October 12, 2025 • 64 mins
When oncology nurse and mum of three, Lauren Rayner, found a lump on her neck, she never imagined it would flip her world upside down. Diagnosed with a rare and aggressive stage 4 neuroendocrine carcinoma, she was given 14 months to live - but Lauren wasn’t having it.
In this raw and powerful chat, she shares what it’s like being both the nurse and the patient, why she calls Australia’s health system “the Hunger Games of cancer,” and how she ended up in Germany fighting for her life with treatments that aren’t even available here.
Today, her scans show no evidence of disease. This one’s about hope, advocacy, and the fight to stay alive in a bullsh*t system that doesn’t make it easy.
Donate to Lauren here https://give.rarecancers.org.au/.../helping-lauren-rayner
Follow Lauren @l_k_rayner
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm tiff. This is role with the punches and we're
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(00:29):
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reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Lauren Rayner lo and behold.
(00:53):
I thought we were never gonna get here. I thought
I was never going to be sitting here saying welcome
to roll with the punches.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
To you, thank you, thank you for having me here. Yes,
some multi way issues. We're finally on track.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
A couple of days of the world doesn't want this
to happen. But I don't know if the world got
the memo and looked you up, because if the world
did the world will go ah ah this, this one's
not gonna let ship get in her way.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yep, that's right. I try. Like I just said to you,
I don't really have time to have cancer or be sick.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I know, And I was like, you're very diligent for
squeezing that in. How's life right now?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah? Good, life is really good right now. I've actually
just started back at work, so I'm an oncology nurse.
And yeah, I've just started back doing some half days.
See how I go. So that's really good right now.
Feeling really well and yeah, everything's really good.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It's exciting. I popped on Facebook the other day and
Live your great mate Lives. Yeah, my kind of cousin,
kind of cousinea yeap. She had put up a post
about you, and I clicked on it and went and
had to read, and I was just riddled with goosebumps.
(02:14):
I was riddled with goosebumps for two reasons. One, just
your story standalone, just reading about the reality, the reality
of your diagnosis which we're about to hear about, and
your journey to survive. But then as I was reading it,
(02:35):
I was just the realization that your Libby's best friend
and we just had to say goodbye all too recently
to her mother from leukemia, and I just just with
that knowledge and then that you were an oncology nurse, and.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I was like, what the hell, Yeah, it's pretty crazy,
tell us, tell us, tell us about you. So I'll
tell you about me. So I have been thirty six.
My name's Lauren Rayner, thirty six. I was diagnosed with
newer indocrime carcinoma stage four grade three, which basically means
(03:16):
that it's a really aggressive, really rare form of new
endocriying cancer. And I've been an ecology nurse now for
about thirteen years. I've worked as the anam in this
little unit in northwest Tasi, so like in charge on
the floor of this chemo unit for about three years
(03:38):
or so. And yeah, we've looked after Livy's beautiful mum, Josh,
which was super super hard and sad. And I also
cared for my own dad until he passed at pancreatic
cancer in twenty twenty one. Yeah. So I've got three
beautiful young children and a beautiful husband. We've been together
(04:00):
since we we were babies. My kids, my daughter's eight,
Bell and my twins Flinn and Otis are just five. Actually,
She's just turned eight. And so when I was diagnosed
with stage four cancer, I just thought, can I swear
on this show? Probably no go for you. Last night,
I just thought, what the fuck? As an oncology nurse,
(04:24):
I know that stage four means it's in stage like
this is it? There's no no coming back from that.
And I remember, so when I first got diagnosed, my
chumas were so large and aggressive, just out of nowhere.
I just started with a lump on my neck. And
I was joking here at work, because we have a
black sense of humorous nurses. Oh, it's probably lymphoma or something,
(04:47):
and I kind of wish it was limp Fomer because
it has aggressive treatment but usually a good success. And
then yeah, my chumas were just huge, and so they
rushed me through all the tests, and when my biopsies
came back and they said it's near endocrime cancer, I thought, oh,
hopefully it'll be like a lower grade because patients with
(05:11):
lower grade near endocrime cancer, if it's called early enough,
can go on hormone therapy and have that for years
and years and years and live a long ish life.
But when they told me it was the more aggressive
grade three carcinoma and it was already stage four. I
just lost it. I just cried and I said, I
can't die. I've got three little kids, and I know
(05:34):
you know stage four is end stage. So I had
to start aggressive chemo straight away, and the success rate
isn't great with my type of cancer. So I thought, oh,
Peter Mack will save me. Peter Mac, you know the
amazing cancers in Melbourne. They'll save me. They always have
(05:55):
clinical trials. So we went over there and I went
to a new endocrime cancer forum and the head of
oncology there, or the head of neuralendochron oncology, sorry I
should say I really wanted him as my oncologist until
he said patents with my type of cancer have an
average of fourteen months to live. I was like, no,
(06:18):
this is I can't. I can't only live fourteen months.
And so I had all the stock standard treatments like
chemotherapy is here, the regime that you know you meant
to have here in Australia, and my teamers were responding
to the point where they just weren't growing anymore. So
(06:41):
that's a good like. You take that as a winley.
So they weren't growing anymore. They were holding at Bay
for nearly my whole regime of chemo. And then after
you can only have six cycles of the key males
having because it's so toxic on your body. And then
I went on to another regime of key, which is
(07:01):
palliadive chemo. There's not a lot of options after that one,
and I was going okay on that as well, like
don't give me rong was knocking me around so much.
I remember the days where I couldn't get out of bed,
and I remember being too weak to stand in the shower.
I laugh now, but I'd lay in the shower because
I refuse to get a shower chair and be a patient.
(07:24):
I refuse to be a pagent. So I just lay
on the floor and yeah, and chemo was grueling, but
I'd do whatever I could to get more time. And
then my last PET scan before we looked at other
treatments showed that nearly all my tumors were being held
(07:47):
at Bay. But one of them, I don't even remember
which one now, might have been my bow timmer had
grown a little bit so it wasn't really working. So
that took me little at other treatment options because I
only had I think one other oral chemotherapy I could
try here before, like they would have officially palliated me.
(08:10):
I was already under palliative care for my back pain
and abdominal pain. And I looked after a man who
was considered end stage here in Tazi years ago, and
he had looked into all these alternative treatment, well not
alternative treatments, I should say that, other treatments in the world.
(08:32):
And he went to Germany and he got extra five
years of what we had given him timelines by going
over there. So unfortunately he did pass away at Christmas,
like the Christmas just before, which is really sad. But
I spoke to his beautiful wife and she put me
(08:53):
in touch with another man that had just been to
Germany and his seven years post stage four with a
care so obviously that's a death sentence as well, but
he's still, yeah, seven years posts and he doesn't have
any signs of gumors in his body still, so that's amazing.
So after I spoke to him, I was like, right,
we're darling, because we've got nothing else to lose. I
(09:15):
actually had a palliative care doctor here tell me that
I was irresponsible for wanting quantity over quality, and I thought,
how dare you? I don't have any quality here, Like
I'm on constant pain relief. I'm miserable, I can't do anything,
and not only that, I don't want to leave my
kids without a mum. I'm going to try anything to
(09:36):
get an extra year, anything. So we felt like we
had nothing really to lose. My oncologist was really supportive, like,
don't get me wrong. They all warned me about dying
overseas and what that would look like for my children,
which was super confronting, but I already thought, well, it's
(09:58):
confronting for them if I die here, it's confronting for
them wherever I die. So we decided to go to
Germany and have this amazing treatment over there, and they
test my chimber biopsies for all the genetic markers on
my gymnus, and they do that here in Australia, but
(10:18):
they only test for like a quarter of the genes
that they test for in Europe. And so it came
back the genetic markers my chimer's express that I should
be on the chemo tablets of on now and the
immunotherapy I'm on now, but also, they give these like
a cancer vaccine over in Germany, and I have to
(10:39):
go over the every six months for those. And then yeah,
when we came back, I had a PET scan that showed, oh,
so I should just clarify I had so the primary
side in my bow, I had all the link nodes
in my abdomen were cancers and they were wrapped around
my abdominal aorta, which meant I could hemorrhage out at
(11:01):
any minute. I was slowly restricting my abdominal aorta like
the main artery in your body. And I had spots
on my lungs and multiple lymph nodes involved in my
neck which were pushing on my trakia and it has
changed my voice. My voice is a bit croaky these days.
But it was looking like like my oncologist did mention
(11:25):
a trackie to help me breathe if it got anywhere.
So yeah, so I had my PET scan when we
came back from Germany, and I knew the tumors in
my neck a trunk down because you could visibly see
that they weren't there anymore. But I thought, oh, they
will still be underneath. I just can't feel them more.
My abdominal tumors hopefully shrunk a little bit, but they'll
(11:47):
probably still be there because there were so many. But
the pet scans showed that there was no evidence of
active disease in my body at all. Nothing. And then
I had another one in August. This you just gone
and still nothing. So it's amazing. So hopefully last like
that for twenty years. I hope that. Yeah, it's amazing,
(12:13):
just amazing.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I don't even know where to start with all the questions,
so many. I guess first, is this very explorative for
the medical industry over in Germany or like, do you
have data? Do you have stats?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
No, they have data and stats on their genetic like
the biopsies and testing genetics. They have actually just started
that here in Australia, but it's still like twenty years
behind the rest of the world and they're pushing for
it here in Australia at the moment to make it
for all cancers. So they do genetic testing for stage
(12:50):
fours like mine here, but they only test for so
many genes and it's not readily available to every cancer
pation here, which is because you could be having a
different chemo with a better outcome because they're actually testing
what type of genes your tumor expresses. Like, they're not
all the same, they're not all made up the same
(13:13):
and some chemos might not work for others will work
better for someone else, so they match that for you
over in Germany, and they, like I said, they are
starting to do that here in Australia, but it's still
far behind the times and it's not so. For example,
for me, I am on drugs that are approved here
in Australia, but they're not for my type of cancer.
(13:36):
They're not approved for my type of cancer, so I
have to pay thousands every treatment even though they're legal
here in Australia for cancer, just not for my type.
So a two organizations that I work with are trying
to push the government to make more drugs, more cancer
(13:58):
drugs on the ps so whereas in Germany it is
based on new tumor marcus, it's to what treatment you have, yes,
So hopefully that'll be more accessible here one day and
it is accessible here like I have, as noncollogy nurse,
(14:18):
seen it in the past, where the oncologists has said
to a patient. There is studies to show that this
struggle will help you, but it's not on the PBS
for your types. You have to pay, and they usually
have to pay, or the lovely drug companies will give
it to them on compassionate grounds and give it to
the crotigue or free. We're just so far behind the
(14:40):
times here, it's just crazy. And with the vaccines I have,
they're not even available all here, and there is clinical
data to show that they work as well. When I
actually went to a cancer forum in Canberra last month
and they've just granted a scientist here. Think it's in
the low millions to start doing investigations here for cancer vaccines.
(15:07):
So even though it probably weren't getting fired, still exciting
that someone's finally starting to do that here.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Well right in assuming that people who are not in
your industry and you're back with your background would not
get anywhere near the information.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
On this, absolutely yeah they were.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
When I read about what this all costs and so
and so if you can tell us, I guess the
date of your diagnosis and what you've spent to up
to this point. But when I read that in the article,
I just got so angry. I get so angry at
humanity that there are answers and there are rules that
(15:49):
allow some people to and some people not to, but
there's information that's just not even available, and people are
told there's nothing we can do when actually there is yes.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
So yeah, it makes me really angry as well. I mean,
I'm lucky because of the era work in. However, we
have specialty nurses in most on college units and their
job is to help patients facilitate like whatever they need,
whether it is getting in touch with organizations like Red
Cancers Australia and for me that was then and you're
(16:23):
Endocrime Australia, but they still didn't. They're not the ones
that told me about Germany because it's not something that
is approved here in Australia. Yet it was through knowing
other patients and communicating that way. But even then, they
weren't that easy to find because they're all non for profits.
