March 26, 2025 • 25 mins
Breaking through to your next level of business success requires more than just better tactics—it demands becoming the person capable of operating at that level. 💪 The challenge? We often elevate our current struggles to the status of fixed identity, creating concrete barriers that resist change.
Your current identity is delivering precisely the results you're experiencing. Those identity statements like "I'm not good on the phone," 📞 "I'm not a morning person," ⏰ or "I'm just not organized" 📅 aren't harmless self-descriptions—they're self-imposed limitations that keep you tethered to your current reality. When challenged, we defend these limitations fiercely, as though they're fundamental truths rather than malleable characteristics.
True transformation begins when you recognize these statements for what they are: stories you've been telling yourself. 📣The path forward requires reframing these limitations as opportunities for growth. Replace "I'm bad on the phone" with "I'm learning how to have better conversations with practice." This subtle shift moves the challenge from fixed identity (concrete) to malleable skills (wet clay).
The most actionable approach? "Act as if." Begin structuring your day, conversations, and mindset as if you're already the successful agent you aspire to become. Through consistent practice, what initially feels disingenuous gradually becomes your authentic self. Your identity will catch up to your actions, and you'll discover you've become the person capable of achieving what once seemed impossible. 💫
Ready to shed the limiting identities holding back your business? Join Reed and Jake now to discover how to transform who you are to achieve what you want! 🚀
Get started breaking through those limitations NOW by using AreaPro! Visit areapro.com/rmg today for an exclusive discount and demonstrate your professionalism immediately 💥
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
In real estate and in sales.
There's such a need forpersonal growth, especially if
you want your real estatebusiness not just to thrive, as
in you make more money, but youbecome who you're created to be.
Anything that moves to thelevel of identity becomes so
hard to move that it reallykeeps us from growth.
(00:24):
Hard to move that it reallykeeps us from growth.
Real estate agents welcome back.
You're here on the RMG AgentPodcast.
We're so thrilled that you'reback here with us.
We're here just to delivervalue to you guys, help you out
with your business, and it'sgoing to be an awesome, awesome
episode today, as always.
Go to areaprocom forward slashrmg.
(00:45):
Check out the product.
We love it.
We think every professionalagent should have it.
Welcome again to season three.
Jake, here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
We are here and we are doing personal growth today.
Yes, actually, we're doingpersonal growth for this season,
and we did a part one last weekof what we're calling Warning
Breakthrough May CauseDiscomfort, and we talked about
awareness and self-awareness,and today we're doing part two,
which is Identity Shift.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah, so we talked about this kind of preparing for
this season and just thereality that we, what we think
is the reality is, you know theold saying that your business
grows to the extent that you do,and for all intents and
purposes, especially in realestate and in sales, there's
such a need for personal growth,especially if you want your
real estate business not just tothrive, as in you make more
(01:36):
money, but you become who you'recreated to be right Like.
You end up not hollow at thecore.
You build those internalstructures that really help you,
and so we're going to focusthis season on on personal
growth to be able to helpunderwrite the real estate
professionals business.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yep, yep, and we did so again.
It's a triangle, witheverything's a triangle, but
this is going to be a basemiddle, top and we talked about
the base, which was ourawareness and our self-awareness
.
Do you want to give them acouple of quick bullet points?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah, yeah.
So just kind of going back toour last episode, right, you
know, something like 95% ofpeople identify as self-aware
and statistically, somewherebetween like 12 and 15%, I think
it is, uh, people are actuallyself-aware.
And so there's there's thiswhole series of really hard
things that actually goes intogrowing awareness, and I've just
chosen in my life to identifyas not self-aware.
Right, and it's helpful,because if I start from this
(02:30):
premise that I'm not aware andthere's things that I can do
about that, I've found that mygrowing process is a lot better.
And so talking about that, thatof course leads us into going.
You know, identifying that wayleads us into our second piece
of breakthrough, which isactually identity shift.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, so identity shift.
And this isn't political, thisisn't anything like that.
This is going to be identitywithin your personal growth of
your business.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So I guess to start and maybe this even is a little
bit political there there ismaybe an identity crisis that we
have in our culture right nowand the thing that happens to us
is we can elevate things to thelevel of identity.
We can elevate our behaviors, wecan elevate our choices, we can
(03:17):
elevate so many things all theway to this level of what we
might call a primary identity,and then it really becomes a
problem, because if I have abehavior that I need to change,
right, that's going to behelpful for my life or helpful
for my business, but I have kindof like enshrined that thing
and I have put it in concreteand like you can't touch it and
you can't talk to me about this,all of a sudden I've moved from
(03:39):
from any chance of a growthmindset to a very, very fixed
mindset, and anything that movesto the level of identity
becomes so hard to move that itreally keeps us from growth
without really you know, maybeeven some substantial, you know
damage being done to us to beable to move us forward.
(04:00):
And it's really important, Ithink, in this, in the space of
personal growth, that we'recareful about elevating things
to this level of identity.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
So we talked about in the pre-planning for this, that
your identity is getting youyour current results.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yes, yeah, so.
So if you look at your currentresults and whether that's the
amount of business that you'redoing or the amount of time it
takes you to do that business,or you're on a leadership path
and you constantly are havingthis problem with breakthrough
around growing into becoming aleader, you know.
The first one we talked aboutis self-awareness.
Right, what am I bringing tothe table here that's creating
(04:38):
these negative results?
And I want to sort that out andjust get to reality.
Right, what is actual realityaround this?
And so once I move from thatand I establish reality, got it,
I see it, I'm clear.
Here's how I'm showing up.
The next thing that we need todo is we need to take a look and
say, okay, what is my currentidentity?
