Birmingham of a police a police force seemingly
being lobbied or pressured by local islemiss which to me
is classic behavior in the genre of bottom up infiltration.
And is this what the UAE are worried about as well?
Is this evidence of a Muslim brotherhood style infiltration of
(04:25):
British society.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
Absolutely, And to be honest with you, when I read publications,
yes there's the French report, but the best, most comprehensive
reports actually written by British people and British institutions. So
British intelligence understands exactly who the Muslim Brotherhood is, that
there are a hydro with many heads that they operate
through front groups. They understand how they use and abuse
(04:50):
the system. So it isn't a lack of knowledge, it's
really a lack of political will. It is your government
making a t of and thinking, you know, they do
mobilize this larger demographic which they radicalize in mosques, in
youth camps, in schools, and yes, in university campuses. We're
(05:12):
seeing a lot of you know the side effects of
that radicalization of young people, seeing it take place in
our streets. You know what happened after October seventh, in
the last two years, and how they come out shouting
and aliging with you know, the Marxist Communist left. But
(05:33):
in any case, we know it. And I think what
the UAE is telling us over and over again is
we don't mind you taking that risk for yourselves in
your own country. It's self destructed. They've wanted us, they know,
they've lived with this. The UA used to funded the
Muslim Brotherhood. They hosted the Muslim brother so did Saudi Arabia,
and over time they found out the Muslim Brotherhood is
(05:55):
like a cancer. Along with these Islamist they wanted to
establish themselves and then overthrow the existing authorities and take
power and control. They've told us all of these things.
They've collaborated with us. I think the UA is a remarkable,
fantastic country, But then here we are, and I think
I don't blame the UAE for, you know, looking after
their own interests and especially looking after the youth.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Again, that's Ian Herciali, herself a former Muslim and a
member of Congress in the Netherlands. She's she's part of
the intelligency and I think she always makes a lot
of sense.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
But the UAE cutting funding for.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Citizens to study in the UK over Muslim brotherhood tensions.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's the headline in the Financial Times.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
And again I never thought i'd see this, but it
just corroborates so many of the videos that we've seen
where you have Muslims saying we don't want the Muslim brotherhood.
It explains why there are these seven border walls between
the Gaza strip in Egypt. I've never understood that, right,
(07:00):
I always, even with Jordan, I never understood why why
are they separating themselves from quote unquote Palestine? And now
I understand because the threat of radical Islamism in the
name of Hamas or in the name of the Muslim brotherhood,
these things have ruined civil society in Egypt and in Jordan,
(07:25):
and they're not interested. And I'm not saying this to
disparage Muslims. I'm saying this to disparage Islamists. Right, These
radical terrorist people that use their religion as a ruse
to go ahead and assume the political powers. So that
was a couple of minutes that I wanted you to
(07:45):
hear from that conversation because I thought it was really
just eye opening and really interesting, especially in light of
all of the what's the word I want to look
for all of the fraud that we've seen coming out
of Minnesota and whatnot with Tim Walls resigning and everything.
So I want to switch gears a little bit because
we're gonna bring in Jill Robin Payne in a little bit.
(08:07):
But a couple of other things I wanted to mention
we're gonna get into a bunch of things tonight. We've
talked about a lot of hard political topics. If you're
still in the car and you're not eating dinner yet,
welcome to the party. I'm gonna try and keep it
light and let my hair down. And I don't even
have any hair, So how about that. We're gonna take
it easy. We're gonna do some old school talk.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Radio here, right. I don't wanna. I don't want to
get you angry.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
I'm not sending you into the weekend thinking about your taxes,
your Obamacare going up, your this or that, anything like that.
I want you calm, cool and collected, kind of like
mom Nannie was when he took his oath of office
uh in New York City's first Muslim mayor, taking the
oath of office UH, saying that he is going to
(08:47):
govern as a Democrat socialist. He was elected as a
Democrat socialist and he's not letting up on that. And
you know what, I get it. I understand.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
UH.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
This is what people do.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I've always understood and always known that we have differences
of opinion in our society. Right there are people that
like the New York Mets, and there are people that
like the New York Yankees.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
That's a thing.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Not everybody's like Philly, where you got Eagles and Phillies.
It's more diverse sometimes in other places. Some people like chicken,
some people like steak. And I've never said, you know,
I don't like you, although somebody told me yesterday, just yesterday,
they wished me a happy New Year, offered me a
pork chop.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
And said good because I don't trust people that don't
eat pork. Okay, whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But for the most part, I think we get along
with people who eat differently than we do.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
I understand how life works.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Right. I'm not here to beat you up. I am
here to have those conversations that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Need to be had.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And I say that to say, I feel like our
society has moved in a direction that we haven't always
been in.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Right.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
We weren't always at each other's throats. We used to
take a more positive approach. I'm gonna say a more
Christian approach, right, a more love your neighbor approach, because
it seems that we've given up on a lot of civility.
And I say we because I think all of us
play a role, myself included right, doing conservative talk radio.
And it's okay to be passionate about the things you
(10:09):
believe in while still respecting other people.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Is my thought.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
And that's why I like to talk on the phone
with the callers and those that dissent. If you have
a disagreement with me, move to the front of the line.
But I want to get into a number of things, because,
like I said, they can steal your car with antenna's.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
We're going to talk about that in a little bit.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
They can also there was this other thing I had here, Oh,
the topic of civility, right, It's one that I want
to stay on for a little bit because I think
most people want civility. Then there are people that become
fed up with getting downtrodden, right, with being taken advantage of,
with always doing the right thing, being raised to do
the right thing, and then having the people that disagree
(10:47):
with you not do the right thing and seemingly be
rewarded for it, or if nothing else, not held accountable
for it, not paying the price for their sin, if
you will. And that's what we see with the Somalian
community in Minnesota. Of course, there's fraud all over the place.
Fraud is as rampant as it's ever been since the
(11:09):
beginning of time. But when you have it happening in
a community that clearly is antagonistic towards our way of
life in America, say hey, we never had a problem
with you until now that we know there's fraud, and
they turn around and say, this is because I'm a Muslim. No,
it's not because you're a Muslim. It's because you're stealing
money that you didn't work for. That's really where the
(11:32):
problem is. And I think this is where people are
getting very very upset and this is why I like
to look at things from I guess, the most humorous
point of view that I can. Right, you got to
take everything with a grain of salt as best you can.
And I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw Cory Kahaney.
She's a comedian and had a very very interesting thing
(11:52):
to say, go right ahead. This pract like this really
nice aunt who promises to take you to.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
Disney World, but then something always comes up and she
never comes to it.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
And a Republican is like this really grumpy uncle who
tells you that he can't afford Disney World, but then
you find out that he went without. So I think
that's funny. I like to appreciate the humor of life.
So keeping it on that lighter note, I want to
talk about things that get us upset while doing it
(12:29):
in the best humor, right, in the best demeanor we could.
We're going to talk about the strange children. Apparently it's
a growing trend where people with adult kids get angry
with their parents, read a book or two, or go
on TikTok, and they find out that they've been the
victim of what's the worthy is trauma. You've traumatized me
and because they've been traumatized, Well, now it's okay for
(12:51):
me to cut off the people that.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Are usually labeled narcissists.
Speaker 7 (12:56):
Right.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I think that's what they do right now, and it
doesn't always have to be. I first learned about this
with a girlfriend I had. She was upset with me,
and you're a narcissist. And I said, oh my gosh,
I'd never heard of such a thing. But since I
have this wealth of brilliant people at my disposal as
a talk radio host, guess what. I just happened to
(13:17):
be interviewing a woman, doctor Tracy Kempbell, who wrote the
book on narcissism, and I took the liberty of asking
her if I was a narcissist. And I told her
everything I had to tell her, and she said, no,
you're not a narcissist. She said, you know, we can
have narcissistic tendencies. And she said, people like you need
them more than others. And I said, people like me,
What does that mean? And she said, well, people that
work in the public eye, people that you know are
(13:38):
on radio or television, or even athletes. She said, you
can't go and do your job and not feel like
you're great at it. You've got to feel like you're
doing an amazing job because you need to deliver. And
I said, well, thank god, I thought I was just
self assured. You know, this girl had me thinking I
was a narcissist. Now full disclosure. She was just upset
because I was being a jerk in some instances, and
(13:59):
I was not a.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Outright narcissist.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
But the bottom line was, I realized that there were
things that I was saying and doing that caused her
to believe.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
That I was a narcissist.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And I think there was some you know, inaccurate use
of this term, which I think is very popular today.