(16:45):
You know, they're not very well supported by the government
as much as they could be. And yeah, unfortunately a
lot of patients that don't know as much as me,
or that I haven't been able to talk to, or
like the patient that I knew that told me about Germany,
like people he's reached out to have loved about Germany,
(17:09):
and people have since contacted me asking about Germany, but
it's kind of just word of mouth. Otherwise they don't know.
And today, like since I got so I got diagnosed
in mid September last year, it's just been over twelve months,
and since then we have we would have spent close
to four hundred thousand dollars, but most of that is
(17:34):
through community fundraising. So like all the communities were involved
in and our beautiful family and friends and my mum
and stepdad have lent us a lot of money, but
like all our friends rarely behind us, and like the
school community and the little community towns we live in
and my work community like have raised most of that
(17:54):
money for us. Otherwise we would have had to sell
our house and probably be deathte because I refuse to die.
I did say to Jason, like, I don't think we
should put the kids in that situation where they don't
have a house and somewhere to grow up, but maybe
it is too expensive, and he's like, don't be so stupid,
(18:14):
Like you never put a price on your life, but
sadly most people have to. I did meet a lady
a couple of weeks ago, and she's been fundraising for
her own treatment for years as well, and she's getting
to that point here now where she's not sure if
it's worth them going into the massive amounts of debt
to give her more time. And it's just so sad.
(18:37):
It shouldn't be like that in Australia, in a developed
country that apparently has a great health system. It's a
great health system if you have something that's straightforward and
on the normal pathway in health, but anything out of
those bounds, if you can't afford it, you just die.
(18:58):
It's just crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
How do you have the conversations you need to have
in the middle of that, How do you have conversations
with your family? And how do you almost have conversations
with yourself about what's appropriate?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Oh, I look to be honest, it's so hard. Like
I tried to have the conversation with my husband because
so long story short, we've lived in our shared we
lived in our shd for nearly nine years while we
saved up to build our house. So we build our
dream home and I was happy to sell it because
at the end of the day's sister house. But then
we were also like, well where does that leave our children?
(19:35):
Like does, they won't have a home to go up in.
And I said to Jason, like, I don't know, you'll
fuck them up. If you die as a young mum,
you'll give them trauma forever. But I didn't want them
to not have their family home and the things that like,
(19:56):
all their little things that bring them joy. And but
at the end of the day, as long as we're
all together, that's all that matters. But Jason, yeah, when
I said to him, maybe we shouldn't do this, like
at least they'll have you, he was like absolutely not.
Like we're not even talking about it. And it's sort
(20:17):
of hard, and it's like it's a bit undicnifying having
to ask people for money or like relying on your
friends and family to organize these fundraisers for you, and
like they're obviously happy to do it because they love
this and they're amazing people. I don't know, it's really
(20:41):
hard to accept charity and I know people only dook
from a place to love, but it's still is something yeah,
degrading about it as well, like it's just you feel shit,
but you can't look after yourself and your family. But
at the same time, we're so grateful it's not that
we would be lost without their help. I wouldn't be
(21:02):
alive without their help. But at the same time, it
also shouldn't come down to them. Okay, government should be
set up, the medical system should be set up better.
It shouldn't just be And I know it's because I'm
in the minority group like that, it kind of makes
it feel like, oh, your life isn't worth living because
you're not in the masses, so we'll just you can
(21:25):
just die because you're not in the majority.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And it's yeah, it's just really show as I'm listening. Yeah,
so I'm listening to you and kind of putting myself
in those shoes and thinking of all the emotions that
would come up with all of the doubt and all
of the self stuff, all of the worthiness stuff. But
there's also it's not just you, so like it's you,
but then it's not just you, so all of that
(21:50):
whether I'm whether it's comfortable to ask for charity or
whether you feel worth it, whether you feel it's worthy,
whether you think you're more important than roof over people's head,
doesn't matter, because it's also not only your choice. It's
a whole family. It's a whole community exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah, and that's the thing I want to live for
as long as I can, for my kids and my
husband and my family and yeah, my niece and nephew
and like every on my sister. I just, yeah, there's
so much more than just me. And then in that, like,
there's so many people I've met with rare cancers. I
met some fabulous people when we went to campra to
(22:28):
try and fight against the government to get more drugs
on the PBS. Like, I met so many people just
like me who are literally fighting and raising funds for
every single treatment and it's so exhausting and I just
shouldn't have to be like that, not here in Australia anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
What was the what were the things that being an
on collegy nurse made easier about this and what and
I guess in terms of emotionally or how you dealt
with it or how you sit in the middle of it,
what made it easier with your mindset and what made
it harder?
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Yeah, So a lot of things were easier, as in
knowing what to do with my side effects, knowing what
medications to take with my side effects, knowing what side
effects to expect, and what was normal and what wasn't
when to take myself off to hospital, even if I
was probably the worst patient ever. Knowing what process is
(23:27):
to take, even with booking scans and knowing which organizations
to go to, Yeah, and that all helped. Sometimes it's
like knowledge knowing too much is worse because I knew
(23:47):
what stage four means, and you know, you're in this
job so long you become a bit of a realist
and you don't have much hope for long term survival
for patients with stage four cancer.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Now I'm on the other end of it.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I've met so many patients that have outlive the odds
and have been that miracle patient or that one percent
a patient, and I just think that's going to be me.
And that's sort of medical knowledge I'm just trying to
switch off to in that regard and being like, I
will be that person that beats the percentage and I'm
going to leave for like thirty extra years. So sometimes
(24:25):
having that knowledge is a bad thing because I think
mindset goes a long way, and yeah, trying things that
aren't in the box, it goes against sort of my Yeah,
the medical knowledge, doing all the alternate therapies that I'm
(24:46):
also doing as well, but I've seen so many patients
over the years that have gone so much further and
lived so much longer by doing those extra alternative medicines
with standard treatments, and so yeah, it's really it's really
hard to have both hats on. And I don't know
(25:08):
now that I'm back at work, like I'm in an
office position, I don't know how I'll go being on
the floor with patients. I'll find it, I think, more confronting,
And I don't know, it's deeferent having a lived experience now.
Like I thought I had empathy and compassion for my patients,
but it's a whole other level now that I've gone
(25:28):
through it.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah, harder to harder to be around, I think, harder
to hold, harder to hold the space for them.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
I think so at the moment, yeah, especially at the moment,
maybe it needs to come to be a blessing because
I'll know what they're going through. But at the moment,
it's it's hard, and because mentally, like it takes such
a load, I know, you're just always constantly worried that
it's going to come back. But much humors will come back,
(26:00):
And at the moment, I'm kind of in this happy
bubble where I think I'm going to live for like
thirty one years and I'll be an older lady when
I pass. Then there's that other part of me that's like, oh,
what happens when it comes back? And I know I
shouldn't think negatively, but the realist part of me is
a nurs No, it's it probably will. It's just hard.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
How do you go with like, are you really protective
about the energy and beliefs of the people around you
and how they talk and what they project onto you?
Speaker 3 (26:36):
They are you are bless them. They're all so positive
and they're very protective of the energy around me, which
is dis gorgeous. I've got the best people around me,
the most positive people around me, And even if I
speak like that, sometimes no, you're going to be here forever,
and I'm like, yeah, I am, which most of the
(26:58):
time I live in these heads I think I just
block out all the negativity because it's just too much.
Sometimes then every now and there in a little seed
of doubt or creep back in where I just think
what if I yeah, what if it comes back? And
every little niggle and twinged. I just think, oh my gosh,
what if my body's riddled again and already and I
(27:18):
don't know. So yeah, it's hard. But at the same time,
I've already defied the odds, like being at thirteen months
nearly now. They gave me fourteen and at this stage
there's no sign of tumors. And hopefully if it continues,
I'll keep going to Germany and keep on the treatment.
(27:39):
I'm happy and hopefully I get a lot longer. So yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
It's challenging mindset sometimes. Yeah, and is the so you
have to keep up with the same level of medication.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yeah, so I'm on the highest of my keen retablets
every day. Yeah, and we have to pay for those
because they're not on the pds for me. And then
I have immunotherapy every three weeks as well, but that
was seven thousand dollars every three weeks. But now that
has been granted to me from the drug company, not
(28:17):
through the government. Through the drug company, which I also
knew from being an oncology nurse. Like, I don't know
if everyone knows about that sort of thing, that you
can get your own collogists to approach the drug company
if it's a drug that they've recommended that you try
that's not on the PDS for your type of cancer,
you can approach, have your own collogist, approach the drug
(28:39):
company to go on compassionate grounds if there's proof that
it's working for you, and a lot of it, you know,
a lot of them will say yes, why.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Isn't it just a thing that I mean, compassionate grounds
because you've got cancer, which is the whole deal.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Like they all make so much money from your health,
makes me so bad that I know me too. And
like there was a lady that I know here on
the northwest coast and someone said to her, oh, you
should do what Lauren did and go to Germany. And
she's like, well, I can't. I can't affoughd that, Like
she doesn't have a house of her own, so she
(29:18):
doesn't have an asset to sell and her community. Like
I'm really lucky, Like I've got the middle school community
and the community I grow up in and the one
I live in now. And it shouldn't be about who
your circles are and whether they can raise enough money
for you and whether you've got a house to sell
(29:38):
or not. And then like she's ten years older than me.
She probably won't last too much longer. Like, it's really shit.
It's really sad that people just have to choose, not choose,
but are forced to die earlier, potentially because they don't
even have the option to try other treatments. And I'm
(30:00):
not saying those treatments are going to work for them.
They might not. But it shouldn't be about It shouldn't
be like a cancer lobbery. That's what they're using a
lot at the moment. Shouldn't be a cancer lobbery. And
it shouldn't be like what post code you live in,
or whether you're wealthy enough or have wealthy enough friends
(30:22):
or know enough people in the right places so that
you don't die. It's kind of like the Hunger Games
of cancer.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Oh god, the title of the show? What's that will
be the title of the show. Yeah, yeah, it's awful.
How did you communicate with your kids about it? Did
you tell them straight away? Did you?
Speaker 3 (30:46):
I did? I didn't, like, we didn't go into like
heaps of details like might's going to die or anything
like that, but they'd seen They know what I do
for work, that I look after people that are sick,
and they'd seen other was a mom from our school
that I knew that it had cancer, and she's doing
really well now. So I used her as an example.
(31:07):
I wasn't going to tell them it looked like I
was dying. I just said, like, her hair is going back,
and she she got really sick, but she's doing really
well now. And I said, I'm just going to be like, hey,
I'm going to lose my hair. I'm going to be
really sick for a little while, but it'll come back
and I'll be better, And so they were okay with that.
I was worried that they'd associate me with my dad
(31:29):
because he died of pancreatic cancer. They were all a
little bit too little, which is probably it's sad that
they don't remember my dad, but a blessing that they
don't associate like all cancers with his, I suppose. And
so we just lied, as in we lied in the
(31:49):
sense that I wasn't going to tell them I was
going to die because I was just too heavy for
any kid to think about. But we just said that
I would get better, but that I was going to
be really sick. And then I did a Channel ten
interview a couple of months ago, and it aired while
Jason and I went to Germany again, and so our
(32:11):
kids were with Jason's dad and stepmom and they watched
the Channel ten interview and I didn't even think about it.