And and not just what's myidentity, but what are the
(04:59):
different markers, specificallythe language and the things that
I say that that maybe tip myhat to the fact that I have some
fixed identity things going onthat, uh, that I need to be able
to change if I want to breakthrough, or grow, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So fix, fix mindset in your identity of, of, um the
way that you're showing up on adaily basis.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yeah, so there's very few things.
I'm I'm very careful with mylanguage around this and, uh,
there are very few things thatare just really hard, fast,
primary identity things.
Uh, I think in general, that's,I think, a healthy way to live
life, because so many otherthings, I want them to be
opportunities for growth, right.
And so, uh, we put together alist of just things that that
(05:41):
you know they might be what youcall identity statements and
their identity statements thatyou might feel deeply and you
might believe to be true.
And the reality, going back toawareness and self-awareness,
the reality is is that thesethings might be true in your
current experience, but thequestion is, uh, do they have to
(06:02):
be true?
Do they have to be your reality?
And if the answer is yes, thenthe conversation is done, right.
And if it happens to besomething that is holding you
back and you hold it with thislike this has to be true, or
this has to be true for me, orthis is 100 percent true, then
you're just stuck Like this is acheckmate situation.
(06:23):
I just tip over the king, walkaway from the board, right.
But if we operate from thisidea of you know, a growth
mindset and being able tochallenge these things, then I
want to be able to challenge thelanguage, and you can even say
the story that I'm tellingmyself.
So some of the things that Ihear out of people's mouth very,
very frequently are things likelike um, I'm not good on the
(06:44):
phone, right.
And then they elevate that,like they bring it to a place
like jake, I'm not good at thephone, and what they're really
saying is don't talk to me aboutthis.
I have made up my mind who I am.
Is somebody who's not good onthe phone?
Yeah, right, and it's justconcrete, right?
Another one might be I'm bad atsales.
Uh, this one, this, this onedrives me crazy.
(07:05):
I'm not a morning person, right, okay.
So so what does that mean?
Does that mean currently Istruggle with my level of energy
and focus in the morning, or Istruggle getting out of bed, or
is it don't ever try to help meget better faster in the morning
, right?
I don't know what that means,because it can mean identity.
(07:28):
Or it can mean here's mycurrent state Now, just because
something's your current state,and maybe it's something that
that should be challenged, orgrowth doesn't mean it's the
next logical thing to grow.
So the problem for people likeme, who I'm just like an
incessant challenger, is,anytime I hear one of these
statements, I want to challengeit and I want to like, like you
know, just just take that thingto the carpet.
(07:50):
The problem is is that ifsomebody's on a growth
trajectory or a growth path,this might be three or four or
twenty thousand items down theroad in their growth.
So so you have to be careful,because when you start seeing
these things in other people,that's kind of not the point of
this conversation.
The point of this conversationis congratulations, you see
things that need to be fixed inother people.
(08:11):
Everybody, everybody has thisgift right of seeing things that
are wrong with other people.
The issue is that thisself-awareness of I need to be
able to look in the mirror and Ineed to be able to grow me
that's the primary thing thatwe're talking about this season
is personal growth, not don'tgrow and fix everybody around
(08:33):
you, yeah, and from personalexperience, it's much easier to
fix everybody outside of themirror, but that person in the
mirror is the hardest person totalk to.
Yeah, everybody wants theirspouse to grow and can probably
list out the five things thatthey need to grow in.
I was talking to a friend awhile back and they were very
clear on the three things thattheir spouse was not up to speed
(08:55):
on or not at the level of theirexpectations on.
And then we just startedtalking about you know, like
well, hey, what about thesethings?
And it was like, don't talk tome about that.
So, okay, right, because itagain, it's just, it's so
difficult.
And again, we wouldn't betalking about it if it wasn't
difficult.
Right, I'm not organized, I'mnot a natural leader, I'm
(09:19):
terrible at networking.
I'm bad with technology.
I'm not a numbers person, I'man introvert, so I can't
prospect.
Right, I'm not confident enough.
I'm not creative, I'm notdisciplined, I'm no good at
hiring or managing people.
I'm too old.
I'm too young to succeed inbusiness.
I'm just not a high achiever.
All of these things can becurrently true.
(09:41):
The issue is have you elevatedto the point where people cannot
challenge you on it and you areunwilling to challenge yourself
?
If you're unwilling to bechallenged and it's not
impacting your life or yourbusiness, high five, right, you
may not need to grow in thatarea right now, maybe ever right
.
But the issue is if I'm lookingat my business and I'm
(10:04):
dissatisfied with my results orI'm dissatisfied with the amount
of time and energy I'm havingto put in.
Now we have to start askingthese questions like, hey, is it
reasonable to have an identityshift around this particular
issue?
And I think the answer is yes.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay, so let's talk about reframing identity.
So you've decided that that isnot a concrete identity.
You need to grow in this area.
And we've been tellingourselves let's say, let's go
with the I'm not a morningperson one, If we're going to
reframe, I'm not a morningperson.
What are we going to do?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yeah, so.
So we start with this idea ofif we're going to shift our
identity, then I I'm, myidentity is current, giving me
my current results, but I wantdifferent results.
And so now I need to grow intothe person who's going to be
able to, over time, getdifferent results.
And so, if I'm not a morningperson, I might say something
like I'm training my body tohave more energy in the mornings
(11:00):
.
So I'm not denying the realitythat if you watch me, you're
going to find that I am not, I'mnot super activated in the
morning.
You might find that I'mcurrently, by way of behavior or
mindset or action, not amorning person.
But if I bring that out ofidentity into behavior or, we
(11:21):
would say, into the area ofskills, now all of a sudden it's
not concrete.
Now it's wet clay, right.
So I say this I say somethinglike I'm training my body to
have more energy in the morning.
So I'm saying here's where I amand because I need an identity
shift, I am doing somethingabout it.