Everybody is somehow an narcissist, and any kid lately now
that has been held accountable by their parents is now
a victim of trauma. And because you've caused me trauma,
I don't want to talk to you, right, And that's
what a lot of kids are doing.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And I'm a gen xer.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I'm forty seven years old, so I'm on the younger
side of life, I think still so my kids are
in their twenties, both of them once twenty one's twenty four,
and they both still talk to me but I've had
my bouts of you know, my kid's not talking to me,
that's for sure. I have two daughters, but by and large,
we get along well despite the occasional friction. But there
(14:58):
are people out there that have experienced some serious disconnects
with their children. And I think to myself, I think
I would buckle and start crying if I thought my
kids would never talk to me again.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Right.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
I've heard some parents talk about three years going by
two and a half years. I heard one mom say
it was eight years where they hadn't talked to their kid,
And I'm thinking, how do you not talk to your
kid in that long? My kids, when they do get
mad at me, it's because I'm calling them more than
once in a day, going hey, everything right, you got gas?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Everything good?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
That's me right, I guess the quote unquote helicopter parent. Anyway,
So I'm going to dig into that. We're scheduled to
have psychosocial therapists join us in a little bit to
talk about that.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
A little bit.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Before I get into that, I want to circle back
because this perceived trauma, right, It's something that's affecting a
lot of people. Some people feel traumatized by what's happening
with the Democrat Party in America, by the outright fraud
that we're seeing all over the place. Right Minnesota, in
my opinion, is the tip of the iceberg, the tip
of the spear. We're just learning now how fraud looks.
(16:01):
That you can take money out of a daycare center
that's paid for by the government for a poor community
where parents can't afford to have daycare. So the government
starts to pay for this daycare. The government, I EU
and me the tax dollar, the taxpayer, and our dollars,
hard earned dollars, go to pay these programs to the
tune of millions. Where they go and they rent a
(16:22):
facility with a fake facade on it that says leering center, ABC,
Childcare whatever and whatnot. And there's nobody there, and some
you know, nineteen or twenty five year old young man
is the manager of somebody who doesn't look like they
have much experience running daycare facilities. And then they will
go ahead and you say that they are the principal there,
(16:45):
that they are the school director or whatever, and what
have you. So this Nick Shirley that I've been talking
about all night, and you've probably heard and seen on.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
The social media.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
He took them to task and visited I forget how
many locations, but plenty many of them, and nobody was
there to answer his call, and nobody wanted to show
them the inside of the facility. Now I get it.
Somebody came to my facility and said, hey, do you
guys hate to have kids here?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Can I see?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
I've probably punched them in the face and be like,
if you want to see little kids, what are you sick?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Oh, get out of here.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Bro, And I would chase them off, but I understand
the need and the willingness to do that. You know,
if you want to see the kids, you're going to
see them when they leave with their parents, and you
better keep your distance or I'm calling the cops. But
apparently no kids were ever leaving and no parents ever
came because there was nobody there to begin with. Everybody
seems to be in on the scam. This is the
(17:38):
problem that's got people in it's izzy, right. So you've
got this Nick Shirley. Now he's getting beaten up all
over the media.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
There.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
They're pushing back. They're calling him an islama phobe. They
are saying, you're doing this because you hate everybody because
you're just the worst that there is.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Tell the truth.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
You're doing this because we're Muslims, and he's saying, no,
it's not about that at all. Matter of fact, he
was on a podcast recently and he was discussing how
he really he's got nothing. He's got no dirt in
his closet where you can come and get him, and
I'll play that for you in a moment. But there's
something more pressing, which is now that these daycare centers
(18:20):
are under scrutiny. All of a sudden, out of nowhere,
one of the daycare directors comes out and says, all right,
we're gonna have a press conference, and I'm here to
let you know that we no longer have the student's
enrollment records, we no longer have our payroll and employee
records that everybody wants to know about, because we were
(18:43):
robbed last night, thank you very much. And we were
robbed because of that guy, Nick Shirley, because he went
out there saying that we are defrauding everyone and that
if you just look at our books you would know
that we're lying. Well, guess what, I'm here to tell
you that they stole our books.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Listen to this.
Speaker 8 (18:59):
These people are like I saw something. Someone's calling me
like a PDF. They're seeing all these crazy allegations. I'm like, hey,
what sex for them is? They're never going to be
able to get me. I don't drink alcohol, I don't
do drugs. I'm a virgin. I don't have sex with
random girls. You're not gonna catch me on no sexual allegation, chargers.
I don't have any addictions. I don't have many vices.
(19:19):
So where are these people going to get me before?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Oh, they're done? Religious?
Speaker 8 (19:23):
I'm religious.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
I believe in God. I'm everything they hate. So what
are they gonna get me for it? They can't get
me for anything, like.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
They're gonna make sure for my personal posit Right there,
That is Nick Shirley. He's on with an Iranian immigrant,
Patrick Beck David on his podcast, The PPD Podcast, and
he's telling him that you can't get me on anything
because I've got no dirt, So.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Bring it right, bring it.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
But apparently they're in damage control, and like I said,
they're saying that they've lost their papers conveniently, that they
were robbed.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Conveniently.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
This manager at the Nacomas daycare center in Minneapolis says
they got broken into.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I think we have that clip lined up. Do we
go right ahead?
Speaker 9 (20:05):
Yesterday morning I was called by the owner because unfortunately,
someone came in to our daycare. We looked and saw
what happened, and we saw that the suspect came in
from the back, broke in from the back kitchen, and
he also destroyed the wall to come in. As we
(20:27):
walked around the daycare, we saw that our office doors
was broken into us all.
Speaker 8 (20:33):
We saw that.
Speaker 9 (20:35):
Unfortunately, we saw that there was important documentation enrollment of
the children and also employee documentation that was gone.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Held on a second unfortunately for who for me? Because
I want to know if you guys are defrauding the public. Clearly,
this is not unfortunate for you because it seems like
a cover up in the making.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Go ahead.
Speaker 9 (20:56):
There were also check books or ripped from our check
papers that were from our book. This is devastating news
and we don't know why this is targeting our so
all the community. As one video made by a specific
individual made this all happen. We've been receiving hateful messages
(21:21):
through our voice notes threatening us. In the past couple
of days, including one that happened yesterday morning, when the
breaking after the breaking. This is frightening and exhausting because
this is happening to us some all the communities, as
some all the Americans. We are supposed to stand with
each other and help each other.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
All right, he's standing, he's helping. Guess what.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Listen, people are going to be upset when they find
out that they've been ripped off. And the hubris here
is just palpable. I want to go to the phones.
Who do we have in the phone bank? Sir?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
We have Sue in Schwanksville.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Oh my goodness, it's my good friend, Sue in Schwegsville, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Sue, go for it. You're on with Richveld.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Well, it's great to hear your boys on the radio again.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Buddy, Hey, hey, hey, how are you.
Speaker 7 (22:12):
I'm I'm surviving. It's cold out here.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Happy New Year to you, Sue.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Happy New Year to you too. Anyway, the story I
have for you, it isn't a parent and child situation,
but it's my sister and myself. Okay, so we grew
up to your part. We were so tight we could
read each other's minds. You know. That's how yeah, and uh,
(22:37):
when Trump was elected the first time, she suddenly got
really cool with me and all that. I could tell
she didn't like my politics, because I'm very vocal about it,
as you know. Yeah, and so you know, every now
and then I would text her just to reach out,
try to keep that line of communication open and test
the waters and see if she was talking to me again.
(22:57):
But you know, it's for the first four years of
Trump's administration and for all of Biden. No, she wasn't
warming up at all. And then when Trump got elected
the second time, she unfriended me on Facebook. Now she
lives in DC. She doesn't live anywhere near me.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
That's part of the problem.
Speaker 7 (23:15):
Yeah, so she unfriended me on Facebook, and it's like
she's a complete stranger to me.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Now, how long have you not talked to her?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Well, I've texted her here and there, but no, it's
in years.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
She isn't right back.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
She'll give me one word answers back or something like that.
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
So this is not like a family beef. This is
really she went hard left you. In her opinion, you're
a hard right fascist.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And that's where this stems from exactly.
Speaker 7 (23:51):
In fact, one of my one of my other cousins
saw something she posted about she was so upset that
Trump was elected she had to do something. So something
that she had to do was you know, to sun
her own closest family members, which I just don't get it.
I wasn't like that when Obama was in there. I
(24:11):
feel like she's entitled to her opinion, you know what
I mean. I'm like, yeah, I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Well, you know, so here's what I've learned over the years.
It's about the first point you made here, not the
family part in life. There really are people that just
believe things that we don't believe.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Right.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
So I can't imagine myself ever really being in a
situation where I think communism is great. And listen, my
parents were once ill. My mom was oxygen dependent and
there were different programs that she needed to make use of.
But I look at that and I say, that is
what those programs are for, right, People who literally can't
(24:51):
do for themselves. But if you can do for yourself,
you should want to do for yourself, right. I think
we have to have this type of pragmatic look at things.
But there are people who think, you know, why would
I work. And I've seen these videos people coming into
this country, like from Venezuela saying why would I work
if we got idiot Americans that are willing to pay
taxes and they keep paying them when the idiot Americans
(25:13):
are willing to give me money to stay home.
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Yeah. Are all these people that are crying about their
snap been it's just going away goud Right. They all
have blue hair, they all have an eyepoll, they have
long tanger nails. They pay for all that stuff and
their whinian crying about how oh the texts are supposed
to take care of my kids? What am I going
to do now? Well, you're going to go to work
or you're going to stop buying all that other stuff
that you're wasting money on, you know.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
And that is such an interesting thing because you know,
that's like a real world example of exactly what I'm
talking about, this disconnect from reality in my opinion. Right,
But I realized there's a lot of people. One of
them is very educated, the son of a professor. He's
now the mayor of New York City, Zara Mamdani. He
truly believes in collectivism. He thinks that this is the
way forward. He's a nipple baby himself. He now has
(26:00):
a government job. He's never really had a job before.