And in that interview, I was raw and I said
how they'd given me fourteen months to live and something
about dying, can't remember exactly, and they said to Jason's stepmom,
they said, oh, Ma, was Mummy going to die? Did
(32:32):
she only have fourteen months to live? And so she's like,
obviously she was honest, and she said, well yes, but
look at her now, like she's gonna we outlive it
for you know, outlived that time. We just gonna live
for ages. And so as soon as we got home
from Germany, they're like, Mom, did you only have fourteen
months to live? And I was like, oh no, I
felt so bad. I said, well that's what they told me, Dyne,
(32:55):
I said, but mummy's doing so well now, Mummy's going
to live forever. So we still talk like that. They
know I still have cancer and that I still have
treatment every three weeks, but I think they're happy because
my hair is growing back. So I think they associate
that with me being better in a way now that
I am doing so well at the moment, I'm kind
(33:16):
of pleased that they're little, because I think it would
be harder mentally on them if they were just a
little bit older socially Belle, and if the boys were
a little bit older, because that understand a bit more.
I remember once when I first got diagnosed last year,
someone said about me having the big sea and so
(33:38):
one of Belle's friends thought it was COVID, and Bell goes, oh, no, gosh,
it's not COVID. It's only cancer because being a kid
growing up through COVID, like lots of people died. So
she was like, no, it's only cancer. Blesser, it's only cancer.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
I know.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So and just new things I have to learn to get.
Like they cuddle, but they're all cuddlers and they throw
themselves at me and it hurts my port every time,
and just getting used to having a mom there. They
just cuddle on this side and not throw their heads
on this side and yeah, my short hair. And they
thought it was funny at first. I mean, you just
(34:27):
roll with it, like they thought it was hilarious that
I was bold and yeah. So, yeah, kids are just
as you know, they have that beautiful view on everything. Yeah,
And every now and then they'll bring it up again,
like Mom, did you really only have forty months to leave?
And I just say, I don't know, darl and that's
what they said, but I'm going to leave forever. And yeah,
(34:50):
I just don't want them to think too far into
the future. I hope that I'm they're a lot older
when it all comes back, if ever, if ever, hopefully
it never comes back.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
What what was the emotion like?
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Were you?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Were you angry? Did you deny it? Were you shocked?
Were you sad? Were you wasn't supposed to be?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Me?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like what came up with that? Because I just being
an oncology nurse and being through what you've been through,
I just can't imagine facing.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It well at first, Like when she first told me,
I just lost, Like I just cried. I just thought,
I can't do this to my children and my husband
and even my mom. My mom and my husband were
in the doctor's room with me when she said, and
I just thought, I can't even do this to my mom.
Like being a mom now, I just yeah, changes your
(35:48):
perspectives on your oh, you always love your parents. It
changes it more once you have kids. You're just like, oh,
I feel so bad putting you through this as well.
And I was really upset, but there was always this
small part of me that was just like, no, it's
not going to happen, Like I just feel like I'm
not going to die. I don't know what it is,
(36:09):
and I don't know if it's me just being ignorant, probably,
But then there was another part of me because nurses
are really bad at this compartmentalizing. We just compartmentalize all
our emotions, like everyone that dies, every trauma that happens,
you just put it in a box and you just
get on with it. And I think I've done that
a lot too with most traumatic things in my life.
(36:33):
I'd just put it in a box and kept going.
And I did that with this as well. Like I'd
have my days, so see when I was having aggressive chemin,
there'd be the days afterwards where I was so sick
and I'd get really depressed, but it was really just
from fear of missing out because my husband would keep Yeah,
my husband would take the kick out to let me sleep,
(36:56):
or they'd go to my mum's house so that they
were seeing me really sick, and I'd be really sad
because I know they are out having the best seller,
and I was too sick to get out of bed,
and I'm like, but and I just felt so shit
and I just wanted those feelings to go away, like
just so sick, so weak. I hated it. But yeah,
(37:18):
I was really sad in those moments. But then once
I started to feel better again, after like day three
or four, I'd be right, let's get going with life.
And if I stopped to think about it too much,
I would get really sad.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I am.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
The hardest time for me, probably emotionally, was my oncologists
when things were getting worse with my gym as in
my like in my neck and my abdomen and my
and my on cologist said, I think you should write
those letters that you've wanted to write to your children
(37:54):
because things weren't looking great. That I lost it then,
and every time I tried to record letters to them,
I just cried and cried and cried. So I still
haven't even finished those letters because I just felt like
there was so much I wanted to say, and when
things didn't look good, I had like crying, conversations with
(38:15):
my sister, just stupid things you worry about, like make
sure you teach Bell all about a period and a
mental cycles, and make sure she doesn't date dickheads. And
I even had a conversation I think it was with Livy. Yeah,
it was with Livy about making sure whoever. Jason ended
up laughing that they were like a psycho, Like just
(38:38):
the stupid shit that goes through your mind. Yeah, And
those things were the things that made me really emotional.
Was thinking about everyone living their life without me, going
on and living life without me, Like I realized that
that's what happens. But I just didn't want to miss
out in those moments, and I didn't want my kids
(39:00):
to miss me in those moments. Yeah, that was the hardest,
But other than that, I just sold it on. I
didn't really have many emotions most days. Most days I
was just like, right, this is what we need to
do today. And the kids kept me busy and I tried,
I think deliberately again, kept my mind busy, like I
(39:24):
read a lot at night, I watched lots of TV.
I know my husband would be researching, my other best friend,
Astroid would be researching flat out and she sent me
so much stuff because I just didn't have the headspace too,
because I think if I went too deep into my
own thoughts, I just knew I wasn't going to cope,
(39:45):
So I just kind of didn't let myself go there,
which I don't know. I don't know if that's a
healthy coping mechanism or not. Probably isn't. It was just
too dark for me to even enter into. So, yeah,
I was lucky. Jason did a lot of research, and
so did my other friend. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And what do you think in terms of like struggling
more to cope with clients or clients customers that's a
description for them, isn't it? Patients? Perhaps patients that's all good.
What do you think will challenge you most? Is it
guiding their perspective or perception of what's happening? Is it
(40:31):
when they are grappling to to believe or have hope
or hold on or just get things done. What aspects
do you think will come up to be more challenging
for you now?
Speaker 3 (40:45):
To be honest, I think it'll be the patience that
I feel even saying these the negative patients that we
have had in the past, that have a really negative attitude.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
And look, I'm not saying that all.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
It's not easy at all, but sometimes the most negative
patients are the ones that have a really good expected outcome,
like they're going to be fine and they're going to
get through the Keymond, they're going to live a good life.
I think I'll struggle with those patients. My tolerance, my
husband will tear. My tolerance has always been pretty thin
(41:23):
as a nurse, like, unless you're dying, I don't really care.
I don't imagine.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I can imagine you're mothering now too.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Nurses don't have much sympathy.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
I did.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
I did take my child to emergency last night because
he pokes his eye with a stick. So I do,
I do go. I do give them sympathy when it's needed,
but sympathy or just medical care, emergency medical care. Yeah,
just that. My sister and I have a running joke
about that, like, yeah, we just don't have any fucks
(41:59):
to give you if you're not dying, Like.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
You kind of have to be that way when you're
dealing with the work you're dealing with every day, Like.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
How do you well. I think I'll struggle with the
patients that come into a cancer unit for an iron
infusion and there's nothing wrong with them and they win.
I think I'll struggle with people like that I did anyway,
and patients yea, that are really negatively mindset. But then,
like I said, it's not I know, it's not easy obviously,
(42:35):
and I think I'll struggle in another way the patients
that are at appalliating and dying. I think that will
be really confronting for me. All patients that have like
a similar age and then similar outcome to me, like
not saying cancer diagnosis, but just a young age that
(42:56):
are going to die. I think that'll be really confronting
for me. Now. Yeah, and I even I had a
lady that came in to see me just the other day.
She heard I was back, and her beautiful son had
a rare cancer and he he got longer than what
(43:20):
they expected, but he had to try and fight like
hell to stay alive, and he also had to go
overseas and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to stay alive.
And I nearly felt guilty when his mum come in
to see me, and she was so happy to see
me back at work, but a part of me felt
bad that I was still alive when he wasn't, because like,
(43:42):
that's he's that's that's her son, and I just couldn't
imagine losing my child. And yeah, I felt a little
bit even guilty that I'm still here. Like, don't get
me wrong, I'm not. I still want to be here,
but it's just shit when other people don't get to
be He was seeing their family men, and it's just yeah,
because he was a little bit younger than me as well,
(44:04):
so it's just really confronting.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, do you have a spiritual side? Do you have
any spiritual beliefs?
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Oh? Yes and no. Like I've thought about this a
lot as well, Like when I even you'll laugh, I
even googled what do people think happens to them when
they die? Because like a part of me likes to
think there's something else out there after you're gone. I'm
not a religious person at all, but I'd like to
(44:35):
think there's something more than just this, and I do
like believe in Like I've been to heaps of clairvoyants
and tea leaf ladies, and actually Livy went to a
clairvoyant like last year who told her that something major
would happen to her best friend Lauren, but she'd get
through it and she'd be Okay, you're serious, yes, so,
(45:00):
which is crazy. So I always keep that in the
back of my mind. I'm like, well, she said I
was going to be okay, so maybe I'll be okay. Yeah, yeah.
Crazy love a bit of woo woo, yes, so do I.
I do too. I love a bit of what we
as well. And even my sister reminded me we both
went to this clairvoyant at separate times that she told.
(45:22):
My sister reminded me, I forgot about it. She told
me last year or the year before, might have been
year before. It was before Voluntari sister dying and became
legally in Tazzi, because I find like, I'm really passionate
about that. And she told my told me that I
would go down a different path advocating in health, and
(45:44):
she thought there was something to do with Voluntari sis
to dying. But my sister's like, maybe it was advocating
for everything you're advocating for now, like with rare cancers,
because obviously I'm advocating for rare cancers Australia and you're
into krone Australia. And writing letters to politicians and doing
TV interview's trying to get more awareness. And Jade's like,
(46:07):
maybe that was what she was talking about this whole time.
I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, I forgot about that.
So I do take comfort in, like you said, all
the weary stuff, and I have stones and crystals and
I just I try everything and I'm open to everything. Yeah,
(46:28):
I definitely think there's a place for spirituality, and I
think mindset has a lot to do with health as well.
I'm not saying it's everything. I'm not saying it's going
to save someone or but I definitely think it has
a place. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Have you heard of the book called Have you heard
a book called Cured?
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Yes? I have, but I haven't read it.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Get on it made up. So I've had him on
the show three times. He's one of my favorite guests. Yeah, Jeffrey,
doctor Jeffrey Reddiger. I'm going to send you all three
episodes the stories he so. He he's a Harvard medical
doctor and he only got into studying spontaneous healing. It's
called he only got into studying that when someone one
(47:14):
of his associates or friends just badget him and badget
him about these cases of people who were cured from
incurable disease and the stories he tells of people who
have overcome stuff like that is phenomenal. And when I
last spoke to him, so he talks about we were
talking about healing identity, and you know, he shared a
(47:35):
bit of his own personal background that he grew up
in an Amish family and a whole lot of stuff. It's, yeah,
phenomenally he's such a beautiful human. But I love that.