Because, conversely, if we lookand we elevate this thing to,
(11:43):
to this level of identity, andit's negative and it's impacting
me in a negative way.
If I can break that down and Ican turn that into wet clay.
And then I can say somethinglike you know, over the course
of time and hard work, hardeffort, maybe even years, I
might say, oh my gosh, jake, I'ma morning person, I get stuff
done, I have so much energy inthe morning.
Okay, if I re elevate that upto the point of like a secondary
(12:07):
or tertiary identity, now I'mputting it back in concrete, but
what I'm concreting is a reallygood building block for success
in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah.
And now, now mornings canbecome some of your most
effective time during the day.
Yes, because you've gonethrough that identity shift,
okay, so let's see.
Here's a couple other ones.
I'm bad on the phone.
I'm learning how to have betterconversations with practice.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yes, yes, that's amazing.
You're bad on the phone, so iseverybody that starts that right
?
It's funny because, you know,with kids, you know when our
kids were younger, we wouldstart making them call people
and reach out to people andlearn how to talk.
And we realized that,especially if kids are more
going to be more apt to text orthings like that, that they
(12:55):
actually didn't have thisnatural skill set to communicate
their needs over the phone.
And so this just shows up inthese real practical ways, right
, like they don't know how totalk to somebody at the DMV they
don't know how to talk to likeschool administrators they don't
know how to talk to people.
And it's like, well, I guessyou're stuck the rest of your
life.
You can't communicate withpeople because you're bad on the
phone.
Right, like as a parent, wouldyou ever tell your kid that?
(13:17):
Like, sorry, I guess yourlife's stuck, like you're doomed
to be x?
Like no, no, no, no.
It's us as adults that decidethat we can now do that without
consequence, but it's just nottrue.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
yeah, I would say this is one that I've.
I don't know this was ever anidentity, but there was
definitely times where I was notgood on the phone.
And I'm going to tell you, ifyou're not good on the phone,
like even as you get better,you're still going to have
conversations that aren't goodand you say things that are like
what did?
I just say yeah, or I get outand you, you're pretty close to
(13:49):
me in our office and I'll getoff the phone and look, you know
, like what the heck justhappened there.
Yeah, that's just part of thepractice in getting better.
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So so when we, when we start having an identity
shift, we I think it's importantto recognize the power and
limitations of story.
Story is one of the mostpowerful things that we have of
story, story is one of the mostpowerful things that we have.
When we start telling people astory, the brain actually like a
(14:19):
compelling story one of thereasons you'll like sit on the
edge of your seat to watch acompelling movie or you hear
somebody who's a greatstoryteller telling about you
know, whatever adventure theywent on.
Your brain actually kind ofstarts to sync with theirs and
it becomes a little bit like,actually becomes exactly like
you are in the story Right.
So that's the power of stories.
When we're telling ourselves ortelling other people a story,
(14:39):
it just creates this like newreality.
For long enough that storystarts to create realities and
emotions that aren't necessarilytrue and aren't, like we talked
about, like fixed in concrete,and so one of the best ways that
(15:01):
we can start making an identityshift is simply to choose to
tell a different story.
Now, one of the biggest hurdleswith this, jake, is it feels so
disingenuine If all of my lifeI've been telling people I'm not
a morning people or all of mylife I've been telling people
like, like I'm doing OK, asopposed to choosing a different
(15:22):
story.
Then any different story feelslike I'm lying.
But the problem is, theoriginal story isn't true, it's
your current reality, it's yourcurrent reality, it's your
current framework, and so this,this idea, sometimes, as people
is, I want to internally feel acertain way, and when I feel a
(15:43):
certain way, then I will act outof that.
It's awesome, right, likethat's great, it's a really good
process, like when, whensomething happens on the inside
of you and then it comes out, welove that.
That is just so great and sohealthy.
But the reality is, is your,your internal world and your
external world are, are, aresomewhat hardwired, and so what
can also happen is that I canchoose, uh, external actions and
(16:09):
over time, it will rewire myinternal stuff, right?
So if, if I am somebody who'sgoing through a really hard time
and I'm just like life's hard,life's hard, life's hard, life's
hard, I keep verbalizing life'shard, life's hard, okay, time
out.
What happens over time is thisis hardening, right, and I'm
telling, but, but it is.
Is life hard?
(16:30):
Sure, right, but welcome tolike for everybody, right, your
life might be extremely hardright now.
Compared to what you'veexperienced, it might be not
hard at all compared to somebodyelse's experience.
The issue is is that I feel thatit's genuine for me to express
this externally, but sometimesto my own detriment?
I actually am creating thisreality for myself that when I
(16:52):
wake up in the morning, I go tothe office in the morning, I do
this stuff.
The whole world I see throughthe lens of like the world's out
to get me or whatever it isthat my story is Right, because
the internal feels that way, andso now I'm projecting that
through the external and thenit's hardening and elevating to
identity, right, so I actuallyhave the ability to do this.
But I have to get through this.
(17:12):
This feeling of like it'sdisingenuine, right, we, we, our
story is the genuine thing.
Be careful with that.
The story is just the story.
So if I feel horrible and I feellike, you know, the whole
world's out to get me, I feellike life is hard.
There's always things I canfind, always things I can find
(17:34):
that are positive, that that arepositive, that are encouraging,
that are going right or havethe potential to go right.
So what happens is when I walkinto a situation and life is
currently hard.
I'm going to choose to fightthat clay hardening.
I'm going to fight that turninginto concrete, because it
doesn't help me and it doesn'thelp anybody else around me,
right, right.
Which kind of goes back to theself-awareness.
Like if I'm vomiting on peoplemy story all the time, I'm
(17:56):
actually impacting them in anegative way.
So I might say something likelife is full of opportunities.
Like I'm stoked, I get to learn.