In the job he had before this was also a
government job as an assemblyman. So he's never made a business,
although his mom, I think, has a business and she's
very successful and made a lot of money. But fascinating
to me how you can come from a background like
that and where you you know, your mom.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Made millions making films, very entrepreneurial.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
There's no government there, and yet you're still here talking
about we need you know, we need to govern as
democrats socialists.
Speaker 7 (26:31):
And he was living in a rent control department too.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
Right, right, he's practicing what he preaches. He loves it.
Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. Well, you know,
I'm gonna bring up your your situation to Jill Robin Pain,
who's joining me in the next at the bottom of
the hour, because I think too often we see this,
and I never saw it as much as I did
over the holidays, where you know, it was like I
(26:58):
guess I had clicked on one video from a woman
named Tanya Khazal I think is her name, and she
is a person that did that to her mom. She
cut her mom off for eight years, and then one
day realized, I'm doing the devil's work. This is not godly.
I should not have ever done this. And now she
dedicates herself to counseling others on how to reconcile and
(27:21):
how your mom or dad is not the enemy and
the root cause of every problem you have, even if
modern psychology is telling you that. And I found that
to be fascinating. So I started following her, and then
next thing you know, I got all these different videos,
and one of them came my way from Oprah Winfrey,
and I.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Watched the entire episode of Oprah.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
It might be the only time in my life I've
ever watched a one hour Oprah Winfrey episode, but I did,
and let me tell you, it was fascinating. She really
did have a very diverse panel on there. She had
a guy who, by my estimation, he might be a liberal,
but in that setting, he was the most conservative there.
He stood for family, he stood for making a reconciliation
(28:02):
with your children. He had a daughter that cut him
off and bought into this way of thinking. Then she
had the author of one of these books that tells
you it's okay to walk away from your family. And
then she had somebody that's even further to the left
than that psychologist, another one who's saying, look, if your
parents cause you problems and they're causing you a traumatic reaction,
(28:23):
you need to cut them off. And I thought to myself,
this is not good. And the three of them had
a very collegial conversation, and each of them made some
interesting points. I was mainly with the guy that I'm
labeling as the conservative, because he made the most sense
where at the end of the day, you're together with
your children. And most of the audience thankfully agreed, but
there were a couple of young people in the audience, soo,
(28:45):
oh my gosh. One woman, she was proud. She's like, yep,
it's been almost four years. I haven't talked to my mother,
not even a text. And she was proud of this.
And it graduated because obviously it sparks other problems where
your siblings will call, you may get an answer and uncle.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Hey you got to call your mom. What are you thinking?
What are you doing?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
And then they get cut off, and as years go by,
you cut off more and more family. And she literally
with a straight face and a smile, said she was
probably like twenty five years old.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
She said, well, they said.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
How do you manage that without being with your family?
She said, well, I've made a new family. I have friends,
I have coworkers, I have pets now. And I thought,
and she was so proud of that, and I was
literally like, you're laughing now. I was laughing and shaking
my head in sadness for her, because I thought, who
would want to replace their family with a bunch of strangers.
I mean, jokingly, many many of us make I'll take
the strangers and the dog. But at the end of
(29:38):
the day, you know, if you're in a jam and
you got to bury a body, you know who you
got a call and it's not.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Strangers and the new dog. That's sure unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
Well, Sue, I appreciate the call. I'm hopeful to chat
with you again more. We do calls on the new
show as well, and I'm looking forward to it, and
we'll be doing the video stream real soon, So keep
an eye on on my social media for that announcement.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
It's coming up soon.
Speaker 7 (30:00):
Because it's been great hearing your voice again. I sure
miss you.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Oh thank you, I miss you too. I really miss
I miss Gil from Manila. I can't wait to talk
to him again too, and I'm looking forward to this
new venture with video. It's you know, I've become accustomed
to being a radio guy, so I can do a
show in my underwear and you never know.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Right and uh, you can't do that on video. You
get in trouble like that guy from CNN and.
Speaker 7 (30:21):
With that pork pie. Happy that you have exactly.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Thank you so much to Happy new Year to you.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Thanks for the call, and he goes, we are coming back.
It's Rich Valdez and straight ahead, we're gonna check in
with Jill Robin Pain.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
This is a.
Speaker 7 (30:40):
This is a.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
President Donald J. Trump, mister President, welcome to the program service.
Speaker 7 (30:53):
Well, thank you, Rich, and thank you for everything.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I know you very well and I have I listened,
but I have a lot of people that listen and
they love your show and I appreciate it very much.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
All right, I mean, he goes, welcome back. It's Rich
Valdes and the best head of hair and talk radio.
That's me Rich Valdez VALDESZ with an s at Rich
valdest on all of the social media. I am the
host of this is America with Rich Valdes. Make sure
you subscribe to that. I'd love it if you could.
Plus YouTube, Rumble, all those things. Subscribe to those two.
If you're enjoying what you're hearing, I'd love to continue
(31:24):
the conversation on video. We're doing a big announcement on
video in a couple of weeks, and I'd love for
you to be a part of it.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Anyway, I was scrolling.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
A big part of my day involves scrolling, typically for
news to find out what's going on in the world. However,
every now and again you run into different things, things
that are kind of went off, things that affect our
real life, just like Sue and Schwanksville, Pennsylvania just talked
about when she was explaining about her falling out with
her sister over El Trompetos and all this. Magnus the
(31:52):
forty fifth president of these United States at presidenty and
he's also the forty seventh by the way, and wow,
you know, it's just remarkable that you see so much
family estrangement, the estrangement of adult children, especially during the holidays.
That's difficult. And I heard a clip from doctor Daniel Aman.
(32:13):
He's a psychiatrist typically talking about ADHD and other brain issues,
but I thought it was interesting listen to.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
This garrantee In two words from a child psychiatrist, firm
and kind. If you just always think about those two words,
you're going to be a good parent. Kids named boundaries
and they need you to enforce them, but not with anger,
(32:43):
not with madness, not with belittle men, with kindness. And
if you just think of the best coach you ever had,
they noticed what you did right, and they taught you
when you needed to do better, notice what you did
right and they taught you. And then think of the
worst coaches you ever had, and they noticed what you
(33:09):
did wrong and belittled you.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Now that advice from doctor Daniel Aman is great, right,
sound advice be be fair but kind right, accountability with kindness,
And that sounds great. However, my parents didn't get that either, right.
I didn't have that kind of upbringing. It was actually
the opposite. It was if you did something wrong, you
were belittled, and I never held them accountable.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
I never said I'm leaving. I mean when it was
time to leave, I left.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
But maybe that's the issue, right, Maybe that's why kids
now stay with their parents it's well into their thirties.
And I was, you know, on my own in the
world at eighteen. But I have some had some resentment
towards my parents, mainly until I had my own kids
and I realized, oh, I was a big part of
the problem, not them, but in in terms of you know, hey,
(34:02):
take out the garbage. Then you do it all, you know,
half hearted, and you know, you get a slick remark
like you know, what's wrong with you? You know, anything like that.
You know, think of the old Italian parents saying what
do use do not? You know that type of thing,
and that was normal, It was just normal. And today's
(34:23):
standard tells you that that normal was really us being
used to trauma and abuse.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
That this is abuse.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
And while it may be, and I don't mean to
trivialize abuse, but I can tell you I worked for
the State of New Jersey in the Department of Children
and Families, and that was not the standard for abuse
at the time.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Right, It wasn't abuse, it wasn't neglect.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
Now, you could make the case over a prolonged period
of time of telling a kid, what are you stupid?
What's wrong with you? Saying that over and over and
over may affect him. I'm pretty sure it can and
it will. But I think everybody's heard a comment like
that in a moment of frustration from a parent, which
is probably one of the hardest jobs. But the bottom
line is, yes, be fair and be kind. But how
(35:06):
many of us have that experience. And maybe some of
you listening to me are saying, oh, my gosh, Rich
your parents were tyrants.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I can't believe they were so unkind to you. I
don't know. I think my parents were terrific.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
They did the best they could with what they had,
which wasn't a lot, right, and we all have to
move forward in life. I think we're built, we're designed
to survive. Now, that doesn't mean everybody gets a pass,
and if we can learn something from our mistakes, we should.
And I think as my parents got older, they became
(35:37):
better and they raised my kids, you know, as grandparents
for the time that they were around them, if you
can call it raising them. But you know, they treated
my kids, I would say, better than they treated me,
that's for sure, right, But they were older. They were older,
they were more tired, they had less energy to fight,
and there was you know, it's a different world plus
(35:58):
they raised me, So I raised some pretty good kids
and they had, you know, less of a hard headed
little kid to deal with in my opinion. But all
of that being said, today's modern psychologists, at least some
of them, are out there saying that you've got to
cut off your parents if they are the source of
your pain, and don't talk to them, protect your peace.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
Now.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
Doctor Aman's advice was to be kind, but hold accountable,
and it reminded me of a book by Jill Robin
Pain where she talks about having banter with empathy, a
phrase she's coined called empathy. And she's written a series
of books of which I have all and they're very
(36:43):
good and I recommend them. But Jill Robin Pain is
with us right now, and I want to get her
take on the conversation we're having.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Jill Robin Pain, licensed psychotherapist.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Welcome, Hey Rich, how you doing. Happy New Year, Happy
New Year to you too. We're starting out good here
in Houston. Seventy degrees.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Look at you.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
I'm jealous flip flops and shorts if you give me
seventy degrees. So, Joe Robin Pain, there's a lot of
adult children that are now saying, look, I don't need it.