I love someone from a purely medical background that comes
out and goes, well, hang on, this is going on.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
So it's amazing. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
There's so much too, I think to be open minded
about when it comes really that stuff like you can
call it spirituality, WOI well, whatever you want. But the
fact is when we choose beliefs, when we allow ourselves
to feel things and believe things and create hope, hope,
(48:15):
hope makes us live right, it has it creates a
certain eurochemistry in our body, and that's physiology. And so
you know, you can say mindset. You know, some people
might say it's not it doesn't come into it, but
I think in many ways it really does. And it's
not just magic.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
I agree, I think it does. It has a massive
role to play. Yeah, absolutely, and even you know, I
don't know how like that, there's lots of people interested.
But also even like alternate therapies as well. I think
it all goes hand in hand. Like I was always
of the mindset that if I ever got a cancer,
(48:55):
I mean we talk about it our work because there's
just so much. But I always thought to myself, I
would always have obviously standard treatments like chemotherapies and whatever
you needed, but I was always open to having alternate
therapies as well, like natural therapies too, which, as I
meant to my friend researched everything for me. But I've
(49:18):
met a lot of patients over the years that did both,
and they always lived so much longer than expected or
did so much better than expected because of having alternate
therapies as well. Yeah, and I'm such like I can't
preach it at work, but I'm such a big advocate
for it. Yeah. And lastly, like, yeah, medicinal cannabis and
(49:44):
just everything it's always hand in hand. I think there's
such a big need for all that, and yeah, spirituality
and mindset, I just think, why wouldn't you do everything
if you can, if it's kind help or need to
try everything?
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love I love hearing. We're just
On the other show that I produced on the You Project,
Harps had a guest, a great friend of his, and
she had a huge story, a huge experience withinsistic by brosis,
and she got so close to death that she was
(50:24):
saying fair like she was saying goodbye to all of
her kids and literally either to halfway through the podcast,
I wasn't in this one, so I had to go
back and listen because it's his favorite. Anyway, in the
final moment, in the middle of saying goodbye to one
of them, the doctor walked in and said, we've got
lungs to want them, and like I've just got goosebumps,
Like the story is so big, and and she goes
(50:47):
it to miracle like how the fashion I because there
was something to do with somebody couldn't make a decision.
I think it was a family where somebody couldn't make
a decision, and on something to do with her end
of life process. Quick enough she said, if they had
have made that decision, the process would have been started.
I wouldn't have been eligible to say yes to the lungs.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Like it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Yeah, the most amazing things happen. I love it so much.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
I went down to the pharmacy here the other day
to get some busca pan added tummy ache, and the
lady at our local pharmacies, she's an Asian lady, and
I've recently started seeing a Chinese medical doctor doing some
macupunt troops and stuff.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
And she gives me these and she's, you know, they're
so funny. She's like, what you need. I'm like a
belly ache, O, tell me, tell me. And I'm like
I can hardly understand it. And then the lady behind
her is like, pokey tongue out to her seat. I'm like, yes,
poke my te out, and she's like, she wants to
do Chinese medicine. I I love that. I'm like, I
(51:52):
love that you've got this this pharmacy for general Western
medicine and then you've got that.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Yeah, I love it. That's so good. I love that
combination as well. But I mean, like, you've got to
look at history and that Chinese medicine and non Western
medicines have been around for thousands of years. Treating people
for amazing aguments, like they're just so clever. Yeah, I'm
all about that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
I was laying I was laying on the bed with
all the needles jabbed into me with my accupunture. I'm
just thinking, like, once upon a time, we're all run
around in the forest chasing lines, and then at some
point someone got these little pins and jammed them into
specific parts to the body and went, this is medicine,
(52:42):
and like this is the thing, this is where my
mind goes on.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
I'm I've got about too. It's like is this real? Then?
You know, it was like the whole psychology around it
as well. It's like, well maybe it doesn't matter if
it's real. Yeah it works, Yeah, definitely, it's amazing so
good acupuncture.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Oh yeah, what has what mattered to you before changed
to what matters to you now?
Speaker 3 (53:11):
Yeah, definitely. But I it's just probably made the foundations
like more solid because I've because of where I work.
So before I worked in this day unit, I used
to work in an oncology ward, so we did a
lot of we did a lot of bigger like stem
(53:35):
cell translants and blood cancer patients, and then we would
also have patients back to die and palliate on our ward,
so you get really attached to the patients. And I
don't see a lot of Palladiff patients anymore. They they
do go away to pass away, like they either go
up to the Palladiff care water they go home, which
for my mental health was better. But I have to say,
(53:58):
when you're caring for a paladife patient, like it is
true what they say like it it's actually a really
intimate special moment. Some patients you're the only person there
for them when they pass. And I remember this man
that I looked after in Western Australia. He was a
war vet and he was like in his nineties. He'd
(54:19):
barably been one of the last war vets then.
Speaker 1 (54:23):
But he.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
He actually said to me, like, the most important moments
in your life, well, sorry, the most important things in
your life are like your loved ones. You can't obviously
take anything with you when you go and when it
comes down to you and your death, But it doesn't
matter if you're rich or like if you're a famous
person or you know anything, like anything material. It is
(54:51):
about your relationships with other people, like your loved ones.
Your family or your friends or And that's always really
stuck with me because I just think, like, yes, I
like material things like the next person. I like going
on holidays, but they're also creating memories. But it is
about the loved ones around you, whether that is your
children or your friends, all your parents or your children.
(55:15):
It's about having those loving relationships whoever that's with, even
if and your pets. Like I'm the biggest animal lover
out there. My I already thought like if I had
died like this year, absolutely my dogs would have been
in there on the bed. But yeah, all the things
my mind goes to. But but yeah, that is It's
(55:39):
all that matters in life, is you're like having the
love around you, whether yeah, whether it is through friends
or family, or children or pets. But that's all that
really matters in life. And so I've sort of thought
that way for a while, but it was definitely more
solidified when I got sick. I just thought, yeah, that's
(56:02):
all that really matters in life. I have to say, though,
I'm very much a social butterfly, Like all my family
and friends take a piece out of me because I'm
either related to everyone around this area or I know
someone or I'm best friends with them, or I like
really good friends of them, and so like I chat
to everyone and they're like, Lauren, you know way too
many people. And I did actually think to myself, like
(56:24):
I need to scale all my circle back and sort
of what's the word preserve my time to who I
give it to when I was not very well, which
I did, Like I obviously had to scour my socializing
back to just my good friends and family when I
was really sick. But like I do, I love to
(56:46):
socialize and be out with people. But yeah, ultimately it's
that core in a circle of people that that's all
that really matters to me. Like it doesn't like people
like going back to the whole house in if I'm like,
oh my gosh, you've got the most beautiful house, you
can't sell it, which I do agree with, but it's
just a house, Like it's not going to it doesn't
(57:09):
care if I die, Like it's just it's just a
material thing, like if we do need to sell it
or you will sell it, Like why does it matter
I have a nice house if I'm dead doesn't mean anything.
I'm not saying I want to be destitute. You still
need a roof over your head. Those things still matter,
but yeah, relationships are really what matter. And yeah, that's
(57:30):
just it has concreted it more for me being sick.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Yeah, it's such a weapon of a human Like I
really the conversations like this. I can't thank you enough
because I don't know conversations. But is just sw I mean,
it's a tough situation, but it's a beautiful piece of
perspective and yeah, people to be able to listen to
and the reality of it, like it's something that you're
(57:58):
very much still in the middle of it. Yeah, true,
Like if you were one year post ever having to
deal with it again, it would still feel super fresh.
But the reality is it's an unknown situation and you're
still you're still fighting a fight and you're doing an
amazing job. And thank you.
Speaker 3 (58:17):
Yeah hopefully. Oh that is the other thing I should
have said about what's important is health. Health is the
other thing that's so important to people. Yeah, should be
so important to me, if I should say, because yeah,
if you don't have that or you're just going to die.
But yeah, I do thank you for having me on.
It's been amazing and hopefully hopefully in that twelve months time,
(58:41):
I'll still be the same, still kicking on, and we'll
have you back on. Yes, but yeah, can you send
me that cure? It's the cure interviews? Please you? You
will love him a few of your chats, but I
haven't even seen that on there. That eventerfeeding three time. Yeah, well,
(59:02):
you know, nine hundred or something episodes, so they probably
won't notice. You're amazing, get obsessed? How can I How
can my listeners and myself? How can we help you?
Do you want to share anything? Do you want to
send them anywhere? How can we?
Speaker 2 (59:18):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (59:18):
I feel bad? But no one cares about a feel bad?
We all love you if you want to help, so
you just do you just sit down and tell us
how If you want to follow my journey, I have
got an Instagram account which is very like it's very
like year two thousand high school ish. It's Lauren Underscore,
(59:41):
Kate Underscore. No Laura, sorry, it's l underscore, k Underscore Rainer,
which is R A Y N E R. And that's
on Instagram, and that has the links to like my
brea Cancer's page which there is a platform to donate,
but honestly, don't expect anyone to just follow my journey
(01:00:02):
would be good if you want to throw a dollar
and you can, but help share my my advocacy work
that I will keep posting because the government just needs
to do a little bit better. I know everyone wants
the government to do better, but healthcare is like the
most important thing. Yeah, they need to do better in
(01:00:26):
that field. So yeah, thanks so much for leing me on.
Oh you're so welcome your breath fresh air. I love
you to bit, thank you, love you to on. I
have to say, you know, like your My first story
of you was you hiding in Jos's cupboard when the
police are looking for you. That's what Levey told me.
(01:00:46):
I actually remember her telling me that. Now about her cousin.
Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Go on, tell the story.
Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
Everyone so sochierf I with the police. Jason again, you
had a noisy car.
Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
I had a car accident. I've had a car actually,
actually i'd had it was it could have been quite serious.
I have no recollection whatsoever driving. There was drink spiking
happening at nightclubs at the time, so I have no awareness.
I woke up as my car hit a pole.
Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Shit, I didn't know. That's why you were hiding from
the police.
Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
Yeah, kind of a big deal. So no idea what
was going on. I've got out of the car. I've
gone running on foot up the road, thinking that it's
the middle of the night, because all I could remember
is it's the weekend. I know I went out.
Speaker 3 (01:01:37):
I'm I was out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
Why am I in a car driving? Little did I
know it was it was daylight. It was nine am
in the morning. I've got no recollection of the whole
night or whatever. And when I got back to I
was living with my uncle and at the time, and
I got home and they justin Greg opened the door
(01:02:00):
and were like, what's going I just burst into tears.
I'm crying. They're like, what the hell. I'm like, I've
crashed my car. So they're like, we'll go get your car,
thinking that I've just had a little bingle, and I
was upset, not really I'm realizing I'd nearly killed myself.
And in the meantime, the police came to the door.
And I'm at home with Georgia, who was tiny. I
don't know how old. She was, probably bloody four or
(01:02:23):
five or something. And oh, and I've gone and hid
in the cupboard. I've hid in the cupboard. I've gone,
You've got I've got to kill because I know that
I was out and I know that I was your
mid rining and she.
Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
This is one of Olive's first memories of you. She said,
was you muddy in the cupboard from the police? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
Well, you know what, it's one of one of my
most cherished memories of Justin because she was just so
beautiful throughout that. That was so you know, except for
the fact that she did get home before the police
had left and was like, oh, yeah she's inside, come
on in. Thanks job, But she was just so beautiful,
(01:03:08):
you know, as she always was. So thanks Livy.
Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
That was so fun. She was the best. And quickly,
can I just say, oh my god, how cute is
greg is? Favorite uncle? Favorite uncle? I want a legend.
He is the reason I own a motorbike. That's another story. Yeah,
he's the reason I own a motorbike. You're that part's scary.
Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Well, I when I'm back in Tazzy, I dare say
I might have to shout out and have a coffee.
Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
Definitely do that for sure. Yes, for now, better wrap
up the show, everyone, can you can you go and
donate and get on board and make some noise about
this government pulling its socks up for better treatment for
people that need it.
Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
Yeah, make some noise people, Thanks Baron, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
She said, it's now never. I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 3 (01:04:09):
Gotta to what a coast, got a true little gotta
true monocust, got it true,
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm tiff. This is role with the punches and we're
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Know that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution.
Their team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in
(00:29):
all areas of family law to facto and same sex couples,
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reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Lauren Rayner lo and behold.
(00:53):
I thought we were never gonna get here. I thought
I was never going to be sitting here saying welcome
to roll with the punches.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
To you, thank you, thank you for having me here. Yes,
some multi way issues. We're finally on track.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
A couple of days of the world doesn't want this
to happen. But I don't know if the world got
the memo and looked you up, because if the world
did the world will go ah ah this, this one's
not gonna let ship get in her way.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yep, that's right. I try. Like I just said to you,
I don't really have time to have cancer or be sick.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I know, And I was like, you're very diligent for
squeezing that in. How's life right now?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah? Good, life is really good right now. I've actually
just started back at work, so I'm an oncology nurse.
And yeah, I've just started back doing some half days.
See how I go. So that's really good right now.
Feeling really well and yeah, everything's really good.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It's exciting. I popped on Facebook the other day and
Live your great mate Lives. Yeah, my kind of cousin,
kind of cousinea yeap. She had put up a post
about you, and I clicked on it and went and
had to read, and I was just riddled with goosebumps.
(02:14):
I was riddled with goosebumps for two reasons. One, just
your story standalone, just reading about the reality, the reality
of your diagnosis which we're about to hear about, and
your journey to survive. But then as I was reading it,
(02:35):
I was just the realization that your Libby's best friend
and we just had to say goodbye all too recently
to her mother from leukemia, and I just just with
that knowledge and then that you were an oncology nurse, and.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I was like, what the hell, Yeah, it's pretty crazy,
tell us, tell us, tell us about you. So I'll
tell you about me. So I have been thirty six.
My name's Lauren Rayner, thirty six. I was diagnosed with
newer indocrime carcinoma stage four grade three, which basically means
(03:16):
that it's a really aggressive, really rare form of new
endocriying cancer. And I've been an ecology nurse now for
about thirteen years. I've worked as the anam in this
little unit in northwest Tasi, so like in charge on
the floor of this chemo unit for about three years
(03:38):
or so. And yeah, we've looked after Livy's beautiful mum, Josh,
which was super super hard and sad. And I also
cared for my own dad until he passed at pancreatic
cancer in twenty twenty one. Yeah. So I've got three
beautiful young children and a beautiful husband. We've been together
(04:00):
since we we were babies. My kids, my daughter's eight,
Bell and my twins Flinn and Otis are just five. Actually,
She's just turned eight. And so when I was diagnosed
with stage four cancer, I just thought, can I swear
on this show? Probably no go for you. Last night,
I just thought, what the fuck? As an oncology nurse,
(04:24):
I know that stage four means it's in stage like
this is it? There's no no coming back from that.
And I remember, so when I first got diagnosed, my
chumas were so large and aggressive, just out of nowhere.
I just started with a lump on my neck. And
I was joking here at work, because we have a
black sense of humorous nurses. Oh, it's probably lymphoma or something,
(04:47):
and I kind of wish it was limp Fomer because
it has aggressive treatment but usually a good success. And
then yeah, my chumas were just huge, and so they
rushed me through all the tests, and when my biopsies
came back and they said it's near endocrime cancer, I thought, oh,
hopefully it'll be like a lower grade because patients with
(05:11):
lower grade near endocrime cancer, if it's called early enough,
can go on hormone therapy and have that for years
and years and years and live a long ish life.
But when they told me it was the more aggressive
grade three carcinoma and it was already stage four. I
just lost it. I just cried and I said, I
can't die. I've got three little kids, and I know
(05:34):
you know stage four is end stage. So I had
to start aggressive chemo straight away, and the success rate
isn't great with my type of cancer. So I thought, oh,
Peter Mack will save me. Peter Mac, you know the
amazing cancers in Melbourne. They'll save me. They always have
(05:55):
clinical trials. So we went over there and I went
to a new endocrime cancer forum and the head of
oncology there, or the head of neuralendochron oncology, sorry I
should say I really wanted him as my oncologist until
he said patents with my type of cancer have an
average of fourteen months to live. I was like, no,
(06:18):
this is I can't. I can't only live fourteen months.
And so I had all the stock standard treatments like
chemotherapy is here, the regime that you know you meant
to have here in Australia, and my teamers were responding
to the point where they just weren't growing anymore. So
(06:41):
that's a good like. You take that as a winley.
So they weren't growing anymore. They were holding at Bay
for nearly my whole regime of chemo. And then after
you can only have six cycles of the key males
having because it's so toxic on your body. And then
I went on to another regime of key, which is
(07:01):
palliadive chemo. There's not a lot of options after that one,
and I was going okay on that as well, like
don't give me rong was knocking me around so much.
I remember the days where I couldn't get out of bed,
and I remember being too weak to stand in the shower.
I laugh now, but I'd lay in the shower because
I refuse to get a shower chair and be a patient.
(07:24):
I refuse to be a pagent. So I just lay
on the floor and yeah, and chemo was grueling, but
I'd do whatever I could to get more time. And
then my last PET scan before we looked at other
treatments showed that nearly all my tumors were being held
(07:47):
at Bay. But one of them, I don't even remember
which one now, might have been my bow timmer had
grown a little bit so it wasn't really working. So
that took me little at other treatment options because I
only had I think one other oral chemotherapy I could
try here before, like they would have officially palliated me.
(08:10):
I was already under palliative care for my back pain
and abdominal pain. And I looked after a man who
was considered end stage here in Tazi years ago, and
he had looked into all these alternative treatment, well not
alternative treatments, I should say that, other treatments in the world.
(08:32):
And he went to Germany and he got extra five
years of what we had given him timelines by going
over there. So unfortunately he did pass away at Christmas,
like the Christmas just before, which is really sad. But
I spoke to his beautiful wife and she put me
(08:53):
in touch with another man that had just been to
Germany and his seven years post stage four with a
care so obviously that's a death sentence as well, but
he's still, yeah, seven years posts and he doesn't have
any signs of gumors in his body still, so that's amazing.
So after I spoke to him, I was like, right,
we're darling, because we've got nothing else to lose. I
(09:15):
actually had a palliative care doctor here tell me that
I was irresponsible for wanting quantity over quality, and I thought,
how dare you? I don't have any quality here, Like
I'm on constant pain relief. I'm miserable, I can't do anything,
and not only that, I don't want to leave my
kids without a mum. I'm going to try anything to
(09:36):
get an extra year, anything. So we felt like we
had nothing really to lose. My oncologist was really supportive, like,
don't get me wrong. They all warned me about dying
overseas and what that would look like for my children,
which was super confronting, but I already thought, well, it's
(09:58):
confronting for them if I die here, it's confronting for
them wherever I die. So we decided to go to
Germany and have this amazing treatment over there, and they
test my chimber biopsies for all the genetic markers on
my gymnus, and they do that here in Australia, but
(10:18):
they only test for like a quarter of the genes
that they test for in Europe. And so it came
back the genetic markers my chimer's express that I should
be on the chemo tablets of on now and the
immunotherapy I'm on now, but also, they give these like
a cancer vaccine over in Germany, and I have to
(10:39):
go over the every six months for those. And then yeah,
when we came back, I had a PET scan that showed, oh,
so I should just clarify I had so the primary
side in my bow, I had all the link nodes
in my abdomen were cancers and they were wrapped around
my abdominal aorta, which meant I could hemorrhage out at
(11:01):
any minute. I was slowly restricting my abdominal aorta like
the main artery in your body. And I had spots
on my lungs and multiple lymph nodes involved in my
neck which were pushing on my trakia and it has
changed my voice. My voice is a bit croaky these days.
But it was looking like like my oncologist did mention
(11:25):
a trackie to help me breathe if it got anywhere.
So yeah, so I had my PET scan when we
came back from Germany, and I knew the tumors in
my neck a trunk down because you could visibly see
that they weren't there anymore. But I thought, oh, they
will still be underneath. I just can't feel them more.
My abdominal tumors hopefully shrunk a little bit, but they'll
(11:47):
probably still be there because there were so many. But
the pet scans showed that there was no evidence of
active disease in my body at all. Nothing. And then
I had another one in August. This you just gone
and still nothing. So it's amazing. So hopefully last like
that for twenty years. I hope that. Yeah, it's amazing,
(12:13):
just amazing.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I don't even know where to start with all the questions,
so many. I guess first, is this very explorative for
the medical industry over in Germany or like, do you
have data? Do you have stats?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
No, they have data and stats on their genetic like
the biopsies and testing genetics. They have actually just started
that here in Australia, but it's still like twenty years
behind the rest of the world and they're pushing for
it here in Australia at the moment to make it
for all cancers. So they do genetic testing for stage
(12:50):
fours like mine here, but they only test for so
many genes and it's not readily available to every cancer
pation here, which is because you could be having a
different chemo with a better outcome because they're actually testing
what type of genes your tumor expresses. Like, they're not
all the same, they're not all made up the same
(13:13):
and some chemos might not work for others will work
better for someone else, so they match that for you
over in Germany, and they, like I said, they are
starting to do that here in Australia, but it's still
far behind the times and it's not so. For example,
for me, I am on drugs that are approved here
in Australia, but they're not for my type of cancer.
(13:36):
They're not approved for my type of cancer, so I
have to pay thousands every treatment even though they're legal
here in Australia for cancer, just not for my type.
So a two organizations that I work with are trying
to push the government to make more drugs, more cancer
(13:58):
drugs on the ps so whereas in Germany it is
based on new tumor marcus, it's to what treatment you have, yes,
So hopefully that'll be more accessible here one day and
it is accessible here like I have, as noncollogy nurse,
(14:18):
seen it in the past, where the oncologists has said
to a patient. There is studies to show that this
struggle will help you, but it's not on the PBS
for your types. You have to pay, and they usually
have to pay, or the lovely drug companies will give
it to them on compassionate grounds and give it to
the crotigue or free. We're just so far behind the
(14:40):
times here, it's just crazy. And with the vaccines I have,
they're not even available all here, and there is clinical
data to show that they work as well. When I
actually went to a cancer forum in Canberra last month
and they've just granted a scientist here. Think it's in
the low millions to start doing investigations here for cancer vaccines.
(15:07):
So even though it probably weren't getting fired, still exciting
that someone's finally starting to do that here.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Well right in assuming that people who are not in
your industry and you're back with your background would not
get anywhere near the information.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
On this, absolutely yeah they were.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
When I read about what this all costs and so
and so if you can tell us, I guess the
date of your diagnosis and what you've spent to up
to this point. But when I read that in the article,
I just got so angry. I get so angry at
humanity that there are answers and there are rules that
(15:49):
allow some people to and some people not to, but
there's information that's just not even available, and people are
told there's nothing we can do when actually there is yes.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
So yeah, it makes me really angry as well. I mean,
I'm lucky because of the era work in. However, we
have specialty nurses in most on college units and their
job is to help patients facilitate like whatever they need,
whether it is getting in touch with organizations like Red
Cancers Australia and for me that was then and you're
(16:23):
Endocrime Australia, but they still didn't. They're not the ones
that told me about Germany because it's not something that
is approved here in Australia. Yet it was through knowing
other patients and communicating that way. But even then, they
weren't that easy to find because they're all non for profits.