Today, today's another day ofgrowth, right, like I'm in it
today, like I'm, I'm choosingthis and we're saying it.
What happens is we feeldisingenuine.
Disingenuine maybe a little bithopeful, a little bit more
hopeful and over the course oftime, actually we rewire the
(18:19):
internal from the external Right.
Now this feels like likemanipulation Turns out all
leadership is actually kind of akissing cousin with
manipulation.
It just happens with yourmotives.
Leadership is actually kind ofa kissing cousin with
manipulation.
It just happens with yourmotives.
So if my motive is to uh is togo from a place where my
identity is fixed and it's nothelping me to my identity being
(18:42):
elevated to align with my newgoals, I would say, yeah,
manipulate your insides throughyour outsides and your outsides
through your insides.
Uh, by the way, this happensall the time, right?
So we tell kids you know,whatever you intake, whatever
you input, that's going toaffect you, right?
Your friend group, all of thisstuff.
So we already know theseexternal factors start to do
(19:04):
this hard wiring.
So what we have to take a lookat is this idea of, of, of
personal growth is a hard Iwould say, just a hard fact, and
that fact is that I have to bea party to every conversation
that I have.
Every conversation with I havewith another human being I am a
(19:25):
part of and I'm part of wiringthat, every conversation I have
inside of my own head, everyconversation that I have with
myself, like I'm wiring myself.
So if you're hanging out withlike the coolest people, the
best people, the mostencouraging people, they're
still only like maybe 10 or 20%of the influence on your life,
(19:45):
because then you go away andyou're stuck with a conversation
with yourself and my questionis always like, are you an
abusive friend, right?
Maybe not to your other friends, probably to the person in the
mirror.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, yeah, sometimes that is true, yeah, so what I
hear you saying is that if we'rewanting to go to the next level
in our personal growth, we haveto become the person that can
handle that next level.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, yeah, we have to become the person that can
handle the next level of ourgrowth, and so that's this idea
of I'm going to be aware and I'mgoing to work on my awareness,
and now I'm going to starttaking a look at this and saying
what type of identity, whattype of conversations does
somebody have that's at thisnext level?
And if I, if I, if I look atpeople who are at the next level
(20:32):
of where I want to be, and Ijust think, inherently, this is
how they are, this is how theythink.
Some of them, probably a lot ofthem, have actually just spent
lots of years doing repetitionto be able to get in that shape.
I've seen people like inphysical shape that, um, the
reality is they just haven't hadto work very much in their
entire life and they look like,you know, an adonis, right?
(20:56):
Yeah, I've seen more peoplethat I thought that, and then I
heard their stories and then Isaw pictures of them 10 or 20
years ago and I realized whatI'm actually seeing is a
tremendous amount of hard workor a tremendous amount of time.
Right, that's them Probablyboth, and probably both.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
So, when we're talking aboutthis, we need to we have a model
that starts with you know, theultimate question is the who
you're becoming and who yousurround yourself with, and if
you're struggling to get to thatnext level, you might need to
really look at the people yousurround yourself with, yes, as
(21:32):
well as really focus on who youwant to become in the long term
and what are those steps that wehave to take to become that
next person.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, and you're going to run the risk of feeling
disingenuine to yourself.
But the people who are at thenext level of wherever you're at
, they're going to sniff out thelanguage around somebody who is
resisting that internally,somebody who has hardened the
old person that they want to bearound their identity.
And so really, you startsurrounding yourself with those
(22:02):
people.
You can start modeling theirlanguage, start modeling their
behavior and all of a sudden,you start modeling new things.
What happens?
That starts remodeling yourclay, starts remodeling who.
You are right, and so theencouragement around this is
that you're not fixed right.
The saying is you know you'renot a tree and you don't have
(22:24):
deep roots.
If you want to move, get up andmove Right, and this is talking
about, like your future, right.
If you are not the person thatyou want to be right now, then
there's things that you can doabout it.
One of the ways to do thismight be actually just having
some rules around theconversations with yourself.
If I am talking to myself in away that I would never let
(22:45):
somebody else talk to my kids,that's not okay, right?
So you ask yourself thequestion what makes it OK for me
to wake up and say I'm notenough.
I'm you know all of these, allthese negative identity things
where you wouldn't have, like afriend, come over and get down
on one knee and look your kid inthe eyes and say you're not
enough, you're not a morningperson, you're never going to be
(23:06):
anything.
What Right?
Don't let the abusive friendthat is yourself dictate this.
Don't let the abusive friendthat is yourself dictate this,
and don't let the disingenuinefeeling of telling yourself a
different story keep you frommoving forward.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So our last point in this is and this might come into
the fake it until you make itkind of situation Act as if and
then align everything else tothat.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Yeah, so Dr Phil was the one who kind of like
popularized that phrase fake ittill you make it, and there's
things I don't like about that,but I think, in the spirit that
he meant, it was exactly this,and that is I am not yet this
person who's making $500,000 ayear or a million dollars a year
, or I'm not yet this kind of ahusband or this kind of a wife
or whatever, and so I'm going toact like that kind of husband
and I'm just going to act thatway.
(23:55):
I'm going to act loving, I'mgoing to act kind, I'm going to
act like I have a servant'sheart.
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'mgoing to.
Even if it's not deeply trueinside of me turns out, if you
fake really important thingsthat are growth oriented long
enough, you wake up one day andyou actually realize I actually
am that person.
(24:16):
I think that's what he meantand that's the idea is like I
want to.
I want to act as if I am atthis level of production or I'm
at this level of connection withpeople, or this is actually how
my mornings are, and if I dothat for long enough, I'll
rewire myself.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So I'm going to give Annie some credit on this one.
She talked on a team callprobably a month ago and she
laid out this vision for all thethings that we want to do
personally and she said there'sno reason why you can't step
into the person that would beable to accomplish those things
tomorrow.