I don't need you to be in my life if
you are giving me a hard time, if you were
going to say, what are you stupid? For some people,
it's the exact opposite experience I had where I had
(37:23):
kids and gave my parents, my parents more grace. Some
people have kids and go, you know what, I don't
want my kids to grow up around these people because
these people are mean.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Well, I'm going to say that this has been going
on since my thirty four year old was growing up.
It started. So it is a cultural thing that we
are changing. A lot of our society on a whole
is taking away power from the parents, and it's very
important for parents to have have power. You could correctly
(37:59):
have power, because if you don't, then people aren't going
to uh, you know, the kids aren't going to They're
going to start taking an inch and then they take
a mile. And they need to know who is the
what is the word leader, not even the boss. So
in my book, remember I have a leader, a follower,
(38:19):
and a compromiser. Parents need to be the leader and
they need to write and they and what does a
leader do? In my book, beacon looks like a lighthouse.
They guide, they model, they enlighten, and that's what parents
are for. And what's happening in society is social media,
the Internet, all of this is taking control away from
(38:42):
the parents. I'm going to tell you it started with
my son, because back then, children can call the CPS
on you if you spank them. And I even had
a friend of mine tell her kid, well, you go
ahead and do that, then you'll be in the system.
That's fine with me. And so I think we need
(39:05):
to be more.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
FII Joe, I just want you to know that's exactly
what I told my kids. Yeah, I worked there and
at that time, and I told them, I said, listen,
guess what happens, right, if you get any crazy ideas
you call them, they're taking you out of the house,
not me, And.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
You're going to go a liv bit poem, not me.
Speaker 4 (39:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yeah, So I think we also need to be educated
and a lot of the concerns and it's not just me,
it's that social media communication breakdown is happening where the
screens are becoming the parents of the kids. And you're
going to see this and I'm not saying what we're
(39:45):
talking the studies are showing one in four families have
a strange individual from family members. So I mean it's
not everybody. We just need to look around. You'll see
little kids in restaurants. Parents are on their phones, and
you'll have kids on some device. And so we need
(40:06):
to just do more of face to face and show
the kids that we are their model, their leader. And
if they have questions, of course, remember we had an
interview and I said family meetings. We need family meetings
where people right, where people connect. So there's a big disconnect,
(40:26):
and I tell my clients the answer is not blocking.
The answer is not ghosting. The answer is bantering, bantering
back and forth, and that builds connection and then get
to know the person, start listening, looking and seeing what's
going on. And remember we talked about you don't have
(40:46):
to like your boss to get along with them. And
so what's happening in our generation because we've gone from
focusing on the importance of family and the responsibility of
taking care of parents and so forth, as we've gone
more to individualism and of course, well we have algorithms.
(41:09):
I'm right, you're wrong. I mean, it's a great day
when I'm on the Internet, Everything that comes to me
is all about Jill. So, yeah, we need to be
educated on this. And I really feel bad. It is
on the rise, and I think that I don't know
if you remember, and I think it was nineteen, it
was around twenty twenty two. Narcissistic parents.
Speaker 7 (41:33):
It was a big thing. Oh yeah, you remember that.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
It became a thing.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
It started with parents and it went to boyfriends and
girlfriends and if anybody don't like, you're a narcissist.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Exactly exactly. And it got me so.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
And I do remember it happened to me.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
And I was actually interviewing a lady who wrote a
book on narcissism at the time, and I told her
about what.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Was going through.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's wild. And so I even did a
little snippet on the difference is there's something called ecocentric,
which is from Pja and he was a theorist on children,
and this happened. This happens with kids from two to seven,
and you remember that age where it's all about them.
(42:14):
They do the peekaboo thing and they can only see
their point of view, and then there's egocentric where you're
you know, you're fabulous, it's all about you. Narcissism is
a little bit more in depth, where it's they know
what they do, they're doing, they're manipulating the situation, and
you know, and it's a very small percentage of our population,
(42:37):
so we just we didn't need to go to psychologists, psychiatrists,
psychotherapists to find out what really is happening when it's
something emotional or psychological.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
J Robin Pain.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
There's so many people listening right now that may either
have a friend or a family member. I mean, just
moments ago, I was tea this upcoming segment and one
of my longtime callers, Sue from a Shanksville, Pennsylvania, called
in and said that her family estrangement was with her
and her sister, that her sister stopped talking to her
(43:13):
because she's pro Trump and the sister is not, and
and even made a post saying, look, sometimes when you
have people who are part of the problem, you have
to do something about it. And what she decided to
do about it was stop talking to her sister. And
when you see this answer right now, I've had this
problem with your profession for quite some time in that
I think, and it's not personal to you right. It's
(43:36):
just a critique on those that side with.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
Separation. Right.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
I think separation can be therapeutic at times, but I
don't think the answer is, Oh, you and your wife
don't get along, You guys should get a divorce. Oh
you don't like your parents. Oh they you know, they
said you didn't clean your room and you need to
do better. Well, that's abuse, And I'm trivializing something that's
a little more complicated, but I'm doing it for the
sake of saying there. There's a whole school of thought
(44:03):
out there, and there's books that are talking about protecting
your peace at all costs, and they recommend as a
last alternative, cutting these people off. Now I understand that
that's always a risk, you know, consideration. But the last
thing in the world I'm going to do, Joe Robin
Vain is call you and agreed to pay your fee
(44:24):
per hour to end up just stopping talking with.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Everybody, right, and then we've become isolated, which is a
lot of what's happening. So I don't, you know, I
don't talk like that. So I would tell people that first,
to look at the whole picture. I tell people, and
it depends that they've been sexually abused, emotionally abused, right
(44:47):
because a crime involved, Right, how is it affecting their life?
What really happened? And even I like kids to know
both parents because they need to know where they come from.
So if someone is abusive, I'd like them to be
(45:08):
if they are have someone with the child at the time,
so they at least or at a later date in
their life. People need to know where they come from.
And as I have friends that have had children just
break off from them, and I tell them, one, be patient, rich,
be patient, and I say, be consistent. Now that we
(45:30):
have texting, it's so wonderful. You can text people just
say hi, thinking of you don't expect anything to come
and and just sort of wait it out. Also a
mindset knowing that this is going to work out. This
is what I tell people, because if you have hope,
have hope. If you don't have hope, you might as
well be dead. So and that goes with anything. And
(45:53):
I truly believe in the law of attraction. So I
like to focus on if I'm having problems with my husband,
I focus on what I want him to do, not
what I don't want him to do. And then usually
it happened. So I think that goes with this conversing
with people and taking people out of our lives. You
don't learn anything if you just push people out and
(46:14):
you can limit There's so many different things you can
do with people when you.
Speaker 4 (46:18):
Get yeah, well, and that's what I think creating effective
boundaries comes into place, right. But for some people, the boundary,
the automatic boundary is you're out now the other side
of that question, and in just a couple of minutes
that we have remaining, I want to get your sense
of right now. I think the advice you gave is
to the parent, right the parent that's listening that has
an adult twenty something or thirty something, be patient. So
(46:40):
what do you tell that twenty something or thirty something
that's like, look, I feel like I am less than
as a person because every time I made a mistake,
I was punished for this mistake and I wasn't allowed
to scrape my knee and learn as like some of
my friends were. And when I got to college, I
realized it's a whole different world out here. And some
(47:00):
parents just go, that's okay, sweetie, better luck next time.
And some parents are harder than on their kids than others.
What do you say to the kid that's saying, you
know what I
This is America with Rich Valdez, powered by politweek dot
com and.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Rich Valdes is with us. Former Christian Administration official.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You worked at Chris Christie and Fallistas on a lot
of public service stuff, Rich.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Valdez, Communist now with the Washington Times. This is America, Richiev.
You're on the air with a nation Nation with America
with your host, Rich Valdez. What's up, America.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
I am Rich Valdes Valdez with an s at Rich
Valdez on all of the social media.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Happy Friday. We're now into our.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
First full week, right back from Happy New Year. Welcome
to the program, seventeen blocks away from Madison Square Garden,
Rich Valdez, it's a pleasure to be with you in
honor and a blessing. Lots of stuff. New footage on
that shooting from the ice officer. Apparently we have an
actual video. He had a phone in his pocket and
(00:56):
it was almost like a bodycam video shows you everything
how they were taunting these guys, how the other officer
pulled up and told her to get out of the car,
and the minute he said to get out of the car,
she did the dip. She tried to do the getaway.
It was really really something to watch. Short video too.
It's on my social media if you want to check
it out at rich Valdes. If you want to join
the program, feel free to give us a call. Eight
(01:17):
seven seven valdest one eight seven seven My last name
VALDESZ with an S and followed by the number one.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Now, I want to get into a few things.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
President Trump says he is not going to launch a
second attack on Venezuela because they are cooperating and they
have now released eight hundred prisoners that have been set
free from captivity. These people were being held by the regime.
Some say in torture chambers, others say in different situations.