(16:45):
You know, they're not very well supported by the government
as much as they could be. And yeah, unfortunately a
lot of patients that don't know as much as me,
or that I haven't been able to talk to, or
like the patient that I knew that told me about Germany,
like people he's reached out to have loved about Germany,
(17:09):
and people have since contacted me asking about Germany, but
it's kind of just word of mouth. Otherwise they don't know.
And today, like since I got so I got diagnosed
in mid September last year, it's just been over twelve months,
and since then we have we would have spent close
to four hundred thousand dollars, but most of that is
(17:34):
through community fundraising. So like all the communities were involved
in and our beautiful family and friends and my mum
and stepdad have lent us a lot of money, but
like all our friends rarely behind us, and like the
school community and the little community towns we live in
and my work community like have raised most of that
(17:54):
money for us. Otherwise we would have had to sell
our house and probably be deathte because I refuse to die.
I did say to Jason, like, I don't think we
should put the kids in that situation where they don't
have a house and somewhere to grow up, but maybe
it is too expensive, and he's like, don't be so stupid,
(18:14):
Like you never put a price on your life, but
sadly most people have to. I did meet a lady
a couple of weeks ago, and she's been fundraising for
her own treatment for years as well, and she's getting
to that point here now where she's not sure if
it's worth them going into the massive amounts of debt
to give her more time. And it's just so sad.
(18:37):
It shouldn't be like that in Australia, in a developed
country that apparently has a great health system. It's a
great health system if you have something that's straightforward and
on the normal pathway in health, but anything out of
those bounds, if you can't afford it, you just die.
(18:58):
It's just crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
How do you have the conversations you need to have
in the middle of that, How do you have conversations
with your family? And how do you almost have conversations
with yourself about what's appropriate?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Oh, I look to be honest, it's so hard. Like
I tried to have the conversation with my husband because
so long story short, we've lived in our shared we
lived in our shd for nearly nine years while we
saved up to build our house. So we build our
dream home and I was happy to sell it because
at the end of the day's sister house. But then
we were also like, well where does that leave our children?
(19:35):
Like does, they won't have a home to go up in.
And I said to Jason, like, I don't know, you'll
fuck them up. If you die as a young mum,
you'll give them trauma forever. But I didn't want them
to not have their family home and the things that like,
(19:56):
all their little things that bring them joy. And but
at the end of the day, as long as we're
all together, that's all that matters. But Jason, yeah, when
I said to him, maybe we shouldn't do this, like
at least they'll have you, he was like absolutely not.
Like we're not even talking about it. And it's sort
(20:17):
of hard, and it's like it's a bit undicnifying having
to ask people for money or like relying on your
friends and family to organize these fundraisers for you, and
like they're obviously happy to do it because they love
this and they're amazing people. I don't know, it's really
(20:41):
hard to accept charity and I know people only dook
from a place to love, but it's still is something yeah,
degrading about it as well, like it's just you feel shit,
but you can't look after yourself and your family. But
at the same time, we're so grateful it's not that
we would be lost without their help. I wouldn't be
(21:02):
alive without their help. But at the same time, it
also shouldn't come down to them. Okay, government should be
set up, the medical system should be set up better.
It shouldn't just be And I know it's because I'm
in the minority group like that, it kind of makes
it feel like, oh, your life isn't worth living because
you're not in the masses, so we'll just you can
(21:25):
just die because you're not in the majority.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And it's yeah, it's just really show as I'm listening. Yeah,
so I'm listening to you and kind of putting myself
in those shoes and thinking of all the emotions that
would come up with all of the doubt and all
of the self stuff, all of the worthiness stuff. But
there's also it's not just you, so like it's you,
but then it's not just you, so all of that
(21:50):
whether I'm whether it's comfortable to ask for charity or
whether you feel worth it, whether you feel it's worthy,
whether you think you're more important than roof over people's head,
doesn't matter, because it's also not only your choice. It's
a whole family. It's a whole community exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah, and that's the thing I want to live for
as long as I can, for my kids and my
husband and my family and yeah, my niece and nephew
and like every on my sister. I just, yeah, there's
so much more than just me. And then in that, like,
there's so many people I've met with rare cancers. I
met some fabulous people when we went to campra to
(22:28):
try and fight against the government to get more drugs
on the PBS. Like, I met so many people just
like me who are literally fighting and raising funds for
every single treatment and it's so exhausting and I just
shouldn't have to be like that, not here in Australia anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
What was the what were the things that being an
on collegy nurse made easier about this and what and
I guess in terms of emotionally or how you dealt
with it or how you sit in the middle of it,
what made it easier with your mindset and what made
it harder?
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Yeah, So a lot of things were easier, as in
knowing what to do with my side effects, knowing what
medications to take with my side effects, knowing what side
effects to expect, and what was normal and what wasn't
when to take myself off to hospital, even if I
was probably the worst patient ever. Knowing what process is
(23:27):
to take, even with booking scans and knowing which organizations
to go to, Yeah, and that all helped. Sometimes it's
like knowledge knowing too much is worse because I knew
(23:47):
what stage four means, and you know, you're in this
job so long you become a bit of a realist
and you don't have much hope for long term survival
for patients with stage four cancer.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Now I'm on the other end of it.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I've met so many patients that have outlive the odds
and have been that miracle patient or that one percent
a patient, and I just think that's going to be me.
And that's sort of medical knowledge I'm just trying to
switch off to in that regard and being like, I
will be that person that beats the percentage and I'm
going to leave for like thirty extra years. So sometimes
(24:25):
having that knowledge is a bad thing because I think
mindset goes a long way, and yeah, trying things that
aren't in the box, it goes against sort of my Yeah,
the medical knowledge, doing all the alternate therapies that I'm
(24:46):
also doing as well, but I've seen so many patients
over the years that have gone so much further and
lived so much longer by doing those extra alternative medicines
with standard treatments, and so yeah, it's really it's really
hard to have both hats on. And I don't know
(25:08):
now that I'm back at work, like I'm in an
office position, I don't know how I'll go being on
the floor with patients. I'll find it, I think, more confronting,
And I don't know, it's deeferent having a lived experience now.
Like I thought I had empathy and compassion for my patients,
but it's a whole other level now that I've gone
(25:28):
through it.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Yeah, harder to harder to be around, I think, harder
to hold, harder to hold the space for them.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
I think so at the moment, yeah, especially at the moment,
maybe it needs to come to be a blessing because
I'll know what they're going through. But at the moment,
it's it's hard, and because mentally, like it takes such
a load, I know, you're just always constantly worried that
it's going to come back. But much humors will come back,
(26:00):
And at the moment, I'm kind of in this happy
bubble where I think I'm going to live for like
thirty one years and I'll be an older lady when
I pass. Then there's that other part of me that's like, oh,
what happens when it comes back? And I know I
shouldn't think negatively, but the realist part of me is
a nurs No, it's it probably will. It's just hard.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
How do you go with like, are you really protective
about the energy and beliefs of the people around you
and how they talk and what they project onto you?
Speaker 3 (26:36):
They are you are bless them. They're all so positive
and they're very protective of the energy around me, which
is dis gorgeous. I've got the best people around me,
the most positive people around me, And even if I
speak like that, sometimes no, you're going to be here forever,
and I'm like, yeah, I am, which most of the
(26:58):
time I live in these heads I think I just
block out all the negativity because it's just too much.
Sometimes then every now and there in a little seed
of doubt or creep back in where I just think
what if I yeah, what if it comes back? And
every little niggle and twinged. I just think, oh my gosh,
what if my body's riddled again and already and I
(27:18):
don't know. So yeah, it's hard. But at the same time,
I've already defied the odds, like being at thirteen months
nearly now. They gave me fourteen and at this stage
there's no sign of tumors. And hopefully if it continues,
I'll keep going to Germany and keep on the treatment.
(27:39):
I'm happy and hopefully I get a lot longer. So yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
It's challenging mindset sometimes. Yeah, and is the so you
have to keep up with the same level of medication.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yeah, so I'm on the highest of my keen retablets
every day. Yeah, and we have to pay for those
because they're not on the pds for me. And then
I have immunotherapy every three weeks as well, but that
was seven thousand dollars every three weeks. But now that
has been granted to me from the drug company, not
(28:17):
through the government. Through the drug company, which I also
knew from being an oncology nurse. Like, I don't know
if everyone knows about that sort of thing, that you
can get your own collogists to approach the drug company
if it's a drug that they've recommended that you try
that's not on the PDS for your type of cancer,
you can approach, have your own collogist, approach the drug
(28:39):
company to go on compassionate grounds if there's proof that
it's working for you, and a lot of it, you know,
a lot of them will say yes, why.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Isn't it just a thing that I mean, compassionate grounds
because you've got cancer, which is the whole deal.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Like they all make so much money from your health,
makes me so bad that I know me too. And
like there was a lady that I know here on
the northwest coast and someone said to her, oh, you
should do what Lauren did and go to Germany. And
she's like, well, I can't. I can't affoughd that, Like
she doesn't have a house of her own, so she
(29:18):
doesn't have an asset to sell and her community. Like
I'm really lucky, Like I've got the middle school community
and the community I grow up in and the one
I live in now. And it shouldn't be about who
your circles are and whether they can raise enough money
for you and whether you've got a house to sell
(29:38):
or not. And then like she's ten years older than me.
She probably won't last too much longer. Like, it's really shit.
It's really sad that people just have to choose, not choose,
but are forced to die earlier, potentially because they don't
even have the option to try other treatments. And I'm
(30:00):
not saying those treatments are going to work for them.
They might not. But it shouldn't be about It shouldn't
be like a cancer lobbery. That's what they're using a
lot at the moment. Shouldn't be a cancer lobbery. And
it shouldn't be like what post code you live in,
or whether you're wealthy enough or have wealthy enough friends
(30:22):
or know enough people in the right places so that
you don't die. It's kind of like the Hunger Games
of cancer.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Oh god, the title of the show? What's that will
be the title of the show. Yeah, yeah, it's awful.
How did you communicate with your kids about it? Did
you tell them straight away? Did you?
Speaker 3 (30:46):
I did? I didn't, like, we didn't go into like
heaps of details like might's going to die or anything
like that, but they'd seen They know what I do
for work, that I look after people that are sick,
and they'd seen other was a mom from our school
that I knew that it had cancer, and she's doing
really well now. So I used her as an example.
(31:07):
I wasn't going to tell them it looked like I
was dying. I just said, like, her hair is going back,
and she she got really sick, but she's doing really
well now. And I said, I'm just going to be like, hey,
I'm going to lose my hair. I'm going to be
really sick for a little while, but it'll come back
and I'll be better, And so they were okay with that.
I was worried that they'd associate me with my dad
(31:29):
because he died of pancreatic cancer. They were all a
little bit too little, which is probably it's sad that
they don't remember my dad, but a blessing that they
don't associate like all cancers with his, I suppose. And
so we just lied, as in we lied in the
(31:49):
sense that I wasn't going to tell them I was
going to die because I was just too heavy for
any kid to think about. But we just said that
I would get better, but that I was going to
be really sick. And then I did a Channel ten
interview a couple of months ago, and it aired while
Jason and I went to Germany again, and so our
(32:11):
kids were with Jason's dad and stepmom and they watched
the Channel ten interview and I didn't even think about it.