And that's basically what she'ssaying here.
It's exactly as if it's therein the line everything else,
(24:52):
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
So, yeah, so this is the second step here.
Uh, we think to, to this modelof personal growth.
So I'm going to, I'm going toestablish reality, I'm going to
baseline where am I really?
And I'm going to become awareof that.
And then the next thing is isI'm going to look hard at
shifting my identity?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Nice.
Well, I know this was a greatepisode for me and I'm going to
definitely go back and listen tothis one, probably multiple
times, cause I know you said abunch of things that you know
could impact me, and sohopefully you guys do the same
thing and, as always, we are toimpact, empower and encourage
you in all things that you do,and specifically you yourself
this year.
Yes, Awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Take care, guys, we'll see you next time.
In real estate and in sales.
There's such a need forpersonal growth, especially if
you want your real estatebusiness not just to thrive, as
in you make more money, but youbecome who you're created to be.
Anything that moves to thelevel of identity becomes so
hard to move that it reallykeeps us from growth.
(00:24):
Hard to move that it reallykeeps us from growth.
Real estate agents welcome back.
You're here on the RMG AgentPodcast.
We're so thrilled that you'reback here with us.
We're here just to delivervalue to you guys, help you out
with your business, and it'sgoing to be an awesome, awesome
episode today, as always.
Go to areaprocom forward slashrmg.
(00:45):
Check out the product.
We love it.
We think every professionalagent should have it.
Welcome again to season three.
Jake, here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
We are here and we are doing personal growth today.
Yes, actually, we're doingpersonal growth for this season,
and we did a part one last weekof what we're calling Warning
Breakthrough May CauseDiscomfort, and we talked about
awareness and self-awareness,and today we're doing part two,
which is Identity Shift.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah, so we talked about this kind of preparing for
this season and just thereality that we, what we think
is the reality is, you know theold saying that your business
grows to the extent that you do,and for all intents and
purposes, especially in realestate and in sales, there's
such a need for personal growth,especially if you want your
real estate business not just tothrive, as in you make more
(01:36):
money, but you become who you'recreated to be right Like.
You end up not hollow at thecore.
You build those internalstructures that really help you,
and so we're going to focusthis season on on personal
growth to be able to helpunderwrite the real estate
professionals business.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yep, yep, and we did so again.
It's a triangle, witheverything's a triangle, but
this is going to be a basemiddle, top and we talked about
the base, which was ourawareness and our self-awareness
.
Do you want to give them acouple of quick bullet points?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah, yeah.
So just kind of going back toour last episode, right, you
know, something like 95% ofpeople identify as self-aware
and statistically, somewherebetween like 12 and 15%, I think
it is, uh, people are actuallyself-aware.
And so there's there's thiswhole series of really hard
things that actually goes intogrowing awareness, and I've just
chosen in my life to identifyas not self-aware.
Right, and it's helpful,because if I start from this
(02:30):
premise that I'm not aware andthere's things that I can do
about that, I've found that mygrowing process is a lot better.
And so talking about that, thatof course leads us into going.
You know, identifying that wayleads us into our second piece
of breakthrough, which isactually identity shift.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, so identity shift.
And this isn't political, thisisn't anything like that.
This is going to be identitywithin your personal growth of
your business.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So I guess to start and maybe this even is a little
bit political there there ismaybe an identity crisis that we
have in our culture right nowand the thing that happens to us
is we can elevate things to thelevel of identity.
We can elevate our behaviors, wecan elevate our choices, we can
(03:17):
elevate so many things all theway to this level of what we
might call a primary identity,and then it really becomes a
problem, because if I have abehavior that I need to change,
right, that's going to behelpful for my life or helpful
for my business, but I have kindof like enshrined that thing
and I have put it in concreteand like you can't touch it and
you can't talk to me about this,all of a sudden I've moved from
(03:39):
from any chance of a growthmindset to a very, very fixed
mindset, and anything that movesto the level of identity
becomes so hard to move that itreally keeps us from growth
without really you know, maybeeven some substantial, you know
damage being done to us to beable to move us forward.
(04:00):
And it's really important, Ithink, in this, in the space of
personal growth, that we'recareful about elevating things
to this level of identity.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
So we talked about in the pre-planning for this, that
your identity is getting youyour current results.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yes, yeah, so.
So if you look at your currentresults and whether that's the
amount of business that you'redoing or the amount of time it
takes you to do that business,or you're on a leadership path
and you constantly are havingthis problem with breakthrough
around growing into becoming aleader, you know.
The first one we talked aboutis self-awareness.
Right, what am I bringing tothe table here that's creating
(04:38):
these negative results?
And I want to sort that out andjust get to reality.
Right, what is actual realityaround this?
And so once I move from thatand I establish reality, got it,
I see it, I'm clear.
Here's how I'm showing up.
The next thing that we need todo is we need to take a look and
say, okay, what is my currentidentity?
And and not just what's myidentity, but what are the
(04:59):
different markers, specificallythe language and the things that
I say that that maybe tip myhat to the fact that I have some
fixed identity things going onthat, uh, that I need to be able
to change if I want to breakthrough, or grow, yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So fix, fix mindset in your identity of, of, um the
way that you're showing up on adaily basis.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yeah, so there's very few things.
I'm I'm very careful with mylanguage around this and, uh,
there are very few things thatare just really hard, fast,
primary identity things.
Uh, I think in general, that's,I think, a healthy way to live
life, because so many otherthings, I want them to be
opportunities for growth, right.
And so, uh, we put together alist of just things that that
(05:41):
you know they might be what youcall identity statements and
their identity statements thatyou might feel deeply and you
might believe to be true.
And the reality, going back toawareness and self-awareness,
the reality is is that thesethings might be true in your
current experience, but thequestion is, uh, do they have to
(06:02):
be true?