(01:46):
I saw some videos showing that they were just in
jail because they believed in Jesus. They were pastors, preachers
and trying to spread the gospel, which is again contrary
to what the regime stood for. The Communists don't believe
in God, so you're not allowed to do that. Another
thing that happened today, President Trump, he says no to
a pardon for Diddy. Now I know because I have
(02:10):
a friend that is a consultant to a team Didty
and I was told that they were pushing very hard
to try and.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Get a.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Actual pardon, and it was a long shot and President
Trump shut that down today. So that's the latest on that.
And there's also this story coming out of the United
Arab Emirates. Apparently the UAE is now banning their college
(02:41):
students from studying in the UK. Why for fear of
them becoming radicalized radicalized Islamists. The United Arab Emirates are
afraid that their citizens are going to become radical Islamists
if they go to school in England. Wild never thought
(03:03):
I'd hear that. So they've stopped off funding for anything
related to helping people do that. And this is because
of their concern over the Muslim Brotherhood. And let me
tell you this was really interesting because a lot of
people don't realize how, I guess, intense these things can be.
(03:27):
But very intense, that's all I could say. Listen to
this exchange between Ian Hersey Ali and the gb News channel.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Check this out.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
There was a report in France last year which warned
that the problem with organizations like Muslim Brotherhood is they
don't really operate top down through violence, but bottom up
through state infiltration through embedding themselves in schools, councils, police
authorities and so on. And while we have you, I
do want to ask you. We're going to come to
this in a bit more detail later on in the show.
(04:01):
But we have had this case recently in the West
Midlands in Birmingham of a police a police force seemingly
being lobbied or pressured by local islemiss which to me
is classic behavior in the genre of bottom up infiltration.
And is this what the UAE are worried about as well?
Is this evidence of a Muslim brotherhood style infiltration of
(04:25):
British society.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
Absolutely, And to be honest with you, when I read publications,
yes there's the French report, but the best, most comprehensive
reports actually written by British people and British institutions. So
British intelligence understands exactly who the Muslim Brotherhood is, that
there are a hydro with many heads that they operate
through front groups. They understand how they use and abuse
(04:50):
the system. So it isn't a lack of knowledge, it's
really a lack of political will. It is your government
making a t of and thinking, you know, they do
mobilize this larger demographic which they radicalize in mosques, in
youth camps, in schools, and yes, in university campuses. We're
(05:12):
seeing a lot of you know the side effects of
that radicalization of young people, seeing it take place in
our streets. You know what happened after October seventh, in
the last two years, and how they come out shouting
and aliging with you know, the Marxist Communist left. But
(05:33):
in any case, we know it. And I think what
the UAE is telling us over and over again is
we don't mind you taking that risk for yourselves in
your own country. It's self destructed. They've wanted us, they know,
they've lived with this. The UA used to funded the
Muslim Brotherhood. They hosted the Muslim brother so did Saudi Arabia,
and over time they found out the Muslim Brotherhood is
(05:55):
like a cancer. Along with these Islamist they wanted to
establish themselves and then overthrow the existing authorities and take
power and control. They've told us all of these things.
They've collaborated with us. I think the UA is a remarkable,
fantastic country, But then here we are, and I think
I don't blame the UAE for, you know, looking after
their own interests and especially looking after the youth.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Again, that's Ian Herciali, herself a former Muslim and a
member of Congress in the Netherlands. She's she's part of
the intelligency and I think she always makes a lot
of sense.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
But the UAE cutting funding for.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Citizens to study in the UK over Muslim brotherhood tensions.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's the headline in the Financial Times.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
And again I never thought i'd see this, but it
just corroborates so many of the videos that we've seen
where you have Muslims saying we don't want the Muslim brotherhood.
It explains why there are these seven border walls between
the Gaza strip in Egypt. I've never understood that, right,
(07:00):
I always, even with Jordan, I never understood why why
are they separating themselves from quote unquote Palestine? And now
I understand because the threat of radical Islamism in the
name of Hamas or in the name of the Muslim brotherhood,
these things have ruined civil society in Egypt and in Jordan,
(07:25):
and they're not interested. And I'm not saying this to
disparage Muslims. I'm saying this to disparage Islamists. Right, These
radical terrorist people that use their religion as a ruse
to go ahead and assume the political powers. So that
was a couple of minutes that I wanted you to
(07:45):
hear from that conversation because I thought it was really
just eye opening and really interesting, especially in light of
all of the what's the word I want to look
for all of the fraud that we've seen coming out
of Minnesota and whatnot with Tim Walls resigning and everything.
So I want to switch gears a little bit because
we're gonna bring in Jill Robin Payne in a little bit.
(08:07):
But a couple of other things I wanted to mention
we're gonna get into a bunch of things tonight. We've
talked about a lot of hard political topics. If you're
still in the car and you're not eating dinner yet,
welcome to the party. I'm gonna try and keep it
light and let my hair down. And I don't even
have any hair, So how about that. We're gonna take
it easy. We're gonna do some old school talk.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Radio here, right. I don't wanna. I don't want to
get you angry.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
I'm not sending you into the weekend thinking about your taxes,
your Obamacare going up, your this or that, anything like that.
I want you calm, cool and collected, kind of like
mom Nannie was when he took his oath of office
uh in New York City's first Muslim mayor, taking the
oath of office UH, saying that he is going to
(08:47):
govern as a Democrat socialist. He was elected as a
Democrat socialist and he's not letting up on that. And
you know what, I get it. I understand.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
UH.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
This is what people do.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I've always understood and always known that we have differences
of opinion in our society. Right there are people that
like the New York Mets, and there are people that
like the New York Yankees.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
That's a thing.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Not everybody's like Philly, where you got Eagles and Phillies.
It's more diverse sometimes in other places. Some people like chicken,
some people like steak. And I've never said, you know,
I don't like you, although somebody told me yesterday, just yesterday,
they wished me a happy New Year, offered me a
pork chop.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
And said good because I don't trust people that don't
eat pork. Okay, whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But for the most part, I think we get along
with people who eat differently than we do.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
I understand how life works.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Right. I'm not here to beat you up. I am
here to have those conversations that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Need to be had.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And I say that to say, I feel like our
society has moved in a direction that we haven't always
been in.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Right.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
We weren't always at each other's throats. We used to
take a more positive approach. I'm gonna say a more
Christian approach, right, a more love your neighbor approach, because
it seems that we've given up on a lot of civility.
And I say we because I think all of us
play a role, myself included right, doing conservative talk radio.
And it's okay to be passionate about the things you
(10:09):
believe in while still respecting other people.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Is my thought.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
And that's why I like to talk on the phone
with the callers and those that dissent. If you have
a disagreement with me, move to the front of the line.
But I want to get into a number of things, because,
like I said, they can steal your car with antenna's.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
We're going to talk about that in a little bit.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
They can also there was this other thing I had here, Oh,
the topic of civility, right, It's one that I want
to stay on for a little bit because I think
most people want civility. Then there are people that become
fed up with getting downtrodden, right, with being taken advantage of,
with always doing the right thing, being raised to do
the right thing, and then having the people that disagree
(10:47):
with you not do the right thing and seemingly be
rewarded for it, or if nothing else, not held accountable
for it, not paying the price for their sin, if
you will. And that's what we see with the Somalian
community in Minnesota. Of course, there's fraud all over the place.
Fraud is as rampant as it's ever been since the
(11:09):
beginning of time. But when you have it happening in
a community that clearly is antagonistic towards our way of
life in America, say hey, we never had a problem
with you until now that we know there's fraud, and
they turn around and say, this is because I'm a Muslim. No,
it's not because you're a Muslim. It's because you're stealing
money that you didn't work for. That's really where the
(11:32):
problem is. And I think this is where people are
getting very very upset and this is why I like
to look at things from I guess, the most humorous
point of view that I can. Right, you got to
take everything with a grain of salt as best you can.
And I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw Cory Kahaney.
She's a comedian and had a very very interesting thing
(11:52):
to say, go right ahead. This pract like this really
nice aunt who promises to take you to.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
Disney World, but then something always comes up and she
never comes to it.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
And a Republican is like this really grumpy uncle who
tells you that he can't afford Disney World, but then
you find out that he went without. So I think
that's funny. I like to appreciate the humor of life.
So keeping it on that lighter note, I want to
talk about things that get us upset while doing it
(12:29):
in the best humor, right, in the best demeanor we could.
We're going to talk about the strange children. Apparently it's
a growing trend where people with adult kids get angry
with their parents, read a book or two, or go
on TikTok, and they find out that they've been the
victim of what's the worthy is trauma. You've traumatized me
and because they've been traumatized, Well, now it's okay for
(12:51):
me to cut off the people that.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Are usually labeled narcissists.