And in that interview, I was raw and I said
how they'd given me fourteen months to live and something
about dying, can't remember exactly, and they said to Jason's stepmom,
they said, oh, Ma, was Mummy going to die? Did
(32:32):
she only have fourteen months to live? And so she's like,
obviously she was honest, and she said, well yes, but
look at her now, like she's gonna we outlive it
for you know, outlived that time. We just gonna live
for ages. And so as soon as we got home
from Germany, they're like, Mom, did you only have fourteen
months to live? And I was like, oh no, I
felt so bad. I said, well that's what they told me, Dyne,
(32:55):
I said, but mummy's doing so well now, Mummy's going
to live forever. So we still talk like that. They
know I still have cancer and that I still have
treatment every three weeks, but I think they're happy because
my hair is growing back. So I think they associate
that with me being better in a way now that
I am doing so well at the moment, I'm kind
(33:16):
of pleased that they're little, because I think it would
be harder mentally on them if they were just a
little bit older socially Belle, and if the boys were
a little bit older, because that understand a bit more.
I remember once when I first got diagnosed last year,
someone said about me having the big sea and so
(33:38):
one of Belle's friends thought it was COVID, and Bell goes, oh, no, gosh,
it's not COVID. It's only cancer because being a kid
growing up through COVID, like lots of people died. So
she was like, no, it's only cancer. Blesser, it's only cancer.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
I know.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
So and just new things I have to learn to get.
Like they cuddle, but they're all cuddlers and they throw
themselves at me and it hurts my port every time,
and just getting used to having a mom there. They
just cuddle on this side and not throw their heads
on this side and yeah, my short hair. And they
thought it was funny at first. I mean, you just
(34:27):
roll with it, like they thought it was hilarious that
I was bold and yeah. So, yeah, kids are just
as you know, they have that beautiful view on everything. Yeah,
And every now and then they'll bring it up again,
like Mom, did you really only have forty months to leave?
And I just say, I don't know, darl and that's
what they said, but I'm going to leave forever. And yeah,
(34:50):
I just don't want them to think too far into
the future. I hope that I'm they're a lot older
when it all comes back, if ever, if ever, hopefully
it never comes back.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
What what was the emotion like?
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Were you?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Were you angry? Did you deny it? Were you shocked?
Were you sad? Were you wasn't supposed to be?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Me?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like what came up with that? Because I just being
an oncology nurse and being through what you've been through,
I just can't imagine facing.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It well at first, Like when she first told me,
I just lost, Like I just cried. I just thought,
I can't do this to my children and my husband
and even my mom. My mom and my husband were
in the doctor's room with me when she said, and
I just thought, I can't even do this to my mom.
Like being a mom now, I just yeah, changes your
(35:48):
perspectives on your oh, you always love your parents. It
changes it more once you have kids. You're just like, oh,
I feel so bad putting you through this as well.
And I was really upset, but there was always this
small part of me that was just like, no, it's
not going to happen, Like I just feel like I'm
not going to die. I don't know what it is,
(36:09):
and I don't know if it's me just being ignorant, probably,
But then there was another part of me because nurses
are really bad at this compartmentalizing. We just compartmentalize all
our emotions, like everyone that dies, every trauma that happens,
you just put it in a box and you just
get on with it. And I think I've done that
a lot too with most traumatic things in my life.
(36:33):
I'd just put it in a box and kept going.
And I did that with this as well. Like I'd
have my days, so see when I was having aggressive chemin,
there'd be the days afterwards where I was so sick
and I'd get really depressed, but it was really just
from fear of missing out because my husband would keep Yeah,
my husband would take the kick out to let me sleep,
(36:56):
or they'd go to my mum's house so that they
were seeing me really sick, and I'd be really sad
because I know they are out having the best seller,
and I was too sick to get out of bed,
and I'm like, but and I just felt so shit
and I just wanted those feelings to go away, like
just so sick, so weak. I hated it. But yeah,
(37:18):
I was really sad in those moments. But then once
I started to feel better again, after like day three
or four, I'd be right, let's get going with life.
And if I stopped to think about it too much,
I would get really sad.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I am.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
The hardest time for me, probably emotionally, was my oncologists
when things were getting worse with my gym as in
my like in my neck and my abdomen and my
and my on cologist said, I think you should write
those letters that you've wanted to write to your children
(37:54):
because things weren't looking great. That I lost it then,
and every time I tried to record letters to them,
I just cried and cried and cried. So I still
haven't even finished those letters because I just felt like
there was so much I wanted to say, and when
things didn't look good, I had like crying, conversations with
(38:15):
my sister, just stupid things you worry about, like make
sure you teach Bell all about a period and a
mental cycles, and make sure she doesn't date dickheads. And
I even had a conversation I think it was with Livy. Yeah,
it was with Livy about making sure whoever. Jason ended
up laughing that they were like a psycho, Like just
(38:38):
the stupid shit that goes through your mind. Yeah, And
those things were the things that made me really emotional.
Was thinking about everyone living their life without me, going
on and living life without me, Like I realized that
that's what happens. But I just didn't want to miss
out in those moments, and I didn't want my kids
(39:00):
to miss me in those moments. Yeah, that was the hardest,
But other than that, I just sold it on. I
didn't really have many emotions most days. Most days I
was just like, right, this is what we need to
do today. And the kids kept me busy and I tried,
I think deliberately again, kept my mind busy, like I
(39:24):
read a lot at night, I watched lots of TV.
I know my husband would be researching, my other best friend,
Astroid would be researching flat out and she sent me
so much stuff because I just didn't have the headspace too,
because I think if I went too deep into my
own thoughts, I just knew I wasn't going to cope,
(39:45):
So I just kind of didn't let myself go there,
which I don't know. I don't know if that's a
healthy coping mechanism or not. Probably isn't. It was just
too dark for me to even enter into. So, yeah,
I was lucky. Jason did a lot of research, and
so did my other friend. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And what do you think in terms of like struggling
more to cope with clients or clients customers that's a
description for them, isn't it? Patients? Perhaps patients that's all good.
What do you think will challenge you most? Is it
guiding their perspective or perception of what's happening? Is it
(40:31):
when they are grappling to to believe or have hope
or hold on or just get things done. What aspects
do you think will come up to be more challenging
for you now?
Speaker 3 (40:45):
To be honest, I think it'll be the patience that
I feel even saying these the negative patients that we
have had in the past, that have a really negative attitude.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
And look, I'm not saying that all.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
It's not easy at all, but sometimes the most negative
patients are the ones that have a really good expected outcome,
like they're going to be fine and they're going to
get through the Keymond, they're going to live a good life.
I think I'll struggle with those patients. My tolerance, my
husband will tear. My tolerance has always been pretty thin
(41:23):
as a nurse, like, unless you're dying, I don't really care.
I don't imagine.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I can imagine you're mothering now too.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Nurses don't have much sympathy.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
I did.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
I did take my child to emergency last night because
he pokes his eye with a stick. So I do,
I do go. I do give them sympathy when it's needed,
but sympathy or just medical care, emergency medical care. Yeah,
just that. My sister and I have a running joke
about that, like, yeah, we just don't have any fucks
(41:59):
to give you if you're not dying, Like.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
You kind of have to be that way when you're
dealing with the work you're dealing with every day, Like.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
How do you well. I think I'll struggle with the
patients that come into a cancer unit for an iron
infusion and there's nothing wrong with them and they win.
I think I'll struggle with people like that I did anyway,
and patients yea, that are really negatively mindset. But then,
like I said, it's not I know, it's not easy obviously,
(42:35):
and I think I'll struggle in another way the patients
that are at appalliating and dying. I think that will
be really confronting for me. All patients that have like
a similar age and then similar outcome to me, like
not saying cancer diagnosis, but just a young age that
(42:56):
are going to die. I think that'll be really confronting
for me. Now. Yeah, and I even I had a
lady that came in to see me just the other day.
She heard I was back, and her beautiful son had
a rare cancer and he he got longer than what
(43:20):
they expected, but he had to try and fight like
hell to stay alive, and he also had to go
overseas and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to stay alive.
And I nearly felt guilty when his mum come in
to see me, and she was so happy to see
me back at work, but a part of me felt
bad that I was still alive when he wasn't, because like,
(43:42):
that's he's that's that's her son, and I just couldn't
imagine losing my child. And yeah, I felt a little
bit even guilty that I'm still here. Like, don't get
me wrong, I'm not. I still want to be here,
but it's just shit when other people don't get to
be He was seeing their family men, and it's just yeah,
because he was a little bit younger than me as well,
(44:04):
so it's just really confronting.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, do you have a spiritual side? Do you have
any spiritual beliefs?
Speaker 3 (44:13):
Oh? Yes and no. Like I've thought about this a
lot as well, Like when I even you'll laugh, I
even googled what do people think happens to them when
they die? Because like a part of me likes to
think there's something else out there after you're gone. I'm
not a religious person at all, but I'd like to
(44:35):
think there's something more than just this, and I do
like believe in Like I've been to heaps of clairvoyants
and tea leaf ladies, and actually Livy went to a
clairvoyant like last year who told her that something major
would happen to her best friend Lauren, but she'd get
through it and she'd be Okay, you're serious, yes, so,
(45:00):
which is crazy. So I always keep that in the
back of my mind. I'm like, well, she said I
was going to be okay, so maybe I'll be okay. Yeah, yeah.
Crazy love a bit of woo woo, yes, so do I.
I do too. I love a bit of what we
as well. And even my sister reminded me we both
went to this clairvoyant at separate times that she told.
(45:22):
My sister reminded me, I forgot about it. She told
me last year or the year before, might have been
year before. It was before Voluntari sister dying and became
legally in Tazzi, because I find like, I'm really passionate
about that. And she told my told me that I
would go down a different path advocating in health, and
(45:44):
she thought there was something to do with Voluntari sis
to dying. But my sister's like, maybe it was advocating
for everything you're advocating for now, like with rare cancers,
because obviously I'm advocating for rare cancers Australia and you're
into krone Australia. And writing letters to politicians and doing
TV interview's trying to get more awareness. And Jade's like,
(46:07):
maybe that was what she was talking about this whole time.
I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, I forgot about that.
So I do take comfort in, like you said, all
the weary stuff, and I have stones and crystals and
I just I try everything and I'm open to everything. Yeah,
(46:28):
I definitely think there's a place for spirituality, and I
think mindset has a lot to do with health as well.
I'm not saying it's everything. I'm not saying it's going
to save someone or but I definitely think it has
a place. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Have you heard of the book called Have you heard
a book called Cured?
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Yes? I have, but I haven't read it.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Get on it made up. So I've had him on
the show three times. He's one of my favorite guests. Yeah, Jeffrey,
doctor Jeffrey Reddiger. I'm going to send you all three
episodes the stories he so. He he's a Harvard medical
doctor and he only got into studying spontaneous healing. It's
called he only got into studying that when someone one
(47:14):
of his associates or friends just badget him and badget
him about these cases of people who were cured from
incurable disease and the stories he tells of people who
have overcome stuff like that is phenomenal. And when I
last spoke to him, so he talks about we were
talking about healing identity, and you know, he shared a
(47:35):
bit of his own personal background that he grew up
in an Amish family and a whole lot of stuff. It's, yeah,
phenomenally he's such a beautiful human. But I love that.
I love someone from a purely medical background that comes
out and goes, well, hang on, this is going on.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
So it's amazing. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
There's so much too, I think to be open minded
about when it comes really that stuff like you can
call it spirituality, WOI well, whatever you want. But the
fact is when we choose beliefs, when we allow ourselves
to feel things and believe things and create hope, hope,
(48:15):
hope makes us live right, it has it creates a
certain eurochemistry in our body, and that's physiology. And so
you know, you can say mindset. You know, some people
might say it's not it doesn't come into it, but
I think in many ways it really does. And it's
not just magic.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
I agree, I think it does. It has a massive
role to play. Yeah, absolutely, and even you know, I
don't know how like that, there's lots of people interested.