Do they have to be your reality?
And if the answer is yes, thenthe conversation is done, right.
And if it happens to besomething that is holding you
back and you hold it with thislike this has to be true, or
this has to be true for me, orthis is 100 percent true, then
you're just stuck Like this is acheckmate situation.
(06:23):
I just tip over the king, walkaway from the board, right.
But if we operate from thisidea of you know, a growth
mindset and being able tochallenge these things, then I
want to be able to challenge thelanguage, and you can even say
the story that I'm tellingmyself.
So some of the things that Ihear out of people's mouth very,
very frequently are things likelike um, I'm not good on the
(06:44):
phone, right.
And then they elevate that,like they bring it to a place
like jake, I'm not good at thephone, and what they're really
saying is don't talk to me aboutthis.
I have made up my mind who I am.
Is somebody who's not good onthe phone?
Yeah, right, and it's justconcrete, right?
Another one might be I'm bad atsales.
Uh, this one, this, this onedrives me crazy.
(07:05):
I'm not a morning person, right, okay.
So so what does that mean?
Does that mean currently Istruggle with my level of energy
and focus in the morning, or Istruggle getting out of bed, or
is it don't ever try to help meget better faster in the morning
, right?
I don't know what that means,because it can mean identity.
(07:28):
Or it can mean here's mycurrent state Now, just because
something's your current state,and maybe it's something that
that should be challenged, orgrowth doesn't mean it's the
next logical thing to grow.
So the problem for people likeme, who I'm just like an
incessant challenger, is,anytime I hear one of these
statements, I want to challengeit and I want to like, like you
know, just just take that thingto the carpet.
(07:50):
The problem is is that ifsomebody's on a growth
trajectory or a growth path,this might be three or four or
twenty thousand items down theroad in their growth.
So so you have to be careful,because when you start seeing
these things in other people,that's kind of not the point of
this conversation.
The point of this conversationis congratulations, you see
things that need to be fixed inother people.
(08:11):
Everybody, everybody has thisgift right of seeing things that
are wrong with other people.
The issue is that thisself-awareness of I need to be
able to look in the mirror and Ineed to be able to grow me
that's the primary thing thatwe're talking about this season
is personal growth, not don'tgrow and fix everybody around
(08:33):
you, yeah, and from personalexperience, it's much easier to
fix everybody outside of themirror, but that person in the
mirror is the hardest person totalk to.
Yeah, everybody wants theirspouse to grow and can probably
list out the five things thatthey need to grow in.
I was talking to a friend awhile back and they were very
clear on the three things thattheir spouse was not up to speed
(08:55):
on or not at the level of theirexpectations on.
And then we just startedtalking about you know, like
well, hey, what about thesethings?
And it was like, don't talk tome about that.
So, okay, right, because itagain, it's just, it's so
difficult.
And again, we wouldn't betalking about it if it wasn't
difficult.
Right, I'm not organized, I'mnot a natural leader, I'm
(09:19):
terrible at networking.
I'm bad with technology.
I'm not a numbers person, I'man introvert, so I can't
prospect.
Right, I'm not confident enough.
I'm not creative, I'm notdisciplined, I'm no good at
hiring or managing people.
I'm too old.
I'm too young to succeed inbusiness.
I'm just not a high achiever.
All of these things can becurrently true.
(09:41):
The issue is have you elevatedto the point where people cannot
challenge you on it and you areunwilling to challenge yourself
?
If you're unwilling to bechallenged and it's not
impacting your life or yourbusiness, high five, right, you
may not need to grow in thatarea right now, maybe ever right
.
But the issue is if I'm lookingat my business and I'm
(10:04):
dissatisfied with my results orI'm dissatisfied with the amount
of time and energy I'm havingto put in.
Now we have to start askingthese questions like, hey, is it
reasonable to have an identityshift around this particular
issue?
And I think the answer is yes.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay, so let's talk about reframing identity.
So you've decided that that isnot a concrete identity.
You need to grow in this area.
And we've been tellingourselves let's say, let's go
with the I'm not a morningperson one, If we're going to
reframe, I'm not a morningperson.
What are we going to do?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yeah, so.
So we start with this idea ofif we're going to shift our
identity, then I I'm, myidentity is current, giving me
my current results, but I wantdifferent results.
And so now I need to grow intothe person who's going to be
able to, over time, getdifferent results.
And so, if I'm not a morningperson, I might say something
like I'm training my body tohave more energy in the mornings
(11:00):
.
So I'm not denying the realitythat if you watch me, you're
going to find that I am not, I'mnot super activated in the
morning.
You might find that I'mcurrently, by way of behavior or
mindset or action, not amorning person.
But if I bring that out ofidentity into behavior or, we
(11:21):
would say, into the area ofskills, now all of a sudden it's
not concrete.
Now it's wet clay, right.
So I say this I say somethinglike I'm training my body to
have more energy in the morning.
So I'm saying here's where I amand because I need an identity
shift, I am doing somethingabout it.
Because, conversely, if we lookand we elevate this thing to,
(11:43):
to this level of identity, andit's negative and it's impacting
me in a negative way.
If I can break that down and Ican turn that into wet clay.
And then I can say somethinglike you know, over the course
of time and hard work, hardeffort, maybe even years, I
might say, oh my gosh, jake, I'ma morning person, I get stuff
done, I have so much energy inthe morning.
Okay, if I re elevate that upto the point of like a secondary
(12:07):
or tertiary identity, now I'mputting it back in concrete, but
what I'm concreting is a reallygood building block for success
in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah.
And now, now mornings canbecome some of your most
effective time during the day.
Yes, because you've gonethrough that identity shift,
okay, so let's see.
Here's a couple other ones.
I'm bad on the phone.
I'm learning how to have betterconversations with practice.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yes, yes, that's amazing.