Speaker 7 (12:56):
Right.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I think that's what they do right now, and it
doesn't always have to be. I first learned about this
with a girlfriend I had. She was upset with me,
and you're a narcissist. And I said, oh my gosh,
I'd never heard of such a thing. But since I
have this wealth of brilliant people at my disposal as
a talk radio host, guess what. I just happened to
(13:17):
be interviewing a woman, doctor Tracy Kempbell, who wrote the
book on narcissism, and I took the liberty of asking
her if I was a narcissist. And I told her
everything I had to tell her, and she said, no,
you're not a narcissist. She said, you know, we can
have narcissistic tendencies. And she said, people like you need
them more than others. And I said, people like me,
What does that mean? And she said, well, people that
work in the public eye, people that you know are
(13:38):
on radio or television, or even athletes. She said, you
can't go and do your job and not feel like
you're great at it. You've got to feel like you're
doing an amazing job because you need to deliver. And
I said, well, thank god, I thought I was just
self assured. You know, this girl had me thinking I
was a narcissist. Now full disclosure. She was just upset
because I was being a jerk in some instances, and
(13:59):
I was not a.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Outright narcissist.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
But the bottom line was, I realized that there were
things that I was saying and doing that caused her
to believe.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
That I was a narcissist.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And I think there was some you know, inaccurate use
of this term, which I think is very popular today.
Everybody is somehow an narcissist, and any kid lately now
that has been held accountable by their parents is now
a victim of trauma. And because you've caused me trauma,
I don't want to talk to you, right, And that's
what a lot of kids are doing.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And I'm a gen xer.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
I'm forty seven years old, so I'm on the younger
side of life, I think still so my kids are
in their twenties, both of them once twenty one's twenty four,
and they both still talk to me but I've had
my bouts of you know, my kid's not talking to me,
that's for sure. I have two daughters, but by and large,
we get along well despite the occasional friction. But there
(14:58):
are people out there that have experienced some serious disconnects
with their children. And I think to myself, I think
I would buckle and start crying if I thought my
kids would never talk to me again.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Right.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
I've heard some parents talk about three years going by
two and a half years. I heard one mom say
it was eight years where they hadn't talked to their kid,
And I'm thinking, how do you not talk to your
kid in that long? My kids, when they do get
mad at me, it's because I'm calling them more than
once in a day, going hey, everything right, you got gas?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Everything good?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
That's me right, I guess the quote unquote helicopter parent. Anyway,
So I'm going to dig into that. We're scheduled to
have psychosocial therapists join us in a little bit to
talk about that.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
A little bit.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Before I get into that, I want to circle back
because this perceived trauma, right, It's something that's affecting a
lot of people. Some people feel traumatized by what's happening
with the Democrat Party in America, by the outright fraud
that we're seeing all over the place. Right Minnesota, in
my opinion, is the tip of the iceberg, the tip
of the spear. We're just learning now how fraud looks.
(16:01):
That you can take money out of a daycare center
that's paid for by the government for a poor community
where parents can't afford to have daycare. So the government
starts to pay for this daycare. The government, I EU
and me the tax dollar, the taxpayer, and our dollars,
hard earned dollars, go to pay these programs to the
tune of millions. Where they go and they rent a
(16:22):
facility with a fake facade on it that says leering center, ABC,
Childcare whatever and whatnot. And there's nobody there, and some
you know, nineteen or twenty five year old young man
is the manager of somebody who doesn't look like they
have much experience running daycare facilities. And then they will
go ahead and you say that they are the principal there,
(16:45):
that they are the school director or whatever, and what
have you. So this Nick Shirley that I've been talking
about all night, and you've probably heard and seen on.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
The social media.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
He took them to task and visited I forget how
many locations, but plenty many of them, and nobody was
there to answer his call, and nobody wanted to show
them the inside of the facility. Now I get it.
Somebody came to my facility and said, hey, do you
guys hate to have kids here?
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Can I see?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
I've probably punched them in the face and be like,
if you want to see little kids, what are you sick?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Oh, get out of here.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Bro, And I would chase them off, but I understand
the need and the willingness to do that. You know,
if you want to see the kids, you're going to
see them when they leave with their parents, and you
better keep your distance or I'm calling the cops. But
apparently no kids were ever leaving and no parents ever
came because there was nobody there to begin with. Everybody
seems to be in on the scam. This is the
(17:38):
problem that's got people in it's izzy, right. So you've
got this Nick Shirley. Now he's getting beaten up all
over the media.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
There.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
They're pushing back. They're calling him an islama phobe. They
are saying, you're doing this because you hate everybody because
you're just the worst that there is.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Tell the truth.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
You're doing this because we're Muslims, and he's saying, no,
it's not about that at all. Matter of fact, he
was on a podcast recently and he was discussing how
he really he's got nothing. He's got no dirt in
his closet where you can come and get him, and
I'll play that for you in a moment. But there's
something more pressing, which is now that these daycare centers
(18:20):
are under scrutiny. All of a sudden, out of nowhere,
one of the daycare directors comes out and says, all right,
we're gonna have a press conference, and I'm here to
let you know that we no longer have the student's
enrollment records, we no longer have our payroll and employee
records that everybody wants to know about, because we were
(18:43):
robbed last night, thank you very much. And we were
robbed because of that guy, Nick Shirley, because he went
out there saying that we are defrauding everyone and that
if you just look at our books you would know
that we're lying. Well, guess what, I'm here to tell
you that they stole our books.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
Listen to this.
Speaker 8 (18:59):
These people are like I saw something. Someone's calling me
like a PDF. They're seeing all these crazy allegations. I'm like, hey,
what sex for them is? They're never going to be
able to get me. I don't drink alcohol, I don't
do drugs. I'm a virgin. I don't have sex with
random girls. You're not gonna catch me on no sexual allegation, chargers.
I don't have any addictions. I don't have many vices.
(19:19):
So where are these people going to get me before?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Oh, they're done? Religious?
Speaker 8 (19:23):
I'm religious.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
I believe in God. I'm everything they hate. So what
are they gonna get me for it? They can't get
me for anything, like.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
They're gonna make sure for my personal posit Right there,
That is Nick Shirley. He's on with an Iranian immigrant,
Patrick Beck David on his podcast, The PPD Podcast, and
he's telling him that you can't get me on anything
because I've got no dirt, So.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Bring it right, bring it.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
But apparently they're in damage control, and like I said,
they're saying that they've lost their papers conveniently, that they
were robbed.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Conveniently.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
This manager at the Nacomas daycare center in Minneapolis says
they got broken into.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I think we have that clip lined up. Do we
go right ahead?
Speaker 9 (20:05):
Yesterday morning I was called by the owner because unfortunately,
someone came in to our daycare. We looked and saw
what happened, and we saw that the suspect came in
from the back, broke in from the back kitchen, and
he also destroyed the wall to come in. As we
(20:27):
walked around the daycare, we saw that our office doors
was broken into us all.
Speaker 8 (20:33):
We saw that.
Speaker 9 (20:35):
Unfortunately, we saw that there was important documentation enrollment of
the children and also employee documentation that was gone.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Held on a second unfortunately for who for me? Because
I want to know if you guys are defrauding the public. Clearly,
this is not unfortunate for you because it seems like
a cover up in the making.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Go ahead.
Speaker 9 (20:56):
There were also check books or ripped from our check
papers that were from our book. This is devastating news
and we don't know why this is targeting our so
all the community. As one video made by a specific
individual made this all happen. We've been receiving hateful messages
(21:21):
through our voice notes threatening us. In the past couple
of days, including one that happened yesterday morning, when the
breaking after the breaking. This is frightening and exhausting because
this is happening to us some all the communities, as
some all the Americans. We are supposed to stand with
each other and help each other.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
All right, he's standing, he's helping. Guess what.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Listen, people are going to be upset when they find
out that they've been ripped off. And the hubris here
is just palpable. I want to go to the phones.
Who do we have in the phone bank? Sir?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
We have Sue in Schwanksville.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Oh my goodness, it's my good friend, Sue in Schwegsville, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Sue, go for it. You're on with Richveld.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Well, it's great to hear your boys on the radio again.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Buddy, Hey, hey, hey, how are you.
Speaker 7 (22:12):
I'm I'm surviving. It's cold out here.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Happy New Year to you, Sue.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Happy New Year to you too. Anyway, the story I
have for you, it isn't a parent and child situation,
but it's my sister and myself. Okay, so we grew
up to your part. We were so tight we could
read each other's minds. You know. That's how yeah, and uh,
(22:37):
when Trump was elected the first time, she suddenly got
really cool with me and all that. I could tell
she didn't like my politics, because I'm very vocal about it,
as you know. Yeah, and so you know, every now
and then I would text her just to reach out,
try to keep that line of communication open and test
the waters and see if she was talking to me again.
(22:57):
But you know, it's for the first four years of
Trump's administration and for all of Biden. No, she wasn't
warming up at all. And then when Trump got elected
the second time, she unfriended me on Facebook. Now she
lives in DC. She doesn't live anywhere near me.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
That's part of the problem.
Speaker 7 (23:15):
Yeah, so she unfriended me on Facebook, and it's like
she's a complete stranger to me.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Now, how long have you not talked to her?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
Well, I've texted her here and there, but no, it's
in years.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
She isn't right back.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
She'll give me one word answers back or something like that.
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
So this is not like a family beef. This is
really she went hard left you. In her opinion, you're
a hard right fascist.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And that's where this stems from exactly.
Speaker 7 (23:51):
In fact, one of my one of my other cousins
saw something she posted about she was so upset that
Trump was elected she had to do something. So something
that she had to do was you know, to sun
her own closest family members, which I just don't get it.
I wasn't like that when Obama was in there. I
(24:11):
feel like she's entitled to her opinion, you know what
I mean. I'm like, yeah, I don't get it.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Well, you know, so here's what I've learned over the years.