But also even like alternate therapies as well. I think
it all goes hand in hand. Like I was always
of the mindset that if I ever got a cancer,
(48:55):
I mean we talk about it our work because there's
just so much. But I always thought to myself, I
would always have obviously standard treatments like chemotherapies and whatever
you needed, but I was always open to having alternate
therapies as well, like natural therapies too, which, as I
meant to my friend researched everything for me. But I've
(49:18):
met a lot of patients over the years that did both,
and they always lived so much longer than expected or
did so much better than expected because of having alternate
therapies as well. Yeah, and I'm such like I can't
preach it at work, but I'm such a big advocate
for it. Yeah. And lastly, like, yeah, medicinal cannabis and
(49:44):
just everything it's always hand in hand. I think there's
such a big need for all that, and yeah, spirituality
and mindset, I just think, why wouldn't you do everything
if you can, if it's kind help or need to
try everything?
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love I love hearing. We're just
On the other show that I produced on the You Project,
Harps had a guest, a great friend of his, and
she had a huge story, a huge experience withinsistic by brosis,
and she got so close to death that she was
(50:24):
saying fair like she was saying goodbye to all of
her kids and literally either to halfway through the podcast,
I wasn't in this one, so I had to go
back and listen because it's his favorite. Anyway, in the
final moment, in the middle of saying goodbye to one
of them, the doctor walked in and said, we've got
lungs to want them, and like I've just got goosebumps,
Like the story is so big, and and she goes
(50:47):
it to miracle like how the fashion I because there
was something to do with somebody couldn't make a decision.
I think it was a family where somebody couldn't make
a decision, and on something to do with her end
of life process. Quick enough she said, if they had
have made that decision, the process would have been started.
I wouldn't have been eligible to say yes to the lungs.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Like it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Yeah, the most amazing things happen. I love it so much.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
I went down to the pharmacy here the other day
to get some busca pan added tummy ache, and the
lady at our local pharmacies, she's an Asian lady, and
I've recently started seeing a Chinese medical doctor doing some
macupunt troops and stuff.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
And she gives me these and she's, you know, they're
so funny. She's like, what you need. I'm like a
belly ache, O, tell me, tell me. And I'm like
I can hardly understand it. And then the lady behind
her is like, pokey tongue out to her seat. I'm like, yes,
poke my te out, and she's like, she wants to
do Chinese medicine. I I love that. I'm like, I
(51:52):
love that you've got this this pharmacy for general Western
medicine and then you've got that.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Yeah, I love it. That's so good. I love that
combination as well. But I mean, like, you've got to
look at history and that Chinese medicine and non Western
medicines have been around for thousands of years. Treating people
for amazing aguments, like they're just so clever. Yeah, I'm
all about that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
I was laying I was laying on the bed with
all the needles jabbed into me with my accupunture. I'm
just thinking, like, once upon a time, we're all run
around in the forest chasing lines, and then at some
point someone got these little pins and jammed them into
specific parts to the body and went, this is medicine,
(52:42):
and like this is the thing, this is where my
mind goes on.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
I'm I've got about too. It's like is this real? Then?
You know, it was like the whole psychology around it
as well. It's like, well maybe it doesn't matter if
it's real. Yeah it works, Yeah, definitely, it's amazing so
good acupuncture.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Oh yeah, what has what mattered to you before changed
to what matters to you now?
Speaker 3 (53:11):
Yeah, definitely. But I it's just probably made the foundations
like more solid because I've because of where I work.
So before I worked in this day unit, I used
to work in an oncology ward, so we did a
lot of we did a lot of bigger like stem
(53:35):
cell translants and blood cancer patients, and then we would
also have patients back to die and palliate on our ward,
so you get really attached to the patients. And I
don't see a lot of Palladiff patients anymore. They they
do go away to pass away, like they either go
up to the Palladiff care water they go home, which
for my mental health was better. But I have to say,
(53:58):
when you're caring for a paladife patient, like it is
true what they say like it it's actually a really
intimate special moment. Some patients you're the only person there
for them when they pass. And I remember this man
that I looked after in Western Australia. He was a
war vet and he was like in his nineties. He'd
(54:19):
barably been one of the last war vets then.
Speaker 1 (54:23):
But he.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
He actually said to me, like, the most important moments
in your life, well, sorry, the most important things in
your life are like your loved ones. You can't obviously
take anything with you when you go and when it
comes down to you and your death, But it doesn't
matter if you're rich or like if you're a famous
person or you know anything, like anything material. It is
(54:51):
about your relationships with other people, like your loved ones.
Your family or your friends or And that's always really
stuck with me because I just think, like, yes, I
like material things like the next person. I like going
on holidays, but they're also creating memories. But it is
about the loved ones around you, whether that is your
children or your friends, all your parents or your children.
(55:15):
It's about having those loving relationships whoever that's with, even
if and your pets. Like I'm the biggest animal lover
out there. My I already thought like if I had
died like this year, absolutely my dogs would have been
in there on the bed. But yeah, all the things
my mind goes to. But but yeah, that is It's
(55:39):
all that matters in life, is you're like having the
love around you, whether yeah, whether it is through friends
or family, or children or pets. But that's all that
really matters in life. And so I've sort of thought
that way for a while, but it was definitely more
solidified when I got sick. I just thought, yeah, that's
(56:02):
all that really matters in life. I have to say, though,
I'm very much a social butterfly, Like all my family
and friends take a piece out of me because I'm
either related to everyone around this area or I know
someone or I'm best friends with them, or I like
really good friends of them, and so like I chat
to everyone and they're like, Lauren, you know way too
many people. And I did actually think to myself, like
(56:24):
I need to scale all my circle back and sort
of what's the word preserve my time to who I
give it to when I was not very well, which
I did, Like I obviously had to scour my socializing
back to just my good friends and family when I
was really sick. But like I do, I love to
(56:46):
socialize and be out with people. But yeah, ultimately it's
that core in a circle of people that that's all
that really matters to me. Like it doesn't like people
like going back to the whole house in if I'm like,
oh my gosh, you've got the most beautiful house, you
can't sell it, which I do agree with, but it's
just a house, Like it's not going to it doesn't
(57:09):
care if I die, Like it's just it's just a
material thing, like if we do need to sell it
or you will sell it, Like why does it matter
I have a nice house if I'm dead doesn't mean anything.
I'm not saying I want to be destitute. You still
need a roof over your head. Those things still matter,
but yeah, relationships are really what matter. And yeah, that's
(57:30):
just it has concreted it more for me being sick.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Yeah, it's such a weapon of a human Like I
really the conversations like this. I can't thank you enough
because I don't know conversations. But is just sw I mean,
it's a tough situation, but it's a beautiful piece of
perspective and yeah, people to be able to listen to
and the reality of it, like it's something that you're
(57:58):
very much still in the middle of it. Yeah, true,
Like if you were one year post ever having to
deal with it again, it would still feel super fresh.
But the reality is it's an unknown situation and you're
still you're still fighting a fight and you're doing an
amazing job. And thank you.
Speaker 3 (58:17):
Yeah hopefully. Oh that is the other thing I should
have said about what's important is health. Health is the
other thing that's so important to people. Yeah, should be
so important to me, if I should say, because yeah,
if you don't have that or you're just going to die.
But yeah, I do thank you for having me on.
It's been amazing and hopefully hopefully in that twelve months time,
(58:41):
I'll still be the same, still kicking on, and we'll
have you back on. Yes, but yeah, can you send
me that cure? It's the cure interviews? Please you? You
will love him a few of your chats, but I
haven't even seen that on there. That eventerfeeding three time. Yeah, well,
(59:02):
you know, nine hundred or something episodes, so they probably
won't notice. You're amazing, get obsessed? How can I How
can my listeners and myself? How can we help you?
Do you want to share anything? Do you want to
send them anywhere? How can we?
Speaker 2 (59:18):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (59:18):
I feel bad? But no one cares about a feel bad?
We all love you if you want to help, so
you just do you just sit down and tell us
how If you want to follow my journey, I have
got an Instagram account which is very like it's very
like year two thousand high school ish. It's Lauren Underscore,
(59:41):
Kate Underscore. No Laura, sorry, it's l underscore, k Underscore Rainer,
which is R A Y N E R. And that's
on Instagram, and that has the links to like my
brea Cancer's page which there is a platform to donate,
but honestly, don't expect anyone to just follow my journey
(01:00:02):
would be good if you want to throw a dollar
and you can, but help share my my advocacy work
that I will keep posting because the government just needs
to do a little bit better. I know everyone wants
the government to do better, but healthcare is like the
most important thing. Yeah, they need to do better in
(01:00:26):
that field. So yeah, thanks so much for leing me on.
Oh you're so welcome your breath fresh air. I love
you to bit, thank you, love you to on. I
have to say, you know, like your My first story
of you was you hiding in Jos's cupboard when the
police are looking for you. That's what Levey told me.
(01:00:46):
I actually remember her telling me that. Now about her cousin.
Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Go on, tell the story.
Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
Everyone so sochierf I with the police. Jason again, you
had a noisy car.
Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
I had a car accident. I've had a car actually,
actually i'd had it was it could have been quite serious.
I have no recollection whatsoever driving. There was drink spiking
happening at nightclubs at the time, so I have no awareness.
I woke up as my car hit a pole.
Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Shit, I didn't know. That's why you were hiding from
the police.
Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
Yeah, kind of a big deal. So no idea what
was going on. I've got out of the car. I've
gone running on foot up the road, thinking that it's
the middle of the night, because all I could remember
is it's the weekend. I know I went out.
Speaker 3 (01:01:37):
I'm I was out.
Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
Why am I in a car driving? Little did I
know it was it was daylight. It was nine am
in the morning. I've got no recollection of the whole
night or whatever. And when I got back to I
was living with my uncle and at the time, and
I got home and they justin Greg opened the door
(01:02:00):
and were like, what's going I just burst into tears.
I'm crying. They're like, what the hell. I'm like, I've
crashed my car. So they're like, we'll go get your car,
thinking that I've just had a little bingle, and I
was upset, not really I'm realizing I'd nearly killed myself.
And in the meantime, the police came to the door.
And I'm at home with Georgia, who was tiny. I
don't know how old. She was, probably bloody four or
(01:02:23):
five or something. And oh, and I've gone and hid
in the cupboard. I've hid in the cupboard. I've gone,
You've got I've got to kill because I know that
I was out and I know that I was your
mid rining and she.
Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
This is one of Olive's first memories of you. She said,
was you muddy in the cupboard from the police? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
Well, you know what, it's one of one of my
most cherished memories of Justin because she was just so
beautiful throughout that. That was so you know, except for
the fact that she did get home before the police
had left and was like, oh, yeah she's inside, come
on in. Thanks job, But she was just so beautiful,
(01:03:08):
you know, as she always was. So thanks Livy.
Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
That was so fun. She was the best. And quickly,
can I just say, oh my god, how cute is
greg is? Favorite uncle? Favorite uncle? I want a legend.
He is the reason I own a motorbike. That's another story. Yeah,
he's the reason I own a motorbike. You're that part's scary.
Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Well, I when I'm back in Tazzy, I dare say
I might have to shout out and have a coffee.
Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
Definitely do that for sure. Yes, for now, better wrap
up the show, everyone, can you can you go and
donate and get on board and make some noise about
this government pulling its socks up for better treatment for
people that need it.
Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
Yeah, make some noise people, Thanks Baron, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
She said, it's now never. I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 3 (01:04:09):
Gotta to what a coast, got a true little gotta
true monocust, got it true,
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