You're bad on the phone, so iseverybody that starts that right
?
It's funny because, you know,with kids, you know when our
kids were younger, we wouldstart making them call people
and reach out to people andlearn how to talk.
And we realized that,especially if kids are more
going to be more apt to text orthings like that, that they
(12:55):
actually didn't have thisnatural skill set to communicate
their needs over the phone.
And so this just shows up inthese real practical ways, right
, like they don't know how totalk to somebody at the DMV they
don't know how to talk to likeschool administrators they don't
know how to talk to people.
And it's like, well, I guessyou're stuck the rest of your
life.
You can't communicate withpeople because you're bad on the
phone.
Right, like as a parent, wouldyou ever tell your kid that?
(13:17):
Like, sorry, I guess yourlife's stuck, like you're doomed
to be x?
Like no, no, no, no.
It's us as adults that decidethat we can now do that without
consequence, but it's just nottrue.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
yeah, I would say this is one that I've.
I don't know this was ever anidentity, but there was
definitely times where I was notgood on the phone.
And I'm going to tell you, ifyou're not good on the phone,
like even as you get better,you're still going to have
conversations that aren't goodand you say things that are like
what did?
I just say yeah, or I get outand you, you're pretty close to
(13:49):
me in our office and I'll getoff the phone and look, you know
, like what the heck justhappened there.
Yeah, that's just part of thepractice in getting better.
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So so when we, when we start having an identity
shift, we I think it's importantto recognize the power and
limitations of story.
Story is one of the mostpowerful things that we have of
story, story is one of the mostpowerful things that we have.
When we start telling people astory, the brain actually like a
(14:19):
compelling story one of thereasons you'll like sit on the
edge of your seat to watch acompelling movie or you hear
somebody who's a greatstoryteller telling about you
know, whatever adventure theywent on.
Your brain actually kind ofstarts to sync with theirs and
it becomes a little bit like,actually becomes exactly like
you are in the story Right.
So that's the power of stories.
When we're telling ourselves ortelling other people a story,
(14:39):
it just creates this like newreality.
For long enough that storystarts to create realities and
emotions that aren't necessarilytrue and aren't, like we talked
about, like fixed in concrete,and so one of the best ways that
(15:01):
we can start making an identityshift is simply to choose to
tell a different story.
Now, one of the biggest hurdleswith this, jake, is it feels so
disingenuine If all of my lifeI've been telling people I'm not
a morning people or all of mylife I've been telling people
like, like I'm doing OK, asopposed to choosing a different
(15:22):
story.
Then any different story feelslike I'm lying.
But the problem is, theoriginal story isn't true, it's
your current reality, it's yourcurrent reality, it's your
current framework, and so this,this idea, sometimes, as people
is, I want to internally feel acertain way, and when I feel a
(15:43):
certain way, then I will act outof that.
It's awesome, right, likethat's great, it's a really good
process, like when, whensomething happens on the inside
of you and then it comes out, welove that.
That is just so great and sohealthy.
But the reality is, is your,your internal world and your
external world are, are, aresomewhat hardwired, and so what
can also happen is that I canchoose, uh, external actions and
(16:09):
over time, it will rewire myinternal stuff, right?
So if, if I am somebody who'sgoing through a really hard time
and I'm just like life's hard,life's hard, life's hard, life's
hard, I keep verbalizing life'shard, life's hard, okay, time
out.
What happens over time is thisis hardening, right, and I'm
telling, but, but it is.
Is life hard?
(16:30):
Sure, right, but welcome tolike for everybody, right, your
life might be extremely hardright now.
Compared to what you'veexperienced, it might be not
hard at all compared to somebodyelse's experience.
The issue is is that I feel thatit's genuine for me to express
this externally, but sometimesto my own detriment?
I actually am creating thisreality for myself that when I
(16:52):
wake up in the morning, I go tothe office in the morning, I do
this stuff.
The whole world I see throughthe lens of like the world's out
to get me or whatever it isthat my story is Right, because
the internal feels that way, andso now I'm projecting that
through the external and thenit's hardening and elevating to
identity, right, so I actuallyhave the ability to do this.
But I have to get through this.
(17:12):
This feeling of like it'sdisingenuine, right, we, we, our
story is the genuine thing.
Be careful with that.
The story is just the story.
So if I feel horrible and I feellike, you know, the whole
world's out to get me, I feellike life is hard.
There's always things I canfind, always things I can find
(17:34):
that are positive, that that arepositive, that are encouraging,
that are going right or havethe potential to go right.
So what happens is when I walkinto a situation and life is
currently hard.
I'm going to choose to fightthat clay hardening.
I'm going to fight that turninginto concrete, because it
doesn't help me and it doesn'thelp anybody else around me,
right, right.
Which kind of goes back to theself-awareness.
Like if I'm vomiting on peoplemy story all the time, I'm
(17:56):
actually impacting them in anegative way.
So I might say something likelife is full of opportunities.
Like I'm stoked, I get to learn.
Today, today's another day ofgrowth, right, like I'm in it
today, like I'm, I'm choosingthis and we're saying it.
What happens is we feeldisingenuine.
Disingenuine maybe a little bithopeful, a little bit more
hopeful and over the course oftime, actually we rewire the
(18:19):
internal from the external Right.
Now this feels like likemanipulation Turns out all
leadership is actually kind of akissing cousin with
manipulation.
It just happens with yourmotives.
Leadership is actually kind ofa kissing cousin with
manipulation.
It just happens with yourmotives.
So if my motive is to uh is togo from a place where my
identity is fixed and it's nothelping me to my identity being
(18:42):
elevated to align with my newgoals, I would say, yeah,
manipulate your insides throughyour outsides and your outsides
through your insides.
Uh, by the way, this happensall the time, right?