It's about the first point you made here, not the
family part in life. There really are people that just
believe things that we don't believe.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Right.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
So I can't imagine myself ever really being in a
situation where I think communism is great. And listen, my
parents were once ill. My mom was oxygen dependent and
there were different programs that she needed to make use of.
But I look at that and I say, that is
what those programs are for, right, People who literally can't
(24:51):
do for themselves. But if you can do for yourself,
you should want to do for yourself, right. I think
we have to have this type of pragmatic look at things.
But there are people who think, you know, why would
I work. And I've seen these videos people coming into
this country, like from Venezuela saying why would I work
if we got idiot Americans that are willing to pay
taxes and they keep paying them when the idiot Americans
(25:13):
are willing to give me money to stay home.
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Yeah. Are all these people that are crying about their
snap been it's just going away goud Right. They all
have blue hair, they all have an eyepoll, they have
long tanger nails. They pay for all that stuff and
their whinian crying about how oh the texts are supposed
to take care of my kids? What am I going
to do now? Well, you're going to go to work
or you're going to stop buying all that other stuff
that you're wasting money on, you know.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
And that is such an interesting thing because you know,
that's like a real world example of exactly what I'm
talking about, this disconnect from reality in my opinion. Right,
But I realized there's a lot of people. One of
them is very educated, the son of a professor. He's
now the mayor of New York City, Zara Mamdani. He
truly believes in collectivism. He thinks that this is the
way forward. He's a nipple baby himself. He now has
(26:00):
a government job. He's never really had a job before.
In the job he had before this was also a
government job as an assemblyman. So he's never made a business,
although his mom, I think, has a business and she's
very successful and made a lot of money. But fascinating
to me how you can come from a background like
that and where you you know, your mom.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Made millions making films, very entrepreneurial.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
There's no government there, and yet you're still here talking
about we need you know, we need to govern as
democrats socialists.
Speaker 7 (26:31):
And he was living in a rent control department too.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
Right, right, he's practicing what he preaches. He loves it.
Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. Well, you know,
I'm gonna bring up your your situation to Jill Robin Pain,
who's joining me in the next at the bottom of
the hour, because I think too often we see this,
and I never saw it as much as I did
over the holidays, where you know, it was like I
(26:58):
guess I had clicked on one video from a woman
named Tanya Khazal I think is her name, and she
is a person that did that to her mom. She
cut her mom off for eight years, and then one
day realized, I'm doing the devil's work. This is not godly.
I should not have ever done this. And now she
dedicates herself to counseling others on how to reconcile and
(27:21):
how your mom or dad is not the enemy and
the root cause of every problem you have, even if
modern psychology is telling you that. And I found that
to be fascinating. So I started following her, and then
next thing you know, I got all these different videos,
and one of them came my way from Oprah Winfrey,
and I.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Watched the entire episode of Oprah.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
It might be the only time in my life I've
ever watched a one hour Oprah Winfrey episode, but I did,
and let me tell you, it was fascinating. She really
did have a very diverse panel on there. She had
a guy who, by my estimation, he might be a liberal,
but in that setting, he was the most conservative there.
He stood for family, he stood for making a reconciliation
(28:02):
with your children. He had a daughter that cut him
off and bought into this way of thinking. Then she
had the author of one of these books that tells
you it's okay to walk away from your family. And
then she had somebody that's even further to the left
than that psychologist, another one who's saying, look, if your
parents cause you problems and they're causing you a traumatic reaction,
(28:23):
you need to cut them off. And I thought to myself,
this is not good. And the three of them had
a very collegial conversation, and each of them made some
interesting points. I was mainly with the guy that I'm
labeling as the conservative, because he made the most sense
where at the end of the day, you're together with
your children. And most of the audience thankfully agreed, but
there were a couple of young people in the audience, soo,
(28:45):
oh my gosh. One woman, she was proud. She's like, yep,
it's been almost four years. I haven't talked to my mother,
not even a text. And she was proud of this.
And it graduated because obviously it sparks other problems where
your siblings will call, you may get an answer and uncle.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Hey you got to call your mom. What are you thinking?
What are you doing?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
And then they get cut off, and as years go by,
you cut off more and more family. And she literally
with a straight face and a smile, said she was
probably like twenty five years old.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
She said, well, they said.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
How do you manage that without being with your family?
She said, well, I've made a new family. I have friends,
I have coworkers, I have pets now. And I thought,
and she was so proud of that, and I was
literally like, you're laughing now. I was laughing and shaking
my head in sadness for her, because I thought, who
would want to replace their family with a bunch of strangers.
I mean, jokingly, many many of us make I'll take
the strangers and the dog. But at the end of
(29:38):
the day, you know, if you're in a jam and
you got to bury a body, you know who you
got a call and it's not.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Strangers and the new dog. That's sure unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
Well, Sue, I appreciate the call. I'm hopeful to chat
with you again more. We do calls on the new
show as well, and I'm looking forward to it, and
we'll be doing the video stream real soon, So keep
an eye on on my social media for that announcement.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
It's coming up soon.
Speaker 7 (30:00):
Because it's been great hearing your voice again. I sure
miss you.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Oh thank you, I miss you too. I really miss
I miss Gil from Manila. I can't wait to talk
to him again too, and I'm looking forward to this
new venture with video. It's you know, I've become accustomed
to being a radio guy, so I can do a
show in my underwear and you never know.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Right and uh, you can't do that on video. You
get in trouble like that guy from CNN and.
Speaker 7 (30:21):
With that pork pie. Happy that you have exactly.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Thank you so much to Happy new Year to you.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Thanks for the call, and he goes, we are coming back.
It's Rich Valdez and straight ahead, we're gonna check in
with Jill Robin Pain.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
This is a.
Speaker 7 (30:40):
This is a.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
President Donald J. Trump, mister President, welcome to the program service.
Speaker 7 (30:53):
Well, thank you, Rich, and thank you for everything.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I know you very well and I have I listened,
but I have a lot of people that listen and
they love your show and I appreciate it very much.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
All right, I mean, he goes, welcome back. It's Rich
Valdes and the best head of hair and talk radio.
That's me Rich Valdez VALDESZ with an s at Rich
valdest on all of the social media. I am the
host of this is America with Rich Valdes. Make sure
you subscribe to that. I'd love it if you could.
Plus YouTube, Rumble, all those things. Subscribe to those two.
If you're enjoying what you're hearing, I'd love to continue
(31:24):
the conversation on video. We're doing a big announcement on
video in a couple of weeks, and I'd love for
you to be a part of it.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Anyway, I was scrolling.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
A big part of my day involves scrolling, typically for
news to find out what's going on in the world. However,
every now and again you run into different things, things
that are kind of went off, things that affect our
real life, just like Sue and Schwanksville, Pennsylvania just talked
about when she was explaining about her falling out with
her sister over El Trompetos and all this. Magnus the
(31:52):
forty fifth president of these United States at presidenty and
he's also the forty seventh by the way, and wow,
you know, it's just remarkable that you see so much
family estrangement, the estrangement of adult children, especially during the holidays.
That's difficult. And I heard a clip from doctor Daniel Aman.
(32:13):
He's a psychiatrist typically talking about ADHD and other brain issues,
but I thought it was interesting listen to.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
This garrantee In two words from a child psychiatrist, firm
and kind. If you just always think about those two words,
you're going to be a good parent. Kids named boundaries
and they need you to enforce them, but not with anger,
(32:43):
not with madness, not with belittle men, with kindness. And
if you just think of the best coach you ever had,
they noticed what you did right, and they taught you
when you needed to do better, notice what you did
right and they taught you. And then think of the
worst coaches you ever had, and they noticed what you
(33:09):
did wrong and belittled you.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Now that advice from doctor Daniel Aman is great, right,
sound advice be be fair but kind right, accountability with kindness,
And that sounds great. However, my parents didn't get that either, right.
I didn't have that kind of upbringing. It was actually
the opposite. It was if you did something wrong, you
were belittled, and I never held them accountable.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
I never said I'm leaving. I mean when it was
time to leave, I left.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
But maybe that's the issue, right, Maybe that's why kids
now stay with their parents it's well into their thirties.
And I was, you know, on my own in the
world at eighteen. But I have some had some resentment
towards my parents, mainly until I had my own kids
and I realized, oh, I was a big part of
the problem, not them, but in in terms of you know, hey,
(34:02):
take out the garbage. Then you do it all, you know,
half hearted, and you know, you get a slick remark
like you know, what's wrong with you? You know, anything like that.
You know, think of the old Italian parents saying what
do use do not? You know that type of thing,
and that was normal, It was just normal. And today's
(34:23):
standard tells you that that normal was really us being
used to trauma and abuse.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
That this is abuse.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
And while it may be, and I don't mean to
trivialize abuse, but I can tell you I worked for
the State of New Jersey in the Department of Children
and Families, and that was not the standard for abuse
at the time.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Right, It wasn't abuse, it wasn't neglect.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
Now, you could make the case over a prolonged period
of time of telling a kid, what are you stupid?