So we tell kids you know,whatever you intake, whatever
you input, that's going toaffect you, right?
Your friend group, all of thisstuff.
So we already know theseexternal factors start to do
(19:04):
this hard wiring.
So what we have to take a lookat is this idea of, of, of
personal growth is a hard Iwould say, just a hard fact, and
that fact is that I have to bea party to every conversation
that I have.
Every conversation with I havewith another human being I am a
(19:25):
part of and I'm part of wiringthat, every conversation I have
inside of my own head, everyconversation that I have with
myself, like I'm wiring myself.
So if you're hanging out withlike the coolest people, the
best people, the mostencouraging people, they're
still only like maybe 10 or 20%of the influence on your life,
(19:45):
because then you go away andyou're stuck with a conversation
with yourself and my questionis always like, are you an
abusive friend, right?
Maybe not to your other friends, probably to the person in the
mirror.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, yeah, sometimes that is true, yeah, so what I
hear you saying is that if we'rewanting to go to the next level
in our personal growth, we haveto become the person that can
handle that next level.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, yeah, we have to become the person that can
handle the next level of ourgrowth, and so that's this idea
of I'm going to be aware and I'mgoing to work on my awareness,
and now I'm going to starttaking a look at this and saying
what type of identity, whattype of conversations does
somebody have that's at thisnext level?
And if I, if I, if I look atpeople who are at the next level
(20:32):
of where I want to be, and Ijust think, inherently, this is
how they are, this is how theythink.
Some of them, probably a lot ofthem, have actually just spent
lots of years doing repetitionto be able to get in that shape.
I've seen people like inphysical shape that, um, the
reality is they just haven't hadto work very much in their
entire life and they look like,you know, an adonis, right?
(20:56):
Yeah, I've seen more peoplethat I thought that, and then I
heard their stories and then Isaw pictures of them 10 or 20
years ago and I realized whatI'm actually seeing is a
tremendous amount of hard workor a tremendous amount of time.
Right, that's them Probablyboth, and probably both.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
So, when we're talking aboutthis, we need to we have a model
that starts with you know, theultimate question is the who
you're becoming and who yousurround yourself with, and if
you're struggling to get to thatnext level, you might need to
really look at the people yousurround yourself with, yes, as
(21:32):
well as really focus on who youwant to become in the long term
and what are those steps that wehave to take to become that
next person.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, and you're going to run the risk of feeling
disingenuine to yourself.
But the people who are at thenext level of wherever you're at
, they're going to sniff out thelanguage around somebody who is
resisting that internally,somebody who has hardened the
old person that they want to bearound their identity.
And so really, you startsurrounding yourself with those
(22:02):
people.
You can start modeling theirlanguage, start modeling their
behavior and all of a sudden,you start modeling new things.
What happens?
That starts remodeling yourclay, starts remodeling who.
You are right, and so theencouragement around this is
that you're not fixed right.
The saying is you know you'renot a tree and you don't have
(22:24):
deep roots.
If you want to move, get up andmove Right, and this is talking
about, like your future, right.
If you are not the person thatyou want to be right now, then
there's things that you can doabout it.
One of the ways to do thismight be actually just having
some rules around theconversations with yourself.
If I am talking to myself in away that I would never let
(22:45):
somebody else talk to my kids,that's not okay, right?
So you ask yourself thequestion what makes it OK for me
to wake up and say I'm notenough.
I'm you know all of these, allthese negative identity things
where you wouldn't have, like afriend, come over and get down
on one knee and look your kid inthe eyes and say you're not
enough, you're not a morningperson, you're never going to be
(23:06):
anything.
What Right?
Don't let the abusive friendthat is yourself dictate this.
Don't let the abusive friendthat is yourself dictate this,
and don't let the disingenuinefeeling of telling yourself a
different story keep you frommoving forward.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So our last point in this is and this might come into
the fake it until you make itkind of situation Act as if and
then align everything else tothat.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Yeah, so Dr Phil was the one who kind of like
popularized that phrase fake ittill you make it, and there's
things I don't like about that,but I think, in the spirit that
he meant, it was exactly this,and that is I am not yet this
person who's making $500,000 ayear or a million dollars a year
, or I'm not yet this kind of ahusband or this kind of a wife
or whatever, and so I'm going toact like that kind of husband
and I'm just going to act thatway.
(23:55):
I'm going to act loving, I'mgoing to act kind, I'm going to
act like I have a servant'sheart.
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'mgoing to.
Even if it's not deeply trueinside of me turns out, if you
fake really important thingsthat are growth oriented long
enough, you wake up one day andyou actually realize I actually
am that person.
(24:16):
I think that's what he meantand that's the idea is like I
want to.
I want to act as if I am atthis level of production or I'm
at this level of connection withpeople, or this is actually how
my mornings are, and if I dothat for long enough, I'll
rewire myself.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So I'm going to give Annie some credit on this one.
She talked on a team callprobably a month ago and she
laid out this vision for all thethings that we want to do
personally and she said there'sno reason why you can't step
into the person that would beable to accomplish those things
tomorrow.
And that's basically what she'ssaying here.
It's exactly as if it's therein the line everything else,
(24:52):
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
So, yeah, so this is the second step here.
Uh, we think to, to this modelof personal growth.
So I'm going to, I'm going toestablish reality, I'm going to
baseline where am I really?
And I'm going to become awareof that.
And then the next thing is isI'm going to look hard at
shifting my identity?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Nice.
Well, I know this was a greatepisode for me and I'm going to
definitely go back and listen tothis one, probably multiple
times, cause I know you said abunch of things that you know
could impact me, and sohopefully you guys do the same
thing and, as always, we are toimpact, empower and encourage
you in all things that you do,and specifically you yourself
this year.
Yes, Awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Take care, guys, we'll see you next time.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.