What's wrong with you? Saying that over and over and
over may affect him. I'm pretty sure it can and
it will. But I think everybody's heard a comment like
that in a moment of frustration from a parent, which
is probably one of the hardest jobs. But the bottom
line is, yes, be fair and be kind. But how
(35:06):
many of us have that experience. And maybe some of
you listening to me are saying, oh, my gosh, Rich
your parents were tyrants.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I can't believe they were so unkind to you. I
don't know. I think my parents were terrific.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
They did the best they could with what they had,
which wasn't a lot, right, and we all have to
move forward in life. I think we're built, we're designed
to survive. Now, that doesn't mean everybody gets a pass,
and if we can learn something from our mistakes, we should.
And I think as my parents got older, they became
(35:37):
better and they raised my kids, you know, as grandparents
for the time that they were around them, if you
can call it raising them. But you know, they treated
my kids, I would say, better than they treated me,
that's for sure, right, But they were older. They were older,
they were more tired, they had less energy to fight,
and there was you know, it's a different world plus
(35:58):
they raised me, So I raised some pretty good kids
and they had, you know, less of a hard headed
little kid to deal with in my opinion. But all
of that being said, today's modern psychologists, at least some
of them, are out there saying that you've got to
cut off your parents if they are the source of
your pain, and don't talk to them, protect your peace.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
Now.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
Doctor Aman's advice was to be kind, but hold accountable,
and it reminded me of a book by Jill Robin
Pain where she talks about having banter with empathy, a
phrase she's coined called empathy. And she's written a series
of books of which I have all and they're very
(36:43):
good and I recommend them. But Jill Robin Pain is
with us right now, and I want to get her
take on the conversation we're having.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Jill Robin Pain, licensed psychotherapist.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Welcome, Hey Rich, how you doing. Happy New Year, Happy
New Year to you too. We're starting out good here
in Houston. Seventy degrees.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Look at you.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
I'm jealous flip flops and shorts if you give me
seventy degrees. So, Joe Robin Pain, there's a lot of
adult children that are now saying, look, I don't need it.
I don't need you to be in my life if
you are giving me a hard time, if you were
going to say, what are you stupid? For some people,
it's the exact opposite experience I had where I had
(37:23):
kids and gave my parents, my parents more grace. Some
people have kids and go, you know what, I don't
want my kids to grow up around these people because
these people are mean.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Well, I'm going to say that this has been going
on since my thirty four year old was growing up.
It started. So it is a cultural thing that we
are changing. A lot of our society on a whole
is taking away power from the parents, and it's very
important for parents to have have power. You could correctly
(37:59):
have power, because if you don't, then people aren't going
to uh, you know, the kids aren't going to They're
going to start taking an inch and then they take
a mile. And they need to know who is the
what is the word leader, not even the boss. So
in my book, remember I have a leader, a follower,
(38:19):
and a compromiser. Parents need to be the leader and
they need to write and they and what does a
leader do? In my book, beacon looks like a lighthouse.
They guide, they model, they enlighten, and that's what parents
are for. And what's happening in society is social media,
the Internet, all of this is taking control away from
(38:42):
the parents. I'm going to tell you it started with
my son, because back then, children can call the CPS
on you if you spank them. And I even had
a friend of mine tell her kid, well, you go
ahead and do that, then you'll be in the system.
That's fine with me. And so I think we need
(39:05):
to be more.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
FII Joe, I just want you to know that's exactly
what I told my kids. Yeah, I worked there and
at that time, and I told them, I said, listen,
guess what happens, right, if you get any crazy ideas
you call them, they're taking you out of the house,
not me, And.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
You're going to go a liv bit poem, not me.
Speaker 4 (39:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yeah, So I think we also need to be educated
and a lot of the concerns and it's not just me,
it's that social media communication breakdown is happening where the
screens are becoming the parents of the kids. And you're
going to see this and I'm not saying what we're
(39:45):
talking the studies are showing one in four families have
a strange individual from family members. So I mean it's
not everybody. We just need to look around. You'll see
little kids in restaurants. Parents are on their phones, and
you'll have kids on some device. And so we need
(40:06):
to just do more of face to face and show
the kids that we are their model, their leader. And
if they have questions, of course, remember we had an
interview and I said family meetings. We need family meetings
where people right, where people connect. So there's a big disconnect,
(40:26):
and I tell my clients the answer is not blocking.
The answer is not ghosting. The answer is bantering, bantering
back and forth, and that builds connection and then get
to know the person, start listening, looking and seeing what's
going on. And remember we talked about you don't have
(40:46):
to like your boss to get along with them. And
so what's happening in our generation because we've gone from
focusing on the importance of family and the responsibility of
taking care of parents and so forth, as we've gone
more to individualism and of course, well we have algorithms.
(41:09):
I'm right, you're wrong. I mean, it's a great day
when I'm on the Internet, Everything that comes to me
is all about Jill. So, yeah, we need to be
educated on this. And I really feel bad. It is
on the rise, and I think that I don't know
if you remember, and I think it was nineteen, it
was around twenty twenty two. Narcissistic parents.
Speaker 7 (41:33):
It was a big thing. Oh yeah, you remember that.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
It became a thing.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
It started with parents and it went to boyfriends and
girlfriends and if anybody don't like, you're a narcissist.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Exactly exactly. And it got me so.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
And I do remember it happened to me.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
And I was actually interviewing a lady who wrote a
book on narcissism at the time, and I told her
about what.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Was going through.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's wild. And so I even did a
little snippet on the difference is there's something called ecocentric,
which is from Pja and he was a theorist on children,
and this happened. This happens with kids from two to seven,
and you remember that age where it's all about them.
(42:14):
They do the peekaboo thing and they can only see
their point of view, and then there's egocentric where you're
you know, you're fabulous, it's all about you. Narcissism is
a little bit more in depth, where it's they know
what they do, they're doing, they're manipulating the situation, and
you know, and it's a very small percentage of our population,
(42:37):
so we just we didn't need to go to psychologists, psychiatrists,
psychotherapists to find out what really is happening when it's
something emotional or psychological.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
J Robin Pain.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
There's so many people listening right now that may either
have a friend or a family member. I mean, just
moments ago, I was tea this upcoming segment and one
of my longtime callers, Sue from a Shanksville, Pennsylvania, called
in and said that her family estrangement was with her
and her sister, that her sister stopped talking to her
(43:13):
because she's pro Trump and the sister is not, and
and even made a post saying, look, sometimes when you
have people who are part of the problem, you have
to do something about it. And what she decided to
do about it was stop talking to her sister. And
when you see this answer right now, I've had this
problem with your profession for quite some time in that
I think, and it's not personal to you right. It's
(43:36):
just a critique on those that side with.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
Separation. Right.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
I think separation can be therapeutic at times, but I
don't think the answer is, Oh, you and your wife
don't get along, You guys should get a divorce. Oh
you don't like your parents. Oh they you know, they
said you didn't clean your room and you need to
do better. Well, that's abuse, And I'm trivializing something that's
a little more complicated, but I'm doing it for the
sake of saying there. There's a whole school of thought
(44:03):
out there, and there's books that are talking about protecting
your peace at all costs, and they recommend as a
last alternative, cutting these people off. Now I understand that
that's always a risk, you know, consideration. But the last
thing in the world I'm going to do, Joe Robin
Vain is call you and agreed to pay your fee
(44:24):
per hour to end up just stopping talking with.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Everybody, right, and then we've become isolated, which is a
lot of what's happening. So I don't, you know, I
don't talk like that. So I would tell people that first,
to look at the whole picture. I tell people, and
it depends that they've been sexually abused, emotionally abused, right
(44:47):
because a crime involved, Right, how is it affecting their life?
What really happened? And even I like kids to know
both parents because they need to know where they come from.
So if someone is abusive, I'd like them to be
(45:08):
if they are have someone with the child at the time,
so they at least or at a later date in
their life. People need to know where they come from.
And as I have friends that have had children just
break off from them, and I tell them, one, be patient, rich,
be patient, and I say, be consistent. Now that we
(45:30):
have texting, it's so wonderful. You can text people just
say hi, thinking of you don't expect anything to come
and and just sort of wait it out. Also a
mindset knowing that this is going to work out. This
is what I tell people, because if you have hope,
have hope. If you don't have hope, you might as
well be dead. So and that goes with anything. And
(45:53):
I truly believe in the law of attraction. So I
like to focus on if I'm having problems with my husband,
I focus on what I want him to do, not
what I don't want him to do. And then usually
it happened. So I think that goes with this conversing
with people and taking people out of our lives. You
don't learn anything if you just push people out and
(46:14):
you can limit There's so many different things you can
do with people when you.
Speaker 4 (46:18):
Get yeah, well, and that's what I think creating effective
boundaries comes into place, right. But for some people, the boundary,
the automatic boundary is you're out now the other side
of that question, and in just a couple of minutes
that we have remaining, I want to get your sense
of right now. I think the advice you gave is
to the parent, right the parent that's listening that has
an adult twenty something or thirty something, be patient. So
(46:40):
what do you tell that twenty something or thirty something
that's like, look, I feel like I am less than
as a person because every time I made a mistake,
I was punished for this mistake and I wasn't allowed
to scrape my knee and learn as like some of
my friends were. And when I got to college, I
realized it's a whole different world out here. And some
(47:00):
parents just go, that's okay, sweetie, better luck next time.
And some parents are harder than on their kids than others.
What do you say to the kid that's saying, you
know what I
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